Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S5 Ep15: Blazer On, Pants Off: Tone Bell Uncensored

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S5 Ep15: Blazer On, Pants Off: Tone Bell Uncensored · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

0:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: What up though?
0:49
SPEAKER_01: Man, it's nice, nice, nice to be here.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: I uh been traveling a little bit, just left St.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: Louis with my family.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: They're cool.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, alright, like I can walk, I got a cousin who's just like doing it the right way.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: My cousin Gary's like, Mary, bought a house, got a kid.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm in St.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: Louis, I'm downtown.
1:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yo, man, I'm downtown, come have a beer with me.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: He's like, man, come out to the house.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Come see the baby.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, nah.
1:15
SPEAKER_01: He's like, you don't want to see the baby?
1:17
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: He's like, why?
1:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I I've seen one.
1:25
SPEAKER_01: What does it do?
1:26
SPEAKER_01: Does it do new stuff?
1:27
SPEAKER_01: It's brand new.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: Does it do tricks?
1:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty sure it don't do shit yet.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
1:30
SPEAKER_01: But if it is it missing something?
1:32
SPEAKER_01: Because if it's missing something, I'm on my way.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: I gotta see that.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: I have a must see.
1:38
SPEAKER_01: Because you know what it's like, like anytime people do new stuff, they they want you to care about it.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: And how they care about it, I'm like, I look, man, I just don't care like you.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: Stop care raping me.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: Don't make me care against my will.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
1:53
SPEAKER_01: It's awkward.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: It's awkward.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: Because like right when it happened, a couple months ago, right when it happened, he's like he, you know, people always send, they like he sends, uh, like sends a picture.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Send me a text right away.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: Send me a text.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: Hey, Tom, we just had the baby, seven pounds, eight ounces.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: Can't believe I'm a dad.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: Happy for him.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: Send me a text right back.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: Hey man, gotta be honest with you.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: I don't know how much babies are supposed to weigh.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: That sounds like a good amount, though.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: It sounds like a good amount.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Is that about average?
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Because it's average, you did that shit, man.
2:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm proud of you.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: But I'm a single dude, I don't know.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: Give it to me as something I know.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: Like, give it how many whoppers is that?
2:24
SPEAKER_01: Is that like four whoppers?
2:25
SPEAKER_01: That's some good weight.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: And then I say congrats because I'm a I'm a nice dude.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: And mainly because I cannot spell congratulations the same.
2:35
SPEAKER_01: I just do the abridged version.
2:38
SPEAKER_01: And then right before I press send on congrats, he sends a picture.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you something.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: It was it was too quick.
2:45
SPEAKER_01: It was too quick.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, like it was fresh out, okay?
2:48
SPEAKER_01: Like, like it was still hot.
2:49
SPEAKER_01: It's steam coming off of it.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yo, man, you gotta wipe that mother off first.
2:55
SPEAKER_01: Dip it in some water, take a chamois to it.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: You clean it up, clean it up.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: Why are there hot Cheetos all over your baby?
3:05
SPEAKER_01: Ugh, I wanna say cute, but it's not, man.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: It is gross.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: It is gross.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: What are baby wipes for if not for this right now?
3:14
SPEAKER_01: It's in the title, Baby Wipes, wipe that baby off, okay?
3:20
SPEAKER_01: So I sat at the hotel and drank by myself like a grown-up.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: But that's what I do.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: I I drink, man.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: That's my thing.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: It's my vice.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: I drink.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: You gotta have something.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: You gotta pick something, whatever your thing is gonna be.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: You gotta stay in that lane.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: Don't be trying to deviate.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: On we, I try, I've tried to smoke.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm just not, I'm not, I'm not good.
3:36
SPEAKER_01: I don't know the law for real.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, I live in LA and it's kinda, it's kinda, it's in that gray area, it's cloudy, you know?
3:41
SPEAKER_01: Nobody, because you can like, you can like you can be high, but they can't watch you get high.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: And you can have some, but you gotta keep your hand closed.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: Nobody knows what I'm saying.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Nobody, nobody knows.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: What's your hand?
3:54
SPEAKER_01: I ain't tell them.
3:58
SPEAKER_01: I tried to, I've tried, I'm just not, I'm not, I'm not comfortable with it.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: I don't know who I am.
