Latest / The Christian Reeve Podcast / Lydia Pearson | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #97 |

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Lydia Pearson | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #97 | · The Christian Reeve Podcast

• 0:02
  Hello and welcome to another episode of the Christian Reef
• 0:06
  podcast. Today's guest is a classically
• 0:09
  trained singer from the UK. She's actually in my community,
• 0:14
  which is pretty cool. So, this is a nice change of
• 0:17
  things. Her name is Lydia person.
• 0:19
  Welcome to the show. How you doing?
• 0:20
  I'm good. How are you doing?
• 0:22
  Did very well doing very well. Thank you.
• 0:24
  It's finally started to rain. So now I feel like I'm not dying
• 0:29
  anymore, coming down. Yeah.
• 0:32
  I just feel like I'm melting. It's really sticky as well like,
• 0:38
  it's closed. I find it quite unpleasant.
• 0:41
  I just can't handle it. I don't know.
• 0:43
  I've got like, fair-skinned. And I get like intense sun,
• 0:48
  stroke and stuff like that. So have a good.
• 0:52
  That's not a good. I just hide in the summer, to be
• 0:55
  honest. Everyone else is like, oh, why
• 0:57
  don't you like it great? I'm like nah, sun's out guns
• 1:00
  out, kind of know. Right now is perfect for me.
• 1:03
  It's about 16 degrees, it's raining.
• 1:05
  This is perfect. I love this.
• 1:07
  This is perfect weather II. Couldn't agree more.
• 1:11
  It's great. It's very pleasant and I like
• 1:14
  the sound of rain, and I find it really relaxing and I find I get
• 1:18
  into quite a good like headspace with it.
• 1:22
  I like it. There's someone in one of my
• 1:24
  lives the other day said that it's quite romantic.
• 1:26
  And I tend to agree, but it's not just that I quite like Just
• 1:31
  this whole concept of sitting inside and like just hearing the
• 1:37
  rain, splatter on the windowsill go.
• 1:41
  Look, yeah. That works too.
• 1:44
  I like it in winter as well the same sort of thing but with a
• 1:48
  don't know with snow or just being inside and warm while it's
• 1:52
  cold outside quite dig that thing that's nice.
• 1:55
  Yeah, you got the right idea and hundred percent and listening to
• 1:59
  music. Stick on something.
• 2:02
  Nice, with the rain cozy up. There you go.
• 2:07
  There you go. I want to take it right back to
• 2:12
  the beginning, because I've got quite a few questions for you
• 2:15
  that I sort of divers, dive Ice device.
• 2:20
  I can't speak properly devised in my initial research and I've
• 2:25
  also obviously got questions from my disc or Community, for
• 2:29
  those who are unfamiliar. I have a disk or Community, it's
• 2:33
  predominantly filmed filled. It would be helpful if I could
• 2:38
  speak on my own podcast, wouldn't it?
• 2:40
  and I guess I've been out of practice for the past week or
• 2:43
  two weeks have a long it's been As I was very varied Community,
• 2:49
  actually lots of different people and lots of different
• 2:52
  sort of contributions. And I love that it's growing
• 2:55
  learning new things and I'm seeing new things and it's a fun
• 3:00
  place to be. Actually highly recommend to all
• 3:02
  of you out there who aren't part of it.
• 3:04
  Yeah, I mean, it's it started as just being a kind of a wing off
• 3:09
  the side of what I do, you know. See, I do a lot of marketing and
• 3:12
  branding for everything I do online.
• 3:15
  Yeah and it kind of like the natural kind of put a if you
• 3:25
  ever trip and point, like, and actual point on the timeline, if
• 3:31
  you're trying to build a community online, then it's very
• 3:35
  important to have a disc or Community.
• 3:37
  I feel. And, you know, I've been
• 3:39
  building a lot of things over the past year with patreon and
• 3:43
  Tick-Tock and countless other different social media sites and
• 3:47
  Discord has been interesting because that's a in the past six
• 3:50
  months, or so, it's finally started to become what I wanted
• 3:54
  it to become. Which is just not just a
• 3:56
  depository for everything that I do.
• 3:59
  But also an actual Community where people can talk and get to
• 4:03
  know each other and you know interact with me as well which
• 4:07
  is something I don't often talk about but it is a place that
• 4:10
  people can do that more directly.
• 4:13
  Obviously we do things like voice chats and the movie Nights
• 4:17
  the movie diets and yeah, all these different things.
• 4:20
  I realize this is just one giant advertisement for my disc or
• 4:23
  Community. I will I'll get to the point, I
• 4:25
  think, I think advertised it advertised, it's great fun.
• 4:29
  And I've met some amazing people on there and I do, I think we
• 4:32
  kind of don't allow in assholes. This is true, everyone.
• 4:39
  There is a nice person and a good person and that I think
• 4:43
  that's a very important thing within a community and this
• 4:47
  actually makes me full circle which is that I actually
• 4:51
  received a bunch of questions from the Disco community and
• 4:54
  it's something I've been opening up every time I get a new guest
• 4:58
  for the podcast. Oversee, ask the community.
• 5:02
  Hey what kind of questions you want to ask the latest guest.
• 5:06
  And I've been actually receiving a lot of feedback.
• 5:09
  So if you do want to join the Discord community and you want
• 5:12
  to be involved in the types of questions that are asked to the
• 5:16
  podcast guests join the escort community and go to the chat and
• 5:20
  you'll find that. Yeah, so one of the questions
• 5:24
  options, which I already had down anyway, but it brings us
• 5:27
  straight into talking about your music career is When did you
• 5:35
  actually realize that you had this kind of powerful voice?
• 5:38
  Because it's always interesting to understand, like when people
• 5:43
  realize such things, like people often tell me that, I have a
• 5:47
  good singing voice. I can tell you straight away.
• 5:48
  Now, it was always always terrible in the very beginning
• 5:53
  Dreadful. And I would say, the vast
• 5:56
  majority of singers have to practice very hard for many,
• 6:02
  many years, I'd say I've been Hang on my voice, the better
• 6:05
  part of 10 years or so. And I think finally, now, it's
• 6:09
  getting to a point where it's okay.
• 6:13
  But you have a voice undersell yourself.
• 6:16
  I'm just, I'm just being honest, but with your voice is very
• 6:19
  different because I feel like this is the sort of thing that
• 6:23
  is one thing to have like a natural singing voice and be
• 6:26
  able to to, you know, just sing General kind of stuff, right?
• 6:31
  But your voice is, you know, you were Conductor all these
• 6:35
  different kind of ranges as far as like, falsettos are
• 6:38
  concerned. I mean, it's a different level
• 6:40
  of singing. Almost anyone that sings in our
• 6:42
  prayer classical singing, whatever like that is a whole
• 6:45
  other world and you're doing a lot more powerful stuff with
• 6:48
  your voice stuff. That the average everyday person
• 6:51
  can't do it. Like I could never sing the way
• 6:53
  that you soon and I know that that's not me trying to be
• 6:56
  negative or anything, that's just realism because it's a
• 6:59
  different level. It's a different world entirely.
• 7:02
  So bringing it back to you. What was that initial point?
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  Where did it start for you? God, I remember being very young
• 7:12
  and we drive in a car and they'd have Frank Sinatra, Elton John
• 7:17
  on the in the CD deck and I'd sing Everything an octave
• 7:21
  higher. And my mum at one point, turned
• 7:24
  to me and said, I should give you, I should get you singing
• 7:27
  lessons. And I'm I was very, very shy as
• 7:31
  a kid. I was bullied.
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  Lot. I didn't want to be in front of
• 7:37
  people, I didn't want that Focus.
• 7:41
  I wanted to just blend in, so I went and had these lessons and I
• 7:47
  found myself having an Avenue or just a way of expressing pain
• 7:57
  and there was a lot happening in my personal life at home, and
• 8:03
  there was a lot happening at school.
• 8:04
  Cool. And the one thing I had was
• 8:07
  expressing myself through music and having very inspirational
• 8:11
  music teachers. And obviously teachers are
• 8:13
  really really vital in helping people find their passion.
• 8:19
  So on top of that, my mum has since I was 7, worked for an
• 8:26
  opera. So I was surrounded by people at
• 8:32
  the top of their game from. Very young age and I listened to
• 8:38
  them, because they'd stay here, because they, you know, we're
• 8:41
  closer to the theater. So they instead of traveling up
• 8:44
  and down to London, every night, they stay in one of our rooms,
• 8:49
  and I've hear them doing their warm-ups, and I just feel like,
• 8:53
  wow, I want to, I want to be that good.
• 8:55
  I want to be that good. I'm not there now, I'm not as
• 8:59
  good as them, but it's always kind of Of informed, a sort of
• 9:08
  competitiveness within me to be as good as them.
• 9:11
  And it's quite exhausting sometimes because like there's
• 9:14
  this perfectionism thing but as a kid I'd say I discovered that
• 9:20
  and had singing lessons at around 10 or 11 and what they do
• 9:25
  is they put you doing sort of show tunes and I was in the
• 9:32
  choir and then I was head of choir.
• 9:35
  One school, it was just my outlet.
• 9:42
  I don't know, it's just, it's part of me.
• 9:47
  I couldn't survive without it, but I think that the best I
• 9:52
  think that the best art often is an expression of pain in many
• 9:57
  different things you know like actual paintings and music and
• 10:04
  writing, you know I think it's I think it's a good thing.
• 10:09
  I think it keeps people strong is having an outlet.
• 10:14
  There's a lot to unpack here, I apologize.
• 10:16
  I go off. Hey, that's fine.
• 10:18
  No no need for apologies, just gives me more to work with I'm
• 10:23
  attorney. Yeah that's fine as well again.
• 10:26
  It's good for podcasting so I was going to circle back to this
• 10:33
  but, you know, you seem to have touched on it quite strongly.
• 10:35
  So it seems like it's quite important for you, which I
• 10:38
  understand, I do a similar thing with my music.
• 10:45
  As far as. You mentioned that, you know,
• 10:49
  you had some struggles, there you saw it, as kind of a means
• 10:54
  to dealing with the pain in your life.
• 10:57
  You know, music is a form of escapism essentially, so with
• 11:02
  that in mind, I mean, talk talk us through exactly what was I
• 11:08
  mean, you obviously don't have to go into specifics as far as
• 11:10
  I'm putting is concerned but hey yeah, I'll just say this now.
• 11:13
  Everyone gets bullied. I got bullied.
• 11:15
  Yeah, quite badly. It does happen.
• 11:19
  But I think the most interesting people have often been bullied.
• 11:22
  That's true. Yeah.
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  Because they were different from a young age.
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  So I don't know why. I was bullied really.
• 11:31
  I grew up in France, and they might have picked up on.
• 11:34
  Stop a bit of an accent. It might have been that I
• 11:37
  remember getting called frog a lot, but I didn't really care.
• 11:42
  But I had an abusive member of my family who was struggling
• 11:48
  with a drug problem and that was expressed through their fists
• 11:55
  into my face. A lot when I was very young and
• 11:59
  I didn't understand cuz I didn't really, I don't know about you,
• 12:03
  but I didn't know anything about drugs, really when I was 10, but
• 12:07
  kids today are very different and very much more informed.
• 12:11
  I had absolutely no idea, especially on the sort of side
• 12:16
  effects and the impact on people.
• 12:19
  So I just kind of thought. Wow, this person really hates
• 12:22
  me, you know, I didn't understand why they hated me so
• 12:26
  much, but it's just that I was the younger sibling and easy
• 12:32
  target. I guess, we still Patching
• 12:36
  things up, 20 years later. It hasn't been completely
• 12:40
  resolved but we're getting there.
• 12:46
  But yeah, that was good. I think that's the hardest thing
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  I've ever had to deal with. Was dealing with people not
• 12:56
  being very pleasant to me at school and then coming home.
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  And sort of I became very insular and very closed off, and
• 13:09
  it's taken so much work for me to be able to be vulnerable.
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  And something happened, something clicked.
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  And I went I don't have to do any of that if I can show it
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  through my voice. If I can show people real
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  emotion, and allows them to be sort of part of the story, they
• 13:32
  should work it out themselves and I think that's a very
• 13:34
  powerful thing. Allow a, you know, people when
• 13:39
  people can actually Express emotion because a lot of people
• 13:42
  say, you know, sound sad or something and they'll go, but
• 13:46
  actually physically really feeling it, it's quite, it can
• 13:51
  be quite intense getting to that place.
• 13:59
  But I couldn't have survived without it, no way.
• 14:03
  But there was a, when I was in my teens school, people used to
• 14:10
  send me things on Outlook much rather dates this, and it would
• 14:17
  say, like, good luck, I'll be watching you.
• 14:20
  I'm always watching you. I think of you in a weird way
• 14:27
  and I was just like, Okay, was it like stalkers?
• 14:33
  It was school, bullies, generally in the Years above me
• 14:38
  and I, and I always thought God, that's, you know, I understand
• 14:43
  from people within my own year group, but, you know, when it's
• 14:48
  older kids, who don't know you, I remember being like, Oh, that
• 14:52
  so people talk And, you know, I didn't feel very comfortable
• 14:58
  with that. So that all got dealt with
• 15:01
  rather badly by the school, but surprise surprise.
• 15:06
  Yeah, but I did a concert that night and I sang Somewhere Over
• 15:14
  the Rainbow think which is already such a sad song.
• 15:25
  But they were sitting sort of seven rows back.
• 15:29
  I couldn't tell you and they were just glaring at me.
• 15:35
  And I had a real moment about three years ago, I sang at a
• 15:39
  wedding. And one of these people who was
• 15:43
  in the year above me at school, I know I was there and I was
• 15:48
  just like, I've been hired. I've been paid to send this
• 15:54
  thing. I felt so strong.
• 15:56
  I was like, yes, Victory Justice or you sodding?
• 16:01
  People who made my life, hell. When I was a teenager, it was
• 16:04
  beautiful. I was just like, yes.
• 16:08
  And they looked at me as if to say like, it's that.
• 16:12
  Is that her? Yeah, but the name sounds
• 16:14
  familiar, but I'm not sure, and I was just like, yeah, it's me
• 16:19
  so. So they did approach you.
• 16:21
  Then they came up to you and know what have I been invited to
• 16:24
  the after party. Artie as right, you know, which
• 16:26
  is generally done. And I sort of looked at them
• 16:31
  like, uh, you know, and they just walked straight past me.
• 16:35
  And I was at all, they looking they look embarrassed at all.
• 16:39
  Yeah, I think so because, you know, if you're that, I don't
• 16:43
  know. I never bullied anyone, but you
• 16:44
  must grow up and be like God, what way was, I how did they
• 16:49
  look bigger? And I know this might sound like
• 16:51
  a strange question, but When I think about the people that
• 16:55
  believe me, it's cool, right? Well, I had interesting
• 16:58
  situation because the people that believe me, originally were
• 17:02
  my friends and it kind of, just, yeah, kind of turned into that
• 17:07
  and then it became just ruthless.
• 17:09
  But I always, when I look back, the only thing I can think is
• 17:13
  theirs as they were jealous of what.
• 17:15
  I'm not entirely, sure, but they were jealous of something.
• 17:19
  I know when I look at their lives now, One of them is just
• 17:25
  the same like they haven't changed.
• 17:27
  It's actually kind of depressing.
• 17:29
  And and then, the other one is, I don't know.
• 17:33
  Like they didn't really do much with their life, but I guess
• 17:36
  they're like they've grown up or whatever.
• 17:38
  But my point is, they're both kind of like, Like that.
• 17:45
  That's all they would ever amount to kind of thing because
• 17:47
  of their - mines because of like who they are, what they
• 17:50
  represent, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, you know, maybe they
• 17:54
  just lack ambition. I don't know.
• 17:55
  Maybe because often they say with bullies you know obviously
• 17:58
  the people we deal with online they're always nameless faceless
• 18:02
  people, they're always toxic people they're just trying to
• 18:05
  make themselves feel better by bringing you down.
• 18:08
  So with that in mind, how did this person look like Really
• 18:13
  pretty much the same. They don't have to worry because
• 18:17
  they come from a very rich background.
• 18:19
  All these kids, I went to school with and they don't have to
• 18:21
  worry about work and stuff like that.
• 18:23
  So, they don't have to worry about being ambitious.
• 18:26
  They can just, they stayed within the same friend circles.
• 18:29
  It's happened throughout the throughout my ear and they, they
• 18:33
  haven't really, really, truly expanded their Circle, which I
• 18:36
  think's pretty sad, you know, get out there a bit.
• 18:39
  It's interesting that you bring this up.
• 18:41
  So what I was going to ask Before is is there maybe maybe a
• 18:45
  jealousy angle to this and I'm almost confident that it must be
• 18:49
  that now because I mean do you know what these people do for a
• 18:52
  living? Now do you happen to know?
• 18:54
  I couldn't tell you they're probably in like PR or
• 18:57
  something? I don't know.
• 18:58
  Okay. Yeah like an easy I couldn't
• 19:01
  tell you but one of them is a did a carpentry degree which I
• 19:05
  think is pretty cool. Pretty different for what I was
• 19:08
  expecting but yeah, I have no No, real interest.
