Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #223 Sexy Talk, Spicy Playdates & The Great Gender Debate

Transcript

#223 Sexy Talk, Spicy Playdates & The Great Gender Debate · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I've got a new obsession.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Are we on?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we live, We're live, coming to you live.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: What have you got for me?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: A new obsession?
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: Is this going TikTok called Geeter names getter and all
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: he does is he does like around the house hacks.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: But a lot of it has to do with w
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: D forty. It is unbelievable. What I think.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: It's right up your alley about thought. Okay, I do
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: want to I want to know what the hacks are. Okay,
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: because I fucking love w Welcome back to two dotting dads.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: I am Maddie Jay and I'm Geeter. This is a
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: podcast all about parenting.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: And we won't give advice, but we will talk about
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: w D forty. Give me a hack, what do you got.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: I'll talk about it till the cows come home, literally
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: and then I'll spray him with w D forty. There's
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: low odor now you know how it's quite pungent lottimes
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: what I was low odoor Now for more enclosed spaces,
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: w MATE anything clean your fly screen. You can spray
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: around the outer window to stop bugs getting in.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: You can spray it on you.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: You can drink it.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: You can drink it, mate, you can do anything.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: And this guy is just like classic, just anything you
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: can think of. He's got a hack for it. But
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: when he gets a WD forty yet, you can see
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: the passion in his face for WD forty.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: And they've got no competitors. They've got the market all
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: to themselves.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: What do they got?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Like? Honestly, it's like that olive oil.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Do you know what's another well said?
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Do you know it's another really good spray. It's called
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: Start your Bastard?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Where is it real? I'll tell you. It's just how
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: you get your lawnmowers started from.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Like can you buy it from Bunnings?
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: It's called Start your Bastard. It's actually called start your Bass.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: My grandfather got me onto it when he.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Was sixteen bucks. Four point seven stars, great review.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what does it do? It's called start. You can
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: get your lawnmower started. You can get your cast at
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: your tractor.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: You got a tractor home?
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Do you not yet?
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Anyway, that's my latest obsession.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Is this the manliest we've ever soound on the podcast?
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got a tape me here that says Keith.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: Keith definitely has a bottle of start your bath.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: So he would have a bottle of he'd have a
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: few half full bottles.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Okay, talking about tape measures housekeeping, Ash, people want to know,
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: not really, but let's let them know where we're at
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: with the studio.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Going into measure today. Hence the tape measure.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: I want to be honest here and I don't want
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: this to take the wind out of your sales. But
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: I'm nervous. Don't be because you're in charge. You're you're
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: the construction guy, you're the project manager, you're the foreman,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: and this is your baby.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: There's a high pressure gig, this one very high pressure.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: As you can see by my demeanor. I am nothing
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: but confident.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: You're very relaxed, thank you, very limber.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I'm bored for this. Back into a corner. That's when
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I do my best work.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: So we are going to go measure up we are?
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Okay, yes, in centimeters or mills. I'll make a decision
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: when I get there.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Can I ask the doughters a question because I was
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: putting forward a suggestion and it was shut down by
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: everyone on the team, Nest the editor, vic I ep yourself,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Ash the co host of this podcast, What was it?
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: I said, what do we think about not a table
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: but a couch?
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Oh no, it's cloucy.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, big sigh from Vic.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Vic couch couches feel too casual, Well.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Said, we should start wearing suits.
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: And we have some very deep on this show.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I think with a couch I slipped down it.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you'd fall asleep and you be talking to me
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: like melted into the couch. Okay, fine, all right, well
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: we'll do We'll sit at the table.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: If it's not broken.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: I did say with the studio, I was like, well,
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: let's just go and buy some furniture, and Ash was
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: like he waste your money Facebook Marketplace.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: So I want something weathered. I want it to feel loved.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: My concern is if we can't find the table that
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: we want in time, when we'll.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: Have to do it on the floor. No, we'll find it.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: It'll be my mission to find it. I'm already started.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Never you mind.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: But if you have a table out, there's.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Like ten points if it's in all the beaches.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Oh more than Temple if it's in North Sydney.
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: The reason I also like the table is because that's
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: your roots. That's where you came from. Like you started
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: on a table, just two guys having a chat. And
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: I think when guys have a chat they are at
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: a table, usually with a beer. We won't do that anymore,
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: but yeah, it feels more like authentic to who you
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: guys are, and your brand.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Feels more serious.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right?
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: And they wear nothing but serious around here. What else
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: you got? Housekeeping, Matt, I had to.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Do a test and Vic, I think you may have
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: done this. Ash, You're a spring chicken still, so there's
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: no way you've done this.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you. You're saying I'm old.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, I got a letter in a mail where I
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: was requested to a requested quested to attend a services
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: New South Wales center with the letter and my license
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: to make sure I could see I test.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I've done my tests, have you I've not
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: done this? That's for classes. Yes you are, that's right,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: you're crit Do you know anything about me? Fake?
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Whenever you wear those glasses, we always get a couple
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: of comments, always on the YouTube or someone's like.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Ash looks great.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: At the moment I've got them, I'd put them on,
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: like work to your strengths.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: You're meant to be the handsome one. That's why I
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: leave them off.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: We can both be handsome, right Vic, you're both very handsome.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: You're hear that. Dan had to keep my eyes off you.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: So I had to go in there and I was like,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: I'm almost forty and and did you even Vick?
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: No?
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I got no letter?
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, Well went in there. I was quite nervous
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: because I was like, fuck this up. It was so
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: quick because.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: They can take a license off here if you don't write.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: So can you see You're like who said that? Who
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: said that? Let me fill your face? Sorry to the
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: blind community out there.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: When you're at a services New South Wales and it's
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: just like Queensland Transports where you go for your license renewal,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: there's always someone blowing up, is it?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: There? Always?
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: There's a couple of places I don't like that sent
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: a link and any doctor's reception.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: There's always someone happening to go. The guy next to me,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: he was like, oh more five minutes and have you
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: ever passing around?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: And I was like that you wasn't it.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: She wasn't even really paying attention. She was like screen
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: behind her. She was like, say, there's what are those letters?
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: And I was like, is that an O or a zero?
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: I was panicking, just wet, coming down. I got a
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: couple wrong and she was.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Just like I got out of here.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: I think some of them are you meant to get wrong.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: So it's like, okay, well I've seen that wrong because
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: they projected it wrong on purpose.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: What so you passed a pass so you can drive
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: more than more than a perimeter of ten k?
