Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / SMNTY Classics: Women and Happiness (Part 3)

Transcript

SMNTY Classics: Women and Happiness (Part 3) · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome to Stuff I've
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Never told you, a production of iHeart Radio. And today,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: after a brief break in our classics, we're going to
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: finish out the series of happiness that we did. They
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: were Monday Minis, so they are shorter. But this has
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: been a big conversation lately, both because the recent survey
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: that came out, but just in terms of Samantha and
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I and what's going on with us and with a
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: lot of people that we know. So hopefully this will
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: bring you some joy, please enjoy.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: We're welcome to Stuff I've Never told you production of
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: iHeart Radio.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: So if you have been listening to our Monday minis,
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: we have been talking a lot about happiness and who
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: are the happiest, and of course we had some interesting
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: articles that we looked through and talked about and dissected.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: But we had a listener ask us a genuinely great
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: question on Instagram.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Hey, Arianna, I hope I said that right.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: And they were asking about lesbian marriages and how they
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: affect women's happiness and just the whole marriage and happiness correlation,
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: which had us thinking, so Yeah, who are they happier?
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about it.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: So you know that we read through that single and
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: childless women were some of the.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: More happier group of people.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: But yeah, let's take a look at who are the
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: happiest or at least and couple them so that we
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: can figure this out. We can dissect this, right Annie,
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: And of.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Course it's always with this. You know, we're speaking in
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: generalizations and from what we're able to find, right, So
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: there's like no one answer, but there are some some theories,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: some data that's been collected.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: So of course, yes, when we talk about data and statistics,
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: just a reminder they can be biased. It's according to
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: where you get that information and how you look things up,
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: and apparently according to Google is according to what you
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: like and what you've searched for, so it always leans
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: that way. So just to go ahead and put that caveat.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: But we found some articles that we didn't want to
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: talk about and kind of a look deeper into what
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: they are saying and think of, why not let's talk
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: about it, so our lesbian couples happier?
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: In a pink news dot co dot uk article, they
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: found that the marital strain and psychological distress and same
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: sex and different sex couple studies shows quote found that
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: same sex spouses generally feel more satisfied in their marriages
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: than hetero sexual spouses do. As in fact, I think
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: this is a twenty twenty article just so' and it's
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: always good to know date because I feel like, especially
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: in the last three years, massive changes have happened, so
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: it can definitely change our perspective of what is happy,
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: what is it happy? As well as the fact when
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: we talk about in twenty sixteen versus twenty you know,
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: twenty eighteen versus twenty like all those things, those years
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: are very vastly different.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: So what help is that they are?
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, wo, that is true. So to get these results,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: they they worked with seven hundred and fifty six US
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: men and women in their midlife in two hundred and
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: seventy eight gay at, lesbian and heterosexual marriages and they
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: catch these like daily diaries. So it was self reporting,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: which is always another thing to take note of. But yeah,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: self reporting on stress and how that was related to
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: their marriage their partner. Women in different sex marriages reported
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: the most stress, and men in different sex marriages and
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: women in same sex marriages fell in the middle, so
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: they were about the same, reporting the same levels of stress. Right.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: We did definitely talk a lot about this when we
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: talked about women in emotional labor during the pandemic and
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: stress even the Great Resignation and why women were quitting
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: and what this looked like in the heavy loads that
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: they have had, And this article kind of talks about
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: that same narrative. It says in the article most of
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: them relate to traditional gender stereotyping, including expectation that women
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: should take on the majority of the housework. So there's
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: definitely that underlying stated gender norm that is heavily laid
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: and put a lot of responsibility onto women in heterosexual
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: relationships and marriages.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: So I thought that was really interesting.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: I think I don't know if Ariana you are thinking
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: the same.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Thing, but I could see that being.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: A proposent where it's when it's the same gender and
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: the expectations are kind of had to put to the
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: wayside and a lot more conversation has had to have.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's a good point. I remember a
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: few of you listeners different in about this, and I
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: think it's a good point of the outside of our
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: traditional heteronormative. What we've been taught and what we've seen
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: is a very heavy quotes normal relationship. When you go
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: outside of that, you have to talk about things like
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: you have to have the conversations that I think in
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: a lot of hetero couples are sort of taken for granted.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: But outside of that, you have to talk about it
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: because you might to make sure you're on the same page.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: And often you haven't seen examples perhaps of how this
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: relationship will work. So I think there's just a lot
