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Enough As You Are: Breaking Free From Perfectionism | Bethany Broderick · Coffee and Bible Time Podcast

• 1:01
  Ellen Krause: At the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 1:03
  Ellen Krause: Our goal is to help you delight in God's Word and thrive in Christian living.
• 1:07
  Ellen Krause: Each week we talk to subject matter experts who broaden your biblical understanding, encourage you in hard times and provide life-building tips to enhance your Christian walk.
• 1:18
  Ellen Krause: We are so glad you have joined us.
• 1:21
  Ellen Krause: Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 1:29
  Ellen Krause: This is Ellen, your host.
• 1:31
  Ellen Krause: In today's episode.
• 1:33
  Ellen Krause: We are talking about perfectionism and as Christians we know that we are saved by God's grace through faith in his son, jesus.
• 1:43
  Ellen Krause: But so often many of us feel disappointed that we just aren't good enough for God.
• 1:49
  Ellen Krause: Maybe you feel like you don't pray enough or attend church enough or serve enough or stay up on your Bible reading plan.
• 1:59
  Ellen Krause: Serve enough or stay up on your Bible reading plan, whatever that looks like for you.
• 2:05
  Ellen Krause: If you've ever felt like God would love you more if you were more perfect for him, this episode is for you.
• 2:10
  Ellen Krause: Our guest today is someone who has not only walked this road herself, but who has a gift for speaking into it with both truth and tenderness.
• 2:20
  Ellen Krause: Bethany Broderick is an author, speaker and professor whose writing has been featured by the Gospel Coalition Risen, motherhood Journey Women, christian Parenting and more.
• 2:32
  Ellen Krause: She lives in Birmingham, Alabama, with her husband and three young children.
• 2:38
  Ellen Krause: Bethany has been open about her personal struggle with perfectionism and how it has both challenged and shaped her walk with Christ.
• 2:47
  Ellen Krause: She is here today to help us learn how to spot legalism, practical ways that we can root out our identity in Christ and not in other people's approval, and how to get out of the cycle of striving and shame.
• 3:03
  Ellen Krause: So, bethany, we are so glad that you are here.
• 3:06
  Ellen Krause: Thank you for joining us.
• 3:08
  Bethany Broderick: Yeah, I'm so excited to be with you today.
• 3:11
  Ellen Krause: Well, I just want to start this conversation by saying we are on the same playing field here, because I definitely have a similar struggle like that, so I think that we're going to share a lot of commonalities here.
• 3:28
  Ellen Krause: But why don't we start out just by you telling us a little bit about what struggle you've had with perfectionism and what that has looked like in your own life?
• 3:40
  Bethany Broderick: and what that has looked like in your own life?
• 3:43
  Bethany Broderick: Yeah, I was.
• 3:48
  Bethany Broderick: God blessed me with a family and a church and a community that loved me from a young age and preached the gospel to me from a young age, and I'm really, really thankful for all the ways that they poured in to my spiritual life and gave me so much biblical knowledge and a solid foundation life and gave me so much biblical knowledge and a solid foundation.
• 4:04
  Bethany Broderick: But unfortunately, even at a young age, satan began twisting some of God's word to where I started focusing more on God's commands and how I could be good for him, rather than the goodness of God and what he had done in me and for me.
• 4:20
  Bethany Broderick: And so even I can even remember from the youngest age, like wanting to please my parents, wanting to please my Sunday school teachers and, as I got older, wanting all my friends to accept me and think that I was good and perfect, and that even reached into my relationship with God, like you said, that I thought God would love me more, that he was more pleased with me if I could do more for him, and so it was.
• 4:46
  Bethany Broderick: I mean, for as long as I can remember, that has been one of the biggest struggles in my life, feeling like it was up to me to make people approve me, to love me, and that really came kind of to a climax in my marriage when I got married.
• 5:01
  Bethany Broderick: You know, there's a lot of ways that we can hide our imperfections from those around us, from friends or even from parents, because you know you can go to your bedroom and just like keep those parts you know hidden away.
• 5:12
  Bethany Broderick: But in marriage, like they're with you 24-7, like you were sharing, you know, a bedroom with someone, you were sharing a life and a home, and so some of those imperfections that I had worked so hard to conceal because I thought that if anyone knew about them they wouldn't love me, they wouldn't accept me those were now coming to light and it was really in those early years of marriage I was confronted with how I was believing lies about how God loved me, how my husband would love me, and really God began me on a journey to start seeing myself and seeing Christ for who he really is.
• 5:52
  Ellen Krause: Bethany, thank you so much for just being honest and vulnerable.
• 5:55
  Ellen Krause: I can completely relate to that.
