Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E291: Forgiveness as Radical Self-Liberation Guest Paul Drugan

Transcript

E291: Forgiveness as Radical Self-Liberation Guest Paul Drugan · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  hello
• 0:48
  everybody
• 0:48
  and
• 0:48
  welcome
• 0:48
  back
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  another
• 0:49
  episode.
• 0:50
  Today
• 0:50
  we
• 0:50
  have
• 0:50
  with
• 0:51
  us
• 0:51
  Paul
• 0:51
  Drugan.
• 0:52
  He
• 0:52
  is
• 0:52
  a
• 0:52
  Chicago
• 0:53
  based
• 0:53
  memorist
• 0:54
  and
• 0:55
  men's
• 0:55
  mental
• 0:55
  health
• 0:56
  advocate.
• 0:57
  His
• 0:57
  book,
• 0:57
  Forgiving
• 0:58
  Dr.
• 0:58
  Jekyll
• 0:59
  from
• 0:59
  High
• 1:00
  Do
• 1:00
  Healing
• 1:00
  Healing
• 1:01
  explores
• 1:02
  childhood
• 1:03
  trauma,
• 1:03
  addiction
• 1:04
  and
• 1:04
  recovery.
• 1:05
  Reframing
• 1:05
  forgiveness
• 1:06
  as
• 1:06
  an
• 1:06
  act
• 1:07
  of
• 1:07
  radical
• 1:08
  self
• 1:08
  liberation.
• 1:09
  Through
• 1:09
  storytelling
• 1:10
  and
• 1:10
  insight,
• 1:11
  he
• 1:11
  offers
• 1:11
  a
• 1:11
  blueprint
• 1:12
  for
• 1:12
  healing,
• 1:13
  resilience
• 1:13
  and
• 1:13
  reclaiming
• 1:14
  one's
• 1:15
  life.
• 1:15
  Welcome,
• 1:15
  Paul.
• 1:17
  Thank
• 1:17
  you,
• 1:17
  Tammy.
• 1:17
  Thanks
• 1:18
  for
• 1:18
  having
• 1:18
  me.
• 1:18
  I
• 1:18
  appreciate
• 1:19
  it.
• 1:19
  Oh,
• 1:20
  yeah.
• 1:20
  This
• 1:20
  is
• 1:20
  a
• 1:20
  conversation
• 1:21
  I
• 1:21
  really
• 1:22
  like
• 1:22
  to
• 1:22
  have,
• 1:22
  especially
• 1:23
  when
• 1:23
  you're
• 1:23
  dealing
• 1:23
  with
• 1:24
  addiction
• 1:24
  and
• 1:24
  recovery,
• 1:25
  because
• 1:25
  I
• 1:26
  don't
• 1:26
  know
• 1:26
  how
• 1:26
  many
• 1:26
  of
• 1:27
  the
• 1:27
  12
• 1:27
  step
• 1:27
  programs
• 1:28
  you've
• 1:28
  been
• 1:28
  through,
• 1:29
  but
• 1:30
  I
• 1:30
  know
• 1:30
  that
• 1:30
  there's
• 1:31
  always
• 1:31
  that
• 1:32
  step
• 1:32
  four
• 1:33
  that's
• 1:33
  always
• 1:33
  about
• 1:34
  forgiveness.
• 1:35
  Right.
• 1:35
  And
• 1:36
  so
• 1:36
  many
• 1:37
  people
• 1:37
  get
• 1:37
  stuck
• 1:38
  there.
• 1:38
  And
• 1:40
  I
• 1:40
  just
• 1:40
  can't
• 1:40
  wait
• 1:40
  to
• 1:41
  have
• 1:41
  this
• 1:41
  conversation
• 1:41
  because
• 1:42
  I
• 1:42
  love
• 1:42
  that
• 1:42
  this
• 1:43
  is
• 1:43
  literally
• 1:43
  your
• 1:43
  message,
• 1:44
  your
• 1:44
  focus
• 1:45
  is
• 1:45
  on
• 1:45
  that
• 1:46
  radical
• 1:47
  self
• 1:47
  liberation
• 1:48
  and
• 1:48
  not
• 1:49
  forgive
• 1:50
  and
• 1:50
  forget
• 1:51
  per
• 1:51
  se.
• 1:51
  Yeah,
• 1:52
  right.
• 1:53
  Yeah,
• 1:53
  it's,
• 1:54
  it's
• 1:54
  challenging
• 1:55
  the
• 1:55
  standard.
• 1:55
  And
• 1:56
  I
• 1:56
  was,
• 1:56
  I
• 1:56
  was
• 1:56
  in
• 1:57
  AA
• 1:57
  for
• 1:58
  about
• 1:59
  six
• 1:59
  or
• 1:59
  seven
• 2:00
  years.
• 2:01
  Okay.
• 2:02
  And,
• 2:03
  and
• 2:03
  I,
• 2:03
  I,
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  found
• 2:04
  the
• 2:05
  same
• 2:05
  thing
• 2:05
  as,
• 2:06
  you
• 2:06
  know,
• 2:06
  step
• 2:06
  forward,
• 2:07
  such
• 2:07
  a
• 2:07
  hurdle
• 2:08
  for
• 2:08
  people,
• 2:09
  even
• 2:10
  people
• 2:10
  who
• 2:10
  had
• 2:10
  come
• 2:11
  back,
• 2:11
  you
• 2:11
  know,
• 2:12
  who
• 2:13
  had
• 2:13
  been
• 2:13
  through
• 2:13
  it
• 2:13
  and
• 2:14
  then
• 2:14
  maybe
• 2:14
  relapse
• 2:15
  and
• 2:15
  come
• 2:15
  back.
• 2:15
  It
• 2:15
  was
• 2:16
  always
• 2:16
  a
• 2:16
  stumbling
• 2:16
  block
• 2:17
  for,
• 2:17
  for
• 2:18
  people
• 2:18
  and
• 2:19
  because
• 2:19
  it's
• 2:19
  such
• 2:20
  a
• 2:20
  hard
• 2:20
  thing
• 2:20
  to
• 2:20
  think
• 2:21
  of
• 2:22
  and
• 2:22
  the
• 2:23
  old
• 2:23
  definitions
• 2:25
  really
• 2:25
  lend
• 2:26
  themselves
• 2:26
  to
• 2:27
  it
• 2:27
  being
• 2:27
  very
• 2:28
  difficult,
• 2:29
  you
• 2:29
  know,
• 2:30
  And
• 2:30
  I,
• 2:30
  I
• 2:31
  mean,
• 2:31
  the
• 2:31
  reason
• 2:31
  why
• 2:31
  I
• 2:32
  started
• 2:32
  looking
• 2:32
  at,
• 2:33
  at
• 2:33
  it
• 2:33
  this
• 2:33
  way
• 2:33
  before
• 2:34
  I
• 2:34
  wrote
• 2:34
  my
• 2:34
  book,
• 2:35
  you
• 2:36
  know,
• 2:36
  my
• 2:36
  dad
• 2:36
  and
• 2:36
  I
• 2:37
  had
• 2:37
  a
• 2:37
  very
• 2:40
  physical
• 2:41
  and
• 2:42
  emotional
• 2:45
  relationship
• 2:46
  in
• 2:46
  terms,
• 2:46
  and,
• 2:47
  you
• 2:47
  know,
• 2:47
  physical,
• 2:48
  I
• 2:48
  don't
• 2:48
  mean
• 2:49
  sexual,
• 2:49
  but
• 2:49
  it
• 2:49
  was,
• 2:49
  he,
• 2:50
  you
• 2:50
  know,
• 2:50
  he
• 2:50
  was
• 2:50
  very
• 2:51
  violent
• 2:52
  towards
• 2:52
  me.
• 2:52
  And,
• 2:54
  and
• 2:55
  you
• 2:55
  know,
• 2:56
  his
• 2:56
  emotional
• 2:56
  abuse
• 2:57
  was
• 2:57
  really
• 2:57
  intense
• 2:58
  as
• 2:58
  well.
• 2:58
  But
• 2:59
  then
• 2:59
  he
• 2:59
  died.
• 3:00
  He
• 3:00
  died
• 3:00
  when
• 3:01
  he
• 3:01
  was
• 3:01
  52.
• 3:01
  He
• 3:02
  was,
• 3:02
  he
• 3:03
  died
• 3:03
  of
• 3:03
  hepatitis.
• 3:04
  And,
• 3:06
  and
• 3:06
  that
• 3:07
  was
• 3:07
  about
• 3:07
  this
• 3:07
  time
• 3:08
  where
• 3:08
  I
• 3:08
  was
• 3:08
  realizing
• 3:09
  that
• 3:09
  I
• 3:10
  was
• 3:10
  brought
• 3:11
  up
• 3:11
  in
• 3:11
  a
• 3:11
  dysfunctional
• 3:12
  household
• 3:12
  because
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  was
• 3:13
  in
• 3:13
  college
• 3:14
  and
• 3:14
  I
• 3:14
  went
• 3:14
  to
• 3:14
  other
• 3:14
  people's
• 3:15
  houses
• 3:16
  and
• 3:16
  hung
• 3:17
  out
• 3:17
  with
• 3:17
  their
• 3:17
  families,
• 3:18
  you
• 3:18
  know,
• 3:19
  and
• 3:19
  I
• 3:19
  was
• 3:19
  like,
• 3:20
  this
• 3:21
  is
• 3:21
  not,
• 3:22
  you
• 3:22
  know,
• 3:23
  either
• 3:23
  this
• 3:23
  is
• 3:24
  not
• 3:24
  normal
• 3:24
  or
• 3:24
  my
• 3:25
  upbringing
• 3:25
  wasn't
• 3:26
  normal.
• 3:26
  And
• 3:27
  I,
• 3:27
  you
• 3:27
  know,
• 3:28
  I
• 3:29
  came
• 3:29
  to
• 3:29
  the
• 3:29
  conclusion
• 3:30
  that
• 3:30
  mine
• 3:30
  was
• 3:30
  pretty
• 3:31
  dysfunctional,
• 3:31
  you
• 3:32
  know,
• 3:32
  and
• 3:32
  I
• 3:32
  was
• 3:32
  very
• 3:32
  angry.
• 3:34
  This
• 3:34
  is
• 3:34
  before
• 3:34
  all
• 3:35
  the
• 3:35
  addiction
• 3:35
  stuff
• 3:36
  happened.
• 3:36
  But,
• 3:37
  but
• 3:38
  then
• 3:38
  he
• 3:38
  was
• 3:38
  dead.
• 3:39
  And
• 3:39
  so
• 3:40
  at
• 3:41
  the,
• 3:41
  you
• 3:41
  know,
• 3:41
  he
• 3:41
  died
• 3:42
  at
• 3:42
  the,
• 3:42
  at
• 3:42
  the
• 3:42
  same
• 3:43
  time
• 3:43
  that
• 3:44
  I
• 3:44
  started
• 3:44
  becoming
• 3:45
  very,
• 3:45
  very
• 3:45
  angry
• 3:46
  about
• 3:47
  how
• 3:48
  things
• 3:49
  went
• 3:49
  when
• 3:49
  I
• 3:50
  was
• 3:50
  a
• 3:50
  Child
• 3:50
  inform,
• 3:51
  formative
• 3:52
  years.
• 3:52
  So
• 3:52
  age
• 3:52
  13
• 3:53
  to,
• 3:53
  you
• 3:53
  know,
• 3:54
  until
• 3:54
  I
• 3:54
  went
• 3:54
  to
• 3:54
  college,
• 3:55
  pretty
• 3:55
  much.
• 3:56
  Right.
• 3:56
  And
• 3:57
  you
• 3:57
  don't.
• 3:58
  And
• 3:58
  like
• 3:58
  you
• 3:58
  said,
• 3:58
  you
• 3:58
  don't
• 3:59
  know
• 3:59
  if
• 3:59
  it's
• 3:59
  what
• 3:59
  you
• 4:00
  grow
• 4:00
  up
• 4:00
  thinking.
• 4:00
  It's
• 4:01
  your
• 4:01
  normal.
• 4:01
  That's
• 4:01
  normal
• 4:02
  to
• 4:02
  you.
• 4:02
  Yeah.
• 4:03
  Yeah.
• 4:03
  I
• 4:03
  don't
• 4:04
  know
• 4:04
  if
• 4:04
  you,
• 4:04
  you
• 4:05
  know,
• 4:05
  if
• 4:05
  you.
• 4:06
  Like
• 4:06
  you
• 4:06
  said,
• 4:06
  you
• 4:06
  experienced
• 4:07
  all
• 4:07
  these
• 4:07
  other
• 4:07
  people's
• 4:08
  houses.
• 4:08
  I
• 4:09
  had
• 4:09
  very
• 4:10
  few
• 4:10
  places
• 4:10
  that
• 4:11
  I
• 4:11
  went
• 4:11
  as
• 4:11
  a
• 4:11
  child,
• 4:12
  for
• 4:12
  one,
• 4:12
  because
• 4:13
  my
• 4:13
  dad
• 4:13
  was
• 4:13
  afraid
• 4:14
  to
• 4:14
  be
• 4:14
  left
• 4:14
  alone
• 4:14
  with
• 4:15
  my
• 4:15
  mother.
• 4:16
  So
• 4:16
  I
• 4:16
  was
• 4:16
  kind
• 4:16
  of
• 4:17
  like
• 4:17
  his.
• 4:18
  I
• 4:18
  don't
• 4:18
  want
• 4:18
  to
• 4:18
  say
• 4:18
  babysitter,
• 4:19
  but
• 4:19
  he.
• 4:20
  They
• 4:20
  were
• 4:20
  both
• 4:20
  alcoholics,
• 4:21
  but
• 4:21
  he
• 4:21
  was
• 4:22
  afraid
• 4:22
  to
• 4:23
  go
• 4:23
  to
• 4:23
  sleep
• 4:23
  with
• 4:24
  nobody
• 4:24
  else
• 4:24
  in
• 4:24
  the
• 4:24
  house
• 4:25
  because
• 4:25
  he
• 4:25
  was
• 4:25
  afraid
• 4:25
  that
• 4:26
  she
• 4:26
  would
• 4:26
  actually
• 4:26
  hurt
• 4:27
  him.
• 4:28
  And
• 4:29
  I
• 4:29
  didn't
• 4:29
  spend
• 4:29
  the
• 4:29
  night
• 4:30
  at
• 4:30
  friends's
• 4:30
  house,
• 4:30
  and
• 4:31
  if
• 4:31
  I
• 4:31
  did,
• 4:31
  it
• 4:32
  was
• 4:32
  my
• 4:33
  one
• 4:33
  good
• 4:34
  friend.
• 4:35
  We
• 4:35
  were
• 4:35
  good
• 4:35
  friends
• 4:36
  because
• 4:36
  we
• 4:36
  could.
• 4:36
  Our
• 4:37
  parents
• 4:37
  partied
• 4:37
  together.
• 4:38
  Yeah.
• 4:39
  So,
• 4:39
  yeah,
• 4:40
  you
• 4:40
  know,
• 4:41
  that
• 4:41
  was
• 4:41
  my.
• 4:41
  That's
• 4:42
  all
• 4:42
  I
• 4:42
  saw.
• 4:43
  Yeah.
• 4:44
  And,
• 4:45
  yeah,
• 4:45
  I
• 4:45
  mean,
• 4:46
  sometimes
• 4:46
  it's
• 4:46
  by
• 4:47
  design.
• 4:47
  You
• 4:48
  know,
• 4:48
  I.
• 4:48
  I
• 4:48
  think
• 4:49
  that
• 4:49
  we
• 4:50
  grew
• 4:50
  up
• 4:50
  in
• 4:50
  the
• 4:50
  suburbs
• 4:51
  in
• 4:52
  Boston,
• 4:52
  and,
• 4:53
  you
• 4:53
  know,
• 4:54
  we
• 4:54
  were.
• 4:55
  It
• 4:55
  was
• 4:55
  a
• 4:55
  very
• 4:55
  tight
• 4:56
  community
• 4:56
  in
• 4:57
  that,
• 4:57
  you
• 4:57
  know,
• 4:57
  we
• 4:58
  pretty
• 4:58
  much
• 4:58
  a
• 4:58
  lot
• 4:59
  of
• 4:59
  Irish
• 4:59
  Catholics
• 5:00
  in
• 5:00
  our
• 5:00
  neighborhood,
• 5:00
  and.
• 5:02
  And,
• 5:03
  you
• 5:03
  know,
• 5:03
  but
• 5:05
  we
• 5:05
  grew
• 5:05
  up
• 5:05
  in
• 5:05
  silence.
• 5:06
  You
• 5:06
  know,
• 5:06
  the
• 5:07
  kids.
• 5:07
  I
• 5:07
  have
• 5:07
  two
• 5:08
  brothers
• 5:08
  and
• 5:08
  a
• 5:08
  sister.
• 5:09
  And
• 5:10
  the
• 5:10
  house
• 5:11
  was
• 5:11
  very,
• 5:11
  very
• 5:11
  silent
• 5:12
  and
• 5:12
  quiet.
• 5:13
  And
• 5:13
  because
• 5:13
  it
• 5:13
  was
• 5:14
  so
• 5:14
  controlled
• 5:14
  and
• 5:15
  ordered,
• 5:15
  you
• 5:16
  know,
• 5:16
  that
• 5:17
  was
• 5:17
  by
• 5:17
  design.
• 5:18
  Right.
• 5:20
  And
• 5:20
  that
• 5:20
  was
• 5:20
  the
• 5:20
  other
• 5:21
  thing
• 5:21
  that,
• 5:21
  you
• 5:21
  know,
• 5:22
  there
• 5:22
  was
• 5:22
  so
• 5:22
  much
• 5:22
  life
• 5:23
  and
• 5:23
  in
• 5:23
  other
• 5:23
  people's
• 5:24
  homes
• 5:25
  and
• 5:25
  things
• 5:25
  that
• 5:26
  I
• 5:26
  visited
• 5:26
  later
• 5:26
  on
• 5:27
  that
• 5:27
  it
• 5:27
  was,
• 5:28
  you
• 5:28
  know,
• 5:28
  it
• 5:28
  was
• 5:29
  so
• 5:30
  contrasted,
• 5:30
  you
• 5:31
  know,
• 5:31
  the
• 5:31
  way
• 5:32
  I
• 5:32
  was
• 5:32
  brought
• 5:32
  up.
• 5:33
  It
• 5:33
  does
• 5:34
  a
• 5:34
  number
• 5:34
  on
• 5:34
  you.
• 5:35
  Oh,
• 5:36
  absolutely,
• 5:37
  absolutely.
• 5:38
  So
• 5:39
  talk
• 5:39
  about.
• 5:39
  Let's
• 5:39
  just
• 5:40
  talk
• 5:40
  about
• 5:40
  your
• 5:40
  version
• 5:41
  of
• 5:41
  forgiveness.
• 5:41
  I
• 5:42
  have
• 5:42
  a
• 5:42
  feeling
• 5:42
  we're
• 5:42
  going
• 5:42
  to
• 5:42
  have
• 5:43
  very
• 5:43
  same
• 5:44
  versions,
• 5:45
  only
• 5:45
  because
• 5:45
  I
• 5:46
  remember
• 5:46
  when
• 5:46
  people
• 5:46
  were
• 5:47
  talking
• 5:47
  to
• 5:47
  me
• 5:47
  about
• 5:48
  that
• 5:48
  Hawaiian
• 5:49
  Pono
• 5:49
  ono
• 5:49
  pono.
• 5:50
  I
• 5:50
  can't
• 5:50
  even
• 5:50
  say
• 5:50
  it.
• 5:51
  Like,
• 5:51
  I
• 5:51
  can't
• 5:51
  say
• 5:51
  the
• 5:52
  word.
• 5:52
  But,
• 5:52
  yeah,
• 5:53
  I
• 5:54
  was
• 5:54
  like,
• 5:54
  no,
• 5:55
  no,
• 5:56
  like,
• 5:56
  there,
• 5:57
  you
• 5:57
  know,
• 5:57
  like,
• 5:57
  I
• 5:58
  don't
• 5:58
  know.
• 5:58
  To
• 5:58
  me,
• 5:59
  it
• 5:59
  had
• 5:59
  a
• 5:59
  totally
• 6:00
  different
• 6:00
  meaning.
• 6:01
  So
• 6:01
  talk
• 6:01
  about
• 6:02
  what
• 6:02
  you
• 6:02
  feel
• 6:02
  that
• 6:03
  forgiveness
• 6:03
  is.