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: more conversations happening. I could be wrong. This is again
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: generalizations that we're speaking.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: Right right there is and I think it's interesting that
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: again when we break it down away from that, because
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: even sitcoms and even shows are starting to show that
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: difference of like, oh, we need to step away from
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: this traditional house because it's not funny anymore. It's now
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: just tried and overly used and it doesn't make sense
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: and it should change. So you see that changing in
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: media in itself, and I feel like that reflects a
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: lot upon what is happening in society obviously, And then
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: when we talk about same sex couples, the level of
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: communications that have to happen. And you know, I was
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: thinking about this too. Queer marriage wasn't legalized until not
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: too long ago. We know this, and it's still kind
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: of in disarray as we talk about what's happening under
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: state legislations. But that stressor is kind of for a
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: minute went away, that level of discrimination, not real life discrimination,
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: not necessarily neighbor discrimination, not necessarily biases against a community
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: or biases by a community or whatever, but the federal
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: level of stress of like, oh, we're actually being recognized
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: and being able to get married. That had to alleviate
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: some of that stress as well. So that level happiness
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: I feel I should have that had a rise. I
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: would think, again, this is all conjecture. This is based
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: on my old ideas of like, well, at least one
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: less thing was heavily laying on the like, oh, we
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: can't be.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Arrested for being in our marriage anymore. Wonderful. That's a
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: new right like stress reliever.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Right right, And I think it's worth noting here. Samantha
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: and I keep mentioning this mysterious project we're working on it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I think, you know, someday we all will be able
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: to tell you what it is, but for it. I
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: was researching the history of gay marriage, and I know
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: that that's a big conversation. Is you know, no group
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: or community is a monolith, and some people in the
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: gay community think like marriage is already part of the heteronormative,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: like it's already bad or it's got all this stuff
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: that's built into it. Not everybody, again, not everybody, but like,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: I think that that's an interesting conversation that's happening as well,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: because it just historically and traditionally has been kind of
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: a real gender disparity in favor of men in our loss.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: So that's also a conversation that's happening. And we've talked
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: before about how in things like the bdsame community or
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: the kink community, they similarly have to have Like I
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: guess there's just no assumption you have to have these
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: conversations right about about these things. And I think that's
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: so good. I think everybody should be doing that right.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And in that same article, in the same study
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: talks about the level of miscommunication that was happening and
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: who was willing to talk and who was willing to
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: work things out. But a lot of that in this
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: heteronormative idea, especially when it comes to heterosexual relationships, that
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: there's this mystery and gameplay that's been kind of a
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: part of it, that you're supposed to allow the mel
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: to be dominant in a relationship and therefore you never question,
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: you never push back, and all of these narratives that
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: were so toxic and I'm using that word don't come
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: at me, but it was, and it is when you can't,
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: when you feel like you can't communicate and have a
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: open conversation. And I will say that was one of
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: my bigger things growing up that I was willing to
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: accept these norms, but I made sure to put out,
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: if you're willing to listen to me, yes, truly, even
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: though I was under this whole understanding with the religion
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: and all of these things like okay, this is the
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: way it works. But if he is a truly good
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: man and I'm yes, I'm putting this all in like again,
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: heteronormative ways of speaking, then he's listening and we are compromising.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: I will allow.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: Him to quote unquote speak for me, which makes me
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: kind of noseous just thinking about now.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: If he hears me, and if.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: We're talking about it behind closed doors. If that's not happening,
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: this is not a fulfilling relationship. But I knew that
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: as like I think I said this as a twelve
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: year old to my father because we were talking about
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: what was happening in our church at that point. He
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: asked me, which was weird, because he had more respect
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: for me than I can't say. It seemed like he
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: had more respec for me than my own mother. I
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: was at times, but him coming to like, what do
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: you think? And I said, these are these things? And
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: he was like, Okay, do you trust me to say
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: that for you? I'm like, I trust you because we're
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: having a conversation and you said you're listening. He's like,
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: you're right, I will. It's like, then that's a good relationship.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: Mm hmmm, you know, like coming down to that wire
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: of like if it truly worked out that way, then
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: these are the things that would happen and come into play.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Right. Yeah. I think that's a really good point because
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: if you can't trust somebody to listen to you, then
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: that you're already starting in an unequal right part. You're
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: already off to a bad foot in this right right.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: So one study did show that at least the queer
