Latest / Privycast / Ep. 185 Bathtub Slippin' w/ Jaret Brown (Privychat 47)

Transcript

Ep. 185 Bathtub Slippin' w/ Jaret Brown (Privychat 47) · Privycast

0:00
Why did you order me non-slip bath mats?
0:04
That's weird.
0:05
I might as well put them down.
0:06
Yeah.
0:07
Yeah.
0:07
went hit first into the tub side.
0:11
I pulled the shower curtains down and then like hit my head on the back and then I'm laying there.
0:21
Well, welcome back to Privy.
0:23
Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom.
0:29
I'm your host, Hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
0:32
And I add the weird question mark to the beginning of the show today because I am joined via the power of the internet by Jarrett Brown.
0:41
Jarrett, how are you?
0:42
Oh, awesome.
0:43
Very good.
0:44
So Jarrett and I actually recently just met.
0:48
in person for the first time.
0:50
He is one of the co-hosts of a podcast called Under the Influence, which is, I think it's like, it's the flagship podcast for Christian Influence, which is an online gaming and
1:02
Christian culture ministry.
1:04
And we've had Byron and we've had Jerry and we've had former host on that show, Jude, on the podcast in the past.
1:14
So.
1:15
We're kind of trying to complete the set here.
1:17
It's what I always joke about, but...
1:21
Before Levi I can hold that over him now
1:24
Levi, you know, Levi is kind of like, I don't know if you do Pokemon, but Levi is kind of like a shiny.
1:30
I view him as like a shiny Pokemon, wherein like, I see him, but I can never catch him.
1:38
Yeah, he's the blonde-headed stepchild.
1:40
Yeah, it's so funny because like his brother was on the show and he's like, how, how did I come on this show twice before my brother did it once?
1:47
I was like, I don't know, man.
1:49
He's so busy all the time too.
1:52
Like he's always doing stuff and-
1:55
Yeah, yeah.
1:56
But Jared, are you?
2:00
Okay, so the one thing that I always like, kind of tell the people what you want them to know about you.
2:07
Like somebody is hopping on a bathroom podcast.
2:10
What do you want that demographic to know about who you are?
2:14
All right, let's see.
2:15
So I'm Christian, host of a Christian podcast under the influence.
2:20
I am husband.
2:22
I have two stepchildren and in one month from today, we'll be welcoming my first child.
2:31
It's awesome.
2:32
So that's exciting.
2:35
Are you psyched?
2:36
I'm terrified.
2:37
I'm, I'm so scared.
2:40
I'm so like, I, I'm very excited in the nesting aspect and painting the nursery and building on the stuff has fulfilled my manhood, like getting to use the drill and
2:51
everything, but it's like, I'm so scared.
2:54
Dude, that's the exact appropriate answer to like, are you excited?
3:00
Because especially I remember
3:05
So actually this might serve as like a service to you.
3:10
one of the, just jump right into the bathroom talk.
3:13
I've told, I've said on the show a few times, but when my firstborn was born, nobody prepared me for, like I had read a book and I had people talk to me.
3:23
It's like, oh, here's what's coming down the line.
3:25
But then he was born and that first diaper came.
3:28
And like, I'm like, yeah, I've been practicing.
3:32
Like them teddy bears didn't diaper themselves.
3:34
Let's do it.
3:35
And I undo the diaper and I stare down at what is just like the most toxic looking tar black sludge poo.
3:43
And I'm like, doctor, there's something wrong here.
3:48
My child, there's something wrong with my child.
3:49
And they're like, no, it's all good.
3:50
And I was like, no, no, no, it's not.
3:51
Like I'm a janitor.
3:54
That's not what this looks like.
3:56
And so nobody prepared me that those early like baby poops are just cleaning out all of the like inside the mom.
4:04
So, I don't know if, did you know about that?
4:07
My wife has been preparing me pretty well, and she told me about the tar poops was...
4:13
Yeah.
4:17
well I'm glad that you knew that going in because I was not prepared for it.
4:22
Don't do poop.
4:24
Like I, yeah, I mean, we'll get into it.
4:27
I don't hang out in the bathroom.
4:30
Like I was going to do this from my bathroom also, but we have one bathroom and then I have two kids here.
4:36
So I'm like, maybe not.
4:38
Yeah, yeah, we'll get you in a bathroom one day for the pod.
4:41
I know it like, Jerry's like, did you get him?
4:44
Did you get him in the bathroom?
4:46
And I'm like, no, we're doing it remote.
4:48
said, but I think we'll try to lock something down in the summer.
4:51
my, yeah, life's just, as soon as school starts, life is just chaos.
4:55
It's a world.
4:55
Absolutely.
4:56
But I she, she's, just, I like throw ups one thing, like I've cleaned up the kids throw up and everything, but poop has always been a thing that I'm like, Yeah.
5:11
I, and I don't have a reason for it or nothing, but, and my wife's like, she's like, okay, no, that's totally understandable.
5:19
You're going to have to get over that.
5:23
Yeah.
5:23
She's like, she's like, it's bad.
5:26
Yeah.
5:26
It's going to be in your car.
5:28
It's going to be under.
5:29
Yeah.
5:29
She's like, it's going to be everywhere.
5:31
It's, dude, it's, it's baffling.
5:33
Like it's baffling the amount of poo you interface with in like those first two to three years.
5:42
It's just like, she keeps sending me videos of just compilations of babies having blowout.
5:47
I'm like.
5:50
it's 100 % real.
5:52
I I'm like, what do you do at that point?
5:54
She's like, you, at that point, it's just bathing time and you take whatever, whatever clothes they're wearing and you throw them away.
6:05
Yeah, see, that's wise.
6:06
So I'm also like the other thing, baby poo related is I'm on record not knowing how to clean them because I went for the sink and I'm like scraping out baby poo into the sink.
6:19
I don't know.
6:20
I'm like, this is where I wash my hands.
6:21
And apparently you're supposed to swish it out in the toilet.
6:24
This again.
6:25
Because that's where the poop goes.
6:26
makes sense.
6:27
But see, this is the stuff they need to make like a, they need to make like a, you ready for, for parenting the like after dark edition that's got all of the like, yeah, these are
6:37
the stuff they didn't tell you.
6:40
know, the projectile vomit is real.
6:43
I mean, it like in the cartoons where it like launches is baffling.
6:48
my daughter did that once and I went, my goodness, it's exactly like the movies.
6:52
It was like 10 foot shot.
6:55
It's crazy, but.
6:56
Well, you know, like the driving for dummies books, they need, they need like, like something like that, but like made by dads.
7:04
Yeah.
7:04
know, babies for dads by dads type of thing.
7:07
Babies for dads for dummies.
7:11
Yeah.
7:12
No, that, that should exist.
7:16
what do you, what do you do for work?
7:19
What is your job?
7:20
I work loss prevention.
7:22
I'm a loss prevention manager for a big retailer here in town.
7:28
Do you guys, okay, oh boy.
7:31
Are you, are you like, do you guys apprehend people?
7:35
Yeah.
7:35
Am I allowed to ask?
7:36
really?
7:36
Let's go.
7:39
I, ironically yesterday I had like a six hour session of stuff to deal with because we fought a lady.
7:52
What was she trying to get?
7:53
Okay, so she had a cart that was over $1,000 worth of apparel.
7:59
Goodness, that's crazy.
8:01
Yeah
8:01
Yeah, the, the long, the, the short version is her and an associate got in a fight and we're cussing each other out.
8:15
Yeah, it was, it was bad.
8:20
like mannequins are being thrown at each other.
8:25
Stanley water bottles are being thrown at each other.
8:27
Those are brutal if they, man.
8:29
Yeah.
