Transcript

#51 The Elliotts · Heavyweight

0:03
Speaker 1: What I'm trying to remember. Do you have any celebrity
0:06
Speaker 1: impressions that you do?
0:08
Speaker 2: No?
0:09
Speaker 1: Didn't you used to do celindio?
0:11
Speaker 3: No, I used to.
0:12
Speaker 1: Do that the theme song to the Titanic.
0:16
Speaker 4: No, that was Karen.
0:17
Speaker 1: Karen used to.
0:18
Speaker 5: Sing that song.
0:19
Speaker 6: Karen does sing that song.
0:20
Speaker 1: Does she have a nice voice?
0:22
Speaker 7: No?
0:23
Speaker 1: Because guess who I have on the other line. Karen?
0:28
Speaker 1: Did that scare you?
0:30
Speaker 2: Did it give me a little nervous?
0:31
Speaker 1: Did it not make you feel alive?
0:36
Speaker 8: Oh?
0:38
Speaker 9: Get a little scared?
0:39
Speaker 1: A little scared.
0:40
Speaker 6: Yeah, she doesn't have a nice voice.
0:42
Speaker 4: I mean she can wait.
0:44
Speaker 1: A second, She's back on the line. It's Karen. Oh, Jackie,
0:48
Speaker 1: how could you say that about my singing? From Gimblet Media,
0:58
Speaker 1: I'm Jonathan Gold and this is Heavyweight Today's episode the Elliots.
1:11
Speaker 1: Right after the break, I get a lot of emails
1:20
Speaker 1: from people looking for help, but Dylan's stood out. Dear Jonathan,
1:25
Speaker 1: It read I have a big one for you, the
1:28
Speaker 1: heaviest weight yet. Dylan's email was over the top clickbaity
1:34
Speaker 1: even Hi Dylan, how are you?
1:37
Speaker 5: Jonathan?
1:38
Speaker 1: But who among us is inured to the lure of clickbait?
1:42
Speaker 1: Dylan Elliott lives in Dublin and the story he tells
1:45
Speaker 1: me you'll have to hear to believe. Dylan says that
1:54
Speaker 1: when he and his family get together, their favorite thing
1:56
Speaker 1: to do is share stories of their misfortune, mysterious ailments
2:00
Speaker 1: and plumbing disasters, near drownings, and dental procedures gone terribly awry.
2:06
Speaker 1: They always come away from these sessions wondering the same thing,
2:10
Speaker 1: how can one family have so much bad luck?
2:13
Speaker 5: So a few years ago, mostly large family gathering.
2:17
Speaker 1: Dylan says that at a recent family wedding, he and
2:20
Speaker 1: his brothers were going around the table enumerting their woes
2:23
Speaker 1: as usual wrong in their lives, when their father suddenly
2:26
Speaker 1: interrupted them.
2:27
Speaker 5: And then my dad came out and said, well, they
2:29
Speaker 5: don't know about the curse, the Elliot curse.
2:39
Speaker 1: Dylan and his brothers looked at each other. What elliot curse?
2:43
Speaker 1: They'd never heard of such a thing, And so their
2:45
Speaker 1: father offered what would prove to be a unifying theory
2:49
Speaker 1: of their terrible luck. He began at the beginning.
2:53
Speaker 5: The very beginning is fifteen twenty five.
2:58
Speaker 1: About five hundred years ago, Scotland and England were at
3:01
Speaker 1: war over the territory along their border. The people who
3:05
Speaker 1: lived along these borderlands were hardest head.
3:08
Speaker 5: And so they were left in this nomadic position where
3:12
Speaker 5: the only living they could make was by going back
3:14
Speaker 5: and forth across the border and thieving.
3:17
Speaker 1: Thieving, in pillaging, in maiming, as well as murdering.
3:22
Speaker 5: What they had to be as a culture was extremely
3:25
Speaker 5: friendly but also really murdery, because like, if you've got
3:29
Speaker 5: to be in moving from area to area, you had
3:31
Speaker 5: to be very open to people because there could be
3:33
Speaker 5: trades going on, but if they wrong you, you've got
3:38
Speaker 5: to kill them immediately.
3:40
Speaker 1: And these people, these friendly, murdery people who lived along
3:43
Speaker 1: the border were called border reavers. You say reavers, Yeah, reavers?
3:50
Speaker 1: What are those?
3:52
Speaker 5: It's kind of like the exact opposite of a weaver.
3:54
Speaker 5: So weavers makes clothes. Reavers were kind of like murderers.
3:58
Speaker 1: Wait, weavers make clothes, but revers are murderers. Yes, which
4:03
Speaker 1: technically isn't the opposite of making clothes.
4:06
Speaker 5: It's quite far away, though, in fairness.
4:08
Speaker 1: It is it is. But probably the opposite of making
4:12
Speaker 1: clothes would be like maybe ripping.
4:14
Speaker 5: Up clothes and stealing.
4:15
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, again, not necessarily the opposite, but I
4:19
Speaker 1: get it. Yeah, it's the other end of the spectrum. Sorry,
4:25
Speaker 1: thank you. That's the opposite of a curse, by the way.
4:28
Speaker 1: To bring it back to opposites, Dylan says there were
4:32
Speaker 1: a number of Reaver family clans, but one of the biggest,
4:35
Speaker 1: most notorious, least weavery, and most murdery of all were
4:40
Speaker 1: the Elliots. And that's you. You're You're Dylan Elliot.
4:45
Speaker 5: Yeah.
4:46
Speaker 1: In fifteen twenty five, the then Archbishop of Glasgow, desperate
4:50
Speaker 1: to deter the Reavers, placed a curse on them, the
4:54
Speaker 1: aforementioned Elliot curse. I should read the cris to you please.
4:59
Speaker 1: I curse their heads and all the hairs of their head.
5:03
Speaker 1: I cursed their face, their brain, their mouth, their nose,
5:07
Speaker 1: their tongue, their teeth, their forehead, their shoulders, their breast,
5:12
Speaker 1: their heart, their stomach, their back, their womb, their arms,
5:16
Speaker 1: their legs, their hands, their feet, and every part of
5:20
Speaker 1: their body from the top of their head to the
5:21
Speaker 1: soles of their feet, before and behind within them without
5:26
Speaker 1: as a jew raised on Yiddish curses, my bubb is,
5:30
Speaker 1: may you hang upside down like a chandelier, most often
5:33
Speaker 1: levied against my grandfather for losing the TV remote. Was
5:37
Speaker 1: about as bad as I got it sounds worse than Yiddish,
5:40
Speaker 1: but still it's nothing compared to this curse.
5:44
Speaker 5: I cursed them going, and I curssed them writing. I
5:46
Speaker 5: curst them standing, and I cursed them sitting. Curse.
5:48
Speaker 1: This curse reads like a children's book written by a
5:51
Speaker 1: serial killer. I would curse them here or there, I
5:54
Speaker 1: would curse them anywhere.
5:56
Speaker 5: I curse them within the house, I cursed them outside
5:59
Speaker 5: of the house. I cursed them at home. I cursed
6:01
Speaker 5: them away from home. I cursed them rising, their cattle,
6:10
Speaker 5: their wool, their sheep, their barnyards, their cowsheds, their cabbage patches,
6:14
Speaker 5: even their cabbage patches, their horses.
6:18
Speaker 1: And it's not just the Reavers themselves that the Archbishop damns,
6:21
Speaker 1: but anyone remotely associated with them.
6:24
Speaker 5: I forbid all Christian men and women to have any
6:26
Speaker 5: company with them, eating, drinking, speaking, crying, lying, going, standing
6:31
Speaker 5: under the pain of deadly sin.
6:33
Speaker 1: And just when you think there's nothing left, a curse, okay.
6:39
Speaker 5: Made the thunder and lightning which rain down upon someone.