• 5:58
  Ellen Krause: I think so many listeners also are going to be able to resonate with what you just shared, and that is definitely a hard struggle because it's just, it's constant and it can be in many facets, not just in our relationship with God but, like you said, even people approval as well.
• 6:17
  Ellen Krause: Well, how would you say that impacted your walk with Jesus?
• 6:24
  Bethany Broderick: Yeah, I definitely felt that how much God loved me each day was based on how much I did for him.
• 6:32
  Bethany Broderick: So if I woke up I had my perfect quiet time.
• 6:35
  Bethany Broderick: I checked off my Bible reading plan, I prayed in certain ways Then like obviously God was pleased with me that day, but on the days that I didn't do my quiet time I overslept or I just didn't feel like it and I skipped my quiet time.
• 6:50
  Bethany Broderick: Or like maybe I prayed but I knew my heart really wasn't in it.
• 6:53
  Bethany Broderick: Then I thought that God must be disappointed in me, that he is some, like you know, divine, hasty judge up there with a clipboard checking off each day to make sure that I'd done all these things so that by the end of the day he could say whether or not I had earned his love and his affection and his delight.
• 7:11
  Bethany Broderick: Because I knew for sure that I was saved and that Christ's blood had covered my salvation and that I was getting to go to heaven.
• 7:21
  Bethany Broderick: But I didn't know if God heaven.
• 7:22
  Bethany Broderick: But I didn't know if God liked me.
• 7:24
  Bethany Broderick: I didn't know if God delighted me.
• 7:26
  Bethany Broderick: I knew he had to love me, but I didn't know if he wanted to spend time with me, especially when I messed up so much and so I really began hiding myself from God.
• 7:39
  Bethany Broderick: So I would kind of like Adam and Eve did in the garden they put together this fig leaf covering and they hid from God because they were ashamed of their sin.
• 7:47
  Bethany Broderick: I would do the same thing of I would kind of hide parts of myself from God or not want to spend time with him when I knew that I had messed up, and so it really.
• 7:58
  Bethany Broderick: It separated me from God in a way that he never wanted to be separated from me, that Christ had made a way for me to draw near with assurance of faith, but instead I was so stuck in my shame and my striving that I couldn't see how God would want to be with me.
• 8:26
  Ellen Krause: You know, it's sobering to hear how the enemy uses perfectionism to start to reshape how our relationship with God is, with him, how he sees us and, like you said, it's twisted, which is that that's not how God sees it.
• 8:37
  Ellen Krause: Well, what made you realize that this was something that you began to be passionate about and want to talk about and share in your ministry?
• 8:47
  Bethany Broderick: Yeah, one of the most difficult things about this struggle is that it often includes the lie that not only do we have to be perfect, but we're on our own in our striving for perfection.
• 8:58
  Bethany Broderick: That everyone else must have it all together At least that's what I perfection.
• 9:01
  Bethany Broderick: That everyone else must have it all together At least that's what I assumed.
• 9:03
  Bethany Broderick: That everyone else had their Christian walk all together.
• 9:04
  Bethany Broderick: Everyone else didn't struggle with the same sins and doubts that I did, and because I was alone I couldn't share with other people.
• 9:12
  Bethany Broderick: And that is a lie straight from the enemy himself that we are separated not only from God but from God's people.
• 9:19
  Bethany Broderick: And so as I began kind of walking this road of freedom in this area, god gave me some very sweet sisters in Christ and some mentors to help me confess my areas of sin, confess my doubts, confess my struggles and then bear my burden in that.
• 9:35
  Bethany Broderick: And I finally realized that maybe each of our struggles is a little different, but we all struggle.
• 9:41
  Bethany Broderick: We all are needing daily reminders of God's grace and love for us.
• 9:46
  Bethany Broderick: And so, as I started writing more publicly, I realized that I wanted other women to know that they were not alone Like I.
• 9:55
  Bethany Broderick: Like as you shared that you resonate so much with this, and as I began sharing my story through my newsletter and different articles and my blog, I was shocked with how many women struggled with this, like women even I knew in person and I'm like how have we all struggled with this?
• 10:11
  Bethany Broderick: And no one has been able to have the courage to step forward and say, like this is a lie, like what we are all living according to is a lie and it is not the goodness that God has planned for us.
• 10:23
  Bethany Broderick: I really wanted to step forward and say, like identify these lies, bring them to the light so that together you know, not just on your own, but together with other brothers and sisters in Christ we can start to walk in freedom from this, that we can start living according to the truth.
• 10:39
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely, and I just love how God can take our personal struggles and use them as a ministry to others, and that's what you've done so beautifully, bethany, and bravely.
