Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Joe Jacoby - Discovering Humility and Vulnerability

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Joe Jacoby - Discovering Humility and Vulnerability · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Riley.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: And I'm Ryder and this is my Dad's Show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's KCJ Cox with the quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I'm excited to announce we have a brand new sponsor joining the show, which is called LatitudeSitkacom, a Latitude 57.
• 0:20
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• 0:28
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• 0:38
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• 0:40
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• 0:40
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• 1:01
  Speaker 2: If none of those sound interesting to you, well then go.
• 1:03
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• 1:09
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• 1:18
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• 1:24
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• 1:25
  Speaker 2: The majestic views will blow you away and, as I mentioned, I cannot wait to get there in June.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: So with that, let's welcome LatitudeSitka to the podcast and get right to today's episode.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it is Casey Jaycox with the quarterback DATCAST.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: We are in season four and we are still plugging along.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: We have episodes booked all the way into fall and as next guest is someone I'm extremely excited to meet and spend time with and you know I've actually already met him, but it was the second phone call and he comes to us through the talented Scotty McGregor, who runs the Outlier Project and does many other things.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Scott was a former podcast guest host and he heard.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: This next gentleman named Joe Jacoby heard our conversation, we connected and I was immediately inspired by his work.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: I was super curious about his work as a his achievement as an Olympic gold medalist in canoeing.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: He was a former CEO of the USA canoe and kayak organization would learn more about that.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: He now is a performance coach who trans, who transitioned from Oklahoma City all the way over to Spain, so we're going to learn about that too.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: But more importantly, we're here to talk to Joe, about Joe the dad and learn how he has and continues to work hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his household.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: So without further ado, Mr Jacoby, welcome to the quarterback DATCAST.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Jay, it's great to be here.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: Thank you for having me.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Oh it's, it's a, it's a blessing, it's gonna be fun.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, so we always start out each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I would say that I'm grateful as a dad that my my 22 year old daughter, Seo, who is named after the town in the Spanish state, in the Spanish state of Catalonia where I live, La Seo de Je, which is the town where the 1992 Olympic canoeing venue is, where my canoe partner Scott Strossball and I won America's first ever gold medal at the 1992 Olympics.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: So my 22 year old daughter that's named after this town.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: You asked me what I'm grateful for about you know, relative to her, I think at 22, that she is finding her own way and direction in life.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: She's made some wonderful transitions, from competing at a high level of canoeing in her life to academia and ultimately on into the workforce, I imagine in the next eight, seven or eight months, and I'm grateful for that.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: So cool.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm grateful you let me borrow your gold medal.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I'm wearing it right now, everybody Joking aside, no, I'm not.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: That would have been pretty funny if you sent it to me and I'm wearing it.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: See, I'm already random and off the train tracks, but okay.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: So I am grateful.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for an experience I had.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: So we're recording June 7th this episode will come out in a month or so or two, everybody.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: But last week and my son was caddying in a golf tournament.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: He's a high school golfer and loves golf and has aspirations to play kind of hopefully in college someday.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: But he was cadding for a tournament to earn a little extra dough and I'm grateful of the young man he's becoming and how he shows up.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: And I got a text from the guy he caddied from unannounced and he said hey, I just want to let you know Ryder is such a good kid.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I had so much fun with him.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: He's such a good cad he was.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: You listened.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: He didn't give me advice when needed, but when I asked for it he was giving me great advice and I'd pretty much let him take control of the bag.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: And then Ryder, he came home and told me all about it and I told him about this text I got from the gentleman, he was obviously made him feel good and he's like Dad, you're never going to believe this.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: You know this whole.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: You know winning the relationship, which is obviously Joe.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I wrote a book called Win the Relationship, not the Deal.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: I didn't even know he I mean I know he knows I wrote it, but you know he's a 17 year old, he's not putting too much into it.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: He goes yeah, I think I want a relationship because this guy I met he wants to give me his Seahawk tickets later this year, which is NFL football.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: And I was laughing hysterically I'm like so I'm grateful for that.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: Casey, I got to ask.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: I know I'm the, I know I'm the guest, but I have to ask you.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: You just got me very curious as you told me this story about Ryder.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: What do you notice differently about your son when he comes back home after having played versus coming home after having cattyed?
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: What kind of differences do you notice in your son when he comes back to the house having done those two roles in a golf tournament?
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Two years ago it would have been night and day.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Like you know, sometimes when he's the competitor, he's more hard on himself, the cat when now, when he's catting, he's has more grace for people.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: And so, like I remind him of that, that I remember.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I remind him about three words, which is golf is hard and it's a super hard sport and there's going to be days where the golf gods pick on us for no reason.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: And there's going to be days of the golf gods say you know what, today's your lucky day, you're going to have fun today and we're going to let you play well and then, for whatever reason, they decide to make us play bad.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: So I think he's doing a better job of getting to a more, less turbulent mindset.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: So we're not, as an airplane, ascending or descending or just more kind of like right at cruise altitude, which that is my goal as a dad to help him before he goes off in the world is just kind of keep him level headed through the ups and downs of life, because adversity is going to happen, we all know.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Change is going to happen, we all know, and I think the game of golf teaches a lot of those lessons, because you have control up until right when the club face hits the ball and that's out of our control.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: I love it, it's, it's I.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: I think it's really interesting to investigate the different roles that our kids can experiment with in sport.
