Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why narcissists hate when you cry in front of them

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Why narcissists hate when you cry in front of them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're talking about why narcissists hate it when you are
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  crying in front of them. Why do they look at your tears
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  or the tears of anybody else as a form of manipulation or
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  control? Why, why, why a little eye
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  water? They they get mad at a little
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  eye water sometimes. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Coat.
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  Let's get it. Welcome back folks, welcome
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  back, welcome back. Yes y'all a little.
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  I water. Why does I water?
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  Why does crying set off some narcissists?
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  Why do they react so funky when you were crying in front of
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  them? Why, why, why?
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  The simple answer to that question is one of the answers
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  to that question is, yeah, they see your tears.
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  Like I mentioned in the fantastic intro, they see your
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  tears as a form of manipulation because when they cry, when we
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  cry as narcissists, a lot of the times we're trying to manipulate
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  you. We're trying to use our own eye
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  water as a form of manipulation to control you, to get you to
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  stop holding us accountable. To get you to, to let off to, to
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  let take it easy on us. To get you to forgive and
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  forget. To get you to move off of
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  something. To get some type of leverage to
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  make you feel guilty, to make you feel bad about something
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  that we have done to you and you found out and you're holding us
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  accountable. Yeah.
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  I'm bringing a fire this year. I feel good this year.
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  I started off the year feeling great.
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  I'm it's feeling amazing. I'm turning 40 this year.
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  I'm just feeling good, y'all. I'm blessed.
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  I'm grateful. Gratitude.
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  But why they they think your tears are manipulation because
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  their tears are manipulation. So why wouldn't they think the
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  same thing? This is kind of part of this
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  selfish mindset of narcissistic people, right?
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  This is where our minds go to. There's like when you're pulling
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  your heart out, when you're crying in front of them and
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  you're doing this, you're doing that.
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  And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, they get angry.
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  You see that? Like they literally lose their
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  damn minds. You like, hey, what the heck You
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  like, what the hell? Why are you so angry at me?
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  I'm just, I'm just trying to express myself.
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  Why are you so angry? And they thank you.
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  They like you see you trying to control me.
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  So you're trying to control me. You're trying to do this, you're
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  trying to do that. See, I don't, I don't like when
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  you do this. I don't like when you do that.
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  They try to make it seem like you are trying to control them
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  with your tears because this is what they do.
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  Y'all, this is what we do. I, I, I don't think I've done, I
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  haven't done before. No, I'm not really a crier.
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  I I can document at the, the times I've cried and there
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  haven't been a form of manipulation in my adulthood,
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  right Opportunity to be sad by having like the, the, the tears
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  have not started to rain. Now your tears typically set
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  them off. It's it's amazing how a little
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  bit of water a little it's not what I know it's not just pure
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  water. Salty salt water can make them
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  just lose their damn minds. But it's just crazy how they
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  work. Just like they see your tears as
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  a form of manipulation and you're trying to control the
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  narrative and you're trying to make them feel bad.
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  You're trying to make them feel good because that's what they're
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  trying to do to you with their tears.
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  Doesn't that make sense? Doesn't that make sense y'all?
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  And it's cold in here. I got this little snuggy on so
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  y'all got bear with me. Doesn't that make sense to y'all
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  that narcissistic people think the world, the narcissistic
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  people who think the world will revolve around us, Doesn't it
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  make sense that we would automatically consider this you
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  doing the same thing we do? We think that you are going to
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  think the same thing the same way we think.
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  So of course, this is how we work.
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  We were thinking that you're trying to manipulate us with
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  your tears. This is what.
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  Yeah, This is why they get set off.
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  You'll see the narcissist get mad.
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  They say, yeah, you'll be crying in front of you.
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  You hurt my feelings. And they'll be like, shut the
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  hell up. I ain't done nothing to you.
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  And it like, right there, this shows you right there.
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  That statement I just made right there shows you that it's not
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  just your significant other who can do this.
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  Some of us grew up in toxic households with toxic parents.