4:03
SPEAKER_01: Like, I get paranoid, and so I was like, I was like, you know, but I but I do want to like get get better at it because like it's one, it's cheaper.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: It's just way cheaper than drinking.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I asked my boy who has like a card, you know, go to the dispensary, grab, grab, uh, grab, you know, however much, and I was like, hey, uh give me some, and I get like 20 bucks, and he put some in my hand.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: I don't even know if it's the right amount because I don't know drug math.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: He puts it in my hand, I was like, yeah, that's yeah, that's right.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: That's about right.
4:28
SPEAKER_01: And so uh I he's like, I'm like, he's like, just go home and just like, you know, watch a movie and just relax, man.
4:33
SPEAKER_01: Just you know, fetch out, relax.
4:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, all right, cool.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: So I get a little pipe.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm like 20, I'm at home, 20 minutes in.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: I am hot, I am, I am, I am, I'm watching Hunger Games, man.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you something.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: That is that is a different movie when you high, okay?
4:47
SPEAKER_01: I was oh my god, District 12 was going through it.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: I and then when they kill Rue, shit, not you too, bro! It was, oh man.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: I was like, if you haven't seen the movie, they kill a little black girl, that shit is sad.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: But I'm on the couch, I'm on the couch, and I haven't sm I haven't even tried to smoke since like college.
5:06
SPEAKER_01: And so like I didn't know what was gonna happen.
5:08
SPEAKER_01: So the symptoms start my mouth, my tongue just let me tell you something.
5:12
SPEAKER_01: My tongue just disappeared.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: Mouth dry as shit, my tongue disappeared, okay, and my mind is like, you should go to the kitchen and get some water.
5:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that is a good idea, mind.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: And so I stand, so I, you know, I get up and immediately my knees like, we done too.
5:30
SPEAKER_01: And so now I'm standing, and for some reason, both of my hands were in my pockets, I got both hands in my pockets, my knees are locked, my mouth is dry, my mind's like, go to the kitchen.
5:36
SPEAKER_01: I was like, uh, I'm on my way, and I was like, and now let me tell you, your shoulder should never hit the floor first, okay?
5:44
SPEAKER_01: Not when you got two good hands for bracing, all right?
5:47
SPEAKER_01: Because you can't explain that bruise later.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: People are like, how did you hurt your shoulder?
5:51
SPEAKER_01: You like, um, I was smoking weed.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: So I like I had like a little bit left.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: I was like, maybe, you know, I'm gonna just try it again just because I'm about these deals and they saved his money.
6:07
SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I got my water and I put it on the coffee table, and and now I just I'm just uh I'm you know laying out uh pillows.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: And my neighbors like, what are you doing?
6:19
SPEAKER_01: I was like, uh, I'm getting ready to smoke weed.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: How do you prepare?
6:26
SPEAKER_01: Some people don't have like a substance like at all.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: They don't, they don't even, like, I don't know.
6:29
SPEAKER_01: I I I wish I have friends that make the people who go to the gym all the time.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: That's what that's what they do.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, I got a friend that goes to the gym twice a day, before work, after work.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you work for State Farm, who the f you trying to be?
6:40
SPEAKER_01: You doing two a days?
6:42
SPEAKER_01: Look, man, just do 10 more the first trip.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: I wish I could, I wish I could like believe in like going to the gym, because I like I I try to eat, I eat very well so that I can drink.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: Because I drink like a f fish, so I try to I try to eat well so I can try to stay.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: But it's like nothing, it's nothing up under here worth looking at.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: And I try like every year, like every yeah, you know, first quarter, like I'm gonna I'm gonna join the gym, I'm gonna be better.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: And then by April, you're like, you know what?
7:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be the same piece of shit I was last year.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: That's just I'm better for that, right?
7:13
SPEAKER_01: But this February, I got this February, I got uh I got like I, you know, I was like, I'm gonna give me a trainer, so I got on, I got on Groupon, and because because I want to be a 100% better person, but only for like 60% off, you know.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: But I get to the, I get to, you know, get my I go to the gym, got my voucher, and I was like, I got 10 sessions, and so I'm like, I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna do I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, right?
7:33
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm like, where's my dude?
7:34
SPEAKER_01: No, he's at the machines already.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: And so I go to the machines, I'm like, yo, what's up, man?
7:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm your new client.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: And dude's like, are you like what are you what do you what do you like?
7:42
SPEAKER_01: I was like, man, what the f is wrong with you?
