Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / Sharon Stone, Gwyneth Paltrow, Drew Barrymore, and MORE Say What They Learned From Divorce

Transcript

Sharon Stone, Gwyneth Paltrow, Drew Barrymore, and MORE Say What They Learned From Divorce · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Hey, I do part two. It's bachelor nation alum, Courtney
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Robertson and Susan Knowles jumping in to take over the pod.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: There's always something new about divorce and chapter two being
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: talked about on social media. So today we thought we'd
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: listen and react to some of the latest things people
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: are talking about. In the world of Chapter 2, Susan
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: is one of my favorite people. What could go right here?
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, two unfiltered women. Susan, welcome to the main stage.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Show me your boobies.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you, baby. I think we already did that when
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: we came on, right?
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I think they call it baddies. I don't know.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Is that what we are now? I'm good. I'm a goodie.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: You're an oldie but a goodie. I'm an oldie but
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: a goodie.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy to see your face right now. Thank you.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: We're just going to dive in.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Let's do it.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: We're going to swan dive in.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: My reactions are my reactions. It comes from the heart.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: It just comes out, right?
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I saw you in Tahoe.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Let's do this. First, we're going to talk about Sharon Stone.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: This is the advice Sharon Stone recently gave to anyone
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: who's going through a divorce.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: This old thing. But you know what, Sharon Stone, can
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: we just take a minute for the scene that she did?
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Sharon Stone. I've met Sharon Stone in L.A. But remember
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: the scene with the legs?
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: She's so hot, though. I mean, come on, no matter
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: what she does.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: She's like in the Jane Fonda.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: I don't see a lot of fault with her.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Let's hit this clip. Let's blast it. Let's do it.
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: It's going to be fantastic to be single. I've been
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: doing it for a long time. Eat what you want,
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: go to sleep what you want, say what you want,
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: wear what you want, do whatever you want. And you
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: don't have to listen to a lot of, you know, stuff.
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: At the same time, you don't have the joy of partnership.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: I understand that.
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: But you do have the joy of unbelievable friendships and
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: the love of your family.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: And the best is yet to come. I am all
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: about those statements because it's so true.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: So she was a little slow. Like I look at
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: how people communicate right now, especially she was very careful
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: with her words.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, she was. It was well thought.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: I've been living through this right now. Like I had
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: the whole day to myself yesterday. So what came to
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: me was like, I don't have to wait for somebody
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: to watch a show with.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't have to share the remote.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Friendships. She mentioned friendships, right? That's what you need right now.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: And that is the most important thing is having friendships.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it is our spouse and other times it's not.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: You need girlfriends. You need friendships.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Can we get a life update on you real quick?
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I am doing my friendships.
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Got it.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Copy. Roger that.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Okay. So, Sharon, go for it. The only thing is
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: you don't, you know, have sex when you go to
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: bed at night. Well, we have.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: I absolutely do. It's 2026.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Lots of toys.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: You told me something in Tahoe that I couldn't remember.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to drop into your day and text
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: you about it, but... I said you.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Needed to womanize her.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, this is not an ad, but I... I
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: have a crush, so I'm just going to put that
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: right here.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, I like this.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I stopped wearing my ring. Good job. I actually was
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: on the phone with Cindy Kohler's last night, and she's like, Courtney,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think you're ready. I didn't know if he
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: liked me back.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Okay. There's only one way to find out.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: He said, do you need help with stimulation? And I
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: was like, I think he likes me.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: I think so, too.
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: I think he wants to help stimulate you. There's nothing
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: wrong with that. Moving right along. Yes. Go for it.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: I was just going to say, when we were in Tahoe,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: you told me about that. So maybe text me in
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: a group.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: Chat or something. I certainly will send you a link. Okay.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: But I told you in Tahoe, I said, I think
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: you might be a little de-whipped.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Never know. One day at a time, moving right along.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: So Valerie Bertinelli recently opened up with this experience she
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: had after divorce. So let's blast that clip.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: I was never told, you can't go see your son's concert.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: But when I would go, my phone would blow up.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: I would get texts. The night would be miserable because
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: they would make it miserable. I was never told, you
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: can't hang a picture of you and your son and
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: your ex-husband in your house on your family wall because
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: it makes me uncomfortable. No, they just made me miserable
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: until I took.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: That picture down. It's back up. Who are the they?
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I can't talk about the they.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I understand.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: And I think if you don't know who the they is, I.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Think it's better that that way you can look inward
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: and see who's doing this to me.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: Even though you don't have to have a they, but
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: you know this experience has happened.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 5:30
  Speaker 5: I mean, I.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: Was never told you can't love your ex-husband, but I
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: was berated and made miserable until I said, okay, fine,
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: I don't love him.
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: It's abuse.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: It's the new one in her life that can't handle
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: her past life. And that means it's going to be
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: a no-go.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: It's a hard stop, full stop.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: It is. I mean, people have past lives. Am I right?
