Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Understanding Enneagram Wings and How to Move Forward with Purpose

Transcript

Understanding Enneagram Wings and How to Move Forward with Purpose · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast, the Enneagram for Real Life.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Here is where you'll find conversations where faith meets story and strategy for lasting transformation.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, here to help you find wisdom and wholehearted rhythms for moments that matter most.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're learning your type or deepening your spiritual formation, these conversations will remind you that the Enneagram shines a light, that Christ is the transformation.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: What are Enneagram wings and what do they actually have to do with you?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the kind of wings I am talking about today are not the ones that you'll find on a butterfly or a ladybug.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I am talking about personality wings.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to help you understand how they are influencing how you show up in relationships even more than you might realize.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, no, by listening to this episode, you are not going to sprout a modified forelimb covered in feathers, but I am going to offer you an insight that can help you get unstuck from patterns of behavior that you don't love.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns that keep you flying in emotional circles instead of moving forward.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm going to clarify what Enneagram wings are not, what they actually are, and how understanding yours can serve your relationships and your walk with the Lord.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And as a bonus, I'll give you a quick contrast of each Enneagram type and the different wings.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: They do show up differently, so you'll want to stick around for that.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've been with me a minute, then you know this is a bit of a midsummer detour because we're smack in the middle of our Enneagram types month by month this year.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: So next month we're going to start with the Enneagram 5, but today I wanted to pull back and revisit something foundational that I get asked about constantly, no matter what Enneagram type someone leads with.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that is how much do I actually need to understand about my wings and what does this wing mean to me?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to answer that.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I will also be using our Enneagram 5, because we're going to spotlight that next month, as a live example so you can understand it from a bigger picture, not just in theory.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think you will walk away knowing exactly how to apply this to your specific Enneagram type, whatever it is.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can typically know when someone is new to the Enneagram because I hear them say something like, I think I'm a four-wing one.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I smile because I know they're still just getting oriented.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to clarify this.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Picture the Enneagram simple.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, you have it in your mind.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: That round thing, nine is at the top.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you have your main type, and that's the body.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have the two types directly beside it on that circle.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Those are your wings.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if you look at the nine at the top, you see the eight on one side, the one on the other, and those are the numbers that denote your Enneagram type wings.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Also, you might see it in the Enneagram world that the wings are written with a small W.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: For example, my most dominant wing is an eight, so it looks like seven small w eight.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that doesn't mean that I'm not to access my sixth wing or that I don't.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I will talk about a little bit more why we should explore both.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: But one wing is typically, though not always, a little stronger than the other, and it adds a unique dimension to your main type.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: So think of it like salt and pepper on a dish.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: They add flavor to the main type, and each of us seasons a little differently, or even cream and sugar to coffee, right?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us like it plain old coffee, some a little bit more sugar, and others a little bit more cream.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think the dominant wing is often shaped by nurture as much as nature.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: So your environment, your parents, your birth orders, sibling personalities, and culture all play a part in developing your wings.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now everyone uses both wings to some degree.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: You might lean on one more at work and the other at home, but most people do rely heavily on one over the other.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And here's where I think it gets good.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: How you are aligned with the gospel and living out of your beloved identity directly impacts how you access and use your wings.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: As you move through the wholehearted transformation that I'm constantly sharing about here, when we're working to step out of our victim villain roles and into our hero and guide roles, our wings go through their own version of that shift.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think of it as wounded wings becoming mended wings.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: When you're living out of a wounded place, out of a victim or villain mentality, your wings tend to amplify your type's blind spots.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: But as you grow in your identity in Christ, those same wings begin to serve you.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: They add balance, depth, and flavor instead of dysfunction.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And just like a bird's wings help it to fly instead of flapping in place, your personality wings, when mended, help your main type stop spinning in circles and you actually move forward faster and farther.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite wing metaphor is to liken our wings to a paddleboard or a kayak.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know this about me, you need to know I love small watercraft.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Not just the idea of it, but I so enjoy being on the water.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's an art to paddling that's soothing and rewarding, and it does require focus.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: You aren't able to just hop on or off.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be intentional to find your balance and use a paddle to go left, right, right, left.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: In my life experience, every time that I get out on the water, the conditions tend to be different.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's calm, but a lot of times it's windy and rarely ideal.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because of that, I have to adjust my rhythm.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Rarely is there a perfect right, then left, and right, then left.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I typically have to dip the paddle in, see how far it takes me, correct, and then put the paddle on the other side, back and forth, until I'm actually moving forward and toward where I want to go instead of spinning in a circle.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what it's like to learn to access both of your personality type's wings.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: You may need to intentionally practice accessing the other, especially when life gets a little choppy.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't perfect balance or perfect stroke every single day.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's staying intentional and curious about what direction you're going, aware of what side you're paddling on, and a willingness to correct so you don't end up circling instead of arriving where you want to go.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's make this real with our Enneagram 5 because that's the type we're diving into next month.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram 5 has two possible wings, a four-wing and a six-wing.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: When we look at the Enneagram 5-wing four, it's known as the iconoclast.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And in general, the combination is more creative, humanistic, sensitive, empathetic, and also withdrawn.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Both the four and the five are in the withdrawing stance, that communication pattern that we've talked about before.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: So this pairing tends to retreat inward to intellect and emotion together.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: When living from a wounded place, this combination struggles because they tend to feel like something is missing or flawed.