Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / Brian Austin Green Gives Advice On Divorce, Sex, And Dating!

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Brian Austin Green Gives Advice On Divorce, Sex, And Dating! · Pursuit of Sassiness

0:16
Speaker 1: Hello, I do part two.
0:18
Speaker 2: It is your celebrity mentor, Brian Austin Green, and we
0:23
Speaker 2: asked you on our socials to send in questions and
0:26
Speaker 2: leave me voicemails for any sort of advice that you're needing.
0:29
Speaker 1: From relationships to sex and divorce.
0:33
Speaker 2: It's okay, I'm excited, let's dive into these today.
0:39
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Mary.
0:40
Speaker 3: I'm so glad you do this podcast. I'm recently divorced
0:43
Speaker 3: and I don't want our marriage to seem like a failure,
0:47
Speaker 3: which is what my ex husband keeps saying in front
0:49
Speaker 3: of our kids over and over. And I'm hoping for
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Speaker 3: a person perspective about how we can talk to them
0:55
Speaker 3: about this just being the closing of a beautiful chapter
0:58
Speaker 3: like our relationship. It was amazing, we had children. It's ending,
1:03
Speaker 3: but it's not a failure. Please help, Thank you so much.
1:08
Speaker 2: So that's an that's an interesting Uh, that's an interesting question.
1:12
Speaker 2: It's an interesting kind of topic to get into.
1:18
Speaker 1: I So I think.
1:20
Speaker 2: When people get married, they tend to be on the
1:25
Speaker 2: same path in life. They're sort of going in the
1:28
Speaker 2: same direction. They figure, hey, let's team up and do
1:31
Speaker 2: this together. And then sometimes those paths separate. And the
1:36
Speaker 2: two people kind of decide that they want different things.
1:41
Speaker 2: That doesn't necessarily mean that your marriage or your relationship
1:46
Speaker 2: was a failure. It was meant to be.
1:49
Speaker 1: What it was.
1:51
Speaker 2: For you guys. You had amazing kids out of it. It.
1:56
Speaker 2: It was absolutely a path that you both were on.
1:59
Speaker 2: You were supposed to have the kids that you had,
2:02
Speaker 2: and now you're meant to move on to other things.
2:06
Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean that you guys are mad at
2:10
Speaker 2: each other or that the kids are going to be
2:12
Speaker 2: put in the middle somehow. It's that you guys have
2:15
Speaker 2: agreed that you are going to sort of move in
2:20
Speaker 2: these different directions, and you're gonna support each other, and
2:23
Speaker 2: you're gonna love each other through them. You're gonna love
2:26
Speaker 2: each other because you do. You're gonna love each other
2:29
Speaker 2: because you guys are the parents of these amazing kids.
2:34
Speaker 2: And so you are making the grown up choice of
2:38
Speaker 2: being true to yourselves and seeing what this original family
2:44
Speaker 2: will now look like in this new form. And it
2:47
Speaker 2: should be exciting for everybody. It should be exciting to
2:51
Speaker 2: see what Daddy's gonna do. It should be exciting to
2:54
Speaker 2: see what Mommy's gonna do. It should just be sort
2:58
Speaker 2: of this fun time. You know, unknown can mean scary,
3:04
Speaker 2: but it doesn't necessarily mean bad. And I think if
3:08
Speaker 2: you find the fun enjoyment in stepping forward into the
3:13
Speaker 2: unknown and making the choice as a family and as
3:18
Speaker 2: a unit to do it and support and love each other,
3:22
Speaker 2: you'd be surprised how amazing that journey can be. That
3:27
Speaker 2: was a really good one. That was a good one
3:29
Speaker 2: to start with. So we're gonna go We're gonna go
3:33
Speaker 2: back and forth between these these voicemails. And then we
3:36
Speaker 2: also had some people that just sort of wrote in questions,
3:39
Speaker 2: they didn't send us voicemails. But we want to get
3:41
Speaker 2: we want to get into both, and so I think
3:44
Speaker 2: we're going to sort of go back and forth between
3:46
Speaker 2: the two.
3:47
Speaker 1: We're going to alternate.
