Latest / The soulnotskin Podcast with Jen SluMac / Darron Charles - The Speed of the Leader

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Darron Charles - The Speed of the Leader · The soulnotskin Podcast with Jen SluMac

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: What I what I learned um is uh from from being in this business is um you can't change people.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I learned that.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I learned that you have to see people for who they can be, not for who they are right now.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of people that mean comfort back over they they don't really believe in themselves or they don't think they can do it.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um and you gotta constantly uh pour belief into people.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: What I realize is whenever I feel down, if you call or encourage somebody else, you start feeling better, right?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: When you bless others, you'll be blessed.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Soul Not Skin Podcast, a virtual living room, a safe, welcoming place to land where you can pull up a chair and share stories straight from the heart.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm your host, Jen Slumack, or as my students like to call me, Miss Jen.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: We talk about the real human experience, the hard stuff, the wonderful stuff, and the messy everyday growth that shapes who we become.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: Real stories, real people, real insight, becoming who we are.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: Settle in, and let's dive into today's episode.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: This is Darren Charles, everyone.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, every now and then God just drops people in your world.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: You're not even paying attention.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Somebody just drops into your world, and all of a sudden you start talking and you realize that you might just be kindred spirit, right?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: So uh my wife and I were at a sporting event.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: Here we are in the stands.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: We've got some tickets for this game and we're enjoying the game.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: And uh I just hear from folks.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I screamed out, hey, good job.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: Somebody was coming off the floor and on the bench had just played about, I don't know, five minutes or whatever.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: But when I screamed it out, this guy looked over at me and he was with a friend, and he's like, Yeah, that's this person's sister.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, What?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: So anyway, so it was kind of cool, but the way he looked at me, like it was something in his eyes.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: And it wasn't just like someone looking at you sideways, like you're making too much noise at a game.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: It was this sort of he saw me.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: It was very interesting.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember feeling that way.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: And he offered to, you know, hang out like at uh halftime.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so we got to talking a little bit, and we talked about how we both like to really make an impact in this world, and the work that he's doing and the work that I'm doing, and what was different in our stories that I found a little bit um compelling to me, anyhow, is I think we come from very different beginnings.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: So can I turn it to you and tell us who you are and tell us your story, Darren?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I I appreciate you having me on the podcast.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love what you're doing and making an impact.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and I know God's gonna continue to bless you because you're you're serving his people.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm excited to be on.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, like you said, uh, I come from very humble beginnings.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: My father and my mother, uh my mom's from uh Antigua, my dad's from Trinidad.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um my mom ran the Olympics in 1984.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: She ran the Olympics?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she ran the Olympics.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: My sister ran the Olympics too in 2012, one of my sisters, right?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Come from a uh a pretty competitive family.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um and and growing up, I saw my father uh work hard um all the time.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um I always saw him come home frustrated, right?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I always saw him come home mad because I guess the finances went uh all the way there, but I mean they they put us through private school, they worked hard to do that.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually I saw my father, when he went on business for himself, and and it's it's a company we're in right now, I saw his attitude change, or I saw maybe he's he's more positive.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: He started doing um devotion in the morning, right?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's instead of getting spanked all the time, he started having me read books, right?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was reading Think and Grow Rich when I was 12, 13 years old, Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: He started working on my mind.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And when I saw the change in him, I wanted that.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I never wanted to go back to a job because uh I saw the freedom he had, and I know the job was taking him away from his purpose a lot of times, his calling, and nothing wrong with the job if you're working at what you're you're putting this earth to do.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but he was frustrated every single day.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I saw the change in him and the freedom he started having, I saw him able to go to all my sisters' high school games and and um pay$200 an hour for a trainer.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now she's in the WMBA.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: One of my sisters ran the Olympics, is paying$3,000 a month for a trainer.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: My brother has a gym that my dad helped him uh uh pay for.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I saw the freedom he had and I wanted that.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's why I decided to go and business for myself.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So after college, uh I met my wife in college.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: We have three uh three daughters, right?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um but uh but after college, I knew that this is what I want to do.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make an impact uh in the lives of other people.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um and one of the things one of the main things we do is as far as educating people uh on the different types of life insurance.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And when I got involved in the business and I learned more about it, I realized that in the African-American community, African Americans have more life insurance than any race.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we also have a lot of GoFundMe accounts because a lot of them are being sold the wrong type.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I saw um basically what the industry was doing to people, I really got uh I mean excited about this as an opportunity where I can help people make a difference.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um we've had 93 death claims that we've paid out, and um seeing a person, I mean, thanking God and praising God for what we did for them, it's it's it's it's it's about making a difference to people the lives of other people.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um but along the journey, obviously, I mean you're gonna go through ups and downs and different things like that.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And um what I what I learned um is uh it from from being in this business is um is you can't change people.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I learned that.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I learned that you have to see people for who they can be, not for who they are right now.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: As as with building a team, um a lot of times people come from different backgrounds and um their belief level may not be what your belief level is, but what I realize is you gotta see them for who they could be, because a lot of people that mean come from background where they they don't really believe in themselves or they don't think they can do it.