• 19:14
  I've kept a few from course yeah.
• 19:16
  No, no. You know what?
• 19:18
  You know what? It's like, you know.
• 19:20
  Yeah. I a lot of people go to UNI and
• 19:22
  think I'm going to stay friends with these people forever.
• 19:23
  You don't, it's the same with school.
• 19:25
  You know. I've kept in touch with possibly
• 19:28
  two people from each of my educational institutions people
• 19:33
  that I've kept on Facebook. I like, by the way, anyone
• 19:37
  listening to this, who was a school friend of mine, if you,
• 19:41
  if I have you on Facebook, that guess what?
• 19:42
  That means. We like to use the word on the
• 19:46
  test. Yeah, well no.
• 19:47
  He's kind of like that. You know what I mean?
• 19:49
  How. Yeah.
• 19:50
  If only it's a good call every now and then, you know what you
• 19:53
  do? It's funny.
• 19:54
  So one of the people that believe me, right?
• 19:57
  And I've, it's kind of funny. So one of the people that
• 20:00
  believe me is now dating and has been for a very long time.
• 20:04
  Dating a person that I was friends with outside of school
• 20:08
  for many years and now, it's funny the way that the Universe
• 20:11
  works, right? Because this person who believe
• 20:15
  me, right? They used to take the Mickey out
• 20:18
  of this. This person, this friend of
• 20:20
  mine, used to say, horrible things about them, physically,
• 20:24
  right? So since the most amazing irony,
• 20:28
  that now they're dating and happy and in love.
• 20:31
  And I'm like, man. Like, if you only knew what this
• 20:34
  person used to say about you, it's just it's not I mean I
• 20:37
  guess. Fortunately, my bullies are all
• 20:39
  looking beautiful and modely, you know, like it doesn't, it
• 20:43
  doesn't I know that from, it doesn't matter about that sort
• 20:45
  of stuff, that's not my point. My point is more that like, it's
• 20:50
  funny how these things work out because out of the two of them
• 20:54
  again, like the one that hasn't changed is just a, really not
• 21:00
  very pleasant human being at all.
• 21:02
  He wasn't then. He hasn't now, if anything, it
• 21:04
  sounds like he's gotten worse, but the other one I think maybe
• 21:08
  has grown up has changed. I don't know, maybe that's why
• 21:11
  they're now dating that person. But, but yeah, but bullies are
• 21:15
  interesting. I mean, to me, it sounds like
• 21:18
  your bullies were just Jealous because they didn't have any
• 21:22
  definable kind of talent of their own.
• 21:25
  So they picked was a flutist used to play the flute and I
• 21:31
  stopped when I realized that I had.
• 21:34
  I hate saying this kind of thing.
• 21:36
  I sound like such a cocky person but quite a natural gift.
• 21:41
  I hate saying that. Oh my god with voice.
• 21:45
  You know it kind of slowed down the flute and now sort of 20
• 21:49
  years Later I'm thinking I might take it up again.
• 21:52
  You know, that's like, I need to keep busy or I get quite
• 21:57
  restless and bored. But yeah, I think bullies that
• 22:03
  they always used to make fun of me with my flute as well because
• 22:07
  of American Pie. There's a, there's a line in
• 22:13
  that about a flute. Oh okay.
• 22:17
  Yeah. And I had Comedy guess various
• 22:23
  when I was 11 or something. I thought this is so
• 22:27
  embarrassing, you know, I didn't have the same strength that I
• 22:31
  have today. Back then I was I was genuinely
• 22:34
  most of the time, pretty upset and pretty bitter and I was
• 22:39
  always had my headphones in. I never talked to anyone because
• 22:42
  I just thought, if I don't talk to them, they can't talk to me.
• 22:45
  And say something mean. So I had to sort of Like I was
• 22:50
  at boarding school as well. So I couldn't run home to mum
• 22:54
  and dad and sort of have a cry. Get my stuff together and get up
• 23:00
  and go to the next day with a clean slate.
• 23:03
  It was pretty Relentless. Actually, if you're being
• 23:07
  bullied at a boarding school, it feels completely inescapable.
• 23:16
  And, you know, I had my own stuff going on at home obviously
• 23:19
  but I Craved to getting out of that and my you know that it's
• 23:25
  slightly different experience. Not being able to talk to
• 23:30
  someone like a parent or a sibling so you have to get
• 23:33
  pretty pretty strong and I struggled with that for a really
• 23:37
  long time, I couldn't find my strength and then I stopped
• 23:42
  caring. I stopped, I stop taking things
• 23:46
  to heart so much and yeah, that's one thing that so when
• 23:52
  there's a troll, I do take it quite personally because it
• 23:56
  feels like I'm 12 again you know or something like that it just
• 24:03
  immediately transports me back to that quite unpleasant that's
• 24:09
  a time. So I'm quite I find myself still
• 24:15
  quite a sensitive person. How did you learn to overcome it
• 24:19
  and battle it? It sounds bizarre, but I have to
• 24:27
  really like talk myself through it.
• 24:30
  Hmm. I'll I'll read the comment a few
• 24:33
  times and sometimes I write it down and then I'll I'll go
• 24:40
  through like a checklist in my head of like well that's not
• 24:43
  true. That's complete baloney you know
• 24:47
  I had a literally had to tell myself that isn't true.
• 24:50
  That isn't true. I don't think that that whole
• 24:54
  delete and block thing actually works because it's still in you.
• 24:58
  Yeah, I'm not I don't generally get a lot of troll comments.
• 25:03
  You're lucky. That's what I can say like live.
• 25:08
  I think I will because people will say stuff about my way or
• 25:11
  something. I don't know, you know, I'm
• 25:15
  fully anticipating that that will happen but I'm going to be
• 25:18
  ready but it's a new thing. I as I've said so many times
• 25:25
  during your lives like I wouldn't have had the balls to
• 25:30
  say half of the things that two strangers that people do.
• 25:36
  It's such a different culture now but there's no, it's no,
• 25:40
  it's not like real life that there's no accountability.
• 25:42
  You can just easily just type it and just and just leave, that's
• 25:45
  it. I didn't.
• 25:48
  Well I didn't have any apps or anything like that.
• 25:51
  We had Facebook and they everyone can see your name.
• 25:54
  Hmm. And this was That would have
• 25:58
  been sort of 2006 or something. I think Facebook's entered my
• 26:02
  life but no, it's quite new for me, this whole live video
• 26:10
  phenomenon, like it did. That isn't something that I grew
• 26:13
  up with. So I'm always quite shocked by
• 26:17
  people who Post such hateful words, you know, especially when
• 26:24
  the obviously just doing it to get a rise out of people.
• 26:29
  I often think when it's someone on a live, I'm not talking about
• 26:35
  yours or in particular but just in general, if it's constructive
• 26:39
  and they're saying like oh I think that's an E, minor chord
• 26:42
  me, you know something like that.
• 26:44
  Brilliant. Thank you.
• 26:46
  Yeah but if it's like you look like Jabba the Hutt or something
• 26:52
  you know I just think what off on this.
• 26:57
  Did the worst comment I ever got.
• 26:59
  It wasn't even that bad as far as like what I normally get.
• 27:03
  But this just just just listen and you'll see what I mean.
• 27:07
  So someone commented on a song cover that I did on Tick-Tock
• 27:11
  one time and said you are distinctly.
• 27:14
  Average, good luck and I was like, damn, I would have just
• 27:21
  preferred if you two could be shit that was that was stink.
• 27:25
  I was afraid. Yeah that hurts.
• 27:29
  I guess it's like saying yeah, this is you'll never get
• 27:32
  anywhere with this. My mate, my mother, my friend,
• 27:34
  just give up now guys, like dial painfully.
• 27:38
  Bad was one of mine, but that's obviously not true with you and
• 27:43
  I do I was doing For me, this whole Tick-Tock thing is so neat
• 27:47
  because I sing Mozart. I think like different very
• 27:51
  different music and trying out. Let's call it more popular music
• 27:56
  although not all of it contemporary music.
• 27:58
  More contemporary music is a big change for me and the only
• 28:04
  reason I ever really did it is because my my granny when she
• 28:08
  died, she said, you should really try.
• 28:11
  Doing something more modern as well like branching out and I
• 28:15
  was just at you should sing until she's like you stop living
• 28:18
  in the past women. Stop living in the past.
• 28:20
  Lydia living in 1770? Yeah, she said you should try
• 28:25
  singing Adele and I was like no I don't want to and I still
• 28:29
  haven't but yeah I think it's I don't like modern music then or
• 28:35
  something. I'm not that into generally, the
• 28:40
  stuff that is trending on. Tick-Tock.
• 28:42
  Mmm. I like I like a lot of music.
• 28:46
  I just it's rare that I find music from the naughties that I
• 28:52
  enjoy. I'm happy with sort of 90s and
• 28:56
  back, you know, like my favorite, my muse, raise your
• 29:03
  head. That's what I grew up with and
• 29:05
  anything before that. But I like loads of different
• 29:08
  things. So but you know, it's It's no
• 29:12
  one has bad. Music is my thing.
• 29:15
  I don't think it's possible to have bad music taste.
• 29:17
  I think you can just not listen to the goods like the right
• 29:23
  stuff or well, how can I put this like?
• 29:27
  Yeah, you can just be quite limited.
• 29:30
  I think a good music. Taste is someone who listens to
• 29:33
  a lot of different things. Hmm.
• 29:35
  And I guess into a lot of roused, well, I say roused
• 29:37
  little debates with my partner because he likes death metal.
• 29:41
  Hmm. So I'll be listening to like the
• 29:44
  Verdi, requiem and upstairs. I'll here, like, and I'm just
• 29:51
  like, you have quite a limited taste in music, and he was like,
• 29:55
  no, I don't, I like Doom metal. I like thrashing.
• 30:02
  Okay, you've got really limited taste and I disagree with you
• 30:08
  II, think? Because all those, that you just
• 30:11
  look, I grew up with metal and rock music, right?
• 30:13
  And I have to say, all of those different types of metal are
• 30:18
  vastly different. They're vastly different.
• 30:20
  You can't compare say death metal, to thrash, metal or
• 30:24
  symphonic, metal their own. They are like different types of
• 30:27
  music, you know, in the same way that I know any music by Britney
• 30:31
  Spears. Like he has no like no other
• 30:34
  knowledge. Anything and I admire it to be
• 30:37
  honest. I think good for you, you know,
• 30:39
  bu you do you. Yeah, and I kind of I love that
• 30:43
  about them but I my biggest thing I love is soundtracks.
• 30:49
  Hmm, really. And I was thinking about it the
• 30:53
  other day because you did that Godfather thing and there's a
• 30:58
  piece. So it in The Godfather Part 3
• 31:02
  there at the Opera and I love listening to that Opera.
• 31:08
  It's a good one and my Italian Told me off because I was saying
• 31:12
  it incorrectly so if I it's called cavalleria Rusticana and
• 31:19
  it's beautiful and there's this amazing recording with Pavarotti
• 31:23
  and you listen to it and you just think of the Godfather
• 31:25
  which is really lovely in it. I think having good solid
• 31:30
  classical music and movies is really important for people who
• 31:33
  are like a classical music, you know.
• 31:36
  And you're just like well actually you like the Harry
• 31:39
  Potter soundtrack. So you therefore kind of like
• 31:43
  classical music, you know, I think it's becoming cooler, but
• 31:49
  back in the day, your kind of seen as a bit of a dweeb.
• 31:53
  I think if you like I used to make fun of my dad when I was a
• 31:57
  kid because he actually really likes Gregorian chants.
• 32:00
  I'm surrounded by people who love classical music and I just
• 32:05
  I heard it and I just be like, this is boring.
• 32:10
  This is great. And he just bet you don't get
• 32:13
  it. You just don't get it.
• 32:16
  Get the emo friend. But actually, now I can kind of,
• 32:21
  I can understand where he's coming from.
• 32:23
  It's still not my cup, you know, I had a music teacher who's to
• 32:27
  say, it's not my piece of cake, he was Macedonian and he always
• 32:34
  mixed up colloquialisms and stuff like that and it was just
• 32:39
  so pure. So I still think.
• 32:40
  Oh, it's not Really my piece of cake and actually I think I'll
• 32:46
  have to talk about my music teachers actually at some point
• 32:48
  because they honestly they were fantastic for me.
• 32:52
  Let's talk about it now. Yeah, because one of the
• 32:56
  questions I actually received was, were you self-taught or did
• 32:58
  you work with a vocal coach? It's quite clear that you've
• 33:01
  worked with vocal coaches. So, talk us through that many
• 33:03
  vocal coaches. My so obviously you have music
• 33:08
  class and they were all Amazing. Inspirational friends really
• 33:14
  cause I was so lonely. I was being bullied and they all
• 33:17
  picked up on that. I think that this artistic
• 33:19
  passes them picked up on someone who is in big trouble who and
• 33:24
  they just sort of went, oh, I see, I should be friendly and I
• 33:28
  should look after this person and they were very encouraging
• 33:33
  and they always gave me opportunities.
• 33:37
  And honestly, I think that I'd be a different person without
• 33:43
  them having been in my life. So I owe these people so much
• 33:46
  and there's so underappreciated and I don't know if they ever
• 33:52
  hear this. Thank you so much to mr.
• 33:54
  Godfrey and mr. Paxton you were amazing, but my
• 34:01
  vocal coaches. I have had about six and they
• 34:06
  all gave me different styles of things.
• 34:11
  I because of my mom's background in Opera.
• 34:15
  I went in knowing pieces and knowing them by ear.
• 34:22
  So I could generally tackle anything within reason for like
• 34:30
  a 14, 15 year-old I wasn't about to go singing, some insanely
• 34:35
  difficult thing but the more accessible easy beginner stuff.
• 34:40
  Is that what that is accessible for a beginner?
• 34:45
  And I remember I remember doing one of the first classical
• 34:52
  pieces, I did was a Mozart piece from The Marriage of Figaro and
• 34:59
  my mom and dad, know that inside out.
• 35:02
  They know every little nook and cranny of that entire score.
• 35:07
  They're very musical people. And I came and I sang it to them
• 35:12
  and they said you should keep doing this.
• 35:15
  And one of the first times I've ever heard them say that they're
• 35:18
  proud of me and that. Obviously, when you're growing
• 35:22
  up it's a pretty big deal. Hmm, and I felt quite sorry if
• 35:29
  it is, I felt quite neglected by them a lot because those of
• 35:35
  stuff going on at home and I never really helped through it.
• 35:41
  I had to learn to deal with it by myself and I didn't know how
• 35:46
  so you know for them to actually show up to concerts and listen
• 35:52
  to me singing, it was addictive because I was like, they're
• 35:55
  actually part of my life. They're here.
• 35:57
  You know, my dad worked abroad for most of my life.
• 36:03
  So for him to make the effort to come on a Friday night to come
• 36:07
  to mine. One of my concerts, I'd always
• 36:09
  be like, hey, Dad's here, you know, because he lived in Spain
• 36:13
  and America and France. So, that was always really
• 36:18
  special, but the vocal coaches. They've all taught me, something
• 36:23
  different. And God, they're amazing people
• 36:29
  because, you know, every day just somehow give me this
• 36:34
  feeling of when I leave after my myself.
• 36:37
  Russian, I could bounce off the walls, they bring something out
• 36:42
  in me, a real energy and I have a lot to thank them for but I
• 36:48
  was properly trained. I'm not.
• 36:50
  I haven't just woken up one day and gone and suddenly like
• 36:55
  Angels descend or something. I don't know what these people
• 36:57
  think but I it's taken a lot of hard work as things.
• 37:04
  Do you know, you got to work hard?
• 37:06
  How long does it? 82, train your voice.
• 37:10
  If you're doing classical, it took me the best part of about
• 37:15
  Eight or nine years to sound how I wanted to sound, right?
• 37:20
  Yeah, to a point where I was satisfied.
• 37:26
  So what are the exercises involve?
• 37:28
  Exactly, or the lessons, a lot of lip trilling?
• 37:32
  I bet I'm not gonna be able to do it now so like that thing and
• 37:36
  then you do occasionally because I have iced have problems where
• 37:40
  I kept moving my hands. So one of my teachers device
• 37:42
  this thing where like I do a lot of like weird Commence and it
• 37:46
  kind of chills out my hands, and there's a lot of spoken word,
• 37:52
  I'm going to start moving because it changes the light.
• 37:54
  So there's a lot of spoken word exercises, as word as well, so
• 37:59
  sort of tongue twisters and vowel, everything really it
• 38:09
  takes a full warm-up would take me about 15 minutes.
• 38:15
  So a lot of people I've noticed, who don't do that, they'll just
• 38:20
  do a scale and then, hey Presto, they're ready to go?
• 38:26
  And actually, what they don't realize is hopefully, they'll
• 38:29
  stop because that could actually really damaged, you know, you
• 38:32
  need to, it's like running the 100 meters.
• 38:35
  I don't know anything about running.
