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Transcript

DON'T LET A FOOL INCLUDE YOU IN THEIR TOMFOOLERY! · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

0:29
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever been minding your own business having a perfectly good day?
0:35
SPEAKER_00: And somebody calls you up with a problem that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, you're mad at somebody you haven't even spoken to yet.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: Or your day has just been completely disrupted.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: Because now you're defending a situation you didn't even witness.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: You're taking sides in an argument you didn't you don't understand, and now your name is getting thrown around in somebody else's mess.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: Now you're sitting here thinking, How in the hell did I get involved in this?
1:10
SPEAKER_00: Well, family, congratulations.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: You've just been recruited into somebody else's tomfoolery.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: And here's what makes it dangerous.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the person that started the mess will walk away from it while you're standing there trying to explain your involvement.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: They will walk away from the mess while you're standing there left in the middle of it.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: So today we're talking about how to recognize foolish behavior, how to avoid being pulled into unnecessary conflict, and why every invitation to participate does not deserve an RSVP.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: Because one of the smartest moves that you will ever make is learning when to keep your name, your reputation, and your peace out of somebody else's foolishness.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you back to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the Misfits, and the Black Sheep come to turn pain into power so that you can build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is your first time tapping in, welcome home, family.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair, and we're glad you're here.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: And if you're back again, welcome back, fam bam.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: What's up with you?
2:19
SPEAKER_00: How are you doing?
2:20
SPEAKER_00: Well, I want to thank you for rocking with me and trusting me with your time.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't take that lightly.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: Now let's do this quick vibe check.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, you're sensitive, you're entitled, and you're still waiting on somebody to come save you after all of this time, this thing's for you.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: So go ahead and tap out now.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
2:43
SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to think bigger and move smarter, and you refuse to lose and live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend, because by the end of this episode, you're walking away with something that you can execute immediately.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: All right.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: So let's get to work.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: Now, today, guys, we're talking about don't let a fool include you in their tomfoolery.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: And family, before we get started, I want to make something very clear.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
3:15
SPEAKER_00: We're not calling somebody a fool just because they made a mistake.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no, no.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: We're not calling somebody a fool because they had a bad day or they simply disagreed with us.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: We know that's weak, right?
3:30
SPEAKER_00: Because if making mistakes automatically qualify you as a fool, we all have a lifetime membership to the organization.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about patterns of reckless behavior, unnecessary conflict, deliberate arguing, and people who repeatedly refuse to exercise good judgment.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, fam, the foolish person in the situation, it might be us.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I said it.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes being intelligent doesn't mean you can't make a foolish decision.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: And being right about something doesn't automatically mean you're handling it wisely.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: So let's unpack it.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about the drama recruitment department because it's one thing I've learned about drama is that it rarely travels along, it likes company, just like misery.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: Somebody has an argument with a coworker, and suddenly everybody in the department is expected to pick a side.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: Two family members fall out, and now the entire family has been drafted into a conflict that nobody even understands what's going on.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: Or somebody sends a screenshot of a private conversation and says, Man, look at what they said about you.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: Girl, look at what they said.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Now you're upset, your heart rate, your heart uh is pacing fast, you're getting ready to prepare a response, and before you've even considered whether the screenshot tells a whole story, you're ready to let them have it.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: You're ready to let it rip, and that's how it starts.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: One person introduces a problem, another person asks their interpretation, and somebody else supplies an opinion.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: And by the time the story reaches you, it's practically a Netflix documentary.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: Except nobody bothered to verify the facts.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: Here's the first thing that I want you to understand some people aren't asking you for advice, they're asking you to join their side, and those are two completely different requests.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: See, a person who genuinely wants advice is usually willing to consider information that challenges their perspective, right?
5:32
SPEAKER_00: Of course.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Somebody that's recruiting you into their drama, they may only want agreement, validation, right?
5:47
SPEAKER_00: They don't want advice and solutions, they simply want you to agree and validate the crap that they've already been involved in.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they want you to help them confront the other person.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: Now, check this out supporting people you care about is important now.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not saying to leave your people high and dry.
