Transcript

Glory Hole · F*ck Off Fridays

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Fuck Off Fridays with your girl Liv and your girl Charlie.
0:07
SPEAKER_01: This week we have the resident fuck off of the week.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: We've got more eggs, can you believe?
0:12
SPEAKER_01: Rage bait.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: We've got some excellent dating stories.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: You've got something for me.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I've got a posh test.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: A posh test?
0:19
SPEAKER_00: A posh a U test.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: And I've got a red flag quiz.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: So scrap in, get yourself a beverage, and also.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: So, how's your week?
0:30
SPEAKER_00: I mean we can't really say that because I saw you two days ago.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: Well, 24 hours ago.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: How's it been anyway, even though you haven't seen me?
0:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh we oh yeah, pretend I've not seen you.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: We went to Epsom Derby on Saturday.
0:44
SPEAKER_01: We did indeed.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: Invited by the jockey club.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: Which was glorious, by the way.
0:48
SPEAKER_01: Hashtag influencers that we are now.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Go on! Influenzas.
0:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh no, it was very jolly.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: I mean, jolly.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: We had a nice time minus the weather.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: No, it was shocking.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: I f it felt like we were at Chattenham in November.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: And I felt so awful for the team because they put so much effort in to have like all these amazing outdoor spaces.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Like we had like the wine terrace upstairs, which would have been great had it been sunny.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: That was Ultimate Provence.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh, which to be fair, I I weirdly don't think I've heard of them before.
1:22
SPEAKER_01: Oh yes, I love the little terrace, and in the summer that would have been absolutely glorious.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: But like everything was really great in terms of like they had so many opportunities to have lovely photos, all the flower arches everywhere.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: And obviously, the bit we were in the the Lizzie stand, the Queen Elizabeth stand, which if anyone is gonna go to Epsom next year, I recommend it's just Oh, definitely do it.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: It's a nicer experience.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: It's in the standard bit, it was terrifying.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: It was giving best mate at Cheltenham vibes like people wanted a beer and a punch up.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: But the Lizzie stand, glorious, and they had that nice big top hat made out of foliage.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: There was a pianist in there playing out on John and all sorts.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: Have your top hat cleaned.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: So no, it was a it was a great day.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: Like I said, improved weather would have been way nicer.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: And we got our hair done.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, yes.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: That was absolute game changer.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: The little Debonham's Day spot, which you know, they had it at Cheltenham Festival.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: We just didn't see it.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: Well, I walked past it and I was like, oh, do you have to pay?
2:20
SPEAKER_01: It's completely free of charge, hair and makeup.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, we went and had a hair touch on required because my goodness, the wind was blowing.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, I mean, no one's brawley was standing the test of time.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: And we saw lots of men with umbrellas.
2:36
SPEAKER_01: Lots of men.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: The only other thing, actually, which you don't get at Cheltenham, so I was very alarmed to see.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: You know, as we walked in, you had basically the equivalent of hunt sabs, but racing sabs before we got protesters.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Literally, they know nothing about anything that they're talking about, and that horses don't live long and fulfilled lives.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: And I'm thinking, okay, clearly you don't know what you're talking about, because they definitely do.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: Those horses live better than any human I know.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: I know.
3:05
SPEAKER_01: They've got chiropractors, they've got personal grooms, dentists, everything.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: And they have so much money thrown at them.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: People are like, what was it?
3:14
SPEAKER_01: One of the signs said, A horse is going to die today.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, if they're unlucky.
3:18
SPEAKER_01: I was like, You want to go jump racing, my friend.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: It's even worse.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: Well, mm-hmm.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't actually see them at Chelnum.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: They're quick.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, we don't see the Sabs, but you don't see the horses die because they're quick with the screens.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, we had a nice time.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: We had a yeah, we had a joy time.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: Bala Sabs.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so we did that.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: I came back Saturday night.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: My friend came out from London.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: Um and basically I had to go and pick him up because he's so used to living in London that he got to the nearest fuel station to me with five miles left in the tank because they shut at seven.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, I've why it why does it shut at seven?
3:55
SPEAKER_00: I was like, You grew up in the countryside.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: How do you not like also he's been somewhere else, he's been past multiple fuel stations.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: Why didn't you fill up with fuel?
4:04
SPEAKER_00: I've been rinsing about it ever since.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, good.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: I I feel like, especially if you've grown up in the countryside.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: 36-year-old man, I had to go and pick you up.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: He looked like he was selling the big issue.
4:13
SPEAKER_01: Honestly.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: But who's driving with only five miles left in their tank?
4:17
SPEAKER_01: Less than half a tank around here gives me anxiety.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's an absolute goon.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: Um anyway, I picked him up, we went straight to the pub.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: Um and we had Johnny Time, and we ended up going back to friends until nearly 1am, talking absolute bollocks.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, so it was a really random after Epson night.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: Um not as random as your Sunday though.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: Sunday story.
4:43
SPEAKER_01: Can you tell your Sunday story?
4:45
SPEAKER_00: I can tell my Sunday story.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: I think you can.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: I can tell my Sunday story.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: Um so Sunday, obviously normal morning, and I went to meet again, same friends that I was at the night before.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: She loves to drink this one on a Sunday.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: So wholesome, they always do the crossword in the wine bar.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: Are they doing the Times or the Daily Mail though?
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Times or Times Times crossword, I suppose.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we but I've met them for a couple weeks and I've been doing it.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: It's great, I love it.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: So wholesome, and I'm third wheeling the fuck out of it.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: Um and sometimes I'm very intelligent and I have a lot of answers.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, met them, did the crossword, we're sat outside, it was quite nice weather, had a couple of had a couple of jars, and um then I got introduced to the very, very lovely Emily, who is Gilly Cooper's daughter.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: Go on.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, big up rivals.
5:37
SPEAKER_00: Go on, rivals.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: And she yeah, she's that lives rent-free in my head.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: She's a fucking riot.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Um I she had really pleasant.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: We had a really, really wholesome time uh talking about the Cults Worlds and everything else goes on our lives.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: And funny enough, village Facebook pages and how people get rinsed.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
5:56
SPEAKER_01: If you're gonna post on a village Facebook page, do it anonymously.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: Never have that come back around to you.
6:02
SPEAKER_01: They've all learned the hard way.
6:02
SPEAKER_01: You will get plumbed.
6:04
SPEAKER_01: Um and then after that.