• 10:52
  Ellen Krause: Well, let's focus on understanding the problem.
• 10:56
  Ellen Krause: Why do you think striving and shame are such persistent struggles, even in Christian circles, among those who do have this true understanding of what grace is?
• 11:11
  Bethany Broderick: I think we've allowed some of the ideals of our Western culture to kind of seep into the church.
• 11:17
  Bethany Broderick: So our Western culture, you know, values independence and in fact it it values individualism, this ability to you know, pick yourself up by your own bootstraps and do it all, do it by yourself and do it perfectly Like that is what our culture values.
• 11:35
  Bethany Broderick: And really, if you get down to it, it says that you culture really says that you are only valued for as much as you can produce, as much as you can do.
• 11:44
  Bethany Broderick: And so we have allowed those lies to infiltrate the church and our church culture.
• 11:52
  Bethany Broderick: Really, in the way I see this coming out through legalism and that sounds like a big word, and a lot of us associate legalism with the belief that we have to work for our salvation.
• 12:03
  Bethany Broderick: And I think most of us would you know, like you said earlier, would believe that, yes, we are saved by grace, through faith in Christ.
• 12:09
  Bethany Broderick: We are not saved by our works.
• 12:12
  Bethany Broderick: So we might say that, but we would also, the way we're living out, show that we are believing that God's approval for us is based on our work.
• 12:21
  Bethany Broderick: So, yes, christ did that in the past, but now it's up to me to carry that salvation all the way until we reach eternity.
• 12:28
  Bethany Broderick: So we've taken that pull yourself up by your bootstraps and now we're doing that in the Christian life, like, christ has given me this gift and it's all up to me to make sure that I don't drop it, that I don't let go, that I please him until I reach heaven.
• 12:41
  Bethany Broderick: And so I think it's really that individualism, that do-it-yourself mentality which, yes, can make really hard workers can create a lot of progress, but at the expense of our souls, at the expense of not trusting Christ's grace day in and day out.
• 13:02
  Ellen Krause: I appreciate how you put that, and I agree that it's just not something that gets talked about enough and we have here we have this knowledge that God saved me, but it's it's almost some, also some psychological factor that comes in because it pervades all of.
• 13:22
  Ellen Krause: I mean, perfectionism is kind of at least for myself something that affected my whole life, or you know what I'm saying, and then it would be make sense that it would also go into this area of my life, and so I love that we're sort of rooting this out, talking about it.
• 13:44
  Ellen Krause: When it comes to that cycle of perfectionism and shame, I've heard people cite scripture like 1 Peter 1.16 that says be holy as I am holy, and those types of passages.
• 13:59
  Ellen Krause: We start to get really nervous because we know we can't be holy and perfect.
• 14:04
  Ellen Krause: How would you explain your message to someone who's really cautious of becoming lax in their faith but yet has this fear of not being enough?
• 14:17
  Bethany Broderick: Yeah, absolutely.
• 14:18
  Bethany Broderick: I really feel like I have swung both ways.
• 14:20
  Bethany Broderick: I have for the most of life, been that legalist, perfectionist, but there were seasons when I just really struggled with depression and anxiety and was like, well, I can't be perfect, so I'm just going to give up altogether and I'm just going to not even try to have my quiet time, I'm not going to do anything because I can't do it perfectly.
• 14:39
  Bethany Broderick: And that is not freedom either.
• 14:40
  Bethany Broderick: Perfectly and like that doesn't.
• 14:41
  Bethany Broderick: That is not freedom either.
• 14:42
  Bethany Broderick: Like there has to be this, this gospel balance between both works and faith.
• 14:54
  Bethany Broderick: And we see that in, I think, with our union with Christ.
• 14:55
  Bethany Broderick: And so you know that passage that you quote that says that be holy because I am holy.
• 14:58
  Bethany Broderick: And yes, we cannot be holy in our own efforts, in our own human flesh, but the beauty of the gospel is that Jesus didn't just give us salvation, he gave us himself.
• 15:13
  Bethany Broderick: Like salvation is an ongoing gift in our life.
• 15:17
  Bethany Broderick: We were saved once and for all, but Christ also now lives in us and we are in Christ and he is working to make us holy, as he is holy, that's.
• 15:29
  Bethany Broderick: The difference is that the commands that were given in scripture are not given to us so that we can do them on our own.
• 15:35
  Bethany Broderick: We are given us those commands that we can know how the spirit is shaping us to become more like Christ.
• 15:43
  Bethany Broderick: And so I think that is where we have to have a right perspective of our works and grace, and that both are provided to us.
• 15:50
  Bethany Broderick: Through Christ, he gives us the grace that covers our sin and he gives us grace to help us live free from that sin.