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: I can? I can, but interesting you haven't had one.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: The next thing they'll be like, come in, we're testing
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: your hips. Damn it.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: What's a test for hips?
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Do a squat? You can't get back up? They take
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: your license off.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Your yes, sir, squat down? Ooh as grass No.
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: Sorry, actually quickly, I just want to give you an
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: update on my current renovations. Floorboards intact. Still, everything's floorboarded,
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: everything's there's a couple of spots that aren't.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: What do you mean, well, there's like.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: There is and the thing is with tongue and groove flooring,
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: which is the tongue goes into a groove so it
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: sits in there nicely.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Right If you knew that, if you miss.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: The spot, it's really hard to then get if there's
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: a blank spot in the middle of the floor, they're
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: cong in the groove and everything in.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Oh that's the situation.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: I mean, are we talking about you and April or
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: the floorboards?
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Floorboards specifically, there's one of the entries to the master
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: bedroom that I reckon.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I hear about it fifteen times a day.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: Like, so, what are you waiting on to fix that?
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: I'm just like, just the courage. I'm just looking for courage, really.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: And then we've pulled you into the studio.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she's thrilled. Yeah, so all good on that front.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: Some of the skirting's gone down. I've been away for
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: a week, so next week I'll hopefully be finished next week.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: Hopefully next week until I start a new project and
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: you pletely forget about that one whatsoever?
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: What about when you put the holes in your kitchen,
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: the one the bench, the hole I've.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Got there, Yeah, that's still there, is it? Yeah?
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: The kids keep putting things in there. I'm hiding all
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: my treasures in there. No, that's the next thing. Once
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: the floors are done, then I'm going.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: To put more holes in the water.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: It's been going on a while now.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Well, it's always do a regular job, which is this.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Please, it's not really please.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Come on, I do most of the work. Wow, that
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: is true. Why don't you come over and finish the flooring?
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: Then?
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I reckon, she would I know, I got a build
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: a husband. You'd be like, did you do it? Anyway?
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: I had a conversation just really quickly with a couple
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: in the park and I don't know if they listen
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: to the podcast. I don't think they do, but if
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: by any chance they are listening, I want to apologize,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: just really quick, I owe you an apology. On the weekend,
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: we were at a park. We were waiting for ice
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: creams at that little cafe, and as we were eating
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: the ice creams, they were also sitting at a table
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: not far from us, and I think the mom may
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: have listened to a shitty little podcast called Life un
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: Cut Terrible. It's not what is that?
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: I never heard of it. I don't know.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Good luck to them, it's them all the best.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I heard it. Dreadful. Yeah, that's not.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: I think that at the end of like the not
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: long to go now before.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: You know, when they're like, all good things come to
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: an end. That's why I'm still going because it's good.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: It's not good.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Laura.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: And she goes, look, she had two kids, and she goes,
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: I am actually pregnant with my third. Oh no to Laura,
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: and she goes, look, be honest with me, be real.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: What are the things that no one talked to you
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: about with the third child? And I I just waited.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Laura said her bit. And she's a very positive woman,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Laura right, and she was like, look, it's beautiful, it
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: is amazing. I love it, like it's the best thing
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: I've ever done in my life. And I was waiting
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm just gonna wait until she's
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: got a like she's wrapped up her sentence, and I
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: was like, listen here.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Forget everything. She just said. That's she's put on the front.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: The husband was also there, and I was like, then,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: have you ever got away for work? And they were
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: because when it happens, and it will and you're faced
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: with three children by yourself, you're gonna regret it. You will.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: It's just a fact.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: You're outnumbered, you're exhausted, you want have to wait and
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: it won't it'll continue. And I didn't. I don't don't get.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: That hard how far along was she at this point,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I couldn't tell.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: She looked great, look really good so far early days.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: But I just said, look, it is hard when you're
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: out numbered and you're single parenting. At times, there are moments.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: And then before I kind of gave her a second respond,
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: I was like, and another thing.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Her husband's like, let the man speak.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: He looked pretty nervous.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: How well behaved with the other kids.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: They were just the we're actually pretty pretty good. But
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: I just thought, you know what, like, I'm just going
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: to give it to a straight I'm just going to
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: manage her expectations.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: I want her to prepare for the worst, but hope
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: for the best.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Yes, expect the worst, but then get the best.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Right, Because if I'm like, it's fucking great, you're gonna
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: love it. This is beautiful, It's the best thing you ever did.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: When she's there at two am with a screaming child,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: she'll go fucking Maddy j He was right, No, But
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: if I say it's going to be amazing, oh, and
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: then it's not amazing. She's going to come for me. Yeah, right,
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I don't want a woman coming for me. She's my wife.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: He's got written down his hand his hand.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: I'm so, I don't want anyone coming for me. Pause pause, except.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: I've scripted the whole episode up until now.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: I'm looking by me for a teley problem.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: No, I just said both stars on the jont I
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: just said, look, the hardest thing I find right now
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: with three kids.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Is making my wife come.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Sorry, is very unimpressed with us. I apologize from this
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: momber to be a clean episode?
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Sure, well not, because you've got to see what I
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: got for your.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Next I said. The hardest thing right now is that
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: with three children, the older two, Marley is seven, Lolas five,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: you're trying to give them as much time as you
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: used to. You're trying to play with them, be present,
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: give them attention, make them feel loved. But you can't
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: because you've now got a newborn child. So you're constantly
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: like kind of drip feeding your attention to them. That
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: this same time, I'm looking at Poppy and I'm going, fuck,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: we're almost seven months now, and that's just gone in
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: the blink of an eye, and I'm like, I feel like,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: you know, she's now crawling, and I'm not really savord
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: enough of these newborn moments and it's my last time.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I'll love having newborn. And so you're really trying to
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: find this happy meeting between giving the older two enough
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: attention but also attention to the newborn, and you can't.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: So you just feel like you're kind of just a
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: bit shit really because you're being pulled.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: You feel like you're not filling up the cups enough.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Than's too many. You're out numbered, out numbered, too many cups.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: You can only do what you can do. So I
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: get it.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: And so then I looked at the couple and they
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: were kind of like.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, shaking, rocking back and forth like a simple hey,
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: how I yeah, I'm good, would have been sufficed.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: But I was like, well, then this happened. He's given
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: a full rundown of everything has happened.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: It was nighttime by the time I finished.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: She had the baby. She's like, it's actually one years
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: old now.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: And then Laura afterwards was like what was wrong with you?
