Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Marisa Peer - World Renowned Therapist | Simple Steps To Remove Your Negative Thoughts

Transcript

Marisa Peer - World Renowned Therapist | Simple Steps To Remove Your Negative Thoughts · Success Story with Scott Clary

• 0:00
  If your mother says your dad left, I was young and we're in my life, you can't trust men.
• 0:05
  That's not your story. That's her story.
• 0:08
  Marissa Peer is a transformational force in the world of mental health and personal growth,
• 0:12
  as the creator of rapid transformational therapy and the empowering I am enough movement.
• 0:17
  She has spent over three decades helping people unlock their true potential,
• 0:21
  from working with royalty and Olympians to inspiring millions through her best-selling books and global
• 0:26
  speeches. When I was only 17, I probably would never be able to have children because I have some
• 0:30
  gynecological problems. And something in my head said, it's really not up to a doctor to decide
• 0:35
  that. It's up to me. And two years after that, I have a misperfect, normal baby. That was such a
• 0:39
  lesson to me. No one can tell you who you are. You've got to tell the world who you are. The
• 0:43
  things we belong to here, we're still waiting. Who's going to turn up and say, I'm great, well, you.
• 0:47
  So I became an advocate for myself and it changed my life. We know already that our mind thinks the
• 0:53
  thought and our body makes it real, that's it's job. But your job is to think better thought.
• 0:58
  Marisa has redefined healing and transformation. Her groundbreaking methods blend neuroscience,
• 1:04
  hypnotherapy, and psychotherapy to deliver life-changing results. In this episode, we uncover how
• 1:09
  Marisa has inspired a global movement to embrace confidence, self-belief, and possibility.
• 1:15
  This is the story of a true pioneer in personal transformation. On the planet you're here to find
• 1:19
  a thing you're good at, and then perfect it, but then make it your business. Don't compare yourself.
• 1:25
  You're supposed to be good at one thing. Connection is a choice. You have to choose to connect,
• 1:30
  because if you're not choosing connection, you're choosing disconnection. If someone can see
• 1:34
  something in us and we can see something in someone else, we all do our bit to make the world a better
• 1:39
  place. Welcome to Success Story. I'm your host, Scott Clary. The Success Story podcast is part
• 1:48
  of the HubSpot podcast network. HubSpot not only supports the show, but they support entrepreneurs.
• 1:53
  That's why I'm such a huge fan of HubSpot. I'm very grateful for HubSpot for supporting the show,
• 1:56
  because they help entrepreneurs. As a fellow entrepreneur, I know it takes a lot to grow your business,
• 2:02
  a lot of audience attracting, a lot of sales, a lot of marketing, a lot of leads scoring,
• 2:07
  a lot of channel management, a lot of content, a lot of long days, late nights, a lot of weekends,
• 2:12
  a lot of wishing. There wasn't easier way, but there is. With Breeze, this is HubSpot's new
• 2:16
  collection of AI tools. It's easier than ever for marketers, for entrepreneurs to attract audiences,
• 2:22
  to increase leads, to score customers, and to close deals fast, which means pretty soon your
• 2:27
  company will have a lot to celebrate. Visit HubSpot.com slash marketers to learn more.
• 2:32
  Talk to me about a pivotal moment, something in your journey, when you realized this profound
• 2:49
  impact of self-talk. When I was in New 17, I was told I probably would never be able to have
• 2:54
  children because I had some gynecological problems, and I think by the time I got to my late 20s,
• 2:59
  I was told again, you're never going to be able to get pregnant, carry a baby's full term,
• 3:05
  or even grow a perfect baby. Something in my head said, you know, I really shouldn't let that in.
• 3:10
  It's really not up to a doctor to decide that, it's up to me. Two years after that, I had the
• 3:15
  most perfect normal baby, and I'm never thinking, gosh, that was such a lesson to me,
• 3:20
  that voices that don't let it in, because it's your own voice. Of course a doctor can say,
• 3:25
  hey, broken your leg, I need to set it, but we have to have agency over ourselves. We have to
• 3:30
  decide, you know, you can do the surgeries, up to me, how I heal. And so I started to work a lot
• 3:36
  with infertility after I had had a baby, because I thought, gosh, surely that's everything happens
• 3:40
  for a reason. And I had many people have miraculous births, miraculous. You know, I've still to
• 3:46
  the same level of client of mine who couldn't get pregnant, had IVF, and they said, oh, you know,
• 3:51
  the eggs are not very viable. We should really dump it and start again, and she said,
• 3:55
  I'm devastated, or what do you want? Because I want the baby, so well, but when it's in your body,
• 3:59
  it's your baby, you can tell it to grow. And that baby is now 22, the most amazing, strapping,
• 4:04
  brilliant boy that they wanted to just discard. So he's like a miracle, but there's lots of miracles.
• 4:09
  And so I think a turning come for me, which happened several times in my life, not just once,
• 4:13
  was the voice that said, don't let that in. It's not up to them, it's up to you.
• 4:19
  And I think that's such an important message, you know, some of us that I don't love you anymore,
• 4:23
  you're boring, or you're not attractive, or it's up to us that you know, I'm not letting that in.
• 4:27
  I love the story about Meryl Streep, who auditioned for the part in King Kong, and the director said,
• 4:32
  Meryl, you're not pretty enough for this part. And she said, there's your opinion and see of opinions.
• 4:37
  I just get another opinion, thank you very much. And if you ever saw her in out of Africa,
• 4:41
  she looks stunningly beautiful. But all full of you have to say, you know, my teacher said,
• 4:45
  I was an idiot, my teacher said, I was stupid, my ex that I was boring, it's not up to other people,
• 4:51
  it's up to us. You know, no one could tell you who you are, you got to tell the world who you are,
• 4:55
  don't let someone tell you who you are, you tell them who you are, and many people who are
• 5:00
  grilling have been done, and there's a stupid Einstein was told he was educationally subnormal.
• 5:05
  So many people have been told they wouldn't make it, couldn't make it, but they did. So my turning point is,
• 5:11
  be your own advocate, be your own cheerleader, whatever it is you just really want to hear, I'm smart, I'm good, I'm loveable.
• 5:18
  Don't give someone else that job, do it yourself, you can do better than anyone else in the world, and we all know
• 5:24
  the things we long to hear, we're still waiting, who's going to turn that into say, I'm great, well you,
• 5:30
  you can do better than anyone else. So I became an advocate for myself, I became my own cheerleader,
• 5:35
  and it changed my life, and beyond recognition I could never have imagined the life I have today,
• 5:41
  when I was a 17 year old kid who thought I was hideous, and I thought I could never have children,
• 5:46
  and actually that lovely baby, she's had her own lovely baby, so it's so lovely to see that go on.
• 5:51
  That's all through having agency, that's all through through being your own cheerleader,
• 5:56
  and it seems so simple when you say it like that, but I don't think many people realize that they
• 6:02
  still have agency over their own lives, I think a lot of people, and you study this, you see it
• 6:09
  every single day at a very young age, they give up that agency, they give up that with the internal
• 6:15
  locus of control, they feel that the world happens to them, they don't happen to the world.
• 6:22
  You were able to break out of that, I think that most people would love to break out of that,
• 6:28
  but I think the world conspires against them, so what's the advice for somebody that's listening
• 6:33
  to this and saying yes, that'd be lovely, but I have bills to pay next month, I've been in my job
• 6:37
  for the past 20 years, I mean, life's kind of progressing, but I know it's probably not exactly
• 6:44
  what I'd like. Well, here's the news, you talk to yourself every day anyway, this is not going to
• 6:49
  take any more time than you're normally going to wake up and get a guard, I hate the weather or
• 6:53
  I haven't got any healthy food for breakfast or, oh, I should have sold a button on that shirt,
• 6:57
  we all talk to ourselves every day, you can do what you've always done but better, so first of all,
• 7:03
  when you're on the train or waiting for the coffee to purge, just think of the things you'd love to
• 7:08
  hear, if your parents had a degree in raising you, if your partner had a degree in making you feel
• 7:13
  the most lovable person in the whole world, if your boss had a degree in really growing yourself
• 7:18
  as a team as an employee, what would they say? And when you think, well, what would they say?