6:05
SPEAKER_00: But that doesn't mean you're required to surrender your judgment to their foolishness.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
6:13
SPEAKER_00: You can listen to somebody without adopting their anger, you can listen to somebody without becoming a yes man.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: You can acknowledge their feelings without agreeing with everything they say.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: Because the moment you start acting on information you haven't verified, you no longer, you're no longer just hearing about the problem.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: You're now participating in it.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: See, ancient the ancient intel, it it warned us thousands of years ago, right?
6:38
SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the book of Proverbs.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: And I love this one because the wisdom is so practical, okay?
6:45
SPEAKER_00: Now listen, y'all, in Proverbs 26, 4-5, the message translation says it's weird because it says this, y'all.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: It warns us that getting pulled into foolish conversation until you begin.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Well, excuse me, hold on.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: It warns us to avoid getting involved in foolish conversations because you sometimes will begin acting foolish yourself.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: And that's what's crazy.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: That is what's crazy.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: Because you don't want to be pulled in to bull crap, family.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: You don't.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: This is why sometimes silence is the smartest move that you can make.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: You gotta know when to hold them and when to fold them.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: Why?
7:40
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes, family, you responding will only escalate the whole problem even more.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: That's what happens, it will only escalate the problem.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: See, other times, a clear and simple response is necessary because somebody is spreading misinformation, crossing a boundary, and creating a problem that needs to be addressed.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: So, check this out, family.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying, I am absolutely not saying to just put up with a bunch of crap and let everything slide.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: But did you notice something?
8:11
SPEAKER_00: Neither approach requires you to lose your composure.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just be silent, other times you straighten it out, you set the record straight.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: See, neither of those require for you to trade insults and be uncouth and out of order.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: Neither requires you to come down from your throne to go down there and play with the pigeons.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: You an eagle.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
8:35
SPEAKER_00: Now here's another one.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: Think about if you see two dogs fighting, and for some strange reason, you decide to go over, walk over there, and grab one of them by the ears.
8:51
SPEAKER_00: What do you think might happen?
8:54
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna get your ass bit.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
8:57
SPEAKER_00: Because why?
8:57
SPEAKER_00: You're involved in a fight that you didn't even start, that didn't even involve you.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
9:03
SPEAKER_00: You might be the one who gets bitten, and it applies beautifully to life every day.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: You don't need to insert yourself into every argument, every family dispute, or every disagreement between two adults.
9:15
SPEAKER_00: Just because a dog is barking does not mean you need to get involved every single time, especially when neither person has asked you to help resolve it.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: Here's another family: when you have peak game and you see that they always doing this, they always got conflict going on.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times they don't even want, they didn't even want help to resolve it, they just want to hoop and holler, right?
9:41
SPEAKER_00: And this is what I'm saying, family, when you need to observe what's really going on, because your energy is priceless and it's only to be used for things that are truly worth it.
9:52
SPEAKER_00: Okay, here's the difference I want you to understand between helping somebody who needs protection, who needs you to speak up for them, and volunteering to become the third person in an unnecessary argument.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: All right, don't confuse being involved with being helpful.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say it again.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: Do not confuse being involved with being helpful.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is refuse to get involved in making a bad situation worse.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: All right?
10:20
SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about another saying that I'm sure you've probably heard before.
10:23
SPEAKER_00: It says, never argue with the fool because people might not be able to tell the difference.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: I personally love that saying because it captures something many of us learn the hard way.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: You can enter into a disagreement with a perfectly reasonable point, but if you allow somebody to provoke you into screaming, insulting, and threatening, or acting completely out of character, the original issue can get lost.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Now everybody's watching two people behaving badly, and somebody remembers who started it.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: Think about your social media.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: Somebody posts something ridiculous, you respond, they insult you, you insult them back, and before you know it, you spend half your afternoon going back and forth with an internet thug or with a stranger whose profile picture might be a dog or a cartoon.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, your laundry, your goals, everything is sitting over there unfinished, your business plan is unfinished, and a stranger from who knows where is probably somewhere eating a sandwich, completely unbothered.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: Now, who really won that exchange?
