Latest / She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ / Letters of Comfort, Hope, and Peace for Women Facing a Life-Changing Illness with Ronda Barney

Transcript

Letters of Comfort, Hope, and Peace for Women Facing a Life-Changing Illness with Ronda Barney · She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ

0:02
Hi listeners, welcome to the. She speaks live podcast a weekly
0:07
encouragement where we share our God's stories.
0:10
I'm your host. Jamie Elizabeth and I am so glad
0:14
you are spending time with us today to listen.
0:20
Hey, welcome back to she speaks life.
0:23
I am so excited to have with me. Rhonda Barney.
0:28
Rhonda is the author behind the book called dear, Susan, letters
0:33
of comfort, hope and peace for women.
0:36
Facing a life-changing illness and we are here to talk about
0:42
Rhonda's own health journey and how this amazing book came
0:46
about. Hi Rhonda, welcome.
0:50
It's so great to be here. I knew you.
0:53
Yes. I'm so excited.
0:55
I just been diving into this book and is just so amazing to
1:01
see the hand of God, on every page and the things you are
1:05
going through and your own life altering illness.
1:10
And how you can see God working even through the suffering, and
1:17
the pain and how How you touched on really every feeling and
1:23
emotion that we go through when something like that, rocks our
1:28
world. So I really love the concept of
1:31
this book and how it's a compilation of letters written
1:35
to a woman named Susan. And it's to provide tangible
1:39
ways to process feelings and fears that come with that a
1:45
life-altering illness. And so, let's hear how God
1:50
brought you through your own health journey and how he began
1:54
this message of Hope to you. Wow.
1:57
There's so much to unpack here. I'm so excited to yeah, so, you
2:03
know, in the beginning when I started seeing that my health,
2:09
I'd always been. So so healthy just incredibly
2:12
healthy and so blessed and that way.
2:14
And when I started seeing holes in the fact that like guy, I
2:20
start to see my health decline, it really it changed the way
2:24
that I lived my day-to-day and it gave me empathy and eyes to
2:29
see people that I've never seen before, because I was one of
2:33
them, and I remember stopping and thinking, I don't know how
2:37
to live this way. I don't like, I know how to
2:40
live, you know, spinning like a top, and just putting out all of
2:45
the fires of the today and doing all the things we do as women,
2:49
but I don't know. How to live with a body that
2:51
won't cooperate and when I can't show up in the world as a wife
2:55
and a mother and a friend as an employee the way that I used to.
3:00
And so it really was the beginning of starting a brand
3:04
new journey of knowing how to live.
3:06
And I have to tell you, as I look back, I'm real.
3:10
I realize that that Journey actually taught me the way that
3:16
I want to live now, even though I've regained my health and I,
3:19
you know, eyes are so much better.
3:21
There's all of those lessons that I learned along the way and
3:24
all the emotions that I experienced and all that
3:26
suffering. There are things that came out
3:30
of it. That really have that enrich my
3:33
life to this day and I don't want to ever let you know lose
3:37
those lessons. Yeah.
3:38
Absolutely. Hmm.
3:40
Wow, what? Exactly did happen to your
3:44
physical health if you don't mind sharing?
3:47
Yeah, not at all. It was a complicated.
3:50
To Journey. My I was 34 when my son had just
3:56
been my first baby had just been born.
3:59
And you know, at the age of 34, by the way, I had always.
4:03
I'd always hoped I could be a mom and that that would happen
4:05
for me. And finally the age of 34, when
4:09
you know, you're holding your first child.
4:11
It was really just weeks after that, that I was given a
4:14
diagnosis that if not treated would be potentially fatal and
4:19
it just I guess for the first time, my morality or mortality
4:23
was right in front of me and at the time when you have so much
4:27
you want to live for and so many reasons you want to live and I
4:31
remember literally I have to tell you.
4:34
I just, I remember laying on my bedroom floor and just crying
4:38
and asking, God for healing, and please let me raise his child.
4:42
Please. Let me, you know, complete this
4:45
journey of motherhood and we were able To go through
4:51
treatments and I was able to come out on the other side and
4:56
remission and healed, and it was just glorious.
4:59
I even had another dot. I have a daughter as well, and
5:03
but as far as my health journey, I thought at that point, it's
5:07
over. That was like a blip on the
5:08
screen. I made it through that crisis.
5:12
Thank you, God. And we were just celebrating and
5:15
rejoicing. And but what happened for me was
5:18
the treatments. They knocked out my immune
5:21
system in a way that my immune system never completely
5:24
recovered. And So, within a few years
5:29
little by little different infections and dings took hold.
5:35
And I like to say, I was a, I was an infectious disease
5:40
nightmare. Really.
