Latest / Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily / Butcher & Blackbird by Brynne Weaver - The One with the Accidental Cannibalism.

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Butcher & Blackbird by Brynne Weaver - The One with the Accidental Cannibalism. · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

0:00
Hi friends, you're listening to Lose the Plot with Carla and
0:03
Emily. In this episode, we're reading
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Butcher and Blackbird by Brynn Weaver.
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We are talking about the entire book.
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So warning, there will be spoilers.
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I'm Carla, and I had to dig human ass out of your mouth.
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I'm Emily. Boobs plus murder don't equal a
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relationship colour. The math ain't Mathen That's
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such a mouthful. Before we dive into this juicy
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episode, we have a tiny favour to ask.
0:42
If you've enjoyed our previous episodes and want us to create
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more content, take a moment. Right now, click over to our
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profile and leave us a 5 star review on whichever platform
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enjoy a good smart sandwich, share our podcast with them.
1:00
When did I write this? Thank you for supporting us now.
1:04
Did you take note of the trigger warnings at the start of the
1:09
book? No.
1:10
Do you want me to read them to you like a lovely bedtime story?
1:16
Start at the very beginning and watch.
1:20
A very good place to start. OK, so trigger warnings from the
1:24
book itself. Don't come for me.
1:26
I didn't make this up. I swear to God.
1:27
People are just creating shit so that they make it onto book talk
1:31
when it doesn't serve the plot. No, half of this didn't serve
1:35
the plot. It was just there to be fucking.
1:36
Foul. Yup, which I meant to me acting
1:42
so angry. All right, so let's get started.
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We've got eyeballs and eye sockets, which, OK, amateur
1:48
surgery. Skin ornaments, chainsaws, axes,
1:51
knives, scalpels. A lot of sharp objects.
1:54
Accidental cannibalism. That's the one that came up a
1:57
lot in book talk. Not so.
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Accidental cannibalism. Questionable use of a mummify
2:04
corpse. Lobotomized man, servant.
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Ill advised use of kitchen implements.
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I'm sorry about the cookies and cream Ice cream.
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I'm glad for that one. And she says I'm not really.
2:15
I needed that one. I was eating dinner and I was
2:17
like, you know what? We're going to stop right now
2:20
and read the rest later. Detailed sex scenes which
2:23
include but are not limited to cock warming, rough sex, praise,
2:27
kink, anal adult toys, Choking, spitting, Dom sub interactions,
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Genital piercings, References to parental neglect and child
2:35
abuse. Parental loss not depicted.
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One parent murdered, one parent passed in childbirth.
2:40
References to child sexual assault?
2:43
Not in detail. It's a book about serial
2:45
killers, so there's some generally messed up murder and
2:47
chaos. What the fuck is cock warming?
2:51
When he put his penis in her and fell asleep.
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Oh, gotcha. I want a warning for the cum
2:59
spitting. Yeah, Where was that?
3:01
The cum eating right? No, no.
3:05
No, no, no, no. Nobody's.
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Ready for that? No, nobody was warned.
3:09
I want a warning for food terms. Why do we get ill advised use of
3:14
kitchen implements, but we don't get cum swapping?
3:18
Trigger the whole thing. Whole thing, the whole book is a
3:20
trigger. So this is billed as a dark ROM
3:26
com. Where is the ROM and where is
3:28
the COM? Because none of this made me,
3:30
none of this made me feel romance, and none of this made
3:33
me feel laughter. I felt the comedy so really a
3:37
little bit. OK, it was the banter only,
3:40
nothing else. Everything else was depression,
3:44
depression, depression, depression.
3:48
So we are introduced to the lovely serial killer combo,
3:51
Rowan and Sloane. They are individual, they work
3:54
on their own. However, they meet each other by
3:56
chance because they're both hunting the same dude and Sloane
3:59
got herself stuck in a cage with his dead ass body.
4:03
You warned me about the first scene and I still chose to start
4:07
eating at the start of the book. I should have warned you better.
4:11
No, I was like, oh. You were fine.
4:12
I thought you would be fine. You love horror.
4:16
I don't. I was eating little crackers and
4:19
avocado dip. At least it was dry, I suppose.
4:23
I gagged. I actually gagged.
4:25
Reading the first page, I was like, let's go.
4:28
And then I was like, do you think it's gross for the sake of
4:32
being gross? I just wasn't prepared.
4:34
Maybe. How did she really get locked in
4:38
there? Because girl, what are you
4:39
doing? She said she went to stab him
4:41
and he pushed her into the cage, so he was on the outside of the
4:45
cage and she was on the inside so she no longer has access to
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the knife. No, it's outside.
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It was in his neck. Her little knife she got from
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Etsy, like, they're not going to track that back to you.
5:00
A lot of, a lot of the plot was very it was very giving, getting
5:05
away with everything. Because you're telling me that a
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girl with long black hair, that her DNA isn't all over every
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fucking crime scene. I don't care how much they clean
5:12
it. My hair's probably in the 10
5:15
last places I've ever lived in sometimes.
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I go home and it's in my toes, so note to self don't kill Emily
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at. Least it's not in my crack, I
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suppose. We haven't gone to bed yet.
5:29
It's early days. Early days, like 10 years into
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our friendship. It's early days.
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I want us to be like those porch grannies eventually.
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Yeah, like when we fucked off our husbands and that,
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obviously. Yeah, yeah.
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With their lifestyles, they're like before us.
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They're already too dehydrated to keep up.
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They're already sizzling right now.
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Wasting away. So can we just be like those
5:57
porch grandmas? Obviously, once we've sold all
6:00
of our assets, we've got money. Are we going to be bougie porch
6:04
grandmas or are we going to be like hillbilly porch grandmas?
6:08
We can do both. Can I be the bougie on a newbie,
6:11
the hill? I would love that.
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I want us to walk into anywhere and they think we're not
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friends. Where they're just confused.
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I want to be the grandmother. That's like I've been married 12
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times. And I just want to be the 4th
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person I forget his name. I just want my teeth to fall out
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and in funny places. You a banjo?
6:39
Do I start practicing now? Yes.
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You're like my favorite. Book is Credence.
6:45
Yeah, I would love that. For us, that's our future.
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Lock it in. Lock it in.
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Lock it into your vision board. How did we get there?
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Unrelatable tangents back to Salone Salone.
7:05
Not a Sylvester Salone. We skip ahead one year for
7:10
literally no fucking reason. Yeah, somebody help me with
7:12
that. I mean, they have a little.
7:15
You're going too quick. We need to talk about the fact
7:17
that she was ripping in BBQ sauce and touching him with her
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BBQ sauce hands and he just thought it was the sexiest thing
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ever with her Pink Floyd shirt. With no bra, No bra, No bra.
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No bra, No bra in these man jeans, but they were old mates
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Pink Floyd shirt. Yeah, that's foul.
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You sound like Bo and mothballs 100%.
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Her coochie is where his Dick was.
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That's enough for me. And he's sitting there, this guy
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Rowan. Does she have an erection
7:46
problem? How is it?
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It's not dysfunctional at this point.
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It's it's in OverDrive, It's over functioning.
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It's hard all. The time It's hard.
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And BBQ sauce is not sexy. It's not a sexy sauce.
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No, I don't think it is. No, it's delicious.
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If someone touched me with their BBQ sauce hands, I'd cry.
8:10
Would you go to a steakhouse or a restaurant when you haven't
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eaten in three whole weeks? Sorry, Three whole days, was it?
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Yeah, three whole days. And you're just looking like a
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mess. You're dehydrated.
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Get us. Take me to the nearest
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convenience store so I can get. A hydral light.
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A hydral light maybe? Give me Show me to the chemist.
8:31
Why are you taking me to a sit down restaurant?
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I need to take me to your brother, so I.
8:34
Can get a drink. Where's one of them vitamin drip
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places exactly? Would you be able to eat after
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watching a man's rotting corpse? No.
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And also I look shit, I don't have old mate, doesn't have any
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makeup. No.
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And they didn't describe how they burned the house.
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They were just like. It always just conveniently
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works out. Doesn't matter.
8:54
Doesn't matter. I guess no one was looking for
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that guy. Nah.
9:00
They're all serial killers. No one cares.
9:02
No one cares. And then they just make a pact
9:05
for a year later. Yeah, so they make.
9:06
It they start their own pact. And it's very much giving.
9:11
If you're single and I'm single, by the time we're 40, we'll get
9:14
married. We'll get married.
9:14
Yeah. Have you ever had one of those?
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No. Really.
9:18
Have you? Yeah.
