Latest / Reasonably Happy with Paul Ollinger / I Read My Essays to You

Transcript

I Read My Essays to You · Reasonably Happy with Paul Ollinger

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everybody, welcome to the Reasonably Happy Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host Paul Ollinger.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining today.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Today is a great day to be alive.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Happy Happy
• 0:32
  And the whole point of it was to explore the connection between
• 0:35
  money and happiness
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: and success and fulfillment.
• 0:39
  And the reason I started it was because I grew up always
• 0:43
  wanting to make a lot of
• 0:44
  money and then I worked as one of Facebook's first 250
• 0:47
  employees and that happened.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then I retired at age of 42 without a plan.
• 0:53
  I just walked away from work and I found myself bored and
• 0:58
  lonely and driving my
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: wife crazy and I wondered what's it all about,
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: man.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: What are we doing here, man?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: What's the meaning of life, man?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I went on to explore that through writing and stand-up comedy,
• 1:11
  which I had always been passionate about and which I had kind
• 1:13
  of done and dabbled
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: in even before my Facebook days.
• 1:16
  And so I've been in and out of the comedy and corporate world
• 1:19
  for 25 years.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: 35 years, really.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: God, ugh.
• 1:23
  And I live in Manhattan with my wife and two teenage kids whom
• 1:27
  I love very much.
• 1:29
  And Reasonably Happy is my exploration of what life is all
• 1:32
  about,
• 1:33
  basically.
• 1:34
  And I write and I talk about everything from comedy to money
• 1:39
  and happiness to
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: politics a little bit.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow I manage to really piss off all my friends,
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: not just conservatives,
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: not just my progressives,
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: but somehow I make them all mad at some point.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're on this journey with me, be patient.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll offend you eventually.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what we're up to.
• 2:06
  Today I've got a special episode where I'm going to read some
• 2:09
  of my most recent Substacks.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to talk to you about Substacks.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Substack is my home for all my creative outlets on the web.
• 2:17
  If you hear a puppy slurping up water in the background,
• 2:20
  that's Theo,
• 2:20
  the French bulldog.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: He recently lost his older brother, Colonel Tom Parker, unfortunately.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: But Theo abides.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Theo remains and abides.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we're all about Team Theo.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: What was I going to say?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm going to read my Substack.
• 2:34
  The Substack is where I keep all my podcast episodes,
• 2:38
  all the writings.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I do, I don't know, 15 essays a year.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: More than that, I think.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe 20.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And they run the gamut on topics.
• 2:47
  And I'm going to read some of those today to make it easier for
• 2:49
  some of you who are
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: driving and don't have time to read.
• 2:52
  But I encourage you to go to words.paulollinger.com and
• 2:56
  subscribe and get my weekly
• 2:59
  podcast and my essays in your inbox so that you don't have to
• 3:02
  go searching for them
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: on the web and so that you know when I have great podcasts coming out.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I do have some excellent people coming up.
• 3:09
  I just booked Dave Winfield,
• 3:11
  the Major League Baseball legend is going to be on in a few
• 3:14
  months.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Coming up, I've got Rosebud Baker, the comedian and the granddaughter of
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: James Baker, the chief of staff of Ronald Reagan and George H.W.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Bush.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Bruce Feiler,
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: the multi New York Times bestselling author,
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: is going to come talk about his book,
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: A Time to Gather.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Justin Baer, the author of House of Fidelity.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Gad Saad, who's going to talk about suicidal empathy.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: That'll be a fun, controversial one.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then Al Roth,
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: the Nobel Prize winning economist from Stanford,
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: will be on talking about his book,
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Moral Economics.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or Economics.
• 3:50
  Theo make some more noise slurp louder my audience can't hear
• 3:55
  you anyway lots of
• 3:55
  great stuff coming up on the Reasonably Happy podcast I hope
• 3:59
  you share this with
• 3:59
  your friends and follow on the app on which you're listening to
• 4:03
  this subscribe on
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  SPEAKER_00: the stack of subSubstack okay did you get enough Theo
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Are you going to get back on the couch, please?
• 4:12
  All right,
• 4:12
  the first essay I'm going to read goes all the way back to
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  November.
