Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #3: 5 Things Every Child Should Hear Every Day

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#3: 5 Things Every Child Should Hear Every Day · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:02
Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast. Hello, my name is
0:05
Speaker 1: doctor Justin Coulson. Welcome. If you want to have a
0:08
Speaker 1: happier family, this is the podcast for you today. My
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Speaker 1: topic is this the five things every child should hear
0:15
Speaker 1: their parents say to them every day. And in my
0:19
Speaker 1: ask Doctor Justin segment coming up, we'll be talking about
0:22
Speaker 1: what do you do when your toddler keeps on swearing.
0:26
Speaker 1: A few years ago, our church organized a Daddy Daughter
0:30
Speaker 1: ball and all the dads who had daughters were asked
0:32
Speaker 1: to make sure that they were there and that they
0:34
Speaker 1: had their girls with them, and we were asked to
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Speaker 1: bring along a handwritten letter for our daughters. The letter
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Speaker 1: had to chat about the reasons that we loved them,
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Speaker 1: we thought highly of them. I obviously had a lot
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Speaker 1: of writing to do. I've got six daughters. Fortunately I
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Speaker 1: only had to take the eldest three because the little
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Speaker 1: ones were too young. But during the evening, each dad
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Speaker 1: was asked to take his daughter into a beautifully decorated room,
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Speaker 1: sit down, and re his daughter her letter. I'm probably
1:03
Speaker 1: over sharing a little bit here, but I've got to
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Speaker 1: tell you I bored my eyes out and I sat
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Speaker 1: there reading my letters to my girls. I like to
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Speaker 1: think that I'm a pretty loving dad. I like to
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Speaker 1: think that I tell them that I love them quite
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Speaker 1: a lot. And I listened lots on We talk lots,
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Speaker 1: but to stop and really pay attention to things that
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Speaker 1: I wanted them to hear and to share them from
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Speaker 1: my heart. It was an amazing experience. Well, there were
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Speaker 1: three things that I really wanted them to know, and
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Speaker 1: I told them each individually these three things, along with
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Speaker 1: a few other bits and pieces. I thought about it
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Speaker 1: a lot before I did it, and I decided that
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Speaker 1: my children needed to know these three things more than
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Speaker 1: anything else. I told them, first of all, you were
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Speaker 1: wanted so very very much. Second, when we found out
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Speaker 1: we were having you, I was so excited. And third
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Speaker 1: I told them that I loved them. And it was
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Speaker 1: a really special moment. It was something that old treasure
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Speaker 1: and I hope that I will always remember it. And
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Speaker 1: remembering the story reminded me that I wanted to share
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Speaker 1: with you the things that kids need to hear every
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Speaker 1: single day. I wrote a blog about this a while back.
2:06
Speaker 1: It was one of the most popular posts that I've
2:08
Speaker 1: ever written, so I thought i'd chat with you about
2:10
Speaker 1: it today. I'm going to share my five things that
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Speaker 1: every child should hear every day right after this, and
2:17
Speaker 1: I'm also going to fill you in on how we
2:18
Speaker 1: can deal with a toddler who's always.
2:21
Speaker 2: Swearing toilet training. It's a milestone that parents look forward to.
2:25
Speaker 2: What is the best way to toilet train our children successfully?
2:28
Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Coulson has written a no mess, no fuss
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Speaker 2: ebook to help called Toilet Training Easiest One two We
2:35
Speaker 2: Written for busy parents. You'll wiz through a clear overview
2:38
Speaker 2: of toilet training without getting bogged down in too much detail.
2:42
Speaker 2: At just over twenty pages, the new book can be
2:44
Speaker 2: digested in under thirty minutes. You'll find direct answers about
2:48
Speaker 2: toilet training based on scientific research, like how to know
2:51
Speaker 2: when your child is ready to toilet train, myths and conspiracies,
2:54
Speaker 2: theories about toilet training, and the most too popular toilet
2:58
Speaker 2: training approaches, and what science says about up there. Some
3:01
Speaker 2: toilet training guides take longer to read than it should
3:03
Speaker 2: take to toilet train a child. This is the fast
3:05
Speaker 2: flowing alternative to get your kids going at the right time,
3:09
Speaker 2: in the right place and the right way. Toilet Training
3:12
Speaker 2: Easiest One Too We available at major online booksellers now
3:16
Speaker 2: or at happy families dot com dot au.