• 7:22
  Because it's not rocket science, they would say, your parents would say, you're great,
• 7:26
  you're the greatest gift, how lucky I am to have you, parenting you as a joy of my life,
• 7:31
  I mean, it's kind of simple, a great partner would say, wow, how lucky am I to have you,
• 7:36
  you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And a great boss would say, you are
• 7:39
  into spend with this company, I see your talent, I see something amazing in you,
• 7:44
  so instead of waiting for them to do it, making up what you want to hear, what do you want to hear,
• 7:49
  and then start to say it, I'm amazing, I'm smart, I'm lovable, have something amazing to offer the
• 7:56
  world, I'm good, it doesn't really matter what it is, just say it and say it because it's rather
• 8:02
  like if my skin was dry and I put lotion on my skin, my skin doesn't go, hold on a minute,
• 8:07
  is that paraben free, super organic or is it some cheap stuff you've got on an aeroplane,
• 8:12
  you're going to go in whatever it is, if I put, whatever I put on my, if I put butter on my
• 8:16
  toes, if I put eye drops on my toes, they will go in, the toes can't reject it, neither can my
• 8:21
  skin, your mind will not reject what you tell it, you might as well tell it amazing stuff because
• 8:26
  it doesn't know, if it's good or bad or hurtful or helpful or useful or useful, it all goes in,
• 8:34
  so your first point of starting is what do I want to hear, and don't wait another second,
• 8:39
  just say it, I'm a good person, I'm really smart, I'm really lovable, people like me, I'm interesting
• 8:46
  and just keep saying it and saying it and saying it because your mind's job and it really is a job
• 8:53
  is to make your thoughts real, so if you think of sad, thought your eyes fell out with tears,
• 8:58
  thinking embarrassing, go right right, think of sex and most of them will go in a reaction to
• 9:02
  a thought because your body has to make it real think of food, just stomach rumbles,
• 9:06
  think of the perceiver, what you think of a drive will affect you more than actually what's in
• 9:11
  the drug, so we know already that our mind thinks the thought and our body makes it real, that's
• 9:16
  its job, but your job is to think better thoughts, so your mind can make them, it's just saying I'm
• 9:22
  nervous, I'm excited, so they're saying I'm not ready, so I'm ready, I'm anxious, I'm calm,
• 9:28
  I'm no good with people, people like me, I like them, I look a little heavy, I look gorgeous,
• 9:34
  just whatever you're presenting, your mind's going to present back to you,
• 9:38
  your mind's just a robot, you say words and it makes them as well, if you watch a terror movie at night,
• 9:43
  if you're too scared to go up to bed, if you watch something really scary, it becomes real,
• 9:47
  you should never watch horror movies where you go to sleep, shouldn't kids shouldn't be watching
• 9:52
  that, and if you watch something really scary, I'm a water day, years ago, I was watching something,
• 9:55
  and now I had to crash, I couldn't go upstairs all night, the next day I realized that one of my
• 9:59
  chairs on my balcony were falling over because I was watching, I don't know, forensic files, it really
• 10:05
  made me think of the worst possible outcome, and I learned then to do that to yourself, so if your
• 10:10
  mind's going to make your thoughts real, which it is every minute of every day, what you have to do
• 10:16
  is think better thoughts, and your mind will make them real, it's like I can't, I can, you just
• 10:21
  got to keep flipping a simple switch as my little girl, when she would always forget things,
• 10:27
  I'd always say, what have you remembered? Because she'd get to the car and I'd go, what have you
• 10:31
  remembered? I'd never go, she'd go, I'm madly, I remember my swimming things, I remembered my book,
• 10:35
  I'd go, let's go back and get it, because you remembered, I never said, what if you've forgotten
• 10:40
  it's the same situation, it's ever going, oh my god, every time we've got in the car, you go,
• 10:44
  huh, because you've forgotten, I said, you go, huh, because you've remembered, and that's great news,
• 10:49
  you can run back and get it, and she's always thought she has a phenomenal memory because I
• 10:53
  never said what have you forgotten, I said, isn't it amazing that your mind reminds you, and eventually
• 10:58
  she didn't even forget anything, because I'd always say you have such a great memory. So just tiny,
• 11:03
  tiny reframes, really small switches can have phenomenal impact on your entire life.
• 11:09
  Where does all of the negative talk that we tell ourselves, where does it come from? Does it come from
• 11:14
  childhood trauma, does it come from a natural inclination to see the world in a negative way?
• 11:22
  Where does this all come from? Because I feel like more people commonly default to the negative
• 11:27
  over the positive. Well, the very good news is we're not born with it, no baby says don't look at me,
• 11:32
  I've got, you know, triple knees here, and no teeth, and milk spots, and I've got any hair,
• 11:37
  and my eyes are working separately, babies come out of the world with one belief,
• 11:42
  I'm lovable, and you're going to meet all my needs, because in the womb, so is 75 degrees,
• 11:46
  you have 24 hour in service, there's always someone there, so a baby's born with a belief,
• 11:52
  because a baby will cry, if a baby wants cry on, I do, if I want to spit out his food, it will,
• 11:56
  because it has a belief that says, everyone's going to meet my needs, because I'm worth it,
• 11:59
  so what happens is, comparison, we go to school, and they do a terrible thing about having
• 12:05
  streams, I mean, God forbid you're in the sea stream, because what does that say? Are you or not
• 12:09
  as good as the kids in the A stream? And then parents with the best one in the world say things
• 12:15
  like, you know, your brother could read when he was four, your sister's so neat, your cousin,
• 12:19
  oh, she's so good at maths, and one of my clients said to me that when the teacher said to her,
• 12:24
  I had your brother in my class, the brains must have run out when they got to you, I mean,
• 12:28
  what an awful thing to say, that deliberately, and unconsciously, without meaning it, we start
• 12:34
  to compare, you know, and we have streaming, and we have a prize day, and the kid that works,
• 12:40
  how it doesn't get the prize, the kid that's naturally gifted gets the prize, they don't
• 12:45
  reward effort there, any reward achievement, which is a terrible thing too, you should reward
• 12:50
  effort. And so a lot of things in life, they're saying you don't shape up, and now we have
• 12:55
  social media, you can go on and ask it to grade you, like an egg, what am I, the girl you were
• 12:59
  seeing, you're a D, so it's comparing yourself, which is a terrible thing, because we'll have
• 13:06
  our own gift, you know, I certainly wasn't given the gift of being fantastic at IT, I wasn't
• 13:12
  really given the gift of just someone who loves to cook and spends hours in the kitchen, that
• 13:16
  bores me to tears, everything I cook has to take 10 minutes, but I understand that someone else
• 13:21
  is gift, so I don't go, oh my god, I can't cook, I can't, so I can't, so I don't understand,
• 13:28
  I take it, it's not my gift, as someone else is gift, because imagine if we all had every gift
• 13:34
  in the world, we would never go out to dinner, we'd never employ a seamstress, we'd make our own
• 13:39
  clothes, we wouldn't employ anyone, we'd do our own plumbing and our own gardening,
• 13:44
  and it would be a really hard world if we all had multi-talents, you're supposed to be good at one
• 13:49
  thing, in fact on the planet you'll hear to find the thing you're good at, and then perfect it,
• 13:56
  make it even better, and then make it your business, and then employ other people to do all the
• 14:00
  other stuff, because that's what makes the world go round, oh my god, this person's amazing,
• 14:07
  it's something, it's not my thing, I bought an amazing interior designer because I don't,
• 14:12
  I would say because I don't have the ability to imagine that, frankly I would find that so
• 14:16
  boring looking at different wall swatches all day long, but it's don't compare yourself,
• 14:23
  you're supposed to be good at one thing, yeah to find your gift, perfect your gift,
• 14:30
  and then take your gift in market, and if your gift was, I don't know, being an artist,
• 14:34
  she wouldn't go, yeah, but I'm no good at Feng Shui, I don't understand how to fly a plane,
• 14:39
  you're not supposed to supposed to be good at one thing, and you know places like Finland,
• 14:44
  children self-select all their classes, there's no curriculum, there's no streaming, they just
• 14:50
  go the place that follows the interest, because that's what they're going to be good at anyway,
• 14:53
  and they have very much better academic results, and children are more emotional resilient,
• 14:58
  because nothing worse than being forced to do PE, forced to do art, forced to do Latin,
• 15:04
  when you're never going to use it anyways, and that's what, so now I see how this is all coming
• 15:08
  together, so our whole childhood, we're forced to do things that really have no utility,
• 15:14
  and then we realize that we're not good at them, they're not our one thing that we're going to
• 15:17
  take to market, take to the world, then we compare ourselves against people who are good at them,
• 15:21
  because again, we think that we have to do these things, we have to not only be athletic and smart,
• 15:28
  and attractive, and all the, and I have to be good at chores, and I have to be, you know, helping
• 15:34
  my mom in the kitchen make dinner, and I have to be good there too, and then all these things
• 15:38
  is compound, and then you have this identity crisis. And it's really good, and then parents say
• 15:44
  things like, oh, you want to earn some money, you can take out the trash, and maybe clean the cat litter,
• 15:52
  and what you're saying to your kid, meaning well is, you've got to do really meany stuff to make
• 15:57
  it in the world, and that's very confusing too, so try and find your kid's talent, and then try
• 16:03
  if you can to get them to do something like Princess My Daughter as a really good artist, so I'd get
• 16:07
  it to write to all my Christmas cards, or I hate wrapping gifts, she's very, so I'd get, I'd
• 16:12
  pay it to wrap all the gifts, I'd try and pay her whenever I could do something that
• 16:17
  nurtures her talent, wrap the gifts, wrap the presents, curl up the ribbons, write some gift cards,
• 16:23
  what I never said to her take out the trash, because I don't want her to think, oh, to earn money,
• 16:28
  I've got to do something I hate that's general, I wanted her to think, wow, I can then money doing
• 16:32
  something I love that uses my talents. And this is where the, this is sort of where the, I can see
• 16:38
  this now, this is where the, I am enough movement starts, this is where, okay, this makes a lot of
• 16:43
  sets. How does, how does this tie into, into our teaching, into rapid transformational therapy,
• 16:49
  because you've taught something like 13,000 and probably counting therapists worldwide this text,
• 16:55
  19,000, so obviously a lot of people know this technique. Yeah, well, not enough yet, but a lot.
• 17:02
  How does this tie into, I mean, you're doing good work, so listen, one, one therapist at a time,
• 17:07
  you're teaching them, that's all that matters. So, yeah, how does this tie into, like, how does this
• 17:12
  technique sort of take people from where they are today, before they're listening to this podcast,
• 17:17
  or where they are in their life, and take them to the point where they do feel that they're
• 17:21
  enough, they are happy with the work they're doing, they are tapped into the one thing they're meant
• 17:25
  to do in the world. How does this technique sort of facilitate what you're trying to teach?
