Latest / The Hannah Hammond Show / Jimmy Rex: Why Success Without Fulfillment Will Leave You Empty

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Jimmy Rex: Why Success Without Fulfillment Will Leave You Empty · The Hannah Hammond Show

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  Focusing on the process, not the result.
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  The success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.
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  You control making calls, you control networking, you control
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  knocking doors, whatever that looks like in your market to The
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  goal of life isn't to feel better.
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  The goal of life is to just feel more.
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  And so whatever is coming through is OK and I don't judge
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  it and I'm OK with it. Only difference between the
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  people are doing it and the people that aren't is people
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  that are doing it. They're just not afraid to take
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  action, not needing to know if it's going to work, and I think
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  men in general have this fear of just going for it.
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  I'm so excited to have you on my show.
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  Thanks so much for coming out to Arizona and I can't wait to
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  learn more about you. Yeah, it's the let's get into
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  it. I love it.
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  Thanks for having me. So I'm sitting here with Jimmy
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  Rex. If you don't know him, he's just
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  awesome. And we share a lot of similar
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  similarities from our childhood and a lot of what drove us early
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  on. And he now is a best selling
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  author. He's a speaker.
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  And then you also run a men's group and community called We
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  Are the Day. And so a little bit about his
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  past and I'll let you kind of show the story, but starting off
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  with feeling unworthy and just not feeling like good enough.
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  And you always had to measure up to some invisible standard of
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  perfection that is obviously impossible to achieve.
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  So and now you are all about connection and all about
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  community and all about authenticity, vulnerability and
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  integrity and specialize in in creating that feeling and that
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  community for men. And I was looking up some stats
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  earlier and you know, about 60% of men and women feel lonely in
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  today's society. Even though we have all the
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  technology and tools to be connected, most of us feel
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  lonely. And suicide rates are also
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  really high. And, you know, I, I went through
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  periods in my life where I was suicidal and extremely lonely
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  for many years. And so how did your life kind of
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  start and, and where did that unworthiness stem from from you
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  And then kind of share that journey that led you to great
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  success. And you run a big team in Utah.
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  You sold the most expensive home in Utah $32 million, but still
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  something was missing and that ultimately led you into the
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  community that you run today. Yeah, no, that's a pretty much
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  that talks a lot about my story and and some of the things that
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  have driven me to to do what I do now.
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  Yeah. I think everybody has an innate
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  feeling where, you know, our biggest fears are we are the
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  fear that we're not lovable and the fear that we're not good
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  enough, right? We're not going to be enough.
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  And I think when we're little things happen.
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  And I think for some of us were able to trace that back to these
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  moments of really feeling like, oh, if I don't achieve, if I
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  don't do this thing, then I won't get the love that I'm
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  hoping to get. And for me, it was when I was
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  growing up, I was a, you know, my family is a big baseball
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  family. And my brother was like the two
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  time state MVP. He, you know, played college
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  baseball, these things. And my dad got a lot of
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  significance out of that. And he wanted, I think he wanted
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  me to kind of experience that as well.
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  He won't experience that through me.
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  And so when I was 14 years old, he wanted he heard about this
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  family who held their kids back a year.
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  So they were a year older in school.
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  And so when you do that, you, you know, obviously in high
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  school, you, you become a lot better, you, you're a lot bigger
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  and stronger and faster. And so he really put a lot of
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  pressure on me to do that. And ultimately the decision day
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  came or I had to decide if I was going to do it or not.
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  And I told him, no, I didn't want to.
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  And I remember he just looked at me in the eyes and he said,
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  well, OK, just so you know, you'll never play again, you're
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  not good enough. And all I heard was you're not
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  good enough. And as an adult who does a lot
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  of self development and everything else, I know the
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  power of words and affirmations. So at the time, I just was like,
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  OK, I'm going to prove him wrong.
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  But I wrote on my hat for three years.
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  I wrote, you're not good enough underneath my hat.
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  And so it was, I was just ingraining into myself like, you
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  know, you're not good enough no matter what.
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  And So what happened is I ended up becoming a really good
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  baseball player. I became very successful very
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  fast in business and other things.
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  But it was I was always chasing this thing.
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  And by the way, here's kind of, we talked about this a little
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  bit, but the gift of this is it drove me to be, you know, very
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  driven to be an achiever, to do a lot of cool things.
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  Where it hurt me was in my personal relationships because
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  I'd be, you know, it was never enough to just get the love from
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  one person. And it was never enough to just
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  allow myself to be fulfilled. And I think, you know, Tony
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  Robbins, one of my favorite quotes he says is he says
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  success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.
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  I think that's so valid. That would probably explained a
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  little bit of what I was experiencing or going through in
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  my 20s. I became, you know, one of the
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  top Realtors in the country. I was making a ton of money.
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  I was having a ton of fun. I was going experiencing all
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  these crazy things, but there was a little bit of an emptiness
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  to it or, or this just an unfulfillment to it.
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  And when I was, was about 6-7 years ago, I had the chance, you
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  know, I'll just for better or worse, I decided to do mushrooms
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  for the first time with some friends.
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  And, and in that experience, I think it unlocks things from
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  your subconscious. And I saw this hat that I wore
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  for three years in baseball in high school and and it said, you
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  know, you're not good enough. And now I'm just like, Oh my
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  gosh, what have I done to myself?
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  And the message came to me. And Hannah, you'll appreciate
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  this because it came to me and it said, hey, this has served
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  you. It no longer does.
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  It's time to let it go. It wasn't this is hurting you.
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  This is not serving you. It was this has served you, it
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  no longer does. And so in that moment, I just
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  kind of realized like, Oh my gosh, I don't have to prove
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  myself. I don't have to need everybody
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  to love me. I used to go to a party, you
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  know, and I'd go to every single person made me a great realtor,
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  but I'd go to up to every single person and try to have a
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  conversation, try to make sure that we were friends or whatever
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  else. And this neediness, this need to
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  get validated and all this really drove a lot of my
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  decision making. And in that moment I was able to
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  just kind of release it. And so it was really beautiful.
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  So since then, you know, it wasn't too long after that I
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  started realizing like, oh, I don't know if this real estate
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  thing is like what I really want to do anymore.
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  I, you mentioned in the intro that I sold the most expensive
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  home ever in Utah. That time it was 32 and a half,
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  $1,000,000 in. And when that happened, I just
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  knew there was something more I wanted to do.
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  I wanted to use these skills and this knowledge that I'd
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  accumulated and kind of part of the gift again of feeling like
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  you're not good enough as I always felt like I was the
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  problem. So I was hell bent on fixing it.
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  So I hired every coach, I went to every mastermind, I went to
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  every event, read 400 and 500 books on self development, hired
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  a bunch of coaches. And in that I did learn a lot of
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  cool things about, you know, human behavior and psychology
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  and stuff like that. And so when I kind of had that
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  experience, it kind of led me down this road of like, well, if
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  I didn't do real estate, it was my whole identity, right?
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  It was everything I did. And I was like, well, what if I
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  didn't do this? What actually could I do to help
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  people? And that's what led me to the
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  men's group, which is what I do now, which is weird that they
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  is, I had all these guys would reach out to me on Instagram and
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  they just say stuff like, dude, where do I find a group of
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  friends like you have? Or how do I connect with other
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  men? I, I feel like I don't know, you
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  know, where to go to find driven, successful guys to kind
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  of do life with. And so that's where I kind of
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  realized, oh, you're most qualified to help the person you
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  once were. And this was a gift that I had.
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  And so, yeah, I started this men's Group 3 1/2 years ago and
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  it had the chance now to coach almost 1000 different men.
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  Wow. That is so cool.
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  And then you guys do a combination of like retreats and
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  then you do one-on-one coaching and then you have community
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  aspect as well, right? Correct.
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  Yeah, it's, I try to put the, the main group is my leadership
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  group. We put them in pockets of 50.
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  And this was just my experience of going all these other
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  masterminds. I realized anytime it was over
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  50, it was hard to connect anything smaller.
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  It's just it felt like it was you were given too much of your
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  time to like a small group of people.
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  And SO50 became that number where I said if I get 50 guys
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  together for a two year program and yeah, we jump off cliffs, we
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  go swim with tiger sharks, we go run with the bulls.
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  We've been to Africa and Iceland and which do a lot of crazy fun
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  adventures. And I've got a group coming to
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  Arizona next month. We're going skydiving and we're
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  gonna put them through this challenge called the Misogi
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  Challenge, where it's one day that's so difficult that all
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  your other days are easy in comparison.
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  It's not. I picked up from Pedro's Coolian
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  and Jesse Etzler, and we're going to kick their butts for
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  like 12 hours straight. And you go through these things
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  together, you form a special bond.
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  But it also has a very spiritual element and it has a lot of
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  emotional stuff that we go through.
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  And, and so it's been really cool to be able to do all this
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  stuff. And, and yeah.
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  And so those groups of 50, they get together every couple months
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  in person. We have our weekly calls and
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  then we do these big adventure trips as well.
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  So the combination of all of it is is really what makes it so
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  why it works so well. That's awesome.
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  I know. I I definitely have struggled
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  with relationships both like, you know, spousal or what, I
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  don't know, dating. I guess you would call it
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  romantic. Yeah, romantic.
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  Thank you. Romantic relationship.
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  That's how good I am a relationship.
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  I don't even know what to call it.
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  And then also friendships and especially being a very high
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  driven, highly driven overachiever type, that's so
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  like, I have to get better. I have to get better.
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  I have to prove myself. I have to do this.
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  And then feeling like you're on your own and somebody's not
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  there to save you, like like nobody's coming.
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  My destiny's up to me and I need to please people and I need,
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  it's all on me. It, it was always very hard for
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  me to connect with people and I always kind of felt alone in a
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  crowded room and that I was just not like anybody else and that
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  nobody understood me. And it was a very, very lonely
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  place. And in that darkness, like to be
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  alone is so dark. And it created also a
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  codependency in me of I need affection and love from like a
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  man or a man or something like that because I wasn't getting it
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  from my family or my father or my brothers or I didn't, I
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  didn't have strong female friendships either.
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  And early on in life, the female friends that I had abandoned me,
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  you know, I would do something to annoy them or they would get
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  jealous that I hung out with another girl or something.
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  And so it was always hard for for me to connect.
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  So what was that experience like for you growing up?
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  Were you like very much, did you struggle with anxiety and
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  depression and things like that, or were you just kind of focused
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  and were you, did you have a bunch of friends?
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  Yeah, no, I, I, so I always would struggle with the romantic
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  relationships in the sense that like, I'll give an example, I've
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  been on over 1000 first dates to give you an idea.
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  Like for me, it was this Chase and I was always just, I just
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  was, I was doing anything to avoid the intimacy of a real
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  relationship. So I would start a lot of
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  relationships. But the second it started
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  getting, you know, where you got to take your mask off and you
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  got to be vulnerable, I was at right.
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  And so I would find ways to push him away.