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um and you gotta constantly uh constantly pour belief into people.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what I realize is whenever I feel down, if you call or or encourage somebody else, you start feeling better, right?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you bless others, you'll be blessed, right?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm sure you feel good every single day, uh Jen, because whatever you're doing to other people, you're really doing for yourself.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you bless others, you'll be blessed.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you curse others, you'll be cursed.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started learning that um it you gotta take yourself out of the equation and you gotta focus on serving people because when you help them achieve their needs and what they want, right, you eventually achieve what you want also, right?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, so uh we're dealing with people, a lot of times people may not know, um it may not know their true value and what they're worth, but what I realize is we're all children of God and God don't make any jump, right?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: We all have a purpose.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that we're all putting this earth to make somebody's life better.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I truly believe that uh the best thing you can do for people is just be an example.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Give them an opportunity, of course, but give me an example of how to live and always encourage and believe in who they can be because if you look at them for who they are, they'll remain the same.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: But if you look at them for who they can be, they'll raise to their level of expectation or far beyond.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so this business taught me a lot about people, and um, and and it just gets it just it just ignited a passion for just serving people, just like what you do right now.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's not even about the money, because when you serve people, you serve God.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And all money is all money is just a certificate for serving God's people.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So the more you're making, that means the more people you're serving, the more people you're blessing.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so so um I love the fact that not only can we make a difference uh in in other people's lives financially, but I can actually encourage people to be who God put them on this earth to be, and they can see themselves uh um bigger than what they saw themselves before me, right?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's that's the the the big thing, and I'm sure you know you what I'm talking about.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for sure.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you for that.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: So one of the things that you said earlier, Darren, is I heard you say that your dad came home frustrated all the time, and you saw him get into this business, and and then uh he started coming with a different sort of energy toward the family.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I heard you say that uh you started doing devotions in the morning, and then I heard you say that you were reading spirit, you're I'm sorry, you were reading uh uh inspirational books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad, uh, when you were 12 years old.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: So was your ability to succeed, your brothers, your mothers, your sisters, both your sisters, was your ability to succeed uh part of your father's new freedom?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: Was was he able to support sort of the growth and the focus of the family each doing their own things uh as a result of his new business?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Or was was that all happening anyway?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's a great question.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think yeah, I think it's a a large part because um as he built the business, had he had more freedom, he was able to pour more time, more energy, and also more resources, right?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um because like I I said,$200 an hour for a trainer uh for my sister, and she and she she she's very talented, but I know for a fact with the exposure and the different things he was able to do for her, and the training and coaching and the mentorship he's able to pay for, I know it took her a lot further because a lot of times we we might have uh children that might be the next president, the next mayor, but if we don't have the resource or the time to invest in them, and if they're just sitting at home on TV or rope or playing Roblox all day, they'll waste a lot of talents and gifts away.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I definitely, definitely believe that because when I was growing up, um he wasn't able to come to any of my games or really do anything with me.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: But as uh as he started making more money, had more freedom, my my brother, my my other two sisters, um, he was there for everything.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I truly believe that support, that encouragement, um, but also the resources to get exposed uh helped him out a lot.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I I think that I think that really helped out a lot.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And as he as he changed his the mindset, obviously he's a leader of the house.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the the household mindset changes, right?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of being frustrated, man, now hey, we're we're self-improved, we're getting better, uh, we're gett we're we're we're getting more in the word, we're um uh we're working our mind because he was doing it.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like they say the speed of the leaders, the speed of the pack.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's basically he he created that that environment in the household.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and this is before I went to before I graduated high school to where to end the high school, but I but I took that with me as I started having kids.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: I started doing, you know, I'm gonna start doing devotion, or I'm gonna start reading books.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like my daughters, if I give them$100 for every book they read as long as they write an essay on it.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So they want to get their hair done.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be your daughter, because I used to read, boy.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I tell them.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I say, hey, uh you you're not able to work yet because they're young.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I said, if you could work on your mind, um, and what I let them know is if you want anything, it's good to look pretty.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna get your hair done, your nails done.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you read a book, you get the money for whatever you want to get.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: So$100, or they can get their hair done, their nails done, whatever they want to do.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: So now they they come to me and they've been reading books for like five since they're like five or six.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like they've they've read all like Think and Grow Rich, uh, uh, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: They've read so many books.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Every single month they're reading a book because they want to, but they're getting better and how they're interacting with their friends, and they eliminate people that I don't have to tell them to eliminate.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: They'll they'll say they'll come to me and say, I'll say, Hey, what happened to your friend such and such?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And they'll be like, Well, she's too negative.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: I uh we we don't hang around her, she's not positive, or she's always she's always talking about other people.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so by working on their mind, right, uh they make the right decisions without me having to really tell them.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: But you have told them, though, by modeling, like you said.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: You you gotta absolutely you gotta show the example.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's my dad did for us.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: He should he showed a better example because people the kids and people don't do what they say, they do what you do.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and what your your actions scream, your words whisper.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so what you do um um really speaks louder than what you say.