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: We have children, grandchildren, and hopefully whoever I meet, I'm
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: going to welcome his and he'll welcome mine. Sounds here
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: like they made her life miserable.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm kind of living through that. I already took
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: the pictures out. When I go through a breakup, everything's
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: in a box. I did a police standby this week
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: to get my stuff, my dad's ring, all this stuff.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: But what I just heard there was also somebody choosing
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: her words carefully, and it sounds like abuse to me.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: And they, they, they, they. Who are they?
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: Well, she didn't want to share that, but they're obviously
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: somebody new in their life and her relationship, and they're
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: not handling it very well.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: That or the family.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: Could be. Could be.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Well, I think. you know, to kind of expand on this,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: the beautiful thing about getting older and wiser and smarter,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: and like you have your boundaries, right?
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I have three little kids. Like that's a, you know,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: that's a hard stop on anybody who has a problem
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: with that. Or if I, I have friends that are
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: grandfathered in, and if anybody tries to kind of get
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: in the way of that, it's a no-go.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. I know people that they go and they're
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: starting to date and getting into a relationship and you
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: get to the gentleman's house and the pictures of the
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: wife are still up and they have a problem with this,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: especially when it's in the bedroom and you are in
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: the bedroom. Who wants to lay in bed and have
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: sex with somebody, look staring at their ex-wife? Sometimes it's
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: a deceased person, but even still, you don't want that
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: person looking at you. It's just uncomfortable.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Well, I've dealt with that. My dad's remarried to his
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: college sweetheart. He was married to my mom for 40
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: years and she's gone. And I said, I want anything
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: of hers. And the new wife, I don't want to
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: overshare or step here, has a hard time seeing my
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: mom's stuff. So he's hidden her perfume, those kinds of things.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: As he should, because he moved on to a new chapter. Therefore,
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: you don't forget your wife or your mother in this case.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: But she's not here.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I know, but she doesn't have to be present in
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: his house when she's there. That's like you said, you
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: put things in a box.
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: Yep.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: You'll never forget them, but they're there and you're open
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: for some new, a new chapter, if you will.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that makes sense. That does make sense. I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: don't have, I have a fresh start. I just moved
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: when I was in Tahoe with you guys. I was
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: like securing my lease and trying to have fun. And
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: it might've been a little bit too soon for me,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: but yeah, I have a new house.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: And there's- It's great.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: There's no evidence of anybody. Like I said, I have
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: a crush. So, but that is something to be mindful
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: of because I didn't even think about that.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Also your crush say it becomes something you don't want
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: to throw in his face he's going to have to
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: accept the fact that you have children and you're going
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: to be dealing with your children's father yes he's got.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Three he's got he's moved furniture for me he gave
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: me stuff like he's already we've already intermingled kids he's
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: got three kids two we're in the same phase of
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: life oh that's perfect that helps he spent a million
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: dollars in divorce and guess what the I mean, guess what?
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: His ex-wife's attorney is my attorney.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Wow. Okay, then. With that being said, nothing ever in
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: that situation is going to be easy. People need to
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: be aware when you bring someone new into your life
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: to not try the last chapter. They could be aware
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: of the last chapter, but they don't need to be
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: daily reminded.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I tell them about the X-Files. I call it the X-Files, right?
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: When you go on a first date, right? Like keep
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: it like, don't go and don't swan dive into the X-Files.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Like you want to know that that translates at Lance,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: you know, like if you were on a first date
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: with me, right? now, I would just give me the
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: cliff notes.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Exactly, exactly.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: And let's have fun.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Nobody used to love me, darling. I never meet a stranger.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: I am happy, I am kind, and I'm full of life.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I want some adventure. I want somebody happy. but I
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: could tell my secrets too.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: And I have a past as I'm sure you do.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: So let's start from here. Yeah.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to move forward. Yeah.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Do you want to, do you want to dance? She's
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: got a thing with these boobs today. Well, I am
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: a famous skinny dipper. I like to have fun.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: So do I.
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: What could go right? Absolutely nothing.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, Kelly Cuoco reflected on Drew Barrymore's show about how
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: she thought she would never get married again after her divorce.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Let's hear that one.
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: I've used the words never a lot before I turned 40,
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: and now I've learned, like, oh, gosh, like, I wish,
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: you know, I wish I could go back and tell
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: my old self, like.
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: Sorry, it's crazy. Right here. I have like the craziest story.
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: This is a handful of years ago when I said that.
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: I was going through my divorce and I was actually,
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: it was the premiere of the second season of Flight Attendant.
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: And I woke up that morning. I was so depressed
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: and so sad. I couldn't even breathe. I was just
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: like laying on the floor. I literally thought I was
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: going to die. I really did.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I said, what am I doing?
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: And it was like the worst morning of my life.
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: But knowing the night was coming was supposed to be
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: the best night of my life. It's so crazy. Those
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: things sometimes happen at the same time. I was laying
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: on the floor and I was looking at the floor.
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: My team came over to get me ready and they
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: literally got me ready on the floor. I couldn't get up.
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: I'm like, I can't go. I can't go anywhere. Like
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: I just, I blew up my life.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: My life's over. My life's over.