5:41
I mean, I had seven surgeries and seven years.
5:44
I had bone infection. I had viral infections,
5:48
bacterial infections. Had Lyme disease.
5:51
There was there are so many things that had to be just
5:54
completely sorted out and it took years to get me back on my
6:00
feet years. And during that time.
6:04
My kids were really little so it was, it was quite the Journey of
6:08
motherhood fighting to get back to what I considered my Norm,
6:13
you know, yeah. Yeah.
6:16
Yeah, that's hard and especially when we have Littles.
6:20
I mean, we're like the one person doing everything.
6:24
I mean, at least it was like in my marriage, you know, my my
6:28
husband had full-time job and I was Mommy and it was a lot of
6:35
activity and doing and being that one source that they leaned
6:41
into to do all the things that you need to do when they're that
6:45
little. So I just can't imagine.
6:49
Wow. So you started to kind of go
6:53
through, you know, the challenges of your health.
6:57
And so when did it start where you began to be?
7:04
I guess encouraged to start writing these letters of Hope
7:09
and encouragement. I mean did it start out where
7:12
you're just writing it to yourself and then you know,
7:15
Susan came to mind a name, take us through the the Process of
7:20
that. Absolutely.
7:22
I actually one day I was I had driven to a Christian bookstore
7:28
and I well in just before that I you know, I'm a journaler.
7:32
I wouldn't, you know, I've never considered myself like a writer
7:35
but I Journal. That's just part of my practice
7:38
of prayer and me too. It's getting my own emotions
7:43
out. Yeah.
7:44
I'm like one of these people when I'm pray.
7:46
It's like squirrel, squirrel, you do.
7:48
So if I can. Right here.
7:50
Really? Yes, if I can write it, then
7:54
it's in front of me and it's just a really cool way for me to
7:58
listen and just a part of my heart to God.
8:01
So, yeah, that's that's just part of my practice.
8:04
But with that said, I one day I went to the Christian bookstore
8:11
and after this long journey with illness and I'm standing in one
8:16
of the aisles looking for a buck and all of a sudden.
8:19
Deny over here this conversation where this woman literally is
8:24
you just her voice is so distressed and it just caught my
8:27
attention. And she said, she said, I'm
8:31
looking for a book. She's talking to a clerk and she
8:33
was asking for a book and she said I'm looking for a book
8:36
because my very best friend is going in for a bone marrow
8:39
transplant. Next week, and she will be in
8:42
isolation for 30 days and no one can go see her.
8:46
So I it so because I can't go see her.
8:49
I want to send a book that would just bring her comfort and peace
8:54
during that time. And I remember the clerk looking
8:58
her at her, in the eye, with this just Blank Stare and he
9:03
really was thinking and he wanted to help, but there was
9:06
just he just said, I can't think of anything.
9:09
And I remember thinking, okay. I'm the therapist.
9:13
I've had my own Journey with illness.
9:17
What would I recommend? And, you know, I Could think of
9:20
a few devotionals. But there was nothing that I
9:22
could think of, in that store that would speak to a woman who
9:26
was facing a bone marrow transplant.
9:29
And incidentally, I as a dietitian had worked in a bone
9:33
marrow transplant before. And so I remember the smells I
9:37
knew what this woman was going to go through and so it just
9:41
really grabbed my heart to think about this woman and I remember
9:48
walking out of made my purchase walk down to the bookstore.
9:51
And as I was driving home, I just I was thinking about,
9:55
again, this woman, go into the transplant and I was just like,
10:00
there should be a book. There should be a book that you
10:04
can go by. If your friend is facing any
10:08
kind of illness. It doesn't have to be something
10:10
that extreme. And and I just really felt like
10:13
God was like, well, then why don't you write it like this?
10:15
Just this feeling in my heart. And in this knowing.
10:20
And I remember thinking because I don't know where to start
10:25
writing a book and so, I'm just not your girl kind of thing.
10:28
And I went home and he's like, yes, you are my girl.
10:34
I love it when we go know, he's like, yeah.
10:36
Yes. Yeah.
10:37
Yes. Oh, yes.
10:39
So yeah. That was the summer 2017 and
10:42
it's, I don't know if you've ever had this experience, but I
10:45
just couldn't get the question out of my heart.
10:47
I just just couldn't get it out of my mind.
10:48
And finally a year later this summer of 2018.
10:53
It was almost like, okay, I'll do it.
10:56
If you'll just, you know, yeah, I'll do it.
10:59
I've basically, I'll do it to kind of show you that I don't
11:01
know what I'm doing, but I will be obedient here.
11:03
And so I remember grabbing my journal because that's what I'm
11:07
familiar with writing in and I love the good old-fashioned,
11:11
right, you know, with pen and paper.
