Latest / DidiLawren / How I Went From Earning Millions To Homeless After 5 Years Of Marriage

Transcript

How I Went From Earning Millions To Homeless After 5 Years Of Marriage · DidiLawren

• 0:09
  Hello and welcome back to my channel.
• 0:11
  My name is Laurencia Odife and this is Bound with Laurencia.
• 0:15
  How are you all doing? I hope you're doing great.
• 0:17
  Now for today's episode, I want to talk about the story of the
• 0:20
  founder of Face of Beauty Nigeria.
• 0:23
  Now the story is, I think we have a lot to learn from this
• 0:28
  story. Now let me just go back.
• 0:30
  This lady according to her, she founded Face of Beauty in
• 0:34
  Nigeria in 2017. You know, after graduation she
• 0:38
  started this online beauty pageant platform and it became
• 0:44
  big because it was the first of its kind, according to her, in
• 0:47
  Nigeria. So she started making money out
• 0:50
  of it. 2018, she married her school boyfriend, her university
• 0:57
  boyfriend. According to her, she thought it
• 0:58
  was love. Everything was going on fine.
• 1:01
  They got married, started having kids.
• 1:04
  And then she said, according to her, last year, he messaged her
• 1:08
  that the marriage is over. She was thinking, OK, what
• 1:12
  happened? And then that was it.
• 1:15
  Like he literally, according to her, went to work and messaged
• 1:19
  her that he's no longer her, he's no longer interested in in
• 1:23
  the marriage. So she said since last year
• 1:25
  she's been struggling to feed. She has two children under the
• 1:30
  age of three, One is about 2 1/2 years old and the other one is 1
• 1:35
  and half years old. She literally have them
• 1:37
  back-to-back. So she's online begging for
• 1:42
  support. She said she has sold her land,
• 1:45
  she has sold her car, she has sold all her properties and then
• 1:50
  she is now homeless. You don't have many leave.
• 1:54
  Your husband has left you. Won't you leave?
• 1:58
  What are you still doing here? My name is Patience.
• 2:04
  I go by Petra, but my name is spacious and.
• 2:09
  I am a mom. I have two kids.
• 2:12
  I am the founder of the brand Physicality Nigeria.
• 2:18
  And I used to do well, I found out the brand in 2017, and that
• 2:23
  was the first online pageant brand in Nigeria.
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  So I got married 2018. So a guy I met in school, we met
• 2:31
  in school. We're in the same department,
• 2:33
  the same course. So.
• 2:37
  You would just. Assume that a relationship like
• 2:40
  that was genuine. We're doing OK We're doing well.
• 2:45
  I was the provider was providing everything.
• 2:48
  We're living in Benin. I'm from Benin was where I did
• 2:51
  my business. Is it like, OK, I said, OK,
• 2:54
  let's come to Lagos. This Lagos we've been saying
• 2:56
  since let's come to Lagos, I said.
• 2:58
  But right now I'm broken because I just bought a car.
• 3:00
  You can sell it is you Now is his business going to go well?
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  That was our. Foolishly.
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  I sold my car that I just got because he didn't want me to
• 3:12
  have that catalyst. This man would treat me like I
• 3:16
  was, like I was living like a house help in the house that I'm
• 3:19
  providing. I was living like a house.
• 3:21
  Help like I would be in your corner will be on the bed.
• 3:23
  I will be crying. Like this guy would.
• 3:34
  Would say. Horrible things.
• 3:36
  Things that. He has never said before.
• 3:38
  You say horrible things to me. He will break me down, make me.
• 3:41
  I was still trying to be. Strong December last year was
• 3:44
  when I finally stopped bringing income.
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  I had a landing meaning because of course I said I lived in
• 3:51
  Brunei, had a landing already building on it as well.
• 3:54
  Let me just find a way to sell it and clear my girls that I'm
• 3:59
  going online and create some debts that are on the floor.
• 4:02
  But unfortunately, when I reached out to sell it, the
• 4:06
  money did not come in bulk. And guess who bought it?
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  His auntie. Everything I worked for like
• 4:11
  everything was just taking. Away from me, systematically
• 4:15
  everything. They not told me here he has
• 4:19
  been telling me that if you get some money, there's there's one
• 4:21
  thing he wants to go and learn and you need to pay some money
• 4:23
  to lend the thing. And they say millions that once
• 4:26
  you learn the thing. Now I should not worry if some
• 4:28
  of this is almost like an investment, let me just go and
• 4:30
  learn the thing. When you left the right things
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  three days after, let's just say.