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: I truly thought that. Never getting married again. I'm never
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: going to have kids. This is it. And I knew
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: when I was laying on that floor in my house,
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: I thought, oh my God, this is what they talk about.
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: This is the lowest point I could get. And I
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: met three weeks later and I had like prayed and
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: I feel like my soul died I feel like my
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: soul died and I also said I think I did
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: a magazine I was like I'm never getting married again
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: and I said it I believe that in the moment
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: met Tom You know what guys, sometimes you just change
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: your mind and that's okay. Like sometimes you change your mind.
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: Like you probably didn't know I was laying on the
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: floor before my premiere ready to die. Like that's true.
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: I don't even know if I've told that story, but
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: like that's like supposed to be the best night ever
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: of my career. And I literally saw my soul leave
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: my body. Yeah, I still get, it still chokes me
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: up because I can remember it so clearly, but it
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: made me a whole new person, but it takes a
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: long time. It takes a long time to figure that
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: out and a lot of forgiveness.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: It took her two weeks to figure it out. I'm sorry.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Can I jump in here? I have a lot to
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: say about this.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Can I just start with never say never? Okay. Yes.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: And that translates for me because I have been saying
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: I will never get married again ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: It was so easy, Susan, to get married.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: It is horrible. It's really hard. Yeah.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: It's the only thing that they grant the degree very
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: easy without taking the course.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've been divorced. I know.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Mine took several, several years. Not that we were feuding
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: during it because neither one of us cared to. have
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: that final piece of paper. We were okay with our divorce,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: but that's rare. She says it is rare when she
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: says she couldn't get up off the floor. She was
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: doing a show. You, this is your job. The lowest
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: of low. That is like some serious mental depression right there.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, it reminds me of, I love, um, performers, right?
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Katy Perry, there was a documentary she did when she
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: was married to Russell Brandt. And in her documentary, she
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: was laying down crying, filed for divorce. This is a
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: good little reference. And they did her makeup while she
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: was lying down. And then they show her coming up
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: through the stage, and she just clicks.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: Snap to it. She went to work.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Which is good when you feel like you are, like
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: what she said, dying. And I do think that that's
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: a little triggering for people to say that because divorce
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: does feel like death.
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: It does.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Grief feels like death.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: You feel like failure sometimes, like you didn't succeed at
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: this big thing called marriage. But it's not just one
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: person's fault. People grow in different ways. I don't know
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: what the situation there was. for them was for their divorce,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: but it doesn't matter.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: She's got a new bag. Baby's got a new bag.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Three weeks later, baby.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Like, come on.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: I've been waiting more than three weeks.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Keep them waiting. There's something to that too.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: You know, it's funny because I think we've all been low.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: I've been on that floor crying. I may be not
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: literally on the floor. It might've been in my bed
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: or my car on the sofa, just drowning my sorrows.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: I was feeling sorry for myself. And I think it
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: is part of the process, but it is not a
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: pretty feeling. You're swollen. You look at yourself in the mirror.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: And that's when I speak to the universe all the time.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm apologizing to the universe
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: because I'm letting myself down. This is something that I
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: want it. Why do I feel so horrible about it?
• 15:37
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Well, and then you throw little kids into it. For me,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: that's my horse in the race, right? I've got a six-year-old,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: a four-year-old, and a two-year-old. And I've had days where
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like, am I making the right choice? Like, could
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: I have stuck this out? Could I? And I start
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: to question myself.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: Yes, of course you do.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: But I took a shower today.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: That's a step in the right direction. Pick yourself up,
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: dust yourself off.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Put your big girl panties on.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: That's it. Hold them up. Let's go. But no, honestly,
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: I'm sure a lot of our listeners have been low,
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: have been on that floor crying. And one person is
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: different from the next is how to pick yourself up
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: and start to move on. It just takes a moment.
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: One moment.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Just get up. Get up and fight this.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I believe in the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: forget the book. Maybe they could put in the show notes.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: But I do like music therapy. Like music is.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: Love it. Love it. I do it as well.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: And if I can't get out of bed, I'm just like, okay,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: let's blast the song. And I like, I'm like Van Morrison, like,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: you know, rock and roll. Like it pulls me off
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: the ground.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Some songs will trigger that memory though. And I just
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: turn it up even louder and get through it because
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I did enjoy the experience of that song with that person.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: And now you know you're healing when you can do that.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I'm healing.
• 17:04
  Speaker 7: Yes, you are.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Full send. Full send. I'm going to come in and
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: get you.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: You're way better than when I saw you.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Well, that's another story that I couldn't share because the
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: law is very scary with divorce. Yeah. And I deal
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: with anxiety, travel anxiety. I haven't thrown up in a week.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Your head and your stomach are connected. I don't like traveling.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: But when we were at dinner that night, nobody knew
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I was suffering in silence. I started getting harassed at dinner.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And like, I don't want to tell everybody my business.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: That's also another boundary, you know? So I was supposed
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: to go on the boat the next day and I
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: was dealing with the law, filing a police report, all
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: these things.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: That's not fun. My daughter is going through a divorce
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: currently and Her husband was somebody we all adored. 12 years,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: they love each other. He was the best. And he
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: started this change maybe about two years ago. Religion had
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: something to do with it.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Got it.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Right now, they're separated. And a five-year-old came home crying
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: because my daughter had something red on. And she said,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: that is the devil color. Everything red in the house,
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: she wanted to destroy. What the hell are you doing
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: to this child?