3:19
Speaker 1: Our words have a tremendous effect on our children, and
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Speaker 1: also often we get preoccupied, we get distracted, We struggle
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Speaker 1: to talk with our kids in the loving way that
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Speaker 1: they need us to. It's one thing for us to
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Speaker 1: eliminate the negative and stop saying all those things that
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Speaker 1: we really wish we wouldn't say that they don't need
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Speaker 1: to hear. But we need to know what to replace
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Speaker 1: those negative things with, or even what to replace silence
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Speaker 1: or nothingness with. So today, five things that we can
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Speaker 1: focus on saying to our children as often as possible.
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Speaker 1: Number one, thank you. Gratitude. Gratitude is such a powerful motivator.
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Speaker 1: It's much more effective than praising your kids and telling
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Speaker 1: them how awesome they are, much more, much more effective
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Speaker 1: to simply say thanks, I really appreciate that because it
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Speaker 1: makes your kids feel appreciated, and saying thank you also
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Speaker 1: models manners and gratitude for them to follow. Saying thank you,
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Speaker 1: by the way, and explaining why you're saying thanks, has
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Speaker 1: a really powerful impact on the relationship that you share
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Speaker 1: with your child. Think about it. When people appreciate you,
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Speaker 1: are you inclined to do more for them, or do
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Speaker 1: you sort of turn your back and say whatever. When
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Speaker 1: you are given sincere thanks by somebody for the things
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Speaker 1: that you do, chances are you turn towards them. You think, well,
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Speaker 1: this person's really generous, this person's really kind. I like
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Speaker 1: this person. I want to be with them more. Saying
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Speaker 1: thanks makes a difference to relationships. One of my kids
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Speaker 1: is particularly responsive to being thanked. Whenever I say thank
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Speaker 1: you to her, she quite literally stops, she processes it.
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Speaker 1: Then she looks at me and she'll smile and she'll
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Speaker 1: say something like you're welcome, dad, I love you, And
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Speaker 1: I get a great response from her. Every time I
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Speaker 1: say thank you to her. It's magic. It's just wonderful
5:03
Speaker 1: saying thank you. It's something that our kids need to
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Speaker 1: hear as often as possible, for both the mundane and
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Speaker 1: the magnificent. It's a great way to connect. It's such
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Speaker 1: a great way to show appreciation, and it's a powerful
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Speaker 1: way to make your family happier. The second thing that
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Speaker 1: kids need to hear from us every single day is
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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm still learning just like you, because the
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Speaker 1: reality is that every day we do make mistakes. With
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Speaker 1: the kids. No matter how good a parent we are,
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Speaker 1: parents who act like they're the finished product, who are
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Speaker 1: simply there to impart wisdom to their child will usually
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Speaker 1: just leave their children feeling judged and imperfect. Sometimes our
5:43
Speaker 1: pride gets in the way we justify ourselves. We blame
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Speaker 1: our kids when we've acted poorly. We say, well, if
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Speaker 1: you wouldn't do this, I wouldn't have to do that.
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Speaker 1: In fact, one of my children was once given a really,
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Speaker 1: really hard time by somebody close to her, another adult,
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Speaker 1: and it really distressed my daughter. I spoke with the
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Speaker 1: adult and suggested that this adult might apologize to my
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Speaker 1: little girl because what she had said was so inappropriate
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Speaker 1: on every single level. I couldn't believe that she did it.
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Speaker 1: Here's this little girl who had made a mistake and
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Speaker 1: said something that she probably shouldn't have, but a fully
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Speaker 1: grown adult who knows better said something really, really damaging
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Speaker 1: and terribly hurtful to her. Well, this adult decided that
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Speaker 1: she would go and offer the apology. Her apology went
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Speaker 1: like this, I'm sorry that you did what you did
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Speaker 1: earlier that made me get angry at you and say
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Speaker 1: the things that I said. If you don't want me
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Speaker 1: to say those things, then you need to make sure
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Speaker 1: that you don't behave that way. Now. I'm sorry, but
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Speaker 1: that is not an apology, and it left my daughter
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Speaker 1: feeling worse, not better, and that's not what apologizing is about.