• 38:36
  I'm the laziest, but it's like I suppose running the hundred
• 38:38
  meters without warming up. You know, your your body needs
• 38:43
  to be ready. Hmm.
• 38:45
  And it's not just oh I can hit that note.
• 38:50
  It's so much more than that because you want every note to
• 38:53
  sound beautiful and it's a for me it's a whole body experience
• 39:02
  because you know, I am constantly not trying not to
• 39:05
  move my hands. So I've got to focus on that.
• 39:08
  I've got to focus on a foreign language so a lot of brain power
• 39:14
  and often languages, I don't know, you know it's a full-on
• 39:23
  process and also if you're being paid you Well for me certainly
• 39:30
  because I'm an anxious person. I'm not going to beat around the
• 39:34
  bush. I have a few mental health
• 39:35
  issues and I can get a bit shaky.
• 39:40
  So another part of it is not looking like a tree in the wind.
• 39:47
  You got to keep rooted and keep as still as possible and not
• 39:50
  look like you're panicking because if it's like they can
• 39:53
  smell my fear, you know there's A lot to think about while it
• 40:00
  has to be completely natural. And it's so quick that you, it
• 40:04
  has to just be normal. And that was a lot of my singing
• 40:09
  lessons. Actually, when I was growing up
• 40:11
  were just How to stand and how to breathe.
• 40:20
  I had whole lessons on breathing.
• 40:22
  We're often. Dudes would like press my
• 40:26
  stomach and my diaphragm and I'd be like, hey ho, you know,
• 40:35
  there's a lot of stuff behind it.
• 40:36
  And, and I get a bit worried when I see people who aren't,
• 40:41
  you know, you see people on telly.
• 40:44
  And I'm not talking about people on Tick-Tock because they know I
• 40:48
  think they know what they're doing but people on The X
• 40:51
  Factor. Hmm.
• 40:53
  Or something like that, who they're not, they're not doing
• 40:56
  it properly and they sound some of them.
• 40:59
  Yes, they sound great but you're like I can tell that you're
• 41:02
  breathing from here and not your diaphragm and your just say well
• 41:09
  that's not going to last long you're going to damage yourself.
• 41:12
  You mention experts, you can you give an example.
• 41:13
  Examples of anyone, we might know, like, that's doing it
• 41:16
  wrong think. I think, I can say, I think
• 41:21
  Leona Lewis is good. Hmm, she does.
• 41:23
  She's got a. I think she had a good voice.
• 41:26
  I'm not sure about her now, who was on The X Factor God, It was
• 41:32
  that Susan Boyle. She was quite superb.
• 41:38
  Again, I think she's probably got a good technique.
• 41:40
  I'd need to re-watch to be honest because it's been a
• 41:44
  while. But I did think.
• 41:48
  Okay, here's an example of a thing.
• 41:52
  So when I was growing up I had a rival.
• 41:56
  Oh, arrival. And she was, oh God.
• 42:00
  She look like Mc2 Jones as well. All right, I kind of hated her a
• 42:05
  bit but she was so nice and see him.
• 42:09
  She was Greek and German and she she was beautiful and she had
• 42:14
  this. She turned up at certificate in
• 42:16
  years old, sounding like a 40 year, old opera singer.
• 42:20
  Wow. And I was just like, I have got
• 42:24
  no chance in hell here, I'm never because I went through a
• 42:26
  phase of being like, the go to and I loved it.
• 42:30
  It was very good for my ego because I'd had a few years of
• 42:34
  not having a very good ego. So, when she turned up our side,
• 42:40
  okay? And I went home to my mom on a
• 42:44
  weekend break, that is, this is girl.
• 42:47
  And she sounds, you know, she sounds like a professional.
• 42:50
  She sounds like she's sort of Your level with your people and
• 42:55
  she was like yeah but people shouldn't sound that way when
• 42:58
  they're that young. It's like actually I can tell
• 43:00
  like fully developed voices when you're that young means that
• 43:03
  they're overdoing it. Oh you know when you see those
• 43:07
  kids I can give you an example. Actually, there was a kid on The
• 43:10
  X Factor who went on and sang. Madame, Butterfly.
• 43:16
  I think she went on and it's very, very I haven't even done
• 43:20
  that. You know, I haven't my teachers
• 43:22
  have said, I'm not sure. You know, wait, I'll give it to
• 43:26
  you when you're ready and they have this 7 year old child or
• 43:30
  something. And they just they, I highly
• 43:34
  disapprove, and they're putting their voices through unnecessary
• 43:42
  strain. And I'm not saying, they don't
• 43:44
  sound Good, but when you're that young, you need everything to
• 43:49
  develop at a proper rate, I think.
• 43:53
  And I've sort of overdoing it, how long do you need to wait
• 43:58
  before? You can kind of start beginning
• 44:01
  to sing at that level? I think it's irresponsible of a
• 44:05
  teacher to give a child. Something that vocally
• 44:10
  demanding, I've had friends who are sort of our age saying, to
• 44:16
  me in my first seeing lesson, when I was at University, they
• 44:20
  gave me this, and I said that's fine, but quite a lot for your
• 44:24
  first lesson, I think people need to Slow it down a bit, Go
• 44:29
  Back to Basics. I don't think there's a right
• 44:32
  age at all, but I do think that, you know, you need to have
• 44:38
  driving lessons before you're allowed on the road.
• 44:42
  You know it's something similar to that.
• 44:43
  Like you need to go back to basics.
• 44:46
  Go through, you know, the process and when you're ready,
• 44:51
  go out and kick our ass. Yeah.
• 44:53
  But I think there's no point in starting right at the deep end
• 44:58
  and not having the training for it, you know.
• 45:02
  I don't think that I'm a limp Dick Diver.
• 45:07
  You know, something like that, you know, okay, but like, for
• 45:10
  instance, that rival of yours like to get to that point that
• 45:14
  she was actually would have had to have been training for many
• 45:16
  years anyway. So it's kind of refutes what
• 45:18
  you're saying a little bit, doesn't it?
• 45:20
  Well, she told me that she'd only been doing it for like two
• 45:23
  years. I think it sounds like a lie.
• 45:29
  Honestly. But how she was at that level.
• 45:33
  And if you could hear her, you'd be like, wow, but for her to be
• 45:37
  at that level, when she was that, young was quite unusual.
• 45:42
  Generally, you know, people sound like Charlotte Church, you
• 45:48
  know, I kind of choir girl, right.
• 45:52
  Okay. Yeah.
• 45:53
  Right here. Why?
• 45:55
  Where is she was fantastic. I don't want it to sound like,
• 45:57
  I'm criticizing her because she's amazing.
• 46:01
  She had so much vibrato, and it was so rich and deep and and
• 46:07
  she's when she sang. She sounded like she was
• 46:11
  headlining at the Royal opera house.
• 46:14
  Like she was that good and it was this tiny girl and you would
• 46:18
  everyone just went what how and I eventually got over my
• 46:25
  jealousy. But actually, as I grew up I was
• 46:29
  like, I'm glad I don't sound like that.
• 46:32
  I've got my own sound or I've got my, I've got my own identity
• 46:36
  with that. Do you know how she's doing now?
• 46:38
  Like, did she end up messing up for voice or is she she I think
• 46:42
  it. Well, I think she sings weddings
• 46:46
  and stuff and for fun but I think she's a ended up in
• 46:50
  politics. Actually it's quite an
• 46:53
  international. Yeah, I think in Somewhere in
• 46:57
  Germany. I think she's in politics.
• 46:59
  She's so good though. She should have she should have
• 47:01
  gone for it, but maybe she just over done it, you know?
• 47:05
  I don't know. I didn't haven't seen her since
• 47:08
  I was 17 because I got kicked out of that school.
• 47:14
  Oh, do tell. Do tell.
• 47:16
  How did that happen? How does one get kicked out of a
• 47:19
  singing school? It wasn't a singing school.
• 47:22
  This is just my school. I went to she's the boarding
• 47:26
  schools. All right?
• 47:27
  Yes. But all of my schools have been
• 47:29
  boarding schools, it didn't suit me.
• 47:31
  So I went after this, I went to my local Sikh form where they
• 47:34
  were, they mixed ones caused by the way.
• 47:36
  And the first one was, the first one was mixed and I love that
• 47:39
  because I find it easier to talk to men than women.
• 47:43
  I think that that's just having two older brothers.
• 47:45
  As you know, it's just what you're used to.
• 47:49
  I got kicked out of my senior school because they suspected me
• 47:54
  of drug dealing and they said that I was selling.
• 47:59
  Are you gonna look for it? You got to look for it.
• 48:01
  Hey quit smoking weed. I'm not gonna lie about it.
• 48:06
  I was smoking weed. I was it it's definitely did it
• 48:10
  hell wouldn't your singing by the way?
• 48:13
  It helped my nerves. That probably didn't help my
• 48:18
  singing. But I was a I was so depressed
• 48:24
  like I needed something and it didn't actually help.
• 48:28
  I've been completely clean for God for how old am I.
• 48:33
  So like eight years, maybe seven and you will, then place you
• 48:37
  were addicted to it and I had issues.
• 48:39
  Yeah. Okay.
• 48:39
  It's a family thing. We have addiction issues in my
• 48:42
  family. I see.
• 48:44
  But there was a moment when I was at Uni, well, just like I
• 48:47
  can't do this anymore and it was just it.
• 48:49
  I stopped drinking as much. I have a drink a year or
• 48:53
  something. Now, drinking's kind of
• 48:56
  overrated. I don't really ever drink.
• 48:59
  I just don't like losing control.
• 49:00
  That's all it is. But well as school they said, I
• 49:04
  was drug dealing to First Years. So like a little kids 11 year
• 49:09
  old kids and I was in year gcses so your Evan.
• 49:15
  Is it your 11? I can't remember.
• 49:17
  We called it different things. So we had like first form and
• 49:20
  fifth form them stuff. So and I was just like you can't
• 49:28
  possibly think that I'd sell it to an 11 year old kid.
• 49:31
  Do they have any evidence as well know that point they would
• 49:35
  say we think it would probably be best if you, you know, left
• 49:39
  because I was a weird. I was a not the right fit for
• 49:43
  that school. So where did it leave you as far
• 49:45
  as? Because you said it was in your
• 49:46
  final years where did you happen to just season stuff?
• 49:50
  I did my gcses and I did a year of a s with them and then I say
• 49:56
  they kicked you out and six form.
• 49:58
  Yeah. Oh that's a mountain.
• 50:02
  So what happened was that? Yeah I did my I've got like 8 a
• 50:07
  s levels because of a weird little moment which I'm often
• 50:12
  often asked about in interviews, actually.
• 50:14
  How come you've got so many on that one?
• 50:17
  How to please still ask about a levels sometimes?
• 50:21
  Yeah well I opened I always I always loved.
• 50:25
  Yeah I always laugh when employers like Mexican agree, I
• 50:29
  got a lot of people. So my job at the moment is legal
• 50:32
  work. Like you've got a music degree,
• 50:35
  how does that work? But the thing that you most
• 50:37
  recently doing typically negates everything beforehand.
• 50:41
  So like if I get asked about gcses, Your A Levels now, and
• 50:45
  I'm like, really like, what, why is this hard to fish out?
• 50:49
  My Jesus? These two certificates because I
• 50:51
  genuinely couldn't remember what I got.
• 50:53
  Oh yeah, I had that same problem.
• 50:55
  I don't even know where my gcses difficult song.
• 50:57
  It's like I did Ari, although I did an RS.
• 50:59
  GCSE. Yeah.
• 51:02
  Okay. We had to, because of my school,
• 51:06
  but yeah, so end of sixth form. We came to an agreement being
• 51:12
  that school, but I wasn't Really I didn't fit in there, I wasn't
• 51:17
  their ideal student because they all how can I say this?
• 51:25
  Were very Chelsea. Hmm, very well off very affluent
• 51:36
  families, who all were generally very well connected and
• 51:42
  generally, they'd marry a guy from Eaton and bake bread or Jam
• 51:49
  or something for the rest of their lives.
• 51:51
  This is a different world entirely, isn't it?
• 51:55
  And I was kind of a bit of a for them.
• 51:58
  I Total goth. They would have thought that I
• 52:01
  was like, in My Chemical Romance to them, they didn't get it.
• 52:05
  I'd walk around in like the studded belts and stuff and
• 52:09
  everyone else was super like, trendy, I guess you call it?
• 52:13
  I don't really think that they were, but apparently, I really
• 52:19
  struggled there because I didn't live in London.
• 52:24
  I had nothing really in common with them, and I was young.
• 52:29
  For my year, when where were you living again?
• 52:32
  Hampshire Hampshire between Hampshire and Paris because my
• 52:36
  father was still working in Paris at the time.
• 52:38
  Hmm. So I was, in Paris from
• 52:41
  childhood up to about Part of it I think 11 or 12.
• 52:46
  Hmm But yeah, the I've lost my train of thought what was
• 52:52
  missing. I just I always struggled with
• 52:58
  them because I don't I like people with Integrity is a
• 53:03
  really important thing and people who go on about their
• 53:06
  holidays, on their yacht. To me, is just it's just a
• 53:11
  really living up to The Stereotype right now.
• 53:14
  I don a serbs be like you can't be serious, you know that like,
• 53:20
  okay. And I said, I remember saying
• 53:22
  one year like oh, we went to Normandy.
• 53:26
  Yeah. And they were like, oh that's
• 53:27
  very close, isn't it? Sorry.
• 53:32
  And they're like, we went to the Seychelles and I was like, well,
• 53:36
  that's nice. What do you want me to say like,
• 53:40
  good for you? I said, did you actually pay for
• 53:43
  your holiday? You know and they're like no I'm
• 53:47
  say well thank you, shut up paying us for commoners, they
• 53:52
  had their credit cards after their dad from a very young age,
• 53:57
  like 14 15. They had a credit card and I've
• 54:01
  never had one of them. I remember being like I wish I
• 54:04
  had money, I had a bit of a moment of just like this is
• 54:07
  really unfair because they just spend it on stupid things that
• 54:10
  they don't need. You know, it's funny.
• 54:13
  I had a Their experience at school.
• 54:15
  So people is a soon I'm Posh, right?
• 54:19
  They think I'm like, middle class upper class could be
• 54:22
  further from the truth. I'm actually working class have
• 54:25
  been worked for everything I've ever owned or had, and I like
• 54:30
  those people at school working. It doesn't, it doesn't.
• 54:33
  Yeah. It doesn't really matter what
• 54:35
  you're born into, whether it's a lot of money or no money.
• 54:38
  It's more about your attitude, but I will say that growing up
• 54:43
  like Like we were really poor, I never want went without any with
• 54:49
  anything, you know, my mom always made sure.
• 54:51
  I had like the basics and stuff so so we were okay.
• 54:54
  I had it better than some but I knew some people that were way
• 54:58
  worse off and it really did sort of make me appreciate what I
• 55:01
  had. But yeah, I mean, you know, I
• 55:04
  went to a good, it was a good, a very good Public School in a
• 55:07
  nice area. So yeah, that's why I speak.
• 55:13
  Well it's just a good an accent that that's the only reason.
• 55:20
  There's nothing else behind it's just it was a good school but it
• 55:23
  wasn't. He yeah, it was a neat unique
• 55:26
  position to be in because I saw Both Worlds.
• 55:29
  I saw kids like me that had nothing and lived in really bad
• 55:35
  places, already rough places or places.
• 55:38
  And then all the rest of my friends lived, in three, four,
• 55:42
  Bedroom houses in really nice areas and I just couldn't relate
• 55:46
  to that, and it was really funny when those rich friends with
• 55:49
  them, come over to mine and see where I lived and they were
• 55:52
  like, you live here and I'm like yeah in the light will come on.
• 56:02
  I had a lot of space that was one.
• 56:05
  I'm I'm room was big so that was good.
• 56:08
  But it was just, you know, that the place was falling apart and
• 56:12
  I had Made the best things that college because I'd been
• 56:15
  surrounded by all these. How can I say it Potter's and,
• 56:20
  you know, I went to my local college and I met real people.
• 56:24
  And I've, I was to say, I feel at home here.
• 56:26
  Yeah, I feel I feel very, I feel like I fit in because everyone's
• 56:30
  a bit left field and they've got opinions.
• 56:34
  And they've, they've worked hard and they do work hard, they
• 56:38
  don't just rely on coattails. Yeah, but when they first came
• 56:43
  here, I live. My parents have a God.
• 56:46
  I think, I think it's what I think about six.
• 56:49
  Seven. Hundred year old house.
• 56:51
  Hmm. And they came and everyone who
• 56:54
  comes here goes. Wow, you're rich.
• 56:56
  And I'm like I'm not. I'm not Posh, I'm not rich.
• 57:02
  I'm very lucky. Yeah.
• 57:04
  And I think people forget that, sometimes you're not your
• 57:07
  parents. You know, you know I'm not I
• 57:12
  don't own this house, you know, I couldn't afford London, that's
• 57:17
  why I had to leave. I was we were struggling in
• 57:22
  Hounslow in a tight, the tiniest flat I could ever conceive.
