Latest / Relatables / EP 6 - DILEMMAS "I'M NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU ANYMORE"

Transcript

EP 6 - DILEMMAS "I'M NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU ANYMORE" · Relatables

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Coming up on relatables title the Battle between Me and
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: a girl who's got a crush.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: On my boyfriend. Surely you're winning this.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Hey, guys, love the pod. Got a long and confusing
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: dilemma for you.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: Relatable Relata.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Relatles podcast by myself, mister Joe Craig.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: Okay, why you had a breath, I'm not I was
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: breathing out as I said that whole thing.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Daddy and my partner in crimesotic crack.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Oh girl, Yeah, you sound like one of those people
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: with the auctioneers. Gone once, gone twice, going three times.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: So to the short man five foot ten to two
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: by right, do you imagine you bought a house?
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: They said that to the on s.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Twice soul to the short man in the back, imagine
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: they said that.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: You spent like one point three million dollars.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Get disrespected like they just paid your bills.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, disrespect bad. He's talking to a Dilemmas episode. Dilemmas
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: episodes are back.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, before we get started, This is and a Dilemas
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: episode just from like our main Dilemmas link.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but what we're.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Gonna be doing is probably like maybe once or twice
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: a month the lemmas episodes. We will have links in
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: the description for we want you to give us dilemmas
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: that are either about sex or about men.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and they will be episodes that come out in April. Yes,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: so get on top of them. And then if maybe
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: you listen to this, to this in a couple of
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: weeks down the track, you're like, fuck a man's piece
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: of shit. I need some advice. Yep, click the link
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: and we will get to them. Hell yeah, but today, Jake,
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: like you said, we got some og dilemmas that could
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: be here, there, and everywhere.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: You look.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Ready to go, let's do this, Okay.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: My fiance and I have been together seven years. At
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: the time, I was fifteen and he was seventeen when
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: we first started dating. We've been through a lot together
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: and I love him dearly. We laugh together and have
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: great times together. My dilemma is we have little to
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: no emotional connection.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: What's quite a big dilemma.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Everything is pretty surface level. I'm struggling with it now,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: more so because I've been working on myself, going to
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: therapy and learning that I need more from him. I
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: know men aren't as emotional as women, and I don't
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm asking for a lot. But when I
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: try to bring this up, I get shut down immediately.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: What is this? Twenty one questions in quotes like that's
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: what he asks, or it turns into an argument. I've
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: tried so many different ways of talking to him, and
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: the opposite of giving him space in the hopes he
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: will come around another thing. He changes his mind constantly.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: One day it's I never want to get married, and
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: then he proposes, and then he goes back to I
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: never want to get married. I'm confused a lot about
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: where he sees us going, and I have in my
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: future plans but he says, well, I could die tomorrow,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: so I have no plans. I came clean about not
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: being happy recently and feeling lonely in our relationship, and
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: since then, I think he's pushing me away. But I
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: think part of me has settled, and I don't like
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: that about myself. I don't want to settle for less
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: than I need. Don't get me wrong. He's a great
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: provider and also extremely polite to me and other people,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: but there's no emotional connectional vulnerability, and I'm not sure
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I should do so, and I'm not sure I should
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: continue to wait and hope it grows out of it,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: or if I should leave because I deserve to find
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: a guy who has all those qualities and can have
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: a deep conversation about things like our future. I feel stuck,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: slash frozen, and I need some honest advice from a
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: male's perspective, provider and polite. That's what he brings. The tables,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: he said, he brings laughs, They laugh together, fucking watch
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: a Netflix series, go to a comedian break up with
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: them done to the next line.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Look, honestly though, it's hard too because she said she
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: is growing as a person, which happens, and it's way
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: harder because you've been dating for so long, right, But
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: he's also all over the shop inconsistent.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: See that's honestly. Here's the thing. Tell her you want
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: to get married, or tell her you don't want to
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  Speaker 1: get married, but just choose one. What it seems like
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  Speaker 1: she obviously wants to get married, so he don't engage. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: he did it so she would be happy.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: And then he's like, oh.
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  Speaker 1: Wait, I actually don't want to be married.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I'm just in this ball of confusion and it makes
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: it so much harder because you've been together for so long.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of people do stay in relationships too,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: because that's all they ever know, especially if you've been
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: together since you were fifteen and he was seventeen. Hey,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: also think about this. It's been seven years. Sounds like
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: a long time. You're only twenty two. Facts, quick, math,
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: fucking leave him. It's not really fair on you. So like,
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know, it's about setting boundaries for yourself. Maybe
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: have one more conversation. Ah, yeah, but it's been seven years, Jake,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: it's still it's just like he's plot, he's a provider. Yeah, Honestly,
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: it's hard though. I want to play a devil's advocate
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: because it is hard because you also think I've got
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: a polite provider who's funny, and then you hear all
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: these stories of all these negative men, and if I
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: go back into the dating field, well I get one
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: of those negative ones. In what I had, it seems blissful,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: and I say, I would prefer to be alone then
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: be in that.