8:30
So when that Stanley left the hand, I grabbed and just tackled her and then she starts hyperventilating saying like she needs an inhaler.
8:41
She doesn't have an inhaler.
8:43
We're trying to get her back to the office and then she goes to run my armed guard, then goes to grab her and she like knocks a display over and they both get go flying.
8:53
basically is spirit tackles her.
8:55
down an aisle and then so yeah we had to cuff her and drag her back to the office and.
9:00
That's wild, dude.
9:01
Holy cow.
9:03
I was curious because I've had people that I know that have worked loss prevention other places and it's a lot of like, you observe what they stole so you can report it
9:13
essentially.
9:13
And I was curious if that was like an apprehend type thing or.
9:17
Yeah, no, we, we stop people.
9:20
physically.
9:20
Awesome.
9:21
Them.
9:22
Wow.
9:23
It's super fun.
9:24
I love the job.
9:25
Like, and in the industry, like most places are hands off now.
9:31
It's like defend yourself, defend your coworkers, but it's like, we're not grabbing people and stuff.
9:38
It's like all the time people are like, I wish we were hands on, you know, people got roughed up.
9:44
They'd learn, but you know what?
9:46
Every time that I've gone hands on, I'm like, that wasn't worth it.
9:50
You know, I don't feel good.
9:52
They don't feel good.
9:54
and it was over, you know, $38 in ice cream and batteries.
9:59
Like what do we.
10:01
Yeah, that's tough, that's tough.
10:03
Yeah, it's definitely one thing if there's like escalating to almost like an assault situation, that's, yeah, yeah, that's tough.
10:10
Wow, how long have you been doing that?
10:13
So I've been at the company I'm at since 2016.
10:17
I moved into AP 2020, the summer of 2020.
10:23
So I was a specialist, which is the people who primarily just walk on the floor and catch shoplifters.
10:29
I did that for 19 months and then I got promoted.
10:37
So I've been a manager for almost four years now.
10:40
I've been all over different stores.
10:45
Yeah.
10:45
I've all, I've been Salem stores, Corvallis, KMB.
10:52
Yeah, interesting, very cool.
10:54
um Is it a store that I know?
10:57
Yeah.
10:58
Okay, sweet, cool.
11:01
I've been told because I do pocket.
11:03
I'm not supposed to.
11:04
No, yeah, I have, yeah.
11:08
Once we're done recording, I gotta ask if you know somebody, because I think I know somebody that might have worked that same like circuit of stores.
11:19
familiar to me.
11:20
So, well, very cool.
11:22
Well, so Jared, I have a series of questions that I ask everybody who comes on the show, but I also, you know,
11:30
want to give you the time and if you have like a bathroom story or something that's like, yeah, I gotta get something off my chest when it comes to the bathroom.
11:39
However you wanna do it, we can do it where like if you have a story, you can start with that.
11:43
Or I find a lot of times I'll start asking questions and people are like, oh, wait a minute.
11:48
We gotta talk about this.
11:50
So would you prefer that?
11:53
Yeah, let's go.
11:53
Let's go ahead and do that.
11:55
Sweet.
11:55
So the biggest question I'm gonna ask everybody is what type of toilet paper do you use at your house?
12:04
What is your preferred paper?
12:07
Okay.
12:08
So we have, my, wife buys it.
12:13
I don't, so what, what toilet paper she prefers, she prefers whatever is on sale.
12:19
Um, the ideally it's the Charmin brand or the knockoff Charmin, uh, and the, the, the strong.
12:34
Oh, the red bag.
12:35
Yeah.
12:35
I was gonna ask if it's red bag Charmin.
12:38
Yeah, now we have we have cotton now in here.
12:41
Okay, I'm telling you it's it's thin Yeah, I don't like I don't like the ridges on it But it was six dollars we're gonna yes Yeah
12:55
How do you, are you guys enjoying the charming like scaffold or scalloped cut that they got going on right now?
13:02
Have you guys messed with that?
13:05
So for me, I don't really notice because I fold it, you know, so I think it's purely just.
13:13
on that in a little bit,
13:16
I think it's just an aesthetic.
13:17
I don't know that it really provides a value.
13:20
So.
13:22
Oh, you're going to put me on.
13:24
Well, so next time you guys get Charmin, just, I have found, cause we don't, we don't have Charmin in our house, but my mom buys it.
13:30
So I do premium jobs at my mom's house.
13:33
You tell telling your wife to go put a, put a roll in her purse.
13:37
Yeah, my mom would probably be like, just take a six pack.
13:41
Just like, but I can't let her know.
13:44
You know, it's one of those things where it's like, I can't let you know that you have better paper than me.
13:48
Like I can get better paper.
13:50
It's like the principle of it.
13:51
And I'm currently, dude, we don't even like, I'm living, this is bamboo.
13:57
We don't need to talk about it, but I am still, I bought a lot of toilet paper for like a let's rank the best toilet paper situation.
14:04
I'm still working my way through it.
14:06
BAM-POO, dude?
14:08
ahh So these ridges though, these scalloped cut, tears so perfect.
14:14
Like, you know, like sometimes you got to get like your hand and stop the roll from, and then this, you can just do that slice and it just pops.
14:25
That's my pitch for the scalloped cut.
14:27
OK, OK.
14:28
I like a cushion.
14:30
like a cushion.
14:32
OK.
14:33
Angel Soft is great.
14:39
Do you?
14:43
Do you reload the toilet paper or do you just like set it on the sink?
14:51
Oh yeah, so I, this, I think this might be confession time possibly for you.
14:56
don't know.
14:56
Um, I am an avid reloader.
14:59
Like I am the one.
15:01
Uh-oh.
15:03
not disturb.
15:04
there we go.
15:05
No, no, I'm like an avid reloader.
15:08
Okay.
15:10
Like I, yeah, if it runs out and I'm the one that usually be like, Hey, if sometimes my wife, you know, and I've learned in doing the show, I think when I first started doing
15:21
this show, I came out like, you know, the guys like, you know, ladies, you got to figure it out in the bathroom.
15:27
And now as I've talked to a handful of women on the show and I've had my wife on a few times and I've done enough research, I'm like, you know what, actually everything that
15:35
would happen for a woman in the bathroom seems generally bad.
15:37
So I'm.
15:39
You know what?
15:41
I'll replace the role, like, Hey, babe, I noticed you didn't replace the role.
15:45
Just saying.
15:45
So dude, yeah, I am super particular.
15:48
if the role's out, it's gotta go back on.
15:51
Yeah.
15:51
Are you, are, do you, will you set it on the counter?
15:54
a hundred percent.
15:55
Yeah.
15:55
So it was really bad when, we used to store the toilet paper underneath the sink in there and the toilets right next to the sink.
16:03
So if it ran out, you just pop that door open, grab the new role.
16:07
And then I rip off, do my business and I just go set that there and call it good, you know?
16:13
And then my wife will go on and be like, so she's almost as annoyed with that as when I.
16:19
Trim my beard after she's cleaned the sink, but now we put.
16:23
the, like a toilet paper rack on the wall.
16:26
So it's just like a basket rack and you put all the toilet paper in it.
16:30
I know she did this on purpose.
16:32
The rack is above the reload.
16:35
It's above the holder.
16:39
So you'd have to stand up to get another role and it's right there.
16:45
I have been reloading and I think, I think she did that on purpose.
16:51
So when it was so, man, I'm curious.
16:55
Would you be ripping from the same roll though every time?
16:59
Or would you just be like random grab and you've got like.
17:02
Use the roll until it's okay
17:05
Man, I had in my brain this wasteland of toilet I'm not putting it back.
17:11
That's like, they're all like half pulled.