3:48
Speaker 2: So this next question is from Jillian, and she says,
3:52
Speaker 2: what's something that you wish men talked about more with
3:55
Speaker 2: each other about divorce and moving on?
3:59
Speaker 1: I wish that men were.
4:06
Speaker 2: There for each other in a better way, in whatever
4:09
Speaker 2: way serves the person dealing with the divorce, whatever it
4:15
Speaker 2: is they need. Sometimes you need just a person to
4:20
Speaker 2: vent to, to sound off to, and sometimes you need advice.
4:29
Speaker 2: I feel sometimes like because men aren't good at communicating
4:36
Speaker 2: necessarily that they don't really know how to be there
4:44
Speaker 2: for a friend of theirs and how to provide guidance
4:50
Speaker 2: or or just you know, someone to listen to, just
4:54
Speaker 2: sort of a rock, just a person there that loves
4:56
Speaker 2: them no matter what. I don't feel like men sometimes
4:59
Speaker 2: know how to provide that, because men, uh, it's in
5:03
Speaker 2: our nature to want to fix things, and sometimes being
5:10
Speaker 2: in that mode of wanting to fix everything will get
5:13
Speaker 2: in the way of someone not needing to be fixed,
5:17
Speaker 2: someone just needing to have someone that listens really well,
5:23
Speaker 2: that will sit back and hold space for them and listen.
5:28
Speaker 2: And you know, sometimes you know, just in just in
5:33
Speaker 2: speaking out loud, you sometimes answer your own questions. You know,
5:41
Speaker 2: it's you just need to hear yourself talking about it
5:46
Speaker 2: out loud instead of in your own head, because sometimes
5:48
Speaker 2: in your own head you you sort of try and
5:53
Speaker 2: micromanage things, and you you try and almost figure out
5:59
Speaker 2: as you're going, which isn't necessarily the best way to
6:02
Speaker 2: do it. Sometimes it's best to lay it all out there,
6:05
Speaker 2: say it all, and then you get to the end
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Speaker 2: and you go, ooh, you know what, hearing myself having
6:11
Speaker 2: said all of that I feel differently about it. So
6:15
Speaker 2: I wish men. I wish men listened better and held space,
6:27
Speaker 2: because sometimes that is the support that other men need,
6:31
Speaker 2: especially in going through divorce and moving on. Because it's unknown,
6:34
Speaker 2: it's an unknown time. Let's move on to the next voicemail.
6:39
Speaker 4: Hi, Brian, So I have a question for you.
6:42
Speaker 5: I just want to know. I just recently started dating
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Speaker 5: a guy and I met him all with a dating app,
6:51
Speaker 5: and I trust him and I feel like he's a
6:53
Speaker 5: really good guy. But we're probably going to make it
6:55
Speaker 5: official soon, and I just want to know. Is it
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Speaker 5: ever pay to look through somebody's text messages just.
7:05
Speaker 6: To confirm or.
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Speaker 4: Not confirm any suspicions. I'm just I'm a little worried
7:15
Speaker 4: that he got.
7:16
Speaker 5: Into this too quickly after a past relationship, and I'm
7:21
Speaker 5: kind of tempted to look through his text messages.
7:25
Speaker 4: Is that always breaking a boundary?
7:27
Speaker 5: Or is it ever?
7:28
Speaker 2: Okay? Thanks, That's that's a really good question. I don't okay,
7:36
Speaker 2: this is I can answer. I'm going to have to
7:38
Speaker 2: answer this in a few parts for you. I think
7:44
Speaker 2: if you are brand new in a relationship and you're
7:49
Speaker 2: not even to the point where you're you've made it
7:51
Speaker 2: official with other people, something's wrong if you're feeling the
7:55
Speaker 2: need to go through that person's text messages, I think
7:59
Speaker 2: it's important for you to take a step back from
8:03
Speaker 2: it and decide how much is.
8:08
Speaker 1: Truly the other person, and how much.
