Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #336 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#336 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers, Now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: The are gorgement again. We're a team, right, and sometimes
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I can't cope and you take over.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Sometimes Dad's just got to throw the frisbee with the kids.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: and dad. Today. This is doctor Justin Coilson.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: I'm the author of six books about how to make
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: your family Happier and the webinar host of I've done
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: so many webinars lately about lightning the lockdown load. Because
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: half the country is currently in lockdown. We're going to
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: talk a bit about that today. And I'm the founder
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: of Happy Families dot com dot You here with Kylie, Hey, Kylie,
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: mum of our six kids, and we are talking I'll
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: do better tomorrow as we finally crash into the weekend.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: If you're doing lockdown right now, probably doesn't feel nearly
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: as exciting for the weekend to be here as it
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: does for those of us who are fortunate to be
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: in states where we are not experiencing these stay at
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: home orders, these curfews, these We're going to lock the
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: parks and keep everybody away from everybody. We are so
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: so sorry for those of you who are going through it,
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: and we really hope that it ends soon.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Now, for those of you who are not familiar with
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I'll do Better Tomorrow, if you've.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: Just found our podcast Every Friday, Kylie and I get
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: what word would you use, honey, get very serious about
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: everything that's happened this week.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: We get reflected.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Oh good one. I like that.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: I was going to say intentional, but I thought, no,
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: we can do better, and you just did. We get
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: reflective about the week that was.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: How can we be better parents tomorrow?
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: Maybe we've had some wins, maybe we've made some mistakes,
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: but our goal is to inspire you with our very
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: best efforts to also try to be better tomorrow, either
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: by doing the stuff that we recommend or just reflecting
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: and being introspective of yourself.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm really grateful for tomorrow's yes, because my yesterdays
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: weren't particularly good this week.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: Okay, so we'll with your negative Nelly, I'll do better tomorrow,
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: and then we'll move on to I think I've got
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: some cool stuff to talk about, so let's dive into it.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Why do you need to do better? Tomorrow. What happened
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: this well, actually I know what happened this week.
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: We haven't talked about this in any detail in advance,
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: but I think based on what you've said that I
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: know what you're going to say.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Let's just say there's a cycle that all women go
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: through and.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Its people differently. Though it does.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: It does, and sometimes you get through it without any hassles,
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: and other times it's a big mess. And this week
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: was a really big mess.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: Can I just without sounding patronizing or condescending or anything
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: like that, can I just say this week has been
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: really hard for you and therefore for the whole family.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: It's been a tough week. How much do you want
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: to go into this?
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Look, the first thing I'm going to say is find
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: yourself a good hormone doctor. If you are struggling in
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: this area every four weeks, really important to go and
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: find somebody who can help. I have found someone who
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: can help, I just haven't followed her instructus.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Well, that's what I was going to say. Finding the
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: doctor's one thing. Doing what the doctor says is another thing.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: You get a little bit complacent. We've had about nearly
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: twelve months of bliss since I found her, and I
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: guess I've just got a little bit complacent and stopped
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: doing a few of the things that she has suggested,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: and we're really seeing the repercussions of that over the
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: last few months.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: It's been a rough week. I might actually just mention
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: something about that hormone.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Doctor.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: So I've got a PhD in psychology, I'm a doctor,
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: but in psychology, I don't know about the medical stuff.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: I certainly don't know anything about the hormone issue that
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: you've been dealing with. What I do know, though, is
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: that PMS affects different people in different ways, and some people,
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: like you said, they sail through. For other people, it's
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: one crazy I was going to say period, but that's
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: got two meanings right there.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: One very crazy and challenging time insert eyrol. I'm so sorry.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: Serious anyway, So it's a really rough time. And about
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: a year ago, we went through a situation with you
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: for maybe four or five months in a row where
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: when your cycle hit, you went from being the client
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: that everyone knows and loves, the absolutely insatiably delightful human
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: being that we know and love, to someone that I
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: didn't recognize. You didn't even recognize you and you hated
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: who you were, and it's like, how do you describe it?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Like you knew what you were doing, and you knew
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: that it.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: Was all wrong, irrational, irrational, but it didn't stop you.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: It was just it was chaos. It was.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: So we found this amazing doctor who so some doctors
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: will actually say there's no such thing as PMS or
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: anything to do with menstrual hormones and all that sort
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: of stuff.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: And that's what I dealt with her for a lot