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: I'll share a really quick story about this in the world of canoeing.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: So when I started canoeing when I was a bit younger than rider, I was about 10 when I liked it, 12 when I started to kind of compete more seriously.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: But at that time whitewater canoe solemn was not on the Olympic program.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: It had been on the Olympic program in 1972.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: And then this was the early to mid 1980s and it was.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: It did eventually make it back onto the Olympic program for 1992, which we'll talk more about in a while.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: But getting on to the Olympic program, I don't want to say it professionalizes the sport but it brings a lot more resources into it.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: And the nature of our sport is that we're paddling a canoe through whitewater river rapids and we are navigating sets of poles that are hung from wires above the river, a lot like a slalom ski race.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: But imagine that the water running down the mountain is melted and and you know you're navigating the river, going around poles for time.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: And if you touch the pole, the one difference between skiing and canoeing, when you touch in canoeing.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: When you touch the poles with your body, paddle or boat, you get penalty seconds added to your time.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: Today there's like a whole group of nearly professional judges, officials that do all the gate judging, that they look at the poles and they look at the athletes.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: But when I was young the athletes did the gate judging.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: So it was really cool, like when you went to a race and you sign up to a race you did your race, you know, either in the afternoon, but if you were in the afternoon you were gate judging in the morning, and if you were in the morning, you know, you gate judged in the afternoon.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: And when you told that story about rider, it really took me back to those experiences about how humbling it is, in a lot of ways more difficult, to be an official while you're at the race where you're trying to, you know, get a podium spot, win a medal, you know, make the U S national team is hard, you know, and it but, and it's just the evolution of sport.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: But I actually love the those stories that really accentuate the purity of sport.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: Like a young golfer who has high aspirations to be good, that is appreciating, learning to appreciate the humility of the game through catting.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to share that with you.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: No, I'm glad that it inspired some.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: That's what's fun about many people who have been former guests and is that we're going to let curiosity drive our conversation today, and I think it's.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: You know I've said this many to other dads, you know it's what's ridiculous about this podcast journey for me, joe, is that these microphones we have in front of us.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: You know I challenge myself all the time like why does it take a microphone and a meeting request and an hour of my time?
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Why do I have to be so intentional about it to have a great conversation with another male versus why can't this be happen as dads?
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: And so, like my goal of one of the goals of the podcast is just to inspire vulnerability in dads and men, to say that, you know, if we can teach our kids about gaps, we can teach our kids about what we're not perfect.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: We can teach our kids to ask for help.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: We can teach our kids to be like.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Those skills, those emotional intelligence skills, I think will help them go really, really, really far.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure you and coaching me and coaching I see it all the time where leaders like to tell leaders don't ask questions enough and then, when we don't ask questions.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Fear likes to hide inside of relationships or environments, and my goal is I don't want my kids afraid of anything.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I want them to be courageous, ask questions, check your ego.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: Anyway, now you inspired that to me to share with you.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: It's a beautiful aspiration for the podcast.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: I just is absolutely wonderful.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Nice work, my friend.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: Cool, Thank you.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: So I like to go inside.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: You know from a football analogy inside the huddle.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: So tell me who are the key members of the Jacoby house.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: And I want to make sure we spell your daughter's name correctly, so maybe tell me about that too.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Well, the name of the town where I live is La Salle d'Orgée, which is I'll leave the spelling for later of the town.
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: It's hard to say, but our daughter's name is Seo.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: The locals call the town La Salle, and so S-E-U is how we spell our daughter's name.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: And so yeah, my daughter is in heading into the final semester of a business school program in Geneva, switzerland, so she is up there in Geneva most of the time, probably kind of a student of the world right now, which has been great for her.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: I am not married and I live in La Salle d'Orgée where I talked a little bit about that at the beginning of the podcast as a town of 12,000 people about two and a half hours north of the city of Barcelona.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: I live up in the Pyrenees Mountains, right very close to the French border, in the Principality of Andorra, and literally I live about I'm looking at my window about 50, 60 meters from the 1992 Olympic Whitewater Canoing Channel where we were Scott and I won a gold medal many years ago on that channel.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: But what brought me here was a quality of life adventure, quality of life change, and it's been an amazing one.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: I mean, there's been a lot to it.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: But living here not a lot of people speak English here and honestly I think putting yourself in the position to wake up every morning where learning is really how you survive, it's how you go and you get food.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: It's how you get your teeth cleaned when you go to the dentist.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: It's how you get your hair cut.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: It's how you put gas in your car.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: It's learning.
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: You're speaking a different language and for me, that different language isn't even Spanish People.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: Everyone here can speak Spanish, but this is the Spanish state of Catalonia and we speak Catalan, which is different, and my daughter is fluent in Spanish very practical language for her.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: I enjoy, I love speaking Catalan.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: It's just such a different language.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: And my girlfriend Maria speaks Catalan, but she's also.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: She learns English more quickly thanks to Netflix.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: She learns English more quickly than I learn Catalan.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: How did you learn to speak Catalan?
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: Slowly, but I think initially I sort of thought Spanish would be the way.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: One year I did a year of adult like an adult, learning an adult class of basic Catalan.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: But most of it has just been practice out in the field, so to speak, going to the market, going to the supermarket, taking driver's tests.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I did that in Catalan and it's practice and also I think Maria and I speak a mix of English and Catalan to each other, but I think also listening to other people speak Catalan is really helpful.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: It's a really cool language.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: There are similarities to Spanish, but there's also similarities to French, portuguese and Italian as well.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: You could hear a little bit of that in the language, but I would say my favorite part of it, in case she, is that when an American comes to Barcelona or really comes anywhere in Catalonia, the presumption is that if someone here doesn't speak English, they're going to address you in Spanish.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: So I love going into a bakery and the 80-year-old woman who makes croissants gives me the price in Spanish and I do understand that price when she gives it to me in Spanish, but I repeat the price back in Catalan and you just see her smile.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: Her face lights up.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: It's unheard of what An American speaking Catalan you got to be kidding me.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: I've never seen it and I think to see that delight because it's not so practical.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: It would be way more practical to speak Spanish.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: You can do a lot more with Spanish than you could with Catalan, but it's a beautiful language and it just sort of speaks to me with how I learn and where I am in my life and what I want to learn, and really it's not more is better, it's really, I think, appreciating what the Catalan language means to the Catalan people, and I think meeting the people where they are is a really big part of my experience here, love it.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: That's what you made me think.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Well, one I love you to said meet people where they are.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: That's kind of a theme I always work with leaders on in my coaching practice.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: But if you'd have told me freaking, almost four years ago that I'm going to talk to a dude in Catalan, near Barcelona in the Pyrenees Mountains, who won an Olympic gold medal for canoeing, I'm like how the hell am I going to do that?