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  And I remember one time I was this girl I had a huge crush on.
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  And that morning I took a different girl to the BYU
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  football game, posted a picture on Facebook that night, took her
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  to the rodeo and posted another picture with her on Facebook.
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  Like it's, I look back now and I'm like, Oh my gosh, what was I
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  doing? Like, you know, and I really
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  like that other girl, the second one.
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  And it was like, so I was just terrible at being able to show
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  somebody my affection, to put my walls down, to be able to trust
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  the feminine wouldn't hurt me. And So what I did is, you know,
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  what a lot of people do is they find ways to distract
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  themselves. So for me it was work, it was
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  hanging out with my buddies. It was, you know, sports travel.
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  I've been to 114 countries. You know, I've been to about
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  every major sporting that you can go to.
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  And what I just didn't give myself space for was to be able
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  to sit with myself. And I think the thing that I
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  learned over the last several years, you know, really diving
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  into this is the power of just loving being with yourself and
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  being and doing nothing. And that's what I couldn't do.
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  I couldn't hold still for two seconds.
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  So every night I was out doing something, I was throwing
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  parties all the time. I was attending every networking
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  events. How I became the number one
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  realtor. I just knew everyone.
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  And it's because I didn't want to sit with my own feelings.
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  I didn't want to sit with some of these uncomfortable things
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  that would come up for myself. And so the what I had to work
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  through is, you know, a little bit different.
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  I actually was a happy kid. It was fun.
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  I was having a blast, but none of it was really fulfilling.
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  It's like a bucket with holes in it, right?
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  And so you're constantly pouring in.
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  And thank God I was good at doing that.
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  But it gets to a point where you get kind of exhausted and you
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  get to this point where you're like, I'd really like to just be
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  OK with not needing to prove myself, not needing to be
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  successful to feel like I'm worthy of love.
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  And and so, yeah, that was the thing that I had to shift the
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  most around. What was the most pivotal moment
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  in your life that was a rock bottom for you or something that
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  happened that shifted you from just driving for more money,
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  success, worthiness to connection and love?
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  Yeah, I think it was a process watching my friends, some of my
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  best friends go through their own hell and kind of how they
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  had to work through some things. And then, you know, I was very
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  observant always. And so I was always watching
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  other people. But I watched a couple buddies
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  almost blow up their families and make some really bad
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  decisions. And there was a couple of
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  pivotal moments. One was, you know, I was with a
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  buddy one night. We were all hanging out and he
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  came clean to his wife that he'd been cheating on her and and she
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  had a nervous breakdown. And I remember in her middle of
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  her breaking down and crying, she looked at me and she's like
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  just stopped stone cold. And she's like, Jimmy, for the
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  the sake of your future spouse, quit objectifying women and went
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  right back to this breakdown. I'm like, oh, shit.
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  Like, that was pretty intense. And that was one watching, you
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  know, I had these moments where I got to watch that same friend
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  call this other friend into integrity.
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  It became the greatest hour of my life.
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  It was like this dude is about to ruin his whole life.
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  And this dude just knew every thought he had, everything he
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  was experiencing, and he called him to be better.
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  And I remember thinking like, holy cow, I want to do that for
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  other men. And that became a real impetus
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  for my program. It was just this ability to love
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  somebody that way because usually what we think like
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  buddies do. And I've unfortunately been this
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  friend in other parts of my life, but you see a friend of
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  yours go off with some other girl and he's married or
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  something and you don't stop him.
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  And you just allow your friend to ruin his own life.
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  And, and like, I look back to a couple of those situations where
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  I saw that and I didn't do anything.
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  And those friends sure enough ruin their life and they're
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  miserable and everything else. And it's like watching a friend
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  call a friend to integrity instead and being like, dude, I
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  love you enough to have a tough conversation right now.
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  And you're going to go through some hell now and you're going
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  to talk to your wife, but we're going to stand by you every step
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  of the way. I think watching those
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  experiences and seeing how much joy that brought, that's what
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  got me. Like, OK, there's a lifestyle
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  that I want to live. That's how I want to make a
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  difference in the world is I want to help men experience
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  this, this moment. And there's another experience I
• 14:48
  had. I went to Pelican Bay prison.
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  It's like the worst of the worst.
• 14:52
  If you remember the movie Training Day, he says, I'll send
• 14:54
  you to Pelican Bay. You know, it's like, anyway,
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  Long story short, I had the chance to go out there with like
• 14:59
  30 other entrepreneurs and we were going to go teach the
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  inmates these dudes on death row in for murder and stuff.
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  And so we go out there and remember like so nervous because
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  I'm like, are they behind the cages and stuff?
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  They're like, no, they're, they're in the open room and
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  said, we've come in and I'm so nervous.
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  And you have these ideas of how people are going to be, you
• 15:18
  know, like how this person's going to react.
• 15:20
  And we come in and they're like, all right, run in and we all go
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  running and they're on both sides just cheering us as we run
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  in. And we spend the whole day with
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  them. And they could not have been
• 15:29
  more grateful. They could not have been more
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  loving. And at one point we had this
• 15:33
  exercise where all hundred of the inmates are on one side, the
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  30 entrepreneurs on the other. This exercise called Step to the
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  Line. And basically the instructor
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  lady, this lady cat, she was brilliant.
• 15:43
  And she created a series of questions and she would ask
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  them. And if it replied to you, you
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  step into the line so you can just see.
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  And she starts asking some of these questions.
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  You start realizing real quick that there's a lot of grace that
• 15:56
  you've been given, that you've been pretty lucky to have the
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  life that you have and that, you know, you had some advantages
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  that maybe you never recognized before.
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  Like she'd ask like if you had a parent tuck you in at least once
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  a week, step into the step to the line.
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  And I think all 30 entrepreneurs step to the line and like one of
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  the 100 inmates, right? And she's like, if you ever had
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  a family member killed before your 18th birthday, stepped to
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  the line, it's like 2/3 of the inmates, not one of us.
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  And question after question by the time you get done.
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  It just was so humanizing to see that changed me and realize
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  like, wow, like there's some things here that maybe I've
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  missed. And so I, I was again, I had 10
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  or 1115, these magical little moments of my life that kind of
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  all one by one were changing me. But I think it more than anyone
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  moment, it's just these different experiences one after
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  another like this where you just, you really got to see life
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  a different way. And my travels, I think helped a
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  lot with that too, because my whole life you're taught, I was
• 16:54
  raised in a specific religion. It was pretty strict.
• 16:57
  And then all of a sudden you travel, you start meeting these
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  amazing people and maybe their morals don't fit what you think
• 17:02
  they should be, but there's some of the nicest, kindest humans
• 17:05
  you've ever met. And all of a sudden you're like,
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  maybe there's some things I'm missing here.
• 17:08
  And I just, I just got really introspective about what I
• 17:11
  believed and what I didn't. And so it was all a beautiful
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  mess. Right.
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  And so I also did mushrooms and did a medicine journey, you
• 17:21
  know, different from just taking them in high school for, for
• 17:25
  fun, which I don't know who would take those for fun because
• 17:26
  it is not fun. For me there's nothing fun about
• 17:28
  it. It's work.
• 17:29
  Yeah, it's a lot of work, but that was one of the biggest
• 17:33
  transformational moments for me. And that allowed me for the
• 17:38
  first time to release so much of the hate and resentment that I
• 17:43
  had for my dad and my brothers and my mom and, and, you know,
• 17:48
  the people that had hurt me in my childhood and start to see
• 17:51
  things from, see the pain and suffering in them.
• 17:55
  And then it also allowed me to actually like feel love for
• 17:58
  myself for the very first time and feel love for the little
• 18:01
  girl. And you know, I always was just
• 18:04
  self loathing and self hate and always bringing myself down.
• 18:08
  And that experience was required for me to actually, and you
• 18:12
  can't explain it unless you do it.
• 18:14
  But when did you have that experience?
• 18:17
  At what point in your life? And and it sounds like that was
• 18:19
  a pretty big transformation. For yeah, that first night, I
• 18:22
  mean, when I saw my hat and realized what I'd been, you
• 18:24
  know, and it was just this transformation.
• 18:26
  And then I had a really healing moment with my dad.
• 18:28
  But it was December 7th, 2018. I literally have it tattooed on
• 18:31
  my finger because it was the most profound experience, that
• 18:35
  first journey. And I don't even like to talk
• 18:37
  about that stuff anymore because I don't think it's like for
• 18:39
  everybody. But I also wouldn't be doing
• 18:41
  justice to my own experience if I didn't share it.
• 18:44
  Like it was that profound to help me.
• 18:46
  And so, you know, it's just one of those things that I just know
• 18:51
  like people that are part of the self development community, if
• 18:54
  you're really working to improve yourself every day, eventually
• 18:56
  it's going to lead you to there because there's places you can't
• 18:59
  go without it, right? But for me, it was, yeah, it was
• 19:02
  just profound. And I learned to love myself.
• 19:04
  I, I remember, you know, in a journey experience where I was
• 19:08
  like, I went in with Intel, like, OK, what part of you don't
• 19:10
  you love, Jimmy? And I could tell there was just
• 19:12
  like a piece missing. And in that experience, I got
• 19:16
  the message in the part of me that I didn't want to love was
• 19:18
  the part of me that was weak. I'd always kind of despised weak
• 19:21
  people, Like, get your shit together, you know, like, suck
• 19:23
  it up. Like, I was definitely that guy.
• 19:26
  And in that experience, I realized that I hated the part
• 19:29
  of me that was weak. And I never want to look at it.
• 19:31
  I never want to admit it. I wouldn't allow myself before
• 19:34
  then to be sad or tired or depressed or lonely.
• 19:38
  Any of those feelings, if they came up, I was very good at
• 19:40
  being able to push them down right and help me be productive,
• 19:44
  but didn't help me to heal myself.
• 19:46
  And so in that moment, I kind of just sat with myself for hours
• 19:50
  and just cried and just allowed myself to experience all that.
• 19:53
  And so now anytime feelings come up, I put this in my book.
• 19:57
  I said the goal of life isn't to feel better.
• 19:59
  The goal of life is to just feel more.
• 20:01
  And so whatever is coming through is.
• 20:03
  OK, And I don't judge it and I'm OK with it and actually can
• 20:07
  appreciate these moments of weakness where I have to go, Oh,
• 20:10
  I'm this isn't good and I but being able to sit with that, I
• 20:14
  think it works through you pretty quickly and overall you
• 20:18
  end up much happier. Did you start working with Ed
• 20:21
  Milette after that experience happened?
• 20:24
  Yes, I started working with Ed about 3 years ago.
• 20:27
  So I have this theory in life that like if we can find, well,
• 20:31
  OK, so there's a formula for change.
• 20:32
  I teach this to my guys and I'll, I'll say this real quick
• 20:34
  because the 5th part is why I reached out to Ed.
• 20:35
  But number one is you have to kind of just basically take a
• 20:39
  moral stand. Like what do I stand for?