• 4:16
  The last time I did this was in November,
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  and so this one is actually from December 1st of 2025.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's one of the most widely read substacks I've written,
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  SPEAKER_00: probably because it is a universal experience,
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  SPEAKER_00: and it's called The Screaming Toddler Airplane Rule,
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  SPEAKER_00: and it's about our cross-country Thanksgiving flight.
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  SPEAKER_00: The subtitle is On a Full Flight,
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  SPEAKER_00: Screen Time Limits Do Not Apply Are you going to lie down?
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  Will you lie down please and go to sleep so I can read to these
• 4:47
  nice people?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're going to give it a try.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, here we go.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: A packed airplane is many things.
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  SPEAKER_00: A metal tube of recycled flatulence,
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  SPEAKER_00: a bad restaurant in the sky,
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  SPEAKER_00: and a fragile ecosystem of humans fighting over armrests at 30,000 feet.
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  SPEAKER_00: One thing it is not,
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  a place to teach your shrieking three-year-old the virtues of
• 5:08
  digital detox.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: During last week's Thanksgiving vacation cross-country flight,
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  I found myself seated next to a nice enough couple whose
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  toddler had only one mode,
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  SPEAKER_00: full throttle exorcist.
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  SPEAKER_00: From takeoff until somewhere over Kansas,
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  SPEAKER_00: this child produced primal howls that could have cracked the fuselage.
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  SPEAKER_00: But then,
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  SPEAKER_00: three hours in,
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  SPEAKER_00: three full hours,
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  SPEAKER_00: the dad pulled out an iPad and popped on an Elmo video.
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  SPEAKER_00: The kid immediately stopped bawling,
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  SPEAKER_00: burst into a smile,
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  SPEAKER_00: and went all giggly as if his propofol had just kicked in.
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  SPEAKER_00: Though this outcome pleased me, it exposed a disturbing fact.
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  SPEAKER_00: This dude had that iPad with him since before we took off.
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  SPEAKER_00: He could have soothed his child hours ago.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not okay Once I thought about it, I realized
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  SPEAKER_00: This was Bush League Self-Centered Parenting
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay,
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  SPEAKER_00: I know I sound like a cold-hearted monster,
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  SPEAKER_00: the Grinch of seat 12D,
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  SPEAKER_00: but lest you think me unsympathetic,
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  SPEAKER_00: recall that I have two teenagers.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've done my time.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've managed diaper blowouts in the middle of a Target,
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: scraped baby vomit out of laptop keyboards,
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  and juggled my own screaming in-flight gremlins way past the
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  point of exhaustion at
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  SPEAKER_00: least a dozen times.
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  Air Passengers owe baby parents kindness,
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  empathy,
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  and help if there's any to be provided.
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  SPEAKER_00: In return,
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  those moms and dads owe their fellow passengers an absolute
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  commitment to keeping
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  SPEAKER_00: their squirming tots as tranquil as possible.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's all we ask.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not perfection.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not absolute silence.
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  SPEAKER_00: Just total focus on the job at hand.
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  SPEAKER_00: You don't get to nap.
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  Traveling with a baby is game day and transcontinental holiday
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  flights are the Super Bowl
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  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_00: Of course these parents didn't have any.
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  SPEAKER_00: Are iPads harmful to kids?
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  SPEAKER_00: Of course they are.
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  They fry children's attention spans and turn the wee ones into
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  little dopamine truffle pigs.
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  So I applaud any attempts to raise a well-adjusted human being
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  who can look others in the eye.
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  SPEAKER_00: Jonathan Haidt would be proud.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: But do that work at home.
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  On a full flight,
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  200 strangers' sanity trumps one youngster's cognitive
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  development.
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  SPEAKER_00: In this situation,
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  you throw your child's prefrontal cortex under the bus for the
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  good of the many.
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  It takes a village,
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  as they say,
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  and the village on Delta Flight 742 votes for peace and quiet.
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  SPEAKER_00: The End
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  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the jungle, baby.
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  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna cry.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Parenting's hard, man.
