Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / The Love/Hate Relationship Narcissists Have With You

Transcript

The Love/Hate Relationship Narcissists Have With You · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So the same thing that a narcissist loves about you in
• 0:04
  the beginning, they will turn around and hate later on that
• 0:08
  that's literally what goes on. That's literally what happens in
• 0:11
  a lot of these toxic relationship dynamics.
• 0:14
  Like they start off the relationship loving something
• 0:17
  about you and then down the road, not even, not even far
• 0:21
  down the road, like a short and hopping a skip down the road,
• 0:24
  they turn around and start chastising you and hating on you
• 0:27
  for the same exact thing. That's what we're covering
• 0:29
  today. Y'all.
• 0:29
  If you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
• 0:31
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself here to give you an
• 0:33
  inside look at the mind of a narcissist and how the mind of a
• 0:36
  narcissist works. And yo, that's true.
• 0:39
  So many people when I'm doing my one-on-one coaching over Zoom
• 0:42
  and whatnot will come to me and say, Lee, you know what?
• 0:47
  My narcissistic person or the narcissist in my life is just
• 0:51
  they flipped the script on me. Like they loved certain things
• 0:58
  about me at first, loved it, Couldn't get enough of certain
• 1:03
  things at first, but now the script has flipped.
• 1:08
  They hate the same things that they used to praise me for.
• 1:12
  They used to praise me for this. They used to praise me for being
• 1:18
  outgoing. Like Lee.
• 1:19
  I was, I was a bartender when we first met, so I did a lot of
• 1:24
  talking. I'm very personable.
• 1:26
  I'm charismatic. People gravitate towards me.
• 1:29
  And they said that's one of the qualities that they loved about
• 1:32
  me. They loved the fact that people
• 1:33
  gravitated towards me and whatnot.
• 1:35
  But now they tell me I talk too damn much.
• 1:38
  They tell me I need to shut the hell up and be quiet.
• 1:41
  They tell me I need to just shut my pie hole, zip my lips and
• 1:45
  shut the and keep it and shut the hell up.
• 1:47
  I talk too damn much. What the hell is up with that,
• 1:50
  Lee? What is up with that?
• 1:53
  You know what's up with it? That narcissist or types of
• 1:56
  person never really liked the fact that you were talking.
• 2:01
  They never really liked the fact that you were talking
• 2:03
  impersonable, right? They like, they liked it because
• 2:06
  you might have approached them with it, but now they think that
• 2:10
  that same characteristic you're going to use to leave them with.
• 2:14
  So a lot of times the stuff that they praise you for, like being
• 2:17
  outgoing, being charismatic, being a joy to be around, and
• 2:21
  things like that. A lot of that stuff they will
• 2:23
  turn around and hate later on because they think you're going
• 2:26
  to use those same qualities, those same characteristics to
• 2:29
  flip the script and leave they asses.
• 2:32
  So in their minds, they're thinking like, damn, I'm like,
• 2:35
  damn, sooner or later this person is going to bounce on me.
• 2:39
  Sooner or later this person is going to leave me for somebody
• 2:42
  else. Because they're so charismatic
• 2:44
  people, people gravitate towards them.
• 2:46
  People love the fact that they talk a lot.
• 2:48
  People love this about them. People love that about them.
• 2:51
  So many people are in these situations where this is going
• 2:54
  to be the truth. Like you feel like you can't be
• 2:57
  yourself with this person because this scenario has
• 3:00
  devolved into what it is right now.
• 3:02
  And a lot of y'all, y'all know exactly what I am talking about,
• 3:06
  don't you? You know exactly what I'm
• 3:07
  talking about. And I noticed as soon as you see
• 3:09
  the thumbnail or the title of this, it resonated with you.
• 3:13
  Then you like Lee. That's literally what happened
• 3:16
  to me. They said they love the fact
• 3:18
  that I went to the gym. I had a lot, I had a crew at the
• 3:21
  gym. I had a gym crew and I love my
• 3:23
  gym crew and my gym crew love me too.
• 3:28
  I and they love the fact that I had people at the gym.
• 3:30
  They love the fact that I was fit and worked out and I, they
• 3:32
  love my body and all the other good stuff.
• 3:35
  You know they, they love that, but now they hate it.
• 3:39
  They say I'm working out. I'm working out to leave them.
• 3:42
  I'm trying to get my body fit to leave them.
• 3:44
  I've been fitly, I've been fit the whole time.
• 3:47
  Now all of a sudden I'm getting fit because I ready to leave
• 3:50
  them. I'm getting fit because I don't
• 3:52
  want to be with them anymore. I'm getting fit because I just
• 3:55
  want somebody else to. I want other people's attention
• 3:57
  because I'm not satisfied with them.
• 3:59
  I'm getting fit for this. I'm getting fit for that.
• 4:01
  They think I'm going to use my fitness to leave them.
• 4:07
  You see how that goes. A lot of times a narcissist
• 4:12
  insecurities will bought they very rarely.