• 20:40
  What's right, what's wrong? You have to really, you know,
• 20:43
  look at yourself and ask that question of like, what do you
• 20:45
  believe in? The second one is, is to make
• 20:49
  changes. You have to figure out, all
• 20:50
  right, what do I need to stop doing?
• 20:51
  What do I need to start doing? The third piece is
• 20:54
  accountability. Have somebody that'll hold you
• 20:55
  accountable, which a coach can do or a group or whatever.
• 20:58
  The 4th 1 is support and you have to do it through community.
• 21:01
  It's very hard to make change on your own.
• 21:02
  And then the fifth one is to find a mentor.
• 21:05
  And so for me, I my real estate career took off when I found the
• 21:09
  best coach and mentor. I kind of got lucky, but my
• 21:11
  first six months as a realtor, I sold like 3 houses and then my
• 21:14
  next six months after I got my mentor, I sold 60 by the end of
• 21:18
  that year. And so I just crushed it.
• 21:20
  The next year I sold almost 100 homes with one assistant and I
• 21:22
  was off to the races. It was all because of this
• 21:25
  mentor I found. So I knew the value of coaching,
• 21:28
  but what a great mentor can do is they can just collapse time.
• 21:30
  What takes 10 years to figure out, you can, you know, maybe
• 21:33
  get it in half that time or even a 10th of that time.
• 21:36
  And so for me, I always go, all right, who is where I want to
• 21:39
  be? That used to be where I'm at
• 21:41
  now. And so for me, it was like, OK,
• 21:43
  I want to be where Ed's at. I want to be doing what he's
• 21:45
  doing. And so I found ways I'm.
• 21:48
  I've always been really good at getting in the room.
• 21:50
  Sounds like, you know how to do that as well as like, if I want
• 21:52
  to meet somebody and connect with them, I'll usually be able
• 21:55
  to do it. So I just found ways to create
• 21:57
  value in his life to get around him.
• 22:00
  Next thing I know, I'm having dinner at his house.
• 22:01
  And then after that, you know, he opened up this opportunity to
• 22:04
  coach with him and took the plunge.
• 22:07
  And and yeah, and it's invaluable, the kind of stuff
• 22:09
  that you can pick up from somebody like that.
• 22:11
  And it's not like I learned 100 things that changed my life.
• 22:14
  I just got to see a way that a man lives.
• 22:17
  And he he had a really unique ability.
• 22:19
  One of the things that he does best is he he's really good at
• 22:22
  helping you see you. So I remember we were in a
• 22:25
  crowded room one time. It's about 10 or 12 of us.
• 22:28
  And he looked at all of them. And he said, if I could get
• 22:29
  everyone of you to just do the things I ask you to do the way
• 22:33
  that Jimmy does, he goes, it would change your whole life.
• 22:35
  He said, every time I give this guy something to go do, it's
• 22:38
  done. He goes and does it.
• 22:40
  He takes care of it. He's like, I've never met
• 22:42
  somebody with that skill better than that.
• 22:44
  And it just made me feel so seen and like, Oh yeah, I do do that.
• 22:47
  And and so he instills this confidence that then allows you
• 22:50
  to just go to that next level. And so anytime you can get
• 22:54
  around a mentor or a coach, whether that's, you know, if
• 22:56
  you're dead broke and you're hearing this, like read their
• 22:58
  book or watch their YouTube videos or whatever, if you can
• 23:01
  get to the next level, we can get some space around him some
• 23:03
  time. And then you got to invest with
• 23:05
  them, you know, as the these people that are highly
• 23:07
  successful, they just, you know, I get people ask me to go to
• 23:10
  lunch every day and I can't do it.
• 23:12
  I've got, you know, hundreds of men that pay me to give me their
• 23:15
  time and attention. And so, you know, you have to
• 23:18
  sometimes pay to play. And I've done that many of
• 23:20
  times. I've hired all the best coaches
• 23:22
  you can. And anytime I want to study a
• 23:23
  specific topic, I'll go hire the best in that business, whoever
• 23:27
  it is, and have them coach me because I know I can again,
• 23:30
  expedite my learning curve just so much by having them.
• 23:34
  Yeah, having good mentors is the most important thing you could
• 23:37
  possibly do in my opinion. And it's something that took me
• 23:40
  a long time to start to invest in myself.
• 23:42
  And I was watching 1A year. I think it was one of your
• 23:46
  videos where he said like the best investment to make until
• 23:50
  you've made until you make a certain amount of money per year
• 23:52
  is back into yourself to talk like say a little bit about.
• 23:56
  That yeah, I mean, so again, because I sell so many real
• 23:59
  estate properties to people, I get a lot of people who reach
• 24:01
  out to me for investing advice. And you know, the I've got a
• 24:03
  deal right now. A guy sent me last night that I
• 24:05
  coach. He's like, can you, you know,
• 24:07
  walk through this and see if it's a good deal?
• 24:09
  And, and I always say the same thing to people.
• 24:11
  I said, if you're not already making like 3 or $400,000 a
• 24:15
  year, then the best investment you can make is in your own self
• 24:18
  to get better skills, knowledge and network because you just
• 24:21
  don't make enough money to truly get ahead yet.
• 24:23
  And you're making 100 grand, even 200 grand a year.
• 24:25
  Like that's you can have a good life.
• 24:27
  But if you want to start investing to like for, to really
• 24:30
  make a difference, you're just not making enough money.
• 24:32
  And especially with, you know, the stock market and real estate
• 24:35
  being so high in value right now.
• 24:36
  And so I tell all of them, I said until you're making several
• 24:39
  $100,000 a year, the only thing you should be investing is back
• 24:42
  into yourself. Invest into getting a better
• 24:44
  network, into better skills and better knowledge, because
• 24:47
  nothing will change your life faster.
• 24:49
  And the next thing is into your own business, right?
• 24:51
  Like most people, they want to invest or buy a real estate
• 24:53
  property or in it. Look, I sell plenty of real
• 24:56
  estate. I own plenty of real estate.
• 24:57
  But at the end of the day, if you're trying to just buy a
• 25:00
  house, it's not going to change your life much for the next 10
• 25:02
  years. It might long term, but if you
• 25:05
  can get a new skill, if you can get, so I, I'll get for myself.
• 25:08
  When I was selling real estate, you know, at the beginning of my
• 25:11
  career, I was closing about half of my appointments and I was
• 25:15
  selling, you know, 60-70 homes a year.
• 25:18
  But I was only closing about half the people.
• 25:19
  And then I learned new skills. I learned how to read people.
• 25:22
  I learned about behavioral styles.
• 25:23
  I learned how to close people differently.
• 25:25
  And my closing rate went from 50 or 60% up to over 90%, and my
• 25:29
  income basically doubled just because I got that much better
• 25:33
  at closing. And so by investing in these
• 25:35
  real estate coaches and these mentors and going to these
• 25:38
  programs, little by little, I learned how to do that.
• 25:40
  And I ended up making so much more money because of that.
• 25:44
  And the other powerful part about investing in yourself is
• 25:47
  when you invest in yourself, when the world is chaotic around
• 25:50
  you, it doesn't affect you because you know that you're the
• 25:53
  asset. So if all shit hits the fan
• 25:55
  tomorrow, like I'm not afraid of where I'm going to get money
• 25:57
  for, I'm like, I thrive in chaos.
• 25:59
  I'm going to be able to absolutely find the
• 26:01
  opportunities that are there. And you get that confidence by
• 26:05
  investing in yourself and you become the asset as opposed to
• 26:08
  just relying upon somebody else. For this is a little bit of a
• 26:12
  Segway, but for real estate agents.
• 26:14
  I own a real estate brokerage. I'm a real estate agent,
• 26:16
  commercial and residential sales.
• 26:18
  And what would you recommend for them?
• 26:20
  Because it's a hard market right now.
• 26:21
  A lot of real estate agents are suffering and a lot of real
• 26:23
  estate investors are struggling too.
• 26:25
  But what where did you go? What do you think is the best
• 26:27
  thing for them to really learn how to get their closing ratios
• 26:30
  up and build those better relationships?
• 26:31
  Yeah, I mean, there's different coaches you can hire in in
• 26:34
  mentors and here's again, I would find the person.
• 26:37
  So what I did, I said, all right, who's the best in the
• 26:39
  country at this? Who's literally the best
• 26:40
  Realtors in the country? And so I went and I shadowed a
• 26:43
  bunch of them. I went to San Diego and Texas
• 26:45
  and, and I would go and hang out with these Realtors and they
• 26:48
  would share their whole thing with me because I wasn't a
• 26:50
  threat. I was in Utah and I just said,
• 26:51
  hey, we're gonna come shadow you for a day or two.
• 26:53
  And I remember I end up copying the system, this entire system
• 26:56
  of this agent in San Diego. I'd met him at this top
• 26:59
  performer event and the dude ended up becoming, he was Chris
• 27:02
  Heller. He ended up becoming the CEO of
• 27:03
  Keller Williams, like the guy who was the just a beast.
• 27:07
  And I just copied his whole program, what he did right.
• 27:10
  And so like, if you're like, if I was today, here's the thing
• 27:12
  that people need in today's market.
• 27:14
  There's one thing that makes you stand out because, yeah, it's a
• 27:17
  little bit harder than it's been, but that's only because
• 27:19
  agents lack confidence in themselves.
• 27:21
  And I'll explain what I mean. When the market tanked in Utah
• 27:23
  or it back when, you know, in 2007, 8-9, I just realized I'm
• 27:28
  like, I need to get so good at this that I have an unwavering
• 27:32
  confidence that I'm their best choice.
• 27:34
  So when I would sit down with somebody, I would just have this
• 27:37
  confidence and say, look, I can't promise you your home's
• 27:40
  going to sell, but I can promise you that I'm the best chance you
• 27:43
  have of getting the amount of money you're trying to get out
• 27:45
  of your house. And if you'll sign this
• 27:47
  paperwork, let me go to work, I can guarantee you I will get
• 27:50
  your home sold or we will know what to do to get your home sold
• 27:53
  if it's not selling. And I could say it in a way
• 27:55
  where I've truly believed it. And that's the part of it that
• 27:58
  people understand. It's like, I really did, to my
• 28:01
  core believe I was the best agent.
• 28:03
  I was the absolute best choice they had.
• 28:04
  And so when I said it, you feel it, you're like, shit, this
• 28:07
  dude, whether he is or isn't, he sure as hell thinks he is.
• 28:10
  At least there's something there Because what people want when
• 28:12
  their markets down or homes aren't selling.
• 28:14
  You can't find a buyer for your house or you can't find the
• 28:17
  house you're looking for. You want somebody that just has
• 28:19
  hope in it. And so I would just again, come
• 28:22
  in with that confidence and most agents lack confidence because
• 28:25
  they're not putting the effort into know what to say, know how
• 28:28
  to say it to find, you know, that they get the skills and
• 28:31
  talents they need. I mean, it's so easy to find
• 28:33
  nowadays. There's I could you know,
• 28:34
  there's five coaches that I would highly recommend studying.
