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Sober-Talk -SA- Branden · Sober Talk SA

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Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I'm an alcoholic
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soap today thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous.
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If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please
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call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double 22222.
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I'll visit their website ata.org dot AU.
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I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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fellowship of people who share the experience, strengthen hope
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with each other that they may solve their common problems, and
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help with us to recover from alcoholism.
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The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop
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drinking and no dues of fees. Fair membership.
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We are self supporting through our own contributions.
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He is not allied with any sect in immersion politics,
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organization or institution, does not wish to engage in any
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controversy, neither endorses or oppose any causes.
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Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help.
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Other Alcoholics are chiefs of Brady.
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I'm Brayden and I am an alcoholic and that's pretty much
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what I was going to say, so thank you.
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But yeah, I was coming to do these talks is really good
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because it gives you a good reflection and, and basically
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like what John was talking about the other day where you do your
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little share in your head and and it puts a lot of things
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together, but you may not have got I know.
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And yeah, it's been, it's been really good.
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But like basically coming into a AII just came in out of guilt
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because I'd got hospitalised again, like third time in a, in
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a few weeks and stitches and black eyes and through
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blackouts, which I didn't know what that was.
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But you know, to the point that I wake up at somebody's house
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that I didn't know and, and I'd been in the hospital when they
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had a bandage on my head and stitches.
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And so out of guilt, shame and remorse, my mum said, you've got
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to do something about it. And I came to Bedford Park a, a
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meeting. And to my surprise, you know,
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there was people like me there, especially at that time.
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And, and I think the one thing I took out of it was a lady said,
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I just want to take this brain out of my head and bang it
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against the table and stuff it. And that was I related to that.
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And I remember in the following weeks going to the psychiatrist
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and getting assessed with all these mental assessments and
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stuff. I remember saying, I just want
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to peel. But you know how people say
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what's wrong with you and you go, I don't know, I don't know.
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But I said, I just want to peel to make me feel like when I'm
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hungover, because when somebody if if I was hungover after a big
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Bender, somebody came in and broke through my door and took
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my TV and my stereo and some food out of the cupboard, I
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would just be like, yeah, OK, whatever.
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You know, it would just it was that that chill, that peace and
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comfort. And I just did not care.
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And and so coming to IAI sort of understood that what what that
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first step cycle basically wasn't a harm.
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I'm probably one of the first ones where it's like I all of a
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sudden had words to describe how I felt when somebody said,
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what's wrong with you? I'm restless, irritable,
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discontent. That's it.
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But in a nutshell. And to see that how I did life
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was that cycle and relate to that book part in the book about
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being the director, trying to control the stage and people,
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places and things going around and exerting myself and doesn't
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the show doesn't quite come off. And so I have a bit of a
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meltdown and I go in with a bit more vigor and push myself
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harder to get that to occur because it's going to be great
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for the world if this happens right at this.
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And I'd ultimately always have that meltdown of rage and
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depression and and to learn all this stuff from Bill and the
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book at our Saturday meeting. You know, he, he talks about,
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you know, when I didn't, I fought for these things and, and
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when things didn't eventuate to my perfectionist dreams and
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demands, you know, the depression came and, and and
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that's what would just constantly happen.
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I would just surrender and go, what's the point and think about
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killing myself basically. And but alcohol gave me peace
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from that that not I didn't care if you were doing things
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perfectly or whether you were doing, you know, a shit ass job
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with alcohol. And what I see now is it was
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meditation, essentially. You put me in the moment.
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I didn't care about the future. I didn't care about the past.
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I was just present and and and there was peace with that.
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I didn't care about if somebody cut me off that morning or what
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the neighbors do at playing his music too loud.
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It just all went and and also learned through through some
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people the theory, you know, of T what I ascribed to, which is
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THIQ theory. And basically I'm an alcoholic.
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I'm bodily different, which the book does say we're bodily
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different. So say 7% of people metabolize
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alcohol in a certain way. And I get this heroin here,
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which normal drinkers think it. They get this out of control,
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fuzzy feeling like my mum got when she was 20 and she never
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drank alcohol again. She didn't like that effect.
