Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #579 Get Another Room
Transcript
- 0:03Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
- 0:05Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
- 0:09Speaker 2: wants answers.
- 0:10Speaker 3: Now.
- 0:10Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson. I'm so excited for
- 0:12Speaker 2: this conversation today on the Happy Families Podcast. A couple
- 0:16Speaker 2: of weeks ago, I jumped onto Facebook and shared this
- 0:19Speaker 2: idea of a sleep divorce. Now the name doesn't sound
- 0:22Speaker 2: very nice in some ways, because as soon as you
- 0:23Speaker 2: mentioned divorce, people start to worry. But the Facebook feed
- 0:27Speaker 2: just went absolutely nuts. People jumped online and started to
- 0:30Speaker 2: say all kinds of things about having a sleep divorce
- 0:32Speaker 2: and the benefits of it. If you haven't heard of
- 0:34Speaker 2: a sleep divorce, well, actually I'm going to let my
- 0:36Speaker 2: guests explain what it is. Let's just say there are
- 0:38Speaker 2: a whole lot of people who are out there who
- 0:40Speaker 2: love the idea, and there was so much online activity
- 0:44Speaker 2: around this that I thought I need to talk to
- 0:46Speaker 2: somebody who was an expert in sleep divorce or in
- 0:50Speaker 2: sleep for couples when you're sharing a bed and everything
- 0:53Speaker 2: associated with that. So today we're going to have a
- 0:56Speaker 2: conversation with doctor Wendy Troxal. Doctor Troxel is senior behavioral
- 1:01Speaker 2: scientist at the RAND corporation and adjunct faculty at both
- 1:04Speaker 2: the Universities of Pittsburgh and Utah, licensed clinical psychologists, certified
- 1:09Speaker 2: behavioral sleep medicine specialist, more than fifteen pably well several
- 1:13Speaker 2: more than that are now years of clinical and research
- 1:15Speaker 2: experience in sleep medicine. I could go on. The bio
- 1:18Speaker 2: is impressive. But Wendy's written this great book called Sharing
- 1:20Speaker 2: The covers Every Couple's Guide to Better Sleep, and I
- 1:24Speaker 2: wish that I'd found this book when I first got married.
- 1:27Speaker 2: So my wife Kylie and I when we started sharing
- 1:30Speaker 2: a bed, we couldn't sleep, We couldn't touch each other.
- 1:33Speaker 2: We found that as soon as we touched each other
- 1:35Speaker 2: there was all of this well I'm going to use
- 1:37Speaker 2: the word stimulation, but not necessarily in the way that
- 1:39Speaker 2: people might think, and we just couldn't get any sleep. Wendy,
- 1:43Speaker 2: thanks for joining me on The Happy Family's podcast. Is
- 1:44Speaker 2: this a common thing that people struggle to sleep in
- 1:47Speaker 2: a bed together?
- 1:48Speaker 3: Well, thanks so much for having me.
- 1:49Speaker 1: It's a real pleasure, And yes, it is sort of
- 1:52Speaker 1: surprisingly common and yet so thoroughly discussed and under understood,
- 2:00Speaker 1: which is one of the major reasons why I wanted
- 2:03Speaker 1: to write the book compiling all of what is known
- 2:06Speaker 1: from a scientific basis and also the clinical evidence concerning
- 2:11Speaker 1: both the pros and cons of sleeping together or apart,
- 2:16Speaker 1: and giving couples real strategies and solutions to find out
- 2:20Speaker 1: what's going to work best for them in the bedroom
- 2:23Speaker 1: when it comes to sleep, not just sex.