6:42
Speaker 1: For a full three minutes, Dylan continues on with wildfires
6:46
Speaker 1: and dyspepsia, pestilence, and plagues, until finally I.
6:51
Speaker 5: Condemned them perpetually to the deep pit of hell, there
6:54
Speaker 5: to remain with Lucifer and all his fellows, then ripped
6:57
Speaker 5: and torn by dogs until late forbear They're and sins
7:00
Speaker 5: and make satisfaction at Bennett's.
7:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a curse. Back at the family wedding, seated
7:09
Speaker 1: around the table, Dylan says he remembers that when his
7:12
Speaker 1: dad was done reciting excerpts from the curse, he was
7:15
Speaker 1: met with stunned silence.
7:17
Speaker 5: You almost expect people to laugh when hear curs. Liked that,
7:20
Speaker 5: but there wasn't really a laugh. The reaction in the
7:23
Speaker 5: room with this kind of aha moment reference like this
7:27
Speaker 5: makes total sense. This explains why so many weird things
7:30
Speaker 5: of mont Our family.
7:32
Speaker 1: Weird and also weirdly specific to the curse. Dylan tells
7:36
Speaker 1: me about the soles of his feet he was born
7:38
Speaker 1: flat footed, and his tongue he was born tongue tied,
7:42
Speaker 1: and regarding the I curse you away from home part
7:45
Speaker 1: of the curse.
7:46
Speaker 5: Pick up mugged three days in a row in Paris,
7:50
Speaker 5: Oh my, And each morning I went out and I
7:52
Speaker 5: bought the slightly shittier phone than I had previously, until
7:56
Speaker 5: eventually I had a phone, which is like an old
7:58
Speaker 5: person's phone with giant buttons on it, and I got
8:01
Speaker 5: mugged for that one as well. So I got mugged
8:03
Speaker 5: three days in a row in Paris.
8:04
Speaker 1: Like three separate occasions by three separate muggers.
8:09
Speaker 5: Yeah, three separate muggers, three nights in a row.
8:11
Speaker 2: What is that?
8:12
Speaker 5: Doesn't that's insane? Like I think the other I was
8:15
Speaker 5: trying to work it out. I think the odds of
8:16
Speaker 5: getting mugged in a given year are zero point three percent,
8:21
Speaker 5: So what of the odds are getting mugged three days
8:23
Speaker 5: in a row. It's like getting struck by lightning. I'm
8:25
Speaker 5: winning the lottery at the same time or something.
8:34
Speaker 1: And Dylan says it's not just him. He tells me
8:37
Speaker 1: about his brother, a talented gardener who can grow anything
8:41
Speaker 1: except cabbages.
8:43
Speaker 5: The one thing that's mentioned in the Curse. The curse
8:46
Speaker 5: says I cursed their cabbage patches, and he can't grow cabbages.
8:50
Speaker 5: He can't grow brascas at all.
8:53
Speaker 10: I've been pretty successful growing all different types of vegetables.
8:56
Speaker 1: This is Dylan's younger brother, Rory Elliott.
8:59
Speaker 10: But like the cab in particular, like always seemed to
9:03
Speaker 10: be afflicted by some kind of like mold or fungus.
9:07
Speaker 1: Then there's Rory's feet.
9:09
Speaker 10: My mum always said that my feet were like out
9:11
Speaker 10: of a Buzzet's pretty much Talon's.
9:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, and his eyes.
9:14
Speaker 8: I tore my cornea.
9:16
Speaker 10: I had to wear an eyepatch. And mouth I've had
9:19
Speaker 10: so many mouth sulcters. I'm just being worried that it's
9:22
Speaker 10: like the cur is trying to stop me. Talk to
9:25
Speaker 10: you guys.
9:26
Speaker 1: Rory is a scientist, so he knows that believing in
9:29
Speaker 1: curses is crazy, but he also knows the value of
9:33
Speaker 1: hard data and the evidence is semi undeniable, Like how
9:38
Speaker 1: the archbishop curses them going and curses them riding.
9:42
Speaker 10: I see them that he had riding horses, but I
9:44
Speaker 10: guess it covers bicycles.
9:46
Speaker 1: Okay, what has happened?
9:48
Speaker 10: Like, for instance, one time I was cycling to get
9:52
Speaker 10: some seaweed to put on my crops because they weren't.
9:56
Speaker 1: Doing very well, his crops being the cabbages. He was
10:00
Speaker 1: getting seaweed for his cabbages.
10:02
Speaker 11: And there was an iron bar in the ground and
10:05
Speaker 11: then I ended up going like head over the handlebars
10:09
Speaker 11: on like flying headfirst into a dog food factory.
10:13
Speaker 1: Sorry, did you say you you flew into a dog
10:15
Speaker 1: food what a.
10:18
Speaker 4: Dog food factory?
10:19
Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, broke my raist, I broke.
10:24
Speaker 10: My arm, need a lot of sticks. That was fairly cursed.
10:35
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
10:36
Speaker 3: Logical level not superstious at all, but I am a
10:42
Speaker 3: little bit superstious.
10:44
Speaker 1: This is Dylan's other brother, Tim Elliott. Tim is waiting
10:48
Speaker 1: to receive funding for his pH d in history. In
10:51
Speaker 1: the meantime, I'm.
10:52
Speaker 5: A sort of.
10:55
Speaker 3: Just a freelanced person.
10:56
Speaker 1: What do you freelance at?
10:59
Speaker 3: Oh, not really much.
11:08
Speaker 1: If Dylan is rather ere like and Rory is something
11:12
Speaker 1: of a negative nelly, then Tim is like Charlie Brown.
11:16
Speaker 1: If Charlie Brown were looking for PhD funding.
11:19
Speaker 3: I'm given the curse, well, I mean, who would have
11:22
Speaker 3: much hope for that?
11:24
Speaker 1: Like his brothers, Tim lists off sorrows specific to the curse.
11:28
Speaker 1: He went bald in his twenties, has teeth with holes
11:31
Speaker 1: in them, in his feet.
11:33
Speaker 3: When I was born, my feet pointed outwards, and then
11:38
Speaker 3: I was putting these shoes, so you think, okay, here
11:41
Speaker 3: comes a solution. But then they pointed inwards and we're overcorrected.
11:46
Speaker 1: Then there's the muggings. While Dylan's been mugged a poultry
11:50
Speaker 1: three times, Tim's been mugged five times.
11:54
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, one of them. I was mugged while I
11:58
Speaker 3: was dressed as a robot.
12:01
Speaker 5: I'm so sorry.
12:03
Speaker 1: That just really surprised me. It feels wrong to laugh
12:06
Speaker 1: at someone's misfortunes. But then when the follow up question
12:11
Speaker 1: you're forced to ask a grown man is why were
12:14
Speaker 1: you dressed as a robot, it seems acceptable somehow.
12:18
Speaker 4: This was Halloween.
12:20
Speaker 3: I was dressed as a robot called it's a tim
12:24
Speaker 3: Tron five thousand. I mean, I put so much effort
12:26
Speaker 3: into it. I had a set of light going on
12:29
Speaker 3: in my chest, drinking. I had a police sir on
12:33
Speaker 3: my head.
12:35
Speaker 1: I'm imagining you, like in a box, wrapped in a
12:38
Speaker 1: tinfoil or something.
12:40
Speaker 4: You're exactly.
12:47
Speaker 3: I was with a group of friends, all dressed differently.
12:49
Speaker 3: I think there was a bumblebee there as a pirate.
12:54
Speaker 3: There was.
12:55
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Yeah, so the tim Tron five thousand, The
12:58
Speaker 1: Bumblebee and the pirates were walking along when they were
13:01
Speaker 1: suddenly approached by a group of kids. And when I
13:05
Speaker 1: say kids, there were.
13:06
Speaker 3: Young fellas who are fourteen.