• 17:29
  Well, our teaching is very fast, it's rapid transformation therapy, so what it does is in,
• 17:34
  in a session, it takes you back to what caused any issues you have, but somebody might say,
• 17:39
  now I procrastinate, I self-sabotage, but really the core of almost all of our issues is this,
• 17:45
  I'm not enough, I'm not worthy enough, I'm not attractive enough, I'm not educated enough,
• 17:51
  I'm not interesting enough, there's so many ways of thing you're not enough, and if you feel
• 17:55
  you're not enough, you will need more, more food, more stuff, you know, the emptiness inside comes
• 18:03
  from this, not enoughness, but the thing is it's not even true, so what RTT does is it invites
• 18:08
  you to go back and find out where did it begin, because no one is worthy enough, I'm not enough,
• 18:14
  you know, I've done, I helped fund an orphanage in Zimbabwe, and these kids have got nothing,
• 18:20
  but they feel like they've got everything, they don't think, oh well, I've been abandoned by my
• 18:25
  parents, therefore I don't count, they cry just like a kid, there's got everything, and so the
• 18:31
  first step is to understand that whatever you're thinking you're not enough of, it's not true,
• 18:36
  you're worthy enough, you're good enough, and so if the common issue,
• 18:42
  and all the other issues stems when I'm not enough, then surely the answer is to flip that,
• 18:47
  or I am enough, so the most simple thing is put it on your phone alerts twice a day,
• 18:53
  write it, stamp it on your pillows in marker, have it written on your fridge, I have these
• 19:01
  braces, they'll say I'm enough, and I have it all over my house, and start to not just say it,
• 19:06
  but state it, affirm it, embody it, I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough, repeat it, repeat it,
• 19:10
  first you'll go, but I'm not really enough, because I haven't got a degree, I'm not really enough,
• 19:15
  because I get all my clothes in target, I'm not really enough, because I'm living in a shared
• 19:19
  house with people that haven't got anything either, but then eventually you'll run out of
• 19:23
  objections, because the person's objecting is you, you're coming up with objections that eventually
• 19:28
  you'll run out, and then you go, then your mind goes, you know, you say that every day it must be
• 19:32
  true, now it's going to sink in, because you are enough, you know, I was watching the Victoria's
• 19:38
  Secret Show last week thinking what a terrible message is saying to women, if you're listening
• 19:43
  your underwear, you'll be happy, and that's not true, many women look gorgeous in that underwear,
• 19:47
  I want to kill themselves, or on frosak, they're anorexic, just big, if beautiful made you happy,
• 19:53
  everyone is really, I'm so happy, you know, we saw poorly in pain from one direction last week,
• 19:58
  that the mess that poor young boy was in, because he didn't feel enough either,
• 20:04
  so you have to go back to the beginning, if you don't think you're enough, it's not true,
• 20:09
  you're in great company, 80% of us have it, but it's your job to get rid of it by saying,
• 20:14
  I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough, keep saying it, saying it, saying it, it all sink in,
• 20:19
  the mind learns by repetition, write it within lots of places, and eventually it will go in,
• 20:26
  and you'll start to feel so dramatically different, because if everything comes from feeling
• 20:31
  not enough, that you're reversing that, you're reversing all of your issues, you know, I've never
• 20:37
  not met an alcoholic ever in my life who thought there enough, or a bulimic, or an anorexic,
• 20:41
  I met many who said, you know, their statement just subtly changed my entire life, I stopped starving
• 20:48
  myself, I stopped bingeing, I stopped drinking, someone wrote me and said, I actually stopped having
• 20:53
  suicidal thoughts, when I heard you say, over and over again, I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm
• 20:58
  enough, you know, I've had the, I'm enough movement for I think 10 years now, we've got
• 21:04
  amazing feedback, so we know it works, we've had schools who tell us, you know, bullying has
• 21:09
  disappeared in this school, when all the kids say, I'm enough, and the bullies are the ones who
• 21:13
  benefit the most, because they stop bullying kids, because of course a bully thinks, I'm not
• 21:18
  enough, but I'll make you feel not enough, and then I'll feel a bit more adequate.
• 21:23
  It's interesting how it's such a simple phrase, and I want to understand how this actually impacts us
• 21:31
  on a mental level, like what it's doing to our brain when we repeat these kinds of,
• 21:35
  these kinds of saying, I guess affirmations for lack of a better word, because what we, I think,
• 21:41
  the average person does, because I'm guilty of this too, and I think that this is a trap that
• 21:48
  people fall into, the need for more, the need for more, and you pursue that via working harder,
• 22:00
  or I don't know, like, you know, you're trying to lose more weight than what's healthy, or you are,
• 22:10
  you're not happy with your spouse, so you're cheating, like you're doing all these things that
• 22:14
  are on unhealthy amounts, so you're looking for ways to validate yourself, and in any way possible
• 22:24
  outside of just being okay with who you are right now, and I think that some people
• 22:29
  take it to an extreme, but I think at a very rudimentary level, everybody has some issues with
• 22:34
  their self-worth, and regardless of whether or not it's like the work, or the extreme dieting,
• 22:42
  or the, you know, looking for an escape in terms of drugs, or multiple partners, or alcohol,
• 22:48
  like somebody's looking for an escape from their life, in some way, everyone has their own thing,
• 22:54
  so I think I know, I think I know why people do that, because they don't have these sort of
• 23:01
  these frameworks in place to really understand who they are and the value they bring to the world,
• 23:06
  because they've played this comparison game in their whole life, but when you start to say things
• 23:11
  like, I am enough, for some people that may seem like, okay, well, how is that going to,
• 23:15
  how is that going to get me over my anorexia or bulimia, or how is that going to
• 23:24
  stop me from working 100 hours a week, even though I'm dead tired and I'm burnt out and I'm stressed
• 23:30
  in the week, I feel like I have to make this much money, or I have to make my company, you know,
• 23:35
  be, get to this size, what does this like simple saying actually do? Does it like rewire your
• 23:41
  brain to a degree, is there something? Wait, neuroplasticities in a neuroplasticity, which is
• 23:46
  science, that when you think certain thoughts, you're creating different neurons. Quantum
• 23:51
  physics says, and quantum physics is a more reliable science than medical science, it says,
• 23:55
  if I change my thoughts, I change my NGO, I change my vibrations, and then it changed,
• 24:01
  I can change not just me, but I can change my relationship with you, and quantum physics is a
• 24:05
  very reliable science, most people say, oh, isn't this stuff, we'll say two things, actually,
• 24:09
  it's not woo-woo, it's quantum physics, and by the way, woo-woo actually works, even if it was
• 24:15
  woo-woo, woo-woo is great, it works, so let's go to the love thing, you know, you're about to
• 24:20
  meet someone on a day, and you'll be with me on my guard, hope I'm good enough for them, I hope
• 24:24
  that I don't have bored, no, they don't reject me, and you should be saying, this person's going
• 24:29
  to see how amazing I am, because when you know you're enough, you don't think, oh, but I've got
• 24:32
  to work for love, and chase love, and earn love, and put on my best self, and make a real effort,
• 24:39
  so that they might like me, you know, I'm enough, I'm lovable enough, of course,
• 24:43
  you'll make an effort, but never go on a date saying, are they, well, I'd be good enough for them,
• 24:48
  say, hope they're good enough for me, this is the person you can see, that I'm an amazing person,
• 24:55
  and so same thing in a career, you know, if you're chasing, and chasing, and chasing, more
• 25:00
  recognition and working hard and burning out, you need to go back and go, hey, I am talented enough,
• 25:05
  I'm good enough, and I go to my boss and go, I've got this great idea, I've got this unique
• 25:10
  scope, because when you know you're enough, it resonates from, it's a level that people pick up,
• 25:15
  it's that quantum physics again, if I know I'm enough, really know it, and I can state it,
• 25:20
  affirm it enough, so it becomes resonates out of me, other people know it too, so I've worked on
• 25:26
  many shows where I've been on a judging panel, and people come in and you know the ones that know
• 25:31
  they've got it, and the ones that are faking it, when you fake it, you just feel like a fake,
• 25:36
  when you can resonate, I'm enough, you know, I've got a gift, or you're safe with me, and
• 25:43
  I'm a smart person, just like animals know when they're safe with you, and kids know,
• 25:48
  and children know if you like children, animals know if you like animals,
• 25:52
  once you get it inside of you, it's not just in you, it resonates out from you,
• 25:57
  and it's very reassuring, confidence is reassuring, it's quite sexy, and neediness is the opposite
• 26:03
  of that, so it comes back to your job, it's your job to go, hey, what do I need to hear?
• 26:10
  And why am I just telling myself those things, everything I'm confident, I'm self assured,
• 26:15
  I'm going to go out a day and go, this person is lucky to be with me, because I'm a great person,
• 26:19
  of course I'm going to get that job, that pay rise, that promotion, because I'm ready,
• 26:23
  and I've got what it takes, but a lot of us give that job to someone as he can, can you,
• 26:28
  can you do that for me, well I could, but better if you do it, because then you won't be needy,
• 26:34
  and the same thing with that, we should be saying to our kids every day, you're a smart kid,
• 26:38
  you know, you're so lucky you're good at math, that's all you need in life, yes, you know,
• 26:43
  you're good at art, and that's where you're going to go, instead of saying, but can you be good at
• 26:46
  the guitar, and the piano, and I have so many distraught children whose parents try to make them do
• 26:52
  the piano, or the violin, they absolutely hate it, as they do all these musical parents, you know,
• 26:58
  you haven't given birth to yourself, it's really, your kids got migraines, because you make them
• 27:03
  pay the piano every day, and they don't even like them, they can't even tell you, but their body
• 27:07
  is telling, you know the feeling, they cannot find the expression in tears or cause other organs
• 27:12
  to weave, and I have so many kids whose hair is falling out, they've got headaches, and then they
• 27:17
  come, and they always say, my mum makes them pay the violin, I have to do the piano every day,
• 27:21
  I've got to play chess, because my dad's a chess person, and they go, I can't tell if I hate it,
• 27:27
  so I say to the parents, listen, you need to let your kid dream their own dream, one of the saddest
• 27:32
  things is how we try to make someone else's story, our story, I've got to be a mathematician, because
• 27:37
  my dad was into math, so I've got to be into this, because my parents are into it, but the truth is,
• 27:43
  we don't give birth to ourselves, my daughter is nothing like me, she's talented and amazing,
• 27:49
  but she's very, I'm very tired, she's very disorganized, I'm a minimalist, she's an absolute
• 27:53
  maxim, she loves having matters of stuff, and I never think, oh, I think, of course, because I
• 27:58
  didn't give birth, how boring you really give birth to yourself, I mean, that will bore you to tears,
• 28:03
  your kids are your teachers, they're not supposed to be, there's supposed to be nothing like you,
• 28:08
  and they don't have a voice to say, I don't really like this, so they begin to create all kinds
• 28:14
  of pains and illnesses, because they're not able to say, that's not my bag, but we should allow
• 28:21
  them to say that, we should allow them to say, mom, this is your dream, it's not my dream.