9:20
But I forget who, so shout out. Shout out to to my Boo, he's
9:26
just waiting for the he's got. Not gonna not to not be
9:29
forgotten. He's got just like a countdown
9:33
to like when whoever turns 41st. And here you are.
9:37
Just like he's just so forgettable.
9:40
Yeah, I legit. I was racking my brain because I
9:42
was trying to write it for the notes.
9:44
But anyway. No, I definitely have not.
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OK, why did they set up the games and then proceed to not do
9:50
any of the games? But they do it once a year.
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Why don't they even do it? They flop every time.
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It's like if Hunger Games did all that set up and then by the
9:59
time they got in there, they're like, I'll just let you win.
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Yeah, and it. Defeats the purpose of the pact,
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yeah, or the game. Or the rules.
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There were no rules. Don't call me Dane right now
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because I'm a sucker for the rules.
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I'm like, I want to know the fucking rules and I want to know
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how to stick to it. It was to kill it first.
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But they never did it. Then they got to it, and then
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they'd. Be like you didn't do.
10:23
It nothing so sexier to serial killers and just letting them do
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it for you, but not BBQ sauce. Not BBQ sauce.
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Back to the BBQ. Sauce.
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Yeah, she's eating a whole rack of ribs practically right.
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Just like me slipping away and he's just like what that mouth
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do, girl. Watching her suck that juicy
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rib. And I don't know why they didn't
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just become friends there, because they already know.
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Why would you give up straight away that you're also a serial
10:49
killer? Why are they so hyped about each
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other's? Yeah, because they know each
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other from the media. How do?
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You fall. Into direct path line of another
10:58
serial killer that kills other serials because they were
11:01
hunting the same serial killer at the same time it.
11:04
Just seems too convenient. Also, why are there so many
11:07
serial? Killer killers, yeah.
11:10
Why isn't there that in real life?
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Because there is. How are they hunting them so
11:14
easy? Yeah.
11:16
How are they so good at their job but then not have a backup
11:18
job and then always have enough money?
11:20
To How are they not getting caught flying to different
11:23
places and people going missing and then flying away?
11:26
And how are they even paying for the flights?
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Because you know that they don't qualify for benefits.
11:31
They've got no track record of them.
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Doing anything. I feel like he's rich because he
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owns a restaurant. Yeah, conveniently, where he
11:41
never has to actually be there. Yeah, and conveniently, she can
11:45
work from home on her little computer job.
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In her computer job, they end up travelling to the same place
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because they've chosen, they didn't know who the murderer
11:56
was, right? So Lachlan, his brother chooses.
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Yeah, so Lachlan chose, but he told them where to go.
12:02
Yes. So then they're both travelling
12:04
there at the same time and they're like, Oh my God, yes,
12:08
guess what? They're at a motel or hotel.
12:11
Yeah, and they're not a in the same room or B there's only one
12:15
bed. Amazing.
12:19
It made me laugh so much. It's a refreshing.
12:22
Honestly, I'm surprised. Don't worry, the freshman does
12:25
not last. Yeah, just yeah.
12:27
Because there's one of my biggest, most hated tropes in
12:30
here too, actually. In this scene on this book,
12:34
we'll just get to it later. Okay, We'll see when I blow my
12:36
top. Off.
12:37
I bet you I'll know. Yeah, you'll know Sloane that
12:41
night with her in the motel, in the rooms next to each other.
12:44
Yes, Sloane goes out for like a mystery reason, and he's waking
12:48
out that she's going on a date. Yeah, just tell her you like
12:51
her, idiot. Oh my God, it's not that hard.
12:54
It isn't. And it was just dumb tension.
12:56
Yeah, it didn't make any sense. He got so Jelly doughnuts and
13:00
then she got home and what does he hear?
13:03
The gentle buzz of her vibrator. Because they're so loud, you
13:08
would not be here. It sounds like a chainsaw going
13:12
off next door, which is her safe word, by the way.
13:16
Very relevant to all things, Very relevant.
13:19
Not cheesy. Oh my God, don't take me back
13:23
there. I literally want that from my
13:25
memory. Jesus Christ, how the fuck do
13:30
you hear a gentle vibrator, even through a wall?
13:33
But you know what's even more fucked up, you know?
13:36
What the math ain't mapping, you know?
13:38
What? He's sitting there with his hard
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Dick, you know. Pressed.
13:43
You know that he was 10 seconds away to start wanking, but what
13:48
does he hear on the other side of her fucking room?
13:51
A different guy wanking over the.
13:54
Same thing. And you're telling me that not
13:57
only did he hear the vibrator, but he heard the guy beating off
14:01
on the other side of the wall as well?
14:05
What does this guy got? Super one in a curing.
14:07
Where's the installation 1/2? Where's the installation?
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Where is the wall? How thick is the hole on the
14:15
wall? Jump.
14:18
Ahead and we can jump straight back.
14:20
Yeah, this man. It inherits this brownstone in
14:24
thing from his family. So is his family just a line of
14:28
perverts that hide the wall, or he modified the wall himself?
14:33
That's too much work. Just wouldn't be if you're that
14:36
pervy. True.
14:37
The motivation's there. Yeah, but how did he hear it
14:40
around the whole building? Like, how did he hear it around
14:43
the whole sliding sense? But she didn't.
14:46
She didn't. She's too busy.
14:50
Buzzing away. Busy.
14:53
You can't tell me that Rowan wasn't 2 seconds from doing the
14:57
exact same thing. I don't even think he was going
14:59
to wank. I think he was just going to
15:01
come on the wall. What?
15:09
Just involuntarily like you know you know how it is in.
15:11
Books where they can just come on command.
15:14
Oh my God. Same goes the poor wall.
15:17
It's like I've seen enough. I've had enough.
15:20
I just want to be free. Oh my God.
15:21
Paul Winston. He just wanted to be free too.
15:24
Yeah, exactly. No wonder he was angry all the
15:26
time. I just, I just somebody somebody
15:31
explained maybe they made this brownstone on the block and they
15:36
had really shoddy work done and it just wasn't done properly.
15:42
Paper thin walls and that's why he could hear the showers like.
15:45
Hitting the like fucking couch somehow.
15:50
Where was she again? I totally forget.
15:53
She was in her hotel room. No, no, I mean, where did she
15:56
go? Did she go out with the guy?
15:59
She went on a date, but she only went to his house.
16:04
But it was a different guy, right?
16:05
No, it was that guy. Yeah.
16:06
So that's what I didn't get. I was like so.
16:10
She went on the date with the guy and then she went back after
16:15
a lovely dinner. It was more that he almost
16:19
thought that her date went well, that she was doing that, and
16:23
that's why he got Jelly. Yes, but she was moaning Rowan's
16:27
name. That's why she heard it.
16:29
He he hears, ultimately, too much.
16:32
Fucking. I don't know what hearing aids
16:34
he's got in, but they're good ones.
16:36
He's got the Apple earbuds in her room.
16:39
Do you remember when you were Life Mode?
16:41
You were a kid and they had them little spy sets.
16:43
He's just gone to Taje and got the little.
16:47
Spy the little walkie-talkie. He's got a baby monitor in
16:50
there. Wouldn't be surprised we didn't
16:53
even get a description if this guy was hot.
16:55
He was just emo. That's all we got.
16:58
God. But anyway, before anything
17:00
exciting can even happen, he barges in.
17:04
Yeah, and he's just like, no, I'm not the pervert he is.
17:08
And. He was bashing him through the
17:11
wall or something. I'm trying to get him through
17:12
the wall. I'm like, how do you?
17:13
Know where he is through the wall like you got X-ray vision
17:16
as well as to something, Kerry. There was a portrait and his
17:18
eyes changed. Yeah, but he started running off
17:20
and then he's just bashing him through the wall.
17:22
How tall is he? How big is this wall?
17:26
How long, man? I'm assuming they're on a second
17:29
story too wild. He's just shimming down a pipe
17:33
out the side like a rat. You know what's really funny,
17:37
'cause he described how she was wearing the little silk nightie.
17:40
Yeah, she was just using her vibrator, you know, the juices
17:44
be flowing. She's only got a satin little
17:46
nightie on and they're both sprinting down the.
17:48
Street. Her thighs just slipping,
17:53
slapping, slip, sliding. There's no.
17:58
What's it called? I don't know.
18:03
There's no thigh rash. There's no chub rub, yeah.
18:11
She's running with fishing up. She's all baby powdered up and
18:14
ready to go. Slip, slip, slip.
18:16
Maybe she's quite thin though, right?
18:18
So she maybe she's got a thigh cap and this is.
18:20
I'm just saying she's got no chafe, That's the word.
18:24
Yes, chafe. Eventually, old me catches up to
18:28
old me. And she catches him first.
18:30
I feel like, yeah, she she had him.
