Latest / Aging Parent TrapX / The Fall That Changes Everything
Transcript
- Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Today we're about something that will eventually happen to everyone. I call it the fall that changes everything. That is when someone in your family either falls, can't get up, they have ⁓ they got a diagnosis, they end in the hospital, and it's all very sudden and unexpected, and nobody knows what to do. My is Allison Newlon I'm the broker owner of Platinum Properties of Florida in the Greater Tampa. Bay Area and I am here with two of my friends Julie Cook and Nikki Flynn and I just I'll let them tell you what they do really quick and then we'll talk about the fall that changes everything. Julie? Nikki: you you you Julie Cook: My name is Julie Cook. My husband and I own a company called Generational Transitions. And we help seniors who need to move into senior living communities, whether it's independent living, assisted living, or even memory care, we can help you find the right community with the care level that you need. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: And Nikki. Nikki: My name is Nikki Flynn and I'm a paralegal and I focus on being able to help people have the right proper documents in place before an emergency happens. So basically that is estate planning. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: estate planning. So, you we're just living life. We're cruising through life. We're doing our regular stuff as a Gen Xer, raising a family, taking them to and from school. know, all the stuff that we do as parents, as adults, ⁓ now our adult parent has a situation ⁓ we weren't expecting it because, you know, they're our parent. ⁓ had taken care of us ⁓ now it's time for us to take care of them. ⁓ this happened to me about two years ago. know, I got that phone call. My mom was living at a house all by herself and you know, starting to become time. We were starting to have the Mom, what do you want to do next? Where do you want to go? But she didn't want to make those decisions yet. She wasn't ready to do that ⁓ and it's, they're hard to make, but we had to make decisions very, very quickly because she did fall. She couldn't get up, ended up in the hospital, ended up in skilled nursing for six to eight weeks and then went straight into assisted living without ever going and living back at home. And then I had to deal with all of the things in the house and what do we do with the house and how do I get her comfortable where she going to go all of that quickly. And had to make sure that the paperwork was in order. God forbid that something happened to her that the was in order for the house so that I could make decisions. ⁓ Nikki: You Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: power of attorney and all of that kind of stuff. And so I kind of made it a mission of mine to, I had to navigate it, but then I started to have clients and friends have to navigate that as well. ⁓ it dawned on me that the Gen Xers were now going through the stage of life with their parents ⁓ they have no guidance. They don't know what to do. ⁓ don't know where to start. And ⁓ started to figure I've got to find people that can help Nikki: You Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: with this process. And so I went to a senior event in St. Petersburg, Florida. I met these two ladies and they both had tables there. They were doing their own thing and I said this is a real good idea that we can get together and we can talk about this and try and help people navigate ⁓ And they were on board to do it. And so I want to ask Julie, ⁓ you Nikki: you you ⁓ Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: The fall that changes it all, I mean, what happens when you get a call from a family like this? I mean, what are they doing? What are they feeling? What do you do to help them? Julie Cook: So when that phone call comes, is, I feel a lot of empathy ⁓ oftentimes, like you said, they're going along, they're living life. Suddenly they get a phone call that mom or dad fell and what do I do? Many times they're out of town, out of state. They're dealing with doctors and hospitals and insurance and social workers. ⁓ ⁓ almost like, okay, first we have to slow down, take this one step at a time. ⁓ they need surgery? Okay, then what's the next step? ⁓ Nikki: You you you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Right. Julie Cook: So initially my role almost is like a counselor at first to be like, okay, let me guide you through the steps. Let's get through the medical part of it. And then let's figure out what we're gonna do afterwards. One thing ⁓ consider that most people don't is the situations are almost always very fluid. Ideally, they go to the hospital, maybe they go to rehab and they come home or even they go on to a senior living community. ⁓ often there's bumps in the road. Nikki: you you Julie Cook: And so that's something I feel like you need to be prepared for upfront is we're going to ride a little bit of a roller coaster. But you know, when you have a professional beside you, it's okay because they're going to help you on the roller coaster. So that's Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Mm-hmm. Well, and so and that kind of so of these things are simultaneously happening ⁓ because mentioned someone goes the hospital. I mentioned that, too. I mean, Nikki, you help ⁓ with the paperwork sometimes needed when the adult children has help make medical decisions for their parents? Julie Cook: Mm-hmm. Nikki: Yes, and ⁓ it's by time they get to me, it's not at the too late stage. ⁓ And why it's very important for me to get out there into the community and really explain why you just can't wait. Nobody wants to talk about death. I get it. Like when they come to me, it's like, it's the most dreaded conversation