Latest / Inside The Moms Club / Life After Death: Lacey Schmelzle of "Every Widow Thing"

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Life After Death: Lacey Schmelzle of "Every Widow Thing" · Inside The Moms Club

• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Hi, Welcome to Inside the Mom's Club, where being a
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: mom is the coolest place to be. Here in the
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Mom's Club, we believe that what embarrasses you now will
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  Speaker 1: make a great story later. And let's face it, you
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: don't laugh sometimes you're gonna cry. Join us in having
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  Speaker 1: a good laugh together. I'm Monica Samuels. You are now
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: inside the Mom's Club, your private destination for all things mom. Welcome, moms,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Inside the Mom's Club. I'm your host, Manica Samuels,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: and I'm here with my co host, Julie Orchid.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so excited about today because I happen to personally
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  Speaker 2: know believe that we are going to be interviewing today.
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  Speaker 2: So that's exciting to me.
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  Speaker 1: It is very exciting, and it's and it's very consistent
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  Speaker 1: with the whole reason that we started this show. So
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  Speaker 1: we began this show as a group of five moms
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: who were friends. We met through our children. Our kids,
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  Speaker 1: Yeah were children really school, that's right, and they were
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  Speaker 1: all graduating in twenty twenty during the pandemic.
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  Speaker 2: Little did I know how much I was gonna need you?
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  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, we definitely needed each other. And actually we
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  Speaker 1: were friends before but in the day that they announced
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  Speaker 1: that school was canceled because of this pandemic, we decided
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  Speaker 1: to have a margarita party at my school, not realizing
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  Speaker 1: that that's not really in.
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  Speaker 2: All fairness, we didn't really know. So when in doubt,
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  Speaker 2: I say, have a margarita.
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  Speaker 1: So yeah we did.
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  Speaker 3: We did.
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  Speaker 1: That started there, but then we formed a group text
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  Speaker 1: and we supported each other, and it was you know,
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  Speaker 1: and their kids had no prom Their graduation was a
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  Speaker 1: parade of cars decorated.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a sad state of affairs.
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  Speaker 1: It was very sad because my son, we didn't decorate
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  Speaker 1: the car and he was late, next to the last person,
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  Speaker 1: and by then all the teachers were kind of like, yeah, bye, Chase,
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  Speaker 1: you know, good luck. Yeah, it was just sad. It
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  Speaker 1: was sad for the kids.
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  Speaker 2: It was. But you know, we went through a lot
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  Speaker 2: of things in the past.
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  Speaker 1: Four years, you know, and we've been through a lot together,
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  Speaker 1: each one of us. So in the last year, one
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  Speaker 1: of us has lost both her in laws and that
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  Speaker 1: was a struggle for her. You've gone through your divorce,
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  Speaker 1: You've just lost your aunt recently. True stories. I'm sad
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  Speaker 1: I did something to my hips. No one knows the
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  Speaker 1: age thing. I guess. I couldn't walk.
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  Speaker 3: I mean it was bad.
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  Speaker 1: And Julie I invited her to come visit me in Florida,
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  Speaker 1: and she realized, Yeah, we've ever seen like the Tim
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  Speaker 1: Conway character on the Carol Bernat su where he shuffled up.
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  Speaker 1: That's the only way I could walk. I couldn't walk
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  Speaker 1: a stay. I couldn't do anything.
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  Speaker 2: But Julie, if you know me, I'm willing to drive
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  Speaker 2: you to the airport and be your nurse. Like that's
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  Speaker 2: my two strengths exactly, you know.
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  Speaker 1: And then we had another friend who was in and
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  Speaker 1: out of the hospital and has sat I mean she's.
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  Speaker 2: It's very serious, like yeah near a couple of times
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  Speaker 2: we were not sure that she was going to make it,
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  Speaker 2: but she has and she has rallied.
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  Speaker 1: But and then we have our friend Jennifer, who nothing
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  Speaker 1: bad ever happens to and she has a great life.
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  Speaker 1: But she did tell us not to sugarcoat it. She's
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  Speaker 1: been very busy, busy life. Yeah, so that's stressful.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah that's true anyway. But you know, we actually found
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  Speaker 2: a day to all be together. There's five of us.
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  Speaker 2: We went to the SPA May first, turned out to
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  Speaker 2: be a day where we all hit it and we
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  Speaker 2: were in one place at one.
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  Speaker 1: Time exactly and thanks to Leslie, our cruise director, because
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  Speaker 1: Leslie said, I have a gift card to Lake Austin Spot,
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  Speaker 1: which is really amazing, really nice spot and if you
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  Speaker 1: want to come, you know, well.
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  Speaker 2: That's not really how it went down. It's like this, Hi, guys,
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to like to know if you'd like to
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  Speaker 2: go to the spa. She gives you about twenty seconds
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  Speaker 2: to answer, so you got to move it. So she's
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  Speaker 2: like May first as a date. If you can make
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  Speaker 2: it great, if you can't, sayonara. Like that's how that went.
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  Speaker 1: And I was lucky because I already had a gift
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  Speaker 1: car for a half day spa that i'd gotten for
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  Speaker 1: Mother's Day in twenty seventeen and it was good for
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  Speaker 1: one hundred years.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, Monica, one hundred years, one hundred years.
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  Speaker 1: So I took advantage and I told my husband, don't worry.
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  Speaker 1: I know that place is expensive, but I've got that
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  Speaker 1: gift card you gave me, so I'm gonna use that.
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  Speaker 2: Well, Monica, I know you and I don't know how
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  Speaker 2: you manage to go on a gift card and still
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  Speaker 2: spend five hundred dollars.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, well let me explain and listen up, ladies out there. Okay, So,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: if you haven't had a facial before, it a spa.
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  Speaker 1: Here's how it works. So they put you on the
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: table and you're an esthetician puts all sorts of thing
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: masks and creams and everything and tells.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: You, Well, they tell you how terrible your skin is.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Well, there's that, but then they tell you in a
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  Speaker 1: week you're gonna look amazing. Now you may look like
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  Speaker 1: red and puffy and look awful for today, in a week,
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  Speaker 1: you're gonna look terrific. And then before you get off
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  Speaker 1: the table, she's standing over you with a sheet and
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  Speaker 1: a pen and she's checking off every item that.
