Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Episode #179 "Sex, Salvation & the Conversations We Don’t Always Have" | Author Cheryl Richard Can we talk about sex AND being saved?

Transcript

Episode #179 "Sex, Salvation & the Conversations We Don’t Always Have" | Author Cheryl Richard Can we talk about sex AND being saved? · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Kickin' It With Kiki. Kickin' It With Kiki.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Kickin' It With Kiki. Full of personality. Switchin' up the story.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Line on God, we makin' history. Writing books, changing lives.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: One day at a time.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Put your problems to the side.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: Enjoy yourself. Freeze your mind. Kicking it with Kiki. Welcome
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: back to another episode of Kicking It With Kiki, Life, Love,
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: and Mindset, where we have honest conversations about the life
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: we're living, the love we're giving and receiving, and the
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  Speaker 2: mindset we need to navigate it all. I'm your host,
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Kiki Chanel, and today we're tapping into a conversation that's not,
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: you know, it's kind of like taboo, a little risky,
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  Speaker 2: but it's faith-based. Have you ever thought about that? Because,
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  Speaker 2: you know, as people of God, I'm a person of God.
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  Speaker 2: I love God. And I talk about God all the
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  Speaker 2: time on the podcast. But it's kind of taboo when
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  Speaker 2: you put God with sex in the same sentence. So
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  Speaker 2: my guest today, we're going to talk a little bit
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  Speaker 2: about that. Her name is Miss Cheryl. I like to
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  Speaker 2: give my guests the opportunity to tell the people who
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  Speaker 2: they are. So Miss Cheryl, thank you for coming to
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  Speaker 2: kick it with me today. Go ahead and tell the
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  Speaker 2: people who you are and what you do.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you, Ms.
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  Speaker 2: Kiki.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. Well, I am Cheryl Richard.
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  Speaker 3: I'm originally from Pointe Coupee Parish, but I've been here
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  Speaker 3: in Baton Rouge since 06. I am an author. I'm
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  Speaker 3: a public speaker, a mentor. I am a minister. I
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  Speaker 3: am a sanctified, holocaust-filled, blood-blood believer, a mother, grandmother, daughter,
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  Speaker 3: and I just love people. I love serving. And that's
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  Speaker 3: basically who Cheryl is. A servant.
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  Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. Love the energy, by
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  Speaker 2: the way. Before we get into life, love, and mindset,
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  Speaker 2: I have to start here. When you tell people the
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  Speaker 2: title of your book is Sex and Being Saved, what
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  Speaker 2: kind of reactions do you get?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, my goodness. I have gotten so many reactions. Some
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  Speaker 3: of them jerk their head.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
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  Speaker 3: I got to get it.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, really?
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  Speaker 3: What is it about?
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  Speaker 2: Oh.
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  Speaker 3: I know that's deep, just all kinds of feedback, but
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  Speaker 3: it's always like a positive. And the reason I know
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  Speaker 3: it's like that is because that is one of those
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  Speaker 3: subjects that people love, but don't want to talk about it,
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  Speaker 3: especially in the church.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 3: Sex and money. Love it, but don't want to talk
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  Speaker 3: about it.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, you are so right. You already know how this
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  Speaker 2: conversation is about to go. And what made you say yes?
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  Speaker 2: Like for this conversation, like what made you want to
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  Speaker 2: write about something that's considered taboo, especially if you've been,
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  Speaker 2: you know, a woman of faith and a minister and
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  Speaker 2: things like that. So what made you say yes, when
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  Speaker 2: God gave that to you, like, I want you to
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  Speaker 2: write this story.
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  Speaker 3: I'm so glad you asked that question because really, everything
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  Speaker 3: has a root. And you know, a root has many
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  Speaker 3: different roots that branches out on the ground, right? So
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  Speaker 3: with sex and being saved, one thing that brings it
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  Speaker 3: to root is I was married to a preacher. And
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  Speaker 3: in being married to the preacher, he broke the vows
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  Speaker 3: behind a veil from adultery, right? So with that being
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  Speaker 3: said and done, I can't say, you know, what happened
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  Speaker 3: with his mindset. All I can talk about It's what
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  Speaker 3: Cheryl went through with that. And that's part of it.