6:05
SPEAKER_00: Speaking of plumbing, speaking of plumbing, after that, I saw our guy Paul.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: Um, to those of you who haven't watched this country, you will not know what I'm talking about.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: But Martin Mucklow, after he'd finished his tours, um, we had a little glass of rose with him, which was tremendous.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: And I am gonna plug for Paul.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: He has been invited to play Scrooge in a Christmas Carol at Cheltenham Ladies College.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Tickets are on sale now.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: I think let's book our tickets.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: I'd really like to go and watch it.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: I've said to him we're gonna go and watch it.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, amazing.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, he's not around this week, but I'm gonna try and catch up with him, get a drink out with him next week.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we'll get some tickets.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, Christmas Carol with Martin Mucklow.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: If you want to go and watch it, I reckon it'll be right, Riot.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: And anyone who if you've not watched this country, you still don't know who he is, Daisy Mae Cooper.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: It's her dad.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: It's her dad.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: What an absolute boy.
6:59
SPEAKER_01: And he hosted the quiz night, didn't he, at The Keepers?
7:01
SPEAKER_00: He did, at The Keepers.
7:02
SPEAKER_01: That's our local corner.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: Ten out of ten guy.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: So I had a very random Sunday.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: I think that's probably the best voice note I've ever received from him.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: So by the way, then I came back to feed dogs and um live a normal life.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: And if you're like me, to watch off campus for a second time.
7:22
SPEAKER_01: So if anyone live very different lives.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: So we re we plugged this a couple of times now, and you've had a few messages, haven't you, from people saying, like, oh my god, I should have trusted you.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: God, yeah.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: It's so great.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: Just listen to us.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: I have a better description, and I don't know why I didn't read this out first time.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: So some people didn't like the cell, did they of like Wandre Hill?
7:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay, think of it this way: if you watch The Summer I Turn Pretty, it's a slaggier version of that in the best way.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is actually.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: I hadn't thought of it like that.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but my favourite comment of the week was from one of our glorious little I love her, one of our little friends.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: She texted me, she'd finally given in to watch it, and she texted me and said, Lady Boner engaged, I'm kicking my feet together.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Thank fuck.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: She was like, I'm glued to it.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, listen to us.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: And then we I had one more from a friend who said, Off-campus had me in a chokehold more than the samurai temperature ever could.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: Now, if that's not a sell, yeah, get out of here.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: You're not for us.
8:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: We watched it even after our three martini lunch.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: Right, fuck off with the weeks.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: Do you want to start with yours?
8:36
SPEAKER_00: I don't have one.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: I've had one.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: Why are you so positive all the time?
8:39
SPEAKER_01: It's really depressing.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: Last half full con again.
8:42
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: Nothing's fucked me off enough.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, so a friend of mine said she recently came back from a holiday in Croatia.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: When she was trying to leave Gatwick Airport, she was following the signs that told her how to get out.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: But the lane that was telling her to go out said coaches only, so she carried on looping round, and it took her straight back to the drop-off point.
9:02
SPEAKER_01: It was the only way she could go through.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: So she had to pay£10 for the privilege of a minute, less than a minute she was in there.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: She had to drive through because the signs weren't clear.
9:10
SPEAKER_01: She was like, I was absolutely fuming, it's wasted money.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I get I get that.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: How many people do you think have done that there?
9:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: But was it less than a minute?
9:17
SPEAKER_01: It was so savage.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: I mean, get it together, get week.
9:19
SPEAKER_01: So there you go.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: Well, mine people in general, but dropped my London friend back to the petrol station because he stayed at mine on Saturday night.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: So I dropped him Sunday morning, got to the petrol station, he's filling up with fuel.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: I thought, right, fine, I'll sort mine out.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: Um you drive in a certain way, right?
9:45
SPEAKER_00: There's an entry and there's an exit.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: Tell me I'm wrong.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, driving this way.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: There's a guy on like a gator in front of me with his dog in the back.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Cute, cute.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: Strong vehicle for anyone who doesn't know what that is.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: Get it, give it a Google.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: Quad like a quad bike.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: Cute.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: We love this, wholesome.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, some pillock, pillock, you love that word, has parked, like, come in the other way and parked in front of him, like honestly, like this close to the gator.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: And so the gator couldn't get out.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: So he I had to reverse, he had to reverse, because the pump next to me wasn't working, see.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: And then he had to like kind of crawl past this car, and then the red car pulls up in front of me, and I literally went, What the fuck are you doing?
10:28
SPEAKER_00: And he went, Oh, I've been sat there for ages.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I've been sat for ages, I've been sat here for ages, and he was like, Oh, and I was like, right, fine, I'm gonna sit here calmly, I'm gonna sit here calmly.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: I had a car full of dogs, I had three dogs in my car.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: I was trying to take him for a dog walk.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I'm gonna sit here calm, I'm gonna sit here calm.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: And then what does he do?
10:46
SPEAKER_00: The fucking audacity, instead of reversing out, he makes me reverse all the way out because he's driven in the wrong fucking way.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Useless sack of shit.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: I was raging, yeah.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: All while my old buddy, my old pal, Mr.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: Five Mile fucking useless weapon, is laughing at me.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: I literally do it.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: I was like, You'll never stay at my house again.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: Fuck off.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: All because you're doing a favour.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: That's calm, that's cargo in the wrong way.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, in the wrong way.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: So sorry, but that was literally really fucked me off.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: That was Sunday morning.
11:17
SPEAKER_00: And then my Sunday afternoon was great.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: What a change of events! What a change of events.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Moving on, we've got some more icks.
11:25
unknown: Yeah.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: Can you add them and steve it?
11:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, you have added the one I gave you.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: Stunning.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: You've got some, I've got some.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: So if everyone remembers last week, I said one of my personal icks is when people over the age of 10 call their parents mummy and daddy.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: Someone sent in that a person that they work with has their mother saved in their phone as Mama Duck.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: Is it supposed to be satire?
11:54
SPEAKER_00: Do you think?
11:55
SPEAKER_00: Or do you think it is actually that they call their mum Mama Duck?
11:58
SPEAKER_01: I think they might actually call their mum Mama Duck.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: She said they're the type of person that would probably call their mum Mama Duck.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: I have Charlie saved in my phone as Pamela Padstow Mermaid.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: It started as Pamela Clements because she has massive boobs and it was like Pamela Anderson.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: And then we went to Padstow on a kind of getaway girls thing.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Um and it was Padstow, and then we had a running joke about mermaids.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: It expanded.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: Mama Duck is a bit weird.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: It's strange.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: What my safe dad is on your phone?
