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How to Ask Questions on a First Date (Without Sounding Like an Interview) · Black Girls Are Easy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: How do you get all the information you need to
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: know without coming off like a job interview, without triggering
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: generic kiss-ass answers, and also connect and answer that other
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: person's questions without revealing too much about yourself or getting
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: sidetracked from your own mission? In a perfect world, everyone
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: would be natural and transparent, but this isn't the perfect world.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: It's fucking Sparta, a war zone meant to make you stronger,
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: not give you easy wins. As men, we're dating to
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: fuck you first and dating to get to know you
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: as a potential partner second. You already know this is
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: about pussy. But you're confident that what you bring to
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: the table will show this man that you're much more
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: than sex.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: That's the cat and mouse.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: He's thinking, how do I loosen her guard and open
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: her legs? She's thinking, how can I express my personality
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: so he understands I'm a game changer? On today's show,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: we're going to go through a mock date where I'll
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: try my best not to reveal anything about myself and
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: it'll be my guest's job to pull information out of me.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: In your own life, I hope you're putting my books
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: on this subject or articles on this subject to work.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I didn't write date like a Spartan for you to
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: still be stuck in a dating stage. But what I've
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: noticed online is that there are a lot of these
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Facebook groups or Instagram pages who push this idea of
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: having a set bunch of questions to ask. Here's a
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: list of some of the questions that we're going to
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: go through on this date. Number one, does anyone think
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: they're in a relationship with you? Number two, what are
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: your thoughts on insert topic you're passionate about? Number three,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: what are some things in your childhood that shaped your
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: views on dating relationships? Number four, What are your dating
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: challenges or pet peeves? Number five, do you consider yourself
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: spiritual or religious? That's some bullshit. Are you spiritual or religious?
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I'm spiritual. See, that's a one-word answer that gets you nowhere.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: The topic doesn't matter. The way you can think outside
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: of the box is the only thing that matters. As
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: dating isn't a test, it isn't about memorizing. It has
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: to flow. Those that can attack dating in this way
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: usually win. Those that can't usually stumble. It's time to
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: stop letting the wrong ones in. Stop being afraid to
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: open your mouth on these dates. Stop being so generic.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Who wants to go through the dating process over and
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: over and over again?
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Hello, everybody. Thank you for having me.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: I just imagine you're doing a wave. Hello, everybody.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Hello, like my pageant wave.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: You always have like the best, like, I can't say best.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I would say you have like the craziest dating stories.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: which is why I was happy to get you on
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: the show. You'll text me, guess what happened? Or you
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: won't believe what happened. It's like, you're that, you won't
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: believe what happened type of person.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people go through the same
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: things you go through, but they're ashamed to say this
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: happened to me or that happened to me, or can
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: you believe my luck? So people, a lot of people
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: hide that shit, but you, the thing I love about
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: you is that you run straight towards like, this is
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: the situation. This is what happened. And I'm at a
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: total loss or whatever. whatever the case may be. So
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: we're going to talk about dating, first dates, that whole
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: transition stage of that second or third date. The biggest
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: question of dating is what? How can I find a person?
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Right. Where do I find a person? And then once
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: I find them, how do I ask from here? Like,
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: you feel like you have it all figured out in
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: your head. Like I'm going to do this. I'm not
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: accepting that. Blah, blah, blah. And then you actually meet
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: someone and you like draw blanks and all that raw,
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: raw talk you were doing. You're like, Oh snap. It's
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: like you forgot all your studying materials the day of
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: the test. And then that's when the, um, I would
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: say like the second guessing yourself and overanalyzing piece kind
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: of pops in, but I try to keep it pretty
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: cool and casual and not overthink things, but sometimes stuff
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: be happening. I'd be like, is it me? Or like,
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: is it just bad luck? And I have to take
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: you like, here we go. Like, you won't believe this one.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not a believer in, in, in luck and all
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: that other stuff.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: But like, I'm like, either she has bad luck.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe luck does exist. And she just
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: has the worst fucking luck.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Something's getting lost in the fucking sauce. And I got
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: to know what's actually going down. That's why I got
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: you on the show. I want to hear like, what
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: the fuck is going down in your dating life?
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: You're good with meeting people.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I think you don't have trouble meeting new men, even
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: though you live in a city where you always say like,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: there's not that many men, you still find a way
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: where you always meet new guys or new guys are
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: attracted to you and they find you somehow. So that's
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: always a positive. It's like, you're not one of these
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: people crying about there's.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: No one out there.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Problem is that whole pre-date into the first date shit
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: is where you get lost. So starting off, how long
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: have you been single?
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: Like the last person I was serious with, that's a
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: whole like weird situation in itself. But like, since I've
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: been truly like vulnerable, open, committed with someone, it's been
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: a really long time. And it's not for lack of people.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Like you said, it's just because something will happen along
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: the way. Or I've gotten so good at just like
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: dismissing people when I see red flags that, you know,
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: when you try to have standards and uphold them, I
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: think you're going to be single for a while. And
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: I think, like you said, in my situation where there
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: is a limited number of eligible people. And then when
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: you really try to stand firm and what you want
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: and what you don't want and actually, you know, stand
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: up for yourself, that narrows it down even more. And
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: then this whole, I think there's access to people in
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: so many different ways now that like the whole ghosting
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: thing is crazy. So yeah, I've been single for a
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: long time and I don't feel lonely or like, alone
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: or desperate or anything i'm content with waiting until i
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: find someone you know that feels is worthy of altering
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: my life to fit them into it for but yeah
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: it's been a while you.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Told me something about two guys at least you connected
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: with them everything was going good and then they like
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: said oh i'm going back to my girlfriend oh we
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: can't go yeah tell everyone about that type of shit
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: like what happened like you met this guy and.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: What happened We kind of were always acquainted, but we
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: never really, like, knew each other per se, you know,
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: in that way. And then we started talking just casually.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: I think it was, like, Facebook or something. And then
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: it wasn't anything like, oh, I'm going to just hop
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: in the DM and shoot my shot. It was just, like,
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: casual conversation. We connected, talked for a few days. Like,
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: it was going really well. Had everything scheduled. Like, places
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: picked out, time and dates. Everything was good. And then
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: after that was set up, we continued to talk with
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: each other and, you know, get more familiar. And then
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: all of a sudden it was like, um, so I'm
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: actually going to go work it out with, uh, my
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: ex fiance or something. We decided we want to be
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: a family.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, did he text this or did he
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: say this?
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Like, Hey, I'm getting back to my girl. What'd he
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: call you and say, Hey, dates off. I'm getting back
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: to my, with my, my chick.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: It was a text. He texted me like out of
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: the blue. And I'm at work, and I'm just reading
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: it like, okay, thanks. Like, I don't really know. Because
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: it was weird, too, because after he told me, and
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: I was just like, okay, cool. Like, I didn't see
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: any reason to, you know, talk about it further. But
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: he kept trying to, like, push the conversation about why
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: he was doing it and his reasons behind it and
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: how I'm so great, but he thought it would be
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: unfair to, you know, go out on a date and
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: still try to, you know, work out his family situation.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: I'm just thinking to myself, I actually told him, I'm like,
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: you don't owe me an explanation at all. Go do
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: what you do and good luck with it.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: He was like, all right, I'm going to explain to
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: you why I'm about to exit out of your life.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Whereas other guys will straight up just ghost and not
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: even tell you. So tell me about like the last
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: thing with the guy who ghosted you.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: So we actually met on Hinge, the dating app.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: What's Hinge versus Bumble or Tinder? Like what's their gimmick?