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  Speaker 3: Because in being saved, what some people fail to realize,
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  Speaker 3: just because you're called to be a man or woman
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  Speaker 3: of God, you are not exempt from falling. As a
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  Speaker 3: matter of fact, that makes it even more difficult to
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  Speaker 3: walk that saved walk. Because the enemy is coming after us. OK,
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  Speaker 3: he's coming after it. That's why we got to not
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  Speaker 3: condemn one another when we fall. So I would say
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  Speaker 3: that's part of it. And the next thing I would
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  Speaker 3: say is this is for anybody. When you are saved,
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  Speaker 3: a lot of us, sometimes we get that thing unbalanced.
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  Speaker 3: When you have a spouse, you have to keep that
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  Speaker 3: thing balanced at home and being saved and keeping the
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  Speaker 3: boundaries where they should be for that spouse. Consistency. Because
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  Speaker 3: that can become lack in areas. It doesn't give it
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  Speaker 3: an excuse to go out there and do things. No,
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  Speaker 3: it doesn't.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 3: It does not. But at the same time, we must
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  Speaker 3: have the word of God on the inside of us.
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  Speaker 3: So I would say those are two things that started
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  Speaker 3: and began the root of sex and being saved.
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  Speaker 2: So before we get into more things, sex and being saved,
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  Speaker 2: I want to start with the mindset moment because so
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  Speaker 2: many conversations surrounded sex, intimacy, relationships, and faith begin with
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  Speaker 2: what we've been taught to believe. So growing up, what
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  Speaker 2: messages did you receive about sex, relationships, holiness, and what
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  Speaker 2: it meant to be a woman of faith? Like what
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  Speaker 2: messages did you hear or receive about those particular topics?
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  Speaker 3: Well, in growing up, my dad was a very strict father.
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  Speaker 3: So it wasn't really difficult for me. When I did
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: get out into the world, I knew that one thing
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  Speaker 3: he told me, he said, I'm protecting your name. He said,
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  Speaker 3: because I love you. And that's the same thing. Spirit
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  Speaker 3: of natural is parallel. We represent the name of Jesus.
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  Speaker 3: So in growing up, I knew that being active in sex,
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  Speaker 3: not being married, That's fornication. If you're married, that's adultery.
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  Speaker 3: So we must keep those things balanced. And so what
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  Speaker 3: this book does not do is promote sex without being married.
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  Speaker 3: But what it does do in my growing up is
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  Speaker 3: taught me how to have things kept balanced with the
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  Speaker 3: word of God, knowing that it's okay. It's okay for
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  Speaker 3: us to be intimate. I must say, I must plug
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  Speaker 3: this in right here. Because the enemy, you know, he'll
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  Speaker 3: try to steal your thoughts. A lot of times we
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  Speaker 3: want to fast when we're saved, right? And sometimes some
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  Speaker 3: of us are so holding it out. Oh, I can't
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  Speaker 3: do nothing with you tonight, spouse, man or woman, whichever. No,
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  Speaker 3: the Bible tells us that's the only thing when we
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  Speaker 3: fast about, that spouse must be in agreement with. And
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  Speaker 3: that's in being intimate. You cannot fast on your own
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  Speaker 3: without your husband or wife being in agreement. Now, if
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  Speaker 3: it's giving up their rice, them chips or whatever, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: you're fine with that. But you cannot give up that
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  Speaker 3: bed without that spouse agreeing. I just thought I'd plug
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  Speaker 3: that in right there.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, there you go. Hey, it's all about the mindset
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  Speaker 2: and the intention behind certain things. And follow-up question, as
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  Speaker 2: you matured, Did you discover that there were things you
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  Speaker 2: needed to understand differently about yourself?
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  Speaker 3: Definitely. What I understood was you cannot change a person. Cannot.
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  Speaker 3: God created us in his image. He created all of
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  Speaker 3: us with different identities. So with our mindset comes our
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: direct identity. We can't be someone else. Every one of
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  Speaker 3: us have a different fingerprint.
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  Speaker 2: Different. Okay.
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  Speaker 3: So with that being said, when you know who you are,
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  Speaker 3: you're not there to be someone that someone else want
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  Speaker 3: you to be. You can only be who God called
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  Speaker 3: you to be. You got to walk in your own purpose.
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  Speaker 3: It's just like the body. Every part of the body
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  Speaker 3: serves a purpose. My eyes can't do what my feet
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  Speaker 3: can do. My hands can't do what my legs can do.
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  Speaker 3: Everyone serves a purpose. So when God connects you with
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  Speaker 3: that partner, you're both each going to have some differences
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  Speaker 3: that you're not going to like. But that's where that
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  Speaker 3: communication comes in, in that relationship. And what we've got
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  Speaker 3: to realize, too, with that and growing, that body is
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  Speaker 3: going to change. May have been thin when you met him.