12:27
SPEAKER_00: Olivia Dharma.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: Forever, baby.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: Um so I got the I shared this with you this morning because I got this sent this this morning.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: Um taking your shoes off in an office.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: She was going to try and get me a photo, but she couldn't.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: Someone who's walking around in their socks in an office.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay, so guilty.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: I do this every now and again.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: So I read it and I do think it was a personal attack.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: I don't do it all the time.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: No, it wasn't about you.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I do it every now and again, but I tend to just keep my feet under the desk if I'm taking them off.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: Like walking around from my head.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: If your feet you're okay, I don't hate it.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: Um so from a girl, we had uh men with their shirts off in dating profile pictures.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: So on like hinge, Tinder, etc.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: I it's not the flex you think it is.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: No, it it screams I'm a fuckboy.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: It's not the flex you think it is.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm here for a shy.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: Also, just give us a little bit, like let us have our own little imagination and you know, unwrap the gift.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: Uh, girls who sell tickets on themselves, you know who sent this in.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: And the audacity.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: I will say.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: One, the audacity, because he is he's glorious, but he's cocky.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: Um he knows he's he's too attractive for his own good.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: But I think he means what he kind of worded it to me was um overconfidence, a bit too full of yourself, not in a I'm authentically myself kind of way.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
13:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it does, and I kind of get it, but also I do think if someone's confident, good for them.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, don't rain on their parade just because of what you think of someone, like your opinion is not gospel.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: No, and so I part of me when I read it and I was I laughed, and then I was like, No, do you know what the audacity of men that they think that their opinion and judgment of someone is more than anyone else's.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, fair.
14:21
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, this is sent in.
14:25
SPEAKER_01: When you do an action and someone replies with a stupid question or an answer, for example, you open a window because it's warm to get some fresh air in, and they go, What are you doing that for?
14:34
SPEAKER_01: Obviously to get some fresh air in here, dickhead.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: What do you think?
14:37
SPEAKER_01: People stating the obvious fuck off of the week.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: Uh and then the last one I had sent in was um from a friend.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: Uh, when her husband chews gum, it gives her the ick.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: Justice for that husband, I guess.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: Poor old boy.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: Um people who like milky tea.
14:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: That wasn't me.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't dislike a milky tea, I think each their own, but they felt very strongly about it, so interesting, interesting.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: We're an inclusive place here, we welcome your views.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: Not really.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: Not really.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: We will judge them, but we welcome them.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: So this isn't a random thought, but this is a question I had for you, and I thought of it today, and I thought I'm just gonna add it in.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: Um, can you be friends with an ex if you were truly in love with them?
15:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I think it really depends on how you're I need a bit more context.
15:32
SPEAKER_01: This I feel like it's very dependent on the scenario.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, no cheating or anything has gone on.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: You've just either grown apart or you've realized it's not quite working, you want to move to San Francisco, anything like that.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: Okay, then I would say I think you can be civil with someone and be friendly with someone.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: I would probably struggle.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, lots of people do it.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: Like there was that couple on Race Across the World last year.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: Well, they're not a couple, they're a pair who they were married years ago and then they got divorced because they realized they just weren't right for each other, but they still or I think they'd fallen out of love with each other, but they still have the foundations of a really solid friendship.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: So I think if you can live with someone and like I said, sometimes over time, like you just you you grow apart and that's fine, but actually you still really like that person, then I would say, yeah, I think you probably could.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Is it for me?
16:24
SPEAKER_00: No, no, each their own, but I think yeah, it just depends on I think if nothing bad had happened and you just you both had other stuff going on and it was just like not right the not the right time.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: You're kind of like co-parenting kids, I can see how people can that's hard work, yeah.
16:41
SPEAKER_01: But if you're in a place where actually it's civil and you get on and you can make it work for your family, respect you, because a lot of people can't.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: But if it's a situation that you've literally you kind of have to give each other space because you're both going through different stuff or whatever, and you're truly you're still truly in love with them, that's shit.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't think I could be friends to someone like in that situation.
17:01
SPEAKER_01: No, if you're still in love with the person, absolutely not.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: That's not friendship.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: You're in it for your own gain, but hell.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: Um should we move on to rage baits for men?
17:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna hammer, hamana.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: I am ready.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: Come on down.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Which episode is this?
17:18
SPEAKER_00: Is this three or four?
17:19
SPEAKER_00: No, my I've only started how to rage rate men.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: I think this is number three, and we're gonna kick it off with go up to a guy.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: Can I have your friend's number?
17:30
SPEAKER_00: Oh way to humble them.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but that's what I say, yeah.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's okay.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of into dad bods.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: Ho ho ho! That's so mean.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: That's so savage.
17:44
SPEAKER_01: We shouldn't shame women's bodies, we shouldn't shame men's bodies.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: After decades of men coming at women and going, oh, her thighs are a bit big.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, we can say what we like.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: Um degrees disagree.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: A guy approaches you and you don't want him to, sorry, I don't have any spare change.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: Um I like your pixie cut.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: Oh god.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Girt Leser vibes, girther vibes.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Um looks like your first friends were imaginary.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
18:23
SPEAKER_00: You are so why are you so sympathetic?
18:26
SPEAKER_00: I hate it.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: Who did you have to sleep with to get that job?
18:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: I like that because that's something that a man would think about a woman.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: Exactly, my dear.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay, I like it.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: Flip her on her head.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Just as they're about to go out the door.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Are you sure about that outfit?
18:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh that's so mean.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: And the one I heard earlier.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh, they sort of feel insecure, I wouldn't rage them.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: That's so mean.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: The one I heard earlier that I didn't have time to put into our script for tonight was I bet your learning curve was a circle.
19:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh fuck's sake.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, but they're fucking great.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: I tell you, they are good.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look, if it gives someone a house some material, if you're on a night out and you're getting bothered by someone, fucking use it.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: And something oh, something exciting.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: So actually, this is proof that apparently we are being listened to and people like what we're saying.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: My next door neighbour asked me about Ad Squirrel.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh, no baby! Go on, Jen.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: Shout out to Jen.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, go forth and conquer.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: That's so great.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: For anybody who's like jumped in, I mean, I listen to podcasts religiously from the start.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: If anyone who's jumping in, have a look at Ad Squirrel.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: It's my friend's business, it's brilliant.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: It will change how you share greeting cards and all sorts.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: We love it.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: So I just wanted to share that with you.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: Love that.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: Um now the poll that we put up, I put I actually put it up today.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: Normally we record on a Tuesday, so I've got a bit more time to do this, but it's today is a Monday.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: So you know, but do you guys it's just it's a Friday.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: It's a Friday.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: So the poll we put out, would you rather see your partner's texts with their ex or let your partner read all your texts with your ex.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: I voted the second one.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: Have them read my text.