18:32
She had him right there And then she was just like, I know this
18:36
is she knew that it's a game, but she's like, you can have him
18:39
kind of thing. He.
18:41
Jumped ready in the guy's car as the guy was trying to drive
18:44
away. OK, so he's slipping and sliding
18:47
on the car. You're telling me this book gave
18:54
me was worth the price of the book?
18:57
Just just. So he's just dangling on this
19:01
that. Alone would give me the egg,
19:04
probably, like everything else about him.
19:08
Wouldn't give you the egg. I mean, Oh my God.
19:11
And somehow he avoids collision with a tree.
19:14
Like he just rolls off, not hurt.
19:16
He's fine. He is Edward Cullen.
19:19
OK, that's how all of this this all makes.
19:21
Sense See. Irish or Scottish?
19:23
Irish, I think. And that is when she decides to
19:28
let him have it. Yeah, he's like he's already
19:31
worked up. He's pins into a tree and yeah.
19:34
He's not even. Good at it.
19:35
He just punches him. Yeah.
19:38
He literally punches his whole face till it caves in.
19:40
Yeah, until it's just a pulp. At least Stallone stabs him in
19:45
the neck or something, I don't know.
19:47
But The funny thing is, Sloane goes to just leave, and then
19:51
Rome's looking around like, oh, where did she go?
19:55
And then her thought process was he's too crazy for me.
20:00
Bitch you, Ma'am. Ma'am.
20:03
Acting like she doesn't hang their eyeballs up.
20:07
I think she's more about the precision and he's more about
20:10
the blind rage and maybe she's like.
20:14
I don't want to sign up to clean up after all these crazy kills.
20:17
I suppose hers is less messy, but is it?
20:21
Why would you decide to walk away?
20:24
How do they clean up so efficiently?
20:26
And they always just happen to do it like whoop, no problem, no
20:29
problem, no challenges. They always go for a shower,
20:33
take a long time and then go clean it up like the dead man on
20:35
the side of the road is in front of flag.
20:39
Especially. You know how every time we talk
20:41
about people parking in public, we're like, there's going to be
20:44
someone driving past? I feel like this is the.
20:46
Same principle. You are never alone.
20:48
No, there's People are too populated these days, guys.
20:52
You have no privacy anywhere. If it's not your fucking robo
20:54
vacuum looking at you, it's someone in the.
20:57
Woods. Who happened to be there
20:59
probably doing shady shit in the woods.
21:01
Exactly. But now they've witnessed your
21:03
even worse shady shit. Yeah, you can't get away with
21:05
this, guys. You're telling me in a whole
21:08
town there was only two people staying at that exact inn?
21:11
Exactly. It's not great.
21:12
It's really bad. Maybe Airbnb because they have
21:16
no fucking walls. You can't even.
21:17
You probably just poke it in a caves in.
21:22
Hello. How?
21:22
That's what we're most offended by.
21:24
Can't even trust walls now. But you know what actually
21:27
pissed me off? Worse, And it just continued
21:29
throughout the whole book. Is that us as the reader, right?
21:33
Our reading experience. They don't ever give us the
21:36
chance to work out who any of the killers are.
21:39
Oh no they don't. Give us any hints, tips.
21:42
You know how books. I want more details.
21:44
Thrillers give the reader a chance to figure it out with
21:47
some clues or something. This one was like, cool.
21:50
It's this guy. Yeah, here we are.
21:52
Cool, cool. Thanks for including us.
21:55
At least we get a little summary of the other killers, but I
21:59
wanted a summary of the southwest slasher.
22:02
I want to know what his go was, the one right at the very end.
22:06
Yeah, but I just think we're not even involved.
22:08
No. We didn't get a clue.
22:10
We didn't get a way for us to figure out shit.
22:13
I want to know how Saline figured it out every single
22:16
time. Can I just say when I'm reading
22:20
books? Nothing irks me more than
22:22
reading characters texts to each other.
22:25
Drives me up a little bit sometimes.
22:27
I need it for context, yeah. I hate it.
22:30
I don't mind it if it's juicy and funny.
22:35
Yeah, it's needed. I just hate it aesthetically.
22:38
Yeah, true. I'm like, I'm reading a fucking
22:40
book. I don't want to be looking at a
22:41
phone. Do you know what I hate?
22:42
Playlists. There's playlists in this book.
22:46
Why? It's so bad I didn't even look
22:49
at the playlist, but I know it's there.
22:51
There's even a playlist on the bonus chapter.
22:54
Stop. Did you read the bonus chapter?
22:56
No. I'll summarize at the end.
22:58
It's. Funny.
22:58
Good. OK, cool.
22:59
I was like, please, please make it stop speaking about phones.
23:02
Do you think her having a burner phone really would make a
23:04
difference in this day and age? No.
23:07
They'll have your information anyway.
23:09
If Lachlan can get information somehow, he can get a full
23:14
serial killer description, name, address, and yet the FBI does
23:20
not in fact have the serial. Killer.
23:23
Right, so her having a burner phone that she only talks to
23:26
Rowan on. You could just use your normal
23:28
phone and speak in code. Yeah, who's going to fucking
23:31
know? I mean, it's not.
23:33
They call, don't they? Call each other?
23:35
Rowan and Sloan on the phone too.
23:37
I think so stupid. Or do they use nicknames?
23:40
Is it butchering? But then then the nicknames are
23:42
mute because of the restaurant in the end.
23:45
Yep. So it doesn't matter.
23:47
I know, but then they have multiple nicknames which drove
23:50
me up the wall. Oh yeah, because.
23:51
It's Sloane, Blackbird and or Weaver.
23:53
I'm like these. Kind of books.
23:57
The murderers never have a real job.
23:59
They don't have real bills. They don't have real problems.
24:01
Yeah, somehow we there was a whole cannibal in a fucking rich
24:05
mansion. And then the like Sloane and
24:07
Rowan are just living day by day.
24:09
Not a care in the world. Not a care.
24:11
They can just casually go out and murder people.
24:13
No problem. Doesn't matter.
24:15
Doesn't matter. I don't understand the friend
24:17
group. Yes, Lockland makes sense, and
24:20
he, the other brother makes sense because Lockland murders.
24:22
People too. Yes, they're related.
24:24
Yeah, they're related. They both murder people.
24:27
Locke and Sloan do not make sense.
24:30
No, you can't owe someone that much.
24:32
It's just scared. It's just the token female
24:35
friend. Yeah.
24:37
You're telling me she's happy about the murders You do?
24:39
Constantly. And also, why are they just free
24:43
and easy telling people that on the phone too?
24:47
They do a lot of speaking on the phone, so why do you need a
24:50
Burner? But you're telling Locke on the
24:51
phone about how you're murdering someone and she's listening in
24:55
the background to murder someone.
24:57
Even when they met each other, right?
24:59
Wouldn't you have trust issues? Because what if they wanted to
25:01
kill you because you're technically also a serial
25:03
killer? Yeah.
25:05
He comes to the bit where they hadn't been talking and he
25:10
decides to fucking send her groceries.
25:14
Groceries. And then talk her through the
25:19
stop. I I oh, I don't.
25:23
Know. How it's supposed to be like
25:26
some little romantic, not that baby head of cheese.
25:29
That's. Like that was the ROM com bit
25:31
that they tried to sort of put in there, but yeah.
25:34
And why did he have to keep adding?
25:36
More tips to the kid delivering the food I would be if my kid
25:40
came home with $1000 from a week, I'd be like, are you OK?
25:44
What are you doing? What are you what are you doing
25:46
to get this money? $100 is already too much.
25:49
And then he tipped extra. And then the next day he paid
25:52
him like 200. Why?
25:54
He's walking up the sidewalk. Wouldn't you be scared for your
25:58
safety? You're telling me that's not
26:00
giving groomy? It's so groomy.
26:03
But also, couldn't you just pay Uber Eats to do or DoorDash to
26:06
do the exact same thing? Oh, I mean 5 bucks?
26:09
I mean, yeah. What?
26:10
Why? What?
26:11
Why did it have to? Be a child true.
26:14
I have. No idea.
26:16
And she thought it was just a cute, fun, cute, fun thing.
26:19
I can't cook for shit, let alone I don't want a grain of cheese.
26:23
I don't want a man telling me what to do over the phone.
26:25
He kind of grated the cheese for her and put it in the bag.
26:29
What if you weren't ready to eat?
26:30
You know how like, sometimes you're not ready in the day?
26:32
You've got. Other things on You've got a
26:34
load of laundry on, you've got something to do, you've got
26:36
someone to call, or you've got to show to watch.
26:37
What if she just ate a whole meal?
26:40
A succulent, right? A Chinese meal drop.