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: community in marriages may be happier.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: That's what.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: But we also found another article. And in this article,
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: it talks about what makes couples happy or the happyest.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: And it's from ink dot com. So they had this
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: hole list of these are the top characteristics that make
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: for a happy relationship, and they had different studies. So
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: it's from ink dot com, I NC dot com, and
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: we wanted to read the list. We're not going to
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: give all we're not going to give create to all
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: of them. We're not going to sit and discuss all
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: of them. But I found them interesting and I thought
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: it would be something to talk about because if you're
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: trying to seek that happy relationship. Mm hmm, maybe these
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: are some of the things. Uh.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Number one, don't fight over texts.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: So I thought that was pretty funny because I'm like, oh,
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: that's the only way I.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Had to communicate though.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's the best way I can get
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: my point across. Uh huh without breaking down and sounding ridiculous.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting that you say that, because I too
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: feel like I like to think things out. I'll write
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: things down, but you know, you move so much over
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: text without your like emojis or whatever, the emotion is lost.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: So sometimes I'll write because I'm bad about I'll react emotionally.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I'll get defensive. I know this, it's a problem. But
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: if I'm unprepared, so I like to be prepared. I
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: write the thing down and then we can talk about it.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: But I don't like going into a fight unprepared, which
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: I know sounds ridiculous because a lot of times they
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: just happen. But if there's something that you know you
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: need to talk about and there's probably gonna be a disagreement,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I will write it out. I'll write down my thoughts
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: and then I'll go in and we can.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, I feel it makes sense.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: I mean, texts can be bad, especially if you're just
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: exploding conversations back and forth.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: I'm sure.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: But like if I'm having like a moment and I'm
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: coming back and this is how I need to tell you,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: it's going to be like fifteen.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Texts that's blocked. Yeah, probably should be an email.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: That yet.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: It makes me communicate better, but hey, who knows it
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: says take it to the place where you can actually
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: talk to their faces. But yeah, that's not always great.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: If your high motion, high stress. This is kind of
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's similar to the narrative of like,
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: don't go to bit angry, Like that doesn't work. If
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: I need to calm down or I'm gonna say something
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna regret.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Right, And a lot of times exhaustion can it's not
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: good when you're having a fight and you're tired, it's
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: gonna be worse.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: Right, So not always, but okay, that's one number two.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: And we've talked about this before. Don't have kids, Yeah,
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: that's what it says. By the way, I'm not telling
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: you to do this. I just don't have kids.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: We are just the messenger. If that makes sense to
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: me too. I think that as lovely and the word
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: this article uses, as fulfilling as having children can be,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: it's stressful. I don't think that anybody will fight about that. Yeah,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I think that, especially in a relationship where there can
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: be these kind of inconsistencies and response abilities and that money.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: That's what gets me all the time, the cost of
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: raising a child, and especially in a lot of like
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: the times we're living through now and just so much
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: stress on parents, Like it makes sense to me, we're
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: not so yes, again, we're like not anti children.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: But again we've talked about the many times the different
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: articles who were like, these may be the happiest people,
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: and it may be because it's less responsibility.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I mean, let's just be real honest.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot of responsibility and kudos to those parents.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Kudos. Yes, Oh my goodness. Mm hmm. This one's interesting.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Have friends who stay married. Hm hmm.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's the same kind of narrative of
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: like your parents they stay married, just kind of like
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: that level of like, oh, it can be done.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Maybe. Yeah, I thought that too, and then my parents
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: had a real rough period and.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: I was like, right, I would just rather you've been divorced.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Definitely, moments like that, like, just y'all would have been happier,
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: We all would have been happier.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I just think, like, I totally get this point,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: but I think it is very risky just to put
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: your kind of I don't know, faith or belief in
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: something and someone else. It makes sense to me that
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: you're like, because we've talked about that before. You know,
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: we're mostly friends with single people because we're the same
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: parts in our lives. But to be like, well, they're
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: still together, and so that means I can be too.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I think that's a risk.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: That's a risk, yes, And also even the most perfect marriages,
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: you don't realize there's a lot happening.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, here's another interesting one fight at the beginning,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: then not a lot.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: I feel like I've done this means I'm winning, right.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I'm sure looking at relationships in terms of winner loss
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: is definitely the way to go. I think this makes
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: sense too, though, because you want to kind of get
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: those prickly fights out at the beginning, right, and hopefully
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: that will give you indication of whether or not you
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: can work together. Do you think And this is like
