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To Spank or Not to Spank? Discipline, Abuse, and Emotional Maturity · The Parent Whisperer

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everybody, welcome back to the Parent Whisperer Podcast.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Richard Ramos, and today I want to talk about something that really needs to be talked about more, and that is whether to spank your children or not.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's a controversial subject, and that's exactly why I talk about it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't know of any other parenting classes, and if you know of one or hear of one that teaches talks about spanking, I'd love to hear about it.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I also would want to know what they say about it.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've taken a lot of flack for what I teach.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've taken a lot of criticism, especially from the quote-unquote experts who psychologists and psychiatrists who want to tell you that spanking your children is wrong, it's an act of violence, and that's just not true.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to hear that.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll get into a little bit more, but that's what I want to talk about.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a couple of reasons I want to talk about it.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Number one is it's because I want to keep my word, I want to keep a promise.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: When I was the at re rat at risk counselor at Santa Barbara Junior High School back in the 90s, and kids would come into my office, and after I built a healthy relationship with them, they began to open up to me because I wanted to know why they were screwing up their life.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And part of the reason of why they were doing the things they were doing, I've mentioned them before in these podcasts of at-risk kids, high-risk kids, whatever you want to call it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I have to spell it out for you, but they're just not doing things that any parent wants them doing.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to say what's happening with you?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you doing what you're doing?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I always want to be careful in parents on a mission.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to blame you for everything, mom and dad.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, I'm naming you as the number one asset in the community.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, when we'd like to take a little bit of credit for when our kids do well, we also need to take some credit when the kids are not doing so well.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, one of the main things I heard over and over again of why these kids were messing up is because they weren't happy at home.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's as I don't think that's hard to understand.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: They weren't happy, and one of the things that was going on behind closed doors was abuse.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And mom and dad, you got to stop abusing your kids if you are abusing them.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: What do I mean by that?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about parents who are calling a beating in the name of spanking, and that's not spanking.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: When you're beating your children, that's not spanking.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and that's the reason I talk about it because I told those kids at the time, if you would open up to me and let me know what's going on, I will support you, I will help you, I will go to the VP with you, the vice principal, I'll go to your house, I'll do whatever it takes.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I need to know what is happening.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And in some cases, it got into the sexual abuse stuff, and then I had to report that.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had to go to court a couple of times, and it was ugly.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm not talking about that sexual abuse.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about parents who are you're you're you say you're spanking your children, but you're not spanking them, you're abusing them physically, and in some cases you're beating them, and that needs to stop right now, today.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so why wouldn't a kid who's being abused like that, physically abused, be unhappy?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And in some cases be a bully, or some cases be violent, or in some other cases be depressed.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: The second reason I want to talk about this and I talk about it in Parents on a Mission is because it needs to be discussed.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: What is a spanking versus what is a what is a abuse, physical abuse.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Some parents don't know the difference, and and a lot of times they're using disciplinary action that that was used on them, and so they don't know any better.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And and then there's other reasons.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: If even if we know better, sometimes in our emotional maturity and in our anger, we can take it too far.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I what I found out was a lot of these parents are good people who love their children, but their form of spanking, which again was not spanking, but in their my mind, their form of discipline, let's use that word, was okay.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And therefore, it requires discussion.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what bothers me about you psychologists out there and you psychiatrists out there, and you counselors out there who want to tell parents who spank their children that it's an act of violence, not when it's done properly.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not, not when it's done properly.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can spank your children in a proper way, and the whole reason that you spank your children is so that you don't have to spank your children.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I spanked my children, because I didn't want to spank them.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then they get the message, and after a while, you don't have to spank them.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You just look at them with that threatening look, like, hey, you better, and then this, oh, okay, dad.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, and so, but what these child protective services, child welfare services, and these kind of people, right away, what you want to do is you want to take the kids away from the parents, you want to go into the house and interfere into their life, which you know nothing about, and you just right away you want to just believe what the kid is saying, and you want to remove the kids from their parents.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's wrong.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's being a coward.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's cowardly for you not to have a conversation, sit down, look people in the eye, and have a conversation.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's what which has happened in our case, it stops.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: And they realize, oh, that's not okay.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: But you guys don't want to do that, and so you criticize me for telling parents it's okay to spank your children, and that's where you stop.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: But what you don't say if it's done properly, and that's why it needs to be discussed.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: What is a proper spanking?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I don't want to hear that any form of spanking is wrong and violence.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And there are a lot of kids who have been spanked by their parents and they are grateful for it, they're thankful for it, not at the time, of course.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Of course not, but later on, as they got older, they understood that they needed that form of discipline.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, do all kids need to be spanked?