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: The default is to use intellect to make sense of emotion, and then there can be a temptation to feel exempt from the rules everyone else follows.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Both the 5-wing four and four-wing five are prone to more significant emotional fluctuation, including depression, and that's important to know.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: But when mended, the 5-wing four combination has a fantastic ability to pull things apart and reimagine them from a creative viewpoint.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Those with this personality type tend to learn to observe their emotional world with depth, balance, and vulnerability, inviting others to sit with them and being willing to sit with others in hard emotions without rushing to fix it or figure it out.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's a real joy and a blessing to others when you live from that beloved self.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now we're going to talk about the advocate, the five-wing six.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: In general, this combination tends to be more extroverted compared to the five-wing four.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: They are focused on loyalty.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: They might come across as more anxious, skeptical, and cautious.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: They are also very research-driven.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Both the five and the six are head types and security seekers.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And they chase security from different positions or from different desires.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: So the five will detach because they're afraid to need something from others.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: But the six tends to want to attach.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: So the six can feel safe, and the six will tend to want to work with others and collaborate.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: That tension can create some inner turmoil for the five-winged six.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because when a five-winged six is living from a place of woundedness, they can struggle to get out of their mind and tends to deal with a lot of self-doubt and confusion, including becoming suspicious of others, which constantly pushes against the desire for being loyal and working collaboratively.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: But when the five-winged six does the work and intentionally mends and engages with spiritual formation, this is a pairing that really thrives on dissecting and solving problems, which we need that type.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: So there's research and intellect that becomes genuine superpowers.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: This personality combination tends to shake off anxiety, even without all the answers, and they make sound predictions and often will use courage to ask for help and focus on the collaboration instead of just analyzing and figuring it out alone.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's get practical and apply this to your personality type, whether you're a five or not.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I have four questions for you to consider.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Can you recall a time or story in your life when you used your less dominant wing?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: How does it look to use that wing in your relationships?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: What do you like about your wing?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And what don't you like?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And how might using both of your wings help you stop flying in circles?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, how is it going to help you to know about your wings?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think you need a graduate degree or to get certified to better understand your wings or to have the full perspective.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I would like to invite you to have enough awareness to notice which side you tend to default to, and then practice curiosity to reach for the other one, especially in the seasons of life when the water is a little choppy.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that's it.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have a master's degree.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's just about awareness and practicing this with lots of grace over time.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I promised that I would give you a quick tour of every type's wings.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to give a contrast using just a word to help distinguish between the two.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, we talked about the five, but I'm going to start with the eight today.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: The eight has a seven-wing or a nine-wing.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: The eight-wing seven tends to be more energetic, and the eight-wing nine tends to be grounded and stubborn.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 9 has an eight-wing or a one-wing, talked about that earlier.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the nine-wing eight tends to be more assertive compared to the nine-wing one that tends to be more compliant.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 1 has a 9-wing or a two-wing.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: The 1-wing 9 tends to be more relaxed, and the 1-wing two tends to be more controlling and assertive.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Even though they're a dutiful type, they can appear a little bit more vocal and engaging than the one and two dutiful alone.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 2 has a one-wing or a three-wing.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: The two-wing one tends to be more idealistic, and the two-wing three tends to be more ambitious.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 3 has a two-wing or a four-wing, and the three-wing two tends to be focused on hospitality and focused on social relationships.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the three-wing four tends to be more introspective and slightly more withdrawn than the three-wing two.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 4 has a three-wing or a five-wing.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the four-wing three tends to be more of a go-getter.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: They might be some of the authors that you engage with or tend to be more willing to talk about their work.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the four-wing five tends to be more reserved and withdrawn and focus a little bit more on the research and facts, right?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: The five is slightly shading the four creativity.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now we did talk about this already, but a quick snapshot: the Enneagram 5 has a four-wing or a six-wing.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: The five-wing four tends to be more sensitive, and the five-wing six tends to be more skeptical.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: The six has a five-wing or a seven-wing, and the six-wing five tends to be cautious.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: The six-wing seven tends to be more affable and appear to be more playful.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And last but not least, the Enneagram 7 has a six-wing or an eight-wing.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: The seven-wing six tends to be more consistent and finishes things, or maybe even more consistent in their relationships.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the seven-wing eight tends to be more competitive, and certainly that assertive combination is apparent.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, remember, this is a very brief, high-level, quick snapshot of the wing types.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: There is a lot to consider to take in and figure out how these insights can apply to your life so the real transformation can happen.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about finding the meme or getting it on the mug.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's about practicing this insight, the awareness, the curiosity, and what's the next right step to mend and care so you can fly further and faster.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: So as we continue the wholehearted Enneagram series this year, pay attention to not just your Enneagram type, but the types that represent your wings.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's worth listening to and better understanding because you probably know those Enneagram types, but also this is part of your story.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: This does play a narrative or contributes to the narrative in the background that are oftentimes impacting your relationships, spiritual formation, growth, mindsets, all the different elements that make you uniquely you.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to begin the Enneagram 5 month next week with you.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing episodes talking all about the Enneagram 5 and hearing from Enneagram 5s and their inner world.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for joining me for the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: If this conversation spoke to you, please share it with a friend.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can also visit simply wholehearted.com to take the free Enneagram quiz and also get your personalized podcast playlist specific for your Enneagram type.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, friend, your starting point doesn't have to be your stuck point.