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  Shy. Of like a week, he texted me
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  through text message. A married I have two.
• 4:42
  Children for this. Guy, but he's not coming back.
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  That the marriage has been over since 29, and I'm quoting
• 4:50
  verbatim, they've never since 2019.
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  My daughter was just a year and two months.
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  When he left. My son was two years and five
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  months. I had them back-to-back, so the.
• 4:59
  Stress is so much and I will message him, bring him like
• 5:02
  what? Like what happened?
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  Like, OK, you had all this in your mind and you could not tell
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  me to my face. You have to wait.
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  This is cowardly. You have to wait to travel and
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  then text me. OK you want me to go now?
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  How do you want me to start from?
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  I'm not working currently. I have no no income coming in.
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  I'm left with. These two children.
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  I thought my world had crumbled when he sent the message.
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  The message was just the. Beginning.
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  Of. How am I would set it to crumble
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  like I would? I would message him, tell him no
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  food, nothing. Nothing.
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  Sometimes this guy will send 2000 naira.
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  Yeah from Facial Beauty Nigeria that I was earning millions to
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  2000 for two children plus myself many times like that.
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  Two days I work 2 days straight and I won't eat.
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  Talk about this. I want to eat.
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  Because of course, if you send me 2000, sometimes we sent 5000.
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  The first thing I'm thinking is Diaper Wipe children's food.
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  I can't buy adult food for me, and with the state of the
• 6:14
  country, how much adults would that be?
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  That would be like I would go a whole day and then the next day.
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  Then if I want to eat like in the evening and at times in this
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  same person that the messages started to say many things he
• 6:28
  was saying to me. If I wasn't the most trucks
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  more, I swear I would have slapped on the road.
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  Sometimes I would be so hungry I would just message him somebody,
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  I said. I'm not message, please, I'm
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  hungry. Then you send me. 2000 sometimes
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  5000 My son was laying down on this chair.
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  Cancel. This still fell in here.
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  Because before now after she released this video a lot of
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  people started donating for her. She also made a live video where
• 6:58
  she told people this is her because according to her she's
• 7:02
  been on people's DM for months. Now I'm begging for help.
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  So a lot of notable bloggers posted because she she listed a
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  lot of people's name like when they're not just lover
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  instablog. She literally was running around
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  asking for help. So people started donating to
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  her because she put her account number and then started calling
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  the her husband or her ex-husband.
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  He dead beat dad, he dies and he darts.
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  So that happened. And the man made statements.
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  He released kind of a short statement saying that yes, the
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  marriage is over, yes, it did not work out, which the both of
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  them know why it did not work out.
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  But he has always been responsible for his kids.
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  He take care of the kids and that he will not come out and
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  start defending himself or start posting receipts, that he has
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  loads of receipt, but he's not going to do that for the sake of
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  the children. So people are now thinking, hey,
• 8:02
  so Madam, if you're saying that this man is not taking care of
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  his children, what is going on? Before you could say Jack
• 8:09
  Instablog Manager released videos of her talking about you
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  know if a man doesn't provide, if a man doesn't do this, how
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  can you be respecting a man that doesn't like.
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  There are so many other audios that was released where she was
• 8:25
  talking to her ex-husband. I think somebody released this
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  online where she was literally accusing the man of not giving
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  her enough money for food. According to her he provides
• 8:37
  everything for the kids like when they were going to school.
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  He made sure he paid for everything because in her video
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  she was saying that he only gave her 2000 naira or 5000 naira for
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  free for food. So making it look as if the guys
• 8:52
  very insensitive. Anyway, let me just say that
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  audio for you to listen to what she has to say about him
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  providing for his children, which according to is not
• 9:01
  sufficient. Now watch this.
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  Money has as much more money. Peter, do you know recently I
• 9:08
  chatted you and said do you know you never sent 50K for the
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  children's food but used to send such money when you want to buy
• 9:13
  something. For the children's example, we
• 9:15
  wanted to buy back to school things before September.
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  You sent more than how much for their backpack everything you
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  sent it which I've also told anybody who cares to listen if
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  the children are sick and I and the message you send more than
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  last time period was 6, should be sent more than 60 cases no
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  more Scots the same thing. But I notice that when it comes
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  to food, you told me that. They tell you I get the chat, so
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  you tell me, say money in the same for too much because your
• 9:39
  people don't tell you how. If ever you were not telling me
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  that I should be loading my children with a bar, that my
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  that I did do my children at J where they hand over reach.