- 2:26Speaker 2: I think this is fascinating. Until recently, I'd never heard
- 2:28Speaker 2: of this idea of a sleep divorce. Certainly had never
- 2:31Speaker 2: contemplated it at all. It was just a given that
- 2:35Speaker 2: my wife and I were going to sleep in the
- 2:37Speaker 2: same bed together, and we do, and we've talked about it,
- 2:39Speaker 2: and I don't get to that shortly. But since this
- 2:41Speaker 2: conversation on Facebook a few weeks ago, I keep meeting
- 2:44Speaker 2: people who tell me that they are in committed relationships
- 2:48Speaker 2: but they sleep in separate beds, and they often sleep
- 2:50Speaker 2: in separate rooms as well, and obviously discover the informal
- 2:53Speaker 2: term getting a sleep divorce. Just tell me a bit
- 2:56Speaker 2: more about the whole idea of a sleep divorce. Why
- 2:58Speaker 2: do people have sleep divorce?
- 3:01Speaker 1: So there's lots of reasons for this particular sleeping arrangement
- 3:06Speaker 1: which has been given by the media. This catchy the
- 3:09Speaker 1: really judge term of sleep divorce, which I try to
- 3:13Speaker 1: avoid as much as possible, because, as you said, in
- 3:16Speaker 1: no shape or form is it ever sort of okay
- 3:19Speaker 1: and benign to talk about the word divorce when in
- 3:23Speaker 1: the context of your relationship it has all of these
- 3:25Speaker 1: negative connotations. So I do try to, you know, avoid
- 3:28Speaker 1: using that, as catchy as it is. But again, it
- 3:31Speaker 1: refers to the myriad of reasons why couples may choose
- 3:36Speaker 1: to sleep apart. Now, those reasons may include children that
- 3:41Speaker 1: like to weasel their way in between the two of you,
- 3:43Speaker 1: making you know, three as a crowd, and making sleep
- 3:46Speaker 1: really challenging for.
- 3:47Speaker 3: All of you.
- 3:48Speaker 1: Maybe there's a sleep disorder in one or both partners,
- 3:51Speaker 1: or maybe one partner snores that's a big culprit, or
- 3:55Speaker 1: maybe it's something sort of more mundane, like you know,
- 3:59Speaker 1: someone you know tosses and turns, or one likes it
- 4:02Speaker 1: really hot at night, one likes it cold, or one's
- 4:05Speaker 1: just a really light sleeper, or maybe you have different
- 4:08Speaker 1: work schedules, or maybe I know about you.
- 4:10Speaker 3: You're a cyclist, so you're.
- 4:11Speaker 1: Waking up at the crack of dawn to head out
- 4:14Speaker 1: and go for your ride, which might not exactly map
- 4:17Speaker 1: on to your wife's preferred sleep schedule. So for lots
- 4:21Speaker 1: of reasons, couples may come to I hope the decision,
- 4:25Speaker 1: though often it's not a decision per se.
- 4:28Speaker 3: It's more of a reaction, and we can get to that.
- 4:31Speaker 1: But you know, really it comes down to if one
- 4:34Speaker 1: or both partners are not sleeping well, they may arrive
- 4:39Speaker 1: at this arrangement of sleeping apart. Now how they arrive
- 4:43Speaker 1: at that arrangement is really the most critical thing. As
- 4:46Speaker 1: I said, If it's an active decision based on a
- 4:50Speaker 1: healthy and open and honest conversation between partners, that could
- 4:54Speaker 1: have no ill effects. In fact, you can have benefits
- 4:56Speaker 1: for a relationship, particularly if both partners are going to
- 4:59Speaker 1: sleep better. On the other hand, if it ends up
- 5:02Speaker 1: being a reactive strategy really where one partner just marches
- 5:08Speaker 1: out of the bedroom in complete frustration because he or
- 5:11Speaker 1: she is not sleeping because maybe her partner is snoring
- 5:14Speaker 1: so loudly, and there's really never a discussion about, you know,
- 5:19Speaker 1: maybe we should try this because you know, I'm not
- 5:22Speaker 1: sleeping well and when I don't sleep well, I can't
- 5:25Speaker 1: be as good a partner to you. That's kind of
- 5:27Speaker 1: the healthy conversation have. But if that doesn't happen, if
- 5:30Speaker 1: it's just sort of reactive and angry, that's when sort
- 5:34Speaker 1: of resentment and a sense of abandonment might occur. And
- 5:38Speaker 1: again that's one of the reasons why in my book,
- 5:41Speaker 1: I help couples start having these conversations about this critical.
