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Sober Talk SA - Matt P · Sober Talk SA

0:00
Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I've lived
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experience of alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
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struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
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1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.
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I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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fellowship of men and women. We share the experience,
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strength and hope with each other.
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They must solve their come problems and help others to
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recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for
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membership is a desire to stop drinking.
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There are no Jews at fees for a membership.
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We are self support through our own contributions.
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Is not allied with any second denomination, politics,
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organization or institution. Does not wish to engage in any
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controversy, neither endorses or oppose any causes.
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Our primary purpose is stays open, help other Alcoholics
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achieve sobriety. Yeah.
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Hi, I'm Matt. I'm an alcoholic.
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I just want to start by reading a page a bit from page eight of
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the big book. Alcoholics Anonymous in Bill's
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story, says in the second paragraph down, no words can
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tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter
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morass of self pity. Quicksand stretched around me in
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all directions. I had met my match.
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I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master and that
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sums up step one for me. That sums up my journey with Air
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Calm. I eventually came to a place
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after many years of trying to control and enjoy my drinking.
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I eventually came to a place of rock bottom where I knew it was
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the end, where I knew that I couldn't continue to drink.
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Doctors were telling me I was going to die in my early 30s and
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I couldn't imagine life without Air Calm.
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It was too painful and the pain and suffering of just being me
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and being sober was too much and too much to take.
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I originally came to Alcoholics Anonymous in my early 20s and I
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came into a meeting and at the time I was just going just to
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make it look like I was making an effort to stop drinking.
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But I had no real intention to stop.
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And I went to a meeting and I heard a bunch of old guys saying
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that I'd lost some misses and lost the kids and lost the
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license and been arrested and all this sort of stuff.
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And it was all a bit doom and gloom.
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I saw God on the walls and I didn't want to have anything to
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do with him. I was a fierce atheist when I
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came here and and I was sure that none of that stuff, all of
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those old guys said whatever happened to me and I left to
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meet Nash for about 10 or 12 minutes and I thought I'll do it
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my way and I continued to drink for another six or seven years.
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Things gradually became a lot worse and I eventually lost the
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misses and lost the kids and lost the license and lost the
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house and racked up an enormous amount of debt and eventually
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came to a place where I was at the jumping off place where I
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was ready to take my own life. I was suicidal, homicidal and I
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just could not stop drinking. And I came back to a meeting of
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Alcoholics Anonymous and this meeting was a little bit
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different. And at the end of the first
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meeting, a really nice guy came and approached me and we had a
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bit of a chat and he said to me is, is anyone drawing you step
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one. And I said no.
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And he said, have you heard of William D Silkworth?
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And I said no. And he said, have you heard of
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the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous?
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And I said no. And he said, have you got 30
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seconds? And I said, and I said, yeah, OK
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And I really didn't want to listen.
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I I knew that I still had a couple of dollars to my name in
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Silver Change in my car and there was a bottle shop around
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the corner. So I knew that I could just get
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out of there. I could get to the bottle shop
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before it shuts and just get another beer or hopefully two
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and and that would wash away all the pain and suffering of being
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being me. And this man got a sheet of
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paper and on the sheet of paper he drew the step one cycle from
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the doctor's opinion. And and you know that for me,
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that step one cycle for me is is really had been my life for the
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last 10 years. I stopped drinking and I become
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restless, irritable, discontented, which just means I
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can't sit still. I'm not comfortable on my own
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skin. Everything everyone does bothers
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me and annoys me, frustrates me, irritates me.
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As I said, I was suicidal but I was homicidal here.
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I just hated everyone in my life.
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I was always on edge, you know, I just couldn't smell the roses
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if you like. People would say slow down and
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just relax. And I always had to do something
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to keep busy, anything to try and keep my mind preoccupied.
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And because when I was left, you know, when you left me with me,
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I'm left with my worst enemy. I'm left with this
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uncontrollable head and this mind that never stops.
