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Why do you miss the Narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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What is going on, beautiful people?
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Welcome to another episode of the D Narcissist Code.
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I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock,
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better known as mental illness across all social media
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platforms. This is the first time to see my
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face. You're hearing my lovely voice.
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I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and it's my platform
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on social media to raise warnings for NPD.
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Get more people into therapy like myself.
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Five years wrong. Six years wrong.
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And also validate the victims of ours and thrivers of said
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disorder, said toxic people said toxic traits.
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Today's episode is going to be entitled.
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Why do you miss the narcissist? Why do you miss the toxic
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person? Even if they treated you so
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badly, why can't you get this person out of your mind?
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So before you hop into today's episode, y'all make sure that
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you check out the self love brand.
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The I Love me brand. This right here says I'm
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thriving. I love me, I'm thriving the
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links into the description of every single video and podcast
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that I do. So check it out, make sure y'all
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check it out or whatever and join the newsletter as well
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because my kids book is getting released next week.
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Remember, it's not your fault. So yes y'all.
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So yeah why do you miss the narcissist?
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Because y'all, it's okay. First of all, let me say this,
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it's okay to miss the narcissistic person, toxic
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person that you were with. It is absolutely understandable.
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It is absolutely okay to miss the person.
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And it is not okay to take the person back into your life,
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especially if they've been treating you horribly and they
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haven't gotten better or they haven't put any type of effort
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or work in to be better. That's not okay.
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Let's get that. Let's get that out the way right
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there. But it's okay to miss the
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person. But just like think about it
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this way. Y'all, you spent X amount of
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time with this person, right? Like you spent the considerable,
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like it might not be considerable, but you spent a
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part of your life with this person.
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You shared a part of your your life, your story with this
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person. They shared their life, their
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story with you, most of it. Because some of that story be a
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lie possibly, but they shared it with you.
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There was time together and I feel like the longer you with
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the narcissist person, the more apt you are to miss them.
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Because like think about it. Like think about it like this
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job it. From what I the research I've
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done in a while back, it takes 20, about 28 days to build the
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habit right or to break a habit. So if you have talked to
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somebody for 28 straight days, every single day or most of the
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time during that during that span, you understandably they
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become a habit. The narcissistic person becomes
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damn near a habit in your life is in habits.
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Take at least 28 more, 28 more days to break.
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So the longer you keep this habit, the longer you are used
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to doing this, the more likely you are to stay in it.
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You see what I'm saying? Somebody I talked to a person
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other days like, I want this. It was a five month
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relationship. Why did I miss the person I
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like? Because five months doesn't seem
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like a long time. But it's at least 150 days.
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It's at least 150 days of consistently talking to this
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person, sharing your dreams with this person.
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Like planning their future with this person.
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It's 150 days of consistency at least a lot of times in in a lot
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of times in these spaces and within these dynamics, there's
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consistency, there's space there.
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So it makes sense. Stop beating yourself up,
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missing the person that you spent 150 days with, 300 days
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with, 3000 days with you. Start getting to the 19910 year
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range, 3000 days. What kind of habit?
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If you do anything straight, if you do anything for 3000 days
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straight, wouldn't it be hard to kick that?
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Would it be hard to get rid of that?
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Wouldn't it be hard to get used to not being not doing that?
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You said 3000 straight days with some person, with somebody you
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know. I mean if you get to 20 years,
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that's 20 years, 7000 to 7200 days. 20 years is 7200 days.
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Y'all it's This is why you missed a person. 2020 years is
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772 hundred y'all. I've talked to people who've
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been with them for 40 years, 14,000 days of this person.
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So yes, it makes sense that you miss the person.
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Y'all stop beating yourself up for missing somebody that you
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spent the considerable amount of time with.
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And again, I know 20-30 forty years is a long time.
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But again, it also makes sense if it wasn't that long, you see
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what I'm saying? It also makes sense if it wasn't
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necessarily that long in this space, you know what I mean?
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So that's what I say. It's okay to miss the person yo
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the a person that you spent X amount of time with no matter
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what they did to you could could those 153,006 thousand 10,000
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days. Could there have been some bad,
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horrible times with mixed in? Today, yes, absolutely yes.
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But that doesn't mean you're going to miss the person any
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less. The good times and the bad times
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of going up and down consistently within a toxic
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relationship space make it you can mess with your mind y'all
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the longer. Like I said, the more up and
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down you do in these spaces, the faster you move.
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The more the more you get addicted to this person, the
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more it makes sense for you not to go anywhere.
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The more it makes sense for you to actually stay within the
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toxic relationship dynamic and you do miss the person.
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If you miss the person enough, sometimes you go back into the
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sometimes if you miss the person enough, you'll go back into
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toxicity. You may.
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Because the pain of the pain of missing with this person and not
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being with this person, it hurts so bad it sucks.
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You mean it's unimaginable pain that you feel when you're
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dealing with when you're missing this person.
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You to consistently thinking about this person when you
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cannot get this person out of your mind.
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The pain of missing this person that you share their life with,
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especially if you have kids or you have property or you have
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money still tied up with this person that you have to think
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about this person. Yeah, the more time you the more
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you get used to this person, the more addicted, the more things
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that are going to remind you of them.