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: And here we are and the freaking power of the internet is so cool.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: We could not be further away.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: I'm 35 miles southeast of Seattle Washington and you're in Europe and we're having a conversation about fatherhood.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: How cool is that.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: And which is interesting because I also get to see fatherhood and another culture as well.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: I see other generations of it over here.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, I know, obviously I've listened to your podcast and I know this is generally a very personal experience and then I was thinking about our conversation today and I think it is something it is interesting to be able to share, some even what you notice about fatherhood in a very different place than the United States, and I think that's interesting too.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah Well, maybe let's hit on that before, and then I'm going to rewind the tape a little bit and go back to you growing up.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: But like based on like when you raised your daughter, and then based on how you did it in the States and then based on what you've seen in Europe maybe talk about a couple differences and also talk about what's similar.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, I mean, I think one of the things that is really interesting for people to think about.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: So we spent a few minutes talking about the importance of Catalan in the language here, and I think I don't want to over hit on this particular topic, but for me, you look back to the mid 1970s, which just really was not that long ago here, and you had a very different kind of leader leading Spain.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: In Franco, it was prohibited to speak Catalan in Catalonia.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: You had to speak Spanish, and so what's interesting about that, casey, is that you have a generation of fathers and grandfathers a little older I'm 53, just a few years older than me that never learned their native language in school in writing properly.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: Imagine the way we learned English in school and imagine we were prohibited from doing that, and I think one of the biggest observations about fatherhood for me is that there are still a lot of men and women who are in their late 50s, 60s, 70s that speak Catalan, but they were never taught that.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: So one of the things that I think is really interesting now, imagine you have kids and grandkids where they can learn Catalan in school, and I think that is really.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: I think that's a really special part of parenthood here.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: I, even, when I'm invited to speak to the English classes here in Catalonia, I always bring this point up to the kids really how lucky you are to get to learn your native language in school today, like your dad, your grandfather didn't have that same opportunity, and so I like pointing that out.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: I think that's a big one.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: And then I think to your question what's more the same is that I think that, especially approaching midlife and this is just a topic that I'm thinking about writing about coaching around right now I think there's a lot of similarities.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: I think for a lot of people listening can understand how through the first half of our life, through the first half of our life, we depend heavily on our sense of external identity to help find our place in the world, to find our friends, to develop who we're going to be.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: And I think we hit a point in our life where I think we start to there's a little bit of a almost like a kind of a knock, knock, knock coming from inside.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: That is our inner voice saying when do I get to speak up in this conversation you know I've been here the whole time when do we get to kind of even out this inner voice, outer and outer voice a bit in the equation, and I think that I've noticed this to be just a phenomenon pretty equal everywhere in the world.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: It's not necessarily an easy thing to confront, an easy journey.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: It requires really thinking about an identity shift which, letting go of a big part of our external identity, that's gotten us somewhere so that we can open up a little bit more to our inner self, our inner truth, some of the things that we've put on hold to kind of make peace with, establishing our place in the world.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: It's ready to speak up and, again, this journey is not for everybody, but it is something that we, I do think, very consciously agree like I want to do that, or I'm pretty good with who I am and where I am.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: I just kind of want to keep going, as is.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: That tends to be the same almost anywhere in the world, not just the United States, but anywhere in this country and anywhere in Europe that I've noticed that the people I talk to in their 40s, 50s, 60s this is kind of a pretty common thread.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: Wow, so cool.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I want to, like I mentioned earlier, I want to roll right on the table a bit and I want to go back to when Joe was a kid and I want to understand what was, what was life like for you growing up and then talk about some of the lessons you learned from your parents that you've applied to your daughter.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah is a great question.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: So I grew up in the Washington DC area.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: I was the fourth of five boys.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I was a very kind of sports minded family, I would say.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: For me I liked playing sports.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: But if you kind of looked at me in my first 10 years of my life, there was nothing that athletic about me.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: I was certainly appearing, I was appearing to be heading more towards maybe a life in sports media or sports journalism than I would be, you know, as an athlete.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: But I did have brothers that played sport and you know, when I was 10 years old I had been at summer camp for a couple years and you know, casey, I think for a lot of us I don't know if this is equally true for women as it is for men, but I think around 10 years old, I was never the best or the first at anything regarding sport.
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: So when I was the first in my group at summer camp to do an Eskimo role in the kayak, which is when you turn the kayak upside down and then you bring the kayak right side up again using a technique called the Eskimo role, that was a well moment.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: Like that was like oh, I found something like that other people haven't done before.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: And I think when you find something that you're good at and you're like, you like that feeling and you're like, oh, how can I keep that feeling going a bit more?
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: And then this is kind of the funny part of the conversation.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: I know that in the United States very few people would consider grow any, would consider anything to be lucky or fortunate about growing up in the Washington DC area.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: But I mentioned in the beginning of our conversation that canoeing was not on the Olympic program when I was a kid, but the best training group in the history of our sport, the highest performing training group in the history of our sport, lived in Washington DC and trained on the Potomac River.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: And that's because most of the best whitewater river rapids in the United States are in very rural, mountainous areas.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: That's Appalachia, colorado, even not far from you in the Pacific Northwest, and very rarely do they.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: Amazing rivers flow through a big metropolitan area where there's great universities and good job opportunities.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: But the Potomac River is an amazing whitewater river, you know heaven.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: And so we had a lot of athletes that were living there, that were going to good schools there and had jobs there because it wasn't an Olympic sport and they were so good and these were my people growing up like they brought me into their training group when I was really young, not because I was a good athlete but because I just like showing up.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: And, relative to my parents, my mom was actually a bigger champion of me and canoeing in the beginning I think my dad was probably thinking where is this going?
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: How does this help with college, how does this help with becoming, you know, like making a living or doing those other things?
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: And I got to tell you like it's so.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: You know, I had a sense of it then but it's become so clear to me then.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: You know this was a real struggle for my father.
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: But when whitewater canoeing was added to the Olympic program, you know in the late 1980s and my canoe partner and I were starting to get good results, you know we we'd been fifth at the World Championships in 1980.
