Latest / How To Talk To Humans / "Basically" Sharing BAD Communication! #68

Transcript

"Basically" Sharing BAD Communication! #68 · How To Talk To Humans

• 0:03
  Larry Wilson: Hi, this is Larry Wilson, and this is how to talk to humans. This is the podcast that shows you how to improve your communication skills. Are you looking to get a better job? Are you looking to find a relationship? Are you trying to do things in your life that have frustrated you and eluded you so far? I can show you so easily how to change that now.
• 0:28
  Larry Wilson: I can only do it with humans.
• 0:30
  Larry Wilson: If you're looking to deal with vampires or zombies, extraterrestrials, this is not the show for you. But if you're really looking to improve your communication skills, I can show you what I've learned from 40 years in show business, working with the biggest celebrities and superstars in the world, and their secrets are unbelievable. What I'm going to be teaching you during this course of this podcast every week are tools that you can use to communicate toward success. Hi, this is Larry Wilson, and thank you for joining me once again for another episode of how to talk to Humans. And today's episode is particularly educational. It really came about because a regular listener of this podcast named Christopher really was interested in having a comparison between good communication and bad communication. And he said, oh, maybe you could have somebody who's bad at communicating.
• 1:45
  Larry Wilson: We could show them in contrast with some. And I wrote back to him and I said, you know, I really appreciate your suggestion. I think it's a great suggestion. The only problem is I don't want to make anyone's feelings hurt.
• 2:00
  Larry Wilson: I don't want to put, well, I don't want to put someone on the spot and make them feel bad. And, you know, if I find someone who has a, you know, hide like a rhinoceros, then maybe that's the wrong example.
• 2:18
  Larry Wilson: There are so many problems with it.
• 2:19
  Larry Wilson: And I just said, if I can figure out a way to do this, I will definitely do this. And I said, thank you for that suggestion, because I think it's obviously so illustrative to be able to hear what really bad communication sounds like, because we frequently, when we're guilty of it ourselves, we're not aware of it. Unless you're recording yourself, unless you hear yourself on playback, you may not be aware of it. And then, as luck would have it, I heard a radio broadcast that I thought, ah, this is the way to do it. Perhaps some of you remember a while back, there was some kind of nationwide loss of cellular phone service, and it seemed to affect a number of different carriers. And it was all over the country and in different parts of the country. It lasted longer than other places, and no one was exact sure why it had happened or what had happened. On a talk radio show, a caller called in. I guess the host had said, I wonder if anyone knows anything about this or what this is.
• 3:32
  Larry Wilson: So a caller called in, and I'm going to play some segments here so you can hear this person. And of course, I'm not trying to beat up on this person. I really don't know who the caller is. I think it was just someone who heard the host say, oh, if anyone knows about this, you'll hear what the caller has to say. But what's very interesting is the caller is unaware of how they're communicating.
• 4:08
  Larry Wilson: Kind of give you an overall of what's basically happening. I'm almost 20 years in the industry. What basically happened is it's not a cybersecurity deal, it's not a hack. Basically, with cell phone companies, they have their basic maintenance windows. Those
• 4:28
  Larry Wilson: maintenance windows range from twelve to 06: 00
• 4:30
  Larry Wilson: a.m. to where if they do need to do a network upgrade, it's when people are not usually using their phones.
• 4:37
  Larry Wilson: So last night, basically at and T had a ip core network failure. They were trying to do maintenance network.
• 4:48
  Larry Wilson: What.
• 4:51
  Larry Wilson: I'll kind of give you.
• 4:53
  Larry Wilson: Are you speaking? Are you speaking martian?
• 4:56
  Larry Wilson: What was that?
• 4:58
  Larry Wilson: So basically the big computer that controls all of the major circuits that ATP deals with. And we're talking not just cell phone, we're talking like 911 circuits, you know, we call them switches, basically local exchanges, those connections that go from the main switch after the cell sites.
• 5:24
  Larry Wilson: At and t owns those. We, a lot of cell phone carriers don't own their own circuits. We basically buy them from places like at and T. So when they go down, it knocks on everybody. So it wasn't necessarily a cyber attack, it's just basically failed maintenance.