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  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the club.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: You hear that dog snoring?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Do you hear that?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: My God.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's very insensitive to my needs as a podcaster.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: So my thought there comes back to basically, you know,
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
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  SPEAKER_00: Hey.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Dave Barry
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  And he was so cool to do it with And we had a great
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  conversation And I'm going to
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  be doing more of those I've got one with Andy Borowitz coming
• 10:22
  up Who's another
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  SPEAKER_00: great humorist And I have several,
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  several others that are happening very soon Did I mention who
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  I've got coming up on
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  SPEAKER_00: the podcast?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Dave Winfield,
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Nobel Prize Winners You gotta subscribe,
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: gotta follow Okay,
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: let's go to the next one It's called Avoiding Middle-Aged Trouble
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: How Not to Screw Up Your Life.
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  This is from February and it was right after I interviewed a
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  guy named Tom Harden,
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  SPEAKER_00: which I'll explain right here.
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  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
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  SPEAKER_00: This week on the podcast,
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  SPEAKER_00: I interviewed Tom Harden,
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  SPEAKER_00: a former hedge fund trader who committed securities fraud at age 29.
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  SPEAKER_00: Tom was a scrappy middle-class kid from suburban Atlanta,
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  SPEAKER_00: just like me,
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  SPEAKER_00: who fought his way into the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School,
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  SPEAKER_00: job at a prominent investment bank,
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  SPEAKER_00: and then a seat on the desk of a prestigious hedge fund.
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  SPEAKER_00: Things went well at first,
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  SPEAKER_00: but during the 2008 meltdown,
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  SPEAKER_00: Tom was under extreme pressure to perform.
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  SPEAKER_00: So he traded on material,
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  SPEAKER_00: non-public information,
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  SPEAKER_00: rationalizing his actions with the mantra,
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  SPEAKER_00: everybody's doing it.
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  SPEAKER_00: These transactions earned Tom about $46,000 in compensation,
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  SPEAKER_00: but also a visit from the FBI and eventually the lifetime badge of felon.
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  Tom's new book Wired on Wall Street tells the story of a career
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  arc that fits into
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: a theme I've been thinking about a lot lately.
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  SPEAKER_00: In the first half of life success is about what we do.
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  SPEAKER_00: In the second half of life it's often about what we manage not to do.
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  From the time we enter kindergarten until we get our careers
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  going success is
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: roughly equivalent to accomplishment.
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  SPEAKER_00: Do get good grades.
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  SPEAKER_00: Do strive for athletic distinction.
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  SPEAKER_00: Do go to the right college.
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  SPEAKER_00: Obviously,
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  SPEAKER_00: there are exceptions to this rule,
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  SPEAKER_00: but for the most part,
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  SPEAKER_00: what's rewarded is creating a dazzling resume,
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  SPEAKER_00: demonstrating the willingness to work hard,
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  SPEAKER_00: and showing that you can hang with other high achievers.
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  Once you're on the right path,
• 12:21
  staying on top is mostly about not lighting your life on fire.
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  SPEAKER_00: Doing so,
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  SPEAKER_00: or not doing so,
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  SPEAKER_00: as it were,
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: means avoiding the adult world's myriad potential pitfalls.
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  SPEAKER_00: Don't buy stocks on inside information.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do cocaine at the office.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Don't sleep with the babysitter.
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  SPEAKER_00: The cruelest thing here is that the more you win in Phase 1,
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: the more opportunities you'll have to screw up Phase 2.
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  SPEAKER_00: For example, if you earn money early, you can afford to buy cocaine.
• 12:51
  Or if you achieve fame at a relatively young age,
• 12:54
  people will give you cocaine.
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  SPEAKER_00: And women who aren't your wife,
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  SPEAKER_00: who might just be your babysitter,
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: will pay way more attention to you if you have money,
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  SPEAKER_00: fame,
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: or cocaine.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Note,
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  SPEAKER_00: I have no personal experience with fame,
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: powdered narcotics,
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: or amorous child care providers.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Avoiding these traps isn't an accomplishment anyone talks about.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody brags on their LinkedIn profile,
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: quote,
• 13:17
  25 years of not embezzling from my employers or made zero
• 13:21
  racially insensitive
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: comments to my coworkers this quarter.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: No,
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: your reward is a solid marriage,
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: kids who still talk to you,
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: and a relative lack of chaos in your life.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Indeed,
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: you don't get a plaque for staying out of prison,
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  SPEAKER_00: and there are no trophies for not being on the Epstein list.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: There, but for the grace of God, dot, dot, dot.