20:18
SPEAKER_01: I think as much of a cool girl, I don't care energy I give off.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: I do care.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm actually quite sensitive.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: I think we all care.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I would I think I would feel oh I yeah, I d I couldn't do it.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: I I respect that everyone has had past relationships and a past life with someone that's all cool.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: But for me personally, I don't need to know something that's might hurt me or make like I don't even watch anything scary or anything anxiety-inducing on TV because I don't like how it makes me feel.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm a Kardashian kind of gal.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: You know?
20:53
SPEAKER_00: So why see someone shake their salad, not you know, yeah.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: Read about someone having a butt plug situation.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: Go on, Peggy.
21:02
SPEAKER_01: But I yeah, I'm here for I like living in airy fairy land where everything is sunshine and rainbows.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: So you're going for I would let someone else read my text, I would not want to read their text.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: Well, it's interesting, so 78% said let your partner read all of your texts with your with your ex.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: With with their ex, sorry.
21:23
SPEAKER_00: With your ex, yeah.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
21:27
SPEAKER_00: I'd actually rather nice.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think that my text with my ex would be quite a harrowing read.
21:34
unknown: So come on.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: Um so sorry to make light of it.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: So I reckon I'd probably vote for see their texts.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: Would you?
21:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, fair.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't put anyone through.
21:48
SPEAKER_01: I just overthink everything.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: Um would cause me more ag.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, anyway.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: Should we move on to some dating stories?
21:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you tell me.
21:57
SPEAKER_01: Tell me something horrendous.
21:59
SPEAKER_01: So So everyone's heard of the popular app Rhea.
22:04
SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
22:05
SPEAKER_01: Which somebody who sent this in anonymously in their early 20s were living in London.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: In that scene, and they were on Raya.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: And boy have they got some great stories.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: So great.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so when I was in my early 20s, I was on the dating app Rhea.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: I matched with every Premier League footballer I could find.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: Asked them if I could come and watch their matches, and then I would give the tickets to my dad or my brother, who are huge football fans.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: And then after that, I would then ghost the footballer.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: I figured they were probably talking to 50 girls at any one time, so they wouldn't notice if it were me in the stands, or a six-year-old man with a Liverpool scarf on.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Fair.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: Iconic.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: Fair.
22:48
SPEAKER_00: That's just absolutely iconic.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm not even gonna yeah anything else on that.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: And then they also sent in a second one.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: Says, I matched with Matty Healy off of 1975 thing.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: The one who dated Tay Tay Swift.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: Did he?
23:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Fair plan.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: And he's also a massive drugie.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh well.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: Um I never planned on meeting him because a friend dated him.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: I'll say no more.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: You basically just alluded to it.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, but managed to get backstage passes for a friend who then shagged the bass player.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: Iconic.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: I hope he was good in bed.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: I mean.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: Who outrageous stories.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: These are still dating stories.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Submitted.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: These aren't dating.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: These are just outrageous, inning.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so outrageous stories that we've had.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: A friend of mine had her hen do in the same city as her fiance's stagdoo.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: Oh god.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: The hendoo ended earlier than she'd hoped for, and the stagdoo was still out partying.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: So rather than going to bed, she went and joined the stagdoo and did a line of coke off a stripper's tits.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: There is a word after this that says iconic, and I just think Imagine chilling off your own hen do.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: See, uh, I'm gonna go and join a stagdoo, and I'm gonna do a line of coke off of a stripper's tits.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: I hope she had really nice boobs.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: Well you'd hope so, yeah.
24:12
SPEAKER_01: Um so the other one we had sent in was from a man, because a woman would not be able to do this.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: Basically, he was driving and was stuck in traffic, really desperate for a wee, not in a position where he could just open up the car doors, so pissed into a bottle, but the traffic was still moving, it wasn't like completely, completely sandstill.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: See, he's trying to drive.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: This is like the ultimate multitasking, pissing into a bottle, but also isn't big enough to contain all of the pee that he has to give.
24:41
SPEAKER_01: So then had to like stop halfway and then just had a bottle of piss in his car, still needing a wheat, not going anywhere.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: Horrendous situation to be in.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: So just on off the back of that story, I have a friend who has a friend, it's always the way, um, that dated a guy that was basically drunk one night and started weing.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: So she got a pint glass and put it in front of him.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: She woke up, got a pint glass in front of him.
25:05
SPEAKER_01: In bed, he did it, was doing it.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I think she was at uni at the time and she started screaming for her friend saying, Get another pint glass, get another pint glass, because he'd filled it.
25:13
unknown: Ah!
25:14
SPEAKER_00: And it was asleep at this point.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: I think he was like sleep pissing.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: That's awful.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: If you'll correct me on that if I've got it wrong, I'm sure of it, but I that's the gist of it.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: I know someone who I was stuck in the same traffic jam, stuck in this traffic jam for hours.
25:31
SPEAKER_01: Was that when you were trying to come back from Bristol or something?
25:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, that was another time, sorry.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: She was so desperate for a wee, the only thing she had in a car was an old tin of like quality street.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: So she emptied out the quality street, mid-traffic jam, pisses into the tin.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: How desperate- Do I know this person?
25:50
SPEAKER_01: No.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: How desperate have you got to be?
25:55
SPEAKER_01: You must have to really go into this.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: Um so before we move on, right?
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Did you ever hear about the Stagdo and the Hen Doo that were in Amsterdam at the same time and the voice note that went round?
26:09
SPEAKER_00: No.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: Everyone, I guarantee people that are listening will know what I'm talking about.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: Um I c my vague memory, it was they were it was Stagdo, Hendoo.
26:21
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, they both went into the same sort of sex cluby thing.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: Right.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: And there was a glory hole situation.
26:28
SPEAKER_02: Oh.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: And the hag the hag.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: The hen do on one side, the stagdoo of the other.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: Someone puts their dick in a glory hole and one of the girls sucks him off.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Turns out that it's her dad.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh no! That can't be real.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: No, that can't be real.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: I will find no voice note and I will let you listen to it.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, it turns out it was her dad.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: I would leave the country, yeah, block everyone, yeah, I'd go and start a new life in Australia.
27:01
SPEAKER_00: Apparently, it's like it broke up the whole family, the wedding's on, it's like this whole thing.