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: We had the World Championships in 1989, which were held in the United States.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: My parents were there at the race.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: Then a week later we won our first ever World Cup race.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: So three years out from the Olympics, you know we were starting to get good results and I can say, you know my dad not only became, you know, an amazing supporter, but after having had success at the Olympics in 1992, I can think of so many times as a young adult, you know where there was a lot of external pressure from just external pressure to like start doing responsible things, you know, and start like getting real job and all that my dad was my biggest supporter of my, my biggest champion, you know, and so I.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: It was interesting, his support really kind of came in at a different chapter, you know, and I think you know I suppose he was kind of making some peace with some of his own choices you know that he made when he was younger and I think it was really starting, you know, to I think come around and come full circle for him in a way that when we would be like we'd be at a family reunion and like, literally, like come from a big family of Jewish lawyers and most people in the room were a lot more excited by the fact I'd been a TV commentator for NBC, then I then, having one, had a successes and had a success at the Olympics games and you know, my, my dad was kind of the one to sort of just take the last word in that conversation and stand up for me and just sort of like let's move on and change, you know, and and change topics.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: So that that was a really kind of cool aspect I think of.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: You know how my father stepped in in that conversation.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Well, I think I think it's so cool that one I mean.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: Now I'm intrigued to learn more about this TV commentary because I did see that.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: But I want to even slow down and learn more about what.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: What did mom and dad do for their jobs and maybe just talk about that.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I'm curious like what, what, what they do, as you're that you remember growing up.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I mentioned that I came from a big family of attorneys and my dad took up the family practice.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: He was a federal communications commission attorney in Washington DC.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: And you know my, my, I never knew my, my, my two grandfathers.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: They both passed away before I was born, but the one on my mom, my mom's father, my dad's father in law, he was a kind of a, you know, early stage F FCC lawyer, like you know, broadcast communications attorney and the big track record you know, I think I don't know if you ever find yourself doing this case here where you're sort of putting the puzzle pieces together of your parents life and like looking back at the choices they made and why.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: You know, I know that I don't think being a lawyer was my father's first choice.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: I, he loved history.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: I think he would have been really happy being a history teacher in high school.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: But I sort of get the sense that, knowing you know, from what I've learned about my grandfather, my father's father in law, it's like my son in law, married to my daughter, is not going to be, you know, a history teacher.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: You know there was probably some of that and I think that that you know it's sort of an interesting development on my mom's side.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: So my mom was at home with these boys.
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: She had three boys pretty close together, you know, between 1957 and 1962.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: Then there was a break and then there was my little brother and I, born 1969, for me in 1972 for my little brother.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: And, interestingly, I think is important to share about my mom is that in the mid 1960s she kind of got her first real break out of the house and my mom was a real sort of she was a good artist and she that this was the Washington DC area and she found a like a community theater group where she would design sets and do a lot of art.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: You know, put our artistic skills to work in that theater group.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: And the guy that was directing the these plays was a man named Roger McEwen and Roger.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: The McEwen family owned these summer camp, this summer camp in the Washington DC area, and all summer camps had canoeing back in the day.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: They all had those big metal open canoes.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: This camp had kayaks and their youngest, roger, had four children and the youngest one, jamie.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: Hello everybody.
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: My name is Craig Co and I'm the senior vice president of relationship management for be like.
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: For more than 20 years, we've been helping fortune 1000 companies drive a competitive advantage with their external workforce.
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: In fact, be like history a first to market innovations have become today's industry standards.
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: I get asked all the time what did Casey do for your organization?
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: And I say this.
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: It's simple.
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: The guy flat out gets it.
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: Relationships matter.
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: His down to earth presentation is real world experience applied to every area of our business.
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: In fact, his book when the relationship and not the deal has become required reading for all new members of the global relationship management team.
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: If you'd like to know more about me or about be like, please reach out to me on LinkedIn.
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: And if you don't know, casey Jay Cox, go to Casey Jay Cox calm and learn more about how he can help your organization.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: Now let's get back to today's episode was America's first ever Olympic medalist in the sport of whitewater canoe saw him winning a bronze medal at the 1972 Olympic games.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: So my mom had this extraordinary friendship with McEwen family.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: So my mom getting out of the house and, you know, doing working on theater sets, you know is just a hobby, something to kind of get out of the house, have friends, enjoy, you know, some time away from family.
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: Those friendships actually led to me ending up at the summer camp where I learned to paddle, which really got me into this sport of canoeing.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: That is so cool.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: Now our mom and dad with us.
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: still Nope, they've both passed and and I'll just you know I've I don't know if people can tell from my accent or not I'm from the United States.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: The gold medal that we won at the Olympics was for the United States.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: You mentioned we are in June of 2023.
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: It's actually four years ago today that I was last time in the United States.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, it was pre-COVID.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: My father, my mom, had already passed when I moved here in 2017.
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: She passed in 2015.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: My father passed away in May of 2020, four days shy of his 90th birthday from COVID.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: So, yes, we kind of went through that experience from here.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: I remember the second to last phone call with my dad, which was a bit more coherent.
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: Then the last one was through a respirator a few days before he passed and very hard to travel after that.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: And so you know, with that, there really has not been a reason to just go back to the US.
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: But I'm lucky, casey, I had a wonderful relationship with both my mom and dad.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: There was a lot of closure, one thing that you know you might not think about when you live far away from your family, like you live in another country.
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: When you do go home, I think you look at closure in the conversations that you have with your parents and your family a little bit differently.
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: It's not like, oh, I'll see you next week for dinner, you know.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: Or you know I'll see you when I bring the kids by after soccer practice.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: You know, it's not like that.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: You know you really think about closure when you are leaving to go back to your home in another country, and I imagine that there are other people listening.
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: I imagine that this is kind of a certain mindset that, say, military families probably go through.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: But it really heightens your awareness of things a little bit differently.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: And you know, my father was really supportive of the move here and what was?
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: You know what the idea of living here was all about?
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: And there was a lot of peace, like there was nothing like left unsaid, or you know.
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: So there was a lot of peace and closure in the passing of both parents.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Now I'm sorry your father passed.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Actually, my dad I don't remember, if we're sure this, when we first had our first conversation.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: My dad died December 29th 2021.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: Somehow he miraculously didn't never got COVID.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, he was in an assisted living facility where at times it went rampant and I'm like how the heck did this guy?