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: Your body your body language says about 90% of what you think you're communicating.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: The parenting, I love what you said, the speed of the leaders, the speed of the pack.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: That gave me chills.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: I've never heard that, Darren.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um I wanna I wanna stay on that for a minute because I think that is remarkably powerful about being a parent who knows to help young people, particularly young women, develop their mind and develop their mind in a way uh where, and also I hear the devotion, so your faith is a big foundation in this as well.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: So um I I heard you on another show, I think you said, once you know who you are and whose you are, you can you can really uh flourish in this world.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so teaching your daughters that I think is remarkably powerful in that they then were able to navigate some of the negativity and the toxic energy that they sort of came across naturally.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: Because boundaries is something I didn't get a chance to learn much.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Coming up, my parents loved us, my parents tried, my parents did the best that they knew how to do.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: We didn't have somebody uh guiding things the way that it sounds like you you are able to do in your family.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, my father's a minister, he's a retired minister, but but my parents were in their own pain when I was growing up and they were navigating their own pain.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: And so we sort of the household became sort of figuring all that out.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: One thing that struck me uh that you said though is on our refrigerator as a child, before uh my parents divorced when we were all still one unit, there was this picture of this little kid, he was resting on his folded arms, and it said, I know of somebody because God don't make no joke.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: And you said that earlier in the podcast, and it made me chuckle because that's one of my fondest memories of my family when it was still a unit, was that that was sort of the message that I saw every time I went to get some milk.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: So there was an element of trying to work on our mind, of trying to show us who we are and whose we are before all of the fracture, right?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um Darren, I heard you say too that in the beginning it's very important to pour belief into people because not everybody feels good about themselves.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that has been true for me, and maybe that's one part of what I saw in your eyes when I first met you.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I think that you may have seen in mine because we both sort of we had this sort of common experience, I think, of meeting something bigger than the person in front of us when we met.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: Am I right about that?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there's an energy, there's a spirit in us that's sort of connected, right?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: You spoke about your daughter's ability to navigate toxicity.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me about how you encountered some of that as you pursued this business and how you had been sort of foundation foundationally prepared to navigate that as well.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: But tell me about some of the frustrations there.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's that's a great question.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um I g I guess um wh whenever you're starting something new, um, a lot of times the people you're introducing it to, a lot of the friends that um that I had before, um, they see you as you are now.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so they don't see you as you can be.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of times they might reject you, not because they don't believe in what you're offering, they just don't believe in you being able to do it.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I um it's just it's like we say, like even with Jesus, you say so you can't be a prophet in your own land, he couldn't perform any miracles in Nazareth.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: He had to go outside the city because everybody said, Oh, that's a carpenter's son, right?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't they didn't believe that he could perform miracles, they didn't believe that he's a son of God, right?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, same thing.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: So when I got involved in the business, a lot of a lot of the friends and people I used to hang with, um, um, if it was about partying or drinking or fun, they were supporting, right?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: But when it was, hey, let's let's let's go in business first, let's just let's learn how to invest money, they last, right?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I realized that sometimes you have to separate yourself from people that are going where you're going if you want to elevate, because when you come back, they'll be in the same position anyway.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: All right, I mean they'll they'll be at the same party, the same club, or still at their mom's house.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes you have to leave people behind in order to go after what you're putting this earth to do.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you might feel like you're you're you're missing out or you're you're missing people, but as you're elevating, God will put even better people and the right people on your path and in your life to help you continue to elevate.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I that's what I started realizing.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: I started getting better friends and more and that people are on the same path as me.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it feels lonely, like you feel like you're by yourself, you're going by yourself.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, um, but um, yeah, and and and that's and that's what it feels like.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: But uh along the way, you start picking up the tools, along the way you start meeting new people, you along the way you start getting resources to actually achieve what you so you just gotta go out on blind faith a lot of times, or just know that every time you jump, the net will always appear.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: But so you don't know, you don't gotta see how it's gonna happen or or what's gonna happen.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: You just gotta know it's gonna happen.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: You don't gotta see what way, or um, or or um um you gotta or there's a certain plan to get there, right?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: You just gotta know it's gonna happen because it's never gonna happen the way you want it to happen, but you know it's gonna happen, right?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just had to believe no matter what people around me said, um, no matter what it looked like.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I mean, your spouse and my my and a lot of times they're not being negative, it's just you've never showed them that you were bitter, so you never showed them examples of success before in that in that arena.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: So they just they they just try to protect you from what they think is gonna happen.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: They try to protect you from the failure.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not really that they they they they they despise what you're doing or anything like that.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's just all they know is what they know.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know the dream that God put in your heart, right?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um and and and the mission that that that you're you're pursuing, right?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: They don't they don't know it, they don't see it.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: They God gave the vision to you, not them.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: So um a lot of people in the beginning didn't see it, but I had to hold on to it no matter what.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: So there's there's times where I felt lonely.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's times where uh I was missing cookouts or parties and different things like that because I want to sacrifice that time to get better or read or put put work in.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I always said to myself, like whenever I was going through a tough time, I always said to myself, hey, you know what, this too shall pass.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: This too shall pass.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I whenever I woke up and I and I wanted to take a break or do nothing, I used to always say to myself, what will the average person do?