• 28:27
  I just want to take a quick break and thank the Havspot Podcast Network for supporting
• 28:31
  success story for the past two years, now the Havspot Podcast Network has other incredible
• 28:35
  podcasts like my first million now, if you are an entrepreneur or you are ready to turn your
• 28:40
  entrepreneurial dreams into millions, you have to listen to my first million, it's a show that
• 28:44
  is revolutionizing business podcasting, it's hosted by Sam Parr, Sean Perry, this is a Havspot
• 28:49
  Podcast Network original, it brings you unfiltered conversations with self-made millionaires,
• 28:54
  who actually tell you how they did it, if you want to learn how Alex Ramose built his fitness
• 28:59
  empire, or how Sophia Amaruso turned nasty girl into a fashion phenomenon, these aren't just
• 29:04
  success stories, they're the blueprints for your own journey to the top, each episode breaks down
• 29:08
  the exact strategies and hidden opportunities that you can use right now, don't just dream about
• 29:13
  your first million, learn how to make it, listen to my first million wherever you get your podcasts,
• 29:18
  it's so funny how, so even when even when our kids aren't aligned with what they should be doing
• 29:25
  and who they should be, I mean we can look at that and say listen, even like forget the fact that
• 29:33
  my kids aren't aligned and what and they're not doing what they should be doing, I'm not even
• 29:37
  aligned with what us should be doing in my life, like there's so many breaks in the chain, there's
• 29:43
  so many people that are misaligned in their day to day, as parents we have the duty and the
• 29:49
  responsibility to make sure that our kids are doing the things that they want to be doing and
• 29:53
  living their best life in fully aligned, but I think we have to fix ourselves first because if
• 29:59
  we don't even, if we're not even doing the thing day in day out that we want to do, if we're in
• 30:05
  the career that we hate, how can we possibly, that's what that's what ends up imprinting on our
• 30:10
  kids, as now our kids are seeing us, studies are shown that the best thing you can give a kid is a
• 30:16
  happy mom, a happy mother is one of the was one of the ways to have happy children and it
• 30:22
  says if the mother's happy and fulfilled the kids will be happy, if mother's unhappy and working
• 30:27
  and giving you everything but unhappy, children feel guilty, so having happy parents, I mean the best
• 30:33
  way is to parents or together and committed, but even having one parent, especially the mother who's
• 30:38
  happy makes a huge difference in the self-esteem of those children, any children.
• 30:44
  As somebody who, if say somebody is listening to this, they're totally out of alignment with the
• 30:52
  work they want to do and they have massive imposter syndrome. I think imposter syndrome probably
• 30:56
  stops many people from actually saying I am enough and when you do say you're enough and you
• 31:02
  truly believe it, then all the down line decisions that you make will be much stronger. That's what I
• 31:08
  think is so incredible about saying I am enough because again, just to sort of piggyback off an idea
• 31:15
  you had previous, it's not woo woo. If you are fully in alignment with what you enjoy doing
• 31:22
  and you have that confidence in you and every decision you make and every action it takes
• 31:26
  going to be much more strong, it's going to be much stronger, it's going to be aligned with that
• 31:30
  purpose. It's like the impacts of being aligned and having that idea of I am enough in your
• 31:37
  head are phenomenal but I think what stops a lot of people from taking the first step at least
• 31:43
  is imposter syndrome. It's that idea of you know I'm not happy here but I don't think I don't think
• 31:52
  I deserve that person or I don't think I deserve that job and they may not say it in their in
• 31:57
  their conscious but I can guarantee you their subconscious is holding them back for whatever reason
• 32:02
  even if you look at I mean we'll take a more job oriented stat which I found fascinating so
• 32:11
  on average men if they see a job they're not qualified for they'll apply if they have like 70%
• 32:18
  of the qualifications but women if they see a job they're not qualified for will hesitate to apply
• 32:26
  and this is a whole other conversation about you know women should be jumping into positions like
• 32:31
  this and they should be taking those risks and they should be saying I am enough and I want to do
• 32:35
  it but on a broader spectrum and just outside of like an individual circumstance that's a huge
• 32:40
  example of imposter syndrome that it's almost like I mean yeah 80% of women have it by only 40
• 32:47
  percent of men so isn't that interesting 80% of women have imposter syndrome half a amount of
• 32:51
  men have it that's there so so the question then becomes okay regardless of whether or not
• 32:57
  you're a man or a woman it's it obviously is adversely affecting women in their careers but
• 33:03
  how do you get over that imposter syndrome what's the strategy to to start to get over it so that you
• 33:08
  can move in the direction that you should be aligned with well you know one of the first things to
• 33:13
  start with and it may sound difficult is you should really try and find something you love for
• 33:17
  your career it's very hard to succeed doing something you hate but if you do something you love
• 33:22
  you'll probably do very well so you know I could never imagine being an accountant but I
• 33:26
  would love figures love numbers I couldn't even imagine loving being an accountant I couldn't
• 33:32
  really imagine loving being a nurse and you'd be well injections but people who love it love it so
• 33:38
  few days of five and fifteen the thing you love to do the most is a key to your unique skill sets
• 33:44
  I go back and tell you something what did I love doing my daughter's narcissist was always drawing
• 33:49
  painting designing I was always writing stories about traumatized families even when I was a kid
• 33:56
  clearly that was my thing to work with them so find out what you love because again you're on
• 34:01
  the planet to find what it is is your gift and then when you found your gift was so lucky we live
• 34:06
  in the world of YouTube you can find a hundred tutorials and how to perfect your gift is your gift
• 34:10
  selling is it speaking is it being a strategy is it being a designer perfect your gift you know
• 34:17
  learn what's called mastery you know Lulu Lemon didn't invent lemon leggings which she
• 34:22
  certainly mastered how to sell them Starbucks in an event coffee Dyson did not invent a
• 34:28
  Hoover or a hero but they mastered something and the trick is find your gift and then master yourself
• 34:34
  go and learn how to speak how to present how to sell how to find a someone who's going to fund you
• 34:41
  it's very hard to do that while you hate the subject but if you love it then you'll find you can
• 34:47
  find your gift master and perfect you're given then take your gift to market and that's really
• 34:54
  what you have to do and people are doing that now with makeup tutorials and all kinds of weird things
• 34:59
  we could never imagine before but you've got to try to start from doing something you love because
• 35:04
  you're given that gift to take it to market you know beyond so is meant to be a singer she wasn't
• 35:09
  meant to be a nail technician Eminem was meant to be a rapper he wasn't meant to be a plumber and
• 35:14
  if he had we want to waste so you would have find out what did the universe give you because it
• 35:19
  gave you a gift that will support you in finding that gift so I could say you know I found therapy
• 35:25
  and putting in therapy could I master I thought yeah I couldn't master therapy I could make it
• 35:30
  faster better I never understood the the concept of therapy which is bring me your pain
• 35:37
  and we'll discuss it for a year or two and you may get better you may not but you'll know who you
• 35:42
  you would never go to ER and say hey mate I broke in my leg you wouldn't go to the dentist
• 35:45
  in my tooths for now or the character that I put out my back any other place you go to ER
• 35:51
  chiropractor even a massage therapist has bring me your pain and I'm gonna get rid of your pain
• 35:57
  today but the therapist has bring me your pain and I'm gonna keep you here for quite a long time
• 36:02
  because it's all about our relationship which I mean I get it but I don't get it because if when
• 36:08
  I broke my leg a year and a half ago I got run over I made no relationship with my the person
• 36:13
  who took me to hospital in an ab because I had no relationship with a person who X rode me had a
• 36:17
  lovely bone doctor once he fixed my leg I never saw him again ever even though I paid him a lot of
• 36:22
  money he was amazing but I didn't have a relationship with him I had a transaction here's the money
• 36:27
  about 16 fractures in my leg he did three surgeries and that was it we didn't have a relationship
• 36:34
  so I thought well I don't think that's the right message for clients bring me your pain
• 36:39
  and it's gonna take a long time because if you're in pain you have one request
• 36:43
  can you get me out of pain today and whether that's the pain of having tension migraines because
• 36:49
  your stress or an irritable well because your stress or the pain are feeling so bad about yourself
• 36:53
  that you can't find love or get promotion or your skin breaks out is all pain so I did master
• 37:00
  something and there to be successful in life you have three different ways you can inherit
• 37:06
  a business but that's very rare you can be like Steve Jobs and then Apple but that's a lot of work
• 37:12
  or you can take some of this already there and master it you could master makeup with hairdryers
• 37:20
  fans you could master coffee or tea or food and I mastered therapy but also master yourself learn
• 37:29
  how to present yourself how to speak about your passion and if you can master your passion
• 37:36
  then you can make a living out of your passion there people all over the world making a living
• 37:40
  out of their passion and that's really what you should be doing because one of the major causes
• 37:45
  of depression is not following your heart as I get into a business that you don't like
• 37:50
  failing to follow your heart's desire you know I worked with a girl years ago
• 37:54
  who was so depressed and she said I always wanted to be a vet and I couldn't go to vets but we
• 38:00
  didn't have any money and here I am all these years later I'm never going to be a vet and I'm so
• 38:04
  depressed I want to kill myself I said but what else is she goes no no I'm not going to be a dog walk
• 38:09
  I said I didn't say that I said okay there's a vet over here which is not available to you
• 38:14
  and there's a dog walker of what's in the middle and the fact that I have a great friend who used to
• 38:18
  be in the boom term right school Jerry Cox and he trains animals to perform in movies and I
• 38:24
  and he said it was telling me that um because I told him about her and he said oh she could be a
• 38:28
  dog behavioral X well I said yeah there there is you can in six months train animals like
• 38:34
  cedar all in a season of land don't we and she got her own television show from that she was on
• 38:39
  television she was living in her heart because she was so blocked but I want to be a vet but I'm
• 38:44
  not going to be a dog walker that's demoralizing and she didn't see in the middle you know you
• 38:48
  might want to be a doctor and say I never went to but but you could be a healer you could be
• 38:52
  you could work in a hospice of being a Roman therapist you might say I never had kids but you
• 38:57
  can be an advocate for children or foster there's so many different ways we get very blinked about