• 18:29
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Well, that's a whole other layer too. And that's what,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I mean that, and then it's, I call it the
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: trickle down effect, right?
• 18:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: It takes me two days to regulate my kids when
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: they've been with the dad, we're doing a five, five, two, two. And,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: and then, but yeah, like, you know, I think also,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: I think grace is something to be spoken about as well.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Just anybody who's maybe going through it. Yes. There is
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: no manual for this, but I will say that people
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: are judging me from the outside. And I do want
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: to put this here. Somebody walked up to my friend Alana.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I wanted a friend there and said, nobody likes Courtney.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: That's a terrible thing to share. Why would somebody say that?
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: They shared it to my face while I was there.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I'm already at my lowest. I'm already at my lowest.
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: Ouch.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: It hurts. It hurt, but you know what? It should
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: make you stronger. That's okay if you don't care for
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: me because you don't know who I am inside. I'm
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: going through a tough time right now. Yeah. Those people,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: I believe in karma, I'm just saying.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: All right, movingon.com. Divorce coach Leah Marie has some things
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: no one warns you about when you get divorced. Well,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: let's hear it.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: I want to hear this one.
• 20:00
  Speaker 8: Here's some nobody warns you about when it comes to
• 20:03
  Speaker 8: life after divorce. And this is coming from someone who's
• 20:05
  Speaker 8: been divorced three times and have coached hundreds of women
• 20:08
  Speaker 8: through theirs. You're going to sleep better. You're going to
• 20:10
  Speaker 8: laugh more and you're going to trust yourself more. You're
• 20:12
  Speaker 8: going to learn to love being alone. Learn how to
• 20:15
  Speaker 8: actually enjoy your own company and you will become extremely
• 20:18
  Speaker 8: protective of your peace.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Now, I just say I agree with every word she
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: said because it does take time. It takes a minute
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: to get there. But you do enjoy your peace and
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: you protect your peace. You love living alone. I love
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: when I leave the house. I'm a neat freak. I'm
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: a clean freak. I'm sorry. I apologize now. People come over,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: I clean behind them. Don't be.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, same.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: When I come home to my house, it's exactly like
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: I left it. Unless, of course, my ex-husband came in
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: to cut the lawn or something. But do you know
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? People will enjoy that. We're mature adults now.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: You've been through divorce. Everything was us or us picking
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: up after them or the arguments and the laundry. You
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: don't have to worry about any of that.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: And what I heard is her protect your peace because
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I'm doing that.
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: But it's like for me, this house, my new home
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: is a safe space. It's my safe space. And don't
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: get me wrong. There's days where I feel a little
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: lonely sometimes.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. But there's a difference in being alone and being lonely.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Remember that, darling. Remember that.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: You're just alone. That's all. You're not lonely. You have
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: a full life.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Well, the middle of the night is, I think, the
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: hardest because I don't sleep that well sometimes, especially when
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I have the kids because I got to protect them.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: No, darling. It's not protecting them. The kids are on
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: a schedule. They're going to sleep. Mommy needs to rest
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: as well so you can get up and get their
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: breakfast ready before school. It's just a routine. Forgive yourself.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: Forgive yourself. Forgive him. And start this new life with
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: your children over.
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: All right. Well, I mean, she said she was married, what,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: three times?
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Three times she tried. Yikes. Shoot me now. Yeah.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Take me out to pasture. I mean, three times. Good
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: for her. I don't gamble, but that's a lot.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I wonder which one of her favorite was. I wonder
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: which husband her favorite was. I would love to dig
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: a little deeper on that one.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: I know. But everything she said is true, but it
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: does take people time to get there. I mean, I
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: talk to a lot of divorced people or widowed people,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: and they are enjoying their space. They're enjoying their their
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: life and their friendships and their me time. Almost to,
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: you get a little selfish, you know, this is about
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: me now. Back off. Don't invade my privacy. This is
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: my time.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Well, we know you'd like to shop.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: I like to do a lot of things.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, I'm dead.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: Okay. With that being said. Let's move on to Samson
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: Fadal talked about friendships after divorce. This I definitely want
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: to hear because I believe in that.
• 23:18
  Speaker 9: And then I got divorced and I found out really fast.
• 23:21
  Speaker 9: The lot of what I had been calling friendship was
• 23:23
  Speaker 9: actually just shared logistics, shared calendars, couples dinners. events in
• 23:28
  Speaker 9: the city, circumstances. But when those circumstances changed, so did
• 23:32
  Speaker 9: a lot of those so-called friendships. Some of them stayed
• 23:34
  Speaker 9: with him and that part sucked. Some of them just
• 23:37
  Speaker 9: quietly faded because they were uncomfortable that I was single.
