Latest / Only Bombs! Comedy Podcast / ONLY BOMBS! 24: Jessica Misitano

Transcript

ONLY BOMBS! 24: Jessica Misitano · Only Bombs! Comedy Podcast

• 0:00
  You're a fat bitch. You know what? You're a piece
• 0:02
  of shit, dude. Fuck this place. Fuck you. Oh,
• 0:04
  God. I'm out of here, dude. Fuck this podcast.
• 0:06
  You suck at it. You're fucking poor. There's
• 0:09
  bugs all over the goddamn place. How you doing?
• 0:52
  All right. Thank you for coming on the show.
• 0:56
  Yeah, thanks for begging me with your life. Yeah.
• 0:59
  Yeah, no, I'm glad you signed the contract. Was
• 1:01
  that the big cock joke book? That was the big
• 1:03
  cock joke book. Thanks, Alden. Huge big cock
• 1:08
  joke book. Yeah. Yeah, I want to do like shelves
• 1:12
  and stuff for like what people bring, because
• 1:15
  I like that people bring stuff. Yeah, bring their
• 1:17
  own. Merch and I feel like I didn't fucking bring
• 1:19
  anything. Did you have some simply Courtney's
• 1:21
  whatever the fuck that is? Yeah, his album has
• 1:24
  oh is that an album? Yeah, yeah, that's like
• 1:27
  a performance. He did. Oh, okay. Yeah nice. Yeah,
• 1:30
  it's pretty cool Yeah, I think I have some shit
• 1:32
  in my car. I'll just put it on your porch Yeah,
• 1:40
  this is pretty cool. This is from Peru. Oh nice
• 1:43
  little llama I don't you know, I don't know like
• 1:48
  I did ask them and somebody a tour guide did
• 1:51
  say the difference between a llama and alpaca
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  But I don't remember I think I literally think
• 1:56
  that he's like, oh you eat one and the other
• 1:58
  one we use for the refer refer Yeah, and I was
• 2:01
  like, okay was he Peruvian. Yeah. Oh, yeah, this
• 2:05
  is actually in Peru. That's where we got that
• 2:07
  Okay. Yeah, it was a yeah. It was pretty crazy.
• 2:10
  It was a good little trip. You ever been international
• 2:15
  No. No, I'm thinking of going to Thailand, though,
• 2:17
  by the end of the year. So we'll see how that
• 2:18
  goes. Yeah. Why? Everything's expensive. Where?
• 2:21
  Oh, no. Why? Why? I have a friend that lives
• 2:23
  out there. She's like a white woman that, you
• 2:26
  know, fuck society. And then she goes off and
• 2:29
  lives in Thailand. I always wondered how, like,
• 2:31
  how it would be out there. You know what I mean?
• 2:32
  I know it's really cheap and she loves it. But
• 2:34
  then again, I don't trust anything anyone says.
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  You know what I mean? Especially when it comes
• 2:38
  to comfort zones. Yeah. I think when you're like
• 2:41
  a little dainty white, beautiful white woman.
• 2:44
  Yeah, you're going to get treated well. You know
• 2:46
  what I mean? They're going to probably cattle
• 2:47
  prod my ass out there. Yeah, if I went out there,
• 2:52
  they'd probably try to put me to work. Yeah,
• 2:55
  me too. They'll put me in the field, dude. Okay,
• 2:58
  get out there now. Get out there now. My bad,
• 3:04
  dude. I'm on my way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:06
  Yeah, I've never really been out there. I've
• 3:09
  been to Hong Kong before. And that was really
• 3:12
  interesting, because I didn't know where to go
• 3:15
  in this particular thing, but nobody would speak
• 3:17
  English to me. And we knew that they kind of
• 3:18
  spoke English, because you just heard it. Yeah,
• 3:20
  they didn't want to talk to you. Yeah, they just
• 3:22
  didn't want to talk to me. But I was trying to
• 3:24
  ask for directions, just like, hey, where is
• 3:27
  this burger place? And they were like... And
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  I was like, what? They were like... And I was
• 3:35
  like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm like,
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  do you know where to go? I was like... All right
• 3:40
  So we just kept walking and we ended up finding
• 3:43
  it and so it's just kind of weird because we
• 3:45
  went to China and then just ate pizza I was like,
• 3:48
  you know, like but you went to different color
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  countries for American food No, not specifically
• 3:54
  for American food. That was funny dude pizza
• 3:56
  in China, bro. Yeah, but uh, no no, it was um,
• 4:00
  we were on deployment It was in the Navy. So
• 4:03
  that was like one of the first stops I forgot
• 4:05
  you're gay. Yeah. Yeah Oh, keep it coming. Oh,
• 4:09
  keep it coming. Oh, you. Oh, you. You know, it's
• 4:13
  really like, you know the difference, I don't
• 4:15
  know if you noticed where you're at, but when
• 4:16
  I went to the Dominican, I was there for two
• 4:17
  weeks, and I was, by the end of it, I think by,
• 4:21
  like, I think my seventh to tenth day there,
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  I was like, okay, I'm fucking over Dominican
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  food. They just, it's plantains and rice and
• 4:28
  pork and everything else, and so I'm like, god
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  damn. I went to Mc-, finally found McDonald's.
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  It was so, it was like, it was expensive, and
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  then on top of it, their menu was weird. They
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  had they didn't have like a standard menu and
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  Yeah, and it kind of tasted a little strange
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  to like the way that they gave me the fries they
• 4:46
  were more hand cut like The food was presented
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  differently. I know you would think like it's
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  American thing They could at least you know give
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  us normal -looking burgers, and then I found
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  a sushi place And I said all right Let me get
• 4:58
  this sushi, and they didn't really describe it
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  so then I got the sushi and what was on there
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  was fucking plantains and pork and I hated the
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  Dominican by the time I left. It was just rice
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  with like plantain. I was so pissed. Like what
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  the fuck is this? Yeah, I mean I ate it because
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  it looks like sushi, but yeah, okay, but with
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  plantain. It's crazy. Everywhere you go is fucking
• 5:21
  plantain. Mexican bananas. They sell fruit on
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  the side of the road and I bought that and I
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  got sick from it. So you're not supposed to do
• 5:27
  that. Yeah, you're not supposed to like eating
• 5:29
  their fruits fine, but when they cut it and stuff
• 5:32
  like that, yeah, like their hand cut fruit and
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  like their water. I didn't drink the water. Mmm,
• 5:37
  but um, yeah, you know, I wouldn't do that either.
• 5:39
  No. Yeah in India I almost made the mistake of
• 5:42
  eating the street food, but one of the locals
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  was like no Yeah, he's like stop that don't do
• 5:47
  that. You can't do that. I was like Yeah, you
• 5:52
  know the ones like okay, and I didn't do it and
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  I didn't get sick actually Yeah, so he'd probably
• 5:56
  saved my life probably saved your ass. Yeah The
• 5:59
  Santa well, it's not just like the sanitation
• 6:02
  conditions are gonna be vastly different. It's
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  just we're not used to the bacteria and the stuff
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  that's in their food, like the stuff that, and
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  I wonder if it's like the same, I'm sure that
• 6:11
  people that eat American food probably get sick.
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  I imagine, I don't think we have, we're like,
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  we're not pristine over here, okay, we stuff
• 6:19
  our shit with chemicals and fillers and stuff
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  and we're used to it, that's why we all look
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  bloated and sick. Yeah. You know, that hurt me
• 6:27
  too, don't worry. Zoom out. Zoom out, yeah. It's
• 6:34
  like, damn it. But no, I know what you mean,
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  because I remember when we did go to Europe.
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  Specifically Spain because everything is like
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  really like well done there, you know all that
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  good stuff And then you come back and like the
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  first thing you eat you're like shitting for
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  like a week. Yeah, it's it's really insane Yeah,
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  but you get used to it, you know after yeah after
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  you go you get over the diarrhea It's a very
• 6:56
  pleasant experience constipation then diarrhea
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  and back to constipation. It's like yeah once
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  your body Once you adjust then you progress and
• 7:05
  you start buying pills off of a guy at the corner
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  of a you know liquor store out there That's what
• 7:10
  exactly it's like then you walk around like that
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  Hey, all right guys. Yeah, it won't go down.
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  Yeah, it's been two weeks So but uh, yeah, so
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  what's like the cuisine that you would have if
• 7:23
  you went to Chicago? What is like? I would say
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  if I was if I was there and I was entertaining
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  people and I wanted something that I can't get
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  anywhere else I would probably get like their
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  street hot dogs because I I've been to New York
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  and I've tried hot dogs from other places. They
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  add all this crazy shit to it. But I think everyone
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  that's grown up in a city like that, they're
• 7:50
  going to have their way of their preferences
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  for hot dogs. But for me, it's like, yeah, just
• 7:53
  put on some relish and some peppers. You can
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  buy good street hot dogs that are rolled up with
• 8:00
  fries for like $8. Rolled up with fries? Yeah,
• 8:03
  with fries, dude. Yeah, there's this place next
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  to this, the Lincoln Lodge, which is a club there
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  that I like going to right around the corner.
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  They'll sell it and they only take cash. And
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  those are the best places. The places where they
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  only take cash because they're not they're not
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  fucking sitting here doing all this and they
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  don't give you changes. Put it in their tip cup.
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  But yeah, they'll give you a big old fucking
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  fair. But I get I love Polish sausage. Polish
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  sausage. Oh, what's what's different about that?
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  I don't think I even know. Have you had Italian
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  sausage? Whoa. Yeah, okay. Oh shit. Anyway. Yeah,
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  it's like that except, you know, it's Polish,
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  you know. It's like Italian sausage, but it's
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  Polish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think I've
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  ever even had a Polish sausage. You know, like
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  those Italian sausages, those are, I love those
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  things. Yeah, I don't know. It's so funny, I
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  love it. Now you're like right here. Here's the
• 9:02
  thing guys, I always do that. I always talk really
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  close thinking that's how you're supposed to
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  do things. I don't know. I tell people, I'm like
• 9:09
  yeah, four to six inches usually. That's perfect.
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  Never experienced that in my life. It's been
• 9:16
  only eight and up, dude. It's like, all right,
• 9:19
  there. That's my preferential. Yeah, just gaggers,
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  absolute gaggers. Yeah, it's like, get it out
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  of your mouth. You're not supposed to be. I know.
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  I know that I'm smelling my own breath. Yeah,
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  it's crazy. Yeah, no, I've replaced microphones
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  in the past from people who've been like... And
• 9:38
  I was like, oh man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I
• 9:42
  got him on film. I'm gonna be like, you're in
• 9:45
  trouble now, but. Yeah. But yeah, so did you
• 9:48
  get your start out in Chicago? Yeah. Like as
• 9:50
  a comedian? I did. Yeah, what's it like out there?
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  How's the scene? Is it rough, heavily competitive?
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  Yeah, but like for different reasons like here.
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  It's hard to compare it to because here They're
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  very competitive, but there's something at stake
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  whereas in Chicago. It's a lot more gatekeeping
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  a lot more a lot of more people walking up walking
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  around with their thumbs up their asses And it's
• 10:15
  like a good scene. You know it's a good scene
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  You know yeah, I think I got a buddy of mine
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  up there. I think that's where he's at, but who's
• 10:23
  your buddy um Actually You're not that good of
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  friends, huh? Well, it was a long time, because
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  the last time I even exchanged any information
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  with him, it was pretty much, it was back in
• 10:37
  the Navy. So I was back in 2009, I think. Oh.
• 10:41
  Yeah, so it's been a while. OK. But yeah, no,
• 10:44
  I think he's just kind of getting his start up
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  there. Oh. Yeah, yeah. So would you have any
• 10:50
  advice for people just getting started up in
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  the Chicago scene? I mean, Chicago, no, not so
• 10:58
  much. It's kind of like if you're going to do
• 11:02
  it, then do it because you want to do comedy
• 11:04
  and not to try and get famous. Yeah. That's the
• 11:08
  only thing that I can see because it's so unfortunate
• 11:11
  because that's what you see most people most
• 11:13
  people doing now is they're doing it because
• 11:16
  they just want fame. Yeah. And so like the comedy
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  itself is suffering because they're going for
• 11:21
  topical jokes or stuff that they can make very
• 11:23
  quick and they're not thinking of the longevity
• 11:26
  of their careers, they're trying to get famous
• 11:27
  as quick as possible as soon as they can. Just
• 11:31
  the easiest way they can. And with having a social
• 11:34
  media following, you can fool a lot of people
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  into thinking that you can do something you really
• 11:38
  can't do. So I think just making sure it is something
• 11:42
  you want to do, it's not a glamorous lifestyle
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  by any means. It's an awful, fucking awful lifestyle.
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  And not a lot of people can handle it. That's
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  why so many of them leave, women especially.
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  Women. A lot of women quit, especially. Ones
• 11:58
  that would otherwise be really good, but you
• 12:01
  deal with a lot of harassment, you deal with
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  a lot of undermining, you deal with a lot of
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  people that try to intimidate you, and I think...
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  A lot of men that do comedy are very, very insecure
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  people, and they for some reason feel like, this
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  is what men do, women aren't funny. Those motherfuckers
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  are the ones that are, they're such cocksuckers.
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  They're such cocksuckers, man. They really have
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  people out there like that? A lot of them. No
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  shit. A lot of them. And you don't hear stories
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  about it because they made those women quit.
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  No way. You know what I mean? It's like all it
• 12:35
  takes is a touch, a comment, someone trying to
• 12:38
  back someone into a corner. make them feel bad
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  for just having a vag. It's crazy what women
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  deal with on the scene. And I'm not even like
• 12:47
  a feminist type of person. I've never been that
• 12:49
  kind of person. But I ask, like when women say,
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  oh yeah, that person is a piece of shit. I believe
• 12:53
  them 100%. Because I've dealt with that myself.