• 15:58
  Bethany Broderick: Because when he gave us salvation, like we are already declared holy, we are declared righteous, like when God looks at us, he sees everything that Christ has, like he sees in us, he sees Christ's righteousness, he sees Christ's holiness.
• 16:13
  Bethany Broderick: He loves us because we are in Christ and we cannot lose that.
• 16:16
  Bethany Broderick: And then now, between every day, between the day we are saved and the day we see Christ face to face, he's going to make us more and more, help us to live out that holiness and righteousness.
• 16:27
  Ellen Krause: And praise God.
• 16:28
  Ellen Krause: That that's the case for sure.
• 16:33
  Ellen Krause: I know in my own life that I've heard passages like that and it does seem kind of scary.
• 16:42
  Ellen Krause: But then also, as you mentioned, it's almost like I want to be like one of those old cash registers that when you press the button it went ching like really loud.
• 16:52
  Ellen Krause: And as soon as I'm having that type of a thought, like oh, I blew it again today, God, like you know, a little cash register would be like ding, ding, ding and say that message that you just said, that God already paid the price for that and how he sees us is so differently than how we see ourselves, which, thankfully, that's such a good thing.
• 17:18
  Ellen Krause: Well, bethany, let's talk about some practical advice that we can give our listeners.
• 17:24
  Ellen Krause: In your experience, what are some subtle signs that someone may be caught in a cycle of self-righteousness or self-condemnation, even if they don't realize it?
• 17:38
  Bethany Broderick: Yeah, I think our emotions are a really helpful indicator of what's going on in our heart.
• 17:43
  Bethany Broderick: Emotions are a really helpful indicator of what's going on in our heart.
• 17:46
  Bethany Broderick: I know for me even now, like I didn't write this book because I've completely conquered that cycle, but because I am still struggling with it, and so there are times where I can feel in my body that I'm feeling very anxious, or maybe my heart's just really tight and I'm feeling gripped by shame, or I'm just nervous or stressed out, and so, like all these different emotions, I find, if really tight and I'm feeling gripped by shame, or I'm just nervous or stressed out, and so, like all these different emotions, I find if I stop and I ask myself like why, why am I feeling this way?
• 18:11
  Bethany Broderick: Like what is going on?
• 18:12
  Bethany Broderick: And so a lot of times, like, for example, yesterday, I was feeling very stressed out because I have a lot to do.
• 18:19
  Bethany Broderick: We have a very this is a very unusual week for our family.
• 18:21
  Bethany Broderick: We have a lot of moving parts, a lot of different travel and stuff, and I just started feeling anxious about it and I was like, okay, okay, why am I feeling anxious?
• 18:29
  Bethany Broderick: Like what lie am I believing?
• 18:31
  Bethany Broderick: That is making me feel this way, and I realized, like I was believing the lie that everything this week is under is in my control, that like it's up to me to make sure that everyone gets where they need to go, that everyone travels safely, that all these unknown factors are figured out, that is up to me to have that knowledge.
• 18:50
  Bethany Broderick: And I was like that's not true.
• 18:52
  Bethany Broderick: That is a lie that says that I have to do it all and be in control.
• 18:56
  Bethany Broderick: But the truth is that Christ is the one who holds all things together, including me, including my family, including my schedule, and so I can lay down the lie that it's up to me and instead live according to the truth that it is Christ who holds all things together and Christ who is working in me for his good pleasure.
• 19:15
  Bethany Broderick: And so I think it begins by taking a look at those emotions and getting to the root of why am I feeling this way, what lies might be at the root of them, and then getting in God's word and exploring what truths combat this lies.
• 19:32
  Bethany Broderick: And like you said that thing about the cash register.
• 19:33
  Bethany Broderick: I love that image, but it is a daily mental fight to take captive those thoughts that oppose Christ and the truth of Christ and submit them to him and instead choose to believe and walk in truth.
• 19:48
  Bethany Broderick: And I don't always feel those truths.
• 19:49
  Bethany Broderick: Like yesterday, I still felt like I should be the one doing it all to make sure our family's schedule and our time this week is executed perfectly.
• 19:58
  Bethany Broderick: But I can choose like no, I'm going to surrender that anxiety and trust that God is going to take care of us, even though I don't know what'm going to surrender that anxiety and trust that God is going to take care of us, even though I don't know what's going to happen, and I will have to do that today, probably at some time.
• 20:08
  Bethany Broderick: I'll have to do that tomorrow of constantly renewing my mind according to the truth of Christ.
• 20:15
  Ellen Krause: Thank you for sharing that, bethany.