8:11
Speaker 2: Of it is your own stuff, how much of that
8:16
Speaker 2: you are carrying in from past situations, all of these
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Speaker 2: red flags, all of these things that you worry about
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Speaker 2: that can become complicated, Like I know, I know people
8:33
Speaker 2: sort of they feel like they've learned as they've loved
8:38
Speaker 2: and they've been through these relationships, and you start collecting
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Speaker 2: these red flags and these things to look out for,
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Speaker 2: and ooh, as soon as I see anything that is
8:48
Speaker 2: remotely similar to what I went through before, I'm automatically
8:52
Speaker 2: going to go there because I'm prepared, because I know.
8:55
Speaker 2: I think the problem with that that I wouldn't even say,
8:59
Speaker 2: sometimes say most of the time, is that you are
9:04
Speaker 2: holding this new person in your life responsible for things
9:10
Speaker 2: that happened to you before, and it's not really a
9:13
Speaker 2: fair pressure to put on them. When I look back on, honestly,
9:21
Speaker 2: the best relationships in my life up until the one
9:24
Speaker 2: I'm in now, the one that was the best was
9:26
Speaker 2: my very first one because I just loved I didn't
9:32
Speaker 2: have the red flags. I was in it completely. I
9:37
Speaker 2: gave all of myself. I absolutely loved the relationship and
9:43
Speaker 2: it absolutely devastated me when it was over. But like,
9:48
Speaker 2: what do you what do you really want from life?
9:51
Speaker 2: You know, what do you what do you want from
9:52
Speaker 2: this relationship? Do you want something that is that you
9:57
Speaker 2: can truly be in and and love a thousand percent?
10:03
Speaker 2: Or do you want something that you are half in
10:07
Speaker 2: and half out of because of previous situations that have
10:11
Speaker 2: hurt you. I think that's sort of a decision that
10:15
Speaker 2: you have to make. I think when you've been in
10:20
Speaker 2: a relationship long term with someone and there are things
10:24
Speaker 2: that continue to go on and you start really having
10:27
Speaker 2: genuine suspicions of the person. To me a healthy relationship,
10:34
Speaker 2: everything's open. Sharna can go through my phone, she can
10:38
Speaker 2: go through my emails, she can go through absolutely everything
10:42
Speaker 2: that I have. I don't hide any of it, and
10:46
Speaker 2: I love the feeling of her being able to do
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Speaker 2: that and know that she's not going to find anything
10:54
Speaker 2: that's going to upset her. I make very clear in
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Speaker 2: my life that I'm not going to make any choices
11:01
Speaker 2: that would hurt her feelings or negatively affect her. I
11:05
Speaker 2: don't make any choices that compromise the relationship in any way.
11:12
Speaker 2: So you know, I think there's a I think there's
11:14
Speaker 2: a time and a place for checking text messages. I
11:20
Speaker 2: don't think now's the time. If you guys are this early.
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Speaker 1: On in a relationship.
11:27
Speaker 2: Feeling the need to do that already is there's way
11:33
Speaker 2: more going on than that. Honestly, my advice if I
11:36
Speaker 2: were in your shoes is to sit down with him
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Speaker 2: and have this exact conversation and say, I am beyond
11:47
Speaker 2: worried that you aren't ready for the relationship that I
11:53
Speaker 2: am ready for that I want that, I feel like
11:55
Speaker 2: I want to be in with you. I was to
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Speaker 2: the point where I wanted to start checking your messages
12:04
Speaker 2: and going through because I am terrified of who you
12:08
Speaker 2: are that I don't know about, and open that conversation.
12:12
Speaker 2: I think, you know, you might be surprised what comes
12:17
Speaker 2: out of that, because a the really tough answers that
12:23
Speaker 2: you aren't sure you're ready for could come, or it
12:30
Speaker 2: could open up a conversation that then brings you guys
12:34
Speaker 2: way closer than you were before and now he has
12:37
Speaker 2: a better understanding of you. He knows that you are
12:42
Speaker 2: someone that will come to him first and talk to him.
12:45
Speaker 2: I mean, I honestly believe that checking text messages and
12:50
Speaker 2: going through stut that's sort of a last resort. That is,
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Speaker 2: if you've done absolutely everything else, and you shouldn't be
12:57
Speaker 2: at that point right now. This relationship sounds way too
13:03
Speaker 2: way too early. So that is I would have that conversation.