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I've just wanted to give it
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: to them straight, and she's like, you've just traumatized them,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, is that a bad thing?
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: To be fair, you both gave them a little of something,
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: So it's going to even out thank you.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: But I think like, if you go in with all
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: the it's all going to be fucking.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: Rainbows, you're getting ready to be hit in the face,
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: Like I'd much rather would you much rather be king hit?
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Or no it's coming, No, it's coming. Yeah, I want
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: to praise.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like we're gonna hit me and the kidney's cool.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna reflex my kidneys. Can you do that?
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: That's not a muscle, it's an organs different, Matt, it's
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: been a while.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I want this part now.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you do. It's been a while.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: It's been a while since we've celebrated on this podcast.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: And I use the words celebrated because I'm not here
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: to shame any child or parent, no whatever.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: I we never would never do that on the podcast.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: But it's been a little while since we've celebrated a
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: decent pooh.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I can't tell you how many times I
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: do a poo And I'm like, I really want to
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: send this to Ash.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: I'm talking kid poop, bro, I don't want to adult
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: human poo noted. No, don't send them to me, please,
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: I got enough mates to send.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Me pictures of their fucking poo. Anyway, hang on a
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: circuit in a while.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: But who is it?
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: It used to be while, isn't it.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there was an app called Rape my pood Remember
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: that it was really going around?
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, moving on.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: So it's mid while since we celebrated, but it's come
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: to my attention my friend who.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I went away with recently, which we'll talk about later.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: They have a little boy, same Ajor's oscar, which is
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: turning seven this year, And here's once a week pooor like.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Which my baffles me.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: My younger brother used to be one of those.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, were they ever uncomfortable.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: He would go to the bathroom for like a good
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: forty five minutes.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Once we're on a yacht on the with Sunday sunk it.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: It was always a catamaran, so they have like those
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: tiny little sea toilets fucking out of order. Couldn't handle it.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Is football the boats Like.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: Once a week is crazy to me, and I think,
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: like what the heck like? And also like they're so
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: young that the PSI.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: On their pools is just unbelievable, I reckon.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: So they have brought to my attention a week long
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: wait for this particular poop which I'm gonna show you.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: God, okay and.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Post this one big. We'll have to put like a
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: trigger warning at first glance because people out there, they
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: are invested in this topic, right dotors.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: First glance, you're going to see it, but I want
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: you to potentially zoom in to really get the full
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: effect of this.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, Oh my god, that's nothing.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: No no, no, no, that's what I mean. Zoom that's nothing.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: What are you pushing out? Look out?
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: It wraps down, It's like three ft long.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Great little kid, I can't terrible about. No, just like
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: he's healthy, it's nice and smooth.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: It's very dark, it's very wrap around, like a snake
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: takes a little left turn.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: And believe it or not, the last time we celebrated
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: a pooh was when I went to Bart that time
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: and showed you a poof from that.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, same kid.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Macy's was the one that was Look it was girthy
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: and it was like pushed she pushed out in American
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: football into a nappy. Anyway, we celebrate poos around here,
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: and I think that is outstanding work.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Keep it up, letty.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Just speaking of poohs, very quickly, just very very quickly.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: I went to a birthday party on the weekend. It
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: was in Centennial Park. I had to go to the
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: rest room. See I'm trying to keep it clean. I
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: went to the bathroom and this is what I was
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: faced with. If you were faced with a similar toilet
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: like this one, answer me this ash. Would you a
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: just sit down and embrace the stainless steel or be
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: would you squat? Okay, hover if you will?
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: No toilet seed?
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: That's prison, prison state?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Were you in prison?
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Where is this Centennial Park?
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: I need to update that.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: As soon as I saw it, I was like, I
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: know exactly you've been that now.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I come from a long line of hovers. Okay, My
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: dad was a hover. His dad's dad was a hover.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: His dad's dad was a hover because of spiders in
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: the outhouse. But my dad was a hoverer because of hemorrhoids. Sorry, Dad,
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: but I find that too much hard work, so I
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: would gladly sit on that.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: He's got great quads, Quadzilla.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: They called me the pistons, but they're not hovering, you know.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: The annoying thing was they had just cleaned the toilet,
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: so there was still a lot of wetness on the floor,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: so my shorts then the end of the shorts then
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: got Yes, that irks.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: Me more also as well.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: What scares me as if I'm wearing quite a long
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: T shirt in a particular day and I go to
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: sit down and I forget I'm on a long shirt
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: that I might accidentally poop in the back of my
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: T shirt.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: You're wearing a dress, what are you doing?
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Shirt's girt? Nice moment, but that's just a fear of mine.
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: How low are you putting your shorts when you're on
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: the toilet or you're.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: On full motion?
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Well I was like they were like around the knees,
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: but then as I was hovering, then they dropped. And
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: I was also scroll on my phone, so multitasking.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: It was very tip tuck the bottom of your shorts
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: in your socks.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: I was wearing like crocs.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Well that's your fault for wearing crocs, thank you, but
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: It's a bad feeling when you stand up and you
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: feel it on the back of your thighs and you're like,
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: damn it.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, ruined.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: And I was wearing like creamy shorts anyway, is it
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: piss or.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Is it just wet it's probably piss. Let's be honest.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: Ash. We had our episode come out on Monday with
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: the sex ologist Juliet Allen. How much sex have you
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: had since that episode?
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Endless look A moderate amount, A sprinkling, a dash, a
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: tasting if you will.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: I will.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Definitely took a solid advice, which was to kiss my
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: wife before I leave and when I get back.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: But the issue now just like what do you want
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: when Laura leaves. I've never brushed my teeth and so
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I've got like fermented breath. I'm like, come here.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I don't have people like when you watch a movie
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: and they wake up and they kiss, You're like, oh,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: this is a horror movie.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we did. I did our business once and happy
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: to say that. In that episode, we talked about it's
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: hard trying to make any noise because Poppy is in
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: the room with us. I have built a cot, the
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: cot has built. Poppy is in that cot in another room.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: So we did our thing.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: What was the first word out of you, man?
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: I still I was stuck in the poppy.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Ah yeah, and then I and then there was like
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: top damn it.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: And then also the cat was being so loud downstairs.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Is that you.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: And I was I was like, did you hear that?