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And I was horribly depressed. I saw marriage, cancers and
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social workers. And I went on mental health
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plans. I'd get to the end of the mental
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health plan. And the doctor would say that,
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the psychologist, he'd say, well, Matt, what do you want to
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do down? And I'd say, well, drink, you
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know, because I knew that drinking was the real solution,
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and it gave me a solution to the problem.
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And I later found out that drinking was never my problem.
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It was my solution, that the real problem was the internal
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unrest inside the disease of alcoholism.
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So I'm restless, irritable and discontented.
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And then I engage in a thought process where I say, will I
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won't, I should, I shouldn't, I? Yes, no.
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Yes, no. Yes, no.
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And I engage in this mental obsession where I tell myself
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this time it will be different. And even though it's worn off,
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drinking for however long, this time will be different.
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This time I'll just have one. I'll just have two.
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I'll just drink beer. I'll just drink wine.
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I'll just drink at the staff show.
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I'll just drink before the staff show.
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I'll just drink. Weeknights I'll just drink.
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Weekends I'll just drink live beer.
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I'll just do this. I'll just do that.
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And it goes through this entire thought process.
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And I eventually convinced myself that this time will be
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different. And I say this time will be
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different. I'll just have one.
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I'll just have two and and based on that belief, I'll pick up a
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drink and I succumb to the design.
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What happens is I pick up a drink and I trigger an abnormal
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reaction to alcohol, a physical allergy.
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When most people drink, it slows them down.
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They start to feel it and they go better stop.
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I can feel it. I start to drink.
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I physically crave more liquor. I'm thirsty after four drinks
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than I was after two. I want to drink more at the end
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of the night than I drink that I wanted to drink at the start of
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the night. So even though I tell myself I'm
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just going to have one, I'm just going to have two or just drink
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beer or just drink wine, I get a couple of drinks in all of a
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sudden, all of those rules, all of the exceptions, all of the
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plans go out the window, all bets are off and I'm going for
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gold. And I say, well, what's the
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point? I started drinking.
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I'll try harder tomorrow. I may as well just write myself
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off and do a good and proper job since I've started.
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And I do, and I go on a binge, A Bender, a spray, whatever you
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want to call it. And I go until I drink, until I
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pass out, blackout. I go until I hit another, you
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know, mini rock bottom, whatever it is.
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And it might last a night, might last two nights, two weeks, two
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months, two years. And I just go on these benders
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and it's always the same. I come out of these benders
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emerging remorseful with a firm resolution never to drink again.
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And I think, what the hell is wrong with me?
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Why did I drink it? And I had a new rock bottom.
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And I say that, you know, this time it's going to be different.
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This time I'll never ever drink again.
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And I make a firm resolution. I say, I will never, ever drink
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again. And I'm back at the top.
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I'm background started. I'm back restless, irritable and
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discontented, you know. And I got up one morning, about
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8:00 in the morning, I was going off to work.
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And I've been fighting with my partner.
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And she looked me dead in the eyes.
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And she goes, I'm sick of your drinking.
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I was hung over and I was sick of my drinking.
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And she said, Matt, if you ever drink, you will never see these
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kids again. And I mean it.
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And I said, babe, I love you. I said, I'm done.
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I'll never ever drink again. And I meant it.
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And I went off to work and I said, I'm not going to drink.
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I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink.
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And I promised myself that I wasn't going to drink.
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And I meant it. I had a firm resolution never to
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drink again. And I got to work.
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I thought I could do it on willpower alone.
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And I got to work. And my boss criticized me.
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And I'm an alcoholic, So I feel that stuff so deeply.
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And he probably just told me the truth.
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But you know, my whole head just start spinning and I think, you
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know, I can't believe How dare he say that to me.
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Next time he says that, I'll say this and then he'll say that and
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then I'll say this and then I'll get him.
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And I'm going through this whole thought process.
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My mind is spinning. I'm overwhelmed with the
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resentment, overwhelmed all this fear, overwhelmed with all the
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guilt and shame from all the harm I've done.
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I marinate in self pity. And I said to myself, I'm gonna
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get him. And I was just in so much
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resentment. And at 5:00 that afternoon a
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bloke says to me, Maddie, you're having a beer.