- 5:46Speaker 3: Third of our lives.
- 5:47Speaker 1: We really do spend about of our third a third
- 5:50Speaker 1: of our lives asleep, and so that's a major part
- 5:53Speaker 1: of our coupled existence, so we ought to have some
- 5:56Speaker 1: real conversation about it.
- 5:58Speaker 2: It's one of those strange things, isn't it. When do
- 5:59Speaker 2: we take it for granted? We all know that we
- 6:02Speaker 2: sleep approximately eight hours of the twenty four so that's
- 6:04Speaker 2: a third. But when you're reminded of it and put
- 6:06Speaker 2: it front the center, it becomes a really important part
- 6:09Speaker 2: of our lives. I know, and you mentioned my cycling.
- 6:12Speaker 2: I'm so sensitive to the fact that when my alarm
- 6:14Speaker 2: goes off at four fifteen or four twenty in the morning,
- 6:17Speaker 2: there's this person that I'm crazy about right beside me
- 6:20Speaker 2: who's being disturbed by it. And sometimes I'll get home
- 6:23Speaker 2: a couple of hours later and Kylie will be awaken,
- 6:26Speaker 2: will have been awake since, and I feel so bad.
- 6:28Speaker 2: We'll talk about my conversation with Kylie about a sleep
- 6:31Speaker 2: divorce shortly. What I'd like to know now, though, is
- 6:34Speaker 2: you've written You've written a book about this, I mean
- 6:36Speaker 2: about how we can sleep well as a couple sharing
- 6:39Speaker 2: the covers, and when you wrote the book, what science
- 6:42Speaker 2: did you find that would support a sleep divorce.
- 6:47Speaker 1: So some of the research I discuss concerns the impact
- 6:50Speaker 1: of sleep loss on relationship functioning. So we know from
- 6:55Speaker 1: my work and others that you know, when we're not
- 6:58Speaker 1: getting the sleep we need, our communications skills suffer. We're
- 7:02Speaker 1: more prone to mental health problems like depression and anxiety,
- 7:07Speaker 1: which you're going to have a negative impact on relationships.
- 7:10Speaker 1: We're more prone to conflict. Our frustration tolerance is lowered,
- 7:14Speaker 1: so we're more likely to snap at our partner. Interestingly,
- 7:18Speaker 1: we also have less empathic accuracy, which is the ability
- 7:21Speaker 1: to read and understand your partner's emotions, which, as you know,
- 7:26Speaker 1: is absolutely critical in the context of a relationship. So
- 7:30Speaker 1: how you sleep can actually impact the quality of your relationships.
- 7:34Speaker 1: I also cover the research on sleep and sex. There's
- 7:38Speaker 1: a lot of sort of mythology out there about how
- 7:42Speaker 1: sex is good for sleep. I can tell you actually
- 7:45Speaker 1: that the research in terms of that direction is equivocal.
- 7:49Speaker 3: We don't know for sure.
- 7:51Speaker 1: It's probably that for some people sex is good for sleep,
- 7:53Speaker 1: for others it's too stimulating, and like you said, not
- 7:57Speaker 1: stimulating in the good way, just meaning that it keeps
- 8:00Speaker 1: you awake at night rather than helping you do unwind.
- 8:03Speaker 1: So while that research is somewhat next, what we do
- 8:06Speaker 1: absolutely know is that sleep is good for sex. So
- 8:11Speaker 1: when you're sleeping well, sexual frequency increases, as well as
- 8:16Speaker 1: sexual desire, particularly for women. So yet another reason from
- 8:21Speaker 1: a scientific basis of why it's so important for couples
- 8:25Speaker 1: to start considering the role of sleep in the life of.
- 8:29Speaker 3: The relationship, and yet it's so often neglected.
