Latest / DA CREW Podcast / LET THE HEALING BEGIN WITH APOSTLES LEE & DR KIMBERLY THOMAS

Transcript

LET THE HEALING BEGIN WITH APOSTLES LEE & DR KIMBERLY THOMAS · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to pray, but where I'm all church.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Hurding of you? I can't pay.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: Who want to.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Come true?
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: Thies?
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I'm new, no strength to five, no tears to crack
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: even if I tried, But still my suld refuse it
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: to die? Mm hmmm, who wanted? Who will change my life?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Me to the keys, I don't have much to bring
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: my heart's ton inpasa. It's my for Rea, me.
• 1:20
  Speaker 5: Me very loone.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: To gay the pon your and saying to you this time.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Marriage is always but healing is always possible. Welcome to
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: let the healing begin. With your hosts Apostle Sleep and
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Kimberly Thomas, this podcast tackles real life issues with raw
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: truth and a powerful his and her perspective. We talk marriage,
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: we talk sex, we talk lost love and relational challenges.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Couples don't always say out loud. If you're ready for
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: honest dialogue, faith filled insight, and a practical wisdom that
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: restores connection and strengthens your marriage, you're in the right place.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Come journey with us as we let the healing begin.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: Hey, good evening everyone, and welcome, Welcome to let the
• 2:32
  Speaker 5: healing begin.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: We are your host's Apostles.
• 2:36
  Speaker 5: And Kimberly Thomas, and we are so glad that you
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: have joined us tonight as we are here to endeavor
• 2:44
  Speaker 5: to bring you real, raw, true conversation about marriage and
• 2:50
  Speaker 5: the things that many married.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: Couples do not want to talk about.
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: So tonight we are going to journey on a journey
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: tonight to talk about a hot topic. But we want
• 3:04
  Speaker 5: to put this disclaimer out there. We do not claim
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: to have mastered this thing called marriage, nor do we
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: have the monopoly on marriage. But what we do have
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: is a marriage. We have time, we have experience, and
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: most of all, we have a mandate from God to
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: share our experiences with others who are journeying on this
• 3:28
  Speaker 5: thing called life in a marriage. So tonight we are
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: going to talk about the subject of you love each other,
• 3:40
  Speaker 5: but you cannot communicate. So we came with a question tonight,
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: what if healing begins with one honest conversation.
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: That starts with if we could communicate, if we would listen,
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: if we put all our differences aside. What if healing
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: begins with one.
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: Conversation, one honest, one honest conversation. We have counseled many
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: married couples, and in those counseling sessions, we hear more
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: than anything that we can't have a conversation because the
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: conversations always.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: End up in an argument.
• 4:40
  Speaker 5: And so when we hear these things, many times the
• 4:44
  Speaker 5: woman's point of view is, you know, I'm trying to
• 4:48
  Speaker 5: share my feelings, I'm trying to share my ideas. I'm
• 4:52
  Speaker 5: trying to give my insight. But I feel like he
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: doesn't want to hear me, or he doesn't care.
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: It's not that from a man's point of view that
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: I don't want to hear and I don't care. It's
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: that if we already been in heated fellowship and we're
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: trying to clear the air, if you will, you go
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: your way. I'm gonna go my way. I'm in here
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: in my area or whatever. You watching TV, and I
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: got a program that I'm really getting into. And in
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: the midst of that program, when it's really getting good,
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: and you hear me laughing and join myself, we need
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: to talk. We need to talk bout what we don't
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: need to talk, not right now. And that's part of
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: it right there, because you aggravated. I'm not aggravating anymore.
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: I'm good at this point. So now I'm not trying
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: to hear what you're trying to say, and I know
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: you really trying to tell me something because you know what,
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: I'm upset. That's the way the man said. So if
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: I'm upset, you need to be upset. And that's true really.
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: Because a lot of times, when you really think about it,
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: when you're aggravated and the other individual is not aggravated,
• 6:15
  Speaker 5: you really can't comprehend that. Now we just we were
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: in heated fellowship, and you have pushed all the right buttons,
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: and now I am really and truly aggravated. So now
• 6:27
  Speaker 5: I want you to be aggravated as well. I don't
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: want you to be calm.
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: It's just like the saying misery loves company.
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: So if I'm mad, you need to still be mad too,
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: because we have not resolved this, and many times what
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: happens is a lot of times the reason for the
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: heated fellowship in the beginning is the fact that truth
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: has been spoken, and it's very offensive. People don't like
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: to hear the truth, especially if you're telling me something
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: and I know it to be true. I don't want
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: to hear that from you at this moment, I don't
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: want you to tell me this. Just be quiet, just
• 7:06
  Speaker 5: don't say nothing, let me alone. And so that's where
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: a lot of this comes in. That's where a lot
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: of it comes in.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: Because of the simple.
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: Fact that here you are and we have tried to
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: have this conversation, and because of our feelings and our differences.
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: Because one thing that I want us to understand, as
• 7:31
  Speaker 5: men and women in relationships and in marriages, we hear differently.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: We here totally different.