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Whoever drank, I feel more and more in control.
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So why would you stop? Just, you know, the lights come
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on and then sooner or later, black outcomes.
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And looking at that tragic outcome that would always occur
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because I'm out of control, anything can happen.
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And that's another thing with alcoholism.
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I can't guarantee what's going to happen.
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And I recall instances that now, looking back, are horrific.
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And yeah, after a very short time, I've decided to start
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drinking again. I went out.
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I don't, I don't think I've ever shared this story, but I went
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out after work when I was in Brisbane with some guys.
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And what would always happen is I would drink so much faster
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that I'd end up in a blackout and disappear somewhere.
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I don't even know where I went, but I ended up in a gay club
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somewhere. And, and because I was so
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miserable, I thought maybe I was gay because, you know, 1520
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years of drinking and, and womanizing is like, and I'm
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still miserable maybe. And, and so that's what took me
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there. So I, and then, you know, it was
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a bit of a Nah, anything can happen.
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Basically, I think I picked up a girl and then maybe in a gay
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club, but then she had had, I forgot, probably shouldn't go
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into it all, but it's just anything can happen.
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And so I ended up at this house with this girl.
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And then when I crashed out, I saw the vodka on the fridge and
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I started sculling it down. And this is after a whole night
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of drinking and I wake up and one of the guys was trying to
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make advances on me and I just lost it and then wake up and
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stuck his head into the wall basically.
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And that could have cracked and that could have been dead or I
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could have been in jail. And yet, and the guilt, shame
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and remorse, the crying when I came out of that, like that rage
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of waking up and I, I stopped drinking for a week and I
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thought, that's it. That's the end of drinking and
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the second weekend when I was abstinent, I was like, you know,
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pulling out the videos and the chocolate still going, yes, this
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is my new life. But I was hearing like people
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walk past the door because I lived in the city.
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You know, what's, you know, starting to get that that
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restlessness again. And by the third week, I was
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like, what was I thinking? Like not drinking ever again.
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And as soon as I put that drink down, I thought, I vote, Oh,
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I'll build up something too big out of this.
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And I was at peace in that, walking around like in a, in a
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blissful thing. And I thought, how could I have
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given this up? But essentially, yeah, step.
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That's step one. I mean, it comes in all sorts of
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forms, you know, that whole cycle and, and knowing that I'm
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physically different. And so the game's up.
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That always explain why my friends would go out and drink a
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few drinks and I'd be unconscious and they'd pick me
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up and put me in the car and then drop me at the front porch.
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Or why I would wake up on people's porches, sides of
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roads, you know, the rest of it. And also got taught that, you
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know, I wasn't a bad person for that.
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It's just that's what happens to an alcoholic.
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And that Step 2 came to believe power created ourselves could
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restore us the sanity. You know, I'm still insane, but
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and I like being quirky and different like and I won't give.
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But all that is for me is the sanity is being oversee the
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truth behind the alcohol and the drinking and all that stuff that
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the bad stuff and not just the good stuff because it was good
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stuff as well. And I like the John Charlie
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thing where he goes, you know, if you if you're not doing that
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spiritual upkeep that they talk about, all of a sudden you go
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from thinking, you know, what the alcohol is going to do to me
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and then to what it's going to do for me, you know, if you're
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not in that right frame of mind. And unfortunately today I know
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what it does to me. And the other week I had, I went
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to a party that I don't normally go to a friend that a friend
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that drinks out on the deck because they go camping and get
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pissed. And there's all the stories
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about, you know, what happened in the old days and it's
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glorification. And I've got to be really
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careful of that because it's just story after story for six
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hours. And I knew I'm going to have to
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fill my mind now with six hours worth of a, a of ramifications
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of drinking to combat that. So I really picked up the
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meetings and that's really what it is.
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And that's what why going to meetings all the time is
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important because out there on TV and that is people dancing
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around and you drive past it 7:00 at night, past the pub and
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everybody's drinking with impunity because they're just
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starting. What you should really do is get
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back in the car at 2:00 AM in the morning and drive fast and
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see where it ends up. So it's not it's an unfair
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balance. It's an unfair fire.