• 20:17
  Ellen Krause: Sometimes I feel like when we get so caught up in those moments that you're describing that, it almost takes like a tap on the shoulder to remind us like no, you don't have to take on all that responsibility for a perfectly executed week for yourself and your whole family.
• 20:38
  Ellen Krause: Because when we have this type of a mindset like that's really what you believe, it's almost like you need, like you know, a little poke that says hold on, oh, you don't, let's see what it really should look like.
• 20:53
  Ellen Krause: Well, how can someone tell when they're excusing sin versus when they're being legalistic?
• 21:03
  Ellen Krause: Because that might be a struggle as well.
• 21:08
  Bethany Broderick: That's a good question and I think that you know it's both legalism and excusing sin, or the big word is license.
• 21:16
  Bethany Broderick: So, like both of those, take our focus and point them inward.
• 21:20
  Bethany Broderick: So legalism says that I can do it all on my own and I can do it perfectly.
• 21:25
  Bethany Broderick: License says I can't do it all on my own, so I'm not going to try at all.
• 21:30
  Bethany Broderick: And so the focus of both of those is looking inward, it's navel gazing and it's focusing on what we can or can't do.
• 21:38
  Bethany Broderick: And so the antidote to both of those is looking to Christ, is lifting our eyes off ourselves and looking to Christ, the pioneer and the perfecter of our faith.
• 21:49
  Bethany Broderick: So if you are falling into excusing sin, of saying it doesn't matter, our holiness does matter, but it doesn't matter to the point of like we have to do it on our own.
• 21:59
  Bethany Broderick: Our desire for holiness should make us look to Christ and see what he is doing, to look at his holiness and behold him and then pray that the spirit in us would help us become more like Christ.
• 22:12
  Bethany Broderick: And I also think that what can help with both sides of that legalism and license is inviting your community into that struggle, because sometimes we can't tell, sometimes I can't tell when the good thing that I'm trying to do I'm actually doing because I want this person's approval, or sometimes when I'm like, oh well, I'm not going to worry about that because I can't do it perfectly anyway, when really I'm just not wanting to walk in obedience and so having someone, a sister in Christ who you trust, who can be that person, to tap you on the shoulder and say, you know, remind you of that truth Like this is not what Christ says.
• 22:48
  Bethany Broderick: This may, you know, feel good in the moment, but this is not the truth.
• 22:52
  Bethany Broderick: And so that is really helpful for me and I've had, I've had dear sisters.
• 22:56
  Bethany Broderick: Help me when I've struggled with both sides.
• 22:58
  Bethany Broderick: You know, help me.
• 22:59
  Bethany Broderick: Hebrews 10 says to spur one another on to love and good deeds.
• 23:04
  Ellen Krause: Like both of those, that's such a mature and biblical way to think it through and really just so necessary and I can't underemphasize as well having those people in your life that will call you out Because that's how you're going to grow, that's, you know, when you get out of a repeated pattern and way of thinking.
• 23:30
  Ellen Krause: So it might sting in the moment, but it's actually helping you so much in the long term.
• 23:38
  Bethany Broderick: Absolutely.
• 23:40
  Ellen Krause: Bethany, it can be easy for resting in Christ to become a vague or cliched concept to us.
• 23:47
  Ellen Krause: What does relying on grace look like in your everyday life?
• 23:53
  Bethany Broderick: That is a great question and I think it's still one that I that the way it looks in my life changes according to the season, you know the time of year, like what's going on in my work schedule and in our family schedule, but I think ultimately it comes back to resting in that identity in Christ and knowing that who we are in him.
• 24:17
  Bethany Broderick: And so every day I have to at the very beginning of my day, even if I don't have that, you know that, quote unquote picturesque quiet time where I'm sitting in the Word for an hour with a hot cup of coffee.
• 24:27
  Bethany Broderick: That doesn't always happen.
• 24:28
  Bethany Broderick: This morning it didn't happen Like I got up and I immediately had to hop in the shower and get going on our day.
• 24:33
  Bethany Broderick: And it was just a few moments in the shower where I could already feel my mind spinning, trying to piece together what today would look like.
• 24:40
  Bethany Broderick: I'm like no, no, no.
• 24:44
  Bethany Broderick: I'm going to stop now and I'm going to remember who Christ is and I'm going to think about his character for a minute and then think about what that means for me.
• 24:50
  Bethany Broderick: And I know I keep saying it's a battle of the mind, but I truly think so much of this happens in our mind and if we could take control of our thought patterns, that it would transform the way we live, because so many of us believe that resting is just another activity that we have to do.
• 25:06
  Bethany Broderick: That does not fit into our schedule, when really resting in Christ begins with how we see ourselves in relationship to Him.