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: The average person wouldn't read a book.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let me pick up a book and start getting it work on my mind.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: The average person wouldn't do an appointment.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, the average person would be at a at a club right now or a bar right now, drinking, okay, hey, let me let me put some work, let me call some people, let's encourage some of my teammates.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let's keep on working.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: So every single day I just said to myself, what will the average person do?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do what the average person won't do, you'll have what the average person won't have.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that that's that's the mindset I adopted over time.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then eventually becomes a habit.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like at first, when when I started reading books and working on myself, I mean, I start three pages in and fall asleep.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: My head would hurt reading a book.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: You probably know what I'm talking about.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, I understand that.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: And and then and then and then and but I could listen to music and do it.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: But but after a while, because I programmed my mind, then I got to the point where I can read a book and music hurt my head.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: The wrong type of music, the wrong type of type of message hurt my head.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I couldn't hear about the drugs and the killer, it just hurt my head.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can't even stand and listen to this stuff, right?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: But then reading books, so so it's flip-flop, right?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because so you can reprogram your mind and be anything that you want to be, um, because you are who you say you are.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_04: That's right.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: So whatever you say after I am is who you are.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: So if you say, hey, I'm a great business owner, I'm I'm successful, that's who you are.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you say, well, I'm bad at direction, I'm bad with people, that's who you are.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever you talk, your mind shuts up and listens and gives you more of what you talk about.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what you're saying.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: For anybody in the audience who didn't hear that, just stop what you're doing and pay attention right here.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: Say that again.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever you talk, your mind shuts up and listens and gives you more of what you talk about.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: Woo! Yes, sir.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's the truth.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's why you want to speak.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's why the Bible says, let the weak say I'm strong.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: You speak what you want because even a lie becomes the truth if you believe it long enough, right?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Every successful NBA player, they thought they said they were gonna be the greatest before they're top 1,000, right?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, uh rapper, Jay-Z probably is the best rapper alive before he was even top 20, before you even know about his name, but you got to speak it as if it was so and eventually it'll be so.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: And whenever you're speaking something, in the beginning, you might feel fearful and doubtful, like, why did I say that?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: I put my button a line, now people are gonna be looking at me.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: But then it forces you to become who you were putting this earth to be.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually that lie becomes the truth.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you believe it long enough, soon it'll be realized and everybody else will believe it.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: So so I had to believe it.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that part.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, man.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: So here's been some of my challenges.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: I so celebrate your conviction, right?
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because I have always had this uh this um part of myself that speaks like you're speaking.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: Very clear.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I've also got this part of myself, it's like that's been dragging, holding onto my ankle, a little me that got her heart broke with the family fracture and with some of the stuff, and coming out of the closet and being rejected by the church and all of these different things that sort of like in my alcoholism and being stuck in it before I got sober, all of these things sort of hang on to my ankle like a nuisance.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just trying to shake her off and shake her off like you did your time, baby.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: You came, you got me here, you did what you needed to do.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry you hurt so bad as me.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: And me talking to the old version of myself, I know you hurt, I know you got hurt, I know that you broke and your heart got broken by daddy, by the, you know, all these people, but but you got me here.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: Now hear me the baton and be gone.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: But she still holds on sometimes.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so I find myself struggling with her.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes, you know what I'm saying?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so, did you ever have like a version of Darren who sort of held on to your pant leg and just wouldn't let you go, man, that you had to sort of like who whispered ugly into you that you had to to to combat on a daily basis?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me a little bit about that version of your struggle.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: If you've had it.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if everybody has it.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think to some degree everybody does, but yeah, yeah, I think so too.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I I think everybody deals with that.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's the thoughts that that cripples, because I don't believe like people say, oh, the devil got doing this to me, the devil work on me.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that the devil does anything to us.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: I believe he could plant a seed and we can hold on to the seed and self-sabotage ourselves.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it might be a seed of doubt that we hold on to.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, or it might be, oh, what this happened in the past, and we hold on to it until it sabotage our future.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what so I had to, I had to learn, I had to start recognizing little victories because I would hold on.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what if you fail again?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: What if you what if you mess up with it?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: What if your team puts together?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to so I had to start recognizing little victories because whatever you're grateful for, whatever you hold on to is what you're gonna continue to attract.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to be grateful to the fact that even if my numbers weren't where I wanted to be, my business, my income, whatever, hey, I'm I'm I'm grateful for another day of spare life.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: God give me an opportunity to do it again, right?