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And yeah, so basically, but all that Step 2 for me, like I just
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run bikes. This, this is just how I see it.
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But your power grader and I Stewart selves is AII mean
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there's all your experience and stuff that I get all the wisdom
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in here and like a whole group of us together is more powerful
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than just me. If you if you don't like me and
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you want to beat the shit out of me, you've probably got a better
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chance. If you get everybody to beat the
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shit out of me, you know it's got you're going to do more
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damage than than just one person.
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And there's power of, of a group and then the people that have
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gone before me and the yeah, so it's pretty easy one for me.
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I never liked to ask for help. That was one of the big hurdles
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because I felt I was weak if I didn't ask for help.
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And I remember as an example, I, I drew up this to end up being 3
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frames for my mom's pergola and two column type things and the
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big roof frame. Now I got to go fabricate them
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up and then deliver them to a house.
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And I just had to get it through her garage to the back area and
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I could work out how to carry these two big columns.
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But the roof was like probably a couple 100 kilos.
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And I laid awake at night going, I could put this on a trolley
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and all these ideas that I could rig it up to get get it off the
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trailer and put it through myself because I didn't want to
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ask for help. In hindsight, I can see this
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now. And then somebody in a, a said,
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why don't you ask for help? And so, and so that's what
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happened. I, I bit the bullet and I, and I
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was humbled and asked for help and my sponsor at the time, that
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friend I was telling you about and the guy from across the
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road, the neighbor, I pulled him in and the four of us together
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carried it and put it into place and it was no problem.
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And it's like that was so much easier.
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So it seems like that I like to remember when I make an absolute
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chaotic hard timer things Flynn. And, and it's only through some
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of the latest steps that I've realized that those people
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helping me are actually getting a satisfaction.
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And it's good for them. It's actually helping their self
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esteem. So it's great for their and,
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and, and so that makes it a lot easier to ask for help.
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You know, I sometimes have a laugh because a newcomer will go
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in, come in and, and I'll go, you should do the dishes because
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I don't want to deprive you of feeling good.
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You know, that's a bit of A twist, you know, then you know,
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Step 4, it's just too much made out of it really.
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But it's it's basically I'm in engineering, it's reverse
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engineering. It's it's like I'm pissed off
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and you follow it back and you go why?
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And that's, you know, that's all, that's all.
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And for me, some of the revelations are coming out of
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that. Perfectionism is probably the
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biggest one, which I was telling you, you know, is a massive,
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massive strain, has been a massive strain on me.
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Still is somewhat. But to follow that through and
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go, you know, that comes ultimately from fear.
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So I don't even think I was fearful person.
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But you know, I look at it and I was bullied as a kid because I
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my ears grew a lot bigger than my head.
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And so I get flicked, I get kicked, skull chase down and I
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have to hide in the library. And then.
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And so yeah, myself esteem was really lie at the time.
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And then if I didn't get 20 out of 20 for a test wasn't good
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enough. And I felt like there was not
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much love. And so this pressure and I was
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hypersensitive too, which I recognize now.
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I don't know what that is. But you know, when you see like
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the teddy bears on the poles along the side of the road that
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people put, I'm distraught. I think like those teddy bears
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are getting all that sun on them and they're going to be burnt
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out there. And like, like this
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hypersensitivity that I'm, I don't know.
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But it's like, and so at some stage I must have recognized
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that if I get everything perfect, I'll be OK.
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I won't be criticized. I'll, I'll be left alone and,
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and that's my formula for life. And, and Maggie, I'll be
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accepted And, and so the, but the problem with that is you put
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this intense desire to have everything right, but then I
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project that on everyone else around me, right?
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So I'm at work. I'm 100%.
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If you're not getting 100%, you watch out because you especially
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if you're doing a team project, because you're going to make me
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look stupid if you're not getting 100%.
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And so I don't be in collision with people and places and
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things all the time and trying to get them to do it properly.
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And that's still a problem right in life.
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Try trying to let go a bit more. But yeah, to trace that all the
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way back. And that fear was around as a
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kid that, that, that fear of failure and be mocked.