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  SPEAKER_00: Tom is the second convicted felon I've interviewed.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: The other was Laura Love Harden,
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: author of The Many Lives of Mama Love,
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: a great book that earned a spot in Oprah's book club.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't read it, you should check it out.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's mind-blowing.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: What struck me upon meeting them is how normal they both seemed.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: When you think felon,
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: you might think scary,
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: unstable person,
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: but Tom and Laura are just regular,
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: smart,
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: high-achieving people who made big mistakes,
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: or as Tom chooses to call it,
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: bad decisions.
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  The same ambition that brought him to the heights of the
• 14:42
  financial industry was
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: what took him out of the game forever.
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  SPEAKER_00: Fortunately, both have rebounded and found their paths forward.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you have a few minutes, check out my conversation with Tom.
• 15:08
  The End Tom was a really cool guy we had a lot in common both
• 15:10
  grew up scrappy
• 15:10
  middle class kids in the Atlanta area and I understand the
• 15:13
  inclination to take a
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: shortcut I remember you know just
• 15:38
  wanting to achieve so bad that I would have been susceptible to
• 15:43
  that decision had I
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: been at a Bloomberg terminal with the same knowledge that he had.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I wasn't.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And fortunately, I've so far at this point have avoided the big mistakes.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: But Tom's story is a great one.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: His wife is a hero.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And he's really managed to turn his life around and
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Find a second path forward.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Check out his book.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Again, links in the show notes.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's the dog.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Snoring.
• 16:18
  All right,
• 16:19
  this one is from March 24th,
• 16:22
  2026,
• 16:23
  and it's called The Four Kinds of Schadenfreude.
• 16:27
  You might recall I got a little heat for mispronouncing
• 16:30
  Schadenfreude online.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think I said Schadenfreude.
• 16:34
  I apologize deeply to all my German friends for mispronouncing
• 16:38
  one of your highly
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: complicated compound words.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, The Four Kinds of Schadenfreude, do you know what they are?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: I...
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: I have a theory.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: While everyone's algorithm differs,
• 16:54
  there are three kinds of social media content that reliably
• 16:57
  make people happy.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: One, cute puppy videos, especially if they're Frenchies.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Two, soldiers returning home surprising their kids at school.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And three, celebrities who have gotten fat.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Parentheses, worry not, there will be no obesity shaming here.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: The first two categories make sense.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Puppy reels flood our amygdalae with oxytocin,
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: and military reunions show humans at our most joyful.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: But the third category yields a darker version of happiness.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's not delight, it's schadenfreude.
• 17:30
  Don't pretend you didn't snicker when a few years back Axl Rose
• 17:33
  reappeared looking
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: as if he had eaten Bret Michaels.
• 17:37
  Or that on some level it didn't make you feel better about
• 17:39
  yourself when you saw
• 17:40
  photos of the now frumpy 90s actress who looks like she spends
• 17:44
  all her day cooking
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: soup.
• 17:47
  These images grab our attention because we're tribal animals
• 17:51
  constantly checking
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: our place in the hierarchy.
• 17:54
  Someone else's downfall means we're doing better if only by one
• 17:58
  eight billionth or
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: at least that's what our petty ass brains tell us.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: While watching one of these delicious reels recently,
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: I caught myself and wanted to understand what was going on in my head.
• 18:10
  So I googled schadenfreude,
• 18:13
  the German word for pleasure at someone else's misfortune.
• 18:16
  In addition to the worthwhile reminder that schadenfreude is
• 18:19
  most evident in people
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: with low self-esteem,
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: I learned that it manifests in four distinct ways,
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: each of which sheds light on ourselves and the algo.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, justice schadenfreude.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: They had it coming.
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  SPEAKER_00: If there's a good schadenfreude, this is it.
• 18:38
  When jet-setting billionaires and princes who abuse underage
• 18:41
  girls get exposed,
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: it restores balance to the universe.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is why we develop
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, rivalry schadenfreude.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: My team is better than your team.
