Latest / Dear Chelsea / The Funny Parts of Death with Rosebud Baker

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The Funny Parts of Death with Rosebud Baker · Dear Chelsea

0:00
Speaker 1: Okay, welcome to our latest installment of Dear Chelsea. This
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Speaker 1: is a very very therapeutic podcast hosted by yours truly
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Speaker 1: and my wonderful producer, Catherine, who is here with me.
0:13
Speaker 1: Thank you, Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. How are you? I'm great?
0:17
Speaker 1: How are you doing? Oh? I'm happy today? You are? Yeah,
0:21
Speaker 1: feeling good. We're just talking about grounding mats. If you
0:23
Speaker 1: guys are listening, grounding mats are where it's at. I
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Speaker 1: was introduced to it by Joe Coy and his tour bus,
0:30
Speaker 1: but I just brought it up to Katherine, and Katherine,
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Speaker 1: can you kind of give us an abridged version of
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Speaker 1: what it is? Yeah? Absolutely, well, an earthing matt or
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Speaker 1: a grounding matt, and you can actually find there's a
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Speaker 1: book about it, but really just go look at the
0:41
Speaker 1: Amazon reviews because people have these changed lives from using these.
0:45
Speaker 1: But basically what it does is, since we evolved as
0:49
Speaker 1: humans walking around on the earth, the earth would absorb
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Speaker 1: any positive electrical charge that we would build up. But
0:56
Speaker 1: nowadays we all walk around in these Rubbert sold shoes
0:59
Speaker 1: and so we're building upsetic electricity and this is all measurable.
1:02
Speaker 1: It sounds very woo woo. But it's all real. And
1:05
Speaker 1: so it's the sort of thing that happens when you
1:07
Speaker 1: walk around on the beach or around on grass and
1:10
Speaker 1: the earth actually absorbs that electric charge that builds up,
1:15
Speaker 1: and that charge can kind of cause a host of things. So,
1:18
Speaker 1: so you said positive electrical charge or negative electrical charge,
1:21
Speaker 1: a positive electrical charge, and so we want to get
1:24
Speaker 1: back to neutral. We're gonna get back to zero, which
1:26
Speaker 1: is what happens when we walk around right right, you
1:28
Speaker 1: want to get grounded, which means you're at zero right.
1:31
Speaker 1: So it's great for anti inflammation, it's great for sleeping.
1:34
Speaker 1: Joe Koy, My lover has terrible sleep apnea. So he
1:38
Speaker 1: looks like a fucking octopus every single night when he
1:41
Speaker 1: goes to sleep because he has a hook himself up
1:43
Speaker 1: to a machine that sounds like he's vacuuming, and basically
1:46
Speaker 1: it's like he goes to Antarctica for eight hours, because
1:49
Speaker 1: once he hooks up to that machine, it's like see
1:51
Speaker 1: you later. And he hasn't used the machine for three nights.
1:55
Speaker 1: My husband, stop snoring. Oh really, my husband, stop snoring.
1:59
Speaker 1: My ad had like a neuropathy in his foot where
2:02
Speaker 1: he couldn't really feel his foot for a while, and
2:04
Speaker 1: it went away when he started using one. My friend,
2:07
Speaker 1: one of the guys on the bus says he gets
2:08
Speaker 1: gout all the time and he's been using it and
2:10
Speaker 1: hous and how an outbreak is out called an outbreak?
2:12
Speaker 1: I think that's her piece, but anyway, we can call
2:14
Speaker 1: out an outbreak right, a outbreak and it's good for autoimmune,
2:19
Speaker 1: you know, anti inflammation. I came back from my Orca
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Speaker 1: and literally turned around and went on the road with
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Speaker 1: Joe and was completely fine, had no jet lag because
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Speaker 1: I got on the bus and like, you got a ground,
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Speaker 1: You got a ground, You got a ground. So it's
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Speaker 1: very exciting you guys. For listeners. You can go on
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Speaker 1: Amazon right and order one. And it's just a little
2:36
Speaker 1: math that you put on your feet or you put
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Speaker 1: your feet on, or you can put it around your body.
2:40
Speaker 1: You can sleep with it on your like just touching
2:42
Speaker 1: some part of your skin and it helps you kind
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Speaker 1: of be grounded. And yeah, I'm really excited about it.
2:47
Speaker 1: Hopefully I'll stick to it. We have a very exciting
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Speaker 1: guest today. This is somebody that I'm personally invested in,
2:53
Speaker 1: and she has a new special out on Comedy Central
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Speaker 1: called Whiskey Fists, So if you haven't seen that, please
2:59
Speaker 1: do because she has got a real point of view,
3:03
Speaker 1: which is what we all want when we're watching comedy.
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Speaker 1: Is somebody who's saying something that you hadn't thought of before,
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Speaker 1: and she says a lot of that, and she says
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Speaker 1: it with a lot of attitude. She is a writer
3:13
Speaker 1: on HBOS that Damn Michael Ja and she's also in
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Speaker 1: Amy Schumer's knew Hulu series Life and Beth, which I'm
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Speaker 1: looking forward to seeing also. And this is how I
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Speaker 1: found her. Her weekly podcast which is fucking funny as ship.
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Speaker 1: So follow her on Instagram at rosebud Baker. Right, follow
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Speaker 1: her on Instagram at rosebud Baker and watch clips of
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Speaker 1: her podcast, and then subscribe to her podcast because she
3:37
Speaker 1: and her husband sit there and just basically argue in
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Speaker 1: a not even really a loving way, but in a
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Speaker 1: in a way that there's a lot of love there,
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Speaker 1: but it is highly entertaining and something I wish I
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Speaker 1: had thought of for myself. Please welcome rosebud Breaker. Thank you,
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Speaker 1: Thank you so much to see you in person so
4:00
Speaker 1: that I'm I love that you love the podcast because
4:02
Speaker 1: Sometimes people go they get uncomfortable and they'll be like, I,
4:06
Speaker 1: I don't know it. It feels like they're really fighting,
4:08
Speaker 1: and it's like we are really fighting. That's what it's like.
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Speaker 1: But that's what it is. But that's what a relationship is.
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Speaker 1: It's telling somebody what you think, what you really think
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Speaker 1: about them and them having to suck that up right.
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Speaker 1: And and there's also not a lot of that going
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Speaker 1: around right now, so I have a lot of respect
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Speaker 1: for it because people are trying to pussy foot around
4:28
Speaker 1: everything in this moment in time, because people are so
4:31
Speaker 1: scared to be real, and this is a real podcast
4:34
Speaker 1: and it is about a real relationship, and that's what's
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Speaker 1: funny about it. So it's very refreshing. So I'm really excited.
4:41
Speaker 1: And we're also my production company is developing a television
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Speaker 1: show with Rosebud. So when I say personally invested, I
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Speaker 1: mean it that way because I just am really really
4:50
Speaker 1: looking forward to going out with this show for you,
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Speaker 1: which is based on you know, your real life experiences
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Speaker 1: and what happened to you growing up, which is well, first,
5:01
Speaker 1: let me just tell the story about I was in
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Speaker 1: Maine last year around this time. Actually, I was in
5:06
Speaker 1: Maine in a place called Biddeford Pool, which I rented
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Speaker 1: a house for like two weeks with my family and
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Speaker 1: some friends kind of strolled in and out. But Barbara Bush,
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Speaker 1: who is the daughter of George W. Bush, she is
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Speaker 1: a friend of mine, and she texted me and she said, Sissy.
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Speaker 1: That's what we call each other, Sissy. She goes, Sissy,
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Speaker 1: I hear that you're in Biddeford Pool. I'm here with
5:28
Speaker 1: my mom. Were like two houses down from where you're staying.
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Speaker 1: And I said, oh my god, come on over, Cissy.
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Speaker 1: So she came over, but she was and she with
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Speaker 1: Barbara Bush, the former first Lady, and I walk outside
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Speaker 1: and they're walking up my driveway and there's I guess
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Speaker 1: Secret Service must have been with them or something. And
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Speaker 1: they came into the house and I showed them the
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Speaker 1: view because we had rented this beautiful house with this
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Speaker 1: gorgeous ocean view. Maine is gorgeous. And she walked outside
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Speaker 1: on the deck and then my brother Roy came outside
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Speaker 1: and looked at Barbara Bush and said, sweetie. He goes, Sweetie,
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Speaker 1: you look familiar. And I was like, boy, please go inside,
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Speaker 1: please don't And then we proceeded to hang out that
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Speaker 1: week because Barbara was in Kenny Bunkport with her whole family,
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Speaker 1: and we were doing pilates at my house every morning,
6:12
Speaker 1: so she it's so yeah, it's very white, all of it,
6:17
Speaker 1: all of it. She came over every morning to do
6:19
Speaker 1: pilates with us, and then one day she was her
6:22
Speaker 1: husband is really into pickleball, and I am not into
6:26
Speaker 1: pickleball because everybody won't shut the funk up about pickleball.
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Speaker 1: And I don't like when people can't shut the funk
6:31
Speaker 1: up about something I wanted to pass and then I'll
6:33
Speaker 1: get interested. It's like a book. The pressure is too much.
6:36
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to have to like this. Yeah,
6:39
Speaker 1: if everyone's reading the same book, I'm like, everyone read educated.
6:42
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so sick of that book that I
6:44
Speaker 1: cannot fucking read it until everyone shuts the funk up
6:46
Speaker 1: about it. And then I listened to it on audio,
6:49
Speaker 1: which is not the way to read that book. I
6:50
Speaker 1: don't like audiobooks. I'd like to read books. Anyway. We
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Speaker 1: went to Kenny Bunkport. I said to Barbara, I said, listen,
6:56
Speaker 1: she goes, why don't you guys come to Kenny Bunkport
6:57
Speaker 1: comes to the compound play pickleball, and I a big
7:00
Speaker 1: group with me, and I was like, okay, you know,
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Speaker 1: they all wanted to go and I don't care about
7:04
Speaker 1: that stuff. And I also said, hey, se see, let
7:06
Speaker 1: me be honest with you, like me meeting your father.