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Speaker 2: I think for you at least that would provide the
13:14
Speaker 2: answers that you need. You'd get a much better sense
13:17
Speaker 2: of what it is you're in having that conversation, and
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Speaker 2: then you can sort of decipher what your feelings are
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Speaker 2: after that instead of sort of just going in blindly
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Speaker 2: and going I'm not sure if I trust this or not.
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Speaker 2: So I hope that answered your question.
13:38
Speaker 1: This is a.
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Speaker 2: Question from Nancy. She says, what's something you believed about
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Speaker 2: marriage before you're divorced that you no longer believe. It's
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Speaker 2: a good question, Nancy. You know, I had this belief
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Speaker 2: before I got married that it's something that you do
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Speaker 2: once you decide that you're going to get married, and
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Speaker 2: you play on doing that for the rest of your life.
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Speaker 1: I mean, that is in your vows.
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Speaker 2: You say for better or for worse, till death do
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Speaker 2: us part, and I think that is sort of the intention.
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Speaker 2: And then the marriage doesn't work out and you start
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Speaker 2: questioning if that is, if that's real or not, And
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Speaker 2: I did, I questioned it.
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Speaker 1: I don't anymore. I truly believe.
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Speaker 2: That a marriage, if you choose to be married, if
14:36
Speaker 2: you choose to just be in a long term relationship
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Speaker 2: with someone, I feel like that situation absolutely happens for
14:46
Speaker 2: a reason in your life, and there are amazing things
14:49
Speaker 2: that are going to come out of that. You have
14:53
Speaker 2: to be sort of open to the fact that sometimes
14:58
Speaker 2: your thoughts and your your definition of forever, uh, it
15:05
Speaker 2: doesn't actually correspond with.
15:09
Speaker 1: What forever in this relationship means. Forever may may mean.
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Speaker 2: The start and then the finish of this relationship, and
15:18
Speaker 2: that is the forever of that relationship. It doesn't necessarily
15:24
Speaker 2: mean for your entire lifetime, and you have to be
15:28
Speaker 2: okay with that. You you hope that it's that it's
15:34
Speaker 2: your lifetime. I hope it's my lifetime because I plan
15:38
Speaker 2: on spending the rest of my life with Charina, and
15:43
Speaker 2: I love my family and I love everything that we
15:47
Speaker 2: have and I love the fact that when we struggle,
15:49
Speaker 2: we struggle together. When we celebrate, we celebrate together, and
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Speaker 2: I love it. But stuff happens, and sometimes that path
16:05
Speaker 2: that you're on together ends, and that's okay.
16:11
Speaker 1: It's okay.
16:11
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that you failed at it because you
16:16
Speaker 2: successfully did it for the time period that it existed,
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Speaker 2: so there's no there's no failing in that you did it.
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Speaker 2: Failing is being too afraid to try something. Something not
16:31
Speaker 2: working doesn't It doesn't work all it's Batteries die, you know,
16:38
Speaker 2: cars fall apart. Things last as long as they last
16:43
Speaker 2: until they don't, and then that's it, and then you
16:47
Speaker 2: sort of you sort of move on. So I think
16:51
Speaker 2: my beliefs in marriage have changed, you know. I think
16:58
Speaker 2: sometimes it's important to sit back and take a good
17:00
Speaker 2: hard look at what we have and what we expected
17:03
Speaker 2: and what we want and realize that expectation. Expectation is
17:11
Speaker 2: a tough thing to have because most of the time
17:17
Speaker 2: it lets you down. Expectations are tough. I try and
17:20
Speaker 2: live with zero expectation and I'm just open to what is,
17:28
Speaker 2: what the present is. I try and live in the
17:30
Speaker 2: moment presently, and it's surprising how many things come around
17:37
Speaker 2: that you never saw coming because you didn't bother looking
17:42
Speaker 2: like I've gotten to the point now where I don't
17:44
Speaker 2: look anymore. And so when people reach out to me
17:47
Speaker 2: and want to do things, and I end up working
17:50
Speaker 2: with people, and I end up meeting people, and I
17:53
Speaker 2: end up doing a show like this one. This wasn't
17:56
Speaker 2: on my Bengo card, a show like this one giving advice.