• 57:28
  So, you know, covid happened. And yeah, we ran away basically.
• 57:37
  Yeah, it's been a mad. Yeah, so Yeah, one thing I
• 57:43
  wanted to add actually which is reason why I brought up my own
• 57:46
  sort of situation growing up was that there were a lot of kids
• 57:49
  that had been if you remember EMA educational maintenance
• 57:53
  Lounge so I'll explain for those who won't know.
• 57:57
  So when we were teenagers there was this this so this would have
• 58:00
  been stopped doing it. Yeah yeah, so like late 2000s
• 58:04
  and early 2010's. There was a scheme known as
• 58:07
  educational maintenance. Allowance EMA basically free
• 58:10
  money from the government. Intended for teenagers from
• 58:15
  low-income families and it was, It was supposed to be to help
• 58:20
  you with your studies. Get, you know, help you with.
• 58:22
  But yeah, resources, whatever. And it was a good concept, it's
• 58:27
  a shame that, you know, that it disappeared because it was
• 58:32
  actually helping certain people. But here's the thing.
• 58:34
  God, my parents were not rich, they didn't, you know, we were
• 58:41
  poor, right? But we aren't.
• 58:43
  I always answered everything honestly on those forms and they
• 58:47
  determined that I learned too much money, so therefore I
• 58:50
  couldn't get it and I was like well that's a joke.
• 58:52
  We have literally nothing but okay, but then there were rich
• 58:56
  kids that were lying, getting that money and then just
• 59:00
  spending all that money on clothes and the latest like
• 59:05
  Trends, phones, whatever. And it used to drive me nuts
• 59:07
  because I was like, man, I need this.
• 59:09
  Yeah, I actually need it. Like, not just for But also just
• 59:13
  to live like, you know, it's okay for lunch to be us past
• 59:16
  past past, go to London at the weekend, whatever.
• 59:18
  Like I couldn't do any of that stuff and they would taken that
• 59:21
  money and to be fair it quickly became apparent.
• 59:24
  I think that the system was being massively exploited and I
• 59:28
  think possibly the conservative government got rid of it in the
• 59:31
  early 2010's so who but the Tories.
• 59:35
  But to be, to be fair, it was a very flawed system.
• 59:37
  I mean it was supposed to be means tested but everyone was
• 59:40
  lying on the form so they just scrapped it in the air.
• 59:42
  End, but it's a people in my year used to just spend it on,
• 59:45
  like, subway. Well, I mean, at least they're
• 59:48
  buying food, though, do you know?
• 59:49
  I mean, they're not, they're not fake, don't you need to buy that
• 59:53
  book and then I'll cut it a PDF of it online.
• 59:57
  Okay, fine. That's that's big brain.
• 59:59
  That's smart. They've probably gone far
• 1:00:06
  economics, baby. I thought it was so many
• 1:00:11
  questions. I want to talk about music,
• 1:00:13
  let's talk about music. Well, we'll get back to me, is
• 1:00:16
  it there's some other stuff that I want to talk about with you.
• 1:00:19
  So as you mentioned that you're in a boarding school, I want to
• 1:00:22
  know more about you being in a boarding school, tell us about
• 1:00:25
  what it was like going to a boarding school.
• 1:00:27
  Tell us some things that people might not know, might be
• 1:00:30
  surprised by let's go. Okay, you have to pass checks
• 1:00:37
  that everything is tidy enough. I wasn't very good at that
• 1:00:40
  because I'm dyslexic and dyslexic.
• 1:00:42
  People aren't generally very tidy.
• 1:00:44
  So I always thought I was always in trouble.
• 1:00:47
  You have to go to Chapel every Sunday you have.
• 1:00:51
  There's no excuse, even if you're dying, you have to go to
• 1:00:55
  Sunday Chapel, which I would anyway, because I was in the
• 1:00:57
  choir. So, you know, I, I'm not a
• 1:01:01
  religious person, so, I just see.
• 1:01:03
  You couldn't you couldn't be ill.
• 1:01:04
  You couldn't like have the flu or something.
• 1:01:06
  No, you'd still go. I think they just sit you in a
• 1:01:08
  corner. So that you went infectious.
• 1:01:12
  It's bizarre, it's so bizarre. But they took it very seriously
• 1:01:16
  and but I also took choir very seriously.
• 1:01:20
  So while I live kind of sleep through sermons and the
• 1:01:25
  religious bit, I'd be like I'm going to sing the hell out of
• 1:01:27
  these hymns. What else about this?
• 1:01:33
  You know, they monitor. What your food?
• 1:01:35
  So we used to put bread in our pockets in case we got hungry.
• 1:01:39
  Re but most of my school, people were anorexic or bulimic is this
• 1:01:46
  for everyone or just the singers know, just the whole school as I
• 1:01:50
  say the whole school, like, you know, when you start to get a
• 1:01:54
  bit older. So when we were around 15 and
• 1:01:57
  people start to be aware of body image and stuff like that, and
• 1:02:00
  grass when people started developing eating disorders and
• 1:02:04
  they were very on it, you know, they'd watch people eating.
• 1:02:08
  I hate people. Because of school because you
• 1:02:11
  have to finish your plate, the plate has to be clean and they
• 1:02:14
  watch you to make sure that you're not talking it or I don't
• 1:02:19
  know cheese. Yeah.
• 1:02:21
  So I have a bit of a complex. I do.
• 1:02:23
  Hate people watching me eat. There's actually there's
• 1:02:26
  actually a name for that. I did a video on this on my
• 1:02:28
  second channel. It's called doping a phobia.
• 1:02:31
  Oh cool, I'm a doctrine of phobic.
• 1:02:34
  I hate it. It's honestly one of my biggest
• 1:02:38
  phobias. It's as if I, honestly, think
• 1:02:43
  that if you're boarding school and you're in with the, like, I
• 1:02:48
  hate this, but I hate the phrase, the cool kids, you have
• 1:02:52
  plain sailing easy time. But if you're an alternative kid
• 1:02:59
  or you're slightly different, it's pretty much hell on us
• 1:03:04
  because it's an inescapable prison.
• 1:03:06
  It's sort of like, why, okay, aside from the obvious Here.
• 1:03:10
  What? Like that's just move away from,
• 1:03:12
  from the, the out, you know, being Outcast and stuff being
• 1:03:16
  part of the popular crowd. Like why is it?
• 1:03:19
  They had it so easy. What things did they have?
• 1:03:22
  That you didn't have aside from the obvious things.
• 1:03:26
  Well, got really basic. You have to share a room with
• 1:03:30
  people, a dormitory until you're about 1600, so they can
• 1:03:36
  literally be in your space every night, almost 24/7, because
• 1:03:42
  you're a class with them. Your share a room with them I
• 1:03:46
  needed. I actually thought at one point
• 1:03:48
  said, I need to get out of here because these give these people
• 1:03:52
  are tormenting me and That night were like, yeah, they do.
• 1:03:59
  I'm a bit of a worse and they tell horror stories and I had a
• 1:04:04
  real-life Horror Story as a kid when I was a toddler, a lady
• 1:04:09
  tried to steal me and my brothers, wow, true story hand
• 1:04:14
  on heart. She couldn't have sons and her
• 1:04:20
  husband wanted her to have a son.
• 1:04:21
  I was just part of the package deal.
• 1:04:24
  To, you know, 341 but she used to wait outside our home until
• 1:04:35
  we've, we were playing in the garden and we set up.
• 1:04:38
  Well, I say we, I was a toddler, my parents set up cameras in the
• 1:04:43
  very early 90s and we had a bodyguard in Paris.
• 1:04:47
  Wow. And they caught her and she did
• 1:04:52
  her community service was In a nursery.
• 1:04:55
  Oh, come on. I know.
• 1:04:57
  Come on. That's like in the piss, really?
• 1:05:02
  So anyway, I hearing those sorts of horror stories about people
• 1:05:05
  coming in the night and all this.
• 1:05:07
  I was just like, nope, nope, and I'd had to go and talk to matron
• 1:05:14
  and eventually I was able to move into a room.
• 1:05:17
  That was just two people. Just me and another person who
• 1:05:20
  was and they were like, we'll put you in with someone who's
• 1:05:22
  quiet. And I was like, yes.
• 1:05:24
  I can sit with my headphones in. I was listening to Pablo, Honey,
• 1:05:29
  a lot back then and I just have my portable CD player and just
• 1:05:33
  go to sleep. But things like that.
• 1:05:38
  It's you know, you have to share a room.
• 1:05:41
  I think that you would have to share a room throughout your
• 1:05:44
  whole time at boarding school. If it wasn't for her body is
• 1:05:49
  changing, you know, in women, requiring privacy.
• 1:05:56
  That would be a totally different system if that wasn't
• 1:05:58
  the case, but you do. And you don't get a choice about
• 1:06:02
  who you share a room with your just randomly assigned.
• 1:06:07
  Up until yeah about your about 14 or 15 16 depends on the
• 1:06:14
  school honestly it's such a weird it's such a weird thing
• 1:06:18
  because you have this tiny little space to claim as your
• 1:06:21
  own whereas I everyone I was friends with when I left school
• 1:06:27
  they had their room and it was just they decorated it all
• 1:06:30
  themselves whereas I probably had like three meters of space
• 1:06:35
  that was mine. And a girl, once ripped my
• 1:06:40
  posters in half and I'd spent ages because I is a beautiful
• 1:06:45
  Legolas poster and I was really upset.
• 1:06:50
  So I ripped her poster and I got in more trouble and I was like
• 1:06:54
  they did it first but fine, it's a tell us about how your school
• 1:06:59
  would do a disciplinaries and punishments and stuff.
• 1:07:03
  I mean, surely I think that they dealt with Mia A lot.
• 1:07:07
  I got the rough end of the stick, quite a lot and things
• 1:07:10
  were placed. Blame on me and I'd be like I
• 1:07:12
  was practicing in the music rooms.
• 1:07:15
  I was nowhere near that place, but you generally have to go and
• 1:07:19
  have a very uncomfortable meeting with either that head
• 1:07:22
  although she had. And they'd say, do you
• 1:07:25
  understand the gravitas of what you have done?
• 1:07:30
  Blah blah and I was sort of so I haven't done anything and I went
• 1:07:36
  through a phase Thinking that they were all stupid side speak
• 1:07:40
  French, but then they got in French teacher and they'd pick
• 1:07:48
  up on when I was swearing and stuff.
• 1:07:50
  I used, I was very expressive so that it was, I had this real
• 1:07:57
  quite two-sided side to me at school, where half of me
• 1:08:03
  presented as this very angelic. Choir girl kind of thing.
• 1:08:09
  And then, there was this other part of me that was quite What's
• 1:08:13
  a rebellious? But if I'm genuinely there was a
• 1:08:17
  lot. You know, I let out a lot of my
• 1:08:19
  pain through being a bit of a dick I used to fight back, he's
• 1:08:26
  answer back. I'd always you know, stand up
• 1:08:30
  for myself after a certain point because I was Fed Up of just
• 1:08:35
  taking it. I started to sort of fight back
• 1:08:39
  and so they get very confused and they do Say to me like we
• 1:08:43
  don't understand you because you're very, you work hard, you
• 1:08:48
  do the choir stuff, but you're also quite badly behaved and I
• 1:08:54
  was so, I don't know, I get a better school but that kind of
• 1:09:00
  annoys me because I had a similar experience at school as
• 1:09:02
  well. And it was, I, I blame it fully
• 1:09:05
  on the teachers because my frustration was always in the
• 1:09:09
  teacher. Like I'll give you a perfect
• 1:09:11
  example. German teacher would constantly
• 1:09:14
  say I was a troublemaker but he literally divide the class into
• 1:09:20
  people that were going to succeed and get a stars.
• 1:09:22
  People that were going to be on track to get like seas and then
• 1:09:25
  everyone that was going to fail. I shit you not.
• 1:09:27
  He actually did this fucking and when I when I asked him when I
• 1:09:31
  asked him about it I confronted him in the class in front of
• 1:09:34
  everyone. I was like, why you did bleep
• 1:09:36
  deliberately discriminating like, don't you think that if
• 1:09:39
  you gave us a chance we might actually have a chance of
• 1:09:42
  getting Getting to that c instead of, you know, just
• 1:09:44
  giving up on us entirely. And he literally just turned
• 1:09:46
  around and said, oh, that's your problem.
• 1:09:48
  You know, you were disruptive and you you lost out kind of
• 1:09:51
  thing. And so many of my teachers were
• 1:09:53
  like that. My maths teachers were the same.
• 1:09:55
  That's why I always failed in maths.
• 1:09:57
  I was terrible at maps and they literally.
• 1:10:01
  Yeah, they literally would just basically come to me and tell me
• 1:10:06
  that I wasn't allowed to ask questions that, you know, that
• 1:10:09
  was, you know, I was told that I speak too much.
• 1:10:12
  Class. Let you know there was a lot of
• 1:10:15
  things that I had to work through think that this is a
• 1:10:19
  really interesting thing in there because I relate a lot to
• 1:10:22
  the maths thing and I don't know about you but it's really
• 1:10:25
  informed. My confidence with maths as an
• 1:10:29
  adult. I'm like I'm terrible at math
• 1:10:31
  but I've that's because I was constantly being told by the
• 1:10:34
  teacher that I was in the bottom set that I was bad that I was
• 1:10:39
  only going to get a see you know that It has really had an impact
• 1:10:44
  on me and tackling boring. Adult maths problems and I just
• 1:10:52
  think God do better. Yeah I remember that maths
• 1:10:55
  teachers literally getting angry with me when I would ask
• 1:10:58
  questions but I was like look I don't understand.
• 1:11:01
  And the whole point is that when I asked you, you're supposed to
• 1:11:03
  explain it to me, but they would get angry because they have to
• 1:11:06
  explain it several times and it's not well, look, I excel in
• 1:11:08
  English, I get B's A's whatever English.
• 1:11:11
  I'm Trash at this and because obviously that the teachers
• 1:11:14
  talked and stuff and they I remember the teachers would
• 1:11:17
  sometimes say to me, like, ah, I can't believe you, you must be a
• 1:11:20
  different student in so-and-so's class because when you come to
• 1:11:23
  my classes, you're terrible. And it's like, yeah, but think
• 1:11:25
  about it, I do badly. I ask you questions.
• 1:11:28
  You tell me I can't ask questions so then I fail.
• 1:11:32
  Like, would you teach Advanced and like legit.
• 1:11:34
  Here's the thing that you say, you get like, I bet you sound
• 1:11:39
  like the same as me. You get, rude.
• 1:11:40
  You get argumentative with the teachers.
• 1:11:42
  Because they put you into that scenario, you fight back, you
• 1:11:46
  call them out on their bullshit and then you get brought in and,
• 1:11:49
  and scolded for doing so. I think there's also a
• 1:11:53
  responsibility of teachers to monitor what's happening?
• 1:11:56
  You know. Yeah, we were just left to our
• 1:11:58
  own devices and if you're if you're pigeon-holed as the
• 1:12:01
  naughty kid, Then actually going to think that you did it.
• 1:12:05
  Yeah, only you started it. And that happens so often to me
• 1:12:11
  and it happened actually in my first week at that school.
• 1:12:15
  And, you know, I didn't get a great start because he say,
• 1:12:20
  well, didn't like me yet. This is an element to it as well
• 1:12:23
  and something I've discovered in work as well.
• 1:12:26
  So like listen up people did you ever notice how like the bad kid
• 1:12:32
  so to Zeke would always get celebrated if they suddenly had
• 1:12:36
  a really good day, right? Oh good.
• 1:12:38
  Then if you were a kid who worked their ass off, right?
• 1:12:42
  And then you had one bad day where?
• 1:12:43
  I don't know, maybe you were just too tired.
• 1:12:45
  Maybe you had a bad mental health day, whatever they would
• 1:12:48
  literally punish you like you just slaughtered someone because
• 1:12:53
  I experienced that at school. And I also experienced that in
• 1:12:56
  my very first experience that work as well and they do that.
• 1:13:00
  They do that, that's why you should never give. 100% in any
• 1:13:04
  job, always give like 80% less less.
• 1:13:10
  You're really passionate about what you do and you love it,
• 1:13:12
  that's enough. But if you don't don't fall into
• 1:13:14
  that trap of, oh, I need to work 60 hours a week.
• 1:13:17
  I need to impress them. I need to always work at this
• 1:13:20
  level because you can't physically and mentally work at
• 1:13:23
  this mountain. All this time.
• 1:13:24
  You can't do it. It's impossible.
• 1:13:26
  Yeah, goodbye. I hated those kids so much
• 1:13:28
  because I generally did work so hard.
• 1:13:31
  I wasn't always With everything but aren't, you know, I was
• 1:13:34
  actor. I was a linguist and I well I
• 1:13:38
  always worked hard at music so that was a natural thing for me.
• 1:13:43
  But then I'd get like a hundred percent on every French test and
• 1:13:51
  whatever I'll call them. Jane would get like a 60 when
• 1:13:57
  she normally would fail they'd be like, yeah.
• 1:14:01
  And I'm like, Where's my plaque? Where's my award was my cookies.
