Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / Ep. 34 Transforming your money mindset: Lessons learned from a seasoned entrepreneur (with special guest Elle Ebizadeh)

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Ep. 34 Transforming your money mindset: Lessons learned from a seasoned entrepreneur (with special guest Elle Ebizadeh) · Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design

• 0:00
  Erin Gray: You're listening to Generate a Life Well Live podcast.
• 0:03
  Erin Gray: I'm your friend and confidant, erin Gray.
• 0:05
  Erin Gray: I created this podcast to have a place where I could express and vulnerably share my insights with you regarding money, self-development, parenting and travel.
• 0:15
  Erin Gray: I hope you enjoy the journey where I share everything I know and am continuing to learn along the way, as I honor my heart's desires while inspiring and encouraging you to do the same.
• 0:26
  Erin Gray: Hey, hey, everyone.
• 0:27
  Erin Gray: I am so glad you're back and I brought back Elle Visite and we are here to talk about money today and talk about business and our relationship with how we grew up with money, and we both came from very male-dominated backgrounds in business and I think that we wanna have a conversation about that as well.
• 0:47
  Erin Gray: So, all the fun things I really as I've been having these I call it Money Series podcast and I've been having people come on and talk about money the response that I'm getting is like thank you so much for sharing, because I actually have experienced that too.
• 1:04
  Erin Gray: And I just wanna say number one thank you, elle, for coming on and being vulnerable and sharing your story, because a lot of people, I think, have had some type of experience that's similar to us and we're just not talking about it, and so I think that that leaves that separation between when you're not really talking about it.
• 1:25
  Erin Gray: I think there's a lot of people in business that talk about their end, right, but all of that messy middle and what we had to go through to get there, I don't think that's as highlighted.
• 1:35
  Erin Gray: So I wanna just say number one thank you for coming on and sharing your story and talking to me.
• 1:41
  Elle Ebizadeh: Thank you so much, elle.
• 1:42
  Elle Ebizadeh: I enjoyed our last episode and then this one is going to be even more enjoyable.
• 1:48
  Elle Ebizadeh: Thank you so much for asking me to come back.
• 1:51
  Elle Ebizadeh: And yes, business money it has been a number one thing in my life for a long time.
• 1:59
  Elle Ebizadeh: I'm an entrepreneur, still am, and I love talking about business, and when you gave me this subject, I said you know what?
• 2:08
  Elle Ebizadeh: Let's talk about that because, yes, in the past, all the businesses that I started and I sold, they were in the male dominated industry.
• 2:17
  Elle Ebizadeh: So, yes, so any questions, let me know.
• 2:22
  Erin Gray: Let's just start there, because I think I've got some other questions about how we grew up around money and I think that's really important.
• 2:27
  Erin Gray: And I really wanna talk about being around in the male dominated industry.
• 2:33
  Erin Gray: And let me say this to the listeners I love all of the humans.
• 2:37
  Erin Gray: I think that there is a trend right now for some women bashing the you know, the patriarchy and the males and all of the things, and I am not on board with that.
• 2:47
  Erin Gray: I think that we have all been conditioned by.
• 2:51
  Erin Gray: When I say you know, male dominated industry, what I mean is the old way of doing business, right Of like, put your feelings to the side.
• 2:59
  Erin Gray: You've got a job to do, you've got work to do.
• 3:01
  Erin Gray: We don't have time to feel our feelings and I think men and women and all of you know the genders in between right Like have been affected by that.
• 3:11
  Erin Gray: So do you wanna share about your experience of being in that type of industry and how you've had to, what it was like, you know when you were in it and then how you've been able to transform it?
• 3:25
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yes, so it was.
• 3:27
  Elle Ebizadeh: First of all, I wanna say it was my choice to be in that space and I did feel very comfortable, my to this day my best friend with my cousin.
• 3:40
  Elle Ebizadeh: He's a male, so it's I felt comfortable interacting with men always and maybe and when you go deeper, maybe I can just say it now it's because of my relationship with my dad.
• 3:55
  Elle Ebizadeh: I used to he did build apartment buildings and I used to like follow him everywhere he would go, every time, like even the mornings when he would go start his car and, you know, to go to work, I would go sit in the car as a child.
• 4:18
  Elle Ebizadeh: So it was.
• 4:19
  Elle Ebizadeh: I guess that connection that I had to my dad made me so comfortable to be in that environment.