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  And if you don't think I'm attractive, I dealt
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  with it. So that tells you that it happens a
• 13:00
  lot. So. That's really fucked up. Was that something
• 13:04
  that you even had? any idea about getting into
• 13:07
  comedy? Was that even a thought at all? Yeah,
• 13:11
  because I had an idea about it and you learn
• 13:14
  pretty early that when you start going to open
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  mics and people being like, okay, here's a woman
• 13:17
  coming up. I actually had that happen a couple
• 13:20
  of months ago and then I bombed my dick off.
• 13:22
  No shit. Yeah, I had a guy, and I had a guy that
• 13:24
  was hosting a show, and he was like, all right,
• 13:26
  guys, just, you know, we've had a lot of guys
• 13:28
  up here. It's time to bring up a woman. Well,
• 13:29
  you say that in front of a fucking fraternity.
• 13:32
  Yeah. What do you think they're going to do?
• 13:33
  They're going to get up, go to the bathroom,
• 13:35
  or they're going to talk amongst themselves.
• 13:36
  I'm not like, I... I'm so sorry about that. Yeah,
• 13:38
  the gnats. No, it's probably me. I take it so
• 13:41
  personal when... When bugs land on me like that,
• 13:43
  you know what I mean? Like flies? And I'm like,
• 13:45
  I know! Yeah, they get up there and fly off.
• 13:48
  You're gross! Nasty! Soap! Try it! They fly off.
• 13:53
  I'm like, oh, no. No, it's not you. I left a
• 13:56
  banana out, like, and they just, like, kind of...
• 13:58
  Oh, that's the worst, because then they... Where
• 14:00
  do they come from? I don't know. I know. And
• 14:02
  it's like, where do they come from? Where do
• 14:03
  they go? Yeah. Where do they come from? Cotton
• 14:05
  -eyed... You need a fucking bug zapper, dude.
• 14:07
  Yeah, no, I know. I put, like, one of those little,
• 14:09
  like, apple things out, hoping that they'd fall
• 14:12
  for it. Yeah. But I think they've evolved. Yeah.
• 14:15
  And they're like, look, a face. But yeah, I'm
• 14:18
  so sorry. No, it's not you. I've been feeling
• 14:21
  so bad. I'm like, oh my God. If I had a lighter,
• 14:23
  dude, I'd just burn it. You know what I mean?
• 14:25
  I'd be like... That'd be great. Little flaming
• 14:29
  gnats. Oh my God, that'd be fucking awesome.
• 14:35
  The flaming gnats. It's gonna be a new band.
• 14:37
  Yeah, the flaming gnats. Yeah, the flaming gnats.
• 14:41
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I know what you're
• 14:44
  talking about though. Like when you say all that
• 14:46
  stuff about the women thing, because I have heard
• 14:50
  that myself at open mics. And I guess like, I
• 14:55
  just always thought like, I've seen like, I know
• 14:57
  a tiniest, I've seen that they put like, you
• 14:58
  know, women like up first and everything, like,
• 15:00
  you know, the Titanic, I guess. And then, you
• 15:04
  know, but I've heard that before. And I guess
• 15:06
  like, I didn't really understand, I didn't really
• 15:09
  see that perspective now, because I just thought
• 15:11
  I was like, maybe they're just trying to be funny,
• 15:14
  you know? Maybe it's something like, so do you
• 15:17
  and other women comics find offense in this kind
• 15:20
  of thing? It's not even so much about offense.
• 15:24
  I don't know why people think that they deserve
• 15:27
  it, a whole gender feels like they deserve it
• 15:29
  more than another one. A lot of comedy comes
• 15:32
  from trauma, and you really don't think little
• 15:34
  girls have been traumatized in their lives, you
• 15:37
  know what I mean? And that's why a lot of them
• 15:38
  talk about the things that they talk about and
• 15:40
  stuff. Mean it's it's gonna happen and but here's
• 15:45
  the thing and this is why I feel like it's why
• 15:47
  it's not talked about is It you kind of have
• 15:50
  to anticipate it and it's either you can adjust
• 15:53
  and fight against them in the end It makes you
• 15:55
  a stronger comic Or you don't do it, you know
• 16:00
  what I mean? Because there's the unfortunate
• 16:03
  caveat to a lot of that is if you say anything,
• 16:05
  they're quicker to get rid of you than they are
• 16:08
  to cancel the guy that does all the shit. Because
• 16:11
  then you're seen as someone causing problems
• 16:13
  as opposed to somebody that's like, yeah, he's
• 16:16
  kind of weird. But I think where I am comedically,
• 16:20
  I don't give a fuck anymore. It's like I'm not...
• 16:24
  Trying to get in all these clubs. I'm not trying
• 16:26
  to get accepted. I vote I've never been like
• 16:27
  that I don't I don't care about that kind of
• 16:29
  stuff We actually dealt with a guy in Chicago
• 16:31
  that's known to be a piece of shit and I fucking
• 16:33
  Quietly reached out to all the clubs that he's
• 16:35
  that and had him removed from it. I don't give
• 16:37
  a fuck. Oh That's good. Yeah, it's kind of like
• 16:40
  hey you want to do this quietly or I can make
• 16:42
  a video about it What do you want? Yeah, you
• 16:44
  know, yeah, I'm sick of this shit, dude And it's
• 16:47
  like once you once stuff happens to you this
• 16:50
  and that. I know, I know. I'm so sorry. This
• 16:52
  is so fucking embarrassing. I'm like, Oh my God.
• 16:56
  As you're talking, I'm like, yeah, it's flying
• 16:58
  around my face and I'm taking it so personal.
• 17:01
  Oh, man. I feel bad. Cause you're like, you're
• 17:03
  saying some good shit. You know, anyways, you
• 17:07
  know, it's just something that you have to deal
• 17:08
  with. Just picture that this net is a sex offender
• 17:12
  male comic dude. There you go. Oh my gosh. That's
• 17:17
  it. You can't get away from it. Oh my god. I'm
• 17:20
  so fucking sorry. Just imagine that, but it's
• 17:22
  a dick coming at your face. I'm just trying to
• 17:24
  perform. Right. What the fuck? Stop! This is
• 17:28
  my best joke. You're stepping on my punch line.
• 17:31
  Get away! Oh man. But you know, yeah, so it's
• 17:36
  hard for me to even say anything because I understand
• 17:38
  both sides of it and I understand that it makes
• 17:40
  you stronger, but... you know, at the same time,
• 17:43
  it'd just be nice to just be seen as a person
• 17:46
  and not like a female comic, because that's half
• 17:49
  of the comment, like half of my comment section
• 17:51
  is that. And it's like, I could be doing, I'm
• 17:54
  like, I don't feel like I do, I don't do standard
• 17:56
  stereotypical female comic humor, but I still
• 17:59
  deal with it. You know what I mean? Yeah, that
• 18:02
  just seems like, I don't know, I feel like a
• 18:05
  lot of guys don't have that. that kind of thing
• 18:08
  to even relate to or even think about. But I
• 18:11
  feel like if you're aware of it, you can definitely
• 18:13
  see it. Oh, yeah. It doesn't really like, it
• 18:18
  really sucks because it's like, why do you think
• 18:20
  that is? Why do you think that is even a thing?
• 18:24
  Why is it a thing? I don't know. It's like, you
• 18:29
  would really think that people kind of progress
• 18:32
  at least a little bit mentally. And I think it's
• 18:36
  a lot of It's just it's men being very very insecure.
• 18:40
  Are you talking about why men don't like female
• 18:42
  comics? Yeah, yeah Why are they either like either
• 18:45
  intimidated or why they make those kind of jokes?
• 18:48
  Like why does it seem like y 'all it's not really
• 18:50
  equal? It's because it's built on their insecurity
• 18:53
  because it's very strange because some of the
• 18:55
  most manliest men I have in my family, you know,
• 18:58
  I mean that do That do sports that own their
• 19:02
  own mechanic shops and they appreciate female
• 19:05
  comics, like all my siblings are into comedy
• 19:08
  and people that are in various walks of life
• 19:11
  that I see as masculine men. If one of them said,
• 19:18
  oh, women aren't funny, I'd be like, are you
• 19:20
  fag? Chill out. You know what I mean? Because
• 19:22
  for you to be that insecure about a woman having
• 19:26
  a sense of humor, that's crazy. It's a crazy
• 19:30
  thing to say. So, I don't take it personally.
• 19:34
  I don't really care that they say it because
• 19:36
  that just tells me that they don't have the bandwidth
• 19:42
  to entertain outside of, you know, what, dick
• 19:45
  jokes? Yeah. You know what I mean? Or just shitting
• 19:48
  on women? Yeah, when bitches are dumb and then
• 19:51
  they're like... I don't know. I've had a similar
• 19:54
  conversation about... Jokes and about like I
• 19:58
  guess like jokes that you see like sometimes
• 19:59
  in Austin. Yeah about it's just always like calm
• 20:02
  sex Trans like it's always seems like yeah, it's
• 20:05
  sort of centered around like the same thing But
• 20:07
  it's like at what point do you see like actual
• 20:10
  jokes? Yeah. Well, I mean those are open mics
• 20:13
  for you. Yeah So that you know that bitch that
• 20:17
  made that post about the Austin comedy scene
• 20:21
  That's been around the blue -haired purple -haired
• 20:24
  wherever the fuck she is Comedian I don't know
• 20:26
  if she does comedy. Mm -hmm, but making comments
• 20:29
  about the Austin scene There's an element of
• 20:30
  me that agrees with that because you know, there
• 20:34
  is no the thing that is lacking here. There is
• 20:37
  no ceiling There is no quality control Which
• 20:43
  Chicago has that's why I like Chicago. It's like
• 20:46
  if you have a Somebody that does the style of
• 20:50
  comedy that there is there. Mm -hmm. They get
• 20:52
  removed pretty quickly And here's the thing,
• 20:56
  and it's not that Chicago doesn't care about
• 20:58
  trans jokes or gay jokes or black jokes or anything
• 21:00
  like that. You can do the joke, but it better
• 21:02
  be fucking good. It better be good. It better
• 21:04
  be good. Like you can do the joke, you better
• 21:07
  make sure it's structured. And that there is
• 21:09
  a punchline, you're not just saying it to say
• 21:10
  it. That's what I like about Chicago is, you
• 21:12
  know what I mean? They keep their stages and
• 21:15
  you know, when... you're there, you're like,
• 21:17
  why are they fucking doing that? But then you
• 21:18
  come somewhere like here, and let me give you,
• 21:21
  for instance, like I'll do, I have a couple of
• 21:24
  jokes that I would say are falling in that line
• 21:27
  where they're more edgy. I did a show, and it
• 21:32
  was at some brewery, and two to three comics
• 21:37
  that went up before me touched on the same subject,
• 21:40
  but they just, they were awful. They were awful,
• 21:45
  just no reaction from the crowd. They'd just
• 21:48
  go up there and say like, yeah, fuck trans people,
• 21:51
  you know, black people. And by the time when
• 21:54
  I went on, when I brought up my jokes, it didn't
• 21:59
  do anything. And these are jokes that have worked.
• 22:03
  These are jokes I've been doing for a few years,
• 22:04
  and they have worked. You know what I mean? Sometimes
• 22:07
  they don't, sometimes they do, and it just depends.
• 22:09
  But the jokes have worked before. And... They're
• 22:13
  just, my whole set, just 12 minutes of flatlining.
• 22:17
  And that's because, you know, and there's another
• 22:19
  problem with is people don't know how to diversify
• 22:21
  their lineups. They think like, okay, this person
• 22:25
  does dark humor. We need to put four other comics
• 22:28
  just like them right before that. No! What are
• 22:32
  you talking about? You know, show structure,
• 22:35
  it's a wave, man. Like, you wanna put on somebody
• 22:37
  who you have to really pull in and listen to,
• 22:39
  then you put on somebody very abrasive, then
• 22:42
  you put on somebody light and airy, then you
• 22:43
  put on somebody who just does one -liners or
• 22:47
  really strong joke structure. You put on somebody
• 22:49
  so there's some diversity in it. And I think
• 22:51
  a lot of people focus, like, especially people
• 22:53
  that are like, we're being progressive about
• 22:55
  this, where they're like, oh, let's do, let's
• 22:57
  make sure we have a black guy and a Mexican guy
• 22:59
  and a gay woman and a trans person. It's like,
• 23:02
  no, no, no. just make sure that people's jokes
• 23:04
  are all, like this is why it's so important to
• 23:06
  listen to people's sets. So when I book shows,
• 23:08
  I don't book them unless I've heard them before.
• 23:11
  And I have to see that they've done well or I
• 23:12
  have to see that they're competent or I like
• 23:14
  them personally and I like. their kind of material.
• 23:17
  Because then you gotta like, there's an art to
• 23:19
  it. To make sure you're putting on a quality
• 23:20
  show, not just fucking six white dudes. Now if
• 23:23
  the six white dudes all had, you know, one did
• 23:26
  political humor, one was more slapstick, one
• 23:28
  did a lot of act outs, one did list, it's like
• 23:30
  if there was diversity in the lineup in that
• 23:32
  way, that's fine. You know, but you're seeing
• 23:34
  one, two, three, four, five, then people are
• 23:36
  afterwards, who did you like? Don't know. Yeah,
• 23:39
  cuz they're all the same. They all just kind
• 23:41
  of molded into one another and I've seen that
• 23:44
  before you know, and it's just it always it always
• 23:47
  kid is a little unnerving because I'd really
• 23:50
  try to steer away from those kind of things like
• 23:53
  this came for me It's like a boring topic, you
• 23:55
  know, but just just for me just for me personally,
• 23:59
  you know Yeah, so I was gonna give you a sticker
• 24:01
  real comics talk the talk You did say something
• 24:08
  in one of your posts about how you're like, yeah,
• 24:10
  I don't want to make any gay stickers and I was
• 24:12
  like Fuck I gotta fucking hide these I like how
• 24:18
  you flipped them over I'm holding a mic real
• 24:25
  comics. Talk the talk, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I think
• 24:28
  it's cool. You know, yeah, yeah ultimate cheese
• 24:31
  ultimate cheese calm Yeah, like you know just
• 24:38
  that's a AI little canva there, and you know
• 24:41
  bad joke yeah, yeah, yeah, do you uh do you ever
• 24:46
  like go up and Like roast the piss out of those
• 24:49
  comics if you realize like that you're on a show
• 24:52
  like is it just something that like you kind
• 24:53
  of? Actively talk about like one stage, or do
• 24:55
  you just try to give it your all? If they if
• 24:58
  they do a bad enough job to where I have to say
• 25:02
  something the audience has to also hate them
• 25:04
  mm -hmm It's like I did a show. I'll tell you
• 25:07
  this I I hosted a show that I had been bankers
• 25:10
  on and He not only bombed, but he started telling
• 25:14
  people to kill them like he had this girl He's
• 25:16
  like yeah, you should fucking kill yourself like
• 25:18
  it was Like I love but I love Ben so much. I
• 25:23
  think he's I think he's great I think Ben is
• 25:25
  great mm -hmm, but um I think that uh You know
• 25:29
  he made my job pretty hard. Sorry. I don't know
• 25:31
  I keep doing this I'm so used to doing that.
