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Overcoming Fear: Breaking Free from Mindset Traps · Entrusted to Lead Podcast

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, welcome back to Entrusted to Lead.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm Danita Cummins, and I'm so glad that you're here with me for our June solo episode.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: This month, we're diving into a theme that's deeply personal for me renewed thinking and if you've ever felt stuck in fear or overthinking your decisions or wrestling with the pressure to get it all right, then this conversation is for you.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: We'll explore how mindset affects our leadership, what scripture teaches us about thinking differently and some practical steps to renew your thoughts and move forward even when fear wants to hold you back.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: So grab a notebook, your cup of coffee and a quiet space and let's get started.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Notebook your cup of coffee and a quiet space and let's get started.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Leadership can feel really heavy sometimes, especially when you're carrying vision and people and purpose all on your shoulders all at the same time.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: You have got a big mission, but the strategy feels fuzzy and your team is looking at you for clarity that you're not sure you actually have.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: It's hard.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I'm Danita Cummins.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I help faith-driven leaders like you find clarity, align with your values and lead with confidence without burning out, because that's never okay.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: If you're ready to get unstuck, lead your team with courage and to turn that God-given vision into strategy that really works.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: I want us to talk.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Take the free leadership clarity quiz that I've created today and I want you to schedule your no-pressure coaching call, because together we can uncover what's holding you back and how to move forward in faith and confidence.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Let's get started with our anchor verse for today Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: The world's patterns push performance, comparison and image, but transformation that happens from the inside out.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Friend, here's something I want you to consider today.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Are you leading from pressure or peace?
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Here are some examples of conformed thinking that leaders fall into.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we focus on people-pleasing perfectionism and reactive decisions.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know what that is for you, but me and my own life I can see how I have fallen victim to all three of those things, if I'm honest, and sometimes I really do struggle between the external pressures that I experience from others and this internal transformation that the Lord is trying to do in me and in those that I love.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I have spent a good portion of my time in different seasons navigating what fear looks like fear of failure, expectations and for me it really falls down to perfectionism.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: If I'm honest, I like to say I like Excel because straight lines make me happy, but if you got a chance to read my book or if you've digging into any of those things that I've written or shared about my struggles in that area, it really comes down from a focus on control.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: If we're honest, last year I went through a really great sabbatical spiritual therapy I guess would be a really good way to explain it and in that training I learned a lot about this three-stooled thing.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I learned a lot about connection between shame, fear and control, and shame isn't something that we want to talk a lot about in the world, especially not when we talk about leadership, but it's a real part of how we navigate our life and I think it's also a great deception in our journey with faith, and so perfectionism is really, from my perspective and the experiences that I've had, a lot of us trying to make sure that we don't fail, and that looks a lot like, or can be rooted in shame, fear, control, and so today we're going to dive into this topic about fear and conformed thinking and how we renew our mindset, but I think we would be remiss as people of faith or leaders in organizations if we just lightly skipped over that complex and how all of those things seem to be working underneath the surface.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about fear and in my experiences as a mom and as a leader, the best way to do it is to just say it out loud.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: So let's name it, because fear isn't always loud.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it whispers, sometimes it shows up and says things like I'm not ready, or what if it flops, or what if they think I'm unqualified.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: So those are real conversations that we have with ourselves, real thoughts that we struggle with that keep us from opening the door, stepping out in faith or running this race that God has called us to run.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: But it doesn't have to be big, like launching a company or standing up a new product line, like I shared last month that Hubby and I are working on with our own business.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: It can be something as simple as starting a blog or talking to your kids about something that's really hard, or addressing a concern that you have, where you're holding your boundaries and your feelings and your self-care, and putting that at the forefront of your life, because your heart and your mind and your emotional health really do matter.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Right, there can be so many things Last year when I went through my sabbatical, through restoring the foundations, and I worked a lot on the shame, fear control triad.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: One of the things that we discovered as we were working through the deep work that I was working through with my amazing team of mentors and ministers that were leading me through this process, was this great degree of ungodly beliefs that I had in my life that were really controlling the thoughts and the narrative that I had in my head, and those were, candidly, lies.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: They were not truths.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: They weren't truths about my identity.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: They weren't truths about my value.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: They weren't truths about who God called me to be and how God had built and designed me and the love and the promises that God has for me and so I.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Through that journey, we had to ride out a bunch of ungodly beliefs that we had and the ministers were really great to help uncover those lies.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: As I went throughout my week and different struggles that I had, or if I kept tripping up on something like a root, like I'm walking through the woods and I keep falling over this root system, they were really great and, objectively, could look at it and say, hey, that's an.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Actually, that's a lie.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: You're believing this lie about yourself.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Look at it and say, hey, that's an.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Actually, that's a lie.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: You're believing this lie about yourself, your identity, and it keeps tripping you up, so let's write that down.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: So they were very gentle and kind.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: All we did was we wrote it down and then, as we got through the end of the week, I had the homework and it was hard, but I had the homework to go back, and each night I had to spend some time reading over these and reflecting and praying and asking God like is this a truth or is it a lie?