18:02
Speaker 2: This was never me until all of a sudden it
18:05
Speaker 2: is and I really enjoy it and people ask me
18:11
Speaker 2: really valid questions, and.
18:15
Speaker 1: So here I am.
18:15
Speaker 2: And this could evolve into something else, or this could
18:18
Speaker 2: be exactly what it's supposed to be for as long
18:21
Speaker 2: as it's supposed to be.
18:23
Speaker 1: So there you go, Nancy. I hope that. I hope
18:26
Speaker 1: that helped.
18:27
Speaker 4: Okay, I have to hear your thoughts about scheduled time
18:32
Speaker 4: to be intimate with your partner because life and kids
18:36
Speaker 4: get so busy. So I'm wondering, do you think it's
18:39
Speaker 4: a good thing or do you think it's too predictable thoughts.
18:43
Speaker 2: What's really funny about that is Sean and I just
18:48
Speaker 2: ended up seeing something and I wasn't sure if it
18:51
Speaker 2: was on like social media, if it was on my
18:54
Speaker 2: newsfeed if it was something that I saw on TVs.
18:57
Speaker 2: I was sort of flipping through channels at night, laying
19:00
Speaker 2: in bed, and it was talking about scheduling intimate time
19:07
Speaker 2: with each other when you have busy lives, and it
19:13
Speaker 2: seemed too premeditated and mundane, and it's, oh, well, if
19:20
Speaker 2: there's passion, this should just sort of happen on its own.
19:24
Speaker 2: And then what if I'm not in the mood when
19:27
Speaker 2: we do it when we have our scheduled time. But
19:31
Speaker 2: it was talking about scheduling, and it was saying that
19:34
Speaker 2: you know, when you schedule a specific time, whether you're
19:38
Speaker 2: in the mood or not, it's time to be intimate
19:44
Speaker 2: with your partner. And sometimes that's not sexually intimate. Sometimes
19:51
Speaker 2: that is just intimate in a way of being connected
19:56
Speaker 2: and talking to each other and listening to each other.
20:00
Speaker 2: And then sometimes that will lead to physical intimacy.
20:07
Speaker 1: But it's.
20:09
Speaker 2: About making the time consistently for it. And it was
20:15
Speaker 2: saying that, you know, you it's kind of like a
20:20
Speaker 2: muscle in anything you do in working out, in singing
20:26
Speaker 2: and dancing and whatever, that the more you do it,
20:33
Speaker 2: the more natural and normal. It feels kind of just
20:37
Speaker 2: like anything else in life, you sort of start doing
20:40
Speaker 2: something and it feels really awkward and strange. I think
20:44
Speaker 2: when you have a busy, busy life, it's important. I
20:52
Speaker 2: think it's important to make sure that you are connecting
20:57
Speaker 2: with your partner. I think if you can schedule all
21:02
Speaker 2: sorts of things, Schedule a date night, one night a week, dinner,
21:09
Speaker 2: schedule these times that are just for the two of you,
21:12
Speaker 2: where someone comes over and watches the kids, and if
21:16
Speaker 2: you can get a hotel room and stay there for
21:21
Speaker 2: the night, just to be able to sort of go
21:24
Speaker 2: to bed on your own like an adult, and wake
21:26
Speaker 2: up in the morning together and order breakfast in bed,
21:29
Speaker 2: or go to the restaurant downstairs, or these little things
21:32
Speaker 2: and then go home. Like it's not you don't have
21:34
Speaker 2: to make a vacation out of it. But I think
21:38
Speaker 2: it's really important to schedule time together. I don't think
21:46
Speaker 2: scheduling sex necessarily is is what is important.
21:52
Speaker 1: It's super important.
21:53
Speaker 2: Sex is very important, but I think just scheduling intimate time.
22:06
Speaker 7: Hey, there, Amy Robock and TJ Holmes here from the
22:08
Speaker 7: Amy and TJ podcast, where we are doing the exact
22:11
Speaker 7: opposite of taking a summer vacation.
22:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't do that.
22:14
Speaker 7: There's entirely too much going on in the world right
22:17
Speaker 7: now to not be talking about all this stuff. Yes,
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Speaker 7: drama at the White House, drama at the World Cup,
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Speaker 7: listen to podcasts.
22:40
Speaker 2: Okay, So this next question is from Melinda, and she said,
22:44
Speaker 2: do you think men grieve divorced differently than women? Absolutely?
22:50
Speaker 2: I think men and women are wired differently. I think
22:55
Speaker 2: for men they try and reclaim some sense of who
23:03
Speaker 2: they were before the relationship that they lost, and I
23:09
Speaker 2: think for women not all times, and these are this
23:14
Speaker 2: is I'm not answering this like unequivocally like this is
23:18
Speaker 2: the way it is. But I think for the most part,
23:21
Speaker 2: women sort of grieve the loss of what was in
23:25
Speaker 2: their mind and these expectations they had of what this
23:29
Speaker 2: relationship was going to be and what it was going
23:32
Speaker 2: to become, and how long it was going to last,
23:35
Speaker 2: and how many kids they were going to have and
23:37
Speaker 2: where they create this whole story in their head and
23:42
Speaker 2: then it's sort of the death of that.
23:45
Speaker 5: Men.
23:46
Speaker 2: I think men don't fantasize as much as women do.
23:52
Speaker 2: So men are sort of just kind of in it
23:57
Speaker 2: and in a big dumb way, we're.
24:00
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I love you, Like, let's just do this,
24:03
Speaker 1: and that's there.
24:04
Speaker 2: Isn't a Everything is much more sort of spontaneous for
24:09
Speaker 2: a man, like, oh this is happening right now. Oh cool,
24:12
Speaker 2: we're gonna buy a house. Oh we're gonna like there's no,
24:16
Speaker 2: we don't necessarily plan ahead. Some do again, not all,
24:23
Speaker 2: but some men. Some men plan ahead. But most men
24:29
Speaker 2: I believe are just sort of flying by the seat
24:33
Speaker 2: of their pants in a relationship. So I think then
24:38
Speaker 2: they they grieve the loss of a relationship in different ways.
24:44
Speaker 1: A divorce is it's just an extension. It's just gone
24:50
Speaker 1: further within the relationship. Oh we got married, Oh now
24:54
Speaker 1: we have kids.
24:56
Speaker 2: I think men, I know I I grieved the concept
25:02
Speaker 2: of missing half the life of my kids.
25:06
Speaker 1: That meant a lot to me. That was a big deal.
25:09
Speaker 2: And then I quickly realized, like, oh, man, while they
25:13
Speaker 2: are at their mom's house, I get a chance to
25:16
Speaker 2: recharge like this is really amazing. So then when they
25:19
Speaker 2: come back over I can give them all of my
25:22
Speaker 2: attention and I've spent the four days, the seven days,
25:27
Speaker 2: whatever it is, just taking care of myself and being
25:32
Speaker 2: with my partner that I have now and doing things
25:37
Speaker 2: for me, so I don't have that overwhelmed feeling the
25:41
Speaker 2: same way when my kids come back, so that I
25:46
Speaker 2: grieve that. I think women tend to grieve the loss
25:54
Speaker 2: of the future that they saw that they expected the
25:58
Speaker 2: relationship to be, much.
26:00
Speaker 1: More than men do. I think men.
26:04
Speaker 2: Men sort of they spend a lot of time stumbling
26:08
Speaker 2: around trying to pick up the pieces and feel like
26:11
Speaker 2: themselves again and feel awesome and attractive and and whole.
26:23
Speaker 2: And then otherwise they sort of keep it to themselves
26:25
Speaker 2: and they just sort of one foot in front of
26:27
Speaker 2: the other just move on, because that's.
26:31
Speaker 1: What men do.
26:33
Speaker 2: I mean, men just sort of exist sometimes, you know.
26:38
Speaker 2: I can have a really deep conversation with someone literally
26:43
Speaker 2: just sitting next to them, like never looking.