• 5:42
  Larry Wilson: So you heard that guy. And not only did he use the word basically about 87 times. I'm always quick to point out that when someone uses the word basically, it can often suggest to the listener, if you don't understand what I'm saying, you're a dope. This is not a good message. If you're serious about conveying your message, whatever it is, to someone else, making them feel defensive, making them feel intimidated, making them feel inferior. These are techniques of manipulation. They're not good techniques of communication. But you can hear. It's particularly interesting because then the host, the host, not meaning to crack wise or anything, the host says, are you speaking martian? Because the caller gets into so much minutiae, into tiny detail. I've listened to it. I don't know, a dozen times. I still can't understand what he's trying to say. But the more we listen to it, the more a portrait of the caller comes in. I'm going to let you hear a little bit more now.
• 7:13
  Larry Wilson: They're just.
• 7:17
  Larry Wilson: Called mvnos. So basically, I guess one of the most popular ones right now is Verizon and Comcast cable. Comcast cable has their, quote, cellular network. It's basically Verizon, mint, mint mobile. The one, though, I call it the Ryan Reynolds network.
• 7:37
  Larry Wilson: The actor, he owns Mantra, something like that. That's t Mobile.
• 7:44
  Larry Wilson: So they do, they basically just, they just basically, it's like, it's like the can of beans at the grocery store is a different label than the can of bean next to it at the grocery store, but they're made, they come from the same beans. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 7:59
  Larry Wilson: Yeah. So that's basically all it is.
• 8:01
  Larry Wilson: So, like, this poor devil did not wake up this morning thinking he was going to call into a national radio show. And when he realized he was, maybe he didn't even realize at first.
• 8:14
  Larry Wilson: Maybe he just made the phone call, and then call screener probably said, oh, this is great. You work in the telecommunications industry. Oh, great. You have some idea about this loss of service that happened. Great. Hang on for the host.
• 8:27
  Larry Wilson: Now, the caller, while waiting, may have thought, oh, my God, I'm going to be talking to millions of people, not even suspecting that one day he may be on Larry Wilson's podcast.
• 8:38
  Larry Wilson: That would have really made him feel nervous. But now the caller suddenly feels self conscious, and this is the origin of his overuse of the word. Basically, he's thinking in his mind, I know what I'm talking about, and it's very simple. And that's why he keeps using the word basically in his mind. It could not be more simple. But what we're hearing is not in any way basic or fundamental or easy to understand.
• 9:18
  Larry Wilson: And one of the problems is that the caller becomes defensive because he has real experience. I'm taking him at face value. He has real experience working for years in the telecommunications industry. What works against him? And you can hear the difference between the caller and the host.
• 9:44
  Larry Wilson: The host is a seasoned pro. The host has been doing this for years, knows exactly how to communicate with people he's never met before. The caller feels the need to be the smartest person in the room. This is never a good choice. I don't care what the circumstances are. I don't care what the assignment is. I don't care what you've been asked to do. It is never a good idea to adopt the mindset of, I have to be the smartest person in the room.
• 10:35
  Larry Wilson: No good can come from it. Of course, it immediately brings to mind a story about Howard Hughes. Hughes is a very peculiar man of so many strange talents in so many different ways. But in the 1950s, Hughes held more aviation patents than anyone in the world. He was unquestionably an authority on airplanes and aviation, and someone at some point thought it smart to ask him in some interview, how did you amass this incredible wealth of knowledge? And he said, oh, it's very simple.
• 11:20
  Larry Wilson: Anytime he was traveling constantly in any city that he was in, if he had an extra hour or two, he would jump in a cab and he would ask the taxicab to take him to the nearest airfield that offered flying lessons. And once he got there, he would go up and find the flying school and say, I'm very interested in learning to fly. And they'd say, oh, all right, when would you like to start? And he'd say, right now. Today.
• 11:51
  Larry Wilson: I'd like to learn today. I like to take my first lesson. They'd say, okay. And Howard Hughes would be asked invariably, what kind of experience do you have with airplanes? And he would say, none. I've never, ever been in an airplane. This is a guy, at this time held more aviation patents than anyone in the world.