17:14
I'm like, oh my goodness.
17:16
That would be, that might be a bridge too far.
17:20
Yeah.
17:21
No, just out of sheer laziness.
17:23
just set it on the sink and.
17:25
Yeah.
17:27
So y'all are, y'all are Charmin, Charmin folk.
17:30
It's good folk to be.
17:32
I got to say, I will, I do believe that Charmin is the only toilet paper that's trying to, I guess, adapt and update their stuff.
17:40
Like they got that scallop cut and then they have actually releasing in October.
17:45
I can't remember what they're calling it, but it's like the roll is this big and you have to buy, it's a two roll and standard hold.
17:55
kit, you have to buy like its own stand for the roll because they purport that it like lasts, you don't have to change it in a month.
18:05
Interesting.
18:06
Yeah, and it's like $20 for two or three rolls of this toilet paper that are, again, like bigger than a basketball in size.
18:14
So I'm just like paper towels at that point.
18:16
I mean, it looks like a big roll of paper towels, but it's as thick as Charmin normally is.
18:22
And so I told my wife, was like, hey, when this comes out, I got to seek this out.
18:25
She goes, you are not going to spend another $20 on toilet paper.
18:30
After I just like racked up an $80 toilet paper bill to raid all these papers.
18:35
I'm like, well, I got it.
18:37
I feel like I have to.
18:38
Like, what am I doing?
18:42
yeah.
18:43
yeah.
18:43
It's out.
18:44
It's out on YouTube and where?
18:46
need to find this.
18:47
I need to figure out what the best one is.
18:48
Yeah, I mean, we've already kind of, you not to bury the lead, y'all have found your home.
18:55
But I will say, so I love Kirkland Signature.
18:58
I'm a Costco guy.
18:59
I was a Costco guy before What's His Face made it cool.
19:02
But I was really sad that the Costco paper did not stand up as well as I hoped.
19:07
Like I came into that going, man, Costco paper's pretty good.
19:12
And then I started to use some of this name brand stuff and I went, oh, huh.
19:16
So what's the methodology for the, for this ranking?
19:19
Are you using a different one?
19:23
Just every time you had to go to the bathroom, are you doing dry wipes?
19:26
What are we?
19:27
So there's a number of, the video will really speak, but there's a number of tools that I employ.
19:37
Simple things like what's the wipe like?
19:40
And I didn't go bear bee, it's the internet.
19:44
a youth pastor, I can't be doing that.
19:48
it's nothing that two cutie oranges shoved together inside of a paper cup with Nutella smeared in between them can't simulate for me.
19:58
uh So, you know, a little bit of dry wipe.
20:01
You know, you have to do like, how, how absorbent is, is it?
20:05
So, you know, it's lemonade, but you know, I could have picked any beverage, but I chose the yellow one.
20:10
And then you, you know, you kind of get silly and you kind of get out of the bathroom and you start wrapping, having your wife wrap you up like a mummy and you're throwing them
20:19
down the hallway with your son to figure out which one's the best for vandalizing.
20:24
mean, it, it, yeah.
20:26
That's kind of the thing.
20:27
If I'm ranking something on the show, I try to go for a weird angle.
20:32
Yeah, I've got a, I've got a pumpkin spice situation in the works.
20:36
And all I can say is, is I'm staring at a one gallon jug of pumpkin spice hand soap.
20:43
Like.
20:43
Yeah, also Dude Wipes is getting out of control with these scents.
20:48
Is it the Dunkin' Spice?
20:50
Yeah.
20:51
yeah, I'm two packs in for the year.
20:55
They're real.
20:56
like, listen, I was kind of skeptical on the dude wipe thing.
21:00
And then I got them and I'm like, these are actually great.
21:03
A wipe is, it's, yeah, it's game changing.
21:08
And then I was a little worried.
21:09
was like, man, I am afraid I'm going to clog my whole situation.
21:13
And then I did it.
21:14
And I'm like, wait, I mean, you can kind of get more than one wipe out of this.
21:17
Like if you're careful, you can.
21:19
And I found like, I'm actually using less than if I'm using paper.
21:26
Cause it's not dry.
21:27
It truly changed the game.
21:28
um On toilet paper, do you all fold the toilet paper over or under?
21:35
Beards.
21:36
Beards.
21:37
Beards.
21:37
Yep.
21:38
One is closer to the toilet.
21:40
You don't have to reach to the wall.
21:43
Um, and then you don't, you don't have to spin it to get it, you know, if it's been cut short, beards over mullets.
21:52
Yeah, are you and your wife in agreement on that?
21:54
are you like, okay, good, a household.
21:57
So oh there's a general agreement.
22:00
However, I feel like when I don't reload it, it'll get put on the role in, in mullet position out of spite.
22:12
then I have to, because now it, now it's bothering me.
22:17
didn't bother me on this, on the sink counter where it doesn't belong, but it does bother me when it's on incorrectly.
22:23
So, okay, so new scenario, you go to someone's home and you see that they have done mullet, they've gone mullet.
22:33
Do you flip it?
22:34
100%.
22:35
I really?
22:36
Yeah.
22:37
I put them on game, you know.
22:41
And then you walk out to the entire room.
22:43
Hey, just so you know, these are mullet people and I've solved it for them, but we.
22:48
I walk up to them and I pull them to the side and I say, I value our friendship.
22:52
Yes.
22:53
And in being your friend, I need to correct you on something that I saw that you did wrong.
22:58
You follow, you follow Matthew 15 or 18 or whatever it is on, correcting a brother.
23:06
This is me coming to you as a friend
23:09
Listen, you need to correct your ways or I'm going to get two or three and bring them with me and have this talk.
23:13
gonna bring in, know what the church is right behind us.
23:19
Oh my gosh.
23:21
No joke, the custodian in our church, he changed toilet paper just so he could put Angel Soft on the roll because he said, what, we're a church.
23:30
We have to have Angel Soft.
23:32
And I'm like, Michael.
23:33
Okay.
23:35
Tough argument to beat, be honest.
23:36
Yeah, it's a tough argument to beat except for Angel Soft is not soft.
23:40
uh It's frustratingly thinned.
23:43
But are you, are you, do you find yourself to be a bar soap or a liquid soap lad?
23:49
So I've traditionally been a bar soap.
23:53
love the Dr.
23:54
Squatch.
23:55
I've always used the bar soap.
23:58
However, my wife likes the sense of liquid soap more because they're stronger.
24:09
So I have been, I'll kind of go interchange.
24:16
I'll use the liquid soap till it's out and then I won't say anything and I'll use my doctor's swatch until she notices.
24:22
And then I get a reload of that, but also the, loofah with the liquid soap is just.
24:29
Loofer
24:31
I use a loofah.
24:32
eh I never used a loofah until I moved in with my wife.
24:36
And now it's fantastic.
24:39
It, it scrubs, it scratches, like it gets, it gets in there.
24:43
it, it's, also when you're cleaning with the loofah and you get like the scratching everything you can feel, it feels cleaner and it motivates you to make sure you get every.
24:54
Okay.
24:55
Hey, might be keying me in on something here.
24:59
I might have to give this a try.
25:01
And it gets all, it gets like the classic soapy suds.
25:04
Yeah, I'm kind of like a boring old man washcloth guy.
25:09
Even with bar soap, I like washcloth the bar soap and then, yeah, it's strange.
25:16
Have you ever messed around with Duke Cannon?
25:19
Yeah, it's in my closet right now.
25:22
Yeah, you know, it's the Squatch and Duke Cannon are always, you know, they're always brothers in the pantry.
25:27
That's what I find.
25:28
Yeah.
25:28
have Dr.
25:29
Squatch and Duke.