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: So Hinge is more like their whole little spiel is
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: we're designed to be deleted. They really want to push
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: people like meeting, connecting. And I did prefer over like
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: Bumble and everything because it's a little bit more clean
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: and streamlined. And you can select your preferences and be
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: a little bit more specific about, you know, what you want.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: If you match with someone, they'll pop up. Did you
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: go on a date with this person? Did you guys meet?
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: So they want like feedback. And I'm like, this is
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: a little extra, but. I would get bored and kind
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: of like swipe through. And so I had a match
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: with this dude. I'm like, oh, he don't really look
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: like my type all the way, but I'm willing to
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: be open. So we matched and we were like really vibing, like, oh,
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: Paul Maris is going to be cool. Like we had
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: everything like set up for a day in time to
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: go meet. And we were having to be a little
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: bit more creative because, you know, pandemic wise or whatnot.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: And we were going to FaceTime like two, three nights before.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: And then my text bubble started turning.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Before the date?
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: Before the date, yeah. And then my text bubble started
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: turning green. It's so weird because.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, shit. The regular like iPhone blue.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: And gray. And then they went to.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: Then it went to green. And I'm like, oh, okay,
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: that's weird. I'm like, maybe his phone died because he
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: was the one who had texted me that day and
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: was like, do you want to FaceTime later? And I
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: text back. And I'm like, yeah, that sounds cool. What time?
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: And then it turns green. And then I'm like, oh,
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: maybe his phone is dead. But he had been so
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: communicative and like responsive. I'm like, well, you know, whatever.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: It's not that big of a deal. But then it
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: just was crickets. And I'm like, oh, interesting. And so
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: out of my own curiosity, I took my mom's phone.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I texted it. It went right through and turned blue.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: It said deliver. I'm like, wow, really? I was like,
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: that is just so weird, like the switch up. And
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: it's like. you don't really owe people an explanation, but
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: I mean, you kind of do like, it just seems
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: more mature and adult to just kind of say, I'm
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: not feeling it anymore or.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: See, it's funny. You got the opposite ends of the spectrum.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: You got a guy that like overshared the reason then
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: you got a guy that gave you zero reason and
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: so uh it seems like you are more bothered by
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: the fact that this guy like just totally blocked you
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: yes turned to green on him you were you were
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: so bothered by you took your mother's phone and fucking
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: text them that's just that shows that it really got
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: on your skin versus the guy saying, oh, I got
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: a girl.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: You're like, oh, fuck that. So I guess the first
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: guy got it right.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't say it was right, because I mean, I
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: don't know if I don't need you to overshare and
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: over-explain and try to justify why you're moving the way
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: that you are when I don't even really know you
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: like that. You know, just saying, hey, you know, I'm
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: going to cancel and work on my personal life. That's fine.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: I don't need you to overshare. But then also, it's like,
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: we are supposed to be adults. You don't have to
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: just totally disappear. Yeah, that's your right. But I mean,
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: maybe it's just my Southern ways. I'm a little bit,
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: trying to be a little bit more mannerable.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Before the date, the whole pre-date thing. Mm-hmm. Men don't
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: love women like you.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I wrote a whole, the second part is all about
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: date like a Spartan where it's like, all right.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Predate zero, date one, date two, house date.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: It's like, I broke all that shit down because I've
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: gotten so many fucking emails over the years where it's like.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: I fucked up right here. I fucked up right here.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I fucked up right here. So when I did that book,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: especially that date like a.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Spartan part, I made sure to really break it down
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: because I know people get lost. Like you say, like
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: you kind of go blank during that process. And with
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: the new one that's coming out next month, it's even
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: more detailed because now I got so many other stuff.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: I might even put one of your stories in there.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: But anyway, the question is, what's your strategy when you're
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: actually going from, all right, you met a guy, like
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: say this last guy, you matched with him on Hinge,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: you took it off of Hinge to the text messages.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: And what was your process of like, all right, we're
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: going to text, then we're going to talk on the
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: phone and go on a date? Or was it just like,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: we're just going to text and see where it goes?
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: I admit I've been a little bit jaded. And so
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I don't really, and this is my personality. I hate FaceTime.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: I hate talking on the phone. So that is like
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: my own bad. But I kind of like to feel
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: people out in a text. environment first to kind of
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: see how their how the conversation can flow you know
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: just through casual texting this is probably an excuse but
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: I am my days are always so jam-packed too that
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: when I do get a few minutes to myself I
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: don't really want to spend my energy you know with
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: small talk and all that oh what's your favorite color
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: or you know it doesn't have to be that shallow
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: all the time but you know when it's early when
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: you're getting to know people, it can kind of be
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: a little bit of small talking. And so I'm like,
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: I want to relax and just watch my show or
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: read my book while I have a few minutes of
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: free time. So I'll admit, I don't really often initiate
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: taking it outside of text for a little bit of time,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: but I know it's like, I'm aware of it. So
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: I know that's like something I'm trying to work on,
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: but yeah. So I usually take it to the text
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: inbox before I actually like start verbally taking talking to someone.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: So how long do you normally text before a date
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: is set up? Is it like you just guys go
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: back for like the whole week or two weeks before?
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Are you waiting for him to say, hey, can I
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: take you out? Or are you like saying, okay, if
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: he has good text game, I'm going to say, let
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: me take you out.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: So I don't really put like set timeframes on when
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: I try to move it along. I just kind of
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: see how things unfold and kind of take it from there.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I think I just solved all your problems just by
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: listening to what you just said. Oh, really?
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Well, let's hear it then.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: You do not date like a Spartan.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: From the things I've learned and the things I've observed
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: and the statistics I've had from all these different people
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: over the past 10 years or so, when you date
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: with pressure and you date almost like a conveyor belt,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: like a fucking factory, it cuts out so much of.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: The wastefulness of the chit-chat.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: You talk about the whole, I don't want to talk
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: about your favorite color and all that mundane shit. But
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: what's even, what's even more of a waste is texting
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: somebody for a week or two and never going on
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: a date. That's even like, even though it's texting and
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: you're doing other shit, you're multitasking. It's really a pain
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: in the ass to waste that much time. Especially if
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: you start liking a person. Cause you know, in text,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: you can have some bomb conversations and you really like
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: start to like a person. And then that person kind
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: of like falls off and disappoints you. And you're like,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: you were like excited for like maybe two or three days.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: And then it just falls off a cliff. And it's like,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Get rid of all that shit by saying, okay, boom,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: let's say we're on Hinge.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: We match. We text each other. Hey, how you doing?