26:43
Everything you're going to cook from scratch, from scratch.
26:46
Just pasta that resembles the maggots from the first guy that
26:48
died. Yeah, that's the no from me.
26:52
That he was trying to keep because I would want to relive
26:55
the rotting. Corpse.
26:57
That's why he thought it was so cute.
26:59
Just fucking serial killers are weird, eh?
27:02
So back to flirting again, I guess.
27:05
I don't know why is it always books like this.
27:09
They have such a long period of time.
27:11
Whether it's either enemies to lovers or friends to lovers,
27:14
there's a period of time where they're not hooking up and then
27:17
it's instant love. I don't know.
27:20
Insta love is one of my most hated tropes.
27:22
I thought so. But is it Insta love because
27:24
it's Insta love for us? But this is over 2 years for
27:27
them. It's four years total, but yeah.
27:30
No, it's still Insta love, OK? Because, OK, OK.
27:35
When? We get to.
27:36
The movies before before She does the groceries right?
27:41
Yeah, I feel like this needs to be noted.
27:43
She shows up at his restaurant and sits in a table, scribbles a
27:48
little bird on a piece of paper and tries to leave.
27:51
And then you just go psycho in the restaurant.
27:54
Because his staff was supposed to tell him they're booked and
27:56
busy, Sir. Exactly.
27:58
And what every bitch could look like that.
28:01
I mean exactly. And it could be anybody.
28:04
They're not getting tipped enough.
28:05
You better be paying them a wage for that kind of behavior.
28:08
Exactly. And also a female girl, a female
28:11
girl, A female came a female, a woman, a woman, a vagina owner
28:16
came up in the vicinity of when they were talking together,
28:19
right? Yeah.
28:20
And she got so intimidated that she just pieced out of the whole
28:23
relationship. Like the whole friendship, she
28:25
just murmured. Introduced her as a friend and
28:28
it was someone dating his brother or something, right?
28:31
Or a friend of the brother? A friend of the brother.
28:32
Yeah, So it wasn't even. She was like, Oh no, a blonde
28:36
girly. A blonde girly.
28:38
I have no shot. No shot.
28:40
She's fight, not me. He's like, Oh no, I'm hugging a
28:43
girl. He's a hot man.
28:46
What do you want a guy that nobody wants?
28:50
Come on now, please. If he hasn't got someone
28:52
frothing over him, I don't want to hear about it.
28:54
Also, how else are you supposed to introduce her?
28:57
Because you can't go? This is my serial killer person.
29:00
We're not really friends that we go hunting other serial killers.
29:04
If I'm in love with her, she has no fucking clue.
29:06
But wasn't she more offended that he introduced the rando as
29:09
a friend and? She got all wigged out and
29:12
intimidated, even though he said she's my friend.
29:15
Like Dash, he have friends. If anything, he's not going to
29:18
introduce someone he's dating as a friend.
29:20
That's going to be worse off for him.
29:23
He was very clear that it wasn't someone he was fucking, but she
29:26
acted like he was and they hadn't seen each other for
29:28
practically 2 years at this point.
29:30
Yup. I'm sorry, what do you expect?
29:32
His life is supposed to go on pause.
29:35
Disgusting. Revolting foul.
29:38
Because she later brings it up way later.
29:40
How she goes. All these blonde haired
29:43
hostesses are drooling all over him.
29:46
Excuse me. It's almost like they work in
29:48
the workplace with him. It's almost like you want an Ugo
29:53
so that you feel more secure. Yeah, go date and Ugo then.
29:57
I mean, you look at them daily. Yeah, you tell me you can't find
30:00
another. I'm very serial killer.
30:03
They don't even have to be a serial killer.
30:05
Hey, I feel like they would. You can't just serial kill
30:08
people. But I feel like.
30:09
That's a good cover. They're almost like your beard
30:11
to have a normal lifestyle. Because if anyone looked into
30:14
your partner, wouldn't you want them to be a person that just
30:16
goes to the gym, goes to work and goes home?
30:18
Yeah, true, true. Because.
30:19
They're bringing the consistency because then you could be like.
30:22
What do you mean? My partner's my alibi all the
30:24
time. But then can you go out at night
30:26
time till midnight murdering someone and go home and it just
30:31
be all? Because you're a cheating
30:33
spouse. Oh, OK, you know what I mean?
30:35
Like, you've got the dependable one at home and you're just a
30:38
cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater. Yeah, true, true, true.
30:41
Hello. Alibi still stands.
30:45
The partner would obviously have to know that you're a full
30:47
serial killer, right? Maybe they'd have to.
30:52
Although that doesn't happen all the time.
30:54
You know, because you know people will be married to sealed
30:56
pillars and have no idea. Oh yeah.
30:58
That would be me. I'm too self involved.
31:01
I'm like, he does what now? But then the police come to my
31:03
house and I'm like, what? That's where you're like, you
31:07
couldn't just like Rob people like make us rich.
31:10
Exactly. Or I'd be like, where's the off
31:13
your account hoe? Where is it?
31:15
Yeah, you spent that much time hunting down other people.
31:18
Other people. Not on me, I love.
31:22
Golly. So anyway, that was a bit of a
31:27
disruption to their relationship.
31:29
He's trying to get back into her good books, right?
31:32
What does he do? What does he do, Emily?
31:35
What's the bit that's going to send me off a Cliff?
31:38
I don't know. He fucking invites her to a gala
31:42
a. Fucking girl.
31:45
A girl. You.
31:46
You're right. I should have known.
31:49
I am done. We haven't read a book with a
31:52
gala and it's so long it just went over my head.
31:56
Someone needs to stop this. Somebody.
31:59
Somebody needs to stop this. Why must every romance book have
32:04
a ball or gala I'm sick of? And you know what's even worse?
32:08
They don't even fucking go in. They didn't even go to the gala.
32:14
They did. No, but they didn't.
32:16
He fucking dipped. He fled.
32:18
They. Cock teased us with a gala.
32:20
I had come to the point where I'd accepted the gala.
32:23
They didn't tell me about the stupid dress.
32:24
They slow. Danced, but he had to leave
32:27
because his restaurant exploded so he didn't get full gala
32:31
repeal. So should I?
32:33
I should have seen that one coming.
32:35
You should have. We haven't had a gala in so
32:38
long, but I didn't even think. About it?
32:40
No. You think of me?
32:41
No. You should have known I was
32:43
spinning out of control. We haven't had a gala book in a
32:46
while. It's my most hated child and I
32:50
will die on this hill. I'm the worst mad at myself.
32:53
There's never reason for it. Why is there so many galas?
32:56
And the and The thing is, it's OK.
33:00
This is the reason. It's the point where they're
33:03
showing off their non relationship to the public every
33:06
time. Why couldn't it be like a
33:07
wedding? Because that's always at the end
33:09
of a romance book. Yeah, but why couldn't they go
33:12
as a date to a wedding? I guess they're not normal
33:14
people. Enough to go to weddings, I
33:16
suppose. I don't know, you know, a gala
33:18
and awards. It's the best restaurant
33:21
somehow. Best restaurant, Biggest Dick.
33:26
The worst part is. He invited her to then go kill
33:30
people after and she thought it was just like a date night.
33:32
Yeah, we need to talk about the cannibal killer.
33:36
That's before that. It's not before that, it's
33:40
before that. Why did I think it was after
33:42
that? Yeah.
33:43
What do you? I have no notes on it.
33:44
Oh, you have no notes about the fucking lobotomized servant
33:49
eating calm ice cream? No.
33:53
Every because I I feel like it would have come up, the cookies
33:56
and cream. Ice cream.
33:57
See, here's the thing. I read it with ease, but then I
34:01
told my partner and then he kept making jokes about it and every
34:04
time he breaks it up I fucking start vomiting.
34:09
But that's after the actual dinner.
34:11
So they go to get more Intel about the cannibal killer, Yes?
34:16
Because she was on a date with the guy to get the invite, and
34:19
then Rowan sits down and fucking Rowan can't do his own.
34:23
Work blocks. You know he's just cock
34:26
blocking. He's cock blocking.
34:27
But he literally has done no research.
34:29
He just follows her around and hopes for the best.
34:31
He's just stalking. At though?
34:33
Yeah, because he wants to. And then they go to dinner.
34:35
He gets invited, of course, because he's so charismatic.
34:38
And then he doesn't pick up on all the hints.
34:40
I mean, she's literally yelling at him to not drink anything.
34:43
You're telling me that this actually, you know what?
34:46
I'm not surprised this man is so dumb that he has his murder on
34:50
the wall in fucking art form. He's an idiot.