• 6:04
  So
• 6:04
  I
• 6:05
  think,
• 6:05
  you
• 6:06
  know,
• 6:08
  what
• 6:09
  I
• 6:09
  just.
• 6:09
  What
• 6:09
  I
• 6:09
  just
• 6:10
  said
• 6:10
  is,
• 6:10
  you
• 6:10
  know,
• 6:11
  one
• 6:11
  of
• 6:11
  the
• 6:11
  problems
• 6:12
  with
• 6:12
  standard
• 6:13
  forgiveness
• 6:15
  narratives
• 6:17
  is
• 6:17
  that
• 6:17
  what
• 6:17
  do
• 6:18
  you
• 6:18
  do?
• 6:18
  You
• 6:18
  know,
• 6:18
  you.
• 6:19
  You
• 6:19
  ask
• 6:19
  yourself
• 6:20
  these
• 6:20
  questions.
• 6:21
  What
• 6:21
  do
• 6:21
  you
• 6:21
  do
• 6:21
  if
• 6:21
  the
• 6:21
  person
• 6:22
  isn't
• 6:22
  around
• 6:22
  anymore?
• 6:23
  Like,
• 6:23
  what
• 6:23
  if
• 6:23
  the.
• 6:24
  The
• 6:24
  person
• 6:24
  that
• 6:24
  abused
• 6:25
  you
• 6:25
  or
• 6:25
  the
• 6:25
  people,
• 6:26
  you
• 6:27
  know,
• 6:27
  they
• 6:27
  died?
• 6:28
  What
• 6:29
  if
• 6:29
  they're
• 6:29
  not
• 6:29
  receptive
• 6:30
  to
• 6:30
  your,
• 6:30
  you
• 6:31
  know,
• 6:32
  to
• 6:32
  your
• 6:34
  reaching
• 6:35
  out
• 6:35
  to
• 6:35
  them.
• 6:35
  Is
• 6:36
  it
• 6:36
  talking,
• 6:36
  you
• 6:36
  know,
• 6:36
  talking
• 6:37
  about
• 6:37
  it
• 6:37
  and
• 6:37
  settling
• 6:38
  a
• 6:38
  score
• 6:38
  or,
• 6:39
  you
• 6:40
  know,
• 6:40
  kind
• 6:40
  of
• 6:41
  calming
• 6:42
  things
• 6:42
  down?
• 6:43
  What
• 6:43
  if
• 6:43
  they're
• 6:43
  not
• 6:43
  receptive
• 6:44
  to
• 6:44
  that?
• 6:44
  You
• 6:45
  know,
• 6:45
  so
• 6:45
  where
• 6:46
  does
• 6:46
  that
• 6:46
  leave
• 6:46
  you
• 6:47
  in
• 6:47
  terms
• 6:47
  of.
• 6:51
  If
• 6:51
  you,
• 6:51
  if
• 6:51
  you
• 6:52
  know
• 6:53
  the
• 6:53
  old
• 6:53
  definition,
• 6:54
  if
• 6:54
  you
• 6:54
  choose
• 6:55
  to
• 6:55
  forgive,
• 6:55
  then
• 6:56
  you're
• 6:56
  the
• 6:56
  one
• 6:56
  that's.
• 6:57
  That's,
• 6:57
  you
• 6:57
  know,
• 6:57
  given
• 6:58
  the
• 6:58
  energy
• 6:58
  to
• 6:58
  the
• 6:59
  other
• 6:59
  person.
• 7:00
  Right.
• 7:00
  To
• 7:00
  the
• 7:01
  person
• 7:01
  that
• 7:01
  abused
• 7:01
  you
• 7:03
  or
• 7:03
  the,
• 7:03
  you
• 7:03
  know,
• 7:04
  and,
• 7:05
  and
• 7:05
  it
• 7:05
  didn't
• 7:06
  make
• 7:06
  any
• 7:06
  sense
• 7:06
  to
• 7:07
  me.
• 7:09
  And,
• 7:10
  you
• 7:10
  know,
• 7:11
  in.
• 7:12
  In.
• 7:12
  In,
• 7:13
  you
• 7:13
  know,
• 7:13
  in
• 7:13
  aa,
• 7:14
  too,
• 7:14
  when
• 7:14
  I
• 7:14
  got
• 7:14
  to
• 7:15
  that
• 7:15
  point,
• 7:15
  it
• 7:15
  was
• 7:16
  all
• 7:16
  the
• 7:16
  same
• 7:16
  stuff.
• 7:17
  Like,
• 7:17
  people
• 7:18
  didn't
• 7:18
  understand
• 7:18
  that
• 7:19
  it
• 7:19
  wasn't
• 7:20
  about,
• 7:21
  you
• 7:22
  know,
• 7:23
  the.
• 7:23
  The
• 7:24
  abuser
• 7:24
  put
• 7:24
  the
• 7:25
  hook
• 7:25
  in
• 7:25
  you.
• 7:25
  That's.
• 7:26
  That's
• 7:26
  how
• 7:26
  I
• 7:26
  like
• 7:26
  to
• 7:27
  say
• 7:27
  it.
• 7:28
  And
• 7:28
  that
• 7:28
  hook
• 7:29
  stays
• 7:29
  with
• 7:29
  you
• 7:30
  until
• 7:30
  you
• 7:30
  do
• 7:31
  something
• 7:31
  about
• 7:31
  it.
• 7:32
  You
• 7:32
  can't
• 7:32
  do
• 7:32
  anything
• 7:33
  about
• 7:33
  it
• 7:33
  if
• 7:33
  the
• 7:33
  person
• 7:34
  is
• 7:34
  not
• 7:34
  around
• 7:34
  anymore
• 7:35
  or
• 7:35
  refuses
• 7:36
  to,
• 7:36
  you
• 7:37
  know,
• 7:37
  come,
• 7:38
  you
• 7:38
  know,
• 7:38
  come
• 7:39
  to
• 7:39
  a
• 7:40
  kind
• 7:40
  of
• 7:40
  a
• 7:40
  reproach
• 7:41
  moment
• 7:41
  with
• 7:42
  you
• 7:42
  or,
• 7:43
  you
• 7:43
  know,
• 7:43
  there's
• 7:43
  so.
• 7:44
  And
• 7:44
  it's
• 7:44
  always
• 7:44
  about
• 7:45
  the
• 7:45
  other
• 7:45
  person.
• 7:46
  So,
• 7:47
  you
• 7:47
  know,
• 7:48
  to
• 7:49
  be
• 7:49
  really
• 7:49
  proactive
• 7:50
  about
• 7:50
  your
• 7:51
  own,
• 7:51
  you
• 7:51
  know,
• 7:52
  your
• 7:52
  own
• 7:52
  development
• 7:53
  is
• 7:54
  to
• 7:54
  remove
• 7:55
  the
• 7:55
  hook
• 7:55
  by
• 7:55
  yourself.
• 7:56
  You
• 7:57
  know,
• 7:57
  just
• 7:57
  take
• 7:57
  it
• 7:57
  out
• 7:58
  and,
• 7:59
  you
• 8:00
  know,
• 8:00
  kind
• 8:00
  of
• 8:00
  knock
• 8:01
  that
• 8:01
  bridge
• 8:01
  down
• 8:01
  to
• 8:02
  the
• 8:02
  past.
• 8:02
  So
• 8:03
  there.
• 8:03
  There's
• 8:03
  a
• 8:03
  lot
• 8:03
  of,
• 8:05
  you
• 8:05
  know,
• 8:05
  to
• 8:05
  me,
• 8:06
  there's
• 8:06
  a
• 8:06
  lot
• 8:06
  of
• 8:06
  living
• 8:07
  in
• 8:08
  the
• 8:08
  present
• 8:08
  moment.
• 8:08
  Like,
• 8:09
  Eckhart
• 8:09
  Tolle
• 8:10
  talks
• 8:10
  so
• 8:10
  much
• 8:10
  about
• 8:11
  the
• 8:11
  present
• 8:12
  moment
• 8:12
  and,
• 8:13
  and
• 8:13
  not
• 8:13
  that
• 8:13
  the
• 8:14
  past
• 8:14
  doesn't
• 8:14
  mean
• 8:15
  anything
• 8:16
  or
• 8:16
  that
• 8:16
  it
• 8:16
  hasn't
• 8:17
  influenced
• 8:17
  you.
• 8:18
  It's
• 8:18
  just
• 8:18
  that
• 8:18
  you
• 8:18
  refuse
• 8:19
  to
• 8:19
  let
• 8:19
  it
• 8:20
  control
• 8:20
  your
• 8:20
  life,
• 8:21
  you
• 8:22
  know?
• 8:23
  Absolutely.
• 8:23
  And
• 8:23
  I
• 8:23
  think
• 8:24
  that's
• 8:24
  the
• 8:24
  key
• 8:24
  right
• 8:24
  there.
• 8:24
  And
• 8:25
  I
• 8:25
  think
• 8:25
  that's
• 8:25
  the
• 8:25
  whole
• 8:26
  key
• 8:26
  with
• 8:26
  forgiveness
• 8:27
  is.
• 8:27
  Yeah,
• 8:27
  as
• 8:28
  long
• 8:28
  as.
• 8:29
  As
• 8:29
  long
• 8:29
  as
• 8:30
  you're
• 8:30
  holding
• 8:30
  on
• 8:31
  to
• 8:31
  all
• 8:31
  of
• 8:32
  the
• 8:32
  emotional
• 8:32
  charge
• 8:33
  that
• 8:34
  that
• 8:34
  has,
• 8:35
  you
• 8:35
  can't
• 8:36
  live
• 8:36
  a
• 8:36
  happy
• 8:37
  life.
• 8:37
  You're
• 8:37
  letting.
• 8:38
  And
• 8:38
  I
• 8:38
  say,
• 8:39
  you
• 8:39
  know,
• 8:39
  it's
• 8:39
  like
• 8:39
  people
• 8:40
  say
• 8:40
  to
• 8:40
  me,
• 8:40
  well,
• 8:40
  did
• 8:40
  you
• 8:41
  ever
• 8:41
  forgive
• 8:41
  your
• 8:41
  mother?
• 8:42
  I'm
• 8:42
  like,
• 8:42
  I
• 8:42
  let
• 8:43
  go
• 8:43
  of
• 8:43
  anything
• 8:44
  that,
• 8:45
  you
• 8:45
  know,
• 8:45
  it's.
• 8:46
  I
• 8:46
  let
• 8:46
  go
• 8:47
  of
• 8:47
  that
• 8:47
  anger
• 8:47
  and
• 8:48
  that
• 8:48
  hatred
• 8:48
  and
• 8:49
  that,
• 8:49
  you
• 8:49
  know,
• 8:50
  that
• 8:50
  guilt
• 8:51
  of.
• 8:51
  She's
• 8:51
  your
• 8:52
  mom.
• 8:52
  You
• 8:52
  should,
• 8:53
  you
• 8:53
  know,
• 8:53
  be
• 8:53
  blank.
• 8:54
  She's
• 8:54
  your,
• 8:54
  you
• 8:54
  know,
• 8:55
  I.
• 8:55
  I
• 8:55
  don't
• 8:55
  know
• 8:55
  how
• 8:55
  many
• 8:56
  thousands
• 8:56
  of
• 8:56
  times
• 8:56
  I
• 8:57
  heard
• 8:57
  it.
• 8:57
  You
• 8:57
  can't
• 8:58
  think
• 8:58
  that
• 8:58
  she's
• 8:58
  your
• 8:59
  mom.
• 8:59
  You
• 8:59
  can't
• 8:59
  do
• 9:00
  that.
• 9:00
  She's
• 9:00
  your
• 9:00
  mom.
• 9:01
  And.
• 9:02
  Or,
• 9:02
  you
• 9:02
  know,
• 9:02
  you
• 9:03
  have
• 9:03
  to
• 9:03
  forgive
• 9:03
  her.
• 9:03
  Like,
• 9:04
  even
• 9:04
  when
• 9:04
  I
• 9:04
  was
• 9:04
  older
• 9:05
  and
• 9:05
  I
• 9:05
  was.
• 9:05
  I
• 9:06
  mean,
• 9:06
  my
• 9:06
  mom
• 9:06
  actually
• 9:06
  passed
• 9:07
  when.
• 9:07
  When
• 9:07
  I
• 9:07
  was
• 9:08
  17.
• 9:09
  Oh,
• 9:10
  wow.
• 9:11
  And
• 9:11
  she.
• 9:11
  She
• 9:12
  passed
• 9:13
  at
• 9:13
  42
• 9:14
  with
• 9:15
  cirrhosis
• 9:15
  of
• 9:15
  the
• 9:15
  liver.
• 9:16
  Yeah.
• 9:17
  And.
• 9:17
  But
• 9:17
  it
• 9:17
  wasn't
• 9:18
  a
• 9:18
  year
• 9:18
  before
• 9:18
  she
• 9:19
  was
• 9:19
  passed
• 9:20
  that
• 9:20
  she
• 9:20
  was
• 9:20
  pimping
• 9:21
  me
• 9:21
  out
• 9:21
  to
• 9:21
  her
• 9:21
  drug
• 9:21
  dealers.
• 9:22
  So
• 9:22
  people
• 9:22
  are
• 9:22
  like,
• 9:23
  you
• 9:23
  can't
• 9:24
  still,
• 9:24
  you
• 9:24
  can't
• 9:25
  be
• 9:25
  mad
• 9:25
  at
• 9:25
  her.
• 9:25
  She's
• 9:26
  your
• 9:26
  mom.
• 9:26
  I'm
• 9:26
  like,
• 9:26
  what
• 9:26
  are
• 9:27
  you
• 9:27
  talking
• 9:27
  about?
• 9:28
  Like,
• 9:29
  that's
• 9:29
  insane.
• 9:29
  Right?
• 9:30
  It's
• 9:30
  like
• 9:30
  this
• 9:31
  magic
• 9:31
  word
• 9:32
  that
• 9:32
  erases
• 9:33
  everything
• 9:33
  that,
• 9:34
  you
• 9:34
  know.
• 9:34
  And
• 9:34
  the
• 9:35
  people
• 9:36
  that.
• 9:36
  That's
• 9:37
  leveled
• 9:37
  by
• 9:38
  people
• 9:38
  who
• 9:39
  probably
• 9:40
  haven't
• 9:40
  been
• 9:40
  through,
• 9:42
  you
• 9:42
  know,
• 9:42
  an
• 9:42
  abusive
• 9:43
  situation
• 9:43
  or
• 9:44
  traumatic
• 9:45
  situation,
• 9:45
  like
• 9:46
  you
• 9:46
  have,
• 9:46
  you
• 9:47
  know,
• 9:47
  that's
• 9:47
  what
• 9:47
  I
• 9:48
  mean
• 9:48
  by
• 9:48
  like
• 9:49
  the
• 9:49
  standard
• 9:49
  definition
• 9:50
  of
• 9:50
  forgiveness.
• 9:50
  Everybody
• 9:51
  just
• 9:51
  thinks
• 9:51
  the
• 9:51
  same
• 9:52
  thing.
• 9:52
  You
• 9:53
  know,
• 9:54
  that's
• 9:54
  just
• 9:54
  the
• 9:55
  way
• 9:55
  it
• 9:55
  should
• 9:55
  be.
• 9:55
  And,
• 9:56
  and
• 9:56
  you
• 9:57
  know,
• 9:57
  to
• 9:57
  reframe
• 9:58
  it
• 9:59
  the
• 9:59
  way
• 10:00
  that
• 10:00
  I'm
• 10:00
  trying
• 10:00
  to
• 10:01
  do
• 10:02
  it
• 10:02
  help.
• 10:02
  I
• 10:03
  know
• 10:03
  that
• 10:03
  it
• 10:03
  helped
• 10:03
  me
• 10:04
  out
• 10:04
  a
• 10:04
  lot,
• 10:05
  you
• 10:05
  know,
• 10:05
  and
• 10:06
  it
• 10:06
  was.
• 10:06
  And
• 10:06
  you
• 10:07
  said
• 10:07
  a
• 10:08
  really,
• 10:08
  you
• 10:08
  know,
• 10:09
  great
• 10:09
  word,
• 10:09
  which
• 10:09
  is
• 10:10
  let
• 10:10
  go.
• 10:11
  And
• 10:12
  that
• 10:12
  means
• 10:13
  that
• 10:13
  letting.
• 10:13
  Letting
• 10:14
  go
• 10:14
  is
• 10:14
  taking
• 10:14
  the
• 10:15
  hook
• 10:15
  out
• 10:15
  of
• 10:15
  yourself.
• 10:16
  That.
• 10:16
  That
• 10:16
  means
• 10:17
  that
• 10:17
  you
• 10:17
  have
• 10:17
  done
• 10:18
  that.
• 10:18
  Right.
• 10:19
  And
• 10:20
  so
• 10:20
  that
• 10:21
  doesn't
• 10:21
  affect
• 10:21
  you
• 10:22
  from.
• 10:23
  From
• 10:23
  really
• 10:23
  from
• 10:24
  then
• 10:24
  on.
• 10:26
  And
• 10:26
  that's
• 10:27
  the
• 10:27
  most
• 10:27
  freeing
• 10:27
  thing
• 10:28
  that
• 10:28
  you
• 10:28
  can
• 10:28
  do.
• 10:29
  It's,
• 10:29
  you
• 10:29
  know,
• 10:29
  that's.
• 10:29
  And
• 10:30
  it
• 10:30
  is
• 10:30
  radical
• 10:31
  self
• 10:31
  liberation
• 10:32
  is
• 10:32
  because
• 10:33
  you.
• 10:34
  If
• 10:34
  you're
• 10:34
  able
• 10:35
  to.
• 10:35
  To
• 10:35
  do
• 10:36
  that,
• 10:37
  it's
• 10:37
  not
• 10:37
  an
• 10:38
  influence
• 10:38
  on
• 10:38
  you
• 10:38
  anymore.
• 10:39
  And
• 10:39
  you
• 10:39
  can
• 10:39
  develop
• 10:40
  yourself,
• 10:40
  you
• 10:41
  know,
• 10:41
  progress
• 10:41
  yourself.
• 10:44
  And,
• 10:44
  you
• 10:45
  know,
• 10:45
  that's.
• 10:45
  That's
• 10:46
  so,
• 10:46
  you
• 10:46
  know,
• 10:46
  that's
• 10:47
  so
• 10:47
  valuable.
• 10:48
  I
• 10:48
  mean,
• 10:48
  that's
• 10:48
  the
• 10:49
  goal.
• 10:49
  Really.
• 10:50
  Absolutely.
• 10:52
  And
• 10:52
  you
• 10:52
  know,
• 10:53
  the
• 10:53
  other
• 10:53
  thing
• 10:53
  too,
• 10:53
  about
• 10:54
  forgiveness
• 10:54
  is
• 10:54
  that
• 10:56
  you
• 10:56
  don't,
• 10:56
  you
• 10:57
  know,
• 10:57
  under
• 10:57
  the
• 10:58
  old
• 10:58
  way
• 10:58
  of
• 10:59
  forgiving,
• 10:59
  you
• 10:59
  don't
• 10:59
  really
• 11:00
  let
• 11:00
  it
• 11:00
  go,
• 11:00
  you
• 11:01
  know,
• 11:01
  you.
• 11:03
  Because
• 11:03
  that.
• 11:03
  That
• 11:04
  kind
• 11:04
  of.
• 11:05
  I
• 11:05
  don't
• 11:06
  want
• 11:06
  to
• 11:06
  get
• 11:06
  too
• 11:06
  woo.
• 11:06
  But
• 11:07
  that.
• 11:07
  That,
• 11:08
  you
• 11:08
  know,
• 11:08
  energy
• 11:09
  still
• 11:09
  exists
• 11:10
  between
• 11:10
  you
• 11:10
  and
• 11:11
  that.
• 11:11
  That
• 11:11
  person
• 11:12
  that
• 11:12
  did
• 11:12
  these
• 11:12
  horrible
• 11:13
  things
• 11:13
  to
• 11:14
  you.
• 11:15
  And,
• 11:16
  you
• 11:16
  know,
• 11:16
  it.
• 11:17
  It's
• 11:18
  really.
• 11:18
  It's
• 11:19
  bad
• 11:19
  energy
• 11:19
  and
• 11:20
  it's
• 11:20
  still
• 11:20
  there.
• 11:21
  And,
• 11:21
  and
• 11:21
  no
• 11:21
  matter
• 11:22
  what.