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And I said yes, but just one. And I can't bring into my mind
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with so efficient force the pain suffering humiliation of a week
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or a month ago. In the end, I couldn't even
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bring it in at 5:00. I couldn't bring it in from 8:00
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that morning when I said to my partner I will never ever drink
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again on the custody of my children.
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On the basis of seeing my children again.
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I couldn't bring into my mind I had promised not to drink.
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I had no defense against the first drink.
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I was powerless over alcohol. And I had that first drink.
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It went so well. I had the 2nd and the 3rd.
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And of course trigger the allergy, the abnormal reaction
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to alcohol. And I went in the door that
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night, 9:00 or 10:00 at night, drunk, and I'll just never, ever
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forget the look on her face. And she just looked at me in
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complete disbelief. She looked at me like, what the
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hell is wrong with you? And I dropped my head in my
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hands and I remember just looking in the mirror, thinking,
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what the hell is wrong with me? And I didn't know.
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And it's a frightening place to be when you're an alcoholic and
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you don't know because I see other people drinking, drinking
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with impunity, drinking with no drama.
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I see other people have one or two or stop.
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I see the heavy and hard drinkers.
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They go and get drunk on the weekends.
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Then missus says, hey, tone it down and they stop drinking for
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a while and they're fine. And then there's me.
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I've lost find jobs. I've crashed multiple cars.
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I've lost my license, racked up insurmountable amounts of debt,
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owe everyone money, got nothing to my name, and on the basis of
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seeing my children, I still couldn't bring that into my
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mind. The only thing I could think was
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this time to be different. This time I'll just have one.
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This time I'll just have two. I had a complete inability to
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differentiate the true from the folds.
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My alcoholic life had become my only normal one.
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It became my life. And I swear, you put me on a lie
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detector test before my last bust and you'd say, Maddie, the
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last 5000 times you drank, you got drunk.
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Do you seriously think this time it'd be different?
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I would have said to you, yes. I seriously believe this time I
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can just have one because I'd be telling you the truth, because
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that's what I believe to be true.
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I'd lost my mind in relation to drink.
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So the end of this first meeting back, this guy drew me step one,
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stage by stage by stage. And I said, that's me, that's
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me, that's me, that's me. And I said that's me.
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And he said if you identify with this, you may be suffering an
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illness from only which a spiritual experience will
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conquer. And I thought far out, here we
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go. Finally I've I've seen the
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doctors, the mental health plans, the psychologists, the
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marriage counselors, the social workers.
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I've flown to Melbourne. I've seen Tony Robbins.
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I've sat in the front row taking all these notes And finally I'll
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find someone that has the answer.
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Finally I find someone that I've come to believe in that
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understands the disease of alcohol as I but now I've got to
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see Moses part the Red Sea or the Dead Sea.
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Now I've got to see the clouds part and and I didn't I didn't
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have any belief or faith. I had no faith and no belief in
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anything or anyone other than alcohol.
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But I did believe in this man. And I said thank you for your
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help. And I went on my way and I came
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to believe in AA. And I started to attend meetings
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with our colleagues, Anonymous. And then I drank again and I
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thought, what do I do now? And then someone said to me,
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you've got to do meetings, meetings, meetings.
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And I did meeting after meeting, after meeting.
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And then I drank again. And I remember what this guy
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said. He said, if you're suffering, if
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you identify this, you may be suffering from an illness which
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only a spiritual experience will conquer.
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And I knew what I had to do for myself.
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And I went back to that man and I asked for help, and I said,
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will you sponsor me? And he said, are you willing to
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go to any lengths? And I said yes.
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And he invited me over to his house and we started to go
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through the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and we started to go
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through the steps. And I came to believe in him
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before I came to believe in a higher power, which I choose to
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call God. And he basically explained to me
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the spiritual experience. It's not so much Moses parting
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the Red Sea or the Dead Sea, but it's to have a personality
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change where I go from self-centered to God centered or
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from fear based to faith-based to be like.
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And as we got up to step three, he said to me, now we get down
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on our knees and we say our prayer.