- 8:32Speaker 2: Wendy, what I'm hearing in this conversation is that you're
- 8:36Speaker 2: not so much advocating for a quote unquote sleep divorce,
- 8:39Speaker 2: that unfortunate term. What you're advocating for is couples working
- 8:43Speaker 2: out how they're going to sleep best because it's going
- 8:45Speaker 2: to be good for their relationship. And I really, I
- 8:47Speaker 2: really love the way that you're setting that up. After
- 8:49Speaker 2: the break, we're going to have a quick chat about
- 8:51Speaker 2: any disadvantages to setting up your sleeping arrangements like this,
- 8:55Speaker 2: And I'm going to share a couple of things that
- 8:57Speaker 2: people have said as they jumped onto Facebook that made
- 9:00Speaker 2: me think that maybe this is something worth considering. If
- 9:07Speaker 2: you've got a teen, you're likely already worried about alcohol
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- 9:21Speaker 2: your twins and teens navigate one of the most challenging
- 9:24Speaker 2: adolescent issues today. Available on the Happy Families webshop. It's
- 9:29Speaker 2: the Happy Famili's podcast, the podcast for the typop parent
- 9:31Speaker 2: who just wants answers Now Today. My guest on the
- 9:34Speaker 2: podcast is doctor Wendy Troxel. Wendy is the author of
- 9:38Speaker 2: Sharing the Covers, Every Couple's Guide to Better Sleep. Really
- 9:42Speaker 2: fascinated by this discussion we're having around the idea of
- 9:45Speaker 2: having a quote unquote sleep divorce, Wendy want to put
- 9:48Speaker 2: the question to people on Facebook. I mean I had
- 9:51Speaker 2: two or three conversations in a day or two with
- 9:53Speaker 2: people who said, yeah, this is what I do. I
- 9:54Speaker 2: don't sleep in the same bedroom as my husband and
- 9:56Speaker 2: my wife, my partner. We sleep in different rooms, different beds,
- 9:59Speaker 2: and it's the best thing we've ever done. And when
- 10:01Speaker 2: I think about a close relationship, I just imagine that
- 10:03Speaker 2: everybody always sleeps in the same bed, and I just well,
- 10:07Speaker 2: I'm even struggling for the words right now. I didn't
- 10:09Speaker 2: know how to respond, so I threw it on Facebook.
- 10:11Speaker 2: And here's what some people said. Let me read this
- 10:13Speaker 2: one to you. The best thing we've done. We sleep better,
- 10:15Speaker 2: We actually rest, We get up in a good mood
- 10:17Speaker 2: and keep our identities separated in different rooms and get
- 10:19Speaker 2: along well, love it. We get used to sleeping alone
- 10:22Speaker 2: while we're growing up. Then when we marry we're supposed
- 10:25Speaker 2: to sleep together and change our routine and get used
- 10:26Speaker 2: to it. Just like that. It doesn't always work that way,
- 10:29Speaker 2: and it's fine. Don't let society dictate your life. One
- 10:32Speaker 2: mum jumped on and said I would love to sleep
- 10:35Speaker 2: divorce my kids. Another one said, absolutely, best thing we do.
- 10:42Speaker 2: Doing this does not have a negative impact on our intimacy.
- 10:44Speaker 2: Intimacy and sex isn't just for the bed or for
- 10:46Speaker 2: the bedroom. When the communication, affection, support, empathy, and love
- 10:50Speaker 2: is strong in the relationship. It doesn't matter what bed
- 10:52Speaker 2: you're sleep in or if the children room bed with you,
- 10:54Speaker 2: because intimacy can be given and received in so many
- 10:56Speaker 2: forms and places, and sex can be fun and fabulous anywhere.
- 10:58Speaker 2: So we need to talk about the intimate question. In
- 11:00Speaker 2: just a sick to other quick comments, one person said,
- 11:02Speaker 2: I give it one hundred and out of ten, one
- 11:04Speaker 2: hundred and fifty percent would recommend it will save your marriage,
- 11:07Speaker 2: not joking. And one last person said, done it?
- 11:10Speaker 3: Do it?