34:52
He's an idiot. It was kind of funny because I
34:55
was just like I was enjoying when he was eating everything
34:58
because I was just like when he was struck out, just smash in
35:01
the ass. Yeah, he was loving it.
35:05
And she's like, Oh my God. She's like, stop.
35:08
She's trying to tell him to stop without saying stop.
35:10
Yeah, at that point he knows. Like it's she's he's 2 seconds
35:15
off knowing that, you know, just tell the man to stop eating that
35:18
last piece. Exactly.
35:20
No nose rump is that good. No.
35:22
So anyway, they kill old mate, obviously.
35:26
And then there's David. Justice for David.
35:30
No. No justice for David.
35:31
Because he had to sit. There.
35:34
He loved it. But like, why were they at the
35:38
end of that? Not just going to kill him, they
35:40
should have just killed him, but that's why they felt sorry.
35:44
That's why David ended up liking Sloane, because she had a nice
35:48
heart and felt sorry for. Him like you don't leave messy
35:52
leftovers. Yeah, you don't leave.
35:55
You don't take that person. How?
35:57
How are you going to fucking explain that you didn't matter
36:00
this man when you took his cat and then you take the bottomized
36:03
servant? I know, and how do you just?
36:07
What do you do? Create your own witness
36:09
protection program. And how did she know he was
36:11
lobotomized? Because he was never
36:13
lobotomized. And also, why did they treat him
36:16
like, don't be the house off? He was like, Oh well, we can
36:18
just have him cooking and cleaning somewhere else.
36:21
Oh my God, you're going to have this person that's sitting there
36:25
eating fucking human just come with you and assume that he's
36:29
not going to want to eat more human.
36:32
He's literally. Trained on cannibal cuisine and
36:35
you're going to put him in a normal kitchen?
36:37
He is sitting there engorging himself on fucking human
36:42
sausages. And then he You know what?
36:46
You know what? You're right.
36:48
Justice for David because he fully committed to the bin.
36:52
No, but why would you want to take this guy on as your
36:55
personal? Would you take someone on
36:58
willingly knowing they ate? Come ice cream?
37:00
Do you? Does he who milk.
37:02
Who's that milk from? I'm just assuming, is it David
37:06
or is it the other guy? So is David eating his?
37:11
Well then, it's not as bad, is it?
37:13
Because it's his own. It's his own.
37:15
Oh my God, I'm such a role in not thinking about it.
37:23
And then my brain was like, you know what?
37:24
We need spew buckets in the room.
37:26
Note to self buy spew buckets. That's cool.
37:30
That's cool. I'm OK.
37:32
It's just funny, I. Don't know.
37:34
I don't know. I don't know.
37:36
He's not a cat, so I don't know why they took him.
37:39
Just leave him there. Do you feel that they treated
37:42
him like Dobby the household? Yeah, they were like, oh, come
37:44
on Dobby. She was like, let's watch him
37:47
stack the dishwasher so good. He's so good at stacking the
37:50
dishwasher Fucking Gold Star. Set him up with a little chore
37:54
chart. It's.
37:56
Like, he's four years old and they're like, oh, it's OK let's
38:00
take you out of this environment.
38:01
It's the environment that's the problem, not the, not you.
38:05
Hello. Hello.
38:07
I don't know who functioned enough after being lobotomized.
38:10
When did she decide? Where were the medical records,
38:13
though? When did she decide that?
38:17
He's a fully grown man. He's a fully grown man.
38:19
He's not. Like some five year old that was
38:20
hard done by. He was in a share house, so did
38:25
someone have to wipe his ass in the share house or were they
38:27
good? Enough to do that into the bit.
38:30
I was like, oh, they didn't question it.
38:32
No one went missing. Who knows?
38:35
OK, so I don't know if we were like halfway through or
38:38
whatever, but when we got to OK, when we got to shit Flicker, I
38:43
was. Ready to pack it?
38:45
I was like, that was like a little bit further down the end.
38:51
They had one more killer before all that.
38:53
It's all a blur. It's all a blur.
38:55
Who did they kill? The guy with the chainsaw.
38:58
Oh, OK cow. How was a Wildman with a dead
39:03
raccoon on his porch with Chainsaw Massacre going on in
39:07
his house just there, living freely?
39:14
You're telling me no one else drove by?
39:16
It was like someone should check that out.
39:20
Oh my God, you're telling me this fucking man that can't even
39:24
form a sentence. Wild.
39:27
You wouldn't believe what people don't report in their own
39:30
neighborhood. I guess True.
39:32
Just a fear of Oh no there's they probably just got their
39:36
blend jet. Their Noochie bullet on noochie
39:40
bullet. They probably got their
39:42
Nutribullet on. They're.
39:45
Healthy. They're like chainsaws.
39:48
They're trying to be healthy. You like, you know, it's
39:51
roadkill smoothie. It's a good Rd.
39:54
Raccoon juice. I wouldn't want to be that nosy
39:59
neighbour that would pull at someone.
40:02
Oh God, you wouldn't be his neighbour.
40:04
You would be murdered first. Oh, maybe that's why people are
40:08
scared. If you know someone sauce, maybe
40:10
you just stay in your own lane. But does she really win by
40:14
giving him a heart attack? She used his his mum's rotting
40:19
corpse and like climbed up his body with.
40:23
That's disgusting in itself. But why was she mummified?
40:27
She died in in, So no. One specifically mummified No,
40:31
no, she was just. Naturally mummified, OK, because
40:34
she said in the trigger Morning mummified.
40:36
And at the end I was like, wait, we missed out?
40:38
No, you didn't. We missed out on the mummified
40:40
corpse. She was on a couch in the house
40:43
and Sloane was like, I'm coming back for you later and she ran
40:46
to the house. But why was he OK leaving his
40:49
mum like that, but not OK with her sliding all up on his body?
40:53
I don't know, it's probably too much.
40:55
Like make that make sense? He Well, he couldn't see Salone
40:59
holding her, so he but the worst part is she like slowly slid up
41:03
his leg in like a sexual way with his mum.
41:06
That's too far. That is, forget about the fact
41:09
that she's dead. It's, yeah, yeah, even for him.
41:15
Murderers have rights. This is too far.
41:19
It's a free world. Come on.
41:20
He has rights he should be allowed to murder without his
41:24
mum sliding up his leg. He should be able to go on death
41:26
row like everybody else and request a last meal.
41:29
In last words, yes, just like his mum wasn't allowed to.
41:33
Well, she does say that it's probably the mum's fault he is
41:37
this way. Love a good victim?
41:39
Blame who's? What's the Hoarder first?
41:42
Who started? Murder first True.
41:46
It all travels down to some family tree.
41:50
That's when Sloane is injured. Hey, yes, that is when she takes
41:55
a full boot to the face, right? And they have to go fion.
42:01
I have no idea. Fion Fiona.
42:05
I'm going to go with Fiona. So Fiona is the youngest
42:09
brother, and he happens to be a doctor.
42:11
Conveniently, he is not a murderer.
42:13
Yeah, I feel like. There's a dodgy doctor.
42:17
He's book #3, and you can't tell me otherwise.
42:20
Yeah, he's a dodgy Dr. So they're bringing Sloane to dodgy
42:24
Dr. With his broken, dislocated lady girl chick.
42:30
Oh my God, that was going to be my next thing.
42:33
The way that she. Said.
42:34
Maybe I'm his girl. Chick had me weak at the knees.
42:37
Well, she said. Man, guy flown was like my man,
42:41
guy, friend. That awkward time when you
42:45
haven't defined the relationship?
42:46
Yeah, you don't know. You're just thinking about.
42:48
It. God damn, baby.
42:50
I'm his girl. Chick, of course.
42:52
Cancel. Work it out.
42:54
But of course he's staring at her.
42:56
No bride with her pierced Nippies out in the wind.
43:00
And wasn't her ribs bruised? So she had to like move around
43:03
her top and what on? Yeah, and he was taking
43:05
advantage. He was like woo woo and his Dick
43:09
was like. Boy a little like.
43:11
Could you imagine sitting in a car for like 4 hours straight
43:14
with someone with a hard on? I honestly would die.
43:17
I mean like let me just correct penis.
43:22
Are you OK? Do you need to go milk?
43:27
All over and milk it. Sick fuck.
43:34
At this point I'm not questioning a thing.
43:36
So they're at this place with the Doctor.
43:39
And who was the Doctor's Lady? I just thought she was a girl
43:43
chick. Well, she I feel like she was an
43:46
older lady with the way she came with them so aggressively.
43:49
No, she worked in a circus, they just add.
43:54
Did he save this little circus lady, the bearded lady?
43:59
Yeah, maybe. And so she's like, oh, you guys
44:02
are going to have to stay in the room with one bed.