27:06
SPEAKER_01: God, that's awful.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, trauma.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: Have you heard about the story of there was a couple who were getting married, and on the morning of the wedding, the bride walked into the room to go and get something off of the groom, and he bear in mind this guy's in his late 20s, early 30s, yeah, his mother was breastfeeding him.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay, sorry for the long pause, but I was just trying to regulate my emotions because my nervous system was shocked to shit by that comment.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: Isn't it awful?
27:40
SPEAKER_00: I cannot.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: Bity Not Bity now, but later.
27:48
SPEAKER_00: Right, I prepare something for you.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: Tell me.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: Talk to me, goose.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: How posh are you test?
27:53
SPEAKER_00: Oh, for fuck's sake.
27:54
SPEAKER_01: I hate this because anyone who's watching Rivals, it's basically our life in the Cotswolds.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: It's so accurate, it's great.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: Warren.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so are you ready?
28:05
SPEAKER_01: I have got I've got ten questions for you, Olivia.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
28:09
SPEAKER_01: Question number one What do you traditionally drink at a hunt meet?
28:14
SPEAKER_01: Port.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: Correct.
28:16
SPEAKER_01: Question number two Do you have a shotgun license?
28:20
SPEAKER_01: I do.
28:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
28:22
SPEAKER_01: She's poshed so far, guys.
28:23
SPEAKER_01: Two from two.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
28:25
SPEAKER_01: Question number three.
28:26
SPEAKER_01: This is a scenario-based question.
28:28
SPEAKER_01: You're out hacking on a Sunday morning.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: That's out on your ponies for anybody who's not horsey.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: And a DFL er down from London.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: We know.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: For us Scotswood folk.
28:36
SPEAKER_01: Zooms past you in a Tesla.
28:38
SPEAKER_01: Can't.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: Can't.
28:40
SPEAKER_01: Do you a ignore it?
28:43
SPEAKER_01: B give a polite wave.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: C, shout abuse and give them the finger.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: Or D write down their number plate for a strongly worded letter to the parish council.
28:53
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm on the parish council.
28:56
SPEAKER_00: So strap him.
28:59
SPEAKER_00: Um are they aggressively driving past me?
29:01
SPEAKER_00: They're driving they're zooming past you.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they're zooming past me.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: So I am one of two things.
29:05
SPEAKER_00: I might F and Jeff.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: I might get off my horse and go.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: Uh but no, probably I'm I'm on the parish council, so You are the Parish Council.
29:14
SPEAKER_00: I wish.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: She's big time in this village.
29:16
SPEAKER_01: She'll fuck you up.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: You're parking somewhere you shouldn't.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: She'll let you know.
29:20
SPEAKER_00: I need to write a strongly worded letter to myself.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: So what are you saying?
29:25
SPEAKER_01: You you go in Parish Council.
29:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to Parish Council, why not?
29:28
SPEAKER_01: Good for you.
29:29
SPEAKER_01: I would shout abuse and give them the fingers.
29:31
SPEAKER_01: But I'd also I'd do that, and then I would then quickly write down their number plate in my car and I'd then report them for dangerous driving.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sorry, I'm busy enough to do that.
29:40
SPEAKER_01: Petty.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: Ah, yes and no.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing.
29:43
SPEAKER_01: I think there's too many people who don't know how to pass a horse safely.
29:51
SPEAKER_00: And one thing I will say, and I think I said to you the other day, um horses are weirded out more by an electric car because they generally can't hear it and it's but they're not used to it.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: It shits me up when they come up behind.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: They're not used to it.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: And these horses, they've got because their eyes are in the side of their head, they can often see it.
30:07
SPEAKER_01: Like a peripheral, yeah.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: But it shits me up when they car manufacturers need to put a little noise on them.
30:13
SPEAKER_01: But I think there's too many people, we see it a lot because of the DFLs, people who are down from London, because you don't ordinarily see too many horses in London unless you run out of the castle cavalry, like a few friends of ours.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: Or you work at High Park Stables, which I did when I first moved to London.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: But too many people zoom past, and I think just a uh public service reminder for anybody who's in a car or drives if a horse sits on your car, it's gonna do more damage to you than it will anything else.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: So just remember they've got a mind of their own, and yes, they might be chill, but please pass wide and slow.
30:45
SPEAKER_01: And I think the speed limit hours like 10 miles an hour.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: That's recommended speed limit hours.
30:51
SPEAKER_01: And we can ride to abreast.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: Yes, in case you've got a young horse, etc.
30:54
SPEAKER_01: Same with cyclists as well.
30:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was uh actually the rage bait of mine, which we can't play, and that's probably not a bad thing because I was fuming.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: I sent Liv a live rage bait when I was in the car the other day.
31:06
SPEAKER_01: And it was basically people who overtake cyclists, horses, or like tractors and farm machinery too quickly because they're too impatient when you could just wait an extra 30 seconds and pass them where it's safe and you're not gonna kill anyone.
31:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, there we go.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, to continue with the posh quiz.
31:23
SPEAKER_01: Here we are.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: Question number four.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: And I'd like a description of this because there'll be a lot of people who don't know what this is.
31:30
SPEAKER_01: What are 11ses?
31:33
SPEAKER_00: Your 11's might be different to mine.
31:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, give us your version.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: So my version of 11ses would be you're at a shoot, you do a couple of drives, you break.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, when I say drives, like that's two sessions of shooting, essentially, in different areas where you're on a different peg.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: Um, you break, and you have you might have what we call a slogasm, which is slow gin and second or champagne, you might have a bloody Mary, you might have a whiskey, you'd have sausage rolls, anything like that really.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: Basically it sounds like a hunt meat.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: Ten out of ten.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:09
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: Right, question number five.
32:11
SPEAKER_01: And I I actually what I wrote down was name the six species of deer that live in the wild in the British countryside, but I didn't write down the answers.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: Do you want to you want to?
32:23
SPEAKER_01: No, no, let's go for it.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: Let's let's see how many we can get between us.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: So uh roe.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Red deer?
32:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: Fallow.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: Monkjack?
32:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:40
SPEAKER_01: There's one beginning with an S.
32:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: It's you're a Harry Potter fan?
32:47
SPEAKER_01: What's Harry's job?
32:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, the seeker.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Um we are so autistic.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: That was the most autistic thing I think that's ever happened.
32:59
SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: Um, oh, Chinese water deer.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there you go.
33:04
SPEAKER_00: Nice! I don't think that means I don't think that means I posh.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: I think that means I'm like the Bill Oddy of the.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, oh this is basically like a posh company.