25:30
I usually get the Duke Cannon ones for Christmas.
25:33
Okay.
25:34
They're like stocking stuffers.
25:35
I have a bit, have like a brick.
25:38
Yeah.
25:39
It's like a brick size one in there.
25:41
I haven't tapped into it yet.
25:43
yeah.
25:44
I, I've got too much of both.
25:46
Like I just bought like a couple new flavors of squash.
25:49
Cause I was like apple cider.
25:54
I've tried so many things that aren't food in making this.
26:01
That's true.
26:01
I will say, know, just to listener, you're hearing this, go watch the season finale of Under the Influence, wherein I do eat what was one of the most challenging things for me,
26:14
peanut butter pickle.
26:15
It was just, it was a bridge way too far, but I will say.
26:19
I fully thought I was going to vomit.
26:20
And the only reason I did it was because I was trying to get Levi to throw up.
26:25
That was my, I was like, oh soon as he started, was like, I'm going to fish for this.
26:31
And I think that's actually the energy that he might like, I don't know what Hunter's going to do to me.
26:36
Like I have a friend, he's afraid of the sound of people brushing their teeth.
26:39
I know I can't, I don't understand it.
26:41
But I have a rational hearing things to it like the sound of cardboard scraping on itself makes under my fingernails itch.
26:48
I hate it.
26:49
Huh?
26:50
Styrofoam scraping.
26:52
I hate it.
26:53
I guess I didn't even realize that's a sound.
26:55
Yeah.
26:56
Huh.
26:57
I, it literally like I'm, I'm right now just like fidgeting under my fingernails because it just makes me uncomfortable.
27:06
And now that we've been preparing for the baby, we have so much cardboard in the house.
27:12
Yup.
27:13
That Amazon.
27:14
Yeah, it's, you know, sometimes I wonder like this cardboard that am like, are they, they have, they have to have their own farms to.
27:28
Or they have to.
27:30
self factory.
27:33
They're gonna have to figure out how to like package that in some sort of like biodegradable like shrink wrap one day.
27:41
It's the only thing that makes sense because it would cost them too much.
27:45
Yeah.
27:45
Like, like what Costco did with their hot dogs.
27:48
Yes.
27:49
Yes.
27:50
Open their own factory.
27:51
Yep.
27:52
Keep it cheap.
27:53
Dude, the $1.50 dog and drink is, it's just too much.
27:57
I can't, I love it.
27:59
This is how much, I joke about the Costco thing, but no joke, and this, I promise, there will be times where it's like, we've got kind of a small amount of time for date night.
28:11
What should we do?
28:12
And I'll be like, you know, we can go get like, we can go get some wings or we could even go get, you know, some Chinese or something.
28:19
And my wife's like, you know what?
28:21
I of got an itch for something from Costco and I'm like, enough said, I'm already on my way.
28:26
I took the family to dinner there.
28:28
Yeah, we went and got, we had some pizza, we got chicken bake, we got the hot dogs.
28:34
And you've always spent next to nothing for how many people you've.
28:38
Four of us ate and we spent like $22.
28:41
Yeah, it's amazing
28:43
Unbeatable.
28:43
How do you feel about baths and taking baths?
28:47
I'm a morbidly obese human.
28:51
So.
28:55
I've got a story for you though about kind of related to that.
28:59
about trying to end up like our former president.
29:04
The closest I've come to a bath in the last several years is when I fell in the shower.
29:08
Oh, it was bad.
29:11
I tore the shower curtain down.
29:13
We have our shower is a tub in the shower.
29:17
was like, and I slipped.
29:20
There's there has since been a non-slip mats put into the bath.
29:25
Those were, those were ordered.
29:27
If I could have ordered from in the shower while I was recuperating, would have, but they were, they were ordered immediately afterwards.
29:36
This is the only time that anybody's ever wanted the like Black Mirror style future where the Alexa knows what we want before we need it.
29:43
And it's like, why did you order me non-slip bath mats?
29:48
That's weird.
29:49
I might as well put them down.
29:50
Yeah.
29:51
Yeah.
29:51
went hit first into the tub side.
29:55
pulled the shower curtains down and then like hit my head on the back and then I'm laying there.
30:00
I'm, naked.
30:01
I'm still being showered with water.
30:06
And then, and then I'm like, initial shock of I've just fallen in the shower.
30:11
My gosh, I'm in so much pain.
30:13
no.
30:14
The dog is whining at the door because she just heard me biff it.
30:19
I'm like, no, the floor is getting wet.
30:23
And then, I go, I'm like trying to like, like sit up to turn the water off or roll over, but I'm trying not to slip again.
30:30
Like I docked over, like, I don't know how many soaps.
30:34
And so I get it turned off and I get dressed and, then I left there and went to go do an episode of the podcast.
30:42
And I went, I was going to tell the story on the podcast about me slipping in the shower, but Jerry, that episode.
30:48
Told about how he broke his leg and he's like, yeah, I hurt myself.
30:51
I'm such an idiot.
30:52
Like went on like a little jokey tire.
30:54
I'm like, I'll hold off.
30:57
like, yeah, you know, since we're labeling people dumb idiots, I'm actually going to hold off for this one.
31:04
my gosh.
31:06
I had to tell you quickly this.
31:07
So I went to the doctor like last week, just to establish patient care.
31:12
And on the thing, always says like obese.
31:15
And so the doctor comes in and he goes, so I noted that on your intake paperwork, you marked that you're fat.
31:21
He goes, why did you put that?
31:22
I was like, well, every time you give me my go home paperwork, it says I'm fat.
31:26
Like, I don't know what you want me to do.
31:27
Like at some point when the hospitals and all the places keep saying, yeah, you're obese, it's like, yeah.
31:33
I guess I am.
31:34
guess I'll mark the box too.
31:36
Like he goes, oh, that's weird.
31:38
And I was like, yeah, it's weird.
31:39
You guys are ones that send the paperwork home.
31:41
And then he told me to eat seven servings of vegetables a day.
31:45
And I'm like, who is doing that?
31:47
Like, I don't know healthy, skinny people that are doing that.
31:52
I'm like seven?
31:53
Like I can choke down two and that's a strip.
31:57
How about I do none and just only eat steaks?
32:01
That's my thing.
32:01
That was my question is like, so I said, I understand the idea, like cut out sugar, like limit the bad, but like, how does me adding more food that just so happens to be
32:12
vegetables, how could that be better for me than just not eating those things and also not eating sugar?
32:18
He's like, well, nutrients.
32:19
I'm like, okay, well vitamins.
32:21
um So that's where I'm at.
32:24
Yeah.
32:25
But yeah.
32:26
So do you have any bathroom pet peeves or?
32:30
Does your wife have any bathroom pit other than the toilet paper that that maybe are things that you're doing that you've come to find out about?
32:37
Yeah.
32:37
Well, I just think it's pretty convenient that the only times that I shaved my beard is conveniently when she's clean the sink.
32:49
I don't, I don't plan it, you know, but now I have to ask.
32:54
But also when I ask, I'm like, Hey, am I good to trim my beard?
32:59
It's, it's never once been like, yeah, you're good.
33:02
Go ahead.
33:03
It's it's I just cleaned it or it's like,
33:06
Are you going to clean up after yourself?
33:08
Like, no, I'm going to leave it like the, the issue, the issue is, is I think I've cleaned it up.
33:17
You know, I'll get all wet, a little toilet paper and wipe it around and catch all the little hairs.
33:22
I'm like, good as new.
33:24
And then she's like, there's hairs everywhere.
33:26
like, no, there's not.
33:28
There's literally a billion of them.
33:29
And I walk in there and I'm like, those weren't there when I walked out of the bathroom.