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: it's strange to say, but there's a skill in fighting
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: without hurting somebody. I think you've learned that when you
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: get older. Because I don't want people to like just
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: go out and be raging and hurting other people, but
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: to have like a good, healthy fight. Yeah, it's not
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: a bad thing.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I think is interesting because that's what
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: I was talking about. How I know if you get
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: me when I'm angry, I'm gonna black out and say
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: something really mean because I am cruel, Like I can
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: be cruel and I see your weaknesses and I'll come
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: at it. So I need a moment so I don't
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: go below the belt. Like I've said this so many times,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: I'm like, if you don't leave me alone, I'm going
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: to say something that's gonna be so hurtful and I'm
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: gonna feel bad about it, and you're gonna feel bad
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: about it, and we're never gonna be able to forget it,
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: and then it's gonna be even more. You need to
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: let me calm down so I can push that aside
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: and be the nicer me. But I also think about,
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: like how people talk about marriages, that the first year
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: can be the roughest, and then you can survive that,
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: then you're okay, essentially working things out, readjusting essentially into
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: what is now a coupled them and being in hopefully
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: an equal partnership. And how that can look at it
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: at the beginning fairly rough, And if you can get
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: through those and you can actually establish how to communicate,
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: actually established boundaries, being able to know that this is
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: the moment we need time out that type of thing,
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: then possibly, So that makes sense to me because I've
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: heard that all my life. The first year is the roughest,
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, that supposed to be the honeymoon period, but
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: it's actually not. And another one are I guess this
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: is more of a like a legis statistic as opposed
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: to a strategy. So it says are comprised of one
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: firstborn child and one last born child, which I feel
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: like is so specific. Yeah, I want to know how
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: they got these numbers. That is so specific. I have
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: nothing really to say on that because I I don't
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: know if that could be true.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I guess I'm like out for the count.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: You just well like sexuality. Because you're the middle child,
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: you can't have anybody, So.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: That's you're not supposed to be with anybody.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I will, I'll just always be kind of middling, never great.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: I guess that is interesting. I have some theories why
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: that might be.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: It's almost like the opposites taking care of each other. Yeah, then, yeah,
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: where does the middle child come?
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Who come from? Are they? They feel like?
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: I feel like, if that's this is what we're to say,
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: then the middle child can be with anyone because they
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: are the neutral.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Oh negative, Yeah, yeah, there you go.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: There's the universal lovely one.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I'll take it. I'll take you go. It probably just
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: means they're boring.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: And then this one, and I feel like we talked
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: about this at the beginning with the gender roles.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: Know who does what when it comes to house.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: I think that's very good and talking about it, but
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: that that'd be a little too organized for my scattered brains.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: I'm like, sometimes I'm in the mood to do this,
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: sometimes I'm not. I am never in the mood to
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: fold laundry. So if my partner wants to do that,
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: I will be glad for them to do that. I'll
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: wash it, I'll bring it back up you folded and
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: put it up.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I'm the same with dishes. I hate doing dishes. I mean,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: and we've talked about that before, and I think we
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: used to joke. Bridget used to joke with me, never
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: move in unless they have a dishwasher. That you can
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: definitely put stressors on relationships these kind of task.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: I've only had one again for the first time in
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: five years in the last three months.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Love it, love it so much.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's pretty good. It's pretty good. Here's an interesting one.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Are gay or straight and feminist? Mm? Yeah, I could
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: see this. I can see this too.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: Oh so the study they got this from is called
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: feminism and romance go hand in hand.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I want this as a pamphlet to hand it out
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: to people.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, me too. All right, here's another one that
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: is very interesting. We have talked about this before. If
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: hetero are comprised of a lovely lady in a not
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: as lovely man, which is sort of what we were
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: talking about with this kind of traditional sitcom couple. I
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: just find this so interesting. I was watching a movie
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: the other day where this came out, but they made
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: it as if it was like we should be the
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: woman is so nice and kind she can be with
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: this not as attractive man, right, which I have a
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: lot of I actually have a happy hour. I want
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: to talk about this. A lot of thoughts about this,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: but like it's painted is a great trait for her,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: which it is. You shouldn't really judge people by their looks.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, he's not like
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: that was the thing he said about her, And the
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: thing he said was she could see past all of
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: my terrible qualities and looks the fellas that's always what
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: they say.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: I just heard that line. What movie was I watching,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: and there's they said that you see.