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And if it's a lie, then where in scripture can I reinforce the truth?
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: And so that was a very powerful thing for me, because what it enabled me to do was to write them down on paper so that I can see these are ungodly beliefs, these are lies about my identity, these are thoughts that I continue to have about myself and about my value.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: And then here's the reverse.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: So if that's an ungodly belief or an ally, what's the opposite?
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: What's true?
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: And where can I back that up in scripture?
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Because I'm going to need it for the journey ahead.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: And I can tell you with 100% certainty I came back from that event last year and my homework was to read those every single day for 30 days.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: So for every single day for 30 days I sat in my little chair in my office and I read the ungodly beliefs and the lies out loud, and then I replaced them with the truths out loud and I read them over myself.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: And just last week, as I was struggling through a thing at work and with the ministry, I ran into one of them.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I tripped over one again, and it was this lie that I'm alone, that I'll always be alone and that there will be no one there to help me.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: And I went back and I sat in my chair that morning I was frustrated and I opened up my little yellow folder and there it was my list of ungodly beliefs from a year ago.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: And I opened it up and I started to read them and there it was, right in front of me, this ungodly belief staring at me in the face.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: And I thought here it is again, a year later, and I'm still tripping over it.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: And so those are some of the ways for me that thoughts and fears show up in the world.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: They might look different for you.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Your fear might disguise itself as logic, or maybe your fear looks like excellence or timing.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: It's just not the right time, or this doesn't make sense.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: This isn't strategic or logical or linear, and I can't connect all the dots and so therefore, I shouldn't move forward, or I shouldn't do X, y, z because, quite frankly, I can't put it all into a nice little plan.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: But fear leads us to delay or indecision if it's not addressed, and that really does hinder ourselves and it hinders the world, because it keeps us from giving the gifts and the blessings and the treasures that God has given us and wants us to impart on them.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: So I want you to, right now, as we're sitting here talking and you're doing whatever it is you're doing washing dishes or walking on the treadmill or driving your car I want you to think about one area where fear has crept in in your life and maybe it's unnoticed.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Maybe up until this very moment you haven't really stopped and thought is this fear that I'm seeing in my life?
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know what that looks like for you, but I think it's super important because, back to my example of going to restoring the foundations, I didn't really know that they were fears or lies or deceptions that were tripping me up.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I just kept falling down over and over and over again, and it really took me, with the help of other people, to uncover that root system so that I could see how it really was affecting everything my life, my belief, my faith, my heart and my fear.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: So let's dive into some really practical things.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: What do you do when you recognize the fear?
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: So you have the thing now right.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: So we're driving, we're talking, we're doing dishes and you've got a thing, whatever that is.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Hold on to that.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: So what are you going to do now that you've recognized it?
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: You have to reframe your mindset, and I know that sounds super easy on paper, but it's really not, I know.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: So here are five tools that I use to reframe my mindset, and I'm going to give them to you today.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Number one is I want to pause and I name the pattern.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I like patterns.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I'm a systems thinker, I do.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I like repeatable patterns.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I love frameworks.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: If I can get a five-step framework or if I can find three or four things that I can repeat over and over again, I am in heaven.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: So I want you to pause, think about the fear that you've just identified and I want you to name the pattern.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Is there a pattern, we like to say triggers?
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Is there a trigger that keeps you where?
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: You keep coming back around the same mountain over and over and over again?
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I bet you there is, and if you take the time to reflect on that and to really think through it and analyze it, you will probably start to see this thread in your life where it weaves through different things.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: So that's the first thing Pause and name the pattern.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Number two I want you to replace the lie with a truth.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to read you a few examples that I have from my journey, just to get you started, and then you can build your own.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, and some of these might be a little bit vulnerable.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: So I'm just being a little bit vulnerable with you.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: I'll just be super honest, okay.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: So here's my ungodly belief.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Number two it says I have to do everything perfectly or I will be judged and I will be punished.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Nothing short of perfection is acceptable and everything needs to be judged and I will be punished.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Nothing short of perfection is acceptable and everything needs to be neat and in straight lines to prove that I have done it right.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: That's clearly a lie, right?