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Speaker 1: And that doesn't suggest in any way that we've actually
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Speaker 1: made mistakes. All it does is transfer the blame back
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Speaker 1: to the child. When we say I'm sorry, I'm still
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Speaker 1: learning just like you, we genuinely acknowledge our mistakes. We
7:09
Speaker 1: don't justify ourselves. We don't blame the kids when we've
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Speaker 1: acted poorly. We acknowledge our mistakes. We describe how we're
7:17
Speaker 1: learning to be better people because of those mistakes, and
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Speaker 1: our children, our children learn that it's okay to admit
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Speaker 1: fault and try again. This is a really powerful and
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Speaker 1: important lesson for our kids. And the reality is that
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Speaker 1: even when we get it completely wrong, anytime we blow
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Speaker 1: up or treat them poorly, they deserve an apology because
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Speaker 1: they're people too, and our kids need us to treat
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Speaker 1: them the way they should be treated. So I'm sorry,
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Speaker 1: I'm still learning, just like you. As number two number three,
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Speaker 1: I watched how much effort you put in. You seem
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Speaker 1: to give it all you had because parents want their
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Speaker 1: children to succeed, it's really really easy to ask for more,
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Speaker 1: to demand higher levels of performance, and to praise them
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Speaker 1: when they've done really well. The thing is, praise can
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Speaker 1: ultimately undermine children's performance and behavior. The research on praise
8:09
Speaker 1: is fascinating. I'll actually i'll do a podcast about why
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Speaker 1: we shouldn't be praising our kids in a few weeks time.
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Speaker 1: But the pursuit of perfection also leads to disappointment. But
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Speaker 1: when we let our kids know that we saw how
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Speaker 1: hard they tried, we let them know that we're satisfied
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Speaker 1: while ever they're doing their best, They're going to be
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Speaker 1: more inspired to try, and they're not going to feel
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Speaker 1: bad if they fail. Instead, they're going to be open
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Speaker 1: to learning how to do better. Sometimes we're so focused
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Speaker 1: on raising our kids to be awesome that we forget
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Speaker 1: how awesome the kids are that we're raising. I watched
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Speaker 1: how much effort you've put in, you seem to give
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Speaker 1: it all you had, Or I looked at how hard
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Speaker 1: you tried to make your bed. I think that you
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Speaker 1: might have tried harder this morning and done a better
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Speaker 1: job this morning than ever before, or whatever it might
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Speaker 1: be pointing out what they've done, and expressing our appreciation
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Speaker 1: and focusing on the effort that they're putting in something
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Speaker 1: that our kids need to hear every day now. The
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Speaker 1: fourth thing that I think children need to hear as
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Speaker 1: much as possible is I love you now. I know
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Speaker 1: this one's obvious. Every child should hear this every day,
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Speaker 1: but they shouldn't just hear it. They need to see
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Speaker 1: and experience evidence of it in all of their interactions
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Speaker 1: with us. As we say more of these beautiful and
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Speaker 1: important things and few of those harmful things, our kids
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Speaker 1: are more likely to grow up feeling secure and confident
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Speaker 1: and happy and loved now. I grew up in a
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Speaker 1: home where we didn't really say I love you particularly much.
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Speaker 1: It was said, but only really on occasions, and I wish,
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Speaker 1: looking back, that i'd heard it more. I don't know
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Speaker 1: that it would have made a huge difference, but I
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Speaker 1: can't help but thinking that it might have. I'm really
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Speaker 1: glad to say that my parents tell me that they
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Speaker 1: love me more nowadays, I think than when I was
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Speaker 1: probably a kid, and I appreciate it. Maybe I'm just
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Speaker 1: more lovable now than I was when I was a kid,
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Speaker 1: or maybe my parents have also come to realize just
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Speaker 1: how important it is to say those things. Fifth thing,
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Speaker 1: the final thing that I think kids need to hear
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Speaker 1: all the time is this, well, what do you think?