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: I agree, because he may be saying to me, you know,
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: I want to be the one. You know, I'm the head,
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: So let me run this like this, you know, or
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: this is the way we're gonna do this. But because
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: I have my own ideas, I have my own identity,
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: I have my own feelings, what I'm hearing you say
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: is shut up and my voice does not matter. So
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: we hear very differently, and that's what we have to understand.
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: As married couples, we hear different. Men hear different from women,
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: and women hear different from men because we hear something
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: that the man may not have said. But because of
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: our feelings, and you know, when your feelings get.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Involved, get to be a whole mess.
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: I heard you tell me to shut up, and you
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: didn't say shut up outright, but basically you telling me
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: you the man, and we're gonna run it this way,
• 8:38
  Speaker 5: and this is how it's gonna be.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: So basically what I just said.
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: To you, you just basically kicked it out in the
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: window and all I could hear was.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: Just shut up.
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: But see, that's the thing on the other side of
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: that stratosphere. When the woman tells you I'm done, I'm thrilled.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: That's the same thing and shut up. My feelings don't
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: count at that point. And what we have to do
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: is find a happy medium, And to be honest with
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: you folks out there, there's really no happy medium. You
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: just gotta get get rid of the paper bag feelings
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: and say it just like it is, you know, because
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: here's the thing. You cannot resolve anything when you don't
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: want to have it resolved, because one, I really don't
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: want to hear it. You know at the time that
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: you're coming at me, and then it begins to be
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: a tit for tat situation. So you aggravated me and
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: I know you. So I'm waiting til the right time,
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: and I'm gonna say to you. I was trying to
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: talk to you. I ain't trying to hear it right now. Yeah,
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: but you gonna hear it, you know. And the thing
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: of it is, we have little many your things that
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: we allowed to catch root and grow for the simple
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: fact that we didn't tell each other the truth from
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: the beginning. That's the whole thing. We didn't tell each
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: you know, we were more into impressing one another, finding
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: out what the other one liked, and then giving into
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: some things that you didn't want to give into because
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: you know, I'm really feeling you. And then over time
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: this is supposed to change. But in the midst of
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: all that, it was a whole line because I was
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: just trying to lock you down. And now that you
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: feel like you got me locked down, all of what
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: was happening is not happening no more. And you know,
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: now we got that love hate thing going on. You
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: didn't do it, so I ain't gonna do it. And
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: now we realize that, wait, we got a little too
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: deep in this. But then who gonna give in? Right?
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: And you know, in that a.
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: Lot of the heated fellowship and a lot of the
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: arguments the reason why you cannot communicate without going to
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: an argument. Is because of those hidden feelings, those hurt
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: feelings that you've harbored. You know that that ill will
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: that you've harbored, You've harbored all of these things. And
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: so now that the heated fellowship has gotten really intense,
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: and we start with the with trying to have a conversation,
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: but that one thing really just pokes the bear. And
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: when it pokes the bear, now the bear is angry.
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: And so now I'm gonna just unload with everything that
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: I have harbored. Sometimes what happens is when these arguments
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: and these things.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Begin to take place, we do not resolve it.
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: As you said, I don't want to resolve it at
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: this point because now you know I'm gonna I'm gonna
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: tuck this away. You know this is gonna go in
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: my reservoir. So when the heated fellowship comes up again,
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: this is gonna be my ammunition. This is what I'm
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: gonna unload on you. And so we have to stop
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: keeping score for one.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: Okay, you said unload. I like that. So you got
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: both barrels cock locked and ready to rock, yes, okay,
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: and oh in the reserve too, Okay.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: A lot of times.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: So you see women have an extra clip when the
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: man said, okay, let me show you a subtle difference
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: between a man and a woman. We get in an
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: argument and we're not really feeling that. So what does
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: a man? What does his go to? Let's cuddle and
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: you know, be Roman ticket, y'all see that face, y'all
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: see that back then you've seen that, didn't he right?
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: But this is the thing that worked before, So why
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: isn't it working now? Right?
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: Because we have actually gotten past that stage because as
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: you said before, it was a.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: It was a thing back then.
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: Okay, okay, back then it was a thing to where
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: here we are.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: We we have you know, we.
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: We've had a little heated fellowship and so yeah, it's
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: it's called makeup sex.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: That's what That's how men look at it. Okay. So
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: the sex is supposed to make everything better. It's supposed to.
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: Just cancel out all the arguments and all of that.
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: And so for a period of time we may have
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: went for that. We may have been like, Okay, well yeah,
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: but I'm still mad. I've still harbored these feelings because
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: this sex didn't resolve anything. And so I'm to the
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: point where I'm just gonna put this in my reservoir
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: because I'm still gonna wait because after the sex is over,
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: after you didn't you know, you didn't have your high
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: moments and all of this stuff right here, I'm still
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: mad and I still want to deal with this, but
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: you don't want to deal with.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: It because you saying, oh, that's over. We just settled that.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: We just settled that. You know, when we got up
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: that was.