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  Speaker 1: But also like I think I would prefer to be
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: with someone who, like I can have an emotional conversation with,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: and he might be not right for me, Like you'd
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: almost prefer to just like have massive fights with someone
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: just so there's some emotion in the relationship.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: I also didn't really agree with she said men aren't emotional.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: We are emotional in a different way. Men are actually
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: some of the most emotional. Yeah, I mean I have
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: seen a lot of young men throw remote controllers and
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: don't give him any sort of excuses to be like, oh, yeah,
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: but he's not as emotional as women. When emotional a
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: different way, and you need to find someone who can
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: compliment your emotions.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Like you're making excuses for him, yeah, which does not
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: benefit you at all. No, you should like, I'm sorry,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: you've been brainwashed. Yeah, because he has emotions. He just
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: literally is being lazy, Like he just doesn't love you.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Like that's like super hard to say, but like he
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: might think he loves you, and you might think you
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: love him. But like I was, and I don't want
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: to say that. It's hard to say that because maybe
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: you do. I have no idea obviously, but from what I.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Can like, no, no, what it is you know? I mean,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: it's like I know what it is. Yeah, you've done
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: some soul searching. He's too comfortable. He's never done soul searching,
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: watching in his life because he's always had a badie
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: since he was seventeen, that guy, and now now you're
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: realizing what I could do better, And he's like, I
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: could never do better than this beautiful baddy in front
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  Speaker 2: of me.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I would even think he's thinking that I reckon. He
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: feels as though she's privileged to be with him.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: I don't like him, yeah, yah, fair, fair if I
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: was being treated this way too, like it's not fair. Yeah,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: but bat her, you know what to do. You know
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: what to do. Break up with him, don't have sex
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: with him anymore? All right, Hi, guys, I need some
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: serious advice. So I've been talking to this guy for
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: about six months and we've officially been dating for the
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: last month. The catch is we're kind of long distance.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: He lives in Sydney and I'm in Canberra. He's honestly
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: so committed he drives down most weekends to see me,
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: which I feel a little bit guilty about because I'm
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: a broke UNI student, so I can't really help it.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Though.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, fair, here's the problem. Though, what are you doing?
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I'm looking out how far Canberra is? Oh? Okay, stop
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: on my phone.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Here's the problem, though, I've started to realize the relationship
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: might be a bit one sided. He's completely head over
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  Speaker 2: heels for me, like obsessed level, and I'm still not
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: sure how I feel. I like him, but I don't
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: know if I like him enough. Another thing that's kind
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: of freaking me out is that he keeps bringing up
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: marriage and kids and for contact. I'm eighteen and he's nineteen.
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  Speaker 2: It just feels really intense, really fast. And to make
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: matters worse, the sex is terrible, like really bad. So
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: my dilemma is, do I stick it out and see
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: if my feelings grow since he chases me so well
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: and makes the effort, or am I wasting both of
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: our time? And should I just end it now before
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: he gets even more attached?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Uh, definitely end it now, because like I think
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: that sex can be maybe like not great for you, right,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: and it could the sex could be like bad for you,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: But if you guys have like sexual chemistry, like it
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: still is good, if that makes any sense. Like I
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: would say, Beth has taught me a lot, but like
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't think she would. I can
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: pretty confidently say that in the beginning of our relationship
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: she didn't like she wanted to have sex a lot, like,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: she didn't dislike it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, if that makes me, I can confidently.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Say that I had a bit of an idea and
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: she's like taught me a lot that you learn things
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: about people. It's been like six months. The sex is
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: still shit.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: There's a difference between teaching someone about your own body
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: and teaching someone how to have sex. Yeah, they're two
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: different things.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And also the drive is about three hours, Okay, yeah.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: So three hours. Look, she's eighteen, new to this dating world. Yeah,
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: having sex, Yeah, being treated nicely and look, it's fun
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: and exciting at the start, but I think there's too
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: many points here to not overlook.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Well, I just think that, Yeah, when you name so
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: many things of what's kind of freaking you out a bit,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: like just break up with that. Sex is terrible.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't date someone when the sex you think you're
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: not too sure. It's just six months in and you're
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: not too sure how you feel about him. You know,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: he's head over heels for you. He talks about marriage
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: and future and buying houses in the future and stuff
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: like that, and you're like, well, plus the sex is shit.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Like the fact, like if you were with someone that
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: you are boyfriend and girlfriend with right and they're talking
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: about the future and that turns you off a bit,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: like you don't want to be with them for long term,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: so break up with me?
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: What's it called when? Like, because a lot of people
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: do it, Like you get in a relationship and then
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: you just like jump to the future like so quickly. Yes,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I want to date you, but like I don't know
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: if I want to marry you right now? Like chill
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: the fuck out? What's that called?
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Because we're we've had friends before, we say I love
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: you after like one week and obviously you don't love
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: each other.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, it's kind of hard. It's like you
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: can have maybe some form of love for this person,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: like you love the idea of having them the idea
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: because like.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, is it is that called something jumping into it
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: too quick?
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Rushing?
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: But is this worth a conversation? You don't really like conversations, But.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, like, what are you gonna say to it?