• 4:26
  Elle Ebizadeh: So, yes, my first company was distribution of cell phones, meant all over the not just US but even all over the world, and the second one was the recycling company, which was I started in 2004, it was, I mean, I hardly saw any females in there, but I had to interact and it was a pleasure to work with all the larger companies.
• 4:54
  Elle Ebizadeh: I guess then I was a commercial real estate agent and also it's in that space there's, you know, fewer ladies who work in that industry.
• 5:07
  Elle Ebizadeh: So, yeah, so what happened that I kind of switched and moved toward being a life coach.
• 5:17
  Elle Ebizadeh: It was an eyeopening for myself to saw and, I guess, to want to feel that balance about like always being in my head and having a goal and not allowing myself to go inside to my heart and look at my feelings and see how am I gonna talk about my feelings?
• 5:44
  Elle Ebizadeh: How am I gonna?
• 5:45
  Elle Ebizadeh: I tell my clients now, why don't you befriend your feelings?
• 5:49
  Elle Ebizadeh: So I didn't know how to befriend my feelings, you know, before becoming a coach, and then I realized that to become who I am or, I guess, invite my true self to myself, it's just the balance of what?
• 6:06
  Elle Ebizadeh: Because you can now I believe that you can have anything you want in life, can balance it, where you can have a business and go from your head and be logical, but at the same time, when you allow yourself, you can go inside.
• 6:27
  Elle Ebizadeh: And what am I feeling right now?
• 6:31
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, so that's how I work with my clients now, Because I could, and I did, switch from that space to here today.
• 6:42
  Elle Ebizadeh: I hope I answered your question.
• 6:44
  Erin Gray: You did and I love this because I think, ellen, I have a lot of similar background Like the joke with my mom and my dad was like Erin used to sit in the front seat of my dad's truck with her pacifier in her mouth and she would just go around.
• 6:56
  Erin Gray: He he owned like Exxon service stations at the time.
• 6:59
  Erin Gray: But you know, you say that like that relationship and I don't know if I had ever thought of that in specifically that way.
• 7:07
  Erin Gray: I had always looked at it like why I wasn't close with my mom, but really it was more so like I was really close with my dad, right, and so, having that male relationship, I've always felt very comfortable and at ease around men.
• 7:20
  Erin Gray: Actually, I mean, we talked about this on the previous podcast.
• 7:23
  Erin Gray: I was like that you're one client you were talking about.
• 7:26
  Erin Gray: I was actually the woman that had to work on my relationship with women in order to, you know, in business and things of that sort, because of my relationship with what I experienced when I was younger.
• 7:38
  Erin Gray: And so I think that that and also you saying like it is a choice, right, like I think so often you know, the bandwagon right now is like to bash all of the all of the male stuff and it's like no, it's a choice, right.
• 7:51
  Erin Gray: Like I wanted to be a financial planner, I wanted to, you know, work in my family's construction business and I also have such compassion for all of the humans because, like you were saying, many of us are taught like there's no place or space or time for feelings right now, like we've got work to do and so having such compassion for ourselves, each of us, like you're saying, like it wasn't until you became a coach, it was the same thing.
• 8:19
  Erin Gray: Like once I started, you know, learning about coaching I mean, we talked about this on the last podcast as well Like I had to set a timer and like what am I actually feeling in this moment?
• 8:29
  Erin Gray: Because I had operated so much in the mind space, right, making decisions from my mind, analyzing things, you know, just very black and white, versus like no, what do I feel about this?
• 8:44
  Erin Gray: And letting my heart guide me, versus very much.
• 8:49
  Erin Gray: You know, yeah, mind based decisions and looking at it, you know, from the black and white.
• 8:56
  Erin Gray: So for you, was it really just the ah-ha that once you kind of got into coaching, you're like oh, wow.
• 9:03
  Erin Gray: Like I've really swung almost to the other side of the like no feelings.
• 9:08
  Erin Gray: No, you know kind of you say this on your website Robotic, yeah robotic?
• 9:12
  Elle Ebizadeh: yeah, it's.
• 9:14
  Elle Ebizadeh: You know what it was.
• 9:15
  Elle Ebizadeh: For me the experience was understanding have that relationship with myself.
• 9:23
  Elle Ebizadeh: So everything I mean I say that to my clients everything starts with their relationship.
• 9:29
  Elle Ebizadeh: And the relationship with yourself is the key to having relationships with other people.