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And this is where we we take Step 3, where we make a decision
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to turn our will, which is our thinking and our life, which is
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our actions over to the care of God.
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And I said I'm not doing that, I'm not getting down on my
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knees. And very calmly and very kindly
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he looked at me and he said no worries at all.
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Well, thanks for coming over. And he pointed to the front door
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and just a great wave came over me.
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And I knew that if I went out that door I would surely drink.
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And to drink was to die. And I knew that it was a a or
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Amen, and that I had to follow the directions of this man or I
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was going to die. And I realized that all of my
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thinking and all of my actions caused me to lose absolutely
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everything in life and to be at the jumping off place in my late
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20s ready to take my own life. And I made the decision right
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there, right then his kitchen table, I made the decision to go
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through with the rest of the program.
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And I remember saying to myself, no matter what this guy says,
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just do it. It's the it's this way or it's
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the end. And that was the beginning of a
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process for me, of beginning to practice the opposite and
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beginning to take direction from other people and beginning to
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have a faith and a power greater than myself.
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And I got down on my knees and I said the step three prayer.
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And I made the decision to turn, as I said, to turn my will,
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which is my thinking and my life.
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It's just my actions over to the care of God, and I understand
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now of starting the process of replacing that relationship with
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alcohol, with a relationship with a higher power.
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And at once after that, I began on step four and how I had to
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look at all of the resentments. I hated absolutely everyone in
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my life, and it was a running joke in my family.
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My I would whinge and complain and hate on everyone in my life
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and everyone that I met. And my sister had this joke with
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my family and she would say, Matt, you know who you like.
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And everyone else in the family would yell at the same time, no
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one. And then she'd say, you know
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who? You don't lie.
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And everyone in the family would yell at the same time.
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Everyone. And it was a running joke
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because I had so many deep resentments towards everyone.
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I had so much anger. You know, I'm a white man living
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in Australia. I have everything to live both.
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And I was so bitter and so angry.
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I had no relationship with anyone.
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I hated everyone. And I suffered that unbelievable
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loneliness that only Alcoholics understand.
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And I came to realize, if I needed to be inwardly
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rearranged, as this program says, how could I do that
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without looking within? So I started the resentments.
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I started to sit down, and as the process talks about in the
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book, and I went through every single name on my phone, every
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person I'd ever worked with, been to school with, come in
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contact with every friend on Facebook, everyone I followed on
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Instagram. Absolutely everyone.
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And I went through every resentment that came to my mind.
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I honestly think it's the only thing I've ever done properly in
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my entire life. And I went through that
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resentment process and I was shocked.
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First of all, shocked to realize how selfish, dishonest, so
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seeking and afraid I was, but shocked to realize how innocent
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almost everyone was on my resentment list.
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I had a resentment towards my best friend.
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I rang in one day and he didn't answer.
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And I sent her a message and I said, hey, do you want to go for
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dinner? That you want to go to the pub
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tonight for dinner? And he didn't reply.
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And then two hours passed and I send him a question mark and he
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didn't reply to that. And now I'm getting really angry
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and really resentful and I'm hating on him and I think,
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what's he doing? And this is my best friend.
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So another hour passes. So now I send three question
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marks. I'm thinking, yeah, well, now
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he'll reply. And then another two hours
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passed, I guess the dinner time, and he hasn't replied.
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I am absolutely fuming and I think who does he think he is?
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So I send six question Marks and then this time he doesn't apply.
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Another 20 minutes goes past and I just explode and I'll ring him
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up and leave a voicemail and I say, who do you think you are
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and go absolutely berserk. Just have this complete
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meltdown, complete emotional breakdown, going berserk,
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leaving him this voicemail swearing and going crazy.
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And of course the next day he rings me back and said he left
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his phone at work, or he left it in the roof or whatever it was
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and and I had to look at it. And I'm going through this
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resentment thinking what happened here, 'cause I I fully
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believe that he was in the wrong.
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That I was in the right. That everyone had done
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everything to me and I don't even victim my whole life.