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: He's a good bloke and he's making the effort tick tick.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: He's just obsessed. But that's kind of nice.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: You want to do it? You want him to yearn
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: which is doing Okay. Here's my thing is like, like
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: if you were acting in a way that you're so
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: you feel this type of way about your girlfriend, and
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: you're acting and like you're in love with her, right
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: if your head over heels, you're like so giddy or
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: whatever and stuff like that, and you think the relationships
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: going great, you're doing you know, you go see her
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: watches at UNI and blah blah blah blah blah, and
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: then one day she goes, I really want to slow
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: things down. Like how would that make you feel? Because
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: like it would feel shitty maybe to be honest, if
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you want to stay with him, the only thing you
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: can do is have the conversation of being like I
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: want to slow things down. This is moving too fast
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: for me. And then it's up to him how he
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: takes it. Like if he was to break up with
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: you for that, I don't think that's a crazy reason
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: to break up because like you guys aren't compatible in
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: that way then because he likes to fall hard and fast.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: But I think the conversation the conversations worth having. Yeah,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: I actually do agree.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: And also, like she's eighteen, he's nineteen. I didn't have
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: the communication skills around sex then no, so I think
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: have the conversation too, because to be honest, he's probably
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: just not had sex with a lot of.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: People, probably not know. Also, if you could get the
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: sex to be better, like if you could direct him,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: you could be the one who cooks, you could be
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: the one who could and it's not but you might
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: forehead over heels once the sex is good.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and like to be fair, it's not that hard.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: It's an awkward conversation at the start, but to teach him,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: it's really not that hard.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: No, Well, all you have to say is like after
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: a session, like, oh that thing you did didn't like it.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: That thing you did liked it, Do more of it.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Simple things like that way, as a man, when my
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: girlfriend says she likes a certain thing, I double down
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: on that one thing the same And it makes me
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: seem like I'm being like all I'm doing is double down,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: doubling down on this one thing I randomly.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Did one time. And especially because he's young, it also
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: works for me. It increases my confidence. Yeah, if she
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: says I like that and I do it and I
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: can see she's enjoying it, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: doing my job like I'm fucking turning.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Up and that makes me harder. Yeah, it does.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: So conversation and then see how he acts, and then
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: if he doesn't change, breakup with him and don't have
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: sex with him anymore.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, title the battle between me and a
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: girl who's got a crush on my boyfriend.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Surely you're winning this.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Hey, guys, love the pod got a long and confusing
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: dilemma for you. So. I've been in my relationship for
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: three years. I was seventeen and he was eighteen when
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: we started dating. From the start, I had a weird
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: gut feeling about a girl he was friends with. I
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: asked him about it, and he said they are just
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: friends and nothing has happened between them. I chose to
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: believe him, even though I still had a bad gut feeling.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: He came up to me. Sorry. Yeah, he came up
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: to me one day and showed me tiktoks that she
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: had been sending him. I knew then that she clearly
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: liked him and isn't being subtle. He blocked her on
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: TikTok and snapchat. About a year later, I noticed she's
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: back on Snapchat. I never go through his phone, so
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: who knows how long she's been on there for. I
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: asked him again, why is she snap and he mentioned
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: how she rang him crying and he felt bad. At
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: this stage, she has a boyfriend. I chose to ignore
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: it and move on. I then met her for the
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: first time at a party and she literally fed him
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: cake right in front of me. My boyfriend and I
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: got into an argument and we ended up leaving early
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: as I was a mess. He was still claiming nothing
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: has happened between them in the past or currently. Now
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: jump forward to this year. We have moved together and
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: started a company, and a couple weeks ago, my boyfriend
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: and I went to some races and she was there
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and smoved and surprised surprise, she only hugged him and
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: said hi to him when I was standing right there.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: The next day, I finally just went through his phone
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: and through the saved chats in their snapchat, I found
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: chats of them flirting and clearly they were becoming a
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: thing before he met. I confronted him about it, and
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: he finally spilled that they were talking before he knew me,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: and all they had done is kiss. He claims that
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: every time he blocked her, she would claim she was
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: depressed and make him feel guilty for removing her. And
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: the reason why he wouldn't tell me about it is
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: so there was no drama and didn't.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: Want to hurt me.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: He looked straight into my eyes and told me that
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: he never did anything with her while we had been
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: together for three years. Well, we have been together three
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: years and I truly believe he loves me. He's blocked
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: her and everything now and has been trying to get
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: trying hard to get my trust back. Do you have
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: any advice for how I could trust him again? As
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: I am overthinking he is lying again? What should I do?
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: And would you call this cheating? Sorry? For how long?
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: This is? Love you guys? Ps? We moved into the
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: same towns where she lives, so that's why they ran
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: into her.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: No, my answer is no, I don't have any advice
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: how to trust him again. I don't want you to
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: trust him again. Oh yeah, I don't have any advice
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: and how to trust him again? Because how could you
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: genuine question you when trust is broken out? Could you
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: he break a trust disrespect, lying, going behind your back?
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: This guy's fucking playing you like a fucking fiddle. Sorry, Yeah,
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: I mean like it's one thing to maybe like, let's say,
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: who cares about hypothetical, because that's not the situation. This
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: is a situation.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I think that the reason you don't trust him is
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: because he broke your trust and it's going to be
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: very difficult to ever trust him again. Yeah, Like that's
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: the thing. So I've never been in a situation where
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: someone has broken my trust and I've then not trusted them, yeah,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: and had to try and regain that. So I have
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: zero experience in that because I personally think that you
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to rebuild it.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: So she asked, is this considered cheating?
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know if cheating is the right word, But
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: then's what the messages were like while you were dating.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: It's a bit of a hard one like cheating, No,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: but like just mega disrespectful.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and also sly yes, greasy.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Like how dare he choose to keep that from you
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: just because he didn't want there to be drama and
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: didn't want you to like feel shitty.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: It's kind of gaslighting. Let me make an informed decision
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: about how I feel exactly, Like, just be honest.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: Every step of the way. Be like she called me
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: crying made me feel guilty. I've added her back that
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: was yesterday. I just wanted to let you know. And again, like,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: the reason he didn't tell you I don't like it
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: is because he knows it's wrong. Okay, he knows it's
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: stupid and he knows it's wrong.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: So obviously our answer is we both couldn't look past this.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: But but the sounds of it at the end of
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: this this baddie is more open than us, and she's already.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Well she's in the relationship. So maybe if we were
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: in a relationship.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: How could you start to trust him again? Or can
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: you be open to that? Is that a question?