that we have to have, but we have to have it because a lot of times what will happen is there is that emergency. There is that phone call that they get. And then unfortunately they are incapacitated or they're not able to communicate or sign. And at that point I can't help them put documents in place. So the most important thing is, Hey, the minute that we start to see that there's a slight decline in health, or even if we just wanna be proactive and just, I'm a firm believer in if we make things happen and we put them in place, it kinda wards off that problem from happening for a really long time. It's always better to have a game plan instead of waiting until the last minute. But my job is to, if we are able to get documents signed, is to be able to help the families walk through and navigate the type of documents that they're gonna need. the decisions that the parent is actually wanting to make sure that the kids execute their exact wishes in full to make sure that they're honoring what their parent is actually wanting. When you wait till a really late situation and the parent can't really communicate or has already kind of given up, they're not a good quality of life. So their wishes are not really gonna reflect too much. And then that's unfortunate because then the children usually end up with carrying that grief of Do I really know what mom and dad wanted? Did I make the right decision? It's so much better for the family to do that preemptively so that way we're not having to carry that weight of, my goodness, is that really what they wanted? Or trying to remember a conversation from like 10, 15 years ago when you might have brought it up because somebody else passed away. So it just makes sense to try to be proactive and put the documents in place. So that way we can have an open conversation and make sure everybody's wishes are known and that the documents are gonna reflect it. So when that emergency happens, those documents are already in place and it just allows for a very seamless and smooth process to handle things and it reduces the stress on everybody. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Yeah, I think that that is really important. think some people are reluctant to ⁓ the conversations. Maybe the child, the adult child, the Gen Xer, or whoever they are, they don't have to be Gen Xer, but. Nikki: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: not ready to face that, but sometimes the parents not ready to face their mortality ⁓ or next stage, ⁓ my gosh, I have to leave this home that I've loved forever and ever. And ⁓ don't Julie, so like when ⁓ people are to you, do you have people, ⁓ it would be if people could talk to you in advance because you help people find where they're gonna go they're gonna to leave house that they live in by themselves. Is that correct? ⁓ Julie Cook: that's correct. ⁓ what's great about what I'm able to do is I can walk with them through the journey. So oftentimes I'll meet families in the hospital, knowing that we're going to go through this process together. It's not going to be an immediate deal, but I'm going to walk you through the hospital process, the rehab process, and then on from there. The other thing that I think that is important to know is when we talk specifically in terms of assisted living, I think a lot of Nikki: you you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Mm-hmm. Julie Cook: seniors, lot of probably Gen Xers think nursing home. very, very different things. ⁓ tell people this, assisted living is the independence that you want, but with care when you need it. So you have your own apartment, you can come and go as you please, ⁓ God forbid you fall, you're not alone. You need help managing your medication because that gets confusing. No problem. There's somebody there to do that for you. ⁓ there to help cook meals. ⁓ know, one thing that ⁓ Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Right. Julie Cook: that along these lines, what do I watch for? ⁓ we're talking about the fall. That's an obvious thing to watch for. ⁓ other things to keep in mind is ⁓ if you stop by mom and dad's house and mom used to keep an immaculate house and now things just aren't quite the same. The laundry's piling up. ⁓ housekeeping's not there because mom can't run the vacuum. Mom can't bend down and pick up things like she used to. Mom forgot to and left the oven on for six or eight hours. Nikki: you you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Mm-hmm. Julie Cook: because she's just forgetting things. And so these are things proactively that you can watch for to initiate that conversation of, I'm noticing this has become in a little bit of a situation and start to have that conversation hopefully before a fall or something like that where then decisions have to be made right away. Nikki: you you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Yeah, it would be good to have a list of those kind of identifiers actually. You might have something like that. We're gonna try and put some information ⁓ each of us in the, ⁓ in the description below this video and perhaps, ⁓ definitely the pinned comments, I'll definitely put everybody's contact information. ⁓ But Julie or Nikki something that they wanna share ⁓ with you guys like that kind of list of identifiers or maybe the top three documents that you might wanna, or the top document that you want to have done in advance. We will put a little blurb in the description below. ⁓ I actually, I wanted to say something when you were talking about the assistant living versus a nursing home situation. And think it's also important that the, Nikki: you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: parents know the difference between those things, the skilled nursing, assisted living, and a hotel concierge. Because my mother, my mom, she is like, well, they didn't do my laundry today. Or they didn't, you know, I mean, it's almost, I'm like, mom, you they're not, it's not a hotel. You know, we can't afford that kind of, you know, service here. Nikki: Yeah. You Julie Cook: it. Thank Ha ha! Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: So, you know, calm down a bit. So with, ⁓ and I think that's the fun part, the funny, that's the funny part. That's the part that the gen Xers can, we can, we can poke fun at that kind of stuff and, and, you know, at some of the situations that happen, the things that kind of make us go, whoo, this driving me crazy, but you can have a little joke and poke fun. Cause I just made you guys laugh. It is the story, you Nikki: I'm Julie Cook: Yes. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Like it is a true story. I just roll my eyes when she's telling me this on the phone. I'm like, ⁓ my gosh, like I don't need to call about that, you know, call the facility about that. I'm going ⁓ ask, Nikki, you have, I did ask you, did ask you ⁓ are some of the biggest mistakes that families make is when they too long to plan. ⁓ Can think of something else that maybe, ⁓ I if ⁓ there a top thing that they needed to do first. if they had this situation happen where they didn't plan in advance? would you say? Like they get that phone call and now all chaos breaks out and they're just trying to, ⁓ make sure mom and dad is safe and, know, make sure that, I don't maybe they have a dog, maybe, you know, ⁓ whatever it you you take care of that stuff. But what would be the next step paperwork wise that you would say is the ⁓ Nikki: Mm. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: like number one important thing if they had not prepared anything in advance. ⁓ Nikki: Yeah, if they didn't prepare anything in advance, then basically what the kids are going to have to do is, yes, the doctors will allow the children to make the decisions as long as there's no fighting, as long as the kids are in agreeance, especially if there's more than one. If everybody's in agreeance or the spouse and the child is like, OK, yep, we're on the same page. This is the care we want. The doctors will listen. But if there is fighting where they're disagreeing on who should make the decisions, you have to remember The laws don't always recognize just because you're married to somebody that that person has your best interest. And same thing with the children. So for the protection of the facility and for the protection of the patient, a lot of times they will get the hospitals, concierge, like their advocates involved to basically step in and say, okay, you guys either need to figure this out or we're gonna take over their care. the advocate is gonna step in, and then you'll have to apply for guardianship. And the guardianship is a court process, and courts don't move fast just because you need them to. So you're looking at a six to nine month process. In the meantime, the state is making those decisions. So it's very, very important to make sure that we handle the decisions and the paperwork ahead of time, because otherwise what you're doing is you're trying to basically Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: ⁓ my goodness. Nikki: put a puzzle together when you don't know the shape of the puzzle, you don't know what the pieces look like, and you don't even know where to start. So the first thing when there's no documents in place is you have to go to your parents' home and you have to figure out what is going on. Do they have pets? First of all, can you even get into the home? Because if you don't live in the same state, do you have a key? Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Mm-hmm. Nikki: So those are like the very, very beginning processes where when I sit down with somebody, I usually tell them, okay, is gonna be a very thorough process, but I want you to know from start to finish, we are gonna comb through everything so that way if we were to blink our eyes and something were to happen, this binder that we're gonna put together is going to handle everything. I call it your life playbook from. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Right. Nikki: what accounts you want used to pay what bills? Are bills on auto pay? If not, do you mail a check or do you log into your account to pay those bills? What are the due dates of those bills? Do you have a contingency plan for medical expenses, for deductibles? Do you pay for your health insurance? Is that on auto pay? Is that during a credit card? You wanna know all these things because when that split second happens, you need to make sure that nothing skips a beat. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Yep. Nikki: You wanna make sure that if you are returning home, your power isn't turned off, nothing's happened to your animals, people can get into the house that need to get in the house. If you do have documents, they can find them, they know where they're at. So it's all about starting with communication and figuring things out from that very beginning point. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Yeah, having that binder, I mean, is ideal. I mean, that's what you help put together for people. You know, in my case, my mom did have something on the refrigerator that she always kept there. I that, you know, I knew that that existed. But when she fell, it was an early morning, like four in the morning kind of thing. And the neighbor had a key. So she didn't want to wake the Nikki: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: neighbor up. She didn't want to call 911 because how are they going to get in the house without breaking down the door? Because the type of home that my mom lives in, it's not a keypad. You can't give them a code. It's a regular lock. And the neighbor had the key and she didn't want to call the neighbor to wake up the neighbor who is also an elderly person. And so she laid there on the floor for several hours. And then she called me maybe around eight in the morning and told me all this, I was like, oh my gosh, so I had to call the neighbor and we called 911. so yeah, mean, things that you don't think are going to happen, they do happen. And I, in terms of... getting them into a place where they feel comfortable. Julie, that is, ⁓ I'm sure, challenge when you're talking to people because they don't want to leave their home many times and they don't like going into a small one bedroom or, I mean, you can get some fancy places as you know, but it's all based on your budget. And so, Julie Cook: Yeah. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: You know, I mean, are there any words that you would like to say to somebody about that process of when they choose the place and how they should kind of tackle that? Because it's a resistance, I guess, is what I'm trying to, that's the word, there's a resistance there. But how do you help families handle that? Nikki: you Julie Cook: Yeah. Yeah. And that's the important thing to know is you're exactly right. You're talking to someone who's lived in their home 20, 30 or more years. All their memories are there and now all of a sudden everything has changed. So not only are they dealing with health challenges or cognitive challenges, now you're saying that I can't go back to the home that I love. And so from my experience, the best thing I can offer is empathy. I can't change this for you. I am so sorry. I'm sorry you're in this situation. What I can do is tell you some of the pros. Pros being that you're gonna have, your safety is of utmost concern. As much as you love your memories of your home, ⁓ safety and making sure that you have care is of utmost concern. ⁓ then we go on to things, what do you enjoy doing? You know what, I've lived by myself for years. I don't really have any friends. I can help with that. ⁓ can find you a place where you can meet some new people, maybe pursue some hobbies, something that you've, Nikki: You you you Julie Cook: thought about doing but never had the time or didn't even know where to start. Did you enjoy going out to lunch or dinner, but maybe you're not able to drive anymore? These are things that you can enjoy in a senior living community. So we try and present the positive options to that on things that yes, I know you're gonna miss your home, but let me present to you in this new chapter, some really exciting things that you're gonna be able to enjoy. Nikki: you So ⁓ Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Yeah, and so as the adult child, ⁓ you know, of a parent going through this and maybe living, you know, it could just be an hour away. It could be a thousand miles away that the things that Nikki does ⁓ are place or can be in place, ⁓ you quicker than if they didn't know that it existed, that they could do these things. ⁓ And your in trying to ⁓ find a that meets the needs Nikki: you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: of their parent, that's gonna give the Gen Xer, the adult child, a lot of peace of mind too because they're in panic mode. Or just panic mode and also automatic pilot. These things matter of factly have to be taken care of now. everything else put aside. there's a lot of stress with that because you want your parent to be happy ⁓ and And when they're not safe, that's where a lot of the stress, more of the stress comes in, at least it did for me. And I was only an hour and a half away from where ⁓ this was happening ⁓ me. And even as a real estate professional, who knows how to... ⁓ Nikki: Okay. you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: clean up a house and make it look pretty and put it on the market. There was a question, I mean, what were we gonna do with the house and all the stuff in it? And so I navigated that process. I happened to be an only child, so I didn't have any siblings to help me. So I literally went through the entire house by myself. had my kids come and help me from time to time go through that stuff. it was a lifetime of memory. Nikki: you Okay. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: from photos to recipes to things that my mom, she started a love of garage sales. Oh my gosh. You know, at some point in time and you know, all these things that were, you know, just a quarter here and a dollar here and I mean, a bunch of stuff. And it wasn't a cluttered situation, but there was a lot of stuff that didn't have sentimental value for a fan, you know, family-wise. It wasn't past down, but it was a lot of stuff to go through. so, you know, I think order of operation me was get her safe, ⁓ sure the paperwork, ⁓ simultaneously safe paperwork, everything in order. And then I tackled the house and I had the luxury of being able to take my time doing that. Maybe it took me about seven months or so to go through it and and then somebody come Julie Cook: Yeah. Nikki: you you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: in and make some minor repairs. In my case, we decided to rent it out to offset the expense of her assisted living facility. And ⁓ what we do. And that's a whole other topic ⁓ we will launch at another time. ⁓ But going that and then helping other people, other families, especially families that have siblings, ⁓ me making the by myself as tough as it was, Nikki: you you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: I didn't have to argue over anything with anybody. You know, I didn't have to. But when you have the siblings involved and now everybody wants to sell the house and they don't need to rent the house out and what's the price and what's the thing and what do we do with who's going to go to the house? There's usually I find that tends to be like one one of the adult children is the one that usually takes charge. Is that what you guys see as well? Yeah, two kids. They can have five kids. There's usually one person that kind of takes the lead and does Nikki: you Okay. Julie Cook: Yes. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: a lot of the heavy lifting. it can be very ⁓ to decide is right to do from a ⁓ And I after kind of going through all things ⁓ with you guys, I'm going to go ahead and ⁓ wrap it up here now because we have ⁓ a lot of topics we're going to discuss over the next several weeks. I would end with myself that planning early makes things a lot easier, but we don't always have the luxury of doing that. So we want families to do this alone. That's why decided to have these conversations out loud. ⁓ And ⁓ the to reach Julie and the information to reach Nikki about the things that they do. And if you guys want to add something about one more Nikki: Okay. ⁓ Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: more time so people don't forget. Julie, if you just want to, you know, mention your, how can reach you and, and, ⁓ and, you really just do air, like the greater Tampa ⁓ Bay Is that correct? I don't want to get it wrong, but. ⁓ Julie Cook: So I'm ⁓ in just outside of Tampa Bay. So that's my base area, but I have actually placed folks out of state so we can do the research. What's great is that for our services, there's no cost to the family. We get paid later down the road. I'm a big fan of transparency because folks want to know costs upfront. So that's the nice thing is I can help anywhere and there's no cost. So you can mark that off of the budget list. Nikki: you you Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Okay. facilities come, it's almost like a real estate transaction ⁓ almost the ⁓ facility compensates So it's not out of the pocket of the family in any way, or form. ⁓ Julie Cook: Yes. Nikki: you Okay. you Julie Cook: Exactly, exactly. And so that's a huge relief. So folks know if they need to ask questions and stuff, there's no cost. I get paid by the community after mom or dad moves in. So no expense there. As far as contact information, I'll be glad to leave that. My website is gt for generationaltransitions-florida.com. ⁓ then my email is my first name, julie ⁓ gt-florida.com. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Got it. Julie Cook: And if you want to reach out there, I can give you my direct information and I'll be happy to connect. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Perfect, I'll make sure that that is in the description below. Always, it will always be there, everybody will be able to find it. Nikki. Nikki: ⁓ So I am currently working on my website to add some additional services that I just finished wrapping up my licensing for. So that's under construction right now. But ⁓ my email is nicki.ni.kki. at elites, E-L-I-T-E, prep, P-R-E-P, services, S-E-R-V-I-C-E-S, dot com. yes, I have, I have LinkedIn, Facebook, I have them all. So I'll go ahead and share those links with you. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: and you have a LinkedIn page too. Perfect. I didn't mean to cut you off. Go ahead. You can continue on. No, mean, because you do charge for service, but the way that you charge is a lot different than what a standard attorney would charge because you're paralegal. Is that correct? Mm-hmm. Nikki: No, that's okay. Right. Yes. Yep. So basically services are ⁓ like a document preparer. So basically what I'm doing is I'm still providing ⁓ same legal documents that you would get at a law firm at a fraction of the price. So my fees are flat fees. So I am very upfront with my pricing ⁓ a full estate plan. It's 2500. So that's my flat fee and that includes all documents. So that's gonna be, you know, if we're doing the trust, if we're doing a poor-over-will, we're doing a healthcare directive, a power of attorney, a durable power of attorney, their final disposition, which is who gets to handle their remains when they pass, what they're wanting. I do the asset inventory for them. I transfer the property into the trust for them. And then I go through all the nuances of... you know, making sure that we get all of the information written down, like what medicines they take, what doctors they see, what are their passwords, all of those little things that you don't think to remember. That's what I do as well with the clients. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Yeah, and that's hours and hours and hours worth of work right there. I mean, that is, mean, if you just, I mean, at $2.50 an hour, 10 hours, it would take, I mean, that's well worth it because you are going to pay a lot more. And plus, you know, I think you can tell by us talking with each other that everybody truly and genuinely cares about helping Nikki: Yeah, it's tedious, ⁓ Okay. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: the family. It's not just another transaction. You know, really, we've through it, we're going through it. I mean, you know, ⁓ I'm going to speak for everybody else here ⁓ on panel, ⁓ but been open and upfront about I've gone through it. I've helped people go through it. I'm still going through it. ⁓ And you know, this is part therapy for me. ⁓ Honestly, really is. you know, so, you most families don't start thinking about these things. Julie Cook: down. Nikki: Yeah. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: until something happens and we want to start to try and change that. And again, I'm Allison Newell, broker owner of Platinum Properties of Florida. Thank you for watching and keep watching because we are going to be putting out more videos discussing, ⁓ gosh, we have 16 different topics that we want to discuss. So there's going to be a lot more information coming your way and we want to see you back here.