• 11:23
  And
• 11:23
  you
• 11:23
  can
• 11:24
  always
• 11:24
  relapse.
• 11:25
  You
• 11:25
  know,
• 11:25
  I
• 11:25
  mean,
• 11:25
  it's
• 11:26
  kind
• 11:26
  of
• 11:26
  like
• 11:26
  an
• 11:26
  addiction
• 11:27
  you
• 11:27
  could
• 11:27
  relapse
• 11:28
  and
• 11:28
  hate
• 11:28
  that
• 11:29
  for.
• 11:29
  Wake
• 11:29
  up
• 11:29
  one
• 11:30
  day
• 11:30
  and
• 11:31
  say,
• 11:31
  you
• 11:31
  know,
• 11:31
  I'm
• 11:31
  not
• 11:31
  forgiving
• 11:32
  you
• 11:32
  anymore.
• 11:33
  Right.
• 11:34
  So
• 11:34
  I
• 11:34
  take
• 11:35
  it
• 11:35
  back
• 11:35
  and.
• 11:36
  And,
• 11:36
  you
• 11:36
  know,
• 11:36
  you
• 11:37
  just
• 11:37
  land
• 11:37
  back
• 11:37
  to
• 11:38
  where
• 11:38
  you
• 11:38
  started
• 11:38
  again.
• 11:40
  Well,
• 11:41
  and
• 11:41
  it's
• 11:41
  interesting,
• 11:41
  you
• 11:42
  know,
• 11:42
  it's
• 11:42
  Funny
• 11:42
  that
• 11:42
  you
• 11:42
  mentioned
• 11:43
  the
• 11:43
  fact
• 11:43
  of
• 11:44
  the.
• 11:44
  What
• 11:45
  do
• 11:45
  you
• 11:45
  do
• 11:45
  when
• 11:45
  that
• 11:45
  person
• 11:46
  is
• 11:46
  no
• 11:46
  longer
• 11:46
  there?
• 11:47
  I
• 11:47
  mean,
• 11:47
  I
• 11:47
  look
• 11:47
  at
• 11:48
  the
• 11:48
  people
• 11:48
  that
• 11:48
  abused
• 11:49
  me
• 11:49
  or,
• 11:50
  or
• 11:50
  did
• 11:50
  me
• 11:50
  wrong,
• 11:51
  and
• 11:52
  first
• 11:52
  of
• 11:53
  all,
• 11:53
  half
• 11:53
  of
• 11:53
  them
• 11:54
  didn't
• 11:54
  even
• 11:55
  care.
• 11:55
  I
• 11:55
  mean,
• 11:55
  they
• 11:55
  didn't
• 11:55
  care.
• 11:56
  They
• 11:56
  weren't
• 11:57
  looking
• 11:57
  for
• 11:57
  forgiveness.
• 11:58
  So,
• 11:59
  like,
• 11:59
  my
• 11:59
  thinking
• 11:59
  was,
• 12:00
  why
• 12:00
  should
• 12:00
  I
• 12:01
  spend
• 12:01
  so
• 12:01
  much
• 12:01
  time
• 12:02
  and
• 12:02
  energy
• 12:02
  making
• 12:03
  this
• 12:03
  person
• 12:03
  feel
• 12:04
  okay
• 12:04
  about
• 12:04
  it
• 12:05
  when
• 12:05
  they
• 12:05
  could
• 12:06
  care
• 12:06
  less?
• 12:06
  Like,
• 12:06
  they
• 12:07
  don't.
• 12:07
  They're
• 12:07
  not
• 12:07
  asking
• 12:08
  forgiveness.
• 12:08
  I'm.
• 12:09
  I
• 12:09
  remember
• 12:09
  talking
• 12:10
  to
• 12:10
  one
• 12:10
  person
• 12:10
  and
• 12:11
  I
• 12:11
  said,
• 12:11
  when's
• 12:12
  the
• 12:12
  last
• 12:12
  time
• 12:12
  somebody
• 12:13
  that
• 12:13
  abused
• 12:13
  you
• 12:14
  came
• 12:14
  and
• 12:14
  said,
• 12:15
  will
• 12:15
  you.
• 12:15
  Will
• 12:15
  you
• 12:16
  forgive
• 12:16
  me?
• 12:17
  Very
• 12:17
  seldom.
• 12:18
  I
• 12:19
  mean,
• 12:19
  sometimes
• 12:20
  it
• 12:20
  happens.
• 12:20
  A
• 12:20
  lot
• 12:20
  of
• 12:21
  times
• 12:21
  with
• 12:21
  a
• 12:21
  parent,
• 12:22
  you
• 12:22
  know,
• 12:22
  on
• 12:22
  their
• 12:23
  deathbed
• 12:24
  will
• 12:24
  be
• 12:24
  like,
• 12:25
  let's.
• 12:25
  Can
• 12:25
  you
• 12:26
  forgive
• 12:26
  me?
• 12:27
  Well,
• 12:27
  that's.
• 12:28
  Again,
• 12:29
  that's
• 12:29
  about
• 12:29
  them.
• 12:30
  That's
• 12:30
  wanting,
• 12:30
  right,
• 12:31
  Those
• 12:31
  superficial
• 12:32
  words
• 12:33
  so
• 12:33
  that
• 12:33
  they
• 12:33
  think
• 12:34
  they
• 12:34
  have
• 12:34
  a
• 12:34
  place
• 12:34
  in
• 12:34
  heaven,
• 12:35
  literally.
• 12:36
  That's.
• 12:37
  Yeah.
• 12:37
  You
• 12:37
  know,
• 12:38
  that's.
• 12:39
  That
• 12:39
  is
• 12:40
  like,
• 12:41
  that
• 12:41
  hits
• 12:42
  home.
• 12:43
  My.
• 12:44
  My
• 12:44
  dad,
• 12:45
  when
• 12:45
  he
• 12:45
  was.
• 12:46
  He
• 12:46
  was
• 12:46
  a
• 12:46
  doctor
• 12:47
  and
• 12:47
  he
• 12:47
  never
• 12:47
  drank
• 12:48
  it.
• 12:48
  I
• 12:48
  don't
• 12:49
  think
• 12:49
  he
• 12:49
  drank
• 12:49
  a
• 12:49
  day
• 12:49
  in
• 12:49
  his
• 12:50
  life.
• 12:50
  And,
• 12:50
  you
• 12:50
  know,
• 12:50
  he
• 12:51
  had
• 12:51
  no
• 12:51
  substance
• 12:52
  abuse
• 12:52
  problems,
• 12:53
  but
• 12:54
  when
• 12:54
  he
• 12:54
  was
• 12:54
  in
• 12:55
  medical
• 12:56
  school,
• 12:56
  he
• 12:57
  pricked
• 12:57
  his
• 12:57
  finger
• 12:58
  with
• 12:58
  a
• 12:59
  tainted
• 12:59
  needle
• 13:00
  and
• 13:00
  it
• 13:00
  was
• 13:00
  hepatitis.
• 13:01
  And
• 13:02
  back
• 13:02
  then,
• 13:02
  this
• 13:02
  was
• 13:02
  in
• 13:03
  the
• 13:03
  80s,
• 13:03
  they
• 13:03
  didn't
• 13:04
  really
• 13:04
  have,
• 13:05
  you
• 13:06
  know,
• 13:06
  they.
• 13:07
  That
• 13:08
  type
• 13:08
  of
• 13:09
  hepatitis
• 13:10
  just
• 13:10
  kind
• 13:10
  of
• 13:10
  eats
• 13:11
  slowly
• 13:11
  eats
• 13:12
  away
• 13:12
  at
• 13:12
  your
• 13:12
  liver
• 13:13
  and.
• 13:13
  Right.
• 13:14
  So
• 13:14
  they
• 13:14
  went
• 13:15
  in
• 13:15
  to
• 13:15
  do
• 13:15
  a
• 13:15
  gallbladder
• 13:16
  operation.
• 13:16
  His
• 13:16
  liver
• 13:17
  was
• 13:17
  gone
• 13:17
  pretty
• 13:18
  much,
• 13:18
  and
• 13:18
  they
• 13:18
  didn't
• 13:18
  have
• 13:18
  a
• 13:19
  transplant,
• 13:20
  you
• 13:20
  know,
• 13:20
  things
• 13:20
  back
• 13:21
  then.
• 13:21
  So
• 13:21
  he
• 13:21
  just.
• 13:21
  He
• 13:22
  passed
• 13:22
  away.
• 13:24
  But
• 13:24
  on
• 13:24
  the
• 13:24
  day
• 13:24
  that
• 13:25
  he
• 13:25
  died,
• 13:25
  we
• 13:26
  were
• 13:26
  all
• 13:26
  at
• 13:26
  the
• 13:26
  hospital
• 13:28
  and,
• 13:28
  you
• 13:28
  know,
• 13:29
  his
• 13:29
  mom
• 13:29
  was.
• 13:30
  My
• 13:30
  grandmother
• 13:31
  was
• 13:31
  alive
• 13:31
  and
• 13:31
  his
• 13:32
  sister,
• 13:33
  my
• 13:33
  mom
• 13:34
  and
• 13:35
  our
• 13:35
  whole
• 13:35
  family
• 13:35
  and
• 13:36
  a
• 13:36
  couple
• 13:36
  of
• 13:36
  friends
• 13:36
  were
• 13:37
  all
• 13:37
  at
• 13:37
  the
• 13:37
  hospital.
• 13:38
  And
• 13:39
  he
• 13:39
  called
• 13:39
  me.
• 13:41
  He.
• 13:41
  He
• 13:41
  told
• 13:42
  the
• 13:42
  nurse
• 13:42
  that
• 13:42
  he.
• 13:42
  He
• 13:42
  wanted
• 13:43
  to
• 13:43
  see
• 13:43
  me.
• 13:43
  So
• 13:44
  I
• 13:44
  went
• 13:44
  in
• 13:44
  to
• 13:44
  his
• 13:45
  room
• 13:46
  and
• 13:47
  he
• 13:47
  was
• 13:47
  a
• 13:48
  very
• 13:48
  handsome
• 13:48
  guy.
• 13:49
  You
• 13:49
  know,
• 13:49
  he
• 13:49
  was
• 13:50
  very
• 13:50
  distinguished
• 13:51
  looking
• 13:51
  and.
• 13:52
  And
• 13:53
  he
• 13:53
  didn't
• 13:53
  look
• 13:54
  like
• 13:54
  he
• 13:54
  was
• 13:54
  dying
• 13:54
  at
• 13:54
  all,
• 13:55
  you
• 13:55
  know,
• 13:56
  but
• 13:56
  he
• 13:56
  knew
• 13:57
  he
• 13:57
  was
• 13:57
  and
• 13:57
  we
• 13:57
  knew
• 13:58
  he
• 13:58
  was.
• 13:58
  The
• 13:59
  doctor
• 13:59
  told
• 13:59
  us
• 13:59
  that.
• 14:00
  So
• 14:01
  he
• 14:01
  had
• 14:02
  this.
• 14:02
  And
• 14:02
  then
• 14:02
  he
• 14:02
  got
• 14:02
  this
• 14:03
  panic
• 14:03
  look
• 14:03
  in
• 14:04
  his
• 14:04
  eye
• 14:04
  and.
• 14:05
  And
• 14:05
  said,
• 14:06
  I
• 14:07
  love
• 14:07
  you.
• 14:08
  And
• 14:08
  it's
• 14:08
  the
• 14:08
  first
• 14:09
  time
• 14:09
  he
• 14:09
  ever
• 14:09
  said
• 14:10
  that
• 14:10
  to
• 14:10
  me.
• 14:10
  I
• 14:10
  never
• 14:11
  heard
• 14:11
  those
• 14:11
  words
• 14:11
  come
• 14:12
  from
• 14:12
  his
• 14:12
  mouth.
• 14:13
  And
• 14:14
  he
• 14:14
  said,
• 14:15
  come
• 14:15
  over
• 14:16
  here
• 14:16
  and
• 14:16
  kiss
• 14:16
  me
• 14:17
  and
• 14:17
  please
• 14:17
  tell
• 14:17
  me
• 14:17
  that
• 14:18
  you
• 14:18
  love
• 14:18
  me.
• 14:18
  And
• 14:18
  that
• 14:19
  was
• 14:19
  that.
• 14:19
  That
• 14:20
  was
• 14:20
  for
• 14:21
  him
• 14:21
  because
• 14:22
  he
• 14:22
  knew
• 14:22
  he
• 14:22
  was
• 14:23
  dying
• 14:23
  and
• 14:23
  he
• 14:24
  wanted
• 14:24
  to,
• 14:24
  you
• 14:24
  know,
• 14:25
  he
• 14:25
  wanted
• 14:25
  to
• 14:25
  get
• 14:25
  out
• 14:25
  of
• 14:26
  that
• 14:26
  foxhole
• 14:26
  and
• 14:27
  go
• 14:27
  to
• 14:27
  heaven.
• 14:28
  Right?
• 14:28
  You
• 14:28
  know,
• 14:28
  that
• 14:29
  wasn't
• 14:29
  for
• 14:29
  me
• 14:30
  because
• 14:30
  I
• 14:30
  did,
• 14:31
  you
• 14:31
  know,
• 14:31
  I,
• 14:32
  I,
• 14:33
  you
• 14:33
  know,
• 14:33
  I
• 14:33
  kissed
• 14:33
  him
• 14:34
  on
• 14:34
  his
• 14:34
  cheek
• 14:35
  again.
• 14:35
  The
• 14:35
  first
• 14:35
  time
• 14:36
  that
• 14:36
  I
• 14:36
  ever
• 14:36
  had
• 14:36
  any
• 14:37
  physical
• 14:37
  contact
• 14:38
  with
• 14:38
  him
• 14:38
  other
• 14:38
  than,
• 14:39
  you
• 14:40
  know,
• 14:41
  a
• 14:41
  shove
• 14:41
  or
• 14:41
  a
• 14:42
  slap
• 14:42
  or,
• 14:42
  you
• 14:43
  know,
• 14:43
  that,
• 14:44
  that
• 14:44
  type
• 14:44
  of
• 14:45
  thing.
• 14:46
  And
• 14:46
  then
• 14:46
  it
• 14:46
  was
• 14:46
  over.
• 14:47
  You
• 14:48
  know,
• 14:48
  for
• 14:49
  him,
• 14:49
  it
• 14:49
  was
• 14:49
  over.
• 14:49
  It
• 14:50
  was
• 14:50
  like,
• 14:50
  okay,
• 14:50
  now
• 14:50
  go
• 14:51
  get
• 14:51
  your
• 14:51
  mother.
• 14:52
  You
• 14:52
  know,
• 14:52
  it
• 14:52
  was
• 14:52
  pretty
• 14:53
  obvious
• 14:53
  to
• 14:53
  me
• 14:53
  what
• 14:54
  that
• 14:54
  was
• 14:54
  all
• 14:54
  about.
• 14:55
  Right?
• 14:57
  And
• 14:57
  that
• 14:57
  you,
• 14:57
  so
• 14:58
  you're
• 14:58
  right.
• 14:58
  You're
• 14:58
  right.
• 14:59
  It's
• 14:59
  always,
• 14:59
  always,
• 15:00
  always
• 15:00
  about,
• 15:01
  you
• 15:01
  know,
• 15:01
  I
• 15:01
  love
• 15:02
  the
• 15:02
  story
• 15:03
  about
• 15:06
  Nelson
• 15:06
  Mandela.
• 15:07
  When
• 15:07
  he,
• 15:08
  he
• 15:08
  got
• 15:08
  out
• 15:08
  of
• 15:08
  jail
• 15:09
  and
• 15:09
  became
• 15:09
  president,
• 15:10
  he
• 15:10
  ran
• 15:10
  into
• 15:10
  one
• 15:10
  of
• 15:11
  his
• 15:11
  old
• 15:11
  cellmates
• 15:13
  and
• 15:13
  they,
• 15:14
  you
• 15:14
  know,
• 15:14
  they,
• 15:14
  they
• 15:14
  talked
• 15:15
  a
• 15:15
  little
• 15:15
  bit.
• 15:15
  And
• 15:16
  so
• 15:16
  Mandela
• 15:17
  says
• 15:17
  to
• 15:17
  him,
• 15:18
  have
• 15:18
  you
• 15:18
  forgiven
• 15:19
  our
• 15:19
  jailers?
• 15:20
  And
• 15:20
  the
• 15:20
  other
• 15:21
  guy
• 15:21
  says,
• 15:22
  I
• 15:22
  will
• 15:22
  never
• 15:23
  do
• 15:23
  that.
• 15:23
  How
• 15:24
  could
• 15:24
  you
• 15:24
  say,
• 15:24
  how
• 15:24
  could
• 15:25
  you
• 15:25
  even
• 15:25
  say
• 15:25
  that?
• 15:25
  I'll
• 15:25
  never
• 15:26
  do
• 15:26
  that?
• 15:26
  And
• 15:27
  so
• 15:27
  Mandela
• 15:28
  says,
• 15:28
  oh,
• 15:28
  so
• 15:29
  you're
• 15:29
  still
• 15:29
  in
• 15:29
  prison
• 15:30
  then.
• 15:30
  You
• 15:31
  know,
• 15:31
  that's
• 15:31
  a
• 15:31
  perfect,
• 15:32
  Mm,
• 15:33
  you
• 15:34
  know,
• 15:34
  perfect
• 15:37
  way
• 15:37
  to
• 15:37
  look
• 15:37
  at
• 15:37
  it.
• 15:38
  I
• 15:38
  think.
• 15:38
  I
• 15:38
  love
• 15:38
  that
• 15:39
  story.
• 15:39
  Right?
• 15:40
  So
• 15:41
  let
• 15:41
  me
• 15:41
  ask
• 15:41
  you
• 15:41
  this,
• 15:42
  because
• 15:42
  talking
• 15:42
  about
• 15:43
  the
• 15:43
  whole
• 15:43
  forgiveness
• 15:44
  thing,
• 15:44
  and,
• 15:44
  and
• 15:45
  I
• 15:45
  tell
• 15:45
  my
• 15:46
  clients
• 15:46
  the
• 15:46
  same
• 15:46
  thing
• 15:46
  when
• 15:47
  they're
• 15:47
  like,
• 15:47
  I
• 15:47
  can't,
• 15:48
  I
• 15:48
  can't.
• 15:49
  I
• 15:49
  can't
• 15:49
  forgive
• 15:50
  them
• 15:50
  for
• 15:50
  what
• 15:51
  they
• 15:51
  did.
• 15:51
  I'm
• 15:51
  like,
• 15:51
  we're
• 15:51
  not
• 15:52
  condoning,
• 15:52
  we're
• 15:53
  not
• 15:53
  letting
• 15:54
  it
• 15:54
  off
• 15:54
  the
• 15:54
  hook.
• 15:55
  We're,
• 15:55
  we're
• 15:55
  literally
• 15:56
  letting
• 15:56
  go.
• 15:56
  I'm
• 15:57
  like,
• 15:57
  so
• 15:57
  that's,
• 15:57
  that's
• 15:57
  what
• 15:58
  I
• 15:58
  work
• 15:58
  with
• 15:58
  my
• 15:58
  clients.
• 15:58
  Like,
• 15:59
  let's
• 15:59
  re.
• 15:59
  Redefine
• 16:00
  forgiveness.
• 16:01
  What
• 16:01
  does
• 16:02
  it
• 16:02
  mean?
• 16:03
  And
• 16:03
  how
• 16:04
  do
• 16:04
  you
• 16:04
  kind
• 16:04
  of
• 16:05
  equate
• 16:05
  that
• 16:05
  with
• 16:06
  the
• 16:06
  forgiveness
• 16:07
  for
• 16:07
  yourself?
• 16:09
  Is
• 16:10
  that
• 16:10
  something
• 16:10
  you
• 16:10
  had
• 16:10
  to
• 16:11
  deal
• 16:11
  with?
• 16:12
  Yeah.
• 16:12
  Yeah.
• 16:13
  I
• 16:13
  was
• 16:14
  ashamed
• 16:14
  of
• 16:14
  myself,
• 16:15
  you
• 16:15
  know,
• 16:16
  and
• 16:16
  I
• 16:17
  lived
• 16:17
  with
• 16:17
  shame
• 16:18
  because
• 16:19
  I
• 16:19
  was
• 16:19
  taught
• 16:19
  how
• 16:19
  to
• 16:20
  do
• 16:20
  that.
• 16:20
  You
• 16:20
  know,
• 16:20
  I
• 16:21
  was
• 16:21
  taught
• 16:22
  shame,
• 16:22
  to
• 16:22
  me
• 16:23
  means
• 16:23
  that
• 16:23
  you're
• 16:24
  bad.