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had to look for little successes because if you focus on those things, you'll attract more of it.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I realized that I had to deliver on my promises, not just for others, but to myself.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you say you're gonna do something and you don't do it, you start having that shame and and that doubt.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that shame is it kills success because it ties you to your past and then it sabotage your future.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: So you're thinking so now you're thinking, well, I can't do it because last time I said I was gonna do it, I didn't do it, or what if it doesn't wasn't work?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I just have to learn that you have to live in a moment because all all um like all depression is is thinking about what went wrong in the past, and all anxiety is is worrying about what can go wrong in the future.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I have to learn how to live in the moment um and only look in the past to see how far I've come in my successes.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: I never looked at I saw look at, hey, I'm not looking at how what I did wrong.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: I look at the fact or to look back at successes I had and knowing, okay, if I did it before, I could do it again, right?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: But you but you have to hold on to it um because we can we we can actually sabotage our future by the thoughts that we hold on to.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um so we're the creators of our of our destiny, but we have to make sure we're focusing on the things we want, not the things we don't want.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I've I've of course we all deal with doubt and and different things like that, but um, but uh the greatest the greatest thing you have to conquer is is is is your thought, your minds.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to refocus.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever I have a thought, I say, you know, I cast this thought down.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a negative thought, I cast this thought down.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the the thought and the vision you hold on to the longest is what your life's gonna reflect.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you just gotta hold on to the vision of what you want long enough, because you the negative thoughts will come, that will come with human.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you have to hold on to those thoughts long enough until your vision uh comes into fruition.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's so important to guard what you put in your ears, guard what you watch, guard who the circle you hang around with, um, because that's because the devil uses all those things to plant those seeds of doubt.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then when we hold on to that, that's who we we self-sabotage ourselves.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to definitely learn that if you have a thought, and if you're feeling bad, every time you're feeling bad, it comes from a thought that you don't want, it comes from a negative thought.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're feeling good, that means you're thinking about what you want.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: So anytime you're feeling bad, it's just not you don't need a uh a drug or to medicate you or anything like that.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, you need to change the way you think, and you'll change the way you feel.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: So so so whenever I'm feeling like down or I'm motivated like that, okay.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm not I must be thinking about what I don't want, what's going wrong.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's change that thought.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: And now I feel motivated by focusing on the things that I do want.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that gives you that extra boost of energy.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: So only look at your past for how far you've come or to look at as past successes, but never hold on to you just gotta let it go and just know that everything happened for you.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you did go through some type of struggle in the past, then that's God giving you an opportunity where you can help somebody else.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you do.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can help some other people get through it.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: So you thank God for that, the struggle, because the struggle teaches you perseverance, it teaches you character, right?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Mental toughness, but then you can relate to somebody that others might not be able to relate to and help them get through it, right?
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because you've been there.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: People that struggle the most can teach it the best.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I agree with that.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you are.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: A great teacher.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, you're right.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're a great teacher because you've gone through great struggle.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you for that.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: And it is why I love working on uh with folks on the inside, because they uh a lot of the folks that I meet who are uh incarcerated or or who have been through uh a lot of trauma and those types of things, who have that version of themselves holding on to their pant leg, trying to get them to, and sometimes the entire family is holding on to them, yeah, right?
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's really hard to break free of that, particularly when your needs are not met, your basic needs, because you've got to stay in that environment to survive, and it's toxic and it'll weigh you down, right?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I love what you said because, and this isn't new, I'm not making this up.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: I heard this and I shared it with my students, but you are what you eat is a lot more than a taco.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: You are what you eat is the music you listen to, the books that you put inside you, the places you put yourself that you can observe in the course of the day.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's what you take in visually, it's all of it.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's all of it, you know.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I heard you say, Darren, that you were reading and you stopped being able to listen to that music, yeah, right?