• 28:37
  You got Bill Pipes, Mike Ferry, Tom Ferry, Brian Buffini.
• 28:41
  It's not even like they're not even like tricky ones.
• 28:43
  It's just just go to the tried and true dudes and then go
• 28:46
  listen to like, you know, the one of the advantages I had
• 28:49
  coming up is we didn't have quite so much material to listen
• 28:53
  for him. We didn't have podcasts and
• 28:55
  audio books and all this. So I had like 5 choices.
• 28:57
  I had five CDs in my car. I had Jim Rohn, Earl
• 29:00
  Nightingale, Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins.
• 29:02
  I mean, it was like, and Robert Kiyosaki and it was like, I was
• 29:04
  going to listen to one of those five and it was just, they were
• 29:07
  so simple. But like so much of like do
• 29:10
  X&Y&Z will be the result. And I think it gets a lot of it
• 29:14
  gets complicated. Right now it's it's a very noisy
• 29:17
  space. And so a lot of agents, they're
• 29:19
  just looking for that magic pill.
• 29:21
  But the truth is, is you just just get in there and learn how
• 29:25
  to grind, get you get confident because you get deals closed.
• 29:29
  Like I'd closed so many deals that I knew I was going to close
• 29:32
  another deal. I would wake up every day.
• 29:34
  I literally asked myself the question about, right, Jimmy,
• 29:36
  how many houses you going to sell today?
• 29:37
  That was the question I asked. I got to the point where it
• 29:39
  wasn't like, am I going to sell a house this month?
• 29:41
  It was like how many homes I'm going to sell today?
• 29:44
  And you know, my last full year as an agent with three agents on
• 29:46
  my team, we sold 497 houses. We got to the point where it
• 29:50
  was, we were closing multiple homes a day.
• 29:51
  I had days where I sold 20 homes, you know, and, and it was
• 29:54
  this unwavering belief that I just, I'm, I'm the guy that's
• 29:57
  going to get this done. And so you just go in and do the
• 30:00
  work. And if it doesn't go well that
• 30:01
  day, you don't give a shit because, you know, tomorrow it's
• 30:03
  going to go good. So too many agents, I think they
• 30:06
  focus on like the end result of like if I got a deal, if I got a
• 30:09
  check, and I always, like I said, I felt good if I did my
• 30:14
  job. So if I made my 3 hours of
• 30:16
  prospecting calls, if I got in and made my, you know, just made
• 30:19
  my contacts that day, then I knew that was a great day.
• 30:22
  I never focused on what was coming out.
• 30:24
  And so to get that confident feeling, all I had to do was do
• 30:27
  my job and make those calls for three hours every day.
• 30:31
  And I think that was the difference because if you're
• 30:33
  always, you know, like a deal falls apart or inspection
• 30:36
  doesn't come through or your buyer cancels or the loan
• 30:38
  doesn't happen, when you get all depressed about it, it's really
• 30:41
  hard to get yourself back on the phones.
• 30:43
  So for me, it was just every day for five years.
• 30:46
  I never missed, but it was like every day, no matter what, I did
• 30:48
  my job and I never had to worry about the money.
• 30:50
  I knew it would be there as long as I did these things every day.
• 30:53
  Yeah, focusing on the process, not the result.
• 30:57
  What you control, right? You control making calls.
• 30:59
  You control networking, you control knocking doors, whatever
• 31:02
  that looks like in your market. Yeah.
• 31:04
  And so you had an immense success.
• 31:07
  You're making, you know, one of the top agents in the entire
• 31:09
  country. But then you still didn't feel
• 31:12
  that fulfillment. And that's something that's
• 31:15
  happened to me in my life is, you know, being raised in a
• 31:18
  family that didn't have a lot of money, I thought money was the
• 31:21
  answer to everything. And that would make me worthy or
• 31:23
  that would make me have freedom or be happy, all those things.
• 31:26
  And then I achieved the amount that I wanted, which when I was
• 31:30
  a kid was 100,000. I was like, if I make 100,000 a
• 31:32
  year, everything will be perfect, made 100,000, still
• 31:35
  unfulfilled. If I make $1,000,000, everything
• 31:37
  will be perfect, made $1,000,000, still unfulfilled.
• 31:39
  And so then I started realizing just continuing to move the goal
• 31:42
  post to make more money isn't solving this.
• 31:46
  These holes inside of me, the bucket keeps draining as you
• 31:49
  talked about. And that's where I really
• 31:51
  started to say, OK, let me go down the path of looking for the
• 31:55
  answers inside of me instead of outside of me and figure out why
• 31:57
  I feel so empty, why I feel so unfulfilled.
• 32:00
  And it was on that mushroom journey where I heard Joe Polish
• 32:05
  saying the opposite of addiction is connection.
• 32:08
  And I realized how addicted I was.
• 32:09
  I was addicted to everything outside of me.
• 32:12
  Although highly functioning, I was addicted to success.
• 32:14
  I was addicted to money. I was addicted to relationships.
• 32:16
  I was addicted to food. I was addicted to being busy.
• 32:19
  Like all the things, right? And trying it was in that moment
• 32:24
  where I realized how much pain I was in if I didn't have anything
• 32:28
  feeding me, filling my dopamine, right, filling that bucket.
• 32:31
  And because I was just draining, if I was just sitting there with
• 32:34
  myself. And so why do you think so many
• 32:37
  people, despite especially, you know, men, which I think
• 32:42
  nowadays women are starting to take the lead or at least come
• 32:45
  up as equals in the world of success and entrepreneurship and
• 32:49
  wealth and things like that? Why do you think so many people
• 32:52
  are so unfulfilled, despite their achievements or their
• 32:55
  success or their beauty or their looks or all of these things?
• 32:58
  Yeah, it's hard honestly, that's my first answer on that.
• 33:02
  We've all been taught from a young age like, you know, you
• 33:05
  did well in school and your parents rewarded you.
• 33:07
  You did bad and they didn't talk to you or something, right?
• 33:09
  Or maybe you just saw somebody elses life and you thought, man,
• 33:13
  that persons got it made. I mean, look what we, you know,
• 33:15
  we, we are taught to want to achieve this material success.
• 33:22
  And one of the gifts that you got, one of the gifts that I got
• 33:24
  was getting material success at a very young age.
• 33:27
  Like it's one thing to never have money and be like, oh man,
• 33:30
  like I don't need that or whatever.
• 33:31
  But it's another thing when you get there and you go, oh, this
• 33:34
  actually doesn't work. This, this, this isn't what's
• 33:36
  going to make me happy. And you know, you can buy a new
• 33:39
  car in three days later. It's just a car in your garage.
• 33:41
  You really can. Like there's a few things.
• 33:43
  You know, one thing that kind of helped me start to is, is the
• 33:47
  more I got connected, the first time I took my mask off, I
• 33:50
  remember and got vulnerable. And I remember thinking, man, if
• 33:53
  they knew who I was, they would not love me.
• 33:54
  And that's by the way, that's the number one sentiment I get
• 33:56
  from the guys that joined my program.
• 33:58
  If they knew who I really was, they wouldn't love me.
• 34:01
  And when they're able to take that mask off, so I go through
• 34:04
  this whole weekend with them where they're able to do that
• 34:06
  and they get seen in that space and they get loved in that
• 34:08
  space, then a lot of them for the first time are feeling love.
• 34:11
  Because when we wear the mask, the problem is, is we know the
• 34:14
  people only loving the version of them were showing.
• 34:16
  And so we don't trust the love even when we get it.
• 34:19
  And so when you can take that down and you can like all of a
• 34:22
  sudden you're like, oh, then all of a sudden material success can
• 34:25
  be fun because you're like, wait, I can do so much good with
• 34:28
  this. I can actually connect more.
• 34:30
  And you know, I just bought my new house IA month ago.
• 34:34
  I closed on it and you know, it's almost a full acre.
• 34:37
  It's going to have, it's already got tennis courts and pickleball
• 34:39
  courts and I'm putting in a pool.
• 34:41
  The whole reason I want the house.
• 34:42
  And it's funny because I bought a house there in 2006, almost
• 34:45
  the same neighborhood. It's a really nice part of my
• 34:47
  community. And I bought that house in 2006
• 34:52
  and I was stretched to make the payment.
• 34:54
  They had a pool, the whole thing.
• 34:55
  I hated that house because it stressed me.
• 34:57
  I bought it for all the wrong reasons to show people I was
• 34:59
  successful. It's just the total wrong vibe,
• 35:01
  wrong energy. I think we swam twice.
• 35:03
  I'm not even joking. Like I just hated the damn house
• 35:05
  because it stressed me out all the time.
• 35:07
  This time around it's like I did it stress free.
• 35:10
  I put down, you know, almost enough so they don't ever have
• 35:13
  to worry about the payment. I, I just, I'm buying it with
• 35:17
  this sole purpose of making it a place where families and people
• 35:20
  can come gather. And all the guys I coach, once a
• 35:22
  week we'll have a family night and then we'll have a barbecue
• 35:25
  and they bring their kids. And I'm just, it's the energy of
• 35:28
  which I've done it. This time is all for connection
• 35:30
  instead of trying to get significance.
• 35:32
  And so it's just this completely different vibe and it's got a
• 35:35
  completely different purpose. And so I am a big believer in
• 35:38
  having the things you want, having nice things, experiencing
• 35:41
  nice things, but it's the energy of which why you're trying to do
• 35:45
  it. And it's like, and so for me,
• 35:47
  that's the whole difference. And I think for a lot of people
• 35:50
  that's really hard. It's like, you know, if you have
• 35:53
  money and you're not happy, then you're really in trouble because
• 35:55
  you're like, wait, this was supposed to make me happy.
• 35:57
  So that's what forces people to go inward and go, OK, I better
• 36:00
  try to figure out how to fix this internally because
• 36:02
  externally is never going to work.
• 36:04
  And, you know, you can date 1,000,000 hot women.
• 36:06
  You can, you know, travel over the world and do all these
• 36:08
  things. But until you start to love
• 36:10
  yourself, until you truly do, then it none of it matters.
• 36:13
  I make it be fun. It's, you know, I don't, I
• 36:15
  wouldn't say I was miserable, but there's just a piece
• 36:17
  missing. And I think we all get to that
• 36:20
  point, thankfully for you and I, you know, I think that is an
• 36:23
  advantage of getting that success at a young age because
• 36:26
  you just realize, like, I don't have to chase it anymore.
• 36:29
  You know, Matt Damon gives a famous speech when he won the
• 36:31
  Oscar for Goodwill Hunting. He said, I'm so glad I achieved
• 36:35
  this at such a young age because I would have chased my whole
• 36:37
  life trying to achieve it and realized it was an empty chase.
• 36:40
  And so it's kind of that principle.
• 36:43
  Yeah, and it's it's what sets people apart for self
• 36:50
  actualization, like truly reaching your highest potential
• 36:53
  and raising your levels of consciousness.