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  Speaker 2: She is actually grating your skincare.
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  Speaker 1: Well there's that too, Yeah, there's And then when you
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  Speaker 1: when you're as you're leaving, she's going to take you
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  Speaker 1: to your next appointment. She takes you with this form
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  Speaker 1: through the store and she shows you everything she used
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  Speaker 1: on your skin that's going to make you look amazing.
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  Speaker 1: And I thought, okay, I'm going to be smart about this.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not going to buy every single thing on that sheet,
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  Speaker 1: which I've done before. Instead, I picked three things and
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  Speaker 1: when I checked out, it was five hundred and seventy
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  Speaker 1: one dollars.
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  Speaker 2: I would say, what is that? Two and a half
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  Speaker 2: things out of the Yeah, out of the list that
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  Speaker 2: she checked.
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  Speaker 1: So now I have to explain to my husband how
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  Speaker 1: that freed spa day turned into five hundred and seventy
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  Speaker 1: one dollars.
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  Speaker 2: We did that, but we also went into the locker
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  Speaker 2: room and we you know, if you've been to any spas,
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  Speaker 2: you can you know, go into the hot tub and
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  Speaker 2: you know it's a spa. So we had already had
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  Speaker 2: a couple of Bloody Mary's and basically it turned into like.
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  Speaker 1: It was a mom's play date.
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  Speaker 2: It was a little bit of a wild think of
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  Speaker 2: your wildest play dates, and so a lot of people
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  Speaker 2: we weren't really it were a behavior, but we were loud,
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  Speaker 2: and someone in the group forgot their bathing suit. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: so anyway, listen, I'm a skins up kind of girl,
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  Speaker 2: but in honor of Monica and respecting her, I did
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  Speaker 2: not do that. I didn't. I wore my bra and underwear.
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  Speaker 1: Well, and at first we thought it was a bathing
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  Speaker 1: suit because I don't know where you where you've been shopping.
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  Speaker 1: But yeah, it was quite something, well you know it
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  Speaker 1: was quite yes, it was, but we were something. We
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  Speaker 1: were loud, and we got some looks for those ladies
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  Speaker 1: that came there thinking we're going to be all zen
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  Speaker 1: and you know, part of the spas and you're relaxing.
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  Speaker 1: We were there and that was not fun. I don't
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  Speaker 1: think they played served alcohol.
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  Speaker 2: So it got a little rowdy. But but this point is,
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  Speaker 2: I think, is that we have a group of friends
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  Speaker 2: and you know, you support each other, and I think
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  Speaker 2: friends are good for all of humanity, but for women,
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  Speaker 2: we really love to connect, we really live, love to
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  Speaker 2: bond and have those really good connections. And today we
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  Speaker 2: do have a guest who has a bond with a
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  Speaker 2: special group of ladies that I have found their podcast
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  Speaker 2: to be super touching. It's raw, it's honest. I think
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  Speaker 2: it's all advice a lot of people need to know.
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  Speaker 2: And they have a tagline and it always draws me
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  Speaker 2: in every time because one of the taglines that they
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: have today or on their podcast is you found us.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so glad you did, but I'm sorry that you
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  Speaker 2: had to. And so with that.
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  Speaker 1: And we are very fortunate. Yes, we have one of
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  Speaker 1: the ladies here with us today. She is a Mississippi
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  Speaker 1: native with a Hollywood past who has found resilience living
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  Speaker 1: in Austin, Texas after the passing of her husband, Oliver.
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  Speaker 1: She lives by the motto our journey of new beginnings
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  Speaker 1: will always honor and rejoice the past. Her voice and
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  Speaker 1: advice can be heard on their podcast, Every Widow Thing,
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  Speaker 1: where she shares her journey of grief with her three
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  Speaker 1: co hosts. Please welcome Lacey Schmelsla, Please welcome to the
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  Speaker 1: Mom's Welcome Lacey. Hi, Well, we are so honored to
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  Speaker 1: have you here today, and we just I've listened to
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  Speaker 1: many episodes of your podcast, and I recommend that to everybody.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's helpful to those of us who I
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: mean for one, that you never know in your life
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: when something's going to happen that's tragic and it's difficult,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: and if it doesn't happen to you, like our friend Jennifer,
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  Speaker 1: that never then you have to know how to respond
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  Speaker 1: to people you know where you have suffered as a
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  Speaker 1: tragedy like that. So let's start with your story, because
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  Speaker 1: there's four of you, and you As I mentioned, you
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  Speaker 1: started out in Hollywood. You work with Billy Crystal and
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  Speaker 1: Norman Lear. So you had an interesting career here in
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  Speaker 1: Los Angeles and you end it up through a series
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  Speaker 1: of events, I'm sure, in an elevator in Austin, Texas
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  Speaker 1: with a handsome German fellow named Oliver, And can you
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  Speaker 1: continue the story from there and tell us about your journey.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I moved to Austin, Texas. Richard Linkletter, who actually
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: worked for did a movie for Castle Rock Entertainment where
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: I was working, and he told me about Austin, Texas,
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: and so I thought that sounded like a cool place
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  Speaker 3: to live. And I've been in LA for about ten
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: years and I wanted to change. So fast forward, I
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: worked for a tech company. I was single, so I
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  Speaker 3: needed a paycheck. So I took a job at a
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: tech company. And I didn't know anything about technology. So
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: my late husband, Oliver, was a tech guy, and he
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: always said, I have no idea how you got in here,
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  Speaker 3: but I'm so glad you did. I got on the
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: elevator one day and all I did literally he had
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: me at hello because he just said hello, and I thought,
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: who is this good looking guy? He was wearing a
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: black trench coat and he had on his square toe
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: black shoes. He clearly did not look Texan, so I
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: was immediately attracted to him. But fast forward that night,
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: he came up to me after I had given a
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: presentation to the Western Region and he said his name again,
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  Speaker 3: and that was it, and we started dating and eight
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: months later we got married.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, So that was that was quick romance too.