- 11:10Speaker 2: In fact? Rate it so highly. So the overwhelming response
- 11:15Speaker 2: from people was this is great. But the overwhelming question
- 11:17Speaker 2: that came through was what about intimacy? How do you
- 11:20Speaker 2: navigate that? Especially if there are kids in the house
- 11:22Speaker 2: and they're watching you go to one room and then
- 11:24Speaker 2: it's so like musical beds. How do you navigate that
- 11:27Speaker 2: as a couple.
- 11:28Speaker 1: So that's sort of the single biggest concern, And as
- 11:32Speaker 1: you know an expert who studies is sleep in the
- 11:35Speaker 1: context of relationships, That's the one question I'm asked most
- 11:38Speaker 1: frequently of all that, like if I sleep apart, you know,
- 11:41Speaker 1: does it mean like the end of our sex life?
- 11:44Speaker 1: And the answer is absolutely not. Many couples who choose
- 11:49Speaker 1: to sleep apart actually find that it enhances their sex
- 11:52Speaker 1: life because, by the way, one of the primary sort
- 11:55Speaker 1: of reasons given for not having sex is the old
- 11:58Speaker 1: I'm too tired for sex, So by getting good sleep
- 12:02Speaker 1: you might actually be more inclined to have sex and
- 12:06Speaker 1: enjoy it more so. In the idea also that sex
- 12:11Speaker 1: only occurs at night and in bed, one of your
- 12:15Speaker 1: one of the comments from Facebook actually alluded to this
- 12:18Speaker 1: beautifully is I mean, the idea that.
- 12:21Speaker 3: Sex has to occur at night and in bed and is.
- 12:25Speaker 1: Always spontaneous is really sort of an overrated idea and
- 12:30Speaker 1: not really characteristic of most long term relationships, particularly when
- 12:35Speaker 1: kids enter the picture. Right Like, sex can and often
- 12:38Speaker 1: needs to be planned so you're not both exhausted, so
- 12:41Speaker 1: you know, the kids are out of the room, so
- 12:44Speaker 1: that you can actually have some reasonable enjoyment and have desire.
- 12:48Speaker 3: For sexual activity. And so couples who choose to.
- 12:51Speaker 1: Sleep apart find lots of strategies to maintain intimacy, including
- 12:56Speaker 1: you know, finding times during the daytime or before eithertner
- 13:00Speaker 1: goes to sleep, and then they go to their separate
- 13:02Speaker 1: bedrooms or maybe it's in the morning, which again based
- 13:05Speaker 1: on our circadian preferences, which is that some of us
- 13:10Speaker 1: are more mourning type people, some of us are evening
- 13:13Speaker 1: type people. Those circadian preferences not only dictate or help
- 13:18Speaker 1: to govern our sleep wake schedules, but they also govern
- 13:21Speaker 1: other activities, including our enjoyment for sex. Though so for
- 13:25Speaker 1: some couples it may be that other times of day
- 13:28Speaker 1: that may be scheduled might be a better time for
- 13:32Speaker 1: sex anyway, So there are certainly ways to maintain intimacy
- 13:36Speaker 1: even if couples choose.
- 13:37Speaker 3: To sleep apart.
- 13:39Speaker 1: And the other thing I want to mention, even your
- 13:41Speaker 1: reaction to this, that it was sort of breathtaking to
- 13:45Speaker 1: you the idea that some couples could say this strategy.
- 13:49Speaker 3: Really works for the relationship because it's so.
- 13:52Speaker 1: Ingrained for so many that there is one way for
- 13:56Speaker 1: couples to sleep, and that is together in the marital
- 13:59Speaker 1: bed is sake. And I'm actually somebody who does believe
- 14:02Speaker 1: in the sacredness of sharing time together in bed.
- 14:06Speaker 3: But the idea that there's.
- 14:08Speaker 1: Only one way to sleep together is a totally socially
- 14:13Speaker 1: prescribed phenomenon, and it's actually very tremendously across history and
- 14:20Speaker 1: across cultures, and so we have this rigid sort of hold.
- 14:24Speaker 3: On the marital bed.