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: Because it was negative, because it was, I mean, it's the story of a reality, and it's a story of a reality that exists and that is uh, you know, deeply ingrained with a lot of times hurt, uh, deprivation, uh, but it starts sounding dirty in your ears, right?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's me sometimes.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: My wife would be so patient with me because she likes sometimes watching these like old Viking movies or or like just a lot of violence sometimes.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I can't watch this.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it just makes me like I can watch the pit where they're showing like blood on the on the emergency table and stuff like well, like stabbing each other and all this stuff.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: She goes, What's the difference?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: There's so much blood.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, because there's hostility behind it.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's the motivation behind the blood that I'm seeing.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: The the knife piercing the skin in a hospital room is aiming to save somebody's life.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: But out there, it's it's hostility.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's a person's hurt or a person's pain or uh, you know, sickness stabbed somebody else.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I can feel it, I can taste it, and it makes me ill.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, ma'am.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: One of the things that you said, Darren, is the resources that your father came upon really helped to sort of nurture your talent and really feed your brain about um and teach you as a man how to sort of uh craft your daughters so so you're able to help them develop a strong mind, right?
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Which is critical because there's probably very talented people sitting on the couch eating popcorn and watching and playing video games, right?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: And um I heard somebody say one time that uh the richest place you'll ever find is the cemetery because that's where all the dreams are left.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_02: Because people died without living them, right?
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_02: When you're dealing with people who are in addiction or people who have been severely traumatized, science tells us that um those things live in the body, right?
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_02: Uh it changes the neural pathways of the brain, addiction does.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: And trauma will sit in the body and develop physical illness if it's not uh intervened upon and released.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's an energy, it's a toxic energy that sits in the body.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times there's no consciousness of it.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: So it has to be work that's done to pull that out of somebody so that they can begin to follow.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the tools that we use, of course, is cognitive behavioral therapy, which is all about practicing the changing of the mind and thoughts.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: So when when you say that you want to believe in folks or that you have to, when you start feeling bad, you recognize, all right, what am I focusing on that I don't like or that I don't have?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_02: And you have to shift your mind, how long did it take you to practice that?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, ma'am.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um how much work does it take to believe in folks before they truly believe in themselves to do this work or anyone?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think what you see is the development of the individual prior to the development of the income.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's that's a great question.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: It and I I think it just it all depends on um the individual, but it's it's you gotta constantly, you just gotta constantly be pouring into people believing and people encouraging them because you could say 15 positive things and say one negative thing and they only only hold hear the one the one negative thing you said.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: So um it it it all depends and and really it's just getting them to see um themselves as as who God sees them as and who I I I I see them as who they could possibly be.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's really about getting them to work on themselves also and and being in an environment, a positive environment.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: But it it it it just it it depends on the person.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: It does take a lot of time.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh but um you can believe in them, but until they start really believing in themselves, uh really nothing changes.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: So you basically you're basically helping them see themselves as who they can be.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the more you encourage them, the more the more you recognize them, the more you point out the positives, the more they start to see it.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um so uh I mean that's I mean, I think that's us us our our job as and especially you, our job as as leaders uh is to to pour into people.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, sir.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and and uh help them become who who they're put in this earth to be.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it just depends on the person for sure.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I agree with that, and I think too what you said uh earlier really aligns well with that.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_02: You said um for yourself, when you keep your own promise, you start to believe in yourself, right?
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: If you if you don't keep your word to yourself, then you start to experience shame.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I think a lot of people, if you can pour into them what you described, pouring into them and believing in them, you start to give them opportunities to be able to keep their word to themselves.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_02: And that starts to build, you know, empowerment and agency in in somebody's life, right?
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, I did do that.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God, I can do that.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't have anybody around me who would have encouraged me to try that.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_02: And and that's powerful.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's powerful.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um what else would you tell me about your journey or or about uh your mindset that might help folks who struggle with theirs?
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think that um what else I'd tell you is um um when you're when you're going after a a goal, there's gonna be challenges, and and I think that in life that's you're either going into a problem, coming out of a problem, or you're in one right now.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's life, right?
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: And and that's that's that's why they say for every level is a different devil.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um so you never really arrive there.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's always another level.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: You have to keep getting better, and there's no and just you gotta always be progressing.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so like the the cure for depression is progression.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're progressing, going after something, because you don't just arrive somewhere and say, I don't gotta do it anymore, I'm I'm good.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: No, you have to keep on getting better, keep on progressing.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um and uh and keep keep renewing your mind and keep uh renewing yourself uh and becoming a better version of yourself.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um because if you're not growing, you're dying.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: And and as long as you have breath in your lungs, um this your your your purpose is not fulfilled yet.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's still something work God has for you left for you to do.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and and if and if he if he can use you uh and you continue to use your mind, right?