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Blah, blah, blah, blah. The first thing I always tell people,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: take it from the app to the text, from the
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: text to the phone. That can be FaceTime because sometimes
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: you need to look at somebody's face to make sure
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: they're not catfishing and all that shit. These days are
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: fucking filters. But at the same time, it's like the
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: phone is just as good because you go on the
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: phone and it's not about what's your favorite color or
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: how many siblings you have. It's about Where do you live?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: What do you do at work? Not, what's your job title?
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: What do you do at work? What's your dick and stuff?
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but see, hold on, though. I never said I
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: never did that stuff. No, no, I'm talking about.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: But on the phone, you can fucking, you can smell
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: the bullshit of somebody stammering and saying, um, um, like,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: it's so much more, like, as a guy, you know
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: how men are. A fucking man will have his phone
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: in his hand and be thinking of the perfect fucking response,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: the slickest fucking shit to say to you.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: And when you take that.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Off the phone and put this motherfucker, Eva, face-to-face on
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: FaceTime or whatever, or verbally, you basically make sure he
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: can still lie. Because, I mean, most women ask the
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: same fucking question, so they already have canned responses. But
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: being as old and wise as you are, you can say, okay,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I know what he just said right there sounded kind
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: of fishy.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Something's up with that response.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: And so I think that's the power of the voice
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: over the text, because the questions in text don't hit
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: as hard.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Because they can say all kinds of bullshit.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: And I think as far as the time element, it's like, yeah,
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: everybody's busy. Everyone has things to do. But it's like,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: if you're going to waste... I can't even say waste.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: If you're going to spend, let's say, two or three
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: hours going actually out on a date with somebody, why
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: not spend at least 30 minutes? Take the time out
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: your week. Say, all right, I'm going to do a
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: 30-minute pre-game, pre-date to make sure this person... isn't psycho
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: that we do vibe more than text and make sure
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: like we're going to set up an actual fucking date.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: And I can see what he, how his will is
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: turning when I say, Hey, I'm free on this day.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Let me know what you want to do. It's like,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I think the phone call is much more than just questions.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: It's also set up. It's reconnaissance. It's so much gets
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: happened in just a 30 minute or 40 minute quick
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: conversation with somebody before you even invest a week in
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: texting them.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: I agree. Like I said, I know that for me personally,
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: I do that. and say you know I don't feel
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: like talking or I don't really care for talking on
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: the phone which is true but like I said I'm
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: aware of it I know I'm trying to work on
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: it because honestly with like the last guy I was
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: he wasn't really my type per se and then I
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: did um agree to FaceTime him probably in like a
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: four day time span which for me is good so
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: I'm like working on it like I've had so many, like,
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: negative experiences, like, way in the past, too. Like, when
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: I took myself out of the little dating game, you know,
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: trying to, like, work on myself and become more self-aware and,
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: you know, a little bit more secure in what I wanted,
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: that now that I'm back in it, it's almost like
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: I'm a rookie again. And I'm like, bro, how did
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: I lose all my... Not, like, lose it, but it's
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: like I'm more... firm, but I'm also, I think, a
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: little bit still kind of, like, shook to put myself
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: out there all the way. I think that translates into... Yeah,
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: it's like I'm fresh back in the game.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: You're riding that bike and you're trying to not.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: You're like, alright, I know the motions of riding a
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: fucking bike, but I'm still not going as straight or
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: as fast as I would like to.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: And you know what?
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: I think you'll get it because you're going to date
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: like a Spartan when a new audiobook comes out. I
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: want you to listen to.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: It every night.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: And my subconscious.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah it should stick into your subconscious and it's funny
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: because um when you tell me stuff like i'll go
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: on a little rant when i text you and say
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: oh this and that but i always want to hear
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: the way you're doing it and like you know just
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: to be open-minded it's like okay because everybody has a
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: way of doing things that could work and like it's
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: been enough times where it's like all right She's having
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: zero success, so it's time for me to step in
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: and say, all right, time to right this shit and
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: fucking spark it up.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: But I think you'll get it.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: I think so, because it's not like it's a problem of,
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: you know... It's like a unique problem, almost, because it's
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: been like a pattern that I've been noticing, and it's
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: always some, like, similar but still, like, outlandish circumstance. Like,
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: one dude I went on a few dates with And
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: then he was like, oh, my ex-girlfriend still lives in
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: the house. And I was like, what? And so it's
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: always some variation of my ex is still there. I'm
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: back with my baby's mom, which is why I don't
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: really like dating men with kids anyway, or we're working
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: this out or blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like,
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: it's so weird that it's like the universe is removing
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: people from my sphere that shouldn't be there as well,
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: because it's like a pattern. And so I'm thinking like,
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: is this something I should be grateful for? Or is
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: it just like some weird like happenstance type of thing?
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: But I'm like, that was a situation that I told
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: you about too. I'm like, what is like wrong with
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: these dudes and their exes? Like, it's getting really bizarre.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: And it's funny that you said like, guys who aren't
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: really your type and you give them the benefit of
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: the doubt.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: And like, I understand that the struggle is.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Like, as you mature, you say, okay, Everyone, like, I
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: can't say everyone because when it comes to men, I
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: think our type.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Varies a lot.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: But I think women for a lot of part, they
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: do have, most of them do settle on a certain
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: type or a certain look or a certain swag. And
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: as they get older, like, you're not in high school anymore.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: You're not in college.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: So those types aren't, like, popping up around you. And, like,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: you're not going to the club. And, you know, we're
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: in pandemic anyway. So you're not going to be around
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: people who are, quote, unquote, your type unless you're scrolling
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: through fucking social media and say, oh, his avatar looks
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: like somebody I like. But for the most part of
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: these dating sites, you're going to see somebody who you're like,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: all right, he's not unattractive, but he's not my type.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: And I think it's smart to give people a chance
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: based on what their profile is saying. Like, I don't
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: think anybody should be dating somebody that they don't find
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: attractive at all.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: It's like, that's crazy.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: It's so telling that the men who you say you're
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: giving the benefit of the doubt are the same ones
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: that ghost you. And that always seems to happen a
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: lot of times with women. It's like, you're not the
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: only one. It's the guys who you don't really want
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: or think are okay who end up getting in there
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: and then squandering like, motherfucker, you should have been grateful
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: to have someone like me and you're leaving me on read.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: You're sending me to fucking green bubbles.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, you know who I am out here? No,
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: I'm just kidding. But it's like, it's not that they're
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: ugly or anything like that. It's just, you know, like
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: you say, it wouldn't be who I would normally go for. Like,
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: I'm out here saying, I'm going to date ugly dudes
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: because they treat you better. So it's not even, that's
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: not even the case, you know? And so my mom
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: would be like, well, look, he looks really good on paper.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Maybe you can give him a chance. And so part
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: of this, her and my sister, they be like trying
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: to push me all the time to like, give him
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: a chance, give him a chance. And it's like, This
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: is y'all's fault. I put the blame on them. But they,
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: you know, my mom just trying to be encouraging, saying,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: you know, look at character. I'm not 21 anymore. We're
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: all I care about. Oh, he's cute. You know, there
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: are more important things now. And so I'm trying to
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: be more open. But like you said, people I wouldn't
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: normally talk to are the ones out here acting funny
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: and moving all weird. So it was like outside the box.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: That's not working. My normal people I would go for
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: who I know are toxic and not good for me.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: That's not working either. Like, where is the middle ground?