11:13
So I headed to the backyard and I just started writing.
11:17
And I thought, if I was going to talk to this woman, what would I
11:21
say to her? And so she was very much in my
11:24
mind as I was writing and I couldn't help, but take from my
11:29
own experience with illness and I guess, being a therapist.
11:33
I've wanted to just provide a space for her emotional and
11:37
spiritual journey through this, you know, process and and we
11:42
know that there's also a connection between mind and
11:44
body. And so if as we're Going through
11:47
something that traumatic if we're able to express those
11:50
emotions and able to find a place of peace or comfort.
11:55
Then it's actually takes a burden off the body and the body
12:01
is more likely to heal. And so I just wanted to provide
12:05
a space for her to and give her language to express what she
12:10
might be feeling. And so I thought well, the best
12:14
way to talk to her directly as to write her a letter and And so
12:18
it started out just writing a letter and then I would think
12:24
okay if you're going to write a letter, you have to have a name
12:27
and so I just started praying, I'd give me a name and the name.
12:30
Susan, just kept coming to me. And so I thought well that's as
12:34
good as any. And so I wrote dear Susan and
12:39
and then each letter I found just ended up having its own
12:44
emotional theme and so Like one letter.
12:48
The first letter is today, you feel like you're a burden to
12:50
your family or another letter might be about feeling like
12:55
you're a failure or another. One might be about grief and as
13:04
as I was writing was interesting because it really was cathartic.
13:07
I have to have to tell you every letter had tears over the whole
13:13
letter. It was I was yeah, I was writing
13:18
it out of the deep deep knowing and just again, just wanting to
13:25
provide that space. I'm not fixing it.
13:27
I've not, and I really didn't want there to be any like, you
13:32
know, how often people not, not meaning to, but they can say the
13:36
darndest things. Sometimes when people are going
13:39
through something like this and they can just say things that
13:42
aren't helpful. And so what I really was trying
13:44
to do was not give Pat answers, not give things that in our
13:50
Christian terminology, sometimes that you know, but something
13:55
that's real and just provide a space for them to feel and for
13:58
them to truly be able to pour that out to God and and
14:02
hopefully to be able to pour that out to their family and
14:05
their community and have a place where they're known and seen and
14:09
heard and give them language to do that.
14:11
So that was as I was writing it that was sort of what was going.
14:16
Through my mind and what sort of developed over time and this
14:21
woman said she was going to be in the transplant for 30 days.
14:24
I decided to a minimum of thirty letters and there are 39 letters
14:29
in the book. So yeah, that's how the book
14:32
developed their beautiful. I could tell everything that you
14:37
wrote. You were experiencing yourself
14:40
and seeing God Hand in every word.
14:46
That you wrote I couldn't help but highlights everywhere, that
14:51
really spoke volumes and I love in the beginning.
14:56
So I'm kind of going to go through and pull out some of the
14:59
things in your book because I really want the listener to
15:05
really get a taste of what this is.
15:07
Like, I love how you started out in the beginning of, I know what
15:11
it is to feel, and you just went into all the different.
15:16
Ways that you are feeling and experiencing and it kind of sets
15:22
you up for what those feelings are going to be.
15:26
And because the next one, you wrote in the top of this letter
15:33
was you are not a burden and then it says Dear Susan.
15:38
And you're writing the letter of why we are a burden.
15:42
And so bear with me because Cuz I've got some highlights and I
15:48
may be long but I just thought oh my gosh, I have to voice this
15:52
on here. It says friend, you are worthy
15:56
of healing and love your view of yourself.
15:59
In the equation is so important. Thank your caregivers as the
16:03
hands and feet of Love. Allow them to care for you.
16:07
Let them wrap you and compassion and kindness, don't hate or
16:12
despise your need for them. You see the truth.
16:16
Is we are interdependent, and we are walking each other home.
16:21
So beautiful. Yes.
16:22
We need each other. We are all a part of one body.
16:26
The Bible encourages us to Bear each other's burdens and in.
16:30
So doing fulfill the law of Christ.
16:33
What is Christ's law? Love when we allow others to
16:37
serve us, we partake in a beautiful transaction of love.
16:41
You are not a burden. You are loved.
16:44
You are human. And Ins have messy, beautiful
16:47
needs. Allow love to be a bomb that
16:50
heals your body and soul. And you know, I highlighted this
16:55
because I think so many of us whether you're going through a
17:00
life-altering illness or not. We have a hard time allowing
17:04
people to take care of us too. You know, you're like allow the
17:09
caregiver to, you know, pour out to you and it sounds crazy, but
17:15
sometimes we just Just need that permission just to be served
17:19
because, you know, maybe you're a woman that's always feeling
17:22
like, you're serving and you're doing this and you're giving.