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: I was lucky to be there for his last breath and holding his hand when he passed away and it was, you know, a tough journey because, for those people that know me, you know I met my wife and I were with him for a good 15, 16, 17 years of just like up and down and really tough emotional support, financial support and, but the last and he had a rapture of health issues.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: But you know, dementia, alzheimer's were really bad.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: But at the end, the last like five weeks, it's almost like the anger of, like the confusion he had.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: It was almost like it went away a little bit and my, my kids couldn't wait to go see grandpa Mike and we would.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: He couldn't really hear us so I had to communicate via a phone.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: I would write on like the notes pad on the phone and you know it was just super, you know great, to like at least see my kids see grandpa.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: And then they saw me as their dad.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: You know get emotional like, which I love that.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: I was comfortable doing that in front of them because I want them to know it's okay to like if you got a cry one day, that's okay.
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah we're.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: We're humans and you know we all go through emotions and we think we bottle stuff in it.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Just, you know, not money.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: Good outcomes happen when we, when we leave those, we try to hide those emotions inside our body.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: So that was a blessing my dad's passing gave gave me, my wife, my kids.
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: You.
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: I've I heard you speak a little bit about your relationship with your father during your conversation with Scott McGregor as he spoke about relationship with his and yeah, I just really want to quickly say that you're the way you speak about your father and the story, I think, is it's such a service to how we think about relationships and really how they can evolve and how they can change, and I think it just really cuts to the, you know, to the arc of the human experience.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: Like you know, when we stop sort of judging, it is like good or bad or hard or easy and just sort of like this is that human experience and just sort of digested as that.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: That's one of the things that I take away from you.
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: Speaking about the conversation with your father, I thought it was.
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: It really was moving.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: I remember exactly where I was on the drive in my cars, I was listening to you and Scott on the podcast.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: It was a.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: I was between here and yet where Maria lives, and it was a Friday evening and I remember driving along the Segre River.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: The water was really low because there's been a drought around here which we're starting to get some rain, but I remember exactly where I was, and just remember the sky that night, you talking about your dad like how cool is that?
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: No, that's awesome.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: That's cool to think about the reach that this podcast is having and continues to have.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: As you think about values that your mom and dad taught you, that you've taken into life, that you've taken in your role as a you know, an executive, a TV personality, a gold medalist and a dad teaching your daughter, Tell me what were some of those two or three core values that were just like top of mind for you.
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: Well, I'll start with my mom.
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: I think you know my mom's sort of hit on me a little bit earlier and my fathers are still like.
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: I noticed the similarities.
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: I noticed they they're a lot more awakened in me now than they were when I was younger.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: But the great thing about my mom is that you know she's like find the highest person, highest ranking person you can speak with when you need something you want to.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: You have a problem, like don't go to the teacher if you can go to the principal.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: You know it's like.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Marcie Stout, CEO and co-founder of Rebel Coach, a consulting and coaching company dedicated to cultivating leadership, building cohesive teams and fostering well-being in the workplace.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: At Rebel Coach, collaboration is one of our core principles, which is why I'm excited that Casey Jay Cox and I are partnering together to host a monthly mastermind called the intentional sales leader mastermind, where leaders can share ideas, exchange insights and gain valuable knowledge from industry experts.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: It's our promise to you that joining our mastermind will provide practical insights on how to use curiosity and humility to build relationships while exceeding revenue expectations.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: We'll also teach techniques so you can stay committed to priorities like family health and, quite frankly, things that bring daily joy.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: You can learn more about me and my work at rebelcoachcom and, if you want to work with us and other sales leaders who are committed to results both personally and professionally, visit Casey Jay Coxcom for more information on the intentional sales leader mastermind.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: Now let's get back to the podcast.
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: My mom was really good at just figuring out who the person that had the most influence and the most ability to affect a situation and that's where you start and that even if they pass that back down, that pass is coming from a higher authority.
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: I don't know why my mom was that way, but, my gosh, there was no one that she didn't feel comfortable with, just like taking that problem that you're trying to solve or that you're trying that thing that you're trying to write in the world and you go as high as you can to get back down.
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: And secondly, I would say I spoke to my mom's artistic and her sort of sense of creativity.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: I certainly have.
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: I see now that I've kind of picked that up in a unique or unexpected way.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: I mean, a little over 10 years ago I really started to write a lot and my creative expression is through my writing and I know that that comes a lot from my mom, my father.
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: Humility, I mean it's first of all, both mom and dad were born, born and raised in the nation's capital and I think a lot of people listening again, it's really easy to sort of think about the Washington DC area a certain way.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: They were both born in the 1930s, mom and dad in Washington DC, and this was a nation's capital and not like this place where people came and lived for the long term.
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: The idea of any nation's capital is that it's kind of calling on fresh ideas, fresh perspectives, new energy all the time and the politics sort of moved that along the international, the embassies, the World Bank that moved that along.
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: It really wasn't until like the 1990s when technology started coming to the Washington DC area AOLs headquarters coming there and near Dulles Airport and all the technology that sprung up where a lot of people were really thinking about Washington DC is like a longer term place to live.
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: But I think it's really important to make that you know, to distinguish that for a certain generation of Americans who grew up in Washington DC, my mom and dad kind of ran the race as the tortoise around a lot of hairs and I think to pay attention to that and finding the joy in that.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: And you know, one of the things that I always talk about that I like living in the Pyrenees Mountains of Catalonia is, you know, I just wrote on LinkedIn today.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: You know my favorite Catalan expression is poke, a poke, which means little by little, and out of that expression, poke a poke, also comes my favorite observation about the Catalan culture in the Pyrenees, which is simple, slower and less, you know, and it's like it's a way of living.
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: I also think it is a way to perform well in life as well.
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: It's a little bit of a different conversation, but I think that those values of kind of running the race as the tortoise you know I see that part of you know mom and dad's existence in the Washington DC area and the you know the 70s, the 80s, you know, and then eventually the 90s yeah, they were always really good running at their own pace.
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: That was pretty cool to see.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: I think you just gave us the title of this podcast Simple, slower Less, which has so much meaning for so many different things and so many.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: I mean that, just like I gotta make sure I keep us on time here, because we could talk for four hours and we might lose some people eventually after the three hour mark.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: But that was such a good reminder and think about, like as we relate that simple, slower and less to fatherhood dads were.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: I know we're busy, we got jobs, we got activities, we got this, we got that, but how often are we slowing down to just get curious with our kids, to ask one more question, to tell less and listen more and then ask a second question and then a third question and really see what's going on inside our kids heads, whatever age they are?