13:09
Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, the ringleader demanded Tim hand over the beers
13:14
Speaker 1: he was carrying, but Tim refused, So he pulls out.
13:18
Speaker 3: This pocket knife and he says, I'm gonna you know,
13:22
Speaker 3: what do you think about this?
13:25
Speaker 5: Now?
13:25
Speaker 3: If you recall John said I'm wearing nothing for cardboard boxes.
13:29
Speaker 1: Oh, I recall.
13:30
Speaker 3: So the bumblebee, the pirates disappear, and I'm not quite
13:37
Speaker 3: as sleep of foot, and I get pushed onto my
13:40
Speaker 3: back like a tortuous completely unable to get up.
13:46
Speaker 1: The kids pulled the siren from Tim. Tron five thousand's
13:49
Speaker 1: head roughed him up a bit. Did you report it?
13:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, we got the police and they sort of just said, well,
13:59
Speaker 3: I mean, what do you.
14:00
Speaker 5: Expect with my family? It's like.
14:08
Speaker 1: It's shorthunt. Now here's Dylan again, like we just.
14:11
Speaker 5: Rule arizing and goes, oh, fucking curse.
14:14
Speaker 1: The misfortunes that you they you mention, I mean, do
14:17
Speaker 1: you literally feel like they're connected to this five hundred
14:22
Speaker 1: odd year curse.
14:25
Speaker 5: I think it's like this Jonathan in my head is like,
14:30
Speaker 5: if you've got five hundred years of people wishing you ill,
14:35
Speaker 5: it cannot be good for your soul.
14:38
Speaker 1: Dylan says that since the old archbishop of Glasgow levied
14:41
Speaker 1: the curse. The present day archbishop is the only person
14:45
Speaker 1: with the power to lift it. Others have made appeals
14:48
Speaker 1: to him, but he's never responded.
14:50
Speaker 5: What I love is the curse to be lifted. We
14:52
Speaker 5: will do anything to lift this curse.
14:55
Speaker 1: And so Dylan has come to me for help. They
14:58
Speaker 1: did notice that there were something in the curse about
15:01
Speaker 1: anybody who helps you, I think their curse too.
15:04
Speaker 5: It's any Christian man. All Christian men who speak to
15:07
Speaker 5: me are cursed by proxy. I think being Jewish, you're
15:11
Speaker 5: actually excused.
15:12
Speaker 1: Oh, because I am not Christian. It gives me a
15:14
Speaker 1: leg up, I think. So, yeah, is that the loophole here?
15:17
Speaker 1: Is that why you came to me. It wasn't because
15:20
Speaker 1: of my previous good works. It was just because I'm
15:23
Speaker 1: a jew, which brings us back to his email about
15:27
Speaker 1: how lifting the curse would be the biggest heavyweight yet,
15:31
Speaker 1: because the curse isn't limited to just the Elliots, it
15:34
Speaker 1: encompasses all the reaper families.
15:36
Speaker 5: I mean, there's three hundred thousand elliots in the world.
15:40
Speaker 5: How many Armstrongs and Scot's and Nixon's and Dixon's and Springles.
15:49
Speaker 1: Not to sound like one of those CD personal injury lawyers.
15:52
Speaker 1: But if your name is Scott or Douglas, Reed or Robson,
15:56
Speaker 1: Nixon or Dixon, you may be entitled to karmik compensation.
16:01
Speaker 1: I'm trying to find the exceptions to the rules, you
16:03
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like you mentioned pringles, Like, well,
16:05
Speaker 1: you know they had those canisters of chips, so they
16:08
Speaker 1: probably did.
16:09
Speaker 5: Okay, can tell me you've had the pocket fringles not
16:12
Speaker 5: fell a little bit cursed afterwards?
16:14
Speaker 1: Well put, Dylan and his brothers are tired of their
16:17
Speaker 1: mouth ulcers and tooth holes, tired of wearing eye patches
16:21
Speaker 1: and getting beaten up by children. They're ready to live
16:25
Speaker 1: their best lives. If we got this lifted, what would
16:30
Speaker 1: the ensuing days look like? If you had to speculate
16:33
Speaker 1: for me.
16:35
Speaker 3: It'd probably be getting funding.
16:38
Speaker 1: To do your PhD.
16:39
Speaker 10: Yes, Well, when I'm be able to grow cabbages because
16:44
Speaker 10: I actually love cabbage, I don't know. I would just
16:46
Speaker 10: love to be able to grow.
16:47
Speaker 1: Cabbages, Okay, cabbages and what else?
16:52
Speaker 10: Yeah, mainly the cabbages, Like I really, I really love cabbages.
16:58
Speaker 4: It's like a stir fry soup. But I don't know. Yeah,
17:02
Speaker 4: most the cabbages.
17:07
Speaker 1: We're gonna get you, Elliotts turned around.
17:11
Speaker 5: We're gonna good to hear it.
17:13
Speaker 1: Erase the chalkboard, a fresh news start. The curse still
17:24
Speaker 1: in red to me, and it's dizzying entirety comes from
17:27
Speaker 1: the Elliot Clan Society website. It turns out there's a
17:30
Speaker 1: whole organization of descendants of Border Reavers named Elliott. The
17:35
Speaker 1: site contains a history of the Elliott family, a map
17:38
Speaker 1: of Elliott Territory, and a list of famous Elliots like
17:42
Speaker 1: Ts Eliott, the poet who dared not eat a peach,
17:45
Speaker 1: and Sam Elliott, the push broom mustachioed actor who safe
17:49
Speaker 1: to say, should probably also stay away from peaches. And
17:54
Speaker 1: then there's the page with the transcript of the curse.
17:57
Speaker 1: Underneath it there are rems and realms of comments. Stephen
18:01
Speaker 1: Kyle Elliott posts that he's the only member of his
18:04
Speaker 1: family in four generations that hasn't been to prison or
18:08
Speaker 1: had problems with drugs. I try to do right and
18:11
Speaker 1: be a good person, but I always seem to have
18:14
Speaker 1: the most bad luck possible, he says. Mary Elliott cites cancer,
18:18
Speaker 1: airplane crashes and fires. Long before I ever heard of
18:23
Speaker 1: this curse. I felt a curse had been put on
18:25
Speaker 1: our family, she writes, Believe me, the curse is alive
18:29
Speaker 1: and well. Hello, Hello, Is this Margaret Elliott? Yes, it
18:44
Speaker 1: is Margaret Elliott is the chief of the Elliott Clan society.
18:48
Speaker 1: This is Jonathan Goldstein calling from the American podcast.
18:52
Speaker 9: I'm marri Heartrising.
18:55
Speaker 1: It is my held belief that setting off on a
18:57
Speaker 1: quest to lift a five hundred year old clan hers
19:00
Speaker 1: requires the blessing of a clan Chieftainess. Margaret Elliot sounds
19:05
Speaker 1: like someone who owns at least a dozen and a
19:07
Speaker 1: half Welsh Corgies, and like real nobility.
19:10
Speaker 8: She says.
19:11
Speaker 1: She inherited the role from her father, who was chief
19:14
Speaker 1: before her. With the title, does there come a dwelling
19:17
Speaker 1: like the way the President of the United States gets
19:20
Speaker 1: to live in the White House? No, I'm fortunately not
19:24
Speaker 1: to begin. Margaret proudly shares some fun facts about the
19:27
Speaker 1: Elliott family.
19:29
Speaker 9: The Canadian Prime Minister was an Elliot. His middle name
19:33
Speaker 9: was Pierre Elliott Trudeau.
19:35
Speaker 1: Pierre Elliott Trudeau traced his lineage back to the Elliot clan.