33:35
Does she, well, follow up question, does she leave hair in the shower?
33:40
Yeah.
33:40
Uh-huh.
33:41
Yeah.
33:42
It's, it's a war ground.
33:43
Yeah.
33:47
It's collateral, I view that as the collateral damage.
33:52
between her and my daughter and cleaning out the drain.
33:55
It's like, sure.
33:56
have some beard hairs on the sink, but the shower turns into a bath because I have to unclog your hair frosh.
34:03
It's yes, and it's so, and it's no bit like.
34:08
It's also hair.
34:09
Why does it turn into
34:11
Yeah, and why does it like somehow collect that nasty like gray flood?
34:16
Oh my gosh, it's so gross.
34:20
Yeah.
34:20
Do you have a restaurant establishment that messes you up the worst?
34:24
Like that sets you up for a bad day of bathrooming?
34:27
KFC.
34:28
I refuse to eat it.
34:29
KFC.
34:30
refuse to eat it.
34:33
I don't like it.
34:36
I don't like it.
34:37
Like my, it's funny cause my wife and kids love KFC and I've taken a hard stance.
34:44
I'm like, if you're getting KFC, then I will make sure I like, will not eat this dinner with you.
34:49
Like.
34:51
They just got to get you the A &W cheeseburger.
34:54
They usually have them both.
34:56
And we have one literally like two blocks away and it's a standalone.
35:02
But I'm like, I will not, I will not do it.
35:06
And anytime that I leave town for work, like if I'm staying at a hotel or if I'm staying super late, she'll like FaceTime say hi, say good night.
35:14
They're sitting around the table with the KFC bucket every time Jared.
35:18
Yeah.
35:19
It's dad's out of town.
35:20
Get KFC.
35:23
It's without fail every time.
35:25
Yeah, that's sushi for my wife.
35:29
It's dude, I just can't.
35:32
I'm such a little diaper baby about food as evidenced by the things that Jerry's like, I don't know.
35:38
Hunter says this is the most disgusting thing ever, but like it's normal to half of America, so let's give it a shot.
35:45
It's just dipping a chicken tender in honey mustard.
35:48
see, I don't like honey mustard.
35:49
You nailed it.
35:50
I'm like, I'm law, I'm like, I'm just plain and dry.
35:54
I would rather just, just go in dry dog that and just, no, it's, you get a good chicken tender.
36:00
It's got enough juice in the tender anyway, but no KFC even, even like one of those like little chicken, like potato bowl.
36:08
Yeah, without fail every time that I eat KFC I get super sick and Yeah Wow, and my wife like literally she was like there's no way She's like it's just chicken.
36:22
It's it's not and I go I don't know what it is But every time I eat there I get sick and it's super greasy I think it's the most greasy chicken out of all the fast food chains
36:32
It has to be the grease, cuz like, we-
36:35
I've done it like we've gotten it several times and after the third time of me getting sick Because the first one she's like it's coincidence, you know or you were all Yeah
36:46
after the third time she's like Maybe
36:50
Yeah.
36:51
I think, you know, I'm not, I don't want to sign you up for like digestinal distress, but like, I think there's a blind, like a double blind study that could be done here, wherein
37:02
somehow your wife, you know, gets a nice WinCo chicken and you know, there's a little switcheroo that happens in the car just to see.
37:10
I think that's the real test.
37:12
Yeah.
37:13
But I believe you, cause I have noticed, and I think it's as I get older,
37:17
I'm not gonna say old, which is what the high school kids I work with would say, but I've found that like, I can't do it.
37:24
I can't hang with food, especially like eating out.
37:28
I mean, like I'm like a two slice of pizza guy now.
37:31
And I used to, I used to like polish off half a pizza and be like, yeah, who wants to go run around?
37:38
Who wants to play dodge ball now?
37:39
And now I eat two slices of pizza and like, I might have a bad night.
37:43
Mm-hmm.
37:44
And it's, it's just, it's tough to see.
37:46
You hate to see it, but it's...
37:48
Yeah.
37:48
The Taco Bell's don't do it like Mexican food I'm fine with.
37:53
McDonald's has got me a couple of times.
37:56
Really?
37:56
With the undercooked burger.
37:58
That quarter pounder burger patty.
38:01
Be careful.
38:02
Yeah.
38:03
Bite into that and it's pink.
38:05
I'm like.
38:07
You're like, well, I already spent seven bucks.
38:10
Yeah.
38:10
Well, and also it's like, I'm not going back.
38:13
oh No, no.
38:16
the dog has a nice tree and I'll find.
38:22
Yeah.
38:25
They're waiting for it.
38:26
So it works this time.
38:29
I have a few questions that are very specific to the shower.
38:33
The first is have you ever taken a dark shower?
38:37
in college because the bathroom was right next to the bunk room and neither had uh a door in the basement where I was at.
38:54
if you were showering late, like you didn't put on your music, you know, and the lights, floodlights in the bathroom.
39:05
So it would light up.
39:06
the bunk room.
39:09
we would.
39:12
Yeah.
39:13
That's the only time.
39:14
Yeah.
39:15
Oh, guess.
39:18
Camping camping.
39:20
Yeah.
39:20
Dark showers, you know.
39:23
Yeah, that's, makes sense.
39:24
dude, I, it was college too.
39:26
I started doing it and now I'm like, that's my preferred shower.
39:31
yeah.
39:31
I shower in the dark like daily.
39:35
Like even, so I shower at our church every more, every weekday morning.
39:39
Anyway, I'm, it's not important, but it's lights off.
39:42
And I had our custodian walk in one time and he's like, hello, turns the light on.
39:47
I'm like squealing like some monster.
39:49
He's like, what are you doing?
39:50
I said, I'm showering.
39:51
He goes, the lights are off.
39:53
I said, I know.
39:54
You have ruined what I have created here.
39:57
He's like, this is weird.
39:59
I'm leaving.
39:59
was like, all right, well, see you later.
40:02
Are you going off field to like find the shampoo, the conditioner, the soap?
40:07
kind of like your eyes do adjust pretty good over like, you know, when it, takes a couple of minutes, but your eyes adjust pretty good, but there is a feeling factor to it.
40:18
Yeah.
40:20
Yeah, I'm going to give this a shot tonight and I will text you with my experience.
40:26
And I will note, it's not like pitch black.
40:28
Like there's a light.
40:30
So in the bathroom at our church, there's like a little light next to the sink.
40:35
See, mine will be pitch black.
40:37
yeah, I mean you can do Pitch Black, it's nice.
40:39
Maybe I'll leave the door open a crack.
40:41
Yeah, it's like a sensory deprivation thing for me.
40:44
It's like I have, I have reset something in my body.
40:47
I don't know.
40:48
Have you ever eaten an orange in the shower as if it was an apple?
40:53
though.
40:54
I don't like oranges.
40:56
okay.
41:00
Well, then I'm not gonna recommend you try it because, know, but there's something visceral, like you're not worried about the mess of the thing, but yeah, it's a whole new
41:10
world.
41:11
And then the big shower question is have you ever performed a waffle stomp?
41:16
No.
41:17
No?
41:21
No, there has been some, there has been some poop to shower moments in my life.
41:27
Yeah.
41:27
Where it's like, this is just, but, nothing stomp worthy.
41:33
Really?
41:33
Okay, well, you know, there's always a chance for the first.
41:38
What do think your wife would do if she caught you doing that?
41:41
She would never know.
41:43
There's, I would never let her know.
41:48
She already has so much on me.
41:49
I can't let her have a waffle stomp in her chamber also.