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: That's not how women look at it.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: But okay, in essence, if you allowed this, the only
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: way you don't let nothing get started is don't let
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: it get started. So don't start off the relationship. Okay,
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: it was goodness, oh with and then you took it
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: and tucked it away. That's that's that's the first part
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: of building or planning a seed. True. Now, when a
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: man comes into a relationship and he says, no, I
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: ain't having that wing doing this, this is what it is,
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: and he being one hundred with you, you look and you
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: digress a little bit, but you know, because I'm really
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: feeling him. Okay, I'm good with that. But now that
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: I have him, now I'm gonna start bringing up some
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: stuff that I really didn't like because he ain't going nowhere,
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: but he needed to know this, and he looking at
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: you like where did this come from? So if you
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: had not lied from the beginning, we wouldn't have had that,
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: because if you tell the truth from the beginning, then
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: I already know she ain't gonna put it with that.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: She don't like that, and I don't like this, and
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: we don't like this because you know here as well,
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: the man has a problem. You brought that in our
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: eyesight from that other relationship. See I'm not him, Okay.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: Okay, So that is a two sided coin.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: Well let's flip it then, because.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: We both bring things into a relationship not thinking that.
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: What we had with somebody else previously is in the past.
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: That was a different individual. So it was different situations,
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: different circumstances. What one may have been willing to give
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: up or to give in and to to basically compromise,
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: I may not be willing to do that. And so
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: you can't come here and try to run this house,
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: harpo like you ran the house.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: That's that's not how we goes because I'm different.
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: And so this is what we have to understand, because
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: we both do the same thing.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Men and women.
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: We bring our old stuff into new relationships and we
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: try to build around the old stuff, and it's contaminated.
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: So you are building on contaminated soil. You're building on contamination,
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: and a lot of times that contamination causes the DK
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: in your relationship and your marriages because of the simple
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: fact that you never wanted to deal with the issue
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: back then so that you could heal and move on
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: with someone else.
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: Okay, so you said heal, okay, So why is it
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: that when you get together and me as a man,
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: because a lot of men that I've talked to said
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: that I told her what I went through. I told
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: her what I liked and what I disliked, what she
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: did and what she didn't do, and this is what
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: I'm looking for, because this is why it did not work.
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: Why is it that at that point the female said, oh,
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: we're gonna do it like this, okay, because I already
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: know this what it takes to lock that down and
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: be good. But see why lock it down instead of
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: just telling the truth exactly.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: And that's the whole point, because when the information is shared,
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: a lot of times it shared between the sheets. Number one,
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: the man.
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: Shares these things because it's between the sheets, or let's
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: get in between the sheetsation. And so I'm gonna tell
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: you everything that she didn't do because that's what I
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: want you to do. And I know if you digging
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: me like that, you gonna do what she didn't do because.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: You're trying to lock.
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: And so in that sense, the man is getting just
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: what he's asking for and probably more. But then once
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: the locking has taken place, now it's like, Okay, well
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: I got it.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: Now, you know what, I don't have to do all
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: that stuff anymore.
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: But that's because a lot of relationships is built on pretense.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: It's not built on love's.
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: Not built on trying to build a relationship learning each
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: other or trying to get to know each other. It's
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: built on that pillow talk between the sheets and all
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: of that. So you really don't have a foundation. It's
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: just the fly by night thing. I'm trying to lock
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: this down. When I lock it down, i'm good because
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: a lot of times men they give the information because
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: they're looking for that result. But what happens is you
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: just gave the ammunition to be used against you in
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: the future, and vice versa. When a woman does the
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: same thing. There are many women out there that we
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: have actually had conversations where we have counseled, where we
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: have tried to talk them through various stages in relationships
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: and marriages. And basically that's what it was. They saw
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: an opportunity. This is a good man, this is a
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: hard working man. Oh, and she act like she don't
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: appreciate him. So now I'm gonna get close enough to
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: where I can find out everything that I need to
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: know to make it work in my advantage. Because you
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: know what this man made, paper baby, she don't know.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: How to deal with it. I can deal with that.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: I can deal with that. Oh she don't want to cook. Oh,
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna start off cooking.
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: Every day, and then when you lock it down, cook
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: what you better go get a sandwich?
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: What you mean cooked?
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: So how you in the midst of all that talking
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: about with you being cooked? Then you wonder why the
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: man goes somewhere else. See, here's the thing. Men and
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: women can look at another. I'm a man, I can
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: look at a woman and walk tells me a whole
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: lot about that situation. A boy not going on over there,
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: And a woman can look at a man and tell
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: too from his actions, because when a man is being satisfied,
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: I see you, but I ain't saw you because that's
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: not where my mind at. See. But whenever I'm not
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: being taken care of in any manner, every time you
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: look in your mind, you thinking from the way she
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: looked and the way she carried herself. Now that's what
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: I'm talking about. I see how him and her interact,
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: and that's what I Why can't I have that? You see?