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And I started to look at the resentment on paper and and I
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said resented My best mate didn't answer the phone and I
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saw that it was selfish of me to be dependent on my relationship
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with him to answer the phone. So I feel good for my own self
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esteem and pride. And I saw that it was dishonest
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to God, the act of telling and believing lies because I
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believed he wasn't answering his phone to upset me or to annoy me
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or to reject me or frustrate me. And he wasn't.
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He was busy and it was self seeking.
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I was seeking him to answer the phone.
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So I felt OK and I was afraid. What was my fear behind that
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resentment? I came to understand that
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rejection was a fear behind that resentment.
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And I came to realize that it was fear behind every
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resentment. And that fear is the fuel of
16:28
this whole disease. And I've been afraid my entire
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life. And I've been on, as I said,
16:33
mental health plans, that same psychologists and marriage
16:35
cancers and social workers. And I came to realize when we're
16:38
talking to these people, we're only telling them what we
16:41
already know. But if I need to be immediately
16:42
rearranged to have this personality change in order to
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get sober, in order to break that step one cycle that Doctor
16:49
Silkworth talks about, he traded 40,000 to 50,000 Alcoholics and
16:53
drug and he said this is what separates the heavy and hard
16:56
drinker, the binge drinker. This is what separates them from
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the hopeless alcoholic, the alcoholic that Carl Jung says is
17:02
completely doomed unless they have this complete psychic
17:05
change. And I came to see that the only
17:07
way to get free with that the only way to be in will be
17:09
rearranged, was to start looking within and went through all of
17:12
my fears, all of my harms. And I got them all down on
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paper. And I sat down with my sponsor
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and you know, it was ready. I was ready for Step 5.
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And I was not ready for Step 5. And you know, I sat there and I
17:25
was so paranoid, I thought, I can't tell him this stuff.
17:27
If I tell him the FBI is going to drop from the roof, I'm going
17:30
to be arrested. I'd stolen so much money.
17:32
I've done so much dishonest stuff.
17:34
I've done so much dangerous stuff and I thought if I'd tell
17:37
him all this stuff's going to happen and some of the stuff are
17:41
done. I wasn't even drunk.
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You know, what do you do then when some of the worst stuff
17:45
you've ever done is sober and you haven't got that curtain of
17:48
alcohol to hide behind, You're exposed for what you really are.
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And I sat there and I I went through it all and I told my
17:54
sponsor everything. And for the first time in my
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life I'd been completely honest with someone.
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And I told him everything. And very calmly and very kindly
18:02
he looked at me and he said those sound like the actions of
18:04
a sick man. And he sat there with no judge,
18:07
and at the end of step three, he dropped all his worst items of
18:10
stock with me. He looked me dead in the eye.
18:12
Not from a place of ego, not from a place of bragging.
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But he told me absolutely everything he'd done, his worst
18:17
items and stock, and that just filled me with so much trust and
18:20
confidence in him because he'd shared with me.
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So when it came to Step 5 and I told him everything, I was ready
18:26
to take that leap of faith. And after telling him
18:29
everything, it is the freest and the cleanest I'd ever felt in my
18:32
entire life. And I remember driving home,
18:34
just being just lit up like a Christmas tree, the same feeling
18:38
I had when I was drunk. But this time I was sober.
18:41
This time I was clean. I was free and I felt like no
18:44
matter what I'd done, anyone could say we'd know what you
18:47
did. And I could look the world in
18:48
the eye and say, yeah, I did that, but I'm getting better
18:50
now. And I was.
18:51
And I came to see that I was never a weak man that needed to
18:54
be strong or a bad man that needed to be good.
18:57
I was a sick man that needed to get well.
18:59
And I started to use this process.
19:01
And I continue to use this process to this day, where I
19:03
continually look at the things that are blocking me, the
19:06
thoughts and the actions within me that are blocking me from the
19:09
sunlight of the spirit, the things that are making my
19:11
spirits sick. And I came to understand later
19:14
on that humility is proper personal perspective.
19:17
And even after going through all of that process, I still had no
19:21
intention or no desire to make any amends to anyone.
