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The conversational narcissist: why they always shift the focus back to themselves 🗣️🔄 · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  How to deal with a conversational narcissist One of
• 0:03
  those narcissist that you that you come across that just always
• 0:07
  seems to want to talk about themselves like nothing else
• 0:10
  matters in this conversation or damn near in the world other
• 0:14
  than what they think about themselves.
• 0:16
  So the guardian posted this article right here.
• 0:18
  Y'all about he said. What's your favorite thing about
• 0:21
  me? So we all know a person who sees
• 0:24
  every chat as an opportunity to go on and on about themselves.
• 0:29
  And sometimes that person is us. You might be the narcissist,
• 0:33
  right? You might be the conversational
• 0:36
  narcissist in this state, in this situation right here.
• 0:38
  So appearance, it says name conversational narcissism.
• 0:43
  Kristen in 1979, a man conversing with himself or a
• 0:48
  woman 'cause women had we good, we good, we good, we're good
• 0:52
  here, y'all, we're good. A paradox then?
• 0:55
  Not really. It's just people going on and on
• 0:57
  about themselves under the cloak of a two way exchange.
• 1:01
  So I know a lot of people have dealt with people like this
• 1:04
  where you feel like it's a, it's a two party conversation.
• 1:07
  Y'all are having a general talk, y'all are having a chat.
• 1:11
  But everything in the conversation centers around
• 1:15
  them, how they feel, how they act, how they think.
• 1:19
  It's very little to do with you. They don't very soon as you say
• 1:24
  something about yourself, they're always doing that
• 1:27
  compare and contrast thing right where you'll just say, oh damn,
• 1:31
  man, I'm, I'm, I don't feel good today.
• 1:33
  I'm, I'm a little under the weather today.
• 1:36
  And they'll be like, well, I've been under the weather all week.
• 1:39
  I can't believe I made it to work today.
• 1:41
  I I can't believe I had to fight through all the sickness and all
• 1:45
  the illnesses to feel how I feel right now.
• 1:49
  I can't believe this rabble rabble rabble, blah, blah, blah,
• 1:52
  Boo Boo, Boo BBD. There's so many different things
• 1:55
  that go on in this situation and how it goes.
• 1:58
  Like conversational narcissist absolutely exists.
• 2:00
  Have you ever encountered 1 drop in the comment section say, Hey,
• 2:05
  Lee, I've dealt with one right here, say and somebody says
• 2:08
  right here, somebody asked the question.
• 2:10
  And if I do that, I'm a narcissist.
• 2:12
  So does mean, so does what does it mean when the you are the one
• 2:17
  that's centering the conversation around yourself is
• 2:20
  what this article is asking right here, right?
• 2:22
  What this, I guess somebody else is asking like if you consider
• 2:25
  yourself an empath, but you make the conversation about yourself,
• 2:29
  does that mean you're a narcissist?
• 2:31
  And the Guardian says not necessarily.
• 2:33
  Like when the sociologist Charles Deborah coined the term
• 2:36
  nearly half a century ago, he was using it to refer to
• 2:40
  defining characteristics of the attention seeking culture of the
• 2:42
  late 70s America. It's late 70s, late 70s America.
• 2:50
  What the hell? What about the, the, the, the
• 2:54
  late twenty 20s America 'cause this is my, this is 2026.
• 2:58
  I feel like conversational narcissists are huge right now.
• 3:01
  I feel like especially streamers and bloggers, right, Boo,
• 3:06
  especially I feel like especially like streamers and
• 3:09
  bloggers or whatever vloggers, they are conversational
• 3:12
  narcissists because everything centers around their lives and
• 3:16
  they get paid well, very well for it, right?
• 3:20
  Very well. Everything centers around
• 3:23
  literally their entire life. They had to film their entire
• 3:25
  life from get up from sun up down there to sundown.
• 3:28
  I guess, right? I don't watch, I don't watch
• 3:29
  streamers. I don't know, but from what I've
• 3:31
  seen, they have to stream all day.
• 3:34
  They're streaming all day pretty much for what I seen you.
• 3:36
  I just don't. It's I'm under the pressure that
• 3:38
  they stream a lot of their lives.
• 3:40
  So every conversation is about them.
• 3:42
  Their whole vlog, the whole thing, the whole channel is
• 3:44
  about them. So I feel like, I know the term
• 3:46
  was coined in the late 70s, but I feel like conversational
• 3:49
  narcissism, especially right now, it's rewarded.