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Speaker 1: I think that this is possibly one of the smartest
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Speaker 1: things that we can say to our children because it
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Speaker 1: really empowers them. It gives them the opportunity to think
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Speaker 1: through solutions, to be responsible, to come up with ideas
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Speaker 1: for themselves. We often don't give our children choices, and
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Speaker 1: we often don't invite our children to tell us what
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Speaker 1: they think. Instead, we think that we've got all the answers.
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Speaker 1: We think that if we tell them what they have
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Speaker 1: to do, that we'll teach them to become responsible. And
10:33
Speaker 1: quite often it's just easier to tell them what to
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Speaker 1: do rather than sit down and have a conversation with them. Plus,
10:38
Speaker 1: we're kind of into fixing as parents. We just like
10:40
Speaker 1: to fix things. And I think that if we pause
10:44
Speaker 1: and say, hmm, I wonder what you think, what do
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Speaker 1: you think is the best thing to do right now?
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Speaker 1: I think that we get much better results with our kids.
10:52
Speaker 1: If we want to have responsible children, they need to
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Speaker 1: be given responsibility. And one of the most powerful ways
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Speaker 1: that we can help them to become. Response is to
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Speaker 1: stop telling them what to do and instead ask them
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Speaker 1: what do you think you should do? And then we
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Speaker 1: can encourage them if they've got a great idea, or
11:07
Speaker 1: if they totally get it wrong, we can just gently
11:10
Speaker 1: guide them. I think that by asking them what they think,
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Speaker 1: they also start to develop a trust in their own
11:17
Speaker 1: opinions and in their own ideas and in their own instincts.
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Speaker 1: So stop, listen, empathize if you need to, and then
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Speaker 1: say I wonder, I don't know what do you think.
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Speaker 1: I've got some ideas, but what do you think? I
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Speaker 1: think that you'll find that you'll get amazing results and
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Speaker 1: your children will come up with incredible ideas. So that's
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Speaker 1: my five things that kids need to hear more and
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Speaker 1: more and more of every single day. Thank you, I'm sorry.
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Speaker 1: I saw how much effort you put in what do
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Speaker 1: you think? And of course I love you? So now
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Speaker 1: it's your turn. What do you think that you should
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Speaker 1: say to your children every day? What do they need
11:57
Speaker 1: to hear from us? You can leave your answer at
11:58
Speaker 1: happy families dot com, au slash podcast slash three as
12:03
Speaker 1: in the number three, and I'll be back in a
12:05
Speaker 1: moment with answers to your questions today how to deal
12:09
Speaker 1: with little kids who swear We all love.
12:13
Speaker 3: Our children, but sometimes they can make life challenging, and
12:16
Speaker 3: we're all searching for the right answers. In the end,
12:19
Speaker 3: all we want is happy children and happy families. Doctor
12:24
Speaker 3: Justin Coulson is one of Australia's most respected parenting voices.
12:28
Speaker 3: His seminars equipped and empowered thousands of parents to make
12:32
Speaker 3: their families happier. But sometimes getting to a parenting seminar
12:36
Speaker 3: can be tough. Now you can watch one of doctor
12:39
Speaker 3: Justin's seminars from the comfort of your own home and
12:42
Speaker 3: at a time that works for you.
12:44
Speaker 2: In this seminar video available online now, you're invited to
12:48
Speaker 2: sit in on one of doctor Justin's parenting seminars as
12:51
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12:54
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Speaker 2: raising a resilient child and create a happy family. What
13:01
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13:12
Speaker 1: This week, I'm responding to a question from Ruth, who asked, Hi, doctor,
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Speaker 1: justin My little girl is two years of age. Sometimes
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Speaker 1: sorry somewhere she heard for you, she heard the F bomb,
13:23
Speaker 1: somebody said f you. And now anytime she gets angry
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Speaker 1: she comes to me and pulls my clothes and swears.
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Speaker 1: But we don't speak like that in our home. Ever,
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Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. Recently, we were shopping
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Speaker 1: and she got angry because I didn't let her do
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Speaker 1: what she wanted, and in that moment she began to
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Speaker 1: say these words loudly. People were looking at me. I
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Speaker 1: felt like a bad mum. This has happened many times
13:45
Speaker 1: in public. How or what can I do to fix this? Wow?