7:08
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can trust myself and my
7:10
Speaker 1: behavior because you know, sometimes I have outbursts and you know,
7:14
Speaker 1: politically it's just not a good thing. And I don't
7:17
Speaker 1: want to be disrespectful. And somebody's in their own home. Yeah,
7:20
Speaker 1: you had to issue a warning, yes, And she's like, oh,
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Speaker 1: don't worry, He'll be getting a massage when you come over.
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Speaker 1: I'll make sure of it. I go, okay, okay, you know,
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Speaker 1: I take your word. She's a liar. Because we were
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Speaker 1: there and we were on the court for no less
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Speaker 1: than ten minutes before George W Bush. I heard him go,
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Speaker 1: miss Handler, is that you? And I was like, oh, fun,
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Speaker 1: now I have to like, oh my god, this is
7:42
Speaker 1: against everything I stand for, Like I'm such a hypocrite
7:46
Speaker 1: here I am, you know, And of course I found
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Speaker 1: him totally like cute and charming. It comes over, I know,
7:51
Speaker 1: I know, and I was like oh. And so he
7:54
Speaker 1: comes over and he goes, ah, he goes, I know you,
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Speaker 1: you know what, I know somebody that is going to
8:00
Speaker 1: be the next Chelsea Handler. And I go, I doubt that.
8:04
Speaker 1: I go, I doubt. He goes, No, she's a comedian.
8:06
Speaker 1: I go, you don't know any comedians that I know,
8:09
Speaker 1: and he was like, oh, no, I do. He goes
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Speaker 1: James Baker. She's the granddaughter of James Baker. And I
8:16
Speaker 1: was like, James Baker who worked for you? And he said, yeah,
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Speaker 1: James Baker who worked for me. And I go, I
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Speaker 1: don't think that I know her. And he goes, oh, Rosebud,
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Speaker 1: Rosebud Baker, and I was like, oh fuck, we have
8:28
Speaker 1: a deal with Rosebud. We're developing a show for Rosebud Baker.
8:31
Speaker 1: And I, Oh my god. We do have something in common,
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Speaker 1: I know. And also like I've met him so many
8:37
Speaker 1: times in my life where I felt the exact same
8:40
Speaker 1: way that you did, where I was just like, oh God,
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Speaker 1: damn it, because he is likable, he's very like and
8:46
Speaker 1: he's charming. He's so charming, and you're like, no, I
8:49
Speaker 1: get why. People the whole like litmus tests, like would
8:52
Speaker 1: you have a beer with this person. He's the guy
8:54
Speaker 1: you want to have a beer with. I mean he
8:56
Speaker 1: is like, okay, I get why. Yeah, he was excited
9:00
Speaker 1: to have company. And my brother and sister were there,
9:02
Speaker 1: and then like six or seven friends of mine and
9:04
Speaker 1: they were all just like, you know, dumb struck. They
9:06
Speaker 1: were like, what the funk is going on? And he
9:08
Speaker 1: was talking to my sister and my brother Roy. He's like,
9:11
Speaker 1: by god, I love Roy. And you know, he talks
9:14
Speaker 1: about everyone loves my brother Roy because his head is
9:16
Speaker 1: very large and misshapen, so people think that, you know,
9:19
Speaker 1: like they don't not sure if something's off or what,
9:21
Speaker 1: so they're always very delicate with him. But then I
9:24
Speaker 1: go after he we kind of hung out for a
9:26
Speaker 1: little he was with his sister, and then he left
9:28
Speaker 1: and I was like, all right, we gotta go, guys everyone,
9:30
Speaker 1: and they're like why we're having a good time. We're
9:31
Speaker 1: playing pickaball. I go. I just don't want to be
9:33
Speaker 1: here any longer, Like I don't trust myself. I want
9:36
Speaker 1: to be respectful. So we're about to leave and he
9:38
Speaker 1: comes running out of the house and he's like, come,
9:40
Speaker 1: you got to see the house. We just renovated it.
9:42
Speaker 1: I want to show you the views and he and
9:45
Speaker 1: I was like, oh god, somebody after they retire. And
9:53
Speaker 1: we went in and he's like, I want to show
9:54
Speaker 1: you my art collection. And I was really stone that day,
9:58
Speaker 1: not unlike most days, I know you or sober. We'll
10:00
Speaker 1: talk about that too. Did he show you his paintings?
10:03
Speaker 1: He said, I have to show you my artwork. And
10:05
Speaker 1: I looked at him and I said, I don't think
10:07
Speaker 1: that's a good idea either, and I remember and then
10:10
Speaker 1: he walked me upstairs. There was one painting downstairs, and
10:13
Speaker 1: then he goes, come on upstairs, and I was like
10:15
Speaker 1: looking for Barbara. I'm like, hey, Sissy, this is not
10:17
Speaker 1: what we agreed upon. And he brings me upstairs and
10:21
Speaker 1: I'm He's showing me his paintings. And all I could
10:23
Speaker 1: think of was I said, out loud, Wow, the paint
10:26
Speaker 1: is so thick. Can I tell you my mother? Right
10:33
Speaker 1: after he got out of office, my mom and my
10:34
Speaker 1: dad got divorced, and my mom started like campaigning for
10:37
Speaker 1: Obama and then literally just immediately was just like fuck it.
10:41
Speaker 1: And he asked my mom to teach him how to paint,
10:43
Speaker 1: and my mom was like giving him painting lessons, and
10:47
Speaker 1: she was like, Bud, it's not coming along, it's not
10:51
Speaker 1: working out. She was like, it's really it's uh. I
10:56
Speaker 1: mean he likes it. He's having fun. So yeah, that's
10:59
Speaker 1: the most important thing is for him to have fun
11:01
Speaker 1: right now. Yes. Yes. And then at one point he said,
11:05
Speaker 1: take off your sunglasses so you can see the painting.
11:08
Speaker 1: And I just looked at him and I said, I'm
11:10
Speaker 1: very very stone right. I'd rather not. I'm going to
11:13
Speaker 1: keep these on. And then we're gonna walk downstairs and
11:16
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say goodbye. And I remember my friends were
11:19
Speaker 1: like loitering, you know, they didn't want to leave because
11:21
Speaker 1: he was cornering my one friend and talking to her
11:23
Speaker 1: about sports and whatever, and my friends were into it.
11:27
Speaker 1: And I was like, guys, let's go, and like round
11:30
Speaker 1: him up and let's go. We gotta leave this party.
11:33
Speaker 1: I love the idea of George Bush, the former president,
11:36
Speaker 1: just being like the guy from blank Check the movie.
11:40
Speaker 1: It's just like, you guys want to come ride horses sometime,
11:43
Speaker 1: we just just keeping you. They're holding you hostage with
11:46
Speaker 1: act exactly exactly. It's like, Okay, somebody hasn't had a
11:49
Speaker 1: lot of visitors in a long time. Okay, Rosebud, let's
11:53
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about you for a second. Um.
11:55
Speaker 1: We talked about your stand up special which just came out,
11:58
Speaker 1: so that's on Comedy Central. We talked that we let's
12:02
Speaker 1: talk about what your show is about. Okay, So you
12:05
Speaker 1: have something in common, which is death in our family, right,
12:08
Speaker 1: And I wanted to write a show about death that
12:12
Speaker 1: dealt with it in a way that wasn't so sentimental.
12:16
Speaker 1: And I wanted to find the just the hilarious, absurd
12:22
Speaker 1: experience of grief that I feel like hasn't really been
12:25
Speaker 1: touched on. I find that if something is sad, it's
12:28
Speaker 1: funny to me. I've never seen a sad thing that
12:30
Speaker 1: didn't immediately make me laugh, and I it's unfortunate. I mean,
12:34
Speaker 1: sometimes it comes up, somebody will tell me some bad
12:36
Speaker 1: news that my first reaction is like choke down a laugh.
12:39
Speaker 1: And I think part of it as a defense mechanism, absolutely,
12:42
Speaker 1: but I also think that there's a lot of I mean,
12:46
Speaker 1: grief itself is an absurd emotion. It is like organic ayahuasca.
12:51
Speaker 1: Whatever you've been shoving down, it immediately comes up and
12:55
Speaker 1: you have to deal with it. And I wanted to
12:57
Speaker 1: write a show around that. I wanted to write a
12:59
Speaker 1: show that deals with the funny parts of death and grief,
13:03
Speaker 1: you know, and to me, I mean, there's there was
13:07
Speaker 1: so much of that that I saw because I grew
13:09
Speaker 1: up with money, and I grew up in a family where,
13:12
Speaker 1: you know, everybody had this country club etiquette, and I thought,
13:16
Speaker 1: I want to write a show that deals with grief
13:19
Speaker 1: through the prism of like wealth and money and that
13:23
Speaker 1: country club world where you're supposed to keep everything in
13:27
Speaker 1: a box and everything's supposed to look nice and tidy,
13:30
Speaker 1: because I think that's such a great backdrop for an
13:33
Speaker 1: emotion like grief and too to highlight how absurd and
13:38
Speaker 1: how funny it can be. Yeah. Yeah, Well, and also,
13:42
Speaker 1: can you talk a little bit about who died in
13:44
Speaker 1: your family and how Yeah, so my sister died. It
13:48
Speaker 1: was about twenty years ago. She died in a jacuzzi,
13:52
Speaker 1: which is, um, I mean, just a jumping off point
13:57
Speaker 1: in our show. Yeah. So, I mean there's jokes about
14:01
Speaker 1: this in my special in Whiskey Fists, but it's to me,
14:05
Speaker 1: dying in a jacuzzi is such a funny way to die. Um, Like,
14:11
Speaker 1: there's drowning and then there's drowning in a small, shallow
14:14
Speaker 1: pool with bubbles, and it's just absurd. And she was young,
14:20
Speaker 1: she was very young, so world, she was seven, she
14:23
Speaker 1: was very she was a child, okay, and how old
14:26
Speaker 1: were you at the time? So, and I never saw
14:30
Speaker 1: obviously when this happened. I didn't find this hilarious, right,
14:34
Speaker 1: it wasn't. None of us was funny to me until
14:37
Speaker 1: years later when I would be telling people about myself
14:39
Speaker 1: and they would go, oh, how did your sister die?