33:10
SPEAKER_01: Basically, this is letting people into our lives here in the Cotswolds.
33:15
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, question number six.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: What does walled mean in the Cotswolds?
33:19
SPEAKER_00: Oh, um it's a vast open area of outstanding natural beauty, basically, with rolling hills and You've got the word in there.
33:29
SPEAKER_01: A wald is a a Bryn in Welsh is what?
33:34
SPEAKER_01: A hill.
33:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, basically.
33:36
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
33:37
SPEAKER_01: Uh question number seven.
33:38
SPEAKER_01: When does the pheasant shooting season start?
33:41
SPEAKER_01: First of October.
33:41
SPEAKER_01: And it ends on the first of February.
33:43
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
33:43
SPEAKER_01: She knows what's up.
33:44
SPEAKER_01: Question number eight.
33:46
SPEAKER_01: Where is the capital of the Cottswald?
33:48
SPEAKER_01: So Ancestor Massive.
33:49
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: Question number nine.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: You're going to a point to point.
33:53
SPEAKER_01: What are you putting in your picnic basket?
33:55
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, fucking everything.
33:57
SPEAKER_00: Talk people through it.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: I want to paint a picture.
34:00
SPEAKER_00: Uh lots of booze.
34:03
SPEAKER_00: So much booze.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: Uh, gin, slow gin, pork, even a sherry if you fancy it.
34:07
SPEAKER_00: A small sweet sherry doesn't go amiss.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: Keeps you warm, doesn't it, when it's cold.
34:11
SPEAKER_00: We love it.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: Ciders goes without saying a side or two.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: Um food.
34:18
SPEAKER_00: Big up the Serrano ham.
34:20
SPEAKER_00: Um get in.
34:23
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, some cheese twists, some sausage rolls.
34:26
SPEAKER_00: Sausage rolls are essential.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: You love a cheese and pickle sandwich.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: Nice.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: What else are we going to do?
34:31
SPEAKER_00: Maybe a quiche.
34:32
SPEAKER_00: Maybe a quiche.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: I love a quiche.
34:34
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, are we going some chips and dip?
34:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you love a chip and a dip.
34:38
SPEAKER_00: And I know you, Pims, so all the fruit.
34:41
SPEAKER_01: Do you know what?
34:41
SPEAKER_01: It depends on where we're point pointing.
34:43
SPEAKER_01: Because if you go to Crocklebarrow in January, it's absolutely you're having a whiskey mac.
34:47
SPEAKER_01: You're you're freezing your tits off and you're not having a picnic by the car.
34:50
SPEAKER_01: But you go to the VWH point.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: It's warmer.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: Up the VWH.
34:54
SPEAKER_01: That's usually March time, bit warmer.
34:56
SPEAKER_01: You can open up the back of your truck or your four by four.
34:59
SPEAKER_01: You get your table out, you've got your chairs.
35:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm having a Pim's then when the sun is shining.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: For anyone that doesn't know what a whiskey Mac is, do you know what Whiskey Mac is?
35:07
SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't touch it because it's got whiskey in it, but yeah.
35:08
SPEAKER_00: It's it's whiskey and like essentially ginger beer, ginger No, ginger beer, ginger wine.
35:14
SPEAKER_00: Something it's it's fucking hell on earth.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: Hey yeah.
35:17
SPEAKER_01: So how do I do?
35:18
SPEAKER_01: How do I do?
35:19
SPEAKER_01: Hang on, we still got we've got one final question.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: Do you know anyone with a title?
35:26
SPEAKER_01: I do.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: Do you?
35:28
SPEAKER_01: Yes, of course you do.
35:31
SPEAKER_01: What is their title?
35:33
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, don't say their surname, just just the are they a lady, are they uh a countess, are they a duke, are they a duchess?
35:39
SPEAKER_00: So I know two lords and real and two ladies.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: And I do know my ex um introduced me to someone and he his parents, he's a very nice man, and I still um occasionally message him, he's glorious.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: He lives in up in Yorkshire somewhere.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: But his parents own Timothy Taylor's landlords, the um the booze, the stout, the ale, the lager, whatever it is.
36:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I know a few lords and a few ladies.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: I love it, of course you do.
36:14
SPEAKER_01: Um okay, so on let me just calculate your score for your posh test.
36:19
SPEAKER_01: I can confirm you are posh.
36:23
SPEAKER_01: I can confirm rah-rah rah.
36:28
SPEAKER_01: But I can also confirm you have just the amount right amount of teeth in your mouth.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: The perfect amount.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't one any more, wouldn't one any less.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: So I have come up with a red flag quiz for old Charlotte Big Boobs here.
36:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh, is this like red flag, green flag?
36:48
SPEAKER_01: I gotta say if it's a red flag.
36:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to ask you a question.
36:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you an A, B, and a C.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
36:55
SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: So you've been on one date.
37:00
SPEAKER_00: How many times is it acceptable to check their Instagram?
37:04
SPEAKER_00: A, once.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: B a few times, or C, enough to know their mum's maiden name.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: You have to say which one I would choose.
37:16
SPEAKER_00: Which one you would choose.
37:17
SPEAKER_00: So you've been on a you've been on a date, yeah.
37:20
SPEAKER_00: One date.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: How many times is it acceptable to check their Instagram?
37:23
SPEAKER_01: After the date.
37:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
37:24
SPEAKER_00: Right, again.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: Once, a few times, or enough to know their mum's maiden name.
37:28
SPEAKER_00: Once.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would agree.
37:31
SPEAKER_01: I check you'd like you look at it beforehand.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: I want to be able to scope out, is this worth my time?
37:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you've missed a five foot three, you catfishing me.
37:39
SPEAKER_01: But after the date, just the once.
37:41
SPEAKER_01: You don't need any more than that.
37:42
SPEAKER_01: What are you trying to find?
37:43
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
37:44
SPEAKER_01: Well, some people look you up on LinkedIn.
37:48
SPEAKER_00: Your ex texts, hey stranger.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: No.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: You A ignore it, B, reply hours later, or C start planning your wedding.
37:59
SPEAKER_00: A, ignore it.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, fair fox.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: Extra reason.
38:04
SPEAKER_00: Which is the biggest red flag?
38:06
SPEAKER_00: A, no social media.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm fucking laughing at this because I know someone like that.
38:11
SPEAKER_00: B follows 4,000 women.
38:14
SPEAKER_00: Or C has a podcast.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: Are we a red flag?
38:23
SPEAKER_01: Um the the second one, the 4,000 women.
38:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's weird as fuck.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:29
SPEAKER_01: No thank you.
38:29
SPEAKER_00: But also, if you do have a podcast and it's very red pill, get flogged.
38:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I've already worked as Anna, my detective work before we're going on a date.
38:38
SPEAKER_01: So if I don't like what I see, or I'm not sure about your LinkedIn status, then have you ever stalked someone online before a date?
38:49
SPEAKER_00: A, no.
38:51
SPEAKER_00: B, a little, or C, yes, I know their GCSE results.
38:55
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay, so I'm somewhere between B and C.
38:58
SPEAKER_00: LinkedIn.
38:59
SPEAKER_00: I don't LinkedIn people, that's a bit weird.
39:01
SPEAKER_00: But how would you know their GCSE results?
39:04
SPEAKER_01: Ah, okay, right, then I'm definitely B.
39:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:06
SPEAKER_01: I probably, yeah, I've stalked it on social media enough to probably see transformations, you know.
39:16
SPEAKER_00: This last question really made me laugh.
39:18
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: And anyone that knows me will understand why it made me laugh.
39:22
SPEAKER_00: Which phrase has ruined the most lives?
39:25
SPEAKER_00: I can fix him.
39:27
SPEAKER_00: He's different with me.
39:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
39:30
SPEAKER_00: One more chance.
39:34
SPEAKER_01: Is this a range week test?
39:36
SPEAKER_01: Kind of.
39:36
SPEAKER_01: All of them are selecting every single one.
39:38
SPEAKER_01: Every single single one.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: I would say when people go he's different with me, I'm like, yeah, you just you wait.
39:45
SPEAKER_01: Um buy your time.
39:47
SPEAKER_01: What was the last one?
39:48
SPEAKER_00: One more chance.
39:52
SPEAKER_01: I hate them all.
39:53
SPEAKER_01: I hate them all.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: Do you want to pick them all?
39:56
SPEAKER_01: Can I read them?
39:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm a visual learner, you see.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh god, you can't fix him.
40:02
SPEAKER_01: He's not different with you.
40:04
SPEAKER_01: No one deserves a second chance.
40:05
SPEAKER_00: And it is a big deal.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: Um I hate them all.
40:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:13
SPEAKER_01: I would choose the last one because what was it I said before?
40:17
SPEAKER_01: For me once, shame on me, for me twice, shame on you.
40:21
SPEAKER_01: Never give someone a second chance.
40:22
SPEAKER_00: I still think you're getting that wrong, but we'll move on.
40:25
SPEAKER_01: We'll roll with it.
40:26
SPEAKER_01: They're all horrendous, I don't like any of them.
40:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh god.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: Right, we're moving on to this or that.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: Shall I shall I quick fire you?
40:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:37
SPEAKER_01: Right.
40:37
SPEAKER_01: Crack on.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: So gladiator ready.
40:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm ready.
40:41
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
40:42
SPEAKER_01: Meet the parents after one month or after one year.
40:46
SPEAKER_00: One year.
40:47
SPEAKER_00: Ding ding.
40:49
SPEAKER_01: Couple who does everything together, or couple with full independence.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: Full independence, fuck me.
40:55
SPEAKER_01: One skill that you're world class at, or you're pretty good at everything.
41:00
SPEAKER_01: Pretty good at everything, baby.
41:02
SPEAKER_01: Find out a hard truth or live comfortably in a nice lie.
41:07
SPEAKER_01: Hard truth.
41:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm with you there.
41:10
SPEAKER_01: Someone who plans the perfect date, or someone who's spontaneously great company.
41:17
SPEAKER_01: Spontaneously great company.
41:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:21
SPEAKER_01: Interesting, okay, okay.
41:23
SPEAKER_01: Um partner who matches your energy exactly, or one who balances you out.
41:30
SPEAKER_00: That's difficult.
41:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:31
SPEAKER_00: Because as my girl Chloe says, high energy needs high energy, and I do agree with her on that.
41:36
SPEAKER_01: But high energy needs to recharge.
41:37
SPEAKER_00: But I do think you need a balancer, yeah.
41:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:39
SPEAKER_01: I think you need someone that centres you a bit.
41:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:42
SPEAKER_00: Imagine if you and I were a couple, be absolute chaos.
41:45
SPEAKER_00: It's like being on a very, very big spin wash.
41:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:50
SPEAKER_00: In a washing machine.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:53
SPEAKER_01: Peak creative talent, but broke, or comfortable salary but zero creativity.
42:00
SPEAKER_00: Broke.
42:01
SPEAKER_01: She's a broke bitch, because you'll get your break when you're broke.
42:04
SPEAKER_01: Discover you have a secret sibling, or find out your name was almost something completely different.
42:14
SPEAKER_00: Did you think about this before you wrote it down?
42:16
SPEAKER_00: No, I copied and pasted it.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: Do you remember I did find out I had a secret sibling and I texted you about it?
42:21
SPEAKER_00: No, I do not recall this.
42:24
SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm keeping this in because this is funny.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: Do you remember?
42:30
SPEAKER_00: They messaged me on Facebook.
42:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, yes.
42:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: I was like, hang on, that's ringing a slight faint bell.
42:35
SPEAKER_01: And what was the second part of that?
42:37
SPEAKER_01: Um I can't read, hang on.
42:40
SPEAKER_01: Or find out that your name was almost something completely different.
42:46
SPEAKER_00: I think I'd rather find out my name was completely different.
42:51
SPEAKER_01: From experience, the latter.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: Accidentally like a post from three years ago, or accidentally follow someone you were stalking.
43:03
SPEAKER_00: Like a post from three years ago.
43:05
SPEAKER_00: Oh really?
43:05
SPEAKER_00: I'd go the opposite.
43:06
SPEAKER_01: I'd rather follow someone because three years ago it's really obvious that you're like balls deep in their history.
43:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh, fuck off.
43:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, who cares?
43:12
SPEAKER_01: Everyone does it's me.
43:14
SPEAKER_01: Use a slightly crusty communal sponge or wash up with just cold water.
43:19
SPEAKER_00: Cold water.
43:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, agreed.
43:21
SPEAKER_00: Take your crusty sponge and fuck off.
43:25
SPEAKER_00: Mmm, okay.
43:27
SPEAKER_00: Right, are you ready?
43:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm ready.
43:30
SPEAKER_00: Situationship that could become something, or a relationship that's clearly going nowhere.
43:36
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
43:37
SPEAKER_00: A relationship that's going nowhere because you can chin it off.
43:39
SPEAKER_00: Alright.