19:39
Speaker 1: I didn't know that, Yes she did. Yeah, my middle
19:44
Speaker 1: name is Stuart it is. When I get down to
19:58
Speaker 1: explaining my mission, Margaret tells she's known about the curse
20:01
Speaker 1: her whole life. It's a part of Elliott history. But
20:04
Speaker 1: at the same time, I.
20:06
Speaker 9: Don't pay this any attention at all. Yeah, I mean,
20:09
Speaker 9: this is the first time I've ever actually talked about it.
20:12
Speaker 9: I've never thought it was remotely important.
20:16
Speaker 1: It's important to her constituents, though. I tell her about
20:19
Speaker 1: Dylan and his brothers, the eye patches, the constant muggings,
20:24
Speaker 1: the cabbage problems.
20:27
Speaker 9: Which I don't think he can plain it. I think
20:31
Speaker 9: maybe he's got the wrong sort of grand for cabbage.
20:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, the cursed kind. Although Margaret doesn't put stock in curses,
20:45
Speaker 1: she still blesses the mission and even offers to help.
20:48
Speaker 9: Well, I mean, I.
20:49
Speaker 12: Could probably get the archbishop on the phone.
20:53
Speaker 1: Do you think you can get an archbishop on the telephone?
20:57
Speaker 9: Why not?
20:58
Speaker 1: Wow? I really appreciate your good old American moxie on
21:03
Speaker 1: that one.
21:05
Speaker 9: What does that mean?
21:07
Speaker 1: What does good old American moxie mean, Margaret? It's throwing
21:11
Speaker 1: a bottle rocket into a trash can just to see
21:14
Speaker 1: it go boom. It's staring down your enemies while picking
21:17
Speaker 1: your teeth with a corn dog stick. It's sowing a
21:21
Speaker 1: Canadian flag onto your backpack when traveling through Europe. So
21:24
Speaker 1: when you toss a bottle rocket into some Parisian poobell,
21:28
Speaker 1: Canada looks like the idiot Moxie is getting a bishop
21:32
Speaker 1: on the horn and greeting him with a big fat
21:35
Speaker 1: American howdy. Do have you ever reached out to an
21:38
Speaker 1: archbishop before?
21:41
Speaker 5: No?
21:41
Speaker 9: I know Bishop wil too, but no I don't have.
21:45
Speaker 4: It'd be interesting.
21:47
Speaker 9: I will follow it up. You've inspired me.
21:50
Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, that isn't often what I do, So I
21:53
Speaker 1: appreciate that.
21:55
Speaker 9: Very good.
21:57
Speaker 1: Margaret is on the case. But before getting off the phone,
22:00
Speaker 1: she counsels me against talking to other elliots about the
22:03
Speaker 1: curse if they're blissfully unaware. She says, why share something
22:08
Speaker 1: that will only trouble them. To illustrate her point, Margaret
22:12
Speaker 1: tells me about an art installation memorializing the curse. It's
22:16
Speaker 1: called the Cursing Stone, and it's a fourteen ton granite
22:20
Speaker 1: boulder with the curse inscribed upon it. It was commissioned
22:23
Speaker 1: by the City of Carlisle in two thousand and one.
22:26
Speaker 9: Tasa was fairly unwise. Why why they believe in this curse,
22:32
Speaker 9: but there are people who do, like your friend Dylan,
22:36
Speaker 9: and I think it is unwise to bring it out
22:39
Speaker 9: again because it alarms people.
22:42
Speaker 1: But the follout caused by the stone suggests it more
22:45
Speaker 1: than alarmed people. Following its installation, the city experienced the
22:50
Speaker 1: series of disasters, the worst flood in two hundred years,
22:54
Speaker 1: an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, numerous businesses and
22:57
Speaker 1: factories shutting down, among them notably a bar called the
23:02
Speaker 1: Reaver Pub, and the local soccer team, Carlisle United, lost
23:06
Speaker 1: so many games they were relegated to a lower league.
23:10
Speaker 1: So I speak with the artist who sculpted the cursing stone,
23:13
Speaker 1: Gordon Young, of the Border Reaving Young Clan. But despite
23:17
Speaker 1: the biblical plagues unleashed by his art, Gordon doesn't put
23:21
Speaker 1: any stock in the curse at all. Do you think
23:23
Speaker 1: there's anything suggestive about the timing, you know, like just
23:27
Speaker 1: after the unveiling of your work and all of these
23:32
Speaker 1: misfortunes occurring, do you see anything not at all? In
23:37
Speaker 1: then you don't admit that the timing is sort of
23:41
Speaker 1: an interesting No, Do you feel like you've been affected
23:46
Speaker 1: by the curse? Like, do you feel that you're unluckier
23:49
Speaker 1: than your friends.
23:50
Speaker 13: I feel a lifelong sighting would be if I fell
23:54
Speaker 13: down a toilet, come up smelling of roses on a field.
23:59
Speaker 13: I have been very, very, very lucky all my life.
24:06
Speaker 1: Gordon's answer surprises me, so I conduct an informal survey.
24:15
Speaker 1: Turning to the phone book, I dial random Elliots to
24:18
Speaker 1: see how unlucky they are. Hello, is this Dale Elliott?
24:22
Speaker 12: Yes?
24:23
Speaker 1: Hello? Is this Tanya Elliott Hensby? Yes? I even phone
24:29
Speaker 1: a real estate agent on a lawn sign Elliott, and
24:32
Speaker 1: I reach out to Margaret's Elliott Society clan officers all
24:36
Speaker 1: across the USA. You're a state commissioner for Alabama, Arkansas.
24:41
Speaker 12: But yeah, I'm a chemist for Clan Elliott in Texas.
24:44
Speaker 13: Yes, yes, I'm the Northern California commissioner for it.
24:47
Speaker 1: I ask if any of them have experienced the things
24:50
Speaker 1: the Elliot brothers have, the inability to ever grow cabbage,
24:54
Speaker 1: any dental problems. You own cattle or sheep growing cabbage?
24:59
Speaker 1: Are you bald? But it seems they haven't.
25:03
Speaker 13: Nope, Nope, no, no, I'm a gorgeous ready.
25:10
Speaker 1: So I find myself wondering whether ill fortune might be
25:13
Speaker 1: less a border Reaver problem, and more a Dylan, Tim
25:17
Speaker 1: and Rory problem. What was going on with the Elliott brothers,
25:21
Speaker 1: why all the bad luck? And was the curse really
25:24
Speaker 1: to blame for it? Since Dylan, Tim and Rory's dad, David,
25:28
Speaker 1: was the one who first told them about the curse,
25:31
Speaker 1: I wonder if he would have any insight. So I
25:33
Speaker 1: reach out to David, but at the last minute he balks.
25:37
Speaker 1: Dylan says it's because his dad is nervous that even
25:40
Speaker 1: talking about the curse could exacerbate it. But in David's stead,
25:45
Speaker 1: Dylan's aunt Joe, agrees to talk to me.
25:48
Speaker 2: Hello, Johnson, how are you?
25:50
Speaker 1: I'm okay? How are you today?
25:52
Speaker 2: Not too bot I'm very loud of Friday.
25:54
Speaker 1: In the background, I can hear Joe pouring something into
25:57
Speaker 1: a glass. What is it that you're drinking? Oh, pino, Gricia,
26:03
Speaker 1: It's absolutely okay.
26:04
Speaker 10: Yeah.
26:05
Speaker 1: I sometimes think that I could tell what someone's drinking,
26:07
Speaker 1: but it's a little piccadillo of mine. I asked Joe
26:09
Speaker 1: about her family whether they are a bunch of magical thinkers,
26:13
Speaker 1: like say, someone who thinks he can tell what beverage
26:16
Speaker 1: someone is drinking over the phone. Maybe they've over indexed
26:19
Speaker 1: on this whole curse thing. Was your upbringing superstitious? Did
26:23
Speaker 1: your parents have rituals and stuff like that?
