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Growth Spurt: The Comparison Trap · The Growth Project

• 0:02
  You.
• 0:03
  Hey, this is doctor Milt. Louder. And and one of the things that I think is constantly on my mind, at the mind of others is especially as parents, or especially with where you think you should be in your life. Is this concept of falling behind that I'm not where I should be. I'm not who I want to be, and that I'm always playing catch up to others that comparison, as Roosevelt says, is a thief of joy.
• 0:25
  And we have these ideas in our mind or that the world has created, that we've held on to that suggests I should be farther along in my career. I remember, growing up and and if you know me, I'm not the tallest guy or the biggest guy. But I remember thinking when I was young, playing sports, man, when I get to be 18, the senior in high school, I'm going to be six feet tall, and I'm going to go and I'm 25.
• 0:48
  I'm a this is what my life is going to look like. I'm married and have children. And, when I'm 28, here's what's going to look like when I had all these ideas in my mind. And if your life is like mine didn't quite turn out the way I want now, it's been so much more than I ever thought it could be.
• 1:04
  And I think that sometimes as we put pressure on ourselves and our children and other people to be farther along than we are, we forget that we bloom in our own time. And we I remember my son Jay was playing baseball, and he was six years old when he started take a year off. He was six years old.
• 1:22
  Don't want to play tee ball. One of my friends says he's going to fall behind and I might fall behind. What? What game are we playing and who are you trying to live up to? What expectations are you trying to live up to? And I think what really drives this home for me is Harvard's longitudinal review of the 1938, 1939, and 1940 classes.
• 1:42
  And they really tried to follow these men at this time throughout their life. And they they checked back in for 50 years, 70 years post-graduation, to see what were the key to a successful life. And one of the things that stuck with me the most. There's many lessons in that study, but the young man who tried to commit suicide when he was in college reported the highest levels of success and satisfaction in life at the age of 75.
• 2:11
  And so that's a constant reminder that who you are becoming is so much more important than what you are accomplishing, and so disrupt and challenge the paradigm, the myth in your life, in your life, and the lie that you keep telling yourself that you aren't enough, that your life is not full, that you should be more than you are.
• 2:29
  You should have accomplished more than you are. I think what really framed it for me as a as a poem I read from a book in John Wood, and I'm not quite sure who said it, but it's become the theme of my life, and maybe you can adopt it for yours. And it's this
• 2:41
  I'm not who I want to be. I'm not who I should be, and I'm not who I'm going to be. But I'm thankful I'm better than I used to be.