44:05
Thank me later. Of course she can read tarot
44:08
cards. And she just ran him to filth.
44:12
So why, out of all occasions, did this have to be the sex
44:15
scene? Oh yeah, why is it all night?
44:17
Why? Did they have to wait until
44:19
other people were around? They could have done it any
44:22
other time. There's so many instances.
44:25
So many over the past. It has already been two years at
44:28
this point and they just keep going.
44:30
Where's the friction burn? Where's the reality?
44:32
Where's the common decency for the other people in the same
44:35
building? The fact that they were
44:36
screaming the house down? Rose slept through it.
44:39
She's fine. She worked at a circus.
44:43
That's probably why she was like this is the most sleep I've ever
44:48
gotten because it's so loud and. Fiona's like, traumatized.
44:54
He goes out jealous, sleep deprived.
44:57
He's probably got to go into surgery.
44:59
What if he's got a brain surgery to A?
45:02
Test We don't know his passions. We don't know his schedule, but
45:06
before we get to the next day and the aftermath.
45:10
Can we talk about the sex scene? It was wild.
45:12
What the fuck? It was too much.
45:14
It's like. 3 chapters long. First of all I thought it was
45:17
ending OK first of all I thought they faded to black and I was
45:20
like, so the sex scene started at the next chapter but I almost
45:24
got blue balled. I was like, wait, what if you
45:27
needed to go to bed? Right.
45:30
You're like damn it, you'd be ruined.
45:33
As if you wouldn't stay up just a bit more to see what happens.
45:35
So. Every inch of her body there's a
45:38
new piercing. Every inch.
45:40
There were piercings I didn't know existed.
45:42
I had to look it up and I was surprised.
45:45
I wouldn't say pleasantly surprised.
45:47
I'm a little terrified. The coochie was hurting.
45:52
Sympathy is coochie throbbing, but not in a good way.
45:56
I love how she already had. Two of the three different
46:00
fucking badge piercings. But she got the one as soon as
46:03
she met him. Yeah, 'cause she thought a
46:05
future partner would like it. It would, yeah.
46:07
Girl, you're running out of real estate down there.
46:10
There's so much metals actually getting on the plane.
46:16
So you guys have wand and they're like, and then they're
46:18
just like, what's up there? Girl and you'll be like it's my
46:22
pussy. It's not pushing.
46:24
She changes it to all plastic. Which is a lot of effort if
46:28
you're down there. TSA is not her friend.
46:30
She's paying for the premium upgrade.
46:32
Does she just swap it in and out?
46:35
You can't keep it plastic. It's got to be quality.
46:39
What if she got in the TSA scanner and then her whole clit
46:42
started vibrating? Because they were just like no.
46:48
Love it but. Anyway.
46:49
It's almost like Rowan took our advice.
46:52
Remember when we said that people need hospital lighting
46:55
and to have a good inspection? Of the area.
46:57
Because he was like, open up that pussy wide.
47:00
A bitch so wide. Kitty This was written by a
47:04
woman. Does she think?
47:06
Does she work like that? Does she open so wide that it
47:10
hurt? How?
47:11
How much? Does she have to use hands to
47:13
spread up? Her.
47:14
They're like, why are they already spread from piercings?
47:17
That's the real question. But like, how much is she?
47:20
Just her legs lit. Her legs were literally behind
47:23
her back at this point. He's.
47:24
Like why not I? Want.
47:25
To see into your eyes is like you got this.
47:28
I've worked in a circus. I feel like there's got to be a
47:31
certain level of decorum when you see someone naked for the
47:35
first time in your life. Yeah, you don't need to go full
47:37
ham sandwich, you. Do not need to go full X-ray
47:41
vision ham parmigiana. Like what?
47:44
You're not going nose deep? I think you've got a.
47:47
You may need to go to Space station.
47:49
Took it to a next level, like even we're not recommending this
47:53
part of a check. He pulled out a magnifying
47:55
glass. And you can't we otherwise.
47:58
Why does he need to see the whole canal?
48:00
Like why does he need to be? Like, open up your cervix?
48:03
He's doing a cervical check slowly.
48:06
He can't have no cervical cancer.
48:09
There's only so much I would ever open my pussy for anybody.
48:13
And. Definitely not.
48:14
He pulled out like a spectrum. But why yeah?
48:17
Exactly. But like, is he opening up his
48:20
asshole before they back? What's the equivalent?
48:22
We need to talk about the asshole because I've never heard
48:26
pleated hole, pleated. Pleated hole.
48:30
Is it sure it was pleated? Yes.
48:32
Or was it puckered? No, I'm looking at that.
48:34
What? The fuck is a pleated hole?
48:37
I must have glossed right over that.
48:38
The pleated hole stop and then every time they talked about the
48:42
butt hole, it was the pleated hole does.
48:44
That just mean it's wrinkly pleated.
48:50
If you told me you had to look at my pussy wide open to save my
48:56
life, I'd be like. It was nice though.
48:58
You should Take Me Out. I'm like, cool.
49:01
I'm like we're. Like how many years of
49:03
friendship? There's no way.
49:05
I'm just that is that is too much.
49:08
I'd be like nice knowing you. I'd be like I'm not a duck,
49:12
though this is not for me. I'm like, this is my funeral
49:14
Song. If you were like Carla, I'd need
49:17
you in the birth room because no one else can make it.
49:20
And you're going to see me pussy open, baby shooting out of me.
49:23
I'll be like you're doing it alone.
49:27
I wouldn't traumatize you with that.
49:28
Don't worry. But I wouldn't do it like we
49:30
can't. Like what?
49:31
You can wait outside. We're not there.
49:34
Like. Why we'll never be there.
49:36
Why did this guy want to do this, though?
49:39
Is he checking for herpes? Because that sexual arousal.
49:41
Permanent. True.
49:44
Yeah, maybe he's just looking for warts or why.
49:47
But what's in the pussy, though? Wouldn't the herpes be the
49:51
herpes of the woods? Wouldn't that be kind of like on
49:53
the outside? Like, why did you want to look
49:54
in? Maybe he's just trying to see if
49:56
the piercings. Are good.
49:58
Like the hole was good. You know it's not wonky, It's.
50:04
Checking if they did a good job. Did you wash it with saline
50:07
every day? Like what did you do?
50:09
What was the aftercare? Did they give you Aftercare?
50:12
He was so horny about it, they never made sense.
50:15
OK. All right.
50:16
That's fine. Let's move on, please.
50:19
Is that the sex scene where he spits the cum into her mouth?
50:21
That was the first time they had sex.
50:22
Because he's like, I'm going to destroy you.
50:24
Bitch. I was chafing, listening to all
50:27
this. Where was the friction burn?
50:29
You're telling me they both had a dry spell and neither of them
50:33
had? Friction burn I was having.
50:35
Friction burn reading it. Her pussy was raw rating you.
50:39
It was pussy was inside out. Piercings where they were sucked
50:43
up, Would they get ripped? Out what Lube are they using?
50:48
None. The Lube is pure determination.
50:53
But why do they have to have sex so much in one go?
50:56
You can't. Am I broken?
50:58
Because I. Know you're a normal girl.
51:02
That's too many times. It just never ended.
51:05
And then he went to sleep with his Dick in her, which is just a
51:08
UTI waiting to happen. Oh yeah, that's gonna be
51:10
uncomfortable. And then she was just super
51:12
horny about it. I wish I had more friction so
51:14
that she conveniently had her vibrator.
51:16
Why is she taking her vibrator everywhere?
51:18
You're on. You're going to kill people.
51:20
You're on a Murder Trip. Focus.
51:22
Focus. Maybe that's what keeps her
51:23
focused, or maybe that's what gets her brain ticking.
51:26
And then she starts using it, Yeah.
51:28
And then he just fucks her all over again Anyway, yeah, so it
51:32
just never ends. And he's like, you know what I
51:34
think happened? My Dick was in you and you got
51:37
horny. You know what I hate though?
51:41
The 1st 6 scene is always mouth to clip non-stop and then
51:45
they'll get further down the book and there's no foreplay.
51:48
It doesn't exist anymore. She's just wet and ready to go.
51:50
Yeah, you've only ever got to do foreplay for each woman once.
51:53
Yeah, and that that sets her up for life, right?
51:59
You only got to trap her in once.
52:01
Wait, wait, wait. Was the tattoo after this sex
52:03
scene? No, it was before.
52:07
I thought he was. After because they had sex and
52:09
then she was looking at him, right?
52:11
And the tattoo was there. Oh, was she looking at him while
52:14
he was digging in her bag for her vibrator?