14:41
Speaker 1: And I would say that she drowned, and then they
14:43
Speaker 1: would say how did she drown? But that wasn't really
14:46
Speaker 1: what they wanted to They wanted to know where, And
14:49
Speaker 1: I had to like fill them in that it was
14:51
Speaker 1: a jacuzzi. And it's like there's just this pause after
14:55
Speaker 1: you say it where I have to be like, you know,
14:57
Speaker 1: she wasn't shooting a music video or anything like, it
15:00
Speaker 1: wasn't It was like and then I have to get
15:03
Speaker 1: into all the gory details of like how someone drowns
15:06
Speaker 1: in a jackouzy and and people would just be staring
15:11
Speaker 1: at me like they wanted to get to know me,
15:12
Speaker 1: but like not that well, you know, yeah, no, right,
15:15
Speaker 1: people ask questions that they really don't want the answers
15:18
Speaker 1: to all the time, and I'll answer like I'm that's
15:20
Speaker 1: my problem is that I will fully fill you in.
15:23
Speaker 1: But then you're just staring at me with your mouth agape,
15:27
Speaker 1: like what, well, I okay, Well that's the end of
15:30
Speaker 1: this conversation, you know. Yeah. Yeah, it's a tricky conversation
15:34
Speaker 1: because people always feel guilty and they say, oh, I'm
15:36
Speaker 1: so sorry. When people ever asking me my brother, they
15:38
Speaker 1: go all my if they don't know about my brother
15:40
Speaker 1: d You're like, I'm so sorry. It's like, okay, it's
15:43
Speaker 1: not your fault, like you didn't kill him, Like I mean,
15:45
Speaker 1: it's past the point of me needing to hear that.
15:48
Speaker 1: But you know, people just are probably they don't know
15:51
Speaker 1: what to say. Yeah, it's like an immediate reaction, people
15:53
Speaker 1: go I'm so sorry, and then you're in the position
15:56
Speaker 1: of having to comfort them over something that happened to
15:59
Speaker 1: you a long long time ago, a long time ago.
16:01
Speaker 1: And it's the weirdest moment. And I feel like the
16:06
Speaker 1: way that our culture deals with grief and death and
16:10
Speaker 1: like loss of life is we just don't want to
16:12
Speaker 1: touch it. We don't want to like actually deal with it.
16:15
Speaker 1: We try to keep it clean, we try to keep
16:17
Speaker 1: it nice, and it's messy and it should be. And
16:21
Speaker 1: it's one of those moments where it absolutely should be
16:23
Speaker 1: as messy as it is. Yeah, but it's also we
16:26
Speaker 1: have such a repressed way. I remember going to my
16:28
Speaker 1: first black funeral. I went to a gospel funeral when
16:31
Speaker 1: I was like nine or ten years old because my
16:33
Speaker 1: friend's grandmother died and he was black, and it was
16:36
Speaker 1: like the biggest celebration I'd ever been to. And I
16:39
Speaker 1: just came home and I'm Jewish, so we have the
16:41
Speaker 1: worst funerals, it's like, and they go on for seven
16:44
Speaker 1: days of sitting shiva, and I remember being like, this
16:47
Speaker 1: is the way to do it. This is the way
16:49
Speaker 1: when someone dies you celebrate their life. Obviously that's different
16:52
Speaker 1: when it's a child, because you're not celebrating. You know,
16:54
Speaker 1: that's devastating to parents, and it's devastating to lose a
16:57
Speaker 1: young one. But when you give something any space, any tragedy,
17:00
Speaker 1: any space, that always becomes there becomes a funny way
17:04
Speaker 1: to talk about it. And that's just the way it is.
17:06
Speaker 1: And that can upset people, but it's just so true.
17:09
Speaker 1: And it's also a way to deal with your own grief.
17:12
Speaker 1: You know, humor is the best outlet for grief. Absolutely.
17:15
Speaker 1: I think that for dying is the reason why I
17:18
Speaker 1: find sad things funny. I think that's like that was
17:22
Speaker 1: the thing that just made me immediately my sense of
17:25
Speaker 1: humor was sort of like a grave side sense of humor,
17:28
Speaker 1: and to this day still is. And did you do therapy?
17:32
Speaker 1: Have you done? I mean, I don't think I would
17:34
Speaker 1: be able to write jokes about this stuff if I
17:36
Speaker 1: hadn't been to therapy. I I truly owe my therapist
17:42
Speaker 1: like my entire act, you know, because I wouldn't have
17:46
Speaker 1: been able to talk about any of it, you know.
17:48
Speaker 1: And I also feel like it would be psychotic of
17:50
Speaker 1: me to try. If I hadn't worked all of this
17:53
Speaker 1: out and taken care of myself before taking it to
17:56
Speaker 1: the stage, it would be not only would it not
18:00
Speaker 1: be funny, it would be very sad and feel like
18:05
Speaker 1: somebody trying to make sense of something through like the
18:10
Speaker 1: applause of strangers. It just you know, But I love therapy.
18:15
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy for eight nine years. Now. Are
18:17
Speaker 1: you still in therapy? Yes? I was forced into therapy
18:20
Speaker 1: at a young age. Though, so I was like because
18:23
Speaker 1: of your sister, No, just because I was fat and
18:26
Speaker 1: my like my parents were like something's wrong and very
18:32
Speaker 1: waspy background, and they were like, we gotta get her
18:34
Speaker 1: into therapy. And it's like, maybe you're just having four
18:37
Speaker 1: or five kids and I'm hoarding food because I'm worried
18:40
Speaker 1: about supplies. But they they sent me into therapy really young,
18:47
Speaker 1: and I hated it. I hated it. I lied to therapists.
18:51
Speaker 1: There are therapists out there who still think I have
18:54
Speaker 1: four sisters because I just didn't bring up the fact
18:57
Speaker 1: that I had a dead one and like was just
19:00
Speaker 1: not even going to touch it. It wasn't until like
19:02
Speaker 1: I got sober, and then six years after getting sober,
19:05
Speaker 1: when nothing had gotten better, I was like, Okay, I
19:09
Speaker 1: have to go into therapy for myself. So what age
19:11
Speaker 1: did you get sober? I got sober at twenty four
19:17
Speaker 1: because it was unmanageable. Yes, it was very bad. It
19:22
Speaker 1: was like blacking out, blacking out almost every time, and
19:27
Speaker 1: then often times like trying to hurt myself, trying to
19:32
Speaker 1: like run into traffic or like run at the edge
19:35
Speaker 1: of a roof, and then coming out of this blackout
19:37
Speaker 1: being like like, what's happening, you know, and then everyone
19:41
Speaker 1: around me being just devastated and me pointing at them
19:45
Speaker 1: and being like you're being over dramatic. I'm fine. I
19:48
Speaker 1: was drunk, relax, you know. So it wasn't fun. It
19:52
Speaker 1: wasn't like drinking with me as a twenty four year
19:55
Speaker 1: old woman girl. Really it was more like drinking with
20:00
Speaker 1: a seventy two year old man, like it was whose
20:04
Speaker 1: wife had taken everything Like it was not he was
20:09
Speaker 1: not a fun experience. It wasn't a party. It was
20:12
Speaker 1: like I started the night wanting it to be a party,
20:14
Speaker 1: but then at the end of the night, I'd be like,
20:16
Speaker 1: what happened? I feel like some people have an allergy
20:19
Speaker 1: to alcohol, like you have an allergic reaction to alcohol,
20:22
Speaker 1: like when people call in this show all the time
20:25
Speaker 1: about addiction and stuff like that, and it's like it's
20:27
Speaker 1: just not for some people. You have to treat it
20:29
Speaker 1: like you're allergic to it, like you're allergic to peanuts
20:32
Speaker 1: and if you have them, it's going to go badly.
20:34
Speaker 1: Everything is going to be bad for the So did
20:37
Speaker 1: anyone intervene, Like what were the circumstances around you? Getting
20:40
Speaker 1: no one intervened. I just got myself to a place
20:43
Speaker 1: where I pushed everyone in my life away and isolated
20:47
Speaker 1: myself to the point where I had no one to
20:50
Speaker 1: blame anymore. So I didn't want anybody to get in
20:54
Speaker 1: the way of the way that I liked to drink.
20:57
Speaker 1: But then when everyone was gone, I was like, oh,
21:00
Speaker 1: now I can't blame my drinking on anyone else. So
21:03
Speaker 1: I really just got to a point where I was
21:05
Speaker 1: alone and had no explanation for why my life was
21:09
Speaker 1: so shitty except for the person in the mirror. And
21:14
Speaker 1: that's kind of how it happened. I mean, I remember,
21:16
Speaker 1: like the day that I got sober, waking up on
21:19
Speaker 1: my floor, no idea how I had gotten home, and
21:23
Speaker 1: looking in the mirror and wanting to cry, but not
21:25
Speaker 1: even being able to because I just I remember looking
21:30
Speaker 1: at myself trying to cry and going, you are so
21:35
Speaker 1: full of ship, like just knowing that I was full
21:38
Speaker 1: of ship, and being like, I know my own number,
21:41
Speaker 1: I know what's happening. And it was really people talk
21:44
Speaker 1: about like having a moment of clarity before they drink.
