Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Get Better at Saying No | Ep. 130
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to the reset. I am Sean Tucker, human performance scientist and authority architect. We are here in the Living Lab documenting the science, the struggle, and the shift for every high performance dad and founder who is ready to bridge the gap between their presence and their ambition. If you want to get more of what you want, you have to get better at saying no to what you don't want. This is literally the most simple thing. If you're someone who likes to say yes to everyone and likes to please everyone, you will put yourself last always, which means you're gonna be the last one to get what you want. And you're probably gonna live in a little bit of resentment too, when you feel like you wanna say no, but for some reason you say yes. And trust me, it's not because you don't want to say no. It's actually more to the point you're f afraid of hurting someone's feelings. So let's be real. People pleasing in this day and age is so Ripe like everyone does it. I do it. This is something that I'm recovering from. And I think it's honestly we are conditioned very much to do it. We're conditioned to really care about what the other person thinks. How are they feeling? We are conditioned to really think about the consequence. of what we say, what we do, which is great. Like that's I think it's very, very good thing to have. Have that awareness around every action you have, every action you take, has some form of consequence. It's not a matter of if it's good or bad. It's just action equals consequence. Every single time. Whether you're aware of it, whether you like it, whether you don't like it, whether you're not we're aware of it. Doesn't matter. Anyway, people pleasing can go eat shit. Because if you tend to put yourself last, and what I mean by that is someone comes to you, a friend, a family member, colleague, just someone who's like, I need your help. Can you help me? Yes, I can help you. But end of the day it it costs you something. Especially when you want to say no. Like if you're someone who just says yes and wants to do it, of course, keep going. Keep go go ahead. Don't listen to this podcast episode. But if you're someone who the back of your mind actually wants to say no, you have something else on. And maybe you just want to take time off. You just don't want to do the thing that people are inviting you to do. And just say no. Simply own it. Say it out loud Say No. One of the greatest things I learned about a year and a half ago was No is a fully formed sentence. I'll say that again. No is a fully formed sentence. No. Simple as that. But how hard is it to do it? How hard is it to say it? If you're listening and you're a bit like me, you probably find it pretty challenging. Part of you had never really maybe had your needs met. And so you met everyone else's needs, thinking that maybe at some point you'll have your needs met. Doesn't work like that. And not I'm not saying just go and be greedy and be selfish. No. I'm saying be very aware of what it is you want and what it is you want to do. Because ultimately no one's gonna help you get it unless you ask them, can you help me get it? You have to be very blunt and direct. Say, this is what I want. And not, ⁓ I think I want to do it. Yes. Because coming from that place, if you truly don't want to do it, There's gonna be some form of resentment, there's gonna be some form of I guess regret, guilt, remorse whatever negative emotion you can think of can be attached to that. So get better at saying no. Get better at saying no. That's definitely one of my ⁓ tools that I've had to learn how to use better and more often. And here you go, here's that tool for you. Just say no. It takes me back to one of the board games I remember when we had when we were kids. It was talking about drugs and Trying to educate kids on what to do when the situation of the social situation they were in. It ⁓ brought drugs into the equation, and the idea of the game is you just say no. And I think it's great for the meaning and the message that I'm trying to get across here is you can say no. You don't have to partake. If you don't want to partake, don't partake. Don't do it because everyone else is doing it. Be the black sheep, stay true to your guns, and follow what your gut says, not what everyone else is telling you to do. That's it. That brings us to the end of the episode today. If you have liked it, if you've got some value out of it, just share it with one person. And remember, if you want to stop being the passenger of your life and start being the architect of your legacy, make sure you comment the word reset and I'll send you the seven day integrity reset. Most people wait for their life to change. We are the ones who are architecting the choice. Change your state, choose how you show up. I'm Sean Tucker, I'll see you in the next one.