• 23:40
  Speaker 9: And I remember standing there thinking like, wow, my life
• 23:42
  Speaker 9: is so full and I feel really alone right now.
• 23:45
  Speaker 9: That was probably one of the loneliest chapters of my life.
• 23:48
  Speaker 9: And I remember it.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: It was awful.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: So I have a quote here that I want to say.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: And I've been dealing with this myself. I dealt with
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: it when I got married. I lost friendships because I
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: was no longer the fun available one. But sometimes life
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: is like an elevator and some people need to get
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: off on different floors, period.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: I misread the sentence. I've not misread it, but I
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: interpreted it. I thought she meant being friends with her ex.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: That is unusual. And I am great friends. Vicki and
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I are better friends now than we were when we
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: were married. but I totally understand that because you're the
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: third man now, you know, and I had friends long
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: before the marriage and they're still with me after the marriage.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: And some of them during the marriage that we created
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: are still friends with both of us. So it's not
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: always the way that she, maybe I'm lucky, but I
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: get what she's saying. All of a sudden, these aren't
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: real friends. You know, they kind of diss you a
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: little bit and they don't want to invite you if
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: he's coming and We can both be in the same
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: place at the same time, depending on the reason or
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: the severity of the divorce, the arguing or whatever. Why
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: can't all adults grow the F up and be in
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: the same room at the same time and be mature?
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: You can be friendly. Do you not feel that way?
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I think people have to pick sides.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: And especially early days of divorce. So Like for me,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: for example, I can speak to what I went through
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: when I was working. I got an order of protection.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: We cannot be in the same place.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: I know. Why? Because it got so bitter?
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's a story for another day.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: There's money right now. We're still going through the throes
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: of divorce.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: But like his friends, we are family. For example, this
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: is a good reference. My dad, my sister, he cheated
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: on me for eight years. He lost my sister, my dad, um,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: all my friends, everybody unfollowed him. That's another layer to it. Right.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: So he was a cheater.
• 26:00
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Um, but so I'm saying like to that clip,
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: like I, I'm not going to be friends with his friends.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: His friends, my friends are my friends. The line has
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: already been drawn.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: In this situation, it's right. It is right. You don't
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: want to be friends with his friends. You want nothing
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: to do with him. However, he is the father of
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: your children. You're going to have to deal with his
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: ass for the rest of your life. And the sooner
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: you make it more civil, the better.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to do that. Every time I try,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: it's like he said, Courtney, I'm going to go out swinging.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Knock yourself out. I hope you don't get sick. Use
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: a raincoat, darling, or die.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: But like, I do think friendships, like what you're saying,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: you're farther along in the process.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: But like, you're right. We're all adults.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: We weren't young either when we divorced. My children were older.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: You know, they were finished school. So I think it's
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: a different dynamic when you get to that level or
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: that point. And I mean, for me, my friends that
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: are also married that love us, they get excited when
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: I talk about meeting somebody.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Bring them, bring them.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Let's do a dinner. Let's do the four of us.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: We'll feel them out for you. They are real about it.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: They encourage me to keep moving on. And in the
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: same breath, when they're all going out, say there's six
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: of them. And of course, I'm invited. I go, no, guys,
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: they go, Susan, are you serious? You're one of us.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: So it doesn't matter if it's seven of us. So
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: it's okay either way. I guess I have really good friends.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm so lucky to be one of them. I
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: feel like, you know, I, what I talked about having
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: a crush and You know, I think the power of
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: women is so powerful, like getting together, having fun, laughing,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: all these things. Like my girlfriends, I have had a
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: lot of friends. I'm in an age range where a
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: lot of my friends have been divorced. I've been to
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: one of my best friends from high school's two of
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: her weddings. They have kids. And, you know, the truth
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: has started to come out. People are like, oh, they
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: met my ex. And they're like, you know. I will
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: say people are trying to set me up. I'm not
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: ready for that yet.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: It's okay.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: But my girlfriends that are married that maybe, I don't
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: want to speak for everybody, that maybe need a little excitement,
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: they love to hear my story.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Yes. They're getting stuck in their own ways. The juicy stuff,
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: do tell, do tell. Yeah. Just as you're saying that,
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: it tells me they're happy for you and it's welcome
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: if you find somebody that you'd you're interested in and
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: you want to see and date, you're going to eventually
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: bring them around your friends, right? Yeah.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: And they will shake them down.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: That's a poor guy. I don't want to be him.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: I'll let you do it. But I think it's all good.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: It is not everyone's friends, except a new man in
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: someone's life. And that is, far beyond me because a
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: friend is supposed to be happy when you're happy they're
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: happy for your happiness right they were there holding your
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: hand while you cried through this whole ordeal and now
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: you've been okay with yourself and now you're ready to
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: start meeting people it's it's a process sweetheart and you're
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: you're getting through it you are and I'm talking to you.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Well I appreciate the I, you know, I, I, I
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: think when you've been deeply betrayed, I don't, I don't,
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: I don't trust a lot of people.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Of course you're not going to for a long time.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: Like I, I just, so the people that are grandfathered in,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: in my life, like Amy Sugarman.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. She's good people.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Good people.