• 36:55
  And that's such a deep message for me is I want to help people
• 37:00
  achieve their highest potential and not just I'm going to make
• 37:03
  the most money or I'm going to have the coolest this, but in
• 37:06
  their relationship, in their health and their happiness and
• 37:09
  their fulfillment and their purpose and their service,
• 37:12
  right. And all these areas.
• 37:13
  And because that's what that's the journey I'm on.
• 37:16
  But until you hit financial success and you have your needs
• 37:20
  met, then you don't realize like, oh, there's a lot more to
• 37:24
  this game. Like there's so many more levels
• 37:26
  of consciousness. And most people don't even get
• 37:30
  to the first part of not being in fight or flight because they
• 37:33
  need to make money. And so if you can help, like I
• 37:36
  like to help people get rich financially just so they can
• 37:41
  figure out that that's not everything, but it is a
• 37:45
  requirement, like to have some level of financial stability and
• 37:48
  freedom is a requirement for you to be able to raise your
• 37:50
  consciousness and focus your energy on other things.
• 37:53
  And there's so much potential in this world that most people
• 37:57
  don't ever get to explore. And I think that everybody
• 37:59
  should be able to explore. Yeah, no, you're exactly right.
• 38:02
  There's, you know, again, Tony Robbins talks about this, but
• 38:04
  it's like the bottom level is like survival and then you go to
• 38:07
  satisfaction, then you go to success and then ultimately is
• 38:11
  fulfillment, right. And it's, yeah, it's if you're
• 38:14
  figuring out where your food's going to be coming from
• 38:16
  tomorrow, it's really hard to think bigger picture, to think
• 38:20
  about helping other people and all those kinds of things.
• 38:22
  And so I think I agree with what you're saying is like the gift
• 38:25
  of my life now is watching these guys go through my program and,
• 38:29
  and meet friends for a lifetime, come into integrity with their
• 38:32
  spouses, their families, like love themselves for the first
• 38:36
  time, you know, and, and just all these different things that
• 38:38
  come with that. And it's so much more fulfilling
• 38:40
  than anything I could ever get out of myself.
• 38:42
  And that's I think why I've been so driven to kind of go this way
• 38:45
  with stuff. Yeah, you're you get the helpers
• 38:48
  high, I get the helpers high. But that in itself can become an
• 38:51
  addiction. Sure, you know.
• 38:54
  Yeah, it's it's really easy to not have to ever look at
• 38:56
  yourself if you if you're just worrying about everybody else,
• 38:59
  right? Things like that or just like
• 39:00
  start to feel like you're the reason these things are
• 39:03
  happening. I had a experience with one of
• 39:06
  the the people closest to me a couple years ago, cut me out of
• 39:10
  his life. And I was kind of like, you
• 39:13
  know, offended, but also like, how dare him or like see how he
• 39:16
  does without me. And the truth is, is he did
• 39:19
  better without me. And I had to have this very
• 39:21
  humbling experience where I went, Oh, and maybe some people
• 39:25
  are better off without you, Jimmy.
• 39:26
  If you're not willing to show up the right way, if you can't be
• 39:29
  like, you know, really be out of your own bullshit, people might
• 39:33
  be better off without you. And it humbled me big time.
• 39:35
  I had to realize, like, oh, and it forced me to look at myself
• 39:38
  in ways I never would have otherwise because I'd started
• 39:41
  feeling like I was pretty damn special.
• 39:42
  And so you got to be careful of that too.
• 39:44
  Yeah. And that brings a good point of
• 39:47
  how do you, I think the most important decision you could
• 39:50
  possibly make in your life is the partner you choose and the
• 39:55
  friends that you're around, right?
• 39:56
  You're the average, the average of the five people that you
• 39:59
  spend the most time with. And so how do you advise or how
• 40:06
  do people like know what relationships in their life are
• 40:10
  toxic? First evaluate that and then how
• 40:12
  do? You recommend people cut those
• 40:14
  toxic relations out of their life, Like this person that cut
• 40:17
  you out, they had to. There was so much codependence
• 40:20
  or reliability or bond or obligation or comfort, all these
• 40:24
  things that we establish in a relationship with someone,
• 40:27
  especially the longer that relationship goes on.
• 40:29
  And they can be very, very difficult to understand.
• 40:31
  Like this relationship is toxic for me and it's actually
• 40:34
  dragging me down. And if it's dragging you down,
• 40:36
  you're probably dragging the other person down too.
• 40:38
  And how do you evaluate that and then cut that person out and
• 40:41
  make that decision? A person too, it was, they
• 40:44
  worked for me for almost 15 years and you know, and they
• 40:47
  kind of always, I was the one that paid for all the stuff and
• 40:50
  I was the one that, you know, came up with all the stuff and
• 40:52
  they just kind of would basically handle the leads that
• 40:54
  came in and, and close them and things like that.
• 40:56
  And where it got complicated was me feeling like, well, I'm
• 41:03
  trying to pour into this person. Like I felt like I was always
• 41:05
  trying to help them because I love them, you know, and they
• 41:08
  were like, well, this person tell me back because it hasn't
• 41:10
  given me the chance to really go and, and be my own person.
• 41:13
  And So what was cool with that particular case is he and I
• 41:17
  rekindled back in the fall this year and we're as close as ever
• 41:20
  now. I just spent two days watching
• 41:22
  his son wrestle, you know, in the state tournament.
• 41:24
  And it's really cool. We have this beautiful
• 41:27
  appreciation for each other that maybe we didn't before, I think.
• 41:30
  But those are hard to get to. So like any relationship,
• 41:32
  though, if you don't know if it's toxic in your life, like
• 41:34
  you can honestly ask her a question.
• 41:36
  Number one is, can I fully be myself around this person?
• 41:39
  Can I fully be myself? Like am I watching what I say?
• 41:42
  Am I changing my actions? And if you're not fully 100%
• 41:46
  yourself, then that's a good sign that maybe this is not a
• 41:49
  healthy relationship. The second one is how do I feel
• 41:51
  when I'm with them? Like literally, it's that
• 41:53
  simple. Does this person make me happy
• 41:55
  or do they make me feel bad about myself?
• 41:57
  Do I feel uplifted when I'm with them?
• 42:00
  And, you know, whether that's a romantic relationship or a
• 42:02
  friend. And I've had, you know, romantic
• 42:04
  relationships where the girls just tearing you down all the
• 42:07
  time. And I think there's some
• 42:09
  subconscious things going where they don't have feel worthy of
• 42:11
  like being with you or whatever. So they're like, if I can tear
• 42:14
  them down to my level and friends will do that too, right?
• 42:16
  They'll you know, I'll give you a quick example.
• 42:19
  A lot of guy friends, they'll kind of nag their buddies or
• 42:23
  make them look bad or you know kind of make them look small or
• 42:25
  whatever. Especially on girls and stuff.
• 42:27
  And with my friend group it is the opposite.
• 42:29
  We are like we that is 100% a no go.
• 42:34
  We had a one of my buddies, there's like six of us hanging
• 42:36
  out. I have 6 close close friends
• 42:38
  from high school. We were hanging out last
• 42:39
  Christmas and one of my buddies kids, he's like 8 or 9, he was
• 42:44
  making fun of his dad, who's like one of my best friends and
• 42:47
  he's basically making fun of him.
• 42:49
  And and So what most guys would do is kind of laugh about it,
• 42:52
  piggyback on it a little bit. And I just stopped him.
• 42:55
  I said, hey man, let me just tell you a little bit about your
• 42:57
  dad for a second. And I said I told him story
• 43:00
  after story of his dad, how cool he was in high school, how we
• 43:02
  all wanted to be his dad, how he was the most generous 1.
• 43:05
  He pulled all the girls had all the best.
• 43:07
  And you can see the kid kind of let me then all my other buddies
• 43:09
  started dog piling on and that And so we spent like 15 minutes
• 43:13
  just talking this dude up to his son.
• 43:15
  And he called us that night. He called me after he dropped
• 43:18
  his son off. He's with his mom and he's just
• 43:21
  he was super emotional. He's crying.
• 43:23
  He goes, dude, my kid has never looked at me that way.
• 43:25
  Thank you so much. And it's like those are the kind
• 43:27
  of friends you want to be around.
• 43:28
  Do they build you up? Do they make you look good?
• 43:30
  Or you know, how do they? How are you spoken about in a
• 43:34
  room with if you're not there, if somebody's talking shit about
• 43:36
  one of my friends and I'm there, that's going to be a problem.
• 43:39
  Like we're going to call them out.
• 43:41
  And most people just won't say anything or they or they'll just
• 43:43
  kind of go along with it. And you know, I know there's
• 43:46
  been rooms where my name has been brought up in a negative
• 43:48
  light and it's got back to me. One of my buddies said something
• 43:51
  along the lines of like, dude, you obviously don't know Jimmy
• 43:54
  very well because let me tell you what I know about Jimmy.
• 43:56
  And you know, and the people just shut up.
• 43:59
  And those are the kinds of friendships I think you want to
• 44:01
  look for. But how do you feel with them?
• 44:03
  Do they make you a better person?
• 44:04
  Do they support you? And then also, how do people
• 44:06
  react when you give them good news?
• 44:08
  Like if people are truly happy for you, you know, my friends, I
• 44:11
  got a buddy that one of my best friends called me the other day
• 44:14
  and he's like, dude, I invested in this thing a couple of years
• 44:16
  ago. Remember this thing I invested
• 44:18
  in, it was he spent like put like 200 grand into it.
• 44:20
  He said, bro, it's worth like $3,000,000 now.
• 44:23
  And we're just celebrating. We're talking about we're
• 44:25
  laughing our asses off. And it was awesome as it was
• 44:28
  like he knew he could call me and that that would be
• 44:30
  celebrated. Whereas a lot of people might be
• 44:32
  like, whoa, why don't you tell me about it or wait, what, like
• 44:34
  what is this? And it was just pure love, you
• 44:36
  know, love for this guy. And I'm so happy that he's, his
• 44:39
  life will be a little bit better now.
• 44:40
  And so that's the main things I could tell you that you should
• 44:43
  look for in your relationships. And what do you recommend for
• 44:48
  people who are afraid to cut relationships out of their life,
• 44:52
  whether it's their romantic relationship or a friendship?
• 44:54
  Like how do they take that leap of faith?
• 44:57
  Yeah, it's, well, if you don't replace it with something you're
• 45:00
  going to, you're going to fill that vacancy or that void and
• 45:04
  it's going to be really hard not to go.
• 45:06
  Want to fill it up again? Even with the toxic person, our
• 45:09
  brains are hard wired to keep us safe.
• 45:15
  And what I mean by that is it really looks for familiar
• 45:17
  patterns. Our brain is not wired to make
• 45:19
  us happy. And so unfortunately, I used to
• 45:22
  work at the Center for Women and Children in Crisis.
• 45:24
  I watched 200 women come through that place.