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Because she seems like commnded. I think that if you
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: don't one to break up, my advice is break up.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: By the way, Yeah, but my advice is don't have
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: sex with anymore.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: If you but stay with him, you pick, So my
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: advice is break up. But if you decide to trust
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: him again or to not break up and try and
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: trust him again, I think that what needs to happen
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: is some very very open communication from the beginning of
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: you saying how you're feeling quite often and same as him. Also,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: like he needs to understand that this is going to
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: hurt for you for quite a while and he's the
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: one that did that. Guilt sucks, but he is the
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: one that hurt you. Like you could probably go a
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: month and not think about it once, but then you
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: could think about it and look at him and think
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: you betrayed my trust and then be nearly back to
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: square one again. And I think that that's okay. Like
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: I think that your feelings that you're feeling now could
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: all flood back even after like six months of quote
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: unquote healing. But it's something that you need to be
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: prepared for, and I think that's something he also needs
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: to be prepared for, Like he needs to be prepared
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: to be patient because he's the one that broke the trust.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: So I think that what needs to happen is, like
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: you guys need to sit down and have like a
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: very honest chat, and I think you need to really
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: tell him how this makes you feel. Like it's gonna
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: be shitty for a while. I think that's the thing
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: where people are like, oh, can I trust him again?
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: You're not gonna trust him again straight away, Like it's
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: gonna be shitty for a while. In my opinion, I
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: just can't see.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Are they both willing to put in the work. I
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: love an analogy like this is how I see it.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: So you started dating, and let's use the analogy of
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: building a house. You build the foundations, you put the
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: framework up, the house started to be being built, the
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: roof was put on, and you started to furnish that bitch.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: Then a tornado came in, a fucking tornado, being this girl,
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: the whole house is gone.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: And you didn't have insurance.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's got this fucking block of land with rubble
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: all over it because of your boyfriend. Girl, You've got
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: to restart, and the restarting is firstly getting rid of
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: all the rubble, which is the ship bit, and then
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: you can start again. It'll be nice again. But that's
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: going to take six months, a year, two years.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: So I think, like, look, there's every chance in the
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: world that what we all just like what we said
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: is wrong. But like just thinking about it from an
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: outside perspective and really black and white terms, like it's
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: just gonna be like that for I don't know, black
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: and white.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: I don't reckon we're wrong. If my girlfriend for three
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: years was on and off with some dude and I
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: didn't know about it, and she lied to me. I'm black.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Nah, this is over same, same, same. But that's the
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: thing is like it's hard because initially she had a
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: bad good feeling about her Yeah, and then like her
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: boyfriend never like physically cheated, but there is like some
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: emotional things going on that makes it almost a little
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: bit worse, especially the fact that he lied for so long.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so hot.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Fucking better Yeah, better be hot, better be fucking hot.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, not that it matters, but he better
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: be fucking.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Alrighty a little shorty. Can a girl and a guy
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: just be friends with benefits that end it. I've been
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: sleeping with this guy and the sex is actually insane.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I don't feel emotionally connected to him, and we try
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: to have deep chats.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: We try to or try not to. Oh yeah, no,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: we try not too. So oh I was gonna say,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I don't feel emotionally connected to him, and we do
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: not try to have deep chats.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm worried that if we keep consistently sleeping with
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: each other, we might slowly develop feelings. I'm not in
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: the mindset at all to have a relationship, and neither
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: is he. In my mind, I'm convinced it's just sex,
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: but part of me wants to cut off just in
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: case it does turn into more. Surely we can just
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: have sex and that be it. But is it ever
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: really that simple?
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: No, it's not.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: But it's insane, Jake, Like, we've got a baddie over here.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: The first dilemma of me who's having sex with a boyfriend.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: It's terrible.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: This girl no strings attached, and the sex is fucking insane.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Paper. It sounds awesome on paper. It sounds amazing for
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: them on paper, it sounds amazing for like they just
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: rock up river, dump his clothes off. It's intense, it's sexy,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: like you know, it's I'm sure there's a lot of
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: like oh yeah, oh fuck.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's actually it's fucking cassion Like you said, he
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: just finishes inside. Yeah, eventually the sex is like come
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: comes out. He fucking puts it all over a clip
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: and he's like, yeah, it's wear but lungs, dirty dog,
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: that's what I'm picturing. And he has a fucking massive car.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: Describe it?
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Why didn't you describe it?
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Actually know what next time? Baddie's time we get
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: anything kind of like this, Write us out what one
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: of your sex sessions was like, as if you're Sarah J. Mass.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and describe the penis like size compared to a cucumber,
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: banana exactly, maybe a baby cucumber. If the sex is bad, yeah,
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: give me visual representations of what it's like like as
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: if you're Rebecca Yarra Surgery Mass and give us something
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: I reckon. Here's my advice. Ten days have sex as
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: much as you can.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: That's right, cut it off.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying, ten days of the max.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Because my question is is like, if he had
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: sex with another woman, how would you feel?
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: True?
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: But the sounds of it, she wouldn't care. You never
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: know though you say you don't care, Yeah, but if
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: she had, if he had sex with someone else, would
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: you care? And then what just like what if you
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: had sexual another guy?
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Would he care?
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: And like if you do your feelings? Yeah, it's my
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: simple answer.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'm saying, use it and abuse it for
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: ten days and that's that's too long. After that, abuse
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: it onto the next just yeah, and after the ten days,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: cut him off. And that was a good moment in
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: my life. I don't want to think about him anymore.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Make it five yeah, five days, make it five days,
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: make him fall in love him five days, and then
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: you just be like no, no, no, what yeah? Yeah?