26:45
Speaker 1: At each other.
26:47
Speaker 2: I have conversations with my kids in the car and
26:50
Speaker 2: they're some of the best conversations ever because there's no
26:52
Speaker 2: pressure of like looking at each other you're just sort
26:55
Speaker 2: of in it and you're talking about stuff and then
26:57
Speaker 2: you just sort of move on. But yeah, I do
27:02
Speaker 2: absolutely think for the most part, that men grieve divorce
27:06
Speaker 2: differently than women do.
27:07
Speaker 1: Cool, it's going to the voicemail.
27:09
Speaker 6: Hi, I really just wanted to call in to get
27:12
Speaker 6: kind of the male perspective on the question I have.
27:15
Speaker 6: How can you really tell if like a guy is
27:18
Speaker 6: into you or vice versa, if he really is not
27:22
Speaker 6: into you? Okay, so guy thinks, well.
27:25
Speaker 2: Can you tell that a guy is really into you
27:29
Speaker 2: or not or vice versa?
27:31
Speaker 1: Well, I can answer.
27:34
Speaker 2: For you knowing whether you are really into somebody or not,
27:37
Speaker 2: because you should be able to tell that for a guy.
27:43
Speaker 2: I think it's It's interesting. I up until up until Sharna,
27:55
Speaker 2: because my ex and I were together for almost fifteen years,
28:00
Speaker 2: we were almost married, we were married for almost ten
28:03
Speaker 2: I led with physical attraction. First, I'd be physically attracted
28:09
Speaker 2: to somebody and then sort of build a relationship around that.
28:14
Speaker 2: With Sharna, now we approached it in a different way.
28:19
Speaker 1: I was divorced, which I didn't expect.
28:24
Speaker 2: I had three kids, I was a single parent, and
28:30
Speaker 2: I knew that I didn't want to repeat things that
28:34
Speaker 2: I had done.
28:35
Speaker 1: So I went.
28:39
Speaker 2: Through all sorts of therapy and all sorts of things
28:41
Speaker 2: to really figure out what it was that I brought
28:44
Speaker 2: into a relationship that was just toxic and wasn't good
28:48
Speaker 2: and wasn't helping the relationship at all. I genuinely believe
28:54
Speaker 2: that you you need to be friends with someone first.
29:00
Speaker 2: And I met. We spent six hours talking the first
29:05
Speaker 2: time we met each other. We met for breakfast a
29:08
Speaker 2: couple days later, we spent another four and a.
29:10
Speaker 1: Half hours talking.
29:12
Speaker 2: We were really really good, easy natural friends to begin with.
29:19
Speaker 2: Then we realized in being physical that we were really
29:25
Speaker 2: we really worked well together, and then it became the relationship.
29:31
Speaker 1: I think when you.
29:33
Speaker 2: Started from a place of a genuine connection with someone,
29:38
Speaker 2: then you're not so concerned about whether they are truly
29:42
Speaker 2: into you or not, because you guys are already speaking
29:48
Speaker 2: to each other in.
29:51
Speaker 1: A in a very transparent way.
29:56
Speaker 2: Sean and I talked about our best qualities are worst
30:00
Speaker 2: qualities together, we sort of put it all out on
30:02
Speaker 2: the table, and then we really liked each other after
30:07
Speaker 2: that those conversations, so for us, it was pretty apparent then, like,
30:11
Speaker 2: oh hey, we should stick with us.
30:15
Speaker 1: This seems to be working. So I think.
30:19
Speaker 2: I think your approach to a relationship is the best
30:23
Speaker 2: way to know if if it's just a purely physical connection,
30:32
Speaker 2: like oh he's you know, he's he's really good looking,
30:35
Speaker 2: and he's like, oh he's really hot, it's like, Okay,
30:38
Speaker 2: that's that's only gonna last for so long that.
30:45
Speaker 1: You're gonna get to a point where you go.
30:47
Speaker 2: I can't stand that other person, so they're not hot
30:51
Speaker 2: to me anymore. I see them, and I see all
30:53
Speaker 2: of the flaws instead.