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And you're like it was.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: I was like, I think we're being robbed because ship
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: was banging downstairs. The cat was making such a racket
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: and she was like, what do you mean? And I
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: was like, I think I was very distracted, and it was.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: And then there was no Poppy in the room, and
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: it was it was. Everything was a lot harder, a
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Well,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: at least try it, if you know what I'm saying.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: It was a lot harder, wink, if you know what
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I'm saying.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: But I was distracted, like, yeah, I haven't tried anything
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: other than the and look, I don't feel like the
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: noise is a problem for us.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm not sitting there, but I'm not like I'm not.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we're silent?
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Are we your miming to each other?
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: Anyway? Yeah, the kiss hello, goodbye. I think it's a
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: good start for us, and.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I hope all the dotors out there are getting their
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: little kisses good bye.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: They're getting some.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: Smirking right now, listening big horn bags, maybe okay, breaking news,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: breaking news, yes, the one and only.
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: This is really on part with the what you guys
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: have already been discussing.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: So who.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: This is coming from someone who always tries to move
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: the topic away from the bathroom and toilets and pooh,
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: A bit rich of you to choose this one, big Yeah,
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: I'm turning into your guys.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Literally it happens. It happened. Just embrace it.
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: Well clearly I am, so take a listen to this.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: A new survey has revealed the average man spends seven
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: hours a year hiding in the bathroom, not for hygiene,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: but for a little.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Peace and quiet just side. Not their amateur numbers.
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: The study of one thousand British men found one in
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: three admit using the toilet as a personal escape zone,
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: with nearly a quarter calling it their official safe space
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: away from chores, noise and family chaos. Researchers say the
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: bathroom has become the modern day man cave, leaving women
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: everywhere feeling validated but still annoyed.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: You said British, you lived in London for a while,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: I am British. Actually seven hours?
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: What's up per per year? What are these men doing?
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: How they that?
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Why are they even agreeing to take this survey.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: That's just like snitches.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: We Yeah, when we have kids, we have a vow
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: of silence.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Who's it'd be? One guy?
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: It was me vic as a mum, you are a mother. Indeed, surely,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: surely you can just lock the door, right, get some
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: peace and quiet. Like have you ever with Dan your
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: husband going Dan, I'm just going to the loo and
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: then just going it's nice in here.
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: Yes, I do lock the door, but if I do
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: lock it, like, the kids absolutely riot, So it's not
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: worth it.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: It's like when you're at work and the boss is
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: not in that day. Is that what it's like When
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: you're in the bathroom the kids like, no boss today,
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: let's go and they go crazy.
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: They're trying to get to me. They riot, and they
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: get very very up, Like I can smell it.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's the fact that my business is quite smell.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: I don't think, amen, I don't think my kids want
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: to be anywhere near me when I'm.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, try and drag me in all the time.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it'd be punishment, I think if they were in
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: the room with me. Yeah.
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: I think it's because most of the time I'm not
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: doing a number two. I'm just like sitting on the toilet,
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: so I can do from them, so I can like
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: I don't know, right back to messages or emails or
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: like just to have some away time because it's the
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: one place they don't find us.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: But you're saying this podcast is edited in the bathroom.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Some of the partial bits have been edited in the bathroom.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I can feeling.
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: Definitely not but our bathroom in our new place, it's
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: behind the door, so you can't actually see it, and
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: it's almost like a little Heidi hole. And so sometimes
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: I keep the door open and then be in there
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: so that it can't find me.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: Genius.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Genius.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: Sometimes if I lock the door, I was like, would
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: you look a door for I was like, so the
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: kids don't come in. She was like, well they come
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: in when I go and I go lock the door, Like, well,
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: get in trouble either way.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: It is the one activity that I get peace and quiet.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: So sometimes like, oh, I'm doing an quite regular so
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: you know, four trips to the bathroom in a day
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: is not uncommon for me. Really, thank you, We've got.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: You should get that checked. Yes, normal, First, the eyes
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: now the eyes.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: You are forty this year, next year, next year, thirty nine.
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you, thank you vig bringing all the
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: hard hitting news to the dotors. Like I said, amateur
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: numbers and I don't think over a course of a year,
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: seven hours, isn't isn't it?
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: Well, I'm intrigued to know if they did this study
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: in Australia on Australian men, if there'd be similar numbers,
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: because I feel like they'd be much higher.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: This study is dangerous and we need to put an
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: end to it immediately. Although yeah, okay, study shows that
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: men are pieces of shit. I have realized something which
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: is pretty like pretty obvious. Maybe it's because my sister
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: has been away for such a long time and she's
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: my go to parent when I need to get some support.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: What about me?
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: You live in the Northern Beach mean no, obviously you
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: call me every now and then, which I really.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: Appreciate your answer.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I know it's the that you're ringing that I'm like.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Ah, You're like ah nah.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I won't pick up. But I just like that you're
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: thinking about me. It's a very toxic relationship.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: What the hell is that about?
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: On Thursdays?
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Called you on Saturday.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: You didn't pick up after I was like, are you're
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: ever going to respond to me?
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you did send me a couple of the messages
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't respond to.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: He's so bad.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: He sends me like the silliest things. I'm a silly boy.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: It's okay, I'm silly. Better on a text message.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I thought it would be silly with me.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: But on a Thursday Thursdays, I pick up the kids
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: right and then I'm like, what to do with the kids,
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: because you know, it's I don't want to go home
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: straight away because the kids are going to fuck the
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: house up. I don't want to go to the beach
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: because it's too cold. Now. So what we've gotten into
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: a routine of doing is there's some tennis courts where
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: my niece and nephew have a tennis lesson, and so
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: my sister has three kids. They all got to the
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: tennis courts because next to the tennis court is a park.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: The spot of tennis.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: I mean it's tennis.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: That's a rich preson sport. I'm just be honest.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: Kids kids play tennis.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: If our kidsnis.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: If I was to say the kids.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Do horse polo, they do that too, don't they.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: That's on Wednesdays.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: And Pony Club on the on the school holidays.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Then fine, give me some ship. But we're playing tennis.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Tennis is like, that's that's middle class peak middle Yeah.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: No, what's the sponsor role? I think it's middle class
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Rolex is a sponsor of tennis to them something?
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: What does that to you?