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I remember when I went from primary school to high school, I
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went to try out for the football.
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My mum had bought me a new set of football boots for her.
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I turned up and I saw those kids running around because they had
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year twelves to, you know, year eights to year twelves.
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And some of them are massive. And I thought I'm going to get a
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shit knocked out of me here. And I thought, I'm not going to
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be the best player on the field. Take Me Home, you know, I didn't
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want to go out there because if I played and I wasn't the best,
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I'd be embarrassed and humiliated and, and it prevented
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me from doing a lot of shit like like that.
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And I still got that in the back of my mind today, I think, you
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know, and that was the thought that I had is that if you're not
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going to be the, if I took up tennis and I'm not going to be
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best, what's the point in doing it until I, I don't live like
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that. I'll do the Nike program, which
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is just do it, just pick it up. Somebody says do it.
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And I picked up a couple years ago the ukulele and I'm so
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uncoordinated. I thought, what's I thought,
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what's the easiest instrument? Because I've always had an
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interest. Like I thought that'd be cool to
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make play some music. And it said the ukulele was the
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easiest. So I picked that up and I
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thought, and in the back of my mind was Douglas from down South
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and his words that I've always heard, which is like, I picked
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up the guitar once and I couldn't play like Led Zeppelin.
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So I put it back down again. I thought, don't you put it
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down, like give it a good shot. And and I still play it and I
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don't have that many tunes I can play, but it's something, right?
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It's something good. And the thing about it's taught
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me a lot about IA actually, because it's the same sort of
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thing where you learn what we're doing is learning something and
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you pick up the ukulele, you don't know what you're doing.
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Like when I when I bought it in the shop, he says just strum a
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chord. It's like what the what's the
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chord at height? You know, I don't know.
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It's got it's all, all its lingo that's different, like IA that
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you got to learn and bit by bit, you know, and it's frustrating
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as shit as well, just like this can be.
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Sometimes you're applying yourself and you're not getting
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any results. And then all of a sudden one day
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it all materializes And it's like, that's cool.
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And the the weird thing that happened with that one time is
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and it's never happened before because I'm a thinking person,
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right? And this is action.
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It's a bit like, OK, you've got action and thinking and, and by
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just repetitively muscle and they call it muscle, muscle
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memory by repetitively doing it, all of a sudden my fingers were
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going faster than my brain could think.
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And I was like, this is weird. Like I can't think as quick as
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my fingers are moving and, and I'm playing this music like I'm
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out of my body somehow. And other musicians that hear
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they talk about that go, yeah, it's weird like because normally
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I think and then do and then seeing my body just play.
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And so it's been it's been really great learning new things
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because it's tight. It's and, and it also takes away
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some of that perfectionism because at the end of the day, I
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suck pretty much. I'm pretty shit and I don't
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care. And at first, when I started
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getting it, I'd go to the beach that is somebody within 500
18:09
meters. I would keep walking.
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So there's no possible way they could hear because I'd be
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humidated. And now they care.
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People can walk past and it's just I'm doing it and it's given
18:20
me some sort of joy. And, and you know, because if I
18:25
was Novak Djokovic and I was playing in the Grand in the
18:28
finals match at Wimbledon or suddenly and I didn't think I
18:32
could beat that other player, I would pull out of that game
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because I wouldn't want to be seen to be exerting myself the
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best I could and coming up short.
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And that's a massive hindrance to life.
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And now, you know, I've taken up sailing again as well, which
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something I used to do because it was one of those sports I
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took out when I was early 20s because I thought I could drink
18:52
while I do it. That's what she could during the
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twilight. They would all be on the pistol
18:57
while this while they're sailing.
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But now I just sail with my iced coffee and my little dog and my
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and my wife now came out yesterday and it was a beautiful
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day and I suck it sailing. I'm not good at it.
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And it's a bit like drinking. It's like, I can't guarantee
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what it's going to happen if you come out on the boat with me.
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But but, but it, it, it was a good time.
