Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S2 Ep19: The Queen of Mansplaining 🤣

Transcript

S2 Ep19: The Queen of Mansplaining 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Hey! Hi, how are you guys?
0:04
SPEAKER_01: How's it going?
0:06
SPEAKER_01: Good?
0:06
SPEAKER_01: Good.
0:07
SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm Casey.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: I want to start with a song today.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: Is that okay?
0:12
SPEAKER_01: I I'm Native American and we have our version of the famous Woody Gothree song you might know.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: Our version goes, This land is my land.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: You get it.
0:30
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm kidding.
0:30
SPEAKER_01: Relax.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm just kidding.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm not Native American.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm just Asian.
0:37
SPEAKER_01: You know we're sneaky like that.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: I am Asian.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: I have to come out as Asian all the time, you know, because I look like Dora.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: Which is really convenient because during the pandemic, I was just living as a Hispanic woman.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: Because everyone was like the Asian virus.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: I was like, aye, aye, aye.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: See?
0:59
SPEAKER_01: I have social anxiety.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: Woo-hoo.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: I do have social anxiety, and one of my friends was like, you know what really helps is if you talk to the crowd and then just whatever they say, just say the first thing that pops into your head.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: Um so I'm gonna I'm gonna try with you, okay?
1:11
SPEAKER_01: Um what do you what do you do for work?
1:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh I work in social media.
1:15
SPEAKER_01: God, I hope she likes me.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: That's all I'm thinking all day.
1:21
SPEAKER_01: I do have uh my friend was like, you know what really helps is if you talk about your day.
1:25
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna uh I I just got in today, I came to LA today, and uh I went to a bar as soon as I came in, and I went to the bathroom at the bar, and it was one of those bathrooms with like no mirrors, you know, uh, because they're like women are beautiful no matter what.
1:39
SPEAKER_01: And I took a huge shit in that bathroom, and it was one of those where I was like, I'm gonna need to see a mirror.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: Because I think I look different.
1:53
SPEAKER_01: This is not the same girl who locked in, okay?
1:56
SPEAKER_01: So I'm feeling good.
1:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm feeling light.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: Uh I do have social anxiety.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm in therapy.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: Is anyone in therapy?
2:04
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, just women.
2:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh that's perfect because men don't need it, you know?
2:09
SPEAKER_01: You're my perfect boys, don't go.
2:11
SPEAKER_01: Uh how long have you been in therapy?
2:14
unknown: Uh four years.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: Four years?
2:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so it's like a real problem.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Uh no, I've been going for a year.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm almost done.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: Um I am so good, dude.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: I actually started therapy because of some of my guy friends.
2:27
SPEAKER_01: I was hanging out with a bunch of male comics outside a comedy club, and one of them walked up to me and he was like, Casey, you're just like us.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: You got that dog in you.
2:36
SPEAKER_01: It's like I have to go to therapy.
2:39
SPEAKER_01: I can't have that dog in me.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: What?
2:42
SPEAKER_01: Because men are great, but you don't want a group of guys to think you're a cool girl, you know?
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Because that means you're dangerously close to being a bad person.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
2:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, men are great, but in a group they're a problem.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: Right?
2:56
SPEAKER_01: Like individually, a guy can just be a history buff, but in a group, they did World War II.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: So you can't forget about that, you know?
3:05
SPEAKER_01: No, I love men.
3:06
SPEAKER_01: I love men.
3:06
SPEAKER_01: So my favorite US presidents are men.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: I love them.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: They're so good.
3:12
SPEAKER_01: I am in therapy.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: I told my parents that I go to therapy, and my parents were like, Why are you in therapy?
3:17
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh, do you two remember?
3:25
SPEAKER_01: When I was a kid and you guys raised me, uh you were there.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: I mean, not emotionally.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh no, my parents are great.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: I hang out with my dad a lot, not because we're close, we just have a mutual friend in common, my mom.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh so we hang, you know.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: My dad is incredible.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: He always talks to me like we're two strangers who met at a party and there's a lull in the conversation, you know.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: He's always like, So, how old are you?
3:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, don't worry about it, it's my birthday party.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: Uh I grew up in Nepal.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: Uh, if you guys don't know where Nepal is, you can ask any white dude with dreads, he'll tell you.
4:04
SPEAKER_01: He knows where it is.
4:05
SPEAKER_01: I grew up in Nepal.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: I went to an all-girl Catholic boarding school in Nepal for seven years.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which is a school full of Hindu children and super Catholic nuns.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: And the nuns would always be like, you know, Jesus wants you to act like this.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: And we were all like, Who the fuck is Jesus?
4:22
SPEAKER_01: They never told us, dude.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: I thought he was the principal for like seven years.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: I was like, that guy's mad at us.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: Whenever you tell people that you went to an all-girl Catholic school, they always have these like lesbian questions, you know?
4:35
SPEAKER_00: They're always like, ha ha ha ha ha.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: Which one of your friends was the best at?
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: Which is such a dumb question because it's obviously the nuns.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: They have years of experience, you know.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm just a kid.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: Uh my mom grew up in Nepal.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: She grew up in like poverty in Nepal, and the moment she moved to America, she turned into like this born-again rich lady, you know.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, she told us the other day that she no longer wants to buy shampoo with ingredients she can't pronounce.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, um, first of all, it's not pronounced shampoo.
5:14
SPEAKER_01: So I guess you'll be using so bitch.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: No, my mom's really sweet.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: Uh she's passive aggressive.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: Uh she's really passive aggressive.
5:23
SPEAKER_01: She's really into like yoga and meditation, and she was telling us to meditate with her the other day, and I was like, okay.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, okay, close your eyes.
5:29
SPEAKER_01: So I close my eyes, and she's like, take a deep breath, and I'm breathing.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: And then she goes, try not to think about all your past mistakes and what you have yet to accomplish in your future.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I wasn't.
5:44
SPEAKER_01: Are you mad at me?
5:47
SPEAKER_01: I I don't want to get political, but here's how I think the election should have ended.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: Okay, hear me out.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: One of those two guys should have won, I don't care which one.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: And he's on stage, he's giving his little acceptance speech, and a guy with a knife runs up on stage and cuts him, and then we find out he was cake this whole time.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't that be the perfect end?
6:14
SPEAKER_01: I I'm I'm getting older, you know, my sister's like 31, and my parents really want us to start a family.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but I don't want a family because a family is a pyramid scheme.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: My parents are always like, okay, we are two people, and we made you two people.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: Now go out there and get two more people so you can make two more people.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I'm fine, I already bought Bitcoin.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't have kids.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: I have friends who have kids.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: I have a friend who's like a stay-at-home wine mom, you know, like a concerning amount of wine art on the walls.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh and she was telling me the other day that being a mom is the hardest job in the world.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, of course, you know, like anything's hard if you're drunk for it.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: She's like, sometimes it's like there's two of them.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you have blurred vision.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: You're fucking hammered.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: I don't have kids, I have a dog, and I like to compare my dog to my friend's kids, you know, because it pisses them off.
7:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, like my friend was talking about her son the other day.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: She's like, Ryan's such a fussy eater.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: He's such a fussy eater.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: I was like, not my son.
7:22
SPEAKER_01: My son has this policy where one man's feces is another man's Reese's feces.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: Uh can you believe I wrote that down on a notebook?
7:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh she was telling me that her nipples are raw from breastfeeding.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: I was like, yeah, you should see when they have canine teeth.
7:40
SPEAKER_01: I don't do that.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: I don't do that.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: I just put peanut butter on my toes and let him go to town.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: Uh because it's fun, you know.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: My dog is very cute.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: We adopted him, he's really cute.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but I think he would look cuter with makeup on him.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: But it's really hard to find makeup that's been tested on animals.
7:59
SPEAKER_01: Have you guys run into this problem?