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: Good people.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Um, So I'm having a hard time right now making
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: new friends because also, and this is another layer that
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: you and I could probably both understand. You walk into
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: the room, Susan, you are like lightning in a bottle
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: to me, right?
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: I'm just loud.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: You're energetic. You're magnetic. Thank you. But you also were
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: on The Bachelor. And so there's that layer of people
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: that want to get close to you because of that.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: And that makes it really hard to trust people. For me,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: it always has.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: Well, you keep everybody at a certain distance. You only
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: let a select few into your heart. And that's a
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: really tough thing to do because I am very trusting
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: to a fault. I've been burnt many, many times. But
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: like you're saying now, it's hard for you to trust.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Like when we talked about friendships after divorce, in their case,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: she didn't trust any of those people. They all kind
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: of went their own way or went with him. And
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: it's okay. You don't have to trust everybody sooner or later.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: It's gossip, though. I take my kids to school and
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: everybody's trying to fish for. It's like I am not
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: like a person to be gossiped about. Like this is
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: my life.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: This isn't a joke, people. This is real freaking life.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: And they want the updates. I'm like, listen to my podcast.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: That's it. Good.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: Good for you. And that's how you should handle it.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: You're getting way stronger from the last time I saw you.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of you.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Susan. You're getting there.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's get the next one. I can't wait because
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: I love this girl.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, me too. Can I do it?
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: All right, you guys. One of my favorites, Gwyneth Paltrow.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Gwyneth Paltrow talked about the reason she and her ex
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: chose to consciously uncouple, which is, by the way, Chris Martin,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: lead singer of Coldplay.
• 31:57
  Speaker 7: So I was married to a guy named Chris and
• 32:01
  Speaker 7: we lived in London and we decided we were going
• 32:04
  Speaker 7: to get a divorce. And we, we really sat down
• 32:07
  Speaker 7: and thought like, is there a way that we could
• 32:10
  Speaker 7: do this? Because this is like very me, but when
• 32:13
  Speaker 7: I was getting divorced, I was like, how, how do
• 32:16
  Speaker 7: I do this?
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: So I talked to.
• 32:19
  Speaker 7: All my friends who came from a divorced household and
• 32:22
  Speaker 7: I said, tell me what was the worst thing? Like,
• 32:24
  Speaker 7: what do you feel you have scars from to this day?
• 32:28
  Speaker 7: And they said, you know, it wasn't really so much
• 32:30
  Speaker 7: the divorce because like you're a kid and yes, of course,
• 32:33
  Speaker 7: the idea of it is terrible, but you sort of
• 32:36
  Speaker 7: get used to that quickly. They said the worst part
• 32:38
  Speaker 7: was like my parents, you know, my dad used to
• 32:42
  Speaker 7: drop me off at the end of the driveway. Like
• 32:45
  Speaker 7: it was so tense at my birthday parties. You know,
• 32:48
  Speaker 7: they never ate dinner in the same room until my
• 32:50
  Speaker 7: college graduation. And it caused me so much pain. So
• 32:54
  Speaker 7: I was like, how could we not do that?
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: Like, is there a way?
• 32:59
  Speaker 7: Where you can sort of circumvent all of that awful
• 33:03
  Speaker 7: stuff when no one is in the same room and
• 33:05
  Speaker 7: get to the graduation where you're all having dinner at
• 33:08
  Speaker 7: the same table. So Chris and I had this therapist
• 33:11
  Speaker 7: that was really brilliant and he sort of introduced us
• 33:15
  Speaker 7: to the concept and we just made a commitment to
• 33:22
  Speaker 7: really put the kids first. And so what that meant
• 33:24
  Speaker 7: was to stay... A family, even though we weren't a couple.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: Well, I want the name of that therapist.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Well, I absolutely love this because she had trauma from
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: her childhood. I didn't have that. And a lot of
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: people do. OK, but she wanted to be different. She
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: did exactly what Dickie and I. We are still a family.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: We still do family things with our grandchildren. But it
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: sounded like they were equally different. ready for their divorce
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: and they were equally wanting perfect familyhood with their children
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: and both of them as parents so there should be
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: no reason that they all can't be in the same
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: place at the same time and eventually you bring your
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: significant other I mean I've had boyfriends to dinner on
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: Christmas dinner Dickie still comes with my kids and grandkids
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: always always it's okay some people can do this And
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: I think, Gwyneth, I admire you.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Well, I love her. She is an L.A. girly, and
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: she runs Goop. I mean, I have hair products from her.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, talk about running an empire. I swear. Talk
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: about being the best in your arena, Chris Martin. I mean,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: we cannot forget the CEO at his concert. Remember that story?