21:46
Speaker 1: It really was that, like it was it's it's almost
21:49
Speaker 1: two on the nose, you know, like me looking in
21:51
Speaker 1: the mirror and like really seeing myself for the first
21:55
Speaker 1: time in a long time. And then the night before
21:59
Speaker 1: someone had given me their number to like call them
22:02
Speaker 1: in case I needed to get sober. Just a random
22:04
Speaker 1: person on the street that I had invited to come
22:06
Speaker 1: drink with me was like, you need help, like an
22:09
Speaker 1: absolute stranger, And I called her that day and then
22:13
Speaker 1: went to like go to a twelve step meeting with
22:16
Speaker 1: her that night, and I just got sober. It was
22:19
Speaker 1: the weirdest, the weirdest thing because it was so anticlimactic.
22:24
Speaker 1: And what do you think that was? Do you think
22:26
Speaker 1: that was like a divine act? Do you believe in
22:28
Speaker 1: God or do you think, like, what do you believe in?
22:31
Speaker 1: I believe in God, not in the sense of like
22:34
Speaker 1: I really kind of like bristle when you talk about
22:38
Speaker 1: God in the way that I was brought up to
22:41
Speaker 1: think of God, like punishing, even the sense of karma
22:45
Speaker 1: where people talk about like, oh, if you do this,
22:47
Speaker 1: something bad is going to happen to you later, Like
22:49
Speaker 1: people talk about karma in that way. I'm like, No,
22:51
Speaker 1: that's like a Christian God that you're talking about, but
22:54
Speaker 1: you're applying that to karma. I really think it was
22:58
Speaker 1: just that there's like we have a higher wisdom within ourselves,
23:03
Speaker 1: and we're there's so much noise in our heads it's
23:07
Speaker 1: really hard to hear it. And for me, I just
23:10
Speaker 1: had this moment where like things got quiet enough for
23:13
Speaker 1: me to go, oh, you need to you need to
23:16
Speaker 1: ask for help. And I'm glad. I didn't know that
23:19
Speaker 1: asking for help was even like an option or a
23:22
Speaker 1: thing that people do. I still to this day have
23:25
Speaker 1: like real problems with asking for help. I could have
23:28
Speaker 1: both dogs, I'm walking both dogs, I'm carrying all the
23:31
Speaker 1: recycling downstairs. I'm talking on the phone and I'm trying
23:34
Speaker 1: to unlock a door and my husband's like, can I
23:35
Speaker 1: carry something for you? And I'm like, no, I've got it.
23:38
Speaker 1: And he's like, you don't anything, you don't have any
23:42
Speaker 1: of you are a mess and and so and I'm
23:46
Speaker 1: like I got you know. So it was just this
23:48
Speaker 1: one moment where I was relaxed enough to ask and
23:52
Speaker 1: desperate enough to ask. Yeah. I like what you're saying
23:54
Speaker 1: about higher wisdom within you, because we do all have
23:57
Speaker 1: this reservoir of self esteem, we have this reservoir of confidence,
24:01
Speaker 1: we have this reservoir of wisdom, and it's up to
24:03
Speaker 1: us to like listen to that voice instead of the other,
24:06
Speaker 1: you know, ego based things are impulsivity and like not
24:10
Speaker 1: really thinking with your higher self, which is also makes
24:13
Speaker 1: me cringe too. But like I've gotten down on my
24:16
Speaker 1: knees and I do this regularly to say thank you God.
24:18
Speaker 1: And I say God, but I don't mean that, you know.
24:21
Speaker 1: I mean like, whatever is going on in the universe,
24:25
Speaker 1: whatever organizing principles that we don't know about that are happening,
24:28
Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you for fucking making that happen and
24:32
Speaker 1: making this happen and making my life pleasurable and not painful,
24:36
Speaker 1: you know, overall, and all of those things. So and
24:39
Speaker 1: that's well, it's a good segue into taking some calls
24:42
Speaker 1: because it's a good thing for women to constantly remind
24:45
Speaker 1: each other of you know that you do have it
24:47
Speaker 1: within you. It's like so many people think that they
24:49
Speaker 1: don't have that. It's like we all have it. It's
24:52
Speaker 1: just are you able to tap into it? And do
24:54
Speaker 1: you care enough to make the effort and to actually
24:56
Speaker 1: listen to your real voice? Right? Yeah? Absolutely, Okay, great,
25:00
Speaker 1: So that's Katherine. Or shall we take some calls for
25:02
Speaker 1: a rose button myself. Yeah, and let's take a quick
25:06
Speaker 1: ad break first and we'll come back with some coolers. Okay,
25:09
Speaker 1: sounds good. Our first question comes from E. Dear Chelsea,
25:18
Speaker 1: is this E the network I told them not to. Unfortunately,
25:23
Speaker 1: I'm in a new relationship about five months. He's super
25:26
Speaker 1: hot and the sex is unreal. We have a great relationship,
25:29
Speaker 1: but when he gets really drunk, he makes rude comments
25:32
Speaker 1: to me. For example, he'll say, you're such an idiot,
25:35
Speaker 1: you say the dumbest things, or this is one of
25:38
Speaker 1: the reasons I don't want to be with you. He
25:40
Speaker 1: always says sorry in the morning, but I just don't
25:42
Speaker 1: get what his deal is. I know he loves me,
25:45
Speaker 1: and his friends always tell me how much he loves me,
25:47
Speaker 1: but I'm piste off with the rude comments when he's drunk.
25:50
Speaker 1: Please let me know if this is a red flag
25:52
Speaker 1: or if I can fix it. Cheers E. Well, I'll
25:57
Speaker 1: start with a personal story of my own. That is
26:01
Speaker 1: a kind of behavior that is excusable one or two
26:04
Speaker 1: times if you're drinking, and nothing really more than that.
26:08
Speaker 1: It cannot be an habitual thing. I did that with
26:11
Speaker 1: Joe actually in the beginning of our relationship. I got
26:13
Speaker 1: really wasted and I said some really nasty things, not
26:16
Speaker 1: to him, but just nasty things that were not in
26:19
Speaker 1: my that are not in my character, but clearly are
26:21
Speaker 1: somewhere in my brain because they came out of my mouth.
26:24
Speaker 1: I'm gonna blame Agua Caliente the casino on my behavior
26:28
Speaker 1: because of the decor and uh, the extreme heat. But
26:32
Speaker 1: we still he and I still talk about whenever anything
26:35
Speaker 1: is bordering or things are getting over the edge, he
26:38
Speaker 1: goes Aguacaliente. Because he didn't speak to me for three days,
26:40
Speaker 1: and this was at the very beginning of our relationship.
26:43
Speaker 1: I won't repeat what I said because it was pointless.
26:45
Speaker 1: But the point is that is not ever going to
26:48
Speaker 1: happen again because I will not allow that to ever
26:50
Speaker 1: happen again. So, you know, you make the first time
26:53
Speaker 1: the last time. But if this is a habitual thing
26:56
Speaker 1: with him, then that is a problem. You know, you
26:59
Speaker 1: can't be spoken to like that by somebody that is
27:01
Speaker 1: supposed to love you, regardless of what his friends say.
27:04
Speaker 1: So if he only says that when he drinks, then
27:05
Speaker 1: he needs to be mindful when he drinks. And if
27:07
Speaker 1: he can't control himself when he drinks, then he can't drink.
27:11
Speaker 1: So those are the options, and I would be curious,
27:13
Speaker 1: do we have her on the phone. No, this one
27:16
Speaker 1: was just an email, But I mean the fact that
27:18
Speaker 1: she ends it with is it something I can fix.
27:21
Speaker 1: We've all been there. That was the thing for me
27:23
Speaker 1: where I was like, oh no, no, no, no, you
27:26
Speaker 1: can't fix it at all. This is one of those
27:28
Speaker 1: things where if I were in this position, I would go, Okay,
27:33
Speaker 1: I've said this can't happen again, and it's happened. So
27:37
Speaker 1: am I ready to leave now? Or how many times
27:40
Speaker 1: more can this happen before I had out the door,
27:42
Speaker 1: because I would just immediately be like, I have to
27:44
Speaker 1: be really strict about boundaries like that. And even if
27:48
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, I'm just not ready to leave
27:50
Speaker 1: right this second, I'm gonna let it happen max twice
27:55
Speaker 1: more and then I'm out, you know, and let him
27:57
Speaker 1: know this is how it is. I'm going to go.
28:00
Speaker 1: The rest is up to him. You really have to
28:02
Speaker 1: put it in his lap. I mean, the sex might
28:05
Speaker 1: be great, but there's great sex everywhere. Yeah, there is,
28:08
Speaker 1: there's great sex everywhere. There are seven billion people on
28:11
Speaker 1: the planet, and you know, like you can't be called
28:13
Speaker 1: an idiot, like once I get it. People make mistakes,
28:16
Speaker 1: that's fine, but not repeatedly. So if it's something that's
28:19
Speaker 1: happened multiple times, then you actually need to set a
28:22
Speaker 1: boundary and that you know, and it has to do
28:24
Speaker 1: with drinking. Yeah, yeah, that's tricky too because it's like
28:28
Speaker 1: it might not change. I mean, if I were in
28:31
Speaker 1: that position, I would be like, my bet is that
28:33
Speaker 1: it's not going to change, because I'm if I start
28:36
Speaker 1: to immediately go, he'll he'll do it, He'll change, It'll
28:39
Speaker 1: be fine. Then I get stuck in a pattern of
28:42
Speaker 1: not being able to leave someone that I don't belong with,
28:45
Speaker 1: you know. So it's tricky, but you have to have
28:48
Speaker 1: really good boundaries. You have to get out of there
28:50
Speaker 1: if you if you can. Yeah, well what was the
28:52
Speaker 1: writer's name? E? Oh yeah, right of course. Okay, So
28:57
Speaker 1: hopefully that will help you because yeah, you have to
28:59
Speaker 1: be respected. Remember that. You know, if you wouldn't accept
29:02
Speaker 1: it for your sister or your daughter or your niece,
29:05
Speaker 1: then you don't accept it for yourself. Amen, amen, Arcelamaum, Well,
29:12
Speaker 1: our next submission comes from a caller, Diana. She says
29:17
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. My partner and I do not plan on
29:20
Speaker 1: having kids. I never felt the urge and place high
29:23
Speaker 1: value on my independence. I'm now in my mid thirties
29:26
Speaker 1: and all of my friends lives revolve around their children.