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, you would tell me that if we were sitting on my kitchen table having coffee, you would say Danita, that's completely a lie, but it was an ungodly belief that I had carried for 45 years of my life.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: So here is the truth.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: The truth is that God loves and accepts me just as I am.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I don't have to do anything to earn his love or to prove my worth.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: His blood has cleansed me and is restoring the true value, goodness and honor that is due to me, and I choose to humbly rest in him and receive his truth.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: That is a radically different perspective.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: That's my example for you.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I want you to take some time today and do the same thing for yourself.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I want you to take some time today and do the same thing for yourself, and in order to be able to do that, you have to create white space to hear clarity, which is number three.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: You just really do, friend.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Like I said, the only way I got through these revelations was I took a week and I left my house and I drove away to the mountains, which a lot of people can't do.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I get it, and I found a group of ministers who were trained and could help me walk through all of the hard stuff that I was holding.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: You might not have the luxury of doing that today, but you can create white space, you can take space, you can find reflection time in your schedule where you can just sit and be still and you can hear the clarity that the Lord has for you.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Number four is you surround yourself with truth tellers.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I think my most favorite part about this in a non-faith perspective even though I think faith is a part of everything we do is getting to sit with entrepreneurs and startup founders and people who are creating businesses and products.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: They are the truth tellers.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: They are going after a solution, they're trying to solve a problem in the world and they're the ones who say, hey, it's not going to be that bad, let's get out there, let's try it.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Everything is beta, we like to say, and that has been such a blessing to me, because if I am left to my own devices, I'm going to stay grounded in fear and I'm going to tell myself I have imposter syndrome, that I can't do it, I'm not smart enough All the lies that we tell ourself.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: But if I surround myself with truth tellers, if I surround myself with truth tellers, if I'm in rooms or in community with people who are actually doing the thing.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Then I start to see it is possible, I start to see it is something that we can do, I start to see that this might not be as impossible as I think that it is.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: And number five is we lead from identity, not insecurity.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I had a leader that I worked with a few years ago and she unfortunately led from a place of fear and insecurity.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: She was very controlling, she was very manipulative and she just did a lot of things that were not good for the team and for us as an organization.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And I saw her leading from that scarcity mindset, and that is not what we are called to do.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: We are not called to do that as leaders and we are not called to do that as children of God.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: We are not.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: That is not what God says about us, that is not our identity found in Him, and so there is just a mindset and a deception that I think we struggle with every single day spirits of poverty, and it's not what God has designed us to be.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: So if you find yourself leading from a place of insecurity and not identity, then we want to focus on that.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: So I want you to slow down for just a minute and I want to give you a few questions to reflect on the work this week, because I know it's hard, I know.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: So here are the questions.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Number one where has fear been shaping your leadership decisions?
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe you think nowhere.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Nowhere, fear's not shaping my decisions at all.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: But I would caution you.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I think every one of us have some degree of fear somewhere, and it might not be big, but it might be little, so don't dismiss it.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Number two what thought patterns am I conforming to?
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Thought patterns are so important, I say thoughts are like clouds they come and they go.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: They are so powerful.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: If we choose to hold onto them, they can destroy us truly.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, how many times have you gotten up in the middle of the night and not been able to sleep because your mind is running and repeating over and over and over the things you should have said or you shouldn't have said, or all the things?
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: So thought patterns are so consuming.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: That's why we focus on that verse this week and we have to take them captive.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: That's what the Bible says, but we really do.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: As leaders, we have to make a consorted effort to not get consumed by our thoughts.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: So what thought patterns are you conforming to.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: If you go back and listen, I'll put a link in the show notes.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Had a great conversation with Amy Kemp last year.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: She released her book and came on the show.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: She is a habit finders, thought coach, phenomenal, exceptional.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: If you get a chance to check out habit finders or any of those things, I totally encourage you to do it.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: It's a radically different shift from any kind of personality assessment you've ever done.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: So put the links in the show notes.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Please go back and listen to that episode Super powerful and reach out to Amy if you need some coaching, because she's amazing, she loves what she does and she's really good at it.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Number three is what truth do I need to speak over myself today?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Yours might be, I don't know.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe it has something to do with the ungodly beliefs that I shared earlier.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe yours is the truth that you're not alone.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: That's what mine was last week, if I'm honest, and I had to go back and I had to repeat myself to tell myself and remind myself that I am not alone.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: So I don't know what it might be for you.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: It could be about provision.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: It could be about provision.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: It could be about protection.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: It could be about your purpose or your personhood, your identity, your performance.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: There could be lots of things, but what truth do you need to speak over yourself today?