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: And I'm looking at a sign that many people can't see.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: I can see.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: It's from one of my favorite shows, ted Lasso.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: It says be curious and not judgmental.
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: Curiosity, joe, is such a superpower, it is an absolute superpower, and you inspired me to kind of say this.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: But, like again, think about just simplifying what we do.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: Slow down, do less, but just go deeper more with the relationships we have and watch what happens.
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: I mean, I think it coincides with one of my other mantras, which is, you know, depth over width, deeper with fewer, and this, you know, and I think it's all sort of leading to the same thing.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: I think one of the things that comes out to me, and in the fatherhood part of it, isn't just the external part, the relating to our kids, it's also a little bit about how we are showing up, like what does our self care look like?
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: How do we take care of ourselves in a way that you know we're, we're also doing simple, slower and less for ourselves, like authentically for ourselves, with sort of a trust in the process that that's going to bring along a better version of how we interact with those closest to us, with our kids, with our friends, with our family you know whoever matters most to you in your life.
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: I think that there is a real self care part of it and it's like I think it's great.
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: It's great to be motivated by whatever.
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: Whatever gives you the purpose.
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: It is the kids, your kids, that give you the purpose.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: But still it is like energy that we're managing that makes it all possible to really ultimately tell us what version of Casey is going to show up.
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: It's not gonna just show up because we say it is.
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: It's gonna be based on how we prepare ourselves to show up as that best version of ourselves.
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: And that's where I think taking that idea of self-care and body, mind and spirit really comes into play.
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: And I think and the thing is what's really funny about fatherhood and self-care it's not like you're gonna be doing it in darkness or behind an invisible wall.
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: Self-care is something that you it's like a gift you give to your kids.
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: It's not only gonna potentially give you a better sense of health and capacity to be there the way you want, but kids are kinda kinda notice dad taking care of himself.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: Dad, you know, putting his best foot forward because there are things he cares about, and so later on, you know when Ryder is taking over this podcast.
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: Can't wait for that.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: How cool that be.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: And you know, and we're kind of talking about, you know the, you know where the different marks are that kind of set a lot of other things in place.
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: Like I think this is a really important part of it.
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: Like I think the kids have a really good sense of, like, how we're taking care of ourselves and are we doing things that are also attuning to ourselves, not just to others.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah Well, I don't know if people in Catalona know about Oncorico from Napoleon Dynamite, but whenever I give love, whenever I mention I played quarterback in college, you gotta give love to Oncorico and make fun of myself.
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: But self-care is super important to me.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: I exercise probably at least six days a week and you know, as I'm getting into my late 40s, my fitness goals sarcasm coming, but I'm truly mean.
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: This is to don't get fat and don't get hurt, right.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: And so if I can keep exercising, but shout out to my friend of mine, josh King, him and his wife Courtney, they started doing cold plunge.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: And so my wife and I were like what the hell?
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: So we filled up the tub two days ago, put some ice in it, let it overnight and I'm on day two and I told the kids about it and I mean I hate cold water, but like that's self-care.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: You made me think about that.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: So my kids see, like what is that at 47?
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: What the hell is he jumping in a tub for?
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: And you know I talked about it today.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: I said you know, right out of the gate I'm doing something hard and I'm building grit and resilience from having to because it's the easy one.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: I could have snooze and slept in and not work out, and not get up to see you guys off for breakfast and be lazy, or I can choose to do the right thing, choose to challenge myself, and I'm grateful for that mindset.
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for you know, many of my parents, my leaders, my coaches helped inspire that in me.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: But now my goal is hopefully and what a great also advice for us dads like are we noticing self-care for ourselves and, if so, are we teaching our kids through action?
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: Super important.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you said that as you think about like your journey as a dad.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: Well, tell me the hardest part.
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: It's hard to say what's hard about it, you know.
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: If I could maybe just sort of say what might be interesting about it, you know, my daughter took an interest in whitewater canoeing at a young age and she did well with the sport for a long time she competed at an international level representing the United States and a number of international competitions.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: She had that later when she changed nationalities because she was living here in Spain.
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: She got to race for the Spanish international team for a few years and you know, I just, I just did it all at an arm's length.
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: I just had this amazing trust.
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: I've always known my best life coach was the river, you know, and so for me, not getting to involve, like not coaching my daughter, not being there all the time, but really letting her have this experience and this making meaning with a force of energy that is stronger than all of us, and figuring out a way to work with that align with that to, you know, ultimately help you accomplish what you want to do, to get the perspective of a lot of other coaches that might do things a lot different than me, and not even to just say I'm gonna be at every race.
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: It's actually, you know, to really give her that experience, to make that experience her own.
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: And so I, you know again, I don't think it was so much hard, as much as you know, I had a lot of faith and trust in you know when she decided to choose the sport and she didn't have to, and I always remind her of that but as she did was choosing to, you know, really let her have her own unique experience with it and not be influenced by mine.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: That's cool.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: That is, I mean.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: I think the perception would be like oh, you forced her into it, but you obviously didn't.
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: It was her passion, she loved it and yeah, not only you know forced her into it, but not forced her into it, but I think once she chose, it was like figure out who are the kind of coaches that you know you wanna work with.
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: Like you know, you must have had playing the game of football a number of different coaches and like I don't know.
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: But don't you sort of feel like you're at a stage of life where you have a better understanding of what the coaches who you really didn't care for that much at the time, what you learned from them today?
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: Like you can probably articulate what you learned from those coaches today better, even if it wasn't like the most positive, happy experience, but it was something like I know I'm that way in canoeing and I kind of thought that that was important for Seo, you know, to experience for herself.
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: You know, not every coach had to be perfect.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: Not every coach, you know, had to be her kind of person.
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: You know could really sort of push her a bit.
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: And you know, maybe there was yeah, just I think, even like the cold plunge.
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: You know it's like demonstrating an ability, a willingness for discomfort.
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of coaches are, you know, do that as well.
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: Seo has had a lot of experience with both kinds of coaches.
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: Did you have that with football as well?
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: Like where you can articulate the kind of experiences you had with coaches you liked and didn't like?