• 1:14:06
  Yeah, I want some bloody cookies, but if you, if one day
• 1:14:09
  you got like 91, they believe what, what happened?
• 1:14:13
  Lydia when how, what? What happened?
• 1:14:15
  Oh my God. We'd have a serious meeting now.
• 1:14:17
  We are not working as hard as you should be.
• 1:14:20
  Yeah. Yes, it's abscess.
• 1:14:24
  It's different approaches for different students.
• 1:14:29
  I find, I remember thinking, like, they get away with it.
• 1:14:33
  I was really, I was quite antagonistic as a teenager, and
• 1:14:38
  I'd be like, well, how come they're getting away with it?
• 1:14:40
  You know, that's really not cool.
• 1:14:41
  That's not fair. I work.
• 1:14:43
  Just as hard as them and you treat that you let them get away
• 1:14:46
  with murder. And I, I went to a school
• 1:14:50
  reunions actually of that school, my friend refused to go
• 1:14:57
  because she had a similar experience to me and I was like,
• 1:15:00
  come on, let's go, you're doing so well, you've got an amazing.
• 1:15:03
  Amazing job. You've got a hot boyfriend.
• 1:15:05
  Please let's just like let's go and she was like no.
• 1:15:09
  So I was like I'm letting your friend because I think that
• 1:15:12
  whole school reunions thing is basically just one big as flesh
• 1:15:16
  so off. Yeah.
• 1:15:17
  It's like fuck. Yeah.
• 1:15:19
  Most people don't like school. I went because I was I just
• 1:15:22
  wanted to see whether they were exactly how I expected and they
• 1:15:27
  were a lot of them. Well, I said some of them were
• 1:15:31
  very friendly. And I was a bit freaked out.
• 1:15:35
  So why are you being nice to me? Yeah.
• 1:15:37
  You made my life hell and I apologize at all.
• 1:15:43
  No God. No no no.
• 1:15:45
  I brought my partner along just so I could be like just so you
• 1:15:48
  know you told me. I'd die a virgin.
• 1:15:51
  Yeah this is my partner and we were at some tiny tiny little
• 1:15:56
  Pub in Clapham and I was just like, Tim can we just like stay
• 1:16:02
  in the smoking area? Sure because they're making me
• 1:16:04
  really uncomfortable? Yeah.
• 1:16:05
  Or can we just get like a kabob and go home?
• 1:16:09
  Because this is just weird for me and it was weird because I
• 1:16:16
  didn't really have a lot to say for myself either, you know, so
• 1:16:21
  it's certainly not to them. I don't feel they need to be let
• 1:16:24
  in to my life. So I sort of just what, why am I
• 1:16:29
  here? Am I just here to boost numbers
• 1:16:33
  have Got a deal with the bar like, you know, I started really
• 1:16:36
  trying to think of reasons and then they Saving Grace was some
• 1:16:40
  people that I didn't expect to show up, showed up and they were
• 1:16:44
  really nice girls. And one of them was God, I think
• 1:16:48
  she was about eight months pregnant and it was just all
• 1:16:50
  quite wholesome. This little group of us who
• 1:16:54
  weren't part of the set. So that kind of saved that but I
• 1:17:00
  wouldn't recommend a school reunions to anyone.
• 1:17:02
  It's It's weird because you find yourself, as you said Flex, you
• 1:17:08
  find yourself trying to show a better vert like just trying too
• 1:17:13
  hard. They don't need that.
• 1:17:15
  Stop trying so hard. They don't deserve that.
• 1:17:17
  I think just just be you be as messy as you want.
• 1:17:21
  You know, if I was in that way, I'd have been like, yes, I have
• 1:17:24
  a full-blown, crack addiction. You know, I was really tempted
• 1:17:29
  to just be like I'm on my fifth marriage, you know?
• 1:17:33
  I just wanted to mess with them. The final moment I was like I
• 1:17:38
  can't I'm too much of a worse but I'd planned this whole like
• 1:17:44
  I collect buttons you know, like some really just some unusual
• 1:17:49
  things and sorry, 20 button phobes if there are any of you
• 1:17:53
  out there know that that exists. Who beer?
• 1:17:55
  It isn't. Yeah, that's how cool a phobias.
• 1:17:58
  Phobias are so cool. There is a phobia of Buttons.
• 1:18:04
  I can't know what it's called, but yeah, I I'm, I have a phobia
• 1:18:09
  of like tea bags, what, why? Because it's okay is that code?
• 1:18:15
  I don't know, tea bag, wet teabag phobia.
• 1:18:18
  So my partner leaves them in the mug.
• 1:18:22
  And then drinks it and then they just left in there.
• 1:18:27
  And I've honestly developed a phobia of touching them and
• 1:18:30
  putting them in the bin. Mmm, that's my phobia, I don't
• 1:18:34
  think that's a weird one. I have to same thing with wet
• 1:18:36
  tissues. Yeah, so you hate them.
• 1:18:40
  Hate them, burn them. Burn them fandoms.
• 1:18:45
  Yeah Bennett what is it? Catch it, been it, kill it.
• 1:18:51
  Flu thing. Yeah, I remember that.
• 1:18:54
  Yeah, London. That was everywhere.
• 1:18:58
  Across town. I remember, especially on the
• 1:19:01
  Underground. Yeah.
• 1:19:04
  God, no. Don't, don't, don't go to school
• 1:19:06
  reunions unless you really want to, unless you genuinely have a
• 1:19:10
  lot of friends and you want to get that.
• 1:19:12
  There were some people I liked from school.
• 1:19:15
  But to be honest, if I wanted to go hang with those people, I
• 1:19:18
  would just hang with Mm. Yeah, I mean I wouldn't know
• 1:19:22
  already in contact with the yeah.
• 1:19:24
  Yeah, I'd say most people I went to school with were like okay.
• 1:19:28
  Like, you know, there weren't like our a year was actually
• 1:19:33
  unique in that like everyone for the most part got on the even
• 1:19:37
  though there was that difference between alternative and and
• 1:19:40
  major. I think I think I was lucky in
• 1:19:42
  that I got on with most people in like regardless of clicks or
• 1:19:48
  whatever. I don't know why I guess I just
• 1:19:50
  Was good with people, but I was very firmly in the alternative
• 1:19:54
  crowd, so I did get mocked occasion it.
• 1:19:57
  Be what it was cut, it wasn't like brutal.
• 1:19:59
  Like I said, the people that I had an issue with were the
• 1:20:01
  people that were originally, my friends that turned into my
• 1:20:05
  enemies and they were part of the same clickers me, you know,
• 1:20:08
  it's funny. I remember there was a group of
• 1:20:11
  that was free of us, right. And I shit you not the all the
• 1:20:14
  rest of the alternative crowd apparently referred to me as the
• 1:20:19
  nice one. She's the other two.
• 1:20:21
  We like, so horrible. I had no idea.
• 1:20:24
  I found this out later. That's not a bad month like bad
• 1:20:26
  title. I'll take it and I wasn't the
• 1:20:29
  nicest ever. I have my own stuff going on,
• 1:20:31
  you know, and I even add whole up my hands and say, hey, I'm
• 1:20:35
  sorry. But I do remember that they
• 1:20:38
  literally bullying people. Whereas I never did that because
• 1:20:41
  I, a was being bullied. Be what the fuck, why would I
• 1:20:44
  believe people? And see?
• 1:20:46
  You know, it was a short-lived thing.
• 1:20:48
  I spent most of my time hanging around With people outside of
• 1:20:51
  school, rather than in school. Like, I found, I found most
• 1:20:54
  people at school. I just had nothing in common
• 1:20:56
  with at all, so we didn't have an alternative crowd.
• 1:21:00
  Oh, well, that's good. We had a crowd of sort of girls
• 1:21:06
  that were obsessed with lip gloss hair straighteners.
• 1:21:10
  And if you didn't fit that, you weren't in.
• 1:21:14
  Yeah, so there was no hope for those people that like other
• 1:21:18
  things really. Did you have these like weird
• 1:21:20
  crazy that I remember at my school that all the girls only
• 1:21:24
  like a pair of UGGs. I was bigger hooks.
• 1:21:27
  I had some folks. Yeah.
• 1:21:28
  But they were black. If one had brown ones and I was
• 1:21:32
  at all. Actually, as though actually.
• 1:21:35
  Well, the fake, what? I think, I think that they were,
• 1:21:37
  they were present. Okay?
• 1:21:40
  It was such a long time ago there.
• 1:21:42
  Comfy. But actually I remember having a
• 1:21:44
  discussion with my mom and she was like, you know, that these
• 1:21:47
  aren't very ethical right? Oh, okay.
• 1:21:51
  Well now that they've died, let's not renew.
• 1:21:55
  You know, let's, let's move on and we moved on to some dr.
• 1:22:00
  Martens hey, your choice. I've had them forever.
• 1:22:05
  I have to keep re-buying them every few years, but that's so
• 1:22:09
  good. I love them.
• 1:22:10
  And I like that. They do vegan leather and All
• 1:22:12
  that stuff because I love animals and I don't want them to
• 1:22:15
  just be killed for. Fashion stuff like that, but I
• 1:22:20
  still eat. I'm a hypocrite because I still
• 1:22:22
  eat me, but I don't know. But yeah.
• 1:22:27
  I think I know what you mean about being a group of friends.
• 1:22:33
  There's always the nice one, the Crazy one.
• 1:22:40
  And then there's like they everyone has like a little roll
• 1:22:44
  with the reason that I think that they called me that it
• 1:22:46
  wasn't about, right? I know what you mean.
• 1:22:48
  This was different. This was like, I was friends
• 1:22:51
  with the alternative crowd, but they had their own thing going
• 1:22:54
  on. And I'd sometimes hang with
• 1:22:56
  them, but a lot of the time I wouldn't be.
• 1:22:58
  So I've never fit into groups. This is something that I found
• 1:23:01
  out later, like, I can be in a group saying, I can get on with
• 1:23:04
  group, in group settings, but I'm better off, My owners like a
• 1:23:09
  lone wolf or whatever, I struggle with groups.
• 1:23:12
  Yeah, I always find myself trying really hard to even as an
• 1:23:17
  adult trying hard to fit in and that stems back to school I
• 1:23:24
  think. But sometimes I get quite upset
• 1:23:28
  because I'm not being included, despite my efforts, but I think
• 1:23:35
  that you've just got to Sit back workout, you know, do I need
• 1:23:42
  this? You know, do I need to be part
• 1:23:44
  of this group? Is this going to really impact
• 1:23:47
  me? And often more often than not
• 1:23:50
  know, I'm a lone wolf as well. I love my own space.
• 1:23:54
  I'm used to spending time alone, it's one, I'm most productive
• 1:23:58
  when I do all my messy and stuff.
• 1:24:00
  I have to be on my own for that because a lot of the stuff I do
• 1:24:04
  I don't know if you've noticed it has like different layers.
• 1:24:08
  It requires a lot of concentration and I don't like
• 1:24:10
  it if people are crashing and banging around me.
• 1:24:12
  So I generally do and people are not around Yeah, I don't expect
• 1:24:18
  you to have watched everything. I've put up there, I genuinely
• 1:24:22
  don't have time and that's not how you wear when you're a
• 1:24:27
  full-time content creator. It's like, just, you try to, you
• 1:24:31
  try to quietly support, like friends of yours and stuff.
• 1:24:35
  But the reality, let me just put it this way.
• 1:24:38
  If anyone ever expects me to watch all of their content,
• 1:24:41
  you're just, you're a lunatic. Yeah, genuinely, I didn't mean
• 1:24:46
  that as like, Expect, no, no, I know, I know, I know, I know,
• 1:24:50
  I'm just saying, like a normal content creator, always
• 1:24:52
  understand. Like, I, for instance, anyone
• 1:24:55
  that is a friend of mine. That's also a content creator.
• 1:24:59
  They'll know that I never expect them to watch my stuff, but if
• 1:25:02
  they do, hey, that's nice. I'm glad you found some time and
• 1:25:05
  you checked it out. Cool, that I get example, A
• 1:25:09
  friend of mine shoutouts to Childish Jacko.
• 1:25:12
  We did a pothole she's talking about them before I was like,
• 1:25:15
  yeah, we did. We did a podcast together.
• 1:25:17
  Ever before we did before, I did my own podcast right, very
• 1:25:22
  short-lived. And he and I remember this
• 1:25:26
  because it was very true because we were all together.
• 1:25:28
  There was this like, Unwritten kind of like, like, rule as
• 1:25:35
  though we had to check out each other's content.
• 1:25:37
  Every time we would drop videos and it was almost a no, don't
• 1:25:42
  get me wrong. No one said you have to watch my
• 1:25:44
  video but we felt like we were not being supportive if we
• 1:25:47
  didn't do that. And he said to me after the
• 1:25:50
  podcast ended, he was just really honest and said, you know
• 1:25:53
  what, like there was a point where I really didn't like
• 1:25:56
  watching, you know your stuff because I just you know had to
• 1:26:00
  and then I stopped watching and then I then fell in love with it
• 1:26:05
  again. I mean you didn't want it like
• 1:26:06
  that but he said that he enjoyed watching my stuff again because
• 1:26:10
  there was no compulsion to have to do.
• 1:26:13
  So you know it was like he could just do it in his own time when
• 1:26:16
  he fancied. Me too.
• 1:26:18
  And he genuinely enjoyed it like that.
• 1:26:20
  And I knew exactly what he meant because it's like, as soon as
• 1:26:22
  you feel like you have to do something, it sucks.
• 1:26:24
  All the fun. It's like that's what I do.
• 1:26:26
  That's why I think everyone has their own offering and my
• 1:26:30
  favorite thing with is yours is when you actually my favorite
• 1:26:34
  example is, when you do, Hey, Jude and you do like keeping
• 1:26:37
  your own take on it and I'm like, yes, you know, like I love
• 1:26:41
  it when people bring their own things to the table and I think
• 1:26:43
  that's what makes it's funny. I actually Keep that one
• 1:26:48
  specifically closer to the original.
• 1:26:50
  Right. There's a I think it's I think
• 1:26:52
  it's different since not like you add in like a certain like
• 1:26:58
  nana nana nana nana nana and then you like I'm just like yes
• 1:27:05
  that's that's slightly fun fact that's just me trying to keep it
• 1:27:08
  in tune in key. Ha ha ha, it's not intentional.
• 1:27:12
  What is it? I thought that was.
• 1:27:14
  Just you being super artiste and that's me.
• 1:27:19
  You've got a very natural ear for harmony.
• 1:27:22
  What I'm basically thinking about is, is it in the right
• 1:27:25
  key? Okay, no, it sounded like it's
• 1:27:27
  going to go off, let's take it higher.
• 1:27:28
  So then it keeps it in key and then I can switch to the next
• 1:27:31
  note and it will still sound. I think you've got a very little
• 1:27:36
  and that's one of the things I love about this hot.
• 1:27:38
  My whole Tick-Tock journey, is that I'm improving?
• 1:27:41
  Yeah, you know, I generally, Sopranos are given quite a bit
• 1:27:46
  bad rep. As not having any ability to
• 1:27:49
  harmonize. So, when I've done like, my, I
• 1:27:56
  did one from Lord of the Rings. I've done something from Game of
• 1:27:58
  Thrones, and it's different parts and I found that my ear.
• 1:28:03
  Is really improving and that's just so satisfying for me
• 1:28:06
  because it's something that I used to kind of struggle with.
• 1:28:11
  I was just a standard choir girl, who just did the top line
• 1:28:16
  and didn't worry about what was happening under me, so to speak.
• 1:28:21
  So actually having the chance to work on that and improve, it's
• 1:28:29
  addictive and it's so satisfying.
• 1:28:32
  And I love movies. So for me, that is my natural
• 1:28:37
  kind of go to. And I, as I said, I'm obsessed
• 1:28:41
  with soundtracks. So it's like a really obvious
• 1:28:46
  choice and it's my favorite thing to do, actually.
• 1:28:48
  But I do get some fun requests that are like a really, really
• 1:28:53
  obscure. One of my favorite ones was a
• 1:28:55
  really, really obscure lullaby from like the 70s from Doctor
• 1:28:59
  Who. And I was just like, yeah, sure,
• 1:29:03
  yeah. Yeah, and then I haven't done it
• 1:29:05
  yet but I've got one from an ice-skating movie from the 80s,
• 1:29:08
  which one's ever heard of and I was like, what the heck?
• 1:29:11
  What is this? I've never heard of this.
• 1:29:13
  And it's apparently, like, it won an Oscar.
• 1:29:16
  And I said, however, never heard of this, you know.
• 1:29:20
  Yeah, I think Social media is a chance for people to really, if
• 1:29:25
  they do it, right? And it's not very like me.
• 1:29:28
  Me me, it's actually a chance to grow and to learn and to be a
• 1:29:32
  better version of yourself. And that's that's the best kind
• 1:29:37
  of usage of it. For me when I can see that
• 1:29:40
  people are just there being like, I'm amazing.
• 1:29:42
  I'm just going to sit here and play.