• 25:13
  Bethany Broderick: And so I think that's, for me, is just drawing my mind back to Christ.
• 25:16
  Bethany Broderick: And even you know, I tried to have these moments, you know, kind of midday maybe, right after lunch, before I start my afternoon tasks, or right before before bed, where I just kind of try to check in, like this is not like a long time.
• 25:28
  Bethany Broderick: I check in.
• 25:29
  Bethany Broderick: I'm like, am I right now what I'm doing or what I've just done?
• 25:32
  Bethany Broderick: Like, did I do that out of my identity in Christ, out of what he is doing in me, or was I reverting back to trying to strive in my own effort?
• 25:40
  Bethany Broderick: Is there anything I feel ashamed of right now that I need to confess to him?
• 25:45
  Bethany Broderick: So it's just constantly coming back to him, not in these big ways, not in like these hour-long times in scripture.
• 25:51
  Bethany Broderick: Those are great, but, you see, like tiny moments where we're checking in and that's what it means to abide in Christ, to stay connected with him.
• 26:00
  Bethany Broderick: Like if I only talked to my husband for 30 minutes a day, we would not have a great you know relationship.
• 26:05
  Bethany Broderick: But I text him, you know, at this little point, when this thing happens.
• 26:08
  Bethany Broderick: Or you know, we have a chat at dinnertime and then we may spend you know chat for five more minutes after bedtime.
• 26:13
  Bethany Broderick: And we have all these moments where we're reconnecting.
• 26:16
  Bethany Broderick: And he knows what's going on in my day and I know what's going on in his day and it's the same thing with Christ, like what's going on in his day and it's the same thing with Christ, like constantly coming back to him and repeatedly giving him those lies and believing his truth, surrendering our burdens to him, asking for him to help us, and it's that constant, ongoing in the little ways that that's, that's what it looks like and it's hard to remind ourselves of that, but we can even pray and ask him help me to remember to come to you and to rest in you, and he delights in answering that prayer.
• 26:46
  Ellen Krause: He absolutely does.
• 26:47
  Ellen Krause: And for me, the prayer part it's just so crucial because we get into cycles of feeling disappointed and then it's important to come to God.
• 27:00
  Ellen Krause: And I feel the most refreshed when I've taken time to pray, and maybe that is in the shower and you're turning it over to God or you're driving to work, but you're taking that moment to pray to God, to ask him to sort of reroute you in his daily grace and help you each step of the way, every time it comes up.
• 27:25
  Ellen Krause: And that's the beauty of prayer is that we can pray anytime, anywhere, any place, and God is always there.
• 27:33
  Bethany Broderick: And I think for me, for so long I believed I had to have these perfect prayers.
• 27:37
  Bethany Broderick: This goes back to that perfectionism.
• 27:38
  Bethany Broderick: So anytime I prayed, it had to cover that old school acronym acts.
• 27:43
  Bethany Broderick: It had to have adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication.
• 27:46
  Bethany Broderick: It needed to be in a certain position and it needed to go on for a certain time.
• 27:49
  Bethany Broderick: It had to have certain language.
• 27:51
  Bethany Broderick: And so there was so much perfectionism surrounding my prayer life that it really was a hindrance to me coming before him, because I'm like, why would I come before him with this when I have this other burden of doing it perfectly?
• 28:06
  Bethany Broderick: And so, instead of when we know that we don't have to approach him with these fancy words or this very perfectly formed prayer, we can just come to him and say help, yes, I don't see what you're doing here.
• 28:15
  Bethany Broderick: God, like this makes me angry.
• 28:17
  Bethany Broderick: And like knowing that he accepts that prayer or I, I'm doubting right now, god, that you were good enough to walk me through this.
• 28:23
  Bethany Broderick: He wants that prayer, like we can come to him with one word, one sentence, standing up, like you said, in the car, driving in the shower, like he delights in.
• 28:32
  Bethany Broderick: However, we want to come before him and we don't have to have this perfect prayer or this perfect all of our emotions sorted out.
• 28:44
  Bethany Broderick: He wants us to come to him just as we are, and that is how he can work in our lives, how we can open ourselves up to him.
• 28:48
  Ellen Krause: That's so important.
• 28:49
  Ellen Krause: Yes, for each one of us to be able to do that regularly and sort of defeat that self-doubt, that self-condemnation that comes in Bethany.
• 29:00
  Ellen Krause: Do you have any other tangible ways that you'd like to share that you've learned to root your identity in Jesus rather than in your performance or approval?