• 45:26
  I watched 200 go back to their abuser.
• 45:28
  And it's really depressing for me.
• 45:29
  But what happens is our brain will look for what it knows.
• 45:32
  And so if the person doesn't understand this and they can't
• 45:35
  go, hey, you need to find something that's going to make
• 45:38
  you happy. And we do that with through
• 45:41
  gratitude. You do that through looking for
• 45:43
  what else is what's going right in your life.
• 45:45
  And you do that through filling that vacancy.
• 45:47
  When you break up with somebody or you leave a friendship,
• 45:50
  having support that's healthy for you.
• 45:52
  It doesn't necessarily mean running the next romantic
• 45:55
  partner, but you have friends that are truly supportive and
• 45:59
  that are aren't toxic and that you like make you feel loved.
• 46:02
  And then also the ultimate is to be able to just love yourself
• 46:06
  and be able to give that to yourself, which is easier said
• 46:09
  than done, but that's, that's the best way to get out of those
• 46:13
  relationships. And also just understanding, I
• 46:15
  think this helps me a lot is understanding that not every
• 46:17
  relationship has to be forever. Like, quit giving this
• 46:20
  expectation that you, you know, some, some friendships or some
• 46:23
  relationships are just for a season.
• 46:26
  And I've had friends that were like, I love them dearly and
• 46:29
  we'll never hang out again. Like those friends, like we, I
• 46:32
  needed them at that point. They needed me.
• 46:35
  But it's OK also to recognize that like, you know what, I
• 46:37
  moved on past that friendship. I'm not better than them.
• 46:40
  It's just I'm in a different place.
• 46:41
  They're in a different place now.
• 46:42
  And so I think just having that understanding that not
• 46:45
  everything needs to be forever helps you get out of those
• 46:49
  places. Yeah, I my, my friend yesterday
• 46:53
  was told me she was, she's my best friend.
• 46:55
  She said she was feeling sad because, you know, her and her
• 46:57
  boyfriend recently broke up and she was going to be alone on
• 47:00
  Valentine's Day. And I sent her flowers and a
• 47:02
  love note and called her and just like being that, that
• 47:06
  support. And it's so important, but it is
• 47:08
  hard, you know, She's my best friend and one of my only true
• 47:12
  friends I have. I've got a handful of great
• 47:15
  women in my life. But how do you make friends as
• 47:19
  an adult? So there's a by the way, I talk
• 47:22
  about this in my book Mel Robbins new book Let them.
• 47:25
  She talks about chapters 11/12/13.
• 47:27
  She talks about how to make friends as an adult.
• 47:29
  So I would recommend going and reading my book on friendship
• 47:32
  and then also reading males. It's interesting because when
• 47:35
  we're little, we have so society, one of the most
• 47:37
  important things for making friendships is proximity.
• 47:40
  And the problem we have as adults is it's not set up for
• 47:43
  us. Like when you're a kid, it's
• 47:44
  like you're going to school with the same kids, you're playing in
• 47:46
  sports team, so you're just around each other, you're going
• 47:48
  to church together. But as an adult, you have to
• 47:50
  force those connections. You have to find them and so
• 47:54
  honestly, the best thing you can do is is find proximity to the
• 47:58
  type of people you want to be around.
• 48:00
  I had recently a buddy on my podcast.
• 48:02
  He ended up joining my men's group and he the whole reason
• 48:06
  that he ended up in my group is because he saw a picture of me
• 48:09
  and my friends on Facebook one day and said I want to be in
• 48:12
  that friend group. And then he found ways to get
• 48:14
  around us. It's he tells the story.
• 48:15
  It's hilarious. I was doing real estate full
• 48:17
  time. So he kept calling me to buy a
• 48:19
  house, but he realized very quickly that I was serious about
• 48:22
  it. And so I was just dog hounding
• 48:23
  him for like lead follow up. So then he called my other buddy
• 48:26
  that was in the photo who did car washes and he went and
• 48:29
  started getting his car washed with him and then became
• 48:31
  friends. And that dude today is a close
• 48:34
  friend of ours. He just went through my program
• 48:35
  for 2 1/2 years. In fact, we're all going, me and
• 48:38
  him are the groomsmen for the dude that does the car washes.
• 48:40
  He's getting married next month. We're all going to Cabo for his
• 48:42
  bachelor party. And the point is, is like he
• 48:45
  found proximity though, you got to get around people.
• 48:47
  And so that's why with what I do now with we are they, it's
• 48:51
  pretty easy to get around other like minded people, people that
• 48:54
  are driven, people that sign up and go, I want to be a good
• 48:56
  friend. I want to, you know, improve my
• 48:58
  life. And that's why it's worked so
• 48:59
  well. These like last week was waste
• 49:02
  management down here. There was five guys that from my
• 49:04
  group that came down with their spouses together.
• 49:06
  I mean, one of the guys, you know, he never had a close
• 49:08
  friend in his life. He was like before the program,
• 49:10
  I mean, gave this full 30 minute speech that's on my website
• 49:14
  about it. But what, what you need to do to
• 49:17
  find good friends is you got to find people that have that same
• 49:20
  like direction you're going, right?
• 49:21
  It doesn't matter where they bid.
• 49:22
  It matters where they want to go.
• 49:24
  And then you've got to be like minded.
• 49:25
  And just unfortunately, as adults, you have to force the
• 49:28
  activity. So you either have to join a
• 49:29
  group or a situation where stuff's just going to be
• 49:32
  happening. And that's the beauty of we're
• 49:34
  the day, for example, is it's just forced on you.
• 49:36
  Every single three months we're getting together for three days.
• 49:39
  We're going to be on a call every week.
• 49:40
  We're going to be doing these things together.
• 49:41
  You can't help but become friends with these people.
• 49:43
  Whereas a normal situation, you either have to be the one
• 49:45
  inviting and people always want to say, like, I just want people
• 49:47
  to invite me to do this. It's like they're not going to
• 49:50
  probably. So you've got to be willing to
• 49:51
  just put yourself out there. Just like go out there and I
• 49:54
  always say whatever you want more of, give it away.
• 49:56
  So if you want to be have a lot of friends, be a great friend.
• 49:59
  It's really hard not to like someone that keeps making your
• 50:01
  life better. So there's someone at your
• 50:02
  office that you really want to be friends with.
• 50:04
  Start doing little things for them and they'll be like, damn,
• 50:06
  I, I really like this person. And then all of a sudden you'll
• 50:08
  become friends. But you've got to again,
• 50:10
  whatever you want more giveaway. So if you want to be a good
• 50:12
  friend, just if you want to have good friends, be a good friend.
• 50:16
  Yeah, I think joining the communities is the the biggest
• 50:18
  hack in for personal like connection, relationships,
• 50:23
  business growth, personal development.
• 50:25
  I mean, I just started joining masterminds in different groups
• 50:29
  probably about a year ago where I really started to write the
• 50:33
  checks and get into the groups that were the people that I
• 50:37
  wanted to be like or the people that were already like me.
• 50:41
  And that's where almost all of my friends know.
• 50:43
  Like my strongest relationships and people I would call family
• 50:46
  today are through those connections and through those
• 50:49
  masterminds because those are and some of them you join and
• 50:51
  you're like, oh, this isn't really my vibe, right?
• 50:53
  Like there's great people, but not really for me.
• 50:56
  And then like, I joined Genius Network.
• 50:57
  I'm like every person in here is my person and this is my family
• 51:02
  and this is my home. And it's priceless.
• 51:04
  It's absolutely priceless. And yeah, I mean, it's hard
• 51:07
  because Mel Robbins talks about that.
• 51:09
  It's proximity is #1 but it's not just proximity because, you
• 51:12
  know, people that are around your Co workers, this person
• 51:15
  just had a baby, you're single, going out with your friends or
• 51:18
  this person's a grandmother. And so you have to be at similar
• 51:21
  phases in your life and wanting the same thing, like you said.
• 51:23
  And so that's what's so nice about the communities or the
• 51:25
  masterminds that are really aligned with your core values,
• 51:28
  your vision, your mission, and the things that are important to
• 51:31
  you. And it's so important and
• 51:34
  people, you know, spend a lot of money to have that connection.
• 51:37
  But that connection is what it's all about.
• 51:41
  Yeah. And you know, and people say,
• 51:42
  well, why do you pay to have friends?
• 51:44
  It's like it's not that like that at all is you have to
• 51:46
  somebody has to put this thing together.
• 51:48
  And so if I can get access to that and the only way to have a
• 51:52
  barrier of entry is you do have to pay to play sometimes.
• 51:56
  So for example, like I used to joke around, I'd never join a
• 51:58
  club that would take me as a member.
• 51:59
  And the joke is like you just I don't want to join the
• 52:02
  mastermind. That's 200 bucks a month or 100
• 52:04
  bucks a month because I'm going to be around a bunch of people
• 52:06
  that can afford a mastermind. It's 100 bucks a month.
• 52:08
  And there's just as much as like where I'm at in life, we're just
• 52:11
  not going to be on the same like the same things, right?
• 52:14
  So I've paid, you know, I've joined the 100 million
• 52:17
  mastermind. I came down here to do a podcast
• 52:19
  with Cody Sperber and he's like, bro, you need to join this.
• 52:22
  And it was 100 grand. But I just sold that big
• 52:25
  expensive house where I made my, you know, big Commission.
• 52:27
  So I had the extra money. So I said, you know what, I'm
• 52:29
  going to do it. And in that one event, I became
• 52:31
  very close friends with seven guys that changed my whole life.
• 52:34
  You know, Pace Morby and Dan Fleischmann and and I met at my
• 52:37
  let through that all these different guys that really have
• 52:40
  been able to help me just just help so many other people in my
• 52:45
  life. And so you do have to sometimes
• 52:47
  just take a chance on you know what, I'm going to put myself in
• 52:50
  a new room. I'm going to put myself in a
• 52:52
  place where everyone there is going to inspire me somehow.
• 52:54
  And when you're around that many inspiring people, you can't help
• 52:57
  but be inspired. Yeah, I'm in, genius.
• 53:00
  That's 100 grand too. And it's the best group of
• 53:04
  people I've ever been around, you know, And they're just
• 53:05
  amazing. There's something to be said
• 53:06
  about somebody's willing to invest in themselves like that.
• 53:08
  Yeah, yeah. And then you really, like, take
• 53:10
  it seriously and you really are out there to, like, help each
• 53:13
  other and get to know each other.
• 53:14
  And we were talking about it yesterday.
• 53:17
  We were in the mastermind, and they're talking.
• 53:20
  Joe was talking about how you could say the same advice on a
• 53:24
  podcast for free, and someone listening to it isn't going to
• 53:28
  go implement it, but you charge them $50,000 in consulting and
• 53:31
  they're going to go implement it and it's going to change their
• 53:33
  life because they're invested and things like that.
• 53:35
  So it's so important to really have skin in the game and these
• 53:38
  things that you do, and that's how you actually get the most
• 53:41
  result out of it. And cheap things just aren't
• 53:44
  usually very valuable. But yeah, so, so relationships.