• 1:29:46
  I'm like, no, not let me. Let me phrase this, right?
• 1:29:50
  If I'm not seeing them actually like if I can sense that they're
• 1:29:53
  really cocky. Yeah, there's I'm instantly
• 1:29:57
  turned off. Yeah.
• 1:29:59
  If there's a vulnerability there and a sense of them growing and
• 1:30:02
  learning and allowing, Ask the audience to be a part of that.
• 1:30:09
  I think that's the magic. That's that's the key that's the
• 1:30:12
  magic ingredient and I think that that's eventually something
• 1:30:19
  that I like to think that I'd be able to show I have never been a
• 1:30:23
  cocky person. Hmm I'm way too shy if my own
• 1:30:28
  good and way to apologetic. And worried about offending
• 1:30:35
  people because I know what it's like to receive really weird
• 1:30:40
  comments and then it turns out that I was misinterpreting.
• 1:30:45
  So I you've told me I'm too apologetic before your yeah.
• 1:30:50
  For any reason, I had any reason I say that is because I used to
• 1:30:53
  do the exams, I am trying to get out of that actually, because I
• 1:30:58
  think it's about time I had a Full voice.
• 1:31:02
  You know, I'm not gonna apologize for me, but I hate
• 1:31:09
  Cockiness. I'd never do that and I want.
• 1:31:14
  Yeah, I'd hate for that to be something that people perceive
• 1:31:19
  from me. Is this air of arrogance that I
• 1:31:22
  see quite often? But a lot of the time you're
• 1:31:25
  told look confident and there's it's so hard to tell sometimes
• 1:31:30
  whether someone is Is acting confident or if they genuinely
• 1:31:35
  think that they're the dog's bollocks.
• 1:31:37
  Hmm. You know, I find that quite
• 1:31:39
  hard, a difficult line to trace. I'm always interested by that.
• 1:31:48
  Just are they cocky or they just putting it on for the camera?
• 1:31:58
  Do you have a warm-up routine that you do before you start
• 1:32:03
  singing? And if so what does it involve
• 1:32:06
  do? I have a warm-up routine?
• 1:32:09
  Yes, I Start actually sound so PSI start by breathing like long
• 1:32:16
  breaths, helpful long breaths and I try and then you can try
• 1:32:24
  and do quite. I'm not going to do it down
• 1:32:27
  because it's going to sound very weird but like sharp intake of
• 1:32:30
  breath. So, like I'm not continuing that
• 1:32:33
  because it's gonna sound horrible, it's good.
• 1:32:36
  Horrible and you can continue that and is I said earlier about
• 1:32:43
  the hands thing, I, I move around, I do a little
• 1:32:46
  loosey-goosey and I make sure that I'm standing properly.
• 1:32:51
  So sometimes, if I'm feeling very energetic, I'll do like a,
• 1:32:56
  what's it called like that Rasputin thing where they're
• 1:32:58
  like? Yeah, yeah, I'll need to be
• 1:33:02
  energetic to sing, or it's not going to happen.
• 1:33:07
  And when it comes to the actual Singing part of it.
• 1:33:13
  There's the vowels and then my singing teacher taught me.
• 1:33:16
  One, which is really hard to say.
• 1:33:19
  So you go like nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga nigga, like, nigga,
• 1:33:23
  it's really hard to sing, and it, and I said, this is
• 1:33:28
  dangerously close to quite an affair.
• 1:33:29
  Yeah, I was gonna say like, yeah, I was like, she was like,
• 1:33:34
  do it with ginger and it doesn't work.
• 1:33:35
  So it's you've just got to be very careful with your
• 1:33:37
  pronunciation. But it does work and then you
• 1:33:42
  can do all the lip trills. And the interesting thing is, I
• 1:33:47
  think for people to that will help them if they're wondering,
• 1:33:52
  how can I improve is to not Warm up to the note that they want to
• 1:33:59
  hit, you've got to warm up to above it and then there are some
• 1:34:04
  other tips as well like raising your eyebrows and if you want to
• 1:34:10
  hit know, unlike really extending, its all it's very
• 1:34:16
  physical and I think a lot of people just think.
• 1:34:19
  Oh yeah, it's natural. But actually 95% of the time
• 1:34:24
  you're like And there's a lot of physiological like without going
• 1:34:31
  into too much detail for women, certainly you can kind of tense
• 1:34:39
  and produce a better sound. I don't know how to make that
• 1:34:45
  left. Say that without being gross.
• 1:34:49
  So like pelvic floor. Involvement can help.
• 1:34:54
  So, you know, there's all sorts of things that you can do, I
• 1:34:57
  don't really. But you know, I should I should
• 1:35:01
  get fitter, it would really benefit me, but at the moment
• 1:35:06
  it's kind of the last thing on my mind, I want to get through
• 1:35:09
  this period of Our Lives. You know, this has been a really
• 1:35:12
  tough year and actually singing did suffer for a bit because I
• 1:35:16
  was I was just worrying about being unemployed.
• 1:35:21
  Universal Credit just doesn't cover, you know but now I've got
• 1:35:27
  some temping work and I feel like okay and I'm in a happier
• 1:35:31
  place. I'm going to go back on the
• 1:35:34
  singing and then I'll get back on the trying to get fit my
• 1:35:37
  lucky, but that's very important as well.
• 1:35:41
  And just Sounds bizarre as well. I have a little affirmation of
• 1:35:48
  like you're going to kick ass and I just tell myself, like,
• 1:35:51
  you can do this, you've got this.
• 1:35:53
  It really helps my mindset. My see teacher one of them was,
• 1:36:00
  she was quite on PC and she just be like, don't pull a face like
• 1:36:05
  a Can I say this back? The what sorry she'd say like
• 1:36:11
  don't pull. I'm trying to say this in a
• 1:36:13
  really PC way but she wasn't PC. She'd be like, don't pull a face
• 1:36:17
  that makes you look like you're retarded.
• 1:36:20
  Okay while you're singing and that's something else you were
• 1:36:25
  to think about. You gotta think about how your
• 1:36:27
  face looks. But I just be like, wow and
• 1:36:31
  sometimes I'd hear that in the back of my mind and just be
• 1:36:34
  like, that's a really bad thing to say.
• 1:36:37
  Yeah, it gives me like an To be like I am going to kick ass.
• 1:36:43
  I'm gonna be good and I'm gonna prove that that is not a thing.
• 1:36:48
  Yeah, you know sit this I've heard I've heard it all over the
• 1:36:51
  years, you know. Like what I was also when I was
• 1:36:55
  younger my warm up process would involve a bit of a panic attack.
• 1:37:00
  I did a solo when I was 16 in the Vatican.
• 1:37:04
  Oh wow. And was it 16?
• 1:37:08
  It was two weeks before Pope. John Paul the second died.
• 1:37:12
  And we went to the Vatican and I was in Saint Peter's Basilica,
• 1:37:16
  and I sang a piece from the, for a Requiem, the piaac, I know
• 1:37:21
  you're into you your pieces. You might know that one and
• 1:37:25
  before it, my mom came and I was like, Mom, I can't do this.
• 1:37:31
  The pressure is just too much. I mean this is huge.
• 1:37:34
  I'm in the fatica time I'm in the qualifying practicum and
• 1:37:38
  it's just like firstly. I don't think it's a good idea
• 1:37:41
  to swear in the Vatican up in the motherfucking house.
• 1:37:49
  Yeah I'm gonna do it but I'm gonna hide behind a pillar.
• 1:37:53
  I used to hide behind pillars. If there was if there was a way
• 1:37:55
  I could hide, I would And that changed was singing.
• 1:38:00
  Yes, I did one concert where it went so well and they said it
• 1:38:05
  was great, but we can't fucking see.
• 1:38:09
  Nice. I was just like, Yay, because I
• 1:38:14
  prefer to sound good and not to be visible.
• 1:38:17
  Yeah, but you're the Vatican think so that made me laugh.
• 1:38:22
  And the Vatican thing I was terrible at is the most probably
• 1:38:25
  one of the most terrifying things I've ever done.
• 1:38:27
  And I had a complete meltdown and then I did it.
• 1:38:32
  And it was this. Oh my God, it was so good
• 1:38:36
  because like, I'd been bullied and people were like, you
• 1:38:39
  shouldn't sing. You're a bit crap, you know, and
• 1:38:41
  I had this really like self prior like, I felt so powerful
• 1:38:47
  and I did it, and I was like, I got asked to sing, not you?
• 1:38:53
  Well then and it was just this really empowering thing where I
• 1:38:57
  was just like you can say nothing to me now. and that took
• 1:39:03
  that it took a moment of I took an opportunity for me to realize
• 1:39:11
  my own self worth and my own talent to be able to then turn
• 1:39:15
  around to people. And they actually, you don't
• 1:39:17
  know what you're talking about. And I've sung in an opera when I
• 1:39:22
  was in my 20s. But that was just cool.
• 1:39:27
  I was in the chorus which is still amazing, but it wasn't
• 1:39:31
  like a fully staged. It was just a concert version.
• 1:39:34
  But I still say like I've been in an opera because I have I've
• 1:39:38
  sung in an opera. It just wasn't like all the
• 1:39:41
  scenery and all that kind of stuff.
• 1:39:46
  But yeah I gotta fight when you know, when you're looking
• 1:39:51
  through your CV and he had to kind of adjust Different jobs.
• 1:39:55
  I'm just like I haven't really done anything except musical
• 1:39:57
  stuff like I put so much energy into it and now I'm not really,
• 1:40:04
  no, it's not my full-time job, right?
• 1:40:07
  And it's always just like all that effort for, you know, it
• 1:40:12
  will happen. One day, I'm jabbing don't give
• 1:40:14
  up. Do ya know, I still believe in,
• 1:40:17
  you know it can happen anytime. I understand it's not my time,
• 1:40:20
  you know, it's not my time yet. I believe it will happen for
• 1:40:23
  you. You definitely very talented.
• 1:40:25
  I think hopefully it depends. It depends on if Broaden a
• 1:40:32
  little, you know, I think I could do with doing a some more
• 1:40:37
  modern stuff maybe but I don't know it's difficult because I'm
• 1:40:43
  I don't consider myself much of a guitarist and I or a Pianist
• 1:40:47
  so it's just me. Myself and phone microphone I
• 1:40:52
  don't have a kit you know this this is new.
• 1:40:56
  The green screen thing is new and I've got a ring light
• 1:40:59
  coming. But wow, because I my best
• 1:41:04
  friend said, to me, your videos are beautiful Lids.
• 1:41:08
  They're lovely. But your camera is so fucking
• 1:41:11
  shaky. I can't see you.
• 1:41:13
  Yeah. And I was like, okay, and I was
• 1:41:17
  like, I'll try holding it somewhere, like, putting it up
• 1:41:19
  on a bookcase and they're like, it's still not great because
• 1:41:22
  like half of you is cut off that, you know what, what should
• 1:41:26
  I do and he was like well when I go live All right, mate.
• 1:41:33
  You just sits and talks about Star Wars.
• 1:41:40
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's made me think.
• 1:41:45
  Oh, there are things I can do to improve.
• 1:41:47
  You know, I know where you're coming from on that, like,
• 1:41:49
  people ask me all the time that why don't you get better
• 1:41:52
  equipment? Why don't you get a green skin
• 1:41:54
  when you get camera? Because I don't have any money
• 1:41:56
  that's why he's alone. Literally literally I'm I'm so
• 1:42:00
  broke right now. Like okay, for example, people
• 1:42:03
  who regularly watch the podcast, will notice that my camera
• 1:42:05
  quality has now, dropped back to the original quality for a
• 1:42:10
  while. I had a better webcam want to
• 1:42:12
  know what happened, the webcam broke because it was cheap and
• 1:42:15
  crap and it should have mastered the podcast.
• 1:42:17
  So I had no idea about your camera.
• 1:42:19
  Yeah, so I do a YouTube version. Yeah, and I was really happy
• 1:42:24
  with the quality of the camera, wasn't the best ever but it was
• 1:42:26
  decent. It was a sort of a plug in and
• 1:42:28
  play type thing and then it just It's breaking for no apparent
• 1:42:32
  reason. And now I've just had to drop
• 1:42:34
  back down to this, which is frustrating, but it's the same
• 1:42:38
  thing. All the time, I don't have money
• 1:42:39
  for the camera stuff, I don't have money for lighting and of
• 1:42:42
  money for green screen and Independent Artists, you know,
• 1:42:46
  like it's, I can't do it all at once.
• 1:42:52
  You know. It's got to be a very slow
• 1:42:55
  process. Yeah.
• 1:42:57
  But yeah, I think. A lot of people have a very
• 1:43:01
  obvious amazing setup and I'm just like, I am being them so
• 1:43:05
  much so much and people buy them things.
• 1:43:10
  I see a lot of things. Oh wow, someone just bought me a
• 1:43:13
  microphone and I was like huh but microphone a good microphone
• 1:43:17
  is like 80 quid starts engine as well.
• 1:43:20
  I remember some people asked me like oh hey it would be good if
• 1:43:25
  we could send you stuff and it's like yeah that would be great.
• 1:43:27
  But guess what? You have to pay for a p.o. box
• 1:43:29
  as well. And I don't have money for that
• 1:43:31
  either to you. Yeah.
• 1:43:33
  Oh man. Everything positive.
• 1:43:35
  Yeah to get. Yeah, that's a pretty sure to
• 1:43:40
  get people your actual address. No, you can't do that.
• 1:43:45
  I'm terrified as like, I don't know.
• 1:43:49
  Someone just turning up in the village where I live and just
• 1:43:52
  being like, I've seen you, which is very unlikely but it's quite
• 1:43:57
  scary. Yeah, it's quite a Scary.
• 1:44:00
  Like I never put where I live even on Instagram posts because
• 1:44:05
  it's, it's good. Why would you yeah?
• 1:44:08
  Horace. T Village, does it there's a
• 1:44:10
  tourist aspect to my Village to do with literature?
• 1:44:17
  So a lot of people come here but I don't want to tell people, no,
• 1:44:21
  no, of course not, it's the G. Like you can find me here and
• 1:44:25
  sometimes it comes up with my neighbor's house and it's
• 1:44:28
  actually named and I'm Why would you name your?
• 1:44:32
  But exactly where you live and show off the interior of your
• 1:44:36
  home? Are you an idiot?
• 1:44:39
  Like it's just asking for trouble.
• 1:44:42
  But yeah, I've gone a long way off from warm-up routines.
• 1:44:47
  Well actually that leads me on to the next question.
• 1:44:50
  So now you've said, kind of like what the routines you do before
• 1:44:56
  you actually start singing. But do you have any kind of like
• 1:44:59
  habits? Superstitions or maybe rituals
• 1:45:01
  that you always do before you perform.
• 1:45:05
  One of the things I always have to do is I always have to cuz
• 1:45:08
  I've got a folder. I generally perform with a
• 1:45:11
  folder not off memory because when you're being paid, it's not
• 1:45:15
  worth making a mistake. So I actually, cuz I'm a bit
• 1:45:20
  forgetful and dyslexic, I have to check like a thousand times
• 1:45:23
  that the music is in there and it's in the right order, and I
• 1:45:28
  go through the sort of, if it's a wedding, I'll go through the
• 1:45:31
  order of service and be like this.
• 1:45:33
  Is what you listen out for, you know, I my Superstition is to be
• 1:45:39
  over prepared. I don't have any weird like
• 1:45:46
  things that I do though, I think I tend to just think Because I
• 1:45:52
  think nerves are a very important part of Performing, so
• 1:45:57
  I let them do them. I say magic, it's horrible.
• 1:46:01
  It is a horrible experience that level of nerves, but I think you
• 1:46:07
  just got to ride the wave and you're when you when you're
• 1:46:10
  doing it you're like yes, this is going.
• 1:46:12
  All right. I don't need to be so nervous.
• 1:46:14
  Yeah but you know, something changes in your physiology and
• 1:46:21
  You become calma while you're there and while you're doing it,
• 1:46:26
  but the lead-up is honestly, the worst bit for me.
• 1:46:31
  So I also believe in not drinking too much water.
• 1:46:36
  That's a bit of a weird one because people are always like,
• 1:46:38
  oh, make sure you drink lots of water and I'm like actually that
• 1:46:41
  sometimes that dries out my throat, It's a.
• 1:46:45
  That's. Yeah.
• 1:46:45
  And I you know, so people offer things that piece of advice and
• 1:46:51
  I'm like no sorry. And then they'll say, you know,
• 1:46:56
  do you want some ice cream and you know, you shouldn't have
• 1:46:59
  dairy. Yeah there were lots of things
• 1:47:02
  you need to consider. But now I tend to just sort of
• 1:47:07
  try and get a good night's sleep and wake up early, get
• 1:47:11
  everything ready because I've got some Forming gowns and, you
• 1:47:16
  know, part of the ritual of the week is ironing them and getting
• 1:47:22
  everything like ready to go. You know, I find that a very
• 1:47:26
  satisfying thing and I love singing at weddings, it's the
• 1:47:29
  happiest thing and I get such lovely letters from the people
• 1:47:34
  that I've sung for and they're just like one of them, said our
• 1:47:39
  favorite moment of our whole wedding was they just got
• 1:47:42
  married and They're waiting, like, you know, they leave
• 1:47:45
  together and then they were waiting in like the anti room, I
• 1:47:50
  guess, like the lobby, the lobby of a church.