26:26
Speaker 2: Well, I was brought up on my grandparents.
26:29
Speaker 1: And then Joe tells me the reason she was raised
26:31
Speaker 1: by her grandparents.
26:33
Speaker 3: Our parents died when we were all very young.
26:37
Speaker 1: Your parents died around the same time.
26:40
Speaker 8: Yeah.
26:40
Speaker 6: Yeah, they died in a car accident.
26:42
Speaker 1: Oh my, I'm so sorry. Yeah, and they were together.
26:47
Speaker 3: Yeah.
26:47
Speaker 8: Yeah.
26:49
Speaker 1: Did that Has that ever struck you as a It
26:52
Speaker 1: was a bit of bad luck.
26:57
Speaker 2: It was really bad luck, right, I mean, the worst
27:00
Speaker 2: luck ever almost.
27:02
Speaker 1: Joe was only four years old at the time of
27:04
Speaker 1: the accident, so she doesn't remember the day, but she
27:08
Speaker 1: does remember learning about the death of her parents for
27:10
Speaker 1: the first time.
27:11
Speaker 2: I was able to read. So I must have been
27:13
Speaker 2: about six, and I've found a newspaper cutting in my
27:18
Speaker 2: grandmother's chest of drawers, and I could see that my
27:21
Speaker 2: name was in there, and my sister's name was in there,
27:24
Speaker 2: and I could see it as talking about two people,
27:29
Speaker 2: and I wasn't sure who theirs names were.
27:31
Speaker 4: But it sounded really sad to me.
27:32
Speaker 2: And it's had this really big long word at the
27:34
Speaker 2: top of it. So I went to mask my grandmother
27:37
Speaker 2: what it was, and she said, well that that word
27:39
Speaker 2: is an obituary, and these people are your mum and
27:43
Speaker 2: dad and their dad. I do have a few memories.
27:56
Speaker 2: So my dad used to go out to work. I
27:57
Speaker 2: used to have to help them put the socks on. Today,
28:02
Speaker 2: my dad went in to tell the teacher off in
28:04
Speaker 2: school because she was really horrible to me. And I
28:09
Speaker 2: remember being woking up in the middle of the night
28:11
Speaker 2: to come downstairs and see the new toys that my
28:15
Speaker 2: dad had brought home from work. It was a little
28:17
Speaker 2: red teeth set. I remember the first time I tested
28:22
Speaker 2: Chinese food because my mom was ill in bed and
28:25
Speaker 2: my dad brought me in to tasted Chinese food and
28:28
Speaker 2: there was pineapple on it, and I'd never had pineapple before.
28:39
Speaker 1: Joe says that after her parents' death, she and her
28:42
Speaker 1: six siblings were all split up, sent to different relatives.
28:46
Speaker 1: It took them many years, not until they were adults,
28:49
Speaker 1: to all reconnact. Do you think this this family trauma
28:53
Speaker 1: has kind of cast a Paul over David's kids.
28:59
Speaker 2: There is no day in our family that our parents'
29:03
Speaker 2: death was, oh my goodness, catastrophic. In a lot of ways.
29:09
Speaker 3: It was terrible.
29:10
Speaker 2: It's a big soddness, and I think they picked that
29:13
Speaker 2: up when you're a kid.
29:15
Speaker 1: It's a scary thing to learn that tragedy can strike
29:18
Speaker 1: at any moment for no reason, that there's no insulation
29:22
Speaker 1: between you and the darkness. Joe doesn't think the curse
29:25
Speaker 1: caused the accident, but the accident might have given the
29:29
Speaker 1: idea of a curse a certain allure. It offered an
29:32
Speaker 1: explanation for something unexplainable. Growing up, Dylan and his brothers
29:38
Speaker 1: heard about their grandparents' death. Were raised with the feeling
29:41
Speaker 1: of a vague dark cloud that hung over the family.
29:44
Speaker 1: But now they've given that dark cloud a name, the
29:48
Speaker 1: Curse of the Eliots. And what you can name, you
29:52
Speaker 1: can vanquish. What do you think that lifting the curse
29:57
Speaker 1: might change for David or for your nephews.
30:03
Speaker 2: It might.
30:06
Speaker 6: Gives a breathing space.
30:07
Speaker 2: And I don't know why I've said that word or
30:09
Speaker 2: that phrase, but that's just what it feels like.
30:12
Speaker 1: A breathing space.
30:14
Speaker 2: Yeah.
30:19
Speaker 1: Regardless of how Margaret Elliott or any of the three
30:22
Speaker 1: hundred thousand Elliots feel about the curse, these three Elliots, Dylan,
30:27
Speaker 1: Rory and Tim Elliott, they believe in it, and I'm
30:31
Speaker 1: going to help these elliots by lifting this curse once
30:35
Speaker 1: and for all. My greatest hope for lifting the curse
30:55
Speaker 1: lies with Elliott clan chief Margaret, who promised me a bishop.
31:00
Speaker 1: But at this point I haven't heard from Margaret in weeks,
31:03
Speaker 1: so I send an email asking for a progress report.
31:06
Speaker 1: When she replies, I'm surprised by her terseness. No bishop,
31:11
Speaker 1: She writes, I really think there is no point in
31:14
Speaker 1: pursuing this, and your friend who complained about his baldness
31:18
Speaker 1: and not growing cabbage will have to put up with
31:20
Speaker 1: it and not blame an entirely irrelevant sixteenth century curse.
31:26
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to account for the shift in
31:28
Speaker 1: Margaret's tone until I read this. I would be grateful
31:33
Speaker 1: if you would not contact any more clan officers and
31:36
Speaker 1: alarm them unduly. It seems some of the elliots I
31:40
Speaker 1: spoke to, ever loyal to their chieftain, ratted me out,
31:44
Speaker 1: telling Margaret how I'd been pestering them about their bad luck.
31:48
Speaker 1: As chief, Margaret wants to protect her flock and not
31:52
Speaker 1: from the curse of the archbishop. But from me, it
31:56
Speaker 1: looks like I'm on my own on the Archdiocese of
32:03
Speaker 1: Glasgow's website, I find the name of the Archbishop's director
32:07
Speaker 1: of Communications, mister Confrey. Hi, thank you so much for
32:12
Speaker 1: talking to me.
32:12
Speaker 12: No problem at all. I'm glad to be able to chat.
32:15
Speaker 1: I explained to Ronnie Convrey about Dylan and his brothers,
32:18
Speaker 1: the robot muggings, the dog food factory.
32:22
Speaker 12: He's worried the curse from whatever five hundred years ago
32:25
Speaker 12: is affecting his daily life.
32:28
Speaker 1: Yes, hardy, harharr if you will, Ronnie Convrey, But I
32:34
Speaker 1: thought stuff that happened hundreds of years ago and still
32:37
Speaker 1: affects daily life is the Church's bread and butter. Of course,
32:41
Speaker 1: I'm too cowardly to actually say that, but I do
32:44
Speaker 1: say this, I'll be it mincingly. Why can't the archbishop
32:48
Speaker 1: just lift this one little old curse, just this one
32:50
Speaker 1: little old time.
32:52
Speaker 12: It's not going to happen. It's not like, you know,
32:55
Speaker 12: the archbishop puts on a stool and goes into the
32:58
Speaker 12: cathedral and mutters a few payers in lot and then
33:00
Speaker 12: sprinkle some holy water around and everything stakes. I mean,
33:04
Speaker 12: there is no such ceremony for lifting curses.
33:08
Speaker 1: And even if there were a ceremony, Ronnie says there's
33:10
Speaker 1: no one to perform at the last archbishop died just recently,
33:15
Speaker 1: and appointing a new one can take months, even years.
33:19
Speaker 1: Is this something that the Pope could lift?
33:22
Speaker 12: I had no idea, to be honest, I were you,
33:24
Speaker 12: I wouldn't waste trying to figure out how.