• 16:25
  Right?
• 16:26
  And
• 16:27
  so
• 16:28
  my,
• 16:28
  you
• 16:29
  know,
• 16:29
  my
• 16:29
  whole
• 16:30
  life
• 16:31
  I
• 16:31
  felt
• 16:31
  that
• 16:32
  way
• 16:32
  about
• 16:32
  myself
• 16:33
  that,
• 16:33
  you
• 16:33
  know,
• 16:33
  I,
• 16:33
  I,
• 16:34
  and
• 16:34
  I
• 16:34
  got
• 16:34
  into
• 16:35
  all
• 16:35
  the
• 16:35
  classic
• 16:36
  things
• 16:36
  like
• 16:36
  self
• 16:37
  sabotage
• 16:38
  addictions,
• 16:40
  failed
• 16:40
  relationships.
• 16:41
  All
• 16:41
  of
• 16:41
  those
• 16:42
  things
• 16:42
  were
• 16:42
  in
• 16:42
  my,
• 16:43
  in
• 16:43
  my,
• 16:43
  you
• 16:44
  know,
• 16:44
  wheelhouse.
• 16:45
  And
• 16:45
  I
• 16:45
  became
• 16:46
  very
• 16:46
  good
• 16:46
  at
• 16:46
  them
• 16:48
  because
• 16:49
  that's
• 16:49
  the
• 16:49
  life,
• 16:50
  that's
• 16:50
  the
• 16:50
  kind
• 16:50
  of
• 16:50
  space
• 16:51
  that
• 16:51
  I
• 16:51
  knew
• 16:52
  and
• 16:52
  that
• 16:53
  I
• 16:53
  believed
• 16:53
  in.
• 16:54
  And
• 16:55
  so,
• 16:55
  you
• 16:56
  know,
• 16:56
  when
• 16:56
  I,
• 16:56
  when
• 16:57
  I
• 16:57
  kind
• 16:57
  of
• 16:58
  went
• 16:58
  through
• 16:59
  my
• 17:00
  forgiveness,
• 17:01
  I
• 17:02
  had
• 17:02
  to
• 17:02
  say
• 17:02
  to
• 17:02
  myself
• 17:03
  that
• 17:04
  I
• 17:04
  was
• 17:04
  worthy
• 17:05
  of,
• 17:06
  you
• 17:06
  know,
• 17:06
  reclaiming
• 17:08
  and,
• 17:08
  you
• 17:08
  know,
• 17:09
  reclaiming
• 17:09
  My
• 17:10
  life.
• 17:11
  If
• 17:11
  I
• 17:11
  hadn't
• 17:12
  done
• 17:12
  that,
• 17:12
  then
• 17:12
  I
• 17:13
  wouldn't
• 17:13
  have
• 17:13
  gotten
• 17:14
  into
• 17:14
  that
• 17:14
  exercise
• 17:15
  at
• 17:15
  all
• 17:15
  because
• 17:15
  I
• 17:15
  didn't
• 17:16
  feel
• 17:16
  like
• 17:16
  I
• 17:17
  was
• 17:17
  worth
• 17:17
  it.
• 17:17
  So
• 17:18
  that
• 17:18
  took
• 17:18
  a
• 17:19
  lot
• 17:19
  of
• 17:19
  work
• 17:19
  for
• 17:19
  me.
• 17:19
  It
• 17:20
  was
• 17:20
  very,
• 17:20
  very
• 17:20
  hard
• 17:21
  for
• 17:21
  me
• 17:21
  to.
• 17:22
  To
• 17:22
  get
• 17:22
  rid
• 17:22
  of
• 17:22
  the
• 17:22
  shame
• 17:23
  that
• 17:23
  I
• 17:23
  carried.
• 17:25
  And,
• 17:27
  you
• 17:27
  know,
• 17:27
  it's.
• 17:31
  I
• 17:32
  haven't
• 17:32
  really
• 17:32
  thought
• 17:33
  too
• 17:33
  deeply
• 17:34
  about
• 17:34
  this,
• 17:34
  but.
• 17:34
  But,
• 17:35
  you
• 17:35
  know,
• 17:36
  they're.
• 17:37
  They.
• 17:37
  They're
• 17:37
  both
• 17:37
  intertwined,
• 17:38
  shame
• 17:39
  and
• 17:39
  forgiveness,
• 17:39
  you
• 17:40
  know,
• 17:41
  but
• 17:41
  definitely
• 17:42
  one
• 17:42
  of
• 17:42
  the
• 17:42
  things
• 17:43
  when
• 17:43
  you
• 17:43
  can.
• 17:45
  When
• 17:45
  you
• 17:45
  can
• 17:46
  liberate
• 17:46
  yourself
• 17:47
  from
• 17:47
  the
• 17:47
  past,
• 17:47
  that
• 17:48
  shame
• 17:48
  goes
• 17:48
  away.
• 17:49
  You
• 17:49
  know,
• 17:50
  I
• 17:50
  don't.
• 17:51
  I
• 17:51
  don't.
• 17:51
  I
• 17:51
  haven't
• 17:51
  really
• 17:52
  thought
• 17:52
  too
• 17:52
  much
• 17:52
  on
• 17:53
  how
• 17:53
  that,
• 17:53
  you
• 17:54
  know,
• 17:54
  how
• 17:54
  that
• 17:54
  happens.
• 17:55
  But.
• 17:56
  But
• 17:56
  it
• 17:57
  does
• 17:57
  because,
• 17:57
  you
• 17:58
  know,
• 17:58
  I
• 17:58
  think
• 17:58
  you.
• 17:58
  You
• 17:59
  think
• 18:00
  to
• 18:01
  yourself,
• 18:01
  you
• 18:01
  think
• 18:02
  that
• 18:03
  you're
• 18:03
  worthy,
• 18:03
  you
• 18:04
  know,
• 18:04
  that.
• 18:05
  That
• 18:05
  these
• 18:05
  things
• 18:06
  that
• 18:06
  were.
• 18:06
  Were
• 18:07
  done
• 18:07
  to
• 18:07
  you
• 18:07
  were
• 18:08
  placed
• 18:08
  there
• 18:08
  by
• 18:08
  somebody
• 18:09
  else.
• 18:09
  And
• 18:09
  I
• 18:10
  keep
• 18:10
  going
• 18:10
  back
• 18:10
  to
• 18:10
  that,
• 18:11
  you
• 18:11
  know.
• 18:11
  Right.
• 18:12
  These
• 18:12
  things
• 18:12
  were
• 18:12
  not
• 18:13
  me.
• 18:13
  I
• 18:13
  didn't
• 18:13
  sit
• 18:14
  down
• 18:15
  and
• 18:15
  tell
• 18:16
  myself
• 18:16
  that
• 18:16
  I
• 18:17
  was,
• 18:17
  you
• 18:17
  know,
• 18:19
  I
• 18:20
  was
• 18:20
  a
• 18:20
  horrible
• 18:20
  person
• 18:21
  or
• 18:21
  that
• 18:21
  I
• 18:21
  was,
• 18:22
  you
• 18:22
  know,
• 18:22
  to
• 18:22
  be
• 18:22
  blamed
• 18:23
  for
• 18:23
  everything
• 18:23
  that
• 18:24
  went
• 18:24
  wrong.
• 18:24
  And,
• 18:25
  you
• 18:25
  know,
• 18:25
  I
• 18:25
  didn't
• 18:26
  do
• 18:26
  that.
• 18:26
  That
• 18:27
  wasn't
• 18:27
  me.
• 18:28
  You
• 18:28
  know,
• 18:29
  we're
• 18:29
  all
• 18:29
  born
• 18:30
  perfect,
• 18:31
  you
• 18:31
  know,
• 18:32
  and.
• 18:32
  And
• 18:33
  everything
• 18:33
  that
• 18:34
  happens
• 18:34
  after
• 18:34
  that
• 18:34
  forms
• 18:35
  us
• 18:35
  into
• 18:35
  what
• 18:35
  we
• 18:36
  become.
• 18:37
  And,
• 18:38
  you
• 18:39
  know,
• 18:39
  and
• 18:41
  so
• 18:44
  it's
• 18:44
  just.
• 18:45
  It's
• 18:45
  so
• 18:45
  important
• 18:46
  to
• 18:46
  get
• 18:46
  to
• 18:46
  that
• 18:47
  point.
• 18:47
  And
• 18:47
  that's
• 18:48
  kind
• 18:48
  of
• 18:48
  when,
• 18:48
  you
• 18:49
  know
• 18:49
  that.
• 18:49
  That
• 18:50
  you.
• 18:51
  To
• 18:51
  me,
• 18:51
  I
• 18:52
  knew
• 18:52
  that
• 18:52
  I.
• 18:53
  I
• 18:53
  had,
• 18:54
  you
• 18:55
  know,
• 18:55
  I
• 18:55
  had
• 18:56
  forgiven.
• 18:58
  I
• 18:59
  had
• 18:59
  forgiven
• 18:59
  himself
• 19:00
  and
• 19:00
  me,
• 19:01
  because
• 19:02
  I,
• 19:02
  you
• 19:02
  know,
• 19:02
  there
• 19:03
  was
• 19:03
  such
• 19:03
  a.
• 19:03
  That
• 19:03
  relationship
• 19:04
  was
• 19:05
  so
• 19:05
  strong,
• 19:07
  you
• 19:07
  know,
• 19:07
  in
• 19:07
  a
• 19:08
  bad
• 19:08
  way.
• 19:08
  But
• 19:09
  we
• 19:09
  had.
• 19:10
  Even
• 19:10
  after
• 19:10
  he
• 19:11
  died,
• 19:11
  you
• 19:11
  know,
• 19:13
  I
• 19:13
  just
• 19:14
  sunk
• 19:14
  into
• 19:14
  this,
• 19:15
  you
• 19:15
  know,
• 19:15
  into
• 19:16
  all
• 19:16
  my
• 19:16
  addictions
• 19:17
  and
• 19:17
  everything.
• 19:18
  It
• 19:18
  was
• 19:19
  for,
• 19:19
  you
• 19:20
  know,
• 19:20
  for
• 19:20
  a
• 19:20
  lot
• 19:20
  of
• 19:20
  different
• 19:21
  reasons.
• 19:21
  That's
• 19:21
  where
• 19:22
  I
• 19:22
  went.
• 19:23
  And,
• 19:24
  you
• 19:24
  know,
• 19:24
  I
• 19:24
  always
• 19:25
  had
• 19:25
  a
• 19:25
  great
• 19:25
  job.
• 19:26
  I
• 19:26
  always,
• 19:27
  you
• 19:27
  know,
• 19:27
  I.
• 19:27
  I.
• 19:28
  My
• 19:29
  schooling,
• 19:29
  I
• 19:29
  got
• 19:30
  my
• 19:30
  master's
• 19:31
  degree
• 19:31
  and
• 19:32
  went
• 19:32
  through
• 19:32
  that.
• 19:34
  I
• 19:34
  was
• 19:34
  in
• 19:34
  a
• 19:34
  great
• 19:34
  relationship
• 19:35
  and
• 19:36
  that
• 19:36
  I
• 19:36
  loved,
• 19:37
  you
• 19:37
  know,
• 19:37
  I
• 19:37
  loved
• 19:38
  being
• 19:38
  in.
• 19:38
  And
• 19:40
  all
• 19:40
  those
• 19:41
  things
• 19:41
  I
• 19:41
  just.
• 19:41
  I
• 19:42
  threw
• 19:42
  out
• 19:42
  the
• 19:42
  window.
• 19:43
  I.
• 19:43
  You
• 19:43
  know,
• 19:43
  when
• 19:43
  I
• 19:43
  would
• 19:44
  start
• 19:44
  getting
• 19:44
  successful,
• 19:46
  yeah,
• 19:47
  I'd
• 19:47
  throw
• 19:48
  it
• 19:48
  away.
• 19:48
  I
• 19:48
  do
• 19:49
  something,
• 19:49
  sabotage
• 19:50
  it,
• 19:50
  because
• 19:50
  I
• 19:50
  never
• 19:50
  thought
• 19:51
  that
• 19:51
  I
• 19:51
  was
• 19:51
  good
• 19:51
  enough
• 19:52
  to
• 19:54
  complete
• 19:54
  it,
• 19:55
  you
• 19:55
  know,
• 19:55
  So
• 19:56
  I
• 19:56
  was.
• 19:56
  I
• 19:56
  was
• 19:56
  like
• 19:57
  a
• 19:57
  bag
• 19:57
  of
• 19:57
  incomplete
• 19:58
  things.
• 19:59
  That's
• 20:00
  literally
• 20:00
  such
• 20:00
  a
• 20:01
  common
• 20:01
  pattern,
• 20:01
  too,
• 20:02
  is
• 20:02
  just
• 20:02
  be.
• 20:03
  And
• 20:03
  that's
• 20:03
  at
• 20:03
  the
• 20:03
  core
• 20:04
  of
• 20:04
  everything
• 20:04
  I
• 20:04
  do.
• 20:05
  Every
• 20:05
  single
• 20:05
  person
• 20:06
  I
• 20:06
  work
• 20:06
  with.
• 20:06
  The
• 20:06
  core
• 20:07
  of
• 20:07
  it
• 20:07
  is
• 20:08
  because
• 20:08
  of
• 20:08
  something
• 20:09
  that
• 20:09
  happened
• 20:10
  in
• 20:10
  their
• 20:10
  life,
• 20:10
  they
• 20:11
  don't
• 20:11
  feel
• 20:11
  good
• 20:11
  enough.
• 20:12
  And
• 20:12
  when
• 20:12
  you
• 20:13
  don't
• 20:13
  feel
• 20:13
  good
• 20:13
  enough,
• 20:14
  worthy
• 20:14
  enough
• 20:15
  to
• 20:15
  do
• 20:15
  whatever
• 20:16
  you,
• 20:17
  you're
• 20:17
  shameful
• 20:18
  about
• 20:18
  every
• 20:18
  single
• 20:19
  thing
• 20:19
  you
• 20:19
  do
• 20:19
  and
• 20:19
  everything.
• 20:20
  Because
• 20:21
  even
• 20:22
  if
• 20:22
  you
• 20:22
  know
• 20:22
  it's
• 20:23
  good,
• 20:23
  you're
• 20:23
  like,
• 20:24
  I'm
• 20:24
  still
• 20:24
  not
• 20:24
  good
• 20:24
  enough.
• 20:25
  Like
• 20:25
  it's
• 20:26
  not,
• 20:26
  you
• 20:26
  know,
• 20:26
  I'm
• 20:27
  not
• 20:27
  good
• 20:27
  enough.
• 20:27
  Not.
• 20:28
  It's
• 20:28
  not
• 20:28
  good
• 20:28
  enough,
• 20:29
  but
• 20:29
  I'm
• 20:29
  not
• 20:30
  good
• 20:30
  enough
• 20:30
  to,
• 20:31
  to
• 20:31
  be
• 20:31
  worthy
• 20:32
  of
• 20:32
  this.
• 20:33
  So
• 20:34
  you
• 20:34
  work
• 20:35
  well.
• 20:35
  First
• 20:35
  of
• 20:36
  all,
• 20:36
  let's
• 20:36
  talk
• 20:36
  about
• 20:36
  your
• 20:36
  book
• 20:37
  because
• 20:37
  I
• 20:37
  absolutely
• 20:38
  love
• 20:38
  that
• 20:38
  title,
• 20:38
  Forgiving
• 20:39
  Dr.
• 20:39
  Jekyll
• 20:40
  from
• 20:40
  Hide.
• 20:41
  Yeah,
• 20:43
  thank
• 20:43
  you.
• 20:44
  I
• 20:44
  love
• 20:44
  that.
• 20:46
  What
• 20:46
  talk
• 20:46
  about
• 20:47
  that
• 20:47
  a
• 20:47
  little
• 20:47
  bit.
• 20:48
  Tell
• 20:48
  us
• 20:48
  about
• 20:48
  it.
• 20:49
  So
• 20:50
  he.
• 20:53
  So
• 20:53
  I
• 20:53
  always,
• 20:53
  I
• 20:54
  always
• 20:54
  knew
• 20:54
  that
• 20:54
  the
• 20:54
  forgiveness
• 20:55
  part
• 20:55
  of
• 20:56
  it
• 20:56
  would.
• 20:57
  Was
• 20:57
  the
• 20:57
  central
• 20:57
  theme,
• 20:58
  right.
• 21:00
  And
• 21:00
  the
• 21:01
  reason
• 21:01
  why
• 21:01
  I
• 21:01
  use
• 21:02
  Dr.
• 21:02
  Jekyll
• 21:02
  is
• 21:03
  because
• 21:03
  we,
• 21:03
  you
• 21:04
  know,
• 21:04
  he
• 21:05
  was
• 21:05
  a
• 21:05
  very.
• 21:05
  He
• 21:05
  was.
• 21:07
  I
• 21:07
  grew
• 21:07
  up
• 21:07
  in
• 21:07
  this
• 21:07
  old
• 21:08
  Boston
• 21:09
  family
• 21:09
  and
• 21:09
  we
• 21:10
  had
• 21:10
  been,
• 21:10
  you
• 21:11
  know,
• 21:11
  we,
• 21:11
  we
• 21:11
  came
• 21:12
  from
• 21:12
  Ireland
• 21:12
  in
• 21:12
  the
• 21:13
  early
• 21:13
  1800s
• 21:15
  and
• 21:15
  lived
• 21:16
  in
• 21:16
  the
• 21:16
  same
• 21:16
  town.
• 21:17
  So
• 21:18
  generations
• 21:18
  of
• 21:18
  my
• 21:19
  family
• 21:19
  came
• 21:19
  from
• 21:19
  the
• 21:20
  same,
• 21:20
  you
• 21:20
  know,
• 21:21
  a
• 21:21
  half
• 21:22
  a
• 21:22
  mile
• 21:22
  away
• 21:22
  from
• 21:22
  where
• 21:23
  I
• 21:23
  grew
• 21:23
  up.
• 21:23
  Right.
• 21:25
  And,
• 21:25
  and
• 21:25
  we.
• 21:26
  The.
• 21:26
  His.
• 21:26
  My
• 21:26
  family
• 21:27
  was
• 21:27
  very
• 21:27
  well
• 21:27
  known.
• 21:28
  He
• 21:28
  was,
• 21:28
  he
• 21:29
  was
• 21:29
  just
• 21:30
  the
• 21:30
  epitome
• 21:31
  of
• 21:33
  kind
• 21:33
  of
• 21:33
  a
• 21:34
  50s
• 21:34
  or
• 21:35
  60s
• 21:37
  professional.
• 21:38
  Right.
• 21:38
  He
• 21:38
  had
• 21:39
  a,
• 21:39
  he
• 21:39
  was
• 21:39
  the
• 21:39
  town
• 21:39
  dentist
• 21:40
  like
• 21:40
  my
• 21:40
  grandfather
• 21:41
  was.
• 21:41
  He
• 21:41
  took
• 21:42
  over
• 21:42
  his
• 21:42
  practice
• 21:43
  when
• 21:44
  he,
• 21:44
  when
• 21:44
  he,
• 21:45
  when
• 21:45
  my
• 21:45
  grandfather
• 21:46
  died
• 21:46
  and
• 21:46
  everybody
• 21:47
  in
• 21:47
  town
• 21:47
  knew
• 21:47
  him.
• 21:49
  He
• 21:49
  was
• 21:50
  a
• 21:50
  member
• 21:50
  of
• 21:50
  the
• 21:50
  Rotary
• 21:51
  Club.
• 21:51
  The,
• 21:52
  he
• 21:52
  was
• 21:52
  on
• 21:52
  the
• 21:53
  board
• 21:53
  of
• 21:53
  education,
• 21:54
  you
• 21:54
  know,
• 21:54
  all
• 21:54
  these.
• 21:55
  He
• 21:56
  was
• 21:56
  a
• 21:56
  professional
• 21:57
  level
• 21:57
  golfer.
• 21:59
  Just
• 22:00
  everything,
• 22:00
  you
• 22:01
  know,
• 22:01
  on
• 22:01
  the
• 22:01
  outside
• 22:02
  was
• 22:02
  we
• 22:02
  lived
• 22:02
  in
• 22:03
  a
• 22:03
  beautiful
• 22:03
  house
• 22:03
  and
• 22:04
  belonged
• 22:04
  to
• 22:04
  the
• 22:04
  country
• 22:05
  club.