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: And number four is who do I want to become through this mindset shift?
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we don't ask ourselves who am I becoming?
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Where am I going?
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: What is the point?
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: For me, that's an important question right now in this season, because my youngest son graduates tomorrow from high school.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: It's insane.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: We were leaving the awards banquet and I looked at my husband after we left and I was just in the car, just almost in tears and I felt like I was leaving a funeral, if I'm super honest.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: And we got in the car and I looked at Mark and I was like he's the last one.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: And we got in the car and I looked at Mark and I was like he's the last one.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I can remember having 10-year plans when all the kids were going to graduate and Mark was going to retire from the government and we had all these milestones that we were tracking in our life and this is the last milestone I have on my plan.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I have no other milestones after this.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I have no idea where we're going.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: This is the last thing that I was waiting for and maybe there'll be, you know, seasons of grandchildren and I know there will be a thousand more things that come our way.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: But for me, as a mom, my list just ended.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: It ends tomorrow, and so I don't know where we're going, and I share that, because sometimes that's kind of how we get into life.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: So the question is who do you want to become through this mindset shift?
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Where are you going?
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: And of course, I always offer and encourage you to consider writing these things down.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Grab a journal, find some time it doesn't have to be hours.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Most of us don't have hours because life is crazy.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: We have cats and coffee and jobs and traffic.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: But find 15 minutes in a corner somewhere.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I guarantee you can find 15 minutes I know you can and just write a few things down.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Think about these questions, use them as a team check-in.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: If you actually have a team, a ministry team or a small team or a small group of people at work where you can come in and say, hey, I'm working on some growth mindset things and so I would love some perspective.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: If you don't have a ministry team and you can't go off to the mountains on a five-day retreat, I totally get that.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: But I bet you have one friend or one colleague or somebody at work that you take a walk with or you grab coffee in the break room and just say hey, you know I'm working on a few of my leadership journey things.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: One of them is about fear and I would really love your perspective.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Or could you help me work through some thought patterns that maybe I have, or maybe there are some truths that I need to speak over myself.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Let them help you.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be 20 people, it can just be two, but their voices are so powerful because we can't see inside ourselves.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: There's no way that you can know about the great strengths that you have by yourself.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: We don't get those in a vacuum.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: We get those in community, with others, and so you got to let them in friend, even if it's hard.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: And the other thing I'll say is you're worth it, right, you're worth it.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Your life and your identity matters, and in this season of my life, I am super passionate about helping people see the opportunity and the endless hope that there is in the world, and I believe that for you, and I believe that for you and I believe that for me.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: And so, as long as there is breath in your lungs, then you have work to do and you have love and grace and hope that you can offer the world in small or abundantly amazing ways.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Don't let fear be the cause of you not being able to do that to offer the blessings and hope to the world.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, hey, friends, thanks for joining me today.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: This month is all about embracing a renewed mindset and renewed thinking.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: So don't rush past this.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, let it sink in.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: I know it's hard.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Might think you feel a little squirrely and you might wanna get up and walk around, and that's okay too, but let those thoughts and ideas and things work in the background, because it's super important.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Like I said, you're worth it and I truly believe that every single one of you have something amazing and beautiful to offer the world and my hope is that you find a way to do that and, through God's love and his grace and his endless promises, that you find the hope and the peace that you can endure tomorrow.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: So if this episode encouraged you, would you share it with a friend and make sure that you've signed up for the Entrusted to Lead newsletter for leadership tools and monthly encouragement?
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: It would be really, really great if you did.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: We had an amazing time with the Promise over purpose book club.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: It finished out at the end of May, and so I just really had a blessing doing that.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: If there's more information you'd like to learn about that, please pop over to the website and, of course, of course, of course, leave a comment.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you, so I want you to know that you are doing better than you think you are.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I know that right here from where I sit today.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I know it, friend, so don't forget to keep showing up every day, even when it hurts, because you matter.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll talk soon, friend.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: Have an amazing day.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Bye.