• 9:37
  Elle Ebizadeh: And it doesn't matter if it's in the business world, in a love relationship, in a sibling, in an inter-age, any kind of relationship.
• 9:44
  Elle Ebizadeh: It comes, starts with the relationship that you have with yourself.
• 9:51
  Elle Ebizadeh: And a lot of people, including myself in the past, didn't have that relationship with myself.
• 9:58
  Elle Ebizadeh: I did not allow myself.
• 10:03
  Elle Ebizadeh: I wasn't in a space that I mean.
• 10:04
  Elle Ebizadeh: We thought, yes, we did talk about it.
• 10:08
  Elle Ebizadeh: It was a robot to go to work because that was my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my mind, goal oriented and not that feeling self had.
• 10:17
  Elle Ebizadeh: There was no balance in it and one of the reasons I named my coaching program business.
• 10:25
  Elle Ebizadeh: I guess it's hard to hard coaching because it said, oh my God, now it's I understand.
• 10:32
  Elle Ebizadeh: Even I coached a couple of people.
• 10:35
  Elle Ebizadeh: They wanted to bring in their ideal business partners and it comes.
• 10:41
  Elle Ebizadeh: One of them was interesting.
• 10:43
  Elle Ebizadeh: She actually the testimonies on my website.
• 10:45
  Elle Ebizadeh: She found out that the relationship that she had with her sister kind of impacted the, the reason why she couldn't bring in that ideal business partner.
• 11:01
  Elle Ebizadeh: So it was like amazing that it has something to do with the heart, it has something to do with the relationships in the past, in your childhood, and how it kind of goes together and you be understand that it's a layer and layer and layer of what has happened in the past and what we kind of what there has been, our assumptions about those interactions.
• 11:27
  Erin Gray: I'm like what's?
• 11:27
  Erin Gray: What's her name?
• 11:28
  Erin Gray: Erin?
• 11:28
  Erin Gray: Because that's that, literally, is my story.
• 11:32
  Erin Gray: Like once, oh really, oh totally.
• 11:35
  Erin Gray: I mean my sister used to have arguments all the time and growing up I wasn't close with my mom and I'm very close to her now because I've done a lot of work on myself and, like you say, like we think it's in the beginning of our you know, I don't even want to call it work, but like the introspection that we have with ourselves, right, we think it's everyone else, but really it always comes back to what is your relationship with yourself.
• 11:59
  Erin Gray: And the more that I became more compassionate with myself, the more I became with everyone else, the more that I started loving myself.
• 12:05
  Erin Gray: That I was, you know, found grace and you know, yeah, such compassion.
• 12:10
  Erin Gray: I saw that and was able to give that to everyone else because I did it for myself first.
• 12:15
  Erin Gray: And so I think for me, what I had to learn was like and I think this is also just me growing up and we're not taught this right Like we were raised probably by a generation that was like you work hard, you don't have time for feelings like we've got stuff to do, and you know what I had to realizes giving myself love and compassion.
• 12:41
  Erin Gray: I think a lot of us are afraid like, oh, we're going to let ourselves off the hook.
• 12:44
  Erin Gray: You know, like if we're we're kind to ourselves, then we're not going to hold ourselves accountable.
• 12:49
  Erin Gray: It's like you can hold yourself accountable and you can give yourself a lot of love and compassion.
• 12:54
  Erin Gray: As you are, you know, going through something and there is no.
• 12:59
  Erin Gray: It's not like beating yourself up is bad and giving yourself compassion is good.
• 13:04
  Erin Gray: It feels really nice to be loving and to be kind and to be graceful towards yourself, and that just oozes out of you right Into everybody else around you.
• 13:17
  Erin Gray: So, in terms of money, if you're open to sharing, what were you taught about money growing up and how have you been able to transform that now?
• 13:32
  Elle Ebizadeh: I guess the the number one was my own assumption about my I guess the conversations that I would hear from my parents or older people in my life that whoever has has more money, then they're not.
• 13:53
  Elle Ebizadeh: They're not good people.
• 13:54
  Elle Ebizadeh: They're not.
• 13:55
  Elle Ebizadeh: You know, you cannot interact with them.
• 13:56
  Elle Ebizadeh: They're not.
• 13:57
  Elle Ebizadeh: You know, they're in different space and it's kind of got.