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  Speaker 3: It was especially for someone who's always been so cautious
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  Speaker 3: in romance and my personal life and been so private
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  Speaker 3: in my personal life. This just kind of broke me
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  Speaker 3: wide open.
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  Speaker 1: But when you know, you know it's true, absolutely, And
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  Speaker 1: then you so you had a son together.
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  Speaker 3: Writer, Yes, he's nineteen now, wow, And here's my tech support.
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  Speaker 3: So I don't know if you saw earlier there was
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: a little issue and he came in here and he
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: fixed it right up.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's what sons are for. And that's right,
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  Speaker 1: my son all the time of that.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Well, Lacy, I am an avid listener of your podcast
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  Speaker 2: Every Widow Thing, which is a very clever name. Who
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: came up with the name.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: We all did. We had a long list and we
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: all voted and because that's kind of how we are.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: We're all equal partners in our LLC as well as
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: our nonprofit, and we all decided on the name and
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: it was it was pretty easy. Actually. Yeah.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: So a tagline that you also have, which I think
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: is super important, and it's on the cover of your podcast.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: It often says, and I think it is it packs
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: a punch with very you know, short phrase and it
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: says less deep, less dark, and less often. And I
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: could think that can apply for anything in life. But
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: it really speaks to the stories that you guys tell.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: And I love how each one of you are brave
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: enough to tell your story because you each each one
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: of you have done it, and so it pulls people
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: into your story. But I personally have a couple It
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: was only in the essence of time I was only
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: allowed to choose to But there is one episode that
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, it cracked me up, and I think everybody
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: should listen to it. I'm going to bring it to
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: light because I think people need to know about it
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: because a lot of people don't know what to say
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: or what to do when something like this happens to
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: one of your friends. It is episode sixteen for our listeners,
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: and it's called people are gross and it cracked me up.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but you guys are funny on this one.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: And so I feel like I need to point a
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: couple things out that on this one you actually what
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: not to do kind of when someone you know passes away.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Don't write rip like because that was like, which means
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: rest in peace.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: So I believe it was Whitney who was like, you know,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: you know, it seems you know, flippant that you would
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: write that, So put more effort into it. If you're
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: going to say something, please do you not post someone
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  Speaker 2: else's business on any type of social media. Correct.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, I wasn't on social media, so that happened to
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: someone else, that's correct. Someone sent me a letter that
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: said chin up, and that's all they said. Oh oh
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry that your husband died, but chin up. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: that's it.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: I would probably say this, sure, yeah, or something. But
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Monica and I have had this conversation about lookie louse.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Would you like to tell us about what that is?
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  Speaker 3: Well, it's weird because there was somebody that came to
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: the funeral and we try to be gracious and be graceful.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: This is a lot of this is because you have
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: to laugh at dark things. I don't know about your audience,
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: but I'm guessing there this way, I have to laugh
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: at the hard things. And sometimes grief is funny in
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: some weird way. But like I go to the funeral
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  Speaker 3: and of course, you know, you're still a little out
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: of it. You're it was sudden death. All four of
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  Speaker 3: us had sudden deaths, so there was no planning. My
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  Speaker 3: husband was thirty eight at the time, and we're I'm
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: coming out of the church, and of course at Terrytown
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  Speaker 3: United Methodist Church there's the pumpkin patch because it's October
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: and they sell their little pumpkins, and so that kind
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  Speaker 3: of in my mind, I'm like, this is kind of
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: weird and funny all at the same time. And you know,
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: you're in a daze. And my six year old was
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: holding my hand and we came outside and there were
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: people there that I had no idea who they even were,
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: and it was like, this is so odd at the
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: most intimate thing in your life, and they are these
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: strange They're people are strangers, and so I felt maybe
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: there are people that Oliver knew that I didn't know.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: And then I come to find out they weren't. They
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: didn't know either one of us, so it's kind of
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: a look you yeah, oh yeah. So I started calling
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: because you know how when you're driving down the road
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: and you see a car and everybody's like looking to
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: see what happened in the car, it's the same thing.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: We're Terrytown, that little road. I guess it's exposition that
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: runs right exactly exact. People were stopping and pulled to
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: the side of the road and just were staring at
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: this funeral going on in a pumpkin patch.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh that's yes, that's that's inappropriate. Well when I
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: when I listened to that episode, I thought, well, should
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: I go to funerals if I didn't know the deceased,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: because I know he might. In the South, we go
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: out of respect for the family, you know, So I
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: would hate to think that someone in the family sees
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: me and things, well, wow, Monica or whoever you are,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: you know, why are you here? So you know the family?
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: You know somebody? Right, These people didn't know us at all.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: They're pulling over on the side of the road, so
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: they clearly didn't know us. They didn't know what was
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: going on. But it was just kind of comical. Here's
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: a casket going through the pumpkin patch. I'm sure they
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: thought this has got to be a joke somehow. And
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: you know, in retrospect twelve and a half years later,
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: mind you, this has been twelve and a half years
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: for me. I now can go, Oh, my god, my husband,
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: the German, who was very you know, German, with a
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: kick out of the fact that his casket's going through
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: the middle of a pumpkin patch.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Now, your husband, your husband was thirty eight and he
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: passed away from Group A a strap toxic shock. Yes,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: and I have a so and it was misdiagnosed. There
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: was a misdiagnosis there. One of my best friends from
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: high school, her husband died at thirty of a brain
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: tumor that they thought. They diagnosed him as having a
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: sinus infection, and they kept treating this sinus infection. He
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: goes off on a business trip. He tells my friend,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: this can't be something's really wrong. I have a terrible headache.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Nothing's working. And then he died. It was inoperable brain tumor.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: So even if he had known there we often said, well,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: was it better that he knew or didn't know? That
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: this happened, but they left a nine month old baby.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I'm her single friend and who'd gone to high school
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: with her. And to this day now that I think back,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: was I really as supportive and sympathetic as I could
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: and should have been in that situation because I think
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: everyone's sort of in shock, you know, they don't know
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: what to say. So what do you suggest to people?