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  Speaker 3: May have been sick when you met him. But guess what?
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  Speaker 3: Some change is going to come. That's why we've got
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  Speaker 3: to remember that. what those vows say and when we
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  Speaker 3: say those vows those are covenant vows they're not just
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  Speaker 3: words spoken off of our lips they are words that
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  Speaker 3: we made a vow to god not just to that
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  Speaker 3: person so we got to remember that that that mindset
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  Speaker 3: plays and in part in part with the identity.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely Do you believe some people carry guilt or shame
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  Speaker 2: around sexuality? Not necessarily because of something they've done wrong,
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  Speaker 2: but because they were never taught how to have a
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  Speaker 2: healthy conversation about it.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, I believe that wholeheartedly.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 3: And because with the lack of wisdom and knowledge, that's
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  Speaker 3: where we fail. We must have the word of God
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  Speaker 3: to guide us. And see, a lot of times, and
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  Speaker 3: I thank God for my doctor. She teaches us. When
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  Speaker 3: someone asks you, what do you think about this? What
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  Speaker 3: do you give an opinion? No one can give an opinion.
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  Speaker 3: I can give you what the Lord said. And so
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  Speaker 3: that's how we fail sometimes in thinking how we conduct
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  Speaker 3: the situation, how we follow up on it, because it's
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  Speaker 3: not lining up to what the truth is. See, the
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  Speaker 3: Bible teaches us on truth, not facts. We could go
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  Speaker 3: years and years saying things. We've heard cliches. We grew
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  Speaker 3: up not to put our mouth, not to condemn anybody,
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  Speaker 3: and just say, quote, unquote, Baptist church or whatever. Because
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  Speaker 3: a lot of us, my roots are Baptist, so we
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  Speaker 3: weren't Holy Ghost filled back then, right? We didn't know
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  Speaker 3: about speaking in tongues or whatever. But we remember quotes.
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  Speaker 3: And God blessed them, right, with their wisdom for teaching
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  Speaker 3: us the best that they could. But a lot of
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  Speaker 3: those things that we were taught were not scriptorial. They
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  Speaker 3: were not from King James Version, right? So we got
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  Speaker 3: to learn what lines up with his word, not with
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  Speaker 3: our emotions. Because see, we have to learn to manage
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  Speaker 3: those emotions because we get caught up in those cliches.
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  Speaker 3: Then that's those emotions getting all out of whack. Oh,
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  Speaker 3: she's right. They say. And then that's where you begin
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  Speaker 3: to believe those assumptions. And that's how many relationships get
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  Speaker 3: messed up, even in the sexual realm. Because I remember
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  Speaker 3: being told by another gentleman. when I began to date
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  Speaker 3: after my divorce, and he said, I am not your past.
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  Speaker 3: I won't hurt you. So stop assuming. So what you
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  Speaker 3: need to do, what we need to do with a person,
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  Speaker 3: when you want to know something, don't assume, don't assume.
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  Speaker 3: You ask the question. If they choose to lie or
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  Speaker 3: not tell the truth, that's up on them. You've asked.
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  Speaker 3: A closed mouth don't get fed. It has to be open.
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  Speaker 2: Okay. Absolutely. I think that, and you can tell me
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  Speaker 2: if you feel this way, I think that a lot
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  Speaker 2: of relationships are glamorized on social media to make people,
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  Speaker 2: everyday people, think that this is how their relationship is
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  Speaker 2: supposed to be. And I think that if you just
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: do what works for you in your relationship and stop
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: looking at social media or what people say a relationship,
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  Speaker 2: a healthy relationship, I should say, looks like, then I
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  Speaker 2: think relationships will have a better chance of surviving. And
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: you smiled. So go ahead. Let's talk about that.
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  Speaker 3: I know you're right, woman of God, because what we
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  Speaker 3: do here, we're here all the time. Fake book. Not Facebook.
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  Speaker 2: It's the scam.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes. And that's really true to what it
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  Speaker 3: is sometimes. It could be the most picture perfect looking. Remember,
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  Speaker 3: I just mentioned the word assuming, but all behind those
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  Speaker 3: closed doors. That's why we got to be careful what
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  Speaker 3: we're listening to, who we're listening to, because spirits connect.
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  Speaker 3: You can go out there and call yourself, listen to
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  Speaker 3: somebody that's telling you this and that and that and that,
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  Speaker 3: and their stuff tore up from the floor back at home.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: So how can you tell somebody else something? The Bible
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: tells us charity begins at home. So don't go out
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: there because what you see out there with them naked eyes,
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  Speaker 3: that is all peaches and cream. Trust me, it's not.