11:20
SPEAKER_00: Who really won it?
11:21
SPEAKER_00: Family, this is why you don't go back and forth.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: I've always told you guys as well, ladies and gentlemen, if you start a podcast, a YouTube channel, Instagram, anything, family, don't get too caught up in the comments.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, we all will see something and roll by and say something, but guess what, family?
11:37
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to check, go back and check and see who said something, you don't have to go back and respond.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: That's what they want.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: Because, see, family, you must understand a lot of people on the internet, they're lonely.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: So they hop online.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: Misery people love, they love company.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: So there you go, you make your comment, you're making a valid point.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: Now they chose your comment out the day to go back and forth with.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: Now you let a stranger from somewhere in a hole who knows where they're at, probably at a library, use a free Wi-Fi, you let them waste your time.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
12:09
SPEAKER_00: That's time you won't even get back.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to always know their motivation while they said what they said.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter because you can decide whether the behavior that they're doing, if it deserves your participation.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: See, family, that's when you really put the power in your hands.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: See, a lot of people think that just because they say something, you're gonna go back and forth with them.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: You can let them have it because it don't even matter.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: Family, let me tell you something.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm not telling you not to engage in different things online or whatever.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: But guess what, family?
12:41
SPEAKER_00: If you just need to be involved, say what you gotta say and minimize all of the back and forth.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Because if it's no, if it's not progress that's happening, what is the point of going back and forth?
12:52
SPEAKER_00: Like the one, like the one song says, I'm living my best life, I'm not going back and forth with you clowns.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: We're moving to living our best life.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: We're not going back and forth with people.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: If that's how you feel, whoop-de-doo.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: Family, people post stuff online and just to provoke you.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: You got people at your job, they will do stuff just to provoke you.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: If you've ever been in leadership, because this is a black sheet leadership podcast, so even if you said I'm just leading my life, changing my attitude and managing things, family, there will be somebody that will come to test you and they want to pull you out of character, they want to get a rise out of you.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: And you have to learn as a leader the difference between responding to an issue and just reacting to somebody that has provoked you.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: See if somebody brings a legitimate concern to your attention, of course, address it.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: But if somebody just spreading rumors, talking crazy, listen, family, you don't have to always involve yourself.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you something too, family.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to always correct the record.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: If you need to, obviously address it.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna tell you something, family.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: We discussed it in one of our uh previous episodes where we talked about being comfortable with being the villain.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you something, fam.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm in my villain era, and what that means is I'm not straighten up no stories, I'm not setting no record straight when people have already decided to feel a certain way about me.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: What's the point?
14:13
SPEAKER_00: What is the point?
14:16
SPEAKER_00: If somebody is spreading harmful information about you and they've already decided how they feel, let them feel that way, they don't stop you, and don't you let pride convince you otherwise because sometimes your ego wants the last word so bad you want to set them straight, you want to let them know this ain't that.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: But family, sometimes you gotta level up on that boss level and say, you know what, I'm not gonna even respond to every barking dog that comes my way, and that's how you look at them.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: You don't even say nothing, you just give them a look, and in your mind, you just simply say, you know what, you don't even deserve my response.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you something too, family.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: People are so um, people allow folks to emotionally provoke them all the time.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: And one thing about it, when you practice the law of silence, when you just practice the boss move of silence and not responding, cutting people off, not saying nothing, moving in silence, trust and believe, family, they feel it.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: It's like a hot blade.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: Because you're letting them know number one, you're not even worth my time to respond.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: And number two, you're not even worth being in my energy.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: You're done.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: You're done.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: See, when you go back and forth with people, they know they got you emotionally involved.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: It's just like an argument.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: They say that when a woman stops talking or when a man stops talking, you know they just have they've detached, they don't even care anymore.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: They're not talking, they're not saying nothing, they move in silence.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the three ways that people pull you into their tomfoolery, okay?