19:24
But as I did the inventory process, I then did a step 8
19:28
list with my sponsor. I looked at all the persons, all
19:31
of the people that I had harmed, and I started to categorize them
19:34
in different lists. And I made an amends list.
19:38
And I thought, well, it's done now.
19:40
I've done the list. That's all I need to do.
19:42
I'll get to the amends later on. And my sponsor said, what can
19:44
you do now? And I really wanted inner peace.
19:48
That feeling after completing the 5th step was the most
19:52
peaceful I'd ever felt in my entire life.
19:54
And I thought, I want that sense of peace within me.
19:58
And if I want inner peace, how can I expect inner peace if I'm
20:01
not willing to be the peacemaker And, as many people know, a
20:07
couple of years into sobriety? My ex partner, the mother of my
20:10
children lost her license for drink driving and she sent me a
20:13
text one night and I woke up in the morning and she doesn't
20:16
usually drink and she'd only had a couple but it was enough to to
20:20
be over and she lost her license and she sent me a text and it
20:23
said I've lost my license for six months And I started to
20:27
smile from ear to ear and I thought, this is great, this is
20:32
the best thing that's ever happened to me.
20:33
And I started to realize that God is finally doing for me what
20:36
I can't do for myself. And I remembered all the times
20:40
I'd lost my license for drink driving.
20:41
And I started to write down all of the things I could say to
20:44
her. And I said, I'll say this and
20:46
I'll say that. And I got so excited.
20:48
And you know, I looked at this list and as it says in the big
20:52
book, the spiritual life is not a theater.
20:54
We have to, we have to live it. And I thought this is, you know,
20:58
not the actions of a man trying to live an honest life along
21:01
spiritual principles. So I I tore up a list and I
21:05
started to ask God in in my inventory process and, you know,
21:09
started to ask for direction and meditation.
21:11
And I said what should I do? And the thought came to me and I
21:15
work in sales and the thought came to me that I could drive
21:18
her for six months. And I thought, I can't do that.
21:21
She'll think I'm soft. How embarrassing.
21:24
You know, I can't be in a car with her.
21:26
We'll end up killing each other. It'll just be conflict.
21:29
And I thought, what are you going to do?
21:30
She's going to get taxis, you know, the financial cost of
21:33
that. What about the kids?
21:35
You know, there's not going to be any money, you know?
21:37
And I started to think of these things.
21:38
And for the first time in my life, I didn't think about
21:40
getting revenge. I didn't think about me.
21:42
I thought about her and I thought about the kids.
21:44
And I drove over and I said to her face to face, I said,
21:48
listen, I sorry you lost your license for drink driving.
21:50
And I didn't mention any of the times that I lost my drink
21:52
driving. I didn't mention any of the
21:54
things she said to me. I just looked at dead in the
21:56
eyes. And I said, you know, you're not
21:57
a calculator. You're allowed to make mistakes.
22:00
We all make mistakes. I'll drive you for the next six
22:02
months. I said I'll take you to work
22:04
every day. I'll drop you off.
22:05
I'll pick you out. I'll get the kids, take the kids
22:08
to school every morning. Pick them up every afternoon,
22:10
Take them to sport or I'll take you to Woolworths, take you
22:12
shopping and I'll drive you for the six months.
22:15
It's no drama. And she looked me dead in the
22:17
eye and in complete shot. And she said, have you had a
22:20
stroke? And I said, and I said no.
22:22
I said, I said there's no games here.
22:24
There's no drama. I just want to clean up the
22:25
mess. I just want to clean up the
22:26
wreckage in my past. And I said I'll be willing to do
22:28
that if you let me. And.
22:30
And she said yes. And for the first month, it was
22:33
the hardest month of my life. You know, I really, I really
22:35
didn't enjoy it. And it was really hard.
22:38
And we used to fight every single day, you know, phone
22:41
calls, back and forth, emails, lawyers involve custody
22:45
arrangements, abusive messages and text messages and phone
22:48
calls and e-mail, all the stuff that comes with with the
22:51
separation. And you know, about six weeks
22:54
in, seven weeks in whatever it was, I'm walking my daughter
22:57
into the classroom and my daughter turns to one of their
23:00
friends and she goes, guess what?