- 14:26Speaker 1: And again it's societally prescribed. And my message to couples,
- 14:31Speaker 1: I'm not prescribing anything to any couples for such an
- 14:35Speaker 1: intimate behavior. I'm saying, prioritize sleep for the health of
- 14:39Speaker 1: your relationship. How you do that is really going to
- 14:43Speaker 1: vary based on your own couple, individual needs, preferences, and values.
- 14:49Speaker 1: But do have a conversation about it with your partner,
- 14:52Speaker 1: and do try to do everything you can to ensure
- 14:55Speaker 1: that both you and your partner are getting the sleep
- 14:58Speaker 1: you need to be the best partner.
- 15:00Speaker 2: You can be. Wendy, the more that I've spoken with
- 15:03Speaker 2: people and I reckon, I've probably bumped into half a
- 15:04Speaker 2: dozen people who have told me that this is what
- 15:07Speaker 2: they do now. They sleep in separate rooms, even though
- 15:09Speaker 2: they're in wonderfully happy relationships. It still seems like such
- 15:13Speaker 2: an uncommon concept. I raised it with Kylie and said, Honey,
- 15:17Speaker 2: you know what, I'm having all these conversations with people.
- 15:20Speaker 2: Are you sleeping okay? Am I sleeping okay? Are you
- 15:22Speaker 2: happy with our sleeping arrangement? Should we consider anything else.
- 15:26Speaker 2: Kylie very much wanted to share the bed with me,
- 15:28Speaker 2: and I felt the same way. My question to you, though,
- 15:31Speaker 2: is what happens when one person actually thinks I need this.
- 15:34Speaker 2: I've got a partner who's snoring, or I've got a
- 15:36Speaker 2: partner who's doing shift work, or the kids are just
- 15:37Speaker 2: driving us crazy and we are not getting to sleep,
- 15:39Speaker 2: and I'm not functioning well. Nothing is going right for
- 15:42Speaker 2: me when it comes to sleep. How do they navigate
- 15:45Speaker 2: that when one partner is adamant that know, if we're married,
- 15:48Speaker 2: or if when this relationship we show our commitment by
- 15:50Speaker 2: sleeping together and the other partner's going but I'm quietly
- 15:53Speaker 2: dying of exhaustion over here exactly now.
- 15:56Speaker 1: I see this quite a bit, and often couples who
- 15:58Speaker 1: come to me in my clinic work, we have to
- 16:01Speaker 1: negotiate these kind of issues where one partner.
- 16:05Speaker 3: Is sleeping well.
- 16:06Speaker 1: And you know, really benefits from sharing a bed, and
- 16:09Speaker 1: I don't want to at all underestimate that for many
- 16:12Speaker 1: people there are huge benefits of sharing a bed. The
- 16:16Speaker 1: psychological sense of safety and security that you get from
- 16:20Speaker 1: being close to a loved one at night.
- 16:22Speaker 3: That's really important. The issue is that.
- 16:26Speaker 1: On the other hand, if one partner is just for
- 16:28Speaker 1: whatever reason, not sleeping, well, how do you come to
- 16:32Speaker 1: grips and find a place of compromise for that? And
- 16:34Speaker 1: I often work with couples on that, and sometimes it
- 16:37Speaker 1: comes down to experimenting with different strategies so that both
- 16:42Speaker 1: needs are met. And again, this is what we do
- 16:45Speaker 1: in all sorts of relationship therapy. We're just now focusing
- 16:48Speaker 1: on the third of the day that we neglect, which
- 16:50Speaker 1: is sleep. But negotiation and compromise is a part of
- 16:54Speaker 1: all relationships. So for instance, it might be that the
- 16:57Speaker 1: person who feels like I could never sleep apart from
- 17:01Speaker 1: my partner, because that really means something like, you know,
- 17:05Speaker 1: our shared time and debt is a cornerstone of our relationship.
- 17:08Speaker 1: It's really hard for that person to even fathom the
- 17:11Speaker 1: idea of sleeping apart. So I might suggest to them.
