Latest / Lightbearer's Library / The quiet tragedies of the highly sensitive man (INFJ / INFP)

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The quiet tragedies of the highly sensitive man (INFJ / INFP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you have found yourself here today, then perhaps you're a man whose life has been overwhelmed by tragedy.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: One thing after another.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps someone dies and then a relationship fails.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Someone betrays you.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Work disappears.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Identity changes.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: You lose a home.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, all of these accumulated tragedies just pile on top of one another.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it it can feel get to the point where it's so overwhelming.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you've you've endured and survived each of those losses, each of those tragedies.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: But at some point the accumulation of these just becomes too much.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe something happens that makes us decide to process these events at some point.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Something shakes us.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where this has found Twambles, who commented on one of my recent videos and asked, Can you post a discussion on men whose lives have been overwhelmed by tragedy?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because I need that.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: So this one is dedicated to him.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you find yourself in a similar place, then you're not alone.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I I I I feel that, you know, my husband is a man who has also found his life piled on by all sorts of different things.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's gotten to that place where it just feels so heavy and not entirely certain how to process those or where to process those.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so I know in my own life I've seen how this unprocessed, these unprocessed events and emotions can start to unconsciously create patterns of behavior in my life and influence my des decisions that take my life in like what seems like worse a worse direction.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I know that I need to continue to process these things by bringing them into the conscious realm.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: But so where do we start with this process?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: How do we even, you know, you may have thoughts, thoughts on this yourself.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have gone through this process, please leave them in the comments for others to read.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say, you know, other humans would be a good place to potentially start our our healing, right?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Finding a witness, someone who can who can sit and listen and hear us.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and I've certainly processed a lot of my, you know, traumas, things that have come up for me in my life with my husband, who is such a good listener, and him with me.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we we've navigated through a lot of a lot of our stuff that way.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I know many of you have shared with me that there's, you know, you've you've tried to share with loved ones, but for multitudes of reasons, you know, there's there's infinite because we're all unique individuals and everyone has their own reasons for not being able to listen to another person share their their struggles and their traumas and their tragedies.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, it it can backfire on us, and maybe we feel worse off than we did before.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it becomes another adding another another heartbreak or another loss to the pile that we're already dealing with.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So we don't want to maybe share with loved ones.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I've had that experience sharing with my mom, you know, where I share something vulnerable and she just doesn't have the capacity and won't, for whatever reason, to hold that space for me.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because just because they say they love us doesn't make them appropriate people for us to process tragedy with.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Could be even if they've experienced a similar tragedy or the same tragedy of the same person dying, you know, it's it's it's you know, it doesn't make them able to.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we might try friends.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have friends and you with who are men and you've tried to be a bit more vulnerable and share with them what has happened.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that can be that can be a struggle, and and maybe they say move on or toughen up, or whatever that might come up in that sort of typically what we see as typical, you know, manly thing.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like, well, um it's like maybe because they just don't have the the psychological um ability to, they haven't processed their own their own stuff.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, or we might try women friends who might dismiss and minimize your pain.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know we live in a culture that's very, I won't get into that here, but it it's it's very not welcoming of men's experiences in a lot of a lot of places in our culture and men's men's traumas and men's suffering and men's tragedies.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, my heart goes out to you if that's been your experience.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're all human beings and we're all unique souls that deserve to be heard as individual human souls.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, in in it my point being that we live in such a psychologically unaware society and culture, and it seems that there are very few places or spaces that provide that non-judgmental space for men to be vulnerable and to share their stories and what what they're going through.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And speaking of that, I if if the Light Bears Library has become a place, one of those places that is meaningful to you, and you'd like to help me create keep creating these journal entries, then I would be really, really it would mean a lot to me if you would consider contributing financially.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Any amount, no matter how small, is really meaningful to me.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: So then perhaps we try therapy.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard from many of you that have tried that, and it just it it just doesn't work.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's it is even more painful to, you know, there's lots of stories of how you know it's just made it worse.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And because at the end of the day, they're still humans with their own stuff, and they might not be able to handle all of the all of the tragedy.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, but I I do believe that sharing our sharing our stories, sharing what's happened to us is healing for both our own mind and our own body, even like our physical, our physical body, when we hold all of that stuff in it, it I think it comes up in symptoms both mentally and physically.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to find find ways.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And but until we find spaces where people that are that are able to, you know, hold a container of space for us to share.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's there's one thing that we can do that doesn't require any other people, and that is writing.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I would offer, I haven't read the whole book, but I I've started reading it, and it's called Opening Up by Writing It Down, How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's by James W.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Pennebaker and Joshua M.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Smith.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's all about you know how they've demonstrated through through research and studies that um that expressing our emotions appears to protect the body against you know internal stresses and have long-term health benefits.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: So they talk about what to write and how like how to write, but I think even just the idea knowing that now that writing actually does help us process those things.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, journaling or finding some somewhere to share, share your experiences in in writing can help to reflect on on the experiences, help to start to process these things just by letting it out.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I feel like perhaps the the comments under Life Air's Library videos are is just these little spaces where you can share whatever you'd like about how a video, how a journal entry has spoken to you or your own experience of what has happened.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that those help others to process their own stuff.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's it's this space of sort of maybe asynchronous um witnessing of one another.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you reply to one another and say, I I see you, I've been there, I've had that experience, you know, you're helping one another to feel not so alone, to feel seen, to feel witnessed and heard in those, those really hard experiences that a lot of you have been through.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I, if you have, if you're in this place of just feeling like there's so much tragedy in your life and you don't know what to do with it all, then perhaps just start by sharing one thing in the comments below that has that has happened recently, perhaps, or something that you're you're working through in the presently that has maybe happened in the past, but but just just share one one thing, and it can be however small or long.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: I know lots of you leave me very long, very long stories, and I read each and every one, and I'm grateful for you, and I'm grateful for this community that is that we're we're growing together.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's all of us co-creating this this space together.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: So if you would like to continue creating these connections and this community, I would invite you to the next Light Bears Library Live, which will be happening this Sunday at uh 3 p.m.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Eastern time, eastern daylight time, and what is it?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: That'll be 8 p.m.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: in the UK and 5 a.m.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Monday morning in Sydney.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So um, yeah, they've been really, really wonderful community-building spaces where we just sit and talk about whatever, whatever's coming up for you, whatever's arising, and um, you know, it can make us laugh, it can make us almost cry, it can, it's a really healing space where I find, you know, the men in the chat are cheering one another on in whatever they're going through.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you you don't have to, you don't even have to chat, please come and and lurk if you'd like.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's yeah, it's just a nice time to be be together.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I would invite you to join us there.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, my heart goes out to you if this is you know, if this hits home and this is something you're dealing with.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I wish you so many blessings.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Signing off for today, XOXO Kate.