41:53
Yeah, it's like guess what I found him doing and you know that immediately Like all of the people that you're like, I don't really know if they need to know Like they're gonna know
42:06
Yeah.
42:07
Her dad would have my back a hundred percent.
42:09
Like, I'm good.
42:11
Like I'm getting, need to get him a shirt that says my favorite kid is my son-in-law.
42:18
but yeah, no, that I'm sure my kids have done it just based on the.
42:26
the sheer amount of substance in the underwear that has been left in the bathroom.
42:32
Lord, no.
42:33
was like, did you wear those to school?
42:35
And he's like, yeah, I'm like, dude, we need hygiene.
42:39
Like is so important.
42:41
Like you're, you're 10 like.
42:45
Please.
42:46
There's something about that, like, my son's almost nine.
42:50
It's like, what were you thinking?
42:52
I don't
42:53
Yeah.
42:53
The amount of dude at the, don't know.
42:56
Yeah.
42:56
I don't, I don't know.
42:57
It drives me easy.
43:00
It drives me crazy.
43:01
You do know you, did it.
43:03
I just want to know what went through your like, what was your thought process?
43:06
Nothing.
43:07
I don't know.
43:07
I'm like, you do.
43:09
Oh Yeah.
43:10
my gosh, dude.
43:11
That's so real.
43:12
Well, and that's the thing with him too is like everything, everything is that he's doing is the most important thing in the world.
43:22
he can't wait to get back to it.
43:26
So he'll run to the bathroom then to go run to go back to what he's doing.
43:30
And then I go to the bathroom.
43:33
There's a log in the toilet.
43:36
yeah, he didn't even, he didn't even try to flush.
43:39
And then I'm like, wait a minute.
43:42
Why is there no toilet paper in here?
43:44
Yep, this is real.
43:46
I'm like, yeah, then I have to call him.
43:48
I'm clean yourself, wash your hands, then go back.
43:54
Nothing is that important that I can't wait the extra
43:59
Waiting for me in Fortnite!
44:01
exactly what it is.
44:04
I know that's like other side of the wall.
44:07
guarantee you my son, you know, he home from school.
44:10
He got his work done.
44:11
I dad, yes, just sure.
44:16
You got an hour buddy.
44:17
Yeah.
44:18
Use it or lose it.
44:19
Do you ever do any snacks in the bathroom?
44:23
You did say you don't like to hang out in the bathroom.
44:25
like it stands to reason.
44:28
I don't, I don't do food in the bathroom.
44:31
I don't do drinks in the bathroom.
44:33
I'm not a shower beer guy.
44:35
Yeah.
44:36
Like uh I, my friends called me goose growing up because I took fast poops.
44:43
Like, like I, my bathroom experience is three minutes tops and that's the golden goose.
44:53
That is, that is long.
44:55
Like there's no reason I should be in there that long.
44:58
My shower, for me to shower, brush my teeth, do any grooming that I need.
45:07
Eight minutes.
45:08
Yeah.
45:08
You know, yeah.
45:10
I, I, I poop in there.
45:13
Three other people poop in there.
45:16
I don't want to hang out in there.
45:18
Right.
45:18
I'm going to hang out somewhere.
45:19
I'm going to hang out in my room.
45:20
I mean, Cheetos in the bed.
45:22
And then my wife's going to yell at me for there being crumbs.
45:24
You know, I'm, not going to, it's the same thing at work.
45:28
I'll go to the bathroom at work and in the men's room in the employee area, there's one stall and there's one dude who sits in there.
45:35
for 30 minutes on his phone.
45:37
And every time I opened that door, like I've started being like, my gosh, still like those comments on the way out to let it, you know, and they're making an enemy because, because
45:50
I take fast poops and my job is so sporadic.
45:55
Anything can happen at any time.
45:56
I have to like, this might be my only opportunity.
46:01
get to poop and you're taking my time.
46:04
And you're now making an enemy of the guy who watches cameras and can figure out exactly how long you've been in there and then tell your boss, you know.
46:16
Don't cross me, bro.
46:18
I'm gonna-
46:19
I'm going to install an egg timer on the door.
46:22
Like we're going to like bath public bathroom.
46:26
Medicaid has got to clean up where we're not, we're not leaving stuff on the floor.
46:32
We're not, we're not hanging out.
46:34
It's not.
46:35
Yeah.
46:36
Yeah.
46:36
It's not daycare, you know, no, no, business and get out.
46:40
You found my passion.
46:42
This is, I've been ranting at work about it.
46:45
This is so good though.
46:46
like, there's a sound bite in there that I want to just put on loop for the kids at the high school.
46:51
Cause they go to like, I gotta go to the bathroom.
46:53
I was like, you don't categorically, you don't.
46:56
I do.
46:57
You don't know my body.
46:58
I was like, I know you just had a 40 minute lunch and you hung out in the bathroom for all of it and didn't go to the bathroom.
47:06
Well, I gotta go to the bathroom now.
47:07
I was like, no, your homie just walked by my room.
47:10
You're wanna go.
47:11
Catch up with him even though you just gossiped with him for 40 minutes in the bathroom.
47:15
No, I gotta poop really bad.
47:17
I'm gonna poop my pants.
47:18
I was like, do it.
47:20
Full send with all these girls in the room right now.
47:23
Like that's what I say.
47:24
I say, let it ride brother.
47:26
You can't be serious right now.
47:28
I'm like.
47:28
You're, you're not even clutching your stomach, dude.
47:30
You don't gotta poop that bad.
47:33
Yeah.
47:34
you know, if oh you're having this argument sitting down nowhere near the door, you don't have to go to the bathroom that bad, nah.
47:42
That's true.
47:48
would you, would you, would you stand up and that, leg crosses over?
47:52
Okay.
47:53
Yeah.
47:53
Run.
47:53
Go ahead.
47:54
you're still having semi-cognitive argument with me about bathrooms and what it means to have to go to the bathroom.
48:04
You don't have to go to the bathroom.
48:06
If you had to go that bad, you would not be having clear thoughts about it.
48:14
that's so funny.
48:15
Dude, they, these kids are wild.
48:19
But, well, that is, I'm trying to look here.
48:23
I believe that's, how many sheets of toilet paper do you use?
48:26
I meant to ask this at the top, but how many sheets do you use when you wipe?
48:34
I'd say it's probably around, where-wise, it's probably like around six to eight that I tear off and then that gets folded up.
48:44
Yeah, six to eight?
48:48
Okay.
48:50
Yeah, that's, mean, I mean, I guess that's fine, I guess.
48:54
Well, right now we're working on thinner ones.
48:57
True.
48:58
like if, like the continental, I I mean, because I'll, normally I do two folds.
49:05
Okay, I see.
49:07
But these ones, these are an extra fold in it.
49:11
yeah.
49:12
Yeah.
49:12
And you're your folder, not a crumpler.
49:14
Okay.
49:16
Yeah.
49:17
It's it's the sign of an organized life and an organized mind.
49:20
You know, yeah, I, I'm convinced like you could do, you know how like they do these weird like, what do these three strange serial killing long lifelong criminals have in common?
49:32
They were all left-handed and they all, you know, colored the eyeballs first on their coloring pictures.
49:40
I'm convinced that that like crumple thing is they're going to tie that to some weird like, you know, yeah.
49:48
Yeah.
49:49
The stand to wipe crowd is wild.
49:52
That's, there's no justification for it.
49:57
Well, my thing is like, have, as soon as I, mean, not to be crass, but to be a little crass, as soon as I stand up, it has like, like enveloped all of what I need to deal with.
50:12
And I've created a larger mess.
50:14
It's like, what we doing?
50:16
Yeah.
50:18
It's undefendable.
50:20
But I have a guy, he's like, I have a friend, he, this kid, I knew he's like six three.