• 53:49
  I want to talk a little bit about relationships because
• 53:51
  you're you're never been married.
• 53:53
  I've never been married, no. And no kids.
• 53:55
  No kids. OK.
• 53:56
  And how old are you? I'm 43. 43 OK, so I'm almost 29
• 54:01
  and I've never been married, no kids.
• 54:03
  I never my parents had a not I wouldn't call the happy marriage
• 54:07
  and my siblings and I weren't exactly close.
• 54:10
  So I think there's a lot of that trauma I probably carry with me.
• 54:13
  I think you mentioned it. It's like the chip on the
• 54:15
  shoulder and not feeling worthy or loved has served as a great
• 54:20
  advantage to becoming successful and to being driven and all
• 54:23
  those things. But it does hurt a lot in the
• 54:25
  relationship side of things. And I still to this day struggle
• 54:29
  immensely with relationships. And sometimes I think I have it
• 54:31
  figured out and then I wake up one day and I'm like, I don't
• 54:33
  want to be with this person and I break up with them or
• 54:35
  whatever. So what does that journey look
• 54:38
  like for you? And why do you think so many
• 54:42
  driven, successful people struggle with relationships and
• 54:44
  how can they work on that to actually like, find love?
• 54:50
  Yeah. So there's a couple things.
• 54:52
  One is the same skill set that makes you very successful in
• 54:55
  business usually screws you over in personal relationships.
• 54:58
  Like if you try to apply those same tactics in which somebody
• 55:01
  like me did forever, then you're it doesn't work.
• 55:06
  And there's a whole series of books and people smarter than me
• 55:09
  that can explain that. But that is basically one of the
• 55:12
  things. And so I think the first thing
• 55:13
  is understanding that. The second thing is, yeah, we
• 55:16
  all have either advantages or disadvantages from our youth
• 55:19
  that are going to make us more prone to stay or be in
• 55:21
  relationships, right? And I think for some of us,
• 55:24
  until we really excavate that part of us that is hurting us in
• 55:30
  our personal relationships, we'll just keep sabotaging our
• 55:32
  relationships or breaking up. Wake up one day, like you said,
• 55:36
  and you're like, yeah, I'm not going to be in this
• 55:37
  relationship. And, and so I think it's
• 55:39
  important to try to like learn that about ourselves.
• 55:44
  And then I just think like I went to a Tony Robbins event
• 55:47
  last year. It's his one event of the he
• 55:49
  does it every other year. It's again, it's like $80,000
• 55:52
  for one week in Maui. It's all about relationships.
• 55:55
  And one of the most important things I learned, and I didn't
• 55:58
  really understand this until then.
• 55:59
  And it's going to sound stupid that I didn't know this, but I
• 56:02
  just never realized that they're actually probably pretty hard to
• 56:05
  be in a good relationship. Like you have to work really
• 56:08
  hard at it. And to me, it was always like,
• 56:10
  if I have to work this hard, it's not the right person.
• 56:12
  I'll just move on. That's what I always used to
• 56:14
  think and tell that it's like I have my job right now.
• 56:17
  I believe it's my dream job. I, I truly wake up every day and
• 56:21
  I can't believe this is what I get to do for work and that I
• 56:23
  get the rewards of it that I do. But it's the hardest thing I've
• 56:26
  ever done. And I think a great marriage or
• 56:29
  a great relationship is very similar to where it's not great
• 56:32
  because there's no problems. It's not great because it's
• 56:35
  super easy. It's great because you just are
• 56:37
  fully committed to the thing and you're investing in it and
• 56:40
  you're putting all this time and effort and energy into it.
• 56:42
  And because of that, it becomes this great marriage.
• 56:45
  And, and Tony says like when you're in the tunnel, he calls
• 56:48
  it, whether it's with your job or with a personal relationship.
• 56:52
  The problem is, is you just don't know when it's going to
• 56:53
  end. You don't know when you're going
• 56:54
  to get on the other side of it. So I think most of us, if we
• 56:57
  could see, oh, eventually I'm going to get to this place where
• 56:59
  this person where we just work like it.
• 57:01
  We don't really fight a whole lot anymore.
• 57:03
  We don't really have these differences that we have or, you
• 57:06
  know, we, we've learned how to work with each other's
• 57:08
  differences. But when you're in it, it's just
• 57:10
  like feels like this never ending thing.
• 57:12
  And if, again, if you knew when it was going to end, you'd
• 57:14
  probably be fine with it. And so the key is to have faith
• 57:18
  about it and really just keep pushing through it.
• 57:22
  But I don't know that's I've been, you know, I've, I've hired
• 57:25
  some of the top relationship experts on the planet, Stefano
• 57:28
  Sofando's, Neil Strauss, Saudia Khan.
• 57:33
  I've had literally some of these smartest human David Dita's
• 57:36
  another one I've hired wrote The way the Superior Man.
• 57:38
  And there's just all these little things I just never knew.
• 57:40
  And they're not teaching this stuff.
• 57:42
  And so that's part of the problem is nobody really knows
• 57:44
  how to have these great relationships I was seeing.
• 57:47
  So for me, as I've started learning these things, I've
• 57:49
  started just seeing, oh, these are things that I'm not doing
• 57:52
  very well. These are things that I've, you
• 57:54
  know, in the past, I've been worried about the wrong thing or
• 57:57
  I've been trying to validate myself through my relationship.
• 58:00
  And so I think it's just a learning as much as possible and
• 58:04
  then applying it when you get in the relationships and, and
• 58:07
  trying to instead of trying to have a perfect relationship,
• 58:12
  like trying to see it as a really beautiful thing that you
• 58:15
  get to grow through. And, and I think that helps.
• 58:17
  That's what I'm currently doing so.
• 58:20
  What do you think is the most challenging thing about being a
• 58:25
  man in today's society? Men have been punished for doing
• 58:30
  the things that they should be rewarded for.
• 58:34
  And so it's very so sometimes as a man.
• 58:37
  So for example, you know, a healthy man is very in touch
• 58:40
  with both his masculine and his feminine.
• 58:42
  He's able to self soothe. He's able to be a rock for the
• 58:46
  people in his life. But it's also been a problem for
• 58:50
  that man to be able to go. And where does he get his
• 58:53
  support from? Who does he talk to?
• 58:54
  And in the past, these places didn't really exist very well.
• 58:58
  It's been very difficult for men to be able to open up and be
• 59:00
  vulnerable because you don't want to be vulnerable to your
• 59:02
  woman, then you make her unsafe and you know you can't just go
• 59:05
  spill everything onto her. And that's why you need strong
• 59:07
  male relationships to help each each other.
• 59:10
  And so I think the hardest thing for men is that I think that
• 59:12
  they've, you know, I've read recently on Twitter this week,
• 59:16
  45% of young men, 18 to 25 have never asked a girl out in
• 59:20
  person. 45% they're terrified because of the me Too movement.
• 59:25
  Men are, you know, Chris Williamson said this on my
• 59:26
  pocket. He said men are being punished
• 59:28
  for the hierarchy or the that used to be in existence with
• 59:31
  men. It's like it's never been better
• 59:32
  for women in the entire world than in 2025 in the United
• 59:37
  States of America. It's they've never had more
• 59:39
  opportunity, more been more protected, been more safe.
• 59:42
  It doesn't mean it's perfect, but it's never been better if
• 59:45
  you compare it to any other time frame in any other civilization.
• 59:48
  But men are being treated, you know, sometimes.
• 59:50
  And I think the pendulum swinging, hopefully it seems
• 59:52
  like it, but, you know, think about that.
• 59:54
  Like men are terrified to approach a woman in person.
• 59:56
  They don't want to look creepy. They don't want to end up on
• 59:59
  somebody's Instagram. Like, look at this guy trying to
• 1:00:02
  hit on me, whatever, all these different things.
• 1:00:04
  And granted, there was like a lot of male behavior that needed
• 1:00:08
  to go away that like from the past that thankfully I think has
• 1:00:11
  been eradicated. A lot of that.
• 1:00:13
  I shared one on my podcast the other day.
• 1:00:16
  This girl, have you seen this girl on TikTok that she's a cart
• 1:00:19
  girl and she just leaves her phone when these guys come to
• 1:00:21
  get their food from the cart and they are appalling, like the
• 1:00:24
  things they say to her, the Super attractive cart girl.
• 1:00:27
  And so it's still obviously, you know, the misogyny is and
• 1:00:30
  everything is out there, but I think that men again, have been
• 1:00:34
  punished for a lot of things. And so these younger generation,
• 1:00:37
  it's almost like hasn't been OK to just be a man and they start
• 1:00:41
  feeling guilty. I think who was it recently?
• 1:00:46
  Oh, Eric Weinstein on a podcast recently talked about how his
• 1:00:49
  son, 17 years old, like all these young men are going to the
• 1:00:52
  right politically because the left is demonized him for just
• 1:00:56
  being men. Like it's made it wrong to be
• 1:00:58
  white, to be a man, to be straight, all these different
• 1:01:02
  things. And so they've really been sold
• 1:01:05
  this idea that like, they're just hopeless and they're,
• 1:01:08
  they're wrong about just existing.
• 1:01:09
  And so, you know, with what's happened politically over the
• 1:01:12
  last 6-12 months, it's really shifted the pendulum back to
• 1:01:15
  this place that I think is is more healthy now.
• 1:01:19
  And so hopefully that'll help men have more confidence to
• 1:01:22
  approach and to be self-sufficient.
• 1:01:24
  Because what brings confidence in a man is trying stuff and
• 1:01:27
  failing and figuring out you're OK and working through things.
• 1:01:30
  And then all of a sudden you solve a problem.
• 1:01:32
  Like when you get confidence, that gives you confidence and
• 1:01:36
  you need the courage to just try the confidence in the 1st place
• 1:01:38
  to try something, to be willing to fail, be willing to take
• 1:01:41
  action. One of the best things Ed ever
• 1:01:43
  said to me when he was coaching me is he said, Jimmy, the only
• 1:01:45
  difference between the people are doing it and the people that
• 1:01:47
  aren't as people that are doing it, they're just not afraid to
• 1:01:50
  take action, not needing to know if it's going to work.
• 1:01:52
  And I think men in general have this fear of just going for it,
• 1:01:56
  whether it's approaching a girl or approaching a job or starting
• 1:01:59
  a business, whatever it might be.
• 1:02:00
  And so I think that's going to be a shift that hopefully keeps
• 1:02:03
  continuing. But I think that's what's been
• 1:02:05
  the most difficult thing for men.
• 1:02:07
  And how do you evaluate if somebody is the right person for
• 1:02:12
  you? Yeah, and, and, and what's that
• 1:02:16
  timeline like? Like what?
• 1:02:17
  You know what? What's your strategy there?
• 1:02:20
  Well, you're asking the wrong guy on that one, but I'll no, I
• 1:02:23
  you know, I think there's a couple.