• 39:03
  I want that my grandmother always wanted to act and she never was an actress but she was
• 39:08
  addressed of a Laurence Olivier so she was in the theatre and she absolutely loved it because
• 39:13
  she still was around people and she was around the magic of theatre even though she was never she
• 39:18
  couldn't be an actress herself because she was she was born into absolute poverty she didn't have
• 39:22
  that option but she still followed her heart says are in a different way she's in the theatre
• 39:27
  every night so if you can find your heart says are what makes your heart sing and think but
• 39:33
  can I do that maybe I can't be an artist but could I work in art gallery maybe I'll never be a lawyer
• 39:39
  but could I be a circuit judge you probably could so don't make it black or white find you what
• 39:46
  makes your heart sing and whatever you do follow it and you probably become amazing at it because
• 39:51
  you're here to find your gift perfect it and then make a living from it and a very good living too
• 39:58
  you know you mentioned so you mentioned that obviously we have to find love in ourselves
• 40:03
  and love in our vocation and the work that we do does one come before the other or is it this dance
• 40:12
  between the two no I think self love should always come first you when you love yourself
• 40:17
  you can go for a role you can go for a job as you say not even quitting no I I'm going to go
• 40:22
  for this job I was just watching this show I love Julie Cooper and I was just watching this show
• 40:27
  on Disney called Rivals and they need character in the book is blonde blue eyed and the character
• 40:33
  that's playing the part has got jet black hair but he said you know I thought well I know they're
• 40:36
  going to get the part but I'll go anyway and he got it so it's that self belief I can still put
• 40:42
  myself on something that doesn't even have my name on it but I can still go for I can still apply
• 40:48
  so when you have self love something amazing happens you don't hear no you don't hear denial you
• 40:55
  don't you hear no so you know one of my books was rejected my first book was rejected many times
• 41:02
  what I never heard no I heard no for this publisher no as it is now no until I change the first
• 41:08
  chapter a bit so if you have self love you don't get rejected because you have that thing well
• 41:14
  how you can't reject me you might not like my book but that's not me I may not be the right person
• 41:20
  view but that doesn't mean I'm not the right person just not the right person for you so it's a
• 41:25
  great thing people have self love they're like big rubber balls they have the bounce back factor
• 41:32
  they if they get knocked down they get up again very quickly and they never hear they don't do no
• 41:37
  they don't hear a denial they always hear a delay come back next year or change it a little bit
• 41:43
  you know I always love the guy you know this little suitcase called trunky that we see all over
• 41:47
  the world you remember those little cases you see every report yes and that guy was on a show
• 41:52
  it's dragon said but we call it no so you call it sharp tank we call it dragon stand and he
• 41:57
  went on with the prototype when they pulled it the strap rhythm and oh this is a terrible product
• 42:00
  the straps broke and it's no good he said no no it's a prototype that never make it is rubbish it's
• 42:06
  no good and you see he had a lot of confidence because he said I felt I felt I have a thing
• 42:11
  and he could I'll show you I'll show you and off he went and he got the prototype made
• 42:17
  better and he became a billionaire from that product but he was rejected he was a laughed off
• 42:22
  sharp tank the English version called dragon stand but it didn't destroy him he came back better
• 42:28
  Eminem said that he was said you will never be a rapper and he said I was so angry when they said
• 42:32
  that I just wrapped even more with more anger and of course he became one of the most successful
• 42:37
  rappers in the world and Ed Sheeran was told Ed you can't be a rock star you got white skin red
• 42:42
  hair glasses and Eminem was the one who nurtured him and said you just have to get angry and you'll
• 42:48
  have to have the I'll show you it's it's not a denial it's a delay on your way to success there's
• 42:54
  many many delays the lift to success doesn't work but the stairs always work doesn't mean you don't
• 43:00
  get rejected but you've got to come back and come back and everyone who's made it was I got rejected
• 43:05
  everyone who's been in love with so got dumped it's not what happens it's how you feel about it
• 43:11
  many will say you know I got dumped and that's the end of it for me and I could never love again
• 43:16
  because that person ripped out my heart and so no they didn't they just you just grew a lot of
• 43:21
  each other and rip your heart out and jump all over it they're not at home thinking I'm rejecting
• 43:26
  you you just went different ways and if you've had love and had it again and again because when
• 43:32
  someone leaves you they don't take with them every common every card they wrote saying they love
• 43:38
  you every lovely thing they said every message on your phone that's still in you and if you had
• 43:44
  love you can have love again and again and again it's such a shame that we allow a setback
• 43:51
  to hurt us we'll see you know I was ghosted and that's it I'll never be in love again I got
• 43:56
  fired and now I can't go for another interview because those things can make you stronger people
• 44:02
  beat people often say that they're fragile the humans aren't fragile they're strong and resilient
• 44:08
  they're able to cope with so much but you have a choice every day you know we all have a brilliant
• 44:13
  brain you can tuck yourself into something or out of it so try yourself out of being fragile and
• 44:17
  into being strong and resilient with a massive bounce back fact and we'll serve you very well
• 44:23
  in life because we all get rejected we all get fired I mean I've been fired I've been dumped I've
• 44:30
  been told I would never have a baby all kinds of strange things have happened but in the
• 44:35
  context of my life most of them actually made me stronger I think that I think that what people
• 44:39
  have to do is when something negative happens they can't let it consume them because people can
• 44:44
  hold on to that feeling for for a year yeah people do that they they will go back and say something
• 44:50
  oh I didn't have a dad or my father never saw me or I heard I was put up production and I
• 44:56
  met many years ago I had one client who told me the story she said you know my parents told me
• 45:01
  when I was older they tried to terminate me they were very young and they weren't ready but
• 45:07
  obviously my determination and was born and they told me I was destined for something amazing
• 45:12
  and they were very proud of the story and I always thought yeah I'm and this girl is an amazing
• 45:17
  very powerful woman in her own field because she heard a story we were so stupid we thought
• 45:21
  we shouldn't have you but she wouldn't go away you were meant to be here but someone
• 45:26
  answers me oh you know my parents tried to terminate me and what chance have I got in life
• 45:30
  with that start so it you have to reframe it you didn't want me but I'm here I am somebody
• 45:37
  wanted me to be here they wanted me to be here they wanted me to be a girl or a boy so whatever
• 45:41
  the story is whatever you must change just to edit your story just because you weren't wanted
• 45:48
  it with a wrong sex or a mistake or an accident it really doesn't matter what matters is here you are
• 45:54
  because somebody wanted you to be here just the way you are well you know the story it's how
• 46:02
  you feel about it so if your mother says things like oh you know your dad left when I was young
• 46:08
  and ruined my life and you can't trust men that's not your story that's her story and the
• 46:16
  greatest pain because it is making someone else's story you can't trust people you'll never get on
• 46:22
  in life if your people are asked without going to college you got to be very wary of making someone
• 46:28
  else's story your story I wanted to I wanted to ask you about you tweeted out some great
• 46:35
  insight and wisdom and I want to understand a little bit more context behind what you tweeted out
• 46:42
  so one of the ideas that you just you just published was in a battle between emotion and logic
• 46:48
  emotion always wins understood so how do we how do we deal with that idea so yes so we will know
• 46:55
  if we go to a tool building and look down I was actually on the something called the edge in
• 46:59
  New York a couple of weeks ago I've been on it before and I like it but as I look up my legs get
• 47:05
  turned into jelly and I was like this to say bizarre because I want to be on this face for the
• 47:09
  ledge or the edge I'm looking up not down every time I look up it's so high that my legs were having
• 47:15
  and my legs didn't get away from the edge you fall you're gonna fall that's the emotion was
• 47:19
  to defeating the logic if I want to be here so we know that emotion defeats the logic so here's
• 47:25
  the emotion I might get rejected you know that's the fear of rejection is so profound in human beings
• 47:32
  that we allow it to ruin our life and the logic is the only person you can ever reject you as you
• 47:38
  you cannot be rejected unless you're in the business of rejecting yourself so you and then here's
• 47:43
  the emotion you know I might get dumped or I'm not good I might fail and so we allow that emotional
• 47:52
  fear to defeat the logic that says but I could succeed so if you're trying to fix something
• 47:57
  don't use the logic it's not logic because I think I'm an alcoholic I know you want a glass of wine
• 48:01
  but I've got a lovely cup of coffee for you they look at you like you're a Martian which you're
• 48:05
  talking about I need alcohol because it relaxes me gives me confidence coffee is never going to
• 48:10
  hit it but if you can get a better emotion you know you're a great person you don't need to drink
• 48:17
  you're funny you're interesting so in a battle with emotion and logic it's like saying to people
• 48:23
  there's so many calories in that cake why don't you have a piece of lettuce I mean that doesn't
• 48:27
  work at all but the emotion of I love my body is the most priceless thing I'll ever own so
• 48:33
  if I'm having cake I'm going to have some blueberries instead of having a burger I'm going to have
• 48:36
  some delicious grilled fish if you can get a better emotional it works but you can't use logic
• 48:43
  you know we know diets don't work we know that telling someone to stop drinking or stop
• 48:47
  overeating doesn't work but an emotion will really work I mean if you say to your kids you're
• 48:53
  so stupid right only work harder that's another thing but if you say wow you know I really love
• 48:58
  this work you've done you're actually a really bright kid that emotions but it doesn't even
• 49:03
  more bright they now want to work or they want to apply themselves as someone believed in them
• 49:08
  and if you go oh just you know if you can be that one person who says to a kid I see something in
• 49:14
  you I see something in you you know Jamie Oliver's very good at doing that he took all these
• 49:19
  kids that were in reform school and prison and created a restaurant and they were the starving
• 49:24
  also see something amazing in you and he could get the best from every youth teenager because
• 49:30
  he saw something genuine in them and so you know we all need one person to believe in us
• 49:38
  and sometimes it's a therapist or a grandmother or a friend or a relative but if someone
• 49:44
  can see something in us and we can see something in someone else we all do our bit to make the