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, without a doubt.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: I mean I was grateful and blessed I was able to interview two coaches of mine that were huge mentors Coach Marty Osborne, coach Glendakis, massively impactful in my life as a 16, 17 year old, coming into like my own element of when I didn't quite know what the word believe meant, didn't quite understand confidence, didn't quite understand self-talk visualization, you know, pushed me outside my comfort zone and I think about Coach Balbaldin and call it I mean I think about many coaches like, at times, like where you're self like God, am I gonna make it?
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: Am I not?
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: The self negative self-talk, you know, cause we as humans.
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: We have a lot of thoughts per day.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: I think science says nearly 80,000 of those thoughts, 60 to 80% are negative.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: So it's like finding ways to use tools to get me out of that mindset when it quickly cause we all have them.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: But how do you quickly get out of it?
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: So, like my coaches were great with that.
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: And, yeah, you're right, I'm 47, I remember like that was yesterday.
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think that's it.
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: I was blessed with a lot of amazing coaches too, and but not all of them were good, and it's like figuring out like what you know, I think sometimes.
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: You know, sometimes we get a really good picture of what we don't wanna do in life.
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: You know, which is a big motivator of like I don't wanna do that, like it doesn't always have to be motivated by I want to do that.
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you just say that I really don't want.
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm not interested in that.
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: That can be very powerful.
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: And sometimes you know a coach that you don't gel with very well shows you that very clearly and that in itself is a lesson you know and you know you can.
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: We really don't know at this point whether that coaching experience held back our performance or away.
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: Maybe it pushed it a little further forward than we actually give it credit for.
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: Well, you made me think of a great transition into our areas of dads as a gap, an area that we wish we were better as dads.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: I think coaching.
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: For me as a business leadership coach, sales coach, I think the key in coaching is asking great questions and helping people come to their own rescue and all times end up coaching myself.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: But I think sometimes too, I have to coach myself.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: Sometimes, like when I know I'm not my best version of me, like if I get wrapped around the axle about something stupid or I'm just I'm off, I don't know why.
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: Like, what do I do?
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: Do I ask for help?
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: Do I just internalize it?
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: Do I become an asshole to my family?
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: Or do I say, man, honey, I'm not, I'm off?
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: Like I don't know what's going on, like trying to figure out ways to do it and then, at times when I'm not my best version of me as a dad, do I go apologize to my kids Episode, I think nine or 10, my buddy Darren Balmors.
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: We talked about that.
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: We talked about the power of apologizing as a father.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: So do I think about for you as your journey as a dad, like maybe to talk about an area of your dad game where maybe it wasn't always your best but you had to work on it to get better.
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: That might resonate with other dads at home.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know how specific it would be to being a dad.
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: You know I will always.
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: I suppose I will probably give some thought to just where my attention was at times.
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: You know we grew up as dads during a revolutionary time in technology with the phones, and you know I think there was that I.
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: You know I had a lot of good things going for me.
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: You know, as a dad case, you know I started the journey when I was still an Olympic athlete.
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: I went to my final Olympics in 2004 when Seo was well.
• 58:43
  Speaker 3: She was born in 2001.
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: She was like three little over three years old.
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: You know she didn't go to the games, but one of the things about being an athlete is that you know you do workouts early and late and you know a lot of time at home during the day.
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: You know, which was great when I was the CEO of USA Canoe Kayak, you know Seo was doing was very early on in on distant, you know, virtual learning, doing her school through virtual school and like so she was doing it in the office where I was working.
• 59:19
  Speaker 3: I was really lucky in a lot of ways.
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: I just will say that.
• 59:23
  Speaker 3: You know, I think it's probably more in.
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: Where I want to be good is to be just really clear about the how we take care of ourselves.
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: You know, I would say that's one thing that you know.
• 59:42
  Speaker 3: I know that in my relationship and my previous marriage that you know, I didn't always, you know, speak my truth and you know, I kind of put a lot of my inner voice on hold.
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: And so, yeah, I have an opportunity to kind of talk with my daughter about what it means to balance out that inner and outer voice and the way we sort of cultivate purpose.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: And the last thing I would sort of say is a lot more projecting ahead.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: I draw a lot of lines between, you know, where my dad was at the end of his life and what he was thinking about.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 3: I draw a lot of lines to my daughter, not where she is in this stage, but I project ahead to a time when I won't be there, when she's going to be on the cusp of turning 90.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 3: And when I look at what my dad was thinking about, you know and it's just before he got COVID in May of 2020 and the things we talked about in our last call and I wrote a blog post about this just after he died.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: We can actually link to it in the show notes.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: It's a really good blog post.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: But the first conversation that I had with my daughter after the quarantine which was a really serious quarantine in this country was I went straight to that conversation.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: I said look, you know, when you get to 90 years old you will have plenty to think about, plenty on your plate to sort of rework and rethink about.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: But let's be clear about one thing you know your dad being proud of you is not going to be one of those things.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 3: You know, as it was for my dad.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 3: You know my dad was thinking a lot about that before he died and I didn't realize that until our second to last call.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: But that's what I wrote about.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: So I tell you that and I share that with the community, is that like I draw a lot of lines between my dad on the cusp of turning 90 and really what it may be like for my daughter on the cusp of turning 90.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 3: And I just sort of take myself out of that picture and then talk about it in a way of like, let's be clear, what we don't have to focus on, this idea of me approving being proud, is a non-issue, I'm all there.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: I'm all there for you, you know so that if there's something else that is worthy of your attention, make that the focus of your attention.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: You don't have to ever worry about this one, you know so that I thought was sort of a pretty cool way to thinking about, like the way we do have the power to change the way thinking comes down through generations in our family.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: That is something that I think dads can probably give thoughts to, like where do they have some influence to maybe reroute and create some rethinking opportunities between what's come before them to what's coming after them, and I think that's a really cool conversation for dads to think about.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: Gold, love it.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: To your quote, one of your dad's values he taught you was humility.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: I think it takes the humility in us and then the vulnerability in us dads to want to go there and be open and open, that it might take time to get to that answer, but I think if we're open to it.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: Going back to the theme of simple, slower and less, I think a lot of questions will be answered through that journey if you embrace it, if you're so, as we wrap up, before we get into the fun lightning round, which I go completely random on you, joe, if you were to kind of summarize a lot of what we've talked about today that dads can take from our conversation to be that ultimate leader of their household, their huddle, their canoe, do you like?