29:29
Speaker 1: I find we have little to talk about and it's
29:31
Speaker 1: hard to make plans due to our different lifestyles. They're
29:34
Speaker 1: also able to make new friends through their kids, an
29:36
Speaker 1: outlet I obviously don't have. I feel like I don't
29:39
Speaker 1: have any strong friendships anymore, and I'm struggling to meet
29:42
Speaker 1: new people because of my choice to be child free.
29:45
Speaker 1: My husband can't relate at all. His friendships are pretty
29:48
Speaker 1: much unchanged despite him being the only one who's child
29:51
Speaker 1: free of his friends must be a guy thing. What
29:54
Speaker 1: advice do you have to help me maintain my current
29:56
Speaker 1: friendships as well as find some new like minded friends, Diana, Well,
30:00
Speaker 1: that's good because i'm, you know, steadfastly childless, and I
30:04
Speaker 1: take a lot of pride in that. But I also
30:06
Speaker 1: have a lot of girlfriends that have children, and that's
30:09
Speaker 1: fine too, because I do like children. I just don't
30:11
Speaker 1: want my own. I mean, I don't, you know, love them.
30:14
Speaker 1: I like them, though, and when I have good friends.
30:17
Speaker 1: I love their children just by virtue of loving them.
30:19
Speaker 1: So I would say, hey, you have to make a
30:22
Speaker 1: little bit more of an effort with your friends that
30:23
Speaker 1: are married with children to let them know that you're
30:26
Speaker 1: down for that too, because that's part of the package.
30:29
Speaker 1: You know, some friends have children and then that becomes
30:31
Speaker 1: their package and it's your level of tolerance and if
30:34
Speaker 1: you really care about those relationships. Oh well, we have
30:36
Speaker 1: Diana right here. I always forget what kind of podcast
30:39
Speaker 1: this is Diana. Hi, Hi, Hi, how are you? I'm good?
30:44
Speaker 1: How are you good? This is Rosebud Diana Rosebud, Hi Chelsea.
30:49
Speaker 1: So nice to meet you. So are you? Do you
30:52
Speaker 1: feel like you're putting an effort forth with your friends
30:55
Speaker 1: who have children. I am, to be honest, though I
30:58
Speaker 1: have nothing to add sometimes to the conversations, and maybe
31:01
Speaker 1: it's just the point in life on that, but where
31:05
Speaker 1: my kids. My friends all have younger children, and that's
31:08
Speaker 1: really all they want to talk about. Yeah, anything going
31:11
Speaker 1: on in my life. We'll talk about it for maybe
31:14
Speaker 1: thirty seconds, and then it's like, Okay, look what my
31:17
Speaker 1: four year old did, isn't it? Oh my god? This
31:19
Speaker 1: person said that. Yeah, So it's it's a little frustrating.
31:22
Speaker 1: So I almost feel like I'm putting the effort in,
31:24
Speaker 1: but maybe it's not reciprocated. I'm in the same position.
31:29
Speaker 1: My best friend just had a kid, and every time
31:32
Speaker 1: she picks up FaceTime, the FaceTime is on her child
31:35
Speaker 1: who can't speak. And I'm like, I love this kid
31:38
Speaker 1: because I love my friend, like you said, but it's
31:43
Speaker 1: you think you're gonna lose your friend to like a
31:44
Speaker 1: new boyfriend. This is like a million times worse, you know,
31:47
Speaker 1: this is just it's so it's so hard because it's
31:50
Speaker 1: also she talks about also there's no chance of them
31:52
Speaker 1: breaking up. There's no chance. I mean, I keep being like,
31:55
Speaker 1: I can't wait for this kid to be eighteen, and
31:59
Speaker 1: but it really is like it's, first of all, I'm
32:02
Speaker 1: sorry that you're going through this because it is hard.
32:04
Speaker 1: It's it makes you sad, even though you're happy for
32:07
Speaker 1: your friend, it does make you sad. But I think
32:10
Speaker 1: that in terms of like making new friends, what do
32:13
Speaker 1: you do. I'm a c p A, Your c p A, okay,
32:16
Speaker 1: and so are there people at work that you're that
32:18
Speaker 1: are child free or yeah, I have a couple of friends.
32:20
Speaker 1: So the problem with work is that, which is not
32:23
Speaker 1: a problem on the boss. So I can't really it's
32:27
Speaker 1: hard to make friends with your employees, like you're actually
32:30
Speaker 1: not really supposed to do that. Yeah, right, that's annoying.
32:33
Speaker 1: They're gonna be like, oh, the boss is going through something,
32:35
Speaker 1: she's really trying to make friends with all of us exactly.
32:40
Speaker 1: So yeah, so there's that. But even in my day
32:44
Speaker 1: to day, like at the gym or places I go normally,
32:49
Speaker 1: there's really not a lot of us out there. Yeah,
32:52
Speaker 1: where do you live? I live in New York. I
32:54
Speaker 1: live on Long Island. Yeah okay, Well, I mean what
32:58
Speaker 1: do you do? What are the things that you do
33:00
Speaker 1: outside of work? You go to the gym, what do
33:02
Speaker 1: I so I belong to across the gym, which is
33:05
Speaker 1: known to be like very social, which it is. Outside
33:08
Speaker 1: of that, there's I work a lot, which is probably
33:11
Speaker 1: not a great answer. And I see family a lot.
33:14
Speaker 1: I have a close, close knit, extended family. But yeah,
33:18
Speaker 1: the pandemic is probably part of it, right, Yeah, that
33:21
Speaker 1: kind of exacerbated everything. Right, anything that's not great in
33:24
Speaker 1: your life is exacerbated by the pandemic because it's just
33:27
Speaker 1: everybody became so reclusive and like stayed in within their
33:30
Speaker 1: like kind of nuclear families. But I would say, what
33:33
Speaker 1: were you going to say, Rosebud. I was going to
33:35
Speaker 1: say that, you know, adding more hobbies to your life
33:38
Speaker 1: and sort of enriching your own life, you will, I mean,
33:41
Speaker 1: friends will be a byproduct of that. But just if
33:44
Speaker 1: your friends aren't putting the kind of interest into your
33:46
Speaker 1: life that you would want them to, I think putting
33:49
Speaker 1: your own interests into your life, it's that's gonna benefit
33:53
Speaker 1: you even more. And it won't matter whether or not
33:56
Speaker 1: they're asking about what you're up to, because you're going
33:59
Speaker 1: to be so into what you're up to that you
34:01
Speaker 1: don't mind talking about their kids because their lives are
34:05
Speaker 1: gonna seem boring to you. I mean, it's it'll be
34:08
Speaker 1: like community service, you know. I mean. And that's not
34:12
Speaker 1: shipping on life with kids. I'm just saying I think
34:15
Speaker 1: the more you have going on, the less it's going
34:18
Speaker 1: to matter to you what they think of it or
34:21
Speaker 1: what they're asking about it. Yeah. I mean I've had
34:23
Speaker 1: friends who overdo it with their babies and think that
34:25
Speaker 1: I'm going to be like a godmother or like their auntie,
34:28
Speaker 1: and it's like, hey, no, me less. Okay, I've been
34:30
Speaker 1: very clear about how I feel about newborn babies, and
34:33
Speaker 1: if you have a baby, that's your baby, not my baby,
34:35
Speaker 1: So don't put me on a FaceTime with your baby.
34:37
Speaker 1: I had a friend who did that. We were away
34:39
Speaker 1: on vacation and she must have FaceTime her baby fifteen
34:42
Speaker 1: times one day, and every single time put me on
34:45
Speaker 1: the phone with her. And so I said, hey, you've
34:47
Speaker 1: got like that's an extreme example of the situation. But
34:50
Speaker 1: I think I couldn't agree with rosebud more because it's like,
34:53
Speaker 1: when you have your own stuff going on, like you
34:55
Speaker 1: do need to find new hobbies. You need to like,
34:57
Speaker 1: you know, whatever you're interested in. Athletic wise, change it up,
35:00
Speaker 1: go to a different CrossFit, join it outdoor gym, joined
35:03
Speaker 1: a sailing club, or any of these like very corny
35:05
Speaker 1: sounding things. Is how single people actually facilitate new relationships,
35:09
Speaker 1: whether they're romantic or whether they're non romantic. It's like,
35:13
Speaker 1: that's how you make friends is by changing the dynamics
35:16
Speaker 1: of your day to day life and actually putting yourself
35:19
Speaker 1: out there in a different way. It's like what people
35:20
Speaker 1: have to experience when they want to date somebody. It's like, oh, funk.
35:23
Speaker 1: How do I do it? It's the same thing for
35:25
Speaker 1: finding new friends, you know, because you're not alone. There
35:27
Speaker 1: are millions of single women out there that are just
35:30
Speaker 1: like you. You know, I'm like you. I'm not I'm
35:33
Speaker 1: not ever going to have a kid, So I I
35:35
Speaker 1: get it. But I do believe when you do fill
35:38
Speaker 1: up your own kind of cup, you know, then you're
35:40
Speaker 1: not looking at how full other people's cups are. You're
35:43
Speaker 1: kind of just all at your little tea party, so
35:46
Speaker 1: to speak, and you're not going to be annoyed by
35:49
Speaker 1: having to hear about two or three year old, no
35:50
Speaker 1: matter how annoying that is, which it is. It is
35:53
Speaker 1: annoying when a person becomes a parent and their entire
35:56
Speaker 1: identity is locked into being a mommy. It's curating. Yeah,
36:01
Speaker 1: it's like watching your friend just vaporize in front of you.