• 25:34
  I'm sorry, I should have told you. I was like,
• 25:35
  I'll be checking, but it's all good, you do your
• 25:37
  thing. I wonder if there's like a little thing
• 25:39
  that you put on here so people know not to get
• 25:42
  too close. And I need to just carry it with me.
• 25:44
  If not, I need to make one and carry it with
• 25:46
  me so I know, because otherwise I'm talking like
• 25:48
  this, like very, this is ASMR, you're listening
• 25:52
  to 98 .7, jerk off my dad. Ew, dude, don't make
• 25:58
  that sound effect. Chowder. Moist. Yeah, stirring
• 26:03
  macaroni and beans. Ew, dude. Gonna lick the
• 26:08
  palm first. Yeah, that's what my dad taught me.
• 26:12
  Anyways. Don't forget to cup the balls. Don't
• 26:14
  forget to cup the balls. That's it, that's the
• 26:17
  way you like it. Yeah, that's the good stuff.
• 26:22
  Yeah, that's the good stuff, dude. What were
• 26:24
  we talking about? We were talking about whether
• 26:26
  or not you roast... No, sometimes. If the audience
• 26:29
  also hates them and if I can think of something
• 26:31
  quick, then I'll do it. Yeah. But, you know...
• 26:34
  I would love to see that dynamic. I would love
• 26:36
  to see that happen and you get up there and overturn
• 26:38
  the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. It has happened.
• 26:42
  I've been having an issue with the last year.
• 26:45
  I've been really pulling my life together and
• 26:46
  it sucks. Yeah? Why does it suck? Is it just
• 26:50
  because you're just... Well, look at the reason
• 26:53
  why a lot of us are so funny. It's not because,
• 26:56
  for a lot of us, and I'm not talking about these
• 26:58
  people that have been sober their whole lives
• 27:00
  and are just naturally funny. They were the jock
• 27:03
  in high school and just have had everything given
• 27:05
  to them. I'm talking about people that were overly...
• 27:11
  You know, traumatize that, you know, have problems
• 27:14
  and their lives are shaky and things fall apart.
• 27:17
  Like when my life is going like shit, that's
• 27:20
  the best I'm doing comedically. That's when I'm
• 27:23
  the most creative. That's when I'm the funniest.
• 27:25
  That's when I'm the most presentable and outlandish
• 27:28
  and stuff. That's where I thrive is when my life
• 27:31
  is fucking falling apart. But now I'm not living
• 27:33
  in my car anymore. Now I have an apartment, I
• 27:35
  have a dog, and I pay my bills on time. I have
• 27:39
  a foam roller for my back to release stress.
• 27:42
  Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, a foam roller. Yeah, I'm
• 27:45
  listening. Do you know what a foam roller is?
• 27:46
  It's like a thick piece of foam. You roll it,
• 27:52
  and you lay on your back, and you just roll up
• 27:54
  and down. And dude, it's fantastic. I've been
• 27:57
  doing it every day. Release. Yeah, it's fantastic.
• 27:59
  And then I got one of those. Those acupressure
• 28:02
  mats, have you ever used one of those? No. It's
• 28:05
  like a mat that has all these prongs and it gets
• 28:07
  into your pressure points and you lay on it and
• 28:09
  it hurts for like the first 10 minutes but then
• 28:13
  your body gets really hot and then it starts
• 28:15
  releasing tension. Wow. So then I'll use that
• 28:19
  if I'm wired to the day, if I'm having a panic
• 28:22
  attack, I'll use that but I'll lay on it and
• 28:25
  I'll lay on it for like a half hour like when
• 28:26
  I'm watching TV or something. And then, yeah,
• 28:29
  and then I'll just pass out, go to bed and pass
• 28:31
  out after that. But that's what I'm doing, is
• 28:33
  I'm like, I'm paying attention to my needs, my
• 28:35
  needs in here. But it's also making my creativity
• 28:39
  suffer and I don't feel as funny anymore. Especially
• 28:42
  like standup, like, before I loved standup, I'd
• 28:45
  go on stage, I'm like, what's up motherfuckers?
• 28:47
  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, right?
• 28:51
  But now I'm doing well. Now I go up there, and
• 28:55
  it doesn't affect me the same way. And it's like
• 28:57
  I'll bomb, and I don't even care that I'm bombing.
• 29:00
  I don't care. But you don't think I'm funny?
• 29:03
  I know. I'm just gonna get through this last
• 29:06
  seven minutes. I've been up here for two minutes,
• 29:08
  but I'll make it quick for you guys. And then
• 29:11
  we're both sitting in this, and I feel like I'm
• 29:12
  just having a conversation, and they're interested,
• 29:14
  but they're not losing their minds. Like how
• 29:16
  they were, you know, how they would've back when
• 29:19
  I was, my life was falling apart. Interesting
• 29:22
  and it's this weird thing where I'm like, I don't
• 29:25
  know. Maybe stand -up isn't the thing right now
• 29:28
  Which is I think is okay. I feel like that's
• 29:30
  a lot of I And I've had this conversation with
• 29:33
  several other comics that have been fighting
• 29:35
  that feeling for themselves as well That are
• 29:39
  just doing it because at this point it's like
• 29:40
  they've been doing it so long Mm -hmm not doing
• 29:43
  it's weird. But now what I now what do I do?
• 29:46
  Right. Do I just get a job and make friends?
• 29:49
  Yeah Yeah, that's literally it. Yes, normal life
• 29:52
  shit No, you don't go out to a bar and you don't
• 29:55
  get drunk and hang out with the same comics You've
• 29:56
  seen every night for the last four years. Yeah,
• 29:59
  you kind of just go to work Yeah, and then write
• 30:01
  if you feel like it and then go to the gym make
• 30:04
  a meal and no don't fucking not Hot Pockets,
• 30:07
  you know, right put a take a goddamn vitamin
• 30:10
  Yeah, so kind of the normalcy sort of kind of
• 30:13
  dulls the edge a little yes It does but at the
• 30:16
  same time I feel really fucking good You know,
• 30:19
  this is the best I've ever felt. At the same
• 30:21
  time, I feel great. This is great that I've never
• 30:24
  felt so good in my life. That's awesome. No,
• 30:27
  I'm like, I'm happy to hear it too, especially
• 30:29
  because I remember hearing something about, you
• 30:32
  know, you living in your car, you know, and then,
• 30:35
  you know, I kind of literally think I wrote it
• 30:38
  down, but it's basically something you said about
• 30:40
  how like when, you know, responsibility becomes
• 30:43
  overwhelming and you tend to like kind of turn
• 30:45
  away from it. And I completely related to that.
• 30:48
  Because that's kind of something that, you know,
• 30:49
  I've done before, like in the past. But I love
• 30:52
  hearing that, like, OK, cool. Like, so you got
• 30:55
  an apartment, I guess. And I know you got your
• 30:58
  dog now. Yeah, my dog rules. And all that. And
• 31:00
  it seems like you're embracing that responsibility.
• 31:03
  Yeah, I like that. This is what I haven't been
• 31:05
  having for the last eight years that I've been
• 31:08
  doing stand up. Yeah. You know, I've been, you
• 31:11
  know, I'm in my 30s. I'm going to be 40 in a
• 31:13
  couple of years. Like, why? Like, the stuff that
• 31:17
  I did when I first started doing stand -up, it's
• 31:19
  not fun now. It's just not. Like, being out till
• 31:22
  2 o 'clock every morning, it's not fun to me.
• 31:24
  Sure, yeah. So I was, over the last few years,
• 31:27
  and I want to say this feeling that I've been
• 31:29
  feeling about stand -up in particular has been
• 31:31
  happening for probably the last, I don't know,
• 31:33
  three years. Wow. And I was fighting it and still
• 31:36
  doing it and still getting asked to do stuff,
• 31:38
  so, okay, so then I'm losing roast battles. I'm
• 31:40
  bombing on shows. I'm getting drunk on podcasts
• 31:44
  and just, like, being very, who cares? And I'm
• 31:50
  still showing up, but the energy's different.
• 31:53
  The energy's different. And I didn't want to
• 31:55
  say out loud that I don't feel the way about
• 31:59
  stand -up like I did in the first five, six years.
• 32:02
  Like, that was a good time. But now it's a lot
• 32:05
  of... You're not just performative on stage You
• 32:09
  got to be performative in front of people and
• 32:11
  with the friends you're making and and the connections
• 32:13
  that you're making and you have to show up on
• 32:16
  days where you don't feel good every single day
• 32:18
  and I still have my full -time job and You know,
• 32:21
  I'm doing it there and I'm also in my free time.
• 32:24
  I'm doing stand -up where I have to pretend Yeah,
• 32:26
  you know, I can't if I'm having a bad day. I
• 32:29
  can't show anybody and I still do it. I still
• 32:33
  I'll be a fucking bitch everybody because I'm
• 32:35
  just that kind of person. I can't I can't hide
• 32:37
  that kind of stuff, right? Yeah, so I don't know
• 32:41
  Lately it's been a lot of me listening to what
• 32:44
  I want a lot of me just wants to hey make funny
• 32:47
  videos and I don't even like doing that anymore,
• 32:50
  but I still do it and just you know, I'm writing
• 32:53
  a book which I'm excited about and then I'm watching
• 32:57
  I haven't watched TV and Lord knows how long
• 33:00
  so I started doing that again It's been a lot
• 33:03
  of that and going on walks and going to the gym
• 33:05
  and I'm meal prepping Yeah, no, you don't like
• 33:09
  you don't all these positive things us, you know
• 33:11
  That's what but that's really awesome because
• 33:13
  it's sort of like you're sort of figuring out
• 33:14
  like what you need and maybe that is this thing
• 33:16
  Maybe that's just what you're needing right now.
• 33:18
  Yeah, and I feel like what's most exhausting
• 33:22
  about a lot of this is A lot of like our job
• 33:27
  is as comedians is to observe the world around
• 33:30
  us That's how it is. I'm glad that it's fucking
• 33:35
  with you now. Yeah, he's fucking with me too.
• 33:38
  I'm like, yes, please come over here. Just leave
• 33:39
  her alone. Please leave her alone. Take me alive.
• 33:43
  Just leave her be. Women and children are supposed
• 33:48
  to be good. It's safe. But comics spend a lot
• 33:53
  of time observing the world around them. You
• 33:56
  know, we're trying to find the angle or the edge
• 33:59
  or the the thing what's funny about this thing?
• 34:03
  What's funny about this thing? Yeah, and really
• 34:06
  there's you know, you get tired of living like
• 34:09
  that Yeah, you're not experiencing life. You're
• 34:12
  observing it constantly you're picking it apart
• 34:15
  for what's ironic about a thing How about you
• 34:17
  just experience the thing? Yeah, I'm trying to
• 34:20
  sit here think about my life. Like what did I
• 34:22
  do her last you eight years? I don't know cuz
• 34:24
  I don't really I spent so much time reflecting
• 34:28
  on it and pointing out the humor in something
• 34:31
  that I can't enjoy a moment. Right. And that's
• 34:36
  pretty profound to even just realize that you're
• 34:39
  not focused on the things that you need and the
• 34:42
  moments that you're in. You know, it's like because
• 34:45
  you're so tenacious for this dream, you know.
• 34:49
  I think I did it. I mean, how was Only Bombs?
• 34:53
  Yeah, just watch. It's like a fucking jungle
• 34:56
  in here. Oh, my gosh. I was like, man, I need
• 34:58
  to get like fly traps, Venus fly traps or something.
• 35:01
  You should get one fly swatter. You should get
• 35:02
  a cool one and then make it zap and make it fun
• 35:05
  for everybody. Right. I know like little like
• 35:07
  the little paddles we could play like, you know,
• 35:09
  natal ball or whatever. But yeah, no, I was Yeah,
• 35:13
  so I normally don't really come in here until
• 35:15
  it's really time to film. Hang on, do you just
• 35:17
  have a laptop so you can watch yourself? No,
• 35:19
  just to make sure that I'm good. Normally I just
• 35:21
  unplug it, but yeah, it's there. That's how I
• 35:25
  have to... Is it still there? I thought I got
• 35:27
  it. Oh no, no, there's a lot of them. Oh my god,
• 35:32
  yeah, okay. Yeah, I don't like I said, I don't
• 35:34
  really come in here So I didn't realize how bad
• 35:35
  it was and I was like, oh fuck. This is fucking
• 35:38
  yeah, we're just being attacked You're sitting
• 35:41
  there trying to say some good stuff If you're
• 35:48
  happy and you know Yeah, I'm so sorry. I apologize.