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: You know, what's the most supportive to an a young
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: widow with the friends that really can't relate? Like rip
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: is not a good you know, has not helpful.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Well, it just made me because she was like, Whitney
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: was like, I want to rip your head off, Like yeah.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: Like Witney was pretty upset, and as Whitney is, Whitney
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: is such a grace filled, positive person. Just what we
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: love about her. She said. That passed quickly because part
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: of you know, one of the difficult things that you
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: go through in that kind of situation is anger. People
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: don't talk about it enough people. You know, grief needs
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: to be normalized, right, Greef is not only sadness and tears,
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: It is anger. It is at the unfairness of it all.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: And you know, for me, it was mostly that you know,
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: and for the girls too. It's our children. We're worried,
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: like our children were all littles, and we're thinking they
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: don't have their father. How unfair is that? And so
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: that's what we have to live with and we try
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: to be race Field because believe me, I don't have
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: all the answers either. I know somebody that died recently
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: and even I struggled with what to say, and I thought,
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: how weird I've been through this and I still struggle
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: with what to say because everybody's different. Everybody's journey's going
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: to be different. People are going to act out in
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: different ways, and I think the main thing is to
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: be just say I can sit with you in your grief,
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: whatever that looks like, and maybe offer some suggestions as
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: to what you could do. Like I called this particular
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: person and said, hey, I'm going to the grocery store.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: I've got a couple hour window here. Send me an
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: email of all the things you need. I will do
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: it and I'll put it in a cooler out front.
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: How about that? And she was like, oh my gosh,
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: that's amazing. And it was as simple as that. And
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: if somebody came in and got my kid one time,
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: and it only happened once, But boy, what a relief
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: that way I could take time for myself to grieve
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: where he's not having to see it all the time,
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: because you know, when they're little, they don't need to
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: be in deep grief with you. And here was six,
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: is he not? Yes? He was six. All of us
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: had all ranged children. The youngest was four, which was
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: Kira's youngest that was in the automobile accident with her
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: and Frank. And then the oldest I believe was maybe fourteen,
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: so not very old.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, these are all kids that you know, uh,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: And the great part of your podcast is you guys
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: were smart enough to interview your children and you get
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: a completely different perspective of an event that happened to them,
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: and that they actually get to say their part, and
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: you learn so much of what they're thinking.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: And also and in this instance, some of the children
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: were in the accident in a couple of situations. Yeah,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: so that's yeah.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that you know. So that's also you know, you
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: not only are you grieving, but you're a mother trying
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: to care for a child as well.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: And mean, while Kira was in the accident too, so
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: she had to recover severely hurt well and so. And
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: then of course Holly's son Zach was in the automobile accident,
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: and that you know, Zach went through a lot too,
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: and he's so brave and I'm just so proud of
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: all of our kids.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah. When Actually when I heard that story,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I was a baseball mom, so I had traveled up
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: and down that road so many times, so I knew,
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: you know, you can certainly, Yeah, it really strikes you
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: a lot.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: I have to tell some funny stories about Lacey. So Lacey,
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: uh oh, here we go. So Lazy is a very
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: funny person. And I met her through a mutual friend
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: and I was basically stalking her to be my friend
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: and I still am to this day. But that's what
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: she does with all her I know I do it
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: with all my friends, right are Yeah. So the thing
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: about this is that Lacey, I have never left harder.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: When someone comes to your house you have had this
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: tragic event. You're just trying to grieve for God's sakes.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: We all grieve in different ways for whatever happens in
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: your life. Lord knows, I've had some bathroom moments that
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I would let no one see me. Lacey tells the
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: story about how you're laying on the couch and you
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: just want to be there for the day, and she
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: tells the story that somebody comes to the front door.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I happen to have a front door where you cannot
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: go anywhere. If you are on the couch, you are seen.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: I mean I have been caught by DEDI in this
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: situation laying on my couch. Lazy rolls off the couch
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: and I can envision her crawling away from the door.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Just try to try to like continue her grief of
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: the day. And the way that she tells it on
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: the podcast is hilarious. And I have to say that
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: there are many funny stories that you guys tell about
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: you know, how you need to process the day, what
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: you need to do. And this is why you mentioned
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: bring it in a cooler drop off. Make it simple,
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: don't make it hard for people to think about what
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: they need because you don't. I can only assume you
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: do not know what you need.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: You really don't at that time. I mean, you know,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: four of us are very different people. I'm a much
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: more private person. I live in a part of town
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: where we don't all connect with our neighbors, it's a
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: little more. It's not that it's not friendly, it's just
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: people don't get in each other's business like you do
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: in some certain parts of time, and I kind of
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: like it that way. I've always been kind of a
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: private person, and so this once again, and the podcast
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: obviously times one hundred, blows that all wide open. But
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: what we all say is whether you're here is private.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: And Holly at Whitney is more out there because she's
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: an actress as where as a comedian, and she's been
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: a radio show host, and so she was probably the
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: most comfortable. But it's never easy to share your private
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: stuff for the world to consume. But I'm a personal believer.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: The whole purpose in this podcast was so that we
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: could create community for these young widows as well as
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: give them hope that they're not going to only survive,
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: they're going to thrive one day. But there will be
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: some things we could offer as support. Meaning these are
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: the things we did that worked, these are the things
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: that we didn't. We're not therapists, we're not experts, but
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: if we can make you feel like you've got friends
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: that have been where you're going, then that's all I needed.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: That's what I really wanted and I didn't get But
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: it's no one's fault that I didn't get it. It
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: didn't exist.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: How did you meet each other? Because did you who
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: was the first one that reached out? Just like, did
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: you any of it? You already know each other? Or
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: did you just hear? You know, Kiera has been an accident.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I mean I heard about this mom who's in this situation.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: How did that come together? And who came up with
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: the idea of having a podcast around it?