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: What if you said to him like you're three days
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: and the like this has this has an expiring day
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: in seven days, I'm leaving, so let's have as much
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: fucking sex as possible. Yeah, yeah, guy, I would love
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: to hear that, because you're both kind of like mentally
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: checking out, but when you're there, you just fucking a man.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Would love to hear that.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, One night wonder leads to one month confusion wonder.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Hey guys, So I slept with a guy the first night.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: I met him at a frat house. I'm in college,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: and the sex was.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: So good, you know what, because he's fucking like the
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: best I ever had.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: After it was over, I was walking out to leave
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: and he said, where do you think you're going? And
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: he grabs me and kisses me on the forehead goodbye.
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: Ooh.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: This left me very confused. Later, we have each other's socials,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: but didn't talk until he wanted to hang out again.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: We hang out and he asks if we want to
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: have sex again, but I told him no. We still
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: hang out sometimes and have since slept together a couple
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: of times. It is very friendly between us, and I
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: don't know if he wants more or if he want
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: just wants to fuck. We had a talk and he
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: confirmed that we are in a situationship. I asked him
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: if he was exclusive, and he said no, but he
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: can be. I told him I was, and I guess
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: now we are. I have no clue what is going
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: on in this man's head, and I really need a bias.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Thanks guys.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Oh look, okay, what does the situationship mean?
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: It's a great question.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: And then she also said, I guess we're exclusive. You
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: didn't say, okay, stop having sex with people?
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: What? Look? I think you need to be a little
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: more open, open and honest with yourself first first, and foremost,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: let's be open and honest with ourselves. Do you like
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: this guy? Yeah? Yes? Or no question? Yes?
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: He said about him.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Would you like to be in a relationship with this man? Like?
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Can you see it going there? Yes? Cool?
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: All right?
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Now go say to this guy. I have caught feelings
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: and I could see us being in a relationship. I
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: don't want to get hurt. I just want to Okay,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: you feel because that's where I'm at. See what he says.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: He might say no, no, no, I'm good, or he
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: might say I feel the same way. Now if he says, like, no,
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I don't relationship, but like we can keep doing what
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: we're doing, having fun. Fuck this guy off off, don't no, yeah,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: don't fuck him yeah, fuck him off? Yeah?
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, don't have sex with him anymore.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Keep it simple, stupid?
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: It works in this context.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: That's like, is that an Australian saying keep it simple stupid?
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Maybe?
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Have you had that one once?
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Are you using it right?
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Is this saying I'm trying to say, like,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: keep it simple stupid?
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know if that's right.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: It doesn't sound right.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: Keep it simple, stupid, keep it stupid. Simple.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Now you're gas like me? Now I think I can
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: get gas.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Keep it simple stupid.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: It didn't sound when it came out. I've heard it before.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Give it another guy if it works somewhere else ready,
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: So pretty easy, Just do it like this, pretty black
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: and white. Keep it simple, stupid. It's not you don't
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: think that alright, Okay, so it's not that confusing, Like
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: what you're going to do is A or B. It's
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: pretty black and white. Keep it simple, stupid.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: That was better.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: That's gone. I think what I was doing is like
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: I was saying, like, keep it simple stupid, as in,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: like it's a question, but I need to say stupid
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: in the way of like I'm calling the batty stupid.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Sorry, not not that, but yeah, fuck, it'd be like
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: it's a different world. Like as an Australian, to me,
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: a frat house seems like the most vulgar, disgusting place
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: in the world.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's a frat house like? Because I just think
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: of the movie Bad Neighbors.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's honestly what I think about. And like I
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: wouldn't I don't know as a man, I suppose because
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: I haven't grown up in that environment, I wouldn't want
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: to be part of one.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've always thought it to be gross. Men proud
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: to be in a frat.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: My frat would be called that keep it clean.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Have you watched the show Blue Mountain State.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: No, I've heard about it.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: The Holy fuck Bro I watched that. I was too
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: young when I watched it, but I also that's what
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I think a frat house is.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's like initiations and shit, and they do
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: always discuss ez yeah yeah yeah. Why does anyone want
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: to be part of that?
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Like are men proud to be in a friend
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: and be like, I'm Beta Alpha Kappa.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: It's like an American thing. But there's also Devil's Advocate.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: There's girls ones too.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: I just think it's embarras. I'm sorry. I think it's
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: embarrassing for both parts or to be like, oh yeah,
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: come drawing Beta alpha whatever, and I'm like thinking, what
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: are you talking with?