• 49:49
  world a better place the replacement of a negative emotion with a positive emotion has a
• 49:55
  tool to change is is a phenomenal idea and I think that most people especially
• 50:01
  hard-headed type A personalities they try and logic themselves into everything yeah of course
• 50:08
  it's like saying I'm scared of flying you know logically we know the dangerous part of flying
• 50:13
  is the car right to the airport that's almost dangerous bit but we all think yeah but but I can't
• 50:18
  get off the plane I can stop a car I'm I'm in a flying coffin I'm hurtling through the air
• 50:24
  in a tin can and if you think there's thoughts you'll feel terrified because that's the
• 50:28
  emotion but if you get wild I'm sitting in a little sofa watching a movie being weighted on this
• 50:34
  is my one chance to do nothing at all you know people who travel in business they're flying less
• 50:39
  than people who travel in an economy because they aren't going to lie in that lovely bed go to
• 50:42
  sleep have delicious dinner they have a different emotion about what flying is but the fear of flying
• 50:49
  in the fear of public speaking I mean there is no fear of public speaking it's the fear of being
• 50:54
  judged as fear being rejected the most common fear in the world but then if you go but I
• 50:59
  can't be rejected nobody can reject me except for me and then you realise that you're winning because
• 51:06
  you're not giving your pal to someone else to reject you they might not think your speech is
• 51:10
  great but but you're the only one who can decide you know my husband under chain of comedy clubs
• 51:16
  quite a famous chain called junglers and they had something called an open mic and every Saturday
• 51:21
  anybody could come up for five minutes and tell a joke and this guy came on stage he told
• 51:26
  him it was very funny and then it just all went downhill and he was getting booed as his
• 51:30
  my husband ran to the stage to console this poor kid as he came up and he said to him did you see
• 51:35
  I got them they loved the first joke so he reframe the whole thing is I had the first joke they
• 51:39
  loved it they all loved he didn't even talk about how they booed him after that he said I got them
• 51:44
  with that first joke because he held on to it better I could tell one joke now I've got a master
• 51:49
  better jokes because the first one was the only good one but he wasn't upset he said did you
• 51:54
  notice how they laughed at the beginning so that's a rephray we we have the power to look at what's
• 52:00
  good to go well if I got them to laugh at the first joke surely I can go back and do that again
• 52:06
  and again it might have just said the first two chapters book are great and then it's all for
• 52:10
  well maybe I can get back and make the next chapters just as good so it's always up to us again
• 52:16
  to be the person who praises ourselves and says if I can do that so if you have love once and
• 52:22
  someone's loved to then of course you can have love again you've now got a template in you for
• 52:26
  love if you've had one friend that doled you and they moved abroad but you've got a template you
• 52:32
  can have another friend you know we we seem to forget that connection is a choice you have to
• 52:38
  choose to connect because if you're not choosing connection you're choosing disconnection
• 52:43
  and if you can talk to someone you can talk to anyone it's funny how we it's funny how we always
• 52:47
  focus on the negative right we always focus on the we always but I mean it's not it's not surprising
• 52:55
  to me that we do that I mean news news companies know that we focus on the negative that's why
• 53:01
  they have the headlines that they have as they know that's what we pay attention to and even in
• 53:06
  our own mind we pay attention I mean I love that story about the kid on stage doing comedy I don't
• 53:13
  think many people if they were boot off stage would remember the first good joke but that's
• 53:18
  what you should remember because now you have okay this was listen life's not over I'm still alive
• 53:25
  I still have I still have probably if he's a kid doing comedy probably 60 to 70% of my life left
• 53:32
  I got one joke now I just got to figure out the next four or five yeah I said oh someone liked
• 53:36
  me for the first three days yeah and then they didn't but maybe I was picking the wrong person if
• 53:41
  they liked me for three days you could like me for 33 for 33 years so I always get rejected you
• 53:48
  know I always get dumped after a few months I always get fired after six months you're looking at
• 53:53
  the wrong thing you kept a job for six months you can keep it forever you've got to go back and look
• 53:58
  you know what whatever you require is going to require something you require love it's going
• 54:02
  to require something of you if you require a great job of emotion what does it require of you it
• 54:07
  requires diligence and getting in early and stretching yourself so if you're always saying I want
• 54:14
  this and I want that and I say stop saying I want to so I require and then say hey I require
• 54:20
  this but what does this require of me if I require a flat stomach then I know I'm going to have
• 54:26
  to do lots of planks and sit-ups and not eat many carbs it requires some if I will require a
• 54:31
  best-selling book to write one then it requires me being at home on my own the weeks on end writing
• 54:37
  in a solitary and then even I've written the book now the work begins of making that book
• 54:43
  sell which takes much more work than writing it but if I require to write a best-selling book
• 54:49
  then what it requires me is a lot of work you know doing tons of promotion if you require love
• 54:54
  it requires you to get out of the house and go out think about what kind of person I want to be
• 54:59
  with and where are they by the way you know I was talking to a girl a little while ago I said I'm
• 55:03
  looking for love I said well that's a wonderful way you're looking so would you as a way you're
• 55:06
  looking she went oh I go to yoga how many men are you yoga the class two how many women 36 I'm
• 55:11
  like no darling that's not looking for love looking for love is being in the weights room where there's
• 55:16
  hundreds of guys or being on a golf course where there's many more men than women if you're
• 55:21
  heterosexual you're looking for love you're not going to find in a yoga class we've already
• 55:26
  said there's hardly any man so it's that thing about think about what you I require a really lovely
• 55:32
  guy intelligent and fit well where are they they're not in yoga but if you think of what what you
• 55:38
  require it requires you to believe in yourself decide your way then then put yourself in front of
• 55:44
  of that kind of persons if you do three things tell yourself a lot I'm lovable I'm lovable
• 55:51
  just the way I am I can improve myself I am I core I'm already lovable I can improve myself make
• 55:56
  the best what I'm lovable and I'm worthy of laugh that's point one and then think of the person
• 56:01
  you want to spend your life and then where are they and now you've got to go where they are because
• 56:06
  as you go to success it comes to you I do the same thing with I worked with the guy years ago
• 56:11
  working up the city no women there I said you need to go downtown to a hairdressing
• 56:16
  convention hang out in that hotel it's on a weekend you know you're a gorgeous guy you'll find
• 56:21
  someone he went home with a hairdresser they got married they're still together but he was
• 56:25
  doing I go to a bar no if you really want to find someone find a girl who's she's passionate
• 56:31
  she's at this convention she's loving hairdressing and talk to her and be there and show up but
• 56:37
  you have to be you know if you were looking for a job you go to the interview looking for
• 56:42
  house you don't look the you houses people look for love and they they think they're looking but
• 56:46
  they're not looking because they don't think they're worth it so it's a three step process really
• 56:51
  work on knowing your worth it decide what you require decide what it requires you and then you
• 56:57
  got to go out and do the requirements remember say you know I wrote a book but I never sent it
• 57:02
  to a publisher scared it might be rejected so the third step will work if you do the first step
• 57:08
  it's like a circus thing I'm worth it I know what I require I know what it requires me and I do
• 57:13
  what it requires of me because I know I'm worth it so we start with I'm worth it and then go
• 57:19
  after what you want and as you go towards it will come to you I want to take a second and thank
• 57:24
  Ranger over sport for supporting today's episode now let's talk about tools that match your
• 57:29
  ambition then match the ambition of everybody who's listening today who has taken risks who
• 57:34
  has upleveled their personal professional development who has tried to build their own thing
• 57:39
  everybody listening gets it there is a moment when the thing you're trying to build the challenge
• 57:46
  that you're taking on it finally starts to take off there's like this rush of excitement and
• 57:51
  possibility and that feeling that feeling that you get when you get behind of the wheel of a
• 57:57
  Range Rover Sport because we've all had that perfect drive when the road the car and you you're
• 58:03
  all in perfect harmony but that's not just by chance the Range Rover Sport is designed to make
• 58:08
  every drive feel that way and the Range Rover Sport is not just for impressing others it's how
• 58:13
  you feel behind the wheel it's how you feel when things are going the way they're supposed to go
• 58:18
  whether or not you're navigating city streets you're exploring back roads the Range Rover Sport
• 58:22
  combines refinement with the sense of adventure it matches your own versatile lifestyle with
• 58:28
  features like adaptive off-road cruise control you can tackle challenging terrain with confidence
• 58:33
  the dynamic air suspension always makes sure you get a smooth ride it responds to road conditions
• 58:38
  for optimal performance so from daily commutes to weekend getaways the Range Rover Sport is ready
• 58:44
  for whatever you have planned it's more than just a vehicle it is a companion for all of your
• 58:50
  journey so if you're ready to elevate your driving experience visit Land Rover USA dot com and
• 58:55
  configure your Range Rover Sport today it is interesting how even though we may say that we want
• 59:02
  something all the actions that we take are not aligned with that thought all the actions that we take
• 59:08
  are actually contrary to that we want a better job but we're not applying for things that are
• 59:13
  paying slightly more or a little bit uncomfortable we want a better relationship it
• 59:19
  well you know I'm I'm going to I'm going to all the wrong places to look for the person that I'm
• 59:25
  going to date and marry and we self-sabotage how many women I'm there who said I'm having I'm married
• 59:32
  but we never have sex I'm having IVF to have a baby because I haven't got time to have sex I'm like
• 59:37
  she talking about you're going to an IVF clinic that takes hours having sex takes the average man
• 59:43
  six minutes but that was so bizarre that you know I haven't got time so I'm having IVF and have
• 59:48
  my ex-frozen I'm going to have free children with ever having sex it's so odd that we kind of
• 59:55
  give these things to someone else to do for us now another thought that I think would be helpful
• 1:00:02
  to describe you said whatever you focus on you get more of yeah oh very much playing that so if
• 1:00:09
  you focus on pain you get more of it we've all thought about I've got a headache I've got a cold
• 1:00:14