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Well, Kia Virginia Greenway, who's a friend of mine. I
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: think you guys know her. I know Julie does. That's
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: how I met Julie. Yeah, she sent me an email
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: or called me or something and said, can you go
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: and sit with one of Kira's children? And I'm virtunately
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: I was out of state. So I sent her an
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: email and told her that I'd love to meet with
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: her if there's anything I could do for And I
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: gave some suggestions and I didn't hear back from her,
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: you know, for a little bit, But after that she
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: reached out. We met up and then Tina Hambley, who
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: I worked with at Vignette, reached out to me for Holly,
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: and I met with Holly. It was pretty soon after
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: her husband died, and I kind of walked her through
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: some of the things that like the business of widowhood,
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: which is social Security and making sure your name's on
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: the mortgage and things like that. That's how we became friends.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: And then Whitney, I think met Holly through because their
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: boys were friends. And then the idea of the podcast
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: we were I think we're a year. I think we'd
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: known each other about a year as a total group,
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: but I had known Kira for a pretty long time
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: by this time. We were having cocktails and of course,
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: you know, we're thinking, yes, we'll do a podcast. Whitney
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: brings it up up and says, how about us doing
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: a podcast? And we laughed. Kara I was like, sure,
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: we'll just drink wine and talking to a microphone. Well,
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: that's not exactly how it turns out, right, Yeah, work
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: is there's a lot more work and energy into it
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: than we realized, and so and I don't think we
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: even realized how expansive this would become. It's reached over
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: now fifty states, and so it's it's been helpful because
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: we can help people without having to go and meet
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: with them individually, because we are single parents and most
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: of us work and.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: So and it's still private. If you want to listen
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: and learn something and maybe take a little piece from
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: everything you know that you get to like, you know,
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: laugh again, and you know this is exactly why you
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: guys do. Trauma meets humor.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: And you can see the impact of what you do
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: just by the comments, even on Apple and iTunes, because
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: people can give you a break and they can comment,
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: and you have ninety five comments and they're all people
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: that Thank goodness, these women are here.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: We're so grateful when they do that, because the only
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: feedback we get and then we get the real rubber
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: meets the road is the DMS that we get. It's
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: And I've had a recent meeting with two young widows
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: where I met with them for glass of wine and
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: they both both super smart women, and one of them
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: is a Stanford educated lawyer, and I was just like
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: she said, if I had not listened to the business
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: of widowhood, I would not have known that we got
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: social Security for our children and for ourselves. And I thought,
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: where are the people that are attorneys that are meeting
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: with these widows for their wills and trust all that.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: Why are they not educating these women on those types
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: of things that's so important, especially if you're a stay
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: at home mom. Imagine that your husband dies and he's
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: the sole breadwinner. You don't know, and some don't have
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: life insurance, some do that social Security can bridge the
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: gap until they get those other things in order well,
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: and the real way to measure what we've been able
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: to accomplish, which that's the best part for me. It
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: breaks my heart to see these women to be scared
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: about their finances at a time when they should just
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: you know, be able to focus on themselves.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: And one of you and I can't recall which one
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: had to present the death certificate at Costco to get
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: the money that because her her deceased husband was also
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: on the account or something. So you have to know
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: also to carry that death certificate. I guess everywhere you go,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: because there's things like that that you don't even think of.
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: And that was Kia, and that's been a whole saga
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: for several other episodes. But you're right, I didn't know.
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: I think Whitney had a travel story where she was
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: coming from another country and she had to have the
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: death certificate. I never thought about it for that. But
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: my son's college. He went to study in London this
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: past semester, and I did have to present that because
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: they're wondering where's his father. He's got a German passport.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: You're an American? Who is his father? Yeah, And just
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: though they don't think that, I'm trying to, you know,
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: take him across the pond. So yeah, that's weird. Those
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: are the weird things that you learn about this kind
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: of city.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: You never know. But you also are doing You're you're
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: also looking forward thinking. So you ladies also talk about dating. Yes,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: and your most recent episode, which you listened to.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: The other day, is about all about sex, about sex.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Which was quite interesting, especially the part where everyone's supposed
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: to be tested and present.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: I mean modest and i's to each other and howld
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: in our hotel room lake. You know, here's your clean card,
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: here's my clean card. Let's get naked. I literally was
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: falling on the floor laughing when he made me laugh.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: But that's all part of you know, you move you
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: move forward. In fact, one of the moms I guess
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: is getting married now from what I understand.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Yes, kier A Lineman is getting married. She got engaged recently.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: They've been together four years. And keep in mind, Frank,
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: her husband died over almost ten years and she's coming
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: up on her ten year anniversaries, so it's been like
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: a long time. Like for me twelve and a half
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: years and the other two girls seven years, so we've
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: all had time to get through those early years that
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: are just extremely difficult. I waited three years to day,
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Polly waited five years, and the other two I'm not
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: exactly what the timeline was, but we all waited a
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: concerted amount of time, did our therapy and then. But
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: dating is as very interesting as a widow because people
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: assume you're divorced, which nothing wrong with that. But when
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: I said to one recently, I said I'm not divorced.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: He said, when did you get divorced? And I said, well,
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: I'm not divorced. Then he was like, wait a minute,
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: You're on on this app without being divorced.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: H Yeah, exactly right.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: That's funny when when you start dating or when you
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: even contemplate remarriage and you have kids, they have family
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: from you know, their grandparents on the other side, I mean,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: how supportive are the other family members of you moving
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: on with your life as far as possible, remarriage or
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: meeting other people. Are they supportive generally or is that
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: a difficult part of another element of this. It's difficult
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: well for me.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: My husband's mother died when he was ten and his
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: sister was six, so I actually got a lesson on
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: what it looks like to not have They didn't have
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: a mother. My husband didn't have a mother, and his
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: sister didn't have a mother, and then his dad died
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: in the last couple of years, so his sister would
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: be perfectly happy for me moving on. I did date
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: someone at one time and we got engaged, but it
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: just wasn't right for me and it wasn't right for
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: my son, so I decided not to do that and
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: still date. But it took me a really long time
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: to get to the place where I was ready to date,
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: because it's hard to raise a kid that's as young
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: as mine was on your own. And I went back
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: to work. I worked for myself from home, but it
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: was challenging, to say the least, and then driving them
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: all the things that you guys do as moms, whether
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: you're single, divorced, widowed, whatever. It is so much work.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: And I felt like, for me, if my kid was
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: in a really good place, then I could feel like
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: I could focus on myself. And when he went to
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: college this past year, that's when I started making somewhat
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: of an effort for dating.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: I love it. I do have to mention this because
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: it's important. I know we have Zoomer moms. But when
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: I met Lazy a couple months ago, again, I was like,
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: let's go out, and we did, and she's pretty good
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: at impromptu. So we met a favorite place in Austin,
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: and I've asked her about do you get any signs?