• 19:09
  It makes me chuckle when my progressive friends point out all
• 19:14
  the Republicans in
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: the Epstein files while conveniently forgetting the numerous mentions of
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: left-leaning folks like Bill Clinton,
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Noam Chomsky,
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Larry Summers,
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: and Reid Hoffman.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Similarly,
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: when my MAGA friends,
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: and I have a number of them,
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: point to the credible allegations of Nancy Pelosi's insider trading,
• 19:31
  they ignore the fact that the Trump family treats the White
• 19:33
  House like its personal
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: piggy bank.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: I got crushed in March Madness, by the way.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: Three.
• 19:57
  Envy Schadenfreude Oh thank god they're not perfect Here's
• 20:01
  where the chubby celebs
• 20:02
  come in The former supermodel loses her thigh gap Axl Rose can
• 20:07
  no longer pull off
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: his leather pants Like literally,
• 20:10
  they're stuck around his thighs It shows that these quote
• 20:13
  special people are just
• 20:14
  as vulnerable to gravity UV rays and trans fats as we are And
• 20:18
  that soothes our
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: insecurities
• 20:22
  Aversion Schadenfreude I just don't like this person
• 20:26
  Schadenfreude correlates with
• 20:27
  low empathy which is why Instagram serves me videos of Britney
• 20:31
  Spears melting down
• 20:32
  and juggling knives these are hard to avoid I gotta confess
• 20:36
  when we enjoy seeing
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: So what's your point paul?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the part I think I was missing before.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Schadenfreude isn't a bug in the system.
• 21:02
  It's one of those core instincts like fear,
• 21:04
  anger,
• 21:05
  and arousal that the algorithm exploits.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: When my feed is full of perky boobs, I know I'm being manipulated.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to do anything about it, but at least I know.
• 21:16
  Schadenfreude on the other hand can be harder to recognize
• 21:18
  perhaps because the
• 21:20
  instinct is so deeply ingrained in our thinking the
• 21:24
  uncomfortable truth here is
• 21:25
  that something that feels totally naturally can be wildly
• 21:28
  counterproductive
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: relishing someone else's weight gain
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: doesn't make me any healthier.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Comparing my mental state,
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: such as it is,
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: to Brittany's or Gary Busey's might pass the time,
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: but won't stop my own eventual cognitive decline.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: So it's probably best to focus our thoughts elsewhere.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: We won't eliminate schadenfreude from our operating systems,
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: but it's possible to turn down the volume.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: When you recognize it, hit Not Interested and go watch some puppy videos.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: At the very least, leave Britney and for that matter, Axl alone.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: The end.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: Leave Axl alone.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Leave.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: I love Guns N' Roses.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, man.
• 22:14
  God,
• 22:14
  I've seen some of those videos of David Lee Roth singing and
• 22:18
  it's like...
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Can there be mandatory retirement for aging rock stars?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Shouldn't there be?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean,
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: on the one hand,
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: you don't want to be ageist and,
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: we're all going to want that deference when we're older,
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: that we still got it,
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: that we can do our thing.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: But is the world of heavy metal or heavy rock,
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: should that not be exclusively an under-34 venture?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, at what point...
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: What point do we need to roll the stones,
• 22:53
  the Rolling Stones into a corner and just give them some
• 22:56
  Ovaltine and a blanket?
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, Mick is 82, 83.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know they just canceled their most recent tour and I love the Stones.
• 23:03
  Shit,
• 23:04
  I went to see them in 1994 because I thought they were going to
• 23:07
  stop touring any day.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a mere 32 years ago.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Good Lord.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about the Manosphere, shall we?
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of those things that just the idea of the manosphere,
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 23:25
  people who want to think men are jerks or that the patriarchy
• 23:31
  is a cabal of dudes
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: that sit around plotting ways to keep women and minorities down.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: It just pisses me off.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I saw the whole thing about the manosphere,
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: this documentary that was on Netflix,
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like,
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: oh God,
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: here's another example.
• 23:48
  But these guys in the manuscript,
• 23:50
  the people they profile are pretty reprehensible.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: And they're unique.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: They're characters unique to the social media age.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going to read this.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: The title is What Does It Mean to Be a Man?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: Subtitle Influencers Cosplaying Masculinity Do Not Know the Answer.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: After a month of procrastination,
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: I finally watched Inside the Manosphere,
• 24:13
  Netflix's documentary on the rise of ultra-male influencers
• 24:18
  whose homophobic,
• 24:19
  misogynistic and anti-Semitic content is attracting millions of
• 24:23
  young male
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: followers.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Midway through the film,
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: I got a group text from my sister,
• 24:27
  reminding my siblings and me that today would have been our
• 24:29
  late father's 99th
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: birthday.