17:26
And so I think for us women, sometimes it's hard for us to
17:30
accept, you know, that we need other people in, it's not
17:36
forever, you know, and there's going to be Seasons where we're
17:39
going to need to accept that and I just thought that was so.
17:46
Oil and important to voice. Because I think that is a
17:49
struggle. Yeah.
17:50
I I Echo that. Absolutely, I know and I've
17:54
because I've gone through it myself or I'm like, no, no.
17:57
No, I'm good. But really, you know, you need
18:00
help, you know, you can't wanted a you know, you did something to
18:04
your foot or whatever allow people to take care of you.
18:08
So another one was, do you feel invisible and I pulled this one
18:15
out. Note that I thought was so
18:17
great. I highlighted, I will never
18:20
forget one particularly dark, early morning.
18:24
When I arrived early for a medical appointment, as I sat in
18:28
my car, in the parking lot. I watched hospital, employees
18:31
arrive to begin their shifts. I remembered the days.
18:35
I too walked into a hospital to begin my work day and I cried, I
18:39
cried tears of sadness and loss and I felt invisible.
18:43
It was as if the life I once knew had Been erased and with
18:47
it. I was somehow erased as well.
18:50
Again, you conclude with. Oh, dear friend.
18:53
If you resonate with my words. No, I see you.
18:57
As I write this, I cry with you. And in this moment, my heart
19:01
firmly knows if I can see you. There is also one who sees you
19:05
perfectly. Yes.
19:06
He sees the real, you not just the role you once played, you
19:11
have not disappeared. The Creator.
19:13
Knows your name and every hair on your head.
19:16
Or no longer on your head, You Are Not Invisible.
19:19
My dear friend. May you know this truth today
19:22
you are seen and loved. So so loved and wow, I mean
19:27
going through illness or not. I mean how many of us don't feel
19:32
seen or where, you know, grieving what was once was and
19:37
now it's different and that kind of takes me to, you know, that
19:42
grief part that you shared on page 37.
19:45
About the beach and you know how it got destroyed by a hurricane,
19:53
but they did say, you know, we're still accepting tourists,
19:56
come on, you know, and and still enjoy yourself.
19:59
But when you took your daughter it was not the same Beach as you
20:03
remembered and how you paralleled that with you said,
20:08
yes, my beach has changed but as I have grieved, the loss of what
20:12
was, it has given me room to accept the beauty.
20:16
Of the new. Before me, I walk on a new beach
20:19
and I have found Treasures washed ashore that I did not see
20:23
before I'm going. Wow.
20:25
This is just so beautiful the things that you start out with
20:31
sharing. It's okay to feel this and that
20:34
but then you're always directing it back to the truth and God's
20:40
word and who he is. And so I just I want to say Say,
20:46
you know, thank you for writing this.
20:48
Even if you haven't gone through sickness or something, that
20:53
rocks your world. I just love how I can relate on
20:57
so many different levels on how you wrote this.
21:01
Because, you know, we do live in a broken world, and we need to
21:05
know how to process those feelings, but then not stay
21:08
stuck, but be pointed to the one that gives us the Hope.
21:13
Absolutely. Wow.
21:14
Thank you for sharing. Bring those in trees.
21:16
And I have to tell you is you're reading, like I can just I can
21:19
feel the words. You know, I'm so familiar with
21:22
them and all of the emotions would just come up as you were
21:25
reading and I love hearing what other people, you know,
21:30
highlight or what they take, or what they relate to.
21:34
And I think one of the, one of the really surprising things for
21:38
me because writing, this was very vulnerable.
21:41
It's really raw. It's, this is, this is how I
21:45
Felt this is the grief that I went through, or like you said,
21:49
feeling invisible. Like I had lost myself
21:52
completely and and just with that, but I really found myself
21:58
because how often we as women Ty are worth and our value to what
22:04
we do. And just like, even that first
22:06
letter about being a burden, the I feel like often we tie.
22:11
We only know ourselves through the lens of what we give.
22:16
Not who we are just as being just as a person, you know, and
22:22
when there are times in our life, whether it's illness, or
22:27
any kind of trauma, often, it can rip us to the studs, you
22:31
know, it can take us down to the studs.
22:33
We're, we're just left with us, and I think it's so important
22:38
during that time to know what's that the truth about who we are
22:42
and that were still seen and known and loved and like, You
22:46
said as we go through different phases of our life things change
22:49
and that is part of life. And we are going to go through
22:52
Seasons where our environment may change.