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Do you have signs you know from your husband that
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: is deceased and is Oliver popping up? And so this
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: story that you told, because I think that some people
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: want to know, I personally have been to a medium
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: and she only knew things that I knew, and so
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: that's when I was kind of like, okay, looking at this.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: So when your son had his tonsils out, this story
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: really struck a chord with me because I'm a big believer.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: And the way that she spoke about it is episode seven,
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: and it's about signs from the deceased, and I'm going
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: to let you take it from here, but I also
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: believe that she knew exactly what was happening. You want
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: to tell it, Lacey, real quick.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: Yes, it was so strange. It wasn't. It wasn't. But
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: a couple of months after my husband died, that my
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: son he had strep throat. When my husband had strep throat,
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: so imagine my panic that my husband died of group
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: A strip toxic shock and my son, you know, I
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: go immediately to the doctor and get the doctor to
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: work with him and make sure that he's okay. He's
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: on an antibiotic. But the A and T that I
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: took him to see said those tonsils have to come
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: out sooner than later. They are huge, they're unhealthy, And
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: so I immediately met with two separate doctors and this
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: lovely man. I go to surgery day. My mom comes
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: into town, my sister comes into town, thankfully, because I'm
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: terrified anything. The doctor's now because he was misdiagnosed and
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: then he died the next day. I'm just I'm panicked.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: I still have moments where I'm afraid of doctors. So
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: I go into the hospital and my son is getting
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: ready in his capping down and all that kind of stuff,
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: and the nurse comes up to me and she has
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: this heavy German accent, and I was like, wait a minute.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: I said, are you from Germany? And she said yes,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: and it was more like yeah, like that's yes. And
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: I told her a little bit of my German, spoke
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: to her a little bit in Germany, and I said, well,
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: what is your name? And she said, my mama is
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: Dagmar and that was Oliver's mother's name.
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it made me cry, so I felt like she
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: was there with him, she's in heaven, and I thought
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: she's overlooking this whole thing.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: I'm terrified, but it immediately calmed me down and it
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: was just I wasn't worried anymore. And so he had
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: the tonsils out and now he's healthy.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: I love that. Nice way to end on that exactly well.
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: And thank you giving me a little tears of sorry
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: about that.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Sorry that we have zoomer moms here who also have
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: some questions, So welcome zoomer moms. Welcome to the Laws Club.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: So we're going to go around and introduce each one
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: and you can ask the question of Lacey. So Faye,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: tell us a little bit about yourself and you have
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: a question for Lacey.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: Hi, it's a pleasure. Thank you, Lacy.
• 35:02
  Speaker 5: You really love your stories, especially the last one.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: I'm a mom too.
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: I'm just wondering as your life goes forward and one
• 35:16
  Speaker 5: day you'll be married and associate girlfriends. It is an
• 35:19
  Speaker 5: identity of being a widow, would be staying in a
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: way or the podcast the future podcast will change because
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: your marriage status would change.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: I don't know that's a good question because the only
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: one of us that is engaged is Kira. But you know,
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: I think that your heart expands, so I don't think
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: we ever. I don't. I personally don't love labels like anything,
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: whether it's divorced, widow, single, whatever. I'm just a person
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: and my husband is deceased. But I you know, my
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: heart is open to love, so I don't think of myself.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: It's just those apps you have to say whether you're
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: a widow or single or divorced or whatever. But you know,
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: it doesn't really come into play in any other way
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: except for Whitney gets upset when there's not the box
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: that you check at the doctor's office. There's often no
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: widow's box, especially if it's for people below a certain age,
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: so we get upset about that. But as far as
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: the podcast goes, you know, our attorney, Laura Houseman set
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: us up with our LLC as well as our nonprofit designation,
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: so we hope to do events. There's just so many
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: things that we have ideas for that may not even
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: be as much about us as it would be about
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: helping other people. And that's kind of where we feel
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: like we're headed, is that it's less about our stories
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: and more about how we can educate other widows and
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: maybe help other single women or even married women to
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: be prepared in the event of someone's death. So that's
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: kind of how we see it going forward, because we
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: don't see ourselves as victims or we see ourselves as
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: empowered women, and we want to empower other women so
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: that they feel like they're prepared in the event this
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: tragedy occurs.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: That's great, Elizabeth, welcome to the Mom's Club. Tell us
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: a little bit about yourself and do you have a
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: question for Lacy. Oh, I've really enjoyed this.
• 37:21
  Speaker 6: Thank you for being so candid and putting yourself out there.
• 37:24
  Speaker 6: I'm actually friends with some of the one of the
• 37:28
  Speaker 6: moms in this too, and and also Laura Hasman, and
• 37:33
  Speaker 6: I just am just in all what y'all are doing. Actually,
• 37:37
  Speaker 6: you answered one of my questions just five seconds ago
• 37:40
  Speaker 6: when I was going to ask how you considered doing
• 37:43
  Speaker 6: a podcast show preparing moms that are married, even just
• 37:48
  Speaker 6: to know what it would be like if this was
• 37:51
  Speaker 6: to happen. And they don't have to be, you know,
• 37:53
  Speaker 6: going their husband doesn't have to be going through cancer
• 37:56
  Speaker 6: or whatever, you know, life illness, but because it could
• 38:02
  Speaker 6: happen to anyone at any time, and just be prepared.