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Speaker 1: So my response, this can be a really embarrassing situation,
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Speaker 1: obviously because people get really judgmental, and apart from that,
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Speaker 1: if your values are such that you don't use that
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Speaker 1: language and home we're the same, Having our little children
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Speaker 1: use this kind of language can be terribly distressing, really upsetting,
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Speaker 1: and obviously really embarrassing when it happens in public, especially
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Speaker 1: when they're dropping big bombs like that all over the place.
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Speaker 1: So first thing you should know is it's surprisingly common
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Speaker 1: some research that I came across suggests that between one
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Speaker 1: third and one half of kids between one and three
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Speaker 1: will swear from time to time, and over two thirds
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Speaker 1: of kids between four and seven will use language like this.
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Speaker 1: So it's actually kind of normal. That doesn't make it okay,
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Speaker 1: but it is kind of normal. Kids are starting to
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Speaker 1: experiment and learn. So for parents, there's definitely a handful
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Speaker 1: of things that we can do to handle it poorly,
14:44
Speaker 1: and there's obviously a few things that we can do
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Speaker 1: to handle it well. Let me give you some tips
14:48
Speaker 1: and hopefully this will help. Number one what not to
14:50
Speaker 1: do well, don't make a big deal about it. If
14:53
Speaker 1: kids get a lot of attention, they keep doing it
14:57
Speaker 1: just so that you notice them, especially when they're it
15:00
Speaker 1: actually makes them feel quite powerful. They feel like, this
15:03
Speaker 1: is how I can manipulate my parents. Is how I
15:05
Speaker 1: can get their attention and their focus, and I can
15:07
Speaker 1: I can change the mood of the house instantly. So
15:11
Speaker 1: don't make a big deal about it. That's the first thing.
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Speaker 1: The second thing, don't make horrible threats about washing their
15:17
Speaker 1: mouth out with soap or any other kind of punitive
15:20
Speaker 1: or punishing kind of ideas. Research tells us that well,
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Speaker 1: some kids might stop unwanted behaviors when we threaten to
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Speaker 1: punish them. Most kids don't stop. They just get sneakier
15:30
Speaker 1: about it to avoid getting caught, or they recognize that
15:34
Speaker 1: it's a button that they can push to get a
15:35
Speaker 1: lot of attention whenever they feel like they need it.
15:38
Speaker 1: So not a particularly effective strategy to make threats or
15:41
Speaker 1: to do horrible things to them because of it. Not
15:44
Speaker 1: a helpful thing to make a big deal about it.
15:45
Speaker 1: And you've already said you don't do this, but I'll
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Speaker 1: restate it for emphasis. Another thing to make sure you
15:49
Speaker 1: don't do is don't swear in front of your kids.
15:52
Speaker 1: If you want to avoid potty mouth kids, you can't
15:55
Speaker 1: be at potty mouth yourself a monkey see monkey do.
15:58
Speaker 1: It's a kind of a crass way of saying it,
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Speaker 1: but you know my point. The kids will copy what
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Speaker 1: they hear and what they see from us. So what
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Speaker 1: do you do. My first suggestion is, next time your
16:09
Speaker 1: child swears, just completely ignore it. Now there's a chance
16:13
Speaker 1: that she might swear again. She may even do it
16:15
Speaker 1: louder and angrier. And if she does it, it's because
16:18
Speaker 1: she wants your attention, and this is how she's trying
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Speaker 1: to get it, so ignore it now. If it's in public,
16:23
Speaker 1: you might not be able to ignore it, Or if
16:25
Speaker 1: it's just getting too much to ignore and it's going crazy,
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Speaker 1: then my next suggestion would be to do this very quietly,
16:30
Speaker 1: ask would you please use your manners? Or how can
16:34
Speaker 1: you speak more politely? Or how can you ask for
16:36
Speaker 1: that in a way that is nice. Now. The advantage
16:40
Speaker 1: of this strategy is that when your kids get zero
16:42
Speaker 1: attention for a certain behavior, they're more likely to eventually
16:46
Speaker 1: stop it. It's particularly the case for challenging behaviors that
16:49
Speaker 1: have attracted a whole lot of attention, like swearing out
16:52
Speaker 1: loud and getting a big reaction. Ignoring it means there's
16:55
Speaker 1: no threats, there's no getting angry. It actually means no