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: You're attracting who you think you want at first, not
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: who you actually want. When you spend the time, when
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: you spend time away from the dating game and say, okay,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: I worked on myself. I know what I want. And
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: then you get back out there in the field. It's like,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: there's tests that's going to happen. You're going to meet
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: guys say, oh, on paper, he's what I want. And
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: then you meet him and he's like, not at all
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: what you want. There's going to be guys that look
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: the way, but on, look the way you want.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: But they have nothing to offer on paper.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: So it's like, you're going to be bombarded with all
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: these tests to say, okay, I'm going to see if
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: you fall into the trap of fucking with the same
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: type of dudes you used to fuck with or a.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: New variation of fuck boy.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: And I think it is a good thing that these
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: guys are ghosting out your life or they're saying they're
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: going back to their girlfriend or you see the red
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: flags of, oh shit, you still live with a girl.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: I don't want you at all. Or you see another
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: red flag and say, you know what? I'm grown enough
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: to know that it's more efficient to see. Let me
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: back up.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: Because what's happening a lot of times, especially....
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: With men today is that they know that there are
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: so many single women that are desperate to just be loved.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: So even if the guy isn't a fucking 10 on
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: the looks department and he just has like a nice $ 70, 000
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: a year job to a lot of women, that's a
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: fucking piece of gold.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: That's not even fucking copper. Like, but for so many women, like,
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: you know what, I'm getting older.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: I need to start, stop, looking at the materialistic shit
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: or the shallow shit, and I'm going to pick Joe
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: the fucking plumber over here who can treat me right.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: And it's like, Joe's like, oh, I got her. She
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: looks way better than most girls I get. Yeah, out
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: of my league.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Those other women who are out of my league are
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: also coming down to me now, and I can fuck her, her,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: or her just because everybody wants Joe the plumber suddenly.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I'm in season because they can't get motherfucking John Wall
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: over there.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: And so... Because I'm totally fine, like I said. I
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: am not willing to fit someone into my life who
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: I will have to. Because I'm like, I have a
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: good thing going over here. So if I'm going to
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: invite someone in to add to that, you have to
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: be an addition only. You can't be over here subtracting
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: from my mental, spiritual, or economic wellness. So... you know,
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: I'm not so desperate to where I'm like, you know
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: what anyone will do as long as he's nice. Like, no,
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: it ain't got that bad yet. And I don't think
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: it ever will because I'm so content. I think with
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: being with myself that whoever I really do decide to,
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: like I said, come into this circle, they're going to
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: be like exceptional. And that sounds to people like, oh,
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: well then get ready to be single forever, girl, because
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: ain't no one out here like that. I'm like, you know,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: we'll have to wait and see then because it's not
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: so dry in these streets and hard out here that
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: I'm willing to just settle for, like I said, anyone
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: will do type of guy. Like, nope.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: I never really see it in real life because I
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: don't hang around basic bitches. But you'll see it a
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: lot on, like, Instagram or Twitter. It's like, the comments
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: will be, like, somebody like, yeah, ain't nobody out here.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: There's nothing.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: It's like, they're so negative and you can just feel
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: the fucking negative basic shit just dripping off their comments.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: When they say things.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: It's like.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: It, like, emanates through social media even. Like, that's how
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: strong it is.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: And it makes me feel kind of sad.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: It's like, cause you know, for all the stuff that
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I say and I write, it's like, I know for
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: a fact that no matter how you look, where you
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: live or whatever factors you see as a negative, if
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: you have enough self-esteem in the right positive mindset, you
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: can attract and meet that special person. It's like men
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: play a lot of games, some men, but then there
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: are men who are, who are, very above ground and
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: above board and they're great guys. It's like, never say like,
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: there's nothing out here or just it's shit, get used
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: to being alone.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: That's such a negative mindset.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: And the women who say that shit, say it for
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: a reason because they want other women to fall down
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: that path so they can all be miserable together.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: They clap when somebody gets married.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: But then talk behind their back.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, she getting married, but... It's like, they hate to
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: see somebody win. They'll like the picture of some rapper's
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: girlfriend get in the car, but then they say.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: He's cheating on her anyway.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: It's like they love the clap in public then throw
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: shade behind closed doors.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: And that's the mindset of so many people.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: And I think you have such a positive mindset when
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: it comes to like, you know what? I'm going to
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: stand my ground. It's going to come. I just got
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: to tweak some things. I think you will tweak some
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: things because from what I hear, you're just fucking up
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: in terms of the initial communication during that pregame.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: I think that's an easy correction to do.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: And like I think by this time next year.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: You'll be Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: of the evening.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: Are you ready for a little mock date?
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: I'm ready. Let's do it.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: I'm going to test your ass with a real date.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Me and you are about to go on this little date.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: And I want you to ask me these five questions.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to see how well you date.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Let's set the stage of our mock date. We just.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Pulled up to a table at some rooftop restaurant, took
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: our masks off because, you know, social distancing and all.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: We're eating outside.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: And we sit down. The waiter's going to bring us
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: our waters. We're looking across from each other.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: What's the first question you asked me on our date?
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. Why am I nervous? I feel like
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: I'm being, like, in front of a panel of people.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: Let me focus.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Are you normally nervous when you go on a first date?
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm really not, but there's usually like some
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: small talk that have kind of like led up to
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: you getting down to your table and whatnot. So that's,
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: I think why I'm kind of like, I like those shoes.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're dressed nice. Oh, how was traffic? How was
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: work today? That bullshit.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Okay. So blah, blah, blah. So this is a
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: cute little romantic place. Do you take all your dates
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: here for nightcaps or am I just the lucky person
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: to frequent this place tonight with you for the first time?
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, actually, this is, like, the first time I've ever
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: been here.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: It's, like, looked at the best place I could take
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: you that was still open, and this is what I found.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I see you put some effort in. I
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: like it. The vibe is nice. So do you usually
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: put this much thought into everything you do? Or, like,
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: what are you most passionate about? What, like, gets your
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: fire going?
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Anybody in this world should be passionate in everything they do.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: So this is just a tip of the iceberg with me.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: What about yourself?
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: With me, you know, I have my things that keep
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: me grounded that I love, but I'm always up for
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: trying new things because I think that's how you keep
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: yourself creative. So, I'm always looking for my next favorite passion. Like,
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: right now, I'm on baking, so I'm kind of perfecting
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: my culinary skills a bit.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Oh, what's your favorite thing to bake?
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: My favorite thing to bake? You know, I make a
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: mean chocolate chip cookie, and all my desserts are gluten-free, so...
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: you get like the healthy benefits while you still get
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: to enjoy like the delicate sweets, you know, I keep it,
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: something's always smelling good in my kitchen.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: When do i get to sample these cookies.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: You know cookies i only bake them for people i
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: really care about so let's see if you keep picking
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: these guys you know see me right maybe you'll get
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: a chocolate chip Or, you know, cookie of your choice.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: So we'll have to see how that goes.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, cookie of my choice. So I get to choose now.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: You get to choose. Are you used to getting in
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: your way with things? Like, were you a spoiled little kid?