8:01
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what the problem is with animal testing makeup.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: Because if you think about it, it's a guy with a science degree on a lab coat just putting mascaras on bunnies all day.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: That's all he does, and everyone's mad, you know, and the bunnies like, I have never looked sexier.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: My sister also adopted a dog during the pandemic.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: I think she got hers from Rikers.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: Um because he is jacked, okay?
8:23
SPEAKER_01: He's fucking huge.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: And she's always like, Don't be scared of him.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, how come one of his toys has a gun with a serial number scratched off?
8:30
SPEAKER_01: Where did he get that?
8:31
SPEAKER_01: You know?
8:32
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to tell you guys what breed my sister's pit bull is.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: Because people are sensitive by pit bulls, you know?
8:38
SPEAKER_01: Like my sister was telling me that pit bulls are really gentle animals.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: And I looked it up, and apparently they were bred to be nanny dogs for kids.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: Did you guys know that?
8:46
SPEAKER_01: They were bred as nanny dogs for kids, yeah.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: That's how desperate women were before Roe v.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: Wade.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: It's not an abortion joke, it's murder.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: That's how we know it's different, you know?
9:06
SPEAKER_01: I have I don't have kids.
9:07
SPEAKER_01: I have two nieces, and uh, one's like three, the other's like five, and I had to babysit my nieces the other day, and their mom told them never to get undressed in front of another adult, and I had to take them to the pool.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if you've ever tried to convince a kid that you're not a pedophile, but everything you say sounds like you're a pedophile.
9:27
SPEAKER_01: Like the whole time I was like, we're not going to the pool unless you take your pants off.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh my god, I don't have.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: I was so hurt though, because I was like, You've known me your whole life, and you think I could be a pedophile?
9:40
SPEAKER_01: And one of them's like, Aunt Casey, we don't think you're a pedophile.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Okay, then take your pants off.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: They eventually got in their bathing suits, and I was like, see, you're worried about nothing.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: You're not even hot.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: Or not, they're kids.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: I just moved in with my boyfriend.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: Has anyone else made like a huge mistake recently?
10:03
SPEAKER_01: It's awful.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: We fight all the time, okay?
10:05
SPEAKER_01: And we fight about like the dumbest things, you know?
10:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh like the other day we got into an argument because he looked at me and he was like, You are so beautiful.
10:14
SPEAKER_01: Has anyone ever told you that?
10:18
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I'm 29 years old.
10:20
SPEAKER_01: Why would no one ever have told me that?
10:24
SPEAKER_01: What do you think?
10:24
SPEAKER_01: You're some quirky guy who likes an ugly bitch, dude.
10:30
SPEAKER_01: You think I've never been added on Facebook by an older Indian man?
10:38
SPEAKER_01: My boyfriend's dumb.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: He's really dumb.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: I sent him, I sent him a nude the other day, and I used to not send nudes to guys, you know, because I thought they would like share it and it would ruin my career, and now my career is finally at a place where I think anything would help.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, please send it to a producer, you know.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: I sent him a nude and I was like, so what are you up to now?
10:57
SPEAKER_01: And he goes, I have to edit something tonight, so I'm working on that.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: Devastating.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you know this, but the only good response to a nude should sound like you're in a black and white cartoon, okay?
11:09
SPEAKER_01: It's gotta be like, oh, god.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: I read an article recently about this monk who lived in a monastery his whole life.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: He was like 83, he lived and died in this monastery.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: They said he'd never seen the outside world, he'd never seen a car, he'd like never seen a cell phone.
11:26
SPEAKER_01: They said when he died, he had never met a woman before.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: Can you imagine that?
11:31
SPEAKER_01: Never met a woman before.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: And I think even that guy, if he got a text, would know not to say, I have to edit something tonight.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: Can't get over it.
11:43
SPEAKER_01: He has six sisters.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: That's right, I'm dating a hamster.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: He has six sisters, which makes him like really respectful and empathetic and um incapable of choking me until I climax.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: He can't do it.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: I asked him to choke me in bed the other day, and he goes, that makes me uncomfortable.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: And it's so hard to look at someone you care about and tell them that them being uncomfortable is what gets you off.