• 14:03
  Elle Ebizadeh: So I have worked on that and it came to a space of understanding that has nothing to do with them, yeah, and it has everything to do with me and how, as you said, my relationship with myself and how the boundaries basically, that we put together with different people in our life, in business world, in relationship, in family, any kind of interaction.
• 14:40
  Elle Ebizadeh: It's all about knowing self and those boundaries that he put.
• 14:45
  Elle Ebizadeh: So, to tell you, to answer the question, yes, it was in that space.
• 14:53
  Elle Ebizadeh: Oh, one thing I wanted to say, because you talked about it a few minutes ago.
• 14:58
  Elle Ebizadeh: I got asked to talk in the summits and it's all about how the moms can make money and my subject is it's coming up next week or something so my subject is going to be how self love and self care is connected to abundance financial, yeah, and it's so interesting that now, when really have really looked inside and understood where I am and where I want to be, I can connect all these together because it's that relationship that I put together, or I guess I now I have with myself that I can see that.
• 15:54
  Erin Gray: So it gives me body oh yeah, it gives me body chills because I think a lot of times I just think money is just a reflection of us, right, like we say we don't have enough.
• 16:04
  Erin Gray: When we say it's not, you know we find fault with it.
• 16:06
  Erin Gray: When we say it's all a thing, it's like it's a portal into how we view ourselves.
• 16:12
  Erin Gray: You know, and always say it and it sometimes makes me cry it's like poor money, you know, like all that it has ever wanted to do is to be in service to us, to have fun, to experience joy, like that's what, that's what we created it for.
• 16:26
  Erin Gray: And you know, obviously, from the value exchange, you know, instead of bartering, but like money is just this tool that we get to use and we have built so many stories and belief systems around it.
• 16:40
  Erin Gray: And once you really start peeling that onion back, you know you really get to see like, oh, how do I feel like that I'm not enough, how do I feel like I'm not, you know, necessarily a kind person at times.
• 16:54
  Erin Gray: Or you know all of those of those stories that we hold around money.
• 16:59
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, I mean I look at money as an energy, yeah, and if you look at it that way, then it's kind of a total different ballgame.
• 17:09
  Elle Ebizadeh: There is a book I forgot the author but it's called I Love Money and Money Loves Me, something like that.
• 17:19
  Elle Ebizadeh: It's amazing.
• 17:21
  Erin Gray: Yes, keep going, sorry, yeah, I'll go ahead and tell it and then I'll tell the.
• 17:27
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yes, so this she talks about how I mean the book is written, that as the money is talking, and it's so amazing and it becomes, it has that loving feeling when the money talks in that book and it's amazing how your energy and concept of money can shift by reading the book.
• 17:54
  Elle Ebizadeh: That's just one or two I'm gonna bring it up.
• 17:58
  Erin Gray: It's called Love Money.
• 17:59
  Erin Gray: Money Loves you by Sarah McCrum.
• 18:01
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yes, yes, yes.
• 18:04
  Erin Gray: I think you, the last time we did the podcast, I think you and I talked offline and you had mentioned it, because I'd said, you know, I've read so many money books and things of that sort and literally like it's.
• 18:13
  Erin Gray: It is, yeah, it's just like money's talking to you.
• 18:17
  Erin Gray: You know, like if you were to say what would money say about me and how I treat it?
• 18:22
  Erin Gray: You know you talk about energy, cause I think we throw that term around a lot, but I don't think a lot of us actually know like what does that mean?
• 18:30
  Erin Gray: Like a man was asking me the other day he's like what is what do you mean?
• 18:33
  Erin Gray: Money is energy.
• 18:34
  Erin Gray: And I was just and I just said you know, like, think about when you, you know, cause I call it like the 3D money and the 5D money, right, like 3D money is like okay, you, you see it in your bank account, even though it's not physically there, but like those are the things, or like what you need to do, how you need to invest it, right, but the 5D money, like energy of it, how you feel about it, like when you wake up and you feel that tension in your chest, that is that energy that you are feeling with money right, and I think a lot of us would probably say if money were to talk, it was like you don't treat me very kindly, you know, like you want me to be there for you, but then you talk poorly about me.
• 19:14
  Erin Gray: Or you know you want me to be there for you but you ignore me half of the month.
• 19:19
  Erin Gray: Or you know whatever it would say that we do to it.
• 19:23
  Erin Gray: And I try to relate it to like if it was your lover, if it was your partner, would you be treating money?