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  Speaker 3: It's not. I tell people all the time. Somebody said,
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: how can you tell me something when you're divorced? That's
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: the best part about it, baby. Because I've been married.
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  Speaker 3: Because now I'm divorced, I walk both. So I know
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: what it's like to be married. I can help what
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  Speaker 3: thus said the Lord, not by my emotion, what I feel,
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  Speaker 3: but yet through my experience, because I say all the
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  Speaker 3: time in Jesus' name, experience is truth, and truth is experience.
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  Speaker 3: If it's experience, it's truth. It happens whether you like
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  Speaker 3: it or not, okay?
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely. So that goes into our segment called the reality check.
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  Speaker 2: That was perfect. Faith can give us standards to live by,
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  Speaker 2: but we're also human beings navigating emotions, attraction, desire, most
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  Speaker 2: of all mistakes, relationships, and real life situations. How do
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: we honor our faith without pretending that our humanity doesn't exist?
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  Speaker 3: We honor it by surrendering it to God. knowing that
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  Speaker 3: we all have struggles, but it's the silence that can
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: kill us in the struggle. When I say the silence,
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  Speaker 3: what that silence can do, that silence, it binds up
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  Speaker 3: and bounds up secrets. And then what secret does, secrets,
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  Speaker 3: they begin to grow and grow and grow. And then
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  Speaker 3: you feel that, oh, because holiness is a secret, nobody
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  Speaker 3: knows about it. Because see, what we feed the most,
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  Speaker 3: that's what grows. So when you're feeding those silent struggles,
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  Speaker 3: you're entertaining a spirit that's just waiting to expose you
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: of something that's not of God. So don't take it
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  Speaker 3: for granted of how your spouse or even if you're
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: just in a relationship, just dating, because that's important more
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: so even before marriage. It's important for the communication. So
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  Speaker 3: don't take that. Oh, they might feel this way about me.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: They might feel that way about.
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  Speaker 2: No, no.
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  Speaker 3: You're not there to judge you. Because number one, if
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: they're there to judge you, guess what? You need to
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  Speaker 3: excuse yourself right there quickly. Because first of all, they
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: need to respect your feelings, respect the fact that you're
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: being honest. So what we need to do is have
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: that open communication, have boundaries, have respect for ourselves and
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  Speaker 3: the other person, and have an open communication, but not
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: just with self, but with God, because that's what's first.
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  Speaker 3: That's what's so important.
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  Speaker 2: I think anything... For me, I have to have my
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: personal relationship with God. And it has grown so much
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  Speaker 2: because I grew up in church. We was AME and
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: going to revivals and things like that. And if you
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: were even caught listening to a song that was talking
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  Speaker 2: about sex, you go into the altar at the next
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: church service to pray and get repent and whatever. I
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: remember my sister wrote a song on a piece of
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: paper And somebody, one of her teachers found it and
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: gave it to my mama like she was writing it
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: to a boy. And she was trying to explain, this
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: is a song. Back then, we didn't have nothing to,
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: we had to stop a recording and write it down
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  Speaker 2: if we wanted it, spin it back or something like that.
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  Speaker 2: You remember the tape?
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  Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am.
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  Speaker 2: So it was, it just, it brought that memory back
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: because she actually got, she got discipline for miscommunication. Mm-hmm.
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  Speaker 2: And so I think that what you said, friendship and
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: communication and God are the three components to any lasting relationship.
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  Speaker 2: Because I feel like if you have a relationship with God,
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: God is in the relationship and you have to have
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: that friendship so that you are able to lean on
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: that because you're not going to like each other all
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: the time. But if you're friends, you can say, you
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: know what? I might not like you right now, big head.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: let's have a conversation what's on your mind or something
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: like that so yeah I think I think that that
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  Speaker 2: we just have to be more intentional when it comes
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: to the relationships whether it's a you know a relationship
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: or a friendship business partnership if you cannot communicate in
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: a safe space nothing will last exactly yeah exactly yeah
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: for married couples who may be listening Why do you
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: think intimacy can become such a difficult subject to discuss?
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: I think one of the things, because we sometimes get
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: in that place, oh, I may be offending God. You're
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: not offending God because God honors the bed because marriage
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: is honored. The bed is undefiled. That's when you are married.