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  That said, I'm going to give you something to cry for because
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  they thought your tears is fake or or or or not the not the oar
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  on a boat. They think that you my mind went
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  Blake. Yeah, my mind legit just went
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  Blake right there. I was trying to make a joke and
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  my mind went Blake. No, they think so your your
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  tears are making them feel uncomfortable.
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  Your tears make them feel uncomfortable so it sets them
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  off. That's all I'm trying to say.
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  My mind literally went, Blake, your tears are trying.
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  Your tears make them feel uncomfortable and make them feel
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  shame. So in order to get rid of the
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  shame, in order to stop feeling so uncomfortable, they literally
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  lose their minds and start crying.
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  Like start getting angry at your tears because your tears make
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  them feel bad. Your tears make them feel
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  guilty. Your tears make them feel shame.
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  And guess what shame does? Shame makes most people,
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  especially narcissistic people, feel like bad people.
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  Shame is a great provocation for narcissism.
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  It provokes us to do all types of some weird ass things to try
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  to avoid it like we would. We would do more shameful things
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  to avoid shame. Like you're crying in front of
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  them, right? Let's say you're crying in front
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  of their narcissistic parents because they're uncomfortable
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  with your tears and they get it. They're getting angry with it
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  and they feel like bad people. They'll beat you.
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  I'm gonna give you something to cry for.
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  They'll beat you. Imagine your parents whooping
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  your ass because you're crying already.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because you're already shedding
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  tears, because you're already crying and whatnot.
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  Imagine their parents whooping your ass because you're crying
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  in front of them. That's wild, isn't it?
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  That's a wild mentality. Your tears make us
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  uncomfortable. It's just one of those things,
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  y'all? And like, no, I'm not that type
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  of parent. I'm not that.
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  Just like you, I'm going to use them to cry for it.
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  I've had that type of parent though, you know what I'm
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  saying? But that's what happens.
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  Narcissistic people think that your tears are not coming from a
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  good place. They think your tears are always
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  they almost always think that you're crying and your tears are
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  coming from a place of you being manipulative and not being a
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  good person that your your tears have I'll intent behind them.
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  Your tears have I'll intent behind them.
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  Like you're not coming from a good place with.
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  Well, yeah, you're not a well intended person.
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  We're in this situation right here.
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  Y'all might as well delighted. You're not.
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  You don't. You're not a person with good
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  intentions. So they said they'd laugh out at
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  you, they get angry at you, they throw stuff at you.
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  Some of them will beat you, right?
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  Some of them will put their hands on you, right.
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  This doesn't have to be a parent.
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  We know some, some, some partners, when you start crying,
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  they'll get angry, start putting their hands on you as well.
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  They'll make you feel worse, you know?
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  So you tend to, if you have an abusive partner like this or be
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  abusive parent, you tend to learn how to stifle your tears,
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  don't you? You learn how to stifle your
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  emotions and whatnot because showing your emotions have has
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  gotten you hurt in the past. So you don't want to show them.
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  You don't want to show them no more, do you?
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  I got hurt in the past sharing these emotions.
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  I ain't about sharing no more. Hell no, it hurt.
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  This stings a little bit, right? So you get to the point where
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  you don't even want to share anything anymore.
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  You get that point where you want to like literally just sit
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  there and and just just bottle it up and then you bottle it up.
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  When you bottle up an emotion that needs to be released, it's
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  going to come out later on as rage and anger.
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  It's going to come out in a different way.
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  You, not the narcissist you right, So you going to come out
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  with a you and you know you're angry and snap on somebody else
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  because you had to bottle up your emotions around your
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  partner, right? Again, y'all, this happens a lot
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  to a lot of people, but I was going to say this y'all, y'all
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  know that sometimes your tears actually when the narcissist are
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  getting uncomfortable with your tears and not all of them will
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  get angry, right? Not every single narcissistic
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  person out there gets angry with your tears.
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  Some of them will ignore you, right.