• 35:54
  No, trust me. I had Bananas sit on my counter
• 35:57
  for three days. And they were black already by
• 35:59
  the time I realized it was an issue. And then
• 36:03
  I had all these fucking bugs in there. I get
• 36:06
  it. No, I get it. I got fleas of my own and everything
• 36:09
  else that I got to deal with. One of my girlfriend's
• 36:14
  friends, Stacey, she came over here the other
• 36:16
  night. And like she was really drunk and she's
• 36:19
  one of those like she's a partier when she gets
• 36:21
  drunk. Yeah. And she fucking comes over and like
• 36:25
  lets the dogs out and then leaves the the fucking
• 36:28
  door open. Yeah. And we so we're all like kind
• 36:31
  of chilling because my girlfriend she has like
• 36:32
  a little book nook like loft area and we're all
• 36:34
  kind of chilling. And then she goes down like
• 36:36
  we all go down like in a few like hours later
• 36:40
  to realize that the door was open the whole damn
• 36:42
  time. Yeah. You know. It was like it was like
• 36:46
  great now. Now. We got a jungle in here Yeah,
• 36:48
  yeah, and you or me are just with our little
• 36:50
  machetes. Yeah, they were just like they're just
• 36:52
  feasting on us like wolves. Yep Yeah, use this
• 36:57
  book. Sorry Alvin Alvin, sorry Alvin. Yeah, sorry
• 37:04
  Alvin No, it's uh, it's good that it's good.
• 37:09
  I know what you're talking about though On both
• 37:11
  sides because when I was going through like a
• 37:14
  lot of like heavy shit I did I went to like stand
• 37:17
  up and I had I had a ton of jokes during that
• 37:21
  time I kind of like, you know And I felt like
• 37:24
  I was coming up with like joke after joke every
• 37:25
  joke and then now I've noticed the same thing
• 37:28
  I'm getting more stable and I'm like, oh fuck.
• 37:30
  Well, what do I what do I talk about? Like I
• 37:32
  don't really have anything I don't know what
• 37:34
  to say anymore. So do you feel like you just
• 37:36
  you kind of need that chaos to write better or
• 37:40
  What were you thinking? What were you saying?
• 37:41
  I was thinking about dragons. You were thinking
• 37:43
  about dragons? Yeah, I was thinking about fighting
• 37:44
  them. No shit. I don't know where it came from.
• 37:47
  Probably the fucking gnats. Probably the fire
• 37:50
  -breathing gnats that I got going on here. You
• 37:52
  fucking think you're Daenerys up in this bitch?
• 37:54
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sons of bitches. What flavor
• 37:58
  is this? Blueberry? Yeah, blueberry. Is it really?
• 38:01
  I think. Probably blueberry, blackberry. Blackberry?
• 38:03
  It's blackberry, blueberry. You fucking idiot.
• 38:07
  You know, hey, it's not my fault. I'm just I
• 38:10
  used to get that I used to get like that or the
• 38:12
  blue raspberry flavor Then I discovered men and
• 38:14
  I'm like man, you know, that's how I want to
• 38:16
  die You know like the mint ones. I do like I
• 38:19
  love the mint ones. Yeah, I've been particular
• 38:21
  to those I like my smoke to taste like blueberries.
• 38:36
  Or blackberries. I can't decide. My palate is
• 38:41
  too cultured. Here's bacteria. Anyways, yeah,
• 38:52
  but that's that. Yeah, so I've been writing a
• 38:55
  book and I'm excited about it I've been uh, I
• 38:57
  was about to ask you about that. What's your
• 38:58
  book about? Oh, dude. So it's a I'm really excited
• 39:01
  about that. You have you been following my Steve
• 39:02
  Perry lore? Yeah, it's been it's been amazing
• 39:06
  because I've gone through that before too. Yeah,
• 39:08
  that's why I wore my Journey shirt until now
• 39:21
  that's crazy. When I saw you wearing it, I was
• 39:24
  like, I wonder if she's gonna notice mine. Well,
• 39:26
  you have it covered up, dude. You're kind of
• 39:27
  ashamed of yourself. No, no, I always do this,
• 39:30
  because this shirt is actually really small on
• 39:33
  me. Yeah, it's a double XL, which I normally
• 39:35
  wear. But for some, you know, it's concert shirts.
• 39:38
  Yeah, concert shirts. That's why I never buy
• 39:40
  concert shirts, because they feel weird. They
• 39:42
  do. They don't feel good. And then they, I feel
• 39:45
  like they're always like built for men that are
• 39:47
  like five foot six. Yeah, just like skinny little
• 39:50
  men. So it's like I'll buy her shirt and like
• 39:52
  in a in shirts like I'm a large but in when I
• 39:55
  buy stuff from a concert It's like double XL
• 39:57
  and then this it's like it'll be fine here But
• 39:59
  then it's down to here and then it's tight still
• 40:02
  and it's weird. Yeah, I don't like it Or they
• 40:04
  or they get like super super like wide and I'm
• 40:07
  also like oh, yeah and long So but they don't
• 40:09
  have the double XL tees or nothing like that.
• 40:12
  Yeah. Yeah, so they'll make it wide, but it'll
• 40:13
  be a belly shirt Yeah, that's what this one practically
• 40:16
  is. Yeah, you might as well cut it into a crop
• 40:18
  top. I love that shirt though. Did you go see,
• 40:20
  you went to see them in 2024? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 40:23
  it was a good show. No Steve Harry, unfortunately.
• 40:27
  No, I know, he left in 1998 and they replaced
• 40:29
  him with a Filipino YouTuber. Yeah, I saw that
• 40:32
  and he was good though. He was but he doesn't
• 40:34
  sound like Steve Perry and everyone's like he
• 40:35
  sounds just like him No, he can hit the notes.
• 40:38
  I'll give him that but you know, yeah, I felt
• 40:41
  the same way I'm like, you know, he's good, but
• 40:43
  he's no he's good, but he's no Steve Perry and
• 40:44
  that's you know, that's fine It's fine. You're
• 40:46
  just you're he's I don't know but I'm more fan
• 40:49
  of Steve Perry himself than I am of Journey Yeah,
• 40:52
  like though I'm like cuz he hated being interviewed.
• 40:54
  That's what I like about him cuz like how he
• 40:56
  felt how he's how he felt about Journey is how
• 41:01
  I'm feeling about stand -up. I was like fuck
• 41:03
  this Yeah, you know is like I don't like I don't
• 41:05
  like doing this like this is fine Sometimes and
• 41:08
  I'm like fuck that yeah, you know is this so
• 41:11
  is that what your book is about um it's it's
• 41:13
  honestly it's more yeah also that and but but
• 41:16
  it's more of like a It's more like a psychological
• 41:20
  reflective Thing I'm writing on myself But I
• 41:25
  kind of framed it into a love story Right? So
• 41:27
  there's the part of me that writes about the
• 41:29
  mask, the person that performs, that puts on
• 41:32
  a face that feels like they have to act a certain
• 41:34
  way, but is not being how they truly feel. And
• 41:40
  that's the female who's like, you know, this
• 41:43
  person has to put on this mask and doing all
• 41:46
  this and, you know, it doesn't matter what she
• 41:48
  says, it's going to get twisted. And so then
• 41:50
  what? Then you're the subject of gossip. You're
• 41:52
  the subject of... headlines and things like that
• 41:55
  and then she meets this guy who is a lot more
• 41:58
  reserved and a lot more introverted and You know
• 42:02
  is pursuing the same thing But he all but he
• 42:05
  hates what he does and he just wants to not do
• 42:08
  it anymore and then they meet and it's like I
• 42:10
  don't know it's it's it's a it's a clashing of
• 42:14
  Defeating the man. I'm not explaining it while
• 42:17
  I'm horrible explaining things So if you ever
• 42:19
  see a movie, yeah, if I ever talk about a movie
• 42:21
  and you're like, what's it about? Don't ask me
• 42:23
  Because I'm just gonna say what I like about
• 42:25
  it and what I like just doesn't make sense Because
• 42:28
  I'm horrible with explaining shit. Oh now I just
• 42:31
  want to ask you like movies just so you can explain
• 42:33
  Yeah, if you tell me like what's it about? I'm
• 42:35
  gonna say I'm not kidding. Try me. All right
• 42:37
  Jaws. What's that about? It's about like this
• 42:39
  shark It's about like the shark and it's in a
• 42:42
  and I've seen Jaws so it's These people go on
• 42:47
  a boat and it's about the like just like this
• 42:48
  monster shark that kills people Everyone's scared
• 42:51
  of it. Yeah That's perfect. That's good. What
• 42:54
  about Tropic Thunder? I've never seen Tropic
• 42:58
  Thunder. You're gonna have to... I haven't seen
• 42:59
  it since, like, my... That was the last movie
• 43:02
  me and my dad watched before he died. And I don't
• 43:06
  remember the plot of that. But Robert Downey
• 43:08
  Jr. does Blackface in it. That's a good description.
• 43:11
  Okay. Yeah, give me a good one. Alright, let's
• 43:12
  see. The Notebook. Oh, it's about this bitch...
• 43:19
  who can't make a decision on who she wants to
• 43:21
  love. And so she falls in love with this guy,
• 43:23
  but he was too poor. So then she marries the
• 43:27
  rich guy, I think. But the poor guy still pursues
• 43:32
  her and she still loves him. And then I think
• 43:35
  she leaves her husband eventually for him and
• 43:37
  they both die. Yep, that's it. That's perfect.
• 43:40
  I love it. I don't know, man. I've been told
• 43:43
  I'm horrible at describing stuff. The woman is
• 43:46
  the mask that I wear in public, which is a very
• 43:48
  outlandish, say whatever, doesn't give a fuck,
• 43:51
  but secretly hates it. And then he is more reserved,
• 43:55
  but he is not, I don't know. He has trouble admitting
• 44:01
  that the thing that he wants to pursue isn't
• 44:02
  the thing he wants anymore. And I based my male
• 44:06
  character, I've been writing this book for a
• 44:08
  minute. and so I had an idea for it but I and
• 44:10
  I had her written out because that's when I was
• 44:12
  in the height of like doing Adderall and drinking
• 44:14
  every day and going out and when I'm on Adderall
• 44:17
  I don't recommend if you're if somebody offers
• 44:18
  you street Adderall never take it because I was
• 44:20
  taking that shit I was picking fights with everybody
• 44:22
  dude and it's not when you're on it when you're
• 44:25
  on it you're like hey what's going on blah blah
• 44:27
  but when you're off of it or you're coming off
• 44:29
  of it you're irritable you're a dick you're paranoid
• 44:31
  you're you know what I mean and that's what I
• 44:33
  was dealing with so I was burning bridges left
• 44:35
  and fucking right So I when I discovered Steve
• 44:40
  Perry and I started learning about his lore.
• 44:43
  I Really liked who he was, you know I really
• 44:46
  liked the person and just like him just hated
• 44:48
  being famous and he was as famous as you can
• 44:50
  get Yeah, like journey couldn't be more famous.
• 44:53
  Yeah, and then he walked away like fuck this.
• 44:56
  Yeah Sign my check. I'm leaving. When did he
• 44:59
  walk away? I think was in the mid 90s. Well,
• 45:01
  he walked away for the first time in 1987 Oh,
• 45:06
  okay. And then he pursued solo stuff, and then
• 45:10
  he joined again, and then I know that he got,
• 45:15
  he injured his hip, he like, and they wanted
• 45:17
  him to get surgery, and he was kind of reluctant,
• 45:19
  and they were giving him a deadline. Like, well,
• 45:21
  we need to tour this album, you gotta get this
• 45:24
  done, and when are you gonna be done? You have
• 45:26
  till this to do it, and he's like, fuck this.
• 45:28
  Yeah. And they threaten to replace him then.
• 45:30
  So, he's like, fine, replace me, that's fine.
• 45:34
  Damn. It's only dad. Excuse me, I didn't know
• 45:37
  that. Yeah. You know, I didn't know that. Yeah,
• 45:40
  I mean, I went through like a big journey phase.
• 45:44
  I love how like my Navy comes into play like.
• 45:47
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta bring your gay shit
• 45:50
  into this. Yeah, I was like, fuck, there's no
• 45:54
  convincing. I'm not gay, dude. No, but yeah,
• 45:58
  no, I went through like my journey phase like
• 46:00
  heavily. in the Navy. Yeah. And that's when I
• 46:03
  kind of started to realize that the brilliance
• 46:05
  of them, you know, and it was because I watched
• 46:08
  Tron. Yeah. Like, you know, the movie about digital
• 46:11
  motorcycles, you know, I'm glad that Tron brought
• 46:15
  that on to you. Did they use the music in that
• 46:17
  movie or something? Yeah, in the sequel. OK.
• 46:20
  Yeah, I didn't I haven't seen those movies. Yeah,
• 46:22
  it was. Oh, wait. I forget the name of the damn
• 46:26
  song, but you know the song. I promise you. Don't
• 46:29
  stop. Or is it wheel in the sky or what? No,
• 46:32
  it's a it's that kind of oh Shit, I can't can't
• 46:36
  remember it but it's like the Wait, hold on.
• 46:39
  I'll just pull it up because I know I know what
• 46:41
  it is, you know But um, but yeah, they had a
• 46:44
  song I was playing on the jukebox in there and
• 46:45
  I was like dude This fucking song is badass like
• 46:47
  a motherfucker. Yeah, I was like what the fuck
• 46:50
  and so separate ways Oh, yeah, yeah, that's a
• 46:54
  good song. Yeah, that is and um, and yeah, so
• 46:56
  in that movie it started playing I was like what
• 46:58
  the fuck is this and I started like listening
• 47:00
  to that and then every day I would like if I
• 47:02
  was whatever I was doing I was like just listening
• 47:03
  to that and then eventually it moved to faithfully.
• 47:07
  Yeah, you know, and then of course wheels in
• 47:09
  the sky, which is you know, uh And then the other
• 47:13
  one on open arms. Yeah open arms. Yeah, that's
• 47:17
  a good song Oh, yeah favorite song. I'm learning
• 47:19
  that song on guitar right now really Oh yeah,
• 47:22
  you've been playing guitar? Yeah, kinda. Really?