15:40
SPEAKER_00: First, it's the loyalty test.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: That's when somebody expects for you to prove your friendship by participating in any and everything that they do, specifically conflict.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: They'll throw this at you.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: If you're really my friend, you would have said something.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: If you really my friend, you would take my side.
15:52
SPEAKER_00: Well, hold up.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: Being loyal doesn't mean being reckless.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: If you're wrong, you're wrong.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: If you're wrong, a good friend should be able to tell you that you're wrong.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: And some if somebody expects for you to abandon your principles just to demonstrate loyalty, family, you need to question if they're even your friend anyway.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: The second one, guys, is the information trap.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: That's when somebody gives you just enough information to trigger an emotional response, but not enough enough information for you to make an informed decision.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: They'll tell you what somebody said, but leave out what happens before that.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: Family, you see it online all the time, they'll post half a story and want people to get all riled up.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: Family, this is why I always tell y'all about the news.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: The news is no longer reputable to report the truth.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: See, a long time ago, I believe it was in the 90s, there was uh in the news, it was a period called just gestation period.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I might butcher that word, but long story short, it was a period of time where the newsrooms could not post nothing because they had to make sure it was factual.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: But now, family, they'll do anything for a click, they'll do anything to rile people up.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: And what you must understand, family, is people love negative crap, and they love it so much that when people when the news outlets post false information, and when they meet somebody that's not playing with them and that they're about to get their ass soon, you know what they do, family?
17:14
SPEAKER_00: They'll retract a statement.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: But guess what they'll do?
17:16
SPEAKER_00: They'll put it in the back of the paper, a little old bitty script, because they don't want to be known as a liar.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: This is why, family, you cannot get involved as a black sheep, you cannot get involved with every hoop and holla that's going online.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: This is why I always tell you, family, know the things that truly matter to you.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Know the things that truly matter to you, and it can't be everything, family, because we were born into this world, we didn't create it.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: We came here to do a certain task, to be on a certain journey journey, and it's not involving everything and everybody.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: Pick your battles wisely because people will tell you a half story just to get you involved, just to get you on their side, they'll play the loyalty game with you.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, if you're really down with me, you should have done this, you would have done that.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: If we really family, why you didn't do this?
18:05
SPEAKER_00: But instead of trying to resolve the issue, family, they are more interested in getting a reaction from you.
18:12
SPEAKER_00: And again, I'm the last person on earth that's gonna tell you, don't respond to nothing.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to respond.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: Hey, let's be clear.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: But guess what, family?
18:24
SPEAKER_00: You can calmly address the facts and establish a boundary at the same time and move the conversation to an appropriate setting.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: And if the situation doesn't require a response at all, simply cut it off.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: Because your reputation is worth more than winning a performance nobody should have been staging in the first place.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
18:42
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the part that I really want you to pay attention to.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: Understand this, family.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: Number one, we're not letting anybody else write our story, we don't let other people write our stories, we're gonna write our own story.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: What do I mean by that?
18:55
SPEAKER_00: Family, your reputation is built over time, your credibility is built through your decisions, and your opportunities can be affected by the company you keep and the situations you repeatedly choose to enter.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: This is why when they say one bad apple spoils a bunch, family.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: When you identify a bad apple, when you identify somebody that keeps playing with you, wasting your time, they don't respect your time, when you identify people that want to try to poke holes in your confidence, try to humble you, you gotta get rid of them.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: Because imagine that you've worked so hard to establish yourself professionally, and people that you know as dependable, level-headed, and capable of handling difficult situations, then one day a coworker comes to you complaining about management, right?
19:38
SPEAKER_00: Now, maybe that coworker has a legitimate grievance, but instead of discussing it through their appropriate channels, they want you to join in with them, right?
19:46
SPEAKER_00: They want you to help them send an angry group email full of insults and accusations, they want you to join their party, they want you to go along with it.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: And guess what, family?
19:56
SPEAKER_00: If you do, then now the next morning your name is attached to a message that you never would have written on your own.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: This is what I mean when I say people will tell you half the story and then want you to get involved with some crap they did.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: And listen, family, when I say it takes time for you to build your reputation and credibility, but family, it takes nothing to bring it down, nothing at all.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: In a flash of light, it takes nothing to destroy your reputation.