12:08
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like forget the choking.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: You can give a public speech if you want to.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: We had to come up with a safe word recently, not for like sex stuff, it's just because I don't want to get tickled to the point of a breakup.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: Uh so I came up with a safe word, and he came up with his own safe word, and then he immediately forgot his safe word.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: So now I can do whatever I want to him.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: And I do, I do.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: The other day I put a penny up his butthole.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: Uh and then I cranked his penis to see if like a memory penny would come up.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: And it did, it did, it just said help.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Uh he's like, I can't help you, you don't know your safe word.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: He was like, Do you think I could get a new safe word?
12:50
SPEAKER_01: But it's kind of like how you need to know your old password to get a new password.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: So no.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: He's in therapy.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: Uh his therapist name is Cheryl, we hate her.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: Uh Cheryl's a huge bitch.
13:05
SPEAKER_01: We were in an argument the other day, and I was like, You're gaslighting me, because he was doing this thing where he was starting to win.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: I was like, You're gaslighting me because whoever says that first wins, you know?
13:18
SPEAKER_01: And he goes, that's not what gaslighting means.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: I was like, who the fuck told you what gaslighting means?
13:25
SPEAKER_01: Cheryl, that bitch.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: Men shouldn't be using the word gaslighting.
13:31
SPEAKER_01: Men shouldn't be winning arguments.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: Because the minute a man wins an argument, that's an abusive relationship.
13:39
SPEAKER_01: You need to get out of there.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: I know this sounds toxic.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I know, I know.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm just trying to get him mad enough to finally choke me.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: Um I just want him to get there, you know?
13:51
SPEAKER_01: I do love him.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I don't think I can be single again.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: I was single in New York for a year, and I was, um, I was, how do you say this?
13:57
SPEAKER_01: I was whoring around town.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: Is that how you say that?
14:01
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: I was hooking up with a younger guy, which is so fun.
14:04
SPEAKER_01: It's so fun.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: We'd have like apple turnovers and soda for breakfast, you know.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm not like his other mom, you know, I'm like a cool mom.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: Uh no, I make him sound really young.
14:14
SPEAKER_01: He was like 25.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and I say like 25 because he's 24.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: Uh unless you guys are cool.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: He's 22.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: But age is just a number, you know, and the number is 20.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: It's fine, it's fine.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: It's not in front of dating, you know.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm just trying to raise him right.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh just want him to be a good man, you know.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: Dating men is kind of funny, right?
14:38
SPEAKER_01: Because men, I I dated women for a while too, and dating men's different because women on dates, they're really good at like asking questions, you know.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: And men on dates are really good at answering questions nobody fucking asked.
14:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, they love explaining things to you.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: They love it.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: And I love it too.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: I love mansplaining.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: I think I'd be lost in this world without mansplaining, you know.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: I certainly wouldn't know the plot to any of the John Wake movies.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: Um I love mansplaining.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: I like to think of mansplaining as a little bit of me time.
15:10
SPEAKER_01: You know, just a second to breathe.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: Like I do this thing with my boyfriend where from time to time I'll be like, so babe, how come no one ever wins a land war against Russia?
15:22
SPEAKER_01: And just zone out for 30 minutes.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: You can have 45 if you ask for sources.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: Uh I love telling that joke because there are men in this room right now who want to explain that to me so bad.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: I take self-defense classes because, you know, because men uh exist.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: And uh I take self-defense classes actually because I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: You guys listen to true crime?
15:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Women love true crime.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: We love getting murdered and then talking about it.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: Uh I love a true crime podcast.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: If you haven't heard one, every single one of them is about like the most heinous crime, right?
15:58
SPEAKER_01: Like a brutal murder.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and then in the middle of it, they still have to sell you things.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: So they'll be like, yeah, she got attacked, but at least it was on a Helix mattress.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: Use our code beheaded.