• 1:47:55
  And they were like, we could just hear.
• 1:47:58
  It was just us and we could hear you.
• 1:48:01
  And I was just like, oh, that's so sweet.
• 1:48:03
  You know, that that's just you know this is your wedding day,
• 1:48:07
  you know, it's not about me. I am side player.
• 1:48:14
  I'm relevant really MPC. Yeah.
• 1:48:17
  Yeah. You know, I think it's very much
• 1:48:21
  not about me at all and I think that that's something that's
• 1:48:24
  really important to remember. Actually, for people who are
• 1:48:26
  considering it is, it's not about you, it's about them and
• 1:48:32
  you know, I'll offer them, my advice, I'll say because
• 1:48:35
  sometimes they'll say I don't really know what I want so we'll
• 1:48:38
  chat and, you know, will come up with.
• 1:48:41
  I've got a playlist actually for people to To listen to of things
• 1:48:46
  that I like singing. And if they don't know what they
• 1:48:48
  want, then they can go. Actually, I really like X Y or
• 1:48:52
  Z. So, you know, it's down to them
• 1:48:56
  but I help if they need it. But I've seen, I've heard about
• 1:49:01
  a lot of things where This is no name, no name.
• 1:49:07
  But I've heard of a singer. Local to me who demanded extra
• 1:49:12
  money because it was a small wedding and then they demanded
• 1:49:17
  extra money because they were stuck in traffic and they spent
• 1:49:23
  more money on traffic petrol because they were stuck in
• 1:49:25
  traffic, and I keep my whole outlook on the whole thing is
• 1:49:34
  low. Low rates because people are
• 1:49:37
  already spending thousands and thousands.
• 1:49:41
  I don't believe in being overly greedy, you know.
• 1:49:48
  So I have a very low, very low pay rate, but because I love
• 1:49:53
  doing it and, you know, it give me a bit of a Time learning
• 1:49:59
  pieces and time practicing and, and the day itself and getting
• 1:50:03
  there. But it's very low.
• 1:50:05
  Some people charged of 800 quid. I am Way way below that but
• 1:50:15
  these Divas give us a bad name and I can't stand a diva, you
• 1:50:23
  know? But we're not Mariah Carey.
• 1:50:25
  We're as he said, an NPC, we're not really very important in the
• 1:50:32
  grand scheme of things, but if we can make their day just that
• 1:50:37
  little bit more tuneful, then bloody marvelous and I'm a happy
• 1:50:42
  person they're happy and we can carry on you know?
• 1:50:47
  Like it's it's a really basic situation really like I can't
• 1:50:53
  believe that some people could get very Diva esk, really?
• 1:51:01
  And it's not like you're singing it.
• 1:51:03
  The Royal opera house you're singing at a church in wherever.
• 1:51:09
  So you mentioned, you know, some of the performances that you've
• 1:51:13
  performed at your proudest of of see, BBC proms is one of them
• 1:51:17
  singing in the Vatican, even I didn't know that, that's
• 1:51:19
  incredible, don't tend to shout about it, you know, Because it
• 1:51:26
  is just so unbelievable. You know, my family still make
• 1:51:32
  fun of me that I sang and then two weeks later the pope died
• 1:51:36
  you know like they. So your foot Lydia.
• 1:51:40
  I killed him though. They still make fun of me to
• 1:51:46
  this day and I haven't been back since but I want to go back 15
• 1:51:52
  years. Yeah.
• 1:51:53
  They won't let you back because He'll those little guards in the
• 1:51:57
  Vatican would just be like lay and they'd be like they'd get
• 1:52:02
  that little Pikes and just you know, I would love to go back so
• 1:52:09
  if they let me I stopped I don't think they'd even remember they
• 1:52:13
  didn't take my net. It was just like it is huh well
• 1:52:17
  not kill is Pope's. It is Papa and Papa no.
• 1:52:27
  Yeah, that was that was probably the coolest performance but I've
• 1:52:31
  done I've done very many. I'm very lucky as a performer to
• 1:52:34
  have done some very cool, very cool things.
• 1:52:38
  Let's switch it up any performances, that didn't go.
• 1:52:42
  So well, what happened? How did you overcome any
• 1:52:47
  performances? That didn't go so well, please
• 1:52:49
  tell me your worst moments please, Brian Jones.
• 1:52:52
  I will be singing but this is The worst.
• 1:52:56
  Oh, we were playing. What was it?
• 1:53:03
  Well, I was 13. I still think about this and we
• 1:53:08
  were playing Waterloo by Abba in Orchestra and it was house
• 1:53:13
  music. So we'd have these like houses
• 1:53:16
  at boarding schools for competitive events.
• 1:53:21
  So yeah. So we didn't have to have had
• 1:53:24
  house music and we were singing. Don't laugh but we were singing.
• 1:53:32
  My house is song was The Wombles song.
• 1:53:38
  Well as in some reason that one balloon bumbling around over
• 1:53:43
  yeah. Sailing by Rod Stewart and
• 1:53:49
  Waterloo by Abba, they had songs.
• 1:53:51
  We had the fucking Wombles but our house was called a shank, or
• 1:53:57
  you could have come up with something like a battle.
• 1:53:59
  I'll song and I forgot my sheet of paper with the words on.
• 1:54:06
  And I had, I had a solo and I just stood there, like I just
• 1:54:13
  didn't know. I was just like, I was
• 1:54:16
  mortified, second. Never forget, she just didn't do
• 1:54:19
  anything. You just said that, I stood
• 1:54:21
  there and someone the music teacher at the side, like red,
• 1:54:27
  like, Oh shit. I'm not singing.
• 1:54:31
  I'm just going to pretend that was the most humiliating moment
• 1:54:35
  for me and it happened as well during a Orchestra performance
• 1:54:40
  when I was playing my flute and I you know, you really do need
• 1:54:44
  the music when you're playing an orchestra.
• 1:54:45
  And I was just at that just miming And I told my mom and she
• 1:54:52
  was like, you just you just need to get better and not losing
• 1:54:55
  things. You just need to get better like
• 1:54:59
  being forgetful and it turned out with the singing one that I
• 1:55:04
  was sat on it and it was on my seat.
• 1:55:09
  That was my most humiliating musical moment and all right, I
• 1:55:16
  struggled with that for a while. I won't lie.
• 1:55:19
  That was very Very embarrassing. And in terms of, okay, my school
• 1:55:27
  we did with they put on Joseph and this isn't necessarily
• 1:55:32
  embarrassing for me, but embarrassing for the whole
• 1:55:34
  bloody school. They blacked us up.
• 1:55:38
  Oh wow. I was deeply deeply embarrassed
• 1:55:42
  but like That was, I was, I felt really uncomfortable, but if you
• 1:55:48
  havenít, did you have any black students?
• 1:55:51
  Yes, we have kids from Nigeria in my school.
• 1:55:56
  Who I don't think they were particularly impressed.
• 1:55:59
  Yeah. Like I hate saying this kind of
• 1:56:02
  thing. It's sort of look like very fake
• 1:56:04
  tan, but very like dark and we were just say, can't we just be
• 1:56:10
  ourselves? You know, everyone knows that
• 1:56:14
  we're at a school. And we're not in like the Middle
• 1:56:18
  East, everyone knows it's not going to come as a surprise
• 1:56:21
  that, you know, we look the way we do and they went ahead with
• 1:56:26
  it. That was possibly my most sort
• 1:56:30
  of cringe deep level cringe. At least it's not on camera
• 1:56:34
  though, that's one. No, but my mom's got photos like
• 1:56:38
  old Polaroids and them burn them and there's a day my partner was
• 1:56:42
  like can I see them? Sounds terrible and I was like
• 1:56:46
  if I can find them, we got this huge photo box.
• 1:56:49
  Got thousands of photos that are just unsorted and I did find
• 1:56:53
  them maybe two years ago. And just went, I'd forgotten
• 1:56:57
  about this and it all came flooding back to me and I was
• 1:57:00
  like, How the hell did we get away with that?
• 1:57:07
  I mean, that's just the naughties in school to me like
• 1:57:10
  the early noughties. Things weren't as peace like
• 1:57:18
  things with it. I know what you mean, things
• 1:57:20
  were different back then that when I look back at some of the
• 1:57:23
  things that were acceptable, then that aren't now I do kind
• 1:57:27
  of understand where people are coming from but at the same time
• 1:57:30
  like it was a different Mentality people, I don't think
• 1:57:33
  people were as readily offended by things or took exception with
• 1:57:39
  it. But don't get me wrong.
• 1:57:40
  I think there was a lot of stuff that should have been called out
• 1:57:44
  at the time that it wasn't but there was a lot of other stuff
• 1:57:48
  that I don't know. Okay, like for instance if you
• 1:57:52
  take something like that little Britain, yeah, I don't remember
• 1:57:58
  people kind of getting crazy about it and it's not like
• 1:58:00
  they're wet. They're worth a few things in
• 1:58:02
  the media about it being offensive, but it wasn't really
• 1:58:06
  picked up on in the same way like from for a better one, a
• 1:58:09
  better example actually would be bo selecta so the guy Leigh
• 1:58:14
  Francis is his name. Not many people, not many people
• 1:58:17
  know that but yeah, he's the guy who plays Keith Lemon crimbo.
• 1:58:21
  But crimbo. So he's actually since
• 1:58:25
  apologized for playing certain characters in the show.
• 1:58:30
  And to the best of my knowledge. Like, no one really took offense
• 1:58:35
  with it at the time or since then, but there are have been
• 1:58:38
  sort of calls to have it band, same with Little Britain.
• 1:58:41
  I think come fly with me has also been removed some places.
• 1:58:46
  Yeah, I've I did watch that when it came out because I think I
• 1:58:49
  quite enjoyed Little Britain. I don't know whether it was
• 1:58:51
  because Tom Baker narrated it. Hmm.
• 1:58:54
  Oh yeah. Oh wow, I didn't even put that
• 1:58:56
  together. I was just like oh, watch that
• 1:58:58
  and then I watched it and I was like It's all, you know, I,
• 1:59:02
  I've, we didn't have sky, so it was just on and it's a tricky
• 1:59:06
  one, isn't it? Yeah.
• 1:59:08
  Like I do get where people are coming from and I do understand
• 1:59:13
  the decision to have these things removed and why for
• 1:59:16
  instance you know, doing that is not okay, I do understand that
• 1:59:21
  but the same time they want to give it an episode of Fawlty
• 1:59:24
  Towers. That has the German jokes and I
• 1:59:28
  was just like you, you can't Cuz this, I don't know, a single
• 1:59:32
  German person who's offended by it for one, and it's done
• 1:59:36
  cleverly. It's an interesting debate
• 1:59:38
  though, isn't it? Because I think there's a
• 1:59:40
  certain contingent of people that are saying we should just
• 1:59:43
  ban anything from the past that doesn't sort of fall in line
• 1:59:46
  with what we believe now. And that's one train of thought.
• 1:59:49
  I do understand where they're coming from, but the other sort
• 1:59:51
  of contingent says that we should leave things as they are,
• 1:59:55
  not just because we shouldn't sort of fiddle with the past,
• 1:59:58
  but also because it kind of This is a way of representing, you
• 2:00:03
  know, our progression moving forward.
• 2:00:04
  I tend to kind of agree with that.
• 2:00:06
  You know, I don't think these things should be celebrated.
• 2:00:08
  I don't think we should be going around going oh, wasn't it
• 2:00:10
  great. What in the 70s?
• 2:00:11
  When we used to make jokes like this?
• 2:00:13
  No, but at the same time, I don't necessarily think they
• 2:00:16
  should just be outright banned. I think it does kind of show up
• 2:00:19
  regression and as a society, I like a lot of artists that have
• 2:00:24
  Turned out to be bad in some way you've got a separate.
• 2:00:28
  I see I can't do that. I cut.
• 2:00:31
  I know what you mean. Separate a few news.
• 2:00:34
  Well okay for instance the got the guy from lost profits.
• 2:00:40
  Oh no. See what I mean?
• 2:00:44
  Same logic, same logic, I know exactly what you mean and I'm a
• 2:00:48
  total hypocrite. Your was interesting, the even
• 2:00:52
  hands on the person, even the people that were in that And if
• 2:00:55
  they're in a new band now I was looking them up the other day
• 2:00:57
  that they're called No devotion or something.
• 2:00:59
  Okay? Yes.
• 2:01:00
  So they set up a band quite soon after that happened and they
• 2:01:05
  they were asked in an interview whether they would play lost
• 2:01:08
  profits songs and they said, no, we refuse to because they feel
• 2:01:12
  that the songs are tainted and that here, but here's the thing.
• 2:01:17
  See before you said you're able to separate the art from the
• 2:01:21
  artist so but I can still listen to the lost profits though.
• 2:01:24
  So if I had to, I haven't for years, I couldn't, you know,
• 2:01:28
  it's really, you know, it's really odd as well, because you
• 2:01:30
  never hear it anymore. I actually came across this
• 2:01:33
  because I was looking up there was like, this documentary on
• 2:01:35
  YouTube that someone had put together, it was like, worst
• 2:01:38
  people in music is actually pretty interesting.
• 2:01:40
  And he came up, obviously, his name always comes up and because
• 2:01:46
  this recent as what happened in like 2012 or something.
• 2:01:49
  But yeah anyway, yeah I haven't obviously listen to their music.
• 2:01:54
  It's because I did go up as a lost cause expanding start.
• 2:01:57
  Something was in like 2003. Yeah, yeah.
• 2:02:00
  That's when they became big and I was a lost profits fan.
• 2:02:03
  I like, I like the aesthetic of the, in what genes and that band
• 2:02:07
  and everything and then using them live, right?
• 2:02:10
  And it's a weird thing because their music hasn't been played
• 2:02:16
  since and and there was a lot of people saying that.
• 2:02:18
  Oh yeah, their music is still played around the world while.
• 2:02:20
  I'm pretty sure it isn't anymore.
• 2:02:22
  And in this documentary, they were playing some of the music
• 2:02:26
  and it felt weird listening to. It's just like, I remember that.
• 2:02:30
  But I literally haven't heard it since then, and I never hear it
• 2:02:35
  on radio. Never hear it anywhere in the
• 2:02:37
  world, it's like it's almost been blacklisted.
• 2:02:40
  How do you feel about Michael Jackson?
• 2:02:45
  Because that wasn't necessarily prove, you know, they didn't
• 2:02:48
  necessarily prove it, I really don't know on that.
• 2:02:52
  Well that's difficult some of them you do.
• 2:02:54
  I think it's a case to case the thing with Michael Jackson is
• 2:02:59
  that like the evidence is so strong, both ways that it's
• 2:03:03
  impossible to know, you know what I mean?
• 2:03:06
  I'm saying that I listened to every single bad person music.
• 2:03:09
  I have to know, listen, I think I think it's an important.
• 2:03:14
  I think it's an important discussion to have take a, take
• 2:03:17
  a different, I still like Kevin Spacey's movies.
• 2:03:20
  Yeah, different industry, professional wrestling.
• 2:03:23
  There's there's a wrestler called Chris Benoit who very
• 2:03:26
  famously killed, his family and himself, and the double
• 2:03:30
  murder-suicide this happened in 2007.
• 2:03:33
  I remember when it happened. It was crazy.
• 2:03:35
  Yeah. And I was a matter that I was a
• 2:03:36
  massive fan until that happens and then I remember like ripping
• 2:03:40
  up my shirt and just Really angry about it.
• 2:03:45
  And there were a lot of people I've spoken to to this day.
• 2:03:47
  Who when because, okay, what the company chose to do, WWE, they
• 2:03:51
  chose to kind of Blacklist him from from.
• 2:03:55
  He's never mentioned, he's never obviously promoted.
• 2:03:58
  He's not celebrated in any shape or form, but obviously there's a
• 2:04:02
  lot of coverage of him. But they purposefully don't
• 2:04:10
  advertise those matches. So, A good example is the main
• 2:04:13
  event of WrestleMania, 20 was him, Triple H, and Shawn
• 2:04:18
  Michaels. And that was a fantastic match.
• 2:04:21
  And at the end there's this really amazing scene of him with
• 2:04:25
  Eddie Guerrero and they're like hugging.
• 2:04:26
  And it's like a big bro moment and it was a really emotional
• 2:04:29
  moment. It was a fantastic moment, but
• 2:04:31
  they never show you that anymore.
• 2:04:34
  Nor do they show you any of Chris benoit's matches is not
• 2:04:37
  featured. They will actively not put And
• 2:04:42
  we'll rumbles on YouTube because of that, they don't come out and
• 2:04:45
  say it, but, you know, that they're doing it.
• 2:04:49
  And he said, they've also done the thing where they don't list
• 2:04:51
  him at all. So if you, if you search for him
• 2:04:54
  on the WWE Network, or something like that, he doesn't come up.