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: Did that affect how you treat the ladies at all?
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: No, I got to work for everything I get. And
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: I'm about to work for this cookie I see that
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: you bake so well.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, I'm a tough critic. So you're going to
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: have to bring your A game.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: What's the A game you're looking for?
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: You know, those cliche things everyone says, of course, that
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: kind of goes without saying, you know, good communication, loyalty.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: But overall, I'm just looking for someone who's emotionally intelligent, self-aware,
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: you know, financially stable, but then also has, you know,
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: not such a materialistic mindset, you know, someone willing to
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: grow and just be on the same page with. I
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: could really, you know, go in. to detail about that
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: more but maybe we can talk about that a little
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: later on I'm.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: Taking it your ex wasn't financially stable.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: I mean I wouldn't say that I don't really it's one.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: Of your top things that popped out you said that
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: fast so I'm.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: Guessing you know over the years as I've grown up
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: a little bit you gotta put like the fun and
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: games aside and when you get serious about your life
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: because I know I'm good over here so I'd like
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: you to be good on your side too Well.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Maybe if you bake the right cookies, I'll keep those
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: lights on in the kitchen.
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: Oh, so is that how you... That's how you delegate
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: how the treats roll in? If I bake you the
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: right cookies, keep you well-fed, get to your heart through
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: your stomach, the world is mine? Is that what you're saying?
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: That's what you're saying.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, well, do you agree?
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: Is that what you want?
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: You know, you say that's what I want, but.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: Is that what you want?
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, is that what I want? Well, you know, I'm flexible, but,
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: you know, I'm the type of person where if I'm happy,
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: I'll make you even happier. But either way, financially, I
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: can take care of myself always. So someone who can provide,
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: you know, that's my childhood. My dad was a provider
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: and my mom pulled her weight as well. So I
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: think that's kind of, that kind of shaped my views. Oh, really? So,
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: did your, do all the parents love you? What about
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: your exes? Like, how was your relationship with her family?
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: Are you like a family-oriented person?
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, her mother loved me.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: We were good friends, and, you know, she would say
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: it didn't work out, but, you know, when something's not working,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: you got to get the movement.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: And so that's why I'm in front of you right now.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: Looking into your eyes.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: Look into my eyes, honestly. So no one thinks they're
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: in a relationship with you. There's no one, like, in
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: the trenches just waiting for you to call in tonight
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: to Netflix and chill or anything.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: You know what's funny? And tell me if you ever
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: been through this. It was this one girl I used
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: to work with. And she would call me her work husband.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: And, like, I didn't even know the term at the time.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I just, like, she didn't tell me that, but, like,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: her friends told me that. it became, like, this thing.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: And so when I started dating another girl in the office,
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: she really, like, caught an attitude. I'm like, is there, like,
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: some unwritten rule? So, like, that's a weird question because,
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't subscribe to no work wife, work
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: husband type thing. It's like, you know, I'm out here
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: doing what I do.
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: So the work wife, work husband thing, you know, usually that's, like,
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: all fun and games, but outside of work, like, in
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: your personal life, you don't have anyone, like, I had
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: mentioned where you guys are, like, in a situationship or
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: she's not clear on what's happening like how is that
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: you know personally outside of work everything pretty much yeah
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: entanglement situations pretty much free and clear out here.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: No Jada Will Smith going on over.
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: Here no Augusta Alcina or anything like that.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not with Jaden's mother oh okay.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: That's good to know I hope not I don't think
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: you're her type, but, you know, I'm just saying. A
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: little jokey joke.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: But no, what's your boyfriend at?
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: My boyfriend? You know, I'm a... I'm not a boyfriend
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: unless you say I wouldn't be sitting here, so we'll
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: just keep it at that.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: So, speaking of dating, you know, people.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: When's the last time you've been on a date?
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: Um, you know, I date.
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: Here and there, you know, it's not like my, it's
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: not like my phones, you know, always buzzing with my
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: Tinder dates blowing me up or anything, but.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: So you're not popping out in these streets?
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: I'm always popping, but I'm selective about who I go
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: on dates with. So I guess you're the lucky winner tonight.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: Would I be right when I say I'm the first
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: date this month?
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: I'll let you ponder that when you get home tonight.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: I can tell by that smile I am. So I'm
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: going to put that in the win column for me.
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: Okay, if you want to take it as a win,
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: you know, that's your prerogative. You're winning anyway because who
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: else would you rather be out with right now but me?
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: So anyway, ready for our drinks to get going. You
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: look like a gin and tonic kind of guy or
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: maybe like something pretty basic like a beer. Am I right?
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Damn, I'm basic? I'm basic?
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: I take you to the nicest restaurant in the city
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: and you call me basic.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: I mean, maybe this is like a lucky Google search review,
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: but we'll see if you keep the five-star establishments rolling. Because,
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: you know, they say don't start nothing you can't keep up, right?
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: Who says that?
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Whoever be saying the things, you know, one of those.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: Like, unwritten rules. I think you say that. I think
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: you're telling on yourself right now.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: You know, it's good advice. You know, my mom, she
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: keeps me loaded with little tidbits of wisdom. But if
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: you never heard that or saw that before, maybe that's
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: another thing you can ponder before you.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Well, let me not have a drink because I want
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: to keep up with you.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, are you having a hard time keeping up? You
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: don't think your capabilities will stay strong with a little
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: bit of a little sip-sip? No.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: You got me drunk enough.
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: Okay, so... Speaking of all, like, dates this month and everything...
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: What's the worst that you've been on? Like, whether you're
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: dating pet peeves. Like, what would turn you off and
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: make you want to, like, run out the restaurant?
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: I don't think anything can make me run out of
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: the restaurant, but you know what? I would have to
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: say just somebody who's not genuine and open and someone
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: who doesn't know what they want. You can easily tell
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: that on a date. Like, someone who's lost and doesn't
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: really have a direction in their life and just looking
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: for somebody to fill a void.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: I'm not about that.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: So, that's why I I'm here with you trying to
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: see if you're better than those last ones.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay. So it's like a, what is it? Like
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: a bachelorette, like flavor love day where he would take
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: them all out separately and be like, you know, I'm
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: just not really feeling like you're real tonight. That's what
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: that reminded me of when you said that, but you're
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: pretty good.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: That's how life should be.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: Right. I mean, to each his own, but if you
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: can chill all that in.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: One day, you're onto something.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: So you wouldn't, the way you date, you don't see
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: it as a competition to make people, you know, step
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: up their game. If they can't keep up with you,
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: like you said earlier.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: They got to go, right?
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, I'm really good at, as you are
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: on a first date, if you ask the right questions
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: and let the conversation kind of flow, you do get
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: a good, you do get good insight to maybe, put
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: you on the right path or right track of are
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: they genuine or are they out here in law? So
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: you can talk a lot if you know how to really,
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: you know, it doesn't have to be like job interview questions,
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: but just through normal conversation, you can learn a lot
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: about a person. So I agree. You should date.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: What track am I on then?
