Latest / Finding God at Work / 16: When Your Job Is a Dumpster Fire (Evelea Solgos)

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16: When Your Job Is a Dumpster Fire (Evelea Solgos) · Finding God at Work

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, I'm Chris.
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This is Finding God at Work.
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Just a reminder that Finding God at Work
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isn't just a podcast, it's also an online
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course.
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Check it out at FindingGodAtWork.org.
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Our current series is divine disappointments facing pain
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and sorrow at work, and I am so
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pleased to be able to welcome a special
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guest today, Evelia Solgos.
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Evelia, welcome.
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Hello.
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Evelia is an educator.
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She previously taught middle school language arts, and
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she'll share a little bit about that.
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And now she is an academic service provider
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for kids with disabilities.
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And I'm just so thrilled that you were
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willing to kind of jump in and share
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some of your story, partly because I remember
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the story when it was happening, and it
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was an intense season, I know.
1:00
But before we dig into that, just sort
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of as a get to know you question,
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I like to ask, since the title of
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the podcast is Finding God at Work, how
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do you find God at Work?
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What helps you welcome God's presence on a
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normal workday?
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Well, thank you so much for having me
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here.
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Let's see, on a normal workday, I think
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there's kind of two ways that I can
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sort of connect with God.
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There's an internal and an external.
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The school that I work at now has
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two different buildings.
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And I often am walking in between the
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two buildings to meet with the different students
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that I meet with.
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And so I have just a few minutes
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of like quiet walking time each day, as
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I'm going in between.
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And that's a great time for me to
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sort of check in with God to thank
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him for what's going well, to ask him
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for help.
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And that's definitely a great time for me
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to find God in a more intrinsic way.
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And then I also definitely feel very close
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to God when I am having a really
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good moment with a student when I'm seeing
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progress that they've made, when they're telling me
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how much more confident they feel or they're
2:10
able to do something that they weren't that
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they weren't able to do before.
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I know that that's because of their hard
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work and my willingness to support them and
2:21
really God using me and the skills that
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he's given me to help them out.
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I love that.
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I love that you had both the internal
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and the external.
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One thing I sometimes talk about is how
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we have a life of contemplative prayer, but
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then also a life of mission and they're
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meant to go together.
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You know, we work and we pray, so
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that's beautiful.
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So apropos to our series about divine disappointments,
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work disappointments.
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What's kind of a thumbnail sketch of your
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story of that, that job you used to
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have at the middle school?
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Well, so I did not plan on going
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into education.
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I studied English and wanted to use that.
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Initially, I was looking at more like editing
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jobs, but when I was in college, I
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worked in a writing center and I loved
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getting to support people in their writing and
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to express themselves.
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And so as time went on in the
3:22
job process, the job application process, I had
3:27
to expand my, what I was looking for
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a little bit, you know, in the rise
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of AI culture, there's, it's a difficult time
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to find writing and editing jobs.
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So I expanded and I stumbled across this
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position that was at a private school, so
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they didn't require certification, but they were looking
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for a sixth grade ELA teacher.
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They said class sizes were small and that
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it was, you know, this one class.
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And so I thought, oh, I think I
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could teach one small class, right?
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It would be definitely different from what I
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was doing before, but I felt like in
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a small classroom setting, I could really use
4:15
my sort of writing advisor type skills.
4:18
So it sounded like this is going to
4:20
be manageable.
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This is going to be a good next
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step from what I was doing at the
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writing center.
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It's education, but I, you know, I'll have
4:27
a handle on it.
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That's kind of the zone you were expecting.
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That's right.
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Turns out it was not one small class.
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I had three large classes.
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I had 30 kids in my home room
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who were, gosh, this classroom was meant for
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probably 20 students, maybe 25.
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I had 30 and, you know, middle schoolers,
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they're kind of getting in touch with their
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bodies.
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Like physically, there just wasn't enough space.
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So I had 30 in my home room.
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I had sixth grade, seventh grade and eighth
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grade language arts blocks and each block, they
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told me, you know, at the beginning they
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said, well, it's a block schedule.
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So I'm thinking, okay, I'll have a couple
5:10
hours of instruction a day.
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Each block was two hours for every class,
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every single day.
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So I was doing six hours of straight
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instruction every day.
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You might also think two hours, is that
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a good amount of time for a middle
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schooler to have to focus?
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It is not.
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But we didn't really have a choice because
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we only had three middle school teachers and
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we had three classes and so we just
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had to keep passing them around.
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I had, yeah, yeah.
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So sounds like you were thrown in the
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deep end of the pool.
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Really unmanageable class size and in the middle
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school age group, which is probably one of
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the more challenging age groups to step in
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as an educator to begin with.
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Did you think about just throwing in the
6:00
towel right at the beginning of the school
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year?
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What were your thoughts when you realized, oh,
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this isn't exactly what I signed up for?
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Yes, absolutely.
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I think right at the beginning of the
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year, I kind of had faith.
