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The Hero’s Journey Sucks — And That’s The Point · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:00
  Hello everybody, welcome back to Unlocking the Paradigm Portal.
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  My name is Sarah. So I am here today to talk about
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  something that gets romanticized way too much and also really is
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  useful to understand, and that is the hero's journey.
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  So you may have heard about this in a literature class or in some
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  kind of self help book, and it usually gets presented as
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  beautiful and transformational and epic.
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  But frankly, in practice, it sucks.
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  And it really is so crucial if you are someone who's trying to
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  understand yourself better because it makes everything
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  start to make sense. So if you don't know about it,
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  in 1949, there was this guy Joseph Campbell.
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  And he published a book after spending years and years reading
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  every myth, every fairy tale, every religious story he could
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  get his hands on. And I'm talking across every
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  culture continent, era, all of it.
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  And what he found was that they all tell the same story.
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  The details may change, the hero changes, but the arc is
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  identical. So he called it the monomyth,
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  and we call it the hero's journey.
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  And if you need a reference from for this, thanks, Star Wars.
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  Because Luke goes from that whiny boy to the Jedi.
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  And if you know those movies, you saw the whole transformation
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  of him. If you don't get out from under
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  your rock, go check him out. Another one, my personal
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  favorite is Paula Tradies in Dune and Frodo leaving the Shire
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  in modern stuff. Disney would be like Moana.
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  So what? Campbell maybe didn't
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  anticipate. And the reason the same story
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  shows up everywhere across human history is because it's not just
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  a story structure, it's a map of how human beings actually
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  transform. So the myths were always
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  reflecting real experience back at us.
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  If you're able to step back and see that we all just started
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  reading them as fiction and forgot that part.
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  So I want to talk about it because I am full on diving into
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  it because it really is our own stories in everyday life.
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  And the more that you understand it, the more when struggles and
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  challenges come up, you can actually identify in real time,
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  like, oh, I'm at this stage of my hero's journey.
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  And frankly, you are the hero of your journey.
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  I am the hero of my journey. We all are.
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  So things to remember. Nobody volunteers for the hero's
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  journey. Nobody wakes up in the morning
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  and is like, you know what? I think today feels like a great
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  day. To have my entire life
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  disrupted, flame up into a dumpster fire, and everything I
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  thought about myself challenged. It does not work like that.
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  So the call comes when it comes and the threshold gets crossed
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  whether you're ready or not. And the ordeal, the darkest,
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  hardest part of the Ark, doesn't announce itself as a necessary
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  stage of transformation. It just announces itself.
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  Is everything going wrong simultaneously?
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  And that's the part that I feel the self help industry glosses
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  over. The part where it's not
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  beautiful and the part where you're just trying to get
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  through the day. So the framework matters.
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  Understanding the framework matters because there is a
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  profound difference between suffering randomly and suffering
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  is part of a process that's going somewhere.
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  So random suffering is just pain.
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  It's chaos without meaning. And it's the question that you
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  ask yourself of why is this happening to me?
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  Why are these people doing this to me with no possible answer?
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  And if you reference back to previous videos I've done, I've
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  done a lot on core wounds and I finally hit a point where I said
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  we're not living in them anymore.
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  So random suffering is continuously living in the core
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  wounds, even when you know and can identify and speak about why
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  and how they're there. But suffering within a
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  framework, it's still hard. But I want to be clear that
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  though it's hard, naming the stage doesn't make it easier,
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  but it shifts something fundamental and it moves you
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  from what is wrong with me to where am I in this arc?
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  And that shift from victim of circumstance to protagonist of a
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  story that's still unfolding, it changes everything about how you
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  move through it. So by understanding the hero's
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  journey, you're going to be able to shift out of that victim
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  mentality and shift into, wait a minute, I know what I'm doing, I
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  understand why this is happening, and I'm taking the
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  steps forward. That's all I want from all of
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  you guys, for all of you guys, and for myself is just forward
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  progression and moving through things and actually actively
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  integrating them. So there's 12 stages and I'm
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  going to walk you through each of them just very briefly.
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  So stage 1, the ordinary world, it's your life before it's
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  comfortable enough, or maybe at least just familiar enough.
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  But there's usually a low hum of something's not right that
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  you've gotten very, very good at ignoring.
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  And then stage 2 is the call to adventure.
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  So something comes along that disrupts it.
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  It might be a loss, it might be an ending.
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  It might be a moment of clarity that you did not ask for, like
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  the light bulb turning on and something knocks on the door of
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  your comfortable life and refuses to be ignored anymore.
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  So then stage 3 is refusal of the call.
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  You say no or not yet, or maybe later, or just avoid and put it
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  on the back burner. But here's what I need you to
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  hear. This is not a state or this is a
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  stage. Excuse me?
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  It is not a character flaw. So your nervous system is doing
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  exactly what it's designed to do.
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  It's trying to refuse change because change is unfamiliar and
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  it's uncomfortable. And your system is like, but
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  we're used to this. No, not anymore.