• 19:30
  Erin Gray: You know, like if you were constantly dogging on your partner, being like you're terrible, you're evil, you know you, you aren't enough.
• 19:37
  Erin Gray: Like how long does our partner stay around for?
• 19:39
  Erin Gray: Why would our partner want to stay around?
• 19:41
  Elle Ebizadeh: you know, it's, I think, at the end of the day comes from understanding that you're worthy to have that abundant.
• 19:50
  Elle Ebizadeh: 100% yes, that's all there is to it.
• 19:55
  Elle Ebizadeh: If you're talking negative about money and the energy that comes with it, that means that you think that you're worth having that money.
• 20:02
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah.
• 20:04
  Erin Gray: I think, I think I always say it boils down to three things Our worthiness, our deservedness and our love ability.
• 20:09
  Erin Gray: Right Like everything that we ever get coached on comes back to us, those three things.
• 20:17
  Erin Gray: Right Like obviously we need to peel the onion back and to work through that stuff, but like that is at its core, right Like that's what we're doing, we are, we are seeing that little child that was told, or that we picked up those you know phrases from, or we, you know a parent, did something and we automatically had this story that we built in.
• 20:39
  Erin Gray: You know that we weren't loving, love, loveable, we weren't worthy and we weren't deserving, right, and I think that it just it infuses every area of our life.
• 20:50
  Erin Gray: And I think that it's interesting because when you really start asking yourself questions about money, like how much money do you think you deserve, there's a number that will come to your mind right now, you know, and if you take that one step further of like and why do you think that A lot of times what I have found is it comes to like, well, you haven't earned it or you haven't worked hard enough or you know something of that sort, versus like.
• 21:17
  Erin Gray: It just gets to come because having fun and we're existing.
• 21:23
  Elle Ebizadeh: One thing I really like to share with us and I'm just recently getting another certification.
• 21:29
  Elle Ebizadeh: It's about laser coaching and my coach, Regan Hillier, and she talks about how to expand to receive more.
• 21:42
  Elle Ebizadeh: And it's so interesting that when I like go deeper and expanding to receive, it's that energy that you feel inside of yourself.
• 21:56
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, and I mean even by just like opening your arms and so you can expand, so you can receive.
• 22:04
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean I've been doing that when I started a conversation with my clients on Zoom.
• 22:09
  Elle Ebizadeh: Prior to that, I sit and I just meditate for two minutes and I expand so I can hold my clients throughout the session and it works all the time because that's the intention that I start the session.
• 22:25
  Elle Ebizadeh: So imagine if we start that expansion within ourselves to receive and attract more money, that energy of money to our life.
• 22:37
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, that's where all comes from self-love, self-care and knowing that you're worth to have that expansion to receive more.
• 22:49
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean saying it, maybe it's a little bit easy, but just practicing it on a daily basis, so you're conscious about expanding yourself to receive more.
• 23:02
  Elle Ebizadeh: That takes time and it takes some commitment and practice, practice, right.
• 23:09
  Erin Gray: I think I'm so glad you go ahead.
• 23:11
  Erin Gray: What?
• 23:12
  Elle Ebizadeh: are you going to say yeah, practice and commitment, and be able to look in the mirror?
• 23:17
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean saying I love you, I'll take care of you and you're worthy to have anything that you want.
• 23:24
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean, maybe you can put the amount of money that you're looking for to have within the next three months or six months or a year in your income.
• 23:33
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, why not Just say it so you can have that?
• 23:37
  Elle Ebizadeh: When you look into your eyes, then that energy goes inside of your body.
• 23:43
  Elle Ebizadeh: Then you'll be able to expand yourself to receive it.
• 23:47
  Erin Gray: I love that you said receiving, because I think that that is another thing that most people don't talk about.
• 23:52
  Erin Gray: It's like how often we want things, we say we want things and you know we can go down the law of vibration and attraction, you know rabbit hole, but like what?
• 24:04
  Erin Gray: Are we actually out of vibration to receive, right?
• 24:07
  Erin Gray: Like how many times has someone said, oh, I'll pay, and you're like, no, no, no, no, like you're fighting over the bill versus just accepting and receiving and be like thank you so much, you know.
• 24:17
  Erin Gray: And so that receiving muscle, like I always say we need to increase our receiving muscle because it's most of us, it's pretty weak.
• 24:25
  Erin Gray: You know we aren't practicing receiving in all areas.