• 47:25
  I'm not very good at it, but I'll dick around
• 47:28
  on it. Yeah, why did you pick the guitar? Why
• 47:31
  did I pick the guitar? Yeah, like what was it
• 47:33
  that kind of was like, oh man, this is what I
• 47:36
  wanted to hear, this is gonna be good. Yeah,
• 47:37
  I wanted like, I don't know, I've just always,
• 47:40
  it's one of those things where you have that
• 47:42
  thing that you wish that you were good at. Yeah.
• 47:44
  And for me it's piano and guitar and probably
• 47:47
  gangster rap. Hell yeah. You know what I mean?
• 47:50
  Yeah, I think I got a beat loaded up if you want
• 47:52
  to try. No, I'm awful at rapping. They had an
• 47:57
  open mic at Creek for a while where they were
• 47:58
  like, okay, we're going to have you fucking freestyle
• 48:00
  for a couple minutes and then you get into your
• 48:02
  set. And I went on there and freestyled and it
• 48:05
  was awful. And then I was like, so anyways, I
• 48:10
  was going down to the corner store the other
• 48:12
  day. This cock sucking net. Yeah, y 'all get
• 48:17
  it. I you know oh, man. It was Steve Perry rules
• 48:20
  like I now I'm getting deep enough into the YouTubing
• 48:23
  where he I'm watching him do freakouts on stage
• 48:25
  and that is awesome Really? Yeah, but he's it's
• 48:29
  like here's the thing is people try to like frame
• 48:31
  it like he was being irrational It was like somebody
• 48:33
  threw a beer bottle at him while he was on stage
• 48:35
  He's like who was the cocksucker that did that
• 48:37
  and then he they find him It was you it was you
• 48:40
  and he tells the security guard bring that motherfucker
• 48:42
  on stage, and I was like Like yeah, it rules.
• 48:45
  Yeah, yeah, I'm Steve Perry. Yeah, dude. He had
• 48:47
  and he had a beef with a Howard Stern Really
• 48:51
  you hear about that? Yeah, I didn't know that
• 48:52
  I am psychotic. That's why that's why I know
• 48:55
  all this that's phenomenal so he Howard Stern
• 48:59
  hates Steve Perry he talks about him on multiple
• 49:01
  episodes make making fun of Steve Perry and it
• 49:04
  was because one time Howard Stern was backstage
• 49:06
  and like Steve Perry called him Big Bird. Called
• 49:12
  him Big Bird. Out of all the things that fucking
• 49:15
  Howard Stern has done, and that's what upset
• 49:19
  you, and I'm like, hang on a second, let me look
• 49:21
  at this, because I was going to drop a video
• 49:22
  on this, but like, come on now. Yeah, that's
• 49:26
  a pretty accurate... It's perfect. Yeah, that's
• 49:29
  such a perfect thing. And then about how like,
• 49:35
  did you hear about the thing with him and Sarah
• 49:36
  Silverman? Sarah Silverman? Steve Perry? Yeah.
• 49:40
  No. So, you know, do you remember how like Sarah
• 49:43
  Silverman's humor was, especially like in the
• 49:46
  2000s or late 90s and stuff, how she was doing
• 49:49
  more of that edgier material and he comes up
• 49:51
  to her and he's like, I really like the way,
• 49:53
  he goes, I'm such a fan. You tell the best, you
• 49:58
  tell the best N -word jokes. But he said. Oh,
• 50:02
  he actually said the N -word. So she writes that
• 50:05
  in her, it's in her autobiography. No shit, and
• 50:08
  then Rolling Stone asked him he's like no So
• 50:11
  but he definitely I could see him. Yeah, are
• 50:14
  you kidding me? Yeah, she does. She does the
• 50:17
  best n -word jokes. Yeah Oh, no, she was oh my
• 50:20
  gosh I haven't really watched any of her like
• 50:22
  latest stand -up, but I remember back in the
• 50:23
  day It was just like you did not know what the
• 50:26
  hell she was gonna say Yeah, you know you like
• 50:28
  you you looked at her and you thought like one
• 50:30
  thing and then she got up there and man I was
• 50:32
  like Yeah, Sarah Silverman was pretty nuts. Yeah,
• 50:35
  she was great, but that's the whole thing and
• 50:37
  you have to understand, like I get it, like the
• 50:39
  kind of stuff that I do, like people think that
• 50:42
  I'm anti -Semitic or they think that I'm actually
• 50:44
  racist or transphobic and I'm like, no, I'm just
• 50:46
  making jokes about it. Right. You know what I
• 50:48
  mean? Do I say with a little bit of disdain?
• 50:50
  Yeah, so what? You know, it's like, but when
• 50:54
  you do that kind of humor, you're gonna attract
• 50:56
  people that actually don't like black people
• 50:59
  or... They're gonna just think it's okay to say
• 51:02
  that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? Or
• 51:04
  saying it in jest. And I think I have a... Oh,
• 51:09
  that happened the other night, actually. This
• 51:12
  guy was in the green room at Vulcan. And he...
• 51:15
  We don't know who the fuck he was. He wasn't
• 51:17
  a comic or anything like that. No shit. He just
• 51:20
  found his way in there. Yeah, he knew one of
• 51:23
  the comics there, but Joe DeRosa comes in. And
• 51:26
  he goes, Joe DeRosa... I'm such a fan of Shane
• 51:28
  Gillis, and then he just drops the N -word. What
• 51:31
  the fuck? And then Joe was like, whoa! What the
• 51:33
  fuck? And then Joe goes on stage, he bombs, he's
• 51:36
  like, I'm sorry guys, I just, someone called
• 51:38
  me the N -word in my face, and I just don't know
• 51:40
  what to feel right now. And so like, we all go
• 51:43
  back in the green room, and the guy was like,
• 51:47
  they were like, you can't be saying that shit,
• 51:49
  and so then he starts handing us all $100 bills
• 51:51
  to not talk about it. Nice. Yeah, it was fun.
• 52:02
  So you never figured out who this guy was? No,
• 52:04
  I don't know his name. I don't remember. He eventually
• 52:08
  got taken off stage because then a comic went
• 52:11
  on stage and he was like, hey, hey, bring me
• 52:15
  up there. And then, yeah, he got thrown out after
• 52:17
  that. Fucking what? You never know what you're
• 52:20
  gonna hit. You never know. You never fucking
• 52:22
  know. Comedy is nothing but a glorified fucking
• 52:25
  circus. That's all it is. It really is. I don't
• 52:29
  get why people want to do stand -up. I understand
• 52:31
  it's fun, it looks like it's a very nonchalant,
• 52:34
  people just pussy -footing their way into success,
• 52:36
  but you deal with so much shit. Yeah, I don't
• 52:39
  think that people realize exactly just how much
• 52:43
  goes into it. A lot of it. Yeah, there is a lot.
• 52:47
  And I haven't even gotten that deep. You know,
• 52:50
  I'm very much still like an open mic -er, and
• 52:52
  every now and again I do shows. But what I've
• 52:57
  kind of learned is that like, yeah, the deeper
• 52:59
  you go, the more it just seems like there's just
• 53:02
  so much shit that you're just not realizing.
• 53:06
  So you just didn't know, you know? And it's kind
• 53:08
  of like, if you don't do the work, you're not
• 53:11
  gonna be a part of it. Yeah, and it's gonna show.
• 53:12
  And I've been so lazy performing lately. I'm
• 53:15
  going up maybe a couple times a week. And this
• 53:16
  is going from like, I used to go up every single
• 53:18
  day. But I just, I also at the same time, I don't
• 53:21
  have any gumption to perform. I just don't. And
• 53:25
  so people will ask me and I'll say, yeah. And
• 53:26
  then I'll go up there and I'm like, ugh. And
• 53:29
  that's just where I'm at. Well, were you like
• 53:32
  kind of... just performing all the time for like
• 53:35
  a few years there. Yeah. Just constantly, constantly
• 53:40
  doing it. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's just like,
• 53:42
  you just need a break. Yeah. And so that's what
• 53:44
  it is. And I'm avoiding the fact that I need
• 53:48
  to fully step away from all of it, just because
• 53:51
  there's a part of me that wants to do it. But
• 53:54
  for the most part, it's, yeah, no, just stay
• 53:56
  inside and write your book, write out your things.
• 53:58
  It's going to be a good book. I know I didn't
• 53:59
  explain it right, but it's my dumb way, I don't
• 54:03
  know how to explain anything, but yeah, that's
• 54:06
  what I'm excited about. That's what I'm excited
• 54:08
  about is just putting thoughts on words and making
• 54:11
  a nice, intricate story. I want to put out something,
• 54:15
  you know what I mean? I want to put out something
• 54:17
  for myself. Yeah, yeah. And that's awesome. I
• 54:20
  mean, that's really where it counts, you know?
• 54:23
  Because it's like, you know, and I understand
• 54:26
  stand up as like an art form, you know? But I
• 54:31
  also get that If you get too deep into something,
• 54:35
  sometimes it's good to take a break from it.
• 54:37
  It is. I did the same thing with music. Yeah,
• 54:41
  I don't think a lot of people realize how much
• 54:43
  of their, people that do stand -up, how much
• 54:45
  of their lives, how much life they're robbing
• 54:49
  of themselves by doing so much stand -up, because
• 54:51
  this is all they do. And it's not something that
• 54:54
  you do kind of. Right. No, it's like you're going
• 54:57
  out, you're done working if you have a job. then
• 55:01
  you're going out to a place around six, seven
• 55:03
  o 'clock, and sometimes you don't get home till
• 55:04
  two o 'clock in the morning. And that's the reality
• 55:07
  for a lot of people. A lot of people. They don't
• 55:09
  even have friends. Their friends are other comics.
• 55:12
  And then, you know, then one of them gets bigger
• 55:15
  than the other, and then one gets resentful,
• 55:18
  and then you realize, a lot of times, that the
• 55:20
  people that you thought were your friends aren't
• 55:22
  friends. And that's a tough thing. This industry,
• 55:25
  it's hard to find friends in. And it's like...
• 55:27
  That's great that you're pursuing this, but also
• 55:30
  look at the other side on those, you know, now
• 55:32
  that I'm not doing it as much, I'm realizing
• 55:34
  I don't really have any fucking friends. Because
• 55:37
  they're all comedians. You know, they were, for
• 55:40
  the longest time, my friends were people that
• 55:42
  were out doing stuff at two in the morning. So
• 55:44
  no, they don't want to come over at two o 'clock
• 55:45
  and hang out at the pool. and then maybe have
• 55:48
  dinner and then go watch, go see a movie because
• 55:50
  they got an open mic they have to go to. Oh,
• 55:52
  no, they have a show at this place that they
• 55:54
  have to get to. And then they were thinking about
• 55:56
  going over here because it's this door guy's
• 55:59
  birthday. And it's like, you know? And being
• 56:02
  on the other side of it, and now that I'm doing
• 56:04
  it less, I'm like seeing like, God damn, dude.
• 56:08
  It's like, and I think it's because it's just,
• 56:09
  I'm getting older and I'm, you know, I'm slowing
• 56:13
  down that. thinking like, man, it's like, if
• 56:16
  this doesn't work, you better hope it works out.
• 56:18
  You better hope it. You get something out of
• 56:21
  it, because otherwise you just wasted the last
• 56:23
  however many years of your life. Yeah. And then
• 56:25
  you walk away and you realize how little you
• 56:27
  have. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's not so bad.
• 56:33
  But no, I know exactly. I know what you're talking
• 56:35
  about, too, because when I started getting older
• 56:38
  and things and I kind of started stand up after.
• 56:42
  Like basically it was just a massive change that
• 56:45
  was gonna occur in my life And it was something
• 56:48
  I always wanted to pursue something that I always
• 56:50
  I was like I felt free free enough to be able
• 56:52
  to do and even even in that freedom of even running
• 56:56
  to the stage and using it as therapy I guess
• 56:58
  and taking out like or just writing jokes and
• 57:02
  just performing, you know, even even doing that
• 57:05
  I began to learn that it's like there has to
• 57:08
  be a separation. I can't I'm just not able to
• 57:12
  go all in, like some of these people are. You're
• 57:16
  not 22. You're not working at a fucking pizza
• 57:21
  shop part -time so you can prioritize comedy.
• 57:24
  You're not sleeping on a couch for a fucking
• 57:25
  hundred bucks a week. I can't afford to do that.
• 57:28
  My back won't let me do that. I live in my car
• 57:31
  and... I've done it a couple times, and it wasn't
• 57:33
  because I didn't have a choice, it was because
• 57:35
  I'm like, I need to save some money. And I was
• 57:37
  still working full -time and doing stand -up,
• 57:39
  and I made it work, and I got an apartment, but
• 57:42
  God, dude, I can't. I'm not built for that anymore,
• 57:44
  I'm sorry. And plus, my self -esteem was so low
• 57:47
  when I was staying in my car. Fuck that. Yeah,
• 57:52
  I know, I know. I did the whole living in the
• 57:57
  car thing for not because of stand -up reasons.
• 58:02
  And it's, yeah, so when I, you know, when I remember
• 58:04
  like you saying that and everything, I was just
• 58:06
  like, man, yeah, that really, that really fucking
• 58:09
  sucks. You know, that's like a shitty situation
• 58:11
  to be in, you know? But it's also like good,
• 58:13
  like at the beginning, like you're talking about,
• 58:15
  like, you know, putting your life back in order,
• 58:17
  minus doing this fucking podcast with all these
• 58:18
  gnats. Yeah. But we're really making it. Yeah,
• 58:22
  we're fucking. We're doing it. Yeah. But, you
• 58:25
  know, like I think it's really awesome that you're,
• 58:27
  you're, you know, thinking about yourself. And
• 58:30
  then think about what you need, you know, because
• 58:33
  I do see a lot of people who put, like, all the
• 58:35
  whole fame thing and all that shit, like, they
• 58:38
  put it in front of them. This is cool. Yeah,
• 58:40
  you like that? This is fucking, look at this,
• 58:45
  this is neat. Yeah, exactly. That's for, I don't
• 58:48
  want anybody to slip, you know. That's some cool
• 58:51
  shit. Well, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Tea time.