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Well, anyway, so I'm playing tennis with my rolics on
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: go finish.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: So I thought to myself, this is this makes parenting
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: a lot easier, the fact that I'm with my sister.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: We've got all the kids together. So whilst one of
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: them is having a lesson, we would go down to
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: the park. The kids are playing in the park. George
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: brings us football so and there's also some goal posts,
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: so we do some kicking, and I'm just like, this
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: is what it's all about, you know, this is my
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: little village.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: It makes it so much easier than taking them home
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: and then being like, now what do we do because.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: They're like what are we doing here?
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: Like I've spent all day and sometimes they're a bit ratty.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: It's like, let them get ratty out there.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: And the kids play together so nicely, they really do.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: They're all as similar age and I'm just like, this
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: is what it's meant to be, right. And then next
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: to the tennis court is a little community garden.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Love this sounds lovely.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: It's just great, right, And what Marley's really into at
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: the moment is making potients. And they were playing so
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: well together. They were in the community garden, and I'm like,
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: they're probably picking like cucumbers or something that's like a
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: witch kind of yeah, fairy, but sure.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: Fairy forgot about them. Sorry, Marley, that's what I meant witch. Sorry,
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: I just automatically go to the bad guys.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: But so she's making these potions. I'm there kicking with
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: George and I hear this bl blood curdling scream. Oh no,
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: And you're like, please don't be my child.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: You know your child's screams. I hate that the most,
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: and you can't ignore it.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: It was like she had been attacked, Like it was
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: blood curdling scream, and it was getting closer towards me,
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: and I was like.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Damn it, bad potion.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: And I was like, what have you done? And she's hysterical.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: She's like and I'm like, okay, okay, what are we like?
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: We're working, what's the problem where does intact intact. I
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: was like, you know, I'm like a paramedic right now.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: I'm like scanning her body and I'm like, nothing's cut,
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: maybe a broken bone, dessicated finger, scanning, scanning, scanning, can't
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: find anything, and she's like, it's in my face, it's
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: in my eyes.
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: And I'm like fucking like, okay, when do we got here?
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: And I'm like she just can't get any words out
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: because she's so hysterical, and even people in the park
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: are like looking over, like, oh my god, this is
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: pretty serious. They were like, can you shut your cal Yeah,
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: we had a nice time, and I'm there, I'm trying
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: to stay calm.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Thy love. Sorry, got tennis on the mines.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I'm enjoying the tennis right now. And then it turns
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: out in the community garden is a little chili bush
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: and they have gotten the chilis, the small ones. They
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: have ripped them up and they have them in this
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: bowl put like chili water. And then she has unknowingly
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: rubbed her eyes, been there with the chili water, and
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I and then one of the other kids came over
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: with a bowl and I'm like, what have we got here?
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, what the fuck is this? It's just
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: a bowl and then as well, I know it's in
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: the eye. So I've got the water bubbler trying to
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: I'm like, open your eyes, dunking her face in the
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: bubbler and I'm like, keep blinking. I was singing to
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: myself how long is this gonna last? And Marley's like,
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: am I gonna die? And I'm like, mom, maybe, And
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: then this fucking guy comes over and his dog is
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: thirsty because there's a lot of dogs in the park
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: and he's there waiting patiently and I'm like, ah, I
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: might be a while here, dude, and he's like, that's okay.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: And then I was like you're an audience.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I'm like, we'll have a quick sit with your dog.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: And so I'm like, hang on, Marley, get Marley off
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: the blah blah. And he starts giving his dog a
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: drink of water and it's a long drink dog like
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: three minutes, and I'm like, do you want to hurry up?
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: Because this is awkward.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: My child's there like screaming. One lady come over and said,
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: should I call an ambulance?
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Yes, call a milkman. That's what we need, and I
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: was like, we're fine. You don't want to learn that
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: lesson that young. Have you done it?
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: I think, like and acute.
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: I did it once years ago before kids. I was
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: with April. We're at home, we were cooking. I did
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: it then, and I was like, oh no, and I
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: realized before it's stung that I've done this.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: There were homegrown chilies too. I've never grown chilies again
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: because of this.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: It's dangerous. It's like having a gun in the house.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I know, it's so dangerous.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: Anyway, so I did it, and next minute I'm in
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: the shower and I'm like, bring me the milk.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Anyway, so aprils had to bring milk in your eyes.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: I was in the shower just going, just dowsing myself
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: in milk, trying to stop, and I'm just.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: Like, it's empty keet, the oat milk, cow, the oat milk.
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: The almond milk, the whole lot soy, the soy, bring
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: it in.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Whatever you got. Bring in. The milk was a cow.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: It was dreadful.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: So I can't imagine a six seven year old going
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: through that.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: So like, not even knowing really what a chili is.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: You had no idea, like what is this she was
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: like she genuinely thought this was the end. This is
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: how it was going to fucking all come to a
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: closure for her. And then I knew Laura was driving
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: home from work at the same time, and because we
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: were in Bonda, I'm like, oh, call Laura because I
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: was on the bike, and I'm like, fuck, Like, imagine
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: puting trouble Marley on the back of the.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: And wind getting winded it afterwards. Oh my goodness.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: So then I'm I'm trying I call Laura and at
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: the same time, I call Laura because you know, kids
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: hate water in their eyes. Oh, so then she's like
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: re rubbed her eyes and I'm like, oh, we're back
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: to square one.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: It is on.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Here we go again. I'm like, don't fucking toutch your eyes.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: And then I call Laura on the speaker and I
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: go where are you? And then Marley's like have I
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: gonna die? And Laura goes, what's happened. I'm like, just
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: where are you? She goes, what's happened? Doesn't fucking matter?
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: Where are you? And then neither one of us wants yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: ten minutes and I'm like.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Where, ah, you need assistance?
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: What's happened. Where are you guys trying to fucking water
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: his dog and get I'm like, fuck off, makee get
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: your German shepherd.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: His dog's parched.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Luckily, Laura did a drive by, threw Marley in the
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: back of the car. They got home and the other
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: kids were all like.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Chilli anyone.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: It's the blink of an eye. It just goes from
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: being I mean, it's sorry.