52:16
And that was but I think somewhere infused in this scene
52:19
A. Bit desperado.
52:23
What do you even do about that? You can't deny him.
52:25
Now What if she didn't like the sex and she's like, well, I'm
52:30
just tattooed on his back for the rest of my life.
52:32
It's giving obsessed He couldn't just take a photo on his phone
52:35
like a normal person and set it as screensaver.
52:38
Yeah, these cuckoo bananas. Can I just say if I had to read
52:41
Egypt one more time, I was going to lose it.
52:45
I had to look it up because, you know, I'm not an Irish girlie.
52:48
We love an Irish accent, but I wouldn't have a clue.
52:51
It means an idiot, yeah. He's just saying it with an
52:54
accent. Egypt.
52:56
Take a shot every time you read Egypt.
52:58
Blackbird, Sloan or or Weaver or butcher.
53:02
Oh yeah, you know what? The moment they had sex, and
53:06
which happens in a lot of books. It just rerouted the whole plot,
53:09
too. Now we're opening a restaurant
53:11
in your honor. Now we live together.
53:13
Restaurant things Now we live together.
53:16
We're not in the murdery business anymore.
53:19
It's not about murder anymore, OK?
53:23
Does it come off a little too strong if you make a entire
53:25
restaurant about this girl? Yeah.
53:27
That you have limited. It's embarrassing.
53:30
It's embarrassing. It's too much.
53:32
It is too much. Doesn't not give away that
53:35
you're murderers. The fucking restaurant has Raven
53:39
wings everywhere and butcher knives, and that's quality.
53:43
It's giving Sweeney Todd they just had to actually cannibalize
53:46
people to put it in their food and then they're there
53:49
imaginative. I just thought it was weird how
53:52
they wound it back from we're out killing people to now we've
53:56
got real problems. I'm like, Oh yeah, like what
53:58
color are the drapes going to be and stuff?
54:00
And I'm like, so why is Winston mad?
54:02
Why is he mad about the Kitty litter?
54:05
All things like that out of nowhere I.
54:07
Know and the the book just took a severe sweat, took a full
54:11
left. Even worse.
54:13
And then he's mad that even though she likes to be alone,
54:16
that he can't give her the time of day because he's building a
54:18
new restaurant. You could have moved her in
54:20
about fucking ten months later. So bad.
54:25
So you know the fact that they started having anal.
54:29
Meant that they're in love. Yeah, and it happens to be a
54:33
trope this has. To be a trope it is.
54:37
There's an anal to love pipeline.
54:39
There is. There is.
54:40
It's through the anal canal. It's not porn filled.
54:45
How do we how do we believe that anyone's in love if they're not
54:49
majorly smashing poo holes every 5 minutes?
54:52
Because that's not true love. It's just fake.
54:55
It's just fake. It's not real.
54:57
And how? How does it happen that they
54:58
only need to put one little thumb in and then they're all
55:01
good for the massive penis of the male, male, male character?
55:04
Exactly. That's how it works, Emily.
55:06
It's not the same. Or is our scale for massive
55:10
penis in books? Too big?
55:12
Probably like we're thinking proper 6 inch.
55:14
I'm just throwing it out there. Maybe it's just bigger than a
55:18
thumb. Like a little bit bigger than a
55:19
thumb, and they're really out here with little pin Dickies.
55:23
Yeah, I just love how the puss means nothing.
55:26
It means nothing. It's generic.
55:29
Pussy means absolutely nothing. No feelings, not real.
55:32
No, you're not going to get married if you're not slamming
55:35
it in the Boo hole. Sorry, no ring on that thing
55:39
Enough. There's no ring on his.
55:41
Good luck penis forever, girlfriend.
55:43
It's not giving wacky behaviour. Excuse me?
55:51
I just don't. At this point you can tell I'm
55:55
just packing it in because it's like, what is this plot?
55:58
It's. Giving.
55:59
All the worst tropes. And like I.
56:01
Don't know what to do anymore. And then David reenters.
56:06
David, That's not a plot to us. I picked, you know?
56:11
I knew he had to mean something because he was still alive.
56:14
But why, David? Why true?
56:18
Because they assumed everything would just all be Gucci, like,
56:21
OK, we've recycled David. We've yeah, we've got to bring
56:27
him back. Got to keep it interesting.
56:29
We could have just stopped at the Stacks and just went home.
56:33
So, OK, the the climax. You know, as we're getting to
56:37
the end again, we're not letting in on any of the David shit.
56:40
No. We know none of that.
56:41
At least it's right at the end. It's like 100 within 100 pages
56:46
at the end, yeah. But this is the climax.
56:49
This is that. David didn't get on lobotomy and
56:51
he's not actually like Toby the household, and he just pretended
56:56
so he could kill. You know, somehow, somehow he
57:01
worked out that these two people killed one person.
57:05
A year before, yeah. And decided that, you know, they
57:10
have a serial killer hunting trip and that he was in the
57:13
right place at the right time. And also, guess what?
57:17
His main motivation is to break them off like his main mission.
57:24
He's like, I'm definitely hotter than you this.
57:28
Is my mission is to make Ron break up with her?
57:31
Yeah, because that means you're safe.
57:33
Like the FBI ain't hunting you already.
57:36
Because David was threatening Sloane, obviously.
57:39
And because Ron's like, Oh my God, no, I'll do anything to
57:41
save Sloane. And he's like break up with her.
57:45
Can't believe? David's like.
57:47
Break up with her and he should not have a chance to have a
57:49
chance. And she's got a question why her
57:53
partner's dead? And they say, David, she thinks.
57:56
Of you as Dobby the household. She's not going to turn around
57:59
and anal you. She has no brain up there.
58:02
In her mind, she thinks he's a little baby that needs to.
58:06
Be like she's treating him like Oliver Twist and he thinks he
58:10
has a chance. The audacity is up to the
58:13
ceiling. Anyway, this is not a fixing
58:16
moment. Anyway, Robins like I'll do
58:18
anything. I'll.
58:19
Save my Blackbird. So what does he do 'cause
58:22
they're psycho. Of all things.
58:26
I mean, it's almost like she's psycho.
58:28
Bro, if you said I don't want to be friends anymore, you're
58:30
psycho. I'd be like, see you next week,
58:32
idiot. Believe that.
58:36
That's like the dumbest thing to try to pull her up for when
58:38
you're way more psychotic. Yeah, the 10th and 13th.
58:42
Why is that relevant to any conversation?
58:45
And how did that help us? We're not going to remember
58:48
those. I'm not going to remember that
58:50
someone milked there in sperm at that.
58:52
Time to bake ice cream. We were trying to forget about
58:54
that detail, so they tried to throw off some little bone in
58:58
there and I was not having it. Nah, it went over my head.
59:01
I was like, OK, and he's, he's. Nervous.
59:03
The conversation we had on the way, but basically his idea of
59:06
breaking up with her was, I don't want him leaving you
59:08
anymore, and she's supposed to. Believe that.
59:11
And then the only reason why she figured it out is because she
59:13
was talking about it with luck and she's like, I don't
59:16
understand we're practically we were doing the anal.
59:18
We're on the love pipeline like I like plead all pleaded whole.
59:22
You know everything we were doing was leading the anal.
59:25
I don't understand like how could what could possibly be
59:27
wrong with our relationship when all we did was slam ugly.
59:30
That's all it takes. We slammed ourselves.
59:33
All a day in front of everyone in a booth.
59:36
All day, every day. So she's like.
59:38
The math ain't math in something can't be right.
59:41
And then she eventually figures it out, but then she still
59:44
pissed at him as I don't understand how she has a whole
59:47
burner phone, but she doesn't delete her fucking messages.
59:53
You know what? Conveniently too, she has put a
59:56
fucking camera in his kitchen. A hidden camera.
59:59
Wow. Yep.
1:00:01
Why? Why do you need a camera in a
1:00:03
restaurant? What is he doing fucking the
1:00:06
waitresses? That's what she was probably
1:00:08
scared of, because they're blonde and apparently all
1:00:10
blondes are. They're devil untrustable.
1:00:14
The blondes have the devil's juice.
1:00:17
I just love how the Ultimate bad Guy's motivation is just to
1:00:21
break them up for the romance plot because they haven't broken
1:00:23
up yet. Break them up and then murder
1:00:26
them. He wanted to fuck Sloane first
1:00:28
because he looked. She looked after him.
1:00:31
I feel like it would have been so much easier if she left you
1:00:34
there. You've had to wash dishes for
1:00:38
fucking months. You've had to commit to the plot
1:00:40
a very long time. You've had to sit there and
1:00:43
swing your legs around like a little baby and wash dishes.
1:00:46
He had a chair next to the dishwasher.