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: And then when we get together to find out about
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: what's going on with us, nobody's trying to give in
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: because you know what. I want you to hear me,
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: but you're not hearing me. You hurt me, but you
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: didn't hear me. And we're not talking. We're talking at
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: each other, and then it gets worse and heated. Then
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: we started hitting below the belt about this, that and
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: the third and in essence, when the relationship is dissolved,
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: you've broken your hurt. You're being battered than your bruise,
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: and you look at it like why did they do
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: me like that? But it's how you started it off.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: If you tell the truth, see, if we get past
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: this retalk, I like to call it talking about I
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: locked and I did this that See, we're past the
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: pillar talk. No, we're gonna get this here off rip
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: from the okay, because the physical don't come because I
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: always looked at it a certain way. There's a few
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: things you can get in relationship. You can get all
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: mine and no behind, get all behind and no mind.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: But in some cases you get both. And if you
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: being a man, most of the time you mess it
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: up because this is just too good to be true.
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: But if you were lucky enough or blessed enough to
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: get it back, then you're trying to make sure it's right.
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: But then there's a trust issue again. So therefore, let's
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: talk about it first. Let's let's get a conversation going on.
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: Stop looking to the left and look at it. Let's
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: talk about each other. What's really happening. You know, tell
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: the truth and be true to thyself. Then you can
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: be true to this next individual that you're with, because
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: this lock and trying to get right, it ain't gonna
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: get right because one you ain't. If you started off
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: telling like you ain't gonna never tell the whole truth.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: And that's true.
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: And so that's where the actual point of we love
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: each other, but we can't communicate because.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: We cannot have that one honest.
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: Conversation, which should have been the first conversation that ever
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: took place, because any time you started off with a lot,
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: you gotta keep trying to keep that lot up because
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: if not, then we're looking at the fact that you
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: know you You came in this deceptive, You came in
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: this knowing that this was your intention, This is what
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: you wanted to do, this was your desire. And now
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: here we are, at this point in the relationship, we
• 23:58
  Speaker 5: done had heated fellowship. Now I've laid it all out here,
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: all the things that are harbored, all.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: The unresolved hurts, all the.
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: Harbored wounds, and all of these things that I have
• 24:11
  Speaker 5: kept in my reservoir. Now it begins to become a
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: problem because now everything that you.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Do is on my nerves.
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: That's because you've allowed your receptacle to get full of
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: ammunition instead of filling up with love, truth, honesty, and oneness.
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: See we say that, but how you live, how you
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: live in it? Because here's the thing. Nine times out
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: of ten and most relationships, either he loves her more
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: than she loves him, and vice versa. It's very rare
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: that I love you that much and I love you
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: as much as you love me. You know, I don't
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: know this to be a true fact, but I always
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: believe that opposite is attract you know, I'm dark scarned,
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: you light scared. You know. I like what I see.
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: You like what you see, and we're good. But we
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: both looking at we both the same color. We both
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: got it. Okay, How can I really really be into
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: you like that? Right now? For real? I see me.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: You know, if one of us got to be that,
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: you know, when I'm looking like yo okay, and then
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: you should be yo okay. And it's not that because
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: I'm not getting that same vibe, you know, but you
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: got to have that resolved to where you know what.
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna be one hundred with you. I'm gonna make
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: this this is what it is. But don't look at
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: me because you know I'm one hundred and you've been
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: through this, so you know what.
• 25:48
  Speaker 6: I don't trust you, so I ain't gonna let everything go.
• 25:51
  Speaker 6: I'm not gonna be vulnerable. You know, I got scared
• 25:55
  Speaker 6: off from all one to ten. You might get six
• 25:59
  Speaker 6: and a half. But I'm gonna act like you got
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: that ten though.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: Okay, y'all, we're gonna tap into that when we come back.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: We're going to a commercial break.
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: Y'all stay tuned because we're gonna tap into this vulnerability
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: thing and it's holding back in relationships. So y'all just
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: hang tight for a few minutes and we'll be right back.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Here in this place we homely bone all hold sway.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Speak to us, no very there is no time here
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: only your press show what your blow speak to us.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Now speak to us now who here in this place
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: home a hotel way way speak low. There is no time, only.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Your friends space speak to us no.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: Holy speed, Holy space.
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: All right, we're back talking about that thing that Apostle
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: just said about being vulnerable.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: He mentioned the fact that sometimes we come.
• 28:07
  Speaker 5: Into the relationship being one hundred, but the other individual
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: that we're in the relationship with, they're not totally one
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: hundred with us, but they pretend, they pretend to be
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: one hundred. And you gave a scale, you said, of
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: a tend it may be a sin. And so this
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: is what we have to understand, because our question tonight
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: was what if you're healing comes from one honest conversation.
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: That one honest conversation can be sitting down and having
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: what is a hard conversation of honesty and saying what
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: it really is because a lot of times people they
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: hook up for convenience.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: They don't hook up for anymore.
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: They hook up for convenience because I'm looking for someone
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: to take care of me. I'm looking for someone that
• 29:11
  Speaker 5: is going to do what I say because I've been
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: in a relationship and I was heard, I was abused,
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: I was this, I was that. But in the end,
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: now that the job that I know that you really
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: feeling me and you really digging me.