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: So what you got to remember is, is keeping things consistent,
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: as we said earlier. having a talk with that, with
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: that spouse, making sure that first we got to please God.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: So we please God and we were married because you
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: become one flesh, right? And so when you do that,
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: you're pleased to again, be open. Don't be shameful. We
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: can't be shameful. One mistake that I, that I learned
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: and be in marriage. Sometimes we can commit spiritual adultery.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, sure. Elaborate on that. Talk about that.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Spiritual adultery is when we know what adultery is in itself, right?
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  Speaker 3: So spiritual adultery, it can be whereas you, of course,
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: God love God. But again, that word balance. We have
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: a spouse. I'm not going to say male or female.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: It works both ways. You can't go find yourself every
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: time the church house door opens. Every time there's a
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: quartet singing, every time there's a concert gospel singing coming on,
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: every time Pastor John Sue Jill into town coming, that
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: you got to go. You haven't cleaned your house. You
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: haven't cooked your spouse food. man or woman, because it
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: work both ways these days. You haven't gotten their clothes together.
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  Speaker 3: You haven't done any of those things that you're supposed
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  Speaker 3: to be doing as one, as a covenant. You've neglected
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: your duties as a spouse because you are going here
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: and there. You got to honor your spouse. That spiritual adultery.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: You have neglected that spouse in so many ways. I
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: just threw those out there. There are many ways we
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: can neglect. You went out with your friends. Your spouse
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: came home from work. You ain't spend no time with this. Oh,
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: my friends be going out. We're going out tonight. They
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: got this going on. No, the devil is a liar.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: The devil is a liar. So we cannot do that.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: And see how I know in Jesus name, because I
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: had to be delivered from that. From a Friday to
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: a Sunday, every church door that was open between Bachelor
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: and Baton Rouge that Cheryl knew of, Cheryl was there.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: Hadn't cooked, hadn't cleaned, hadn't fixed the man of God's food, nothing,
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: just gone. Spiritual adultery. So we got to be careful.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: And then they want to blame the spouse when... Not
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: condoning it. Never ever condoning it. But however, when Sally
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: or Sue or Jordan stepped in and doing what you
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: were supposed to do, then you want to blame the devil.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: The devil gets tired of us blaming him on stuff.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Come on now.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: We did it ourselves. Self-inflicted wounds. We're blaming everything on
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: the devil. When we know better, we do better.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Exactly. And see, that's a whole other conversation, Ms. Cheryl.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: We don't have to have you come back to talk
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: about that. Stop blaming everything on the devil. That's going
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: to be the topic. I'm going to get with you
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: and we're going to schedule to come back and we're
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: going to talk about that. Because I hate when folks
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: know that they're doing certain things, but the devil did
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: this or the devil did that. No, you're doing that yourself.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: You're willingly doing it yourself. Or they'll blame it on God.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: God didn't have anything to do with that. That's you.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: That's all you. Accountability. A lot of people don't like it,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: but you need to have it. Just like conviction. It
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: would keep you from doing certain things that inflicts that
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: unnecessary chaos in your life. Yeah.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, exactly. That is so true.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: So there are some people who are listening who may
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: have made choices in their past that don't align with
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: who they are today. How do we separate conviction that
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: encourages growth from shame that convinces someone they are permanently
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: defined by their past? Wow.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: That's one of the purposes why I'm able to sit
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: in this chair right here. Because our past, our pain
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: does not determine our promises for the future. Wow. the
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: things that God allow us to go through, the enemy
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: had to have permission. He had to have permission. But see,
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: God trusts those that he has confidence in. He knows
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: whom he know that will not curse him as your
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: wife told him to do God. When he went through
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: all the trials and tribulations, God knows whom he can trust.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: Because we cannot lose the witnesses. So don't allow our
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: past mistakes, our failures to determine who we are and
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: whose we are for the future. Because guess what? What
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: you're going through is not even just for you. It's
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: to help that next person that may not know how
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: to go through. Yes, it's all from the word. Because
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: in the beginning was the word. The word was with
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: God and we must stand on his word. But yet
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: God used us down here as vessels. To help those
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: that are in need.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Okay. Let me give you two examples.