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: So the show that I keep telling you about essentially
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: is the Bell the beauty is in love with Rubbel Stelskin,
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: the dude that's super ugly and like he keeps saying,
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: because you can see past the monster, and it's that
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: same level. But I do want to read from this
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: the article. So the study came from the Journal of
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: Personality and Social Psychology, and it says, quote, when husbands
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: view their wives as the more attractive of the pair,
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: not only are they more satisfied in the relationship, but
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: the wives are too. The opposite was not true. When
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: husbands thought they were better looking, they weren't as happy.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: I feel like that has.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: A lot to do with male fragility, and we should
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: come back to this and have this conversation because this,
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: and again it may be on the side of social
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: media that I'm on, where we see a lot of
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: women just really taking on the part of I don't
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: need men, I am who I am and whatever, and
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: being a single is not a threat. So I don't
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: know why you pretend like it is. But so many
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: men are so angry when women say they are attractive.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: They find that offensive even though that's what they want,
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: but they want to be the ones to tell them
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: that they want this whole like song level of oh
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: she doesn't know she's beautiful.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Type of conversation.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: I was like, but they do, and they should, and
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: they should appreciate themselves as you appreciate them as well.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Why is that a bad thing? Technoledge that you might
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: be like you might look good that day? Like I
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: love that confidence. And it took me forever to realize
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: that's not a fault to have friends who are like,
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: oh I look good today. And I was like, how
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: dare you like yourself?
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Brag it like appreciating what Yes?
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I also think like this is a commentary or
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: just a piece of our bigger conversation of women's value
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: still being like largely in their looks and men's value
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: kind of being in more of the economic strength level,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: so that it's more acceptable to have a more attractive
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: woman with a less attractive man than the other way around.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: When I think it'd be like, oh, he must pity
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: her right as opposed to a man, and with a
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: more attractive woman it's like good for him, he yea
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: bagged a hot lady or whatever like.
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: Have that sentiment was today phrasing bagged and then you
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: went to old school like a hot lady.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not good with the phrases today. I have never
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: been cool with me either.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: I appreciated it, thank you, thank you.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Another one is our best friends, which again that
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: makes sense to me.
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: Right, but you know I could never do this, So
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: people that I friended, I couldn't date. I never I
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: still to this day. If I am friends with you,
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: you go beyond that and you become a sibling. And
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: I don't know if it's not protective barrier and like
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: I need you to remain safe for me or what.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: But that was never our thing.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: If you're like, maybe after the fact, yes, after the
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: fact that we started the relationship, we grew and then
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: you become a confidant person. I trust absolutely, But I
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: could not be with someone who was a friend first.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like it's sort of always backfired for me.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Where and this is a lot more to do with
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: like my own sexuality and stuff where I thought we
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: were friends and then he did not think that, and
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: then those moments.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: I don't have those moments.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: I have a few, but I think I shut it
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: down so quickly that it becomes like, okay, yeah, we
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: could never.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: I have this weird like, oh you're my best friend.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: I would never touch you, like immediately type of conversation
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: And I don't mean to, but it's just an automatic
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: response for me.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: Speaking of which they have a lot of friends in
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: common is what's also on the list. And I feel
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: like that's a good and bad thing, because what happens
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: if you break.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Up exactly you kind of know though, like where it's
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: gonna split. Yeah, you've got it in your head, like
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: the divorce.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: I think I made a list of like these are
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: the people you will not see ever again.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: If we break up, you know, just say you are aware.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I feel like I have, like a lot of times
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I've had like my group of friends there group of friends,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: and we all become friends, but then when we break up,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: it's over. It's no longer. Yeah, it's sad, but yeah,
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: makes it happens.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Spends money in similar ways.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's a lot of practical applications, so
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: that although that could also be a detriment. One person
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: likes to spend a lot and the other person is like, yeah,
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: me too. Then you just both run out of money.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there could be problems for sure, but again, I
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: think there are a lot of fights do stem from
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: money or financial issues, so that also makes sense to me.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: That's always been one of those things where I'm like,
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: maybe because I remember coming in young seeing good relationships
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: that we have different finances, we keep it.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I was like, I think that's smart.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Too, me too. That was never a question. I was like, no,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: this is like we.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: Can have one account where we put all of our
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: utilities and all of that, but everything else. My pacheock
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: comes to mind, your pateon goes to yours, and then
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: we put our little bits here equal amounts.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: I agree. I agree. Well here's an interesting one. Have
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: sex at least once a week?