22:55
Our circumstances may change. Our families may change our
22:58
health may change, but who we are and who God has created us
23:03
to be and who he is. Never changes like like are
23:07
worth our value and how much we are loved that is just a
23:11
Cornerstone that we can always stand on and it's Times it's
23:17
being to those things being ripped away is what allows gives
23:20
us eyes to even see hmm to see it, you know, and understand
23:25
that we're loved still loved in that place.
23:28
It's hard. But I yeah, I'm hoping that this
23:31
book will give people a way to express, all those emotions work
23:37
through the loss, work through the pain of it.
23:40
And, and like you said, also, Reframe in a way that they can,
23:47
they can still find. There's so much Hope, Sell and
23:50
that they couldn't find truly. What what is Hope and and how do
23:55
you get through the day? The day when you, because it's
23:58
hard, it's really hard. I mean, trauma and grief, and I
24:02
think so often, especially in the Christian circles.
24:05
There's can be the sense of That emotes like negative emotions
24:10
such as sadness or some of those things are, you know, you need
24:13
more faith or why are you sad, you know, the joy of the Lord is
24:17
your strength? There's so many things that we
24:18
can, like come back at people with and not give them the space
24:22
to to feel all of the hard things and he'll so, yeah.
24:30
Mmm. I love it.
24:31
I know that the soapbox I could go on for a long time that well.
24:35
I know, I love how you. Pretty much covered so much.
24:40
Another one. I just I just can't let like my
24:43
highlights go because I were so good 04.
24:46
It was about failure. And he said, dear friend, when
24:51
we experience pain, I can feel as though someone has to be
24:54
blamed, we seek to understand why the suffering is happening.
24:58
Somehow fix it and not let it happen again.
25:01
Our minds. Try to make sense of it all by
25:03
asking. How did this happen?
25:05
Who is at fault? And it's so true that and then
25:09
you go. The truth is, you are a gift.
25:11
The packaging may look a bit different.
25:13
But as long as you have breath, your life has significance.
25:17
You have so much to offer your family, needs your love, your
25:20
warmth, and your care. They need you.
25:23
They don't need your cooking organizational skills or other
25:27
capabilities. As much as they need, who you
25:30
are as a unique. Individual.
25:33
You are more than what you do. Yes, especially for A woman
25:38
who's a, such a doer? I mean, I'm a little bit about
25:41
Martha, you know, and I tend to bend that way and you got to be
25:47
careful because your significance and your worthiness
25:52
isn't defined by what you do and how much you, you know, serve
25:56
others and do this and even doing for God, you know, like
26:01
God wants us to become with him, you know, not so much to do, but
26:07
Okay, and then you said you my dear friend Are a Human Being
26:11
not a human doing and you continue to create Beauty in
26:15
this world with your very presence, influence impact and
26:18
precious, memories are not measured by strength and action.
26:22
They are created by your love. You have not failed.
26:25
Don't let blame rob you of the gifts.
26:28
You bring give yourself compassion empathy.
26:30
You haven't let them down rather, you lift them up with
26:34
your presence and love and We just got done with Mother's Day.
26:40
Right? Like in the last week here, as
26:43
we're recording Mother's Day was last week and I got the card
26:50
from the kids and I get one card and then they all write down,
26:55
you know, all these loving words to Mom and, you know, that's
27:00
like the best gift ever. I mean, I'd rather have that
27:03
than anything else and when they are.
27:07
Writing, they're all words of, thank you for talking with me.
27:12
Thank you for just being there for me.
27:15
I mean, they don't write thank you for washing the dishes.
27:20
Thank you for doing my laundry. I mean they may stay like you do
27:24
so much, but his always, the Eternal significance.
27:30
Like the things that are going to matter when we get to heaven.
27:34
And I made that just when I was reading that and I'm like, yeah,
27:39
you know, this is just the truth here that it's all about just
27:45
being in the present and how many times we overlooked that or
27:50
don't treat it as special as it really is and as important and
27:55
essential and life as it is. And I just love reading this and
28:00
how you know, you can go back and look at cards and see what
28:05
your loved ones say about you. You and it's all about spending
28:09
time talking with me giving hugs when I was down.
28:14
It's not our yes, activities necessarily our chores that we
28:19
do for our kids. Yes.
28:21
It's like the essence of you and your love.
28:25
That's what they yeah. That's what they were returning
28:28
to you. And saying Mom, this is what I
28:30
see and this is what I value and and I think kids have an amazing
28:35
way of seeing us. I've really they see so much
28:40
right and they they know and we're present.
28:44
They know when we see them. They know.
28:46
And we're listening they know and you know, you don't have to
28:51
to be able to run, you know, a marathon to be able to do that
28:55
for your kids. You can do that from your bed,
28:58
you know, you can I can remember days of just laying on the couch
29:03
and talking and or playing a game with them.