• 58:55
  Don't spill this. Yeah. What is that? Don't know
• 58:59
  it's a just the buddy of mine's wedding. He gave
• 59:02
  us these coasters. Okay. Yeah, they're coasters.
• 59:05
  All right. Well There we go, no, hang on you're
• 59:11
  set It's almost like the same size yeah, it is
• 59:18
  cool and you got your little you shouldn't why
• 59:19
  don't you just make coasters? That would be cool.
• 59:22
  Yeah, that'd be sick. I didn't think about it.
• 59:24
  You're good. Yeah, I'm good at that you make
• 59:25
  it felt I made all, I had koozies, I had koozies
• 59:30
  made. Actually I might have some in the car so
• 59:31
  I can contribute to this. I have some, I think
• 59:35
  I have some coasters in the car, but yeah, like
• 59:37
  interesting. I told myself, I'm like, I don't
• 59:40
  want to make like stupid merch where it's like,
• 59:42
  people are gonna be like, yeah, I guess. You
• 59:44
  know what I mean? I did make some stickers because
• 59:45
  it's only 40 bucks, but then I was like. that
• 59:49
  I made a bunch of koozies. Like, yeah, everyone
• 59:51
  uses koozies, all right, I'll do that. I wanna
• 59:53
  make stuff that people utilize day to day. Yeah,
• 59:56
  yeah, not stickers. No, that's a great idea.
• 1:00:00
  Or you get like a magnet, get magnets made for
• 1:00:03
  your dishwasher, for dishwashers, where it says,
• 1:00:05
  this is clean and this is dirty. I finally got
• 1:00:08
  one of those, where it's like, okay, those are
• 1:00:10
  clean, those are dirty, or something for your
• 1:00:12
  fridge. Like stuff that people see every day
• 1:00:15
  and they use. They come in waves. Yeah, they
• 1:00:17
  do. Oh God, it's so bad. This is awful. But yeah,
• 1:00:21
  no, that's a great idea. Yeah, I've just been
• 1:00:25
  trying to come up with little things. I have
• 1:00:27
  little ideas for giving comics to come along,
• 1:00:30
  like a gift basket or something of some kind.
• 1:00:33
  Yeah, where's my gift basket? I know. No, no.
• 1:00:38
  All I got is Chardonnay and stickers. It's like
• 1:00:42
  the gayest thing that... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:00:46
  I remember watching, like, going through your
• 1:00:48
  Instagram and everything, and then you were like...
• 1:00:50
  I forgot what you said verbat... But, you know,
• 1:00:52
  to paraphrase, you were like, yeah, I don't want
• 1:00:54
  to put out stickers because those are gay. And
• 1:00:56
  I was like, fuck! Gay little stir. Well, first
• 1:01:00
  of all, I'm almost 40 years old. What the fuck
• 1:01:01
  am I going to do with a sticker? I'm going to
• 1:01:03
  take this, but I don't know how I'm going to
• 1:01:04
  put it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I just like stickers.
• 1:01:08
  These are cool. Where'd you get them from? I
• 1:01:10
  don't know. Some website. I made them. I didn't
• 1:01:13
  realize that the, you see at the top where it
• 1:01:15
  says only bomb? Yeah. You can't see it. Yeah.
• 1:01:17
  I didn't realize that it was going to be so dark.
• 1:01:19
  Yeah. You know? So I was like, as soon as they
• 1:01:21
  came in, I was like, oh, this is properly fucked.
• 1:01:24
  Real comics talk the talk. Real comics talk the
• 1:01:26
  talk. You should have given them like a little
• 1:01:27
  Hitler mustache or given them some edge. Right?
• 1:01:30
  You know? He would have been an atomic bomb if
• 1:01:31
  that was the case. Or give them Asian eyes. They'd
• 1:01:41
  make two of them. Yeah, put the skyline of Hawaii
• 1:01:46
  in the back, you know? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that'd
• 1:01:52
  be sick. Yeah, I can't wait for my plantain sushi.
• 1:01:55
  Yeah, fuck. Yeah. Goddamn Dominicans, dude. Black
• 1:01:58
  people that speak Spanish. I never felt more
• 1:02:00
  like an ignorant hillbilly than I went there.
• 1:02:04
  Really? Yeah, Dominicans, they're black, but
• 1:02:06
  they speak Spanish. They're like, no, it was
• 1:02:07
  Spanish. Like, shut up. You're black people,
• 1:02:10
  and you got overran by Spain. I didn't even know
• 1:02:14
  that. You didn't know that? That's the place
• 1:02:15
  where Christopher Columbus went and fucked all
• 1:02:17
  the manatees. Really? You didn't know the story?
• 1:02:21
  No, I didn't know that. So he was... There was
• 1:02:24
  something in his journal that he wrote about
• 1:02:26
  how, like, he stopped in... I think it was Puerto...
• 1:02:29
  I think it might have been Puerto Rico or the
• 1:02:31
  Dominican. He was talking about mermaids. And
• 1:02:33
  he said... He didn't say manatees. But he said,
• 1:02:37
  yeah, the women here, like... I've seen a mermaid,
• 1:02:40
  but they're not as... You know, they're not as
• 1:02:42
  beautiful as I thought they were. And their nomenades,
• 1:02:49
  they go between Puerto Rico and Florida. They
• 1:02:55
  go back and forth. They'll migrate. So they're
• 1:02:58
  like, I think he's talking about manatees. And
• 1:03:00
  then everyone's like, he probably fucked him.
• 1:03:02
  Obviously, all right. It's like, you're a little
• 1:03:06
  big for my taste. That's so weird. It's like,
• 1:03:11
  how could you fuck that up? Never fucked a woman
• 1:03:13
  with whiskers before. So you aren't really my
• 1:03:16
  type. We'll make it work. Yeah, we'll make this
• 1:03:19
  work. Roll over. You remind me of my mother.
• 1:03:24
  Yeah, usually I have a cigarette after sex. but
• 1:03:26
  I guess a head of Cabildger work. Here's a head
• 1:03:33
  of cabbage, you pig. She doesn't move. Yeah,
• 1:03:36
  she can't move very fast. That's what I like
• 1:03:38
  about her. I accidentally threw a cast net over
• 1:03:41
  one of those once. They're fast. Are they quick?
• 1:03:44
  When they get freaked out, they get fat. Yeah,
• 1:03:46
  you try to catch it. You know what I mean? I
• 1:03:48
  didn't even see it. I'm not normally quick, but
• 1:03:50
  if you put me in a net and try to get me in the
• 1:03:52
  back of a truck, I'm gonna put up a fight. Yeah,
• 1:03:53
  you're gonna splash off. Yeah, I'm gonna splash
• 1:03:55
  off. Like, damn, dude. Throw me a head of cabbage
• 1:04:00
  and I'll be okay. I love that because I literally
• 1:04:06
  remember going to an aquarium and they had like
• 1:04:09
  the manatees and they were in there. They were
• 1:04:10
  just like... Cabbage just like around them They're
• 1:04:16
  just dead in the water. Yeah, you know black
• 1:04:19
  eyes. Yeah, yeah Lay in there right there's a
• 1:04:24
  there's a Their ice in Florida. There's this
• 1:04:27
  river called Crystal River where you can paddleboard
• 1:04:29
  down it and there's a bunch of manatees and they
• 1:04:32
  just that's all I know was just wait That's why
• 1:04:33
  when you said they they fucking scooted off.
• 1:04:35
  They're quick. I didn't I never knew that because
• 1:04:37
  they're very like So you can just paddleboard
• 1:04:41
  down Crystal River and touch them. Oh, wow. Or
• 1:04:44
  have sex with them if you're Christopher Columbus.
• 1:04:47
  Yeah, these are mermaids. These are beautiful,
• 1:04:49
  beautiful mermaids. They're not beautiful, but
• 1:04:51
  I'm going to try my best. I like your seashell.
• 1:04:55
  Yeah. But yeah, no, the way that they go, I guess,
• 1:04:58
  is because they stay in a herd or some shit.
• 1:05:00
  And you can look it up. I wish I had like, pull
• 1:05:02
  it up, Jamie. But they have a... Apparently you
• 1:05:05
  spook one of them and then if one of them freaks
• 1:05:07
  out they all freak out So then they'll be like
• 1:05:09
  a whole I heard of them just like splashing away
• 1:05:12
  And they're quick and they scare the shit out
• 1:05:14
  of you when that happens that I didn't know until
• 1:05:16
  I accidentally did it You know, it wasn't a hard
• 1:05:19
  way, dude. Yeah, I learned the hard way that
• 1:05:21
  you didn't do that again So now when I go out,
• 1:05:24
  you know, I'm like before I throw a cast and
• 1:05:26
  I'm like And if it's a woman when I'm like a
• 1:05:37
  woman if the woman hey you fat bitch Yeah, no,
• 1:05:43
  but then she'll fall in love with me. I can't
• 1:05:45
  have that. How did you know my kink? Wow, that
• 1:05:48
  is me. It's working. Yeah, do you have gnats?
• 1:05:52
  Yeah, you mean that's looking You know just we're
• 1:05:55
  getting into it. I just love it when gnats crawl
• 1:05:57
  over me makes me realize how fucking gross I
• 1:05:59
  am. Oh my god It's been it's been definitely
• 1:06:01
  a doozy. I was like fucking don't even want to
• 1:06:04
  know I don't I'm gonna cut out all these mats.
• 1:06:07
  Yeah, I'm like cut out all the net scenes, right?
• 1:06:10
  Yeah, you want to do my podcast. Yeah, can you
• 1:06:11
  send me a reference episode? Yeah, so anyway
• 1:06:15
  anyway fucking She really loves Steve Perry.
• 1:06:18
  Yeah, she loves Steve Perry. She's writing a
• 1:06:20
  book about him, and there's gnats. I really want
• 1:06:24
  to meet Steve Perry. I want to make it happen.
• 1:06:25
  I know that he hates being famous, but I kind
• 1:06:27
  of want to meet Steve Perry. I wonder if you
• 1:06:29
  could. I want to so bad, I just want to interview
• 1:06:32
  him and not film it. Oh, that would be cool.
• 1:06:35
  And just pick his brain and just ask him questions,
• 1:06:38
  and they have no... I was like, Jess, don't look
• 1:06:41
  at that. Don't look at that. Look over here.
• 1:06:44
  Yeah, it's like over here, Jess. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:06:47
  yeah. You caught it, though. Good job. Yeah,
• 1:06:49
  I was like, oh, great, it's dust. We're done
• 1:06:52
  with this. Yeah, but I wonder if I can make it
• 1:06:54
  happen. So that's why I was like, I'm making
• 1:06:56
  these videos. I actually put out a video today
• 1:06:58
  about... You know, this Chelsea Handler situation
• 1:07:02
  really reminds me of the time Sarah Silverman
• 1:07:04
  got mad at Steve Perry. So I'm like, I wonder
• 1:07:06
  if I could just make a thing of it, of making
• 1:07:08
  videos about Steve Perry. That would be freaking
• 1:07:11
  amazing. Just making him relevant again. He's
• 1:07:14
  going to hate it so much. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's
• 1:07:17
  like, this really sucks. He sends me a cease
• 1:07:19
  and desist. I'm going to meet you one way or
• 1:07:22
  another, dude. That would be really cool. I'm
• 1:07:25
  sure it's just like it's just just avenues you
• 1:07:27
  got to take. I accidentally got a few like celebrity
• 1:07:29
  people's like booking information and I was like,
• 1:07:32
  I don't know. I'll tell you, like off the air.
• 1:07:38
  You can cut this out, it's your podcast. What
• 1:07:40
  do you mean? I'm gonna tell you off the air.
• 1:07:41
  No, Matthew McConaughey. Oh, okay. Rory Scovel,
• 1:07:46
  comedian. Yeah. And Conan O 'Brien. That's random.
• 1:07:52
  It is random. That is so random. Yeah, I don't
• 1:07:54
  think anything's gonna come of it, you know?
• 1:07:56
  Yeah, if you just randomly have Conan O 'Brien
• 1:07:59
  on a podcast. Can you fucking imagine? Yeah,
• 1:08:01
  that would be sick. Can you fucking imagine?
• 1:08:03
  Has he ever done a podcast? I think he has his
• 1:08:05
  own. Oh, does he? Oh, of course he does. Yeah,
• 1:08:08
  we all do. You talk enough, like, what is he,
• 1:08:11
  is it a weekly show he does or is it every night?
• 1:08:14
  I don't know. I don't know either. I haven't
• 1:08:16
  watched late night anything in fucking years.
• 1:08:18
  Yeah, I just catch, like, highlights, things
• 1:08:21
  like that. You know, I love, like, looking up
• 1:08:23
  shit like that, or looking up, like, old Norm
• 1:08:25
  Macdonald on Conan. Oh, yeah, I love Norm. Yeah,
• 1:08:27
  oh, he's fantastic. Yeah, well, he's dead now.
• 1:08:29
  Yeah, he is, he is. So it'd be kind of weird
• 1:08:31
  if he did that now. Yeah, you know who I love
• 1:08:33
  is Andy... Andy. The guy from the 70s. The guy
• 1:08:40
  from the 70s? Yeah. The goofy guy. Oh, Andy Kaufman.
• 1:08:45
  Andy Kaufman. I was watching him last night.
• 1:08:48
  Oh, yeah? I had a big Andy Kaufman face. Like
• 1:08:50
  my Steve Perry face, I had an Andy Kaufman face
• 1:08:53
  about three years ago. Oh, yeah? Love Andy Kaufman.
• 1:08:56
  So good. So funny. So, like, interesting. Yeah,
• 1:08:59
  did you see the when he did when he read The
• 1:09:02
  Great Gatsby on Saturday Night Live? Yeah, yeah,
• 1:09:05
  yeah, yeah. And then he did it again at his stadium
• 1:09:08
  and waited till and waited till everybody left.