7:45
SPEAKER_01: Is that gonna happen to me?
7:46
SPEAKER_01: I cannot have that happen to me.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: I already cannot smoke weed, I don't need this too.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: And dude's like, what are you talking about?
7:54
SPEAKER_01: I was like, man, don't act like you don't know it's just neck and shoulder shit you got going, man.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: I I try to turn away, but it's mirrors everywhere, okay?
8:01
SPEAKER_01: I see it from every angle.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: And dude's like, what kind of results do you want?
8:06
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, look, man, I stop it, stop it.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't, I was like, I don't, I don't need, um, I don't need abs.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: Uh I mean I think they're cool, if you have them, you won, congratulations.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: But like, but I don't need abs.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: I just cause like I don't want to be that, I don't want to be that dude that has to one day remember having abs.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
8:33
SPEAKER_01: Because you can't keep them.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: No matter how hard you try, they're just gonna go away.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: And I don't wanna be the asshole that has to scroll through his Instagram 300 weeks ago and be like, remember that summer I had abs?
8:43
SPEAKER_01: That was a great summer.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: Even even if you are like that anomaly that keeps abs just whole.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: You ever seen that commercial where that dude's like, I'm seven years old, I'm in the best shape of my life.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: He's like the cul-de-sac haircut.
8:54
SPEAKER_01: You're like, man, you look gross, man.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: Why do you have abs?
8:57
SPEAKER_01: Just be a regular grandfather.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: Put your shirt on when you go check the mail.
9:00
SPEAKER_01: You look stupid.
9:02
SPEAKER_01: Why you pulling that truck with your teeth?
9:04
SPEAKER_01: You look dumb.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: You look dumb.
9:07
SPEAKER_01: But the dude was like, what kind of results do you want?
9:09
SPEAKER_01: I go, look, man, I just want to be apocalypse fit.
9:22
SPEAKER_01: Like, I just, I'm just, I just like, if if if this shit hits the fan, if the world goes to shit, I just want to know that I am capable of ripping the arms off a zombie torso.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: But but I don't want to be too strong.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be like the leader of my group.
9:37
SPEAKER_01: I just want to be like the number two.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go scout and I'll bring back some sticks and shit.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: I need Daryl is cool, I don't need to be Rick.
9:45
SPEAKER_01: I don't need to be Rick, you know what I mean.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: So the dude goes, my trader goes, uh, he goes, all right, hop up there and show me how many pull-ups you can do.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: I go, I ain't gotta get up there, I would tell you.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: Four.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: And he goes, he goes, cool, man, give me three sets of four.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, mother, four.
10:14
SPEAKER_01: Divide them up however you want to.
10:17
SPEAKER_01: Four is what I got, okay?
10:20
SPEAKER_01: And that's not even a real answer.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: Real answer is three, but I ain't wanna say three, because when you say three, your face automatically smiles, and we in the gym with a bunch of dudes and shit.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: I ain't wanna be like three.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: So I was like, four, because a four is a hard ass number.
10:35
SPEAKER_01: Four is gangster.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: Four feels like I was like season two of the wire.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: Four.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: Three is cute as shit.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: Try, you're gonna try it in the car on the way home.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, try it right now.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: Try it, try it.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: Three.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: Four.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: Four.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Three.
10:59
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, no, I'm not, I'm not gonna do, I'm not gonna do, I'm not gonna do the pull-ups because I don't feel like I'm gonna need them in real life.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: I just don't f the skill that I'm gonna need for real.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: You know, like like I don't need algebra.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Like they told me I need the algebra.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, using that.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: You only use algebra when you're teaching it or you're taking it, you don't use it for real.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: I don't need algebra, I don't need f pull-ups.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: There's never gonna be a time in life where I feel like I'm gonna just like this is gonna come into play.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, like like I could be I could be dangling off the side of a cliff.
11:24
SPEAKER_01: Um I don't know why I'm there.
11:25
SPEAKER_01: Use your imagination.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm dangling off the side of a cliff, my life is on the line.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: If I fall, I'm dead, tone bell's dead, my mama's gonna be upset.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: She's gonna cry and stuff, right?
11:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm dangling.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: The only way I can get up, right?
11:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna do like three or four.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna do like three or four and then pull myself to safety.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: But let me tell you something.