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We put the anchor down and saw the birds and that right going
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past the other week, a seal came past and, and just the sound of
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the waves and the nature. And it's given me really good
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insight into what is now my God, because that's been a long time
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evolving thing where I've taken on some gods that haven't been
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good for me at all. Like, and I know there's people
19:41
in here that have that loving sort of gay deity God, but it
19:45
doesn't work for me because if I go, there's a loving God, then
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he's also responsible for this shit.
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And he also put the traffic at the front of my house when I was
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trying to pull out and made a way for work.
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And he did this and he did that, you know, and so now that's all
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put on Murphy, Murphy's law. So I was taken away from God's
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doing and and my God is sort of a Mother Nature, which is
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interesting, what with the sailing stuff, watching the
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Grand Prix's. How these people that are in
20:18
sailing world sort of have this concept of God, there's a couple
20:22
years ago they had this massive blow up storm in in Sydney and
20:24
they were lifting one out of the water for the second day because
20:28
it was just too much and the wind just took it and smashed it
20:31
apart. And they interviewed the guy
20:33
that's like the race like that owns the team and he goes, Oh
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well, that's Mother Nature boy, what a reaction.
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This $1,000,000 boat's just smashed up and he's gone.
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That's Mother Nature and for me, like it is like the wind, like
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it's something I can't see, but I can because I can see the flag
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over there blowing. I can see evidence of it.
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I can see it when a gust comes across the water because it goes
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darker and you can see it coming and get ready, ready to hold on
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for dear life when the when it hits the boat.
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And also it's something there's a big power.
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There's a massive power that I could, if I want to go directly
21:11
into the wind, I can just get my shits up and go, Oh God, put
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with only wind coming this way, like that's, that's it doesn't
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care about where I am or what I'm doing.
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It just blows that way because other things and but I can
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utilize it and sail to where I want to go, like I can tack into
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the wind. And it's amazing watching some
21:33
of this sailing around the world stuff like people on YouTube and
21:36
stuff. This.
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I've been watching this daughter and and mother sail from they
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did the Hobart and then Melbourne to Japan and then on
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the way back they picked up there.
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But it's amazing. Like you know, when they're
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going up across the equator, they hit what they call the
21:53
doldrums, which is like there's there's no wind lots of times.
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And Jesse Martin when he did sailing around the world and
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also Jessica what Watson, which is the 16 year old girl that
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sailed solo around the world was a really good Netflix show on
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that. When they're around their zords
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and that they get no wind and they can be bobbing up and down
22:13
for days and they can't do anything about it.
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They're out in the middle of the ocean and they're just bobbing
22:18
up and down in the heat and it's mentally taxing on.
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And it just goes to show you how powerful the world world is.
22:25
And then and yet when she's come down under the Cape, Cape Horn,
22:29
I think she got hit. There was that much horrific
22:32
wind and stuff, a massive storm that hit her, that all you can
22:36
do is go into a fatal position in the in the cabin and lock it
22:40
up and the sails are down and you're at the mercy of all that.
22:42
They actually threw a boat over and down under the water.
22:46
And that must have been terrifying.
22:48
But it also reminds me of life that sometimes you exert, you
22:51
can exert yourself out with no wind as much as you want and
22:54
you're not going anywhere. And other times, you know, it
22:57
does seem everything's piled up against you and you have to get
23:00
in the fatal position still, you know, and just see it over and
23:03
see it through. But you know, it's going to
23:05
pass. This too will pass because I'll
23:08
project a bad day at work and go, I don't think I can deal
23:11
with this bad day at work for the next 30 years and then think
23:15
about killing myself, you know? But it's not, it's not true.
23:18
It's not going to happen like this bad day for the next 30
23:21
years. And and so they're all little
23:23
things to remember, like the part of the wind will come
23:26
again. And because the other week I
23:27
took the friend out and there was no wind for that exact
23:30
reason. And we had to wait for the wind
23:33
to come. But in the meantime, we waved at
23:34
the little steamship as it went past and people taking photos
23:39
and but it's just a good reminder and and just coming
23:43
back to the mother and daughter when they picked up the, the,
23:45
the father and the and her partner and they're coming back
23:49
down from Japan to Micronesia and the wind was blowing against
23:53
them. And then they thought to
23:54
themselves, we always wanted to check out that dormant volcano,
23:59
which was I think to the West and because the wind was
24:03
favourable. So, so there's sometimes if
24:06
you're open to that changing of plan, it can be great too.