• 3:52
  You get rewarded for centering the conversation around
• 3:55
  yourself. You get rewarded for it in
• 3:57
  today's society, right? People want to know people,
• 3:59
  especially if you have it. If people consider you a train
• 4:02
  wreck or you're entertaining, hell yeah.
• 4:04
  You want to see your life, especially if they think people
• 4:07
  are rooted. There are so many people that
• 4:08
  are out there rooting for your downfall that they will watch
• 4:11
  your channel every day until until the downfall happens
• 4:14
  there. Yeah, there are some.
• 4:15
  Yeah, there are literally some haters out here and they will
• 4:19
  like they going to keep hating until the end of the until they
• 4:22
  get the opportunity, until they get what they want.
• 4:24
  I'll say it like that. So back to the article.
• 4:28
  Suffice it to say he hadn't seen nothing yet.
• 4:31
  If I'm a narcissist, if I'm not a narcissist, then what am I?
• 4:35
  Does this have to be about you? Oh, so this is somebody going
• 4:37
  back and forth, right? But you're not necessarily a
• 4:41
  narcissist because you centered the conversation around
• 4:42
  yourself. There are a lot of survivors
• 4:45
  that I speak to that have centered the conversation around
• 4:47
  themselves because your, it's your journey, it's your survival
• 4:50
  journey. You're telling about your
• 4:51
  survival journey. And the truth be told, if a
• 4:54
  narcissist or a a toxic narcissist was to get a hold to
• 4:58
  this article, they could use it against you, right?
• 5:00
  Or you they could use the, they could use cut the term
• 5:03
  conversational narcissism to turn it on your head, to flip it
• 5:06
  on your head, right? They can say, well, you tell you
• 5:11
  when you telling your healing journey, when you're telling
• 5:14
  your story about your healing journey, you're really just how
• 5:17
  you centering everything around yourself and how you feel.
• 5:19
  So you call me a narcissist, but you're actually the narcissist
• 5:22
  here, right? It's actually you that as a
• 5:24
  narcissist, not me, not I, not I said the cat, not I said the
• 5:28
  cat. Back to the article right here.
• 5:34
  It would, it would be much OK. It'd be much easier, thanks.
• 5:38
  Often, listen right here. Often conversational narcissists
• 5:42
  are acting out of insecurity, yes, or because they lack basic
• 5:45
  social skills they had. They just have a hard time
• 5:48
  letting the spotlight off of them.
• 5:50
  Doctor Sue Varma, A clinical assistant professor of
• 5:53
  psychiatry at New York University, recently told
• 5:55
  HuffPost it's not necessarily a sign that they are self
• 5:57
  absorbed, though it may seem like.
• 5:59
  Yeah. So sometimes they might just be
• 6:01
  insecure. They might just lack basic
• 6:03
  conversational skills to let the let the other person get the
• 6:06
  word get a word in. They might again, but if they're
• 6:09
  a conversational narcissist, they might not care.
• 6:13
  Why would they want you to get a word in?
• 6:15
  Why would they want you to get a word in if they don't care about
• 6:18
  what's going on right here? And then it says conversational
• 6:22
  narcissism may be pervasive even when even commonplace, but it's
• 6:26
  not fine. Your your interlocutor.
• 6:30
  Oh, your interlocutor will find you draining, exhausting, self
• 6:34
  obsessed and very and very hard work.
• 6:36
  Does that make sense? That's another sign, a glazed
• 6:41
  look that signals you're not interested in what the other
• 6:43
  person is saying and simply waiting your turn to speak.
• 6:46
  So if you're not paying attention, if you're a
• 6:47
  conversational narcissist, it means you really don't care
• 6:50
  about what the other person is saying.
• 6:52
  You just you're look, you're it's kind of like you're
• 6:54
  counting down the seconds until they stop talking so you can get
• 6:57
  another word in. Like the you're looking at them
• 7:02
  with a glaze overlook because you're more worried about
• 7:05
  yourself and getting back to talking about you than you are
• 7:08
  about the conversation as a whole.
• 7:10
  Right, Because that can absolutely be true as well.
• 7:12
  Right there, the glaze look. So I need to cultivate an
• 7:17
  interesting look. No, not necessarily about the
• 7:19
  looks. Are there any strategies for
• 7:22
  focusing, for keeping the focus on yours truly?
• 7:25
  They're not strategies. They're defects.