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: A rough week for the eye in the eye department,
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: for the Johnson's Sorry Mary.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: She got summoned for an it tist the next day.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: One second, everyone's having a great time. Next thing, child's
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: going blind.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Nothing ruins the vibe like a chilli in the eye.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: And it's always when you're like, when you think to yourself,
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: you're like, oh, this is nice, this is nice. I
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: could get used to this.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: They're like, actually, this is actually a really nice day.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: We should do this more often.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: And then something happens, and.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: Then Marley comes in. She's got a fucking summer I
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: saw in her back and I'm like, ah, fucking hell.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: And then they traumatized as well. They're like, I want
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: to go back to that park. That part.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: I'll go back to that park again.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: And it's like it wasn't the park you were making
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: potions with chili to stay away from the chili.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: But also community gardens.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Let's chili in there.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: That's fucking and we did.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: It was next to the chili marijuana. That'll that'll fix it, Matt.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I was away again.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: What's this a twentieth holiday for the year? Fucking pay
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: you too much?
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't have a secondary house that I can
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: go to that.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: It's a holiday house. I've got to go on trips.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you know what that's like. I
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: wouldn't know, you know what I could be paid for
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: those people going on.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: So we went away, went to Yamba, went to Blue Dolphin. Great,
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: great for the kids.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: I was at a caravan park.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: It is a caravan park, cabins. It was really windy,
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: which was annoying.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: Right April, we'll get there. It was really.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: Windy, which it's going to happen, but the cabins. Wind
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: does happen, Guys.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: I hate to break it to you, but wind happens.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: No one knows it comes from.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: Who knows something to do with high and low? Precious
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: that's garbage?
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Is that wind?
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: Still?
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: I think it's just momentum of air and then it
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: put it down right that put it on a T shirt.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: Momentum of air. But all the cabins will line up
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: next to each other, creating wind tunnels in between each
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: of them. So it was kind of like you couldn't
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: use that space. But great for the kids, Okay, it's
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: one of those parks that has pull water slides, skate park, playgrounds,
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: big trampoline like.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Bubble thing heaven. Great for the kids.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: But for us, it's like, Okay, well, I feel like
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: I'm just staying at a theme park pretty much, because
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: then they're like kids also don't understand that it's like
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: when enough is enough to go home, especially when they're like,
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: but it's here, you know, it's like, well, I'm coming
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: for dinner.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: They're like, yeah, but this is but I'm on the trampoline.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: I'm on the trampoline.
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: So really good trip. A couple of things. Weather wasn't amazing,
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: as I've said, but one thing I know.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: That when the whole time it was windy.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: The whole time.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what I've noticed and I missed out on is
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: so we went with another couple have two kids, boy
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: and a girl.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Same eight. Their kids are friends with our kids, older boy,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: younger girl.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: And a couple of times when we were going places,
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: we would the boys would want to drive together in
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: their car, and then the girls would be an out car,
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: and I was thinking, this is what it's like for
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: Matt to have girls in the car. I'm a little
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: bit jealous because they're just talking about rainbow. May was
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: like I like flowers, and Diggy was like I like
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: rainbows and princesses.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is delightful. I love this. I love this.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Then I had the two boys in the car, Oh
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: my god, oh fucking fights just head out the window.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: They're like having a.
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: Couple of fucking golden retrievers in the back and they're
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: just like stealing shit off each other.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: They kind of they're like, oh yeah, you're fucking slow
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: out the window.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: Ship myself literally and it's just like kicking the back
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: of my seat.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is fucking chaos.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: So I don't know how boy parents do it at
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: all times.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: And I was like freaking back the princesses and.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: The flowers I know, and they're just like, oh did
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: you thought, And they're like smell the finger oh.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: God, fucking hey, did hey DoD?
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: I always thought I wanted boys until I see young
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: boys and I'm like, oh.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, awful, And they're just like, would you come across country?
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: Shut up, shut me, get the girl's back in here.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: The other morning, my girls woke up and they colored
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: in for half an hour.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, fucking dealing with two knuckleheads in the
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: back of my car.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Who can get the most air in their mouth outside
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: the window?
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: That's so dumb.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: Boys are dumb.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: They're so dumb. It's raining, we're going to dinner. I
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: don't care. Fucking god. Can we swap seats we're driving?
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: Can I just say though? You're saying like, these kids
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: are always talking about farting and stuff, and then here's
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: you bringing proof.
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: Oh wow, yeah, how dare you where mature men?
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: That's the same thing.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: It is a little bit similar. But I sometimes every
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: now and then I think to myself, what would life
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: be like if I had a boy in the mix?
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder what that.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: Would be like.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: And let the girls were like, oh, they were listening
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: to Elsa and we're all singing It's lovely, and the
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: boys coming in and they're like, do just respect.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: To us around us, they like, put something heavier on.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like Jesus, They're like, leave biscuit, put it on,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: and I'm like fuck hell God.
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: Anyway, the weather finally got to us. It wasn't the
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: kids that got to It wore you down, It didn't
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: wear me down. Look honestly, and it's going to sound horrible,
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: the thought of a family holiday is much better.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: Than the actual family holiday. Yeah, I'll be honest. It's
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: like we could do this at all because the kids
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: are just like you know, and I know it's not
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: for me.
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: Some of it's for me because it's like, well, it's
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: meant to be a family holiday.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: I'm part of the family. I think.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Anyway, I'm not mistaken.
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: If I'm not mistaken, it's like I got to beg
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: to go, so please come we go for so.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: I can't stand these kids in this raining.
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: Fuck Anyway, the rain got to us in the end.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: It was the second last day, and I planted a.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: Little seed with April about.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: How about we drive all the way home in one
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: stin instead of breaking it up for the kids. Okay,
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: which is seven hours not that long for us, but
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: for kids it's forever far oh. And I planted that
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: seed early doors because I knew the weather was going
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: to get worse.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: How did you plant the seed?
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: I just said, how about we try because we're planning
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: on going driving to my parents at some point and
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: they're further and it's like, we're gonna they're gonna have
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: to do longer stints than that.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: And she was like, okay, yeah, that's fine.
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: But that little seed planted the chance for her to
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: be like, we could just go home. And on the
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: last day, Mike and I had a surf in the
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: morning and came back and the weather was getting worse
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: and there was like a weather warning and April was.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, maybe we should go and I was like what, Look,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: it's up to you. Yes, it's up to you, totally
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: up to you. Fucking worked so manipulative.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Sorry, you're playing songs like home.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: Oh someone told me long rained before the storm.
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: Anyway, I was like, look, it's up to you. I'm easy,
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: got one more night here. It's meant to get worse.