  but if the phone rings and says hey you've just won the lottery I promise you in that minute you
• 1:00:18
  wouldn't have any pain to get the air I was just joking the pain will come back again so if you're
• 1:00:23
  if you're skiing you know that wherever you're focusing you drive towards when you're driving if
• 1:00:29
  you focus on an exit ramp you'll probably go off-set because you're focusing on it so whatever you
• 1:00:34
  focus on you get more if you move towards it and move towards you so if you're a kid taking an
• 1:00:38
  exam and you say things like I can't remember I'm so anxious my my brains emptied now I can't
• 1:00:46
  remember that's exactly where you're going to go if you say I got a great memory when I say the
• 1:00:51
  word narrow down everything comes back to me and I'm really good at exams so I remember everything
• 1:00:58
  so we've all got to be responsible for our focus the word responsible means I am response able
• 1:01:04
  I'm able to respond you know years ago I was talking to a client of mine who told me that he
• 1:01:09
  couldn't merge he had this huge problem he couldn't merge on a freeway and so he could only take
• 1:01:14
  little b-roes and he had a factory and he was going to have to take some bias for his factory
• 1:01:19
  and he was so free because how can I tell him I can't drive on a freeway it takes me four hours
• 1:01:24
  to do an hour journey because I have to go on all the siders I don't know what to tell them so I
• 1:01:28
  hypnotized him and he was saying I can't merge I can't merge I said no of course you can merge and
• 1:01:32
  when we did a session he merged when he rang me the nose and when oh my god I did it I merged
• 1:01:37
  I went on the freeway it was easy but I was driving with my husband on he was asleep and it was raining
• 1:01:43
  and I see on all of a sudden I noticed that I couldn't merge I went over to take a lawyer that
• 1:01:47
  my god I can't I'm thinking about this client so much that I'm now becoming and I can't merge and
• 1:01:52
  thinking you can't merge as you ever take a lawyer's not great now does they stop it of course you
• 1:01:56
  know how to merge you just put your foot down and follow the curve of the road even though it's
• 1:02:00
  raiding and you follow the curve and then you go back in the lane so I had a choice then talk
• 1:02:05
  myself into it or out of it but interesting that when you think about someone else's issues you can
• 1:02:11
  pick them up yourself and so I was focusing and you're researching sorry yeah I focus I'm not
• 1:02:18
  merging on the clip it is so if you go to have a needle in your arm and you're having a tattoo
• 1:02:24
  you're so excited oh my god is it her but if you're going to have blood and go what's going to
• 1:02:28
  hurt or having an injection but if you're having Botox you probably love that in needle you know
• 1:02:35
  if I had a big lump of meat and I put it in my hand right now it's not the meat is what you think
• 1:02:41
  of it if you're vegan that's horrible if you're a hinder it's disgusting if you're a bodybuild or
• 1:02:46
  you're hungry it's fantastic so it's never the thing is what you think about the thing and that's
• 1:02:51
  really good news because you can change what you think about the thing you know what you think
• 1:02:56
  about flying or pain or anything at all what you think about going around the world and telling
• 1:03:03
  people you're amazing what you think about your potential because your potential expands
• 1:03:09
  as you move towards it and expands again and again so why we see Olympic athletes breaking world
• 1:03:14
  records so if your potential expands as you move to it you never know what your potential is
• 1:03:20
  if you were to say oh well things never work out you're not giving your potential a chance to go
• 1:03:25
  forwards and forwards and when you do go forwards when you move your mind of that new dimension it
• 1:03:29
  goes back again so decide hey I've got potential in me and I'm going to move towards it whatever it
• 1:03:36
  takes I can upgrade my job I've been upgrade the quality of my relationship stay with a person but
• 1:03:43
  make it better I can upgrade my parenting skills I can learn and I can evolve and I can move to my
• 1:03:49
  potential which will move and move and move so never think oh those doors are shut for me they're
• 1:03:55
  not shut you can open any door but it starts with phenomenal self-belief and that starts with
• 1:04:00
  what you tell yourself you know I could stage you every day you're amazing and you're great but
• 1:04:05
  that's not the same because you might think well she's got an agenda she wants to come on my show
• 1:04:10
  but if you tell yourself you're amazing and great your mind knows there's no agenda it must be
• 1:04:16
  so start saying them as simple things I'm smart I've got so much potential I'm loveable and
• 1:04:24
  interesting I'm a good person people like me and I like them and I like myself very simple
• 1:04:30
  statements with their strength is in their simplicity but also their honesty and then your
• 1:04:35
  potential won't expand anywhere and then you'll feel brave instead of fearful you'll feel as if
• 1:04:40
  you're expanding instead of contracting you always want to expand and not contract go further
• 1:04:46
  and further the brain loves expansion you know you don't know you can be a parent and you have a
• 1:04:51
  baby you don't know you can be great in bed until you start having sex you don't know that you're
• 1:04:58
  great at cooking until you start cooking you don't know any of these things at the beginning but
• 1:05:02
  when you begin you think oh actually I'm really good at this or maybe I'm not so I can find
• 1:05:06
  something else that's using my school set the last idea that I love I mean you wrote a whole
• 1:05:11
  book about this idea so obviously we won't unfat the entire the entire book but the concept of
• 1:05:18
  telling yourself a better lie yeah so explain to me explain to me what what do you mean by telling
• 1:05:26
  ourselves a better lie because if somebody is listening to this podcast at this point they said
• 1:05:32
  well I know I was telling myself I know I was telling myself a lie or about the things that I couldn't
• 1:05:40
  do and I was saying that I should be able to do them but they're really not the things that I should
• 1:05:44
  be focusing on so wouldn't the opposite of that be tell myself the truth about what I should be
• 1:05:51
  focusing on why is it not tell yourself the truth but tell yourself a better lie well first of
• 1:05:58
  all our greatest pain comes from the lies we tell ourselves the greatest pain that humans
• 1:06:03
  suffer from is not someone else saying you're boring it's the lies we tell ourselves my ex could say
• 1:06:08
  I'm boring one of my teachers would say I'm stupid but that may not be true but it's the lies I
• 1:06:15
  tell me when I say I'm boring I'm stupid I've got nothing to offer so our greatest pain comes from
• 1:06:20
  the lies we tell ourselves and I called my book that because clients would come in to see me go oh my
• 1:06:25
  life is hell it's hell today's being what's hell while being on the freeway but that's not how
• 1:06:30
  you have a car you have money for gas why did that become a hell the line in the store on Christmas
• 1:06:36
  either is hell no hell is having no money and no store no friends to cook Christmas dinner for
• 1:06:42
  and so you're willing to tell yourself a lie if I look at a cake I get fat every person I've met
• 1:06:47
  it's dump me I always I'm a loser at work everyone has gets promoted no one notices me if you're
• 1:06:54
  willing to tell yourself a lie because it's not really true they would say I'm as fat as a house
• 1:07:00
  really of course well you wouldn't be in a house if you was fat as a house I can eat all we
• 1:07:05
  can like a horse come on darling we know that isn't true you haven't eaten like a horse and you
• 1:07:10
  couldn't eat a horse if you wanted to I'm absolutely starving that's very rarely true for anyone
• 1:07:14
  in the restaurant we've never been starving maybe hungry we're not starving so if you're
• 1:07:18
  willing to lie I get every cold going that's a lie why not say I have a phenomenal immune system
• 1:07:26
  and I'm resistant to colds when I look at a cake I just burn it all off I look at a cake and
• 1:07:31
  think actually I prefer blueberries you know you might as well give yourself a better lie because
• 1:07:35
  what do we say in the beginning your mind makes your thoughts real so the lies we tell ourselves I'm
• 1:07:41
  useless I've got rocks to brains I've got a memory like a sieve I forget my eyes if it weren't
• 1:07:47
  screwed into the back of my head money slips through my fingers or no matter what I eat I always
• 1:07:53
  gain weight you see these are lies they're not even true but you're making them true so if you're
• 1:07:58
  going to tell yourself a lie my immune system is rubbish my metabolic rate is useless why not
• 1:08:04
  test that the better lie my immune system is phenomenal my metabolic rate is incredible I
• 1:08:08
  whatever I eat I burn it off and I look amazing they all lies but at least have a good one so if
• 1:08:14
  you're going to say I can't remember a thing or people see I'm chronically tired I'm exhausted
• 1:08:21
  even that isn't you're probably tired but you're probably not exhausted we don't usually have
• 1:08:26
  exulters I'm shattered I'm exhausted this kid is making me lose my mind well that's not true you
• 1:08:32
  know I worked with a client once and he kept saying constantly and I lost my shit I lost my
• 1:08:37
  shit last week with my kid I'm gonna lose my shit next week when I go and visit my parents as
• 1:08:42
  with that's not actually true about there's a horrible description because you you're not doing
• 1:08:47
  that you wouldn't be walking around in white Levi's if that was really true at least have on a
• 1:08:51
  black pair I hope because that's not true so stocks saying I'm losing my shit and amazingly he
• 1:08:57
  had gut issues because he said it so often that actually his brain had now made it true I would
• 1:09:04
  with a doctor who said you know I'm a doctor and I had this expression I was a lot this is doing
• 1:09:07
  my head and it's a very British expression this is doing my head and I got a tumor and I knew
• 1:09:12
  it's because I said that this is doing my head in this is making me go mad this is driving me crazy
• 1:09:19
  this is getting on my nerves what are you talking about oh my child the one you had IVF for so yeah
• 1:09:26
  had IVF I spent five years trying to have this baby and I kept saying it's driving me crazy I'm
• 1:09:31
  going insane with tiredness no you're not you are tired little baby then say a little for that long
• 1:09:38
  and if you go to sleep when they sleep you'll be just fine stop ironing their clothes and their
• 1:09:42
  sheets no one cares about that stuff so you're creating this self-repector you say you're insane with
• 1:09:49
  tiredness you're going out of your mind and the truth is you've got a newborn baby you've got
• 1:09:54
  someone else's fantasy dream come true so here's a good thing to do if you have a problem as
• 1:09:59
  as this question this is someone's fantasy having a newborn baby they go yeah it's my I've been
• 1:10:05
  trying to have a baby for years I never had I'd love that fantasy with someone in the world go hey
• 1:10:09
  I'd love your problem driving on the freeway and traffic to a job where you get paid I would love
• 1:10:15
  that problem your husband leaves his pants on the phone I'd love that problem your kids some is
• 1:10:20
  peanut butter all over your stainless steel fridge one day they've gone and you're long for them
• 1:10:25
  come back and do all over again so ask yourself two questions is this problem someone's fantasy
• 1:10:30
  dream come true with someone love my problem when I have loved this problem 10 years ago and if
• 1:10:35