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I would be able to get things figured
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out and then days turned into weeks, turned
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into months, and I realized that things were
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not going to get better, at least from
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an external perspective.
6:27
But by that point, I had really strong
6:31
relationships with a lot of my kids.
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I had a wide variety of students, a
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lot of personalities.
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We had a lot of academic needs, a
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lot of behavioral needs, a lot of emotional
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needs, and I just cared about each of
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them so much.
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I did not want to bail on them.
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The school was in a really difficult part
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of Chicago on the south side, really underfunded,
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and it was a private school, but most
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students were there on these sort of external
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scholarships, aid-based scholarships, or need-based scholarships
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rather.
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I had a lot of students with a
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lot of needs, and man, I loved them.
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I loved them so much, and they took
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everything out of me, and they made me
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nuts, but I couldn't quit on them.
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I said, all right, I'm going to finish
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out the year.
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I knew I couldn't come back, but I
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could finish out the year.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Oh, so it sounds like even in the
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midst of a quasi-impossible work challenge, the
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students you were serving created a sense of
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motivation, and that was kind of like why
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you decided to stick it out, at least
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for the full school year.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Also, to break your contract, it was $2
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,000.
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Oh, yeah, and if you're just getting started
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in your career, I mean, who has that
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kind of money?
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Right, right, but there was a time when
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things got so bad that actually my parents
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offered.
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They were like, we'll loan you the money
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to get you out of there, but that's
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why I still couldn't do it.
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Oh, man.
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Oh, man.
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Oh, so I have so much empathy for
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being overwhelmed in a classroom environment.
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I student taught middle school when I was
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in college.
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I don't know if you knew that.
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Okay.
8:24
Yeah, but I never actually had the full
8:26
-time job because my career took a different
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direction, but man, I can only imagine how
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intense that year must have felt.
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Thinking about the internal dynamic during that year.
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Yeah.
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How did you process this as a Christian,
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as a follower of Jesus?
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What was your spiritual experience like during these
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really difficult months on the job?
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Yeah, it was really hard.
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I wish, and I wished in the moment
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that I could say that I was just
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taking everything to the Lord in prayer and
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releasing all of this anxiety that I had.
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It mostly did not work that way.
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I had a hard time relying on God,
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and even though I was completely drained and
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past my limit, I was still trying to
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do it on my own.
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It was not easy.
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I would rely on other ways of trying
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to help myself feel calmer.
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Honestly, I drank a lot.
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I did not handle it in the ideal
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Christian way, but there were definitely these moments
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where I would be so beyond what I
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could do that I would really just be
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crying out to God.
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It was, again, still not a very poetic,
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I surrender all of this to you.
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It was very much a Psalm-esque crying
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and begging for God's help for me and
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for my students who I knew I could
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never solve all of their problems.
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Everything I did would never be enough, and
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so just asking for his help for me
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and for them.
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Thank you for sharing that.
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When we experience pain at work, that pain
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ends up going somewhere and we have to
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cope with it in some way, and it
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can be really easy to cope with it
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in an unhealthy way.
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Thinking about that, though, how have you unpacked
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the pain of what you went through since
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then?
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Since you've had time to recover, to change
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roles, have you found any kind of spiritual
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meaning in what you went through during that
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year?
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Yeah, I have.
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Well, first step, and this one I started
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before the school year was done, went to
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therapy, and that was very helpful for unpacking
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some of those things.
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I did have a Christian therapist who helped
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me unpack those things alongside God.
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I think something I learned is that it's
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not too late.
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Even if you didn't handle a situation well
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while you were in it, God is still
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really waiting for you with open arms.
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Over the course of that summer, I could
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really take things a step at a time
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as I was ready and bring these different
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bits and pieces of things that had happened
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during the course of that year in ways
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that I felt to really bring those to
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God, sort of one piece at a time.
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And then in the year after that, when
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I had, I got a job that worked
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much, much better for me.
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I was just so grateful and I could
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look at the way that my life was
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and the way that my life was becoming
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and just really thank God for that again
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and again.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And your new role that you stepped into
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was still in education, right?
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Yes.
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Is that your current role?
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Are you in the subsequent roles?
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It is.
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I just started my second year of this
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role.
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And so now I, as you mentioned, I
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work with kids with academic disabilities.
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I pull them out of class.
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So I have students preschool all the way
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through eighth grade.
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And I have a curriculum that's sort of
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designed to get them caught up to grade
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level.
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And so I work with them for about
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an hour at a time.
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And that one-on-one environment, let me
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tell you, that's a lot easier than 30.
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No kidding.
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30 times better mathematically.
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Yes, indeed.
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And also I forgot to mention a really
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significant factor in what made that past year
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so stressful.
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They had not given me almost any curriculum.
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For my two hour block, I had about
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15 minutes worth of curriculum for each class.
13:14
Everything else I had to come up with
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on my own.
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So I had no life outside of work
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either.
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And in my job now, I have a
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lovely little curriculum that is well planned out
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and I show up and I can do
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it.
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And then I can leave all of that
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at school and go home and rest.