16:58
Speaker 1: response at all. Now, if the swearing persists, what I
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Speaker 1: would suggest is that you have a gentle conversation about things,
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Speaker 1: but wait until things are calm. Don't do it in
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Speaker 1: the moment. If there's a big swear word, don't dive
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Speaker 1: in and say right, we need to talk about this
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Speaker 1: right now, because neither you nor the child are in
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Speaker 1: the right frame of mind for it. Instead, an hour later,
17:18
Speaker 1: two hours later, that night, while you're sitting on the
17:20
Speaker 1: edge of your child's bed tucking her in and everything's calm,
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Speaker 1: you might just say something like, you know, lately you've
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Speaker 1: been getting angry and using lots of words that I
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Speaker 1: don't like. Do you know what they are? And help
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Speaker 1: your child to identify the issue and then discuss better
17:36
Speaker 1: ways to communicate and behave You might even say, well,
17:38
Speaker 1: what do you think you could do instead? Going back
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Speaker 1: to what I mentioned in the previous segment, this is
17:43
Speaker 1: really about trying to understand what's upsetting your child and
17:47
Speaker 1: try to see the world through your child's eyes, about
17:49
Speaker 1: identifying the emotions that your child is feeling. See, the
17:52
Speaker 1: interesting thing is your child probably wouldn't be behaving like
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Speaker 1: this if her needs were being met. I'm not suggesting
17:59
Speaker 1: you're being negligent not meeting needs, but kids have all
18:02
Speaker 1: sorts of needs at all kinds of inconvenient times, and
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Speaker 1: when they don't get what they want, they often feel
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Speaker 1: that they have an unmet need and they'll act out
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Speaker 1: because of that. So this is really a perspective taking exercise.
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Speaker 1: When things are come find out how are you feeling?
18:15
Speaker 1: Why are you behaving like that? Why are you saying
18:17
Speaker 1: those words, what's underlying it, and if you can pinpoint
18:20
Speaker 1: those emotions, give them a name, and let it know
18:22
Speaker 1: that it's normal to feel angry or frustrated or disappointed
18:26
Speaker 1: or upset, and then set limits with her about what's
18:30
Speaker 1: appropriate and what's not. You might say something like, okay, well,
18:33
Speaker 1: what do you think is a much better thing to
18:35
Speaker 1: do in our home? We don't use those words. Perhaps
18:39
Speaker 1: you could do this, see if she can come up
18:41
Speaker 1: with answers and give her some yourself. Finally, when your
18:44
Speaker 1: child's upset, this emotion coaching that I've sort of just
18:48
Speaker 1: described can be a really effective way to settle big
18:51
Speaker 1: emotions without making a fuss. If your child swears, you
18:54
Speaker 1: can actually work with her to stabilize her emotions and
18:58
Speaker 1: deal with the anger and reduce the likelihood that she'll
19:02
Speaker 1: be angry in the future or that she'll respond poorly
19:04
Speaker 1: when she's upset. You can look at her when she
19:07
Speaker 1: swears and actually say something like, you're feeling really upset
19:10
Speaker 1: right now, come and give me a hug. Now, that's
19:12
Speaker 1: completely the opposite to what you might typically want to do,
19:15
Speaker 1: but the likelihood is you're much more likely to meet
19:17
Speaker 1: her needs If your child was a little bit older,
19:21
Speaker 1: maybe around school age. I'd probably also suggest that you
19:23
Speaker 1: chat with them about why the language is being used,
19:26
Speaker 1: discover if they know what it means, and then set limits,
19:30
Speaker 1: so increase the level of education around that language. It's
19:34
Speaker 1: probably not going to be quite so effective with toddlers
19:37
Speaker 1: and preschoolers, and a couple of other quick points. First
19:40
Speaker 1: of all, be aware of what other kids are saying
19:42
Speaker 1: in your child's environment. Be aware of the media that
19:45
Speaker 1: your child's exposed to. Ultimately, words have got power, and
19:50
Speaker 1: when kids use certain words, they know that those words
19:53
Speaker 1: are so powerful that they command attention. They get mum,
19:57
Speaker 1: they get dad really riled up. They create a ne
20:00
Speaker 1: you power balance in the home. So don't give words
20:06
Speaker 1: that you don't want to hear that much power. So
20:09
Speaker 1: that's the answer to this week's question. If you would
20:12
Speaker 1: like to ask me a question, visit happy families dot
20:14
Speaker 1: com dot I use slash questions. You can either leave
20:17
Speaker 1: me a voicemail message or you can email me with
20:20
Speaker 1: your question. That's happy families dot com dot U slash
20:23
Speaker 1: questions and I'll be back right after the break with
20:26
Speaker 1: my tip of the week.