• 7:29
  unknown: No.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: But see, the other side uh of uh overdoing the spanking and the discipline is permissiveness.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about that too.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Parents who just let their kids do whatever they want, whenever they want, whine, cry, throw tantrums, spit, talk back, and they just leave it alone.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's okay.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not okay for a small child to talk back to you and to disobey you and defy you and throw tantrums.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now, am I saying that those things always need to have a spanking?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not saying that.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: What I am saying is that parents are going to spank their children, they need to do it properly, and that's the other reason why I talk about it.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's controversial, and that's exactly why it needs to be discussed, because it is controversial, and we just are honest about it, and it's not something that we recommend in parents on a mission, we don't recommend it, but we do talk about it because if it's gonna happen, I'm not gonna assume that a parent is doing it properly, and that's why the first thing we talk about in parents on a mission is emotional maturity, how parents need to grow ourselves in our emotional maturity.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: We need to be able to calm down, we need to be able to respond to stress versus react to stress, which I've been guilty of myself many times.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Reacting instead of calming down and responding as a dad, as a stepdad.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And stepparents, that's another huge issue with stepchildren, stepdads, stepmoms is physical abuse, not to mention sexual abuse.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is not this is nothing new, this is common knowledge.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: But today I'm talking about physical abuse in the name of spanking, but it's not a spanking, it's physical abuse.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I want to, I'm gonna read to you what we teach, some of what we teach, this this whole lesson on discipline.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Spanking is only one part of the lesson on discipline, and one of the important things about understanding discipline is knowing the difference between punishment and discipline.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Punishment is not discipline, discipline comes from the Latin word disciplinare, which means to teach.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: So the the core essence of disciplining your children is teaching them a lesson so that they learn, grow, and change, and stop the bad the bad or wrong behavior.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, that's the goal.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: But when you punish them, you're not worried about teaching them anything.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: You just want to make sure they get punished and paid back for what they did.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not about lesson, it's just about hey, I'm gonna get you.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: You did that, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna punish you.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And punishment doesn't always, it's not always physical, it could be a lot of different things, but the you're missing the point of discipline, which is to teach, and in order to do that, we have to calm down, and that is why emotional maturity is at is the core, is the foundation of everything we teach in parents on a mission, and so when it comes to the lesson on discipline, we talk about a lot of things, but how can you talk about discipline and not talk about spanking?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're in denial if you don't know or believe that most parents do spank their children.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's my opinion, based on my experience of all these years of doing all these classes with over 2,400 parents and training people to teach these classes and having conversations.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I can't prove it, but that's my opinion.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Most parents spank their children at one time or another.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Some do it correctly, others don't, and that's why it needs to be discussed.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so here's what here's some of the things we talk about.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: PLM does not make an argument for right or wrong on the practice of spanking.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: See, this really bothers me, as you can tell, is people that get on their high moral horse and want to put a guilt trip on mom and dad because they spanked their kids.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: We don't do that.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's not your place, that's not my place.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Parents have a right to discipline their children, and if spanking is part of that, that's up to them.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not the United Nations, not the government, not child welfare services, not child protective services, not the counselor, not the psychologist or the psych psychiatrist.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's not up to any of those people.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: So we don't make an argument for right or wrong on the practice of spanking.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: If parents exercise their right to spank, they should do it properly, and we should not assume that they are doing it properly.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: We can't expect parents who choose to spank to stop just because others are against it.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Many parents do not agree with spanking children for any reason.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Many other parents do, in fact, spank their children.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Whether we are for it or against it, both views must be respected.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: So if a parent says, hey Richard, I don't believe in spanking, I respect that.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: But if another parent says, hey, I spank my children, I believe in spanking, okay.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: I respect that too.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: But let's talk about what he what is spanking.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Next, many parents are under the false assumption that it is illegal to spank children, but it is not illegal.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: However, there are certain limitations, and these need to be clarified.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you listening to this might think it's illegal, it's because that's what these other people have mentioned.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's what they want you to believe, but it is not illegal in the United States.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: As far as I know, it's not illegal anywhere in the United States.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: I live in California.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is not illegal.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I have the law right here.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I teach this, which I think this law is not very good, but that's a different subject.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: In France, a few years ago, several years ago now, they outlawed it.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: It is illegal in France to spank children.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's France.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe there's other places.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: But for you, mom and dad, you need to know you don't need to be under that threat.