36:04
Speaker 1: It's very sad. Absolutely, it's so interesting because my husband
36:09
Speaker 1: is not going through this at all. Like his friends
36:12
Speaker 1: barely talk about their kids. Men don't talk about anything interesting.
36:15
Speaker 1: They have four stories each, you know what I mean.
36:17
Speaker 1: They all have four stories in the save drafts folder. Yeah,
36:20
Speaker 1: and it's boring and it's there's no depth, and so
36:23
Speaker 1: I can understand why you feel that way with regard,
36:26
Speaker 1: but hey, listen, at least you have a husband. There
36:28
Speaker 1: you go right there, you go home. Run on that.
36:33
Speaker 1: So what kind of hobbies do you think of off
36:35
Speaker 1: the top of your head that you could get into.
36:38
Speaker 1: I do wish I had more time to volunteer, so
36:40
Speaker 1: I can always make that time. I have a couple
36:43
Speaker 1: of rescue dogs, so who I love, and I love
36:46
Speaker 1: the organization I got them from, so it probably would
36:50
Speaker 1: be a good thing to go and do some volunteer
36:53
Speaker 1: work with them. Yeah, and what about taking your dogs
36:55
Speaker 1: to the dog park. There's people all the time at
36:57
Speaker 1: dog parks. That's like a big hook up spot. I've
37:01
Speaker 1: never brought them to one where I'm living. Yeah, I
37:04
Speaker 1: think there's like, there's so many child free people living
37:08
Speaker 1: in the world, and especially around New York and around
37:11
Speaker 1: the coasts, I think less so maybe in the Midwest.
37:14
Speaker 1: But I think that our generation is actually the first
37:18
Speaker 1: generation that is. I would say it's really split, like
37:21
Speaker 1: having kids is an actual choice, a lifestyle choice, and
37:24
Speaker 1: a lot of us are opting out. And I think
37:27
Speaker 1: that it might be hard to be that example. But
37:30
Speaker 1: if you think of yourself as that. I was like,
37:33
Speaker 1: you're an inspiration to people that might not really ever
37:36
Speaker 1: want kids, that would that would have had them because
37:39
Speaker 1: they felt like they had to, you know. Yeah, And also, like,
37:43
Speaker 1: you know, a good example of this is in my life,
37:44
Speaker 1: I went skiing. I love skiing and that's my hobby,
37:48
Speaker 1: and I went skiing last year for four months. I
37:49
Speaker 1: went to Whistler, Canada, and I went by myself because
37:52
Speaker 1: the borders were closed. I couldn't go with my family.
37:54
Speaker 1: I had never gone to Whistler alone without friends or
37:56
Speaker 1: family before, so I had to make friends and I
37:59
Speaker 1: had ever had. I haven't had to make new friends
38:01
Speaker 1: in a really long time. And I became like a
38:04
Speaker 1: local yokel and Whistler and I had made like eight awesome,
38:08
Speaker 1: great girlfriends. Some of them are single, some of them
38:11
Speaker 1: are married. We just went on a trip to Spain
38:12
Speaker 1: together for two weeks, all eight of us. And I mean,
38:16
Speaker 1: I'm forty six years old and these are my girlfriends
38:18
Speaker 1: from like you know, I just met them last year.
38:20
Speaker 1: So you're always meeting people, especially when you find something
38:23
Speaker 1: that you're excited about, whether it's like you know, I
38:26
Speaker 1: I have a problem listing hobbies because they I'm like,
38:29
Speaker 1: I want to say, what did they do in that
38:31
Speaker 1: Demi Moore movie which ghost ghost? Where she was hobbies?
38:38
Speaker 1: All I can think of is pottery, Like my skin
38:42
Speaker 1: crawls every time I say happy because I'm like pottery. No,
38:45
Speaker 1: I don't mean pottery, but like surfing, surfing, fucking go
38:49
Speaker 1: to the beach, you know, doing yoga, outdoor, going into
38:51
Speaker 1: like group meditation, any of that ship that you're interested in.
38:55
Speaker 1: You can find a place to do that in large groups.
38:58
Speaker 1: And you know, and now it's safer to do that,
39:00
Speaker 1: so you can put yourself out there a little bit more.
39:02
Speaker 1: And I guarantee you you will meet some people that
39:05
Speaker 1: you're interested in hanging out with. Live a life that
39:08
Speaker 1: people with kids are jealous of. You know, I'm sure
39:13
Speaker 1: they're a little bit jealous. They just want admitted. Make
39:17
Speaker 1: them more jealous and make them all realize what a
39:19
Speaker 1: big mistake they've made, and keep us posted. Let us
39:23
Speaker 1: know how that goes, let us know how your progress goes.
39:26
Speaker 1: But you're fine, Listen. You're normal, You're really attractive, you're smart,
39:30
Speaker 1: you have a great job, you have a husband. There's
39:32
Speaker 1: like there's you're not you're not threatening, you're a perfect
39:35
Speaker 1: person to be friends with. So the opportunity is there,
39:39
Speaker 1: so go for it. Thank you, Thank you, so welcome.
39:43
Speaker 1: You're so welcome. Nice speaking to you. Yeah, you too,
39:46
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Take care well, we have probably
39:51
Speaker 1: room for one more. We have how to date in
39:56
Speaker 1: New York while sober or secret base be and anger
40:01
Speaker 1: around that secret baby. She's actually on the line as well,
40:09
Speaker 1: So alright, secret baby it is. Our next question comes
40:14
Speaker 1: from caller named Lee. She says, Dear Chelsea. Last year,
40:19
Speaker 1: before the pandemic, I started dating a man who I've
40:21
Speaker 1: known for almost ten years. We dated for about six months.
40:24
Speaker 1: Things weren't going great. I knew he was not the one,
40:27
Speaker 1: and eventually we broke up, but not before I ended
40:31
Speaker 1: up pregnant with his child. I'm thirty five, I have
40:34
Speaker 1: a career and a good life. I didn't always want
40:36
Speaker 1: to be a mother, but something about this pregnancy felt right.
40:39
Speaker 1: I knew it was going to keep the baby, and
40:41
Speaker 1: nothing would change my mind. At first, he asked if
40:44
Speaker 1: we could co parent, but eventually it became clear that
40:46
Speaker 1: he didn't want to be part of the baby's life.
40:48
Speaker 1: So I decided to have the baby and raise her
40:50
Speaker 1: on my own. With no help from him physically or financially.
40:54
Speaker 1: Here I am five months later, and my daughter is
40:56
Speaker 1: the greatest joy. And yet at times I find myself angry.
41:00
Speaker 1: Angry because he has a seventeen year old daughter who
41:02
Speaker 1: has no idea about her half sister. Angry because he
41:06
Speaker 1: got back together with the girl he was in a
41:07
Speaker 1: relationship with before me and she has no clue about
41:10
Speaker 1: me or my baby. Angry that they bought a brand new,
41:13
Speaker 1: expensive home together and yet he hasn't given a penny
41:16
Speaker 1: to his child. I'm angry for so many reasons, but
41:19
Speaker 1: most of all, I'm angry because she deserves better than
41:21
Speaker 1: to be kept a secret. So my question is this,
41:24
Speaker 1: how do I let go of the anger? Highly? Hili Hi?
41:31
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm doing well? How are you guys?
41:34
Speaker 1: We're doing well. Thanks. Okay, First of all, you need
41:36
Speaker 1: to get the book Letting Go by David Hawkings. Okay,
41:39
Speaker 1: that is a great book. Do you know the book?
41:41
Speaker 1: But I read this book all the time because it's
41:43
Speaker 1: about letting go of shit that a you are the
41:47
Speaker 1: architect of first of all, so let's remember that because
41:50
Speaker 1: you you made these rules and you created these boundaries
41:54
Speaker 1: with him about not being involved. So you can't be
41:57
Speaker 1: angry at that because that was your decision. If you
42:00
Speaker 1: want to change your decision, then you can. That's a
42:02
Speaker 1: separate conversation that you can have with him right moving forward.
42:06
Speaker 1: But right now, you deciding to have this baby without
42:09
Speaker 1: help from him financially, without help from him emotionally, blah
42:12
Speaker 1: blah blah. That was your decision. No, No, that was
42:16
Speaker 1: that was my decision. I mean, he made it pretty
42:19
Speaker 1: clear that he didn't want anything to do with the baby,
42:22
Speaker 1: but I mean, in the end, it was my decision, right,
42:25
Speaker 1: And are you in a position now where you actually
42:27
Speaker 1: need help from him? Okay? So where so is the resentment?
42:31
Speaker 1: Where's the resentment coming from? Is it on behalf of
42:34
Speaker 1: the baby or on behalf of your daughter? Yeah? Definitely.
42:38
Speaker 1: Like I just I just feel angry that, like how
42:42
Speaker 1: could you just not tell anybody about her? Like how
42:44
Speaker 1: could you just keep her complete secret? Like I feel
42:47
Speaker 1: like she deserves a little bit more than that. And
42:49
Speaker 1: also I feel like maybe a little bit guilty that
42:53
Speaker 1: I brought her into this world and she's not going
42:55
Speaker 1: to have a father figure. So I think underneath the anger,
42:57
Speaker 1: there's a lot Well, I had a father figure, and
43:00
Speaker 1: he did. Jack shipped for me, So I just want you.
43:04
Speaker 1: It's not necessarily the best thing to have a dad. Yeah,
43:09
Speaker 1: that's a great point, listen. I mean the way you're
43:11
Speaker 1: just talking about him, in the way he sounds, you know,
43:13
Speaker 1: saying he wants nothing to do with the baby, It's
43:15
Speaker 1: like you are doing her a favor. You know, you're
43:18
Speaker 1: just looking at it from a different vantage point, and
43:20
Speaker 1: if you look at it from that kind of her view,
43:22
Speaker 1: it's different. Like you don't just want anybody in your
43:25
Speaker 1: daughter's life. You want the right person in your daughter's life,
43:27
Speaker 1: which hopefully you're going to meet, you know, sooner than later.