23:01
And their friend goes, what? And she goes, guess who's
23:03
picking me up from school today? And the girl said, your mom or
23:06
your dad? And she goes, no, both of them.
23:08
And all of her friends jumped. And then all of their friends
23:11
started hugging her. It like it was like she'd won
23:14
the lottery. She was so happy.
23:15
And, you know, I thought I would have robbed that child of that
23:19
moment of pure love. I would have robbed her of that
23:22
because of my pride and my ego and all of the stuff that's
23:25
blocking me. And I continued to drive there
23:27
for another for the whole six months and a couple of months
23:29
in. She just got in the car one day
23:31
and she just handed me a coffee and I said, what's this?
23:33
And she's like, oh, I got you a coffee.
23:35
And I said, oh, oh, thanks. And she handed me the coffee.
23:37
And it was the beginning of the end of our toxic relationship,
23:42
of all of the pain, the suffering, the drama, the
23:45
abusive text messages and phone calls and emails.
23:47
And, you know, from that day to this, we've obviously had
23:50
another photo too. But we have practically
23:54
practically not had a fault. You know whilst we've had one or
23:57
two in the in the five years since, you know, it's it's been
24:00
a peaceful journey. We are the best of friends today
24:02
and the best compliment I ever got.
24:04
She was over one time with the kids and my neighbor she said to
24:06
me she goes, Matt, you know you and Robbie and the kids, you got
24:09
a better family unit than most families are together.
24:12
And that is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
24:14
And I owe that to the immense process.
24:16
And step nine. I owe that to step 1011 of of
24:19
the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
24:21
You know, and I'll continue to inventory on a regular basis.
24:23
I need, I need to, I I need to I need to use this program and as
24:29
a way to self regulate so I don't need to turn to things to
24:33
self medicate, which is what I used to in the drink or use
24:36
other things. You know, an early sobriety.
24:38
Basically use anything to to relieve me of the pain and
24:41
suffering and being sober. It was like I'd give the firing
24:44
squad a different weapon and say kill me slowly with this one and
24:47
I continue to meditate part of my daily routine, a part of my
24:50
daily program. I love the analogy of, you know
24:53
of an airplane and aeroplanes off track 99% of the time.
24:57
So am IA pilot's job is just just to continually bring the
25:01
aeroplane back on track and that's what I feel like I need
25:03
to do. And step 1011 on a regular basis
25:05
is left to my own devices. I veer off track 99% of the
25:10
time, so I need this program. I need these steps to bring me
25:13
back on track and align my will with gods and bring a bit of
25:16
silence between the ears and, you know, obviously continue to
25:20
attend regular meetings and carry the message of Alcoholics
25:22
Anonymous practices, principles and all my affairs.
25:25
And in closing, I didn't see Moses part of the Red Sea or the
25:27
Dead Sea. I didn't see the clouds separate
25:30
and part in the sky. I went through the steps of
25:33
Alcoholics Anonymous and I slowly began to be aware and
25:36
awake to things I'd been asleep to my whole life.
25:38
And as a result of these steps, I had a spiritual experience.
25:42
And that's why I practice these principles in all my affairs.
25:45
And that's why I carry this message.
25:47
I'll just finish on this. The journey from rock bottom to
25:50
rocketed to the 4th dimension of existence has been the journey
25:54
of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
25:56
Thank you so much. We have local meetings for the
26:00
full week in the local area. Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00,
26:05
Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
26:11
8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00, and Friday Salisbury at
26:17
8:00. There's a meeting at Devron Park
26:20
at 12:00, and on Sunday there's a meeting in Salisbury at 7:00
26:24
and many of the meetings in the area.
26:28
For details of your local meetings, please phone 1300
26:34
double 22222. And once again, if anyone you
26:38
know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
26:41
Anonymous on 1300 double 22222, the website isaasa.org dot AU.