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe your kids have threatened you.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you touch me or spank me, I'm gonna call CPS on you.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's not illegal.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: What is illegal here is physically abusing children.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Guidance is needed for those parents who do spank to ensure they understand what abuse is and practice discipline through spanking properly.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the suggestion: this is what we teach.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the suggestion that we make if you choose to spank to be wise and moderate.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I give eight different principles that we share and suggest.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, PUM suggests spanking be used as a last resort.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why do it if you don't need to?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: What's the goal?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Discipline to teach our children, and the goal is to get a result of better behavior.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: So why do it if you don't need to do it?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you can get the result using other means of discipline.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Second, parents should not wait until they are angry before spanking.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: That takes discipline, that takes emotional maturity.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish I could say I did the I always calmed down.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, I did not.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: I did not.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it was I was angry, and that's not good.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, the parents should explain what behavior the child is being spanked for.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: What does that require?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Again, calmness, emotional maturity, response, and a discussion.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, using the hand for one or two SWATs on the posterior only is sufficient.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the law in California says you can use an instrument.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't say what that instrument is, which I don't think is a good idea.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you leave a mark on your child, now you're in trouble.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now you've broken the law.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And yet at the same time, they're saying it's but it's okay to use an instrument.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: To me, that's just crazy.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make sense.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: So we suggest one with the hand, one or two swats on the butt.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not the legs, not the head, not the face, not the arms, anywhere else but the butt.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let me just be clear.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, parents should talk about the behavior later to bring understanding, reconciliation, and closure.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now I used to do this with my kids all the time because it would make me cry to spank them.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: But after a while, I would go back up to the room or into the room, whatever, and talk to them and explain why I am doing this.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about your behavior before.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to spank you.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then hug and tears if need if that's what happens, and just a hug, and it's over, closure, reconciliation.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: I love you.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: That needs to be done.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Six.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here it is.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I can't say it more clear than this to parents.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Slapping, punching, kicking, beating, and any other form of physical force that is physically harmful to the child is abuse and never acceptable.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta hear that, mom and dad.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's never acceptable.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you an example.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: I had a woman after she took the parent, a young mother, after she took parents on admission classes, she said to me, Richard, I never realized it was wrong for me to slap my daughters.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I do that all the time.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: But now I'm not going to.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because she realized it was wrong.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: But she didn't know that.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: She was probably raised that way.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: And for her, slapping her daughter's face, that was a form of discipline.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they were talking back.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's never acceptable, but my point is why can't we talk about it?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: And like this young mother realize that's wrong.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: All right, number seven, what is proper spanking?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: A spank on the posterior, nothing more, nothing less.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that simple.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: And number eight, last principle that we share is when should the use of spanking stop?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because it should stop.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And here's our my suggestion.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is just my opinion.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: We can agree or disagree, whatever, fine.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: But here's my opinion.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: In general, once a child reaches the age of 12 or age of accountability, and then I put this is only a suggested guideline.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because it could stop when they're three or four or five, or I don't know.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Again, why do you do it if you don't need to?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm saying here is that don't you think teenagers are a little too old to be spanking them?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: If they haven't learned by now, by that age, 14, 15, 16, and you're still trying to spank them.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why a lot of times things get physical and get ugly.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Dads punching their sons, moms slapping their daughters.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let me read it again.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: When should the use of spanking stop?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: In general, once a child reaches the age of 12 or age of accountability, this is only a suggested guideline.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Forms of discipline are better suited that recognize the growth and maturity of the child who is beyond the spanking stage.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget when I was teaching this in Texas, and I had some black parents in that.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, no, I'll slap my son upside the head if I need to.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: And if he, if I need to get a twitch, he's gonna get that.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I what could I say?