16:14
SPEAKER_01: That's your code.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: I am taking self-defense classes, and I'm starting to realize that self-defense classes for women are actually just choreography classes.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: Uh, because my teacher's always like, okay, the attack's gonna come from the left, and this is what you do.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, what if it comes from the right?
16:33
SPEAKER_01: And he's like, I don't know.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: I guess you just take it, you know?
16:38
SPEAKER_01: He's insane.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: He told us the most important thing to do while you're getting attacked is to maintain the element of surprise.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm supposed to surprise the guy who's attacking me.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't know.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: He's been planning this.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm just walking on the subway, so I don't know how to turn this into an anniversary dinner for us.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: How would I even surprise him?
16:58
SPEAKER_01: Like, the only thing I could think to do is he comes over to attack me and I'm like, I'm pregnant and it's yours.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: Um or he comes over to attack me and I'm like, you're not gonna rape me, I'm gonna rape you, motherfucker.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: Surprise.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: Myself to his teacher's insane.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: He told us that he's the most qualified person in New York to teach this class.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, okay, um, how many women in New York have you attacked?
17:27
SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about?
17:28
SPEAKER_01: I feel like the final for this class is gonna be us having to escape him.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh and we can't because he knows all our moves, and you know he's gonna attack from the right.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: So we're fucked.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: I used to be a teacher, so don't send your kids to public school.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: Uh I was I was a teacher.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: I taught English as a second language to kids who are new to the country.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: And we had to have an intruder drill.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: Do you guys know what that is?
17:55
SPEAKER_01: Don't clap, it's too early.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: Uh do you guys know what an intruder drill is?
18:00
SPEAKER_01: It's when you have to act like there's a gunman in the building and you have to tell the kids to be quiet and get under the tables.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: And I was giving them all these instructions, and none of them understood any of it.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: And then one of them walked up to me and was like, Miss Casey, is it ice?
18:15
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh my god, that's so sad that you think ice would come get you from the school.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, but also I needed them to be quiet and get under the table.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: So I was like, it is ice, get under the table and shut the fuck up.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: What do you want me to do if it's ice?
18:32
SPEAKER_01: They're here for me.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: I taught at a pretty rough neighborhood, and we used to have to give kids these like talks on how to not join gangs, you know?
18:42
SPEAKER_01: And we I gave I gave them one of these talks, and one of my kids was like, hey, so if someone asks me to join a gang, I'll just say Miss Casey said no.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, if someone asks you to join a gang, you keep my name out of your fucking mouth.
18:57
SPEAKER_01: You tell them someone else said that.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: I really love teaching.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: I taught middle school, which is when they're still fun.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: It's like high school when they get fucked up, you know?
19:06
SPEAKER_01: And our middle school was attached to this high school, and I was on bus duty one day, and this kid from the high school walked up to me and he was like, damn, you're looking good today.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, dude, I'm a teacher.
19:17
SPEAKER_01: And he said, You're not my teacher.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: So I'm thought he made a great point.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: You know, not a teacher anymore, uh not even allowed near a school, actually.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: What should we talk about next?
19:34
SPEAKER_01: 9-11?
19:35
SPEAKER_01: No.
19:36
SPEAKER_01: No, I wasn't here for 9-11.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh not in like a suspicious way.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: I said that like I needed an alibi.
19:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, no, I was just in a different country.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: And when I moved here, I moved to Georgia.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: And every September, people in Georgia would try to tell me their 9-11 stories.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, but in Georgia, no one has a good 9-11 story, you know?
19:55
SPEAKER_01: Like everyone's story was like I was in a classroom and someone told us.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: That's not a good story.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: The president was in a classroom and someone told him.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: The only person I know with a good 9-11 story is my friend, she has IBS.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: Uh and she said she was in first grade and she went to the bathroom to go take a shade.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: And when she came back, everyone in the class was crying, and she thought they heard her.
20:29
SPEAKER_01: And they did, they did, and then 9-11 happened 10 minutes later.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: So I was like, that's a good 9-11 story.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: Alright, you guys have been fun.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm Casey.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.