33:26
Speaker 4: You could speak to the Pope. You know you'd be
33:29
Speaker 4: here to.
33:30
Speaker 12: Goomsday and that you wouldn't get a nail the Pope
33:32
Speaker 12: on something like this.
33:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a he's a busy man. I'm sure. I mean,
33:36
Speaker 1: it's not like you could just call the Vatican switchboard
33:38
Speaker 1: and has to speak to the Pope.
33:40
Speaker 4: Absolutely not.
33:47
Speaker 1: Turns out you can call the Vatican switchboard, but the
33:50
Speaker 1: problem not in Italiana. Is there anybody that spinks?
33:58
Speaker 9: Uh?
34:01
Speaker 6: My sisters taking English? It's okay?
34:07
Speaker 1: At yes, okay. I never imagined the Vatican to be
34:14
Speaker 1: the kind of mom and pop operation where you'd have
34:17
Speaker 1: to wait for somebody's sister to get back from her
34:19
Speaker 1: lunch break at the Vatican. Quiz No's when I phoned
34:22
Speaker 1: back Trey hours later, though the person who picks up
34:26
Speaker 1: doesn't know what I'm talking about. She was like, Yeah,
34:29
Speaker 1: my sister's going to be here, later.
34:32
Speaker 5: That sounds like Italy to me.
34:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, is that what it is? This is my gimlet
34:37
Speaker 1: coworker Valentina. She was born in Florence and speaks Italian,
34:41
Speaker 1: and agrees to help me. Phone back a few weeks later.
34:44
Speaker 1: Have you ever called the Vatican before?
34:46
Speaker 4: No.
34:48
Speaker 1: It turns out that while there isn't an office at
34:50
Speaker 1: the Vatican for curse removal, there is a department for
34:53
Speaker 1: papal blessings. Maybe a strong enough blessing can wipe out
34:57
Speaker 1: a curse. Love KOing hate kind of thing. So Valentine
35:01
Speaker 1: and I phone up the Office of Blessings.
35:08
Speaker 10: Yes, hello, okay a lot of.
35:17
Speaker 1: Valentina explains the details of my problem, the cabbages and cankers,
35:22
Speaker 1: but the operator says, we need a different department.
35:28
Speaker 6: It's an exorcism office.
35:30
Speaker 1: Oh so getting a curse lifted is that falls under
35:36
Speaker 1: the department of exorcism.
35:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's there's that's the old department that can you know,
35:43
Speaker 2: deal with that because we are exactly the oppos.
35:47
Speaker 1: You know, of course, bless you blessings are the opposite
35:53
Speaker 1: of courses.
35:58
Speaker 13: In general.
36:00
Speaker 1: So I call the switchboard back and ask for the
36:02
Speaker 1: Department of Exorcism. Why the operator asks, and so yet
36:07
Speaker 1: again I explained the ulcerated mouths, and Talento's.
36:11
Speaker 8: It's really absurd.
36:13
Speaker 1: Absurd.
36:14
Speaker 8: In twenty twenty one, we are still thinking about a
36:18
Speaker 8: curse dating back to fifteen twenty six. Oh it's five.
36:28
Speaker 1: Centuries, yes, and so it's about time.
36:33
Speaker 8: If both Francis hears about that, I don't know how
36:38
Speaker 8: he would react.
36:39
Speaker 1: How would he react?
36:41
Speaker 8: I don't think he will react in a good way.
36:44
Speaker 1: Are there special circumstances in which you know someone could
36:48
Speaker 1: speak to the Pope?
36:51
Speaker 8: It's not as easy, but it's happened, It may happen.
36:56
Speaker 8: It's not so easy.
36:57
Speaker 1: What are the circumstances in which you pass? Does he
37:02
Speaker 1: have a cell phone? Does the Pope have a cell phone?
37:06
Speaker 1: To people that he travels with have a cell phone?
37:08
Speaker 1: Is it just a landline?
37:09
Speaker 8: What do you want to I don't know what you
37:13
Speaker 8: really want to do.
37:15
Speaker 1: When I tell the operator about the original reason for
37:18
Speaker 1: my call that I want to be put through to
37:20
Speaker 1: the Department of Exorcisms, I learned there is no such department,
37:25
Speaker 1: or there is, but it's a department of one. There's
37:28
Speaker 1: only one exorcist for the entire Vatican.
37:33
Speaker 4: And he has a portable number.
37:37
Speaker 8: You want the number of the.
37:40
Speaker 1: Portable cellular device of the Pope's personal exorcist. Uh, yeah, yes, please,
37:49
Speaker 1: oh oh one, okay, thank you very much for your health. Yes,
37:58
Speaker 1: God bless thank you. Wow, it's really great. This is
38:05
Speaker 1: really great. So should we try the try the welcome
38:12
Speaker 1: to Verizon Wireless.
38:14
Speaker 2: Your call cannot be completed as the called party is
38:16
Speaker 2: temporarily unavailable.
38:20
Speaker 1: Is that a good sign? It's not a good sign.
38:25
Speaker 1: Once a week for the next eight weeks, Valentina and
38:28
Speaker 1: I try calling him back. The call never goes through.
38:36
Speaker 1: When I phone the Vatican switchboard again, the operator directs
38:39
Speaker 1: me to the Secretary General of the Diocese of Rome,
38:44
Speaker 1: who says I'll need to speak with a Padre Milily. No,
38:49
Speaker 1: Mi Lily. But Padre Mediately's secretary says he's not the
38:54
Speaker 1: right person either, apparently, since the curse effect not just
39:00
Speaker 1: the elliots of Rome or Dublin, but all elliots everywhere.
39:05
Speaker 1: My problem is an international problem.
39:08
Speaker 5: She says, we need to call the Association of International Exorcists.
39:14
Speaker 1: Oh, come on, it's called a ya aie Association internationalities.
39:21
Speaker 1: She just made that up. But it turns out that
39:25
Speaker 1: the International Association of Exorcists, has over eight hundred members,
39:30
Speaker 1: publishes guides for exorcists around the world, and is accredited
39:34
Speaker 1: by the Vatican. The AIE and I email back and forth,
39:39
Speaker 1: but eventually the Exorcists start giving me the brush off too.
39:49
Speaker 1: It's been nearly a year of unreturned emails, wrong numbers,
39:53
Speaker 1: and all around royal runarounds. I've been waking up at
39:57
Speaker 1: four am to call the Vatican so often that at
39:59
Speaker 1: this I'm basically on Italian time, which is kind of
40:03
Speaker 1: like being on a vacation in Italy with none of
40:06
Speaker 1: the Italy but all of the sleep deprivation. It's while
40:10
Speaker 1: complaining to my wife one day about how sleepy I
40:12
Speaker 1: am all the time, how badly my neck and back hurt,
40:16
Speaker 1: that I'm forced to ask myself did I have the
40:18
Speaker 1: Elliott Curse. If I did, it wouldn't be so bad
40:22
Speaker 1: if I had anything to show for it. As it is, though,
40:25
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a Dan Brown novel, but
40:28
Speaker 1: the boring parts like the table of contents or the
40:31
Speaker 1: author's note that nobody reads. And to add insult to injury,
40:35
Speaker 1: I've been at this so long that a new Archbishop
40:38
Speaker 1: of Glasgow has finally been installed. So I phone Ronnie
40:42
Speaker 1: Convrey and leave half a dozen messages over a number
40:45
Speaker 1: of weeks. When someone finally does pick up, rather than
40:49
Speaker 1: being granted an audience, I'm granted this.
40:52
Speaker 9: Good afternoon, Ar's Diocese of Glasgow.
40:55
Speaker 1: Hi, there is Ronnie Convy there.
40:59
Speaker 5: I believe he is.
41:00
Speaker 9: Can I ask who's calling?