30:55
Speaker 1: Of all of the positives.
30:58
Speaker 2: I see all of the negatives because I've just been
31:01
Speaker 2: dealing with negative for so long.
31:04
Speaker 1: So I would suggest.
31:07
Speaker 2: Really taking a look at what.
31:10
Speaker 1: The relationship truly is.
31:13
Speaker 2: And then honestly maybe deciding on your own, Like I'm
31:17
Speaker 2: putting way too much on this, Like why do I
31:20
Speaker 2: care so much if this person likes me or not?
31:22
Speaker 2: I don't really like them that much. Ask yourself some questions.
31:37
Speaker 8: Welcome to the Orange Doesn't Fall Far the podcast where
31:41
Speaker 8: Reality TV meets real life. I'm Tamar Judge.
31:44
Speaker 1: And I'm Sophia.
31:45
Speaker 8: Each week, we're spilling the tea on pop culture relationships, motherhood, dating, drama,
31:50
Speaker 8: and what it's really like growing up in the middle
31:53
Speaker 8: of reality TV chaos. One of us lived it. One
31:56
Speaker 8: of us survived it. Listen to The Orange Doesn't Fall Far,
31:59
Speaker 8: Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you
32:03
Speaker 8: get your podcast.
32:07
Speaker 1: Nicole. Do you think men heal before they date again
32:11
Speaker 1: or do they heal while dating?
32:14
Speaker 2: It's a really good question, Nicole. I think both. I
32:18
Speaker 2: think men do both. I think sometimes they heal before
32:27
Speaker 2: dating and then sometimes they healed during it. And you know,
32:33
Speaker 2: I think that they healed during it because.
32:38
Speaker 1: There are.
32:40
Speaker 2: Questions and things, conversations that they haven't really had with anybody,
32:46
Speaker 2: so they haven't gotten into.
32:47
Speaker 1: The weeds of what went wrong before.
32:51
Speaker 2: So sometimes when you're in something new and then a
32:55
Speaker 2: situation rears its ugly head like it did before, it
32:59
Speaker 2: gives you and you sort of step back and go, oh,
33:03
Speaker 2: there's that thing again.
33:04
Speaker 1: Cool.
33:05
Speaker 2: And then if you're with somebody great, then you kind
33:07
Speaker 2: of talk through it with them and you heal together
33:11
Speaker 2: with that situation. And I don't think there's anything wrong
33:13
Speaker 2: with that. I think if you're in a relationship with
33:17
Speaker 2: someone where you can have that that those are the
33:22
Speaker 2: things that really just continue to bring you closer, being
33:27
Speaker 2: honest about the stuff that scares you, about the stuff
33:30
Speaker 2: that really hurt before that is kind of unfinished. So
33:34
Speaker 2: instead of putting it on someone new, right, you point
33:42
Speaker 2: it out with that person. You say, hey, this is
33:44
Speaker 2: something that I went through before that really bothered.
33:46
Speaker 1: Me, and you sort of heal.
33:49
Speaker 2: Even though you're healing alone, you're sort of healing together.
33:52
Speaker 2: And then sometimes there are men that.
33:57
Speaker 1: Get out of something and they go, man, and I
34:01
Speaker 1: that was horrible.
34:03
Speaker 2: I need to fix as much as I can of
34:09
Speaker 2: the part that I played in that. So I don't
34:12
Speaker 2: do that again because I can't handle another relationship like
34:16
Speaker 2: that one.
34:19
Speaker 1: So I think.
34:21
Speaker 2: I think the answer to that question is sort of.
34:23
Speaker 2: It depends on what it is you came from and
34:26
Speaker 2: it depends on where you are. But I think I
34:31
Speaker 2: think men do both. Wow, So I talk a lot.
34:39
Speaker 2: You guys have sent me some incredible questions. I love these.
34:43
Speaker 2: I want to keep them going, but we have run
34:46
Speaker 2: out of time. So let's hold some of these over
34:50
Speaker 2: and let's do a part two of this, and we'll
34:52
Speaker 2: be back really soon for you guys to hear a
34:54
Speaker 2: little more. Three