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  And the problem is only when the refusal becomes permanent
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  because the call does not go away.
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  It just gets louder and then it eventually stops asking nicely.
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  And I'm sure just knowing that you can think of a time that
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  there was a change that needed to happen, that you were just
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  avoiding or ignoring or refusing.
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  And then it's like you got kicked off the ledge and it
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  became so much harder than it needed to be.
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  I can think of so many examples in my own life.
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  So then stage 4 is meeting the mentor.
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  So someone or something shows up with what you need for the
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  journey. And it might be a teacher,
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  literal or figuratively. It might be a book or a
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  conversation that cracks something open or like you're
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  watching. I've had this happen where I'm
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  watching like ATV show or a movie and there's a line in it
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  and I'm like, holy shit. That just gave me so much
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  clarity that I did not realize I needed.
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  Like the lights turn on. And the thing to remember is
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  that this mentor, in whatever form it is, doesn't walk the
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  path for you. They just hand you the torch or
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  in modern days, the flashlight, and they point you toward the
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  door. So then stage 5 is crossing the
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  threshold. And I also refer to this as the
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  liminal space. This is the point of no return.
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  So you step into unfamiliar territory and something ends.
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  There is no going back to exactly what was before.
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  And it is freaking terrifying and absolutely necessary.
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  And anyone who's had a conversation with me knows that
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  one of my favorite phrases is once you see it, you can't Unsee
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  it. That is the stage 5 threshold.
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  You can't go back. You can try, you can try to
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  throw blinders on, but there's no going back at that point.
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  So stage 6 are tests, allies and enemies.
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  So this new world that you've now stepped into, once you've
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  crossed that threshold, it's harder than it was advertised.
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  And that feels like bullshit because you find out who's
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  actually with you. And some of the people that you
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  trusted may reveal themselves not to be people that you can
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  trust. And some people that you were
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  not expecting just show up and they prove themselves.
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  And you get tested in the specific places you haven't done
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  the work yet. It's fun stuff, right?
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  Yeah. Great.
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  But again, necessary. So then stage 7 is the approach.
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  And you're getting closer to the thing that you need to face.
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  It's like that feeling of honestly, it feels like dread
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  building in your gut and like the rock starting to form in
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  your stomach and the pressure is picking up and you can feel it
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  and the stakes are rising and everything is getting more
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  internal and more uncomfortable and more real.
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  That's OK. Keep going because the good
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  stuff is coming. Although the next stage is stage
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  8 and that's the ordeal, the ordeal.
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  This is the darkest moment or the crisis point.
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  And while you're inside of it, it feels like proof that
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  something has gone catastrophically wrong.
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  But it is not. It's a stage.
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  That's why knowing this is so helpful, because there will be
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  light on the other end of the side or the other end of the
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  tunnel. So the transformation.
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  It doesn't happen in these big, triumphant, victorious moments.
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  It happens here during the ordeal and the survival of the
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  hardest ones. And right now, before I go any
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  further, because I know that sounds intense and scary, think
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  back to the most difficult things you've been through.
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  That was an ordeal moment. Did you get through it?
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  You did. And guess what?
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  You came out the other side stronger because of it.
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  So that leads us to stage 9, which is the reward.
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  You made it through Huzzah. And you find something on the
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  other side. Maybe it's a truth about
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  yourself, about life, about others.
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  Maybe it's a greater capacity within you.
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  Maybe it's a version of yourself that was only available when you
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  had gone through the ordeal. It's a lot of shedding that
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  happens during the ordeal, shedding belief systems,
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  shedding identities, shedding pieces that really you've
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  outgrown. And the version of yourself that
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  shows up on the other side feels a bit liberated.
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  You're not done yet, but it feels a little bit freer, like
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  your wings can kind of spread a little, but it rarely looks like
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  what you expected. Because at this point, as soon
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  as you cross that threshold, there's no map anymore.
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  But once you've gone through the ordeal, it's real and it's
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  yours. That's your reward.
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  So then you hit stage 10. That's the road back.
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  And now you have to return to ordinary life carrying what you
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  found. And it sounds simple, right?
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  But it's not. Because the world hasn't changed
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  and the people that you interact with haven't necessarily
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  changed. But you have.
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  And navigating that gap is its own challenge because it will
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  start to feel like I've just outgrown my entire life.
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  But don't give up there. Just because you've gone through
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  your own situation doesn't mean other people aren't capable of
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  it. And then stage 11 is the
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  resurrection. So there's one final Test.
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  This is your final exam. It's cumulative.
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  Did you actually integrate what you learned, or are you just
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  performing transformation? This is where real change gets
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  confirmed or revealed as incomplete.
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  This is the challenging part. Think back to like, I think it
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  was two months ago, I did a video about the liminal space
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  and the accumulator and the performer and how you can have
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  all the language. You can have gone through a lot
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  of work and you can talk about your wounds and you can know and
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  identify where they came from and how they're impacting you.
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  But are you actually making intentional change to move
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  beyond that? This is the test for it.