  the answer is yes it's really not a problem if you'll sell my kids in my bed well they won't be in
• 1:10:40
  another 15 years they've been someone else's bed and you wonder where they were and you'll be
• 1:10:44
  love those days and they're in your bed and then you they were safe there's no 17 year old boys
• 1:10:48
  so in their mother's bed maybe two year old a three year old but if your problem isn't permanent
• 1:10:55
  isn't personal isn't all pervasive then it's not really a problem so when you complain about
• 1:10:59
  your kid being in your bed or your kid getting juice stains on the sofa or their bedroom being messy
• 1:11:06
  that's not permanent it's not personal kids are messy and it's not all pervasive because they're not
• 1:11:11
  doing it every minute of the day so again we got to talk ourselves out of these things that we make
• 1:11:18
  so massive tell us about a lie my kid is acting age appropriate that's a much better lie I've got a
• 1:11:25
  kid who won't sleep there's five month old baby that's age appropriate I've got a kid who doesn't
• 1:11:30
  listen to me so you I've got a kid who's arguing with me well that's age appropriate they do
• 1:11:35
  that when they're teenage just because they're learning to have an opinion and thank god they
• 1:11:38
  practice it with you and not someone else so always say this is just age appropriate just age
• 1:11:44
  appropriate behavior and then you're kind of reframing it as normal instead of saying oh my
• 1:11:51
  kid is just a chronic chronically messy chronically untidy even the words you put in front of words
• 1:11:57
  like chronic are always or nightmare or disaster or I've got the you know the worst headache ever
• 1:12:05
  you probably just you have got a headache and you're a bit dehydrated it's not the worst headache
• 1:12:10
  it's not a screaming headache so we always want to minimize the bad stuff and maximize the good
• 1:12:16
  stuff that's how we win at life your words shape your reality and if you look at your words and you
• 1:12:22
  say things like oh I've got the worst headache in the world I've got terrible allergies I've got
• 1:12:28
  the most sensitive stomach ever oh my guts never really worked properly you're actually going to
• 1:12:34
  make that real because your body has no choice but to act on yours and if you could look
• 1:12:40
  at inside your body and see what happens when you say chronic stress chronic information chronic
• 1:12:45
  irritable bowel chronic headaches you would never do it because your poor body has zero choice it
• 1:12:52
  must act on the words you choose to use but you have got a choice you can turn that down I'm
• 1:12:58
  an oldie I am tired I'm dehydrated I I need some sleep I need some better food but don't
• 1:13:04
  maximize something you don't want to have and don't call it my my my my grade my stress because my
• 1:13:11
  is an ownership word call it the this is the simplest thing not a permanent job yeah he's I've got
• 1:13:17
  I've got the headache I've got the period pain but it's just a little silly thing I'll be gone soon
• 1:13:23
  you know yesterday I was having some dental work and I'm not flying in the chair thinking this
• 1:13:26
  is just nothing at all nothing at all it's amazing how just saying that so is nothing I could
• 1:13:31
  lie here for three hours because my husband just had him went oh my god it was awful but I say
• 1:13:35
  it's nothing at all nothing I could lie here all day I'm just going on a beach I'm so
• 1:13:40
  totally chilled out and actually it was nothing at all because I told myself that because the way
• 1:13:45
  you feel about everything comes down to two things the pictures you make in your head and the words
• 1:13:52
  you say as you get oh my god thinking a bit needles in my gums the drilling I hate that sound
• 1:13:57
  or you can say it's nothing at all I feel like I'm floating in my swimming pool having I've got
• 1:14:02
  two hours who ever gets two hours of their self I've got two hours in this chair to think about
• 1:14:06
  whatever I like I very rarely get two hours to myself because you can reframe anything and when
• 1:14:13
  you reframe anything and just make it positive it stops doing what you do it becomes who you are
• 1:14:20
  and then it just changes your entire life I love it so reframe everything because that's how
• 1:14:27
  you reframe your life you have such an incredible body of work I'm I'm more personally curious
• 1:14:33
  than anything else out of all the ideas and the wisdom that you've researched and you've written
• 1:14:37
  about what would be one thing that's interested you recently that perhaps you will write another
• 1:14:46
  book about or just incorporate more into the things that you you teach and you help people with
• 1:14:52
  what's what's a new idea well a new idea that I'm implementing is putting out eating the school
• 1:14:57
  system we've suddenly put into so many schools this in a cheerleader the children having their
• 1:15:02
  head that believes in them this ability to tell themselves that they're smart and good and
• 1:15:07
  capable and it's so sweet because I told them go you know my cheerleader he he cheers me on he
• 1:15:13
  tells me stuff when no one else does and to them it's so real so that's always meant the most to
• 1:15:18
  me working with children is you know I think all therapists should have a goal let me put myself
• 1:15:23
  out of business by making next generation not need therapy which is a big goal but my goal has
• 1:15:28
  always been to put myself out of business by getting to the next generation and we're actually doing
• 1:15:33
  that which is a wonderful thing I'm writing two books at the moment one is the rules of your mind
• 1:15:38
  and the other is on this mastery mastery mindset how to master anything at all
• 1:15:46
  but I would say my my heart my passion my biggest joy in life is having been able to get therapy
• 1:15:53
  a type of therapy into this forces which is not education it's building emotional resilience
• 1:15:58
  you know it's not about how smart is my kid is about how emotionally well is my kid you can
• 1:16:04
  know genius is the one to kill themselves I worked as a school where they had 16 kids who
• 1:16:08
  killed themselves and they were really smart but under tremendous pressure so you should not be
• 1:16:14
  asking is is my kid smart is my kid happy are they emotionally strong have they got the bounce back
• 1:16:21
  factor because that's actually more important I know most parents here will say if they have a child
• 1:16:28
  I want to be happy and strong being a genius doesn't mean you're going to be happy there I mean look at
• 1:16:34
  them Kate spade and and I'm trying to Anthony Borden geniuses from up see more Hoffman genius
• 1:16:42
  but they killed themselves who's the other act right he's led your genius but you know she being
• 1:16:49
  a Robin Williams Robin Williams yeah you want emotional resilience far more than genius and here's
• 1:16:55
  the great thing most schools really want to have high grades but if you have if you give children
• 1:17:02
  high self esteem they naturally have higher grades anyways we should a job of a school and a parent
• 1:17:09
  is to raise your kids self as if it no one knows what that looks like or how to do it and that's
• 1:17:14
  what we're doing we're sharing them well this is what it looks like and this is how to do and if
• 1:17:19
  you do this you won't have bullying you won't have kids herself harming you won't have kids
• 1:17:24
  or depressed or anxious but you will have kids academically better because they're emotionally
• 1:17:29
  resilient and they have high self esteem and the word self esteem of course means what both
• 1:17:34
  are hold you in the highest to see is what I think of you but self as in is what I think of me so
• 1:17:39
  nobody else can give you self esteem because it's self-esteem you have to give it to yourself and
• 1:17:45
  we're doing this with four-year-old six-year-olds ten-year-olds and it's just amazing to see
• 1:17:51
  how within a week they're so different because they have some tools that will last for their
• 1:17:56
  whole life high self esteem emotional resilience high self-worths and they know they're good at any
• 1:18:03
  everything just be good at the thing that makes their heart sing after work hard they're
• 1:18:08
  gonna be good at everything how do you think that's gonna impact their life and their career
• 1:18:14
  later on in life down the line I think it's gonna have an amazing event you know I see so many
• 1:18:18
  children now you know most schools now give children iPads and so they're not drawing or writing
• 1:18:25
  they're doing everything on a screen and the screen is very absorbing and children are wired for two
• 1:18:31
  things find connection and avoid rejection and if you spend all your life on a screen you're not
• 1:18:37
  finding connection you're finding rejection because you're disconnected so it impacts children very
• 1:18:43
  well if you can get these children before five they're way less I'd rather use drugs they're
• 1:18:48
  less I'd actually go into gangs a lot of studies so you can get a child before five to have this
• 1:18:52
  emotional wellness they won't join gangs they won't shot left they won't use drugs they won't
• 1:19:00
  self-harm because they have emotional resilience they like themselves they make friends more easily
• 1:19:06
  so it's we're already seeing the difference it's making with all of these kids amazing
• 1:19:12
  um if people want to if people want to connect with you if they want to obviously I can link all
• 1:19:19
  the like all of your past works in the show notes of course but if people want to sort of stay
• 1:19:24
  up to date on the new books you're writing or any of the initiatives that you're taking on where
• 1:19:28
  should they go if you want to find an RTT even better if you want to become an RTT therapist do
• 1:19:34
  what I do no background of therapies required go to RTT.com to either learn how to train with me or
• 1:19:39
  to find someone to help me was already trained with me if you'd like some free
• 1:19:44
  audios on money blocks love blocks health blocks or success blocks go to marisapir.com they're all
• 1:19:51
  completely free to marisapir.com or RTT.com to find out anything you need to know and if you want
• 1:19:58
  our program to go into your school system again write to marisapir.com and we'll give it to you
• 1:20:04
  completely free really okay amazing so well our initial children's program we would you
• 1:20:11
  year long programs down the school does pay but we have shorter programs for people who are in
• 1:20:16
  little league or childminders the fighter recommends they're completely free very amazing so I'll
• 1:20:21
  link those below um of course now I really appreciate you coming on the last question um and
• 1:20:27
  and I feel like I mean you're you're a wealth of knowledge we could probably go forever and
• 1:20:32
  you know I'll say whenever you write your next book please come back and we'll
• 1:20:35
  we'll have a conversation about that next watch coming in April so not too far away
• 1:20:40
  no not far at all okay perfect okay so we'll set it up um the last question I always ask
• 1:20:47
  because again you've had an incredible life you put it a great body of work if you go back and
• 1:20:51
  tell your 20 year old self one piece of wisdom or one piece of advice what would it be
• 1:20:56
  there would be two things that would we tell yourself you're enough and don't look
• 1:21:01
  for the people to love you love you when I was 20 I was so busy trying to make this guy love me
• 1:21:05
  and you did love me but I was so damaged I just ruined it all so I would say to myself don't
• 1:21:12
  give someone else a job of loving you love yourself don't don't give that away
• 1:21:18
  love yourself and know you're enough because love isn't to be earned or chased or worked
• 1:21:23
  with just to be enjoyed