• 38:05
  Speaker 6: But you answer that, and so I'm glad y'all are
• 38:08
  Speaker 6: doing that. And Okay, so my other question was your motto,
• 38:13
  Speaker 6: our journey of new beginnings will always honor and rejoice
• 38:17
  Speaker 6: in the past, is incredibly inspiring. Can you share with
• 38:21
  Speaker 6: us how this motto guide your daily life and decision making.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: I can. My friend Kathy Stein, who was my roommate
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: Los Angeles fo Or five of the ten years that
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: I lived here, She's wrote this, I'm really big into butterflies.
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: I always feel like there's lightness and beauty in that.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: And on a butterfly card she wrote that to me.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I don't know where if she made it up, she
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: got it whatever. She's known me for so long and
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: she's been a really close friend for so long. When
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: she's sent that to me, I really thought about that
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: and thought, for you know, if from early on to
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: even now, we always talk about Oliver. He will always
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: be his dad. He will always be my husband. We
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: can say late husband, husband, whatever, he will always be.
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: He was my best friend too. It wasn't just the
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: romantic side of it. He was my best friend. So
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: he will always be an important part of our lives.
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: And we've decided that we wanted to build a life
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: right too. We talk about especially now that he's nineteen.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: He was only six and in all fairness, if you
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: listen to that episode about the kids, he does not
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: remember his father very well. He was only six, but
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: he does remember the things that they did. And I
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: thought it was important since I figured at the young
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: age of six and kind of like Kira's daughter that
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: was four, we try to build in memories for them
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: so that they know who he was. And for me,
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: I don't want my son to think his dad was perfect,
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: because he was not. I don't want him to feel
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: like he has to live up to a ghost because
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: he doesn't. He gets to be his own person. He
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: hears a lot of the time that he's a lot
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: like his dad because they're both compside. They both love
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: to wor run, and they do have a similar way
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: in the world. But my son is also uniquely himself.
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: He has his own unique qualities and I'm just so
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: grateful to my husband that I get to be his
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: mom because without him, I wouldn't have had him. So
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: I try to just include him in the rest of
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: my life. And hopefully whoever, if I ever marry again
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: or date someone significantly or insignificantly, that they'll just appreciate
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: that I was married to someone who's amazing and respect that.
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: And I would think they would because I know for me,
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: I would want to know that whoever they chose was
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: someone amazing.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that is great. Beautifully put Debbie, Welcome to
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: the Mom's Cloud. Tell us a little bit about yourself,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: and do you have a question for Lacey.
• 40:51
  Speaker 7: Thank you, I appreciate being here in such an honor
• 40:54
  Speaker 7: and Lazy, I just love that you are extending this
• 40:58
  Speaker 7: community far and wide through you podcast, because I imagine it's
• 41:01
  Speaker 7: a very very lonely place, and by using this platform,
• 41:06
  Speaker 7: you're able to connect with people who don't really have
• 41:08
  Speaker 7: that ability to reach out, you know, wherever they are.
• 41:11
  Speaker 7: So I love that you're doing this, and I mean
• 41:13
  Speaker 7: there's so much wit and wisdom and people are growth
• 41:16
  Speaker 7: was amazing and I was thinking about this and how
• 41:21
  Speaker 7: we reinvent ourselves, you know, throughout life. You know, you
• 41:25
  Speaker 7: graduate from high school, you get a job, you've become
• 41:28
  Speaker 7: a wife, you get you know, you have children. So
• 41:30
  Speaker 7: we're always reinventing ourselves. A lot of times it's expected.
• 41:34
  Speaker 7: Sometimes it's very unexpected, and so you had to go
• 41:37
  Speaker 7: through a major reinvention. But you are now in the
• 41:41
  Speaker 7: process of reinventing once again with your.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: Son being in college.
• 41:45
  Speaker 7: And you touched on going, you know, going out on
• 41:48
  Speaker 7: more dates now. But what else are you doing now
• 41:51
  Speaker 7: that you're entering this phase of life And do you
• 41:53
  Speaker 7: have a bucket list? What kind of fun things are
• 41:56
  Speaker 7: you doing? And what are you going to do to
• 41:57
  Speaker 7: make the summer special with writer being home?
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: Oh boy, those are great questions. And it's funny because
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: I was talking to d D before the show. I
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: knew did a long time ago. And have such great
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: respect for her and what she's done as a mother.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: I don't think I was prepared to be an empty nester.
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: I think partially too. It may have something to do
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: with being a widow and there's no one else breathing
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: in the house. Maybe I need to get an animal.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: I can make that happen, you said, Julie. I can
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: make it happen. I have tons.
• 42:35
  Speaker 5: Well.
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: I want you to come over more is what I want.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: I want you to bring wine with you and us
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: hang out and enjoy our life more. And it took
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: a minute. My son goes to school in Boston, and
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: then the second semester he went to London, and that
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: one was the tougher one for me. I don't know
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: something about being across the pond, even though we have
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: family in Germany and we have family in the UK.
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: My niece is in the UK. It was really hard.
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: And even though I'm busy, I have a VRBO that
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: I own and manage, and I have my I'm a
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: story editor, so I do that. I've been doing that
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: for five years. And then the podcast takes up a
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: lot more time than I think any of us realized. So,
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: and we wanted to be great, and getting people on
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: the show takes a lot of time, and then all
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: of the content that we provide on Instagram, so a
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: lot of it is that, And then you build in
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: time for your friendships, which are super important to me.
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: And dating hasn't probably been a high priority, partly because
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: it feels like work a little bit. I can I
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: can be a little averse to work outside of my job,
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: so I've been traveling a little bit. Went to Cabo
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: recently for a friend's fiftieth birthday Virginia. My friend that
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: I mentioned earlier did that that was super fun, And
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: went to London with my son and got to see
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: This is a funny story. I met a guy before
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: I ever met my husband in Galway, Ireland, and we
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: stayed friends for a little while and then dated short stint.