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: The cult? It's because we haven't grown up with it, though,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: I bet you in America it's like the best thing ever.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: It must be.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: It must be like the equivalent of what do we
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: have in Australia.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: We don't have it.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: What do we have what's like a cult in Australia. Nothing,
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: nothing's an equivalent.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: We don't have it. Go one on nippers. We actually don't
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: have an equivalent.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: We don't do We don't know very one. Downside to Australia,
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: we're not very cultural, even though that's not a culture,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying trying to say.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: There yeah, I think what I mean. So, like Australia
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: is a very multicultural country, but Australians, yeah, the Caucasian
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: ones at least or whatever you know to be Caucasian,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: just like if you grew up born and raised in Australia.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: We don't have anything that's like, oh, that's so Australia
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: a part of the in that category, if that makes
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: any sense, Like.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Like vegimi We've got vegimie.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: We've got meat pies, that's kind of our thing. We've
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: got like the sun, we've got sharks, we've got surfing.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: All of those things are not really like anything that
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: could be compared to a frat.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, or like in England they love soccer, Like, we
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: don't have anything like that. They say the NRL, but
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: it's not the equivalent. It's like tomatoes tomatoes.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like people really like AFL. Like it's not the same.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: It's not the same at all. Yeah, we don't have anything.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: So yeah, keep having sex to this one title Future
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: and the Bedroom. My boyfriend and I have been together
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: for three years, and every time I mention future together,
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: he laughs it off and tells me that I'll plan
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: a future with another man When I confront him about it,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: he tells me he feels vulnerable talking about marriage or
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: meeting his parents in brackets, which I still haven't. He
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: says humor is his way of dealing with his sense
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: of vulnerability, but still he doesn't answer my questions about
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: planning a life together. On top of that, he usually
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: complains that we're not intimate enough and that my libido
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: is too low compared to his. In brackets, ideally, he
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: would be fine with having sex every single day. I
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: have explained to him how a woman's cycle works. I
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: have talked to my therapist about this. I have made
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: it an effort to compromise and show more affection, as
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: I know his love language is physical touch, but it
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: still isn't enough, and he usually tells me that it
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: feels like we're friends or roommates, which is painful to hear.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: When I tell him I need to that's fucking him.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: We're friends and roommates. We won't plan a future. What
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: a fucking hypocrite. When I tell him I need to
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: plan moments to connect so it leads to intimacy, he's
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: quick to refuse, telling me he doesn't want to keep
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: an intimate schedule, and then he proceeds to ask me
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: what we will do if we one day have children
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: in bracket. Sorry, that's a lot I've unpacked with you guys.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for the podcast. I love you
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: guys so much. You always bring so much joy to
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: my day. Stay bad, Oh, thank.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: You, good, thank you. I have absolutely like there's no
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: there's no saving this relationship.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: No, that's actually really mean what he's done.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no saving this relationship. I'm sorry that you're
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: this many years deep into it. But year Dan, you're like, oh,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: what do you want? Do you want to have a
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: future of kids? Like where do you want to live? By?
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: A house together?
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: And he's like, aha, a planner with another man?
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: When are we going to fuck?
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: And then you're like trying to plan when the fuck
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: He's like, oh, you're a roommate. What's he doing? He's
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: just taking you around this maze.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Like So the issues that are here are that he
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: just avoids any sort of like emotional conversation, anything to
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: do with plan in the future, anything to do with like, yeah,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: just you know, meeting his parents, Like that's that to
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: him is like a scary thing. That's a big trigger
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: of his or whatever, like that's an that's a vulnerability
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: of his Like, first of all, shut up, like grow
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: the fuck up. Yeah, okay. Secondly he says those things right,
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: and then he says, I'm worried that you, like libidos
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: are too different, like we don't have sex enough. So
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: then you say, oh, well, like planning for the future
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: and having these emotional conversations are like a turn on
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: for me, Like that's what would get my libido probably
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: up a bit, and that's kind of like a form
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: that would like lead into some potential four play or whatever.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: And then he's like nah na na na, Like we
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: can't be planning sex. So like he's telling you that
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: he wants more sex, you've told him how that can happen,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: and he has said that's not happening.
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like a hypocritical I like everything how bad he's doing,
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: making an effort, trying new things, listening to her partner,
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: trying to grow together, and then this guy's just stuck
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: on his litt high horse like fuck you, this is
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: how I deal with it.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: Whle and I have sex, but in my way, my
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: way of the highway.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: Okay. Question if you had a daughter would you want
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: him to want her a data man like this? No.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: So basically I feel as though what you should look
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: at when you're looking for someone to be with and
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: potentially have a future with and Mary is would I
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: want my daughter to like would I want to tell
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: my daughter what her father was like? Or would I
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: want my daughter to marry someone like this? Yeah? I
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: feel like a lot of.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: Men need a reality jack left hook in the jaw,
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: That's what they need, because this guy's like treating in
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: this person. I'm sorry, not very well. And then you're
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: doing everything right as a partner, because every relationship has
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: ebbs and flows, highs and lows. But he is not
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: pulling his weight. Yeah, break up with him. Yeah, it's
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: very simple. Definitely he wants to have sex. No more
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: sex at all, fullstop. We just said on fucking yeah,
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: I'm not having sex with you. You should like his name's
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: like chat or something.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I fuck there. That one pissed me
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: off for some reason. All right, Hey, Drake can not
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Hey love the podcast? Looking for some help A ready? Okay,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: She says, I totally agree with you guys about the
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: fact that boys and girls can't be best friends I've
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: tried it twice before, and both boys ended up falling
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: in love with me and couldn't manage to be just
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: friends anymore. Right, she says, she totally agrees with us.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: Right now, listen to the rest. Fast forward a few
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: I now find myself with another male best friend. We
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: hung out often, playing games and getting food together and such,
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: went traveling, and even went on a month long road
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: trip camping out of my small sedan together and didn't
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: kill each other. We have always had amazing communication with
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: each other and have even had extensive chats about why
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: we were hesitant to hesitant committing to each other. My
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: drawbacks were his lifestyle a bit of a nomad versus
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: her being a homebody, and his maturity levels.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: He just wasn't.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: Quite the adult that I needed, while his seemed to
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: be much more superficial like that, I'm not obsessed with
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: snowboarding like he is, and I'm not as attractive as
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: he had hoped his partner would be, so we were
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: happy to maintain the friendship despite this. After two years
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: of being best friends with some limited benefits, I've found
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: that it was me that kind of wanted more at
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: this I could see that at this point, I had
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: just started back at UNI after working for almost ten years.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: I didn't have time to date anyone else, and his
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: visa was up and had to leave the country, so
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: I thought it would just go back to feeling like friends.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Another year goes by, We're facetiming almost every day for hours,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: and he wanted me so he wants me to go
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: visit Europe since he's come to visit here so many
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: times before. The timing lined up, so I spent a
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: month traveling Europe with him, and it just felt different
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: than it had before. He started holding my hand in public,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: being a lot more caring, calling me beautiful, bringing me
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: breakfast in bed, and overall and so and overall so
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: much more cuddly, and then in brackets and girl, the
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: sex with this, I've had said the perfect. When I
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: got back to Canada, we both felt off and had
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: to have a chat. It ended up that we both
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: missed each other so much that being a part just
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: started to feel wrong. We decided that since our relationship
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: foundation is already so good, we communicate better than anyone else,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: we know, our conflict resolution is solid, We care for
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: each other with so damn much and have such a
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: deep understanding of each other that we decided we have
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: to give this relationship a real try. Since then, everything
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: has been great. We've touched on our previous conversations and
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: feel that we both have influenced each other to grow
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: into a better person, causing those previous hesitations to disappear.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: He's still in Europe, but we've visited each other a
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: few times since and it feels like a strong and
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: loving relationship. We are even planning on having him move
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: back to Canada in May to be together and so
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: he can help support me with my last year at UNI.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: Where's the butt?