• 24:30
  Erin Gray: And I want to say, in regards to talking to yourself lovingly and looking at yourself in the mirror and, like you know, asking for the amount of money that you want to have, for some of us I think we cannot go from where we are to just that place, right, like you already said.
• 24:47
  Erin Gray: And so, starting with that, like I'm in the process of believing you know that I am lovable or I am in the process of like using some bridge I say bridge thoughts or bridge terminology to bridge that gap because I know when I was beginning this process, me saying like I love you, it was like my body was like rejection of it.
• 25:09
  Erin Gray: You know what I mean and good, yeah, there's.
• 25:13
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean, two things comes up is limiting beliefs and then self sabotage.
• 25:20
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean I can give you an example of total self self sabotage.
• 25:25
  Elle Ebizadeh: Imagine you you wanted to lose 20 pounds or 30 pounds, whatever, and you have been on this, on this, you know, diet, exercising, and you lost 20.
• 25:38
  Elle Ebizadeh: And you have another 10 or 15 more to lose and because of going to this event or there is like there is a reason that you want or some health issues that you need to, and comes New Year's and Christmas and he's saying you know what, for the 10 days I'm not going to do that.
• 25:57
  Elle Ebizadeh: And then I have seen, and I've had plans, that they, in that 10 days they they eat and they don't exercise, like double of what they consume, that normal, and that's a self sabotage.
• 26:13
  Elle Ebizadeh: Why not, yes, you, 10 days, you give yourself a break, but then that break can be moderate, so at least you don't gain back that 20 pounds or 15 pounds.
• 26:26
  Elle Ebizadeh: You came back five and then you can start again.
• 26:30
  Elle Ebizadeh: Then you, but it's that limiting belief about us, who we are, what we can do and cannot do, that makes us to do that self sabotage and, in a sabotage, those goals or those steps that we need to get to that goal.
• 26:50
  Erin Gray: Yeah, it's like I wrote down financial thermometer, but that thermometer is in all areas of our life right.
• 26:55
  Erin Gray: Like if you're someone who doesn't believe that you're worthy of having, you know, a spouse that treats you really well, then when you do have one right, or you're in a relationship and then you're going to start picking fights, right, and so it's just like being on to it's being on to yourself about like where is my thermometer?
• 27:12
  Erin Gray: And I think tell me what your thoughts are on this.
• 27:14
  Erin Gray: L is what I have used for myself and clients.
• 27:16
  Erin Gray: Is like pushing ourselves.
• 27:18
  Erin Gray: And when I say pushing, not a forcing you know forcing energy but like what are the things that take us a little bit outside our comfort zone, but not to the place where it shuts our nervous system down so that we can then expand that, you know, window of tolerance or that for our nervous system that we can get increased the capacity?
• 27:36
  Erin Gray: That's what I'm trying to say.
• 27:37
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, so it is the patterns.
• 27:40
  Elle Ebizadeh: Basically looking at the patterns and it's most of the time, 99% was pattern starts at childhood and those are the limiting beliefs that you think I'm good in.
• 27:52
  Elle Ebizadeh: Not good enough, I was alone, lonely, did all that stuff.
• 27:57
  Elle Ebizadeh: But what we can do is sometimes it's kind of peeling those onions.
• 28:07
  Elle Ebizadeh: It's kind of harder to do it on your own.
• 28:11
  Elle Ebizadeh: Maybe you need a coach, maybe you need a partner that you can talk to.
• 28:18
  Elle Ebizadeh: So those goals, that's the suggestion that you can have and say, okay, in three months I want to do this and this and that.
• 28:28
  Elle Ebizadeh: But then the accountability or the coach that you hire or whoever, that Monday morning comes and that week, what am I going to do this week?
• 28:38
  Elle Ebizadeh: What's my goal?
• 28:39
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yes, it's the three months thing, but then how can?
• 28:42
  Elle Ebizadeh: What is the step for today, this week, to get to that and be accountable for your steps and who you are and where you want to be?
• 28:51
  Elle Ebizadeh: And I know that we go up and down, it's okay, it's just that, befriending those emotions.
• 29:01
  Erin Gray: Yes, couple of things.
• 29:04
  Erin Gray: One is really being onto yourself.
• 29:06
  Erin Gray: I do agree with you having a coach, a mentor, when you're just getting started, because we're getting something out of the belief it is serving us.