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They're going to be things around you all the time that's
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around you that trigger a memory of this person and that's also
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going to suck. You going to have things that
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were it smells just like them. I miss them so much.
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It yeah, it happens so much. Do not beat yourself up over
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missing somebody that you just like.
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Don't beat yourself up missing somebody that you just that you
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spend to consider around the time with.
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Y'all. It makes sense that you miss the
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person. Another reason you miss the
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person because you should not only the If you have, you spend
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time with this person. You shared dreams with this
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person. This is the person that you
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conveyed your deepest, darkest secrets to your your your
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happiest moments. You might you might have shared
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some of your happiest moments with this person like y'all.
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It makes sense, doesn't it? It absolutely makes sense in a
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lot of these spaces to deal with when you're dealing with a
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narcissistic person to go back to to not necessarily go back to
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them, but to miss them. You like say y'all had like me
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and my wife, Tropic Thunder. That was.
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That was when we first met. There was a movie that helped us
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connect. You know what I mean?
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We're a unit. Kurt.
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Suck my unit. You ain't.
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He ain't playing God. What do you say He ain't playing
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God. He's been judged by.
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We've got we made jokes about Tropic Thunder so much, so much
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so that if we broke up or something like that and she
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watched Tropic Thunder or Robert Downey Junior or somebody Ben
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Stiller or somebody popped up that will remind her of me,
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things are going to pop up. Yeah, we sure you know we sure
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so many you sure so many moments of this person.
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You have inside jokes like an inside joke and you want to text
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this person to call them because they would only they would get
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it. Only they would get it.
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Even though they were toxic as hell and maybe cheated on you,
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treated you horribly. Maybe they only the only person
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who would get this joke is them. You see what I'm saying?
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But you see how that makes sense.
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Stop beating yourself up because like you stop beating yourself
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up in these spaces because the narcissistic person did this.
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So the narcissistic person said that it makes sense.
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Y'all that you missed the person.
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It just does. They they they it's like they
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plant. They planted a seed within your
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mind and they they've been watering it for X amount of
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time. And that seed sometimes the
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seeds are weeds. It's not necessarily a plant.
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Plant seeds and weed seeds can look very similar.
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They planted they, they might have plant planted a little
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garden in your mind. So it makes absolute sense.
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Yeah. It brings a lot of clarity to
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the point that you might actually miss this person.
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It's it's okay to miss somebody that might have treated you bad.
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Don't beat yourself up over the fact that you miss somebody.
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I know people just like, why do I miss them so much And y'all
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get mad at yourself. You get mad at yourself for
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missing somebody that treated you badly.
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It's understandable because they didn't always treat you badly,
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didn't they? I guarantee you if it, like I
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said in this space right here, I guarantee you, I can almost
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guarantee you almost like they put 100% stamp.
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But I can almost guarantee you that all of the relationships
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didn't start off in a horrible manner.
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You know what I'm saying? Your relationship didn't start
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off in a traumatic fashion when y'all ended up together.
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Something like that. You know what I mean?
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There were good times too. Why do you miss the narcissist?
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Because you missed the good times, You missed their their
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aroma. You missed their Musk.
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Whatever scent that they get up. You miss the pheromones, You
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miss the whatever they whatever scent that they give out the
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Cologne. You miss the perfume.
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You miss that. It makes sense.
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Y'all sorry. If you have kids or something
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together. You might miss having the whole
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family together. You have a business together.
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You might miss your business partner.
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If you have a YouTube channel or something together, you might
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miss that. Doing that stuff with that
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person. Y'all it's understandable.
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That's why you miss them. Why wouldn't you miss them?
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Why wouldn't you? But just because you missed
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them, does it mean that you have to go back to them?
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Just because you missed them doesn't mean that you have to
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allow them any type of access to your life.
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Just because you missed them does not mean they get to come
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back into your life and treat you any type of way.
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Just because you missed them does not mean that you break no
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contact and go back to them. Just because you missed them
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does not mean that you answer their phone calls or respond to
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an e-mail. Just because you missed them
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does not mean you you drop your life, change your lifestyle up
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for them, their lifestyle that you built without them, and go
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back to them just because you missed them.
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It's understandable that you do miss them, but don't let missing
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them take you down a pathway of being hurt and used and abused
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and just treated horribly. Again, they probably have not
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gotten better. Chances are, but the chances are
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leaning in, the leaning in the direction that they probably
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have gotten worse over time without you being around.
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They probably have gotten significantly worse.
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So you have to empower yourself on this journey.
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You have to understand, like forgive yourself for missing
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somebody. I just feel so bad for missing
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them. Don't.
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It's okay. It really, really is.
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Why do why don't you miss them? You see what I'm saying?
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You don't. You miss the good parts of them,
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but don't let missing them. The good parts outweigh the bad
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parts of why you're not with them anymore.
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Apply more weight to not being with them than you do to the
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part. The fact that you missed them
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and you missed the good times. Y'all many ways y'all let me
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wrap this thing up. Y'all I truly appreciate y'all
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for being here. Again, subscribe to the
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newsletter if you haven't. My book is coming out.
10:56
Me and my wife's kids book is coming out next week out.
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Remember it's not your fault. Thank you so much for tuning in.
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