• 12:19
  Larry Wilson: So the instructors would start him at the most foundational beginner stage. This is the wing of the airplane. This is the propeller. They'd imagine how excruciating this must have been for a guy who could probably build an airplane out of spare parts if you gave him half a chance. But what Hughes said was, every single time he did this, he learned one little thing he'd never heard before.
• 13:04
  Larry Wilson: He said it happened every time. It was never the same kind of thing.
• 13:10
  Larry Wilson: It might be something about, oh, yeah, these gauges here, you have to wait until they've warmed up for five minutes to get an accurate reading. Or when I close the door, I always put my thumb over this bolt here, because it does always some tiny thing. Well, when you're doing this three or four times a week, over years, you become the world's foremost authority on airplanes and aviation.
• 13:44
  Larry Wilson: That's how it happens. If you're willing to not be the smartest guy in the room, if he felt obliged to say, what do I know about planes?
• 13:56
  Larry Wilson: I know more. I've forgotten more than you'll ever know, you poor baboon. I can tell you everything about that gets you nothing, except maybe some people go, ooh, he's a foremost expert on airplanes.
• 14:12
  Larry Wilson: Well, that's not very helpful to you if you can put that aside, as this caller on this radio show was not able to do.
• 14:22
  Larry Wilson: He clearly had expertise. He could have presented himself much more like a common man who had a great deal of familiarity. But if you listen carefully, and I urge you to go back and listen to these segments again, he's very invested in being the smartest guy in the room. And I think it's not only a fantastic example for my loyal listener who inquired about this specific training module for this podcast, it's a fantastic example of bad communication.
• 15:11
  Larry Wilson: I always assert that you learn more from bad examples than good examples. Sometimes when we see an example of something that's really excellent, it's so dazzling, it's hard for us to see why it's good when it's bad. It's so clear.
• 15:30
  Larry Wilson: All we have to do is count the number of times he says, basically we know, oh, that's not good. That's not a good thing. And of course you'd be right. But it's such a good example of someone who clearly has some expertise. But his communication style is so grounded in him being the smartest person in the room that he's not able to convey his message. This kind of the definition of failure don't mean to make this the Warren Buffet cheerleading podcast, as always, but I have to quote the world's most successful investor once again. In another interview with Buffett, he points out, he says, it doesn't matter how much brain power you have if you can't convey that information.
• 16:35
  Larry Wilson: It's like winking at a girl in the dark. Nothing happens. This always makes me laugh when I hear Buffett saying this, but of course he's right. He's just trying to make a point. But he's correct that nothing will happen if you can't communicate that information. So we start to wonder at some point, what good is it to be overly educated or an expert in something if you can't convey that information? To me, that ability is mission critical. It's so much more important than the actual information you have. I'm hoping that the information you have has great value for whoever you're presenting it to. But first and foremost, you must be able to communicate. Thanks once again for joining me on how to talk to humans.
• 17:42
  Larry Wilson: We'll be back next week with another episode. I'm hoping in the meantime, you'll reach out to your friends and share this with them. My goal is to have 1 million subscribers to this podcast by the end of my lifetime. Now, how long will I live? No one's sure at this point, but it might take a long time to get to a million. So I'm hoping you'll email your friends or text them or post.
• 18:16
  Larry Wilson: On social media is also a good idea. On Instagram and LinkedIn and Facebook, you can see postings about how to talk to humans, and I'm hoping that you'll tell people why you like the podcast. Until then, I'm Larry Wilson. I'll see you next week. This has been Larry Wilson. I want to thank you for spending this time with me, and I hope you found this information useful.
• 18:50
  Larry Wilson: If you're looking for more, you can find it@thewilsonmethod.com. there's a ton of stuff there. In fact, if you want, you can even speak to me because I'm human.
• 19:03
  Larry Wilson: Send me an email@infoilsonmethod.com. because I read every single one. I hope that you'll join us next week in this continuing journey, and you'll be with me for the next episode of how to talk to humans.