• 29:18
  Erin Gray: Yes, we have to really get.
• 29:22
  Erin Gray: I was doing this last night about something and actually writing it down, asking yourself, spending some time quietly, asking yourself what am I getting out of this belief?
• 29:33
  Erin Gray: It could be something as simple as I don't have to feel X, y, z or I'm not going to upset.
• 29:39
  Erin Gray: You're just gonna have to kind of dig there and figure it out.
• 29:42
  Erin Gray: And what I will say is the getting started same thing.
• 29:46
  Erin Gray: I was thinking about this last night.
• 29:47
  Erin Gray: I was like, why is it?
• 29:48
  Erin Gray: When I was thinking about me and my partner and he has his kind of now at this realization of like, okay, I wanna make some changes, and I'm like, why is it a little bit more difficult for him right now than it is for me?
• 30:01
  Erin Gray: Cause when I wanna do something, I'm just like, okay, we're doing it.
• 30:03
  Erin Gray: I'm like, oh, because getting started is the hardest part.
• 30:07
  Erin Gray: Like, if you think about energy and inertia, going from zero to one, is everything right?
• 30:13
  Erin Gray: Like once you like you think about a plane or a train, like, once it gets started, once it gets moving, it's on the track, it's in the air right, but where it uses most of its fuel is going from stopping to taking off in the air right.
• 30:28
  Erin Gray: And so I want to the listeners have here, go back to compassion, have some compassion and grace.
• 30:35
  Erin Gray: Cause, when you are used to being a certain way and now you've decided to make a change like that is, I think, where, like, the most resistance, right, because of where we are.
• 30:47
  Erin Gray: And you said something about I wrote down fantasize.
• 30:51
  Erin Gray: I think a lot of us, at least I used to.
• 30:53
  Erin Gray: I used to fantasize about the bigger goals and I think it gave me that dopamine hit versus, like you said, the Monday morning.
• 31:01
  Erin Gray: Why don't you just think about, like Monday, what am I gonna do?
• 31:04
  Erin Gray: Okay, and now Tuesday, what am I gonna do?
• 31:06
  Erin Gray: Because that is, in those little tiny, awesome, yeah yeah, yeah, and it's I mean to this day.
• 31:16
  Elle Ebizadeh: I have to like Monday.
• 31:17
  Elle Ebizadeh: What am I gonna?
• 31:18
  Elle Ebizadeh: What's my goal for them?
• 31:20
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean I do that on a week basis.
• 31:23
  Erin Gray: Yeah break it down.
• 31:24
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, you have to break it down to get to that space.
• 31:27
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yes, it was one thing I wanted to say but I forgot.
• 31:31
  Elle Ebizadeh: But that's okay, come back.
• 31:34
  Erin Gray: Yeah, I mean, I think, like I used to, you know, like, my goals for the year, versus, like you're saying, you have your goals, or you have your heart's desires, and then, like you're saying, okay, break it down into quarters, break it down into months, break it down into weeks, break it down into days, right, like, and I always ask myself, you know, like, who is the person?
• 31:52
  Erin Gray: If you already had the thing or whatever it is, who is the person that is acting from that space?
• 31:57
  Erin Gray: What are you feeling, what are you thinking about?
• 32:00
  Erin Gray: What are you doing to get there?
• 32:02
  Erin Gray: And like, and all of us, right, you're gonna fall off, right, but, like, how quickly you get back, like that's what we're trying to shorten, right, we're trying to shorten the time of where we fall off to get back on.
• 32:15
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, I mean be kind to yourself, because if it takes you I had clients that it took them to that, to go to that pattern Maybe it will take them in the past.
• 32:30
  Elle Ebizadeh: It take them like a month that they realize it was six months but then, as they worked and became more aware, then it was in an hour.
• 32:40
  Elle Ebizadeh: They could change that perspective and that energy and just go on.
• 32:45
  Elle Ebizadeh: So be kind to yourself, be really truthful, honest to yourself.
• 32:50
  Elle Ebizadeh: It's okay.
• 32:51
  Elle Ebizadeh: If you know, this is a task I wanted to do on Monday, but I don't wanna do it or I don't feel like doing it.
• 33:00
  Elle Ebizadeh: I wanna go for a walk.
• 33:01
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean anything that comes up.
• 33:03
  Elle Ebizadeh: Maybe that's the time for you to go for a walk.