• 22:05
  You
• 22:05
  know,
• 22:06
  always
• 22:06
  well
• 22:06
  dressed
• 22:07
  and
• 22:07
  well
• 22:07
  behaved
• 22:08
  and
• 22:09
  everything
• 22:09
  on
• 22:09
  the
• 22:09
  outside
• 22:10
  was
• 22:10
  just,
• 22:10
  you
• 22:10
  know,
• 22:11
  this
• 22:11
  little
• 22:11
  fairy
• 22:12
  tale.
• 22:14
  And
• 22:15
  when
• 22:15
  he,
• 22:16
  But
• 22:16
  I
• 22:17
  still
• 22:17
  had,
• 22:17
  you
• 22:18
  know,
• 22:18
  again,
• 22:18
  I
• 22:19
  didn't
• 22:19
  know
• 22:19
  what
• 22:20
  other
• 22:20
  people
• 22:21
  had
• 22:21
  gone
• 22:21
  through.
• 22:21
  I
• 22:22
  knew
• 22:22
  what
• 22:22
  I
• 22:22
  went
• 22:23
  was
• 22:23
  going
• 22:23
  through.
• 22:25
  And
• 22:25
  his
• 22:26
  wake
• 22:26
  in
• 22:26
  his
• 22:26
  funeral
• 22:27
  when
• 22:27
  he
• 22:27
  died,
• 22:28
  it
• 22:28
  was
• 22:28
  such
• 22:29
  a
• 22:29
  telling
• 22:29
  thing
• 22:29
  for
• 22:30
  me
• 22:30
  because
• 22:30
  people.
• 22:32
  He
• 22:32
  died
• 22:33
  in
• 22:33
  July
• 22:33
  and
• 22:34
  It
• 22:34
  was
• 22:34
  like
• 22:34
  100
• 22:35
  degrees
• 22:35
  outside
• 22:36
  and
• 22:36
  people
• 22:36
  were
• 22:37
  stood
• 22:37
  in
• 22:38
  a.
• 22:39
  Three
• 22:40
  blocks
• 22:40
  long
• 22:41
  to
• 22:41
  get
• 22:41
  into
• 22:41
  the
• 22:42
  funeral
• 22:42
  home.
• 22:43
  You
• 22:43
  know,
• 22:44
  that's
• 22:44
  how
• 22:44
  many
• 22:44
  people
• 22:45
  knew
• 22:45
  him.
• 22:45
  And
• 22:46
  all
• 22:46
  these
• 22:46
  stories
• 22:47
  were
• 22:47
  like,
• 22:47
  who
• 22:48
  the
• 22:48
  hell
• 22:48
  are
• 22:48
  these?
• 22:49
  Are
• 22:49
  they
• 22:49
  talking
• 22:49
  about?
• 22:50
  Like
• 22:50
  I
• 22:51
  didn't
• 22:51
  know
• 22:51
  this
• 22:51
  guy
• 22:52
  who
• 22:52
  they,
• 22:52
  you
• 22:52
  know
• 22:52
  what
• 22:53
  they
• 22:53
  were
• 22:53
  saying.
• 22:53
  I
• 22:53
  thought
• 22:54
  it
• 22:54
  was
• 22:54
  somebody
• 22:54
  else,
• 22:55
  but
• 22:56
  he
• 22:56
  was
• 22:56
  so
• 22:56
  his,
• 22:57
  his
• 22:57
  Persona
• 22:58
  on
• 22:58
  the
• 22:59
  outside
• 23:00
  and
• 23:01
  he,
• 23:01
  you
• 23:01
  know,
• 23:01
  was
• 23:01
  so,
• 23:02
  just
• 23:02
  so
• 23:02
  different
• 23:03
  from
• 23:03
  what
• 23:03
  I
• 23:04
  had.
• 23:04
  Had
• 23:04
  experienced
• 23:05
  and,
• 23:05
  and
• 23:07
  I
• 23:07
  was
• 23:07
  proud
• 23:08
  at
• 23:08
  the,
• 23:08
  I,
• 23:09
  you
• 23:09
  know,
• 23:09
  admit
• 23:09
  I
• 23:10
  was
• 23:10
  proud
• 23:10
  at
• 23:11
  the
• 23:11
  moment
• 23:11
  because,
• 23:12
  you
• 23:12
  know,
• 23:13
  you
• 23:13
  feel
• 23:14
  special
• 23:15
  that,
• 23:15
  you
• 23:15
  know,
• 23:15
  all
• 23:16
  these
• 23:16
  people
• 23:16
  thought
• 23:16
  so
• 23:17
  highly
• 23:17
  of
• 23:17
  your,
• 23:17
  of
• 23:18
  your
• 23:18
  dad.
• 23:18
  But
• 23:18
  then
• 23:18
  when
• 23:19
  you
• 23:19
  put
• 23:19
  it
• 23:19
  in
• 23:19
  context
• 23:20
  later,
• 23:20
  when
• 23:20
  all
• 23:20
  the
• 23:21
  dust
• 23:21
  settles,
• 23:22
  you
• 23:22
  get
• 23:22
  very
• 23:23
  angry.
• 23:23
  Yeah,
• 23:24
  you
• 23:24
  know,
• 23:24
  I
• 23:24
  did.
• 23:25
  Anyway,
• 23:26
  you
• 23:26
  felt
• 23:26
  like
• 23:26
  they
• 23:26
  got
• 23:27
  the
• 23:27
  best
• 23:27
  of
• 23:27
  him.
• 23:28
  You
• 23:28
  didn't.
• 23:29
  Yeah.
• 23:29
  Oh,
• 23:29
  that's
• 23:30
  a
• 23:30
  really
• 23:30
  good
• 23:30
  way
• 23:30
  to
• 23:31
  put
• 23:31
  it.
• 23:31
  They
• 23:31
  did.
• 23:32
  You
• 23:32
  know,
• 23:32
  he
• 23:33
  was
• 23:33
  funny.
• 23:33
  He
• 23:34
  was,
• 23:35
  you
• 23:36
  know,
• 23:36
  he
• 23:37
  was
• 23:37
  so
• 23:38
  kind.
• 23:39
  I,
• 23:40
  I
• 23:40
  don't
• 23:40
  think
• 23:40
  I've
• 23:40
  ever
• 23:41
  heard
• 23:42
  people
• 23:43
  say
• 23:44
  they
• 23:44
  wanted
• 23:44
  to
• 23:44
  go
• 23:45
  to
• 23:45
  the
• 23:45
  dentist,
• 23:45
  but
• 23:45
  that's
• 23:46
  how,
• 23:46
  that's
• 23:46
  how
• 23:47
  he
• 23:47
  was.
• 23:47
  They
• 23:47
  wanted,
• 23:48
  you
• 23:48
  know,
• 23:48
  he
• 23:49
  took
• 23:49
  care
• 23:49
  of
• 23:49
  a
• 23:49
  lot
• 23:49
  of
• 23:49
  kids.
• 23:50
  Pediatric
• 23:51
  dentistry.
• 23:51
  And
• 23:53
  the
• 23:53
  parents
• 23:54
  were
• 23:54
  all
• 23:54
  we
• 23:55
  loved,
• 23:55
  you
• 23:55
  know,
• 23:55
  our
• 23:56
  kids
• 23:56
  loved
• 23:56
  going
• 23:56
  to
• 23:57
  him
• 23:57
  because
• 23:57
  he
• 23:57
  was
• 23:57
  so
• 23:57
  nice
• 23:58
  and,
• 23:59
  you
• 23:59
  know,
• 24:00
  and
• 24:00
  everything.
• 24:01
  So
• 24:01
  that's,
• 24:02
  you
• 24:02
  know,
• 24:02
  it
• 24:03
  was
• 24:03
  kind
• 24:03
  of
• 24:03
  a
• 24:03
  no
• 24:03
  brainer
• 24:04
  to
• 24:04
  me
• 24:04
  that,
• 24:05
  that
• 24:05
  it
• 24:05
  was,
• 24:05
  there
• 24:05
  was
• 24:06
  such
• 24:06
  a
• 24:07
  dichotomy
• 24:07
  between
• 24:08
  his
• 24:08
  private
• 24:08
  life
• 24:09
  and
• 24:09
  his
• 24:09
  public
• 24:09
  life.
• 24:10
  And
• 24:10
  you
• 24:10
  hear
• 24:11
  that
• 24:11
  a
• 24:11
  lot
• 24:11
  with
• 24:11
  people.
• 24:12
  Right.
• 24:12
  I
• 24:13
  mean,
• 24:13
  it's
• 24:13
  not,
• 24:13
  wasn't
• 24:14
  only
• 24:14
  him.
• 24:14
  There
• 24:15
  are
• 24:15
  lots
• 24:15
  of
• 24:15
  people
• 24:15
  like
• 24:16
  that.
• 24:17
  But
• 24:18
  in
• 24:18
  my,
• 24:18
  the
• 24:18
  con,
• 24:19
  in
• 24:19
  my
• 24:19
  context,
• 24:21
  I,
• 24:21
  I,
• 24:22
  you
• 24:22
  know,
• 24:22
  I
• 24:22
  knew
• 24:23
  what
• 24:23
  that
• 24:23
  was
• 24:23
  like
• 24:24
  and
• 24:25
  so,
• 24:27
  you
• 24:28
  know,
• 24:28
  and
• 24:28
  I,
• 24:29
  the
• 24:29
  things
• 24:29
  that
• 24:30
  he
• 24:30
  did,
• 24:31
  you
• 24:31
  know,
• 24:31
  to
• 24:32
  me
• 24:33
  were
• 24:33
  just
• 24:33
  so
• 24:34
  violent
• 24:35
  and,
• 24:37
  and
• 24:38
  I
• 24:38
  was
• 24:38
  the
• 24:38
  only
• 24:38
  one
• 24:39
  in
• 24:39
  the
• 24:39
  family
• 24:39
  that
• 24:40
  experienced
• 24:40
  that.
• 24:41
  He
• 24:41
  was
• 24:41
  kind
• 24:41
  of
• 24:41
  very
• 24:42
  stern
• 24:42
  with
• 24:42
  my
• 24:42
  brothers
• 24:43
  and
• 24:43
  my
• 24:44
  sister
• 24:44
  was
• 24:44
  the
• 24:44
  princess,
• 24:45
  so
• 24:45
  she
• 24:45
  always
• 24:46
  got
• 24:46
  the,
• 24:46
  you
• 24:46
  know,
• 24:46
  really
• 24:47
  best
• 24:47
  of
• 24:47
  him
• 24:48
  and,
• 24:49
  but,
• 24:50
  but
• 24:50
  he
• 24:51
  was
• 24:51
  always,
• 24:51
  you
• 24:51
  know,
• 24:52
  very
• 24:52
  strict
• 24:52
  with
• 24:52
  us
• 24:53
  and
• 24:53
  a
• 24:53
  disciplinary
• 24:54
  and
• 24:54
  everything,
• 24:54
  but
• 24:55
  he
• 24:55
  never,
• 24:56
  he
• 24:56
  never
• 24:57
  touched
• 24:57
  my
• 24:57
  brothers.
• 24:58
  It
• 24:58
  was
• 24:58
  always,
• 24:59
  it
• 24:59
  was
• 24:59
  me.
• 25:00
  Were
• 25:00
  you
• 25:00
  the
• 25:00
  oldest?
• 25:02
  I
• 25:02
  was
• 25:03
  the
• 25:03
  oldest
• 25:03
  boy,
• 25:04
  yeah.
• 25:04
  Okay.
• 25:06
  To
• 25:06
  the
• 25:07
  point
• 25:07
  where
• 25:07
  when
• 25:07
  I
• 25:07
  was
• 25:08
  writing
• 25:08
  this,
• 25:09
  I
• 25:10
  called
• 25:10
  my,
• 25:11
  my
• 25:11
  brothers
• 25:12
  and
• 25:12
  I
• 25:12
  was
• 25:12
  like,
• 25:13
  did
• 25:13
  he
• 25:13
  ever
• 25:14
  hit
• 25:14
  you?
• 25:14
  You
• 25:14
  know,
• 25:15
  because
• 25:15
  we
• 25:15
  never
• 25:15
  really
• 25:15
  talked
• 25:16
  about
• 25:16
  it
• 25:16
  that
• 25:16
  much
• 25:17
  and,
• 25:18
  and
• 25:19
  they
• 25:19
  both
• 25:19
  said
• 25:19
  no.
• 25:19
  He
• 25:20
  never
• 25:20
  laid
• 25:20
  a
• 25:20
  hand
• 25:21
  on
• 25:21
  either
• 25:21
  one
• 25:21
  of
• 25:21
  us.
• 25:22
  You
• 25:22
  know,
• 25:22
  he
• 25:22
  yelled
• 25:23
  at
• 25:23
  us
• 25:23
  and,
• 25:24
  but,
• 25:25
  you
• 25:25
  know,
• 25:26
  and
• 25:26
  a
• 25:26
  lot
• 25:26
  of
• 25:26
  this
• 25:27
  stuff
• 25:27
  took
• 25:27
  place
• 25:27
  in,
• 25:27
  in
• 25:28
  private
• 25:28
  too.
• 25:28
  It
• 25:29
  was
• 25:29
  just
• 25:29
  the
• 25:29
  two
• 25:29
  of
• 25:29
  us.
• 25:30
  But
• 25:30
  a
• 25:30
  lot
• 25:30
  of
• 25:30
  it
• 25:30
  did
• 25:31
  take
• 25:31
  place
• 25:31
  with
• 25:31
  my
• 25:31
  family
• 25:32
  around
• 25:32
  as
• 25:32
  well.
• 25:33
  Right,
• 25:34
  right.
• 25:35
  So.
• 25:39
  You
• 25:39
  know,
• 25:39
  that's,
• 25:40
  that's
• 25:40
  how
• 25:41
  I
• 25:41
  came,
• 25:41
  you
• 25:41
  know,
• 25:42
  that's,
• 25:42
  that's
• 25:42
  where
• 25:43
  the
• 25:43
  name
• 25:43
  came
• 25:43
  from.
• 25:44
  And
• 25:44
  I,
• 25:44
  I
• 25:45
  just,
• 25:45
  you
• 25:45
  know,
• 25:45
  I
• 25:45
  mean,
• 25:46
  it's
• 25:46
  so
• 25:46
  telling
• 25:47
  to
• 25:47
  me
• 25:47
  that
• 25:48
  people,
• 25:48
  I
• 25:49
  hope
• 25:49
  people
• 25:49
  pick
• 25:50
  up
• 25:50
  on
• 25:50
  the
• 25:50
  fact
• 25:50
  that
• 25:51
  that's
• 25:51
  kind
• 25:51
  of
• 25:52
  what
• 25:52
  it's
• 25:52
  about.
• 25:52
  It's
• 25:53
  like
• 25:53
  this
• 25:53
  mystery
• 25:54
  of,
• 25:55
  you
• 25:55
  know,
• 25:56
  I
• 25:57
  mean,
• 25:57
  I
• 25:57
  don't
• 25:57
  get
• 25:57
  into
• 25:57
  why
• 25:58
  he
• 25:59
  was
• 25:59
  like
• 25:59
  that,
• 25:59
  obviously.
• 26:00
  I
• 26:00
  just
• 26:00
  get
• 26:01
  it.
• 26:01
  I
• 26:01
  just
• 26:01
  get
• 26:01
  into
• 26:02
  how
• 26:02
  that
• 26:02
  affected
• 26:03
  me
• 26:04
  exactly.
• 26:04
  You
• 26:05
  know,
• 26:05
  how
• 26:05
  it
• 26:05
  brought
• 26:06
  me
• 26:06
  to
• 26:06
  the
• 26:06
  point
• 26:06
  where
• 26:07
  I
• 26:07
  needed
• 26:07
  to
• 26:07
  be
• 26:08
  at
• 26:09
  the.
• 26:09
  You
• 26:09
  know.
• 26:10
  Yeah.
• 26:11
  It's
• 26:11
  funny
• 26:12
  how
• 26:12
  people
• 26:12
  live
• 26:12
  these
• 26:12
  lives.
• 26:13
  And
• 26:13
  it's
• 26:13
  funny
• 26:13
  that
• 26:14
  you
• 26:14
  mentioned
• 26:14
  kind
• 26:14
  of
• 26:15
  my.
• 26:15
  My
• 26:15
  mom's
• 26:15
  family
• 26:16
  was,
• 26:16
  I
• 26:16
  think,
• 26:16
  from
• 26:16
  Lithuania
• 26:17
  or
• 26:17
  she
• 26:17
  was
• 26:18
  from
• 26:18
  somewhere,
• 26:19
  but
• 26:19
  the
• 26:19
  same
• 26:19
  thing.
• 26:19
  It
• 26:19
  was,
• 26:20
  like,
• 26:20
  very
• 26:20
  well
• 26:20
  to
• 26:20
  do.
• 26:21
  My
• 26:21
  grandfather
• 26:22
  drove
• 26:22
  a
• 26:22
  Rolls
• 26:23
  Royce,
• 26:23
  and
• 26:23
  he
• 26:24
  was
• 26:24
  a
• 26:24
  child
• 26:24
  psychiatrist.
• 26:26
  Oh,
• 26:26
  wow.
• 26:27
  Yeah.
• 26:27
  And
• 26:27
  my
• 26:27
  mother
• 26:28
  actually.
• 26:29
  Drug
• 26:29
  addict,
• 26:30
  alcoholic,
• 26:31
  her
• 26:31
  whole
• 26:31
  life
• 26:32
  was
• 26:32
  a
• 26:33
  child
• 26:33
  psychiatrist.
• 26:36
  Yeah.
• 26:36
  So
• 26:36
  I
• 26:36
  kind
• 26:36
  of
• 26:36
  joke.
• 26:37
  I'm
• 26:37
  like,
• 26:37
  yeah,
• 26:37
  I
• 26:37
  got
• 26:37
  manipulated
• 26:38
  by
• 26:38
  the
• 26:38
  best
• 26:39
  of
• 26:39
  the
• 26:39
  best.
• 26:40
  Like,
• 26:40
  not
• 26:40
  only
• 26:41
  did
• 26:41
  she
• 26:41
  know
• 26:41
  children's
• 26:42
  brains,
• 26:43
  so
• 26:43
  she
• 26:43
  knew
• 26:43
  how
• 26:44
  to
• 26:44
  mess
• 26:44
  with
• 26:44
  them
• 26:44
  and
• 26:44
  manipulate
• 26:45
  them,
• 26:46
  but
• 26:46
  it
• 26:46
  was
• 26:46
  the
• 26:47
  same
• 26:47
  thing.
• 26:47
  And
• 26:47
  it
• 26:47
  wasn't
• 26:48
  until
• 26:49
  I
• 26:50
  remember
• 26:50
  I
• 26:50
  was
• 26:50
  living
• 26:50
  in.
• 26:51
  My
• 26:51
  dad
• 26:51
  had
• 26:51
  sent
• 26:52
  me
• 26:52
  to
• 26:52
  live
• 26:52
  with
• 26:52
  my
• 26:52
  mother
• 26:53
  right
• 26:53
  before
• 26:53
  she
• 26:54
  died,
• 26:55
  and
• 26:56
  she
• 26:56
  was
• 26:56
  just
• 26:56
  brutal.
• 26:57
  And
• 26:57
  I
• 26:57
  remember
• 26:58
  my
• 26:58
  grandfather
• 26:59
  was
• 26:59
  sending
• 26:59
  her
• 26:59
  $10,000
• 27:01
  a
• 27:01
  month.
• 27:02
  Oh,
• 27:02
  my
• 27:02
  God.
• 27:02
  And
• 27:03
  I
• 27:03
  was
• 27:03
  like.
• 27:04
  I
• 27:04
  remember
• 27:05
  calling
• 27:05
  him
• 27:05
  up,
• 27:05
  going,
• 27:06
  you
• 27:06
  know,
• 27:06
  you're
• 27:06
  killing
• 27:06
  her,
• 27:07
  right?
• 27:07
  Because
• 27:07
  she's
• 27:07
  snorting
• 27:08
  it
• 27:08
  up
• 27:08
  her
• 27:08
  nose.
• 27:09
  She's.
• 27:09
  She's
• 27:10
  not
• 27:10
  feeding
• 27:11
  her
• 27:11
  daughter.