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: What track are you on? You know, that was something
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: I think about tonight. I don't want to, Give it
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: all away.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: You got to put the names up. Speaking of Flavor
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: of Love, you got to put the names on the board.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: You know, I got to do my little bit of.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: I got to wait until I get a text tomorrow
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: morning to see if I.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Made the cut.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll send you a clock emoji. You'll get the
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: clock emoji if you made the cut. So, hope you
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: don't be on the edge of your seat tonight. Hope
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: you're not too nervous to sleep, but say your prayers
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: before you go to bed and be like, please, I
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: hope I made the cut and get my clock tomorrow.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: So are you you want me to you want me
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: to pray for it huh i.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: Mean are you a spiritual person you want.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: Somebody to pray for you i'll.
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: Take prayers you know i'll take positive prayers anytime but
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: do you pray is that what you do go to
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: church on sundays are you more like you know what's
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: your style like atheist non-believer are you like holy roller
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: every sunday at the church front row.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: No i don't really subscribe to a lot of uh
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: religious thoughts. So I guess I would say I'm more spiritual.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: I believe in something deeper, something larger than myself.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: I like that. I'm similar. I can say the same.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: I'm definitely more of a spiritual person. I read my
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: spiritual books and try to meditate. What do you do?
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: Are you like a meditation person?
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: Put me on game. Put me on game. Tell me
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: how you get down.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Tell me the things you chant or say or read
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: and what you've learned in your spiritual journey.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: You know, I've learned quite a few things. Like as
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: far as meditation goes, I'm still perfecting that. I'm a newbie,
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: but Headspace app, if you don't have it, great resource.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: So you're a newbie, so you just got into it.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: I'm a newbie in meditation, but not at like, you know,
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: reading certain books and, you know, just trying to raise
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: my personal vibrations and just, you know, more mindful thinking.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: So I read, like currently I'm reading The Power of Now.
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: It's a really good book about just staying in the
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: present moment and not, and how we cause ourselves a
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: lot of distress and agony that we don't have to
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: necessarily by living in the past or being too far
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: ahead into the future. So it keeps me grounded, you know.
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: I think it keeps my stress levels down and just
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: showing gratitude and I keep a gratitude journal. So little
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: things like that, but you know, Okay, so.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Were you raised Christian or Muslim and just recently gotten
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: to this stuff, or what was your journey like getting here?
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: So, I'm a Southern girl, so I grew up in
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: a Baptist church until I moved to the Seattle area,
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: and then the churches up here are so different that
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: we didn't really... you know go to church often here
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: but my mom has always been very spiritual and we
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: do bible study at home as a kid but then
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: after like her personal spiritual growth elevated and she put
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: me on to more like spiritual principles um and just
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: learning about a lot more just I guess just deeper
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: things and how a lot of the bible's metaphors for
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: like other things in life so I get a lot
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: of my guidance from my mom because she's like always
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: been very wise and spiritual herself so she's teaches me
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: a lot too. I appreciate it. Good to have someone
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: to kind of continue to teach you as they learn,
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: but what's your style? Do you have anything in common
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: there at all? You know what?
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: I want to get some more in common.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: How about I'll read that book, The Power Now, and
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: we're going to talk about it when I see you
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: next week.
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: Okay. Oh, so we're going to see each other again
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: next week?
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why not? But I was on the right track.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what? We'll have our own little two-person
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: book club. I'll send you the link to the book,
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: and you can get caught up to me. We, I guess,
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: can talk about it on our next, what, social distance date?
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I got a.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: Pandemic date.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: I got a comfy couch. We'll read some chapters together,
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: drink some wine.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: The couch, huh? What is this like? Spiritual Netflix and chill?
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: Is that like the spiritual wholesome version?
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: I thought we was having a book club meeting.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: You know, we can both club it out at the
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: park or maybe on another rooftop, but I think we can.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, now you're scared.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: I see. Probably whatever you want to. Scared, selective, but
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: if you ain't down with another location, that's fine too.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Just let me know when we can just accordingly.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: I'll let you pick. How about that?
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: You let me pick?
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: So throwing the ball over my court, that's fine. I
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: can pick.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: Pick the place where you're going to raise my vibrations.
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay. Already falling in formation. I like you already.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: See? And that's how you do it. As we jump
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: out of our date.
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: Out of our date.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: I can hear you smiling through the microphone. But what
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: are the things you thought you did well during.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: That mock date?
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: You know, I think not getting so personal about my
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: own boyfriends and situations and keeping it lighthearted and kind
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: of tossing it back you know answering the question without
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: going too deep and then just keeping it kind of
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: fun and like I said throwing it back on your
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: side um and then you know just keep you can
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: still divulge information without over sharing or over talking and
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: just you know see how you banter like how you
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: banter with people I didn't.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: Want to answer the uh does anyone think you're in
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: a relationship with you? And you push it back to say, okay,
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: but there's no one, you know, out there.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: And still, I was like, entanglements?
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: No. You know, I was trying not to be specific
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: on theirs. You know, it's kind of like a Donald
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: Trump style thing. Like, just don't say the second word.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: You dance around the no by bringing up other stuff
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: and other things and throwing in a joke about Jada
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: Pinkett Smith.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: That's the way you do it.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: Well, I didn't actually tell you that I wasn't in
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: a relationship with somebody. Yeah.
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: And it's funny though, because then you talked about being
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: genuine and whatnot, but you're dancing around the question. Those
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: are things that I would like take mental notes about like, Oh, okay. Interesting.
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: a lot of dates I've been on that the men
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: haven't done, they don't really push their own questions that
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: much either because you were doing it, but not like
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: a pushy way, but still kind of like demanding an
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: answer in a sense. And a lot of men I've
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: been on dates with, they're like really passive and just
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: kind of like, even the ones who can hold a
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: conversation well, they don't really do a lot of pushback
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: at all. And so I think it was like a
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: little bit of verbal scarring a little bit, but it
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: was still like cute and funny.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: I can tell like the last question about the church
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: and the spirituality and stuff. I saw like, okay, you
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: really peaked up when it got to that conversation. It
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: was something that it was a passion for. You talked
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: about your mother. You talked about the hit. I dug
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: into like, oh, how did you get started with that?
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: And so for that to become like the biggest crumb
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: to get like, oh, she's really into that. Let me
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: segue into, I'm going to see you again and let's
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: keep this conversation going because I want to know. As
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: a man, you should always be ready to pivot and keep.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: It going again.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: It's like, all right, we set it up. We haven't
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: even got our drinks yet. And I'm already talking about
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: seeing you again. I think that's important for men to
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: do and to slide in there. Like you say, it's
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: verbal sparring.
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: Would I have gotten a second date if it was
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: on my way?
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: So I would still be mindful of how things went
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: in between those days. you know, where you plan to
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: see each other again. So I wouldn't immediately be like, yep,
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: we're going out right away. I'm like, let me just
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: see how things go after this. And then if the
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: momentum is still going, then yeah, I would have. If
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: the entree and dessert round didn't like tank, if it
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: kept going well, then yes.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: Success.
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: But I think the most important thing is to not, overshared,
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: I don't think you overshared at all. When you're there
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: in a moment and you're looking across from another person
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: and you're talking, you're talking, you're talking, you lose track
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: of time. No one's counting like she's talking too much.