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  Some of them will give you the silent treatment that some of
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  them will literally just disconnect from you.
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  They'll go into a different room, they'll shut the door,
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  they'll tell you to shut the hell up like they'll disconnect
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  from you, pretend you that you do not exist because of what's
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  going on, because of the situation, because of the
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  scenario, right. This is the mentality.
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  This is how their minds works, work and they'll keep doing this
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  type of stuff over and over again because this is that is
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  how it just goes right here. Y'all.
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  And I would say this as well. There's some nurses who don't
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  know how to handle your emotions, who your, your tears
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  make them so uncomfortable and, and they will and they think
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  your, your tears are trying to control them and you try to be
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  manipulative and your tears, y'all will sometimes turn them
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  on. We've entered the like the, the
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  NC 17 part of the video right here.
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  Your tears will sometimes turn that narcissistic person on and
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  make them want to clap some cheeks, make them want to go on
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  a clapping spree, make them want to clap on, clap off, right.
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  That's what they do like sometimes your tears that they
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  think you trying to manipulate and control them in order to get
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  the power back. So I'm not they're trying to
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  sleep with you. Yes, your vulnerability when
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  you're crying, when you're when you're upset with them, you're
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  crying and you're upset with them.
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  Yes, your vulnerability can't absolutely turn them on as well.
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  Like you being vulnerable just makes them get ready.
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  Oh goodness, yeah. Is it is it hot in here or is it
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  just this snuggy, right? Is it just this thermal right
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  here? Are you crying?
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  Let me unzip this. They unzip they they unzip this,
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  this steam come start coming off and they get so hot and bothered
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  by your tears. This steam releases from the
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  from the onesie for the snugs. That onesie from the snuggie or
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  the jacket. Oh, it's too hot to hear.
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  You can hear, you can hear it sizzling, sizzling down there,
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  like sizzling and popping. Oh good God.
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  I don't know what it got over me.
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  What took over me right here. Oh goodness, what's going on
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  here? But this is what goes on.
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  This is literally what happens to a lot of people when you in
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  these situations, You know, like I said before, you get to the
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  point where you know your tears and crying or whatever makes
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  your narcissistic partner uncomfortable.
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  You get to the point where you really absolutely start to
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  stifle yourself. There's so many people out there
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  that are absolutely stifling themselves because of what
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  they're experiencing with their abusive partner.
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  Like you. You get to the point where like
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  even if you get out of the relationship, right, let's say
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  even if you escape the relationship, you release
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  yourself, you get away from the person, it doesn't mean that
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  you're going to automatically start being an emotional person.
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  And again, like, it doesn't mean that you're or just start
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  showing your emotions when you get out of the relationship.
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  It doesn't work that way, does it?
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  What it, what it does mean is that there are so many people
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  out there that when you're dealing with this narcissistic
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  person, when you're dealing with this abusive person, that it
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  really can throw a monkey wrench and everything.
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  Like they can get in here and absolutely mess with you and try
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  to destroy you. So like I said, learn to express
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  yourself. If you in this relationship,
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  right and you can't leave or you have to take time to leave and
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  whatnot. I get that y'all, I understand
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  that. So I will say this right here.
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  A lot of the times you have to find a way to empower yourself.
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  You have to find a way to protect your peace and to
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  protect your own mental health. So sometimes you have to find
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  other people to vent to. You know, I do, I say I, I, you
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  know, I do have a support group called the mental Healers that
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  people are in the group, they vent into each other in the
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  group almost every single day. It's that
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  courses.mentalillness.net, or you can just go to
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  mentalillness.net and find it out as well, y'all?
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  But there's so many people that are battling this situation,
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  that are battling this scenario, that have this type of stuff
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  going on within themselves. That is tough.
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  Yeah, it's tough. It's absolutely tough.
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  It's tough when you have a partner who's so emotionally
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  disconnected from you that your tears set them off.
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  Your expression of emotions that make them feel uncomfortable
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  that they don't understand sets them off in one way or another.