• 27:11
  Like,
• 27:11
  I
• 27:12
  was
• 27:12
  going
• 27:12
  to
• 27:12
  the
• 27:12
  grocery
• 27:12
  store
• 27:13
  and
• 27:13
  stealing
• 27:13
  food
• 27:14
  because
• 27:14
  there
• 27:14
  was
• 27:14
  no
• 27:14
  food
• 27:14
  in
• 27:15
  the
• 27:15
  house.
• 27:16
  And
• 27:17
  I
• 27:17
  remember
• 27:17
  him.
• 27:18
  And
• 27:18
  I
• 27:18
  get.
• 27:18
  You
• 27:19
  know,
• 27:19
  after
• 27:19
  I
• 27:20
  got
• 27:20
  thinking
• 27:20
  about
• 27:20
  it,
• 27:21
  and
• 27:21
  that's
• 27:21
  really
• 27:21
  what
• 27:21
  helped
• 27:22
  me
• 27:22
  with
• 27:22
  a
• 27:22
  lot
• 27:23
  of
• 27:23
  the
• 27:23
  letting
• 27:23
  go,
• 27:24
  Honestly,
• 27:26
  I
• 27:26
  finally
• 27:27
  really
• 27:28
  understood
• 27:28
  him.
• 27:30
  So
• 27:30
  I
• 27:30
  understood
• 27:31
  how
• 27:31
  she
• 27:31
  became
• 27:32
  the
• 27:32
  way
• 27:32
  she
• 27:32
  was.
• 27:33
  And
• 27:33
  it
• 27:33
  was
• 27:33
  like
• 27:35
  anything
• 27:36
  she
• 27:37
  did,
• 27:37
  all
• 27:37
  of
• 27:37
  a
• 27:37
  sudden
• 27:38
  I
• 27:38
  was
• 27:38
  like,
• 27:38
  that
• 27:39
  wasn't
• 27:39
  her.
• 27:40
  She
• 27:40
  didn't.
• 27:40
  You
• 27:40
  know,
• 27:40
  when
• 27:41
  she
• 27:41
  was
• 27:41
  13
• 27:42
  and
• 27:42
  she
• 27:42
  was
• 27:42
  bulimic
• 27:43
  or
• 27:43
  anorexic
• 27:44
  or
• 27:44
  something,
• 27:44
  he
• 27:45
  sent
• 27:45
  her
• 27:45
  to
• 27:45
  boarding
• 27:45
  school
• 27:46
  for
• 27:46
  four
• 27:46
  years.
• 27:47
  Like,
• 27:48
  you
• 27:49
  know
• 27:49
  what
• 27:49
  I
• 27:49
  mean?
• 27:49
  So
• 27:49
  it's
• 27:50
  like,
• 27:50
  that
• 27:51
  helped
• 27:51
  me
• 27:51
  a
• 27:51
  lot.
• 27:52
  And
• 27:52
  sometimes
• 27:53
  just,
• 27:54
  you
• 27:54
  know,
• 27:54
  I
• 27:55
  try
• 27:55
  to
• 27:55
  tell
• 27:55
  people,
• 27:55
  especially
• 27:56
  when
• 27:56
  the
• 27:56
  people
• 27:56
  are
• 27:57
  still
• 27:57
  living
• 27:58
  or.
• 27:58
  And
• 27:59
  it
• 27:59
  doesn't
• 27:59
  even
• 27:59
  have
• 27:59
  to
• 27:59
  be
• 28:00
  the
• 28:00
  person
• 28:00
  that's
• 28:00
  abusing
• 28:01
  you,
• 28:01
  but
• 28:01
  anybody
• 28:01
  in
• 28:02
  life,
• 28:02
  give
• 28:02
  them
• 28:03
  the
• 28:03
  benefit
• 28:03
  of
• 28:03
  the
• 28:03
  doubt.
• 28:04
  Because
• 28:04
  people
• 28:05
  don't
• 28:05
  wake
• 28:06
  up
• 28:06
  and
• 28:06
  go,
• 28:07
  I
• 28:07
  want
• 28:08
  to
• 28:08
  hate
• 28:08
  the
• 28:08
  world.
• 28:09
  I
• 28:09
  want
• 28:09
  to
• 28:10
  abuse
• 28:10
  the
• 28:10
  people
• 28:10
  that
• 28:11
  I
• 28:11
  should
• 28:11
  be
• 28:11
  loving.
• 28:12
  They
• 28:12
  don't
• 28:12
  do
• 28:12
  that,
• 28:14
  you
• 28:14
  know,
• 28:14
  so
• 28:15
  it's
• 28:15
  like,
• 28:15
  if
• 28:15
  we
• 28:15
  can
• 28:15
  start
• 28:17
  flipping
• 28:17
  and
• 28:18
  getting
• 28:18
  that
• 28:18
  more
• 28:19
  empathetic
• 28:19
  kind
• 28:20
  of
• 28:20
  like,
• 28:21
  what
• 28:22
  are
• 28:22
  they
• 28:22
  going
• 28:22
  through
• 28:22
  today
• 28:23
  versus.
• 28:24
  And
• 28:24
  how
• 28:24
  did
• 28:25
  they
• 28:25
  get
• 28:25
  there
• 28:26
  versus
• 28:26
  the
• 28:27
  actual
• 28:27
  acts?
• 28:28
  Because
• 28:28
  I
• 28:29
  know
• 28:29
  that's
• 28:29
  so
• 28:29
  much
• 28:30
  of
• 28:30
  the
• 28:30
  forgiveness
• 28:30
  of
• 28:30
  yourself
• 28:31
  is
• 28:31
  when
• 28:32
  you,
• 28:32
  you
• 28:33
  or
• 28:33
  drinking
• 28:34
  or
• 28:34
  drugging
• 28:34
  or
• 28:35
  whatever
• 28:35
  you're
• 28:35
  doing
• 28:36
  to
• 28:36
  numb
• 28:36
  that
• 28:37
  pain.
• 28:37
  And
• 28:38
  then
• 28:38
  you
• 28:38
  have
• 28:38
  to
• 28:38
  add
• 28:39
  on
• 28:39
  all
• 28:39
  the
• 28:39
  guilt
• 28:40
  of
• 28:40
  all
• 28:40
  the
• 28:40
  people
• 28:40
  that
• 28:40
  you
• 28:40
  hurt
• 28:41
  while
• 28:41
  you
• 28:41
  were
• 28:41
  drinking
• 28:42
  and
• 28:42
  drunking.
• 28:42
  You
• 28:43
  know,
• 28:43
  it's
• 28:43
  like
• 28:44
  it's
• 28:44
  a
• 28:44
  vicious
• 28:44
  cycle.
• 28:45
  So,
• 28:46
  yeah,
• 28:47
  it
• 28:47
  is.
• 28:49
  I,
• 28:49
  you
• 28:49
  know,
• 28:49
  there's
• 28:50
  a
• 28:50
  lot
• 28:50
  to
• 28:50
  be
• 28:50
  said
• 28:51
  too,
• 28:51
  and
• 28:51
  I
• 28:51
  experience
• 28:52
  this
• 28:52
  in
• 28:53
  my
• 28:53
  family
• 28:54
  and,
• 28:55
  and
• 28:55
  I,
• 28:56
  I
• 28:56
  always
• 28:57
  say
• 28:57
  that
• 28:57
  going
• 28:58
  through
• 28:59
  what
• 28:59
  I
• 28:59
  went
• 28:59
  through
• 28:59
  was
• 29:00
  a
• 29:00
  great
• 29:00
  gift
• 29:00
  for
• 29:01
  me
• 29:01
  because
• 29:02
  I
• 29:02
  learned
• 29:03
  compassion
• 29:04
  and
• 29:04
  I
• 29:04
  learned
• 29:04
  empathy
• 29:05
  and
• 29:05
  I
• 29:05
  learned
• 29:06
  self
• 29:07
  love.
• 29:08
  All
• 29:08
  these
• 29:08
  things
• 29:09
  that
• 29:09
  were,
• 29:09
  you
• 29:10
  know,
• 29:10
  always
• 29:11
  out
• 29:11
  of
• 29:11
  reach
• 29:11
  for
• 29:12
  myself.
• 29:12
  But
• 29:13
  one
• 29:14
  of
• 29:14
  the
• 29:14
  things
• 29:14
  is
• 29:15
  that,
• 29:15
  you
• 29:15
  know,
• 29:18
  in
• 29:18
  my
• 29:18
  family
• 29:18
  it
• 29:19
  was
• 29:19
  a
• 29:19
  legacy
• 29:19
  thing
• 29:20
  and
• 29:21
  because
• 29:22
  my
• 29:22
  grandpa,
• 29:23
  who
• 29:23
  I
• 29:23
  loved
• 29:24
  very
• 29:24
  much,
• 29:24
  he
• 29:24
  was
• 29:25
  the
• 29:25
  nicest
• 29:25
  guy
• 29:25
  guy
• 29:26
  again,
• 29:26
  who
• 29:26
  really
• 29:26
  knew
• 29:27
  what
• 29:27
  he
• 29:27
  was
• 29:27
  like.
• 29:27
  But
• 29:28
  my
• 29:28
  family
• 29:28
  has
• 29:29
  a,
• 29:29
  apparently
• 29:30
  were
• 29:30
  great
• 29:30
  actors,
• 29:32
  but
• 29:32
  he
• 29:32
  was
• 29:32
  the
• 29:33
  kindest
• 29:33
  guy
• 29:33
  and
• 29:34
  he
• 29:34
  was
• 29:34
  always
• 29:34
  very
• 29:34
  nice
• 29:35
  to
• 29:35
  us
• 29:35
  and,
• 29:36
  But
• 29:36
  I
• 29:36
  guess
• 29:37
  he
• 29:37
  was
• 29:37
  a
• 29:37
  monster
• 29:38
  too.
• 29:39
  And
• 29:39
  his
• 29:39
  father
• 29:40
  probably,
• 29:41
  you
• 29:41
  know,
• 29:42
  I
• 29:43
  don't
• 29:43
  want
• 29:43
  to,
• 29:43
  you
• 29:43
  know,
• 29:44
  just
• 29:44
  kind
• 29:44
  of
• 29:44
  generalize
• 29:45
  it
• 29:45
  by
• 29:46
  saying
• 29:46
  Irish
• 29:46
  families
• 29:47
  were
• 29:47
  like
• 29:47
  that,
• 29:47
  but,
• 29:48
  you
• 29:48
  know,
• 29:49
  a
• 29:49
  lot
• 29:49
  were.
• 29:50
  And
• 29:50
  so
• 29:51
  that
• 29:51
  abuse
• 29:52
  was
• 29:52
  a,
• 29:52
  was
• 29:53
  a
• 29:53
  legacy
• 29:54
  that
• 29:55
  because
• 29:56
  of
• 29:56
  what
• 29:57
  my
• 29:57
  brothers
• 29:57
  experienced
• 29:58
  on
• 29:59
  their
• 29:59
  own
• 29:59
  and
• 29:59
  what
• 29:59
  they
• 30:00
  saw
• 30:01
  happening
• 30:01
  to
• 30:02
  me
• 30:02
  when
• 30:02
  they
• 30:03
  had
• 30:03
  families
• 30:03
  of
• 30:04
  their
• 30:04
  own,
• 30:05
  they
• 30:05
  said
• 30:06
  to
• 30:06
  themselves,
• 30:06
  I'm
• 30:06
  not
• 30:07
  going
• 30:07
  to
• 30:07
  raise
• 30:07
  my
• 30:07
  kids
• 30:08
  like
• 30:08
  I
• 30:08
  was
• 30:08
  raised.
• 30:09
  And
• 30:09
  so
• 30:09
  they
• 30:09
  broke
• 30:10
  the
• 30:10
  legacy,
• 30:10
  which
• 30:11
  is,
• 30:12
  which
• 30:12
  is
• 30:13
  a
• 30:14
  blessing.
• 30:15
  You
• 30:15
  know,
• 30:15
  I
• 30:15
  mean,
• 30:16
  I
• 30:16
  wake
• 30:16
  up
• 30:16
  all
• 30:17
  the
• 30:17
  time
• 30:17
  and
• 30:17
  I
• 30:18
  just
• 30:18
  thank
• 30:18
  God
• 30:19
  that
• 30:19
  that
• 30:19
  happened.
• 30:20
  My
• 30:20
  nephews
• 30:21
  and
• 30:21
  my
• 30:21
  nieces
• 30:22
  are
• 30:22
  all
• 30:24
  wonderful,
• 30:25
  well
• 30:25
  rounded,
• 30:26
  confident,
• 30:28
  successful
• 30:28
  kids,
• 30:29
  you
• 30:29
  know,
• 30:30
  because
• 30:30
  of
• 30:30
  the
• 30:30
  way
• 30:30
  that
• 30:31
  they
• 30:31
  were
• 30:31
  brought
• 30:31
  up.
• 30:32
  Right.
• 30:32
  And
• 30:33
  you
• 30:33
  know,
• 30:34
  and
• 30:35
  I
• 30:35
  always
• 30:35
  say.
• 30:35
  That
• 30:35
  it
• 30:35
  takes
• 30:36
  one
• 30:36
  person
• 30:36
  just
• 30:37
  saying
• 30:37
  what
• 30:38
  was
• 30:38
  done
• 30:38
  to
• 30:38
  me
• 30:38
  wasn't
• 30:39
  right.
• 30:40
  So
• 30:40
  how
• 30:40
  am
• 30:40
  I
• 30:40
  going
• 30:40
  to
• 30:40
  make
• 30:41
  better,
• 30:41
  how
• 30:41
  am
• 30:41
  I
• 30:41
  going
• 30:41
  to
• 30:41
  become
• 30:42
  a
• 30:42
  better
• 30:42
  person
• 30:42
  instead
• 30:43
  of
• 30:43
  staying
• 30:43
  a
• 30:43
  victim
• 30:44
  and
• 30:44
  just
• 30:45
  carrying
• 30:46
  on
• 30:46
  and
• 30:47
  being
• 30:47
  that
• 30:47
  same
• 30:48
  person
• 30:48
  to
• 30:48
  the
• 30:48
  next
• 30:49
  generation?
• 30:50
  Yeah,
• 30:51
  it's
• 30:52
  very
• 30:52
  powerful.
• 30:52
  You
• 30:53
  know,
• 30:53
  it's,
• 30:53
  and
• 30:53
  it's,
• 30:54
  it's,
• 30:54
  it's
• 30:55
  a
• 30:55
  good,
• 30:56
  like
• 30:57
  I
• 30:57
  said,
• 30:57
  it's
• 30:57
  just
• 30:58
  if
• 30:58
  you,
• 31:00
  if,
• 31:00
  you
• 31:01
  know,
• 31:01
  you
• 31:02
  get
• 31:02
  to
• 31:02
  the
• 31:02
  point
• 31:02
  where
• 31:02
  you
• 31:02
  can
• 31:03
  really
• 31:03
  count
• 31:03
  your
• 31:03
  blessings,
• 31:04
  which
• 31:04
  I
• 31:04
  think
• 31:05
  when
• 31:05
  you
• 31:05
  learn
• 31:05
  to
• 31:06
  forgive
• 31:06
  and
• 31:06
  heal
• 31:08
  is
• 31:08
  much
• 31:08
  easier
• 31:09
  to
• 31:09
  do.
• 31:10
  You
• 31:10
  know,
• 31:11
  you
• 31:11
  can
• 31:11
  look
• 31:11
  at,
• 31:13
  you
• 31:13
  know,
• 31:13
  not
• 31:13
  that
• 31:13
  you
• 31:14
  live
• 31:14
  in
• 31:14
  the
• 31:14
  past,
• 31:15
  but
• 31:15
  you
• 31:15
  can
• 31:15
  look
• 31:15
  at
• 31:16
  your
• 31:16
  past
• 31:16
  and,
• 31:18
  and
• 31:19
  I
• 31:20
  do
• 31:20
  this,
• 31:20
  you
• 31:21
  know,
• 31:21
  I
• 31:21
  have
• 31:22
  a
• 31:22
  long
• 31:22
  way
• 31:23
  to
• 31:23
  go,
• 31:23
  believe
• 31:23
  me,
• 31:24
  to,
• 31:25
  you
• 31:25
  know,
• 31:26
  there
• 31:26
  are
• 31:26
  Lots
• 31:26
  of
• 31:26
  things
• 31:27
  that
• 31:27
  I
• 31:27
  want
• 31:28
  to
• 31:28
  change
• 31:28
  in
• 31:29
  myself.
• 31:29
  But
• 31:30
  I
• 31:30
  got
• 31:30
  to
• 31:30
  that.
• 31:31
  That
• 31:31
  hump
• 31:31
  where
• 31:35
  I
• 31:35
  knew
• 31:36
  I
• 31:36
  knew
• 31:36
  how
• 31:36
  to
• 31:37
  do
• 31:37
  it.
• 31:37
  And
• 31:37
  I,
• 31:37
  you
• 31:38
  know,
• 31:38
  I
• 31:38
  mean,
• 31:38
  I
• 31:38
  think
• 31:38
  when
• 31:38
  you.
• 31:39
  When
• 31:39
  you
• 31:39
  healer
• 31:40
  and
• 31:40
  when
• 31:40
  you
• 31:40
  learn
• 31:40
  to
• 31:40
  forgive
• 31:41
  yourself,
• 31:41
  you
• 31:42
  become
• 31:42
  so
• 31:42
  much
• 31:42
  more
• 31:43
  aware
• 31:43
  of
• 31:43
  yourself
• 31:44
  and
• 31:45
  how
• 31:45
  you
• 31:45
  act
• 31:46
  towards
• 31:46
  things.
• 31:47
  And
• 31:47
  one
• 31:48
  of,
• 31:48
  you
• 31:48
  know,
• 31:48
  so
• 31:50
  one
• 31:50
  of
• 31:50
  the
• 31:50
  things
• 31:51
  that
• 31:51
  I
• 31:51
  had
• 31:51
  was
• 31:51
  I
• 31:51
  had
• 31:52
  this
• 31:52
  rage
• 31:52
  in
• 31:52
  me,
• 31:53
  and
• 31:53
  I
• 31:53
  was
• 31:53
  very
• 31:53
  easy
• 31:54
  to,
• 31:54
  you
• 31:55
  know,
• 31:55
  I
• 31:56
  had
• 31:56
  to
• 31:57
  keep
• 31:57
  myself
• 31:57
  in
• 31:57
  check
• 31:58
  because
• 31:58
  I
• 31:58
  would.
• 32:00
  I
• 32:00
  would
• 32:01
  just
• 32:02
  be
• 32:02
  enraged
• 32:03
  at
• 32:03
  things,
• 32:03
  and
• 32:04
  I
• 32:04
  didn't
• 32:04
  even
• 32:04
  know
• 32:05
  it.
• 32:05
  You
• 32:05
  know,
• 32:05
  I
• 32:05
  mean,
• 32:05
  I
• 32:05
  just.
• 32:06
  I.
• 32:06
  It
• 32:07
  was
• 32:07
  just
• 32:08
  something
• 32:08
  that
• 32:08
  happened
• 32:08
  to
• 32:09
  me
• 32:09
  when
• 32:09
  I
• 32:10
  started
• 32:11
  healing.
• 32:11
  I
• 32:12
  could.
• 32:12
  I
• 32:13
  kind
• 32:13
  of
• 32:13
  looked
• 32:13
  inward
• 32:14
  and
• 32:15
  thought
• 32:15
  to
• 32:15
  myself,
• 32:16
  when
• 32:16
  I
• 32:16
  got
• 32:16
  in
• 32:16
  these
• 32:16
  situations
• 32:18
  where
• 32:19
  I
• 32:19
  would
• 32:19
  normally
• 32:20
  just
• 32:20
  kind
• 32:20
  of,
• 32:20
  you
• 32:21
  know,
• 32:21
  lose
• 32:21
  my
• 32:21
  temper,
• 32:23
  I
• 32:23
  would
• 32:23
  say
• 32:23
  to
• 32:23
  my.
• 32:24
  I
• 32:24
  would
• 32:24
  stop
• 32:24
  and
• 32:25
  I'd
• 32:25
  say
• 32:25
  to
• 32:25
  myself,
• 32:26
  your
• 32:27
  body
• 32:27
  is
• 32:27
  experiencing
• 32:28
  anger.
• 32:29
  And.
• 32:29
  And
• 32:30
  this
• 32:30
  is
• 32:30
  why
• 32:31
  it's
• 32:31
  not,
• 32:33
  you
• 32:33
  know,
• 32:33
  I
• 32:33
  mean,
• 32:34
  a
• 32:34
  response
• 32:34
  is
• 32:35
  not
• 32:35
  warranted
• 32:36
  or,
• 32:36
  you
• 32:36
  know,
• 32:36
  there's.