• 29:12
  Bethany Broderick: You know, yeah, I was thinking earlier about when you said that you need those like taps on the shoulder to kind of point you back, and I, for me, I'm a very visual learner and I need some visual reminders throughout my day.
• 29:25
  Bethany Broderick: And so, um, like when I was really struggling with this, I would write down like verses or statements about what Christ has done and who I was on note cards and put them on my mirror or save them as a lock screen on my phone.
• 29:39
  Bethany Broderick: And those were just really helpful for me, because our world has given us so many quote unquote affirmations Like they'll tell us oh, you're enough, you're beautiful just the way you are, and we have all these feel good mantras that we even sometimes allow into the church, that like, we kind of like have these mantras and sprinkle Bible verse on top, and I think that was not giving me what I needed to carry me throughout the day when I was really struggling with shame and with striving and so finding I call them better affirmations like those really rock solid truths from scripture that you can cling to and that can be a reminder for you to anchor yourself in him.
• 30:17
  Bethany Broderick: So like one for me is, like I've already said is that one from Colossians that says like Christ is the one who holds all things together, because I am constantly tempted to believe that it's me who has to perfectly hold all things together.
• 30:30
  Bethany Broderick: And then one from Philippians where it says that God is working in me to will and to work for his good pleasure.
• 30:35
  Bethany Broderick: So, even as I am obeying, I know that it is God who is working in me, that I am not alone, as I am seeking to obey him and grow in him.
• 30:42
  Bethany Broderick: And so find those verses and put them everywhere, because we know that God's word is living and active and it can.
• 30:49
  Bethany Broderick: It can pierce our hearts and those, those cycles that can seem impossible to overcome are can be done away with through the power of scripture.
• 30:58
  Bethany Broderick: I've seen it happen in my life how repeatedly choosing to meditate on scripture, rather than my own self-condemnation, has helped me break those thought patterns and be more quick to believe those lies than I was 10 years ago when I was first starting to practice this.
• 31:16
  Bethany Broderick: So yeah, just so.
• 31:18
  Bethany Broderick: Set those that scripture constantly before your eyes.
• 31:21
  Bethany Broderick: Set it, you know.
• 31:21
  Bethany Broderick: Meditate on it in your heart and your mind, you know.
• 31:24
  Bethany Broderick: Allow that those that scripture to transform you.
• 31:28
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely.
• 31:29
  Ellen Krause: That's such a beautiful testimony of how God has been reshaping you, bethany.
• 31:34
  Ellen Krause: When you said that, what came to my mind is I'm also a very visual learner, and so seeing you know, having reminders of that, is so incredibly helpful.
• 31:44
  Ellen Krause: At the same time, I'm thinking of someone like my husband who is definitely more of an auditory learner, and I was thinking just how hymns or Christian music that has such an uplifting message that can basically the same type of message only you're hearing it or even listening to the Bible on an app, is so helpful for an audible learner.
• 32:10
  Ellen Krause: So kind of taking that into consideration, I think, can help a variety of ways.
• 32:16
  Ellen Krause: Well, as we start to wrap things up, bethany, if someone is feeling stuck in striving and shame right now, what is the first step that they can take forward in embracing Christ's grace?
• 32:31
  Bethany Broderick: I think the first step is being honest.
• 32:34
  Bethany Broderick: First, being honest with yourself, like we talked earlier about those lies that you're believing.
• 32:40
  Bethany Broderick: Being honest with God, because if they're like me, they probably feel like God is disappointed that they struggle with this, that they should not be wrestling with this, and so being honest in your confession to God to tell him what you truly are struggling.
• 32:54
  Bethany Broderick: And then also being honest with another sister in Christ, like allowing someone else to share that burden with you, because, oh man, like I never could have experienced freedom without those other sisters telling me that I'm not alone, that they're praying for me, that they're checking in on me, that they're speaking truth to me.
• 33:14
  Bethany Broderick: So I just think that, for, like, these lies will grow in the darkness, but when we bring them to light, that is when we truly can defeat these lies and walk in the freedom of truth.
• 33:25
  Bethany Broderick: But as long as we leave them there, we really can't overcome them.
• 33:28
  Bethany Broderick: But when we are honest with ourselves, when we're honest with God and we're honest with others, that's when we can start to experience freedom.
• 33:34
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely.
• 33:35
  Ellen Krause: That's such a hopeful place to start.
• 33:39
  Ellen Krause: But one other suggestion I would say too, is journaling, and I know sometimes people get scared by the word journaling, but let's just call it writing down what you're feeling, and I think that can be so helpful again, especially for a visual person.
• 33:56
  Ellen Krause: Is that, like, how am I feeling right now?
• 34:00
  Ellen Krause: Well, you know what I'm feeling?