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, sure, why not? This one came from two
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: thousand and four, so I feel like it's a little dated,
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: especially when we talk about the queer world actually coming
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: out and having a conversation about what their sexuality means
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: to them or it doesn't, and we're acknowledging and recognizing
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: the differences. Maybe it's just my world because you're in
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: my world, but I feel like we've become a lot
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: more open and aware and that sex shouldn't be the basis.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: And then again, the pandemic has taught us quite a
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: bit about whether to do or do without.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the numbers have changed a lot during this pandemic,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: which could be for stress reasons, could be for tons
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: of stuff. But right, that's an interesting see.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: Oh and I love this last one because I feel
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: like it should be with every relationship and not just couples,
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: but celebrates each other's achievements.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: And yes, if.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: You're one to be jealous, then that's a problem.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. I definitely dated the guy who never
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: like every time I'd be like, oh I got to raise,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: it'd be like silence, And then I think I might
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: get a job promotion. So he never would acknowledge any
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: of my things that I accomplished.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: That's not cool, No, that's not cool.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Still remember it clearly many years ago.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: Obviously, Like I think about this with my friends too,
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: Like there are moments where I'm super jealous of my
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: other friends and I'm like, oh my god, whatever whatnot,
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: But also celebrating with them because you want them to
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: have the best one life. Just because you don't get
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: that doesn't mean that they shouldn't either.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: Like such a weird thing. But yeah, but jealousy does occur.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, that was me, but congrats.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like I have a pretty I didn't
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: used to. I was a pretty jealous kid when I
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: was younger, but now I feel like I've got a
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: healthy like I am jealous for you, but happy for you.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: Yes, but yeah, I think it's always good to celebrate
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: each other. And if you can't celebrate together, then what
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: the freak was the point you know of being together?
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Like that's what you want, right, I feel like that
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: makes things happy. I will say right now, I'm in
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: the process of possibly buying a house, y'all.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: My partner has been.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: Really great in my stressful moments of being like can
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: we celebrate though you're about to buy a house? You know, like,
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: try to remind me this is a good thing, even
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: though I'm about to have a painic attack every thirty seconds.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: So it like that.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's what makes a great relationship in general.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: That's a brag that I have a great relationship, just
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: in general, like knowing that this is like, okay, that's
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: a plus, that's a green flag.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, you know, yeah, absolutely absolutely.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: Obviously, as we were talking about before the number of
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: statistics are ever changing. We talked a little bit about
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: how the pandemic has affected couples, and many studies can
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: be biased, like I.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Said earlier, so it's always good to.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Keep in mind when comparing your own situations to what
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: we're talking about, because, like, as we even talked about, like,
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: I don't think this is true for us individually, but
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: that's always important to know that even though we have
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: a generic, overarching like conversation about it, it doesn't fit
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: everyone right.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Right, absolutely, absolutely, and happiness can look different ways. Happiness
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: can look different ways, exactly, and clearly we had a
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: lot to say about this, and in fact we have
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: even more to say about it.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Of course.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, I feel like this is part four.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: The old Part four. We're doing a lot of the talk.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: About happy, yes, being happy, Yes, well, it's very important.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: And in part four we're going to talk about the
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: happiest cities yeahb for women, So keep an eye out
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: and ear out for that. In the meantime, if you
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: have any thoughts about this, you can email us Stuff
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Media mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast or on Instagram
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: at stuff I never told you. Thanks as always to
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: our super producer Christina.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: You make us happy, Christina Yes.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: And thanks to you for listening stuff on our total
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: restreection of iHeart Radio. For more, podcast on my heart Radio,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Busy I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, Regulus and to
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: your favorite shows