• 4:15
  I mean, they might show you subtle inclinations of their
• 4:20
  insecurities at first, right? They might show you little small
• 4:23
  things that they're insecure about, right?
• 4:25
  They might show you little things that they're insecure
• 4:27
  about at first, but then later on you get to the point where
• 4:30
  they just like when y'all, when they feel like they have you,
• 4:34
  when they feel like y'all are in love, y'all are deeply embedded
• 4:37
  in this relationship, right? Y'all going to be together
• 4:39
  forever, whatever the case may be, right?
• 4:41
  When they feel like they have you deeply embedded with them,
• 4:44
  that's when they flip the damn script.
• 4:47
  That's when they flip it on you. That's when they started their
• 4:50
  insecurities bubble to the surface.
• 4:52
  I, I, I This is why I describe it.
• 4:53
  Y'all a narcissist. Insecurities are always buried
• 4:58
  beneath a it's like a shallow grave, right?
• 5:00
  It's like a shallow grave right beneath the surface.
• 5:02
  It's deep. It look it's deep enough so you
• 5:04
  don't see it at first. But all it takes is a little
• 5:07
  disturbance to to unearth it, right?
• 5:11
  You bury something in a shallow grave.
• 5:12
  You y'all, a lot of y'all probably watch those, those
• 5:16
  crime channels. Like the victim's body was
• 5:18
  discovered in a shallow grave off the side of the road.
• 5:21
  The shallow grave, the grave wasn't dug deep enough and a
• 5:24
  hand or foot came out. In this, in this situation, it's
• 5:28
  not a hand or a foot. It's an insecurity.
• 5:31
  It's an insecurity that came out and bubbled to the surface and
• 5:34
  whatnot that let everybody know what was going on.
• 5:37
  That's what happened. And this is the flow that so
• 5:40
  many narcissists face right here.
• 5:42
  This is the flow that so many narcissists are going to deal
• 5:44
  with and whatnot. This is the, this is the, the,
• 5:47
  the pain and the punishment. That's so that's going to happen
• 5:50
  to so many people like because you're going to do something
• 5:54
  that unearths that insecurity that is buried in that shallow
• 5:59
  grave. And then you look, you will
• 6:01
  absolutely be held accountable for it.
• 6:04
  Absolutely be held accountable for that and what not.
• 6:07
  You would absolutely. That's what's going to happen is
• 6:11
  100% going to happen. You're going to be held
• 6:14
  accountable and they're going to tell you like you, you, you make
• 6:17
  me like this. You, you.
• 6:19
  If you weren't like this, I wouldn't be like this.
• 6:21
  If you didn't say this, I wouldn't say that.
• 6:24
  If you weren't, if you, if you really love me, this is what
• 6:27
  wouldn't happen. Rabble, rabble rabble, blah blah
• 6:29
  blah, Boo Boo Boo BBB. It's always going to be
• 6:32
  something, it's always going to be something.
• 6:37
  Do you hear me? It's always going to be
• 6:40
  something that goes or that's going on here.
• 6:44
  So as you continue on this, this pathway in this relationship,
• 6:47
  because a lot of people just can't up and leave, right?
• 6:49
  I know some channels you just leave.
• 6:51
  Why don't you leave that narcissist, right?
• 6:53
  Because you can't just up and leave.
• 6:55
  You have to make a plan and then you have to make a survival
• 6:58
  plan, a survival guide to to afford a narcissistic
• 7:01
  relationship, right? You're going to need a damn
• 7:03
  survival guide to survive the rest of this relationship
• 7:07
  because you just can't up and leave it right now, right?
• 7:12
  Because narcissistic people tend to make it very hard for you to
• 7:15
  just up and leave. They do.
• 7:18
  And you, like I talked to a young lady today.
• 7:21
  I'm a, I'm a, I'm probably going to do.
• 7:22
  She gave me, she gave me permission to share her story in
• 7:24
  one of my videos. So I'm going to share her story
• 7:26
  in an animated video pretty soon.
• 7:29
  My animated series is coming up, but she told me today she's like
• 7:33
  Dave. He made it very hard for her to
• 7:35
  leave because she feels like she, she already has her own
• 7:38
  abandonment issues and whatnot, but he exacerbates her
• 7:41
  abandonment issues like he knows it.
• 7:43
  He triggers her on purpose because he claims he's
• 7:46
  convinced. He's convinced her that she is
• 7:49
  triggering him. You trigger me and then I
• 7:52
  trigger you. It's your fault.
• 7:54
  And guess how he triggers her? I mean that's how she triggers
• 7:56
  him by calling out his cheating. All men going to cheat go find
• 8:02
  you a man who ain't going to cheat.
• 8:03
  Good luck finding one that don't cheat.
• 8:05
  You know how I move? If you wouldn't call me off for
• 8:08
  cheating we will be fine. We will be 100% fine.