• 2:04:58
  You can find those matches, they haven't been removed like that,
• 2:05:01
  you, if you go watch them, it will still say, Chris Byrd wore,
• 2:05:04
  this is current angle, you know, but it's He's just never met
• 2:05:08
  know that name in a very distant part of my brain.
• 2:05:11
  And I'm To connect the dots, sorry it's about it.
• 2:05:14
  Like it's not. I've got into a lot of detail
• 2:05:16
  here. My point is that like there's a
• 2:05:18
  lot of people in that in that industry that can still watch it
• 2:05:22
  and separate former from the person.
• 2:05:25
  And I do understand that I think though that the maybe there's a
• 2:05:29
  bit of a difference between that and then say music because for
• 2:05:34
  instance more recently Marilyn Manson let's run into some
• 2:05:37
  trouble right? And it's a fan same and It's I
• 2:05:43
  don't know. Like I my kind of view in is I
• 2:05:46
  don't hold it against people that choose to listen, to the
• 2:05:51
  music. Because there's a lot of people
• 2:05:53
  that say, oh, if you're checking that stuff out, you're
• 2:05:56
  supporting it. No, I think you're only
• 2:05:58
  supporting it. If you're actually actively
• 2:06:01
  buying that stuff, if you're buying those records buying
• 2:06:04
  merchandise from that person. Then finals.
• 2:06:06
  Yeah. Then it's going to that person,
• 2:06:08
  but if you just listen to it, Absorbing it consuming it.
• 2:06:13
  That's that's up to you. I don't think it's.
• 2:06:16
  Yeah, I think it definitely depends on the person.
• 2:06:18
  I also think it's quite interesting.
• 2:06:20
  Like we obviously if someone's a paedophile which is looking call
• 2:06:26
  them out for it but in the case of someone like Amy Winehouse
• 2:06:33
  who had big problems we celebrate them.
• 2:06:39
  I just think that there's an interesting kind of Split the
• 2:06:47
  because, you know, people shouldn't be speaking as someone
• 2:06:52
  who used to do a lot of drugs. People shouldn't be thinking
• 2:06:55
  that it was cool. You know what she was doing?
• 2:06:59
  I think. Do anyone really think that
• 2:07:01
  though? I mean I don't know.
• 2:07:02
  I think I've known people who thought.
• 2:07:05
  Wow, they look really cool. See, with Amy Winehouse.
• 2:07:09
  I feel like a lot of what I see is the tragedy.
• 2:07:12
  Whenever she's my passion, I cringe.
• 2:07:14
  I'm just like, ah, she's sober brilliant, but it's tragedy her
• 2:07:18
  life, you know. Yeah, the thing about her life
• 2:07:23
  is you see all these wonderful photos of, you see all these
• 2:07:25
  wonderful performances of her, but she was troubled.
• 2:07:27
  Everyone knows that and I don't know every time I see videos or
• 2:07:31
  photos of her all the comments just say are such a tragedy.
• 2:07:35
  Oh it's such a loss and it's true.
• 2:07:38
  You know with some help she could be here to this day but it
• 2:07:41
  was just a real my favorite artists such as life.
• 2:07:48
  Yeah it's interesting. You aware of that.
• 2:07:52
  Vogue the metal guy. For my part.
• 2:07:56
  Oh yes. Yes I a little kiss.
• 2:07:59
  Interesting churches and like yeah, really crazy and he was
• 2:08:09
  just so I was talking to Mike, do you not feel do you view him
• 2:08:12
  differently as a musician? He said, no, he's still a badass
• 2:08:15
  musician. He's just done some really
• 2:08:19
  questionable. Things.
• 2:08:22
  That was that interesting that your partner can can separate
• 2:08:25
  the something that he said, I'm putting in my scene in the metal
• 2:08:29
  scene. A lot of the time people have
• 2:08:32
  done criminal activity. So I'm just what I said, don't
• 2:08:37
  tell me you're used to it because it's not normal.
• 2:08:40
  Like it isn't something that you just go.
• 2:08:42
  Oh yeah, I'm just I'm part of the I don't know.
• 2:08:47
  I live in downtown New York so I'm used to people getting
• 2:08:50
  murdered It's not normal. Yeah, it's not it's not like
• 2:08:54
  it's not normal so I was okay. But anyway it's suddenly came to
• 2:08:59
  my mind on fog. I've heard of him and he's done
• 2:09:01
  some things. I think he's killed people as
• 2:09:04
  well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:09:08
  We had summed up with some weird stuff happening in that
• 2:09:10
  community. What tips?
• 2:09:14
  Could you give to aspiring classical?
• 2:09:16
  Singers firing classical singers?
• 2:09:20
  My tip would be listened to as much classical music as possible
• 2:09:25
  work out what you love work out, what style you love and just try
• 2:09:31
  and consider that. When you're training your
• 2:09:34
  instrument, I knew very early on who my favorite composers were
• 2:09:41
  and who my favorite favorite Opera was I'd consider that
• 2:09:47
  quite a blessing actually cuz It's just it's such a huge part
• 2:09:52
  of me and I had a vocal Idol and I she was always the end goal
• 2:10:06
  and just finding the right teacher.
• 2:10:08
  That's important. You need to find someone who you
• 2:10:10
  feel comfortable with and for an aspiring classical singer.
• 2:10:14
  I would say language lessons are an absolute must not Really all
• 2:10:20
  of them and you don't have to be fluent, but a good grasp of the
• 2:10:26
  Romantic languages is really helpful.
• 2:10:29
  I did. I remember I did a song in
• 2:10:35
  Hungarian and I've sung in Polish with the choir Russian
• 2:10:42
  there's some very difficult languages out there and I
• 2:10:46
  thought and I thought do I need to have learnt this.
• 2:10:50
  No, I don't need to know polish but certainly for a classical
• 2:10:53
  repertoire essential is French German Italian, and if you're
• 2:10:59
  really good Russian because Russians cook, I only learnt one
• 2:11:03
  sentence in Russian, which is like mine koshka.
• 2:11:08
  Yes, you have liquor, which is like my cat eats apples, I
• 2:11:11
  think. But having a good understanding
• 2:11:17
  of how to form the word It's an and how to actually put them
• 2:11:25
  into music. It really helps, I was always
• 2:11:29
  lucky with that because I grew up in another country and I had
• 2:11:32
  a sponge brain for languages, so that was always part of the
• 2:11:37
  magic for me. It's not something that I had to
• 2:11:40
  try very hard with except German isn't my natural sound, but
• 2:11:48
  there's so many. It's also.
• 2:11:50
  So just be confident in what you're doing and stick at it.
• 2:11:56
  Just just keep going because everyone everyone has a bad
• 2:12:01
  moment. Everyone has a moment I don't
• 2:12:05
  know single musician. Who hasn't had a moment where
• 2:12:07
  they're like, I'm rubbish. I don't even know why I'm doing
• 2:12:11
  this. I, what am I doing?
• 2:12:13
  I don't know a single person who hasn't had that moment who's a
• 2:12:17
  musician and the key is how you how you get out of that.
• 2:12:23
  Now some people say, I took a bit of a break because I needed
• 2:12:30
  it and they come back and they're all guns blazing, and
• 2:12:34
  they're ready, and they fight. And I really admire that.
• 2:12:37
  But other times I think people do give in and I think it's
• 2:12:43
  really sad and I think you know you hear about it with people
• 2:12:48
  who play the saxophone and stuff like that.
• 2:12:51
  Like they just have a bad moment and they don't pick it up again.
• 2:12:56
  And I think it's important to keep trying essentially it and
• 2:13:02
  just too Ignore, probably everything.
• 2:13:05
  I've said during this forecast, just it's finding it took me
• 2:13:13
  such a long time to understand this, but I found that finding
• 2:13:16
  some kind of inner peace with the music.
• 2:13:21
  And connecting with it and understanding it and fully
• 2:13:26
  understanding everything that's happening around.
• 2:13:28
  It has completely transformed me performing it.
• 2:13:35
  So for instance I'm doing a piece from an opera now.
• 2:13:43
  Your vocal teacher will probably say a very quick summary Too
• 2:13:49
  quick. You know, I think it's important
• 2:13:51
  to know the story know what you're about and know what
• 2:13:58
  happens. Next is really important.
• 2:14:02
  So it's just sort of taking the time to really understand what
• 2:14:07
  you're doing and understand the importance of why you're doing
• 2:14:11
  it and and to not do it for anyone but yourself.
• 2:14:17
  Really. I don't know, I could go on
• 2:14:21
  about this for four days but I think that there's a problem
• 2:14:25
  with young people and confidence especially around music because
• 2:14:33
  music is disappearing in schools.
• 2:14:36
  And is it's becoming a very expensive passion.
• 2:14:40
  I was always very lucky because my parents without fail, always
• 2:14:44
  supplemented this they gave me paid for me to have lessons and
• 2:14:47
  they paid for me to join the choir.
• 2:14:49
  They kept they paid for me to go on choir tours and all this
• 2:14:52
  stuff because they were like this makes you happy go forth
• 2:14:57
  you know. So I do consider myself pardon
• 2:15:01
  me very fortunate but it's a worry that music isn't
• 2:15:09
  considered very important. When it has proved like that
• 2:15:17
  science has proven that it has all these benefits choral
• 2:15:23
  singing in particular. It's just worries me as someone
• 2:15:29
  who might, I have a niece and she's five and she's starting to
• 2:15:34
  sound like she has a bit of a tuneful voice and I was just
• 2:15:38
  like, yes, inherited the genes because my father is a very good
• 2:15:43
  singer. I suddenly thought, is she going
• 2:15:49
  to have music class in school by the time?
• 2:15:52
  She's actually They're, you know, she's only five so it's
• 2:15:58
  the stuff like that. I just, I wish the people of you
• 2:16:01
  understood the importance of it. It's not just a hobby.
• 2:16:04
  It's actually something that people should.
• 2:16:08
  A lot. I don't know about you, but when
• 2:16:10
  I was at school, it was that class where like, it was fun.
• 2:16:16
  Hmm. And everyone was just like,
• 2:16:18
  yeah, I got to go and sing for an hour.
• 2:16:20
  Like it's so important in the school week to break it up with
• 2:16:26
  something where people can learn about music and seeing and let
• 2:16:32
  out some steam but it just, you know, it's so important.
• 2:16:35
  And it's certainly been the most valuable thing in my whole life.
• 2:16:40
  I know that's pretty big thing to say, but I would not, I don't
• 2:16:47
  think I'd be around. That I have demons and singing
• 2:16:55
  soups soothe them. Yeah.
• 2:17:01
  What's the biggest life lesson that you've learned so far?
• 2:17:05
  My biggest life lesson, Say yes. in most scenarios not everything
• 2:17:15
  but just don't be afraid to say, yes, don't undersell yourself
• 2:17:22
  and Cheesy. But like, Always strive for the
• 2:17:29
  best version of yourself, really.
• 2:17:31
  I think is and be nice. Actually, don't be a dick to
• 2:17:36
  other people. I've seen a lot of people who
• 2:17:39
  are musicians, who aren't very friendly to other musicians,
• 2:17:42
  because it's this horrible competitiveness.
• 2:17:44
  And I'm just like, no, this is not the point where meant to
• 2:17:47
  celebrate each other, and really show up.
• 2:17:51
  And I think, Be nice. Allow people to be nice to you.
• 2:17:59
  and I don't be dismissive and you won't get anywhere if you
• 2:18:05
  don't work hard. So I think it's pretty basic
• 2:18:09
  stuff. I do.
• 2:18:10
  I'm not full of answers, unfortunately, because I'm still
• 2:18:13
  trying to figure out my own life, but along the way, I've
• 2:18:19
  gone, I need to stop saying no to things because I'm scared
• 2:18:24
  and, you know, I never really entered competitions and stuff
• 2:18:28
  because I was too scared. I was like too much rides on
• 2:18:32
  this for me. And if I lose It could ruin it.
• 2:18:37
  So, I never entered competitions or anything like that, and I
• 2:18:41
  applied from the sort of Royal Academy of Music kind of things.
• 2:18:47
  And I didn't get in. Of course, I did because my
• 2:18:51
  academics weren't up to scratch, and I completely bombed my
• 2:18:57
  interviews, because I was so nervous and I, you have to do a
• 2:19:03
  few pieces. And I bombed those because I was
• 2:19:05
  so nervous and I Back. And I think, imagine, I said it
• 2:19:11
  recently. I think like if you had put your
• 2:19:13
  energy of your nerves into that, you'd be in a completely
• 2:19:18
  different place. So it's I also think it's
• 2:19:21
  important to work out a way to deal with your nerves and to
• 2:19:26
  know that there are natural part of the process.
• 2:19:32
  Really, as we draw things to a close today, do you have any
• 2:19:36
  upcoming projects or maybe some final thoughts that you'd like
• 2:19:39
  to share? Upcoming projects, I do want to
• 2:19:44
  do the entire well score of the Fellowship of the Ring Coral
• 2:19:49
  moments. I've been, I found the thing
• 2:19:53
  online with lots of with basically the score and I was
• 2:19:58
  like, oh the this appeals to my nerdiness.
• 2:20:04
  And I'm going to do that. I think I'd like to try and put
• 2:20:10
  stuff out every day, but it's quite difficult on top of a very
• 2:20:15
  busy 9 to 5:30. So my upcoming goals are
• 2:20:21
  basically just keep at it and not give in because I've got so
• 2:20:28
  close to quitting so many times and just being like, I'm not
• 2:20:32
  quitting singing But quitting the Social media game just
• 2:20:37
  because I don't know what what else people really want because
• 2:20:42
  I think I'm putting out good stuff and listenable stuff.
• 2:20:47
  But for some reason it's not necessarily reaching people and
• 2:20:54
  well it will. Yeah, so it will happen, I know
• 2:20:58
  it will happen, it's just quite slow.
• 2:20:59
  Whereas I see some people just Skyrocket, you know, like
• 2:21:03
  instantly and I'm like Like, but yeah, I know, I know jealous is
• 2:21:08
  an important part of life. I know where you're coming from,
• 2:21:11
  like art. That I know so many people
• 2:21:13
  around me that doing way better than me, and it can be
• 2:21:18
  frustrating at times, but I guess you just have to pay
• 2:21:21
  attention to your own trajectory and focusing on that.
• 2:21:24
  Yeah, absolutely. It's a trajectory that's it,
• 2:21:26
  like, it's not a click of the fingers, you know.
• 2:21:30
  It. You've got a So down I'm very
• 2:21:36
  impatient as a person. So it's quite hard for me to be
• 2:21:40
  like it'll happen you know maybe next week you know it's probably
• 2:21:47
  next year. I don't know maybe the year
• 2:21:50
  after but I'm certainly not slowing down.
• 2:21:52
  I've got I was writing down some things, I'm not going to give
• 2:21:56
  away too much but this is my list of things that I want to do
• 2:22:00
  and it's sort of, I feel Been doing a series, although I
• 2:22:04
  haven't done it recently because I've been really busy of lyrics
• 2:22:08
  that have been very important to me.
• 2:22:10
  Hmm. So I did a musong and I'm going
• 2:22:17
  to do something that I played at a funeral for someone but I'm
• 2:22:23
  taking my time with that because it is emotionally quite tough.
• 2:22:29
  So I put out Fix you, I did another version of it and I
• 2:22:35
  still cry. My eyes out playing it, because
• 2:22:39
  it has some very strong memories associated with it.
• 2:22:42
  And that's what I think that's painful.
• 2:22:44
  Yet. Beautiful thing about music is
• 2:22:47
  that it can really take you to a place or a memory or Elevate.
• 2:22:54
  You, you know, it has all these powers that are just to me kind
• 2:22:58
  of inexplicable. And I think that's pretty cool.
• 2:23:05
  And that we both have that within us, that we can listen to
• 2:23:09
  music and it can do that. I think that's a gift.
• 2:23:13
  I want to say a massive, thank you for agreeing to be on the
• 2:23:16
  show. Lydia has been an absolute
• 2:23:17
  pleasure and fun. Thank you.
• 2:23:20
  And yeah for everyone listening to the Christian we podcast.
• 2:23:24
  Thank you very much for listening.
• 2:23:26
  Can I show my social social? Yes please.
• 2:23:29
  So it's just Lydia P so L yd IA P music.
• 2:23:35
  That's it. You'll find me on Instagram and
• 2:23:37
  Tick-Tock. I just forgot what Tick-Tock the
• 2:23:40
  clock one and now I'm going to let Christian do a sign.
• 2:23:43
  Because I interrupted him deeply offended by that.
• 2:23:47
  I am so sorry. I apologized for God's sake.
• 2:23:52
  Yeah, everyone gonna be sorry though.
• 2:23:55
  Everyone make sure to go out of your way to drop video or follow
• 2:23:58
  and go support her work and thank you very much for
• 2:24:02
  listening to the Christian we've podcast.
• 2:24:04
  And until next time be safe be well and I'll see you in the
• 2:24:07
  next one.