29:07
Them while I was laying down or watching their favorite movie
29:11
with them, but just being interested in what they were
29:14
interested in and giving them my attention and my presence.
29:19
So it's so important, not that all the other things don't have
29:21
to happen, and they do. But right, you know, as you were
29:25
saying that I remember one time I was reading through a bunch of
29:29
blogs. This was about 10 years ago, and
29:32
it was again while I was still dealing with everything and
29:35
reading through some some different blogs.
29:37
Out this, these perfect Pinterest.
29:40
Easter's, that moms were putting together for their children and
29:44
you know, the perfect outfits and the perfect Easter egg hunts
29:47
and all of the things. And I remember sitting there and
29:50
feeling like such a failure because just, you know, girl, a
29:54
girlfriend was buying my kids Easter outfit and I yeah, like I
30:00
didn't have the energy to hide eggs, just all the things and or
30:04
do the perfect meal and I just remember thinking how can there
30:11
are if I'm feeling this way. I know there has to be other
30:14
women out there that are comparing themselves and feeling
30:18
like a failure. Feeling like they are not an
30:22
adequate mom because they don't live up to all the things that
30:26
they are seeing and all the pictures that they are seeing
30:29
and that somehow just being them, whatever that looks like
30:34
is not enough. And I have to Tell you it is
30:37
enough and what you just described about.
30:40
Your Mother's Day card is just Echoes that like just you just
30:46
you being there for your kids is enough.
30:48
So yeah, so true. Yeah, so as you are writing to a
30:54
woman named Susan, which I just love, God gave you that name.
30:58
I love it when we ask him for something, and he gives it to us
31:02
and, you know, it's just sticking to you.
31:05
And I always think like, you know, when something doesn't go
31:08
away and it just steaks and I know it's the Holy Spirit.
31:11
I know it's God speaking and that's just, you know, one of my
31:15
ways. I just know that it is his
31:18
voice. So I love how you said that you
31:23
were introduced to the real Susan.
31:26
So I would love to hear that Revelation from when God gave
31:33
you that word to actually meeting a real woman.
31:36
Named Susan. Yeah.
31:38
Meeting the real Susan, was was just incredible and unexpected.
31:44
Absolutely. Because I had written, like I
31:47
said earlier, I'd written letters and 2018, and it was,
31:54
you know, a wonderful experience, writing those
31:56
letters, but then I wasn't sure how to get them published or,
31:59
and honestly, I don't think I was even quite sure that they
32:03
were meant for the world. I just knew that I had, I had
32:06
Completed, what I was asked to do at that point.
32:10
And so that deer season journals that in my closet, literally for
32:15
two years and then fast forward to 2020.
32:20
And I think we all remember when the world was shutting down from
32:24
covid and all of that and everybody was in quarantine or
32:28
staying, you know, isolated and a friend, a dear friend of mine
32:33
texted me and she said, Hey, I'm Basically canceling, a coffee
32:38
date because we were all, you know, staying in our homes.
32:43
And she said and also I'm going to stay in quarantine because
32:48
one of my dear friends from college was just sent home on
32:52
hospice with the stage for diagnosis, and she said, I want
32:57
to be able to go and relieve her husband, and go and just be with
33:02
her during this time, and I don't know.
33:06
I have to tell you. Just as she was as I'm reading
33:08
these words. She was texting.
33:10
I, you know, I just thought what a gift that you're giving your
33:15
friend to stay in quarantine so that she wouldn't be concerned
33:21
and about, you know, getting sick and so I just texted back
33:26
and said, you know, I wow that is such a gift and I would love
33:31
to pray for your friend. I'm so sorry about her situation
33:34
and she said, yeah, that's Great, her name is Susan and
33:40
when she typed when I saw the word Susan on my screen, I
33:44
literally because my friend didn't know anything about the
33:47
letters. She didn't know I had not shared
33:49
that with her. And so I remember thinking
33:54
immediately, Susan, really. And so I texted back and just
33:58
said you're going to think I'm absolutely in that case, but I
34:02
have this whole like Journal full of letters to a Susan And
34:07
and I just I said I wouldn't pretend to know what she's going
34:11
through. Like I have never been put on
34:13
hospice. I've never been given a stage
34:15
for diagnosis. And so I sort of cheat
34:18
sheepishly like offered them, but I said, you know, if there's
34:22
anything in the letters that would be of some benefit to her.
34:25
I would be happy to share them. And she said, well, let me ask
34:31
you son and literally within days, literally, within days.
34:36
Susan and I were talking over email and Susan was asking me
34:40
for the letters. And so the way it worked was my
34:43
friend Autumn and Autumn is in the book, too.