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: He helped me move to Austin, Texas, and then I
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: met Oliver, and then of course he went back to
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: England and I didn't see him until I dropped my
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: son off in college. He lives in Bristol, so he
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: came over for the day and spent time with it.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: It was so much fun seeing someone I hadn't seen
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: in twenty something years and then my son met him
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: and that was kind of funny to him because he
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: knows me as a single person and so he was like,
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: who is this guy? That was kind of.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: Fun Deedy, Welcome to the Mom's Club. Do you tell
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: us alas a bit about yourself and do you have
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: a question for Lacey?
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: Sure? High the air Well.
• 44:52
  Speaker 8: I have been in Austin for a long time, and
• 44:55
  Speaker 8: I know a lot of us have been, so, you know,
• 45:00
  Speaker 8: had influx of folks over the last few years moving in,
• 45:04
  Speaker 8: so most of us have seen the transition. And so Lacey,
• 45:09
  Speaker 8: you know, I kind of with that. I loved your
• 45:12
  Speaker 8: butterfly analogy and the story of that as well, because
• 45:17
  Speaker 8: I think, and piggybacking on what Debbie said, I feel
• 45:22
  Speaker 8: like we as women through the different phases of life
• 45:26
  Speaker 8: constantly have to you know, turn from the caterpillar into
• 45:31
  Speaker 8: the butterfly and go through different you know, phases. And
• 45:38
  Speaker 8: so what made me think about the consistent thing that
• 45:44
  Speaker 8: you have brought in every story that you've been telling
• 45:48
  Speaker 8: is the sense of connection with other women and the
• 45:51
  Speaker 8: sense of community, and in every single part of what
• 45:56
  Speaker 8: you've talked about, whether it's your podcast, or you know,
• 46:01
  Speaker 8: just the different pieces, the importance of the fact that
• 46:05
  Speaker 8: you not only have maintained different connections throughout life, but
• 46:10
  Speaker 8: now you guys are going out into the world to
• 46:14
  Speaker 8: provide the same connection for women who may or may
• 46:17
  Speaker 8: not have the access when they've got small children and
• 46:22
  Speaker 8: they become suddenly widows, you know, they don't have the
• 46:25
  Speaker 8: time to maintain those connections and feel like they can
• 46:29
  Speaker 8: still have the support.
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: So, you know, you.
• 46:33
  Speaker 8: Mentioned that there were some other things other than the
• 46:35
  Speaker 8: podcast that you're planning on doing.
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: You know, can you.
• 46:40
  Speaker 8: Tell us just a little bit more about what are
• 46:42
  Speaker 8: some of the other evolutions that have branched out from
• 46:46
  Speaker 8: the podcast that y'all are planning to help women and
• 46:51
  Speaker 8: empower women in our journeys in life.
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, you're absolutely right, that's really important for all four
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: of us. We all have our own girlfriends. Outside of that,
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: It's always been important to me to have women friends.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: Even though I had a husband, he always knew I
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: was a better wife if I had my women friends.
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: I always went He was an introvert. I'm an ambivert.
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: I'm in the middle, so I have to go out
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: with my women friends and it makes me a better person.
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: And I hang out with a lot of really dynamic women,
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: you being one of them. I know all of you
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: Austin women are incredible. I'm very lucky to live here
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: because there's some amazing, smart, capable women, some who stay
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: home with their children, some who work outside the home,
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: doesn't matter. Being a mom is tough and we need
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: each other. This is why I love this podcast, because
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: it's supportive of moms and not belittling what they're doing.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's not how you would do it, but we
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: support moms. I mean, like all the four of us
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: did different things as well. But so what we're trying
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: to do in building community is what we would love
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: to do. We're hoping that because right now this is bootstrapped,
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: we not only record it record ATX. Whitney is our editor,
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: so she get paid. We have been paying for this
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: on our own. But like I've said, we're all, you know,
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: single women trying to pay for our children. I'm paying
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: for college for my son now, so you know, we're
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: all in that throes of life, whether you're married or not.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: It's expensive to put kids through college. So what we're
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: going to try to do is use our nonprofit arm
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: that we just got the designation. I mean it's probably
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: been a week and a half. Maybe Laura was so
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: amazing getting that going, and that usually takes a lot
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: longer than it took her. I don't know what magic
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: she put on that designation. But so what we're hoping
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: is that when we get those donations, we can use
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: that money and create events where we can invite these
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: widows from. Whether it's around the state of Texas, we
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: don't know yet. We're still in those development stages, but
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: we want to give them a place where they can
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: build community because that's what they're looking for. They just
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: want to know that someone sees them, here's them, and
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: then you know, there were We did a jewelry event
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: at Wendy Well's jewelry recently. She was so amazing. She
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: gave us a percentage of the profits of the money
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: that we made that night, and we use that money
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: to help us do this podcast because it does cost
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: us money and a.
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: See, we love that you do events in Austin. You know,
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: I'll be a big supporter and come to it.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: But absolutely, and we love your podcast and we encourage
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: everyone out there to listen to every widow Thing. Yes,
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: whether you're a widow or not or not, it's helpful
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: to everybody. And where can we find you on social media?
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: You can find us on Instagram at every widow Thing.
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: You can find us on YouTube the same name. You
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: can find us on Facebook Every widow Thing, and we
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: would just love for you to like us, follow us,
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: and our podcast is Every widow Thing. Wherever you listen
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: to your.
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: Podcast and you can't donate, I mean it's an important cause, well.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: Check it out. Yes, it absolutely is. And you can
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: find us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, on YouTube at Inside
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: the Mom's Club we have a website inside Themomsclub dot com. Huh,
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: I cannot believe this time is paid. It always goes
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: by so fast. Yeah, we will be back next time
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: with moms just like you. An extraordinary guest. And remember
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: our motto, ladies, this is extremely important. If you don't laugh, sometimes.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: You are going to cry.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: You're gonna cry, So don't cry. Laugh and enjoy it
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: and be positive and we'll see you next time. Inside
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: the Mom's Club