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: of years. Yeah, and when I found this doctor for
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: her to literally say, do you know why you feel
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: the way you do?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I can tell you.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: She had all of these answers and solutions and solutions,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: and we've had a really, really good run with it
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: until the last few months. So I'm back on the
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: bandwagon and I'm doing everything she told.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Me to do, taking every single supplement because altering the do.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Really really has impacted our family over the last at
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: a while. And so this last week has been it's
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: been hard. It's been really really hard. And the challenge
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: that we have is when I say we, yeah, I'm
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: making assumptions that there are lots of other women out there.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Like me, Okay, I'm not alone.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: You've had enough conversations with women who can confirm that
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: you're not on your own here.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: But what happens when you start to feel a little
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: bit low is often you feel like there's a bit
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: of a dark cloud over your head, and then you
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: start thinking all of these irrational, stinking thinking thoughts. Yeah,
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: and it just compounds on top of each other, over
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: and over again until what started off is just I'm
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: feeling a little bit flat to now I'm either raging
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: or I'm so incredibly sad that it feels overwhelming. And
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: that's probably the biggest challenge I've had this week, is
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: just being piled up with all of this stinking thinking
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: because I was already feeling low, and then it started
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: to rain, and you know, all of those things, and
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: the compound effect of having negative thought after negative thought
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: after negative thought leaving me feeling just so completely irrational.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: And that's what it came down to, just feeling completely
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: irrational and knowing that all of those thoughts are irrational.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: That's the tricky Parting.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Thoughts are thoughts, not.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Facts, and I know that they're irrational, But when you're
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: in that space, it's so hard to get out of it.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: So my take home, because it's not all abouts, it
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: was just the acknowledgment that it was a really, really
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: hard week this week. And I got to Tuesday and
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: I just thought, you know what, I can't do this.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: I can't do life right now. I'm not being the
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: person I want to be, and I just need to
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: get everybody outside because if we stay here, I'm probably
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: going to hurt someone and or maybe worse, I don't know.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: And so I just said, we're going to the park.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: Can I just restate what you said? Because you didn't
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: say we're going to the park. You said get in
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: the car, We're going to the park.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I did. I literally did. Everyone was like okay, the
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: kids were, and you.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Said I might come to just to make sure everybody's safe.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: So we took the dog, and the dog got to
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: have a walk and the kids.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: We took the kids too, and the kids came along
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: and they got to play frisbee with you.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I didn't.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I didn't mix in with that space.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: No, you completely just you left, You took the dog
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: and off you went.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: But it gave me the time that I needed to
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: kind of come back and be half human and the
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: kids had an absolute ball and you know the acknowledgment again,
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: we're a team, right, And sometimes I can't cope and
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: you take over.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: And sometimes Dad's just got to throw the frisbee.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: With the kids, and other times it's you, and it's
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: so good to know that we've got each other.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: So the take our message is this.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: Number One, menstrual stuff really does happen, and it can
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: be really hard. And number two, even when that's happening,
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: in fact, because that's happening, you dug deep found something
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: extra and made sure that everybody was okay, even though
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: it was the last thing you wanted to do.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: You didn't really want to go to the park.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: You didn't want to go to the park with everybody else,
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: but you made it happen.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: So that's what I'm sort of taking is to take
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: home message.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, as a result, everyone actually had a great afternoon,
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Whereas if we had have stayed at home, I would
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: have just been at everybody because you're in my space
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: and I'm just not coping.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: And we've already had a few days of that. It
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: was rough. I'm just saying, which was.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: So I promise I would be better tomorrow.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I'm so so pleased. At least until next month.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Just do the dietary stuff, take the supplements and it's
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: just a secon.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: We're going to find out how what insights I've had.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: families dot com dot au slash.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now. And since I've
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: shared my confession of a week, you better have a
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: good story.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I've got a great story.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: Because you've been struggling and my workload has been overwhelming.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: It's all let's just say it's all your fault then, right.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: It's been a tough week, but there's been some really
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: strong positives as well. So this week I finished reading
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: a book series to a couple of the kids. It's
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: called The Keepers by Leanne Tanner and Leantanner is an
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Australian author. It's a three book series about Goldie Roth