41:01
Speaker 12: Sure?
41:02
Speaker 1: It's Jonathan Goldstein?
41:06
Speaker 2: Right?
41:07
Speaker 12: Can yield for a moment?
41:08
Speaker 1: Certainly?
41:11
Speaker 4: Hello?
41:12
Speaker 10: Yes, you must have stepped away from his desk.
41:17
Speaker 1: Do you think it would be okay to maybe try
41:19
Speaker 1: him a little later?
41:27
Speaker 10: His schedule is quite unpredictable, that's the only thing. He's
41:32
Speaker 10: in and out quite a bit.
41:33
Speaker 4: Yeah.
41:35
Speaker 1: The only thing left to do is admit defeat. Except
41:39
Speaker 1: for the fact that, unbeknownst to Ronnie Convrey, the Archbishop,
41:43
Speaker 1: the Vatican and even me, in the Battle of Goldstein
41:47
Speaker 1: versus the Curse, the curse was on the ropes. This
42:00
Speaker 1: might have been the heaviest weight yet. But that's the
42:03
Speaker 1: thing about heavy's weight. When you hoist them, there's no
42:06
Speaker 1: finer feeling. But the only thing I've succeeded in hoisting
42:11
Speaker 1: is myself by my own batards. And so, without another choice,
42:17
Speaker 1: I phoned Dylan to tell him I failed.
42:22
Speaker 4: Hello Dylan, Yeah, Hello, how are you?
42:25
Speaker 1: More importantly, how are you? It's been fourteen months since
42:29
Speaker 1: Dylan first reached out to me, Another cursed year has
42:33
Speaker 1: come and gone. The thought of how violently, excruciatingly Baldy
42:38
Speaker 1: must be at this point is frankly too much to bear.
42:42
Speaker 1: But what Dylan says next, you'll have to hear to believe.
42:46
Speaker 1: How are things really good?
42:48
Speaker 4: I've got a pretty great second half of a year,
42:51
Speaker 4: to be honest, really yeah, it's everything seems to be
42:55
Speaker 4: going a bit better.
42:55
Speaker 1: You know, well, you sound different. I mean, your energy
42:58
Speaker 1: feels different.
42:59
Speaker 4: Y seem totally different. I feel kind of much much better.
43:03
Speaker 4: I was kind of one a minute. Was there anything
43:05
Speaker 4: in the background, of course?
43:06
Speaker 2: Wise?
43:06
Speaker 4: Because that's a really really good second half of the year.
43:09
Speaker 1: I never dreamt of hearing the words really good, let
43:12
Speaker 1: alone really really good come from the mouth of Dylan Elliott.
43:17
Speaker 1: What was going on? And on top of that, it's
43:20
Speaker 1: not just Dylan who's been feeling better.
43:22
Speaker 4: It's on some quite good shape at the moment. Like
43:25
Speaker 4: I mean, my brother Tim, he's accepted onto a PhD
43:29
Speaker 4: course and he's got funding for it. It's going fantastic.
43:33
Speaker 1: This is Tim using the word fantastic.
43:37
Speaker 14: I'm suddenly working for myself, meeting offs of new interesting people,
43:46
Speaker 14: having a really lovely time.
43:48
Speaker 1: Is there a moment where you feel like things started
43:50
Speaker 1: to turn?
43:52
Speaker 4: I think probably beginning a still year in September, so.
43:55
Speaker 1: Like in the fall. Yeah, this is a different you know,
43:59
Speaker 1: a different Tim from when I spoke to you last Yes. Yes,
44:03
Speaker 1: no muggings in the past year, zero zero muggings. That's
44:08
Speaker 1: a net positive. How are things for Rory?
44:20
Speaker 3: Oh, Rory's having a great time.
44:22
Speaker 4: He just sent me a picture He's made.
44:24
Speaker 3: Friends with a donkey. I think it is.
44:26
Speaker 4: It's very small.
44:28
Speaker 1: So what what?
44:30
Speaker 2: What?
44:30
Speaker 1: What? What does that mean?
44:33
Speaker 4: When you just it's certainly a picture of.
44:36
Speaker 10: Him and his friend, who is a donkey.
44:40
Speaker 4: I guess.
44:41
Speaker 1: Okay, where where is Rory?
44:44
Speaker 10: I've moved to the West of Ireland. I'm really happy.
44:47
Speaker 1: This is Rory living here with my partner, the donkey,
44:52
Speaker 1: injury free. What about the mouth ulcers? Have they cleared up?
44:56
Speaker 10: I don't have any any of them.
44:59
Speaker 1: Incredible For months, and perhaps most importantly and to my mind,
45:05
Speaker 1: most insanely.
45:06
Speaker 10: My ability to grow cabbages as really improved. Like this season,
45:11
Speaker 10: my cabbages have been amazing.
45:13
Speaker 1: And as a victory, lap Rory made wine from cabbages.
45:18
Speaker 10: Mean it tastes like really strongly alcoholic fermented cabbage juice.
45:23
Speaker 4: That's fair City.
45:25
Speaker 1: When I just looked up cabbage wine, it seems as
45:28
Speaker 1: though like one makes it with sixty percent cabbages and
45:31
Speaker 1: forty percent grapes.
45:33
Speaker 10: I'm filled cabbage.
45:34
Speaker 1: You're going one hundred percent cabbage.
45:37
Speaker 10: I'm fill cabbage.
45:39
Speaker 1: Dylan sounds like a new man. Tim's doing his PhD.
45:43
Speaker 1: Rory's dating a donkey. Even the Reaver Pub in Carlisle
45:47
Speaker 1: that closed down just this year it reopened. What has changed?
45:53
Speaker 1: Was it merely my trying to get the curse lifted
45:56
Speaker 1: that perhaps weakened. It is lifting a curse like attempting
45:59
Speaker 1: to open a pickle jar when it's just so impossible
46:02
Speaker 1: that you give up and accept that you're never going
46:05
Speaker 1: to eat pickles ever again. But then someone comes along
46:08
Speaker 1: and pops it open. No problem because of all your
46:11
Speaker 1: hard work. Had I loosen the pickle jar? I returned
46:16
Speaker 1: to the Elliott Clan Society web page to reread the
46:19
Speaker 1: curse for clues. Maybe while high stepping around like a jackass,
46:23
Speaker 1: I'd inadvertently, Crane kicked some satanic goblin in the privates,
46:28
Speaker 1: knocking him into a key structural beam of the Curse's
46:31
Speaker 1: complex architecture. But when I get to the Curse's website,
46:35
Speaker 1: I'm shocked by what I find, because what I find
46:39
Speaker 1: is nothing. In big block letters across the screen, it
46:45
Speaker 1: reads error four O four page not found. The curse
46:52
Speaker 1: has been removed.
47:01
Speaker 9: Hello.
47:02
Speaker 1: Hello, is this miss Elliott.
47:05
Speaker 6: This is Marlbur's idiot speaking here.
47:07
Speaker 1: And so I phone Margaret Elliott, chief of the Elliott
47:11
Speaker 1: Clan Society slash web page. Oh hello, this is Jonathan
47:15
Speaker 1: Goldstein calling. I don't know if you remember me, the
47:19
Speaker 1: American podcaster.
47:21
Speaker 8: Yes, yes, I remember.
47:23
Speaker 6: Hi.
47:24
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to bother you. Might you just have a
47:26
Speaker 1: couple of minutes to speak? I just had a I mean.
47:29
Speaker 6: Yes, I've got I'm not terribly keen on talking about
47:33
Speaker 6: this curse anymore.
47:35
Speaker 1: I long for the olden days when Margaret was terribly
47:38
Speaker 1: keen on talking about this curse.
47:43
Speaker 9: Perfect well, I mean I could to get somebody on
47:46
Speaker 9: the phone.