• 32:37
  There's.
• 32:37
  This
• 32:38
  is,
• 32:38
  you
• 32:38
  know,
• 32:39
  and
• 32:39
  you
• 32:39
  became
• 32:40
  very.
• 32:40
  I
• 32:40
  became
• 32:41
  very
• 32:41
  aware
• 32:41
  of
• 32:42
  my
• 32:43
  surroundings
• 32:44
  and
• 32:44
  the
• 32:44
  circumstances
• 32:45
  that
• 32:45
  I
• 32:45
  was
• 32:45
  in.
• 32:46
  And
• 32:46
  so
• 32:46
  I
• 32:46
  was
• 32:47
  able
• 32:47
  to
• 32:47
  just,
• 32:47
  you
• 32:48
  know,
• 32:48
  calm
• 32:48
  down
• 32:49
  and.
• 32:49
  Yep,
• 32:50
  that
• 32:50
  was
• 32:50
  a
• 32:50
  big
• 32:51
  thing.
• 32:51
  You
• 32:51
  know,
• 32:52
  I
• 32:53
  love
• 32:53
  somewhere
• 32:54
  you
• 32:54
  wrote.
• 32:57
  I
• 32:57
  don't
• 32:57
  remember
• 32:58
  the
• 32:58
  exact
• 32:58
  quote,
• 32:58
  but.
• 32:59
  And
• 32:59
  it
• 32:59
  was
• 32:59
  something
• 32:59
  you
• 33:00
  wrote
• 33:00
  in
• 33:00
  either
• 33:00
  an
• 33:01
  application
• 33:01
  to
• 33:01
  me
• 33:01
  or
• 33:01
  something,
• 33:02
  but
• 33:02
  it
• 33:02
  was
• 33:02
  like,
• 33:02
  aha.
• 33:03
  Isn't
• 33:04
  one
• 33:05
  moment.
• 33:05
  It's
• 33:05
  the
• 33:06
  process
• 33:07
  of
• 33:07
  awareness,
• 33:10
  Something
• 33:10
  in
• 33:10
  action.
• 33:11
  Yeah,
• 33:12
  yeah.
• 33:14
  Acceptance
• 33:15
  and
• 33:15
  action.
• 33:15
  And
• 33:16
  I.
• 33:16
  That
• 33:16
  hit
• 33:17
  me
• 33:17
  so
• 33:17
  hard.
• 33:17
  Like,
• 33:18
  I
• 33:18
  was
• 33:18
  like,
• 33:18
  oh,
• 33:19
  my
• 33:19
  God.
• 33:19
  Because
• 33:19
  I
• 33:19
  was
• 33:20
  on
• 33:20
  the
• 33:20
  way
• 33:20
  to
• 33:20
  a
• 33:20
  speech
• 33:21
  one
• 33:21
  day
• 33:21
  and
• 33:22
  I
• 33:22
  was
• 33:22
  giving
• 33:22
  a
• 33:23
  speech.
• 33:23
  I
• 33:23
  was
• 33:23
  ready
• 33:23
  to
• 33:23
  go
• 33:24
  speaking
• 33:24
  in
• 33:24
  front
• 33:24
  of,
• 33:24
  like,
• 33:25
  400
• 33:25
  women.
• 33:26
  And
• 33:26
  on
• 33:26
  the
• 33:27
  way
• 33:27
  to
• 33:27
  the
• 33:27
  speech,
• 33:27
  I
• 33:28
  heard
• 33:28
  a
• 33:28
  podcast,
• 33:29
  and
• 33:29
  the
• 33:29
  lady
• 33:29
  said,
• 33:30
  oh,
• 33:31
  awareness,
• 33:31
  That's.
• 33:32
  That's
• 33:32
  the
• 33:32
  key.
• 33:32
  Once
• 33:33
  you
• 33:33
  become
• 33:33
  aware,
• 33:34
  you
• 33:34
  literally.
• 33:35
  The
• 33:35
  rest
• 33:36
  will
• 33:36
  fall
• 33:36
  into
• 33:36
  place.
• 33:37
  And
• 33:37
  in
• 33:37
  my
• 33:37
  mind,
• 33:38
  I
• 33:38
  was
• 33:38
  like,
• 33:38
  no,
• 33:39
  no,
• 33:39
  that's
• 33:39
  the
• 33:39
  first
• 33:40
  step.
• 33:40
  Like,
• 33:40
  you
• 33:40
  have
• 33:41
  to
• 33:41
  be
• 33:41
  aware.
• 33:41
  You
• 33:41
  have
• 33:42
  to
• 33:42
  accept
• 33:42
  that
• 33:42
  if
• 33:42
  you
• 33:43
  don't
• 33:43
  change
• 33:44
  and
• 33:44
  if
• 33:44
  you
• 33:44
  don't
• 33:45
  take
• 33:45
  action,
• 33:45
  nothing
• 33:46
  will
• 33:46
  ever
• 33:46
  change.
• 33:47
  And
• 33:47
  so
• 33:47
  my
• 33:48
  whole
• 33:48
  speech,
• 33:48
  even
• 33:48
  though
• 33:49
  I
• 33:49
  had
• 33:49
  spent
• 33:49
  months
• 33:50
  preparing
• 33:50
  this
• 33:50
  other
• 33:51
  speech,
• 33:52
  I
• 33:52
  got
• 33:52
  up
• 33:52
  on
• 33:52
  stage
• 33:52
  in
• 33:52
  front
• 33:53
  of
• 33:53
  this
• 33:53
  400
• 33:54
  women
• 33:54
  and
• 33:54
  talked
• 33:55
  about
• 33:55
  awareness,
• 33:56
  acceptance,
• 33:56
  and
• 33:57
  action.
• 33:57
  And
• 33:57
  I.
• 33:58
  Wow,
• 33:58
  that's
• 33:59
  when
• 33:59
  you.
• 33:59
  It
• 34:00
  was
• 34:00
  funny.
• 34:00
  And
• 34:00
  my
• 34:00
  friend
• 34:01
  said
• 34:01
  to
• 34:01
  me,
• 34:01
  I
• 34:01
  said,
• 34:01
  how'd
• 34:01
  I
• 34:02
  do?
• 34:02
  And
• 34:02
  she's
• 34:02
  like,
• 34:03
  well,
• 34:03
  you
• 34:03
  freaking
• 34:03
  nailed
• 34:04
  it.
• 34:04
  But
• 34:04
  you
• 34:04
  didn't
• 34:04
  say
• 34:04
  anything.
• 34:05
  You
• 34:05
  planned
• 34:05
  on
• 34:05
  saying
• 34:06
  And
• 34:06
  I
• 34:06
  was
• 34:06
  like,
• 34:06
  oh,
• 34:07
  whoops.
• 34:08
  That's
• 34:08
  a,
• 34:09
  That's
• 34:09
  a
• 34:09
  gift.
• 34:10
  If
• 34:10
  you
• 34:10
  can
• 34:10
  change
• 34:10
  midstream
• 34:11
  like
• 34:12
  that
• 34:12
  and
• 34:12
  go
• 34:12
  in
• 34:12
  another
• 34:13
  direction,
• 34:13
  you
• 34:13
  know.
• 34:14
  You
• 34:14
  were
• 34:14
  inspired.
• 34:15
  You
• 34:16
  know,
• 34:16
  it
• 34:16
  was
• 34:16
  so
• 34:16
  funny.
• 34:17
  Yeah.
• 34:17
  And
• 34:17
  I
• 34:17
  was
• 34:17
  like,
• 34:17
  I'm
• 34:18
  really
• 34:18
  bad.
• 34:18
  I
• 34:18
  don't
• 34:18
  write
• 34:19
  speeches.
• 34:19
  I
• 34:19
  don't.
• 34:19
  That's
• 34:20
  why
• 34:20
  I
• 34:20
  don't
• 34:20
  write
• 34:20
  speeches
• 34:21
  because
• 34:21
  it's
• 34:21
  like
• 34:21
  whatever.
• 34:21
  I
• 34:22
  get
• 34:22
  downloads
• 34:22
  like
• 34:23
  in
• 34:23
  the
• 34:23
  moment
• 34:23
  and
• 34:23
  I
• 34:24
  don't
• 34:24
  know
• 34:24
  what
• 34:24
  I'm
• 34:24
  going
• 34:24
  to
• 34:24
  say.
• 34:25
  But
• 34:25
  when
• 34:26
  I
• 34:26
  read
• 34:26
  those
• 34:26
  words
• 34:27
  that
• 34:27
  you
• 34:27
  said
• 34:27
  like
• 34:27
  there
• 34:28
  I
• 34:28
  was
• 34:28
  like,
• 34:28
  damn.
• 34:28
  And
• 34:29
  then
• 34:29
  I
• 34:29
  think
• 34:29
  you.
• 34:29
  I
• 34:30
  had
• 34:30
  it
• 34:30
  somewhere.
• 34:30
  I
• 34:31
  was
• 34:31
  on
• 34:31
  my
• 34:31
  computer
• 34:31
  somewhere.
• 34:32
  But
• 34:34
  I
• 34:34
  don't
• 34:35
  remember
• 34:35
  what
• 34:35
  you
• 34:35
  said.
• 34:35
  And
• 34:35
  it
• 34:36
  was
• 34:36
  like.
• 34:36
  It
• 34:36
  was
• 34:36
  like
• 34:36
  the
• 34:36
  perfect
• 34:37
  line
• 34:38
  of
• 34:38
  healing
• 34:38
  isn't
• 34:39
  the
• 34:39
  aha
• 34:39
  moment.
• 34:39
  And
• 34:40
  then
• 34:40
  the
• 34:40
  awareness,
• 34:41
  acceptance
• 34:41
  and
• 34:41
  action
• 34:42
  and
• 34:42
  then
• 34:42
  the.
• 34:44
  I
• 34:45
  don't
• 34:45
  remember
• 34:45
  what
• 34:45
  else
• 34:45
  you
• 34:45
  said.
• 34:46
  Like
• 34:46
  replaced
• 34:46
  with
• 34:47
  understanding
• 34:47
  and
• 34:48
  something.
• 34:48
  I
• 34:48
  don't
• 34:48
  remember
• 34:48
  exactly
• 34:49
  what
• 34:49
  you
• 34:49
  said,
• 34:49
  but
• 34:49
  it
• 34:49
  was
• 34:50
  so
• 34:50
  perfect.
• 34:50
  I
• 34:50
  was
• 34:50
  like,
• 34:50
  oh
• 34:51
  God,
• 34:51
  I
• 34:51
  got
• 34:51
  to
• 34:51
  use
• 34:51
  that
• 34:51
  as
• 34:51
  a
• 34:52
  line
• 34:52
  somewhere.
• 34:53
  I'll
• 34:53
  have
• 34:53
  to
• 34:53
  quote
• 34:53
  you
• 34:53
  on
• 34:53
  it
• 34:54
  now.
• 34:55
  That's.
• 34:56
  It's
• 34:56
  okay.
• 34:56
  You
• 34:57
  can.
• 34:57
  That's
• 34:58
  all
• 34:58
  right.
• 34:58
  Claim
• 34:58
  it
• 34:59
  if
• 34:59
  you
• 34:59
  want.
• 35:00
  I.
• 35:00
  It
• 35:01
  was.
• 35:01
  Yeah,
• 35:01
  I
• 35:02
  was.
• 35:02
  I
• 35:02
  mean
• 35:02
  the,
• 35:02
  the.
• 35:03
  The.
• 35:03
  The
• 35:04
  real.
• 35:04
  It.
• 35:04
  It.
• 35:05
  It's
• 35:05
  so,
• 35:05
  you
• 35:06
  know,
• 35:06
  nobody.
• 35:08
  The
• 35:09
  thing.
• 35:09
  The
• 35:09
  problem
• 35:09
  I
• 35:10
  have
• 35:10
  with
• 35:10
  all
• 35:10
  this
• 35:10
  stuff
• 35:11
  going
• 35:11
  on
• 35:11
  now
• 35:12
  and
• 35:12
  I'm
• 35:12
  glad
• 35:12
  it's
• 35:12
  happening,
• 35:13
  you
• 35:13
  know,
• 35:13
  because
• 35:13
  I
• 35:14
  think
• 35:14
  that
• 35:15
  everything
• 35:15
  that's
• 35:16
  going
• 35:16
  on
• 35:16
  in
• 35:17
  the
• 35:17
  world
• 35:17
  there,
• 35:18
  you
• 35:18
  know,
• 35:18
  the
• 35:18
  pendulum
• 35:19
  is
• 35:19
  swinging
• 35:20
  back
• 35:20
  to
• 35:21
  become,
• 35:21
  you
• 35:21
  know,
• 35:22
  to
• 35:22
  self
• 35:22
  awareness
• 35:23
  and,
• 35:23
  and
• 35:24
  compassion
• 35:25
  and
• 35:25
  empathy.
• 35:25
  I
• 35:26
  really
• 35:26
  feel
• 35:26
  that.
• 35:27
  But,
• 35:27
  but
• 35:28
  you
• 35:28
  know,
• 35:28
  in
• 35:28
  that
• 35:29
  way
• 35:29
  there
• 35:29
  are
• 35:29
  all
• 35:30
  these
• 35:32
  hacks,
• 35:32
  you
• 35:33
  know,
• 35:33
  it's
• 35:33
  like
• 35:33
  a
• 35:33
  health
• 35:34
  hack
• 35:34
  or
• 35:35
  you
• 35:35
  know,
• 35:36
  psych.
• 35:36
  Psych
• 35:37
  psychology
• 35:38
  hack
• 35:38
  or
• 35:38
  something
• 35:39
  that
• 35:39
  you
• 35:39
  can
• 35:39
  do
• 35:39
  right
• 35:39
  away
• 35:40
  to
• 35:40
  make,
• 35:41
  you
• 35:41
  know,
• 35:41
  make
• 35:42
  things
• 35:42
  all
• 35:43
  all
• 35:43
  right.
• 35:44
  And,
• 35:44
  but
• 35:44
  that's
• 35:45
  just
• 35:45
  not.
• 35:45
  I
• 35:46
  mean
• 35:46
  it's.
• 35:46
  Forgiveness
• 35:47
  is
• 35:47
  a
• 35:47
  messy
• 35:48
  thing
• 35:48
  and
• 35:48
  healing
• 35:49
  is
• 35:49
  a
• 35:49
  very
• 35:49
  messy
• 35:50
  and
• 35:51
  long
• 35:51
  term
• 35:51
  thing.
• 35:52
  Yeah.
• 35:53
  And.
• 35:53
  But
• 35:54
  that's
• 35:54
  why
• 35:54
  it
• 35:54
  gets
• 35:55
  so.
• 35:55
  It's
• 35:56
  so
• 35:56
  important
• 35:56
  once
• 35:57
  you
• 35:57
  get
• 35:57
  to
• 35:57
  that
• 35:58
  point,
• 35:59
  you
• 35:59
  have
• 35:59
  put
• 36:00
  the
• 36:00
  work
• 36:00
  in,
• 36:01
  you
• 36:01
  know,
• 36:01
  and,
• 36:02
  and
• 36:02
  you.
• 36:02
  And
• 36:03
  that.
• 36:03
  That
• 36:04
  pays
• 36:04
  off
• 36:04
  in
• 36:04
  spades.
• 36:05
  Yep.
• 36:07
  It
• 36:07
  really.
• 36:08
  100.
• 36:09
  100.
• 36:11
  And
• 36:12
  you're
• 36:12
  right.
• 36:12
  It's
• 36:12
  not
• 36:12
  mess.
• 36:13
  I
• 36:13
  mean
• 36:13
  it
• 36:13
  isn't
• 36:14
  clean.
• 36:14
  But
• 36:14
  it's
• 36:15
  so
• 36:15
  necessary
• 36:16
  for
• 36:16
  your
• 36:17
  peace
• 36:18
  of
• 36:18
  mind
• 36:18
  and
• 36:19
  your
• 36:19
  just
• 36:19
  your
• 36:20
  mental
• 36:21
  aware,
• 36:21
  you
• 36:22
  know,
• 36:22
  just
• 36:22
  your,
• 36:23
  your
• 36:23
  peace
• 36:24
  really.
• 36:24
  You
• 36:25
  know,
• 36:25
  you
• 36:25
  want
• 36:25
  I
• 36:26
  tell
• 36:26
  people
• 36:26
  if
• 36:26
  you're
• 36:26
  sitting
• 36:27
  there
• 36:27
  and
• 36:27
  when
• 36:27
  people
• 36:28
  say
• 36:28
  things,
• 36:28
  you
• 36:28
  get
• 36:29
  a
• 36:29
  gut
• 36:29
  punch
• 36:29
  or
• 36:30
  you,
• 36:30
  Your
• 36:30
  shoulders
• 36:31
  are
• 36:31
  up.
• 36:31
  You
• 36:31
  know,
• 36:32
  we
• 36:32
  walk
• 36:32
  around
• 36:32
  like
• 36:33
  this,
• 36:33
  we're
• 36:33
  tense,
• 36:34
  we're
• 36:34
  angry,
• 36:34
  we're
• 36:35
  ready
• 36:35
  to
• 36:35
  fight,
• 36:36
  literally.
• 36:37
  Because
• 36:38
  we
• 36:38
  are
• 36:38
  not
• 36:38
  at
• 36:38
  peace
• 36:39
  with
• 36:39
  ourselves
• 36:40
  and
• 36:41
  the
• 36:41
  stuff
• 36:41
  that
• 36:41
  happened.
• 36:42
  And
• 36:43
  you're
• 36:43
  right,
• 36:43
  it's
• 36:43
  not
• 36:43
  an
• 36:44
  easy
• 36:44
  process,
• 36:44
  but
• 36:44
  you
• 36:45
  forgiving
• 36:46
  is
• 36:46
  a
• 36:47
  huge
• 36:47
  part
• 36:47
  of
• 36:47
  it.
• 36:48
  And
• 36:48
  I'm
• 36:48
  so
• 36:48
  glad
• 36:48
  you
• 36:48
  came
• 36:49
  on
• 36:49
  to
• 36:49
  talk
• 36:49
  about
• 36:49
  that.
• 36:50
  So
• 36:50
  glad.
• 36:51
  Thank
• 36:52
  you,
• 36:52
  Tammy.
• 36:52
  I
• 36:52
  really
• 36:53
  enjoyed
• 36:53
  it.
• 36:53
  I,
• 36:54
  you
• 36:54
  know,
• 36:55
  I
• 36:55
  mean,
• 36:55
  like
• 36:55
  I
• 36:55
  said,
• 36:56
  you're.
• 36:56
  These
• 36:57
  things
• 36:57
  are
• 36:57
  so
• 36:57
  good
• 36:57
  for
• 36:58
  me
• 36:58
  because
• 36:59
  they,
• 36:59
  you
• 37:00
  know,
• 37:00
  you
• 37:01
  can
• 37:01
  synthesize
• 37:01
  your
• 37:02
  thought
• 37:02
  and
• 37:03
  make
• 37:03
  sense
• 37:03
  to
• 37:04
  you,
• 37:04
  to
• 37:04
  yourself
• 37:05
  really.
• 37:05
  You
• 37:06
  know,
• 37:07
  and
• 37:07
  so
• 37:08
  I
• 37:08
  really
• 37:08
  appreciate
• 37:09
  you
• 37:09
  having
• 37:09
  me
• 37:09
  on.
• 37:10
  It's
• 37:10
  one.
• 37:10
  Yeah,
• 37:10
  no
• 37:11
  problem.
• 37:11
  And
• 37:11
  every
• 37:12
  time
• 37:12
  you
• 37:12
  tell
• 37:12
  your
• 37:12
  story,
• 37:13
  you
• 37:13
  heal
• 37:13
  a
• 37:13
  little
• 37:13
  bit
• 37:14
  more
• 37:14
  because
• 37:15
  I'm
• 37:15
  a
• 37:15
  big,
• 37:15
  I'm
• 37:15
  a
• 37:15
  big.
• 37:16
  I
• 37:16
  work
• 37:16
  a
• 37:17
  lot
• 37:17
  with
• 37:17
  the
• 37:17
  nervous
• 37:17
  system
• 37:18
  and
• 37:18
  I'm
• 37:18
  like,
• 37:18
  get
• 37:18
  it
• 37:19
  out
• 37:19
  of
• 37:19
  your
• 37:19
  body.