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: You do what you need to do, knowing full well
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: what what's going to happen.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: Was there actually a weather warning or yeah, there actually
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: was yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: Anyway, because of the weather, the toweers didn't dry, and
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: that really.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: Set her off.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: You brought your own beach town no, no.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: Like towers, like cabin towers, beach any tower in the
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: vicinity of that caravan park was not dry.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: That was the first thing. And then I realized how
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: wet the floor tower was hanging up.
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: Outside, and realized how wet it was going to be
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: forever at this point because it was so I placed
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: it outside the bathroom. When April's in the bathroom and
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: she's come out of the bathroom.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Stepped on a drenching tower and gone, that's it. We're
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: going home. And I was like, no, oh, no, you sure.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: Did you try and get a refound on the last night?
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: You can't could No, I'm not.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: I don't give it about that, Like I'm out of here.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Money bags over here.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: So anyway, around the time I made my first million.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: Anyway, so pack the car up and like we said
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: to her friends, look we're going to go. They were
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: planning on going up to their family which is further north. Anyway,
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: the next day, early in the morning, so it was
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: like it was over.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Did the kids have any concept of time? Where they
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: were like, well, that last two days went real quick. Yeah.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: When we were talking about it, I just dangled Popper
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: in front of them pretty much, and I was like,
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: we get to go and see Popper and they were like, Papa,
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: he's our favorite. Let's go in the car. Seven hours
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: all the way home. April in bed reading a book.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Boom done, and I got a head start on nothing,
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: had nothing to do.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: I just got a head start. But I wasn't on
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: holidays anymore.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: And that was a fantastic You could have said that
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: if we go home, I'll do the skirting.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to promise anything anyway.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Got home, holiday ended earlier, which led me to ask
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: the question to the dotors what has cut their family
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: holiday shorts?
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: What's happened?
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: What's happened?
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: So there is a couple of responses which we will
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: read out to you.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, this one's from Kayla A Nalie. Rat got in
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: the tent and we all screamed, panicked, threw everything out
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: the bush, stomped the tent flat, and waited in the
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: car until morning. At night, we packed our shine.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: From the bush and left as soon as the sun rose.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: Good memory, you.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: Stopped the tent flat.
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: The fact that I don't know it was nighttime until
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: she said, we all spent the time like night in
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: the car.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: Thing is hard work, camping is I think you've got
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: to have some big balls on you if you're going
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: to take the kids camping. Those people who take young children,
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: like under the age of five camping, bloody.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: Hellna, No thanks, wow, obviously.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: If you're like a professional camper.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: More of a resort guy. Myself, I'm a big result
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: guy a bit. Someone's like, yeah, camping.
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: No.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: This is from Dominique. We left our family holiday early
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: because on the way there, my husband took a wrong
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: turn drove our car into a waterway which was deeper
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: than expected. We stayed stranded for six hours in the
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: middle of nowhere, with nothing around us, no traffic, and
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: with little reception on a long weekend, so no services
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: wanted to touch us.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my goodness.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: Then spent all of our holiday money on trying to
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: get rescued. Long story short, we eventually had to buy
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: a new car what and then ditch our old car
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: at the holiday destination. Oh my god, that is awful.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: I am complaining about wet town.
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: Then we stood on a damp town.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: We don't have a car anymore.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: Wow, Like the car broke down on Hallway, so we
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: just moved there. But we have you ever gone home
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: from a family trip like when you were a kid.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: I don't think we have. But in saying that, I've
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: always been in a hotel Victoria, welcome to the microphone
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: we have.
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: In the bushfires of like ninety four, actually we had
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: to leave our camp site early because all the bushfires
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: were coming and it was real stress and rush and
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: as we're driving around you can see the bushfires on
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: the side of the highway.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: It's scary. Yeah, actually yeah, not kind of exciting storytop year,
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: but the bushfires down the South coast five years ago,
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: I think it was.
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I was there for a wedding.
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: We left twice. Once we went camping. It rained the
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: first day, never camped again.
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: And I was a kid. That was it, that was done.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: Dad took us home immediately.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: And then one other time, my sister had a lot
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: of like allergies when she was a kid growing up.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: Poor thing. She could barely breathe and she would have
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: a nasal spread. And I remember we.
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: Got like five hours up the road got the nasal
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: spray and it wasn't back in the day when you
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: could have like you're on your phone, you script and stuff,
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: you need to go.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: To a doll nasal spray.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: So we had to turn around. Holiday canceled.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: Holy shit.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: Dad was like a fuck no, now that's ten hours
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: to get home pretty much.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna then venture back out, Matt.
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: We're currently running a segment thanks to Aldi, which is
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: what did you think you knew before you had kids?
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: This is a great one. This is a good one.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: Also shout out to AUDI who are currently paying the
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: bills for us right now.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: And pre kid adults are delusional.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: I did say if I could go back in time
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: and punch myself in the throat for the things that
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: I said before I had kids, I would me too.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: I would punch myself right in the atoms.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: Apple straight in that Adam's apple. So listeners have sent
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: theirs in, which is always a good lull. Just from
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: Haley that the Terrible two's are the hardest. Three is
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: so much harder than two and both are a picnic
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: compared to nine and a tropical holiday compared to fifteen.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: Haley, it just gets harder and harder.
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: Well three, I thought three was about three nager. Okay,
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: So it's like having a teenage before long before, but
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: being a teenager then.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: It's like they get more and more smarter, and then
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: they're harder to manage. And then they just once they
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: learn attitude, like once they learn how to talk back,
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: then you just it's banging your head against.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: The wall and they know what makes your teeth as well.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: This one is from Abby. I always thought my kids
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: would listen and I would never have to bribe them
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: to make them listen. Right now, it is bribe city
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: in this place. They just don't fucking listen.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: It goes from bribe to threaten real quick, like fuck.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: Every time in the bath, I'm like on the shoulder
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: toothbrush and like, thank you so much for brushing your teeth.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, thank you, thank you for brushing
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: your teeth. Good girl. And then they'll finally grab it
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: after like five minutes and I'm like, thank you. There
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: it is, put your toothbrush in your mouth, thank you
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: so much. I really appreciate how well you're brushing your
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: teeth right now. And they're just like this kind of
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: fucking shuts up?
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: Does he one from another planet was looking in on this,
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: they would think we're so pathetic.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: They'd be like, look, how pathetic this fully grown man
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: is on my country or Vork, my planet of Vork.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: We make kids blush teeth, they blush my teeth.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: It's just like fucking hell.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: It's just like they'll get it.