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: He is the dilemma because of our history. I feel
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: filled with concerns. If he didn't think I was pretty
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: when we were just friends, does he really now? Will
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: he go back to thinking I'm not? Will he leave
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: me for the first girl who fits his standards that
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: he was looking for? Did I just manipulate him into
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: loving me by playing the long game? Honestly, this feels
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: like the most authentic and loving relationship I've ever been in,
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: and I'm pretty sure he's my human that I want
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: to spend forever with. I'm just terrified that since our
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: relationship was so unconventional, am I delulu ps, I'd have
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: to marry him to keep him in the country. Thanks
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: so much, appreciate your keenness to help.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: Oh, this one's so easy. It's going to sound bad,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: but it's the truth.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: This guy has played you and you fell in love
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: with him. Really. Yeah, what I'm saying.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: Heavy, He's told you that you're not my type, and
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: your immediate reaction, which is everyone's immediate reaction, is I'm
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: going to prove that I'm a fucking baddie. And you
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: did exactly that.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Because you are.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: And from the start he knew you were attractive and
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: you said you wanted to be friends, so he just
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: said that so you would prove yourself. And this whole
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: time you were proving yourself that you were a baddy
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: to him. But also it's not like, honestly, it's a
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: little bit toxic to get in a relationship that start
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: being friends for two years, but it's fine.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: That's so chill. Yeah. I was going to say, like,
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: so I think that you said that you guys have
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: like great communication skills, great resolution solving skills as a couple,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: so to me, like all of your concerns should not like,
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't be able, like when the thought of bringing
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: it up to him, Yeah, you shouldn't hesitate.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: I'll ask him the exact question you asked us, and
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I bet you he'll tell you that, Oh, nah, I
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: didn't think you were hot.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like you could say, been loving this relationship. It's great.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I have a few things that have been on my mind,
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: you know, back a couple of years ago, when you said,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: like when I said the reason why I didn't want
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: to like settle down with you and you said your reason,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: your reason being that I'm not pretty enough and like
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: not who you think you'd end up with, has just
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: like been really on my mind lately. Just tell him that, yeah,
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: and like just see what he says.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: I guarantee you he will say I only said that
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: because you said you want to be friends and it
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: made you want to prove yourself. I'll be his response.
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: He's like, no, I've always thought you were hot. He
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: probably will say that, Yeah, I just didn't want to leave. No,
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: because also because you said you guys were friends from
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: the start, he liked you the whole time.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why else would you ask you to come to Europe?
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's liked you the whole time, and like it
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: sounds like harsh plays not the right word. He just
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: word hold itself very very well.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, he may have done it on purpose or he
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: may have done it accidentally. But so at the end
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: there she's like, did I did I play the long
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: game and manipulate him into loving me? I think he
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: manipulated you into loving him by playing the long game
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: his way.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: I think it's actually the opposite.
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because you actually thought you were friends and yeah,
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: never thought you were a friend.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's on the money. So I guess,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: like in all honesty, semi best case scenario, you know
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Like.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, like words manipulate, Yeah, but like they're not
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: bad things, like in the way that's happened, Like look,
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: it's not great, it's it's never great to do with
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: one of those things.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: But like, I just think that it's a completely flipped script,
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: Like he played this situation so well to his advantage
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: and has you thinking you manipulated him when he manipulated you.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: Ship We fucking men, bro. Yeah with deep fucking man
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: bro debunk that guy. He's probably gonna listen to this
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: and be like, oh ship, yeah, you can send this
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: to him.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: Fucking oh my go alright, last one, it's long, come on,
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: let's come on brand slow and steady.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: Title.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: My soulmate lives one street away. He doesn't just kidding naked?
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: But is he really mine?
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Hi?
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: Boys love the pod? Also, so sorry, this might be
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: a long one. I need help because I feel like
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: I'm living in a rom com that suddenly turn into
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: a psychological thriller. Hah. So for context, I'm twenty and
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: the man in question is twenty six, and honestly, how
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: is a twenty six year old man still so single?