• 33:06
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, and other stuff will come to you.
• 33:09
  Elle Ebizadeh: Maybe your body or mind, your heart, is telling you that you need some time.
• 33:15
  Erin Gray: And then go back to it and ask yourself and I think also like curiosity for me has been an amazing emotion versus such judgment.
• 33:23
  Erin Gray: You know, like really getting into like okay, I didn't do what I said I was gonna do.
• 33:28
  Erin Gray: I'm not saying it's okay, like hey, you know you can do that forever, but also like, okay, if your child were to mess up, like are you gonna read them the riot act every single time?
• 33:39
  Erin Gray: Or are you gonna be like okay, I understand honey.
• 33:41
  Erin Gray: Right, like okay, we're gonna just try again.
• 33:43
  Erin Gray: And so having that curiosity of like that allows, I think, so much more information to come to you, right, versus being so judgmental and so hard on yourself.
• 33:56
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, kindness goes a long way, yeah big time, self-compassion.
• 34:02
  Erin Gray: It's like here's what I say, because I think sometimes some of us are like what?
• 34:04
  Erin Gray: I don't want to be self-compassionate or loving, you know.
• 34:06
  Erin Gray: And it's like.
• 34:09
  Erin Gray: It's not that there's good or a bad way, right.
• 34:12
  Erin Gray: It just feels really good in your body when you're really loving and when you're having a hard time, to be like Aaron, hand on heart right, like hand on heart, right, like hand on heart, like it's OK.
• 34:22
  Erin Gray: It's OK that you did that and we'll get back on track.
• 34:26
  Erin Gray: It's not a problem.
• 34:27
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean, this question is if you're not loving and really compassionate to yourself, how can you expect other people to be loving towards you?
• 34:41
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, so this quote is I'm here to love and be loved.
• 34:47
  Elle Ebizadeh: Yeah, so, yes, you can love yourself first love others.
• 34:53
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean, I had a mother working with a mother and then something came up and I said so can I share with you a story?
• 35:02
  Elle Ebizadeh: And she said yes, and I said OK.
• 35:03
  Elle Ebizadeh: So when you go traveling and first thing you sit in the plane, what the story is in front of you, what the teacher tells you what to do when there is any kind of emergency, to put that oxygen mask on yourself and then put it and help you and the other person next to you, even if it's a kid, a child put that oxygen mask on yourself.
• 35:30
  Erin Gray: Yeah, I always say nobody finishes the finish line for whoever struggled the most, like that's.
• 35:35
  Erin Gray: When nobody gets to say I struggled the most, I was the most mean to myself award, you know, and so it's not a competition.
• 35:42
  Erin Gray: So, like you say, take care of you first and then we get to show up for everyone else, the people we love and the people we support.
• 35:49
  Erin Gray: And so, yeah, you have anything else that you want to add to that maybe I didn't cover or that you want to share?
• 35:56
  Elle Ebizadeh: I think we've covered a lot.
• 35:58
  Elle Ebizadeh: I mean, your listener can email us, make comments, and then we'll be happy to answer any questions that they have.
• 36:10
  Erin Gray: You had mentioned, did you want to include the?
• 36:14
  Elle Ebizadeh: Oh yeah, I would like to give your listeners a gift a self-discovery journal.
• 36:20
  Elle Ebizadeh: So this will be something few pages, so maybe if we could take 15, 20 minutes, half an hour, and sit down and it's all the aspect of your life in this, anything about your relationships, about aspiration, about work, anything that you can just really sit down and think about it and put down in your journal and then maybe you can look at it in six months or end of the year and see where you have started and where you have been.
• 36:52
  Erin Gray: That's so fun to do.
• 36:53
  Erin Gray: That's really fun to do is to write down things and it's like, oh, it's even better than I imagined it to be.
• 36:58
  Erin Gray: So we'll all include all of the information for Elle in the show notes and, as always, thank you again, elle.
• 37:06
  Elle Ebizadeh: I appreciate it, Thank you.
• 37:06
  Elle Ebizadeh: Thank you so much.
• 37:08
  Elle Ebizadeh: It was a pleasure to be here.
• 37:10
  Erin Gray: Until next time.
• 37:11
  Erin Gray: If you want support as you unpack your money beliefs so that you can start having fun with money and enjoy all that you have created, you can head over to my website to schedule a call.
• 37:20
  Erin Gray: And, as always, from my soul to yours.