43:31
Speaker 1: And you should be focusing your attention and your energy
43:34
Speaker 1: on that positivity rather than looking in the rear view
43:37
Speaker 1: mirror and thinking about his other daughter, who gives a ship.
43:40
Speaker 1: She probably hates him too. Anyway, you know, you're there
43:44
Speaker 1: for your daughter. You're enjoying how much you love your daughter.
43:47
Speaker 1: I had a similar conversation like this with my cousin
43:49
Speaker 1: because the father of her two children also walked out.
43:52
Speaker 1: He's never seen them. These two kids are adorable, beautiful,
43:55
Speaker 1: they're older now, and she remember us being in Mexico
43:58
Speaker 1: and her not being able to let go of the
44:00
Speaker 1: resentment that she had that he didn't get to understand
44:04
Speaker 1: how amazing these two kids were. And I was like, yes,
44:07
Speaker 1: but he's never going to understand you're here because you
44:11
Speaker 1: do understand how amazing these two kids are. So instead
44:14
Speaker 1: of focusing on what you don't have, focusing on what
44:16
Speaker 1: you can have. You know, you can find a guy
44:19
Speaker 1: or a partner or whatever you're into at some point
44:23
Speaker 1: that is going to appreciate everything you've done on your
44:26
Speaker 1: own and it's going to look at you and go, Wow,
44:28
Speaker 1: what a strong fucking woman to know to leave that
44:31
Speaker 1: guy out of it. And a huge opportunity for a
44:34
Speaker 1: guy who wants children to you know, to be with
44:37
Speaker 1: somebody who's got a child and he's raising her by
44:39
Speaker 1: herself's completely capable and competent. You know, these are all
44:43
Speaker 1: sides of extreme strength. Yeah, yeah, I mean it's I
44:47
Speaker 1: think that you have so much to look forward to
44:50
Speaker 1: and you right now it's hard because it's five months later.
44:53
Speaker 1: I mean, you have a five month old baby. It's
44:57
Speaker 1: it's natural that you would look at him and be like,
45:00
Speaker 1: I can't believe you don't want any part of you know,
45:03
Speaker 1: because it's overwhelming. It's like it's just mind bogglingly overwhelming
45:08
Speaker 1: and hard. But I think that eventually you're going to
45:12
Speaker 1: be so happy that you made the decision that you
45:15
Speaker 1: did and that you don't have to be involved with him,
45:18
Speaker 1: and then he can just be someone that brought you
45:21
Speaker 1: to your daughter, and then you don't have to look
45:23
Speaker 1: at him with such resentment. You can look at him
45:25
Speaker 1: as like, you know, he's like a non thing, but
45:28
Speaker 1: he he was the person that brought you your daughter.
45:31
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's a great way to look at it.
45:33
Speaker 1: You know, some people are there just to deliver something,
45:35
Speaker 1: and and so many men are just there to deliver
45:38
Speaker 1: semen and that's pretty much all that they are useful for.
45:41
Speaker 1: And that's what you got. You got a beautiful baby
45:44
Speaker 1: girl that you're enjoying, and you need to focus on
45:46
Speaker 1: your love for her. And you can call him a
45:48
Speaker 1: sperm donor. You can just call him a sperm donor, right.
45:52
Speaker 1: You know, when when your daughter grows up and she's like,
45:54
Speaker 1: I want to meet if she ever asks to meet him,
45:57
Speaker 1: you could say, I have a sperm donor. He's not
45:59
Speaker 1: your father, but I have or donna. Yeah, and then
46:01
Speaker 1: how cool is it that you worked that hard to
46:03
Speaker 1: get your baby? You know, so this narrative is working
46:07
Speaker 1: on both sides of things. We're basically encouraging her to
46:09
Speaker 1: lie to her daughter. But you know, but no, it's
46:12
Speaker 1: not a lie because he is a sperm doughnut. He is.
46:15
Speaker 1: What else did he do? Right? Absolutely? Right? And you also,
46:19
Speaker 1: as soon as you start dating, are you? I mean
46:20
Speaker 1: you're obviously not dating anybody right now? You sound like
46:23
Speaker 1: you're probably pretty busy with your baby. Yeah, as soon
46:25
Speaker 1: as you start dating people and getting out there and
46:28
Speaker 1: you're feeling ready to do that, you're going to realize
46:31
Speaker 1: that you're all fine. You know, this is all good,
46:33
Speaker 1: and there's gonna be more opportunities for having him out
46:36
Speaker 1: of your life than not for having him out of
46:38
Speaker 1: your life. Agreed. Amen, I hear that. I hear that.
46:43
Speaker 1: Thank you. Do you have anything else you want to add? Lee? No,
46:48
Speaker 1: not really, I mean I like you said that, I don't.
46:51
Speaker 1: I don't need anything from him. I guess it's more
46:54
Speaker 1: of let it go and look forward and but seriously
46:58
Speaker 1: pick up that book by by Day. But Hawkings, I
47:00
Speaker 1: think it's David Hawkings, right? Is that his name? Letting
47:04
Speaker 1: go read that book. It's it's it's it's like deep,
47:07
Speaker 1: but it really explains to you what you're holding onto
47:09
Speaker 1: when you hold on to like negative thought patterns and
47:12
Speaker 1: negative energy, and you don't want to spread that around
47:14
Speaker 1: to your daughter really, so start there and report back. Okay,
47:21
Speaker 1: thanks Lee, I I yeah I would, because he would
47:27
Speaker 1: just be a second child. Yeah. It's funny though, when
47:29
Speaker 1: you when people have babies, they want everyone to love
47:32
Speaker 1: the baby the way they do. So that's like my
47:35
Speaker 1: friend who was face timing with her baby. It's like, no, no,
47:38
Speaker 1: I'm not the father of your baby, right and not
47:41
Speaker 1: even we're not even related, but like people want that.
47:43
Speaker 1: They wanted to share that and they want everyone to
47:46
Speaker 1: see how great their baby is. And it's like, yeah,
47:48
Speaker 1: it's just you should be enjoying it. Yeah, exactly. We
47:52
Speaker 1: are going to take a quick break so you can
47:53
Speaker 1: hear and add and then we'll be right back. So, Chelsea,
47:59
Speaker 1: I got an email this week, and it was from
48:02
Speaker 1: someone who has an email that's very close to our
48:05
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com email. She said,
48:09
Speaker 1: occasionally she gets emails from our listeners looking for advice.
48:12
Speaker 1: She's directed a few over to us and when people
48:15
Speaker 1: talk about tough stuff, it gets hard not to acknowledge
48:18
Speaker 1: their pain. So she's going to afford those messages to us.
48:21
Speaker 1: She said, people seem to really love the show, keep
48:23
Speaker 1: up the good work. And her name is also Chelsea.
48:26
Speaker 1: Oh and she has a Dear Chelsea email. Okay, so
48:28
Speaker 1: let's clarify for people. It's Dear Chelsea Project, right correct
48:33
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Okay,
48:38
Speaker 1: so everybody sends your emails to Dear Chelsea Project at
48:41
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Please don't hit up other Chelsea's because
48:45
Speaker 1: we want, obviously this to come our way so that
48:48
Speaker 1: we can help you. So you don't feel like you're
48:50
Speaker 1: being ignored because you're emailing the wrong person. Yes, so
48:53
Speaker 1: we can stop spamming the wrong Chelsea. Yeah, I'm glad
48:57
Speaker 1: to know there are so many Chelsea's out there. I
48:59
Speaker 1: like to take credit for that. And we have another
49:01
Speaker 1: little quick question as well. I should get a bunch
49:04
Speaker 1: of these. This is from Mickey. Mickey says, I'm in
49:07
Speaker 1: a predicament. I really want to go to the Vaccinated
49:10
Speaker 1: and Horny Tour, but the problem is I don't have
49:12
Speaker 1: anyone that will go with me. Either they don't appreciate
49:16
Speaker 1: comedy or they're busy. Can I get some advice on
49:19
Speaker 1: what to do? I mean, I don't know, just go
49:22
Speaker 1: by yourself. What's the issue there? People go to shows
49:24
Speaker 1: by themselves all the time. My friend just want to
49:26
Speaker 1: go see Joe Coy by herself because she was in
49:28
Speaker 1: New York City and he was playing Radio City and
49:30
Speaker 1: she's like, I don't know if anyone to go with
49:32
Speaker 1: and I said go alone, and then she, of course
49:34
Speaker 1: she went alone. Yeah, go alone, that's fine. I like
49:37
Speaker 1: that no one will go with you though, that's funny.
49:41
Speaker 1: I personally love to go to like a movie theater
49:42
Speaker 1: or whatever alone, So I used to go. I used
49:44
Speaker 1: to go to the movies all the time by myself.
49:47
Speaker 1: I loved going to the movie theater by myself. I
49:49
Speaker 1: haven't done that in about ten years, mostly because it
49:51
Speaker 1: feels like movie theaters shut down before COVID for some reason.
49:54
Speaker 1: It feels like they've been shut down for a long time.
49:57
Speaker 1: It seems like an antiquated notion going to the movies.
50:00
Speaker 1: But I would like to go back one day alone. Also,
50:04
Speaker 1: I have what shows do I have coming up? This week?
50:06
Speaker 1: I have Rochester, Buffalo, and Syracuse. If you haven't gotten
50:10
Speaker 1: tickets to Rochester, Buffalo or Syracuse, you can still get them.