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: That got busted.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: Ooh, baby, that was fun. Big news. But shit happens,
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: as we say. Shit happens.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but they are both two very successful people. Like
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: I said, I would love the name of that. Like,
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: that is smart, and it sounds like they... I wonder
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: if they'll get back together ever. He was dating Dakota
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: Johnson for a while, who I also love.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: I do, too. She's beautiful.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: She's beautiful. I think they just broke up.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: Whether they get back together or not, though, what they're
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: doing for their children... That's the important part. Like she said,
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: she used to dread that dad dropped her off at
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: the end of the driveway because they were so argumentative.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: The parents like that is terrible. I think it's selfish
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: when you have children. You got to swallow it, man,
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: and just be civil to each other until you can
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: build a real life friendship because you did spend X
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: amount of time together. You did have these children together.
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm worried about. That's what I fear the
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: most because I feel like I've been trying to, and
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: I don't want to put my stuff here for other people,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: but like when I get sad or if I have
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: a hard day, I think about Christmas, like putting the
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: Christmas tree up and.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: I know there's going to be all those memories and
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: each year it'll get a little bit easier.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: But like my daughter, for example, Paloma is four. And like,
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: I think about like the father daughter dance, you know,
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: like I want him to be able to send me
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: a picture. Like, you know, yeah, so you cheated, but
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: like you have a daughter, it's like female empowerment. And,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: you know, he's, I hope in time.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: He will, you know, the most important thing, and this
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: is going to be hard to hear. You have to
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: forgive him. You have to, you can't move on until
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: you do. Hardest thing, hardest thing. I'll give you that.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: You do need to forgive him for his mistakes because
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: They weren't your problem.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: Well, he could. You know what? If he said sorry
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: to me one time, this has been going on for
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: eight years. If he said sorry and owned it, I mean,
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: sorry goes a long way with me. And if he
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: can't swallow his pride or push down his ego.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: You're not going to have a happy place for you
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: and your children and him. It'll never be. Somebody's got
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: to be the bigger person. I forgive you. You don't
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: even have to tell them. Just for yourself. You have
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: to forgive and move on.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: But I don't even look at him. I told him
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: when he admitted everything. I said, I don't even view
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: you as a friend. A friend wouldn't treat me like this.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: You're right. And once you get all that out and said,
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: repeating it isn't going to change anything. Release yourself from
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: this nightmare.
• 37:31
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: I forgive you.
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: You'll never forget. You still have feelings.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: I know where the bodies are buried.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: Get to that point. Did you ever see people like
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: in courtrooms when they killed one of their siblings or
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: their children and the parent has to forgive them?
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: And you're thinking, you're effing crazy. How could you forgive?
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: They were drunk and driving or whatever.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: That always pains me when the mom gets up there
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: and says, I forgive you to their face. And I
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: always think that I can't do, I couldn't do that.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: Because you have so much hatred and anger. You were hurt.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: I get it. But try. Okay. Forgive him and move on.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: Things might get better.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: All right, movingon.com.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, Drew Barrymore. Okay. She opened up on her talk
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: show to an audience member who's going through divorce and
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: had this to say. Go, Drew.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: I love her.
• 38:43
  Speaker 6: Divorce took me years to get over. I know that's
• 38:46
  Speaker 6: probably the worst thing I could tell you.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: How long were you married?
• 38:50
  Speaker 7: 21 years.
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: Do you have kids?
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: Three.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: How old are your kids?
• 38:58
  Speaker 8: My oldest is 27 for my first marriage, 20 and 18.
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: That's, I think, hopefully, is it a little easier knowing
• 39:09
  Speaker 6: they're okay in the world?
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes.
• 39:11
  Speaker 8: I dropped my baby boy off at college and said,
• 39:13
  Speaker 8: peace out.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm ready.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: Yep. Yep.
• 39:20
  Speaker 6: Well, maybe this is your time.
• 39:23
  Speaker 5: Maybe.
• 39:24
  Speaker 6: You put yourself on the back burner for everyone else.
• 39:30
  Speaker 6: And the great Barry Michaels, who is my therapist, and
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: I don't even think that title is appropriate because he's
• 39:36
  Speaker 6: just so much more than that. He taught me last night,
• 39:40
  Speaker 6: and I wrote it down on a card, to please
• 39:42
  Speaker 6: turn my self-loathing into self-love.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: So I don't know if that helps, but.
• 39:49
  Speaker 6: We beat ourselves up so much. It's like, not only
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: do we put everybody first, but then everything.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: That went wrong is our fault. Why can't we get
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: over it quicker?
• 39:59
  Speaker 6: It's like you stay in this stuck state.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: You get stuck in the weeds too.