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: They'll get what they want, and then it'll turn into
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: a threatened me threatening to take it off whenever I
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: bribe them, and I'll take it off you all right.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: It's one's from Laura. But having three boys is fun,
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: and what those car rides are like. Now, I'm just
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: glad if we don't end up at the hospital every night.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: Once again, So glad, so glad I don't have boys
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: to think. There was once a time and I was like,
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: oh never upset. Now a boy comes near me, I'm like,
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: fuck up. Last one from simone. I never thought i'd
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: have a kid hide crayons in his foreskin or a
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: shove a blowfly in his ear.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: Then he tried to get it out with an earbuds.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: I got distressed and dropped.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: Oh my, oh my god.
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: Once again boys, the goods.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: It's like, just expect the worst, like putting a crayon
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: in your FORI which I could, well you could pre six.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty six when I got Oh those are the days.
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: Do you remember being at the souper market before you
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: had kids and you look at a child having a meltdown,
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: like on their back, kicking and screaming, And I think
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: to myself, that is such a neglectful parent, unable to
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: control their child like they really should.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: I always thought my kid will never do that, No bullshit.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: Now when they have a meltdown, I'm just like, well,
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: I'll just sit here in silence until that wears down.
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: And then you gotta wait and you're like and people
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: stare at me. I'm like, what it.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: I just pretend they're not mine. I'm just like, who's
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: kids this? Come and get your kid.
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: Oh look, we might not have parenting figured out, but
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: we can still be at the supermarket. Take the Aldi
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: iq test today at Aldi at iq dot Aldi dot
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: com dot you and find out if you are a
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: true grocery genius or not.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, shop smarter when you shop at Aldi Aldi Good Different. Matt.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: It is Mother's Day this weekend, so we thought we
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: would send a little message to our wives and the
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: mother of our children.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: Yes, and also a little reminder to any dads who
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: may be listening, do not forget. Do something right now
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: at a bare minimum, put on breakfast, take the kids
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: out the house, and give your beautiful partner just a
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: little bit of reprieve from the children. Maybe a foot rub.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: Oh really you like that?
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: With no expectations?
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, put include that. So five minutes in and you're still.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: Here's my foot?
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: Can I ask, how often do you sit down and
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: make an effort to like let April know the gratitude
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: that you have.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: For her every day?
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: Do you know? Fuck? I don't do it enough.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: No. No, it's sort of like life gets in the way.
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: You sort of try and do little things here and
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: there to make sure that you know they know that
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: you're thinking about them.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: Stuff like that.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: I think like my wife's love language is what acts
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: of service. So if I've cleaned the house and made
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: the kids lunches and stuff, she's just like my chef's kiss.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: And it's only those sometimes, it's those little things. It's
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: all they needed, all they want. And can I just
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: add to that for me?
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: A handwritten card from Dan is one of the best
• 51:23
  Speaker 4: parts of the present despite the present, like love the present.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: But you heard that, Dan, don't get the present. Just
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: right on guard the.
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: Card, he writes, He only writes, it's short and sweet,
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: but that little message just to know, is that acknowledgment
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: of what you're doing. If you're not sure what to
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: do for Mother's Day. That is the bare minimum of
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: what will make her smile on Mother's Day.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: But also we'll add that we decided to write these
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: letters without being prompted by Victoria.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: For the record, did we I don't make any promises.
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: This is a quick little message to April. If you're listening,
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: start the music. No April, Happy Mother's Day, Babe. You're
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: the beating heart and the muscles of this family. The
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: way that you love our kids, you cuddle them, You're
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: so calm and you give them endless love.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: The kids absolutely worship you, and honestly so do I.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: You make motherhood look effortless, even though I know it's anything.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: But you also know your.
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: Way around a family calendar better than anyone I know.
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: Thank you for loving our family the way you do.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: The kids and I would be.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: Lost literally without you, we'd have no clean clothes and
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: meals would consist of corn thins and yogurt pouches. Also,
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: thank you for tolerating a husband who impersonates you for
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: a living and still occasionally needs supervision himself. And when
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: I say occasionally, I mean all the time. You're an
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: incredible mum and I'm so proud to call you my wife.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: Happy Mother's Day, Ye, that's beautiful.
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: Love you well done, Ashton.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: Thank you chat GiB didn't just gave me the temple o. Kay?
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: Guys, Laura, nothing really prepares you for being a parent.
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: No book teaches you how to love your child in
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: the moments they make it the hard. How to find
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: patience at two am when you haven't slept in days,
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: how to be present after a day that has emptied you,
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: and how to make them feel safe just by being
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: in the room. Looking back, it seems impossible to believe
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: that you are unsure if you'd be good at this,
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: because you make it look so easy. But as effortless
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: as you make it appear, I want you to know
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: that I see everything that you do. You're raising our
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: girls to be powerful, confident, unapologetically themselves, not because you've
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: raised them to be, but because they watch you live
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: your life that way every single day. There is only
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: one other person in this world who understands the love
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: I have for our children, and sharing that with you
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: will always be one of the greatest privileges of my life.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: To my partner, my teammate, and my soulmate, Happy Mother's Day,
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: very good.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: Would be nice if you didn't lose your fine every
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: five minutes or get parking fines like it's a hobby.
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: But we're not talking about your flaws. We're not talking
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: about flaws, they're building them up. But make sure you
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: do something nice for the mother of your children and
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: your mum.
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: Of course, is coming weekend because it is one of
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: the most important days in the calendar.
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, to all the moms out there, Happy Mother's Day.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: And I do also just want to give a nod
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: to my own mother as well, who I don't give
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: her enough credit for the amazing job that she has done.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: And I even now as she lives with me and
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: keeps our household running, she works fucking tirelessly and I
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: do nothing but annoy her constantly. My mom, I love
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: you also, you are incredible.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Yes, same to my mum. She won't listen.
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: But when I said her this podcast first time we
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: did it, she said, I listened to fifteen minutes and
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: I got the gist.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: So have your Mother's day. Mom, love you, and we
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: should get out of here.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: We should. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: a review. But now as you know, we're no longer
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: asking for reviews, although they have really dried up. It's
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: like fuck. Can you please follow us on Spotify and
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, So wherever you listen to this podcast, make
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: sure you followed because that's how you get it delivered
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: directly into your inbox. It is a fuel that keeps
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: us going. And also follow us.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: On social media Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, or you can send
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: us an email hello at two Doting Dance Dot goodbye bye.
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads. Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight on.
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: The people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land