• 24:52
  Thinking about him while watching these cringy creators made
• 24:56
  the contrast impossible to ignore.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: My dad wasn't macho, but he was all man.
• 25:02
  The residents of the manosphere,
• 25:04
  on the other hand,
• 25:04
  are sniveling little boys.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: In his 2025 book,
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Notes on Being a Man,
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Scott Galloway argues that men have three core duties,
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: to protect,
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: to provide,
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: and to procreate.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: These are not exclusively male roles,
• 25:19
  but they are essential if a man wants to be a dependable
• 25:22
  partner and father.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sadly, it's working
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: My father was the opposite.
• 25:42
  He was a provider who worked 40 years at a job he probably
• 25:45
  didn't love to pay for
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Catholic school tuition,
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: football cleats,
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: groceries,
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: and the mortgage.
• 25:50
  He spent very little on himself and the idea of signaling
• 25:53
  status through cars,
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: clothes,
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: or watches would have struck him as absurd.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: The End
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: He never asked for credit and he never complained.
• 26:16
  In so doing,
• 26:16
  he raised good sons and showed his daughters what they should
• 26:19
  expect in a husband.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately,
• 26:42
  reliability and fidelity don't trend on Snapchat You're never
• 26:45
  going to see an
• 26:46
  influencer bragging Let's hear it for 13,000 days of not
• 26:49
  abandoning my family Smash
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: that like button,
• 26:52
  y'all But algorithms love the braggadocious douchebaggery we
• 26:56
  see in Inside the
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Manosphere To his credit,
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: host Louis Thoreau plays the perfect straight man At one point,
• 27:03
  Justin Waller explains the one-sided monogamy in his
• 27:07
  relationship His partner
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: remains faithful,
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: he does not
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: The woman I'm with,
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: he says,
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: doesn't talk to other men Thoreau just looks at him Justin,
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: assuming the reporter is jealous,
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: fills the silence with It stings,
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: huh?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thoreau reacts with a perfect and credulous laugh,
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: as if Waller's situation was anything to admire.
• 27:28
  I would have liked the film to delve deeper into the societal
• 27:30
  whys behind the rise
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: of performative masculinity,
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: but Thoreau makes one important,
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: if predictable,
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: observation.
• 27:37
  Most of these influencers grew up in homes without strong male
• 27:41
  role models.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Their dads were either absent or barely present.
• 27:45
  Ultimately,
• 27:46
  inside the manosphere is less shocking than it is depressing.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: Happy birthday, Dad.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: The end.
• 28:44
  There's no shortage of reprehensible behavior to look for
• 28:49
  online or on television.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean,
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: my wife watches The Real Housewives of fill in the blank,
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: and that's not exactly spectacle of admirable female adulthood.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's the worst instincts that make for good television,
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: unfortunately,
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: and that's who gets the attention.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: How about one more and we'll wrap it up.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to do this one.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Where Were You at 30?
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a real thing that happened last month.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is from May of 2026.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: Where were you at 30?
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was in the moat of low status.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: I
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Friendly and respectfully curious, they asked us about our career paths.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: They were duly impressed with my accomplished classmates,
• 30:00
  a hedge fund manager and former startup executive who has rung
• 30:03
  the bell a few
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: times.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: I've done all right myself.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Then one of the guys asked an excellent question.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Where were you at 30?
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: I laughed,
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: pointed to the software leader and said,
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: when I was 30,
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was deep in debt,
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: sharing a two bedroom,
• 30:17
  one bathroom walk up with this guy and working in an industry
• 30:21
  that was unraveling
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: violently.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: The young men smiled at my unimpressive answer.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: I elaborated.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: On my 31st birthday in March 2000, the stock market was in freefall.
• 30:33
  The NASDAQ Composite Index lost one-third of its value in four
• 30:36
  weeks on its way to
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: shedding 80% over 18 months.