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: The first week that I found out that my ex
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: was in adultery and I came back home from Texas
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: when I found out, I received three phone calls. To
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: this day, these three ladies don't know. What was their
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: phone call about? Their spouse was committing adultery. God said,
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: do not open your mouth. about what you're going through.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: I said, God, I'm literally dying walking right now. And
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: I got a witness to these ladies. Yes, you do.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: Because it's not about you, Cheryl. It's about me. So
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: what we're going through is for a purpose. You're looking
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: at a person that was homeless. I shout about it
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: now because that's another reason why I'm here now. Because
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: now there's a voice, there's a virtue came from. I
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: was then homeless, but now I serve the homeless. So
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: I'm glad about it.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: So we take that pain and thank God for the
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: purpose that he's preparing for us. And don't worry about
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: who supports you and who don't. No, that's another old
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: story right there. It's about the obedience. The obedience.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: That was for me right there, Michelle. That was for
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: me right there. I received that. You ain't know it,
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: but I received that. Yes, yes.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: It's about that one person. That one person. It's that one.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: And I give God glory for anyone that has put
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: pain in my life, passed through my life, was present
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: only for a moment. I give God the glory because
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: he gets it. So you take whatever it is you're
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: going through, count it all joy.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, count it all joy.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: He is also able to perform.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Count it all joy. I love it. I love it.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: Can someone genuinely love God, be committed in their faith,
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: and still struggle with sexuality, temptation, intimacy, and relationship decisions?
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: Every day. Absolutely. And how can that happen?
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: When you don't trust God's word in who you are.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: When you lose your identity. We got to know who
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: we are and whose we are. God gave me a declaration,
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: and every time I would do the podcast in the past,
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: and I still tell it to people this day, and
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: he told me, he said, at the end of every
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: time you speak to my people, you tell them to
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: know your identity, walk in authority, stand in integrity, because
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: there's no one to be and no one to do
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: a better you. So in going through your struggles... Your
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: struggles can become your strength because his word tells us, well,
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: we are weak. He is yet strong. So all we
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: got to do is ask him for that strength. He
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: tells us, help my unbelief. So we go to him.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: He will give us that strength for that struggle. Because
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: that struggle that you're going through is going to help
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: you in your salvation walk.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: So I know I love God. I know you love God.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: To a listener who may not have that relationship with God,
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: may believe in some other whatever, what would you say
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: to them about their struggle?
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: I would say to them, just try God. Even if
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: you don't know how to pray, just have a regular conversation.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: Just as if you're having a conversation, if you have
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: children with your children, with your parents, Just a regular conversation.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: You don't have to be all deep. I know sometimes
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: I see people try to be all deep.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: No.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: God don't have no hair on his teeth. No. You
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: don't have to be in that kind of a fear
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: of God. Just have a talk with him. He is
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: the one that wakes us up every morning. Let me
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: say this in Jesus name. There are some people that
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: goes through things and make it through it. There are
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: some That don't make it through it. So if you're
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: going through a struggle. You don't know God yet. But
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: you will. You shall in Jesus name. Because he hears you.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: He reigns on the just as well as the unjust.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: You just call unto him. Just tell him you love him.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: You receive him. That's all we got to do. Just
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: receive Jesus. Know that he is the son of God.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Amen.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: He has no respect of person. It's not about who
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: we are, where our name came from, our mom or daddy.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: Not about the money. Not about where we live.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: No.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: God can use anybody. And don't allow what you see
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: somebody else have dictate of where you're going and what
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: you're going to have. Because to whom much is given,
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: much is required.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Y'all, Michelle is over here dropping gems, I'm telling you.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: So we're going into the mic drop moment so that
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: you can continue to drop the gem. So the first
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: question that I would like to ask you, and you just,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: whatever comes to mind, that's what you say. Okay. What's
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: one thing you wish the church talked more about openly
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: when it comes to relationships, marriage, sex, and intimacy?
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: I would wish, and she's saying, and hope, I would
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: love to use the word hope, that churches would actually
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: talk about sex more. Because what has happened and still happening,
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: there's so much church hurt and the most of it
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: is in the marriages you got not labeling anything but
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: i'm just speaking of truth you got the pastor sleeping
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: with the secretary You got the musician sleeping with the
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: choir director. You got all kind of foolishness going on.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: Marrying and homosexuals. Compromising the word of God. So we must,
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: as vessels of God, being a voice of him, talk
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: about sex more, especially for the married people. Because then
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: what else is going on with the married? They're thinking
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: that they got to sit there and settle and accept
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: everything that the spouse is doing to them. Hiding behind it,
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: hidden hurt. The devil is a liar because they got
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: the moolah. The devil is a liar. My Bible tells
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: me that my father owns a cattle on a thousand hills.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: And guess what? He owns the hills too. Just because
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: you got your money, your moolah, you think you're going
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: to treat this woman of God or that man of
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: God the way you are? No, the devil is a lie.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: That ain't going to happen. Well, we're talking about the
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: man because I'm single and selective. Guess what? No, you
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: don't have to take that. So I would say as
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: the church talk about it more, put God's word on it.