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: Like if you get on one subject, let's say the
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: subject of your mother and sisters come up and you
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: start talking about a story about them and you go
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: on for like a good five minutes about just your
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: mothers and sisters or something that happened, you can feel
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: somebody start to leave the conversation because like- don't worry
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: about how much you're talking as long as you're having
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: fun talking to other persons having fun talking to you.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: I think that's more important than like the words per
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: minute that's spewing out your mouth. So I think like
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: everybody who's listening to this and in your own experiences,
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: make sure like the way you saw that conversation flow
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: from baking to like money talk to exes to all
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: this other shit, as long as you're having a good
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: time and it's flowing and you see someone's having fun
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: and you're smiling, It's going good.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: Don't doubt yourself and say, oh, am I talking too much? Oh,
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: that overshare.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: You have to, like, know how to play it like
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: a fucking tennis game, back and forth, back and forth.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: If you feel like the ball's in your court too long,
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: return serve.
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: Push it back, yeah.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: And put them into it.
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: Because at the end of the day, you know, you
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: got to be yourself, but try to... It's not like saying,
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: you know, stash all your personality and all, but you
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: do have to be careful about, like you said, am
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: I going off on, like, 10 tangents? Or do I
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: tend to, like, take five detours before I get to
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: the main point of the story. So like be yourself,
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: but also be mindful of, and I say that a
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: lot because I'm always trying to be mindful of how I,
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: you know, present myself, not so I'm liked by other people,
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: but so I'm not, you know, falling back into like
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: old bad habits. But I think a lot of women
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: can relate to that. when you're on a date with someone,
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: like a first date, and you're like, woo, he is fine, and, like,
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: he smells good, and he's, like, saying things right, your
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: energy will change. I've noticed that, like, in the past,
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: if I'm out with someone that I'm really attracted to,
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: I've had to become aware of how, like, my whole
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: vibe sometimes will change, because, you know, you cram up
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: a little bit more, you get a little bit more nervous,
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: and I think that's always, like, a big factor that
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: plays in, like, am I just on this date because
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: I feel like I should give him a chance or
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: I want to say, because I'm like, Ooh, he is everything,
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: you know? So that matters too. Like don't get shook
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: up by looks or, you know, your hormones raging. You
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: got to keep it solid, no matter who you're out
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: with and just keep your confidence. because I'm like man
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: I done I know I've messed up before because I'm
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: like you're so fine I'm just gonna go off and
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: throw everything like I said I wasn't gonna do I'm
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: doing it and I think that matters too it's.
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: So much that can go out the window just because
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: your nerves are so fucking fried and in those cases
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: I think it's not enough to prepare yourself like you
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: know what it's just a guy it's just a person
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: who gives a fuck I'm gonna go in here and
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: be myself Sometimes you got to really shake that shit off.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: The best advice I can give is take a break,
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: order your drink, go to the bathroom, shake off some nerds,
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: reapply your gloss or whatever the fuck, and just remind yourself, like, look,
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: he's not bigger.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: Than who I am. He's not greater than me.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: Men are not the trophy. I'm not here to win
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: him over.
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: I'm not here to tap dance for his approval. He's
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: here to win me.
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: He's here to be with me. So let me go
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: out there and gather myself. And while I'm in this bathroom,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: let me think of something that I want to ask
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: soon as I sit back down to the table. And
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: I'm going to ask that and I'm going to get back.
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: On the horse.
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: Cause I think sometimes you need to reset because you
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: can get lost in somebody's eyes and somebody's energy and
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: somebody's charisma. And it's a lot of times men will
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: blitz you with their personality. It's like one of my
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: good friends is from New York and he's fucking talks
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: a mile a minute. And I'm like, this is how
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: you always got these girls in a revolving door because
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: you blitz them with this New York personality where you just.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: Fucking talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: And they can't get a word in, but they don't
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: want to get a word in because you're just telling
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: them all the.
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: Shit you're doing, all the stuff you've done and the
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: things you're planning on doing.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: And they get so hypnotized by your fast talking, your
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: big lifestyle.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: And no, they're fucking ears in the headlight. All you
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: gotta do is fucking aim and shoot.
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: Not easy. It becomes that easy.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: His job is to get between my legs sooner than later. So,
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: whatever he's saying, and maybe you want him to get
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: between your legs, but at the same time, you got
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: to take your respect and demand your respect by not
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: letting him see you sweat, not letting him see you
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: get nervous, and not being overly impressed by the shit
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: he's talking. Like, if a guy's sitting there telling you
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: about the shit he's doing, pick up on one nugget
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: of what he said and.
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: Bring it back to something else. Like, oh.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: Is that something you used to do with your mother?
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Did you travel a lot when you were a kid?
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: Bring it back to something that humbles him like childhood.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: If you ask Diddy about his mother, he's going to
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: sit there and talk about his mother.
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: It's not going to be Diddy, it's going to be
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: Sean at that moment. Take him from being like, I'm
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: the king of the world to like, oh.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was once a young boy who never went
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: anywhere and that shit used to make me mad and we.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: Bring it up.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: My father was asked, like, you want to get into
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: his business and break him down in a way where
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: you make him human, even if he does seem larger
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: than life.
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: And I think men will appreciate that because, to be honest,
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: a lot of women aren't doing that type of stuff.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: They do get steamrolled.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: So for you to sit there and say, let's have
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: a conversation about something different than what you normally talk about,
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: he's going to be like, damn, I haven't talked.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: About that in a minute.
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: I don't care if I'm going out with Drake and
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: he's sitting across me at Cheesehead Factory, like in that
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: music video, and you know how much I love Drake.
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: I'm like, it doesn't matter if it's him or, I
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: don't know, Barack Obama. Like, I'm still here. He's here
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: to win me. Like, it shouldn't matter. But that doesn't
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: always happen overnight.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: There's another type of energy where it's like your nervous
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: energy comes off in the fact that you're trying to, like,
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: overdo it and be extra. A woman will try to
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: overcompensate and start telling these things about what she's done.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, I just came back from Cabo. Oh, you
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: know what?
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: I think I'm going to such and such next year.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: As men, you sit there like, uh-huh.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: You want a cookie?
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: We're in a conversation about trips and places we've been.
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: That's on topic. But if you're trying to just compete
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: and say, hey, look at me. I go places. I'm
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: not basic. Or I went to this school. I got
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: this degree.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: I'm not basic.
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: Men don't give a fuck about what degrees you have,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: what trips you've taken, how fucking fast you can count coins.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: Men do not give a fuck besides what's underneath that dress.
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: The respect is only going to come The respect is
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: going to come on a human level. Show me that
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: you're cool and down to earth and that we can
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: laugh about the same shit and we can verbally spar
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: while we're going back and forth on this date.
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: That's what's going to get you brownie points. Not the
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: shit you've.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: Done before this date or the people you know or
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: the place you work. He's not, unless he's like just
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: a true con artist that's trying to like, oh, she's
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: a nurse making X amount of, yeah, I'm going to
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: try to move in with, like, unless he's a fucking
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: con artist, he doesn't give a fuck about those other
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: things because like, He's going to come and try to
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: blitz you with his own flashy shit because women typically
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: fall for the flashy shit. But men don't give a
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: fuck about the flashy shit. That's where we separate as genders.