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: That was their pushback on me, not in an ugly way or bad way.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we kind of laughed about it, actually.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: What was I gonna say?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, you better not listen to me.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're wrong.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: And no, I'm not gonna do that.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's not my place.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's not why I do parents on a mission.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm training people to teach my this curriculum, I tell them that this is not our place.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, I always tell them, don't argue for anything that we teach.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you have a parent that's gonna push back on any of the principles that we teach, just listen.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let them have their say.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because one of the principles we teach is we have to learn how to disagree agreeably.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: We agree to disagree agreeably.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Agree to disagree in an agreeable manner.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that way we don't have to argue.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to try to prove me wrong.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to try to prove you wrong.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: You just have an opinion.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I have an opinion.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And in our classes, we create an environment where people are not afraid to be honest, transparent, and vulnerable and express how they really feel.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And in that way, you get differences of opinion.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can have some conversation.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's just up to them to decide what they're going to do.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's not up to me to tell parents what to do.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: What we're doing is suggesting suggesting principles of raising children.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: And to me, if you're teaching parenting classes and you're talking about discipline, and you're not going to discuss spanking, you're doing a disservice.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're assuming, number one, that the parents in your group don't spank their children, and now you're not addressing it.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: And who knows what it, as I said, what kind of spanking they're really doing, or you're assuming that they agree with you, that they think it's wrong.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe they do.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there's a lot of parents.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a matter of fact, I know there's a lot of parents who think spanking is wrong.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you listening to me right now, you might be saying, Richard, you're crazy.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's wrong, it's always wrong, and all that.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Fine, that's your opinion.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's your opinion.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I will bring up the Bible, you know, better than the Bible.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: The Bible doesn't say that spanking is wrong.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, it advocates for it, for raising children to be obedient and respectful to authority and things like that.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: So let's not get into a Bible study here, although it wouldn't be a bad idea.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's another reason why it needs to be discussed.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because what does that mean?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: This those scriptures, what do they mean?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: You have to talk about it.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: But again, uh that's a different context.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just giving you just everyday life.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Parents spank their kids, and what I'm telling you, mom and dad, is that you cannot call punching, slapping, beating on the back, on the legs, on the arms, or in the face a spanking.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: That is not a spanking, that is abuse, that is a beating, that is physical abuse, it's never acceptable.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Never.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: And for those of you who just don't believe spanking children for any reason, fine.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have a problem with that.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you have obedient, respectful kids who listen to you, listen to their neighbors, their elders, their elder relatives, older brothers, older sisters, the teachers, obey the laws, contribute to the community, are doing great in school, great at work, they're good employees, great employers, great entrepreneurs, have concern for the welfare of other people.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: And you say, I didn't spank my kids, Richard.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Props to you.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: Props to you.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying it has to happen all the time to every child, that as a parent you are obligated to do that.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Don't misunderstand me, don't misquote me.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: This lesson is called to spank or not to spank.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: That is the question.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that is up to you.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not up to me, not up to the school, it's not up to anybody else other than you, mom and dad.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: You need to stop abandoning your authority, abdicating your authority as the parent, and abdicating that role of authority to everybody else, the coach, the pastor, the priest, the doctor, the psychologist, psychologist, the counselors, the teacher, the principal, the police.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you are within the law, none of those people have authority over you, especially in how you raise your kids.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I think I said what I wanted to say, short and sweet.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: I want to speak for all the kids who have no voice, which is the reason that I talk about this, because a four-year-old, five-year-old, six-year-old, or however old, even up to junior high, or maybe even high school, they have no voice.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Who's speaking for them on this?
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, it can go overboard and it can get abusive.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so, to strike a wise balance and following principles of discipline, I want to defend all the physically abused children who have no voice.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why in Parents on a Mission we address this topic head on.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Richard Ramos.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Parent Whisperer Podcast.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: I would assure you appreciate it if you will subscribe, share, like the video, and share it with other friends and family parents that you know who could possibly benefit from this episode.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, mom and dad, as always, parents on a mission is not for bad parents.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's for good parents like you who just wanted to better.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.