1:00:48
He had a little throne. And you know what Rowan was
1:00:54
like? Oh, he's a little agitated.
1:00:56
I'm just going to get you a drink of water, Hun, and then
1:00:58
I'll take you home. It's OK.
1:01:01
I'm just. I just got to do this first.
1:01:04
What happened to the person that had to take him home?
1:01:06
Did he die like you're telling me?
1:01:08
He just left him there. I.
1:01:09
Can't remember. Oh, you know when Roland was
1:01:12
breaking up with Sloane? Yeah, 'cause David was there,
1:01:14
right? Yeah.
1:01:15
Or at least he was listening. Imagine David just being in the
1:01:18
middle and getting all the tea with Sloane screaming at Roland
1:01:21
about. But he did it in the Boo hole as
1:01:24
David. You'd be like.
1:01:27
David, tell you like, yes. He's like, you did what he's
1:01:31
like, I know she's got it. That's my girl.
1:01:33
He was so graphic with it. Yeah, she was like, so you were
1:01:36
pounding all the way up to the hilt in my Boo hole for nothing?
1:01:41
Yeah. Girl, I get it.
1:01:44
I get it. I.
1:01:45
Kind of get it? Because like, wouldn't you be
1:01:47
mad? You'd be like, I did all that
1:01:49
butt stuff for nothing. Yeah, she liked it, though.
1:01:53
She got excited, apparently. Her pussy quivered.
1:01:58
Stop it. Don't you dare.
1:02:00
So apparently her pussy quivered when you mentioned.
1:02:05
Don't you dare speak on behalf of the pussy, he.
1:02:08
Said. In the book, which is worse?
1:02:13
Little gremlin sounds, yeah, but David's getting all the tea
1:02:18
like. Oh, he's getting the insurance
1:02:22
and the outs, and he knows where to go.
1:02:24
He's like that. We're doing anal.
1:02:26
That means it's true love. Maybe I shouldn't break the law.
1:02:31
He's 2 crazy kids and he's they're just so in love.
1:02:35
I love how we never got a proper description of David.
1:02:37
Why does? He think he's got.
1:02:39
That much game? Yeah.
1:02:40
What does he look like? Tommy, you can't tell me he's
1:02:45
not like he's going to drop aside twitching every now and
1:02:50
then, like how committed to the bit is he?
1:02:52
I imagine in my Gollum like he was like bottomized.
1:03:01
And so after he, you know, slices some meat off, Rowan has
1:03:05
a little tasty taste. She kills him, you know, it gets
1:03:08
it's she doesn't shoot him because guns are for pussies,
1:03:10
right? She stabs him in the throat.
1:03:12
It's not her style. It's not her style.
1:03:14
He gets a tattoo on his scar and it's literally a fucking black
1:03:18
bird holding a butcher knife. Bro, why?
1:03:22
When is a bird ever holding a knife?
1:03:25
And why does the some cheesy cartoon?
1:03:29
Some loony dune shit going on here, some Rd. brother shit
1:03:32
going on with bright colors in the back and he's like, oh, you
1:03:34
use colors. How sweet of you, Stallone.
1:03:37
She gets. Piercings.
1:03:39
He gets tattoos. That's how they work.
1:03:42
Some picnic, picnic couple of the lifetime.
1:03:44
Something about his Boo hole being pierced, no.
1:03:48
What? She fingered his Boo hole.
1:03:51
But I thought he was pierced. His asshole?
1:03:53
No. His burning Ring of Fire.
1:03:55
No. What?
1:03:57
She's giving a head a blowjob. Where did.
1:03:59
I get that from. Maybe you just assumed I just.
1:04:03
Assumed he had a piss too. OK, I assumed wrong.
1:04:07
So they're on their way to appointment in the end, and
1:04:09
literally she puts her fingers in his ass while she's giving
1:04:12
him head. It's the ultimate sacrifice, you
1:04:15
know. So this is another book where
1:04:21
they just try and wrap everything up with they intend
1:04:23
to get married. Marriage is not the solution.
1:04:26
Yet. Ever.
1:04:28
Especially in an eye hole. Why is it an eye hole, right?
1:04:33
Why is she that obsessed with eye holes?
1:04:35
It's her thing, I. Guess Yuck.
1:04:38
She loves to pluck them. That's why she's like the bird.
1:04:40
I guess I just what do we do with?
1:04:43
This What do we do? Did you read the bonus chapter?
1:04:46
It gets worse. OK, you're going to have to fill
1:04:48
me in on the bonus chapter so you know how she reads Smart on
1:04:52
her Kindle. He dresses up in a purple dragon
1:04:55
suit and gets a dildo, fucks up with it and then she goes on a
1:05:00
spa retreat and then he shows up and then get married.
1:05:04
On the Spa retreat, Yeah, because she was super stressed
1:05:08
about planning a wedding. So he just showed up there and
1:05:11
they got married the next day. I feel like the author just hit
1:05:14
a randomized generator scenarios to see what would happen next.
1:05:19
Yeah, I never want to be in this universe ever again.
1:05:23
I'm totally down for the next book.
1:05:25
Stop. I don't know why I hated.
1:05:28
It I was entertained. I was never not entertained.
1:05:33
I just nothing was plotting. That's fine, but you know me,
1:05:38
I'm always like you're always here for the plot and I'm just
1:05:41
here for. The chaos, Yeah, I feel like
1:05:45
your expectations are high and you need to bring them down.
1:05:48
I need to bring them all the way down to trash.
1:05:50
I think maybe because I read big fantasy books, I've got high
1:05:54
expectations for them and very low ones for books like this.
1:05:58
Right. Whereas I'm always the same.
1:05:59
I'm always like, did the author think of the plot or?
1:06:03
Yeah, no, there's no plot needed.
1:06:05
It's all about the Boo hog. There was lots of good reviews
1:06:08
on this and I was like, oh, mind the bullets broken maybe I think
1:06:11
the problem. Was the insta lot for me?
1:06:14
Yeah, because. Give us some, give us.
1:06:18
Some other reasons apart from sex for them to decide to be
1:06:20
together, I suppose because he was in love with her from the
1:06:23
moment he seen her. Oh well, that's convenient.
1:06:26
Isn't that always the case? Which makes more sense than
1:06:29
Insta love though. But the way that it read in the
1:06:32
book itself was they did anal and then they both.
1:06:35
Liked each other? Yeah, but there was a scene at
1:06:38
the start where they did before their first hunting trip where
1:06:43
he was saying he was pretty much in love with her from that one
1:06:45
scene and that she was. If he was Laughlin was referred
1:06:49
after her. It was as fucking queen or
1:06:51
something. He was so in love with her from
1:06:53
that one drippy BBQ situation. And he decided to be abstinent
1:06:57
for four whole years. Yeah.
1:06:59
So did she. How convenient.
1:07:01
How convenient. As if that would happen in real
1:07:03
life. I'm glad you loved it.
1:07:06
At least we have different tastes.
1:07:07
It's definitely different. It definitely opened a category
1:07:10
for me, Okay, but I'm not sure. You know, it seems like the
1:07:14
fucking cannibal part scare me too much, OK?
1:07:19
Yeah, whereas I was desensitized.
1:07:21
But I wasn't enjoying it either. Yeah, I I think.
1:07:23
It's good to have different tastes because then it doesn't
1:07:25
make it boring, because if we both liked exactly the same
1:07:28
thing, this podcast would be stupid.
1:07:29
Oh yeah, 100%. So I get a gave it a one.
1:07:34
Oh, wow. I don't know.
1:07:36
I just be, isn't it? For me?
1:07:37
What are you rating the one out of?
1:07:40
Because I can't go to a 0. Are you rating it out of pleaded
1:07:44
holes? Oh.
1:07:45
It's a rating, yes, pleaded holes.
1:07:49
I'll have one plate. I'll have plated.
1:07:52
I'll have one little pleaty hole.
1:07:54
Pleaty hole. Out of five.
1:07:56
Yeah, please. I'm a. 4.
1:08:00
Wow. You're with the majority of
1:08:02
Goodreads. Yeah, it's like a four.
1:08:04
I was entertained. I think it's because I've never
1:08:06
read a book like it though. But if I was to read another one
1:08:08
very similar, I'd get over it really fast.
1:08:12
So that's it then. Hey, yes, thank God.
1:08:16
Get Me Out of here. Get me.
1:08:17
Out of here. I just want to click out of this
1:08:19
whole thing now. Thanks for joining us on Lose
1:08:21
the Plot with Carla and Emily. Don't forget to rate US five
1:08:24
stars and subscribe if you enjoyed Slip, Slip, slide into
1:08:27
our TMS on TikTok or Instagram Lose The Plot podcast.