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: Tell me one or two or three things that come to mind that dads can be thinking about as action from our call on ways to be the best version themselves.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: I think two things that probably jumped out to me, casey, is that one is that you know, if we want to show up well for others, we have to be really mindful about how we're showing up for ourselves.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: What does that look like?
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: You know how.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: You know that may not be the most comfortable situation for everyone, but there is a lot, a lot, a lot of change that we can make at any stage of our life in our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual health that I think can make a really big difference in how we sort of show up for others.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: And then the second thing is is that I really believe that a lot of our thinking and systems of thinking have come down through the generations and I think that if we can really find ways to step back from that just a little bit and really understand the links, and that if there is something that is probably worth worthy of some deeper reflection, maybe of some change, what can we do to really sort of influence that change and really redirect where the future of our family generations are going?
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: Love it so good.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: I'll make sure this is well documented.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm sure people are going to want to learn, like how do I get in touch with this dude?
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: How do I learn more about Joe?
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: How do I learn more about, like, whether it's your book, your previous work in the Olympics, your coaching you're doing now?
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: Tell me the best way people can find you.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 3: On LinkedIn.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: Maybe we can link a couple of these things in the show notes.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: You know, reach out to me on LinkedIn is really the best way to go.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: I also occasionally probably know more than 10 times a year I write pretty thoughtful Sunday morning essays in a column I call Sunday Morning Joe.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 3: That I started eight and a half years ago and we'll put a link to that in the show notes as well and so people can opt into that.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 3: That's free and yeah, a lot of my writing and work is centered around, you know, helping high performance leaders ignite their second wind to confront midlife transitions with meaning and adventure.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: And you know it's my writing revolves around that and my coaching work as well.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 3: So that's the best way to reach out to me.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: So cool.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm grateful you spent time with us today.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for Scott McGregor, because without him we don't meet, and I'm grateful for this.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: The curiosity and now, like I told you, we had a blank sheet of paper.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: We got two pages of notes here.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: My man, nice, which is so cool.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, now we go into the lightning round, which is I show you the effects of taking too many hits, not bong hits, but football hits.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 2: In college I got a screw loose.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: Most quarterbacks do.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 2: Your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: My job is to try to get a giggle out of you.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: Okay, are you ready?
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, sir, okay, true or false?
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, a USA kayaker to successfully go off Niagara Falls and stick the landing?
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: That is definitely false, false.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: I got a giggle, though I win already.
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if I went into your phone, tell me the last song played.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't have a lot of music.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 3: Oh there, maria made a really cool video to a Pink Floyd song, but I don't remember the song, but it was a Pink Floyd song.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 3: It was a canoeing video that she did to a Pink Floyd song.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there you go.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: If I was to come to your house for dinner and you and Maria would cook me and my family dinner, tell me what we would eat.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 3: At this time of year, oh my gosh, we would eat the best strawberries in the world.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 3: I'd make you a smoothie with strawberries grown organic, strawberries grown here, banana, orange juice and a little bit of apple juice in the blender oh my gosh, it is amazing.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 3: Also, we have these tomatoes that are in season right now.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 3: I'm not very good with food identities, but I don't identify as vegan, but I eat mostly vegetables.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 3: Seasonal, organic vegetables here are killer.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 3: You would love one of our smoothies here.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 3: I'm incredible.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: I'm getting hungry.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: Tell me the last book you read.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 3: I read Charlie Angles.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 3: Sorry, I got to look at it.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 3: Charlie Angles is an amazing adventurer, amazing story and I just need to look at the title of the book.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 3: But he was this ultra endurance athlete and ended up I don't want to say accidentally, but it was the most bizarre he ended up serving time in a federal prison.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 3: It's called Running man by Charlie Angle.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 3: I met him via Scott McGregor because he spoke to the Outlier Project.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 3: That book is absolutely amazing, the strength and the will of that human spirit and talk about someone who speaks so cool about fatherhood.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 3: Highly recommend this book, running man.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 3: And if you listen to it on audio, charlie reads the book.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, I love that.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: See, my book list is always long and I love reading, so I'm going to add that to my list and I can't wait to read it.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title Simple, slower and Less Love it.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: Now Simple, slower or Less is going to be made into a movie.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: Netflix is like oh my God, we've met this Joe dude.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: His story is fantastic.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 2: He's got this cool daughter, he's got this great girlfriend, he's got all these great things going on.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: But now I need to know, joe, who's going to star you in this critically acclaimed Netflix movie.
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, just trying to think of like.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 3: I wonder if there's like a Catalan actor who speaks English, I don't know who would do me.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 3: I would.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 3: I'm so bad at this, I don't know.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 3: Maybe there's like a writer out there that just can write well, I'm a Malcolm Gladwell.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: Doesn't speak or act well, but he's God well.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: Maybe yeah.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, you know.
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: He's into CrossFit.
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: I think that's a big thing.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 3: He's a great runner, great great track runner.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 3: He's really really, really good on the track, yeah.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, so tell me two words that describe Maria.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: Humble and adventurous.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 2: Love it Lighting around's over.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 2: Joe, we've learned a lot about you.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: I got the giggle out of you.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 2: I've shown my randomness.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: So fun to spend time with you.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: So fun learning all about your journey.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: I could have spent two more hours with you asking questions, but I had to, like put a little damper on my curiosity, which usually runs wild most days.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: I want to say thank you again to Catchsica, a big sponsor of ours up in Sitka, alaska.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 2: I'm actually going there next week this is June 7th.
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: They'll be up there all week First time meeting a Salomon team, so when the episode comes out I'll be able to share more about how it went.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 2: I also want to thank my college teammate, bob, coming in support of ACPB Homes Washington, for their continued support of this podcast.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: They're building amazing homes up and down the I-5 quarter in the state of Washington and into Eastern Washington, so if you're in the marker for a home or second home, make sure you check them out.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: Joe, thank you again for your time, brother.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 2: It's been so fun spending time with you and I'll make sure everything you've mentioned is linked in the show notes.
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: Thanks again.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 3: Thank you, casey, thank you for all you're doing in the spirit of fatherhood.