50:14
Speaker 1: And we just added second shows to Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle,
50:19
Speaker 1: and Winnipeg. So second shows have been added in all
50:22
Speaker 1: of those markets because of my Canadians love me and
50:25
Speaker 1: I love my Canadians. So I will either see you
50:28
Speaker 1: in Canadian Land or American Land. You decide. Well, Katherine,
50:33
Speaker 1: what was the theme of today's I mean, I get
50:35
Speaker 1: a secret baby, but it's not a secret. Yeah, wild card,
50:40
Speaker 1: you know, relationships. We had a bad boyfriend. We talked
50:44
Speaker 1: a lot about sobriety today and not having kids. I'm
50:49
Speaker 1: just happy I have a new sober friend, rosebud to
50:51
Speaker 1: be to be completely honest, because usually I try and
50:54
Speaker 1: steer clear of sober people. Um well, most of us
50:58
Speaker 1: are admittedly very preachy. I've I've met a lot of
51:01
Speaker 1: us that are a lot yeah yeah, well sometimes I
51:05
Speaker 1: made people that get sober, Like I have these two
51:07
Speaker 1: gay friends, Kevin and Brian, that I've been friends with
51:09
Speaker 1: for like twenty years, twenty five years, and they one
51:11
Speaker 1: of them got sober when he was eighteen, and I
51:13
Speaker 1: was like Brian that I cannot take that seriously, because
51:16
Speaker 1: at eighteen we're all fucking alcoholics. I'm like, you didn't
51:19
Speaker 1: even give yourself a chance to experiment and try. I
51:21
Speaker 1: could stroll yourself. You just assume that you because you
51:24
Speaker 1: had it in your family, you had to give up alcohol,
51:27
Speaker 1: and like, I disagree with that. You have to prove that.
51:30
Speaker 1: First of all, you have to prove that you live
51:33
Speaker 1: up to the family hype. You know, you got to
51:35
Speaker 1: really test it out. Do you have a lot of
51:38
Speaker 1: alcoholism and your family. I do. I have a lot
51:40
Speaker 1: of alcoholism and family. I've got an uncle and an
51:43
Speaker 1: aunt that met and rehab well, one of she's dead now,
51:46
Speaker 1: but I did never I never really knew her, like
51:48
Speaker 1: they were together and then they gave each other like
51:51
Speaker 1: hepatitis and that one's dad anyway, And then my mom
51:55
Speaker 1: is an alcoholic, she's sober. My dad is definitely questionable.
52:01
Speaker 1: I mean, I really do think that it's like up
52:03
Speaker 1: to people to decide if they are you know, yeah, yeah,
52:06
Speaker 1: of course, of course it's not up for other people's right.
52:08
Speaker 1: But yeah, so I just go, well, he loves to drink,
52:11
Speaker 1: I know that. Yeah, you know what, Chelsea, I I
52:15
Speaker 1: wanted to get a little piece of advice from you.
52:17
Speaker 1: While I was coming over here, I was thinking about this,
52:20
Speaker 1: Oh wonderful. I love I love questions. I love questions,
52:24
Speaker 1: and I love answers absolutely. I was dying to ask
52:28
Speaker 1: this because I have been struggling so hard with work
52:32
Speaker 1: life balance where I truly I'll be with my husband
52:37
Speaker 1: on a date and then I get an email and
52:39
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm checking the email or I'm like doing
52:42
Speaker 1: I'm just constantly I'm in a place in my career
52:44
Speaker 1: where I can't really slow down, and I can tell
52:48
Speaker 1: that it's annoying him, but he's also like totally understandable.
52:53
Speaker 1: He's in the same industry. He gets it. So I'm
52:56
Speaker 1: just wondering how you how to do this work balance
53:00
Speaker 1: thing that I hear so much about and I never
53:03
Speaker 1: see anybody really nailing it. Like I read this book
53:06
Speaker 1: called Essentialism, which talks about not doing even if you're
53:09
Speaker 1: walking down the street and you're on your phone, you're
53:10
Speaker 1: doing both of those things poorly, you know what I mean.
53:13
Speaker 1: So if you're out to dinner with your husband and
53:15
Speaker 1: you're checking your phone, like there is nothing that can't
53:17
Speaker 1: wait an hour, there just isn't, you know. And if
53:20
Speaker 1: there is something that can't wait an hour. You shouldn't
53:21
Speaker 1: be out to dinner, you know, so like when you're
53:24
Speaker 1: out and you're having times like, it's just healthier for everyone.
53:27
Speaker 1: I know you want to hustle, and I know you're
53:29
Speaker 1: at a point your career where you feel like, Okay,
53:30
Speaker 1: there's all these opportunities happening, and absolutely you're right. You
53:33
Speaker 1: should hustle. You should be paying attention. You want to
53:35
Speaker 1: lay the foundation so that you can have all the
53:37
Speaker 1: time in the world later to do whatever the funk
53:39
Speaker 1: you want. Right, But there's no harm and you will
53:43
Speaker 1: reap benefits when you set aside time for the people
53:45
Speaker 1: you love so that it is just you and him
53:47
Speaker 1: and there are no phones and there are no emails,
53:50
Speaker 1: and just commit yourself to that, even if it's two
53:53
Speaker 1: hours a week, you know what I mean, whatever you
53:55
Speaker 1: can do a day, if it's thirty minutes a day,
53:58
Speaker 1: you know, at dinner or like an hour at dinner
54:00
Speaker 1: or whatever you can afford to do you at a
54:03
Speaker 1: certain time of day, it doesn't matter if you get
54:05
Speaker 1: back to people thirty minutes later, I can. So it's
54:08
Speaker 1: just about making that commitment. And it's like it's just
54:12
Speaker 1: no fun to be around somebody who's constantly distracted. So
54:15
Speaker 1: if you that is who I am, I truly am always,
54:19
Speaker 1: So just start out with a tiny little thing. Every
54:21
Speaker 1: big problem takes one little step and then all of
54:23
Speaker 1: a sudden you're like, oh, this is so much more manageable,
54:26
Speaker 1: you know. And if you just say, hey, from seven
54:28
Speaker 1: to eight, you and I aren't gonna be on our phones.
54:30
Speaker 1: Or if you're performing and you want to make it
54:31
Speaker 1: a different time, like in the morning, you can have
54:34
Speaker 1: an hour of no phone time. Just do that so
54:37
Speaker 1: that he feels like you're present, that you love him,
54:40
Speaker 1: that he's the priority, because so many times it can
54:42
Speaker 1: feel like your career is the problem. Know, if I
54:44
Speaker 1: want him to feel like the priority, well needed for
54:46
Speaker 1: half an hour maybe, and the rest of the day,
54:48
Speaker 1: he's going to feel like it anyway, So why not
54:50
Speaker 1: just ka But I mean, I'm all about vacation time
54:56
Speaker 1: because I fucking relish it. I just love it, you know.
54:59
Speaker 1: Like even Joe, it is like he's like, I've never
55:01
Speaker 1: been in a situation where I wanted to be travel
55:04
Speaker 1: the world with someone. I was like, buddy, that's what
55:06
Speaker 1: I'm doing, Like we are doing that and he's like, no, no,
55:08
Speaker 1: I want to. I want to now, you know, we've
55:11
Speaker 1: worked so hard and it's like the problem is like
55:13
Speaker 1: we don't think about that when we're coming up. We
55:15
Speaker 1: just want to get credit and we want to get like, yeah,
55:18
Speaker 1: we want our place in this business. And there's a
55:21
Speaker 1: hunger and there's a clawiness and desperation about that. That
55:26
Speaker 1: isn't It has to be balanced with focused attention on
55:29
Speaker 1: a person that you love and focused attention on something
55:32
Speaker 1: you love. So I would just say that about that solved.
55:35
Speaker 1: Another problem solved. You guys, check out Whiskey Ft on
55:38
Speaker 1: Comedy Central and then look out for Rosebuds new show,
55:41
Speaker 1: and when we find out where that's gonna be, we
55:44
Speaker 1: will let you know on this podcast and everywhere else.
55:48
Speaker 1: Would follow her on Instagram yeah yeah, and listen to
55:50
Speaker 1: my podcast Find Your Beach. Yes, listen to her podcast
55:53
Speaker 1: Find Your Beach, everybody. I hope you have a wonderful
55:56
Speaker 1: day in New York City. Thank you. I hope you
55:58
Speaker 1: are you? Are you taking We're going back to l A?
56:02
Speaker 1: Oh nice? All right? How's the house in l A?
56:05
Speaker 1: Are you in the are you in your house? Now?
56:06
Speaker 1: I know I just bought a new house in l A. Okay, yeah,
56:09
Speaker 1: I'd sold my house when my family invaded my house
56:11
Speaker 1: during COVID because I realized there were too many bedrooms
56:14
Speaker 1: and they all wanted to live there, and they did.
56:17
Speaker 1: And then I put the house on the market and
56:19
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm downsizing. I only want two bedrooms.
56:21
Speaker 1: I don't want any visitors. And then of course I
56:24
Speaker 1: bought a house exactly like the old house I had,
56:26
Speaker 1: so obviously I have no plans I make ever come
56:28
Speaker 1: to fruition, and I'm just like completely in denial about
56:31
Speaker 1: my own existence. I know. I'm like, I'm gonna just
56:33
Speaker 1: get like a pieda tear, and I'm like, where in
56:37
Speaker 1: l A. They don't even have those? And then my
56:40
Speaker 1: friends like, why don't you move in with Joe. I'm
56:42
Speaker 1: my keyless in Studio City. Do not get carried away,
56:45
Speaker 1: cannot make it over to the valley. Yeah, no, no, no,
56:48
Speaker 1: that's not going to happen. But enjoy. I hope you
56:50
Speaker 1: have a good flight back, and I hope you enjoy
56:53
Speaker 1: your fourteen bedroom pia tear. When I'm looking forward to
56:59
Speaker 1: most on my return light is the the announcement that
57:01
Speaker 1: the pilot makes at the beginning of the flight, instructing
57:05
Speaker 1: people not to hit the flight attendants. So I mean,
57:11
Speaker 1: can you fucking believe people anyway, have a great day everybody.
57:14
Speaker 1: We'll be back next week. Thanks Rose, Bud, thank you,