20:27
Speaker 3: Are you pulling your hair out? Because your child won't
20:29
Speaker 3: listen or won't do what you request. Do you find
20:32
Speaker 3: yourself shouting at the children because you just don't know
20:35
Speaker 3: what else to do? Or are you dealing with a
20:37
Speaker 3: child that's back chatting or disrespectful. Are you finding parenting
20:40
Speaker 3: more challenging than you ever thought possible? Doctor Justin Coulson
20:45
Speaker 3: provides one on one parenting coaching via Skype or phone
20:48
Speaker 3: and can help you With parenting coaching. You'll receive personalized
20:52
Speaker 3: individual guidance designed specifically for your families unique circumstances, find
20:58
Speaker 3: solutions to the parenting proper that are driving you crazy,
21:02
Speaker 3: effective discipline strategies where you can stop being the drill sergeant,
21:05
Speaker 3: a better relationship with your children, and a happier home
21:08
Speaker 3: where everyone looks forward to being together. Visit happyfamilies dot
21:12
Speaker 3: com dot au slash coaching for more information, or email
21:16
Speaker 3: Kylie at happyfamilies dot com dot au.
21:19
Speaker 1: This week's Tip of the Week relates to keeping kids
21:22
Speaker 1: happy in the car. So I'm not into giving kids
21:26
Speaker 1: iPads or devices in the car unless I'm going on
21:30
Speaker 1: a long, long, long trip. But with six kids, they
21:33
Speaker 1: can get pretty irritable from fun to times. I'm sure
21:37
Speaker 1: you can appreciate. So I encourage them to amuse themselves.
21:41
Speaker 1: But now and then they need a little bit of help,
21:43
Speaker 1: a little bit of guidance, a little bit mum and
21:44
Speaker 1: dad interaction. So we've got a couple of games that
21:46
Speaker 1: we play that seem to be never endingly amusing for
21:49
Speaker 1: the kids. And I just want to share these games
21:51
Speaker 1: as my tip of the week because I think that
21:53
Speaker 1: you and your kids might love them as well. The
21:54
Speaker 1: first game is called the Yes No Game, and I
21:58
Speaker 1: got this off a radio show when when I was
22:00
Speaker 1: a kid, my dad and I used to sit in
22:02
Speaker 1: dad's milk truck. My dad was a milkman back in
22:05
Speaker 1: the day, and we would listen to these guys have
22:08
Speaker 1: adults on the radio who would ring in and they
22:10
Speaker 1: would ask them questions and try to get them to
22:12
Speaker 1: say yes or no or anything that could be yep
22:16
Speaker 1: or nup, any sort of a yes or no. So
22:19
Speaker 1: I would ask my children questions. They're not allowed to
22:21
Speaker 1: say yes or no or anything like it, or they're out,
22:25
Speaker 1: and it's very rare that they last more than maybe
22:27
Speaker 1: thirty seconds, but they have a ball. We laugh lots.
22:29
Speaker 1: I get to ask them lots of questions and get
22:31
Speaker 1: involved into the detail of their lives, talk to them
22:33
Speaker 1: about their friends, talk to them about school, asking them
22:36
Speaker 1: all questions about their favorite music whatever it might be,
22:39
Speaker 1: their favorite movies, their favorite things to do, and we
22:43
Speaker 1: just have lots and lots and lots of fun talking
22:44
Speaker 1: about their lives with them trying their hardest not to
22:47
Speaker 1: say yes or no or yep or not, and we
22:51
Speaker 1: laugh a lot and it keeps us amused for a
22:54
Speaker 1: surprisingly long amount of time. In fact, we enjoy it
22:58
Speaker 1: so much that the kids try to get me and Kylie,
23:01
Speaker 1: my wife, she loves playing it as well, and she
23:04
Speaker 1: gets really cranky every time I get her out. So
23:06
Speaker 1: the Yes No game is the first game that we
23:09
Speaker 1: love to play in the car or even at home. Sometimes.