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: So keep that in mind.
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: If you're nervous, don't leave with all that fucking, I
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: did this, I do this.
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: It's not going to earn you points.
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, if
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: you just kind of calm down and vibe, you can
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: have a lot of lamps and have the best conversation ever.
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have to always be like a one-up. Oh,
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: I went here.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, really?
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: I went here.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: Another thing about the one-upmanship is that if a man's
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: a narcissist, he's definitely going to snipe you. Tell him
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: what you do and all this other stuff. And he's,
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: if he's not on that level, he's not, let's say
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: this man doesn't even have a passport. He's not really
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: that employed. It's going to become in his best interest
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: to knock you down a peg. It may not be
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: on that date. It may be a couple of little slots. Oh,
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: he might be just listening to that first date. And
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: then he'll hit you with that shit on a second day.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: He's like, all right, She thinks she's so big and
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: tough because she goes all these places and she takes
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: all these trips. I'm going to tell her, look, you
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: do all these things because you had a family that
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: cared about you and did this. I come from an
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: environment where it was just me. Can you survive where
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: I come from? That's where a man's one-upmanship comes in.
• 54:59
  Speaker 3: He'll bring you down.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: You're spoiled. You're privileged. Have you ever come from an
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: environment where I come?
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: No, I don't got a passport because I was in
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: these streets providing for myself. I was working hard to
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: go to school because my father wasn't around. They don't
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: say shit like that. And you'll think in your own head,
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: fuck him. How dare you talk to me like that?
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: But when it's a guy that looks the way you
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: want him to look and he's standing in a way
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: that's challenging you in that moment, you may not snap back.
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: You may internalize that shit like, damn, he's right. I
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: do have a good support system. And you'll start to
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: question your own merit of why you deserve things in life.
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: And at that moment, he's like, I got this bitch.
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: I was talking to this dude. He was like, well,
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: you are this and that and where you are because
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: you didn't really have the real Black experience. You had
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: both of your parents at home. I was like, what?
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: What are you talking about? You know, trying to minimize
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: what I had accomplished and what I was currently doing
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: because he's like, oh, you actually ate dinner at the
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: table with your parents every night? And I was like, yeah,
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: I did. And it was just something that had come
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: up in a previous conversation. You know, I wasn't like,
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: I'm better than you because my parents were married and
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: my dad was at home and my mom didn't have
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: to work and she cooked dinner, but it wasn't even
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: like that. But like you said, it was, some time
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: had elapsed and then a little bit more down the road. Oh, well,
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: you're not even really black because I had to go
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: through this and you had that. And I'm like, what? The,
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: I don't know, like underlying imposter syndrome will start kicking in.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: And then you want to try to overly prove yourself again.
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: And it just turned into a whole whirlwind of mess.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: These type of men want to snipe your self-esteem and
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: break you down. So you put it in their hands
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: and that way you can't leave them. You can't move on.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: You don't want to date other guys because they're going
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: to keep calling you out on that imposter syndrome, like
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: you said. So definitely, That's why it's so important. Like,
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: it's not about date questions and say this and learn this.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: It's like, it's important to have your own head on
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: straight so you can see the snakes in the grass
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: before they strike.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: So you know not to give away.
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: Too much information. So you know not to be so
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: nervous that you open yourself up for these type of predators.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: That's why when I say date like a Spartan, it
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: starts with the mindset. And then you get to like
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: the steps of pre-date, First date. I spend so much
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: time writing about what to look out for in fuckboys
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: and what to look out for in inconsistent men and
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: men who wear masks because there's so many guys who
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: date in this predatory way where you won't see it
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: the first date or the second date, but you will
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: damn sure see it down the line that they remembered
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: everything you said about that two-parent household or the places
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: you went or the jobs you had or the boyfriends
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: you had.
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: And that shit becomes.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: the fire at you, the brick your ass down, and
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: now you can't do anything but say, love me, don't
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: leave me.
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: Right, like, especially in my demographic, I'm about to be
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: 30 in a few weeks, educated, no kids, and the
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: wrong person will see me as, like, you know, low-hanging
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: fruit because they see me especially black women, when we
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: tend to sacrifice, and I wouldn't say sacrifice, it's just,
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: you know, how things turned out. But a lot of
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: us will sacrifice relationships and going out trying to like
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: build a career. Then you wake up and you're like
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: 35 and you have no prospects and they see you
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: as like, like I said, low hanging fruit and they
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: will try to exploit that. And so you really have
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: to be like, have your defenses up without being like
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: having a brick wall up. Like I said, I'm trying
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: to like work through my jaded ways personally. like the
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: older you get too I think you think you're vulnerable
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: when you're like young and dumb and naive but I
• 58:43
  Speaker 3: think after a certain point you become not naive anymore
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: but desperate but it's kind of like two sides of
• 58:50
  Speaker 3: the same coin because you kind of get the same
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: thing at the end of the day which is nothing
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: maybe a headache you know instead of hurt feelings.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: That's a great point that's a great point you're naive
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: to the world and how romance works and it's no
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: fault of your own like few people are smart enough
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: at a young age like a teenage level where they
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: actually know what the fuck they're doing but as time
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: passes it's kind of like you revert into this new
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: stage of like I'm no longer naive I'm just blinded
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: by my own thirst to be wanted and loved that
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: I allow the shit that I allowed when I was
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: a teenager to happen all again because I just need
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: to be loved I need to be validated And I
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: think that's an important lesson and an important message.
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: And pay attention, ladies. Don't be naive. Don't be blind.
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: Stay fucking woke. But this has been a great episode.
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: I think you may get a good grade from me.
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: We'll see.
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: I hope so. I know you're a tough critic.
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: I am a tough critic.
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: The thing you need to just improve on is just
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Being more aggressive when you're dating at pre-date states. Don't
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: be so laid back and lackadaisical. You think you're from
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: California as laid back as you are.
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: I'm so laid back. I'm so laid back.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: I'll text him for two weeks and see how it goes.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're so nonchalant. I'm like, I don't care. You're
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: such a hippie. But you're going to have to circle
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: back with an update maybe so you'll have some more positive...
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: updates not like this wasn't positive but maybe like maybe
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: i have some exciting news to share we can circle
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 3: back and see if your advice if it's worked i'm
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: gonna apply.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: It listen to the date like a spartan audiobook okay
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: i want you to go on some dates i want
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: you to try it the spartan way for at least
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: a month and i'm gonna have you back on the
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: show to see how your results went we can see
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: real time results on if it actually helped and by
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: that time a lot of people who listen to this
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: will also have it and everyone can compare notes Yeah, you.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: Know, I know it's hard to meet people right now,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: but I'm going to let the universe know I'm open.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: Let's just see how it goes.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: It's never hard when you have faith in yourself.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 3: Exactly. So please impress me, Twitter, Instagram. You can find me,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: follow me. Tell me how you think I did on
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: our date. Let me know. Give me some pointers.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: Give her some hell. Tell her how horrible she was
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: on that date.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: Tell me. I can take it. I can take criticism.