Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Codependence in Cubicles: The Loyalty Paradox

Transcript

Codependence in Cubicles: The Loyalty Paradox · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 95.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: We are in a series right now on knowing when it's time to make a change.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We are in a series right now on knowing when it's time to make a change.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Last week we talked about loyalty and how it can sometimes cross the line into codependence.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Today we're taking that same theme to a different arena.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: How do you know when it's time to make a change in your job?
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I teach 6th grade and before you start sending me sympathy cards, let me tell you I love sixth graders.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Because they are this perfect mix of awkward and awesome.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: They still think you know some things.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: They are still naive enough well, for the most part, to know they don't know it all.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: That right there.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: That's a coach's dream and, honestly, that's where we should all be, no matter our age or title.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: We don't know it all.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: If we ever stop being coachable, we stop growing.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Now let me take a little detour for just a second.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: For years, my good friend Kim also my podcast coach has been telling me to track my podcast episodes and ideas using Excel.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: And for years I've said absolutely not.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I can barely spell Excel, much less use it.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I had my own way of tracking things.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Then one day, maybe six, seven months ago, I decided to give in and I asked her to show me how she does it.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Y'all.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: She lit up like a Christmas tree on Christmas morning.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: She had a whole template ready and when she walked me through it my jaw dropped.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: It was easy, it was organized and it was brilliant.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Do you know what held me back all those years?
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Stubbornness and loyalty to my own thing, the fear of looking dumb, the fear of admitting I didn't know.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Something Sound familiar.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: And that brings us back to today's topic.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: How do you know when it's time for a new job and when?
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Is it just stubbornness that's holding you back?
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Let's start with this truth we all need a job because we all need to pay our bills.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: That's real life, and if you're blessed enough to love what you do, hold on to that.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing your loyalty to your job can turn on you if you're not careful.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not telling you to quit because you had a bad day or because your boss got on your nerves or corrected you.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Let's be honest, they probably got on everyone's nerves that day.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about patterns.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about paying attention when loyalty has crossed over into staying stuck.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: So how do you tell the difference?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, here are five signs of healthy loyalty.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Number one you believe the mission.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: You actually care about the work your company does.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: It lines up with your values.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Number two you're committed to success.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: You want to see the organization win and you give your best to make that happen.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Number three you feel valued.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: You know that what you do matters.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: You're appreciated not just in words but in actions.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Number four you have opportunities to grow.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: They give you the chance to learn, stretch and expand your skills, and you're taking those opportunities.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: And finally, number five you can go home at night without guilt.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: The job doesn't consistently drain your emotional, mental or physical tank.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: If that's your reality, man, congratulations.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: You have a great thing going.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Now let's jump into some things and some signs that tell you it's time to leave, because here's the other side of the coin.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Listen to this list and if it starts to sound like your Monday morning, pay attention.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Number one you've hit a ceiling.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: You feel stagnant, unchallenged, like you've been parked in the same place for too long.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Number two you feel invisible.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: No matter what you do, no one notices.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Your skills are underused.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: You're not growing.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Number three your values don't match anymore.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe you've grown, maybe they've changed.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Either way, it feels like you're compromising something deep in your gut.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Number four your health is paying the price.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Stress, anxiety, burnout, headaches, that Sunday night dread it's not just part of the job anymore.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: It's eating away at you.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: It's eating away at you.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Number five the environment is toxic.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Gossip, distrust, backstabbing, constant negativity.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: If this sounds like junior high on steroids, you are in the wrong place.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Number six the company is unstable.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Leadership changes every five minutes, finances are shaky and no one seems to know what's going on.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Number seven you're constantly fantasizing about being somewhere else.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Not a vacation, just not here.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: And finally, number eight, this is the big one you dread work.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: If every morning feels like walking to your own funeral, it's time to take a hard look at what's next.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: There's a balancing act, you see.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Let me say something important here Not every uncomfortable season is a sign to run.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you just need to push through and figure out what it is you're trying to learn or what you need to learn.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Discomfort can be a teacher.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: It shapes us.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: So don't bolt at the first sign of frustration.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: But the flip side is loyalty shouldn't cost you your mental health, your physical health or your sense of purpose.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: You are not a laugher just because you've been there 10 years, 10 years in the wrong place, doesn't make you loyal.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: It makes you stuck.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: The key is to check in with yourself regularly.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself these three questions Am I growing here?
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Am I valued here and am I proud of the work I'm doing here?
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Am I valued here and am I proud of the work I'm doing here?
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: If you keep answering no week after week, that's not loyalty anymore.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: That's self-betrayal.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: So here's what to do.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: If you realize that it's time you get clear.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: In other words, write down what you're ready to leave.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: If you can't put it into words, you won't be able to explain it to anyone else.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Make a plan.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Don't quit tomorrow unless you've got a safety net.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: That's your six talking.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Start putting out feelers.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Update your resume, start networking.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Don't burn bridges, no matter how bad it's gotten.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Leave like a professional.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: You never know when those connections might circle back around.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And, most of all, don't feel guilty from wanting more.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: You see, god wired us for growth, and sometimes growth means staying and digging in, and other times it means stepping out.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: And other times it means stepping out.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: If you find yourself dreading work, feeling stuck or watching your health spiral because of your job, it's time to pay attention.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Your job is not your life.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: It's a vehicle, and if that vehicle isn't taking you where you want to go anymore, you don't just sit in the driveway and hope you get in another car.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: If today's episode has hit home, I want you to do this.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I want you to take 15 minutes this week to sit down and really evaluate where you are.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Are you loyal or are you stuck?
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: And maybe you don't know how to listen to your thoughts?
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I would love for you to go to my website.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I have a tool that will help you start to listen to you so that you can make these decisions with a clear head.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: It's called the Sound of you.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: All you got to do is drop your email address in there and it's downloaded immediately.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Just click the button address in there and it's downloaded immediately.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Just click the button.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: And if you need a sounding board for that next chapter that's why I coach let's talk about your game plan for a career pivot.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out here, you didn't listen by mistake.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.