• 1:09:11
  Like he just kept he kept reading it and people
• 1:09:13
  just started leaving. Yeah, that's the epitome
• 1:09:15
  of like, I'm just going to do what I want to
• 1:09:17
  do. Yeah. Kind of thing. That's kind of like
• 1:09:19
  where I'm trying to go. But now it's like it's
• 1:09:21
  not even about entertaining. You know, they really
• 1:09:27
  do. Do you have a pit bull that you can have,
• 1:09:31
  like, just maul me while I'm trying to do this?
• 1:09:34
  Oh, right. I might as well. I might as well.
• 1:09:37
  Yeah, just have four pit bulls in here. Just
• 1:09:39
  to make it more interesting. Beat them with a
• 1:09:40
  stick before you let them in. Yeah, and here's
• 1:09:43
  a herd of bees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and there's
• 1:09:46
  just a Dominican in the corner just... With a
• 1:09:49
  plantain, like, ready to whip. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:09:52
  But now the I know that he set up all that stuff
• 1:09:55
  though like cuz I love the the the great Gatsby
• 1:09:58
  thing that he read like because he was like reading
• 1:10:00
  it and people were like booing him and all that
• 1:10:02
  stuff and he's still reading it and booing him
• 1:10:04
  the reading and booing him and then all sudden
• 1:10:06
  in the middle of he's like guys guys come on
• 1:10:08
  we've got a long way to go and then they all
• 1:10:10
  just started laughing I was like Man, he knows
• 1:10:13
  he knows what the fuck he's doing. He knows what
• 1:10:15
  he's doing. Yeah. He's absolutely brilliant He
• 1:10:17
  died at what 30? Either 31, 33, something like
• 1:10:22
  that. Very young he died. Which is crazy. Which
• 1:10:26
  really sucks. Made such a huge impact on the
• 1:10:29
  comedy world. Yeah, well his dumbass did a homeopathic...
• 1:10:32
  Well, then again, I think he had a brain tumor.
• 1:10:34
  It wasn't like anything small and it was like
• 1:10:37
  the 70s or 80s or whatever when he died. Yeah,
• 1:10:40
  so he was just trying to do anything. Yeah. Pray
• 1:10:43
  over me. Right? Yeah, just use this holy water...
• 1:10:48
  It's like that smells like pee But yeah, no,
• 1:10:53
  I love I love seeing like all those all those
• 1:10:55
  older comics the legendary comics and and how
• 1:10:57
  they you know, just Like, how they come up with
• 1:11:00
  stuff, because the shit that I come up with,
• 1:11:01
  I'm like, I have no idea how they do it. You
• 1:11:03
  gotta be experimental and not do it. Have you
• 1:11:04
  done an improv class? I have not. I tell, if
• 1:11:07
  you're asking me, like, do you have advice for
• 1:11:09
  new comics, I would say do an improv class. An
• 1:11:12
  improv class is just so crucial, and you're gonna
• 1:11:15
  have comics that say, don't do improv, and those
• 1:11:17
  comics usually suck. So in improv class, sometimes
• 1:11:21
  you'll write a joke and it works, but it's the
• 1:11:24
  way you're delivering it. And it's like, sometimes
• 1:11:26
  people don't realize that a joke that you're
• 1:11:28
  doing, you don't want to say it, you got to show
• 1:11:30
  us. You know, you could sit there and show me
• 1:11:33
  about the cyst you got on your asshole after.
• 1:11:38
  you know, you got in a hockey accident, I don't
• 1:11:41
  know. Right. And it's like, you tell us about
• 1:11:43
  it, but what also is funny is like, you know,
• 1:11:46
  turning around, bending over, and showing the
• 1:11:48
  moment that it happened, I don't know, see what
• 1:11:50
  I said about being bad at explaining stuff? No,
• 1:11:53
  it's awesome. When you're, sometimes you just
• 1:11:56
  need to show people instead of saying it. Yeah.
• 1:11:59
  And that's the thing that could be holding you
• 1:12:00
  back from turning an okay joke into a great one.
• 1:12:03
  Yeah, yeah. That was something that I started
• 1:12:06
  to learn, like, pretty... Pretty late, but like
• 1:12:09
  but I'm still I'm still trying to figure out
• 1:12:11
  even how to do that Do you feel like you do that
• 1:12:13
  when you go on stage like do you sort of turn
• 1:12:15
  into almost like a character of yourself? I did
• 1:12:18
  when I you know back when I was more enthusiastic
• 1:12:20
  about doing comedy, but now that I'm going up
• 1:12:22
  there I find myself just standing there and so
• 1:12:24
  like I Need a I feel like I'm in a growth spurt
• 1:12:29
  I guess if you want to say that I feel like a
• 1:12:30
  lot of comics leave for a little bit and come
• 1:12:32
  back And sometimes they're stronger than ever
• 1:12:34
  because they took the time to be like, let me
• 1:12:37
  miss doing this because right now I don't and
• 1:12:39
  it's not fun for me and I'm just going up there
• 1:12:40
  standing there and I don't look like I'm having
• 1:12:42
  fun. And that's been a lot of my sets lately.
• 1:12:46
  So I did do that and it's taken a joke that would
• 1:12:52
  get laughs but what takes it over the top is
• 1:12:56
  me acting it out. It's like the joke that I have
• 1:12:59
  with the crosses joke. I've been doing that for
• 1:13:00
  probably the last three years. And, you know,
• 1:13:04
  the joke is like, you know, you're driving and
• 1:13:08
  you see a cross on the side of the road. Why
• 1:13:10
  do you never see any, like, you don't see any
• 1:13:12
  fucking Stars of David or Buddhas, you know?
• 1:13:16
  And I'll do that joke and it works, but like,
• 1:13:18
  what I'll do is now when I say, when I get to
• 1:13:21
  little Buddhas, I'll be like, I'll stand like
• 1:13:24
  Buddha. I'm like, drive safe, you know? And it
• 1:13:26
  just, I don't know why it's funny. I don't know
• 1:13:29
  why it's funny, but people really like it. Yeah,
• 1:13:31
  it's a good one. Because you're just, yeah. Drive
• 1:13:33
  safe. I never did that before. Drive safe. Yeah,
• 1:13:37
  and it's something as little as that when if
• 1:13:39
  you have an opportunity to where you can stand
• 1:13:41
  a certain way or frickin' do an action or I'm
• 1:13:44
  running or it's just like I'm just jerking this
• 1:13:46
  guy off and you know I was crying. It's like
• 1:13:49
  doing little things like that and it's because
• 1:13:51
  it's unexpected. Right. Because it's also unexpected
• 1:13:55
  is also what makes it funny. Yeah. Yeah. When
• 1:13:58
  I went back and I started looking at some of
• 1:14:00
  my older stand -up, I was like, I realized heavily
• 1:14:03
  I had the absence of that very thing. I would
• 1:14:06
  just sit there and I would be almost like I was
• 1:14:09
  waiting tables, basically. I would just be just
• 1:14:11
  talking to the audience. And it wasn't until
• 1:14:15
  much later that I kind of learned to sort of
• 1:14:17
  perform them. But I'm still also trying to figure
• 1:14:21
  out what that looks like for me, too. It's just
• 1:14:24
  always a learning thing. It's all a learning
• 1:14:26
  thing, and they'll tell you, like, watch more
• 1:14:29
  than you perform, and it's like, shut up. Like,
• 1:14:31
  find a couple of comics, find comics that you
• 1:14:33
  really rely on, or not rely on, but a lot of
• 1:14:37
  them, find comics that you admire and stick with
• 1:14:39
  those guys. And I'm only saying that because
• 1:14:42
  it's what I do. But, you know, I don't ingest...
• 1:14:45
  Tremendous amounts of stand -up. Yeah, there's
• 1:14:48
  a lot of comics I've never even heard of that
• 1:14:49
  are that are quote -unquote famous like I don't
• 1:14:52
  know who a lot of people are Yeah, which just
• 1:14:54
  helped me out in social situations because I
• 1:14:56
  get weird around famous people and it's not because
• 1:14:58
  I'm like, oh I don't know how to act. I I Don't
• 1:15:03
  want to say anything dumb and I typically do
• 1:15:05
  sure So it's better if I don't know who these
• 1:15:08
  people are because then I treat them. I treat
• 1:15:10
  them like people So yeah, I I know I I completely
• 1:15:16
  relate to that, especially lately with my new
• 1:15:19
  job. Apparently, there's been people who are
• 1:15:22
  like, no, no, this guy's a comic, this guy's
• 1:15:24
  a comic. And I'm like, oh, I didn't even fucking
• 1:15:27
  know who the hell this person was. My bad, you
• 1:15:29
  know? And I feel like, should I know who that
• 1:15:30
  is? But it's good to just be human. Just good
• 1:15:36
  to be yourself. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you don't
• 1:15:40
  have to know who every single person is. Mean
• 1:15:43
  I have the the comics that I like I like Louie.
• 1:15:45
  I like Anthony Jessel neck. Oh, yeah, Doug San
• 1:15:50
  Hope mm -hmm TJ Miller You know I'm so happy
• 1:15:54
  you actually named TJ Miller. I love TJ Miller.
• 1:15:57
  He's a very very fantastic comic very meta which
• 1:16:01
  I enjoy I like comics that do different stuff
• 1:16:05
  so the comics that I even just listed they're
• 1:16:08
  all very different the way that they tell jokes
• 1:16:10
  the way that they observe them the way that they
• 1:16:13
  observe life around them. Like, Louis has a very
• 1:16:16
  pessimistic outlook on life, but a lot of times,
• 1:16:21
  most of the time, he's usually at the butt of
• 1:16:23
  the joke, where he's like, yeah, this thing is
• 1:16:24
  awful, but at the end of the joke, he's like,
• 1:16:26
  no, I'm the piece of shit. You know, while he's
• 1:16:30
  pointing fingers and talking about how stupid
• 1:16:31
  people is, he's also pointing out how dumb he
• 1:16:34
  is in the process, and that's how I also view
• 1:16:37
  life, but I have a hard time finding that, making
• 1:16:40
  that funny. Mm -hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah,
• 1:16:42
  it's like I like Anthony Juscelnick's like dark
• 1:16:46
  sense of humor even though all his stuff is like
• 1:16:49
  made up. He taught me to write quicker Yeah,
• 1:16:52
  right, so you can pull something. It's like Louie
• 1:16:54
  taught me how to observe Juscelnick taught me
• 1:16:58
  to write fast. Yeah TJ told me to show people
• 1:17:04
  and then Big J told me to be gross, you know
• 1:17:09
  what I mean? And detailed, and very detailed.
• 1:17:12
  When you're oddly detailed about a certain thing,
• 1:17:17
  you'll also find the humor there. And that's
• 1:17:21
  where a lot of, I think, tagging comes from.
• 1:17:24
  Tagging is essentially just adding details to
• 1:17:27
  it. So it's like, I have a joke where I say,
• 1:17:29
  it's like, have you ever been so single you started
• 1:17:31
  acting gay? And it's like, okay, for example,
• 1:17:35
  you just find yourself hanging around U -Hauls.
• 1:17:38
  You have a sudden urge to help people with their
• 1:17:40
  furniture, you know? Yeah. So it's like you're
• 1:17:44
  just adding details and giving examples and putting
• 1:17:47
  those visuals in. And it's like Big J is so good
• 1:17:49
  with that. Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm talking
• 1:17:54
  about like before he did like his crowd work
• 1:17:55
  stuff. He started really diving into crowd work,
• 1:17:57
  I think, over the last however many years. But
• 1:17:59
  the first comedy album, I really started picking
• 1:18:04
  up on was American Storyteller. Did you ever
• 1:18:06
  listen to that one? No, no, I was just thinking
• 1:18:08
  that. Yeah, American Storyteller, I would watch
• 1:18:11
  it. I think it's on his website. It used to be
• 1:18:13
  on YouTube, but me and my brother were huge fans
• 1:18:16
  of Big J when we were teenagers. And it's a really,
• 1:18:21
  the way he tells jokes, like his, I wish he would
• 1:18:24
  get back into it, because I know he does a lot
• 1:18:25
  of crowd work, but his written material is so
• 1:18:28
  fucking funny. Hell yeah. No, I'm going to have
• 1:18:31
  to watch more of his stuff, because the little
• 1:18:34
  things that I've seen, like when him and Ari
• 1:18:37
  Shaffer's little thing that he had there, I was
• 1:18:39
  like, yeah, no, he's great, but I've never watched
• 1:18:41
  something that he's done. And I'm like, I really
• 1:18:44
  need to get into him, because I love Anthony
• 1:18:47
  Jeselnik. I love how it's like... It's like he
• 1:18:51
  just knows how to guide you one thing and keep
• 1:18:53
  your mind going there and you're like even telling
• 1:18:55
  yourself Oh, he's gonna say something about blah
• 1:18:57
  and then he just somehow like flips a script
• 1:19:00
  on you entirely still still keeps up with the
• 1:19:02
  point but he brings it in a different angle that
• 1:19:05
  you didn't see somehow and I'm like to me like
• 1:19:08
  watching that and we've kind of actually I talked
• 1:19:10
  about this with Monterey was like, it's like
• 1:19:13
  watching like somebody do a magic trick. You're
• 1:19:16
  just like, wow, like how the hell did they do
• 1:19:17
  that? That's amazing. Cause it's like, it's just,
• 1:19:20
  it's just incredible watching these like the
• 1:19:22
  pros and like how they do it, you know? And it's
• 1:19:25
  really, I like that's, and the other thing is
• 1:19:27
  like stage presence. I just, I love when people
• 1:19:30
  have just this great like stage presence. Like
• 1:19:33
  Kyle Dunigan, like when I feel like whenever
• 1:19:35
  he gets up there, cause he's like kind of like
• 1:19:37
  just this goofy comedian and just for some reason,
• 1:19:40
  like it's just, you know it's going to be goofy.