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: That probably should have been one of my first questions,
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: or maybe I thought it was because he was still
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: waiting for me. We love a delulu baddie, So him
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: and I have been friendly four years, not just casual
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: family friends vibe. We generally know each other so well
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: inside jokes, deep chats, understanding each other's personality, strengths, flaws,
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: all of it. Our families are super connected. Everyone knows everyone,
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: and it makes it even more intense. He literally lives
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: one street away from me in Brackets, which feels suspiciously
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: like fate because I live forty five minutes out of
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: the main city in my area.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: Most other guys won't even make the drive. Mental drive
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: forty five minutes for it, right, girl?
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: Wait, that sounds me to her like they just yeah, yeah,
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: I mean, I mean, yeah, he's met the nice guy yet,
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: That's what I meant. When we finally went out properly.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: It happened quickly. We only went on three dates, but
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: it felt like we've been together for years. It was effortless, comfortable, natural,
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: no awkwardness, no games, just easy. He was future talking,
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: saying he could see himself marrying me, not in a
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: joking way, in a serious way, and honestly, I believe
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: he's my soulmate. We are so alike, we are so alike,
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: so well suited, and even our families and friends were
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: low key joking about planning our wedding, and then completely
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: out of nowhere, he cut it off. He said in quote,
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: not ready for this yet and needs to work on himself.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: Oh ah, stab in the heart.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: You think that's your soul made fuck, But here's what's
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: messing with my head. We've actually talked before about him
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: wanting to grow and be the man I deserve, So
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: now I'm spiraling, wondering is he generally working on himself
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: for me? Or is it just something guys say when
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: they're backing out? Is he stepping up or stepping away?
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: I don't give him this benefit.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: What makes it even worse is that this is so
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: out of character for him. Come on, come on, We've
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: always communicated well, He's not the type to shut down,
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: But now whenever I bring up the topic of us,
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: he avoids it and closes it off completely. And his sister,
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: who is my close friend, refuses to talk about it.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: She swears nothing is wrong between us, but she won't
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: go near the topic, which makes me feel like I'm
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: the only one not in on something. So now I'm
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: living one foot away from a man who told me
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: he could marry me after three dates that felt like
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: three years, and I don't know what to believe. Did
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: he panic because it got real? Is he generally trying
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: to grow up for me? Did he realize the age
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: gap feels too different now? Or did he just love
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: the idea of me more than the reality. Do I
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: respect that I need to work on myself line and
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: fully move on? Do I push for clarity even though
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: he's avoiding it, or do I accept that if a
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: managed sorr a value, he doesn't change his mind.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Here's what you are you're not doing?
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: Is this the right person, wrong time? Or am I
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: romanticizing something that was only ever meant to be? In
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: last three dates? Please right now, I'm Janet sorry because
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: right now I generally feel like I have met my soulmate.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: Please don't put this in a Patreon episode. I'm a
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: broke UNI student who can't afford it, but I need
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: the advice before Jake says what he's about to say.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: It's a great segue too. Patreon guys, we will answer
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: this to Lemma on Pareon.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: If you do want to go over to Patreon. Did
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: that it? It is eight ninety nine per month. Aud's
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: cheap at all the occurrencies because our dollar sucks. And yeah,
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: you get everything over there, add free plus next episod
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: on Thursday. But here's what I want to say. She
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: asked a question, what do I believe in? Then she
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: asked about one hundred questions. Right, here's what you believe?
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: His actions? Yeah, all right, don't believe anything, but his actions.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they are what speak louder than words. Might I
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: add Yeah, they do speak loud in words, and like
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: it's hard for you too, because you went on three
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: amazing dates for you and he's told you what you
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: want to hear, and then he's backed out, and he's
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: backed out for a reason you'll never know it. And
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: you're looking for closure, which you don't need. And it's
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: very suspicious that the sister's not saying anything. Obviously he's
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: told her something that I would put two and two together,
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: Like he might seem good on paper, but something's gone
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: on there. Yeah, I agree, And yeah, it's a pretty
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: simple one. Like it's sad because he feel so perfect,
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: but also you're putting him on a pedestal in your head.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: I can see that from the way you've written it. Yeah,
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: he's done a few things wrong and you haven't seen
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: it at all. Yeah, And then also like I guess,
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: I guess it was just for.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: The story that he lives one straight away, which is
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: kind of like cool, but who cares? He's a fun Yeah,
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: what are you gonna do find your song mat one
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: straight away? No, it's a proximity thing. Yeah, and who
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: cares where you eat? Your families are friends?
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, like honestly, and you're probably gonna see him,
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: and I reckon what will happen here? I can predict
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: the future? All right? You move on, you start seeing
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: a new man, he will see you, We've said, a
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: new man, and he will hit you up and want
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: you back because he will see what he lost. And
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: you go, haha, you missed your chance, motherfucker. I close
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: that door and I'll never look at it again. Fuck you.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not having sex with you anymore. Did you ever
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: have sex with him? I don't think so. That's what
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: it is. Micro penis. He has a micro It's easy.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: Just put a micro penis when we when you know
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: what you're looking for, right, and I can sense one right? Well,
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: what does a micro penis sensor look like? Like? Look
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: a big machine like nah? Actually beep beep beep, beep beep.
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: But is to reiter rate.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: If you have a dilemma about sex and men, men
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: submit them could be in the same thing or different.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: In the description, there will be a little toggled to
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: pick which one for a title, and they will be
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: in April.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: So we love your stay bad