34:46
You'll read a letter from Autumn.
34:48
So autumn was Autumn Susan and I were on every letter and I would
34:52
just pull a letter out of my journal and edit it and send it
34:56
to Susan over email, and I usually sent them late at night
35:00
because she was having trouble sleeping.
35:02
And so, you're in the middle of the night, she would read a
35:04
letter and I would wake up the next morning to her response and
35:10
I didn't expect a response, but I was just overwhelmed by like,
35:14
you know, going through everything.
35:16
She was going through the fact that That she wanted to
35:18
correspond with me about these letters.
35:20
And she would say, yes. That's how I felt.
35:24
Thank you so much for giving me language or yes.
35:28
You nailed it another time. I remember her saying, like
35:32
basically, you know, I was able to, I could just share this with
35:37
my husband. I didn't have to explain it.
35:39
I could just say, read this. This is, this is how I feel and
35:43
and so I, you know, as we as I shared those letters with her,
35:47
She opened up her own story and her own emotions and how she had
35:52
because this, this was a reoccurring diagnosis.
35:56
Oh, and just one of the, the side notes with that is her
36:00
terminal diagnosis. Came back in 2008.
36:03
Teen, when I was writing the letters, Susan, her cancer
36:07
diagnosis was the terminal diagnosis was given, and then
36:12
for two years. She had been doing everything
36:14
possible to to heal and extend her life.
36:17
Life. And so when I met her, she had,
36:20
they basically had said, I'm sorry.
36:21
There's nothing else we can do. And so it was this really Sacred
36:27
Space of walking with Susan through the last weeks of her
36:30
life and hearing her heart and hearing her story and in somehow
36:36
speaking into it, which is only God.
36:39
And by the end of the summer Susan said, you know, Rhonda,
36:44
She was an ICU nurse and she said, I've seen a lot of death
36:48
and dying and nothing had prepared me for my journey
36:52
through this time of my life. And she said, there's I've never
36:57
read anything quite like it. You have to publish these
37:00
letters. And I remember reading her words
37:03
and literally sitting there and crying and thinking, ultimate
37:08
affirmation of my heart. And what I had felt.
37:11
And then somehow, I was also able to offer / affirmation for
37:15
her journey as well. And and I said, okay, I will I
37:21
will publish them. If you'll do me, if you'll
37:23
promise me one thing and she said, but I said you have to
37:26
write the forward and so she did in her last week's of life.
37:30
She wrote that forward and which again she was just an
37:33
extraordinary person, you know on her deathbed.
37:35
She's writing a forward for a buck.
37:37
And and so as you open that book her words are the first words
37:42
that you read. And she talks about what the
37:45
letters meant to her and a little bit about her journey.
37:48
Yeah, it's beautiful. I mean, it's amazing.
37:52
Wow. What a great story.
37:54
Okay. So going back into your book,
37:59
what Was maybe the most personal experience that you went through
38:06
out of all those letters and why you leave the blank pages, which
38:13
I I think is really cool because we couldn't, you know, write
38:17
down how we're feeling. Yes, I as I was because of that
38:22
interaction that I had was Susan.
38:24
And the fact that it was so powerful for her to not only
38:29
read the letters, but then to again voice her own story, her
38:34
own experiences, her own emotions, and how she process
38:38
them. And that I thought, I really
38:41
wanted to take anybody in. Everybody that would want to
38:44
join me on the same Journey that I took the season where I send a
38:49
letter and then they have that journal space after each letter,
38:54
you know, that I specifically wrote are put in journal spaces
38:58
after every letter with a prompt and then they can then just
39:03
respond to the letter and their own words.
39:06
And I even talked about in the book, if it can be their own
39:10
private Journal space, or if they want, they can.
39:14
Can they can share it with a friend?
39:15
They don't have to go through this journey alone and maybe it
39:18
would open up conversations like it did for Susan and backed
39:22
Autumn mentioned so many times that there were topics that
39:27
would come up in the letters that she and Susan would then
39:29
delve into. And it it allowed Autumn just to
39:34
ask some questions and just to listen and to provide a space
39:37
for Susan that, you know, things in fact Autumn says, in her in
39:41
her letter, for caregivers that It's like the little elephants
39:45
in the room. Sometimes the things you don't
39:47
know how to say, or you don't know how to talk about that.
39:50
It brought up space for those, for those type of things.
39:54
And I'm hoping that it will give people a way to sit with other
39:58
people through suffering without feeling like they have to have
40:01
the answers or that they have to fix it or they just just to
40:06
simply be with someone so good. Okay, what would you give?
40:11
This is the takeaway here that It.