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And that is huge.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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First year teachers often, it seems like first
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year teachers often have no life out of
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school.
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That is true.
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Even in a relatively healthy work environment.
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How much more in such an extreme work
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environment?
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So glad that you've had that better rhythm
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going for you now.
13:56
Thank you.
13:57
It's striking to me as well that you
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kind of found your way into the first
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role almost by accident.
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Like you'd been thinking about editorial roles, but
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the job market was such that an educational
14:08
role opened up.
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But now you're still in education.
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Do you feel like the hard experience, even
14:14
though it was so difficult that it shaped
14:15
your sense of vocation or the long term
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desires you have for your career?
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Absolutely did.
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One of the hardest parts of the position
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I was in was seeing all these needs
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of all these students and not being able
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to do nearly as much as I wanted
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to because I was being pulled in so
14:34
many directions.
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But on the occasion that I could help
14:37
a student who was really struggling, I had
14:40
a number of students with dyslexia.
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If I could even get three to five
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minutes where I was just working with one
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student and helping them to make progress on
14:49
their reading, that filled me with such gratitude
14:54
and purpose and excitement.
14:57
And so I realized I did like helping
15:00
students learn, but in the role that I
15:02
was in, I didn't get to do much
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of it because it was a lot less
15:06
learning and a lot more.
15:08
Please sit down.
15:09
Please stop hitting each other.
15:12
And quite literally, I wouldn't have found the
15:15
job I'm in now without that job because
15:18
the company that I worked directly for, because
15:21
I don't work directly for a school, I
15:22
work for this outside company that provides these
15:25
services to schools.
15:27
They provide services to the school that I
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was at.
15:31
And the woman who's now my boss was
15:33
subbing in one day and we were chatting
15:36
in the lunch room about work and life
15:40
a bit.
15:41
And she said, you know, you might be
15:43
a good fit for what we do.
15:45
And I said, I don't know, I think
15:46
I might be out of education.
15:47
And she said, well, think about it because
15:49
it's totally different.
15:50
It's one on one.
15:51
And we have curriculum.
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Lo and behold, here we are.
15:56
Yeah.
15:57
Yeah.
15:57
So a serendipitous moment, maybe even a providential
16:00
moment.
16:01
I think so.
16:02
Yeah.
16:02
You know, quite literally, I would not have
16:04
found this job without the job I was
16:07
in previously.
16:08
Yeah.
16:09
Yeah.
16:10
Well, I just, I love all the themes
16:12
that, I mean, in, you know, you're still,
16:13
you know, only in the third year of
16:15
your career, right?
16:17
And so you're at the front end, but
16:18
you've already been through such a journey, right?
16:23
Sometimes things can really get packed in when
16:25
we're starting out.
16:26
And I love the themes that you've already
16:28
been able to kind of name in that
16:31
journey where you had disappointment, you know, kind
16:34
of disillusionment with what you thought the job
16:36
was going to be.
16:38
You had some coping that wasn't that healthy,
16:40
but then you've found other ways to kind
16:42
of process the pain that were healthy and
16:44
experience that sense of grace, like that God
16:45
was still waiting for you there.
16:47
Yes.
16:47
And also a sense that, like, God still
16:50
accomplished something in that year.
16:51
Like he accomplished something for your students that
16:53
was meaningful as hard as it was.
16:55
And he also accomplished something in you.
16:57
Like you've caught a vision of what you
16:58
can do with students that you otherwise wouldn't
17:00
have had.
17:00
Yeah.
17:01
So that's really beautiful.
17:04
Yeah.
17:04
Thanks for finding that out.
17:06
Yeah.
17:07
Yeah.
17:08
Well, I wish we could keep talking, but
17:09
I think we're at time here.
17:11
Okay.
17:13
Avalia, would you be willing just to close
17:14
this in prayer for any listeners who maybe
17:15
are going through that really tough kind of
17:17
valley of the shadow of death in their
17:19
workplace right now, like you were?
17:21
Yes, absolutely.
17:23
Dear Lord, thank you so much for this
17:26
opportunity to connect into health stories.
17:31
I just offer up a special prayer for
17:33
those who are really struggling in their workplace
17:36
right now, who've been put into difficult situations,
17:40
have found themselves in difficult situations.
17:42
And I just ask for your hope and
17:45
your peace to wash over them, that they
17:48
might know that even if they feel trapped
17:51
for a time, that there is hope for
17:54
deliverance for a new morning, even if it
17:57
takes a little while to come, you are
17:59
still with them in this dark night and
18:01
that the morning is coming and that you
18:03
would provide them with moments of peace along
18:05
the way, where they can have glimpses of
18:09
your goodness and your faithfulness, that they would
18:12
know that you are still right there beside
18:14
them, walking with them and guiding them to
18:18
what you have in store for them next.
18:20
Thank you so much, Lord.
18:21
We love you.
18:22
Amen.
18:29
Thanks for listening.
18:31
Finding God at Work is a production of
18:32
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18:35
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