50:24
He's like, yeah, I stand up every single time I'm going.
50:27
You're crazy.
50:28
It's just not, yeah, I don't understand it.
50:32
Well, Jarrett, that's all my questions.
50:36
Do you have any stories that you want to make sure you tell?
50:41
I have one last thing that I always close with, but I want to give you the opportunity.
50:46
Well, okay.
50:47
When's, when's the last time that you.
50:52
Hooped yourself.
50:54
poop myself.
50:55
Like full on like.
50:57
Like a full release, not, not like, uh, not like a little squeaked out here or like, Hey, underwear are, like the full, no, this is happening.
51:08
It's not stopping.
51:09
What is going on?
51:10
help.
51:11
And it's not as exciting as you want, it, like the full send was, I was 11 and I was in like double bundled up in a snow suit sledding and I couldn't get the snow suit off.
51:27
Like, and I just, mean, just full send in the snow suit.
51:31
And I'm like, you know, you know, a kid I'm like crying cause I'm like, I'm sorry.
51:36
And, I mean, I've had little, little icky accidents every, I mean,
51:41
I would say confidently once a month, if not once a quarter.
51:47
Yeah.
51:47
Well, and like people get sick and stuff like that happens.
51:50
like my mind, my last like bad one was my freshman year of high school.
51:57
And I think about it all the time because I had, I had an upset tummy, you know, I've had, I don't know.
52:11
I something about mixing the hot Cheetos in with the top ramen before practice.
52:16
Didn't wasn't sitting right.
52:19
that?
52:19
W-w-wait.
52:20
W-w-w-w-w-
52:22
Well, so, okay.
52:22
So what we would do is we would crush up the ramen noodles and then to give the ramen a little kick, we'd crush up a bag of hot Cheetos and sprinkle that in there.
52:31
Also, you just, my gosh, like we make it.
52:37
It's like a hot Cheeto flavor packet basically.
52:39
Cause
52:40
That would mess me up like beyond repair, I think.
52:45
Yeah.
52:46
I was.
52:47
What were you practicing?
52:49
Football and it's near the end of practice.
52:52
Yeah.
52:53
And I got the bubble guts going and I don't, I don't want to be the kid that's like, I gotta go to the bathroom right before you start running, you know, so I'm trying to hold
53:01
it together.
53:02
And the last thing that we were doing is, running through kickoff.
53:06
I'm like, perfect.
53:07
That's all this, the fast guys, you know, that they're putting out there.
53:11
So we'll just stand and watch this drill and call it a day, you know, head into the locker room, sit in the stall.
53:17
wait for everyone to slowly file out before you release the bells.
53:20
You they called my name on the kickoff team on one of the edge rushing positions.
53:29
They're like Brown.
53:30
went, no.
53:32
And my coach was like, get out.
53:34
I go, you don't want me out there.
53:35
Why are we, why are you putting me on this team?
53:38
I mean, you don't want.
53:40
You don't want this coach.
53:42
I'm not supposed to be there.
53:43
Get someone else there.
53:44
Ironically, I made kickoff team.
53:46
Like they put me on after this, but my coach threatened me with physical violence, of course.
53:50
And I ran out there.
53:55
It was a different time for sure.
53:59
Nowadays they're like, my gosh, are you okay?
54:02
Did you, did you get one of the complimentary Snickers and snuggle bears we provided for the week?
54:07
he is my favorite coach of all time.
54:11
I'm running out there slightly in fear for my life and they go kick the ball off and it goes to the other side of the field.
54:17
Like beautiful.
54:18
I'm just going to run this down.
54:20
I'm not, I'm not going to chase the ball.
54:22
Nothing.
54:23
I'm done.
54:23
Yeah.
54:24
The guy laterals it back across the field to the guy that's 15 yards in front of me.
54:31
And I'm like, I can give zero effort and
54:36
Either be forced to run for such a pitiful effort or be threatened with more physical violence.
54:41
can biff it and look dumb in front of everyone, or I can just try and make this play.
54:47
So I'm like, embarrassment.
54:51
Like, I'm like, I, I can't look a fool in front of the team.
54:55
Little did I know what was about to happen.
54:58
Dude tries to give me a little waggle.
55:03
As I'm approaching him and I just left my feet and launched and I hit him so hard.
55:12
I evacuated the entirety of my bowels in that moment.
55:17
And this, this is like, this is like an October practice.
55:20
It's rainy, there's mud.
55:23
So I don't know what's what.
55:25
And everyone comes over to celebrate cause it was an awesome play.
55:30
And I just run away.
55:32
They're like, where are you going?
55:34
I'm.
55:38
Wait, did you did you tell them that you did?
55:41
yeah.
55:42
yeah.
55:42
A hundred percent.
55:43
I didn't want anyone coming near me.
55:45
I, I ran straight to the locker room.
55:47
my goodness, that's crazy.
55:50
Yeah, that was, that was, it's, that was a traumatic point in my life.
55:55
think about that frequently.
55:58
Yeah.
55:58
It's those, it's those like inside out core memories, but you know, there's a lot more bathroom related problems.
56:05
It was such a good movie.
56:08
Yeah, dude, that, my gosh, I can't even imagine.
56:11
My buddy.
56:11
In front of like 60 people, you know, it's like.
56:15
My buddy in high school before a basketball tournament, he ate two boxes of fiber one granola bars.
56:23
Because he's like, I don't know, I didn't have anything else at the house, I just grabbed a bunch of granola bars.
56:28
And he's like, he's already housed four five of them.
56:31
And I'm like, dude, these are fiber bars.
56:33
And he's like, what?
56:34
And I said, they're fiber one bars.
56:35
They're like high in fiber.
56:37
Oh, I don't know, that's what my mom always packs in my lunch.
56:40
I was like, yeah, one.
56:41
He ate 10 of these bars.
56:43
And, know, and it seems like we're good.
56:45
It seems like we're good.
56:46
He's a big boy, you know, he's six, two, pretty, pretty husky guy.
56:50
But, and I was in the band, so I was doing the pet band thing and we're, you know, and then the, know, we, we have these stingers that we do and they, cut the stinger cause they
56:59
called time out and coach walks out to my friend and he's like, he's making the gesture and he just runs and I'm like, yeah.
57:09
I know exactly.
57:12
Yeah.
57:12
I'm like.
57:13
Later on I would go, hey, hey, that time out, this is a five or one, huh?
57:18
And he goes, yeah, dude, that, don't know.
57:19
Why did you let me do that?
57:20
I was like, I tried to get you to not do it.
57:26
Yeah.
57:27
Yeah.
57:27
Somehow it's, but no, dude, that's crazy.
57:30
ah Man.
57:32
Well, hey, I really appreciate you doing this.
57:37
Before you go, do you have any bathroom wisdom?
57:41
that you, and it can even be stuff that you've already mentioned, but bathroom wisdom that you want to leave the people with.
57:52
I'm not a big conserve water guy.
57:54
Okay, good, me either.
57:56
Well,
57:59
I usually will let that go and hit the flush before I wipe.
58:05
Okay, yeah, yeah.
58:07
get it out of there.
58:08
I don't want to smell like I said, I I'm my smell gets me in trouble.
58:14
Like if I, if I smell stuff I'm done.
58:17
So I get that out of there, especially like when I say public bathroom etiquette, get it out, know, don't, don't want to sit there and linger and permeate the bath.
58:29
Yeah.
58:30
This is the pre it's the pre-wiped flesh.
58:32
Okay.
58:33
Okay.
58:34
That's a good move.
58:35
been, that's been probably my, my go to, you know what, you know, what started that was living with a female.