43:41
SPEAKER_00: Double texting or leaving it on delivered.
43:44
SPEAKER_01: Oh, double text.
43:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're a chance to go to the next one.
43:46
SPEAKER_01: There's no shame in my game.
43:47
SPEAKER_01: I'll double text you.
43:47
SPEAKER_01: You're ignoring well, not even you're ignoring me.
43:49
SPEAKER_01: If there's something else I think of, I will just send it.
43:52
SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: I know, because I get spammed by other all the time.
43:54
SPEAKER_00: I'll triple text you.
43:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm a triple threat.
43:56
SPEAKER_00: I wish I was.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: Be famous for five years.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Then forgotten or quietly respected your whole life.
44:03
SPEAKER_00: Famous of five years.
44:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, 100%.
44:05
SPEAKER_01: Because then you can let it live the rest of your life in peace, minted, and real.
44:09
SPEAKER_01: Great.
44:11
SPEAKER_00: Always be overdressed or always be underdressed.
44:14
SPEAKER_01: Now let me tell you.
44:16
SPEAKER_01: You can never be overdressed or over-educated.
44:20
SPEAKER_00: I was literally about to say the same phrase, and my nanny used to say that, and I stand by it.
44:24
SPEAKER_00: Wednesday.
44:25
SPEAKER_00: I stand by a sit next to someone eating tuna on a public on public transport or someone with their music on loud.
44:35
SPEAKER_00: I would say music.
44:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I I I yeah, I'd go music.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: Have a personal chef or a personal driver.
44:48
SPEAKER_01: Personal chef, because I am actually too lazy to cook sometimes and I like driving on my own.
44:53
SPEAKER_01: I belt out Westlife on my own.
44:58
SPEAKER_00: Be the one who always picks the restaurant or always have someone else pick somewhere terrible.
45:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh, always be the one to choose a restaurant yourself.
45:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I am that person.
45:08
SPEAKER_00: Always hear wet chewing or someone constantly cracking their knuckles forever.
45:14
SPEAKER_00: Oh my Yeah, it makes me want to get it.
45:16
SPEAKER_00: I know I put this together.
45:17
SPEAKER_00: I did not read any of them.
45:18
SPEAKER_01: I hate it.
45:23
SPEAKER_01: When we did before, like the ra rage bait for me is the sound of people eating, but I won't.
45:30
SPEAKER_01: I also cannot stand people that crack their knuckles.
45:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, why?
45:34
SPEAKER_01: Oh it's just a habit.
45:36
SPEAKER_01: Releasing it.
45:37
SPEAKER_01: I don't care, don't do it by me.
45:39
SPEAKER_01: Um is it constant on both?
45:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, forever.
45:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh I don't know.
45:46
SPEAKER_01: Get me the shotgun.
45:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or if get in the bath with a toaster.
45:52
SPEAKER_00: I prefer that.
45:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:53
SPEAKER_00: Get me an extension leave.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: Awful.
45:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:56
SPEAKER_00: Have a nemesis who makes your life slightly more interesting or no drama whatsoever.
46:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh, no dramas.
46:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:04
SPEAKER_00: And last but not least, always know what people really think of you, or never be able to stop people pleasing.
46:11
SPEAKER_00: Oh, the first one.
46:12
SPEAKER_01: Always know what people think of me, because I don't care what you think of me.
46:15
SPEAKER_01: But I also do a little bit because I'm a little sensitive.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: At least you know where you stand if you know what people think of you.
46:22
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, good point.
46:23
SPEAKER_01: Everyone's too like pussy to say it.
46:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, be kind in how you say you don't like someone, that's fine.
46:29
SPEAKER_01: Or just don't say anything at all.
46:30
SPEAKER_01: You've got anything I say, don't say anything at all.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:33
SPEAKER_00: You say it best.
46:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, well that's it.
46:37
SPEAKER_00: We're done.
46:38
SPEAKER_00: That's a rap.
46:39
SPEAKER_00: You've got no random thoughts.
46:40
SPEAKER_00: No random thoughts.
46:41
SPEAKER_00: There's no Henry Gaithon Hinge.
46:43
SPEAKER_00: No, but I have got a really glorious, kind of semi-glorious week coming up because Thursday evening, I'm going with my boy Simon, one of my favourite people in the world.
46:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, he's taking me to Stratford to go and watch The Tempest.
46:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, are you going to see it in the old Shakespeare season?
47:00
SPEAKER_00: I have no idea where we're going.
47:01
SPEAKER_00: He's picking me up at six.
47:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, and he's the best 50-year-old best friend I've ever had.
47:08
unknown: I love him.
47:09
SPEAKER_01: By comparison, so yeah.
47:11
SPEAKER_01: I've got a weekend play date, can we call that?
47:14
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
47:15
SPEAKER_01: With a 13-year-old girl.
47:16
SPEAKER_01: Which sounds weird.
47:17
SPEAKER_01: We're going out on a horses together.
47:19
SPEAKER_01: God.
47:20
SPEAKER_01: We're going on a horses together.
47:21
SPEAKER_01: So you're going out at someone in order.
47:23
SPEAKER_00: Charlie will fix it.
47:27
SPEAKER_01: In the interest of you can be friends with anyone.
47:29
SPEAKER_01: This is what I love about horses.
47:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
47:30
SPEAKER_01: Like when I'm out trailing hunting.
47:32
SPEAKER_01: Things are sort together.
47:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, when I'm out trail hunting, like some of my bestest pals are like in their 60s.
47:37
SPEAKER_01: They're great, crack.
47:38
SPEAKER_00: They're way more fun, actually.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
47:40
SPEAKER_00: They're way more fun.
47:40
SPEAKER_01: Really good fun.
47:41
SPEAKER_01: Shout out, Camilla.
47:42
SPEAKER_01: I love you.
47:45
SPEAKER_00: Oh, but no, we've got we've got nothing else to share, so we're gonna fuck off now.
47:50
SPEAKER_01: Um keep your stories coming.
47:51
SPEAKER_01: Don't forget you can email them.
47:54
SPEAKER_01: Send us anything.
47:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're really here.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: We're loving it.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, email us fofffridays at outlook.com.
47:59
SPEAKER_00: Instagram is f offfridays.
48:02
SPEAKER_00: Just f off at um.
48:06
SPEAKER_00: And if you're really worried and you want it to be completely anonymous, give it to your mate and say it's anonymous and get them to email to send it in or WhatsApp if you know.
48:13
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, until next Friday.
48:15
SPEAKER_00: Stay dog today.