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: It's so hard to rise above and out of it
• 40:08
  Speaker 6: and get closer to the sun.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: You know, you stay wallowing in the darkness. So give
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: yourself time.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: That's the thing she said. was you got to love yourself.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: It does take time, but it's time now to forgive yourself.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Just like I said, you forgive them, you forgive yourself.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: I'm sure we've all had a part in our divorce.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: I wasn't perfect. Of course, I'd say it was all
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: his fault, you know, but nothing's my fault. But when
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: you get down to it, I had a lot to
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: do with it too. We both grew different ways. Our
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: advice was real. It's time to love yourself again. You've
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: got to be okay with what happens. Forgive yourself and
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: him and move on. What do you think? You're feeling it.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: You're living it. This has got to be tough for
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: you right now. Yeah.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: No, I love Drew Barrymore. I think she's a, you know,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: she also talked about therapy, which I have a life
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: coach who's now my best friend. And I, people keep
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: asking me, I know what people are going to ask me. Like,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: are you okay?
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: I've been better. And that's honest.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Susan for president. It's okay to not be okay.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: It certainly is.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: What I heard in that, what I took from that
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: was he wanted to stay with me. He wanted to reconcile.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: And there was a moment of, should I stick this
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: out for the kids? We all think that. And there's
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: been days where I'm like, if it was one affair, maybe.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Maybe I.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: I'm making a mistake, you know? But I also heard
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: as women, we can be so hard on ourselves. And
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I mentioned grace earlier and I can kick my own
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: ass every which way till Tuesday. I promise you that.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: But you also gotta love yourself. Well, I do.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: I do. And I have, I'm getting my confidence back.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: I think when you're in a relationship, when you're in
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: a relationship, I was with him for eight years. There's,
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: you can lose yourself, right?
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, we do. We do. We can become invisible. Yeah.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: I'm a mom. I have three little kids like, you know,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: but it's easy to, you know, just focus on that.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: It's something you just said that you feel like, should
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: I have staged that I have tried harder because of
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: the children, your children are young. They will adapt as
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: long as you keep it civil and, Me, I waited.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: I was unhappy years before I asked for it. I
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: waited until my kids got out of high school. And
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: I'll never forget, I was making chicken cutlets and my
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: twin boys came up to me and said, Mom, why
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: did you wait so long? We knew you weren't happy.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: I said, I did for you. To keep this family,
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: a family, they go, Mom, you didn't need to do that.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't think they knew. We didn't argue. We weren't fighters.
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: We just lived separately in the same house.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: I just got goosebumps.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: It was uncanny that they said to me, you should have,
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: and I keep thinking, if I left at 40, I
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: could have had another life. I could have met somebody,
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: you know. You always say, I could have, I should have,
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: I would have. We did what we did. You did
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: what you did. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. what happened and
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: your children are going to be fine. They have love.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: You love them unconditionally. And I'm certain their father loves
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: them as well.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: Susan for president.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: That's where it took 69 years to get all this wisdom.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: Well, how lucky am I that I get to, and
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: we get to help people because that's my sole purpose
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: in life is to use my voice and find myself again.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: I've lost and found myself many times in this lifetime
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: and I'm only.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: 43 and And you'll do it again, I'm sure. It's
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: not over.
• 44:06
  Speaker 5: And you know what?
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: I love the fact that I'm able to have women
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: out there hear me that life still goes on after 60,
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: after divorce, after a death. You are still alive. And
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: you know what? This is my last chapter, and I'm
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: praying it's a long chapter. I rarely, I say yes
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: now to things that scare me a little, to things
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: that live. People live. Get up off the sofa. Don't
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: think it's over. Nobody needs you anymore. Your children are grown.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: Your grandchildren, they only need you to babysit. You need
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: your own life. Get out there and take an activity
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: or whatever, whether you meet a girlfriend or a man,
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: doesn't matter. Take that trip that you always thought about taking.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: You've got to finish your life in a happy note
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: the way you want it to go. Yeah.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: Boom, shaka, laka. And you know what? The fun part
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: about this, you have many chapters left. I'm just going
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: to interject there.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: I'm 69, babe. It's the last chapter. Hopefully, it's really long.
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: No, but you can't put that into the universe. You
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: have many chapters left, but... The beauty of your chapter
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: is you don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: Ah, this is so true.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: Fly your freak flag. I was in my 20s trying
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: not to get pregnant all those years. Now I'm 30.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: Now I'm 40. I'm probably perimenopausal. But, you know, you
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: don't have, it does.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: I don't have to worry about any of those things.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: Just who's going to treat me good. That's all.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: Well, I got this cat here.
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: There you go. There's a love for an animal. And
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: that's it. And for some people, go out and get
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: a pet. If you need somebody to depend on you
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: and your little best friend when you walk in the house,
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: go get a pet. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: up and live this last chapter.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: Well, and Heather's here. She's got her dog there.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: Now he's so cute. I just saw it.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: But, you know, I really, I hope, you know, that
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: you guys enjoyed this episode and Hey, look, if you're
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: trying to put your life back together after divorce, we
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: can help. Send us an email or leave us a voicemail.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: All the info is in the show notes. So follow
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: us on socials. I do part two and I heart
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: podcasts where falling in love is the main objective.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: And especially even if you're falling in love with yourself again.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that.
• 46:31
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: I like that. I like that better. I don't know
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: if falling in love is the main objective for me
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: It's falling in love with you.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: But never say never.
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: Yep.