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: and Toadspit and they end up being keepers in this
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: museum because they're thieves and they live in this utopia
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: that's not a utopia at all. It's really a dystopia
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: and it is just an extraordinarily good story. So it's
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: a three book series from this Australian author, Lean Tanner,
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: The Keepers. If you've got children between i'd say eight
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: and thirteen, perfect for them.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: And the kids just loved it.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: So that was a bright spot there, and just the
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: joy of laying on the bed and reading the children
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: and trying to stay awake while you do it, of course,
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: because that's been tough for me this week, but that
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: was a really big win. The other really exciting thing
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: is that we've now moved on to Narnia. I'm reading
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: The Magician's Nephew. We're starting the entire Narnia series as
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: of now. I've been through this one a few times
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: with the kids, but they love it and we're going
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: to do it again. But more than anything, I think
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: I actually want to highlight this was you and I together.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you kind of look at each other and just
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: say we've got to do something, and it's got to
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: not involve staring at the TV or looking at a screen,
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: or I don't know, letting everyone just do their own thing.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: We need to be together and do something. And one
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: night this week, when nothing was going right, I was
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: in a pretty ordinary mood. You were obviously not doing
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: particularly well. I looked at you and just said, we've
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: got to get out of the house.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I have no.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Idea what we can do, but we've got to get
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: out of the house. And you said, let's put the
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: scooters and the bikes in the back of the car
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: and take the kids on a little adventure.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Without hesitation, I'm like, let's do it.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: Within five minutes, the scooters and the bikes were in
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: the back of the car, the kids were in the car.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: We drove into town and again, fortunately because we're not
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: in a lockdown situation, we're able to have this additional flexibility.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: But even in a lockdown situation you can still do this.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: We got in the car, drove into town and we
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: rode bikes and scooters from the South Bank area across
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: the Goodwill Bridge into the Brisbane Botanic Gardens and then
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: back again. I think we were gone for an hour
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: and a half two hours the kids stopped at a park.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: It was dark, it was eight pm, and they just
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: sort of layed on the park for half an hour
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: and we sat there and got to talk and golly,
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: it felt good.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: So you been giving me a hard time about how
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: bad my week is, but I just facilitated two amazing
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: family outings in spite of it all.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: If I believed in praise and giving gold stars, you
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: get both of them right now. But I think the
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: central thing here is whether you're in a lockdown state
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: or not. Sometimes you know that everybody needs oxygen, everybody
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: needs nature, everybody needs outside, and even in states where
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: lockdowns have been instituted, there are still ways that you
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: can legally have that experience as a family. And my goodness,
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: the intentionality around it. It requires so much effort and focus,
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: but it changed the feeling in the family in such
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: a significant way for that afternoon or that evening such
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: an important thing to do. So that's my take my message. However,
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: you can legally get out spend time with the kids,
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: be intentional, as simple as throwing the scooter in the
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: back of the car and going out of the local
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: park or riding on a nearby bike path. Whatever it
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: is that you can do, do.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: It and follow the doctor's advice.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm a doctor. You're saying to follow my advice.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: You're still in the hormone doctor, aren't you. Hey, we
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: really hope that this has been helpful. I'll do better tomorrow.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: We hope that the intention with which we try to
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: raise our family rubs off on you, and the ideas
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: that we share a helpful in new being.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: More intentional on the way that you raise your family.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruhlan from
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Can I
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: just give a little plug for next week? Next week's podcast,
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: I think you're going to absolutely dead set faired Income
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: Love on Monday. We're going to be chatting about the
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: routine that I follow to be the best dad that
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: I can, and the routine that Kylie follows when she's
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: not pre menstrual to be the best mum that she can.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: Don't cancel me for that. Don't come at me. I
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: was just Kylie's smiling at me. It was okay, it
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: was just a joke between Kylie and I. We'rel was
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: going to talk about the best toys to buy your
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: kids and why some toys are great and some toys
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: are not. And with Father's Day so close now, we're
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: going to have a conversation with a guy who is
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: behind one of the biggest father hood initiatives in the world.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: That's all coming up on the Happy Families podcast next week.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: If you'd like more and ful about making your family
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: happy up right now, please check out our Happy Families memberships.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: Premium content, low price, loads and loads of helpful ways
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: to make your family happier. It's all in the Happy
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: Families membership. You can find the details at happyfamilies dot
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: com dot au and have a great weekend.