• 37:19
  Get
• 37:19
  it
• 37:20
  out
• 37:20
  of
• 37:20
  your
• 37:20
  body.
• 37:20
  Like,
• 37:20
  go,
• 37:21
  go.
• 37:22
  Good
• 37:22
  for
• 37:22
  you.
• 37:23
  You're
• 37:23
  doing
• 37:23
  a
• 37:24
  great
• 37:24
  service.
• 37:25
  You
• 37:25
  know,
• 37:25
  I
• 37:26
  love
• 37:26
  it.
• 37:26
  So
• 37:26
  if
• 37:26
  people
• 37:27
  want
• 37:27
  to
• 37:27
  find
• 37:28
  out
• 37:28
  more
• 37:28
  about
• 37:28
  you,
• 37:28
  work
• 37:29
  with
• 37:29
  you,
• 37:29
  talk
• 37:29
  to
• 37:29
  you,
• 37:30
  how
• 37:30
  do
• 37:30
  they
• 37:30
  reach
• 37:31
  you?
• 37:32
  So
• 37:32
  My
• 37:33
  website
• 37:33
  is
• 37:34
  pauldrugin.com
• 37:37
  and
• 37:37
  my
• 37:37
  book's
• 37:38
  coming
• 37:38
  out.
• 37:39
  April
• 37:39
  15th
• 37:40
  is
• 37:40
  launch
• 37:41
  date.
• 37:42
  Oh,
• 37:42
  yay.
• 37:43
  Yeah.
• 37:43
  And
• 37:43
  just
• 37:44
  sign
• 37:44
  up
• 37:44
  for.
• 37:44
  I,
• 37:45
  I
• 37:45
  have
• 37:45
  a
• 37:45
  blog
• 37:46
  on
• 37:46
  my
• 37:46
  website
• 37:47
  that
• 37:47
  talks
• 37:49
  a
• 37:49
  lot
• 37:49
  about,
• 37:50
  you
• 37:50
  know,
• 37:50
  I
• 37:50
  don't
• 37:50
  want
• 37:51
  to
• 37:51
  pin
• 37:51
  myself
• 37:52
  into
• 37:53
  men's
• 37:53
  mental
• 37:54
  health,
• 37:54
  but
• 37:54
  that's
• 37:54
  my
• 37:55
  lived
• 37:55
  experience.
• 37:56
  Right.
• 37:56
  So
• 37:57
  I
• 37:57
  don't,
• 37:57
  I.
• 37:58
  That's
• 37:58
  how
• 37:58
  I
• 37:59
  know
• 37:59
  to,
• 37:59
  you
• 38:00
  know,
• 38:00
  how
• 38:00
  I
• 38:01
  dealt
• 38:01
  with
• 38:01
  things
• 38:01
  and
• 38:02
  what
• 38:02
  I
• 38:03
  think
• 38:03
  or
• 38:04
  that
• 38:04
  is
• 38:04
  going
• 38:05
  on
• 38:05
  with
• 38:05
  God,
• 38:05
  men
• 38:06
  these
• 38:06
  days.
• 38:06
  But
• 38:07
  it's
• 38:07
  really
• 38:07
  for
• 38:08
  every.
• 38:08
  We're.
• 38:08
  Forgiveness
• 38:09
  is
• 38:09
  not
• 38:09
  gender
• 38:10
  based.
• 38:10
  No.
• 38:11
  Right.
• 38:11
  No.
• 38:13
  But
• 38:14
  yeah,
• 38:15
  I
• 38:15
  have,
• 38:15
  I
• 38:15
  have
• 38:15
  a
• 38:16
  blog
• 38:16
  that
• 38:16
  I
• 38:16
  would
• 38:16
  love
• 38:17
  people
• 38:17
  to
• 38:17
  read
• 38:18
  and
• 38:19
  they're
• 38:20
  contact,
• 38:20
  you
• 38:20
  know,
• 38:21
  just
• 38:21
  contact
• 38:21
  me
• 38:21
  through
• 38:21
  my
• 38:22
  website
• 38:22
  pretty
• 38:22
  much.
• 38:23
  I'm
• 38:23
  on
• 38:23
  Facebook
• 38:23
  and
• 38:23
  Instagram
• 38:24
  too
• 38:24
  and
• 38:24
  those
• 38:25
  links
• 38:25
  are
• 38:25
  on
• 38:25
  my
• 38:25
  website.
• 38:28
  And
• 38:28
  so
• 38:29
  I,
• 38:29
  you
• 38:30
  know,
• 38:30
  I
• 38:30
  hope
• 38:30
  to
• 38:31
  be
• 38:31
  doing
• 38:31
  this
• 38:32
  a
• 38:32
  lot
• 38:32
  more
• 38:32
  in
• 38:32
  the
• 38:33
  future.
• 38:33
  I,
• 38:33
  you
• 38:33
  know,
• 38:34
  I
• 38:34
  would.
• 38:34
  I,
• 38:35
  I
• 38:35
  really
• 38:36
  want
• 38:36
  to.
• 38:36
  I
• 38:37
  feel
• 38:37
  so
• 38:37
  strongly
• 38:38
  about
• 38:38
  it
• 38:40
  because
• 38:40
  I
• 38:40
  know
• 38:41
  what
• 38:41
  a
• 38:41
  difference
• 38:41
  it
• 38:41
  made
• 38:42
  in
• 38:42
  my
• 38:42
  life
• 38:43
  and
• 38:44
  you
• 38:44
  know,
• 38:44
  I
• 38:44
  just
• 38:45
  want
• 38:45
  to
• 38:45
  really
• 38:45
  share
• 38:46
  that
• 38:48
  with
• 38:48
  others.
• 38:50
  You
• 38:50
  know,
• 38:51
  that's
• 38:51
  really,
• 38:51
  that's
• 38:52
  really
• 38:52
  my
• 38:52
  goal
• 38:53
  is
• 38:53
  to
• 38:54
  be
• 38:54
  of
• 38:54
  service
• 38:55
  as
• 38:56
  long
• 38:56
  as
• 38:56
  I
• 38:56
  can.
• 38:57
  I'm
• 38:57
  getting
• 38:57
  older.
• 38:57
  I'm
• 38:58
  not,
• 38:58
  I'm
• 38:58
  not
• 38:58
  as
• 39:00
  a
• 39:00
  number.
• 39:00
  Just
• 39:01
  a
• 39:01
  number.
• 39:01
  That's
• 39:02
  so
• 39:02
  true.
• 39:04
  Okay,
• 39:04
  so
• 39:05
  I
• 39:05
  pulled
• 39:05
  up.
• 39:06
  Thank
• 39:06
  you
• 39:06
  so
• 39:07
  much.
• 39:07
  Again.
• 39:07
  I
• 39:07
  pulled,
• 39:08
  I
• 39:08
  found
• 39:08
  up.
• 39:08
  Found
• 39:09
  your
• 39:09
  quote
• 39:09
  and
• 39:09
  this
• 39:10
  is
• 39:10
  what
• 39:10
  you
• 39:10
  said.
• 39:10
  Steal
• 39:11
  this.
• 39:12
  Healing
• 39:12
  isn't
• 39:12
  an
• 39:12
  aha
• 39:13
  moment
• 39:13
  or
• 39:14
  a
• 39:14
  clean
• 39:14
  ending.
• 39:14
  It's
• 39:15
  a
• 39:15
  practice
• 39:15
  of
• 39:16
  awareness,
• 39:16
  acceptance,
• 39:17
  and
• 39:18
  action.
• 39:18
  Where
• 39:19
  shame
• 39:19
  is
• 39:19
  replaced
• 39:20
  with
• 39:20
  understanding
• 39:20
  and
• 39:21
  silence
• 39:21
  with
• 39:21
  voice.
• 39:22
  And
• 39:23
  the
• 39:23
  hope
• 39:23
  is
• 39:23
  this,
• 39:24
  no
• 39:24
  matter
• 39:24
  how
• 39:25
  early
• 39:25
  the
• 39:25
  wound
• 39:26
  or
• 39:26
  how
• 39:26
  deep
• 39:26
  the
• 39:27
  damage,
• 39:27
  your
• 39:27
  dignity
• 39:28
  and
• 39:28
  worth
• 39:28
  were
• 39:29
  never
• 39:29
  destroyed.
• 39:30
  They're
• 39:30
  still
• 39:31
  there,
• 39:31
  waiting
• 39:31
  to
• 39:31
  be
• 39:32
  reclaimed.
• 39:34
  Mic
• 39:35
  drop,
• 39:35
  bam.
• 39:35
  Thank
• 39:36
  you,
• 39:36
  Paul.
• 39:37
  You're
• 39:37
  welcome.
• 39:39
  You
• 39:39
  go
• 39:39
  and
• 39:39
  use
• 39:40
  that
• 39:40
  as
• 39:40
  much
• 39:40
  as
• 39:41
  you
• 39:41
  can.
• 39:41
  I
• 39:42
  mean,
• 39:42
  I
• 39:42
  will
• 39:42
  quote
• 39:43
  you
• 39:43
  on
• 39:43
  that
• 39:43
  because
• 39:43
  that's
• 39:44
  my
• 39:44
  message.
• 39:44
  Like,
• 39:45
  it
• 39:45
  doesn't,
• 39:45
  you
• 39:46
  know,
• 39:46
  your
• 39:46
  past.
• 39:46
  I
• 39:46
  always
• 39:47
  say
• 39:47
  my
• 39:47
  past
• 39:47
  might
• 39:48
  have
• 39:48
  designed
• 39:48
  me,
• 39:49
  but
• 39:49
  it
• 39:49
  not.
• 39:49
  Did
• 39:50
  not
• 39:50
  define
• 39:50
  me.
• 39:51
  Like,
• 39:51
  it
• 39:52
  might
• 39:52
  have
• 39:52
  made
• 39:52
  me
• 39:53
  put
• 39:53
  all
• 39:53
  the
• 39:53
  parts
• 39:54
  together
• 39:54
  and
• 39:54
  made
• 39:55
  what
• 39:55
  you're
• 39:55
  looking
• 39:55
  at,
• 39:56
  but
• 39:56
  only
• 39:56
  I
• 39:57
  can
• 39:57
  decide
• 39:57
  what
• 39:58
  I
• 39:58
  want
• 39:58
  to
• 39:58
  do
• 39:58
  with
• 39:58
  that
• 39:59
  information
• 39:59
  going
• 39:59
  forward.
• 40:00
  Yeah,
• 40:01
  that
• 40:01
  is,
• 40:01
  that's.
• 40:02
  That
• 40:02
  is
• 40:02
  a
• 40:03
  major
• 40:03
  truth.
• 40:04
  Yeah.
• 40:05
  Yeah.
• 40:05
  Well,
• 40:06
  thank
• 40:06
  you
• 40:06
  again,
• 40:07
  but
• 40:07
  I'm
• 40:07
  going
• 40:07
  to.
• 40:08
  Well,
• 40:08
  I
• 40:08
  don't
• 40:08
  know.
• 40:08
  Usually
• 40:09
  I
• 40:09
  asked
• 40:09
  the
• 40:09
  listener
• 40:10
  or
• 40:10
  the
• 40:10
  guest
• 40:10
  to
• 40:11
  leave
• 40:11
  the
• 40:11
  listeners
• 40:11
  with
• 40:12
  one
• 40:12
  more
• 40:12
  piece
• 40:12
  of
• 40:12
  advice
• 40:13
  or
• 40:13
  something,
• 40:14
  but
• 40:14
  that
• 40:15
  quote,
• 40:15
  I
• 40:15
  feel
• 40:16
  like
• 40:16
  just
• 40:16
  summed
• 40:16
  it
• 40:17
  up.
• 40:17
  Unless
• 40:17
  you
• 40:17
  have
• 40:17
  something
• 40:18
  big
• 40:18
  picture
• 40:19
  that
• 40:19
  you
• 40:19
  want
• 40:19
  to
• 40:19
  add.
• 40:21
  I,
• 40:22
  you
• 40:22
  know,
• 40:22
  the
• 40:22
  one
• 40:23
  thing
• 40:23
  that
• 40:23
  I,
• 40:24
  I,
• 40:24
  I've
• 40:25
  been
• 40:25
  on
• 40:25
  a
• 40:25
  couple
• 40:25
  of
• 40:26
  podcasts
• 40:26
  before,
• 40:27
  and
• 40:27
  the
• 40:27
  one
• 40:27
  thing
• 40:27
  I
• 40:28
  always
• 40:28
  close
• 40:28
  with
• 40:29
  is,
• 40:30
  you
• 40:30
  know,
• 40:30
  for
• 40:30
  people
• 40:31
  who
• 40:31
  are
• 40:31
  listening
• 40:33
  who
• 40:33
  are
• 40:33
  going
• 40:34
  through
• 40:34
  this,
• 40:36
  that
• 40:36
  they're
• 40:36
  not
• 40:36
  alone,
• 40:37
  you
• 40:37
  know,
• 40:38
  that,
• 40:38
  that
• 40:38
  they're,
• 40:39
  they're.
• 40:40
  First
• 40:40
  of
• 40:40
  all,
• 40:40
  you
• 40:41
  have
• 40:41
  yourself,
• 40:41
  and
• 40:41
  that's
• 40:42
  the
• 40:42
  most
• 40:42
  important
• 40:43
  person.
• 40:44
  Right?
• 40:46
  But
• 40:46
  there
• 40:46
  are
• 40:46
  others
• 40:46
  out
• 40:47
  there.
• 40:47
  Whether
• 40:48
  you're
• 40:48
  going
• 40:48
  through
• 40:48
  an
• 40:49
  addiction
• 40:49
  or,
• 40:50
  you
• 40:51
  know,
• 40:52
  an
• 40:52
  abuse
• 40:53
  issue
• 40:53
  or
• 40:54
  PTSD
• 40:54
  or
• 40:55
  whatever,
• 40:56
  you're
• 40:57
  not
• 40:57
  alone.
• 40:57
  There
• 40:57
  are
• 40:58
  people.
• 40:58
  And
• 40:58
  if
• 40:58
  you
• 40:58
  want
• 40:58
  to
• 40:59
  look
• 40:59
  at
• 40:59
  it
• 40:59
  spiritually,
• 41:00
  you
• 41:00
  know,
• 41:01
  you're.
• 41:01
  There's
• 41:02
  a
• 41:02
  divine
• 41:02
  presence
• 41:03
  within
• 41:03
  all
• 41:03
  of
• 41:04
  us
• 41:04
  that
• 41:05
  means
• 41:05
  that
• 41:05
  you
• 41:06
  are,
• 41:07
  you
• 41:07
  know,
• 41:07
  you're
• 41:08
  with
• 41:08
  someone
• 41:09
  or
• 41:09
  something.
• 41:11
  And.
• 41:11
  That,
• 41:11
  that
• 41:12
  that
• 41:12
  thing
• 41:12
  is
• 41:12
  watching
• 41:13
  over
• 41:13
  you
• 41:13
  all
• 41:14
  the
• 41:14
  time.
• 41:14
  You
• 41:14
  know,
• 41:15
  I
• 41:15
  don't.
• 41:15
  Don't
• 41:16
  want
• 41:16
  to
• 41:16
  get
• 41:16
  too
• 41:16
  religious,
• 41:17
  but.
• 41:17
  No,
• 41:17
  that's
• 41:18
  fine,
• 41:18
  but.
• 41:18
  Amen.
• 41:18
  I,
• 41:19
  I
• 41:19
  say
• 41:19
  it
• 41:19
  all
• 41:19
  the
• 41:20
  time.
• 41:20
  You
• 41:20
  know,
• 41:20
  between,
• 41:21
  between
• 41:21
  my
• 41:21
  God
• 41:22
  and
• 41:22
  myself,
• 41:22
  I
• 41:22
  got
• 41:23
  everything
• 41:23
  I
• 41:23
  need.
• 41:23
  I
• 41:24
  just
• 41:24
  gotta
• 41:24
  figure
• 41:24
  out
• 41:25
  pieces
• 41:25
  together.
• 41:25
  You
• 41:26
  know,
• 41:27
  That's
• 41:27
  a
• 41:27
  great
• 41:27
  way
• 41:27
  to
• 41:28
  put
• 41:28
  it.
• 41:29
  So.
• 41:30
  And
• 41:30
  that
• 41:30
  God
• 41:31
  could
• 41:31
  be
• 41:31
  whatever
• 41:32
  you,
• 41:32
  Whatever
• 41:32
  you
• 41:32
  think
• 41:33
  your
• 41:33
  God
• 41:33
  is,
• 41:33
  that's
• 41:34
  fine.
• 41:34
  That's
• 41:34
  whatever
• 41:35
  you
• 41:35
  want.
• 41:36
  Whatever
• 41:36
  you
• 41:36
  want
• 41:37
  that
• 41:37
  to
• 41:37
  be.
• 41:38
  Yeah,
• 41:39
  we've
• 41:40
  any.
• 41:41
  I
• 41:41
  feel
• 41:41
  like
• 41:41
  anybody
• 41:42
  that
• 41:42
  has
• 41:42
  ultimately
• 41:43
  gotten
• 41:43
  to
• 41:43
  the
• 41:43
  part
• 41:44
  where.
• 41:44
  Point
• 41:44
  where
• 41:44
  you're
• 41:45
  at,
• 41:45
  where
• 41:45
  you're
• 41:45
  speaking.
• 41:46
  And
• 41:46
  you're
• 41:46
  and
• 41:46
  you're
• 41:46
  sharing
• 41:47
  your
• 41:47
  story,
• 41:47
  and
• 41:47
  you
• 41:48
  feel
• 41:48
  that
• 41:48
  liberation
• 41:49
  at
• 41:49
  some
• 41:50
  point
• 41:50
  has
• 41:50
  had
• 41:50
  to
• 41:50
  accept
• 41:51
  the
• 41:51
  fact
• 41:51
  that
• 41:51
  it's
• 41:52
  bigger
• 41:52
  than
• 41:52
  ourselves.
• 41:53
  Yep.
• 41:54
  Absolutely.
• 41:55
  You
• 41:56
  know.
• 41:56
  Yeah.
• 41:56
  So.
• 41:57
  Well,
• 41:57
  thank
• 41:58
  you
• 41:58
  again
• 41:58
  so
• 41:58
  much
• 41:58
  for
• 41:59
  coming
• 41:59
  on,
• 41:59
  Paul.
• 41:59
  I
• 41:59
  really
• 42:00
  appreciate
• 42:00
  it.
• 42:01
  Thanks,
• 42:01
  Tammy.
• 42:02
  Thanks,
• 42:02
  George.
• 42:02
  Thanks
• 42:02
  for
• 42:03
  everything
• 42:03
  that
• 42:03
  you
• 42:03
  do.
• 42:03
  This
• 42:04
  is
• 42:04
  so
• 42:04
  valuable
• 42:05
  to
• 42:05
  people.
• 42:06
  Well,
• 42:06
  I
• 42:07
  love
• 42:07
  it.
• 42:07
  And
• 42:07
  for
• 42:08
  everybody
• 42:08
  else
• 42:08
  out
• 42:08
  there
• 42:09
  listening,
• 42:09
  you
• 42:09
  heard
• 42:09
  it
• 42:10
  doesn't
• 42:10
  matter
• 42:10
  if
• 42:10
  you're
• 42:11
  25
• 42:12
  or
• 42:12
  105,
• 42:13
  you
• 42:14
  have
• 42:15
  the
• 42:15
  the
• 42:16
  peace
• 42:16
  and
• 42:16
  the
• 42:17
  serenity
• 42:18
  inside
• 42:18
  of
• 42:18
  you
• 42:18
  is
• 42:19
  out
• 42:19
  there
• 42:19
  for
• 42:20
  the
• 42:20
  taking.
• 42:20
  You
• 42:20
  just
• 42:21
  have
• 42:21
  to
• 42:21
  know
• 42:21
  that
• 42:21
  you're
• 42:21
  not
• 42:22
  alone.
• 42:23
  Find
• 42:23
  the
• 42:23
  resources,
• 42:24
  love
• 42:24
  on
• 42:24
  the
• 42:24
  people,
• 42:25
  and
• 42:25
  for
• 42:25
  sure,
• 42:26
  love
• 42:26
  on
• 42:26
  yourselves.
• 42:27
  So
• 42:27
  you
• 42:27
  all
• 42:28
  have
• 42:28
  a
• 42:28
  blessed
• 42:28
  week,
• 42:29
  and
• 42:29
  we
• 42:29
  will
• 42:29
  see
• 42:29
  you
• 42:30
  back.