• 7:27
  There. There is an established tactic
• 7:29
  of Boomer, Boomer asking, asking your interlocutor a question
• 7:33
  only to turn the tables and answer the question as if you
• 7:37
  answered it for yourself. Oh, that's very interesting.
• 7:39
  That's a conversational narcissistic tactic to answer a
• 7:41
  question, to ask a question, and then you answer it.
• 7:44
  I've never heard of Boomer asking.
• 7:45
  That's correct. That's an interesting term right
• 7:46
  there. That is a very interesting term.
• 7:49
  I don't think I've ever heard of that right there.
• 7:51
  Conversational narcissism is is the default mode of discourse of
• 7:55
  our times. And I'm winning at it.
• 7:57
  Yes, I'm just telling y'all conversational narcissism.
• 8:00
  I told you that's what I'm saying.
• 8:02
  I haven't read the the full article.
• 8:03
  I was literally just on here and I was just like, I'm
• 8:05
  conversational narcissism is very unique right here.
• 8:09
  You can't just walk in here and start talking about yourself.
• 8:11
  A conversation is not a monologue.
• 8:13
  And I think that might be the end of the article right there.
• 8:16
  It's unsettling time thought they talked about Trump called
• 8:19
  journalist, the journalist, the enemy.
• 8:21
  A year into a second term, it's clear this time around he
• 8:23
  treated us like one. Oh, so the Guardian is going
• 8:25
  against Trump. OK, but it's the Guardian.
• 8:28
  This Guardian article right here.
• 8:29
  It's called What's your favorite thing about me?
• 8:31
  How to deal with conversational narcissist.
• 8:33
  So how to deal with one just for me, if I were to tell you how to
• 8:38
  deal with a conversational narcissist or somebody who keeps
• 8:40
  making a conversation about themselves, stop talking to
• 8:42
  them. I know that this is there's a
• 8:46
  super. Yeah, that's a super simple way,
• 8:48
  right? It's just to stop talking to
• 8:49
  them. Or if they keep making this
• 8:52
  conversation about themselves, you just talk to them less.
• 8:55
  If you have to communicate with people who talk about
• 8:57
  themselves, just talk to them only when necessary or right
• 9:01
  there or conversational narcissists are extremely.
• 9:04
  I feel like conversational narcissists are extremely easy
• 9:07
  to manipulate as well. So if you have one of your
• 9:10
  living with one. OK, Well, Lee just said Lee, you
• 9:13
  just said narcissists are easy to manipulate.
• 9:14
  How? Because all you have to do if
• 9:16
  they're all look, a conversation with a narcissist really is
• 9:20
  about self flattering. They're they're flattering
• 9:23
  themselves. They're trying to flatter,
• 9:25
  they're trying to make themselves sound flattering to
• 9:26
  you and in in the same, in the same breath, do all this kind of
• 9:30
  craziness. But how you destruct their ego,
• 9:33
  agree with them. If they keep talking about how
• 9:35
  great they are, all you have to do is agree with them, give them
• 9:38
  a compliment and then give, then tell, ask them, ask what what
• 9:42
  you want from them. Like they're open for
• 9:45
  manipulation. Then if you can talk to a
• 9:47
  narcissist or conversation narcissist, whoever, they're
• 9:49
  open to be manipulated. Once you stroke their ego, once
• 9:53
  you give them a compliment or something like that, they're
• 9:55
  easy to manipulate. Conversation on Narcissists are
• 9:57
  just because they're extremely vain.
• 10:00
  They're just focused on themselves.
• 10:01
  So if they're hyper focused on themselves and the only thing
• 10:04
  that they care about is themselves, you see what I'm
• 10:06
  getting? You see, I'm going with this
• 10:07
  right here. That's all that matters to them
• 10:10
  in this situation is caring about themselves in this
• 10:12
  situation, right? And doing this So a conversation
• 10:15
  of narcissists is an extremely easy narcissist to manipulate.
• 10:19
  Yeah. Anyway, y'all check out the the
• 10:21
  article from the Guardian. If y'all like me doing this like
• 10:23
  a little breakdown, I turn on Google alerts about narcissism
• 10:25
  and toxic relationships. So I'm getting I'm doing a
• 10:27
  little different content. Y'all draw in some new people
• 10:29
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• 10:32
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• 10:35
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• 10:40
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• 10:43
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• 10:45
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• 10:47
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• 10:48
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• 10:49
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• 10:51
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• 10:53
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• 10:57
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• 11:00
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