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  So then you hit stage 12. That's the return with the
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  elixir. So you return changed because
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  you went through your final Test.
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  And if you hit stage 12, guess what?
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  You passed it and you bring something back with you.
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  And it's not just for yourself, it's for all the people around
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  you because the journey that you've been on is never only
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  about you. Think of the domino effect when
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  you make a shift, like let's say you, you're in a conflict with
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  someone and you shift into a softer state and a softer tone.
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  Often what happens? It might take a second, but that
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  person adjusts with you. And maybe not always, but a lot
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  of times it will. Or if you refuse to take other
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  people's baggage on personally, then by you doing that, you'll
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  see the ripple effects out again, not with everyone.
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  Some people just won't do it and that's OK.
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  That's their journey to take. But you keep changing, you keep
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  growing. So I'll be honest, I have lived
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  through so many iterations of my own hero's journey, I've lost
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  count. But when I was going through it
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  in the past, I didn't know about it.
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  I mean, I knew about it vaguely, but I didn't understand the
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  structure of it and how it showed up.
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  And now I can see it. So I started adopting this and I
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  teach this framework, but I couldn't see it while I was
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  inside any of them in the past, like not in real time.
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  And when I was going through it in the past, looking back, the
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  descent felt like drowning. I felt like everything was just
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  clobbering me and I, I didn't know what to do.
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  And then the ordeal came along and it felt like evidence that
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  something was just fundamentally broken in me, or that I'd effed
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  up big time, or that I just was completely incompetent or
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  whatever. I mean, like all the core wounds
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  came roaring up and all the insecurities and the fears and
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  the second guessing it was all right there because it was
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  testing me. And when I hit the point of the
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  refusal, honestly, I used to feel like I was such a coward
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  for not wanting to do it, but I stepped forward anyways.
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  And I because I have no idea. I was in a process.
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  I just thought my entire life was falling apart.
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  And it was only after and many, many of these rounds of the
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  hero's journey, because by the way, it's not a singular, it's a
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  loop that you keep going through.
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  And the cool thing is once you get the framework and you can
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  identify it, when the next loop, the next time that you need to
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  grow a little bit more comes around, you're prepared.
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  You're not going into a blind. But in the past, sometimes it
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  took me years to actually look back and name it because I just,
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  I was in it and I didn't know. And I can't tell you that
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  knowing would have made it hurt less, but I can say that it
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  would have made it mean something while it was happening
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  instead of just feeling like everything and everyone was
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  against me. And frankly, meaning changes
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  everything about how we survive hard things.
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  So if this is something that you're interested in checking
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  out, I did post about it and I'm going to put the link in the
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  pinned comments and I'll try to do it in the description too.
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  Honestly, my memory sometimes fritzes out on it, but I'm doing
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  a live Zoom Hero's Journey series every Sunday night for 12
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  weeks and it's at 8:00 PM Eastern Standard Time.
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  It's free, it's 30 minutes. We do one stage per week.
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  And I'll give you a brief rundown.
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  So this coming week, tomorrow night actually, because I'm
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  posting this Saturday night, Sunday night, we're on week 3.
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  So it's the refusal of the call. And so how it works is we go
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  into Zoom, you can have your cameras on or off, doesn't
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  matter to me. Mine will be on.
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  So you get to see me. I would prefer everyone's mics
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  off and just so that it's not background noise coming in.
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  And I open with explaining what the week is in this stage.
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  And then I do a little brief synopsis of the previous two
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  weeks and then we go into story time.
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  So I have two characters, a woman and a man living normal
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  life. And every week I tell their
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  hero's journey for that particular stage.
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  So every week builds upon the previous one.
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  And it just is to give you some reference if you're struggling
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  to see how it how this applies to you.
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  And then I have everyone turn their cameras off and we do some
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  somatic breathing, which is literally just put your hands on
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  your upper chest, close your eyes, stay with yourself.
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  If your eyes are open, you're staying outside of you.
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  If your eyes are closed, you're tuning into you and I have you
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  breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth and I
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  bring your attention to what sensations are you feeling?
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  Where are you feeling it? What thoughts are running
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  through your head and just working on getting you to tune
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  into yourself more and more. Because as I said in week 1,
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  which you guys may not have been there for the body, it is the
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  record of the ordinary life. So the more that you tune out
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  from your body, the less tuned into your ordinary life and its
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  impact on you, you are. So then we do that and it just
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  gets you kind of soft and relaxed.
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  And then it's a great time to head to bed if you're Eastern
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  Time or wherever you are. So that's what I'm going to be
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  doing. The link to register will be in
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  the comment. And this journey is hard, but
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  it's supposed to be that way. And frankly, I'm going to
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  challenge you go anyway. There's always going to be hard
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  things. Wouldn't you rather have some
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  foresight and a map and maybe a little flashlight?
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  Yes, I think you would. All right, so I will hopefully
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  see some of you guys tomorrow and otherwise I will be back
• 17:13
  next time. Have a wonderful, wonderful
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  Saturday night.