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: I got one.
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: I got one.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: So now the.
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: Tables are turned, and I see this a lot in women,
• 29:37
  Speaker 5: and it's a it's a shame, and I'm gonna I'm
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: just gonna say it. It's a shame because women are
• 29:44
  Speaker 5: acting more like men in relationships as when I say
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: the one who.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: You know, how a man be.
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: Like, Okay, yeah, I know, I know she's crazy about
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: me or whatever. So you know, I'm I'm gonna I'm
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: gonna hit it and quit it, and I'm gonna for
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: chasing me like somebody that's crazy with a flashlight in
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: the daytime. You have women that do doing the same thing.
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: They get into relationships with people and they realize that
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: these people really feeling them, they really feeling them, but
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: you're not feeling them like you're pretending to be feeling them.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: They're giving you.
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: One hundred, but you're not giving one hundred because all
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: of all you're really trying to do is get your
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: needs met. But the honesty in the conversation is if
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: you would ever tell the truth, because basically, when he
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: is not able to provide.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: Those needs or meet those needs for you, you're.
• 30:46
  Speaker 5: Gonna move on to the next thing, to the next
• 30:48
  Speaker 5: man and still maybe be in this marriage or in
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: this relationship to go get those needs met.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: And then you're gonna start ghosting him.
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: That's exactly right, right, And then here's the thing, the
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: same way that you ghosting the man that you know feeling,
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: you gonna do whatever it takes to try to keep
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: you to the best of their ability. You going over
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: with conboy, hanging out, chilling because you know, he looks
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: so good, he smells so nice, he's riding so this that,
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: and the third still staying with Mama. But then when
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: out the shine is gone. You want to come back
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: here the old boy, and you want him to be
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: that same one hundred with you and something nine times
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: out here because he felt you like that he is,
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: but he gonna come back. But then every nine then
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: it flipped because you know what, he went through something
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: and he understands. Now, all right, I'm a tolerate til
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: I dominated Now you feel like, oh you did this,
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: and you did but what was you doing? What did
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: you how did you come in this relationship? Then the
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: truth get to coming out. Then it's like you're being
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: hippielow the belt. But in essence, you can't be mad
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: at the man when you started. If you don't like him,
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: you just don't.
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: Like it exactly.
• 32:19
  Speaker 5: And you know, I was thinking that because the thing
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: is that you have to learn how to have the
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: real hard, the real hard conversation.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: And so we can laugh about.
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: This now because when I was being pursued or stalked
• 32:38
  Speaker 5: or whatever you was doing.
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: I did not like him.
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: I did not I did not like him. I didn't
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: like him ryan walking talking nothing. I did not like him.
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: I would avoid him at all costs. I would see
• 32:52
  Speaker 5: him coming to my job, and I was the manager
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: of the store. And sometimes I would be stuck working
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: by myself because people called in or whatever, and I
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: would forget that I'm the only person in there, and
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: I'll go to the cooler just to keep from being
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: bothered with him. And then he would laugh and say, well,
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: you know, you got to come help me, and I'll
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: be like, God, leave, you know, why does old dirty
• 33:16
  Speaker 5: man won't just leave me alone? And it was And
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: that's the thing, because you know, there came a point
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: in time when we really started sitting down and just
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: really talking to each other, because he would say when
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: he saw me, the first thing that came to his
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: mind is this is going to be my wife.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: And he even said that, and I'm like, whatever, no,
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: uh uh you dirty?
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: Oh no.
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: And not that he was dirty in a nasty way.
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: He was dirty because he was a working man. And
• 33:48
  Speaker 5: I'm looking like this man come in looking like a
• 33:51
  Speaker 5: dirt dobble every time he come in this store, and
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: he'd be trying to holler at me, sir, I don't
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: want to.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Go on now, because.
• 34:00
  Speaker 5: Act so kind some kind of way every single time
• 34:03
  Speaker 5: I would see him.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: But the thing about it is he knew in his
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: mind that I was his wife.
• 34:13
  Speaker 5: He told me that from the beginning, you know, do
• 34:15
  Speaker 5: you know who you're looking at? You're looking at your husband,
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, whatever, okay, yeah, all right, you on
• 34:21
  Speaker 5: some other stuff that I'm not on, So you need
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: to get on, you know. And but when we really
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: got together and started having conversations about stuff like that,
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: you know, I had to really be honest because he
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: was like, you really didn't like me, did you.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: No? No, I didn't.
• 34:42
  Speaker 5: And then he was like, well, when did you start
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: loving me?
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 34:47
  Speaker 5: And I would be crazy to say, oh, well, from
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: the beginning. The devil is a line you just sold one. No,
• 34:54
  Speaker 5: you know, you did not love that person from the beginning.
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: And so that's where we have to understand. We gotta
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: stop lying, because that's what's really tearing down a lot
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: of our marriages and our relationships because we lie. We
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: don't want to just tell the honest, brutal truth. Everybody
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: that got together both parties were not totally one hundred
• 35:19
  Speaker 5: percent in love with the other person when they got together.