40:14
I love to ask at the end. So what would you leave as a
40:18
takeaway? Maybe if someone is feeling
40:21
overwhelmed or was supporting a friend that was going through a
40:27
life-altering illness. What are some of those things
40:31
that you can leave for the listener to ponder on?
40:35
You know, I think sometimes we don't reach out to people
40:38
because we don't know what to say or we're afraid of saying
40:41
the wrong thing or we don't want to bother them.
40:44
Them or we don't know what they need, or how to help.
40:47
And if there's somebody that you love, that's, that's suffering.
40:53
That's what just what they need is, your love and they need your
40:56
presence. And so it's really about sitting
41:00
with them and listening and asking them what they need, and
41:04
they may not even know. And so, there are times that
41:08
just being observant and thinking, you know, do they need
41:11
food? Do they need?
41:13
You know, what? What are the ways that I can do?
41:16
They have small children. Can I offer to take their
41:20
children? And I'm taking my kids to the
41:22
park. Can?
41:23
I just offer to just run by and take their kids to the park?
41:27
As well? Can I offer to take their kids
41:30
to school? Like if you know, the carpool
41:32
kind of thing. Can I offer just to take over
41:33
the carpool until they're better?
41:35
Or just little things that really, sometimes don't take
41:40
that much more time, but can name the World to someone who
41:45
can't hardly get out of bed. And I have to tell you that's
41:49
that is what I experienced was. I experienced this community of
41:53
amazing women that came around me and would just show up on my
41:57
doorstep with a meal or call me or text me and say, Hey, can I
42:02
have the kids for the afternoon or ask me what I needed?
42:06
Is there something that you need today?
42:07
Or sometimes they would just call and listen to me cry.
42:11
And that was it. It was just listen.
42:14
To my process and it was priceless.
42:18
So you don't have to do it. Perfectly just show up.
42:22
Mmmm. So good.
42:23
Yeah, we need to be reminded that it's the smallest things.
42:26
Really. I mean just a text.
42:29
Like how are you feeling today? I'm praying for you, you know,
42:33
just knowing that somebody's like you're staying in your
42:37
letters that you know, God sees us, but you know, it feels good
42:42
to know that another person. These us a friend of ours is
42:46
thinking of us and is sending some encouragement of scripture,
42:50
verse a prayer. So it's the smallest thing.
42:54
I love that. That's so true.
42:56
Rhonda. Okay, where can people connect
42:59
with you? I know you are doing a member
43:03
program. Is that right?
43:05
Okay, tell us about that. Yeah, so as I've gotten feedback
43:08
from the book Community is what I keep hearing.
43:11
And so I've decided to start and then Shep just where people can
43:16
if they've enjoyed the principles in the book that they
43:19
can just come in and delve in and every month.
43:22
I will be there will be a community where we all talk and
43:26
then every month I'll be giving fresh videos and zoom calls and
43:29
just a way that I can support people that are isolated or
43:33
people that you know, again, you don't have to have a cancer
43:36
diagnosis or B terminal to experience this membership.
43:39
It can be any level of illness. But with that said, yeah, yeah.
43:44
And then I have written an online course and so people can
43:47
just go to my website and purchase that or if they're in
43:50
the membership. They'll have free access to the
43:53
online course as well. And that course is called the
43:55
beautiful light blue print. And what I do is I take the
43:58
principles of the book and if I were to boil them down to five
44:01
Concepts, these are the five Concepts.
44:04
And so I go into each concept and how it was really pivotal
44:10
for me with my mental health, with my spiritual.
44:14
Block all of those things and and they have some free access
44:17
to that as well. And you can find me at Rhonda
44:20
Barney.com and it's Rhonda without an age.
44:22
Thank you so much, Rhonda. I mean, this is just the most
44:25
beautiful book and everything that you wrote just touches on,
44:31
you know, whatever, feeling emotion, that we are going
44:35
through and whether we're going through illness or not.
44:38
I mean, it's just really an amazing book of Hope and
44:43
encouragement. Encouragement.
44:45
And I want to thank you for sharing your story on here.
44:49
It's been a pleasure to have you.
44:50
Oh, thank you so much. Honestly, the honor was mine.
44:53
Thank you for taking the time. Thank you so much for listening
44:59
today. I trust that God has encouraged
45:02
you through this message for more information on this
45:06
ministry and to access free downloads, please visit my
45:10
website at Jamie Elizabeth.com and sign up.
45:15
You can also find me on Instagram and Facebook at Jamie
45:20
Elizabeth. She speaks life.
45:23
That's ja. Why mea Elizabeth, she speaks
45:29
life. Until next time, my friends.
45:32
I pray God reveals himself through your own life story.