23:12
Speaker 1: The second game is called twenty one. The object of
23:14
Speaker 1: this game is that you've got to count to twenty one.
23:17
Speaker 1: Each person says a number, so I might say one
23:20
Speaker 1: and then I wait, and somebody else in the family
23:22
Speaker 1: has to say two, and then somebody else has to
23:24
Speaker 1: say three. But if you talk at the same time,
23:28
Speaker 1: you start all over again, so there's no order. You've
23:30
Speaker 1: just got to start counting, and when there's been a
23:32
Speaker 1: sufficient gap where you think that you should go next,
23:35
Speaker 1: you jump in with the next number and hope that
23:37
Speaker 1: somebody else doesn't say it exactly the same time with
23:40
Speaker 1: the little kids playing, we're lucky to get past about
23:42
Speaker 1: the number five. But for something so simple, you wouldn't
23:46
Speaker 1: believe how much fun it is. If you have any
23:48
Speaker 1: great ideas for games and having fun in the car,
23:50
Speaker 1: tell me about it. Happy families dot com dot AU
23:52
Speaker 1: slash Podcast slash three just use the number three. And also,
23:56
Speaker 1: if there's any things that you make sure that you
23:59
Speaker 1: tell your kids every day, leave your message there at
24:02
Speaker 1: the website as well. I'd love to hear those things
24:04
Speaker 1: that you think kids need to hear every day. Happy
24:06
Speaker 1: families dot com dot a U slash Podcast slash three. Well,
24:11
Speaker 1: if you have any questions that you'd like answered, just
24:13
Speaker 1: visit happy families dot com dot a U slash questions.
24:15
Speaker 1: I'll do my best to answer you in an upcoming podcast.
24:18
Speaker 1: And if you've enjoyed the episode, you can get the
24:21
Speaker 1: outline resource links in the show notes at Happy families
24:25
Speaker 1: dot com dot AU slash podcast slash three. The number
24:28
Speaker 1: three of course, and if you think that this podcast
24:31
Speaker 1: has made your family happier, will make your family happier
24:34
Speaker 1: or could make other people's family happier. I'd be so delighted.
24:39
Speaker 1: I'd be really appreciative if you would visit Happy Families
24:41
Speaker 1: dot com dot au slash podcast slash three and you'll
24:45
Speaker 1: find a prepopulated Twitter or Facebook post that you can
24:48
Speaker 1: share with your friends and followers to get the word
24:50
Speaker 1: out about the podcast. It's you sharing it that makes
24:52
Speaker 1: it more visible, and that helps me to make a
24:54
Speaker 1: bigger impact in other people's families, and that's what I
24:57
Speaker 1: believe I'm on this earth to do. So I'd be grateful.
25:00
Speaker 1: I'd be even more grateful if you would rate the
25:02
Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes because it's your ratings that pretty much
25:05
Speaker 1: determine how likely it is that other people will discover
25:09
Speaker 1: the podcast. Your ratings increase the visibility of the podcast,
25:13
Speaker 1: and it helps other people to find out how I
25:15
Speaker 1: can help them to make their families happier. Of course,
25:17
Speaker 1: while you're there, you can subscribe to the podcast on
25:19
Speaker 1: iTunes as well, so please check that out and have
25:22
Speaker 1: a look and share your feelings there. Whether it's good
25:26
Speaker 1: or bad. By the way, you might actually think it stinks,
25:28
Speaker 1: but your feedback can help me to make the podcast better,
25:30
Speaker 1: so please visit there. I think that's it for this week.
25:34
Speaker 1: I'll have another podcast ready to go next week, so
25:37
Speaker 1: until then, remember that you don't have to be the
25:39
Speaker 1: best parent in the world. You just have to be
25:41
Speaker 1: the best parent in your child's world.