11:54
SPEAKER_01: One pull-up is all you need.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna play peekaboo with that shit.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm not ready, I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready yet.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: I buy everything online because I I don't like dealing, I don't like like customer service, like we like deal with people out in public who just like like they just give like too many and you're like, yo man, you gotta bring down your level.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: Like, just why do you care about this job so much?
12:23
SPEAKER_01: This job don't care about you.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: Let it go.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: I got into it with this lady, like I got I got escorted, I was at home, I was in LA, I got escorted out of Chase Bank, out of a Chase bank by security, because it's like she made me feel like we had an argument, and she made me feel like I was being an angry black dude, but I'm like, man, just like just just be a person with me.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: Just like make me feel like you understand my point.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: And she didn't, oh man, okay, here's what happened.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Okay, here's what happened.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: Makes me upset when I talk about this.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: Makes me upset.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: So a friend of mine named Jesse needed some money.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: He had like he uh he had some medical shit piled up.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: He had like medical bills because he had surgery on his shoulder, not from smoking weed.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: He had like it's cancer in the shoulder, right?
12:59
SPEAKER_01: It's cancer in the shoulder, and like uh like can't cells or like nylophanoles or something.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, I'm not a doctor.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: So like he got he got you know, got it removed, so he's doing five, but his medical bills piled up and he goes, Man, I could really use like 500 bucks to help me pay for the for the spill.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: I go, no problem.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: So I go to my bank, I grab about 500 bucks, and I go back to Chase, and it's like it's like end of the month, so that so the line is long, and I wait like 20 minutes, and I would do the whole, you know, this whole thing, uh, the uh the maze, you gotta wait in, right?
13:22
SPEAKER_01: So I do that whole thing for like 20 minutes, and I get to the front and the lady's like, come on.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm oh yes, I won.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: And I get to the glass, I'm like, yes, ma'am, here's 500 bucks uh cash, I just need to give this to my friend Jesse, and I put his account number on from my phone up on the glass, and she goes, Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but uh we don't take cash.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: What the f you talking about?
13:45
SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Oh, she was like, sir, could you not use that kind of language?
13:48
SPEAKER_01: This is a family environment.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I was like, Oh, I'm sorry, I apologize.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: It it sounded to me like like through the glass that that that you just said that y'all don't take cash.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: Sir, that's correct.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: What the f you talking about?
14:15
SPEAKER_01: Sir, can you relax?
14:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm not I'm not gonna relax because you I you just told me that a bank don't take money.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't sound kind of awkward to you.
14:25
SPEAKER_01: She goes, we've had problems with money laundering.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, money laundering?
14:27
SPEAKER_01: It's just$500.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: It's$500.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: You think, yo, you think that's my plan?
14:30
SPEAKER_01: You think my plan is to go up the coast deposit a small amount from branch to branch until I take over the system?
14:35
SPEAKER_01: You think that's my diabolical plan, Brenda?
14:37
SPEAKER_01: Huh?
14:39
SPEAKER_01: Sir, calm down, calm down, because you can't just change your business model.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: You can't, that's the only reason why we know y'all, okay?
14:44
SPEAKER_01: This is all you do.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: You can't just stop doing what we know you for, okay?
14:47
SPEAKER_01: Like if you went if you went to McDonald's tomorrow and you're like, give me two double cheeseburgers and a small front, they're like, oh, we only sell bicycles and shovels now, you'd be like.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: I was here last week.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: Like if y'all came in here tonight to see a show, it was a it was a casket on the stage.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: Sorry guys, no show tonight, but pay your respects and have a drink.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: So she so Brenda just Brenda goes, hey, I can't take your cash, but you can give us a check.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: I go, uh you won't take my real money.
15:25
SPEAKER_01: Well, you'll take a check, you'll take a check?
15:27
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've seen catch me if you can't Leonardo DiCaprio was making checks in the bathtub in the 60s, and you won't take my act, you know what?
15:35
SPEAKER_01: All right, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you a check because it's not it's about Jesse, it's not about it's not about me and you, but before I go, before I go, I need you to tell me that this is stupid.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: Sir, it is the policy of Chase Bank.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, shut the f up, Brenda.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: I don't give a damn about the policy of Chase Bank.