47:48
Speaker 1: My middle name is Stewart.
47:50
Speaker 9: You've inspired me.
47:54
Speaker 1: Now all I have is a dumb old montage. I've
47:58
Speaker 1: made enough calls to people desperate get off the phone
48:00
Speaker 1: with me to know that I only have a few
48:02
Speaker 1: minutes before Margaret hangs up. So I launched right into
48:06
Speaker 1: my question why was the curse taken down from the
48:09
Speaker 1: Elliot Clan website?
48:11
Speaker 6: I asked for it to be taken down.
48:14
Speaker 1: Uh, just had a pure curiosity. Was it taken down
48:17
Speaker 1: because of me?
48:20
Speaker 9: Yes?
48:20
Speaker 6: I think you probably triggered something and maybe think all
48:24
Speaker 6: the more deeply a budget and that I wanted to anyway,
48:27
Speaker 6: So yes, it was you, awfulled.
48:33
Speaker 1: It wasn't my ability to procure a papal blessing, archbishop's
48:37
Speaker 1: recantation or priestly exorcism that in the end got rid
48:40
Speaker 1: of the curse. It was simply my ability to be annoying.
48:45
Speaker 1: I annoyed that curse right out of existence on the internet.
48:49
Speaker 6: It was all due to you.
48:51
Speaker 1: You mean, knew take responsibility, I mean not to not
48:55
Speaker 1: to you know, take all the credit.
48:56
Speaker 9: But yeah, yeah, did take all the credit.
48:59
Speaker 1: Why since the Elliot brother's luck began improving in the fall,
49:07
Speaker 1: I run my donning theory about why by Margaret, I wonder, well,
49:11
Speaker 1: this might seem silly to you, but might it correspond
49:15
Speaker 1: to the fact that the curse was taken off the website.
49:18
Speaker 4: I wouldn't think so.
49:21
Speaker 1: No, but the intersection of the Elliot brothers change in
49:25
Speaker 1: luck and the change in the web page is just
49:28
Speaker 1: too tantalizing for me to let go of. So I
49:32
Speaker 1: can't help but continue to toe dance on Margaret's last
49:35
Speaker 1: remaining nerve. Do you remember the day that it was removed? No?
49:40
Speaker 6: I did, Like I remember, do not put the two together.
49:50
Speaker 1: Dylan Elliott's luck started to change around the end of
49:54
Speaker 1: last year. I think the fall going into winter was
49:58
Speaker 1: that I'm.
49:58
Speaker 6: Not going to be sucked to this. I just absolutely
50:01
Speaker 6: think it's entirely relevant.
50:04
Speaker 1: But was that that wasn't around the generally the.
50:08
Speaker 6: Okay, when I hope this is all done and dusted now, yes,
50:11
Speaker 6: I think so good? Great, all right, have a nice day.
50:15
Speaker 1: Okay, Yes, and tutelou, as they they.
50:21
Speaker 9: Say, exactly, we say that all the time.
50:26
Speaker 1: After speaking with Margaret, I searched the Internet archives and
50:29
Speaker 1: discover in fact that indeed the page of the curse
50:32
Speaker 1: was removed around the time of the Elliot's change in fortune. Okay,
50:42
Speaker 1: now I'm going to ask you to try to find
50:45
Speaker 1: that page about the Elliott curse. Together, Dylan and I
50:51
Speaker 1: turned to the page of the curse on the Elliott
50:54
Speaker 1: Clan website.
51:00
Speaker 4: Gone, let me see.
51:01
Speaker 1: What do you see?
51:03
Speaker 4: I can't find that page.
51:06
Speaker 1: That's right, you can't find it. It's been removed.
51:10
Speaker 4: Why how comes lifted?
51:14
Speaker 1: Lifted? Not from reality technically, but from the.
51:17
Speaker 4: Internet twenty first century.
51:21
Speaker 1: Can we just at this point safely say that the
51:23
Speaker 1: curse has been lifted?
51:26
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, actually definitely can. I think?
51:29
Speaker 1: And when I ask Rory if he buys the whole
51:31
Speaker 1: internet exorsus my idea scientist that he is, he carefully
51:36
Speaker 1: analyzes the empirical evidence.
51:38
Speaker 10: I mean, you know, it's definitely possible.
51:42
Speaker 3: You know, in fact, it's probable.
51:45
Speaker 4: In fact, I think it's definitely the case.
51:52
Speaker 1: Next time I'm in Carlisle, I'd like to buy you
51:55
Speaker 1: a pint at the Reaver.
51:56
Speaker 10: Pub, you know, yeah, I'd like to offer you a
52:00
Speaker 10: glasses champaign.
52:06
Speaker 4: Plans with the girlfriend to go off to brying a
52:08
Speaker 4: camper van.
52:09
Speaker 1: Very shortly, here's Dylan again, a camper van.
52:13
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're going to take it in the road and
52:14
Speaker 4: kindick with traveling. It's just feeling the immense feeling of freedom.
52:18
Speaker 4: It's been kind of incredible.
52:22
Speaker 1: Are the Elliott Boys better off for anything I did?
52:25
Speaker 1: Who knows? And frankly, at this point, they probably don't
52:28
Speaker 1: even care. When things are going well, we don't think
52:32
Speaker 1: too hard about the why of it. It's only when
52:34
Speaker 1: things are bad that we do. That's when we seek
52:37
Speaker 1: out therapists to analyze and exorcist to exercise. When things
52:41
Speaker 1: are going well, we just enjoy them for as long
52:44
Speaker 1: as they last, which usually isn't very long at all.
52:48
Speaker 1: But for now, there's breathing space. When is your girlfriend
52:52
Speaker 1: do over?
52:53
Speaker 13: Oh?
52:54
Speaker 4: Imminently?
52:56
Speaker 5: Oh?
52:56
Speaker 1: Okay, enjoy the rest of your day with your girlfriend.
52:59
Speaker 4: Thanks a million, that's quickly, Okay.
53:01
Speaker 15: Take it easy, Dylan, bye bye.
53:34
Speaker 7: Now that the furnitures returning to its good will home,
53:43
Speaker 7: now that the last month's rent is skiming with the damaged, possible.
53:50
Speaker 6: Take this moment to dissolve.
53:54
Speaker 7: If we met him, if we tried, we felt around
54:00
Speaker 7: for five.
54:03
Speaker 1: From the names at Accid and Leaves. This episode of
54:11
Speaker 1: Heavyweight was produced by supervising producer Stevie Lane and me
54:15
Speaker 1: Jonathan Goldstein, along with Mohemy mcgauker. Our senior producer is
54:19
Speaker 1: Khalila Holt. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Bloomberg, Valentina Powers,
54:24
Speaker 1: Max Green, Domiano Marquetti, and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed
54:28
Speaker 1: the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson,
54:32
Speaker 1: Michael Hurst, Sean Jacoby, Blue Dot Sessions, and he himself,
54:37
Speaker 1: Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our website,
54:40
Speaker 1: Gimletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song is by
54:44
Speaker 1: the Weaker Than's courtesy of Epitaph Records. Follow us on
54:47
Speaker 1: Twitter at Heavyweight. This was the last episode of the season,
54:51
Speaker 1: but we're already looking for stories for next year. So
54:54
Speaker 1: if there's a moment from your past that you need
54:56
Speaker 1: help resolving, please send us an email at Heavyweight at
54:59
Speaker 1: gimlet media dot com. Have a happy and safe holiday season?
55:04
Speaker 12: Uh?
55:05
Speaker 1: Should I ask Aggie if he wants to come up
55:06
Speaker 1: here and wish everyone a happy holiday season?
55:09
Speaker 2: Ai?
55:09
Speaker 1: Do you want to be in the credits? Have a
55:13
Speaker 1: happy and safe holiday season, Ogi
55:16
Speaker 4: And will see you next y