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: Not speak out of emotions, but tell the truth. Don't
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: worry about what members you're going to lose, what tides
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: you're going to. God can make somebody the wealth of
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: the sinners and later for the just. He could come
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: there and have anybody come and bless you. So don't
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: worry about that. It's about the obedience.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Wow. What's one misconception about being saved and being
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: sexual that you hope your book helps people reconsider?
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: I hope that the people, when they read the title
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: or read some of the excerpts about it, Don't think
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: that it's about condemnation. Never. God is never about condemning.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: What he will do when you love him for real,
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: he'll convict us. When we fall, when we fault, he'll
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: do that. And that's because we love him for real.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: But it's never about condemnation. It's about knowing who we are.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: It's about being humble. It's about being respectful. It's about
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: having a communication, accountability, responsibility. It's about knowing that we
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: can still Have sex. Be intimate with our covenant partner.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: And not be in error. It's not error. God created it.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: He did.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: And so what's so important also about the book, it's
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: going to help you even before you get married. So
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: it's not just for the marriage. It's for you if
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: you're single, if you're dating, if you're engaged, if you're divorced,
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: if you're a widow. It's going to bless you. And
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: it's not just for you to read. It's to talk about.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: Don't just read it, talk about it. Have a conversation.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: Yes, have a conversation. And if you want Cheryl, Richard,
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: anybody connected to Voices of Virtue, even kicking it with Kiki,
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: if you want to sit down and have a Q
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: & A session, which we're going to have that anyways,
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: but I'm just saying someone that may be hearing this
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: and you want that, we can do that. Because we're
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: going abroad to spread the word because we're sick and
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: tired of the enemy stealing marriages, stealing relationships. The devil
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: is alive. His time has expired.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: I love that. So finish this sentence. Healthy intimacy begins when.
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: I give it to God first.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Love it. I love it. So now we're talking about
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: sex and being saved. All right. I want to ask
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: a couple of questions about, don't give too much away
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: now because we want people to purchase the book. I'm
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: going to let you make sure that you tell everybody
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: how they can get it. What happened in your life,
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: your observations, your faith journey, or your conversations with others
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: that made you realize this book needed to exist? Hmm.
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: I think wholeheartedly in being a minister and I was
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: a marriage minister and grew up in the church that
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: a lot of times we get to feel that we're
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: limited when it comes to talking about sex, being intimate,
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: knowing the do's and the don'ts, the places we go,
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: the places we don't go, the conversations we have, the
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: conversations we don't have. I think That that's where. It
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: all begins. Right there. For me. And then that was
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: an open door. To open up this communication. But not
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: what Cheryl would say. But what the word of God.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: Would base it upon. A foundation. A true foundation. Because
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: his word tells us. Upon this rock I build my church.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: And the gates of hell. Should not prevail against thee.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: And who is the church?
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: We.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: Are the church so when that enemy tries to come
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: in between your partner who you're dating because guess what
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: those of you who are dating what you got to
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: remember is you're dating dating for a purpose it's not
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: just for a pleasure it's not just for you just
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: go have an easy later devil is a liar.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: No yes ma'am it's for purpose for purpose what is
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: one conversation in the book that you believe may challenge
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: people the most.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: Not comparing your current spouse to your past one.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Okay. Yeah, because we do that. We may not realize
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: it or believe that we do, but we do. We compare.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Don't compare your current companion to your past. Don't do that.
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: Don't compare them to your mama.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: That's another whole story.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: The whole story, yes. Is there anything in Sex and
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Being Saved that you believe that even the long-time Christians
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: may look at and say, hmm, I've never looked at
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: it that way before? Yes.
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: Yes, definitely. And it's in being consistent.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Hmm.
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: When you, we done heard it many times, just how you,
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: when you met that spouse, that partner, That's how you
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: got to keep them. I wouldn't dare really say that
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: because you might have met him before you got saved.
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: Right. Right.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: So now the word of God got to kick in.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: And take front course. So I would say in Jesus
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: name that you must, you must always have not, not,
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: not have a selfish spirit when it comes to that
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: relationship in the marriage. Don't be selfish about it. Don't
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: let it always be about what pleases you. You've got
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: to think about the spouse as well.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. One thing I've learned about life is that no
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: matter what has already been written, there are always pages
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: that we haven't lived yet. So this is the unwritten page.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: If you could write the next chapter of Cheryl's life
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: without fear, judgment, expectations, or limitations, what would you write
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: on that page?