• 8:12
  So when you call me off for cheating that make me threaten
• 8:14
  to leave you. So you trigger me by calling up
• 8:18
  my cheating and I triggered you. It's your fault you know what
• 8:23
  I'm saying? At the beginning of the
• 8:25
  relationship, he loved the fact that she was outspoken, but now
• 8:29
  she talked too damn much. Now she calls out too damn much.
• 8:32
  Now she speaks on too much. She speaks too much truth.
• 8:35
  You see, I know y'all like Leo. How the hell is that tie in with
• 8:38
  the topic? Because at the beginning, he
• 8:40
  loved the fact that she called everything out, the fact that
• 8:43
  she was exposing other people, the fact that she was like, she
• 8:45
  was like the, the, the, the beat on the streets, right?
• 8:48
  But now the fact that he's the subject of her of her, her
• 8:51
  reporting, he doesn't like it. You talk too damn much.
• 8:54
  You, you trigger me. I'm trying to move forward and
• 8:58
  you trigger the hell out of me. This is on you.
• 9:02
  So this is them putting it on to you.
• 9:03
  This is them putting their behaviors in their abusive,
• 9:06
  their abusiveness on to you. This is what goes on.
• 9:09
  This is what happens. This is the truth of the matter.
• 9:12
  So this is what you're going to experience when you're dealing
• 9:15
  with a toxic, narcissistic, abusive person.
• 9:18
  You're going to go through this type of stuff, y'all, You
• 9:21
  absolutely are. You're going to go through this
• 9:23
  type of stuff. You're going to experience this
• 9:24
  type of stuff in a relationship with an abusive person.
• 9:29
  So if they like, say, if they upfront liked something about
• 9:34
  you and they now they hate it. Now they probably never liked it
• 9:37
  in the first place and they were pretending to like it.
• 9:40
  They're pretending to hype you up so that you can fall in love
• 9:43
  with them. And now they try to take little
• 9:45
  things away from you. The first thing to go in a
• 9:49
  relationship with a narcissist, the first thing you lose.
• 9:51
  I'm going to do a longer video on that right there.
• 9:53
  That's that's perfect right there.
• 9:54
  The first thing you lose in a relationship with a narcissist
• 9:58
  is your identity. Y'all won't see a video come out
• 10:00
  there pretty soon. I mean I'm going to talk to
• 10:02
  text. You lose your identity first
• 10:05
  thing that's my notes app. Y'all for my videos?
• 10:10
  Yeah, I'm inspired. And my gold members, my Gold
• 10:13
  channel members, they see me via ideas too.
• 10:16
  I already put a post in my Gold membership.
• 10:17
  I'm like hey look, what's an idea you want to see?
• 10:19
  Gold member video of the week is coming up pretty soon, so I'm
• 10:23
  going to start releasing those on Fridays.
• 10:25
  So if you're a gold member, you a Gold channel member, send me a
• 10:27
  video idea. I'm going to put the post up
• 10:29
  today. See me a video idea.
• 10:31
  But yes, narcissistic people. Hey, get y'all, your goodness,
• 10:37
  the things that make you you narcissistic people hate it
• 10:42
  because you have your own identity and they don't have
• 10:45
  their they don't have one. You have your own identity.
• 10:49
  You know who you are. They don't know who they are, so
• 10:52
  they try to strip you of your identity.
• 10:54
  I'm going to I'm going to go into greater detail about this
• 10:56
  in my other video, the solo video on this topic.
• 10:59
  But this is just a this is just a, the trailer for it.
• 11:03
  They hate the fact that you, you know who you are.
• 11:06
  They hate the fact that you can self identify, you know your own
• 11:09
  characteristics. You know the, you can be the
• 11:11
  best version of yourself because you know, you narcissistic
• 11:15
  people, narcissist don't know who they really are.
• 11:18
  They're always trying to be somebody else.
• 11:20
  They're always look, they take personality characteristics and
• 11:23
  traits from everybody else around them.
• 11:25
  So they're damn near so narcissist tend to be a
• 11:27
  hodgepodge of everybody else around them.
• 11:30
  That's how I was for so long. I was an accumulation of all the
• 11:34
  personality traits and the personality traits and things
• 11:40
  that I love, the people that or I was jealous of.
• 11:42
  So I just took their identities. I took the stuff about their
• 11:46
  personalities and I put it into my own.
• 11:48
  And I created me. I created demand.
• 11:51
  You know, I'll, I'll go by Lee Online, but my first name is
• 11:54
  Demand. It was like, I go by demand,
• 11:55
  like Demand, you know, Demon Hammock, right?
• 11:59
  I'm going into more into detail about that.
• 12:01
  Yeah, but think I'll make to the end of this video.
• 12:03
  Hit that subscribe button. You haven't already.
• 12:05
  Click one of these. If you're on YouTube, click one
• 12:07
  of these right here to watch another video.
• 12:10
  Thank you all so much, y'all. Mental illness.net for all my
• 12:13
  coaching courses, everything y'all, and I'm out.
• 12:16
  Peace.