58:43
Cause I'm like, man, I don't want to gross her out.
58:45
You know, I find that living with...
58:51
the female species.
58:55
really sorts out a lot of the just absolute, unhinged and like, wait, you do what?
59:05
I remember the first time my wife fell in the toilet, cause I didn't put the seat down.
59:08
I don't know.
59:09
I'm like, what do you mean?
59:11
She goes, you gotta put the seat down.
59:13
Like she, I'm screaming.
59:14
I am sleeping.
59:15
hear screaming in the bathroom.
59:17
I'm like, surely there is a murderer in our apartment.
59:22
And I go in and she's like, you know.
59:24
Her side's wet.
59:25
I was like, what happened?
59:26
I fell in.
59:27
I said, what do mean you fell in?
59:28
She goes, the seat wasn't down.
59:29
I was like, well, put it down.
59:31
Like, I don't know.
59:32
What do you mean it wasn't down?
59:33
She goes, no, no.
59:36
No clue.
59:37
Yes.
59:38
So what you're telling me is he didn't look before he sat down.
59:41
That's- Again, I've come so far.
59:43
Cause I used to be in this camp.
59:45
That's the other thing too.
59:46
It's like whether it's left up or it's all the way down.
59:50
still look.
59:52
And even if you put this close to see all the way, have to open the like.
59:58
Well, and, and this apartment didn't have the top, like the, the, the cover.
1:00:05
didn't have that.
1:00:06
was like, it was kind of cafeteria almost not cafeteria.
1:00:11
Like, yeah, it was like, you didn't have the option for the lid.
1:00:15
don't know whose choice that was in these apartments, but it wasn't just us.
1:00:19
Cause her best friend lived right across.
1:00:21
And I went, you know, I'm like, I got to look at this.
1:00:23
This is crazy.
1:00:25
And I look and I'm like, sure enough, it's the exact same setup.
1:00:28
I'm like, somebody has to be slamming this thing that they have started to not put seats on it.
1:00:33
Yeah.
1:00:34
I was probably sitting on some sort of like housing rights violation that I didn't know about, where it's like.
1:00:40
Also the, the lowering seat, like the, the slam resistance worth every penny, every penny, especially with the kids.
1:00:51
Like I would be sitting and I just hear it.
1:00:53
It's like every time.
1:00:55
Yeah.
1:00:56
I got tired of it.
1:00:57
Like we're getting, we're getting the good seat.
1:01:00
They did it at our old house and I was like, y'all kids are gonna bust the toilet.
1:01:06
And then what are you gonna do?
1:01:10
We were talking before.
1:01:12
But the day worth worth it.
1:01:16
Man, it's so this, I have a kind of a semi-controversial, so it's.
1:01:23
It's to me, it is not.
1:01:25
And here's why is if, if I had the dryer attachment, like if I had the thing that also blew dry my butt, think maybe, but my problem is, is it does a phenomenal job of getting
1:01:38
me cleaned up.
1:01:39
Like no problems in that area.
1:01:41
And in that regard, it does a better job than toilet paper of like just blast and everything away.
1:01:46
It's like a little pressure washer, but then my butt soaking wet.
1:01:51
Yeah.
1:01:52
And now I'm in this spot where it's like, well, I can sit here, I guess, and let it drip dry for however long that's going to take, or I'm going to grab toilet paper and like, you
1:02:03
know, and I've found I use just about, cause it's a lot of water.
1:02:07
Like it outputs quite a bit.
1:02:09
And I find that I use almost as much toilet paper drying myself after the bidet shot as I would just wiping.
1:02:16
Yeah.
1:02:17
And so for me, that is the frustrating piece where I'm like, I love this technology.
1:02:23
I'm privileged.
1:02:24
Like I've got one.
1:02:25
I, my wife actually with help of her brother in law over the phone installed or her brother over the phone installed it for like a gift, which is why I do enjoy it.
1:02:35
I'm just like, man, you know, I'm starting, trying to maximize these gains and it's just not like there's something about I still have to use toilet paper that frustrates me.
1:02:47
Um, but I will say I do have a portable bidet, uh, which is like, it's a little, I don't know.
1:02:54
It's like a little thing you fill up with water and then you just, um, and I got brave once and I took it to the high school to use on break.
1:03:03
And that was actually great because their toilet paper sucks.
1:03:07
It's so paper thin and it like, it's.
1:03:11
You almost, it's so rough and it's like, this is bad.
1:03:14
yeah.
1:03:15
Same thing with the retailer.
1:03:16
Like this company makes billions of dollars and yeah.
1:03:20
I guarantee you it's the same stuff.
1:03:21
It's probably Scott.
1:03:23
Yeah.
1:03:23
This is the single ply.
1:03:25
Like you can see through it.
1:03:26
Yup.
1:03:27
And it, but so there I was like, this is great.
1:03:30
But then I was hiding this device cause it does not, like, I cannot get caught working at this public high school with this device.
1:03:39
Cause they're gonna be like, what's that?
1:03:41
And I'm like, why are you in the bathroom with it?
1:03:43
No, I'm answering no.
1:03:44
So I don't take it anymore.
1:03:45
It's great for camping though.
1:03:48
If you're like out on a hike, just because.
1:03:52
I mean, it gets all that done.
1:03:54
And if you don't have a lot of paper and don't want to like create the waste, it's not bad.
1:03:58
But yeah, I like it, but I do still find myself going, okay, well, I guess now I'm wet.
1:04:06
will, as I will admit though, if I go to the bathroom right before I get in the shower, I full send that bidet and then I don't even dry.
1:04:13
I just hop right in like, yep, yep.
1:04:16
We're gonna, we're gonna re-soak anyway.
1:04:18
So yeah, no, I enjoy it.
1:04:20
um
1:04:21
Naturally, when we first got it, my son came in and he's like, let's see how far we can get shoot across the room.
1:04:27
It's like, dad, it's a drinking fountain.
1:04:29
was like, don't do that.
1:04:31
Don't do That nozzle has seen things son.
1:04:35
You don't, you don't want to do that.
1:04:38
Yeah.
1:04:38
Yeah.
1:04:39
Yeah.
1:04:39
That's the bidet.
1:04:41
It's, I've had people come over and they're like, can I use it?
1:04:45
And I'm like, I guess.
1:04:47
Like I've never used one before.
1:04:48
I'm like, yeah, go for it.
1:04:50
And then.
1:04:51
It's always weird cause I'll be like, and I'll hear, Oh, right.
1:04:55
There it is.
1:04:57
That's the first time shot right there.
1:05:00
Yeah.
1:05:01
Cause it's cold.
1:05:02
It's not ours is not heated either.
1:05:04
And so yeah, it's, but it, yeah, it's, it's, it gets the job done.
1:05:11
does what it needs to do.
1:05:12
I wish it had a drying feature would be the only thing I'd say.
1:05:16
Yeah.
1:05:17
Well, dude, well, hey, thank you so much for joining me and doing this.
1:05:23
Listener, go check out Jared on Under the Influence.
1:05:26
I'll even like stick a thing in the description, ah dealio down below.
1:05:32
Yeah, he's funny guy.
1:05:33
He's funny and he's got good insight on there as well.
1:05:36
So go check that stuff out.
1:05:38
Jared, thank you for being here.
1:05:41
This was a blast.
1:05:42
Sweet.
1:05:42
So grateful for the invite.
1:05:44
Yeah, yeah.
1:05:45
Well, hey, that'll do it for another episode of privy.
1:05:48
Keep pooping in the free world.
1:05:49
Own your stank.
1:05:50
And now, as always, don't forget to flush.
1:05:53
And then I just cram this.
1:06:04
I've had people email me and say...
1:06:07
you