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: Some of us, y'all, us us, y'all, we.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: Were on the rebound, and some of us was looking
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: for somebody.
• 35:32
  Speaker 7: To fill a void and a lot of it also
• 35:35
  Speaker 7: is lust that looking for a Yeah, put that fine out.
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: But in the midst of that, the part she having
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: to miss y'all was simply this right here, I said
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: to her, And I'll tell you what. If I come
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: here and you don't know who I am, because you know,
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: I clean up really well, go out with me and
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: we have a conversation. And I told her that the
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: whole truth. You see. That was the key right there,
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: just telling the truth. Because see, sometime you can look
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: at the outward appearance and think like that, ain't it,
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: and you being wrecked your whole world. And that's a
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: two way street, you know, because I was. I mean, honestly,
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: if you were to talk about a man and if
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: I seen a woman that did the work that I
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: do come in, I would have felt the same way.
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, No, you know, but I work in dirt.
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: You know, I was on the groundwork. I get that
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: I was deep getting that money, but I clean up well.
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: You know, you can always watch the dirt off, but
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: if you're come into it one hundred you know, have
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: a conversation, a real conversation with an individual, then you
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: can know who you're talking to because I can look
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: like a dunky, But whenever you talk to me, Wow,
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: you got a conversation, You got something going on. Your
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: brain works, you know. But the key to it, like
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: I tell her, just tell the truth. I've been approached
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: a lot of times. How do you know all these
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: different ladies and these different women, I said, because a woman,
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: I said. I asked them one a couple of questions
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: and one of them is this. I say, are you
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: a woman or are you a lady? And I said,
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: just like that the first day, Oh I'm a lady.
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: I said, that's what I thought, and I walk away.
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: And they said when I said I was a lady,
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: I said, yeah, But God made a woman and that's
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: what a man want and a real woman wants what
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: a real man. And until you learn to be one
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: of those two things that God made, you still playing
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: with yourself. See we now get we don't want something
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: that man made. Oh that's lady this, and that's lady that. No, No,
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: that woman over there, that's my woman. That's my man.
• 38:01
  Speaker 4: Understand you know. I hear a lot of people say, oh,
• 38:04
  Speaker 4: first lady this, and first lady that. I say, yeah,
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: but through our history. From my studies, it's only one first,
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: It's only ever been one first. And her name was Eve,
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: and after that it was second, third, fourth, fifth, and
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: also on and so farth. So stop allowing the world
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: to dictate to you what you think it should be.
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: Talk to her, let her talk to you. Be true
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: to ourselfs and to ourself be true. Then you can
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: be true to somebody else, because you know what, she
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: can look good as all out doors so fine, everything
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: smells so good to make your whole half five growing again.
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: But then you could get a whole loof because of
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: what your eyes see. Because you know, we all can
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: put on a facade, but when we get down to
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: the real gritty, after all the highlight and the sparkles
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: is gone. I do this right here, Oh my god.
• 39:09
  Speaker 5: You know exactly when the mask comes, when the mask
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: comes off. And you know the thing is, we have
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: and we wear so many different masks that many of
• 39:21
  Speaker 5: us don't even know our own true identity. We are
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: basically living a lot. We have masks that we started
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: putting on as children, and as we progressed in life,
• 39:34
  Speaker 5: we continue to add to those masks. So we have
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: a mask for every occasion. We have a mask for
• 39:41
  Speaker 5: our families, we have a mask for our jobs, we
• 39:44
  Speaker 5: have a mask for the public, we have a mask
• 39:47
  Speaker 5: for ministry. We have all these different masks that we wear.
• 39:50
  Speaker 5: And so when you really and truly allow the healing
• 39:55
  Speaker 5: to begin, that means that you got to take these
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: masks off.
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: You gotta take them off.
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: You know that, it's like the pretense of I make
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: you think that my face is flawless. I don't have
• 40:08
  Speaker 5: any blemishes or anything because I have makeup on and
• 40:11
  Speaker 5: my makeup is flawless, and I have this beautiful skin.
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: But then one day you happen to see me or
• 40:19
  Speaker 5: catch me without my makeup on, and I have my
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: skin is not what it has appeared all this time,
• 40:27
  Speaker 5: and so you looking like where the devil did you
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: come from?
• 40:31
  Speaker 7: You know what is this?
• 40:33
  Speaker 5: Because you have made this image, You have this facade,
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: and I fell in love with the facade. I fell
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: in love with the message, not the person. And so
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: this is what we have to understand. When you can
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: just be real and be real with yourself and having
• 40:51
  Speaker 5: the hard conversations, having that one honest conversation that starts healing,
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: it's not always.
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: Good it's not.
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: No, it's not because when the truth comes out, a
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: lot of times we don't want to hear the truth.
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: Well, you know what, you have to sit and you
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: have to be grown.
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: Enough to allow your partner to tell the truth, the truth,
• 41:18
  Speaker 5: whether the truth hurts you or whatever, not interrupting, not
• 41:23
  Speaker 5: just constantly everything that they say you got, you gotta
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: rebuttal for it or you have a word for it.