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, not only obviously you impact more people, uh, but it's it's it's better for you because if you don't use it, you'll eventually lose it.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I think a lot of time when people um are just sitting back home and doing nothing like that.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like you have to retire, we sit home, we do nothing, right?
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they they tend not to live as long because they're not working towards a purpose.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's no word in the Bible for for retirement.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta always be working towards something, something else, something else.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it's always be making somebody's life better.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it I think it never stops.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's the journey the journey never stops until until you patch your face in the ground.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's so you so you just gotta offer.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so they patch your face in the ground with a shovel.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: That the journey never stops until you pass away, right?
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's that's uh so so I so I have to learn that.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh and then I I I have to also learn that um um that like I said earlier, like what you're doing to others, you're doing to yourself.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to use your words to bless people, to heal people, or to prosper.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and and this it's the only time you use your words, a bless, heal, or prosper.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and the more you do that, um, the more blessings will flow to you.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it's all about making some miles of life better as as I realize it.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: And whenever I'm frustrated or down, it's because I'm thinking about myself, my own challenges, my own worry, my own this, my own that.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: But now, but if I start helping people achieve or focus and or or overcome their their challenges, um obviously I clear mine up, but at the end of the day, I feel more fulfilled when I'm doing uh uh the the service for other people.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's that's that's that's what's about.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: Two things that you um made me think of.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: First of all, thank you so much for that.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: I I just think um thank you for your energy and your spirit and your vision.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_02: Because I I want more people in the world to do the work that they need to do for themselves so that they can pour into others, because we just need more people on the ground pouring into others rather than criticizing and judging and just all of this mess.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I just celebrate your spirit and your presence on this planet, man.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_02: I just really, really do.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um I remember when I was in my my alcoholism, I was seeking uh a lot of different things, but I had always dreamed of being a movie star.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I wanted to be uh, I did stand-up comedy because I thought, boy, if I could get a tight six minutes, I'm gonna get discovered by somebody and so, you know, um, and and then I'm gonna get my own show and I'm gonna do all this stuff, right?
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_02: But then I got sober and I started doing my inner work, right?
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_02: I started working on stuff and I got close enough to fame and celebrity.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_02: I met some pretty impressive folks and sat in a green room with them and had some conversations and they saw my set and and you know, celebrated what I was doing and all this stuff.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: But I started getting closer and closer to returning to the drink and returning to the drug in that environment because I wanted so desperately for people to uh people that I was impressed with to be impressed with me.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_02: And the motivation was all askew.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: And and I finally decided that um instead of trying to be awesome, I needed to start being useful.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_02: And you spoke to that, and and I had been seeking happiness and and freedom in being rich and in being famous.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: I thought, boy, if I was rich and famous, I would have the influence to impact policy and I would have the money that I could redistribute to the poor.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_02: If I had, yeah, I could be like this this pivot point in the universe where I could take and give, you know what I'm saying?
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like, um, but that was the key.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_02: Once I started focusing on being useful, Darren, then all of a sudden I found joy.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody teaches you that, man.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, you know, it's it's that being self-centered stuff that we can only see from behind our eyes and our problems and our stuff, right?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: But once we start to open up our heart and our mind to other things, um, you also spoke about um making that decision about how you spend your breath.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_02: My mom just died in this in uh February, and I was able to be with her for the last month or two of her life at her bedside.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: I I tell you what, there is nothing like holding your mom's hand as she stops opening her eyes for a week or stops eating.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you fed her her last pretzel stick, and she just doesn't want to eat anymore.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: And there's nothing like watching your mother just become silent and still hold your hand and realize, my God, this woman has been through so much and she got me here.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sitting here, a grown-ass woman next to her, holding her hand, watching her leave this earth.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing like that to make you reconsider how you're spending your time.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I I pray everybody doesn't have to wait until that moment, but I mean, it takes what it takes.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_02: It takes what it takes.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so I'm grateful for, like you said, I think all of our stories and our experiences are greatest asset.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm gonna I'm gonna lean into something real quick because again, you inspire me in so many ways.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: So something else that you said really hit home.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to share with the audience.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of the folks in my audience right now have read my book.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but there's a a part in my book where I was in the height of my drinking.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was in the height of my dysfunction, brokenhearted, stuck under the alcohol, just drowning in it, but trying just it was a mess.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_02: And here I was trying to reach God from inside my mess.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like I loved God, I knew God loved me, but the world told me it didn't and it couldn't, and I couldn't reach it.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: And it was one of the most pathetic times, if I'm honest, right?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I had met this gay couple who were also Christians.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that started changing my world because it showed me that these two things could coexist, and I had never had that experience.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: I remember one time I kept these guys' phone number after college.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_02: Years after college, I was in my apartment and I was desperate in my drunk, and I had slithered down my door, and I was so pathetically sad and sick of myself, and I pulled out their phone number and I called one of these brothers and I said, I said to him, I said, uh here's an excerpt.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_02: It said, I was wasted the evening I dialed that long distance number.