• 1:19:42
  And that's really what captivated me when I saw
• 1:19:45
  you at Joe Ellis's thing, the friendly fire thing.
• 1:19:48
  I was just like, man, you had this very commanding
• 1:19:53
  presence. It was immediate that you had everybody's
• 1:19:56
  attention. And I was just wondering, are you
• 1:19:59
  aware of that? Yeah. Yeah. But it's not consistent.
• 1:20:03
  That's why I'm saying it. When I'm having good
• 1:20:05
  nights like that, then yeah, I know how to command
• 1:20:07
  the energy. But there's some nights... and it's
• 1:20:09
  hard for me to even fake it, is going up and
• 1:20:13
  wanting that attention on me. Some days I just
• 1:20:15
  don't even want to be observed and perceived.
• 1:20:18
  Because I think that's one of the hardest things
• 1:20:20
  about doing this, is the idea that somebody walks
• 1:20:23
  away with an opinion of you on a mass scale,
• 1:20:26
  depending on how you do, is kind of, to me, it
• 1:20:30
  gets in my head and it makes me weird. I feel
• 1:20:32
  weird about it. And so then I'll go up there
• 1:20:34
  and I'm like, hi. Some days I'm very timid and
• 1:20:37
  I don't under, I don't know how to purse, like,
• 1:20:40
  I don't know how to bulldoze through that. Yeah.
• 1:20:44
  Yeah. I get up there and do that too. There are
• 1:20:47
  some days when I can just get up on stage and
• 1:20:49
  it's just like, I know how I'm going to do it.
• 1:20:51
  I know what I'm going to do. And then there's
• 1:20:52
  some days when I'm just like, I don't know why
• 1:20:55
  I almost get stage fright. Yeah, and it's not
• 1:20:58
  even that I'm scared to be there. It's kind of
• 1:21:00
  like you're not being well received when you
• 1:21:02
  get up there and people aren't like, yeah. They're
• 1:21:04
  kind of like. Yeah, entertain me. Yeah. Yeah,
• 1:21:09
  entertain me now. And it's not that. And it's
• 1:21:11
  not that my jokes aren't good. I know I'm a very
• 1:21:13
  funny person. That has nothing to do with it.
• 1:21:16
  It's also like, I don't want to be funny for
• 1:21:19
  you guys. Right. You know what I mean? Today's
• 1:21:22
  not the day. Yeah, today's not the day, and it's
• 1:21:24
  been a lot of that lately. Or I'm like, nah,
• 1:21:26
  dude, I want to lay in the bed with my dog and
• 1:21:28
  watch fucking House of the Dragon. Yeah. What's
• 1:21:31
  your dog's name? I meant to ask you that. Maggie.
• 1:21:32
  I should have brought her. I almost brought her
• 1:21:34
  with. Maggie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really
• 1:21:36
  cute. Yeah, bring her everywhere with me. Yeah,
• 1:21:39
  no, she was very, very sweet. Yeah, you can bring
• 1:21:41
  a few of these. Oh my god. That legitimately
• 1:21:52
  got me. See, that's an act out. That legitimately
• 1:21:59
  got me. I did not expect that to happen. Because
• 1:22:13
  I was like just tell us could it be like yeah,
• 1:22:15
  just get the net Well, yeah, you're aiming the
• 1:22:19
  right place after a certain point it is me Oh,
• 1:22:24
  and I really need to bring tiki torches Citronella
• 1:22:28
  candles or something it's something I don't even
• 1:22:30
  know yeah, they probably just start fucking like
• 1:22:32
  oh good candles put on some fucking Marvin Gaye
• 1:22:36
  Yeah, it's walking How is it up here? It's not
• 1:22:40
  plastered on no I nailed it a Real blue -collar
• 1:22:45
  man Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I teach you that gay shit
• 1:22:49
  in the Navy. No, there's no ropes involved in
• 1:22:52
  that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there should be
• 1:22:55
  more ropes. Yeah. Is the Navy as gay as people
• 1:22:59
  think it is? Not in my experience. Yeah. Unfortunately.
• 1:23:04
  You know, but I think what it is is the, I think
• 1:23:06
  it derives from the village people with their
• 1:23:08
  song in the Navy. Oh, in the Navy. I forgot about
• 1:23:10
  that one. So that's not their best song. Yeah.
• 1:23:13
  They didn't really have a best song, I guess,
• 1:23:14
  when you think about it. The YMCA one, I think.
• 1:23:16
  Isn't it crazy that people liked them on a mass
• 1:23:19
  scale, enough for them to keep doing it? I mean,
• 1:23:22
  I don't know. I didn't think they were that bad.
• 1:23:24
  Did you? Yeah. You hated them? You don't like
• 1:23:26
  them? I mean, there are five homos. Oh, they're
• 1:23:30
  gay? Yeah, they're all gay as fuck. You didn't
• 1:23:33
  know that? I think I might have heard something
• 1:23:36
  about that. I didn't realize it was real, though.
• 1:23:37
  I just thought it was kids in the Navy. There
• 1:23:39
  are five gay guys. One dressed up as an Indian.
• 1:23:42
  Native American, sorry. No, sorry. Indigenous
• 1:23:45
  person of color. And then you had one that was
• 1:23:49
  a cop. And then what? Construction worker. What
• 1:23:52
  else was there? A Navy, right? A sailor? Yeah,
• 1:23:56
  I think so, actually. Yeah. So, yeah, all the
• 1:23:58
  gay professions. It totally makes sense now.
• 1:24:04
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that what a sailor, a
• 1:24:06
  Navy person, is that the same thing as a sailor?
• 1:24:08
  Mm -hmm. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, no wonder.
• 1:24:12
  You know, in your gay little fucking hats. Yeah,
• 1:24:14
  you're like hanging with me buoys. Man, I'm gonna
• 1:24:16
  protect the country! I can't wait to protect
• 1:24:22
  the country! On our little ships. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:24:25
  yeah. Well, is there anything that you would
• 1:24:29
  like to put out to the world before we wrap this
• 1:24:32
  up? Let's see. Anything coming up? Headlining
• 1:24:36
  gigs or anything? No, nothing prominent, dude.
• 1:24:38
  But I will say that I'm working on my book, so
• 1:24:40
  if you guys can just care about that and buy
• 1:24:42
  it when it comes out. My goal is to have it out
• 1:24:45
  by the end of the year. That's my goal. Oh, that
• 1:24:47
  would be awesome. Yeah. Have it out by the end
• 1:24:48
  of the year. Do you have a title? It's called
• 1:24:51
  Burnout. Burnout. Hell yeah. Burnout. All right.
• 1:24:57
  I'm writing that down. Yeah. And then I'm going
• 1:25:00
  to write... The book that I have is called Burnout.
• 1:25:02
  It's going to be good. It's a nice psychological
• 1:25:05
  book that's padded as a love story. I feel like
• 1:25:07
  people need more love stories in their life.
• 1:25:10
  With today's day and age and everybody's... What
• 1:25:13
  I'm learning is that people are getting less
• 1:25:15
  and less in a hookup culture, which is great
• 1:25:17
  because I've never, I always hated hookup culture.
• 1:25:19
  I tried it and I always hated it. So I stopped
• 1:25:23
  doing it. I'm like, I don't like the way this
• 1:25:25
  feels. So we need just more like intricate messy
• 1:25:28
  romance and people are so afraid to love each
• 1:25:30
  other. And the reason why I'm writing this is
• 1:25:34
  it's less about love and more about acceptance
• 1:25:39
  and understanding. Does that make sense? I think
• 1:25:41
  to love somebody is to understand and accept
• 1:25:43
  them. And I think that's what a lot of people
• 1:25:45
  want. And so people are, a lot of people are
• 1:25:48
  afraid of it, so they avoid it. And they're robbing
• 1:25:50
  themselves of very intricate and loving experiences.
• 1:25:53
  Anyways, he rapes her in chapter six. Yeah. That's
• 1:26:07
  what we call a misdirect. God damn it. But that's
• 1:26:14
  it. I'm just excited about the book. I'm going
• 1:26:16
  to be going to Florida in September. I'm going
• 1:26:19
  to be doing a string of dates on there. I'll
• 1:26:20
  probably do, I'm going to try and do other states,
• 1:26:23
  but I just love Florida. I like having an excuse
• 1:26:26
  to go down there and spend time there. So that's
• 1:26:27
  what I'm going to do. Hell yeah. You're gonna
• 1:26:30
  do the headlining stuff? Yep, headlining. I'm
• 1:26:33
  gonna be bringing down Michael Goode, who's a
• 1:26:35
  comic that I found. He's from New York. I love
• 1:26:38
  Michael Goode. He's somebody you should follow
• 1:26:40
  is Dan Dosimo. Dan Dosimo? Mm -hmm, Dan Dosimo.
• 1:26:46
  He's a comic that I did comedy with in Chicago,
• 1:26:48
  and he moved to New York, and he actually opens
• 1:26:50
  for Louie now. But he's such a great... When
• 1:26:54
  I'm talking about great joke writers that I actually
• 1:26:56
  got to watch... Dan Dosimo is probably one of
• 1:27:00
  the best, strongest comedians I've ever seen.
• 1:27:02
  Okay, yeah, I'll definitely look him up. And
• 1:27:04
  like, here's the thing, he has no stage presence.
• 1:27:07
  You know, he's very... He's very introverted
• 1:27:10
  and he's very like... But his joke writing is
• 1:27:14
  just so clean. Like, every joke he does is so
• 1:27:17
  good. I love Dan Dosimo. Okay, yeah, I'll definitely
• 1:27:20
  check them out. Y 'all check them out, too. Yeah,
• 1:27:22
  check out Dan Dosimo, and then I'm bringing out,
• 1:27:24
  so I'm bringing out Michael, and I'm bringing
• 1:27:25
  out, uh, what the fuck is his name? Hang on,
• 1:27:29
  I just texted him. Let me look. Damn it! Tony
• 1:27:31
  Wellens, sorry. It took me a second. Tony what?
• 1:27:35
  Tony Wellens. He's great. Oh, Wellens. Yeah.
• 1:27:38
  Awesome. Yeah, and that sounds like a good time.
• 1:27:40
  It's gonna be fun. I like last time I went out
• 1:27:42
  there I was out there for two weeks and we had
• 1:27:44
  a couple of shows get canceled because ticket
• 1:27:46
  sales were bad and we're like, oh no So then
• 1:27:48
  we just fucking stayed at the beach. Oh, yeah,
• 1:27:51
  just went to the beach every day, man That's
• 1:27:53
  I think a lot of people don't realize that that
• 1:27:55
  you need to buy these tickets in advance buy
• 1:27:57
  the tickets in advance That's all that's what
• 1:28:00
  keeps the show going people don't buy them in
• 1:28:02
  advance and they they'll message me and they're
• 1:28:03
  saying I'm gonna get them at the door Okay, you
• 1:28:06
  know, yeah, but that's not good. They might have
• 1:28:07
  canceled it by then Yeah, and I got a drive make
• 1:28:09
  the 12 -hour drive out that way and then I get
• 1:28:12
  there and they're like, sorry We've had four
• 1:28:14
  ticket sales. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Well, if you put
• 1:28:17
  it out all uh, I'll share it and everything make
• 1:28:19
  sure to get that out there for you Hopefully
• 1:28:21
  people go. That would be nice. Yeah. Well, I
• 1:28:24
  can't wait to get my signed copy of burnout Yeah,
• 1:28:27
  you better get a dude. I will yeah, you're gonna
• 1:28:29
  ask me to sign it. I'm gonna tell you no Remember
• 1:28:37
  those fucking net yeah, yeah, they're still around
• 1:28:40
  me keep a clean environment for me. I was clean
• 1:28:45
  You know you need merch as a fly swatters You're
• 1:28:54
  absolutely right. There you go, yeah. Yeah, there
• 1:28:57
  you go. That's what those are supposed to be.
• 1:28:59
  Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate
• 1:29:02
  you doing this. This is so fun. Yeah, I had a
• 1:29:03
  good time. Hell yeah, me too, me too. Yeah, if
• 1:29:06
  there's nothing else, I guess that's a wrap.
• 1:29:08
  Can I smack you for the podcast? We talked about
• 1:29:11
  that beforehand. I was like, we should, we should
• 1:29:13
  stage this to where you say something to me and
• 1:29:15
  I slap the shit out of you and I leave. And then
• 1:29:17
  we can use that for a hook for a show. And then
• 1:29:19
  the next thing we talk, we cut to is me talking
• 1:29:21
  about Steve Perry. What I would probably do is
• 1:29:27
  literally like take it and cut it and then put
• 1:29:30
  it right there at that Steve Perry part. People
• 1:29:33
  would be like, wait, what the fuck? What the
• 1:29:37
  fuck was that? That would be a good idea like
• 1:29:39
  you insult me, and I'll be like fuck you fuck
• 1:29:41
  this I'm out of here. Yeah And then we just casually
• 1:29:46
  talk about Steve Perry is very just like okay,
• 1:29:49
  and then there's nothing about And I think that's
• 1:29:53
  would be hilarious All right, all right, so this
• 1:30:01
  are we do you're gonna call me a fat bitch all
• 1:30:03
  right? Yeah, whatever you're a fat bitch anyway
• 1:30:06
  all right all right, and then lean, but you gotta
• 1:30:08
  lean forward cuz I'm gonna pop the shit out of
• 1:30:12
  you. Yeah, yeah You're a fat bitch. You know
• 1:30:18
  what you're a piece of shit. Dude. Fuck this
• 1:30:20
  place. Fuck you. Oh god. Oh, I'm out of here.
• 1:30:22
  Do you fuck this podcast you suck at it? You're
• 1:30:25
  fucking poor, there's bugs all over the goddamn
• 1:30:26
  place. Yeah, no, it's not. God damn. That was
• 1:30:31
  perfect.