20:26
SPEAKER_00: This is why you gotta get rid of folks, family.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: You gotta cut them off, you gotta handle them with a long-ended spoon.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: You gotta move in silence, you gotta start observing more.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: This is why we have the second season, it's all about black ops.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: We're doing all of our observations, we're analyzing the information, and we're executing.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: Because as a black sheep, you know it's super hard to build anything.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: It's super hard to build your career as a black sheep.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: You tried to build your family, you wanted to build your life as the black sheep, because you're going to be making so much impact to the world, you're gonna have these challenges because you're not here to fit in, you're here to stand out.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: And imagine if you just come let some Johnny come lately, friend, quote unquote, come in and get you involved in some bull crap that you didn't sit here and built your whole legacy, your whole life, your whole career, your whole family.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: You done built this thing up through the ups and down, and you done dug yourself out of hole multiple times, and you let this fool come in and just insert, just sprinkle one little one little tablespoon of salt, or pull one thread, and everything just come unraveling in an instant.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: In an instant.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: This is why, family, you have to choose the battles wisely.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: You must choose the battles wisely.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: So, let me give you these three black sheep action moves, okay?
21:48
SPEAKER_00: Number one pause before you participate.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: The next time somebody brings you conflict or doing something that you really don't you it don't even give you a good feeling off the top, don't immediately adopt their emotions.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Don't immediately co-sign what they're saying.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself what actually happened and what do they really want from me?
22:07
SPEAKER_00: And then confirm to yourself, do I really need to be involved with this?
22:11
SPEAKER_00: Would I really help resolve the issue?
22:13
SPEAKER_00: You can even ask them directly, are you asking for my advice or are you asking for me to get involved?
22:18
SPEAKER_00: See, let me tell you something.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: I started doing people like that.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: I had a friend that would always call up, and I'm talking about it was always a mess.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: I just started to observe that.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: And me being solution-based, I'm thinking they wanted to solve it.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: And I realized they would come back and tell me how they called three other people after you just blew my ear up, burnt my ear off.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: You didn't call three other people to hoop and holler about the same thing.
22:44
SPEAKER_00: So, family, guess what I started doing?
22:46
SPEAKER_00: When they would call me up, I would say, Now listen, do you want me to give you solutions, or you just want somebody to listen?
22:52
SPEAKER_00: And family, they started handling me completely different.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: Why?
22:55
SPEAKER_00: Because you're not going to waste my time with the tomfoolery when you don't want to do nothing about it.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: You just want to hoop and holler.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Black sheep action move number two.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Choose your response strategically.
23:06
SPEAKER_00: That's why I told you, family, you got to ask them before you engage.
23:09
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what am I really trying to accomplish here?
23:12
SPEAKER_00: If I respond, what exactly am I responding about?
23:15
SPEAKER_00: If my response is not going to clarify the facts, protect somebody, establish a necessary boundary, or move a situation towards a solution, you should be thinking, is this even worth my time?
23:28
SPEAKER_00: What am I even discussing here?
23:29
SPEAKER_00: What is this about?
23:32
SPEAKER_00: What am I even discussing?
23:35
SPEAKER_00: Okay, family, protect your name.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: Protect your name, family.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: See, this week, I want you to pay attention to situations where somebody wants you to participate in their mess, specifically when it does not align with your values.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: That might mean refusing to spread gossip, declining to take sides before hearing the facts.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: Also, family, sometimes you gotta just step away when people arguing.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: Man, you keep it moving, or when somebody is arguing and um it's just not going anywhere, even though it might be your people.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: Family, keep it moving.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: Family, I remember um, because I told you guys I grew up in an area that had a lot of gangs and just it was just craziness.
24:11
SPEAKER_00: But family, I remember when people would get into a fight and you had two groups of people.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: You had people that would run straight to the fight, fam.
24:19
SPEAKER_00: They will run straight to the fight.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: Family, guess what?