24:09
And they were and they went to the, it was an amazing like
24:13
video that this girl takes. She's a really good videographer
24:18
and she's put the drone up and you see this little yacht, which
24:20
is actually a really big yacht in this Volk extinct volcano
24:24
with mountains around it. And it's like hundreds of metres
24:28
deep, no one around whatsoever. And they jumped off and had a
24:32
little swim with these fish and stuff.
24:33
It was just magic, but they did that because they were flexible
24:37
and they said and they looked at God, if you like, and the wind
24:40
and went, this is an opportunity rather than a hindrance.
24:43
And so I just love the sailing analogy for for this program to
24:49
keep that flexibility in mind. Maybe if I'm beating my shit
24:52
against the wall here, is there some, maybe there's a better
24:55
island over here type of thing and and just being open to it.
25:00
And that's basically allowing Step 3 into my life, you know,
25:06
working with God rather than being God.
25:09
And that's probably the most important thing is I don't know
25:12
what God is, but I'm not it, you know.
25:14
And so, you know, all those other steps that I step 4567,
25:20
they're basically all, all should just go together.
25:23
Because once you see the folly of, of how I'm doing life with
25:27
this perfectionist bullshit dreams and specifications that
25:30
they're doing up with depression, it's like I should
25:33
be letting it go. And another thing that most
25:36
sponsor told me once is, you know, and this really stops me
25:40
from doing it and, and turning, you know, my old ways over is
25:45
he's like, so when your neighbor plays music loud, you'll go
25:48
around there and argue with him. It's like, so he's treating you
25:51
like a puppet and you do that. He's puppeting you.
25:56
And it's like the idea of that guy being able to press a button
26:00
and control me and it makes me sicker than getting angry out
26:03
here. It's just I will not allow you
26:06
to control me. So it's very easy to give up on
26:10
that and put some headphones on because, yeah, I just, you know,
26:15
and some of them, these things you write down here just go,
26:17
what is this crap? You know, and writing stuff out
26:20
is really good. But direct commends has been
26:25
varied. And I, I don't have, I don't
26:30
have a lot of immense, like a lot of my drunken stuff.
26:34
I don't know the people names, anything about them because it
26:38
was out. I'd get my party shoes on and go
26:40
out. But the point being is on if, if
26:42
somebody comes up to me one day in the mall and goes, you're a
26:45
prick because 20 years ago you did this to me, I'm willing to
26:49
make an amend. And, and that's really what I
26:52
can only do for a lot of them. But I had a girlfriend in
26:55
Brisbane that was very up and down.
26:58
It was apparent to me now at least that she was an alcoholic.
27:03
She would turn after having 4 Jim beans.
27:06
Like this sparkle would come in her eye and she would have this
27:09
total personality shift like, and then we'd say, oh, like you
27:13
got to limit it to 4 Jim beans. And then one day I came home
27:15
from work and I said, you've I could tell she's had more than 4
27:18
Jim beans. I said, you've had more than 4
27:20
Jim beans. And she said, I'm only on my
27:22
second set of four Ed trove. And but anyhow, there was damage
27:27
done on both sides. And one day after free of this
27:30
program, I looked her up on Facebook, which so it does have
27:33
some positive uses. And lo and behold, she's living
27:35
in Mountain Barker. So I caught up with her and did
27:39
the mints with her. And that was a significant one
27:42
because I didn't think it was all that bad in my head.
27:45
And when I went for her and apologized, she just broke down
27:49
and cried and she wasn't able to have another relationship for
27:53
all those years. And then not long after that she
27:55
got in a relationship and I believe she got married.
27:58
So set her free and sort of this is what this does because you
28:02
think apologizing, this stuff is weak, but it's actually
28:06
powerful. And I can, I can feel the chills
28:08
in me now just from, from that experience of vulnerability.