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  I told you, Peter. This this is a case.
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  Scott, stop that. Stop it please.
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  If this is a case of you met a broke girl, then you want to use
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  you to be shining. That's different.
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  Mastermind can complain like never reach you.
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  You met a rich girl. She telling me somethings you
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  met the girl that have been buying car before she came to
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  Uniben? OK.
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  You went together that at the time she came to Uniben she has
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  brought her second car already. OK, that's the girl you met.
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  You met the girl that can lose her MacBook today and buy it
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  tomorrow. Is that not the girl you met?
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  Yes or no? So you can lost her iPhone today
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  and buy it tomorrow. The next day is just to
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  transfer. Is that the girl?
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  Not the girl you met. Good.
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  So there's. Already a standard I have.
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  So it was unfair to me. It's unfair to me for someone to
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  say I know she not be disrespectful, she not go home.
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  But I don't feel home for that kind of thing because I really
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  created a standard for myself. The money see Peter not try me.
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  You know, I I say, and you know me, I'm an extreme person.
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  I'm extremely kind. I'm extremely stubborn.
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  I want to be the only thing you can ever say but me and you
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  would be correct. You will not lie that I have
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  instructed your life and insulted your mother and I did.
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  You can say I have insulted you and I did.
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  There is nothing else you want to say now after clearly
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  listening to her talking about him taking care of the kids and
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  then watching the first video where she said he doesn't do
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  anything for the children, he only brings 5000 or 2000 for
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  feeding. You don't start asking questions
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  like OK, do people actually plan for marriage?
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  I don't think people consider finances.
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  You know when they talk about ohh you need to check if you are
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  in love or if you are compatible.
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  People don't check financial compatibility.
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  I think what happened here was just they were not financially
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  compatible because if you look at what she's saying, she came
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  from as she has been this person, But is that actually
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  sustainable? People don't understand that
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  online money is not sustainable. Especially let's say you start
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  doing something and then other people start doing the same
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  thing you're doing. Only pushing it away further.
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  OK, she started this brand, She was making money out of it.
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  But then she got married, started having kids.
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  I am sure that she slowed down in whatever she was doing at
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  that point. She couldn't.
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  I mean, you can't carry pregnancy and you're running
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  around trying to arrange because he involves a lot of
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  arrangements, a lot of coordination to to to organise
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  an online pageant. And I believe that she, she was
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  running it all by herself. Yeah, she was making money, but
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  I don't think she thought about expanding in a bigger sense
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  because obviously she was her peak when she got married and
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  they started having children. So I think she got into marriage
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  according to what she's saying. She bought a car, she was busy
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  in the house and then she woke up one day and decided, OK,
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  Lagos is where it is happening now.
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  She did not mention the fact that her husband was not,
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  because I strongly believe that the husband was not in support
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  of that move because they were in Benin and then they moved to
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  Lagos. So if they were in Benin, I
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  don't think the situation would be that bad because you're
• 13:16
  moving to Lagos. You're not even considering cost
• 13:18
  of living, like just cost you. You can even bite your water to
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  cook, don't have to. So there are so many hidden
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  costs that you don't know until you get to Lagos.
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  It's just like travelling abroad.
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  You think I I'll be earning this amount of money, I'll be able to
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  pay my pay my bills, save money nobody is even thinking about
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  Because in Nigeria you don't think about bills.
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  That does not come at the back of your mind.
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  Especially let's say in this situation, she living in Benin
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  there. There are so many things you can
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  get away from Not paying your light bill, not paying water
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  bill. There are so many like
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  transportation, you can initially work from one place to
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  the other. But going to Lagos, it's a
• 13:59
  different ball game and I think it drained them financially and
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  because she was having baby back-to-back, she couldn't
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  continue with what she was doing to earn money And then
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  everything was on the husband's shoulder.
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  And then again I think she did not manage the reality of the
• 14:18
  situation well. Let's say OK, you're not making
• 14:21
  money because according to her she couldn't do it because of so
• 14:24
  many challenges that she was facing from her family and her
• 14:28
  mom. She talked about her moms health
• 14:31
  challenges to the challenges at home.
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  Plus having two small small children like that can drive
• 14:38
  anybody crazy. Plus now moving from your
• 14:41
  support system to a different state, there is a whole lot
• 14:45
  here. And if you don't manage that
• 14:49
  carefully, it's going to break anybody down.
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  So I think before people get married, make sure you talk
• 14:56
  about where you're going to base.
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  People should agree on that before even getting married.