24:21
SPEAKER_00: I would do I would go the other way.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't have to see y'all fighting, family, because people love misery.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: People want to see somebody downfall.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: Family, that's why I always tell you to move in silence.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: Because, see, nothing in life that's worth building will be easy.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: We know it's the ups and downs on life, excuse me, on in on social media, you just see the highlights and the reels.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: They don't want to show you the ugly parts of life.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
24:46
SPEAKER_00: You're wise enough to know that anything worth getting is going to be hard.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: So, with that being said, family, specifically as a black sheep, when you know people don't really want you to win, don't give them a leg up on what you're doing.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: Move in silence.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: When you see people doing stupid stuff and they're not trying to get a solution and they're trying to drag you in it, like with all of this division.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: I mean, here's another example, family.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: We got on the internet, you got people that's just dividing people in the United States specifically, is what I'm talking about.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: Every time you turn around, it's oh, those people doing this, those people doing that, oh, this side of the political party, oh that side they're doing this, that side, family.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: They want you to become involved in the bullshit.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: Don't take the bait.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: Because let me tell you something about the people that are great.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: Family, they're not getting involved, they're not majoring in minor things.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: They understand that political upheaval, changes in economical statuses, uh, disagreements, division, strife.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: Family, they understand that this has been going on since the dawn of humanity, and they are going to stay focused on their goals.
25:44
SPEAKER_00: Do you know why, family?
25:46
SPEAKER_00: Because when you provide options for yourself and your family, that is the power that you need.
25:51
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't matter who's in the office, it doesn't matter who's in there.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: Set your face straight, set your face like flint towards your goals.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Flint is a very hard stone, and it'll, if you strike it, it'll catch on fire.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: Set your face like flint, family.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: Don't look to the right or to the left, straight ahead, tunnel vision on your goals.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: Because Misery Love Company, in the minute you get involved with foolish stuff, people want to invite you to the tomfoolery.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: Family, you don't have the RSVP because I'm telling you, people see you moving, a lot of times they'll use that to distract you.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: That's another thing, they'll use it to distract you.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: This is why you gotta know if I'm not making a solution or moving this forward or being helpful, this is hindering for me to get involved.
26:41
SPEAKER_00: So at the end of the day, family, you got to realize everybody makes mistakes, everybody has moments when their emotions get the best of them because I know it sounds it is easier said than done.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: And yes, sometimes we need somebody to pull us to the side and say, hey, you're acting a little foolish there.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: But there's a difference between making a mistake and doing it all the time.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to participate simply because somebody invited you, right?
27:00
SPEAKER_00: You can be supportive without being gullible, you can be loyal without being reckless, and you can stand on what is right without turning every disagreement into a public spectacle.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: Y'all notice how some people gotta make everything a public spectacle.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: Family, let me tell you something.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: Every time I see that family, I don't give up nothing.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: You won't get not an inch.
27:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about when you go somewhere, I'll never forget I went to a mall and it was some ratchet people in the mall, and they hollering.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about ah at the top of their lungs, I don't know what ended up happening.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: Family, I went right in the mall like I ain't even here.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
27:29
SPEAKER_00: The ones that was hollering, when they see I didn't even pay them no attention, it got quiet.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: It got quiet for like five or seven minutes.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: Why?
27:36
SPEAKER_00: Because you don't deserve my attention, boo.
27:38
SPEAKER_00: You want to be seen.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: See, when you meet people and encounter folks that want to be seen, that's how you know your attention is currency, and that's the time when you need to be real cheap.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm not giving you a dime, I'm not giving you a penny, you don't get zilch, you don't get zilch for the bull crap, not at all.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: All right, so the next time somebody comes running to you with a fresh delivery of crap, don't sign for that package, check the address because the mess might not belong to you.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: And if it doesn't, retent resend it, return it to the sender, babes.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: Don't let a fool include you in their tumfoolery, and don't let your reaction turn you into the second fool in the room.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
28:12
SPEAKER_00: Now listen, don't just hear today's lesson.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: Run the play, family, run the play because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: All right?
28:20
SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next one.