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  When I say it activates them right, I'll say trigger.
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  Some people use the word trigger.
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  I won't say activate or sets them off.
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  When you act, when your, your tears, activate them to the
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  point where they are behaving erratically like they are out
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  here just acting a damn fool towards you and everybody else,
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  like they're, they're treating you horribly just because you're
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  trying to express yourself, just because you're trying to just
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  move forward and grow, like you're trying to express
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  yourself and you're trying to heal and you're trying to move
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  forward. This is what happens.
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  You know, this is what happens to so many people.
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  Like you have to protect your own peace in these relationship
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  spaces. Because the narcissist.
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  Yeah, being realistic, as long as it doesn't affect them in a
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  negative way, they don't care. Your emotions, your tears, your
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  crying effects them in a negative way.
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  They don't care about that. They care about how they feel
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  and how it's making them feel. They don't care about how you're
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  feeling in the moment or how you even got to this point until you
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  try to damn leave them. And also all of a sudden they
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  care. Why don't you tell them you were
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  feeling this way? Why don't you tell me you were
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  hurting? Why don't you tell me you were
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  unhappy? What the hell do you?
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  What the hell do you thought think the tears meant?
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  You thought I was crying of joy every time you was yelling and
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  screaming me. You think I was crying for joy
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  when you would cheat on me? That was crying for joy when you
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  would hide money and financially abuse me.
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  What the fuck is that? What that like?
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  How stupid is that? Yeah.
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  Those tears of joy. We we were telling me to shut
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  the hell up. We were tears of joy when when
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  my mom passed away and you just told me to shut the hell up and
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  get over it. There.
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  People get old. People die every day.
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  You think those are tears of joy?
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  You think I was? You think I was happy then?
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  No, they knew you weren't happy. Y'all don't get to the point
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  where you let them try to manipulate you and try to make
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  it sound like they didn't understand you were sad because
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  your parent died or a pet died or you lost somebody or you lost
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  something. You got fired from your job that
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  you had for so many years. You had to quit school to take
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  care of kids, whatever it is like they know, they they know.
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  Don't try to let them convince you that the day that they did
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  not know that they do not know. Hell no.
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  You're way past that point right there.
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  We, we're like y'all, we're not falling for the stupid ass
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  manipulations no more in 2025. We just can't do that no more.
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  We can't do that anymore, y'all. We just cannot do that anymore
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  in 2025. It's a, it's just, it's y'all,
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  it's healing season, it's growing season.
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  We, you want to be with somebody or around somebody that you can
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  express yourself freely with because these relationships have
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  you crying more and more. And I said when you can't let
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  your tears out, we can't let them out.
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  You held, you hold them in the tears.
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  Have to go somewhere, y'all. So when you hold it in tears,
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  this is say like, it's kind of like a house, it's kind of like
• 14:31
  a roof. It's kind of like a house with a
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  leaky roof, right? The roof protects it, right?
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  The roof, the rain, the rain hits the roof, right?
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  Let's say the rain hits the roof, it goes into the gutters
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  and it just flows down, right? But when you don't let them out
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  when you got a faulty roof or or the gutters are messed up, you
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  got a hole in the roof. The rain goes inside right?
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  It gets wet, it gets it gets things wet that don't need to be
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  wet and it started destroying the house from the inside out.
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  You have you have to fix your roof.
• 14:58
  I know y'all love that real estate analogy.
• 15:01
  Didn't you had to end it with that right that end it was neat.
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  Anyways, y'all think I will tune into another episode.
• 15:06
  I appreciate y'all so damn much. Make sure you hit the subscribe
• 15:08
  button if you haven't already, especially if if you only follow
• 15:10
  me on TikTok and they'd say TikTok might get banned next
• 15:13
  week. This time be safe, take care of
• 15:16
  yourselves and as always y'all, as always, this is out peace.
• 15:22
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 15:24
  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 15:26
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
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  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 15:37
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 15:39
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 15:41
  video.