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_02: I slurred through the receiver that I didn't want to live anymore.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't stand myself.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: I told him I couldn't hold on to a relationship to save my life, that I couldn't hold a job.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_02: I had nothing left but alcohol, and it was trying to kill me.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_02: I told him that God was so disappointed in me that I needed him to do me a huge favor, my friend, not God.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_02: I said, I asked him if he would pray and put in a good word for me to please tell God I was trying.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't know what else to do.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: I told him I called because he was a gay Christian and I hoped he would tell me why I felt so insane and so hopeless.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_02: And check this out what this brother gave me that day.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: His response never left me.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: Calmly and warmly, he asked me to sit down and listen.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_02: I sat down and held the receiver with two hands for dear life.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_02: He told me that God had given me so many gifts, and I was hurting and miserable because I had been acting ungrateful.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_02: God wanted me to use the gifts he gave me, and that I wouldn't find peace until I did.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_02: So these are the moments that if you have the great fortune of continuing to strive toward life, somebody along your path will pour into you.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_02: And it can change everything.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_02: Darren, I see you pouring into folks and changing everything for people on this planet.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_02: They didn't know which way to go with things.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_02: They didn't know which way to go.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_02: Can I ask you what your daughters are doing today?
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, one one's in uh one's in college, um, two are still in high school.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh they do like dance and yeah, they're they're all in dance, actually.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're all doing dance now.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_01: They're all in dance.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_04: So they found themselves in their bodies.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: And and one is in college.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I imagine they will all go to college, and if college ain't for them, they're gonna go into something that's powerful.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna be successful no matter what, absolutely.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: Been speaking on that since I tell them that every single day.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're smart.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's the same thing with my sister who's in the WMBS.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_00: You tell her all the time, you're so smart, you're the best, you're so beautiful.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_00: And and they start believing it because you know some people say, Well, my children are bad, terrible twos, and they wonder why the children get locked up, even telling you they're bad since they're two years old, right?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: But but so I I always spoke positive.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: She's you're so beautiful, you're so smart, you're the best, you're amazing.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: I I I call them beautiful, I call them princess, and and because of that, they see themselves as more because they'll start believing it, all right, if that's all they hear.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: So so they no matter what they do, they're gonna be great at everything they do, they're they're awesome at.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you're the big brother.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm the big brother, yeah.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_02: In your family, you're the big brother.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oldest, yeah.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the oldest.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, see.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: And and what a gift that you know to pour into folks.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'll tell you what a gift your daughter is to have a daddy telling them that.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's unheard of, Darren.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's just not common these days, unfortunately.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: At least in the world that I I sort of spend my time, you know, loving, loving and pouring into people in the world that I do.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_02: I don't see that.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's a real gift.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_02: So, what's next for us, man?
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_02: What's next?
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna get together and have lunch sometime, but of course.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_00: What are we gonna do?
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: You already know, you already know my sister's out there.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime I come out there, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm reaching out to you.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime you're on the East Coast, you reach out to me.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna that's we have to stay connected because we're all put with both both of us were put on this earth to make lives better.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then I love the fact you walk on your purpose and all you've overcome.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's good, it's it's great hearing your story.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're a beautiful person.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: Just your heart is so beautiful and you can you can exudes out of you.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just I'm just excited about our our friendship moving forward.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, I'm come out there, eat with you guys, and and uh, and and and go to more basketball games.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm with it.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to keep track of uh of you and what you're doing, and uh, I'm always open to uh hang with you and your business.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, you ever come out this way and you're doing uh you're helping some folks out, invite me because I'd love to sit in and just experience what you do.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely, I'm with it.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_02: You're a beautiful man.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_02: I hope you can hear that the right way.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_02: You're a beautiful person, bro.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just so glad that I met you.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for taking the time to talk with me today and sharing some light with my audience.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, ma'am.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think beyond.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being a blessing, too.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to you soon.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: All right, bye-bye.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_02: If this conversation sparked something for you, or if you want to dive deeper, head over to soulnotskin.com and take a look around.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_02: Grab a copy of the book, Soul Knot Skin, free resources, or get on the wait list for our next workshop.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_02: I hope you'll pull up a chair next time to hang out with us again.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_02: We're figuring out this world and ourselves at the same exact time, growing as we listen to the stories of others.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_02: Let's keep getting to know each other.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_02: After all, we are in this together.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_02: See you next time.