Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Instilling Self-Confidence In Teenagers

Transcript

Instilling Self-Confidence In Teenagers · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: And today I want to break down something that's more teen focused.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: For those of you who know me, you know that I coach uh individuals teenage all the way through mature adults, and I'm also a parent myself.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: So my kids are uh they range in age from 11 all the way to 23 as of today.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: So dealing with the teenage years is something that is actually very close to my heart.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: And also with the beginning of school and uh not just elementary and middle and high school, but also my clients who are emerging adults in their college years, something that has come up routinely in conversations has just been uh confidence and how do we build teen confidence.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: As a parent myself, I know that I struggled for a long time trying to figure out how we go about helping our kids create that sense of confidence.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the very first thing I would want to say is uh we cannot fix it.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: So there is this call as parents to let go of this idea that we can fix self-esteem or fix confidence for our teens or our children.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, it is all about um creating space to help them find their own confidence and esteem and self-acceptance within their own being.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because if they are dependent on us to fix it or to create it for them, if we were to step back, they don't they no longer have it internally.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's all externally driven.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: So we want to create space for them to intrinsically build that.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: And the very first thing that we we need to really recognize is that it's kind of normal for teens and young adults to feel a little insecure because they're in that stage of figuring out who they are outside of our definition of them, right?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: They are starting to create their own beliefs, their own, their own value system outside of what we're telling them as parents.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: And they're they're they have their own ideas and opinions about what's happening in the world at large.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's important to just normalize for them that it, that it is okay and normal for them to have those moments of insecure insecurity and those moments of doubt, rather than saying, oh, it's a problem and we need to fix it.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh wow, let's create space for it and say, wow, I'm noticing these things about you rather than saying we have to, um, we don't want them to go into a place of shame.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh my gosh, now there's something wrong with making them feeling insecure.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: But instead create that space for them to recognize that these feelings are part of the growth process.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: So as parents, reassuring our teens, teens that it is normal to feel this way and that we are creating that safe space for them to talk about it and to communicate.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, and and also creating space for them to understand it.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: So, what we need to then do is recognize that part of what they are dealing with when they're dealing with a lack of confidence and a lack of self-esteem is that they have their pressure to fit in.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: They're, I mean, as adults too, we want to belong, we want to be accepted.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they have that pressure.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it's even greater.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's, you know, tenfold, it's exponentially greater for them because while they're trying to figure out who they are, they're also trying to figure out how they belong and where they belong.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's important that we remind them that their value doesn't come from being like everyone else.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Their value is based on who they are as their own individual person.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: It is in their essence and their being, whatever that may be.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so creating space for our teens to explore their interests and to explore what brings them joy and where they find meaning and where they find purpose, instead of molding to somebody else's definition, it's creating space for them to mold themselves into that, leaning into what's meaningful to them, what brings them joy.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: And it is also important to talk to them about, you know, how, help them recognize how they're talking to themselves.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, really, you know, I talk about this when we're, you know, going through any sort of transformation.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's about bringing things to the awareness.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: So allowing our teens room to explore and bring to the awareness how are they even talking to themselves?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: What is that inner critic saying?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: What is that self-talk sounding like?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because at the end of the day, that voice is really powerful.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: As parents, we have a powerful influence.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Their friends have a powerful influence, but also what they're saying to themselves is extraordinarily powerful.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so reminding our kids that it's important to bring to the awareness what and how they're saying it, and then see if we can support them in reframing some of what that inner critic says.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because if they don't catch that they're talking to themselves in such a negative way, that then becomes limiting beliefs about oneself.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's a it is about really creating space to communicate with our kids about how they want to communicate with themselves.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because when when we don't presence that, it they just it becomes normalized and conditioned behavior to talk to yourself in that critical way.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so for teens, it is important to, again, make sure that we're normalizing it and that we're saying, okay, this isn't this isn't bad or wrong.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: This is something that many of us go through.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: But then how do we work through it?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then part of that is also continuing to encourage our kids to step out of their comfort zone into the group into their growth zone, but do it in small steps.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, oftentimes we want so much for our kids and we can see what they're potentially capable of, but sometimes they have to take smaller steps to get there.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because if they can have those small wins, it's going to continually build their confidence because each win will build upon the other.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: So encouraging our team to try new things without putting an extraordinary amount of an extraordinary amount of pressure on them and then celebrate their effort, regardless of the outcome, celebrate the effort of the process, right?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Celebrate that they are showing up and they're trying that new thing and the effort that they've put in.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Less focus on what the outcome is, even if the outcome is amazing, really celebrate how they're showing up as a person.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because again, that's you celebrating who they're being and not just tying uh goodness and greatness to a specific positive outcome.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: So as parents, it's really important to do that.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, focusing on their strengths.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, um, oftentimes we will, as human beings, we focus on what's not going well.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: But if we can give ourselves permission to help them see what their strengths are, because if we make room for their strengths, those strengths can then help complement and raise areas where they might feel weak.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: So if you can help point out to them moments where they seem to really, really exhibit some a strength, and then helping them see how that strength can help raise areas where they might not feel as strong.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then another method that all of us could use in building confidence is visualizing those things for ourselves.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, our brains don't really know the difference between a visualization of something negative happening and something positive.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't know that something is reality or not reality.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: So giving them the ability and encouraging them to visualize how they really want to see themselves.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: But then also as parents, sharing your own experiences and sharing your own vulnerabilities is so important.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: I, you know, as a parent, I know that we have to be somewhat of a leader and we have to, you know, give ourselves, give our kids the confidence that we have things covered so that they don't have to feel scared that, oh, my parents don't know how to handle these things.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: At the same time, showing them that we're also vulnerable and we've had similar experiences is actually quite helpful because they recognize that it's not abnormal.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: If your teen is dealing with this and struggling with this, I do have an ebook on my website around how to build confidence and self-esteem in children.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: So by all means check that out.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's comedywood.com.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: But also, if you'd like to understand how coaching could be helpful to you as a parent and or to your teen, feel free to book a time to speak with me at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, live joy your way.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Username It's Authentic Me.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.