28:13
And, and then also through step 10, I, I had to apologize to my
28:17
dad the other day because some of the stuff I've been covered
28:20
in childhood is, was not fair. From what I've been told.
28:24
I've realized this, it was untrue.
28:26
So it's unfortunate, but, you know, I've learned the truth
28:30
behind it. And so, you know, I held him
28:34
responsible for the breakup of their marriage.
28:36
And. And I've learned a lot of stuff
28:38
that's actually wasn't true. And.
28:41
And so I, you know, the way I treated him was not correct
28:45
based on the information I had, but it's still not correct.
28:48
And that's relieved him as well. Yeah.
28:52
And I don't know how much time. I've got a couple of minutes.
28:54
All right. Yeah.
28:55
Cool. So.
28:56
Oh, well, we better get to the banger 1.
28:58
Like prayer and meditation is less like, well, for me, like
29:02
the prayer, I, my mum treats her as a Pentecostal.
29:06
She treats God as a, as a vending machine.
29:09
It's like, I'll have this and you need to do this, you need to
29:11
do that. And you know, for me, it's just
29:16
like, where can I be of service? Really?
29:19
It's like, where can I be servicing?
29:21
I was just recently changing my work from construction to to
29:26
giving back and with people that have got in trouble with drugs
29:30
and alcohol a bit. And, and, and that's what I got
29:34
from the Arnie Netflix show, which is like his dad always
29:37
taught him, where can I be of use?
29:39
And that's basically puts you in a position for your self esteem.
29:42
And, and, but the banger one for me, it's a real shame when
29:47
people, the new people come in and they're sitting on step one
29:50
or something and sponsor says we've got to be on here for step
29:53
one for three months or something.
29:54
It's like this 12 is where the self esteem builds up and
29:59
destroys the ego. And like self, self esteem comes
30:04
from steamable hacks, which is anything from doing dishes to
30:08
and being of use and service, but not just to another
30:11
alcoholic. You know, if you see that person
30:13
struggling, you know, with a flat tire or something.
30:17
I get more out of changing somebody's tire and helping them
30:19
out of the dilemma than than buying.
30:21
If I was to buy myself a new motorbike after a week, it's
30:25
just like, what's this now that the cleanest piece of crap, you
30:28
know, but that feeling that you get from helping somebody else.
30:31
And that to me is why now I can ask for help from other people
30:35
because I know it's good to help.
30:38
And and that's why that's a bit of a shame.
30:41
Let us accept 12 when many people don't get to it because
30:45
self esteem is is we've done so many shitty things out there.
30:50
That embarrassment, guilt, shame, remorse.
30:52
The self esteem when we come in is nothing.
30:55
And just having that self worth is amazing.
31:00
And so I'm I'm grateful basically.
31:04
I can't believe I've made it till this time.
31:06
You must be all. Is anyone still awake?
31:10
But yeah, thanks for having me here because it's been, it's a
31:13
good time to reflect upon your own journey as well, because we
31:17
can all get caught up in our little bullshit lives of people
31:21
doing things and it can really put it back in place.
31:24
And I hope that some stuff there's been of use because
31:28
that's where it's really about like life's not easy and if, but
31:33
if we can all help each other. And now having that love and
31:36
compassion and that connection that you get from AAI, always
31:39
thought was disconnection was going to be happiness because I
31:42
don't have to deal with all these pricks and stuff like
31:45
isolation. But it's actually been
31:47
connection. Connection and self esteem are
31:50
probably the most 2 important things I've found in IAA.
31:53
Thanks, good on see you away. Thanks very much, Prada AA.
31:58
Has more than two million recovering Alcoholics throughout
32:01
the world. In Australia there are about
32:05
18,000 members. They're made in over 2000 local
32:10
meetings spread around the country.
32:12
Meetings range in size from a handful in some areas to
32:17
hundreds or more in larger communities.
32:20
And once again, if anyone you know is struggling with alcohol
32:24
issues, please call Alcoholics announcing 1300 Double 22222 or
32:31
visit their website on aa.org dot AU.