- 17:14Speaker 1: But the other person is, as you said, just struggling,
- 17:17Speaker 1: starving for sleep and really suffering, and that we know
- 17:21Speaker 1: could have a negative impact not only on the individual,
- 17:24Speaker 1: but also on the relationship. So I might suggest to
- 17:27Speaker 1: that couple. You know, well, first of all, let's find
- 17:29Speaker 1: out what's going on with the partner. Who's not sleeping well.
- 17:32Speaker 1: Do they have a sleep disorder which needs to be treated.
- 17:35Speaker 1: We'll work on that absolutely, because an undiagnosed sleep disorder
- 17:39Speaker 1: can have other ramifications beyond the relationship, and often that's
- 17:43Speaker 1: true when it comes to snoring. I always say, if
- 17:47Speaker 1: snoring is causing a rift in your sleeping arrangements, first
- 17:50Speaker 1: determined if that's a sign of another sleep disorder, such
- 17:54Speaker 1: as sleep apnea, which really needs to be treated, or
- 17:56Speaker 1: maybe it's insomnia, which is also a clinical disorder which
- 18:00Speaker 1: has significant consequences both for the relationship and beyond. So
- 18:04Speaker 1: make sure that's being treated. But beyond that, one partner
- 18:08Speaker 1: is still just really struggling while sharing a bed. Maybe
- 18:11Speaker 1: what you do is experiment with the idea of try
- 18:15Speaker 1: this sleeping apart, maybe just on the weekend initially, or
- 18:19Speaker 1: maybe it's actually one day during the week. Let's say
- 18:22Speaker 1: one partner has a really big work day the next
- 18:25Speaker 1: day and needs to get a good night of sleep
- 18:28Speaker 1: and isn't sleeping well. So maybe you try a night
- 18:31Speaker 1: or two during the work week when the stakes are
- 18:33Speaker 1: really high, try to sleeping apart, but then have a
- 18:37Speaker 1: reunion either on the weekend or on the subsequent nights.
- 18:41Speaker 1: These kind of like short term experiments within a couple
- 18:45Speaker 1: allows them to test out the validity of these very
- 18:49Speaker 1: strongly held beliefs.
- 18:51Speaker 2: It's been a fascinating conversation. Really really enjoyed it. Doctor
- 18:54Speaker 2: Wendy Truxel is the author of Sharing the Covers Every
- 18:58Speaker 2: Couple's God to Be to Sleep. We will link to
- 19:01Speaker 2: that in the show notes. Wendy, if people want more
- 19:03Speaker 2: information about the work that you do, the book that
- 19:05Speaker 2: you've written, or anything else related to this, where should
- 19:07Speaker 2: they go for more resources?
- 19:08Speaker 1: Well, thanks so much for the opportunity to speak with
- 19:11Speaker 1: you today. It's been a delight. Yes, my book I
- 19:13Speaker 1: encourage you to take a look at it and covers
- 19:15Speaker 1: many more topics beyond sleep, divorce, all of the issues
- 19:18Speaker 1: that come up when it comes to couples and sleep
- 19:21Speaker 1: and how to get better sleep together or apart. I
- 19:25Speaker 1: also have a website, Wendy Truxel dot com. You can
- 19:27Speaker 1: find me on Instagram. Sharing the Covers is my Instagram handle,
- 19:32Speaker 1: Wendy Truxel is my Twitter handle, and you can see
- 19:37Speaker 1: lots of media interviews with me and that pop up
- 19:40Speaker 1: every now and then, pretty much anytime there's a discussion
- 19:42Speaker 1: of couples in sleep.
- 19:43Speaker 2: It's a great title for the book. Thank you again
- 19:45Speaker 2: for your time.
- 19:46Speaker 3: Wendy, it's been a pleasure. Thanks so much.
- 19:48Speaker 2: It's doctor Wendy Truxel, author of Sharing the Covers. Great
- 19:52Speaker 2: title for a great book, for a fantastic conversation and topic.
- 19:55Speaker 2: The Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from
- 19:57Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if
- 20:00Speaker 2: you'd like morronfo about making your family happier, visit happy
- 20:02Speaker 2: families dot com. Dora you