• 15:03
  Let's say, OK, you're going to be we are all in Benin now we're
• 15:07
  working in Benin. But because of my job, I have a
• 15:10
  plan to move to Lagos. Are you willing to move with me?
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  Do you have any plans to move with me?
• 15:15
  How are we going to manage our finances at that point?
• 15:18
  Because people, you know, single people.
• 15:21
  You're single. You're you can take care of
• 15:23
  yourself. You can't go and do without
• 15:24
  eating because you're thinking even if you're broke, you can
• 15:27
  just choose a French place and eat something.
• 15:30
  I see people say ohh marriages break up because they fall out
• 15:33
  of love compatibility. This this that most 90% of the
• 15:40
  time is about finances, is about finances.
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  And you see a lot of people, they don't talk about finances
• 15:46
  before marriage because it's like OK, this person is making
• 15:50
  this amount of money. I am making this amount of
• 15:52
  money. When we bring this together we
• 15:54
  are going to be fine. But you don't know what the
• 15:59
  other person financial plan is. You don't even know if they're
• 16:02
  in debt. You don't know maybe they have
• 16:05
  this. You have no idea until you sit
• 16:08
  down and have a conversation with that person.
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  It's not about oh the person is earning 6 figures.
• 16:13
  We are going to be fine. No.
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  What is that person doing with doing with that money?
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  Are they really leaving baby girl life on Instagram?
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  Are they what? What is it?
• 16:22
  Are they trying to save money, to buy cars, or just without
• 16:26
  even planning kids? Marriage is a huge
• 16:32
  responsibility financially that you'll notice because you've not
• 16:36
  been there, you're not prepared for it.
• 16:38
  But having conversation about these things I think is going to
• 16:42
  go a very long way to save marriages.
• 16:45
  I wish her all the best and I pray for her healing and also
• 16:49
  for her to get back to her feet. But the lessons here is that
• 16:53
  before you get married, sit down with your significant other and
• 16:59
  talk about finances. How are you going to bring up
• 17:01
  the kids? Where are you going to live
• 17:04
  even? Where are you going to retire?
• 17:08
  I know I'm banging on this retirement stuff, but that is
• 17:12
  something that needs to be talked about because if you guys
• 17:17
  are lying, have different alignments at the, you know,
• 17:22
  high level it will. It will not be easier for you to
• 17:25
  break it down into smaller, you know items and then take care
• 17:29
  of. But when somebody is in the east
• 17:32
  and you're in the West in terms of what you want, how do you
• 17:36
  come together? There is going to be friction.
• 17:39
  A lot of people say, ohh, compromise, compromise.
• 17:41
  You cannot compromise like before you get this point,
• 17:45
  before you get to that level of compromise, there is going to be
• 17:49
  so much resentment that that marriage or that relationship
• 17:52
  may not even survive that. So do yourself a favour, Sit
• 17:57
  down, talk about it. Talk about how many children
• 18:00
  you're going to have to talk about how you're going to cater
• 18:03
  for those kids. Talk about money, talk about
• 18:06
  financial literacy, talk about how you want to spend your
• 18:09
  finances. A lot of people.
• 18:11
  The argument is 307030, 50504060, I say 100% bring you
• 18:19
  100%. I bring my 100% and then we'll
• 18:23
  sit down and look at how we're going to now you 100 hundred, we
• 18:29
  have 200 then we can plan with that 200 that we have together.
• 18:34
  Even if I'm earning 1000 naira, I will bring 100% of my 1000
• 18:39
  naira. You you're earning 200 naira,
• 18:42
  you bring 100% of your 200 naira.
• 18:45
  Then that way there is transparency.
• 18:48
  There is everybody we are now planning based on 1200.
• 18:54
  Obviously you're going to have everybody's going to have what
• 18:57
  they're going to spend on miscellaneous in the on
• 18:59
  individual level, but that is very clear.
• 19:04
  Having that understanding as a couple you can build together,
• 19:09
  you can, you can do a lot of things.
• 19:12
  This is wealth creation, this is wealth building, this is
• 19:17
  generation. This is how they build
• 19:18
  generational wealth. It's not about 307060405050 or
• 19:25
  somebody carrying the whole responsibility.
• 19:28
  That is not the way forward. Let us sit down and talk about
• 19:31
  finances. It is very important he gets
• 19:34
  why. Anyway, thank you very much for
• 19:37
  watching today's episode. Please like, like, like and
• 19:39
  share. Thank you very much.
• 19:40
  Bye, bye.