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: I would write, I am happy with Jesus alone. Because
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: sometimes we think we can't be alone. We think we
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: got to have another warm body to satisfy us. And
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: that's a lie from the pits of hell. I'd rather
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: be alone. When I say alone, not alone because we're
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: never alone alone because God is always with us, right?
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: But another physical body than to be living wrong. Because
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: if you're not going to give me joy, because one
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: thing about it in a relationship, if you have no
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: peace and joy, baby, you just need to step on out.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: Because you must have peace. If that situation, circumstance, relationship
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: bring you all kind of chaos, that ain't for you.
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: I'm going to throw this in right here right quick.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: I can remember sitting at a table during that time
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: when I was calling myself dating. By the time I
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: beat on my second shrimp, God said, this is not him.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: I was ready to get up and walk out biting
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: on that second shrimp. That's the truth. Please do not
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: go on and finish your food. See, the Holy Spirit
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: is going to lead and guide you.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: You just got to listen.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: You just got to listen.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: Because even though God told you that that wasn't the one,
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: if you would have made the decision to say, you
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: know what, well, I'm going to just go on another
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: date and see what happens. You was being disobedient. So
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: we have to listen when God gives us something. Yeah. Yeah.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: I love it. How can readers, I mean, listeners get
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: the book? Where do you hang out on social media?
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: Give us all of the deets so we can put
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: it in the show notes and everybody can connect with you. Awesome.
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: Thank you for inquiring. The book can be purchased on Amazon,
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: uh sex and being saved by cheryl richard there is
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: a kindle version and the paperback version we also have
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: a book signing coming up at the main library on
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: september the 13th at 4 p.m that is a sunday
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: at 4 p.m at the main library on goodwood boulevard
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: And we're going to have some fun. It's not going
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: to be your typical book signing because daddy is not boring.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Not at all.
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: Not at all. And as well, we're on Facebook, Instagram,
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: and TikTok. New to social media, not, but guess what?
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: God's word is not new. Absolutely.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: What's the TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram?
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: I am Cheryl Richard for TikTok and Instagram. I am
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: Cheryl Richard. I am Cheryl Richard. And for Facebook, it's
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: Cheryl Richard, Voices of Virtue. Facebook is Cheryl Richard, Voices
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: of Virtue.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: All right, got it. And all of these guys will
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: be in the show notes, so you can go down
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: and then you'll see all of the handles and you
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: can follow Ms. Cheryl. You can purchase her book on Amazon.com.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: if you are in the Baton Rouge, Hammond, New Orleans, Lafayette,
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: all of the things, come on down and meet Ms.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Cheryl in person so that you can get your autograph copy,
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: because I know she's going to have some with her,
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: September the 13th at 4 p.m. at the main library
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: of Goodwood in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Yeah, y'all come on down.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: I'm going to try my best to be there.
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am. So I always have to ask this question
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: to my guests before we go. When life challenges you
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: and love stretches you, what mindset keeps you grounded?
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: Keeping my mind, my heart, my emotions staying on Jesus,
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: not my feelings. God don't operate by our feelings. He
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: is pleased by our faith.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, I love that. Okay. All right. Michelle, I want
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: to thank you for being with me today. Thank you
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: for being willing to have the conversation that isn't always
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: easy to have. Because I think conversations like this remind
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: us that faith is not boring. It doesn't require us
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: to stop asking questions. And growth sometimes begin because we
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: finally become brave enough to ask them. Yeah. And to
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: everyone listening, remember, life will teach you, love will stretch you,
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: and your mindset will determine how you navigate both. Give
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: yourself permission to grow. Give yourself permission to learn. Give
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: yourself permission to ask the difficult questions and permissions to become.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Don't dwell in the past. Don't dwell in the past.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: Let it go. Move forward. You don't have nothing else
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: back there. Nothing. Memories are there for a reason. Where
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: you're going, you don't have to look back. If you
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: do decide to look back, look back to see how
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: far you've come. Okay? Until next time, continue living, continue loving,
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: continue growing, and most importantly, mind your mindset. I'm Kiki Chanel.
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: I have been joined with Ms. Cheryl Richard. This has
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: been another episode of Kicking It With Kiki, Life, Love,
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: and Mindset. You can catch us with the new episode
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: every Thursday at noon on all major podcast streaming platforms
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: as well as YouTube. So thank you for tuning in
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: again and purple hands. Thank you.