• 34:01
  Ellen Krause: Really disappointed because I didn't have a good quality quiet time this morning.
• 34:08
  Ellen Krause: My ADD was flaring up, I was all over the place in my thoughts and I didn't give my all to you, god, and like, when you have it written down, you can actually then sort of reflect back and ask the questions that you said earlier, which was okay, you know, is this a truth or a lie?
• 34:29
  Ellen Krause: And start to address those as well.
• 34:32
  Ellen Krause: Well, bethany, thank you so much for being willing to share on this topic.
• 34:38
  Ellen Krause: Where can people learn more about you and your book called Perfected and your ministry?
• 34:46
  Bethany Broderick: Absolutely yeah.
• 34:47
  Bethany Broderick: So my website is bethanybroderickcom and you can find all information about my book there and my newsletter, and then you can also find me on Instagram at Bethany G Broderick.
• 34:59
  Ellen Krause: Fantastic, and we will make sure that we include those links in our show notes.
• 35:04
  Ellen Krause: Before we go, though, I have to ask you our favorite Coffee and Bible Time questions that everybody wants to know.
• 35:18
  Bethany Broderick: What Bible do you use and what translation is it?
• 35:19
  Bethany Broderick: Yeah, so I use an ESV illuminated Bible, a journaling Bible.
• 35:21
  Bethany Broderick: So it has these really beautiful kind of old school gold graphics inside.
• 35:27
  Bethany Broderick: I just it just makes the text feel not more ancient, but it makes it feel like this, reminding me that this is not something new that was just given to us.
• 35:37
  Bethany Broderick: This is something that for thousands of years has grown and nourished Christ followers.
• 35:41
  Bethany Broderick: It's a really beautifully designed Bible and also has that journaling space, because I really like taking notes in my Bible and underlining and kind of processing that way.
• 35:52
  Ellen Krause: Oh, that's awesome.
• 35:53
  Ellen Krause: Well, that's my next question Do you have any favorite journaling supplies that?
• 35:57
  Ellen Krause: You like to use for your Bible?
• 35:59
  Bethany Broderick: Yes, so I do some in like my main Bible for when I'm studying a single book of scripture.
• 36:04
  Bethany Broderick: I also love the ESV scripture journals that like have a whole page, like it's like the scripture on one side and just journaling page on the other, and just to really kind of pray through and ask my and reflect on the passages that I'm reading.
• 36:16
  Bethany Broderick: So I really love doing that and, like maybe man, six years ago my husband got me like the new testament set of those and so it's been really fun to slowly work my way through and see those journals start filling up and kind of just kind of this testimony to like how God has grown me and like seeing the things that I journaled at different points when I was studying different books of the Bible has been really cool to look back on.
• 36:39
  Ellen Krause: I love that and those are awesome resources.
• 36:42
  Ellen Krause: Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.
• 36:44
  Ellen Krause: We'll put a link to those as well in the show notes.
• 36:46
  Ellen Krause: Lastly, what is your favorite app or website for Bible study tools?
• 36:52
  Bethany Broderick: I really love the Blue Letter Bible app or website.
• 36:56
  Bethany Broderick: It's to me a really easy way.
• 36:58
  Bethany Broderick: I'm a little bit of a nerd and I don't.
• 37:00
  Bethany Broderick: I have not formally studied Hebrew or Greek or anything like that, but I am self-taught in a few different ways and I really love doing word studies and getting down to like what the original language meant by this and like digging into it or like comparing different Bible translations, or like looking at those sorts of things and or cross references, like seeing like those hyperlinks to other parts of scripture, and so Blue Letter Bible app does that really well for me and I've used that for years now.
• 37:28
  Ellen Krause: Yes, that is an excellent, excellent resource.
• 37:31
  Ellen Krause: We will include the link to that as well.
• 37:34
  Ellen Krause: Well, thank you so much for being here, Bethany.
• 37:36
  Ellen Krause: It's been just such a pleasure to learn from you today.
• 37:40
  Ellen Krause: I appreciate your message so much.
• 37:43
  Bethany Broderick: It's been so much, such a joy getting to talk to you.
• 37:47
  Ellen Krause: All right and for our listeners.
• 37:49
  Ellen Krause: If this episode resonated with you, please check out Bethany's links and her new book.
• 37:57
  Ellen Krause: We will include those in our show notes and share this episode with a friend.
• 38:03
  Ellen Krause: Do you have, do you know, someone in your life that struggles with perfectionism?
• 38:08
  Ellen Krause: I think this will really bless their day if you would pass it along.
• 38:12
  Ellen Krause: We will see you next time on the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 38:16
  Ellen Krause: Have a blessed day.