• 30:41
  The digital music company where I worked was vaporizing
• 30:44
  alongside the rest of
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Internet 1.0 economy.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: Three rounds of layoffs eliminated four out of five of my colleagues,
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: and I barely survived the cuts.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: I had sold exactly none of my stock because,
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: foolishly,
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: I believed holding onto it was a sign of loyalty.
• 30:59
  And when Yahoo finally bought us for loose chains that Jerry
• 31:02
  Yang found in his
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: couch cushions,
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: my payout bought me a desktop PC running Windows Millennium Edition.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: Around this time,
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: I confessed my financial situation to a new girlfriend,
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: a dot-com multimillionaire who was smart enough to cash out.
• 31:16
  Despite my full head of hair and low-carb lean body,
• 31:20
  she was not impressed.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Go figure.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: The new grads laughed at my pain.
• 31:25
  When I divulged that liquidating my equity would have paid off
• 31:28
  my $80,000 in loans,
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: that is $150,000 in today's dollars,
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: they traded fist bumps hearing a balance similar to their own.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: The bold bet on himself worked.
• 31:53
  Today he's reaping meaningful rewards in the form of both
• 31:56
  career satisfaction and
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: financial compensation.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: He's killing it.
• 32:18
  My other friend at 30 years old was on a more consistent
• 32:21
  progression up the success
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: ladder,
• 32:23
  propelled by a brilliant financial mind and a 0.1% work ethic
• 32:27
  that has barely
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: diminished almost three decades later.
• 32:30
  One of the benefits of having an ally like him is his ability
• 32:32
  to see the bigger picture.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: How am I doing?
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: I took the young Amazonian's questions as a rhetorical check-in.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: Was he doing okay?
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: Up to this point in life, he's done all the right things.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yet,
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: despite having an impressive degree and a great job,
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: he feels as if he's not where he should be.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is natural.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Young people think careers are linear.
• 33:18
  Older folks know that they can be jagged and often chaotic,
• 33:22
  and that's okay.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: In her forthcoming book,
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: You Can Just Do Things,
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: author Kate Hall,
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: a former drug addict,
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: poker champion,
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: and tech CEO,
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: discusses the importance of embracing the moat of low status.
• 33:36
  Hall argues that many people spend part of their 20s and 30s in
• 33:39
  a bit of a ditch,
• 33:40
  an uncomfortable stretch where your peers seem to be pulling
• 33:44
  ahead while your own
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: life feels uncertain,
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: underfunded,
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: and unimpressive.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the moat has its advantages.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Over time, however, good things happen.
• 34:00
  Opportunities arise that were not visible from the other side
• 34:03
  of the moat and the
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: path makes itself known.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: It happened to me, to Mr.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hedge Fund, and it happened to Kate.
• 34:10
  I'll bet you a desktop PC that it will happen to these two
• 34:13
  young guys as well.
• 34:16
  On their way out the door,
• 34:17
  my new friend swung by our table to say goodbye.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: I got a lot of very nice comments on that article.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: Some called me, called it a humble brag, whatever.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's a true story.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: It happened.
• 34:40
  I didn't come from money,
• 34:41
  but I made money and it wasn't all in a straight line.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: I had a negative net worth until I was like 33.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: And
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 34:50
  people see you at 40 or however old you are and they just think
• 34:54
  that you've always
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: had it that way.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the story is always much more complicated.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: People don't understand what it was like.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: When the dot-com bubble burst, I thought it was my fault.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: I thought if I had worked harder, I somehow could have saved our company.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: That was a very young person's way to think.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: And in retrospect, I mean, I've had tremendous luck, but there have been
• 35:19
  Younger people haven't been through two recessions Some haven't
• 35:23
  even been through
• 35:24
  one yet So they don't quite understand that things don't move
• 35:28
  in a straight line
• 35:30
  But social media makes it look like everybody else has got it
• 35:33
  perfect But they
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: don't of course And even if they do,
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: their paths were far more complicated than they're going to let on Anyway
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that's it for this time.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, please go to words.poollinger.com and subscribe.
• 35:46
  If you're listening to this on Apple Podcasts,
• 35:48
  please follow and subscribe on Spotify.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: I greatly appreciate your interest.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for sticking around to the end.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you next week.