• 1:02:24
  One thing that's been cool is I have studied so much on
• 1:02:27
  relationships just because it was the piece of me that I
• 1:02:30
  couldn't figure out, right. I haven't, you know, been able
• 1:02:32
  to get to. And so for me, I really have
• 1:02:34
  studied this a lot and I don't think that there's a right way
• 1:02:38
  to do relationships. I think for most people, it's
• 1:02:43
  honestly putting yourself out there finding something that has
• 1:02:46
  the same values as you and and then it's another sounds lame,
• 1:02:49
  but it really is like, and then it's just committing to do it
• 1:02:54
  and see like be in the relationship and see and be all
• 1:02:58
  in. And then you kind of know
• 1:03:00
  whether or not it's going to work.
• 1:03:01
  I know in my life, the relationships where I've had
• 1:03:03
  regret is when I maybe wasn't all in and you're like, maybe
• 1:03:07
  that would have worked. But the ones where I go all in,
• 1:03:09
  even if I make plenty of mistakes, you don't regret it
• 1:03:11
  because, you know, you gave everything.
• 1:03:12
  I think that's the same way with anything.
• 1:03:14
  So I think just, and that's a big problem with today's society
• 1:03:17
  is we, I had the founder of Tinder on my podcast.
• 1:03:21
  I've had, you know, the founder of Myspace, some of these big
• 1:03:24
  companies and, and they kind of all say the same thing is like
• 1:03:27
  all of them say that like they don't want their kids using
• 1:03:29
  these apps. Like there's a real societal
• 1:03:32
  problem with the way that we were never supposed to have
• 1:03:35
  access to as many people as we do now, right?
• 1:03:38
  Like as to as many opportunities as we do now.
• 1:03:41
  And it does cause real problems in dating.
• 1:03:43
  And so I think having open, honest conversations early about
• 1:03:47
  what what you expect out of each other I think is really
• 1:03:50
  important. Yeah, I think it's just so hard
• 1:03:52
  to trust in today's society. And and then especially if you
• 1:03:56
  have it all on paper like you, it's I get grasses greener
• 1:04:02
  syndrome because it's like at this point in my life, it feels
• 1:04:07
  like I could have whatever I want basically because I can.
• 1:04:11
  But at this point in my life, I think we all have a shelf life,
• 1:04:14
  right? As you start to get older, your
• 1:04:16
  pool starts to drop. But if you're a successful
• 1:04:18
  young, pretty, kind, nice, loyal, smart girl, you have a
• 1:04:23
  lot of options. And you also have men throwing
• 1:04:26
  themselves at you 24 hours a day.
• 1:04:28
  So it becomes really hard to. And same with men, right?
• 1:04:30
  Men who are successful and good looking and powerful.
• 1:04:32
  And I see it because I'm friends with all of them.
• 1:04:34
  And I see the things that a lot of them do behind closed doors
• 1:04:38
  or who are in relationships or whatever.
• 1:04:41
  And it makes, it makes it very hard for me to trust both, you
• 1:04:46
  know, men because of what I see, but then also myself because of
• 1:04:49
  what I think. And so it's a yeah, I haven't
• 1:04:52
  mastered that quite yet either, but it's.
• 1:04:54
  Tricky, I mean, dating, you know, it is, it's tricky
• 1:04:56
  nowadays and I don't, I think ultimately that's why I say like
• 1:05:04
  deciding is probably the most important piece and then
• 1:05:07
  whatever you can do to make your partner feel safe.
• 1:05:09
  And sometimes we suck at it in relationships, but like, I think
• 1:05:13
  the more we create and opportunity, we can openly say
• 1:05:16
  what we need, right? Like some relationships, they
• 1:05:18
  don't give a shit if you have 1000 guys on Instagram trying to
• 1:05:22
  blow up your DMS, but then other people, you know, they might
• 1:05:25
  absolutely might be a deal breaker for him.
• 1:05:27
  And so it's just talking about different things or whatever
• 1:05:29
  that might look like and creating as much safety as you
• 1:05:33
  can. You know, I think I know from
• 1:05:35
  the guy standpoint, what I try to do in the relationships now
• 1:05:37
  and, you know, things I haven't been good at in the past is
• 1:05:40
  create safety and make sure they feel seen and understood.
• 1:05:43
  And, and so I'm always playing those things like, OK, what is
• 1:05:46
  going on here? And you know, I've, I literally
• 1:05:48
  just got back from Sayulita. I went to a three day event.
• 1:05:51
  I was a student at a mastermind down there two weeks ago.
• 1:05:54
  The whole thing is about how to like not be reactive when your
• 1:05:58
  woman's coming at you with heat and stuff because as men, we
• 1:06:01
  suck at this stuff. And it was like embodiment work
• 1:06:04
  is what it's called. A lot of it you like sit on the
• 1:06:05
  ocean and just kind of take it all in for hours on end and
• 1:06:08
  things like that. But being able to withstand that
• 1:06:10
  fire. And so it's just learning, you
• 1:06:13
  know, and I feel like I, if you feel like you suck at
• 1:06:17
  relationships, I would study Davidita, Tony Robbins and GS
• 1:06:23
  Youngblood. Those are the three guys I think
• 1:06:25
  are the best at helping men understand it and really
• 1:06:28
  understand how to stand in your power, how to attract people to
• 1:06:32
  you, how to create safety for the feminine, how to build
• 1:06:37
  polarity in a relationship so that you know, because I think
• 1:06:40
  women at their core, they want to just be with one man.
• 1:06:44
  And I think as long as you create that for them, I think
• 1:06:49
  men, I do think they can create that relationship.
• 1:06:52
  I have so many healthy relationships around me, family
• 1:06:54
  and friends. I have a lot of people that have
• 1:06:56
  built these beautiful relationships.
• 1:06:58
  And so like, I don't look at this and go, oh, that's not
• 1:07:01
  possible. I actually think it's very
• 1:07:02
  possible. I think it's the default would
• 1:07:05
  be to have a great relationship. We all want it.
• 1:07:08
  That's the nice thing, right? But it does take a lot of work
• 1:07:11
  to get there. Yeah.
• 1:07:13
  Well, thank you. I know we are have to wrap up
• 1:07:16
  here, but yeah. And one more thing to note on
• 1:07:19
  that is I think the for me a lot of the relationships I was in, I
• 1:07:24
  was that person that kept going back to the familiar toxic
• 1:07:27
  controlling, you know type of relationship.
• 1:07:30
  And then I started to do a lot of transformational work and
• 1:07:32
  personal development, introspective work like that.
• 1:07:37
  And then I was into a relationship that was for the
• 1:07:42
  first time, not that. And it was so free and so
• 1:07:46
  abundant and so independent and, and just like real unconditional
• 1:07:51
  type love. And I think the biggest thing,
• 1:07:55
  the key there was the honesty. And we were so honest with each
• 1:07:58
  other and we were so authentic. And we, we opened up all of our
• 1:08:02
  demons and all of our most shameful things and all of our,
• 1:08:05
  all of our like the, the devil and the Angel on our shoulders.
• 1:08:08
  And like the, the crazies, you know, horrible thoughts that we
• 1:08:11
  think, or the horrible things that we had done or the weird
• 1:08:15
  desires that we had are like all these different things.
• 1:08:17
  And it was such a safe place to be able to take off that mask
• 1:08:20
  with your partner and to truly be free and authentic and, and
• 1:08:25
  be who you are. And I think because that's where
• 1:08:29
  it really comes from is it's, it's not necessarily the act
• 1:08:32
  that hurts so bad that ends relationships.
• 1:08:34
  It's the betrayal. And once you break a promise or
• 1:08:38
  you lie or you deceive, then I don't think that that's
• 1:08:42
  something that you can really come back from because it's
• 1:08:45
  really hard to regain trust. So I think just honesty is the
• 1:08:47
  best you could possibly be and just be authentic.
• 1:08:50
  And if first you have to get honest with yourself, you have
• 1:08:53
  to take the mask off for yourself and learn to love
• 1:08:56
  yourself. Because it's going to be
• 1:08:57
  impossible to truly give or receive love from somebody if
• 1:09:01
  you can't give it or receive it from yourself first.
• 1:09:04
  Yeah, no, I agree 100%. I know every regret I've had in
• 1:09:06
  relationships is when you break trust somehow, right?
• 1:09:09
  And it's damn near impossible to get back fully.
• 1:09:12
  And you can, I've seen it happen, but it's it's a lot
• 1:09:16
  harder trail to go down than just not breaking it in the
• 1:09:19
  first place. Yeah, but awesome, last
• 1:09:21
  question. If you go back and give advice
• 1:09:23
  to your younger self, what would it be?
• 1:09:25
  You know, the questions of one that the only thing that I would
• 1:09:29
  go tell my because by the way, I believe that life is just a
• 1:09:31
  complete beautiful mess and I want all of it.
• 1:09:34
  I want the good, I want the bad, I want all of it.
• 1:09:36
  And I wouldn't change anything in my life.
• 1:09:37
  I really wouldn't because if I tried to make my life what it is
• 1:09:41
  today, I would have screwed it up.
• 1:09:42
  If I was purposely, you know, had this all planned to get
• 1:09:45
  here. I just got here by its own and I
• 1:09:47
  needed all the mistakes. So I wouldn't say anything to my
• 1:09:51
  younger self because I wouldn't want to screw that up.
• 1:09:52
  But I will say that I would go back and tell my younger self to
• 1:09:56
  not sell any of my real estate. That's the one thing I would say
• 1:10:00
  because I sold a bunch of real estate I didn't need to.
• 1:10:02
  And you know, it's, I knew better and I sold it anyway.
• 1:10:06
  And so that's the one thing I'd say.
• 1:10:07
  But I wouldn't change anything. I really wouldn't like I the end
• 1:10:10
  result is just like I've been able to have these within my
• 1:10:14
  program. I've had probably a couple dozen
• 1:10:16
  of these moments. It's just like you see a guy for
• 1:10:19
  the first time, like open up and breakdown and and feel loved in
• 1:10:23
  that space. Or I've had these moments where
• 1:10:25
  I just without going into details and all of them, but
• 1:10:27
  like, and I call these little picture perfect moments.
• 1:10:29
  It's whenever I have one, I try to really take it in because
• 1:10:33
  what it helps me realize is no matter what I did in my past,
• 1:10:35
  all the bullshit, all the problems, all the errors I made,
• 1:10:39
  whatever, all of that was worth it because it got to me the this
• 1:10:43
  perfect moment today. And I've had so many of those
• 1:10:46
  now that like I know those would have never happened if I hadn't
• 1:10:48
  gone through this whole path that I did.
• 1:10:50
  And so I try to just pay attention to these moments in
• 1:10:52
  life where you're like, what a perfect freaking moment.
• 1:10:55
  And it just makes you so grateful for everything that's
• 1:10:56
  happened to get you there. Thank you.
• 1:10:59
  Thank you.