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: It was one thing that our son used to do.
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: He would he was he would call his own family meeting.
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: Can we have a family meeting? And so I'm like, okay,
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: let's have a family meeting.
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: So what he would do is he he has a
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: list and he comes with all his list of issues,
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: and so he wants to lay out his issues. And
• 41:51
  Speaker 5: the thing is, this is what we do as adults
• 41:55
  Speaker 5: as well, because every issue that he had, he assumed that.
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: He knew what I was going to say.
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: So he presents his issue and then he sits back
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: because he's waiting for my reply on my rebuttal because
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: it's like I'm gonna say this, and then you're gonna
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: say that. And so that's how we operate in our marriages.
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: Sometimes we assume that we know what our partner's gonna say.
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: So when I say this, they gonna come back with that.
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: And then when they come back with that, then I
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: come back with this. But sometimes you throw them a
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: whole curve ball because you allow them to go through
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: their lists, you don't say a word, and then they
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: are dumbfounded because now they're like, well, you ain't gonna
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: say nothing. No, I'm gonna allow you to finish. I'm
• 42:46
  Speaker 5: allow you to speak because I want you to speak
• 42:48
  Speaker 5: your truth.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: I do not want to obscure your point of view.
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: I don't want to interject anything because when I can
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: sit quietly, first of all, your mind don't know what's
• 43:07
  Speaker 5: gonna take place next because.
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: You are assuming.
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: You so accustomed to you having one word and I
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: have five before you can get the next one in.
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: But no, a true.
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: Honest conversation means that I'm gonna sit back and I'm
• 43:22
  Speaker 5: going to listen.
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: So you're gonna have a monologue, not a dialogue.
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: Until it's my turn to speak.
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: I'm going to listen because that's the thing that we lose,
• 43:33
  Speaker 5: and that's one reason why we have the heated fellowships
• 43:36
  Speaker 5: and the arguments, and that we cannot talk because we
• 43:39
  Speaker 5: can't communicate, so we can't heal. It's because of the
• 43:43
  Speaker 5: simple fact that we always want to interject, and so
• 43:47
  Speaker 5: nothing ever gets accomplished because you say one thing, and
• 43:51
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna interject my point, and then it becomes an
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: argument because you were talking and I was not listening.
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: I want to.
• 44:00
  Speaker 5: Talk to and so now we're not talking to each other,
• 44:03
  Speaker 5: we're talking at each other, and then that becomes a
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: whole nother issue because now my point is more important
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: than what you were talking about. And a lot of
• 44:14
  Speaker 5: times the individual that started the conversation that really wanted
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: to have the conversation and get to the truth, they
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: just shut down and be.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: Like, Okay, I'm done.
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: I'm done because of the simple fact that I see
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: now we cannot have a conversation.
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: Because of what's being said. The Bible tells us study
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: to be quiet. That means listen, and every conversation doesn't
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: deserve a rebuttal. But if you really want to get
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: to the meat of the heart of the matter, you
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: got to listen. And here's the thing. Before you get
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: into the conversation, the where we're gonna talk. And okay,
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: you say what you got to say. Don't look all
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: crazy like, oh, I'm just waiting and I'm say what
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: you gotta say. No, be calm, keep a straight face,
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: and be open minded and grown enough to listen. Listen
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: to everything they have to say. And if you get
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: you can't think of it throughout the week. Write this down,
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: Write that down. So when our conversation come, okay, I'm
• 45:22
  Speaker 4: gonna sit there and I'm gonna be quiet. I'm not
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: gonna get mad because one thing about it you telling
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: your truth. Okay, cool, and I'm gonna listen to everything
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: you say. I'm not gonna take it to heart, but
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna listen. But at the same time, now, remember
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: I gotta rebuttal for that now, and it's not gonna
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: be a rebuttal to come come back what you say.
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: But I'm gonna say what's on my mind, what's on
• 45:48
  Speaker 4: my heart, and then we can address what you've said
• 45:53
  Speaker 4: about this and what I said about that, and love
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: each other enough to realize that you know what, we're
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: grown and we're different and we're not the people we
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: used to be. I used to like this, and I
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: used to like that, but I don't like that. No, more,
• 46:11
  Speaker 4: and I need to know that you're the same way.
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: So if we don't know how to communicate or have
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: a conversation and not willing to listen, then you can't heal.
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: The healing begins when we begin to look at each
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: other and truly talk. Yes, people say the same thing
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: it took to get him, it's the same thing it
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: took to keep it. And that's the biggest lie because
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: it's not because you lied to get them, but now
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: you're trying to lie to keep them. But if you
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: tell the truth, then that'll do it and things change.
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: You don't believe me. Look at the clothes that you
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: used to wear when you first got together, as opposed
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: to what you were now.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: That's true. And the thing is, we can't assume that
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: we know what our partner's going.
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: To say exactly.