16:02
SPEAKER_01: I want you as a person to identify with me and let and just let me know that the bank not taking money is stupid.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: And I don't care how you tell them, you can bend down and say through this little trough that I that I could have put this money through.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: At this point, Brenda hits the button on me.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Now it's two security guards behind me.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: They lift me up by my shoulders, up under here, and they push me out of two double doors onto the sidewalk as I'm screaming, but it's for cancer.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: Now, the reason the only reason why I bring it up, the reason why I tell y'all this is I if you're ever in LA and you're in the valley and you got like five or ten minutes, and you see Chase Bank on the corner, I would love for you to stop in, ask for Brenda, and tell her that Tone Bell says, You my grandfather, my grandfather's the best.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: My grandfather's 78 years old, and this dude don't give a f.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: One he one, he don't give a f and two.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: He has Alzheimer's, so he has to remember the shit.
17:19
SPEAKER_01: It does sound a sensitive, like if you've been through it, like it's a little rough, but like my grandfather, he knows like 50% of the time, like he's all there.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: Everything, he's all cylinders fire.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: Like the other half, he's like, he'll have an episode, but when he comes out of it, he's like, what I do this time.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: I was in St.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: Louis, my cousin Gary picks me up, he just tells me, my cousin Gary tells me, he's like, Man, you know, grandpa is in this weird phase where he wants to try on all his old clothes from the 70s and show them off.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what is he doing?
17:47
SPEAKER_01: He goes, Don't worry about it, you'll see.
17:52
unknown: Right?
17:52
SPEAKER_01: So we pull up to the house, grab my backpack, grab my uh carry-on, and uh, I'm like, You coming in?
17:57
SPEAKER_01: He goes, uh-uh, I've seen that shit.
18:00
SPEAKER_01: So I get in the house, I'm talking to my grandfather for a couple hours.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's like two hours, everything's great, everything's great.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: He's remembering everything.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: He's asking about my career.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: He's like, What girl are you dating now?
18:08
SPEAKER_01: He's telling me about his day today, and I'm just like, oh man, grandpa's doing great.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, let's go to lunch.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: He goes, man, why don't you just go in?
18:14
SPEAKER_01: I got I got groceries, why don't you just go make some samples?
18:16
SPEAKER_01: No problem.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: So I go in the kitchen and I'm just like pouring juice, pouring chips on the plate, and my grandfather just yells at me from the other room.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: Hey, Tom, when you get a second, come check out this jacket.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't think you've ever seen this jacket.
18:25
SPEAKER_01: It's a cold ass jacket.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: All right, grandpa, I'll be there in a second.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Let me grab your sandwiches and this juice, and I'll be there in a minute, right?
18:36
SPEAKER_01: So I grab a sandwich and the juice, and I walk back in my grandfather's room.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: My grandfather's standing in the middle of the room, butt-necked with a blazer on.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: What you think?
18:47
SPEAKER_01: I was like, ah, damn.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: Ah, man, where are your pants and your underrated?
18:51
SPEAKER_01: This is awkward.
18:51
SPEAKER_01: What if somebody walks in here and sees us?
18:52
SPEAKER_01: This ain't gonna look right.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: He goes, Man, you're supposed to be looking at the jacket.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: That's a nice jacket.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: But what if somebody says this is not gonna look right, man?
19:02
SPEAKER_01: You need to put some pants in some underwind or something.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: He goes, I'm trying to show you this jacket, and you look into my balls.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: I said, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I wasn't, I am now.
19:09
SPEAKER_01: Why your balls so long?
19:11
SPEAKER_01: You got long ass balls, like long, like tether ball long, okay?
19:16
SPEAKER_01: Like two, eight balls and a tube sock long.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: Lengthy.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: He get an attitude, man, you wish you had balls like these.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: You know, long balls running our family.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: I was like, first of all, that's gross.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: Second of all, how you know that?
19:36
SPEAKER_01: Come on, grandpa man, do me a favor and put some pants on or some underwear on or something, because it would hate for you to be walking around the house and trip.
19:45
SPEAKER_01: That's the last thing I need.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: My grandfather walk around the house, balls wrapped around his ankles.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: He trip, hit his head on the coffee table.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: Now he's passed out.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: I gotta call the police in the Emerson, explain this shit.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: And they get to the house.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, why is your grandfather laying on the floor?
20:00
SPEAKER_01: Buttneck with a blazer on.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm sorry.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: Are these his balls?
20:13
SPEAKER_01: What am I supposed to say?
20:14
SPEAKER_01: Man, you're supposed to be looking at the jacket.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: Hey, my name is Tom Bell.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm a script yellows in my mouth.