• 46:58
  Speaker 5: You cannot put words in their mouths because what you
• 47:03
  Speaker 5: may be feeling that they should be feeling about a
• 47:06
  Speaker 5: certain situation or something that you did, they may feel
• 47:09
  Speaker 5: totally opposite. So you can't just assume, well, you know,
• 47:13
  Speaker 5: it was just this one little thing, So why you're
• 47:15
  Speaker 5: so mad about that? Because it's their feelings and it's
• 47:20
  Speaker 5: how they feel about what you did or what you said.
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: And so that's why it's really important to listen.
• 47:27
  Speaker 5: And so you it's not a thing because a lot
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: of times when we get into heated fellowship, the first
• 47:33
  Speaker 5: thing that you know, we say is like, are you
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: are you listening to me? And our response is I.
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: Hear you, I hear you, I hear you.
• 47:44
  Speaker 5: You didn't say that you were listening. You said you
• 47:48
  Speaker 5: hear me. So you know what, you can be sitting
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: in a room.
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: Right now and we're on and.
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: You hear us, but you have other bad ground noise
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: that you're really listening.
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: To hear us, but you didn't hear us exactly.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: We have to become active listeners.
• 48:10
  Speaker 5: That means that you have to listen to every word
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: that is being spoken, without interjecting, without putting your point
• 48:18
  Speaker 5: in there, without trying to curb the conversation or take
• 48:22
  Speaker 5: the conversation in another direction. When we really want to heal,
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: we will sit, we will have that one honest conversation.
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: We will actively listen to our partners so that we
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: know how to help ourselves and stop always praying and
• 48:41
  Speaker 5: asking God to.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: Change them, ask God to change you.
• 48:47
  Speaker 5: Because we have a tendency of that nod changed them,
• 48:51
  Speaker 5: change them, change them. No, you need to be changed.
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: When you change, then they will change. But change starts
• 48:57
  Speaker 5: with you. And if you always feel that you don't
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: have a problem, everybody else has the problem, you're in
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: a bad situation.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: You need to be changed.
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: And so we really tonight, we really wanted to tap
• 49:12
  Speaker 5: into this, and we actually may continue this conversation later
• 49:19
  Speaker 5: because of the simple fact it's so much that we
• 49:22
  Speaker 5: can talk about because we love each other, but we
• 49:27
  Speaker 5: can't communicate. And the reason why we can't communicate is
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: because we will not sit down and have that one
• 49:38
  Speaker 5: honest conversation to begin the healing process.
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: Truly, because we don't know how to talk to one another.
• 49:47
  Speaker 4: We talk at each other and actually we're afraid to
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: say the whole Yes, you know you'll say this, and
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: it hopes that they caught it. But you know, I
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: was over thirty some years ago somebody told me and
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: I happened to marry them. I don't take hints. You
• 50:06
  Speaker 4: want something from me, say it, ask me, because hinting
• 50:10
  Speaker 4: I don't know to talk about it because I could
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: guess the wrong thing. That's true. So if you've grown,
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: just say what it is. Now I'm just standing realizing, no, yeah,
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: you got feelings just like they do. Ask the right questions.
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: You go and say, well, I'm gonna get this for
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: her or him, and they get it. Oh thank you,
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: but that's not what they heart wanted. And you know it.
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: I took my time to do this and you didn't
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: even want that. Well, didn't you actually ask me what
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: I want? Now, if you couldn't afford to get it,
• 50:45
  Speaker 4: that's cool, but at least you asked so then you
• 50:50
  Speaker 4: won't be feeling some type of way because you can't
• 50:52
  Speaker 4: get mad at a person whenever you didn't get them
• 50:54
  Speaker 4: what they wanted, because you know that's what you wanted
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: from me, right, not what I wanted for me. I
• 51:02
  Speaker 4: went through that too, and I'm like, well wait a minute,
• 51:04
  Speaker 4: and then the question I didn't ask for that, And
• 51:07
  Speaker 4: after I thought about it, now you're right. I wanted
• 51:09
  Speaker 4: that for you. But you know what, from now, if
• 51:13
  Speaker 4: you don't get nothing, it's not because I wouldn't get
• 51:16
  Speaker 4: it because you didn't tell me what you wanted. You see,
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: we have to learn to communicate. Yes, you know, I
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: might like steaks and you like point y'all. I like
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: chicken and I like the Cluck Club and you I
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: don't had enough cluck cluck, I don't want pluck Club.
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: We got to talk so the healing can begin.
• 51:39
  Speaker 5: Yes, and communication is key in any relationship, whether it's
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: a marriage, relationship, business partnership, communication is the key.
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: So remember, marriage is not perfect, but healing is always available.
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: And so we're gonna bid you good night, and we
• 52:00
  Speaker 5: thank you for joining us for letting the healing begin.
• 52:03
  Speaker 5: We will see you back here on the first Sunday
• 52:07
  Speaker 5: for another episode of Let the Healing Begin. Have an
• 52:11
  Speaker 5: awesome night.
• 52:15
  Speaker 4: You're listening to the sound.
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: Marriage isn't always perfect, but healing is always possible. Welcome
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: to let the healing begin.